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Ha. Uh. Yeah. It fucking sucks.

In my experience, that will likely continue until you find an actual transfem specific space. Though transfem run spaces are usually less bad, it can be hard to seek those out.

Practically, the way you find in person kink as a transfem is by seeking out not 'transfem specific kink space', but just 'transfem specific space' and within those spaces flirting and finding people who share your interests. Or, alternatively, by exploring transfem kink online and finding people in your area through brute force. That's what I did!

Downstream from this, there do exist rare transfem specific kink groups and activities, but they don't tend to advertise too publicly. Combination of "know someone to get in", "invited by word of mouth", and "someone found you attractive at a public activity and invited you to the next one".

You are 18 so I’m going to answer this in good faith.

Unless you are racist and plan to never date anyone non-white, or are monogamously partnered to one person your entire adult life, if you do not consider the boundaries and histories of your kinks even if you still perform them, you WILL eventually at best say something horrifically offensive to a partner/potential partner without their consent, or potentially harm them worse with unconsidered bigotry.

To give a non-racial example that happens to me a lot, I’m going to mention Caning. I’m disabled, and use a cane any time I’m not at home as a mobility device critical to my ability to exist. I’ve had several potential partners, and far too fucking many strangers, ask me some variation of “oh it would be so hot if you caned me with that, will you?”

There is nothing wrong with caning as a form of impact play. However, this always, ALWAYS comes off as fetishization of my disability. There are ways to ask/talk about mobility devices being used in kink that aren’t ablest or nonconsensualy fetishizing! But they require the person not using a mobility device to have actually thought about the ways that bigotry could inform their kink and how to ask without being ableist.

It’s similar with race. To continue the maid fetish example, there are colonized countries like the Philippines whose main export is their people into service industry outside of their home country, especially into domestic work. Many of these jobs are modern day slavery, and people in diaspora may have people in their direct families affected by this. To bring this up to them without their consent due to your own ignorance would be you asking if you can fetishize the suffering of their people, even if you weren’t doing it with intent to harm. Filipinas in particular are often flooded with ads/content marketed towards whites specifically trying to promote the enslavement/kidnapping/assault of Filipinas while trying to interact with their identity both within and without nsfw spaces. (As a note, I am not Filipina, this was written with input from my Filipina friend)

*I am not yet enough at peace with my memories to use a stronger word for it. I hope it comes soon.

—and he didn't want the marriage either but that didn't stop him from raping her (conceiving me!). Her English was terrible, she couldn't drive and there was nothing you could walk to through those woods, all she had was a couple white-woman friends at church to keep her going. And they called her Lingling.

And... I derive sexual enjoyment from doing housework for white partners. But I do not enjoy reciting all that ^ damage for them. I do not bear the moral responsibility to educate an endless train of bitches.

So I need them to come to the negotiation already understanding the titanic weight, the millions of deaths, of why a Filipina woman might want to do their housework. Of why she's going to start crying partway through, and why that's part of what she wants out of it.

ropeplay isn't about artistry and the pleasure of restraint, it's about tying a woman up so that a man can put a penis in her. Primal isn't about animalistic pleasure and the eroticism of predator-prey relationships, it's about a man growling a little while pinning a woman down to put a penis in her. Knifeplay isn't about violent power dynamics and sadomasochism, it's about a man threatening a woman with a knife so he can put a penis in her.