Sup yall

people will describe their incredibly nebulous sexuality to you that they’ve never been able to define and the whole time you’re thinking that sounds like bisexuality brother

can the skinnyfat homie rockin the cargo shorts hit it just this one time

Torrent seeding at 4.3Mbps... But would it still go that fast if they knew I had a belly ring..? Fuck.. 🫦 everyone likes a bad girl until they meet one.

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

I love when you go on a date with someone and you’re like. well that was neither wonderful nor horrendous. You seem Fine. I’m sure if this was the 18th century and we were gentry arranged married to secure our fathers respective land interests we would care for each other in our way. you would buy me nice horses that I really had no interest in but would admire how gentle you were with them and when I died in labor during my third pregnancy you would tell our surviving heirs that their mother was a handsome woman who never drank too much and embarrassed herself in company

SMOKED SALMON IS THE ONLY THING THAT NUMBS THE PAIN

walkable cities are such a terrible idea when you think about them for literally any longer than a single second. more steps = more cracks = more mothers’ backs broken. simple fucking math. if you wanted your mom’s back blown out so bad you could’ve just called me