Bittersweet.

It caught you off guard too. It really did, and perhaps it was all your fault.

Come to think of it, all this emotional anguish would have been avoided if you had just sucked it up and confessed your love for her when you had the chance.

And now you were stuck watching Sana tuck her date's hair behind her ear.

"Do you want more wine?" Tzuyu asked, slowly getting up to fetch herself some more of the delicious pink liquor she had been sipping on all night.

Tzuyu was a close friend of yours. The two of you two met during the second year of university and grew so close you were practically family now.

"Nahh, I'm good." Your eyes fell on the drink you had been nursing the entire evening. The glass half empty, no longer feeling the urge to drink it anymore.

"Suit yourself." Giddily, the Taiwanese excused herself.

Your eyes fell on Sana once more. God, she looked amazing. She smelt amazing too, and no you didn't deeply sniff her perfume when you two hugged earlier.

The sound of her laughter filled your ears and all you could feel was your stomach churn with jealousy. You were probably bright green with envy. It should be you making her throw her head back in delight like that. It should be you who gets to go home with her. It should─

"Are you okay?" Tzuyu quizzed as she settles back in the chair beside you. Of course you were 'okay', so you nodded.

But the brunette saw right through you. "Don't lie to me." Her eyes briefly fell on Sana. Her heart going out to you when she saw her lost in a conversation with her date.

"I think I'm gonna go." You spoke after a while. Your voice laden with sadness.

"Okay. Let's do that." Tzuyu was going to leave with you. There was no way she was going to let her bestfriend head on home alone, especially when you were so distraught.

The sound of your chair scrapping against the floor drew Sana's attention to you. "You're leaving?" Confusion etched on her soft features.

The corner of your lips pulled up in a tight smile. "Yeah. I have an early morning tomorrow." You didn't.

You grabbed your jacket and headed for the exit.

"Wait! Hey!" You turned to see Sana rushing after you. "Is something wrong? We barely spoke the whole night, and now you're leaving?"

You were at a loss for words. To you, her tone felt accusatory. As if it was you who actively avoided having a conversation with her.

You couldn't help but scoff. "How could I when your date was glued to your side the whole evening? Following you around like some lost puppy?"

Taken back by your sudden outburst, Sana's eyes softened. Maybe she had been too caught up with her date, she failed to notice you.

"Why did I even bother coming today?" You shrugged.

What did you mean by that?

"Have a fun night." You began walking away. "You look gorgeous by the way."

Sana could only watch your silhouette draw further and further away from her.

You looked gorgeous too. She wanted to say.

Wait. Don't leave. I have something to tell you.

໑ note ﹙ah. . . unrequited love﹚

----------------------------------------------------

It’s a brisky night as Sana is walking down the street. A cold gust of wind blows in Sana’s direction, making her hands seek refuge in the pockets of her jacket. She looks up into the sky as she languidly treads to cross the street. No specific destination in mind yet. She begins to get lost in the starless sky, wishing she could live in some place where the stars are more visible.

Sana lives in Seoul, a big city with towering buildings and a vibrant nightlife. It’s a charming city filled with much to give. To Sana’s disappointment, the light pollution from all the buildings just so happens to block the starlight away.

A heavy sigh is released from her chest as she continues her stroll. Her body is starting to feel heavy and in need of some rest. Something Sana knows she needs but never looks forward to.

She had gone out for a night walk downtown, which was a short distance walk away from her apartment. The honey-haired girl had dreaded going home after work, so she headed to the heart of the city to walk around and waste time. Prolonging the needed rest and increasing her exhaustion.

There was nothing for her to do at home either. Sana had a small cafe she built from the ground up, making enough to pay her half of the rent. Her family is in Japan and her friends seem to be strangers. Being drifted away by busy work schedules and other circumstances. Sana didn’t care much, at least she pretended not to. Her duties at the cafe gave her enough work hours to not think too deeply about it. She has Mina. The younger girl is Sana’s roommate, who currently seemed to be the only person in her life. Maybe, that was all she needed.

Mina is the quiet type. They had met after high school, looking for someone to lessen the load of responsibilities in apartment rent and college tuition. They’ve been inseparable ever since. Mina has always been respectful and would never poke her nose in places it didn’t belong. She still cared about Sana though. Which is why Sana’s phone vibrated from the pocket of her worn-out denim jeans.

Mina: are you almost home?

Sana: went for a quick walk, be there soon.

Mina: ok. be safe.

Sana: will do.

Sana pocketed her phone and began to head to her apartment, obeying Mina’s unspoken order to come home. She always did. On occasion Sana would lose track of time during her night walks and receive a similar text from Mina telling her it’s getting late. Sana always replied and would head home, she had no reason to ignore Mina’s request.

The two women aren’t very communicative with each other. However, they had grown to care for one another throughout the years of living together. Text messages being one of the ways they showed their fondness for each other. Sana would often bring leftover goods from the cafe, sharing them with Mina. In turn Mina would look out for Sana, more so recently, by making sure she never came home too late and stayed safe.

The streets became more familiar the closer she got home. Sana passes by the convenience store that’s next to the park. Said park being across her apartment complex. Originally, she had planned to occupy an empty bench to sit. There is no one there since it is already dark outside. The basketball court always filled throughout the day with old men chasing after a ball. Couples spread across blankets. Mid-age women jogging in groups as they gossiped about the neighborhood drama. Children running, their sneakers scuffing the gravel of the playground. Laughter and screams echoing in the air. A complete contrast to the park’s atmosphere once the sun subsides.

Her plans would have to wait for another night.

Sana reaches the end of the park and finds her apartment complex in view from across the street. As she is crossing, she begins to drift off in her head. Wondering whether Mina will be waiting for her, maybe reading in the living room. Her mind brings up old memories. She thinks of her future. Her failures. She ends up wandering to a beautiful silhouette in her head. One she can’t put a name or face to.

Strayed in a haze of thoughts Sana crosses the street to her apartment. As Sana steps onto the curb of the other side, she hears the loud screeching of tires and a piercing honk. Sana turns rapidly, the sight before her paralyzing, blood in her body running cold in an instant. The fight or flight response muffles her senses, deafening her momentarily. She squints to the pickup truck with beaming headlights. Then to the person laying prone on the floor. Sana is frozen in place, stunned by the truck’s collision. Before she can gather her bearings, the vehicle reverses and flashes away from the scene in front.

Sana runs to the person, finally coming out of her paralytic state, with each step her heartrate begins to double. Worry and fear going up by the millisecond. Approaching the unknown person, Sana crouches to their level with arms reaching out. Flipping the person into her arms, her eyes widen and her heart stops. Feeling all the oxygen escape her lungs in shock. Sana wanted to back away instantly but was once again paralyzed.

The person she had placed into her arms was — herself.

This mortified Sana and she couldn’t tear her gaze from what seemed to be impossible. She remained there watching the life fade from her eyes.

Sana shoots up from her bed, panic ridden in her eyes while she lets out uneven breaths. She observes her surroundings in order to ground herself to reality. A thin coat of sweat layers her body. She’s in her bedroom. Her duvet covers the lower portion of her body, lightly sticking to her legs. The blinds of her window allow small rays of the moonlight to filter into the room. She eyes the soft patterns of light and shadows cast onto her walls. Finally, she glances over at the digital clock on her nightstand.

3:14AM, it read. She lets out a heavy sigh.

Ten minutes had passed, and Sana managed to calm down, but the image from her nightmare was still fresh in her mind. She swiftly gets out of bed and heads to her desk. Fishing for her headphones in one of the drawers. As she plugs them into her phone and hits shuffle on her playlist she reflects, “That’s three times this week.”

Sana has been having the same nightmare for a while now, and although she doesn’t get it every night it torments her daily. The look of her lifeless eyes etched into her brain.

An alarm blares on Sana’s nightstand, jolting her awake from her short slumber. Headphones landing on the floor. She gets up groggily wiping the drowsiness from her eyes, reaching over to silence the persistent noise. 6:00AM her phone highlighted as she discarded the alarm. Focusing on the still dark view of her window, sun unrisen, she stretches her limbs. Trying to shake off the exhaustion deep in her bones. Sana makes her way to the bathroom to freshen up. Another day of work ahead of her.

As Sana makes her way to the kitchen, she catches sight of Mina pouring herself a cup of coffee. Sana reaches into one of the cupboards for her mug and takes a seat on a stool in front of the kitchen island. Mina nears her offering some of the warm, bitter beverage.

“How’d you sleep?” the younger of the two questions.

Sana aimlessly stares at her now filled mug. No real interest in the cup of coffee, “mmm…the same as always” she mumbles.

Mina studies her roommate, aware of the night terrors that haunted her. Observing the dark circles and paling complexion that appear to be worsening as the weeks pass. Her eyebrows furrow in concern but she maintains her tone steady, “I see.”

As much as Mina wanted to pry and ask about the subject of her nightmares, she didn’t want to push Sana to share. She’d wait until Sana was ready to talk about it. So, she retreats from her spot in the kitchen and gathers her things to head out.

“Take it easy at work Sana,” is all the raven-haired girl can manage to express her concerns. Not waiting for the eldest’s response before heading out the door.

Sana brings her mug to the sink. Emptying the remains of her coffee. She stands there, arms leaning against the sink mentally preparing herself for the day. Willing the thousands of thoughts and images away to the back of her mind for now.

It’s a slow day. Her least favorite type of day, regular customers entering the well-known shop for their usual orders. She had no helper today to make matters worse. She had let her part-timer, Dahyun, take the day off. Aside from the regulars not many patrons enter. Leaving Sana vulnerable to the silence of the small, dim-lit cafe. Alone with her thoughts.

Sana busied herself throughout the day; cleaning every single crevice of the cafe, organizing the storage room, restocking the coffee, and serving whoever came through. To say she was tired would be an understatement. However, it did the job. It was now time to close the shop. After shutting off the lights and making sure everything was locked up, Sana headed out. Too worn out to go for a walk, the honey-haired girl apprehensively decided to go home right away.

As the weeks continue on, so do Sana’s nightmares. However, with the progressing weeks her dream is minutely changing. In her dream everything always plays out the same from the beginning. When she runs towards the body in the middle of the street, Sana is still petrified by the sight of her own image reflecting on the ground. What has changed is that her duplicate has become distorted. Her features almost appear to be clouded by an unseen force or shadow. Her eyes were the only part visible. Nonetheless, Sana jerks awake in fear.

There is familiarity in the shadows that now distort her nightmares. It reminds her of the silhouette that has crossed her mind. Sana realizes that what used to be her duplicate is now morphed into the clouded silhouette that resides in the back of her thoughts. What racked Sana’s mind was who this shadow person was and why were they appearing.

While the image of watching life vanish from her own eyes haunts her, the image of the shadow lingers. The once-clear reflection of herself has transformed into an indistinct figure. The only thing Sana can make out of this new shift is it’s a female. Her eyes, though barely visible, leave Sana feeling a paradox of emotions. Unsettled but comforted holding her in her arms. Familiar but unrecognizable as she stares into their eyes.

After mulling over her thoughts, the honey-haired girl can’t help but wonder if there’s a deeper meaning to her nightmares. Every night Sana wakes up, drenched in a layer of sweat and gasping for breath, the shadowed female lingers in her mind. She felt the figure was someone important. Almost as if the shadow holds a piece of her. Maybe her past. Sana wonders if there’s a message she needed to decipher from this. There was something crucial that she’s forgetting. Lately, the questions gnaw at her mind, affecting her day by day.

Mina observes her roommate. The aforementioned girl sat in the dining room, a now soggy bowl of cereal in front being left untouched for too long. Sana is constantly lost in her head whenever she’s at home, paying Mina no thought. This raises concern in Mina. So, she begins to keep a close eye on Sana. The raven head becomes anxious, thinking Sana is finally putting the pieces together. Closer to figuring out what she doesn’t remember. Mina needs to prepare for the day it hits Sana.

It would be easy for Mina to lay it out for her friend and tell her, but Mina wants Sana to solve it out on her own. Her own memory will decide when she’s ready.

One night while Sana heads home, a strange feeling courses through her. It’s an inkling feeling that begins as she crosses the street from the park to her apartment complex. Something was itching her brain to remember. Sana didn’t realize she had stopped walking to focus on what she was feeling. Stagnant in the middle of the street. Seemingly from nowhere, she heard loud honking and tires skidding in an attempt to halt. The beaming headlights along with the rush of nerves putting her body on alert gave Sana a sense of Deja vu. She barely manages to move to the side as the car swerves around her.

Sana is able to guide herself home afterwards. She shuffles inside and exhales to release the tension from the previous incident. Quiet footsteps approach her. “You’re home — already,” it was her roommate.

Mina stands by their apartment entrance, eyeing Sana who was slipping off her shoes. Her hair was covering her face as she was slightly bent downwards. When the honey-haired girl looked up, Mina could see the sullen look on her face. Sorrow filled her sunken eyes. The younger girl couldn’t handle seeing her roommate like this anymore.

“Sana, is everything ok?”

This was all it took for the dam to break. Too overwhelmed by her troubles, Sana couldn’t help the tears welling at the corner of her eyes. Mina led her to their couch.

Finally voicing out her dream and the torment it’s brought her, with her head in her hands, Sana expresses her concerns and want to get to the bottom of things. Burdened by the unresolved.

She has a lengthy conversation with Mina, taking most of the night. Her roommate listens attentively, confirming her worries. However, she puts them to the side. Focusing on the words being hushed out from the older girl. Sana goes deep into detail about how she feels an inexplicable connection to the figure of her dreams.

That with each passing night, the feminine silhouette became more defined. The presence of this person feels like a key to unlocking a part of herself that was buried. “This can’t just be something from my imagination, Mina…” Sana huff out and pauses. “It can’t be. It feels too real.”

Sana looks at her friend, tired. Eyes desperate and in search of answers. For the last missing piece. Continuing to vent out, Sana can no longer hold back all her thoughts or feelings. She knew that she would have to confront this. To find what she is looking for, she would have to delve into the depths of her mind where she will uncover the truth. Something Mina is aware of. She knows what the missing piece in Sana’s nightmare is. Mina bites her tongue; she holds the last piece to Sana’s puzzle.

It wasn’t going to be easy for Sana. The raven head finds a glint of determination in Sana’s eyes. She just hoped it would be enough to get her through whatever lies ahead. Through the unraveling of the darkest corners of her psyche.

After a couple of days passed, Sana is at work again, eyeing the calendar at the cafe with the intention of looking at next week’s schedule. She finds a certain date calling to her. Sana fidgets with the hem of her rough leathered work apron. Gaze set on the calendar but was miles away in her mind.

“Hey boss,” a small pale girl appears next to her “have something coming up?”

Sana pondered, did she? The date was calling out to her, similar to the other night’s incident, a call to remember. She decided, “would you mind handling the shop on your own?” as she pointed to the date. The smaller women glanced at the calendar, mentally confirming her schedule aligned. “Sure, no problem,” she gleams.

Sana remained silent, not that she didn’t trust Dahyun, but she rarely took days off. It seemed as if her employee had read Sana’s mind.

“You know — we’re all entitled a day off once in a while.”

“Having a break won’t hurt,” and Sana couldn’t agree more but for different reasons. She wished she could get a breather from the nightmares and the baggage of turmoil it entailed. Weighing heavily on her shoulders. She wanted a break from all her unresolved questions and emotions. Sana wanted a moment of clarity, a small respite from the chaos in her mind.

Ever since their late-night talk, Mina and Sana have become closer. Their conversation became a turning point in their relationship. That night Sana came home and poured her heart out, Mina listened and supported her unwaveringly. This created a deeper bond between the two. One more open. It was as if the restrictions to showing their care were lifted. Mina wouldn’t withhold herself anymore and checked on Sana more often. She ensured that Sana was coping — as best as she could — with her nightmares. Sana found herself content with this new development.

Later that same day Mina visited the cafe. This was part of the new development in their friendship. On days that Mina finished her work early, she would stop by the cafe to indulge in savory sweets and rich flavored coffee to balance it out. She would occasionally stay until Sana closed. Walking home together to make sure she didn’t stay out too long and have a repeat of the other night.

As Mina was taking a bite of the sweets she had ordered, her ears perked at the conversation a couple of feet away. Dahyun was conversing with Sana. From what Mina was able to hear, she found that Dahyun would be taking care of the small shop by herself. This piqued her interest. If Dahyun is going to be by herself at the cafe, that means Sana would be taking a day off. Aware of the upcoming date Mina stood up with her empty plate and mug. She headed to the register, where the cafe workers stood. Dahyun greeted her with a smile, “Thanks Mina, I would’ve collected them you didn’t have to bring them yourself.” “It was no trouble,” Mina countered as she offered a small smile. She quickly glanced at the calendar behind the two girls.

There it was. It was marked on the cafe’s schedule in bright red: Sana’s day off. Sana was indeed getting closer to figuring things out. Mina thought to herself for a moment. She needed to take action. She said her goodbyes to Dahyun and looked at Sana, checking for any unusual signs. She told Sana she would see her later and excused herself to run some “errands.”

Mina arrived to the apartment she shared with Sana, swiftly parking into the underground garage. Jogging up the stairwell she held her phone against her ear. Listening to the ringing as she waited for the call to connect. The younger girl was calling her boss. After her discovery at the cafe, she felt that she had to take a day off. The same day as Sana.

After settling things at work the younger girl began to rummage through her closet. With little to no struggle Mina found what she was looking for, there in the back corner of her closet was a dusty and messily taped up box. This is Sana’s box that was given to Mina years ago. However, Mina is sure that Sana has no recollection of doing this. Mina swipes at the dusty box with an old rag. Uncovering a name that had not been spoken or crossed in the mind of her roommate. A name that would certainly bring back a flood of memories and emotions that Sana had tried to bury deep within her consciousness. She had entailed this to Mina long ago and despite her best efforts to confine the box, the answers to her questions had been a room away — in Mina’s closet.

Mina stared at the name on the old box. She asked herself whether Sana would be ready for this. Placing the answers to Sana’s nightmare in the back of her trunk, she concluded that it was time. Her friend deserved clarity.

The following days passed by in a blur for the two roommates. Both filled with nerves for their day off, one in fear and one in uncertainty. That morning Sana woke up in her patterned panic, result of her nightmare. With no work scheduled, Sana had wanted to sleep in. Her own personal but cruel alarm couldn’t let that slide.

Sana dragged her feet into the kitchen until she stopped at the view of her roommate. The same roommate who should be at work by now. Mina meets Sana’s eyes and simply states, “I have the day free.” Giving it no other thought, Sana continues through her morning.

“Hey, I have a small errand I have to run. Do you mind joining me?”

Sana looks towards her friend from her spot on the couch. Eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I don’t feel like going alone. Some company would be nice…” the raven head explains. Hoping this will be enough to convince her. Luckily, Sana stood up a few seconds after and agreed.

Throughout the car drive, Mina holds onto the steering wheel with a death grip so tight. Her anxiety locking her fingers in place. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sana. She chose to ignore it for the time being; her eyes focused on the road for any clues to their destination.

A short drive later, they have finally arrived. Sana glances out the window and a cemetery comes into view. Mina was quick to observe Sana’s reactions, but only found confusion take over her features. Putting the car in park, Mina exits the car. The older girl watches, confusion deepening the furrowing of her eyebrows, as her roommate gathers a bouquet of flowers she hadn’t noticed.

“Why are we here?” Sana asks, her voice tinged with uneassiness. Her gut sending her a feeling of foreboding and apprehension.

Mina didn’t utter a single word in response. She secures a small bag on her shoulder and motions for Sana to follow. After a moment’s hesitation Sana steps out, taking in her surroundings as her feet hit the gravel concrete. There were rows of graves, and the air was filled with a thick scent of earth and floral tones. The atmosphere of the cemetery quiet and somber, quite what one would expect. To Sana however, it brought a chill to her bones. Walking in silence, the gravel crunches under the weight of their steps. Sana’s mind is racing in an attempt to piece together why Mina has brought her here.

Suddenly Mina stops and begins to kneel down. Setting aside the bouquet and placing the small bag alongside. It wasn’t a lie when Mina said she had an errand to run. Mina knelt down in front of a single, well-tended grave. Her roommate begins to clean around the area with practiced ease and precision. Her movements are deliberate and respectful. Unknown to Sana, the raven head would frequent the grave in front of them. Maintaining the site before them, a gesture Sana would later appreciate.

Finally taking a glance at the name engraved on the headstone, Sana’s knees buckled. It was a name Sana hadn’t thought of in years. Succumbing to the flood of memories and emotions she fell to her knees, unable to hold back her sobs as tears began to stream along her face.

The memories hit Sana like turbulent waves. Each memory crashed into her; a feeling that made Sana feel like she was drowning. Each one is more painful than the last. It was Deja vu all over again. Except now it dawned on Sana that her nightmares were a mirroring image of your accident. It became too much for her. She felt her heart clench tightly in her chest and erupting into pieces. The all too familiar feeling of her body paralyzing in shock hit her once again. She had lost you.

Realization dawned on Sana. It all made sense now; the nightmare, the shadowy figure, the sense of Deja vu. It was a reflection of that tragic day. You were the silhouette. The shadowed figure — the one who died.

She remembered that day clearly now, how you had tried to surprise her after work but had arrived a bit too late. Sana had closed the cafe early, the same idea as you in mind. She remembered turning around just in time to see you running, set on catching up to her. Unaware of the incoming car. The all too familiar honk, tires screeching, and beaming headlights replayed in her flashback. The image of the truck not being able to stop in time. The scene played out exactly the same as her nightmare. Except when she turned the body around it was you in her arms.

She held you in her arms as she panicked. Your hands gripped tightly onto Sana’s sweater fear evident in your face. Sana stared into your eyes, your gaze furthering away. There was not enough time for help to arrive, even so, Sana called Mina out of desperation. By the time Mina and the help she called for would get there, it would be far too late.

Instead of watching the life drain from own eyes, she watched the life drain from her lover’s eye. The love of her life. Despite it being herself in her nightmare, Sana felt there was no difference whether it was you or her. You were her life. Her everything. The memories she had tried to bury, a trauma response to the loss, had finally resurfaced.

A gentle breeze swept through the cemetery, hitting the two girls. The wind being soft but strong enough to wipe away some of Sana’s tears. Sana looks at your headstone, a defeated smile crossing her pale face. She felt you there with her, as if you had sent the small breeze. Sana knew that she would never forget you, not anymore.

until it didn’t. when middle school rolled around, you were excited to see them two after a couple of weeks of summer. each of you was busy with other things in life, making it hard to meet each other. so on the first day of school, you strolled in, ready to take on the new school year with sana and fuji by your side, when you noticed they weren’t talking much to each other.

fuji found basketball friends in his group, clinging to them like they were his new lifeline. sana has gotten close to the popular girls, they were nice but very superficial, all having drama with each other but in front of the group, they all faked smiles for each other.

you found yourself in between two different worlds, you tried calling to them after school, but they both dismissed you saying they had extracurriculars. fuji had gone off to play with his friends during basketball practice, while sana participated in school government association.

you got tricked into becoming treasurer for the sga that very year, so it was nice to still be around sana. although you could feel her distance.

it isn’t until one spring afternoon, you feel your first ever heartbreak. sana rushes into the sga room while you were napping on a desk.

she taps your shoulder excitedly, “wake up!”

you rub your eyes and focus on sana, who’s shoving a letter in your hand. you read the first line and yeah, your heart is crushed.

“fuji confessed to me!” she shouts excitedly, doing a little dance by herself as you read the lines.

“oh, congrats.” you hand the letter back to her, she looks at you a bit puzzled by your simple reaction.

“he asked me out! im so excited.” she explains, going into detail about their supposed first date. “he might kiss me, what do you think?”

“if you want to kiss him, then kiss him.”

she rolls her eyes at that, of course she knows that. that’s not what she’s implying.

“what i mean is, i’ve never had my first kiss! i don’t know what to do.” she goes on, thinking about it seriously. “what if he kisses me, and i suck and he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

“sana, if he thinks you being a bad first kisser is a deal breaker then dump him.”

you explain, placing your head back on your arms.

“you have to help me!”

“help?”

“kiss me, pretend you’re fuji.”

“no way sana.”

“why? too much of a chicken to kiss me?”

“no im not!”

"bawk bawk bawk" sana mocks you. making flapping arm motions to imitate a chicken.

“fine!” you hold yourself together (as much as you can) and place your lips gently against sana, pulling her in by the neck. caressing her cheek before letting her go. her eyes are dazed.

“wow yeah, that was good.” she fiddles with her school skirt, “i wish you were a boy, you’d make a girl very happy kissing her like that.” she blushes and leaves you alone, you feel that jagged break in your heart tear a little longer.

your tears don't stop as you try and go back to taking a nap, feeling your breathing getting heavy and you stay the rest of the afternoon, crying about not being born a guy for sana.

--

that was the last time you really talked to sana, too hurt that you cut your hair short the next day in the bathroom sink. crying tears into the porcelain bowl, with tears filling around your choppy hair. when you finally stop, you try liking the idea of it being short like a boys. but sana doesn’t spare you a glance. suddenly the hair feels too choppy and the air that you didn't feel when your hair was long starts to bother you.

it doesn't bother you for long, once your hair grows back. it feels right, like you were meant to look this pretty and feminine. you stay away from both sana and fuji as much as you can.

until one day sana knocks rapidly at your door, you haven't had her over in years. high school created even more distance between you two, you found your own people to be around. people that never overlapped with sana and fuji.

--

until you see sana staring at you from across the door, eyes still sparkling as they always have, in that charming look. and the longer face, the warm smile and comforting scent of flowers. as much she is the sana you remember, you don't think she's the same sana you once knew.

"hi."

"hi sana, are you okay?" you let her in. and it's like you're transported back to when you were thirteen, letting sana come over whenever she needed to complain about fuji and his "boy" tendencies. now that you're both 18 and ready to set off into the real world, you feel a little strange having sana visit.

"yeah, i need your help." she starts, dropping her bag onto the floor. you feel your heart rate spike a bit, was sana in trouble?

"help with what?" you offer her a bottle of her favorite drink, royal milk tea.

"you remembered." she says softly, grabbing it and downing it in a few quick seconds, a sign she's nervous and with the tapping of her foot. you're feeling anxious just at the sight. "fuji asked to have sex."

you nearly spit out your own water, "what?" your eyes are wide and you stare at sana as she keeps her eyes away from you.

"i need your help."

"did he do something sana? i'll kill him myself." you get up.

"no, none of that. i want to, have sex i mean. i just can't with him first."

"why not?"

"well, i...i want my first time to not be him. i just know it in my heart."

"okay. so how am i supposed to help you?"

"be my first."

"sana! you can't ask that of me."

"why not? we're best friends, of course we can."

"sana no, you love fuji, he should be your first if you love him. you're dating him too, that would be cheating."

"i dont, i dont think, i just." she shakes her head. "it can't be with him first." she ends it softly, hands in her lap. looking like she's been scolded. you feel the guilt bubbling up in your stomach; here she was being vulnerable, and you just accused her of being a cheater.

"what's really going on?" you ask, she's not making sense anymore.

"i need you to be my first, i want you to be. it can't be anyone else." sana is firm. standing up and taking your hands in hers. with her eyes looking into yours like that, like she knows how much you love and adore her. you can't find yourself to say no, even if it betrays fuji.

"okay."

"yeah?" her eyes light up.

"yeah." you pull sana upstairs, and begging her to forget about fuji, just for one night. to only focus on you and to pull out those pretty sounds of sana uttering your name into the night.

you don't stop until you feel sana against you, like it's where she belongs, right in your arms.

--

when sana leaves in the morning, you feel that gash that you've been trying so hard to heal get ripped apart again. she thanks you like you're someone who was there to provide a service to her, like that's the only purpose you served her that night.

as if you didn't pour your heart out as you kissed down her torso, cherishing her body like the gods sculpted it. as if she isn't the only woman in the world, you begin to think maybe that's what you were made for. someone to exist for sana, and never with her.

this hurtful thought bumps around your brain, hitting every surface of it, you feel your heart break into two. like you're led on a leash by sana, without her letting you ever leave.

it becomes a habit, a habit you can't break. you circling between the sana and fuji whenever it was the holidays or birthday parties. each year you feel more and more of your soul slip away. you can't begin to tell where your identity begins and ends without sana.

doesn't help that fuji is a good man for sana. always considerate and careful, giving her the space and time she needs when she's overwhelmed. you think sana chose well, a good man in her life that'll never waver his loyalty for her.

but it leaves you in disarray, sana contacting you for her relationship problems. leaving fuji all alone as she calls you to escape. weeks spent away from fuji, where you two meet hidden away from the world. a hidden place filled with drunk kisses and hookups, ones you would never utter to fuji.

you being invited at her parties, seeing his arms draped around her like you weren't caressing them just days ago. it's all too much, you don't know if you can be friends with her. ever again.

until she marries fuji, she hands you their invitation card herself. how dare she? after years of being a secret she hands you a knife for you to stab into your heart, and she does it with a smile. explaining how happy she is to have the wedding of her dreams, while you feel the woman of your dreams slip right through your fingers.

but then the reality hits, she was never yours to begin with, you two are simply friends. just best friends that know each other's bodies too well.

you play your part well, giving a dedicated speech to them two. reminiscing of the early days of you as a trio. days of mischief, talking about learning of their feelings for each other, making jokes about how they were polar opposites, destined to find each other magnetically. you leave out the part where you think you would fit well with sana even if you aren't the opposing magnet.

you try and stay away from her as much as you can after the wedding, to save your own heart (as much there is left). blocking her number and taking time away from japan. going overseas to travel, and it works out well, you meet a woman named momo, you don't mention the woman to sana. you don't hear from sana and you feel your heart calm a bit, like it's finally able to take a break.

when you return to japan, you find her at your doorsteps, fallen asleep at your door. she wakes up to the sight of you and hugs you immediately, complaining about how worried she was that you disappeared. you don't mention how you blocked her number. letting sana into your apartment and she drops the biggest news on you that you could ever expect: shes pregnant.

"congratulations sana!" you fake a smile and she goes on to explain that it's going to be a little girl. and she's so excited to dress her up and have a daughter.

you feel like you're hearing static noise as she goes on, sitting on your couch talking animatedly about the new nursery and all the books she's been reading about motherhood. it isn't until she finally steps away to go home that you realize that you never said more than congratulations.

--

months later, she births the beautiful baby girl. you wait outside the room, a balloon in one hand and a pack of diapers in the other. the nerves of having to see sana after so long made you vomit in the hospital bathroom just ten minutes ago. you try to focus on anything else, the sterile walls, the smell of sanitizer, the sounds of nurses chatting. then you see fuji step outside, looking like a tired first-time father.

"congratulations fuji!" you say as you pass him the diapers. he laughs at the sight and thanks you before saying he's going outside to get some food and that sana is awake.

you step into the hospital room and hear the rhythmic heart monitor and low beeps of machines. there sana is, exhausted as ever but happily babbling to her baby. you can see the little baby in the swaddle. you walk up to the bedside.

"hi sana, congratulations on your new baby." you tie the balloon to her bed, and she smiles at you, tired but always warm. "she's beautiful, sana." you wash your hands and poke at her cheek.

"isn't she? i think it's too early to say, but she might have my eyes." you look back down and see the baby, eyes closed in bliss. you think they look like sana's too. ones that you used to look at as kids.

"i want to name her after you." she starts, gently caressing her head. you stop, leaning back quickly.

“dont do that sana, don’t give it the same curse you gave me.” you bite out. sana stops caressing the baby's face to look at you. “forced to love someone who will never love them back.”

"what are you talking about?" sana says gently, you've never raised your voice at her in all the years you've known each other.

"sana, you can't give her my name. i forbid you to." you say sternly; after how much she destroyed you, you're not letting her name her daughter that.

"but, why?" she's still perplexed, eyes wide.

"it's not right." you look away from sana, years of pain resurfacing just at the idea. "you really hurt me, i don't want you to name your daughter after me."

she doesn't press you on the matter anymore, anxious eyes darting all over the room, trying to find an escape from this conversation.

"what about being her godmother?"

"i'm moving away sana."

it's like the final nail in the coffin, both phrases being said at the same time. you realize there's no other way to say it, not over text or a call. it's better to say it here, ripping off the bandaid completely.

"moving? where are you moving?" you can hear the heartbeat machine beeping faster, and you see her heart rate climbing steadily.

"korea, i got a job over there." you say dismissively.

"oh wow, when do you move?" sana's voice is timid as she tries to hold back tears at the idea.

"i leave in a week." you say, picking your stuff up getting ready to leave. "congratulations again sana, your baby is beautiful and healthy. tell fuji that he'll be a good father, i know it." and with that you step to leave, and just as you turn the knob you can hear it, the sound of sana crying.

you try not to cry yourself, but you can't stay here. orbiting around two people who are building their life together. you weren't supposed to be here to begin with. earth never had two moons. you nearly bump into fuji when he opens the door.

"oh fuji, i'm sorry i couldn't stay long." you offer when you see him outside, food in hand and excited to talk to you, he smiles sadly. giving you a hug as you walk outside.

feeling like for once you control your own life, your love is yours, and no longer sana's.

"stay a while longer, sana is so excited to see you!" he says, trying to urge you to come back inside.

"it's okay, we'll see each other around." you turn to look back at sana, and she stares right into you with tears running down her face and glaring at you. you just told your final lie to sana, closing the door behind them, like you closed your relationship with sana.

--

you don't see sana for years; it's strange. growing up with so much hurt and pain made it difficult to enjoy your romantic relationships, but you realize there is always a person for you, yours being hirai momo, not sana minatozaki.

here at incheon international airport, you stretch from your seat, needing to get some movement in before you sit in that cramped airplane seat for hours. so you make a beeline to the bathroom, walking directly into a young girl.

she falls backwards, nearly hitting her head on the floor, but you catch her in time.

"hi sweetie you okay?" you pat her down, pulling her shirt down. she nods at you and you see her eyes, and you feel your memories shift back to when you were five years old, meeting that girl that sat near you in class 2-A. she runs towards someone.

you stand up and recognize those eyes immediately, sana minatozaki in the flesh after five years. eyes wide as she stares at you. fuji right by her side.

you can see the recognition in sana's eyes. you walk right up to them, offering the couple a hug. sana's arms grip onto you so tightly you feel your ribs in her hold. then you feel a tug at your pant leg.

you turn around and smile at the girl by your leg.

"say hi hana, this is sana and fuji." your little girl waves to them hi, while sana is still staring at you. fuji starts congratulating you, excited to see that you have a daughter. you let out a laugh. then you feel a pat on your back, with momo walking up to kiss you.

then you let your daughter down to play with sana's daughter. eyes fond at the two little girls chasing after each other.

“it’s been a while.” sana's voice cuts into your thinking.

“yeah, i guess it has.” you reply, finally looking at her after so long. sana gulps, willing the tears away.

"honey, you’re crying.” fuji says wiping away sana's tear, you smile at that. he's good for her.

“oh i didn't notice.” sana laughs, rapidly wiping her tears away.

you let the three of them talk, momo joining in and introducing herself. you're left feeling a bit better about your decision to leave sana's side all those years ago. waiting for her to love you back would've costed your relationship with momo, especially since you would have never had hana.

it's important to know when being friends turns into we can't be friends anymore.

--

you tried taking in the slow moving creek in front of you wishing the week long trip you two took together for nayeons “exploration trip” would last forever. slowly forgetting that the crowned princess was still next to you, you got lost in your many thoughts of her upcoming marriage set to unite the two kingdoms of hers and her soon-to-be husband.

“whats got you thinking so deeply?”

snapping back into reality, you realized it’d be best to just take in the moment left you had with just the two of you before she would soon be occupied with someone else.

“nothing. i was just… thinking abo-”

“the wedding?” nayeon quickly cuts you off.

you nod, quickly feeling nayeons hand make its way to your cheek, caressing it lovingly.

“my love, ive told you many times before, if its with you by my side i’ll gladly leave behind this royal princess life to run away with you.”

“thats not right though nayeon AND id rather not take my chances of getting executed in front of everyone in town.” you say with a laugh pouring out from the both of you.

after a few hours passed, you now had nayeon resting her head on your shoulder while you continued to take in the scenery… and steal a little glimpse of her lips. feeling like you were slowly getting possessed by them, you started leaning in instinctively, stopping halfway after realizing it was time for you two to start heading back to the kingdom.

nayeons hand quickly grabs the back of your neck pulling you in, leaving you fully shocked but you obliged. pulling back from the kiss, her hands soon made their way to the back of your dress undoing the corset, quick to slide the dress down to your waist, fully exposing your chest. you were quick to do the same to her as she climbed into your lap. now face to face with her breast, you take one into your mouth slowly sucking and circling at her nipple, moans continuously leaving her lips as she tries her best to tell you just how amazing you are.

your right hand wandered through the two layers of her dress that were now bundled together at her thighs, finally coming in contact with her wet core. moving her fully soaked panties to the side, you quickly slid your middle and ring finger between her slit, coating them with her own wetness before finally inserting them into her pussy.

“ive missed this feeling so much, my love.” nayeon immediately says with a moan following suit when feeling your thumb slowly circle her clit.

focusing back to your fingers sliding in and out of her, you soon feel her walls start to tighten up around them, now hearing her breathing get heavier and heavier.

“please my love…” she says looking at you while trying her best to keep her hips in rhythm with your fingers.

her pleads now motivating you to make a beautiful mess out of her, you pick up your pace with nayeons moans getting louder and louder, the knot in her stomach now becoming undone.

letting her ride out the high, her head met your shoulder trying to calm her breathing while you pulled your fingers out from under her dress. nayeons hand grabs yours in a gentle manner taking both of your soaked fingers into her mouth to clean up her mess. you became flustered as this was the first time you’ve seen just how nasty the kingdoms crowned princess could get when pleased correctly.

after nayeon had finished up with your fingers, she pulled you in for another kiss with you now being able to taste her sweetness on her own lips. pulling away from the kiss you reminded her about needing to head back before everyone started to worry. you two quickly stood and fixed each others dresses back on.

“maybe running away wouldnt be so bad…” you said in a playful yet serious tone.

“is that a question? or a statement? because im ready when you are love. just imagine the two of us living together, continuing to explore together, and just overall be free from everything we’ve been tied down to… lets just run.” she exclaimed while looking at you carefully trying to read your face.

slowly, she holds her hand out to you seeing if youd accept or reject her offer. carefully thinking about all the goods, the bads, and what would happen to you two if caught, you reach out to her cheek, caressing it the same way she did yours not too long ago. a tear escaping nayeons eye thinking you have chosen to reject her offer.

“when your father assigned me as your lady-in-waiting, he told me to accompany you anywhere and everywhere you wanted to go. if accompanying you means running away together…” you said softly while looking into her eyes.

“At least we get to swim today! It’ll be a nice way to cool off.” mentioned before closing your door and letting the car fill with cooler air.

Putting the car in reverse, you start your journey to Jeongyeon’s new house that was approximately 15 minutes away from the home you and Mina shared.

The house was *technically* Mina’s but you spent so much time there that she asked you to move in around the 1 year mark of dating.

Everything was such a whirlwind that it felt like you were always supposed to end up with her, living in that house and having the love you always dreamed of.

Mina grabs your hand once the car cools off a little more. She fidgets with your fingers while your intertwined hands lay on her thigh. Her shorts way shorter than normal, the contact with her warm skin makes your body relax.

She’s absolutely stunning as always, her half naked next to you has you sweating, sun beaming down onto you only adds to the warmth developing in your chest.

Swallowing hard to try and ignore the sensation of lust creep its way through you, gripping the steering wheel with your left hand, you try to focus on the asphalt continuing and the GPS telling you to make a right turn at the next light.

Mina is very aware of the effect she has on you. Always teasing you when she’s showing a little more skin in the subtlest way possible, looking at you just a little bit longer than usual, walking a little too close so your hand brushes her thighs or ass, and the biggest example was her sitting in the passenger seat, not bothering to wear a shirt over her bikini top today.

Always “innocently” and gracefully done, it made your heart race for her to be in such close proximity.

Occasionally, she would pull out the “big guns.” Sitting on your lap. It sounds innocent enough, but when you’re in a group of people and Mina has your thigh between her legs…it’s a little distracting.

Especially when she intentionally “shifted” in her seat so you could feel how wet she was. She was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, intentionally pushing you every moment she could to get you worked up in a place she knew you wouldn’t be able to react.

All you could ever do was stare at her, fixated on her casually carrying a conversation with who ever she was speaking to, lost in every glimmer that sparked through every blink and smile displayed on her face.

Even thinking about this pulls a grin to your mouth, lust and love tugging on the edges of your lips creating a smirk that was all too telling.

It didn’t go unnoticed.

“Why are you smiling like that?” giggled from the passenger seat, hands still woven in yours as you pull into Jeongyeon’s driveway.

“Oh, no reason!”

Caught reminiscing.

“No reason?” Her finger finds its way under your chin and turns your head towards her.

She has the look. The look she gives you when it’s time to go home, the look she gives you on a lazy afternoon before straddling you on the couch. The look that could melt any human to a puddle in moments.

The look, head tilted down, almost glaring at you through her eye lashes and a corners of her mouth pulled up ever so slightly; you’d have to know it well to even notice it.

“Mina…”

“Y/n…” she mocks you with a cheeky grin and sarcastic tone, knowing exactly the thoughts you wanted to keep tucked away in your brain for later tonight.

“It’s okay, baby. I already know…” leaning in sensually to kiss your jaw a few times only to whisper the phrase:

“I just want to hear you say it.”

Your body, in its entirety, halts abruptly. The breath in your lungs expands every second held to the point of being painful, desire pulsating through your veins before you finally exhale the scalding hunger growing within you.

She chuckles at the way you can’t resist her touch, disintegrating in the palm of her hand with the simplest of gestures. Encouraging her to keep pushing, like she always did.

“If you don’t say it now, I’ll make you say it later.” Faintly in your ear, her teeth graze across your lobe, tugging gently only to spark more want within you.

The heat of the moment wrapping you in a thick blanket of yearning as you watch her face you, eyes tracing your features diligently.

Faces getting so close that your noses are brushing against each other. The only sound heard is the air blasting in the car and the intense pounding of your heart felt through every single fiber of your being.

Inching closer to her with each passing moment, you feel her breath on your lips. The ache for her was too great and you were about to be its victim.

Nudging your chin up, your lips meet in the sweetest way, matching perfectly together. The softness of her mouth on yours only fueled everything you were already feeling, amplifying the tension and causing you to completely submit to needing her.

Hand finding its way to the back of her neck, guiding her to turn her head slightly so you can deepen the kiss even further.

Mina whimpers in your mouth, enjoying the enthusiasm you’re displaying

Tongues now coming into play, her hands start to wander around your thighs, tracing light patterns up and down. Every single time her fingers ghost up, your breath hitches and your body tenses only to unclench upon her descension down your thigh.

Higher and higher every time her fingers trail, until she brushes over the zipper of your shorts. Tension thickening immediately at the sensation of her touch so close to you that it snapped you back into the reality of where you were and what would happen if you kept going.

“We have to…” a needy kiss to shut you up.

“Go inside” huffing at the statement with your lips still connected, you break free of the trance she’s put on you.

Resting your forehead against hers, both of you panting from the make out session, barely a half inch apart when she takes your bottom lip between her teeth and pulls it gently, letting it release from her grip before smirking in satisfaction.

“Okay, let’s go baby.” she winks and opens her car door and walks to the front of the newly purchased house.

Blankly staring at her while she does this, you can see the entertained demeanor on her face. Feeling the slick, that she was responsible for, lubricate as you get out of the car and walk towards the front door.

Meeting Mina there, you can only glare at her momentarily before she leans in and kisses your cheek. Grabbing your hand before softly knocking on the big wooden double doors. Squeezing your hand a few times for good measure, she looks over at you, watching as you try to compose yourself.

“I meant what I said about later, baby. You won’t be on top tonight.” lowly echoed against the walls of the exterior of the house surrounding you.

Right when you’re about to respond, the door flies open and you’re greeted with Jeongyeon smiling widely and the other girls screaming in the background.

“Welcome! I’m so glad you both are here!” Jeongyeon steps out of the way to let you both into her new home.

—

After touring the lavish mansion that Jeongyeon had just purchase, you make your way to the patio to see the pool and where you’d spend the majority of your time today.

Part of the porch is covered by the roof, there’s a stand alone bar against the wall, a few lounge chairs, a table with snacks set up, and a rack full of fresh towels for everyone to use.

The pool is massive, expanding way bigger than you had pictured when she told you about it, with what you assume to be an artificial rock water fall from the Jacuzzi at the top. There’s a covered portion of the pool underneath the waterfall that creates a little grotto with natural light shining in from the other side, allowing the pool to connect back to itself.

Jeongyeon is talking about how long it took for them to install the jacuzzi and the rock formation when you feel a hand trailing up the back of your thigh, up and over your ass, and to the small of your back. Gentle scratches start to trail up and down your back, causing you to shiver slightly.

Whipping your head around to scowl at Mina, she smirks and winks back at you, seductively.

Oh, so she’s doing this on purpose and she’s not going to let this go.

Great.

—

Everyone is getting ready to jump in the pool, Jihyo and Jeongyeon run and jump in. They start arguing about who had the biggest splash when Nayeon busts out the biggest bottle of Soju you’ve ever seen.

Passing around cups of it and cheers-ing in celebration to the accomplishment of purchasing a new home.

Conversation happening all around you, congratulating on the new home and speaking about random topics. Mina seems to be a little clingy today but has stopped trying to make you horny in front of everyone, thank god.

A few rounds deep and everyone makes their way to the pool. Jihyo and Jeongyeon get out to knock back a few drinks before jumping right back in.

Everyone eases their way into the cool water, sighing in relief as they submerge themselves, successfully escaping the heat of the day.

Mina stays close to you, practically hanging on your side with her arms around your neck and legs wrapped around your waist.

You are very present in the conversation being had in front of you, Momo and Dahyun are arguing about if being in a pool counts as a shower when Mina leans in and bites your neck lightly, causing a gasp to erupt from you and catch everyone’s attention.

“Y/n…are you okay?” Momo’s brows furrowed as she quizzically inquires about your wellbeing following the sound.

“Oh…uhm…yes, I’m fine. Just got a chill out of no where.” Trying to sound confident in your response, Mina is just smirking next to you.

“Oh…alright!…Dubu, this is just a giant bath!” Momo turns her attention back to Dahyun and Mina chuckles in your ear low enough for it to only register to you.

“You’re so cute when you’re flustered. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I just kept making you gasp like that?”

“Can’t you wait until we are back home, baby?” Halfway begging, halfway asking for her to put it off until you could do something about it.

“Why?” her finger traces your jaw line, before gracefully sliding down the to where her teeth just sank into.

“Tempted by me?” you can feel the heat between her legs as she outlines your collarbones.

“Seems like I’m not the only one getting joy out of this, no?” Sternness in your voice causes her to tighten her grip on you.

Mina turns bright red at the acknowledgment of her desires. She’s easy to tease too and usually folds immediately.

Watching as she tries to shift the attention away from her, she jumps back into the conversation with Momo and Dahyun.

Sighing with relief when you see this, you continue listening to the silly argument.

“Momo…be serious, there’s not even any soap!” Dubu is yelling at this point, frustrated with Momo’s pool bath agenda.

“But the chemicals should be enough, no?” Momo is rolling her eyes and refusing to admit Dahyun is right.

Jihyo and Jeongyeon are cackling at the conversation, Sana went inside to get some ice, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are sitting on the steps having an entirely different conversation and Nayeon is babysitting that bottle of Soju, drinking every time Dubu throws her hands up in frustration.

“Baby, I don’t want to wait until we get home.” Mina catches you very off guard when she uses your neck as leverage to hoist herself up and grind down on your hip.

Eye widening when you realize what is happening, you turn to face her and make eye contact when she does it again.

“What are you doing?” confusion sets on your brow, knowing that this was a little bolder than she would ever be in front of anyone but you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” grinding down again a little harder, this time letting out a small whine, muffling it leaning into your neck.

“Baby, we can’t do this here in front of everyone! What if they notice?” hushed concern braided in your voice.

“Everyone is distracted and it’s not like you’re going to do anything about it anyway.” grinding down again.

“I need you” the hand that wasn’t holding her on you slides down to your lower stomach, tracing where your swimsuit bottoms started and slowly getting lower with each pass.

Leaning into kiss you, she bites your lip again but a little harder. The look has resurfaced in her eyes even stronger than before, giving you the confirmation that she wasn’t going to stop until she got what she wanted.

You.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, it was just very unlike her to make such a bold move in front of all of her friends.

Sure, she liked to tease you, but something was very different about this. She was actually pleasuring herself on you and not just poking fun at how flustered you get.

“Did you work yourself up this much? Did your plan backfire against you?” Taunting her about her actions.

All she can do is nod her head. You watch as she swallows, Mina loves when you take that tone with her, enjoying the playful way you bullied her.

The heated conversation smolders into a raging fire. You take the opportunity to look around, noticing everyone distracted in their own conversations.

No one would notice if you snuck away, right?

Steadily tip toeing away from the girls, you bring Mina under the waterfall into the grotto for a little more privacy. The splashing of the waterfall echoes throughout the alcove, hiding you behind the continuous splattering of the water against itself.

“Seems like you might not be able to wait for tonight and who am I to say no to you, princess?” Pulling her off of you and twirling her around in the chest high water to press her back up against the side of the pool.

Gasping at the unexpected restraint you placed on her, she’s pinned by your body and can’t move much at all.

Reaching up to her jaw, you make sure she’s looking right into your eyes when you slide your other hand down the bottoms of her bikini.

“I won’t be topping tonight, huh? ” grazing a finger over her clit, watching her flinch at the sudden gain of direct touch from you.

“I think maybe you should re-think your word choice next time, don’t you?” a tinge of condescension rolls off your tongue.

Shuttering at your words and touch, she gave you *that* look again, consenting to what she knew you were about to do.

Unable to help yourself, you ravenously kiss her. No time for soft and gentle when she was needing you this way, this boldly.

Even if you did enjoy the game of cat and mouse, you were just as hungry for her as she was for you, and you’d do anything to make sure she got what she wanted.

Feeling her losing her senses, she starts pulling on you. Holding you as close to her as possible, her nails dig into your back as she forces herself to try and keep quiet while you’re circling her clit with the pad of your fingers.

Skin to skin contact adding even more eroticism, along with the fear of being caught. Mina is trying so hard to keep quiet, the sound muted by a clenched jaw.

“M-more” breathed into your ear as the moment intensifies.

“No.” Stoicism hides the burning in the pit of your stomach, built on the tension between the two of you and the way she was starting to fall apart for you.

“W-Why? Baby, *oh…fuuuuck, Please*?” Trying hard to mute the gasps and moans that are attempting to interrupt her question.

“Begging? You’re begging?!” a rare sight of Mina begging unprovoked, she usually only begged when she was completely lost in the moment or told to do so.

“Please, I’ll do a-anything, *shit please*, just m-more” bucking her hips into your hand to trying to give herself the pleasure she wanted.

Stopping your movements for a moment, you watch her writhe. Pushing her hips up into your fingers, using them to gain euphoria against you.

Giving her a moment to struggle to keep the pace you had together before lifting her up so she could lock her legs around your waste again.

Push her top down and expose her tits, fabric being in the way. She arches her back impatiently trying to temp you into giving her exactly what she asked for.

More.

Taking your hand out of her bottoms, she whines. Almost throwing a tantrum at the removal of your touch.

Your hand goes to tease her, thumbs tracing lines where her leg and core meet. Mina is squirming, trying to get your hands to slip and touch her.

Sneaking her bottoms to the side, your thumb on her clit and you begin building her up again.

Kissing her chest teasingly, you traces your lips around with small, soft love bites and licks languidly placed around her chest. You take one of her nipples into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it gently, making sure to flick it w few times knowing she would melt around you further.

“Oh, fuck” her hand coming up around your neck and entwines in your hair, giving no room for you to move. She needs you as close as possible.

You take this moment of her being distracted by your mouth to slip a finger inside, pressing it up against her gspot and letting her hip thrusting rub her clit on the palm of your hand.

“That’s right, baby. You want it so bad, don’t you?” murmured into her chest.

Eyes shifting up to see her nodding her head, grip tightening on your hair. You can feel how the slick slides inside of her, she’s leaking for you. Slipping in and out of her with ease.

“Work for it then” switching over to her other nipple and wrapping your other arm around the small of her back.

“F-feels s-so g-good, *pleaseeeee*, oh fuck” Mina is trying to so hard to keep the sounds she has to herself, but fails when you add another finger to her. Using her movements to amplify the bliss already had.

Her grip around you tightens, brows furrow, and you feel her clench around your fingers. The sight of her like this makes you absolutely unruly, ready to give her anything to make her feel the euphoria she was chasing after.

“I’m gonna cum” hushed through gritted teeth, trying to keep her moans in.

Not yet, baby. Just wait a little longer for me.” Pumping your fingers even faster into her.

She’s trying to keep some sense of composure, watching her trying to regulate her breathing, you can feel her body twitching underneath you.

The war between her body and mind is an interesting one to watch. Her body is ready to release the tension you’ve built but her mind is fighting to keep herself contained and together.

“Baby, please…I can’t h-hold it much l-longer, fuck oh my god!”

“Keep quiet or you won’t get to cum at all” hissed back at her, still working her clit and returning to biting into her chest.

She whimpers, falling into a subspace. Her grip and her face tell you everything you need to know. If you push her any farther, this was going to be more than a 5 minute get away and everyone was going to learn about what you and Mina do behind closed doors.

“Cum for me, princess.”

Mina’s body tenses, mouth open, jaw slacked, eyes closed, breathing heavy and shaking in your arms. Letting her ride her orgasm out, you just kiss her chest and patiently wait for her hips to stop sputtering.

Resting her head on yours, her arms never unwrapping from around your neck, she tried to catch her breath after something so wildly out of character for her.

“Thank you” huffed out, breath finally going back to a sense of normal.

“I never really expected you to want to do something like this so…publicly…especially with the girls around.” looking over to see them still having their silly argument.

Mina unwraps her legs from you, feet now touching the bottom of the pool and fixes her top. Unable to help yourself, you just watch her try to wipe the look of sex off her face, fixing her hair and adjusting her swimsuit.

Reaching your hand up to cup her face, she looks at you a little surprise when you lean in and lay a few pecks on her lips.

“I love you even if you like to get freaky in public.” teasingly said with a beaming smile.

The shocked look on her face was worth the comment alone, she was completely taken aback by it. She jumps up and tackles you, sending you both into the water. Coming up and both belly laughing too much to not draw attention to yourselves now.

“What are you guys doing in there?” Jihyo yells from the steps of the pool, definitely a little drunk.

You look at each other and share a giggle before you usher her to jump on your back, and piggy back her to the rest of the group.

“I meant what I said.” Mina says shyly to you before you reach the girls.

“What do you mean?” Confused on what she meant.