im the beta male thats gonna ruin your night

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

in conservation news a newborn wild prius has been observed for the first time in a decade

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

*pointing at a plushie* you know that thing would cuddle you if you died right

Way to kill the mood with your big cock #whatdoineedthatfor

uses my powerful magnetic field to create detailed images of your organs, skeletal system, and all the other soft tissues in your body

uses my powerful magnetic fields to create 69 love songs

You smoked dog weed

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT you are allowed to feel proud of yourself for things that might seem silly to other people, like getting better at a video game or putting together a nice outfit for the next morning or finishing a book. You deserve to feel proud for your accomplishment.

I threw a dog at a land mine

you know apparently you're not supposed to give kittens and cats saucers of milk? yeah what you're actually supposed to give them is 1-2 Modelo tall boys. easy mistake to make, happens to the best of us.