Darling, you'll be okay.

 In grade 8 I really hated this girl so I collected the sugar from my pack of sour patch kids and gave it to her saying its cocaine and she actually  snorted it and at recess she pretended she was high and she was called crack whore for the rest of the year. Now she does real crack and blames me saying I got her addicted. She still doesnt know it was just sugar

this is how you make “gay jokes” folks

having two parents of any gender would suck because when u need one of them you’d be like “mom” and the wrong one will reply and you have to go “not you the OTHER one” and thats why if i marry a girl and we have kids she can be mom and i will be optimus prime

optimus prime

i wish i had my own apartment so i could make food at two in the morning and dance around in my underwear

funny how once you get your own apartment this is actually exactly what happens

And then you cry over the responsibility of living on your own.

this is my favorite thing on the internet

i will not stop until lorde sees this

mom i dont wanna go to school i dont feel good