themilozone

im like a vampire but instead of sucking people's blood I just eat bagels

if anyone at work tells you to give 110% make sure at best you're doing 50%

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

when will staff add a teleport to mutual feature

alvin the chipmunk sold me a fake juul pod in the library parking lot when i was 14 and when i confronted him about it he pretended he couldn’t talk like a person anymore so everyone just thought i was yelling at a normal chipmunk. that little fucker is not normal. he can sing and dance and he can steal and cheat i hate him so much.

i remember speaking to alvin's mother about this. let's just say the apple didn't fall far from the tree (she's a fucking bitch)

office jobs will have you beefing with somebody's horrible grandma like it's normal. kathy you belong in a memory care facility you can't talk to me that way