I love love and I used to think I needed relationships to have love, but I know that's not true anymore. It makes me want relationships less. Only problem is that I'm in one and I love him. I just don't know if I love relationships anymore.
And here's the thing, we're open. So it's not like I can't be out here dating. But that's not the point. It's the long-term grow old together commitment. I don't know if I want that.
When we first started dating, we bonded over a mutual agreement that marriage wasn't for us. Somewhere down the road that changed. Now we're engaged and touring venues and talking about forever like it's inevitable.
We used to talk about relationships not lasting forever as if that was inevitable.
I like dating lots of people. Actually, I love it. It's low stakes, low drama. There's no combining houses. There's no planning for the future together. Making those plans makes me feel small. Limited. Like I have less options.
And ultimately that's not true, having him in my life has opened so many doors, made so many things possible that wouldn't have otherwise been possible.
Sometimes I hate that.
