Comics from 100 Years Ago

[ID: Olive digs a large hole with a shovel while Hamgravy stands beside it, hoisting a pickaxe. A very small pile of pebbles sits by his feet, labeled "gold." /end] Hamgravy: I wonder where Castor gets all the gold he's been bringing in. Let's follow him!

[ID: Castor happily struts across the African plains. /end] Castor: I found another native king with a pile of gold in front of his shack.

[ID: Castor hollers out to the king, off-panel to the right. /end] Castor: Hey, King!! You and your whole family are a bunch of bums!

[ID: Castor stands there, happily counting as the King tosses large rocks at him, some striking him right in the eye. /end] Castor: One million, two, etc...

[ID: Guzzlem nervously walks into the back office of the department store and cups his hand to the side of his mouth to talk conspiratorially to Sam, pointing his other thumb behind his back. Sam reacts with nervous shock. /end] Guzzlem: Say Sam, there's a guy out here sore as a boil. Says yuh sold him some bum goods yesterday. Sam: Good night, Guzz. Don't let him in.

[ID: Sam frantically tries to pile office furniture into the corner and hide behind it. /end] Sam: For th' lova Mike, close that door. Where can I hide? Tell him I've left for Africa. Do anything but don't let him see me. Guzzlem: !

[ID: Guzzlem tries to calm the hyped-up Sam down. /end] Guzzlem: Don't get scared Sam, he's only a little bit of a fellow. Sam: Huh? Say that again!

[ID: Abe Kabibble races down the sidewalk, puffing on a cigar and holding his suit jacket in the crook of his arm. /end] Abe [thinking]: I hear Sigmund is going around every place, trying to borrow $25. He wouldn't get it from me. I wouldn't let him see me!! [INFLATION GUIDE: In 2022 dollars, Sigmund's asking for a loan of nearly $445. /end]

[ID: Sigmund strides into Abe's office. Abe turns away from his work. /end] Sigmund: Hello, Abe. I've been looking all over town for you!! Abe [thinking]: Sigmund. Oy, I'm trepped! But I wouldn't lend him a cent!!!

[ID: Abe turns back to his work and keeps puffing at his cigar. /end] Sigmund: Lend me $25, will you? I got money, but I don't want to go all the way home to get it! Abe: I'm sorry, but I can't spare it, Sigmund.

[ID: George Bungle sits in a striped armchair, half-awake, suffering "symptoms of a rough day at the office" as an arrow labels him. In the foreground, Jo talks to a longwinded house guest with her hair up in curls. /end] Guest: Yes, my first husband's people had such swell notions. When company called, they'd dress up their odd jobs man in an old lodge uniform so he'd look like a butler. They said the Prince of Wales was a distant relative. And when he came over here, he certainly acted DISTANT, too.

[ID: George dozes off and begins snoring. /end] Guest: They had four daughters. All pop-eyed. Their clothes always looked as though they were thrown on 'em. For ten years, the oldest one talked about marrying a nobby looking millionaire FOR LOVE. Finally, she was glad to get a husband who ran a mail order laundry... or something.

[ID: At the end of the guest's monologue, George blearily wakes up. /end] Guest: Everybody said the boys took after their father. I'll say they did, too. I saw them take after him one Sunday morning for throwing flatirons back at the mother, and if he hadn't been a good runner, it would have been "Pop, GOODNIGHT!" George: GOO'NIGHT! GOO'NIGHT! GOING SO SOON?

[ID: Andy and Ephraim walk off from the lake. Andy holds a hooked fish in one hand and his bamboo rod in the other. Ephraim carries a massive fish under each arm. /end] Andy: Gee, there are a couple of swell fish. I've been fishing all morning but I didn't land anything like that. I've got to hand it to you, old kid. Where did you catch them?

[ID: Ephraim turns to face Andy, who gawks at his fish. /end] Ephraim: Catch them! Just reached down in the lake and lifted them out. They're packed in there like sardines in a box. I'm taking them over to the other lake. It's not so crowded over there. It will take about 30 days hard work to make them comfortable.

[ID: Jiggs sits happily in an armchair, pillows at his back, a blanket over his legs. He watches happily as an attractive young nurse paces the room in front of him, carrying a serving tray with a single small wineglass on it. /end] Jiggs: By golly! I'm glad I'm sick. Who wouldn't be with a nurse like that around?

[ID: Jiggs presses a call buzzer on the end table next to him. /end] Jiggs: I'll ring fer a glass of water. I like to see her as much as possible! Buzzer: D-I-N-G!!

[ID: A butler walks up to Jiggs, who questions the man peevishly. /end] Butler: Did you ring, sir? Jiggs: I've been ringing for that nurse for five minutes. What's the matter?

[ID: Officer Pupp strolls past a brick wall. At the end of the wall, Ignatz leans on it, carrying a brick. /end]

[ID: Pupp and Ignatz cross paths and stare each other in the eye. /end] Pupp: Ah-h-h. Ignatz: Oh.

[ID: Ignatz tries to flee, but Pupp grabs him by his tail and prevents it. /end] Pupp: Na-a-ah, y'don't.

[ID: Pupp makes Ignatz throw the brick over the top of the wall onto the other side while he watches. /end] Pupp: C'mon, now. Over the wall with that "brick"!!!

[ID: On the other side of the wall, an unseen Krazy strides past just in time to get beaned in the head by Ignatz's brick. It lands with a PWOP. /end] Pupp: Now, beat it. Krazy: Tick walls n'r nuthin' can stop his love. L'il boofil bebby.

[ID: A man in a pinstriped suit stands on the sidewalk, pointing towards Everett, who walks into the panel towards him. /end] Arrow [pointing to the man]: Man who never carries a time-piece, but imposes on his friends for the hour of the day. Man: Oh, I say, Everett, what time is it?

[ID: A balding man with mustache and spectacles leans back in his armchair, one hand holding open a magazine, the other ashing his cigar. The magazine is opened to an article titled, "My Job as a Father by Edgar Guest." A headline on the other page reads, "Be a Companion to Your Boy." /end] Father: A good idea. A VERY good article. I agree with Mr. Guest. We should take more interest in our sons.

[ID: The father puts his magazine down and eagerly greets his son, who stands with his hands in his pockets in front of his father's chair. /end] Father: Yes, Willie? Willie: I want to talk to you, Dad, about my radio.

[ID: The father puffs on his cigar and goes red in the face as the boy explains things. /end] Willie: A wire came off the variometer and I wondered if it fastened to the grid leak or the vario-coupler.

Willie: Buddy Guest said it would cause high frequency oscillations in the amplifier. Father: He DOES, does he!?

[ID: The boy goes on as the father, deeply embarrassed, tries to read the article further. /end] Willie: I think it would more likely affect the grid potential so as to get highest possible inductance in order to produce voltage amplification, don't you?

[ID: A young flapper with short bobbed hair stands on the beach in full equestrian suit with knee-high boots and a belt cinched tight at the waist. She smokes from a wooden pipe, casually blowing smoke rings. /end]

[ID: Lillums and Harold sit side-by-side on the beach, gawking at the flapper. Lillums looks peeved, Harold confused. /end] Lillums: There's Peggy White. Ever since she returned from London, she's been sporting a pipe and knickers! Harold: Sweet daddy!

[ID: Lillums turns back to Harold and adjusts her bobbed hairdo. /end] Lillums: She's quite the centiped's goloshes, don't you think? Harold: She don't cause any commotion in my young life, but...

[ID: Rachel, a racist depiction of a mammy housemaid, sits dejected on the front porch steps. /end]

[ID: Ms. Blossom, in a dark fur-lined shawl and large-brimmed cloche hat, walks up to Rachel. The maid looks up, surprised. /end] Ms. Blossom: What's the matter, Rachel? You look downhearted! Rachel: O, Miz Blossom! I had a sweetie an' he up an' married another gal!

[ID: Blossom gives Rachel a consoling pat on the shoulder. /end] Blossom: Don't you care, Rachel! There are just as many poor fish in the sea as ever were caught.

[ID: Barney crouches down beneath his horse Spark Plug and pokes him in the leg with a hypodermic needle. On the ground between them lies an open vial of "Pepski." /end] Barney: Colonel Hoozis' gonna bet me fifty plunks his horse can do a mile faster'n Spark-Plug. Fifty dollars!! Oh boy!! That's just gonna tide me over till the big handicap. Whoa, Sparky, I'm about to give you a shot of pepski and then we'll go over and separate the Colonel from his money. (zip) [INFLATION GUIDE: In 2022 dollars, the Colonel bet Barney just over $885. /end]

[ID: Barney and the Colonel saddle up their horses and stand in front of the starting line - a thin string tied between two stakes driven in the ground. Spark Plug looks quite agitated, puffing madly from his snout. /end] Colonel: Are you ready? Barney: Sure.

[ID: Spark Plug leaps over a wooden fence as Barney holds on for dear life. /end] Barney: WHOA

[ID: Mutt and Jeff drive down a mountain road - Jeff in the driver's (only) seat, Mutt clinging onto the back. /end] Mutt: Ain't these mountain roads grand? How fast are we going, Jeff? Jeff: Only thirty an hour, Mutt, but I'm gonna "step" on 'er now!

[ID: As they near a curve in the road, they look behind their backs with shock. An open moving van ambles up the road ahead of them. /end] Mutt: For the love of Mike, a motorcycle cop! Jeff: Yes, and they slip you sixty days in the hoose-gow for speeding in this state!

[ID: Jeff speeds towards the empty van. /end] Mutt: We're caught like rats in a trap! That big truck's got us blocked! Good night! Jeff: Listen! Duck your bean, quick!

[ID: The motorcycle cop looks on, confused, as Mutt and Jeff drive beneath the van. /end] Cop: Well, what th'...?

Caption: The jack-knife dive down the stairs, taken with the assistance of the young lady's father. [ID: A man is literally kicked out of a doorway down a staircase, flying while bent in half at the waist. /end]

Caption: The simple single somersault into the waste basket, generally taken after sampling some new hooch. [ID: A man jumps backwards into a full wastepaper basket behind him. In front of him, a small stool with a bottle of seltzer water, a corked bottle of liquor and a glass. /end]

Caption: Three somersoults and a straight nose dive, always taken immediately after delivery of summer hotel bill. [ID: A man twirls around in the air while he frets over a bill in his hand. /end]

Caption: The boarding-house meal-time dive. Just one quick old-fashioned leap and a wild plunge into the mashed potatoes. [ID: Two men in suits hurriedly dive towards a dinner table set with a bowl of mashed potatoes. /end]

[ID: Uncle Amos and John Sappo stand around in a park, happily smoking - Amos his pipe, Sappo a cigar. Children mill about behind them. /end] Amos: Ain't it nice to be out here in this park among the children? These big cities have fine parks, all right.

[ID: Amos walks off. Sappo stands and watches curiously. /end] Amos: There's a cute little girl over there. I'll give her a penny. [INFLATION GUIDE: In 2022 dollars, that'd be like giving a kid 18 cents. /end]

[ID: Sappo rushes after Amos. /end] Sappo: Hey Uncle, come back here.

[ID: Amos approaches a young-looking woman with a large sun hat, white blouse, short black skirt and black high heels. /end] Amos: Hello, little girl, would you like to have a penny?

[ID: The girl turns around and reveals herself to be significantly older than Amos expected. /end] Girl: SIR!! Amos: ?!?