Zero Drive

No not that dirty kind, although fun.

I’ve been wanting to do something. Something within myself that is surfacing that is pushing me, urging me to create or do something so I can be happy. Problem is, I have no idea what it is. We all go through it. What do I want to do to be happy? Whether it be a job or hobby or significant other, we all want to be happy. I on the other hand, feel empty, content, lucky, safe, great parents sure but I can’t help but feel being empty, not really happy. 

My hobbies keep it at bay, but now recently they haven’t really been doing much for me. See the thing is, why do I want to do this, why make this blog, why go through this when I can just shelter myself as per usual. Do i do it for myself, and not care of others may think or say. I’m I doing it for the approval of others and that slight chance they might find a common ground here and like what I like or share the common beliefs?

Why do we do these things? I’m sure there are studies, psychology, social research and what have you. But I just cannot find the reasoning behind it all for myself. What is it all for? To me it seems pointless really, we are but a point in time that just vanishes from the timeline that is the universe not to mention just dust in the wind and food for small creatures on this planet we call Earth. This is the crap I think about if left alone. I sort of despise it as I am very easily prone to depression, but within I find solace within my own thoughts as I an introvert. Yet here I am reaching out to a certain effect. 

Maybe going through blog stuff this might help find a true understanding of what the self means, maybe someone will help pointing in the right who knows. But for the first thing in this stream of consciousness blog, I wanted to say is I am quite complicated in my troubles but my pleasures are simple. But if you want to find happiness with oneself, maybe join me and we’ll see what happens.