awful pretty

Is it that you crave the escape of an ending? It doesn't take much to leap from the window of a burning building. A clean break lets it heal better. In high school, a migraine with aura was a rare break for me, so I looked forward to the pain. It's all so loud, so overwhelming, so much. To be broken is to finally escape.

Or do you yearn for what comes after? To be broken down into nothing and rebuilt. Rendered into a possession and taken care of as one. Do you pick your tormentors by their empathy? Do you crave fingers that will take you apart with love? Truly is there anything more intimate than destruction.

Or is it the legibility that destruction brings? Don't you ever wish the things wrong with you were more obvious? You won't take pain meds because you're not sure you really need them. You find yourself putting off appointments because right now it's still livable. You can still put one foot in front of the other. The idea of the world seeing you break is electric.