We’ve noticed that some of you lazy bums have still been freeloading in those lousy shacks of your so-called apartments and not working yourselves to the bone to pay for rent! Unbelievable. The warnings of “being labeled as a criminal” and “getting thrown into jail” weren’t enough to get through your thick skulls, huh? Fools.
Anyways, we weren’t lying when we said you guys’d be felons! But since we’re so kind, we won’t exactly put you disobeying losers into jail (yet) like we promised. Nope, we’re going to make things a little more interesting and put some other plans for all of you moochers into action instead.
The following are unemployed fools and will be punished accordingly:
Axel: Oh, you. It was expected a slacker like you would end up on this list and here you are. Don’t worry, we’ve got the perfect thing for you: one whole month of toilet scrubbing right out in the relief halls of the Sanctum. Wonderful, right? We mailed a toothbrush and a box of soap for you to get started right away. And don’t even think about slacking on the job, we’ll be watching you bub. Better make the best of it, you’ll be there for a long while.
Empress Aria: Tsk, tsk. Being an empress, you would think following the rules would be but an easy task for you to do. But it seems all you can do is bend them! So how about we mess with that pretty face of yours? Congratulations! You’ll be getting a temporary and magically placed pig nose as punishment. Oink, oink, let’s see how elegant you’ll be now when you snort like a pig for a month.
Flynn: Ah, another pretty face that needs a little fixing. You should rejoice that it won’t be by our hands, but rather from a lovely set of imp children who are looking for the perfect victim for their creative impulses. You’ll be these little guys’ beauty model for an entire week. Crayons, paint, permanent markers, glue and glitter will be the tools that will bring their inspiration to life and you’ll be the blank canvas. Good luck getting that out of your hair, face and anywhere else they can fit those things in.
Godot: Extra! Extra! City-wide Black Coffee ban. Also known as, nobody will be able to sell or make black coffee for you all for a week. For good measure, we also removed all of your coffee sources and confiscated your hidden stash; so if you desperately want coffee, you better get used to drinking some with cream, milk and sugar. Oh and here’s an FYI, baristas aren’t too keen on breaking the law like you, so bribing them for your ‘unique’ blend isn’t gonna work.
Raido Kuzunoha the XIV: A so-called ‘detective’ and you broke the law, what does that make you now? A trapped man among the green. That’s right, you’ll be staying in a nice room full of great, thick and green cucumbers for awhile. Remind you of anything? Hm, no? Well anyways, it’s gonna be very hard to move around there with all of those gourds lying around, so maybe you should stay very still and stiff. I mean you can eat them if you want, more will come raining down, but try not to get any sore muscles!
Roary Kristina Diaz: We heard that you hate being touched and getting hugs, so we’ve got the best punishment for you. Since you clearly can’t find yourself obeying the rules and getting a darn job, we’ll be giving you one for a whole week. Rejoice! You’ll be the new hostess at the Free Hugs booth, where you’ll be giving out embraces for not a single trikhid! What, you won’t do it? Well guess what, if you don’t, the booth will automatically release the spiders. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that now, would you?
