b emoji enthusiast

Back when I was a redditor (😔) I realized a strange phenomenon. No one cares about your original posts, but if you make the post on another site and screenshot it, people assume it’s a tweet from someone who is known/is funny/etc and the post would do way better

my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

oh i’m sorry would you rather me beat an alive horse?

Talking to friends with inept parents is crazy. No wonder they’re like this if their parents kept fumbling

“I’m having trouble adapting to my adult responsibilities” well no wonder, nobody raised you 😭😭😭

Hot tip for future parents: you actually have to guide your kid to adulthood. Feeding them and waiting for them to grow up is not enough since they are not house plants. A little more thought and care is required.

i think "conservatives can't make good art" is a generally juvenile and incorrect sentiment that you'll find debunked by plenty of good art made by bad people and bad art with good politics, but it is always really stark when a piece's most monumental failings all very obviously boil down to the fact that, like, the creator does not see or write women as people with any particular interiority or purpose beyond childrearing

i'm glad everyone took this as an opportunity to start jerking themselves off in my notes about how conservatives ARE incapable of making good art you're RIGHT parsley that IS what you said instead of engaging with the misogyny part in any capacity

Microsoft owns LinkedIn and apparently monopoly laws aren't a thing anymore