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whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible

happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate

Happy centennial to the turtle who bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river

Drives me genuinely insane that kids-only spaces on the internet like Club Penguin were destroyed because companies realised that there’s only so much profit you can squeeze out of children with no disposable income, so now kids are being forced into adult spaces on the internet where the profit model is to find the most viewers you can passively expose to ads that nobody is clicking on so all online media is slowly turning into Mr Beast Elsagate nightmares, and for adults this means giving your ID to companies owned by businessmen with Epstein connections to keep the kids “safe.” Clown internet.

Love when a cat puts all 25 pounds of their 9 pound body right on your soft internal organs.

i like how we all ignore that soldier / poet / king is probably supposed to all be descriptors for jesus christ and we're all just like this is my 3 blokes from the last television show i watched

is that your penis in your hand or is it my penis. you and i have begun to blur

this post is about john lennon and paul mccartney. pls dont reblog with anything else except for the person who said "transfem mulholland drive"

joining the war on pigeons on the side of pigeons

We all like to think we can handle change gracefully, and then someone rearranges our grocery store.

what do you mean my childhood affected me