☽ per aspera ad inferi ☾

In your 20s, you'll feel like you're losing the race. It's important to understand that there is no race.

In your 30s, you'll feel like you're losing the race. It's important to understand that there is no race.

One of the worst feelings in the world: when you are just desperate, like claw-your-own-skin-off desperate, to create, but the only thing that even vaguely appeals to you to work on is a nebulous half-feeling that might be dreamily related to some half-formed notion of a concept. I must! Make! No thing! Only make!

Everything is boring. All activity is meaningless. I understand why Sherlock Holmes did cocaine.

Maybe it’s the autism or the fact I’ve been severely mentally ill my entire life but I’m so used to thinking/feeling something and then being like “Actually, that is completely irrational. I need to work through that.” or “That’s wrong. Thinking like that does not benefit anyone.” that it is baffling to see people who completely refuse to admit their feelings are not always justified and valid.

do you ever think about dead versions of yourself that are fossilized in someone else's mind

i see that this one kind of fucked everyone up

Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.

in addition: Trying to avoid ever doing these things will cost you in ways you cannot comprehend until you stop and accept this.

truly never getting over the greatest loss streaming services caused: the disappearance of DVD special features. behind the scenes, bloopers, deleted scenes, commentaries, I will never forget you, I will never stop missing you.