attachments of drafts, queued stuff & blogs for proof (thankfully found those images in my files)

this is my au snippet that is coming soon!! lemme know if u guys r down for it 😜

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⋆˚꩜｡ cw: some suggestive comments, txt being a little freaky, desperate txt, swearing (like once)

⋆˚꩜｡ authors note: hi guys! Tysm for the support on my first post 🥹🥹 I was so nervous posting but now that schools out I will def be on here way more! i hope you guys like this smau and feel free to give me requests!!

꧁⎝ 𓆩༺✧༻𓆪 ⎠꧂

Summary: What it’s like to be an idol while dating idol Soobin!

⤷ idol!gn!reader x idol!soobin

warnings: slightly suggestive throughout because it’s soobin and i can’t help myself

Summary: texts with bf! txt which are a little less than safe for work — is anyone conversation with them ever sfw though?

⤷ minors dni!!! reader is afab in beomgyu, taehyun & yeonjun’s unless you read it as a joke ig? gn otherwise!

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

attachments of drafts, queued stuff & blogs for proof (thankfully found those images in my files)

pairing rodrick heffley! martin x regina george! reader

warning fluff◞ sfw◞ martin desperate for readers attention◞ reader being tsundere◞ kissing◞ pet names◞ martin being the loser of the school◞ reader being the popular girl in school◞ teasing

a/n a spinoff of the headcannons cause i really love my maryin they're so cutie

WC 2.2k

HEADCANNONS rockstar boyfriend

Is it surprising to see the most popular girl in school to be dating such a loser?

Yeah definitely.

Nobody would ever guess that you and the loser of the school would date each other.

Well, they need better guesses.

You’re pacing around your room on your phone arguing with someone.

Martin is sitting on your bed holding one for you pink fur like pillows while leaning back on his left hand watching you pace around.

He finds it entertaining that you get mad at everything around you.

One time, you and martin were on a school field trip, you got mad at customer service at this hotel you were staying at because they didn’t have pink pillows.

Martin found it oddly cute.

But the big question is, how did you guys meet?

Well, let’s take it back.

In the middle of junior year, winters starting to come around, leaves are falling off the trees, the grass is turning a light green.

You’re walking around with your friend jade talking about whatever you could think of.

“If you’re going to own a 500 dollar jacket at least make it look good on you, not look like garbage.”

From afar martin is talking with one of his friends, juhoon.

He spots your pink purse in the corner of his eye and he turns his head while still talking.

“the skatepark is closed for who knows…”

It’s like a kdrama where one of the characters spots the love of their life and everything slows down.

Thats how martin feels right now.

Your blonde wavy hair blowing in the wind, your white teeth showing because of you laughing about the jacket still.

He’s genuinely stunned by your beauty, he’s never seen you till now and he’s grateful he’s been blessed just now.

Martin is so stunned he can’t hear juhoon trying to talk to him.

“Earth to martin,” juhoon waves his hand in front of his face.

“What—yeah, uhh what was i talking about?”

“The skatepark?”

“Oh,right.”

You walk in the direction martin is with jade but you’re barely paying attention that you bump into martin’s back.

He catches you by the waist.

“Careful there.”

He pulls you up, “yeah whatever, thanks.”

Seconds go by with just silence surrounding the four, confusion etched on your face you suddenly ask, “Are you new here?”

“Maybe, who are you? Are you new here?”

“No, i’m not new here actually. My dad’s the principal.”

Martin’s face immediately turns into a flabbergasted expression.

“Shocked?”

“Definitely, you’re the principal’s gorgeous daughter?”

“Don’t try that, loser.”

“Just giving out compliments,” he puts his hands up in surrender.

“Now i have places to be, jade let’s go.”

On the way out you hear the unknown boy yell, “My name is martin!”

As he watches you walk off he sighs dreamily.

“She’s perfect.”

“Dude, i’m still here.”

Martin turns towards him, “oh yeah.”

The second time you guys came across each other was when you were alone outside.

The most popular girl in school alone?

Yeah, that’s hard to believe.

You’re sitting on the bleachers phone in hand.

Martin walks outside to come see you since he was expecting to get you alone.

“Hey, princess.”

You freeze slightly and slowly lift your head up at the sound of martin’s voice.

You spot him walking up the bleachers to get to you.

“What do you want, loser,” you turn your phone off and put in your purse.

Martin plops right next to you with a big thump.

“I wanted to see you, is that so bad?”

“Yes, it is bad. I don’t want to be seen with you.”

You start to get up till he pulls you back down by your wrist.

“You’re going nowhere, don’t try.”

You sigh deeply then roughly turns toward him, “okay, why do you want to see me?”

“I dont know, i just like seeing your beautiful face.”

Your eyes widen slightly at the compliment and blush slowly creeps up to your face.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“What, you don’t believe me?”

“Oh, i definitely believe you.”

“Confident are we?”

“You don’t know me at all,” you say smugly

All day that day you were seen with martin, at this point you didn’t care.

He was a little flirty but it’s whatever, you’re used to it.

In 2 months, you and martin were super close.

Bickering here and there but it always ends with you guys laughing about it.

Everyone was surprised to see the principal’s daughter hanging out with a loser like martin.

You always turn down the jocks at school.

I guess what you needed was an opposite personality by your side.

By almost the end of junior year, rumors spread.

Half of the school think you and martin are dating.

It’s complicated between you two.

Still people refuse to believe you would date martin.

You think it’s embarrassing honestly, but you’re not telling martin that.

One day, he’s over at your house for the first time.

He’s walking around your room gazing at everything.

“What do those people say?”

“Make yourself at home?” he asks turning his head towards you.

“Yeah, that.”

“And i will make myself at home here,” he belly flops onto your fluffy fully coated pink bed.

“Hey! Be careful i spent 20 minutes trying to make the pillows perfect.”

“Yeah ok, princess.”

“What’d i tell you about calling me that,” you pick up one of your pillows and hit him square in the face with it.

“Aye!”

“That’s what you get.”

Martin pulls you down onto him by your wrist, you genuinely get the wind knocked out of you.

“What are you doing, loser?”

You put the palms of your hands on his chest to push you up.

“Just enjoying your company.”

You grab the pillow again and hit him on his chest.

There’s a knock on your bedroom door that startled martin, “come in.”

The door creaks open and it’s your mom holding a, fruit platter?

“What do you want, mom?”

“Oh nothing sweetheart, just dropping off some snacks.”

You raise an eyebrow in pure confusion on why she’s doing that.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, “you’re actually so embarrassing..” you mutter.

“Okay, i’ll leave you two to it.”

The door closes shut and it’s just silence in there.

“That was..interesting.”

“Tell me about it.”

Time skip

It’s the afternoon, martin’s still at your house and theres an orange hue surrounding your room with the windows open.

Right now you’re putting pigtails in his hair.

“Genuinely, why are you doing this.”

You shrug slightly, “i dont know, it’s fun.”

You hear a low chuckle from his throat while he just admires you.

“Why are you just staring at me, edwards.”

“Edwards? That’s a new one.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“Oh, i’ll get used to it.”

You take your hands out of his hair, “do you always have to have the last word?”

“Maybe, if it annoys you.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“You love it.”

You glared at him and he glared back.

“Whatever.”

“You didn’t deny!”

You were tired of him talking.

So you grabbed fistfuls of his black, wrinkled shirt. The shirt bunched up in your fists, almost knocking him back in the chair he was sitting in. And your lips connect.

The kiss isn’t gentle at all, more like confusion and frustration in one.

Martin is still frozen, shocked that you would make a move first.

Till he gets confident. His hands found your waist, curled around it and kissed back.

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, his hands moved from your waist to the lower part of your back to bring you closer till your chests are touching.

You then pull back once your lips get numb, step back and cross your arms trying to catch your breath.

“You talk too much.”

He has a look of disbelief, swollen lips and his chest heaving.

Martin’s hands are still where your waist was, he’s just frozen looking at you with a shocked expression.

“So you’re just gonna—“

“Gonna what?”

He shifts in his seat, “let me finish.”

Your face is a tint of a pink.

“You just, kissed me?”

“I did, and what?”

Martin’s ears are extremely red, his eyes blown.

You have a neutral face on trying to ignore the warmth all over you.

“You know…can—“

“Nope.” You walk out the room shutting the door behind you.

Silence surrounds martin.

“I didn’t even finish!”

After that you distanced yourself from martin without no explanation.

He’s been trying to talk to you ever since the kiss but you walk off or ignore him.

One day the week after, he cornered you.

You’re walking to your class then suddenly you get pulled into a dark classroom by your forearm.

Lights switch on and it’s martin.

“Talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you try to walk past but he blocks you.

“You kiss me and then you ghost me. What’s up with that?”

You ignore him, you look around the room to look at anything but him.

“Y/n.”

You bite your lip while still looking around nervously.

“I got embarrassed..” you whisper.

“You got what?”

“Embarrassed, and also scared because i didn’t know what to do after i kissed you.”

Martin has a soft smile plastered on his face.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes it was actually.”

He walks closer to you, puts his warm hand on your cheek using his thumb to caress it.

His eyes briefly drop down to your lips.

Of course you notice.

“You know, you can ask to kiss me,” you smugly state.

Immediately his face is coated in a tint of pink from the embarrassment.

“Oh yeah, i know that.”

He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you closer to connect your lips.

The kiss this time was more careful and slow, like you both were savoring this moment.

You wrap your hands around his neck.

You feel how warm he is just from all the body heat by how close he is to you.

He pulls back first, rests his forehead against yours to try to catch his breath.

“You okay there, loser?”

“Better than okay.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, “come here.”

You lift his head away from your forehead to kiss him again.

For the past week, it's just been back and forth with you two meeting at secret spots just to make out.

The bleachers, the bathroom, empty classrooms, janitors closet.

It just keeps going.

Usually it upsets martin because all you want to do is make out, he wants a relationship, a physical touch relationship.

Not just kissing the whole time.

On a thursday morning, you're walking in the building until you get pulled aside by your wrist.

It's just martin.

"Hey, loser," you try to kiss him but he pulls back which leaves you flabbergasted.

"What's wrong?" You drop your hands.

"We need to talk."

"Okay yeah sure whatever, what do you want to talk about?"

"Our relationship."

Your face twists in confusion, "our relationship? What about it?"

He sighs deeply and places both of his hands on your arms.

"I really like you, y/n. And i want us to have a relationship, like date each other. I've never felt this way with anyone else, you genuinely make me feel..wanted."

You stare at him with a neutral face on, eyes glossy, face tinged with pink.

"Do you really? Loser.." you mutter the last word.

He nods slightly, "i do."

"I like you too, i don't care what everyone else thinks, you're mine. Okay?"

He takes his hands off your arms and curls his fingers around your waist.

"Yes, i'm yours."

You slightly slap his shoulder, "why didn't you ask me properly you douche!"

He chuckles, his adam's apple bobbing when he does.

"Sorry, princess."

"It's whatever. i hate you."

"Yeah, and guess what. I love you."

And then, he kisses you.

Who cares if anyone sees, at least you have your martin edwards.

@/meeoowchi 🧸

// ᯓ★ˎˊ˗ purse

[[ kim juhoon x fem!reader , written ]]

ᝰ.ᐟ word count: 453

ᝰ.ᐟ content info: implied hyperfem reader, nonchalant juhoon, fluff, kinda self indulgent, ft. keonho

ᝰ.ᐟ koko’s words: was gonna be longer but my notes app started glitching halfway through this

———ˏˋ ★┆ 코르티스 ˎˊ˗ CORTIS TAGLIST!! - @lcvehyeon @yatta-exe @lovelyzh4nna @ilovegojosatoru13  @enhacolor @Cloudyyycore78 @chbq2 @sxqhan @bberryjju  @atetheluck  @mimi-channn @noeulchan @seanidas @2bamgyu @kp0pst4rr @taelvvrzz

I can't be yours baby, know I be on tour crazy —martin edwards

🎧 idol!martin x intern-stylist!f!reader, smau, fluff, crack, profanity, readers a chaser and martin loves the chase, lowk flirting, fans are hella yntin shippers, mentions of marissa as enhypens stylist

syn: ending up as Martin's stylist while interning at HYBE for your portfolio sure did lead you somewhere.

playlist: mine by tink and g herbo

iro's notes: this was so fun 2 make omg. going back to my angst roots w a new keon fic tho HEHEE

p.1

SYPNOSIS : in which…your vlog celebrating chuseok includes six teenagers who refuse to dress normally.

CORTIS 6TH MEMBER AU

a/n: be prepared for the next chapter cuz angst is coming up😋also i totally failed algebra today omg im not getting anywhere in life

series mlist

SYPNOSIS : in which… your first ever vlog after your debut consists of packing for your short trip to new york, except no one is packing.

CORTIS 6TH MEMBER AU

a/n: this is my comfort vlog i have to watch it at least once a week or else ill go eensaine.

series mlist

cortis had officially debuted. the amount of support you had all received was honestly insane. every day there seemed to be more people discovering the group. more people streaming your songs. more people showing up to watch your content. it still felt unreal sometimes. despite how chaotic everything had become since debut, there was one thing you were grateful for. you had never been closer to the members than you were now. after everything you had gone through together as trainees, they felt more like family than coworkers.

the group was supposed to leave for new york in a few hours. everyone had known about the trip for weeks, yet somehow not a single one of the guys had bothered packing. earlier that day, you had repeatedly reminded them to start getting their suitcases ready, but every time you brought it up, they told you that you were worrying too much and that there was still plenty of time. eventually, you gave up trying to help them. you packed your own suitcase that morning and spent the rest of the day watching them waste time in the living room.

now it was one in the morning. everyone was exhausted. nobody had gotten enough sleep. the members were finally scrambling around the dorm trying to throw random clothes into suitcases while you were peacefully stretched out on your bed scrolling through your phone. you desperately wanted to go to sleep, but you already knew that was impossible. sooner or later one of them would come into your room asking for help. they would either want your opinion on an outfit or ask you what they should pack because apparently none of them were capable of figuring it out themselves.

it annoyed you more than you liked to admit. you were supposed to be the youngest person in the group, yet somehow they treated you like their mother half the time.

and, as expected, you ended up being right.

the door opened and james walked into your room holding a camera. “why are you vlogging?” you asked without looking up from your phone. your voice was slightly raspy from how tired you were.

“because this is our first vlog that’s gonna be posted on youtube.” james replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

he immediately pointed the camera at you.

you slowly looked up at him with the most blank expression possible. complete silence filled the room for a few seconds. in the distance, you could hear martin, keonho, and seonghyeon yelling at each other from their room.

“is this really the first impression we want people to have of us?” you finally asked.

james completely ignored the question. instead, he zoomed the camera closer to your face. “our little maknae has blue hair now.”

you sighed. unfortunately, he wasn’t wrong. your hair was now a light blue color with bangs. the change had surprised even you when you first saw it.

“i originally wanted blonde, but martin got it first. then i wanted orange, but james stole that idea too. now i’m stuck with this.” you said directly to the camera.

“you snooze, you lose.” james laughed before turning the camera back toward himself.

you rolled your eyes and turned over in bed. deciding that your phone was much more interesting than whatever was happening around you. meanwhile, the screaming from the other room somehow got even louder.

“you might be wondering why y/n isn’t packing.” james said dramatically while setting the camera down and fixing his bed. “well, that’s because she already packed this morning. she tried to get us to pack too, but we were too lazy to listen. now we’re suffering the consequences while she gets to sit there and watch us struggle.”

“from now on, we always listen to y/n.” juhoon suddenly announced as he shuffled into the room.

you glanced over and immediately noticed how exhausted he looked. it seemed like he was operating on pure instinct.

“please don’t.” you replied. “you guys are way too much responsibility. i’m only fifteen.”

james groaned loudly. “there it is again. she uses the ‘i’m only fifteen’ card every single day. it’s so annoying.”

juhoon stood awkwardly in the middle of the room for a moment. then he looked at james.

“it’s annoying because she’s right. why are you, a twenty year old man, arguing with a fifteen year old girl?”

the room went quiet.

you slowly lowered your phone.

that was probably the longest sentence juhoon had ever spoken in his entire life.

“me and james don’t even argue.” you said.

james immediately nodded. “exactly.” a second later he walked across the room and held his hand out.

without hesitation, you slapped his hand in a quick dab-up before returning your attention to your phone.

juhoon stared at both of you for a few seconds. “can you help me pack? i don’t know what to bring.”

you let out a yawn and pulled your blanket up slightly.

“no. i would’ve helped you if you asked before i got comfortable.”

“please?”

“get away.”

juhoon sighed dramatically before wandering around the room with absolutely no purpose. every few seconds he would pick something up, stare at it, then put it back down somewhere else. somehow he was making less progress than before.

across the room, james had already moved on to giving the camera a full dorm tour. he walked around narrating everything like he was filming a documentary while you fought to keep your eyes open. every time you thought things had finally gotten quiet, someone started yelling from another room. at one point you heard a loud crash followed by seonghyeon shouting something that made absolutely no sense. nobody even reacted anymore. everyone was too tired.

you checked the time on your phone and immediately regretted it. the numbers made you want to cry. in just a few hours you would all have to get up and head to the airport, yet nobody besides you seemed remotely close to being ready.

after a while, james and juhoon eventually left your room. james was still carrying the camera around like it was attached to him, and juhoon had wandered off somewhere. the dorm became slightly quieter after they left, which was honestly the best thing that had happened all night.

you settled deeper into your bed and continued scrolling through your phone. for the first time in hours, nobody was asking you questions. nobody was yelling your name from another room. nobody was shoving random outfits in your face asking if they matched. it was peaceful.

for about thirty seconds.

you happened to glance toward the door and your eyes landed on juhoon’s suitcase.

it was completely empty.

you stared at it for a moment.

surely he had another suitcase somewhere. he had to.

slowly, you sat up and looked around the room again.

nope.

that was his suitcase and it was completely empty.

you looked over at james’s suitcase instead. somehow, despite spending half the night filming and annoying everyone, he had at least managed to throw some clothes inside. it wasn’t exactly organized, but it was progress.

juhoon, on the other hand, had accomplished absolutely nothing. you dropped your head back against the wall and groaned. “i can’t do this.”

unfortunately, you knew exactly what was about to happen if you didn’t step in. juhoon would somehow make it all the way to the airport without a charger, a toothbrush, or half the things he actually needed. then everyone would spend the entire trip sharing their stuff with him.

you sighed dramatically before throwing your blanket off and standing up.

being responsible was exhausting.

you left your room and started wandering through the dorm in search of the world’s least prepared traveler. the sounds of yelling guided you through the hallway. somewhere in the distance, martin was laughing, seonghyeon was arguing with somebody, and james was still narrating absolutely everything for the vlog.

eventually you found juhoon in the kitchen.

he was standing in front of the stove making buldak noodles.

of course he was.

you stared at him for a few seconds.

“what?” he finally asked.

you rubbed your forehead.

“hurry up and eat. i’m gonna pack the important stuff you actually need. your charger, face wash, toothbrush, and whatever else you somehow forgot exists. i expect you to be done eating by the time i’m finished. then we’ll figure out what clothes you’re bringing, okay?”

juhoon’s face immediately brightened “okay. thank you.”

you rolled your eyes so hard they practically hurt.

“yeah, yeah. just hurry up.” you walked away before he could say anything else.

as you headed back toward your room, you wondered how exactly you’d ended up becoming everyone’s emergency backup plan. at this point you were convinced that if one of them forgot how to breathe, they would somehow ask you for help with that too.

when you got back to your room, you immediately got to work. you opened drawers and cabinets, grabbing all the things juhoon would definitely forget if left unsupervised. chargers. skincare products. toothbrushes. toothpaste. face wash. random travel necessities. every few minutes you would discover something else that absolutely needed to be packed.

you had never seen someone so unprepared for a trip in your life. halfway through organizing everything, your door suddenly burst open.

keonho and seonghyeon stormed inside, arguing loudly.

you didn’t even bother looking up.

“you started it.”

“i literally did not.”

“yes you did.”

“no i didn’t.”

“yes you did.”

you continued folding things.

martin stood behind them holding the camera, looking far too entertained by the entire situation.

“y/n.”

you ignored them.

“y/n.”

still nothing.

“y/n, tell him i’m right.”

you grabbed Juhoons favourite keychain.

“y/n.”

another skincare bottle.

“y/n.”

another travel-sized item.

finally, you looked up. both of them were staring at you expectantly.

you stared right back.

“i don’t even know what you’re arguing about.”

“that’s not the point.”

“then what is the point?”

neither of them answered because they probably didn’t know either.

you sighed heavily and looked toward martin instead who he was still filming everything.

“martin.”

“yeah?”

“cut this part out when you’re editing, okay? people are seriously gonna think we’re insane.”

martin started laughing.

unfortunately, that only encouraged keonho and seonghyeon to start arguing again.

you decided you’d had enough.

grabbing your phone, you stepped out into the hallway and called juhoon. you were too lazy to search for him around the house.

he answered almost immediately.

“hello?”

“i’m done packing.”

“already?”

“yes. are you done eating?”

there was a brief pause.

“almost.”

you closed your eyes.

“juhoon.”

“i said almost.”

you sighed.

“finish your food and come to my room. we’re packing the rest of your suitcase before we leave this dorm.”

“okay.”

you hung up before he could say anything else.

juhoon finally showed up a little while later. by then, james had returned to the room as well. after spending who knew how long wandering around the dorm with the camera, he had somehow remembered that he still needed to pack. the camera was now balanced on top of a shelf in the corner of the room, positioned perfectly so that almost the entire room was visible. apparently he wanted to capture the “real packing experience.”

which was unfortunate, because the real packing experience was mostly just you babysitting everyone.

you sat cross-legged on your bed while juhoon stood in front of his suitcase waiting for instructions.

“okay.” you sighed. “it’s gonna be hot during the day, so pack mostly summer clothes. t-shirts. lighter stuff. don’t bring a bunch of dark colors because they attract the sun or whatever. but also bring a hoodie and maybe a jacket because it gets colder at night. for pants, just get some jeans and sweats.”

juhoon nodded seriously as if you were explaining some complicated scientific theory. “okay.”

“and don’t overpack.”

“okay.”

“and don’t underpack either.”

“…okay.”

you stared at him. “come on, just use common sense.”

james could be heard laughing from somewhere behind the camera.

eventually juhoon disappeared into the wardrobe room to find clothes while you collapsed backward onto your bed. you were so tired that even sitting upright felt like too much effort. your eyes kept threatening to close every few seconds. honestly, if nobody was screaming somewhere in the dorm, you probably would’ve fallen asleep immediately.

for a while everything was surprisingly peaceful.

well.

peaceful by cortis standards.

which mostly meant nobody was actively destroying anything.

after several minutes, juhoon finally returned carrying a giant pile of clothes in his arms. he dumped everything onto the bed beside you and immediately started sorting through them.

there were several t-shirts. a couple pairs of sweatpants. some shorts.

and one pair of black skinny jeans.

you frowned.

something about them looked familiar. you picked them up, then immediately looked at juhoon.

“juhoon.” you said, already annoyed.

he looked up. “yeah?”

“these are mine.” you exhaled harshly.

he glanced at the jeans, then back at you “so?”

you blinked, clenching your jaw. “so?”

“yeah. so.”

“so why are they in your pile?”

he shrugged. “because they fit me.”

the fact that he seemed completely serious somehow made the situation worse.

“please put them back.”

“but they fit.”

“they’re still mine.”

juhoon hesitated for a few seconds like he was genuinely considering arguing about this, then he sighed dramatically. “fine bro. You never let me borrow your stuff but when i don’t let you borrow mine suddenly its the end of the world.”

he grabbed the jeans and slowly walked back toward the wardrobe room.

you rubbed your face with both hands “literal children.” you weren’t even sure if you were talking about juhoon anymore.

a few minutes later, he returned carrying a different pair of jeans. you immediately recognized them.

they were the pair that had been abandoned somewhere in the living room for weeks, maybe months.

you distinctly remembered stepping over them almost every day. sometimes they would be near the couch. sometimes they would magically appear near the television. once they had somehow ended up near the kitchen.

you honestly weren’t even sure who they belonged to anymore.

“where did you find those?”

“living room.”

“of course.”

you decided not to ask any more questions because sometimes ignorance was a gift. before you could continue helping him pack, loud noises suddenly echoed down the hallway.

you and juhoon looked at each other and without saying a word, both of you got up because there was only one group of people capable of producing that much noise at two in the morning.

when you reached the room, you immediately regretted your decision.

your eyes practically hurt from looking at the mess. clothes covered the floor. bags were scattered everywhere. there were random chargers hanging off furniture. someone’s shoe was sitting in the middle of the room for absolutely no reason.

it looked less like a bedroom and more like the aftermath of a natural disaster and somehow the people inside were making it worse.

martin was standing in the middle of the room loudly rapping about packing. seonghyeon was standing beside him beatboxing. your ears were on the verge of starting to bleed, which made it even worse when you heard keonho trying to join in.

whatever sound he was making could not legally be classified as beatboxing. it sounded like someone repeatedly making fart noises into a microphone.

the entire thing was a disaster.

juhoon immediately started laughing.

james appeared beside you with the camera. apparently he had witnessed the whole thing and instead of stopping them, he had decided to film it.

he slowly pointed the camera toward your face.

“thoughts?” he asked.

you stared directly into the lens, not saying anything. you could physically feel your headache getting worse.

“i wish i debuted in a girl group.”

you turned around and walked away.

behind you, you could hear james laughing so hard he almost dropped the camera.

and for the first time all night, you genuinely considered leaving for new york without them.

©cortismoon all rights reserved. Please do not copy, repost or claim as your own.

taglist: CLOSED

SYPNOSIS : in which… being a trainee under hybe obviously was not fun. It made your life miserable for a long time. You thought that when the time to debut finally came, things would get better. But when you see who you were to debut with, things get even worse.

CORTIS 6TH MEMBER AU

warnings : happy ending😛 ALSO PLS TELL ME IF U CAUGHT JUHOONS BACON REFERENCE THATS MY FAVOURITE MEME

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

series mlist

after everything that happened that day, something inside you shut down again.

it felt humiliating honestly. you had spent months slowly opening up around the others without even realizing it, only for everything to blow up in your face in the worst possible way. after that night, you stopped trying completely.

you went back to how you used to be when you first entered the dorm.

you stopped sitting in the living room during movie nights. you stopped eating meals with everyone else unless absolutely necessary. you stopped hanging around after practice and immediately disappeared into your room the second schedules ended.

everyone noticed.

especially james.

the first few days, they all kept trying anyway.

martin awkwardly asked if you wanted food while ordering takeout one night and you walked straight past him like he didn’t even speak.

keonho tried asking if you needed help practicing choreography and you ignored him completely.

even seonghyeon tried talking to you multiple times, but the second he approached you during practice breaks, you would immediately walk away before he could even open his mouth properly.

james had it the worst.

because unlike the others, he knew exactly how much you cried when you were hurt, but you didn’t know he knew.

he kept following you around at first, trying to get you to answer him.

“y/n.”

silence.

“okay you can ignore everyone else but at least listen to me.”

nothing.

“you’re seriously not gonna say anything? I didn’t even do anything.”

you kept walking.

eventually even he gave up trying to force conversation.

juhoon asked a few times too, though in his own weird awkward way.

one night while you were digging through the fridge at two in the morning, he looked over from the couch and muttered, “you’re getting bad again.”

you didn’t even glance at him. you didn’t even know why he was awake at that hour.

another time he tossed a blanket at you after you fell asleep at the kitchen table and quietly said, “you’re being dramatic.”

still, you ignored him too.

the worst part was how guilty the others looked now.

especially martin, seonghyeon, and keonho.

they started leaving random snacks on top of your bedside drawer almost every day. drinks you liked. convenience store candy. those stupid little pastries you always bought after practice.

every single time you saw them, you grabbed everything without hesitation and dumped it straight into the kitchen trash.

sometimes they watched you do it but you didn’t care. or at least you tried convincing yourself you didn’t.

honestly, being back at square one felt horrible.

because now you knew what things could’ve been like if everything didn’t get ruined and somehow that made everything hurt even more.

right now it was almost three in the morning, and you were sitting alone at the park near the hybe building with your hood pulled over your head.

the city was quiet.

cold air brushed against your face while your legs curled slightly against the bench. your cheeks felt freezing from the tears you kept wiping away with your sleeves.

you hated crying.

especially over this.

you stared blankly at the ground while picking at your cuticles hard enough to hurt.

then suddenly someone sat down beside you.

“i knew i’d find you here.”

you looked up immediately.

james.

of course.

for a second you almost stood up and walked away immediately, but honestly you were too tired.

you looked back down again instead. “how did you know i’d be here?”

his voice stayed quiet. “you know how i disappear every night and come back late?”

you nodded slightly.

“this is where i come.” he shrugged while looking out toward the empty park. “it’s peaceful.”

you frowned immediately.

“i come here all the time too.” you muttered suspiciously. “i’ve literally never seen you here.”

silence.

then james quietly said, “yeah you have.”

you slowly looked at him again, confused.

your brain immediately started trying to remember every single time you’d come here alone.

there was always one other person.

that guy sitting on the bench across the park with his hood up.

the one who always sat there a few feet away while you cried to your old members about how miserable you were.

the one who somehow always appeared whenever you broke down.

realization hit so hard it genuinely made your stomach twist.

“what the fuck.”

james looked away immediately.

“that was you?” your voice filled with disbelief instantly. “you were listening to all that?”

“not intentionally.”

“oh my god.” you stood up immediately while wiping angrily at your face. “what is wrong with you people? seriously. does nobody here understand privacy?”

“y/n.”

“first the diary and now this?” your voice started shaking again. “were you all secretly spying on me this entire time or what?”

you turned to leave but james quickly grabbed your wrist before you could walk away.

“wait.”

“don’t touch me.”

“just listen first.”

you tried pulling away. “why would i wanna listen to you right now?”

“because i’m trying to explain.”

you stared at him angrily while he slowly let go of your wrist.

for a second neither of you spoke.

then james sighed quietly before leaning back against the bench again.

“after trainee a ended, i stopped trusting people properly.”

your expression shifted slightly.

his voice sounded weirdly calm now.

“everybody got attached to each other and then everything just disappeared overnight.” he looked down at his hands. “i hated it.”

you stayed standing there silently.

“so when i got here and realized we were all probably debuting together, i just…” he shrugged weakly. “i didn’t wanna get attached again if everything was gonna fall apart.”

you frowned slightly.

“it wasn’t because you’re a girl or because i hated you personally.” he said quietly. “i was just being careful.”

for some reason that made your anger weaken slightly.

“then why’d you suddenly start acting normal?” you muttered while sitting back down reluctantly.

“because now i know debut’s actually happening.”

you blinked at him. “how?”

“i searched around.” he shrugged. “apparently once a debut is less than five months away, companies usually can’t cancel it or randomly drop members anymore unless something huge happens.”

you stared at him silently.

five months.

that was it.

you were actually debuting. with cortis. with all of them. there genuinely was no going back anymore.

the realization felt terrifying.

james glanced at you carefully before speaking again. “you should let them talk to you.”

you immediately looked annoyed again. “seriously?”

“i’m not saying forgive them immediately.” he said quickly. “but you guys are gonna be together for years probably. living together while hating each other like this is gonna destroy everybody.”

you stayed quiet.

“they know they messed up.” he continued softly. “especially seonghyeon.”

you scoffed quietly.

“just let them apologize at least.” james sighed. “everything would be easier.”

you thought about it for a long moment while staring down at your hands.

honestly, you were exhausted.

exhausted from being angry. exhausted from avoiding everybody constantly. exhausted from feeling miserable all the time.

eventually you let out a defeated sigh.

“whatever.” you muttered quietly while standing up. “let’s just go back before it gets too late and they freak out again.”

james immediately grinned slightly while standing too. “you mean too early.”

you paused halfway through walking. “huh?”

“because last time we stayed out so long that by the time we got back it was morning so technically it was too early and-”

he stopped talking once he saw your exhausted expression.

“…nevermind.”

you rolled your eyes while continuing toward the dorm.

when you both finally got back, the apartment was completely dark except for the kitchen light.

you quietly walked into your room expecting juhoon to be asleep already.

instead he was sitting upright on his bed staring directly at both of you.

all three of you got startled at the same time.

“jesus christ.” you muttered while clutching your chest.

juhoon looked deeply offended somehow. “could you two stop leaving me out? we’re supposed to be roommates.”

you stared at him blankly.

“why are you awake.”

“because.” he crossed his arms dramatically. “i felt your presence missing from the room.”

you frowned slowly.

james immediately snorted beside you.

you genuinely felt too exhausted to process whatever weird mood juhoon was in right now.

this was probably the most chalant he had ever acted around you in all the months you’d known him. somehow, despite the annoying delivery, you understood what he was trying to say.

this was his weird way of officially accepting you as his friend.

which honestly felt very on brand for him.

you sighed tiredly before climbing into bed.

“whatever, juhoon.”

you buried your face into your pillow while james quietly laughed from across the room.

for the first time in days, the room didn’t feel painfully tense anymore.

the next morning, you woke up staring blankly at the ceiling while the sound of yelling echoed from the kitchen.

plates clinked loudly against the counter while multiple voices talked over each other nonstop.

you sighed heavily while rubbing your face.

your entire body still felt tired from everything lately, but at least your chest didn’t feel as painfully heavy as before. honestly, after talking to james last night, avoiding everyone suddenly felt exhausting instead of comforting.

still awkward though.

you stayed laying there for another minute debating if it was even worth going out there.

then your stomach growled.

unfortunately, food won.

you dragged yourself out of bed slowly and walked toward the kitchen with half open eyes, still looking barely alive. your face felt puffy from sleep and your hoodie sleeves covered most of your hands while you yawned loudly.

the second you stepped into the kitchen, the smell hit you immediately.

burnt eggs.

really burnt eggs.

you blinked slowly at the pan sitting on the stove before grabbing one suspiciously with your fork.

it looked genuinely concerning.

“who made these?” you asked flatly.

“martin.” multiple people answered immediately.

you stared at the eggs again before quietly putting them back down.

absolutely not.

you looked around the table for something edible instead, but the second your eyes landed on the bacon and sausages, your mood instantly worsened.

or at least what was left of them.

which was basically nothing.

the others still hadn’t fully noticed you standing there because they were too busy arguing over something stupid involving juice and expired milk.

then you noticed the only empty seat left right beside seonghyeon.

well, fuck.

you stood there for a second contemplating if starving would actually be easier.

eventually you sighed internally and walked over anyway before sitting down beside him.

the second you did, the entire table went silent.

it wasn’t the uncomfortable type though. it felt more like everybody collectively stopped breathing at the same time because they were scared to ruin the moment.

seonghyeon looked genuinely nervous sitting beside you.

james barely reacted at all except for the tiny glance he sent you from across the table.

juhoon kept eating cereal like absolutely nothing important was happening.

you ignored all of them completely while looking down at seonghyeon’s plate.

your eyes narrowed immediately.

this idiot had practically all the remaining bacon and sausages piled onto his plate.

you slowly looked at him.

he immediately noticed.

“…what.”

without saying anything, you reached over, grabbed almost all the bacon and sausages from his plate, and dumped them directly onto yours.

seonghyeon stared in disbelief. “hey that’s-”

you cut him off instantly with one glare.

he shut up immediately.

the silence somehow became even more awkward.

martin looked seconds away from laughing. keonho stared at the table trying not to react. james lowered his head slightly like he was hiding a smile.

then suddenly juhoon spoke out of nowhere. “bacon bacon bacon.”

everyone looked at him.

you frowned immediately. “juhoon, what?”

“seriously what does that even mean?” martin groaned.

“he’s lost it.” keonho muttered.

juhoon kept eating cereal calmly like none of you understood his genius. “i’m just ahead of my time.”

“okay you say that every time you say something stupid though.” martin replied immediately.

“you just dont get me”

“we dont want to get you.”

you shook your head tiredly while taking another bite of food. “whatever that means.”

seonghyeon kept glancing at you every few seconds like he expected you to disappear again if he looked away too long. eventually you noticed and sighed dramatically before shoving one piece of bacon back onto his plate.

“there.” you muttered. “before you start crying.”

“oh my god.” martin whispered.

“shut up.” you and seonghyeon both said at the exact same time.

james immediately started laughing.

the tension around the table loosened almost instantly afterward.

conversation slowly started again, though everyone still seemed weirdly careful around you like they were scared one wrong sentence would send you running away again.

to be fair, you couldn’t really blame them.

once you finished eating, you stood up and carried your plate toward the sink while everyone continued talking behind you.

you rinsed it quickly before walking over to the living room and dropping onto the couch.

the dorm still felt warm from all the noise and movement around you.

you grabbed the remote and turned on netflix while pretending not to notice the way multiple people were subtly looking at you from the kitchen.

after a few minutes, you heard footsteps approaching before the couch suddenly dipped beside you.

without looking over, you already knew it was seonghyeon.

he sat there awkwardly for a second before quietly speaking.

“…sorry.”

you kept staring at the netflix screen silently.

he sighed softly. “i know saying sorry doesn’t fix anything. i just…” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “i genuinely didn’t realize how bad things got for you.”

you stayed quiet for a moment.

then finally muttered, “you guys suck at communicating.”

he laughed quietly under his breath. “i know.”

“like really badly.”

“i know.”

you finally glanced at him briefly. “if anyone touches my stuff again i’m actually setting this dorm on fire.”

“i know.”

then, after a second, he carefully pushed a small unopened chocolate milk toward you.

“…friends?”

you stared at it suspiciously, then grabbed it anyway. “coworkers.” you corrected him.

from the kitchen, martin whispered dramatically to keonho, “we are so back.”

“can you shut up? we still haven’t apologised.” keonho groaned.

“wait fuck i forgot.”

you rolled your eyes while opening netflix properly.

you sat quietly on the balcony while the sun slowly disappeared behind the buildings.

the city looked pretty from up there. warm orange light reflected off the windows of nearby apartments while the sky slowly darkened into soft shades of pink and purple. cars moved below like tiny lights, distant conversations echoed from the street, and for the first time in a while, your head actually felt quiet.

everything had changed so quickly these past few weeks that it almost made you dizzy thinking about it.

a month ago you were convinced you’d never survive living in this dorm.

but now things were…okay.

you leaned back further in the chair while staring at the sunset silently, pulling your hoodie sleeves over your hands absentmindedly.

then suddenly you heard muffled arguing through the glass door behind you.

you frowned immediately before turning around.

martin and keonho were standing right outside the balcony door looking painfully awkward.

both of them froze the second they realized you noticed them.

martin immediately pointed at keonho. “you open it.”

“why me?” keonho whispered aggressively.

“because she likes you more.”

“she literally does not.”

“okay but she definitely likes you more than me.”

“can’t you just open it? you’re the leader!”

you stared at them blankly through the glass for a few seconds before rolling your eyes.

idiots.

you stood up and slid the balcony door open yourself before immediately walking back to your chair without saying anything.

both of them looked weirdly relieved.

they stepped outside awkwardly before hesitating again once they realized there was only one empty chair left.

martin immediately sat down, so now keonho just awkwardly stood there near the railing while shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

for a few seconds nobody spoke.

the silence wasn’t bad though, just awkward.

eventually martin cleared his throat dramatically. “so.”

you glanced at him. “so.”

“…we suck.”

you nodded.

keonho sighed heavily while leaning against the railing. “he’s trying to apologize but he practiced this speech in the mirror for twenty minutes and now he forgot everything.”

martin ignored him before looking back at you again, expression unusually serious now. “we genuinely didn’t realize things got that bad.”

you looked down quietly at your hands.

he continued softly, “that’s not an excuse by the way. we still acted horribly. i just…” he sighed. “i think all of us got too caught up in stress and stupid competition stuff.”

“and being idiots.” keonho added immediately.

“yeah.” martin nodded. “that too.”

you stayed quiet for a moment before finally speaking honestly. “it felt personal.”

both of them immediately looked guilty.

“like genuinely personal.” your voice stayed calm now, but quieter. “because no matter what i did, it always felt like you guys already decided you didn’t like me.”

keonho frowned slightly. “it wasn’t because of you being a girl.”

“i know that now.”

“then what was it?” you finally asked while looking directly at them. “because i seriously never understood what i did wrong.”

martin leaned back in his chair with a tired sigh. “i think everyone was just scared.”

you blinked slightly.

“the debut got more serious.” he explained quietly. “suddenly everything felt real. we all started overthinking everything. rankings, popularity, who fit the group best.” he laughed bitterly. “you came in and immediately fit perfectly.”

you stared at him silently.

“and instead of acting normal about it, everybody got weird.” he admitted. “especially because the company clearly liked you.”

keonho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “plus we already knew each other before you joined. not super close, but enough that it was easier sticking together.”

“which left me by myself.”

neither of them denied it.

martin looked genuinely ashamed now. “yeah.”

silence settled over the balcony again.

this time it felt heavier.

“you know what the worst part was?” you finally asked quietly. “i actually kept trying to convince myself i was imagining things.”

keonho frowned immediately.

“because every time i thought maybe you guys hated me, i’d tell myself i was being dramatic.” you laughed softly without humor. “then i’d walk into the kitchen and everyone would suddenly go quiet.”

martin looked like he wanted to disappear.

“i started memorizing everyone’s schedules because i got tired of feeling unwanted all the time.” you admitted quietly. “that’s embarrassing.”

“it’s not embarrassing.” keonho said immediately.

you shrugged weakly.

before anyone could speak again, the balcony door suddenly opened behind you.

all three of you turned around.

seonghyeon stood there awkwardly holding two cans of soda in one hand.

he looked nervous immediately once he realized the conversation had already gotten serious.

“am i interrupting?”

“yes.” martin answered instantly.

“ignore him.” keonho sighed.

seonghyeon hesitated for a second before stepping outside anyway. he quietly handed one of the sodas to you before awkwardly sitting on the floor since all the chairs were taken.

the four of you sat there in silence for a few moments while the sky continued getting darker.

then finally seonghyeon spoke quietly.

“i’m really sorry.”

you looked at him. he looked exhausted.

“not just about the diary.” he continued slowly. “about everything.”

his voice sounded genuine enough that it made your chest hurt slightly.

“i honestly didn’t realize how bad things got until i read that page.” he admitted quietly while staring down at the soda can in his hands. “which makes me sound horrible because obviously i should’ve realized before that.”

nobody interrupted him.

“but reading that…” he swallowed slightly. “it genuinely made me feel sick.”

you stayed quiet.

“because while you were sitting there feeling miserable, i thought we were all just being awkward around each other.” he laughed bitterly. “i didn’t realize you were hurting that badly.”

“you still shouldn’t have read it.”

“i know.”

“that was seriously messed up.”

“i know.” he repeated quietly.

for once, nobody tried defending themselves. nobody made excuses. they just listened.

and honestly, that mattered more than you expected.

the conversation kept going after that.

martin admitted he sometimes got defensive and competitive without realizing it. keonho admitted he usually copied the mood around him instead of thinking for himself. seonghyeon admitted he avoided difficult conversations so much that problems just kept growing worse instead.

you admitted things too.

that you isolated yourself too quickly. that you struggled trusting people. that you bottled everything up until it exploded all at once.

at some point the conversation stopped feeling tense entirely.

martin eventually started making stupid jokes again halfway through the conversation, which somehow made everything feel more normal.

keonho complained about his legs hurting from standing so long.

seonghyeon quietly stole your soda at one point and immediately got yelled at for it.

and somewhere during all of that, you realized your chest didn’t feel heavy anymore.

you looked around at the three idiots sitting around you while the city lights flickered below the balcony and for the first time since joining the company, you were actually happy with how things were.

one month before debut, life became actual insanity.

every single day blurred together into practice rooms, vocal lessons, camera tests, interviews, dance rehearsals, recording sessions, fittings, meetings. sometimes you woke up genuinely confused about what day it was because everything felt exactly the same.

everyone looked exhausted all the time.

james kept falling asleep in random places whenever he sat still longer than five minutes. martin became even louder somehow because apparently sleep deprivation made him incapable of using an indoor voice. seonghyeon looked permanently annoyed at existence. juhoon started drinking enough iced americanos to concern everybody. and keonho had developed the terrifying ability to sleep sitting upright in vans between schedules.

you weren’t much better.

you had started forgetting entire conversations halfway through them because your brain constantly felt fried. there were days where your legs hurt so badly after practice that you had to drag yourself into bed.

your manager eventually started looking concerned.

especially because half of you looked seconds away from collapsing during rehearsals.

so after almost three straight hours of dramatic begging from all six of you, your manager finally sighed and gave in.

“fine.” he rubbed his forehead tiredly while staring at everybody. “one day off.”

the room immediately exploded.

martin screamed loud enough to scare the staff outside.

keonho literally dropped to his knees dramatically.

james looked close to tears.

“but only because y/n won’t stop pulling the ‘i’m fifteen’ card every ten minutes.” your manager pointed accusingly at you.

you gasped dramatically. “that’s discrimination against minors.”

“go away.”

“thank you dad.”

“i’m not your dad.”

“thank god for that.”

after that, everybody somehow became even more unbearable from excitement.

honestly though, things had been going unbelievably well lately.

you genuinely loved these idiots now.

somewhere along the way, the dorm stopped feeling temporary.

it actually felt like home.

you trusted them completely now, which still felt insane considering how things started between all of you. sometimes you’d randomly think back to those first few months and physically cringe from how awkward and miserable everything used to be.

now you couldn’t imagine life without them.

you all acted like siblings at this point.

especially after allday project debuted successfully a month before cortis.

everybody had been nervous about how the public would react to another co-ed group, but people loved them almost immediately. suddenly everybody online started talking about how refreshing co-ed groups were again.

then cortis got officially announced.

and the internet completely lost its mind.

clips from your auditions leaked somehow. people started digging up old trainee videos. fan accounts appeared overnight. there were literally compilation videos of james breathing already.

“this is terrifying.” juhoon muttered one night while staring at twitter.

“someone edited sparkles around my face.” martin sighed.

“someone edited you into shrek.” keonho replied immediately.

“what”

you honestly tried not thinking too hard about debut itself because every time you did, your stomach twisted violently.

it was too huge.

right now though, none of that mattered because for once, all of you were finally asleep without alarms set for early schedules.

which should’ve been peaceful.

except it absolutely wasn’t.

you were deep asleep under your blanket when suddenly freezing cold water hit your entire body.

you screamed so loudly your own throat hurt while violently sitting upright.

“what the fuck?!”

there stood keonho holding an empty water bottle while smiling proudly like he’d just accomplished something life changing.

across the room, martin dumped another bottle of water directly onto james while seonghyeon absolutely drenched juhoon with a huge black plastic bucket. you honestly felt bad for him.

the entire dorm immediately erupted into chaos.

“you actual psychopaths!” james shouted while trying to shield himself with his blanket.

“you’re the definition of a bitch!” juhoon yelled.

martin was laughing so hard he could barely breathe while seonghyeon nearly fell over trying to escape juhoon throwing wet pillows at him.

meanwhile you were still sitting there soaked in freezing water while your brain slowly processed what just happened.

“you guys are actually so fucking…” you looked down at yourself mid sentence before freezing.

your soaked white shirt had become completely see through.

you stared at keonho in disbelief.

“…i’m wearing a fucking white shirt, you perv!”

keonho’s smile disappeared instantly.

“what?!” he immediately screamed while violently covering his eyes with one hand and turning away. “i didn’t know!”

“you’re disgusting!”

“i literally can’t see anything right now!”

martin collapsed onto the floor laughing.

james looked over, immediately choked on air, then aggressively shoved seonghyeon toward the door. “everybody out!”

“i didn’t even look!” seonghyeon defended himself immediately.

“sure.”

you groaned loudly before standing up while wrapping your blanket tightly around yourself.

“i can’t even enjoy my damn…” you walked past keonho before harshly kicking the back of his knee hard enough to make him nearly collapse.

“ow?!”

“…mornings anymore.” you finished grumbling while dragging yourself toward the bathroom.

halfway there, you suddenly stopped.

“…i forgot clothes.”

you stared blankly at the wall for a second before sighing dramatically and dragging yourself back toward your room.

the chaos somehow got worse in the thirty seconds you were gone.

james and juhoon were both yelling at martin and seonghyeon while soaking wet pillows flew across the room. meanwhile keonho had apparently recovered enough to start filming everything on his phone while laughing.

“this is evidence for future documentaries.” he announced loudly.

“delete that before i kill you.” juhoon snapped.

you shoved keonho hard while walking past him again.

“ow?! why twice?!”

“because you deserve it.”

you shot him another glare before opening your closet.

your closet.

honestly, the sight still made something warm settle in your chest sometimes.

a few months ago, all your stuff stayed packed inside your suitcase because part of you genuinely believed you wouldn’t last here long enough to unpack properly.

now your clothes hung messily beside the others’. your skincare sat scattered across the desk beside juhoon’s stupid protein powders. random hoodies belonging to james somehow kept ending up on your chair. your shoes cluttered the floor beside everyone else’s.

you had even gone back to your old trainee dorm weeks ago to grab the rest of your belongings.

the stuff you purposely left behind because you thought there was no point bringing them here if you probably wouldn’t debut anyway.

but you were debuting.

with them.

the realization still hit you randomly sometimes.

you grabbed a dry shirt before pausing when you noticed something sitting on the top shelf of your closet.

your pink diary.

for a second you just stared at it quietly.

then behind you, james suddenly spoke while still aggressively fighting seonghyeon for the water bottle.

“why are you staring into your closet like that.”

you immediately rolled your eyes. “shut up.”

“she’s having an emotional moment.” martin gasped dramatically from the floor.

“i hate all of you.”

“no you don’t.” keonho grinned.

you sighed quietly while closing the closet door.

annoyingly enough, he was right. You wished he wasnt though.

©cortismoon all rights reserved. Please do not copy, repost or claim as your own.

SYPNOSIS : in which… being a trainee under hybe obviously was not fun. It made your life miserable for a long time. You thought that when the time to debut finally came, things would get better. But when you see who you were to debut with, things get even worse.

CORTIS 6TH MEMBER AU

warnings: things get better before they get WORSE, crying, y/n crashes out really badly in the end and might appear kind of harsh

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

series mlist

cortis had been working nonstop for weeks.

practice after practice, evaluations after evaluations, recordings, dance rehearsals, vocal lessons. everyone looked exhausted lately. even seonghyeon stopped making comments as often because he looked too dead to even bother.

so when the company suddenly announced that friday and the weekend were completely free, the practice room exploded instantly.

tarzzan would’ve probably fit right into this group with how loud everyone got.

keonho literally jumped up yelling while martin almost collapsed dramatically onto the floor from relief. juhoon looked half asleep but still visibly happy, and even james looked surprised for a second before quietly smiling to himself.

you felt happy too, but unlike them, you couldn’t express it openly. you couldn’t scream with them. couldn’t high five them. couldn’t celebrate with them like normal teammates would, because things still weren’t normal between you.

so while everyone else kept loudly talking over each other about what they wanted to do during the break, you quietly grabbed your bag and left the practice room first.

the second you got back to the dorm, you practically threw yourself onto your bed and immediately grabbed your phone.

you: THEY GAVE US THREE DAYS OFF

the groupchat exploded so fast it almost lagged your phone.

annie: OH MY GODDDD

tarzzan: WE GOT THE WHOLE WEEK OFF

bailey: finally

youngseo: wait that means

woochan: you can actually hang out with us

annie: FOR THREE DAYS

your eyes widened immediately. three whole days. three entire days with them.

your chest filled with excitement so quickly that you actually squealed loudly into your pillow, kicking your legs slightly against the mattress with a huge grin spreading across your face.

for the first time in what felt like forever, you genuinely felt happy.

and of course, that was the exact moment james walked into the room.

you froze instantly.

james stopped mid step and visibly did a double take at you. his eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion while staring at your face.

you kinda understood why. he had literally never seen you smile before. he’d seen annoyed expressions, exhausted expressions, blank expressions, watery eyes, angry stares, but never a real smile showing teeth.

the second you noticed him staring, your expression immediately dropped back into annoyance out of pure instinct.

james looked away awkwardly after a second and quietly placed his phone down on his bed.

the happiness still lingered inside your chest though. you wereso happy that something strange suddenly happened.

you felt hungry for the first time in over a month. your stomach twisted slightly as you suddenly started craving spicy ramen so badly it almost hurt.

without even thinking too hard about it, you got up from the bed and headed toward the kitchen.

the moment you walked in, every conversation stopped immediately, like always.

all four of them sat around the table eating together while talking loudly over one another.

keonho and martin were arguing about some game. juhoon looked seconds away from passing out face first into his food. seonghyeon was laughing at something on his phone.

but the second you entered, silence completely swallowed the room. you ignored it. you were too happy today to care properly.

quietly, you walked toward the cabinet and grabbed one of the spicy ramen cups you bought yourself weeks ago.

honestly, you were surprised nobody ate it already, but then again, maybe they avoided touching your stuff entirely.

the thought annoyed you slightly.

you poured hot water into the cup before placing it into the microwave for seven minutes.

then you leaned back against the counter and scrolled through your phone while waiting.

the silence in the kitchen felt almost aggressive. nobody spoke. nobody laughed anymore. you could physically feel them glancing at you occasionally before quickly looking away again.

you kept pretending not to notice.

a few minutes later, james quietly walked into the kitchen too.

you looked up automatically, while he didn’t even glance at the others. he just started preparing his own food silently beside the counter.

your brows furrowed slightly, because it felt weird. nobody willingly stayed close to you anymore. usually people grabbed what they needed and immediately left, but james stayed there quietly beside you like it was normal.

you glanced at him once, confused and slightly suspicious, but he just kept doing his own thing without looking at you.

eventually, the microwave beeped.

you grabbed your ramen quickly, mixed the seasoning in, then immediately escaped toward the balcony before the awkwardness inside the kitchen swallowed you whole again.

cold air hit your face softly once you stepped outside.

instantly better.

you sat down in your usual chair and started eating while scrolling through the endless reels annie and tarzzan spammed you with.

most of them were stupid.

you were so distracted that the balcony door suddenly sliding open startled you badly.

you looked up immediately.

james walked outside casually holding his own ramen cup. he closed the balcony door with his foot before walking over and sitting in the only other chair across from you like this happened every day.

you paused mid chew. inside the dorm, you could literally see the others staring through the glass with confused expressions.

especially martin.

“…why are you here?” you finally asked after a long silence.

james blew on his ramen calmly before answering. “the balcony isn’t just yours.”

you stared at him.

it kinda was.

nobody else really came out here. it became some weird unspoken rule over time that the balcony belonged to you while everyone else occupied the rest of the dorm.

“…okay,” you muttered awkwardly before going back to eating.

silence settled again. but weirdly enough, it wasn’t uncomfortable.

james quietly scrolled through his phone while eating. you did the same.

after a while, james suddenly spoke again without looking up. “i can leave if you want.” your heart immediately dropped.

please don’t.

the thought appeared so suddenly it startled you. you didn’t even fully understand why you didn’t want him to leave.

maybe because eating beside somebody again felt comforting after spending weeks isolated. maybe because for once, someone was willingly sitting beside you without glaring or sighing or acting disgusted. maybe because the silence between you and james felt peaceful instead of cruel.

whatever the reason was, you suddenly realized you really didn’t want to be alone again right now.

but your silence lasted slightly too long and james misunderstood immediately. he nodded faintly to himself before quietly standing up with his ramen cup. “okay.”

panic rushed through you instantly. “please stay.” the words came out quickly.

james paused. he looked down at you, slightly surprised. your expression probably looked pathetic honestly. pleading eyes, tense shoulders, hands gripping your phone tightly.

after a second, he quietly sat back down again causing you immediately relaxed.

neither of you acknowledged it afterward. you just went back to scrolling through your phones quietly while eating together.

once you finished eating, you stood up slowly while holding the empty cup.

your eyes flickered toward james’s ramen, which was empty too. yet he was still sitting there. your brows furrowed slightly.

was he waiting for you to go inside first so you wouldn’t have to stay alone outside?

the realization made something weird twist inside your chest. you quietly stepped back into the dorm. immediately, all the others looked at you, then at james.

their expressions looked completely confused.

you ignored them like always and simply walked toward the trash to throw your ramen cup away.

but for the first time since moving into this dorm, something felt slightly different.

it was one am and you were finally sure that everyone was asleep. you quietly stepped out of your room, carefully pulling the door shut behind you so juhoon wouldn’t wake up. the dorm was dark and silent except for the faint sound of the air conditioner humming somewhere in the background. for a second you thought maybe james had already left like he usually did at night, but the second you turned into the living room you nearly screamed.

james was just standing there in the dark wearing all black like some creep from a horror movie.

“what the hell?!” you whisper yelled, clutching your chest. “i thought you were out.”

he looked just as startled as you did. “no i was uh… y’know…” he mumbled awkwardly, shifting on his feet while avoiding your eyes completely.

“i don’t, actually.” you glared at him before brushing past him towards the front door.

“wait.” his voice came out too fast. “can i maybe come with you?”

you stopped immediately and slowly turned around like you genuinely couldn’t believe what you’d just heard. “no.”

“please. just this once.” he grabbed your wrist before you could open the door, and you immediately looked down at his hand with annoyance.

“i’m not going out alone. i’m meeting people.” you pulled your wrist away.

“i know.” he said quietly. “you’re meeting annie and tarzzan and bailey and youngseo and…”

“okay congratulations?” you cut him off instantly. “you know who i’m meeting with. why would that make me wanna bring you? we’re not friends.”

he looked like he wanted to say something else, but nothing came out. you scoffed softly before opening the door and walking out into the hallway. for a second you almost felt guilty after seeing the look on his face, but the feeling disappeared just as quickly as it came. he had spent weeks making your life harder, staring at you during practice like he had something against you personally, and acting cold every single time you tried to exist near him. if he felt bad now then that was his problem.

you almost reached the elevator before the realization hit you.

you stopped walking and sighed heavily before dragging yourself back toward the dorm.

james was already halfway down the hallway with his hood pulled over his head, shoulders slumped.

“you wanna meet woochan.” you said flatly.

he froze immediately before slowly turning around. “he told you about me?” he asked, and for the first time since you met him he actually sounded hopeful.

“what? no.” you frowned. “when i found out woochan was supposed to debut i searched him up online and trainee a popped up. then when i saw you at the company i thought you looked familiar. it just took me forever to realize why.”

he nodded slowly. “does woochan know we’re supposed to debut together?”

you paused for a second. “probably. but he never brought it up. also he probably hates you. i haven’t exactly said kind words about any of you.”

there was an awkward silence after that before you started walking again. after a few seconds you realized he still wasn’t following you.

you turned around immediately. “can you hurry up? i’m already late.”

the relief on his face was actually embarrassing. he quickly caught up beside you, shoving his hands into his pockets while trying way too hard to act calm.

the streets were quiet while the two of you walked side by side. neither of you spoke much. both your hoods were up and your heads were down whenever people passed by. james kept walking slightly ahead of you the entire time which confused you because you never told him where you were going. somehow he already knew exactly where you were meeting the others.

you kept glancing at him every now and then. the oversized black hoodie, the way he walked with his shoulders slightly hunched forward, the hidden face. he reminded you of someone but you couldn’t tell who, and it annoyed you the more you thought about it.

when you finally got to the park the others were already there waiting near the benches. annie spotted you first and immediately stood up excitedly, but the second everyone noticed the extra person beside you they all went silent.

woochan froze instantly.

you and james both noticed it immediately.

james looked like he was about to pass out. his face had gone completely pale and his hands were shaking so badly it was actually concerning.

“you’re okay.” you quietly told him before walking over toward woochan.

woochan looked like he wanted to kill you already.

“come here for a second.” you said.

he didn’t move.

annie and tarzzan immediately started shoving him forward while laughing at his expression.

woochan finally walked over with tense shoulders and narrowed eyes. “y/n, what the hell.” he muttered through gritted teeth.

you smiled innocently. “just go talk to him. i’m literally fifteen, don’t yell at me.”

he scoffed loudly before looking over at james again. for a second neither of them moved. then woochan slowly walked over and sat beside him on one of the benches.

you immediately got tackled into a hug by annie before bailey and youngseo joined in too.

“you disappeared again!” annie complained while squeezing you.

“because im busy dealing with those immature idiots i’m supposed to debut with.” you groaned dramatically.

tarzzan laughed loudly before throwing an arm around your shoulders. “hybe finally released you from the prison?”

“barely.”

the conversation instantly became loud after that. everyone kept talking over each other at the same time while trying to catch up on everything that had happened recently. annie complained about…everything, bailey talked about a producer that scared her half to death, youngseo kept roasting everybody nonstop, and tarzzan somehow turned every conversation into something stupid within seconds.

for the first time in weeks your chest didn’t feel heavy.

you laughed so hard your stomach started hurting at one point because tarzzan somehow slipped off the bench while trying to imitate one of the trainers.

every now and then you glanced over toward james and woochan.

at first both of them looked painfully awkward sitting there side by side in silence, but eventually they started talking. then talking turned into actual conversation. at some point james even laughed quietly at something woochan said, and the look on woochan’s face softened immediately after hearing it.

hours passed without any of you noticing.

the sky slowly turned lighter above you while the city around the park started waking up. students in uniforms walked past half asleep while people carrying coffees headed to work. meanwhile you were currently dying in tarzzan’s headlock while everyone else laughed at your suffering.

“i actually hate you!” you yelled while trying to pry his arm off your neck.

“you’re weak!” tarzzan shouted back dramatically.

annie was laughing so hard she almost fell off the bench while bailey recorded the whole thing on het phone.

then suddenly tarzzan stopped laughing.

you immediately noticed the way his eyes shifted somewhere behind you before he awkwardly let go of you.

james had shot up from the bench so quickly it startled everyone.

“it’s seven am!” he shouted in panic. “the others are awake and martin keeps calling me!”

your soul genuinely left your body.

you immediately stood up so fast you almost tripped. “we have to go.”

you let out a sigh before looking back at everyone. “bye! i’ll see you whenever!”

you didn’t even wait for responses before taking off running with james right in front of you.

the two of you sprinted through the streets like actual criminals while people stared at you in confusion. students walking to school moved out of your way while you nearly crashed into multiple people trying to cross the street.

“we’re dead.” james gasped between breaths.

“i know.”

“martin called me fourteen times.”

“stop counting!”

you were so exhausted your legs were starting to burn by the time james suddenly stopped running.

you slammed directly into his back with enough force to send both of you falling onto the sidewalk.

“what the hell?!” you groaned while trying to catch your breath.

james stayed hunched over with his head down while his shoulders shook violently.

your eyes widened immediately.

oh no.

you quickly crawled closer to him on the ground, ignoring the confused looks people were giving you. “wait are you crying? don’t cry please. i thought your conversation with woochan went well. you guys literally talked for hours and if he said something bad i’ll actually fight him even though he’s older than me and probably stronger and…but wait why would i fight him for you? youre mean and really—“

you stopped talking the second james looked up.

this idiot was laughing.

actual tears were in his eyes because he was laughing so hard.

you stared at him in disbelief before dropping your head into your hands. “jesus christ.”

a breathy laugh escaped you before you could stop it.

then suddenly both of you were laughing so hard neither of you could breathe properly.

every bit of stress from the past few weeks just disappeared all at once while you sat on the sidewalk at seven in the morning looking absolutely insane.

eventually james stood up first before holding his hand out toward you, still laughing quietly under his breath.

you looked at him for a second before grabbing his hand.

neither of you bothered running again after that.

instead you just walked slowly back toward the dorm together while the city fully woke up around you. the morning air felt cold against your skin and exhaustion was finally starting to hit you properly, but somehow you didn’t really mind it anymore.

for once the silence between you and james didn’t feel uncomfortable.

it actually felt nice.

the second you and james stepped into the dorm, the atmosphere completely changed.

everyone who had been scattered around the living room immediately shot up from their seats the second they saw him. martin practically sprinted across the room first while the others started talking all at once, voices overlapping loudly enough to make your already pounding head hurt even more.

“where the hell were you?!” martin snapped, grabbing james by the shoulders. “your phone was on silent, nobody knew where you went!”

“we thought you got caught outside!” another voice added.

“or kidnapped honestly.”

“hyung, i literally called you like twenty times!”

the chaos exploded around james instantly while he stood there blinking in confusion from the sudden attention. everyone kept crowding around him at once, checking if he was okay, arguing over each other, complaining about how worried they’d been since he disappeared in the middle of the night.

you quietly slipped your shoes off near the entrance without saying anything.

not a single person looked your way.

you preferred it like that.

you were exhausted enough to pass out right there on the floor. your legs still hurt from running halfway across the city, your hoodie smelled like cold morning air, and your brain felt completely numb after staying awake all night.

you were just about to walk away when movement in front of you made you stop.

juhoon was standing there awkwardly a few feet away, hands shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants while the chaos continued loudly behind him.

he looked at you for a second before speaking quietly. “you okay?”

you stared at him in confusion.

“yeah?” you answered slowly, almost sounding suspicious about why he was even asking.

he nodded once. “okay.”

that was it.

then he just walked past you toward the living room again like the interaction never happened in the first place.

you stood there for a second watching him before sighing softly and heading toward your room.

the dorm still felt noisy behind you. you could hear martin scolding james from the hallway while the others kept talking over him nonstop. surprisingly, james actually sounded awake for once while replying instead of mumbling one word answers like usual.

you changed into comfortable clothes as quickly as possible before climbing into bed. the second you got under the covers your body immediately relaxed into the mattress.

you were seconds away from passing out when the bedroom door suddenly opened again.

james walked inside, grabbed fresh clothes, and immediately headed for the bathroom without saying anything.

you barely acknowledged him.

a few minutes later he came back wearing loose sweatpants and a black hoodie, hair still damp from quickly washing his face. meanwhile you were practically unconscious already, eyes half closed while leaning against the headboard.

then james walked over and sat directly on your bed.

you slowly opened one eye.

“what.”

“well obviously i’m gonna tell you what me and woochan talked about.” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “duh.”

you stared at him blankly.

he sat cross legged near your legs, looking weirdly energetic for someone who hadn’t slept at all. meanwhile you felt like your soul was actively leaving your body.

for a few seconds neither of you spoke.

james looked genuinely excited.

you looked sick. not in the good way.

finally you sighed heavily before forcing yourself slightly upright against the headboard. “go on.”

that was apparently all the permission he needed.

the words immediately started pouring out of him so fast you could barely even process them.

“okay so first of all he remembered literally everything. like everything. he remembered the terrible vocal lessons and the monthly tests and even that one time leo almost got us kicked out because he accidentally broke the practice room speaker and then apparently he thought i hated him before because i stopped answering after trainee a ended but i didn’t know what to say because everything got messed up after we all split up and then he told me he saw my name on the lineup list months ago but didn’t know if it was actually me because apparently there are multiple jameses in korea which is stupid because obviously it was me and then…”

you blinked slowly while staring at him. this was the most you had ever heard him speak in one sitting. he barely even talked this much with the others, yet now he was ranting nonstop while sitting on your bed at eight in the morning like he physically could not stop himself.

every now and then he’d pause to laugh quietly at something woochan said earlier before immediately continuing his story again.

you mostly just listened in silence while fighting sleep.

hearing him like this felt weird.

for weeks james had been nothing but tense shoulders, annoyed glances, and awkward silence around everyone in the dorm. sometimes you genuinely forgot he was only a few years older than you because he carried himself so strangely all the time, like he constantly expected something bad to happen.

but right now he looked lighter somehow.

his eyes weren’t dull anymore and he looked happy.

you didn’t even realize you’d started smiling slightly until james suddenly stopped talking mid sentence.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“like what?”

“like i’m a zoo animal.”

you scoffed tiredly. “because you haven’t stopped talking for twenty minutes. i didn’t even know you could do that.”

he looked offended immediately. “i talk.”

“sure.”

“i do!”

“to who?”

he opened his mouth before immediately closing it again. “okay well…you don’t talk either!” he said, wanting to defend himself.

“can you blame me?” you asked.

after that the room slowly became quieter.

james kept still talking, just slower now. your responses became shorter and shorter while exhaustion finally started winning. at some point he shifted lower on the bed without even realizing it, eventually resting against your legs underneath the thick blankets.

you were too tired to care. normally, you would have kicked him off you.

your head slowly tipped sideways against the wall while james continued mumbling half asleep about woochan and trainee a and old memories that barely even made sense anymore.

eventually his voice faded completely and silence filled the room.

a few hours later, the dorm had somehow become chaotic again.

apparently the others noticed james had disappeared for an unusually long amount of time, which immediately worried everybody considering his habit of randomly leaving at night recently.

outside your bedroom door, multiple voices whispered nervously.

“is he sleeping?”

“did they leave again?”

“why would they leave again? aren’t they tired?”

“shut up.”

finally juhoon slowly opened the door just enough to peek inside.

the second he saw the two of you he visibly relaxed.

you were completely knocked out against the headboard in the world’s most uncomfortable sleeping position while james was asleep sideways across the bed, his head resting against your knees like that was completely normal.

juhoon stared for a second before quietly snorting.

behind him martin immediately pushed forward to look too.

his expression instantly changed into pure confusion. “…what am i looking at.”

seonghyeon appeared behind him next, only to immediately frown at the sight inside the room. keonho looked over his shoulder too before his face twisted into annoyance almost instantly.

“since when are they close?” seonghyeon muttered, sounding weirdly irritated about it.

keonho just rolled his eyes dramatically before grabbing seonghyeon by the sleeve and dragging him away from the door.

“who cares.”

“apparently i do.”

“well stop.”

martin kept staring inside the room with the most confused expression imaginable while juhoon quietly shut the door again before anyone could wake either of you up.

inside the room neither of you moved once.

for the first time since joining the company, both you and james actually looked peaceful.

when you finally woke up, your entire body felt disgusting.

your throat was painfully dry, your hoodie was sticking to your skin from sweat, and your neck hurt horribly from sleeping against the headboard for god knows how many hours. for a second you just sat there blinking slowly at the dark room while trying to figure out what time it was.

then you noticed james wasn’t there.

you frowned slightly before grabbing your phone from beside you. the brightness almost blinded you instantly.

8:43 pm.

you stared at the screen in disbelief.

“what the fuck.”

you had slept the entire day away.

before you could process that properly, loud laughter suddenly echoed through the dorm from the living room. multiple voices talked over each other while some action movie played loudly in the background.

right.

friday movie night.

your stomach growled painfully.

you dragged yourself out of bed and lazily walked toward the kitchen while rubbing your eyes. the dorm lights felt way too bright after sleeping all day. everyone in the living room was too distracted by the movie to notice you walking past, which honestly made things easier.

you opened multiple cabinets searching for something quick to eat before finally finding a half crushed bag of chips shoved in the back of one drawer.

good enough.

you grabbed the bag and yawned loudly while walking behind the couch toward the balcony.

the movie was ridiculously loud. some actor was screaming while explosions played in the background and martin kept reacting dramatically to everything happening onscreen like his life depended on it.

before stepping outside, you heard james quietly ask seonghyeon, “can you grab my charger from my room? i forgot it.”

“lazy.” seonghyeon muttered.

“please.”

you didn’t stick around long enough to hear the response.

the cold night air immediately hit your face the second you stepped onto the balcony, and honestly it felt amazing after waking up sweaty and overheated. you dropped into the chair you always sat in and opened the chips while scrolling aimlessly through your phone.

you wished you had your diary with you.

your fingers twitched slightly at the thought.

writing had become almost automatic at this point. every night after everyone slept, you’d quietly sit there and write down every stupid thought that crossed your mind because it was easier than actually talking to people.

it was embarrassing honestly.

nobody knew how much stuff was in there.

you sighed heavily before standing up from the chair.

might as well grab it.

you quietly walked back inside and toward your room while crunching on chips absentmindedly. the movie was still playing loudly behind you, mixed with random yelling from the others.

once you stepped inside the bedroom, your eyes immediately moved toward the top of your bedside drawer.

you froze, because your diary wasn’t there.

you frowned slightly.

that was weird.

you could’ve sworn you left it there before falling asleep earlier.

you set the chips down before checking properly. maybe it fell behind the drawer or got shoved somewhere under the blanket while you slept.

nothing.

your stomach immediately twisted uncomfortably.

you crouched down and pulled your suitcase out from under the bed, quickly unzipping it. clothes immediately spilled everywhere while you searched through it faster and faster.

nothing.

okay.

okay no.

your breathing started speeding up slightly.

you ripped through the rest of your stuff, throwing hoodies, shirts, notebooks, chargers, literally everything across your side of the room. drawers got opened aggressively. blankets got thrown onto the floor. your entire side of the bedroom looked destroyed within minutes.

the diary was nowhere.

actual panic started settling into your chest now.

because the thing was, you never took that diary outside the dorm.

ever.

which meant it had to be somewhere inside the dorm.

which meant somebody had it.

you immediately rushed back toward the living room.

“james.”

your voice made him look away from the movie instantly.

he hummed quietly. “what?”

you tried your best to sound normal even though your chest was practically caving in. “do you remember that pink notebook you asked me about like a month ago?”

james nodded immediately. “the one where you write lyrics every night?”

right.

that lie.

“yeah.” you forced out. “have you seen it?”

his expression changed slightly at your tone. “wasn’t it on top of your bedside drawer this morning?”

everyone’s attention slowly shifted toward you two now.

“this morning.” you repeated tightly. “now it’s gone. i looked everywhere.”

the movie was basically background noise at this point.

james stared at you for a second before immediately standing up. “i’ll check my side.”

you followed him instantly down the hallway.

the second you were away from the others, james lowered his voice. “you don’t write lyrics in there, do you.”

you looked at him tiredly.

“it’s a diary.” he said quietly, already knowing.

you groaned softly while rubbing your face. “i genuinely don’t know why i keep lying to you anymore. you literally figure everything out.”

“because you’re bad at lying.”

“i’m not, though. you’re just a good observer.”

he ignored that completely and started checking his side of the room carefully while you stood there anxiously pulling at your sleeves.

he searched everywhere.

desk drawers.

under the bed.

closet shelves.

nothing.

then james suddenly opened the bedroom door again. “juhoon.”

a few seconds later juhoon appeared looking mildly annoyed at being dragged away from movie night.

“what.”

james explained quickly. “her notebook’s missing.”

he purposely avoided mentioning it was a diary.

juhoon looked at you for a few seconds silently before speaking.

“that’s a diary, right?”

you blinked at him. “how do you know that?”

he looked completely unimpressed. “i’m a light sleeper. you wake me up half the time when you hide it in your suitcase at night.” he shrugged slightly. “also nobody hides lyric notebooks like government secrets.”

you rolled your eyes aggressively. “okay whatever. can you please just help me find it?”

juhoon sighed before lazily looking around the room. “sure. but if someone stole it, they definitely wouldn’t hide it near my stuff.”

still, the three of you searched again anyway.

every drawer.

every shelf.

under the beds.

inside closets.

inside bags.

nothing.

the room stayed completely silent afterward, because slowly, all three of you seemed to realize the exact same thing at once.

the diary had to still be inside the dorm.

which meant someone from the group had taken it.

your stomach dropped horribly.

james looked tense immediately.

juhoon looked annoyed.

“don’t involve me in whatever mess this turns into.” juhoon muttered while already walking back toward the door. he walked back toward the living room, leaving you and james alone in the destroyed bedroom.

for a few seconds neither of you spoke.

then james quietly said, “whoever has it probably hasn’t read much yet or hasn’t read it at all.”

you looked at him immediately. “how do you know?”

“because if they did, the dorm would already be on fire.”

the next few days felt painfully tense.

even though nobody mentioned the diary out loud anymore, the thought of it never left your mind for even a second. every time you walked into a room and conversation suddenly stopped, your chest tightened. every time seonghyeon glanced at you for too long or keonho whispered something quietly to martin, your stomach twisted horribly.

you started paying attention to everything.

every expression, every weird interaction, every single glance.

martin was the first person you crossed off mentally. you still didn’t particularly like him, and he definitely didn’t like you either, but after watching him for days you realized he just didn’t seem cruel enough to do something like this. annoying? yes. loud? absolutely. but invading somebody’s privacy like that felt too calculated for him.

which left seonghyeon and keonho.

honestly, you leaned more toward seonghyeon. he had this habit of pretending he didn’t care while clearly caring way too much, and the way he kept avoiding eye contact with you lately was starting to look suspicious.

but you couldn’t fully tell.

and not knowing was driving you insane.

somehow, despite everything happening, things between you, james, and juhoon had gotten strangely better.

you still wouldn’t exactly call your friendship with juhoon normal because most of your conversations still sounded like passive aggressive arguments half the time, but there was something weirdly comfortable about him now. maybe it was because he knew more about you than you originally thought. maybe it was because he never treated you delicately after finding out about the diary. he just acted the same as always, and honestly you appreciated that more than expected.

with james though, things had completely changed.

the two of you were together constantly now.

training, convenience store runs, late night talks, random walks around the city whenever the dorm felt suffocating. at some point people just accepted that if one of you was somewhere, the other probably wasn’t far behind.

everyone thought it was weird.

especially considering how much you used to hate each other.

even martin pointed it out once during dinner. Yes, dinner. James wouldn’t let you eat alone anymore. “you two are actually attached at the hip now. it’s creepy.”

“mind your business.” you immediately replied.

“see?” martin pointed between you two dramatically. “that was synchronized.”

james just laughed quietly beside you while eating.

right now, the three of you were walking back from the corner store carrying way too many snacks and random junk food that none of you actually needed. juhoon walked slightly ahead while checking something on his phone, and you and james kept laughing at some stupid story he was telling about woochan accidentally falling asleep during practice years ago.

the second the three of you stepped inside, everything stopped.

your laughter died immediately.

so did james’.

because sitting in the living room were martin, seonghyeon, and keonho and in seonghyeon’s hands was your diary.

for a second you genuinely couldn’t breathe.

they were so focused reading that they didn’t even notice you come in until the plastic bags slipped from your hands and hit the floor loudly.

all three of them looked up instantly.

you moved before even thinking.

you stormed across the room and ripped the diary straight out of seonghyeon’s hands so harshly the pages bent painfully.

“what the fuck is wrong with you?” your voice came out shaky immediately.

nobody answered.

your eyes dropped to the open page and your stomach dropped.

they were reading the worst page.

the page where you finally snapped weeks ago and wrote everything down after crying yourself to sleep. every disgusting thought you’d been forcing down for months was right there in messy handwriting across the pages.

how miserable they made you. how you dreaded coming back to the dorm every night. how exhausting it was constantly feeling unwanted. how you memorized everybody’s schedules just to avoid accidentally making them uncomfortable by existing near them. how badly they destroyed your mental health without even realizing it. how badly you wanted to leave.

something inside you completely broke.

“are you happy now?” your voice cracked instantly. “seriously, are you proud of yourselves?”

the room stayed dead silent. you threw the diary back on to the table, and it landed in front of seonghyeon.

you laughed bitterly while tears started streaming down your face almost immediately. “i never bothered any of you. i never did anything wrong to you people and you still treated me like absolute shit every single day.”

nobody moved.

nobody spoke.

your voice just kept getting louder.

“do you even realize how exhausting you all are to be around? do you realize i had to learn your schedules like some fucking psycho just so i wouldn’t accidentally run into you in this dorm because i knew you’d all look annoyed the second you saw me?”

martin looked horrified. keonho was frozen. seonghyeon looked like he genuinely wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

but you didn’t stop.

“you all made me feel insane for months. every single time i walked into a room you’d go quiet or stare at me like i was ruining your day just by existing there. do you know how humiliating that feels?” your breathing became uneven while tears kept falling faster. “i’m fifteen. i’m literally fifteen years old and i spent months feeling scared to walk around my own dorm because of you people.”

james quietly stepped closer beside you but didn’t interrupt.

your hands were shaking violently now.

“and then instead of acting like normal fucking human beings you steal my diary? my diary? do you know how disgusting that is?” your voice nearly echoed through the dorm at this point. “you invaded the only thing i had that was actually private because apparently making my life miserable during the day wasn’t enough for you people.”

seonghyeon finally opened his mouth quietly. “y/n…”

“fucking don’t.”

the way you snapped it made everyone freeze immediately.

you glared at him so harshly it almost startled yourself.

your hands shook uncontrollably at your side.

you wanted to hit him.

for one horrible second, you genuinely wanted to slap him across the face, and everybody noticed.

martin’s eyes widened instantly, keonho straightened up, and seonghyeon visibly tensed, glancing between your hand and your face with visible worry.

james grabbed your wrist immediately before you could even think further.

“y/n, calm down first.” he said quietly.

you laughed angrily through tears. “i’ve been calm for months.”

james tightened his grip slightly. “please.”

“no.” your voice cracked badly. “i kept my mouth shut this entire time because i thought eventually things would get better and they never did. so what now? they get to act like i’m the problem and i’m just supposed to sit there quietly forever?”

“you’re upset right now.” james tried carefully. “you’re saying things you’ll regret later.”

you turned toward him immediately. “no i’m not.”

the entire room stayed silent.

“i mean every single word i’m saying right now.” your voice shook violently. “and i meant every single thing i wrote in that diary too. none of that was written because i was dramatic or emotional. it was the truth.”

nobody even tried interrupting anymore.

“those pages exist because that’s genuinely how horrible you people made this experience for me.” you looked directly at seonghyeon while speaking now. “you act like disgusting fucking bullies and then stand there shocked when somebody finally says it out loud.”

seonghyeon looked physically sick at this point.

“y/n…” martin finally spoke quietly.

“i said don’t.”

nobody moved.

then james suddenly spoke firmly without taking his eyes off seonghyeon.

“give her the diary. now.”

seonghyeon grabbed it slowly with shaky hands before holding it toward you.

you stared at it for a second.

then immediately shoved it right back against his chest.

“why the fuck would i want it back?” you laughed bitterly. “you already read everything.”

seonghyeon looked devastated hearing that, but you obviously didn’t care. why should you? they never cared when you were on the verge of ending it all.

you turned around immediately before anyone could stop you.

juhoon was still standing near the entrance completely silent, watching everything with an unreadable expression.

for a second your eyes met.

then you walked straight past him, yanked the dorm door open, and slammed it shut hard enough to shake the walls behind you.

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TAGLIST CLOSED (if i missed anyone, please tell me! this blew up literally overnight and i made the taglist like two minutes before i had to write my exam so i was kinda stressing)