2 girls 1 blog

i've got so much to say but let me just strat a draft

-karaoke, losing voice, three possible outcomes of deluluship,

ok so i went to karaoke with some old skl friends and it was TWO HOURS. i was doing like the mushroom guy from mario voice and i just don't think doing that was appropriate cu i immedaitely after that felt my voice going away. Well of course the next day I wake up and my voice is just done. like it was so bad. and then two days later i went to karaoke before clubbing and two days after i go to karaoke for the third time IN A WEEk. ii was drinking tea EVERYWHERE I WENT. but yea now a week after i'm doing better and i should be fine by tomorrow.

and also:

look at my man. he said they're doing an irl thing and it's near where i live. this is my time to shine. get me out of my current situation which i will talk about in the next post.

i have fallen ill and on my period my favourite combination 😍 cause this means i can’t go to the gym ( it’s a monthly paid membership) and i’m lacking protein since i have little appetite 💔

really nothing much has been happening... honestly I've just been living in my room then moving to the library.

Today the library is opened for 24hrs so me and a bunch of other people might attempt stuck in the library for 24 hr challenge - it's only been 2hrs and I'm losing my mind already

All I've been thinking about it getting my essays done so I can put on my pretty long nails, and go ice skating again cause I won't lie I was really good at it last time... it's like an addiction the feeling of the gliding on ice is just so nice.

it's been 5 days into December and it's been wild already. the last time I blogged my spirits were high in telling them... but my oh my did it come with a turn. Firstly couldn't even reply within 10hrs, secondly couldn't even make time to have someone confess to them... like how much fear of confrontation could you possibly have to reject an ego boost? so what's done is done I'm not giving you the satisfaction you want. ThirdLY... the next day after the whole situation I was in my temporary stage of mourning and isolation in my room- my friends saw them with another person... not even 24 hrs they really couldn't wait it in their pants...(seeing this in clearer light if you were interested in someone why would you be talking to someone else whilst talking to them... I could never tolerate this indecisive childish behavior)

any who, I've been focusing on me mostly on studies just been grinding away my work but it's been stressful - I had a near all nighter last night trying to finish my design work but it sucks cause my design work is one day before my other final which I yet have to study for... Called my mom for a little and I jokingly said I was having a mental breakdown (I ended up crying to her through the phone) but I'm glad I did cause it feels like a reset to release everything and I really needed it since I've been so emotional lately after finals I'm going to reflect on everything. please period just come I can't DO THIS ANYMORE

im listening to when i was younger and it's making me excited to go home in four months. i get to spend a couple weeks at home before i go on my summer trip. im actually excited to do chores and will do them because no one is telling me to do them. the weather is still gonna be cold and it's just so exciting.

i tried my last energy drink today. switched from redbull to monster and it tastes kinda the same but monster is just way bigger. i drank like 70 ml, maybe 1/5 of it and it made me shit immediately... im not built for energy drinks. too much sugar, doesn't energize me, gives me weird shits.

i sorta feel like im losing my mind. oh wait before i get into that, im gonna tell my best friend whos best friends with person i have gotten over abt the whole thing just because i feel like that will be my closure. but yea losing y mind cuz i haven't gymmed so i need to cahnge my mindset. im rotting in my room but still go outside because the weather is so insanely good. im also migrating to the library to exsiccate this era of unacademic weapon and force me to face people. i think im using a shit website for my word of the day so im switching to oxford dictionary.

today's word of the day is a french word again so let me get it out of the way because i can't slip it in anywhere. yesterday i had a cinnamon coffee gateau and it was yummay. here are my goals for the next three weeks:

good sleep schedule

gym at least twice a week

eat well

stay concentrated i guess

i've reached the point where i've blocked pretty much all dopamine inducing websites. all i have left is spotify and even that is sort of limited. i watched this video which made me block youtube right after and what i got from it was that we will do the most dopamine inducing activities and when that's not available, we'll choose the next best thing, even when it's wrong and we should be working, for example. and it's so true. because today when i had nothing to do while i ate, i started reading a book. so truly i guess just bore yourself so the next best source of dopamine is work.

and same, my spotify shit is so off so here are my current post concert addiction songs:

roadkill - i am the soi-disant "friend of mine" that went to the 1975 concert. they didn't perform this live but i got addicted. i know matty healy has said controversial things which i don't wanna dive into but he does write lyrics that you undeniably don't hear anywhere else

jesus christ 2005 god bless america - this live when polly money sings it. amazing voice.

part of the band - i like the violins and the contrast with the chorus cuz the chords are played out compared to the staccato of the violins. also the outro is so good

i won't name all because there's so many things from so many songs that i love

not even finals week I still have to attend my classes this week but I am so stressed with all the stuff I have to do... they all seem to overlap around the same time too! which great esp cause I've been so tired and my sleep gym social shower study is so messed up... I've calculated my first final is in 10 days If I study 3 lectures each day I can fully learn the syllabus before my final so it's time to lock in (I deadass might have adhd I don't know if this is all just talk)

I've also been so burnt out for my major which is quite bad since it's a group final I feel so bad for my teammate having to do everything I've just never been this exhausted before... I'll figure out how to do the other half I promise 🙏 I know the deadline is in a week for everything but I'll lock in in a second just let me get in the zone teammate... sorry for worrying u

As the week is getting closer to ending I'm more and more nervous about telling them - I really don't have a script planned or anything just saying it from the heart despite the outcome really have to let this one out this time- i'm changing my previous ways of sitting and admiring.

Music heals the heart soul so here's my monthly tracks I've been playing cause Spotify wrapped is so inaccurate for me tbh

Robbers 1975 - recently a friend of mine went to their concert and they played this, after making me watch all the videos they recorded (just kidding I loved watching all of them) and robbers specifically the guitar part is what got me thru

Envy the Leaves Madison Beer - I've always been a secretive fan of Ms Beer but her recent album is honestly so good this song reminds me of Billie Getting Older her voice is so angelic esp in the part " Why don't we lie and act like the best is yet to come"

Nothing Matters But You Madison Beer - the bridge here... just so so good feel like music resonates with me

You're The Only Good Thing In My Life - Cigarettes After Sex I don't know what to say honestly... I've always been a big CAS fan and I have monthly favorites from them each time "Everything is wrong but it's alright, you're the only good thing in my life." This line. just glad I met the right people in my life to help me when I'm going through it.

i had a close friend bring up my love life yesterday. made me think abt it the whole day because i didn't tell her honestly how i felt because i didn't have the right words to explain the situation. this made me spend the whole day writing about it. 866 words in total.

couldn't sleep until 4 am cuz my body hasn't been able to adjust to night time room temp when i'm abt to get my period. good timing cuz i had an exam at 9:30am. imma try expanding my vocabulary so imma use a new word for every entry. at least my lack of sleep didn't enervate my exam performance, instead it was just a skill issue.

lost track there whoops so basically the period part was necessary cuz it made me cry over the "love life" situation at 3:40am. it's a ridiculous situation that i've finally been able to come to better terms with after writing it down and thinking through it logically.

im moving on cuz like my coworkar said, it's emotionally draining (it's not but i don't want to create a false reality).

I wish the type box was smaller so that I could write this more discretely. but now I must settle with having a dark screen to write with.

Anyways, as I'm sitting in this booth I came to a conclusion. I heard from someone once that they have a new approach to life... and it's to show a very extreme side of them so they won't have to waste their time with people that wouldn't match with their personalities. Almost like you're putting all your eggs in a basket so that you won't need to waste your time waiting for them to pick it out.

I think I've decided I'm going to no balls it and be blatantly obvious that I have feelings for them, this will require a lot of confidence, balls and also maybe 3 shots each time. I'm giving myself till the end of this year one way or another I will let them know I'm interested in them. I've thought about literally saying face to face "are you interested in me the same way I am with you" and I think for the first time I might genuinely do that...

i am about to watch a slushy noobz video while i eat my dinner and previously they were not wearing glasses. in the preview, they are wearing glasses. immediately clicked. men with glasses and humour. wow. that guy on the right glassesgods help me.

take a moment to look at the guy on the right. also they are so me and my cowerkor living tgt.

guessing I'm the coworker huh...

there's a lot of things I'm currently stressed about... school firstly I genuinely think I need to snort some adderall and get to working cause I be checking my phone and doing the most random sht sometimes...

I wonder... why could I be checking my phone so much? probably because of my current situation. talking. person. thingy I don't even know how to name this because I really don't know where I stand... are the reposts about me or another girl? a plethora of emotions is how I feel right now... mostly confusion but also I really will be kicking my feet up and down like a silly little girl whenever I talk to him.

Today:

Went to my 10:30 class

got a response around 11:40

Ate lunch

Responded around 1:45

Debating on whether I should get concert tickets to see Melanie Martinez

Went to 3:00 class