this doesn't represent me

they don’t warn you about it but if you love your own company enough to be content by yourself and you’ve got some standards for who you’d date, you’ll spend a lot of time single and nobody will really get why you’re doing that because surely you want to come home and hang out with craig, right? right????? don’t you want to hang out with craig?

these hips don't lie but the truths they tell are strange and disquieting

tmi doesn't exist to me. I love information

I’m too lazy for dating. Why can’t someone materialize out of nowhere and agree that we should spend the rest of our lives together

i’d love the opportunity to fumble you catastrophically

It is so wild that we have reached a global point where you can be gay on tv but still not fat if you’re a romantic interest

i’m not even that much of a pervert i can just find the eroticism in anything. doesn’t get me bricked up necessarily i just like to appreciate it.

wound dressings and bandages are lingerie for the enlightened pervert