Off Beat

My dad wasn’t in my life much. I was raised by a single mother and the programs on tv. And it would get to me... It would get to me when people would question my masculinity or even bring up things that a man would do. It was my biggest insecurity.

Everyone and everything had its own definition. And what it means to be a man seems to change along with the times. Who do I even subscribe to?

When I had a friend ask me what it means to be a man, I didn’t have an answer. 

Another one of my top albums I wanted to share. The music is good, but I've always told people to watch the music videos. This album talks about the intergenerational trauma that came with the use of alcoholism.

I can't relate to how substance abuse wrecked my home life because it just wasn't a struggle my mother had. However, I do relate to the trauma that did linger from my mom and it inevitably hit me. Hearing songs like "Leader of the Landslide" and "My Cell" were my favorites in not only being relatable but creating scenes I could vicariously live through.

“the mornings have always rocked for me - just that we’re here is unbelievable.”- some guy from American Bachelor p. 14

I hate waking up. It’s my least favorite part of the day. The day-to-day drudgery and the monotony that comes with routine can be draining. I’ve gotten more used to it as I’ve aged, but I still feel myself asking some of the big questions. What am I doing here? What is all of this for? What is even important?

The thing is, answering those questions involves me to continue living. Which means, I have to wake up each morning... And that’s not a bad thing. Work. School. Anything else that can drain out the hope and imagination of a person is just part of the human experience. Each day brings about new opportunities and experiences to shape and build a life we wish to have... Or at least get closer to it.

Life is tough and it can get pretty dark. Just being here is pretty cool though. That just means there’s more to gain from all of this. Let’s do this all together. Waking up each morning and making it here.

Since starting Tumblr, I'm beginning to see the similarities existing between the girls on here and drugs. They're bad for my health, but they provide a thrill I can't seem to chase in life. Hence the early stages of a dependency.

I remember my dad scolding me about something when I was young. He was reminding me of my place and making it clear who the man was. I don’t remember how young I was or what I did. I was just old enough to think, “If you’re such a man, then why did you leave?”