◞︶꒷ this blog is a jirai / landmine / shedblr blog ! ! block , dont report﹒🩸
𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬
🦴 ꒱ morgue / zombie , 18 , he / it / xe + ;;
TW for sh , ed , sui ideation , dark topics , general mental health. i vent quite often about a variety of subjects. everything is tagged accordingly , and triggering stuff will be hidden under a "read more" (to the best of my ability)
read below for more info , dni , byi , etc . .
꒱꒱ about me ︶꒷꒦
💉﹒morgue / zombie
✩ he / it / xe / blood / bite / rot / lace . no they/them . pronouns page
✩ ftm boyflux && xenogenders
✩ mlm aceflux
✩ nonhuman , cathearted , angel-link , magical boy hearted/link . fell from heaven && got turned into a cat ; contracted by kyubey ! ! i dont fit in with humanity >,..,<
✩ auDHD , depression , cptsd , other undiagnosed issues. ED && sh add1ction. not in recovery currently , i fall in and out of it really easily
✩ i like ;; madoka magica, smile precure / glitter force, magical girls in general, ddlc, nso, yandere simulator, love angel syndrome, sanrio, my little pony, emo && scene/scenecore/hyperpop music, jirai fashion, collecting plushies, art, zombies, cats, angels, dark / gothic aesthetics , etc
✩ american
✩ 8teen , aug.02
🐾﹒my pinterest acc , moots can dm for my discord
𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬
꒱꒱ before you int ︶꒷꒦
🔪﹒awkward && somewhat skittish , but friendly nonetheless !! dms && asks are always open , i love talking to people (❁´◡`❁)
✩ my social energy can fluctuate a lot , so my behavior will shift accordingly
✩ new blog && new to shed/jiraiblr , but not new to tumblr && not new to this side of the internet
✩ feel free to reblog my vents !! unless i specifically turn off the reblogs , you can reblog them. it makes me feel less alone <3
✩ any sort of interaction is ok !! however please do not flirt with/pursue me if you are under 17 , i am an adult and do not want to put anyone into a dangerous situation . i am also in a semi-dedicated relationship with my f/o (not naming him here) , and generally have some romance issues , so i might shy away from romance/closeness
✩ if you think you know me from my non-jirai/shedblr accounts or find those accounts , please dont mention them on this blog !! this blog && these accounts are a safe space i keep seperate to be myself without worry
🪽﹒always looking for moots && friends !! dont be shy
𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬
꒱꒱do not int ︶꒷꒦
🌑﹒T.R.A.S.H , bigots , maga , pro-kirk , conservatives , anything of the sort
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ouu okay interesting !!! im EST / eastern standard time. or maybe its EDT , i actually dont remember. the US does some weird shit with daylight savings its annoying </3
i feel so special hehehe thank you for spamming me so much !!! (˵˃ᗜ˂˵)
ouu okay interesting !!! im EST / eastern standard time. or maybe its EDT , i actually dont remember. the US does some weird shit with daylight savings its annoying </3
i feel so special hehehe thank you for spamming me so much !!! (˵˃ᗜ˂˵)
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I think I said that already today, but I'm sure I was sleep deprived lolz
aaa goodmorning aoi !!! i dont think ive gotten a goodmornign yet, so no worries :) imactually probably gonna go to bed soon ... its like 4am for me but shhh we dont talk about that
yea ive been popping in every once in a while since it seems im staying up just as late as you working on a project.. might as well check in while im at it hehe
i might have to circle back around (if i remember) for a more detailed reponse on anon or off for your yapping when im more awake, but thats all very cool!! im glad you found the beanie baby you were looking for, and i hope you can find the other! weevils are also pretty cool...
-🎼
aww yayay im glad im special enough to check up on !!!
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🦭 - do you collect anything? -- yes , a few things !!! my main collections consist of crystals and ty beanie boos. ty beanie boos are my main focus right now , i search for new ones pretty often and occassionally hunt for them in thrifts !!! so far ive gotten one of my holy grail pieces , its roxie the raccoon made in 2014 . i had her as a child and FINALLY got her back after losing my entire collection in 2020 </3 im currently searching for glamour the leopard , she is very dear to me and was the first one i ever had. shes pretty easy to find online but i cannot buy online unfortunately :(
🎼 - what's your favourite music genre? -- emo , screamo/skramz , and scenecore/hyperpop !!! ive been a huge fan of 2000s screamo for a few years now , and recently got into screamo/skramz. my favs are pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, chiodos, arranged in april, noragami, and rebzyyx (˶ ´ ᗜ `˵)
🕷️ - do you like bugs? if so, which ones? -- i dont mind bugs , at a distance. they just cant be up in my personal space !!!! i absolutely adore weevils , im a part of the boots and snoots club (basically just the phenomenon of the internet getting really excited when they see a weevil) :3 i also like butterflies && moths , orchid mantises , and i can appreciate some others that look pretty cool
thank you for listening to my yapping ghehehe , and thank you for the asks !!!
all questions come from this ask game !! go show it some love ♪(^∇^*)
i think the last time i was truly happy was when i was 7 and at my aunts for the summer , playing in the yard and eating the mint that grew on an old wood fence . the last time i felt sunshine , the last time i really laughed.
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i dont even really know who i am anymore. i mean , i know , i guess. i know my name and my identity and all. but i dont think i recognize myself. somewhere , along the way , i lost myself. im not there anymore. every word feels like a charade. im wildly different people across different places. i think this blog is the truest to myself ive been in awhile, and even this feels like just another mask im putting on for everyone. i dont recognize this person. i dont recognize any of it. ive become so lost over the years that i dont know whats me and whats just a front. i never really thought i had issues like this , like it wasnt really obvious. ive always been pretty true to myself and unapologetically me , but i think. that that wasnt really true. i even fooled myself. every emotion , every personality , everything just feels like a completely different person. i think the only things i really know is the emotions ive carried for years , the blade , and a few things personal to me. how do i build a real person ? how do i become someone consistent ? i dont know who this is. i dont know. will i ever know ?
i like madoka magica, and my little pony, and crk. i like my f/o , i really like him a lot. i know that. i like crystals. and cats. and gothic aesthetics. these are always consistent. i like the same soda that ive liked since i was 9. i like the same foods. i like sweet things, i like spaghetti, i like cake. i like talking to people. i like making friends, and being important, and being kind. i know all of these things, theyre what makes someone unique. the things you like make you unique , theyre part of your identity and mean something.
but when it comes to the core part of my identity , i dont really. know. i know i am a trans guy, in some way. but i have really bad gender issues that i dont wanna confront. its confusing and i dont like it. i dont have a consistent personality , i go from overly sweet to really sarcastic/snappy to lost in emotion to sad to something else i cant even place. its never consistent, even with the same people. (i wonder if people notice those inconsistencies ?) i dont like what im doing with my life, im so torn by my internal issues that i dont even have a dream job or dream life. deep down , theres this innate sense that nothing matches up. i have a lot of puzzle pieces and none of them fit together , if that makes sense. i can force similar ones to work together, but they end up falling apart.
i can name the things i like , and some of the facts of my life , and that helps. but i still dont really know. at all. this cant be normal. life isnt supposed to feel like puzzle pieces , my brain is supposed to be coherent and formed right. but somethings just ... off. just off enough to cause this disconnect , while still keeping me intact. every emotion feels like a different person , even when i dress differently i feel like an entirely different person. its like i cant fully grasp all of myself, im so polarizing and theres so many different things and versions of me. it shouldnt be so polarizing.
theres only subtle things that are consistent about me, and even those shift. the way i talk/type. my interests. my aesthetics. its similar enough that im recognizable anywhere, i think. but its still. so. different.
i dont know. i dont think any of this makes sense at all. maybe im just going through a disassociation / depersonalization episode . maybe im thinking too much ┐(´ー｀)┌ who knows. i certainly dont.
i dont even really know who i am anymore. i mean , i know , i guess. i know my name and my identity and all. but i dont think i recognize myself. somewhere , along the way , i lost myself. im not there anymore. every word feels like a charade. im wildly different people across different places. i think this blog is the truest to myself ive been in awhile, and even this feels like just another mask im putting on for everyone. i dont recognize this person. i dont recognize any of it. ive become so lost over the years that i dont know whats me and whats just a front. i never really thought i had issues like this , like it wasnt really obvious. ive always been pretty true to myself and unapologetically me , but i think. that that wasnt really true. i even fooled myself. every emotion , every personality , everything just feels like a completely different person. i think the only things i really know is the emotions ive carried for years , the blade , and a few things personal to me. how do i build a real person ? how do i become someone consistent ? i dont know who this is. i dont know. will i ever know ?
