my girlfriend chose this url for me

so initially i wrote this around father’s day, didn’t like it, kept it to myself. then brave alfonse comes out w/ all the. you know. and i’m like “i should fix this up bc i’m tired of intsys’s gustav apologism (/lh)” and then i don’t.

until i remember it’s alfonse’s birthday and i decide i want to fix it up to post lmao.

btw shout out to my friends bou and myn who are on a voice call w/ me on discord right now where i’m shared my screen as i edited this. i didn’t really have this fic beta read but i was asking them their thoughts on it which is good enough

uh i don’t know how much i have to say on this. i’m still not QUITE satisfied w/ this but at some point u just gotta go “this is as good as it’s getting” and hit post lmao

mostly i just wanted to write something where alfonse got to have complicated feelings on his father.

i was and am disappointed with how feh handles gustav. like why make him suck that much only to go “but he was actually a GOOD DAD ALL ALONG, see, he LOVES HIS KIDS” it doesn’t work like that.

but i feel dishonest (or. ooc, you know) if i don’t have alfonse love his father still, despite. everything. so. complicated feelings it is, particularly for a man who never really got a chance to truly “redeem” himself so alfonse is left wondering a bit if he ever would’ve. i didn’t get TOO into that part here because it felt like at a point i’m just rehashing the same points over and over but that’s like. part of it. even the potential of closure being snatched away from him.

anyway it’s kind of funny to me posting this on alfonse’s birthday lmao. happy birthday king sorry i gave you problems

fav part: “... You weren’t a very good father,” he said, letting it hang in the air. He couldn’t take it back now. More importantly, he didn’t want to. Instead, Alfonse pushed onward. “You were a great king, one I looked up to, but I never felt like I could meet your expectations. When I needed support, you wouldn’t provide it.” A mild way of putting it, that his father had instead cut him off for years until he needed something from him.

honestly i don’t have much to say about this one. i kind of feel like i need to stretch my writing muscles more than i have been? not like i think this is bad it’s just like “wow i’m sure i’ve written better”

this was written for an rp group, like i said, @acrossuniversesrp specifically (it’s my friend’s group. which i also mod for). kiwi is having a Bad Week and i was like “hm. let’s let them have a little bit of a breakdown over alfonse nearly getting himself killed. as a treat.” and i figured i’d write it as a fic since it’s not rly. being roleplayed out on server

technically i’m posting this ahead of having kiwi go through this but that felt Fun to me :) spoilers for the people in the group who don’t play feh and/or don’t care about the story

the part where kiran is talking about how “When Alfonse sounded like that, it was hard not to believe him” is actually a liiiittle bit of a callback to another fic of mine from ages ago, a brufonse one (”give me hope (and give me love)”.