i choose you, even if they don’t
ninthmember!reader x hyunjin
in which… the members have always had something against you. you’ve never known what, but hyunjin can’t stand seeing you hurt anymore.
warnings: everyone’s really mean except hyunjin, and i mean MEAN.. angst, reader is a pushover but she can’t help it guys, hyunjin cries out of anger, reader cries, this is not how i see the members of stray kids!! panic attack, lots of swearing, mentions of medical equipment
authors note: i love angst request guys
requested by @totallynottomoko
when you first came to JYP at just fourteen you’d met hyunjin, who’d already been there for a couple months prior to you.
he was kind. he was the first person to actually speak to you, wanting to genuinely know who you were; who you actually were. that’s how it started between the two of you.
hyunjin had been scouted into a group by bangchan, a trainee of six years. of course, jin was over the moon about this, finally being recognised for his talent, and so were you.
you would come into the practice room with him each night, after his rehearsals had closed up. you’d help him go through any choreography or vocal arrangements he had to learn.
you were in the studio late one night together, when JYP had wandered in, and seeing yourself and hyunjin together made something click in his mind. that maybe a co-ed group is the way to go. you with stray kids was the way to go.
you’d had a meeting with the CEO and JYPE about this. whether you’d accept the offer to train in stray kids, with the potential of debuting, and who were you to say no.
come monday morning, JYP had met with chan to inform him of the new addition, to which chan was slightly offended at.
why would stray kids need some random person? especially now? the group was made and he didn’t need some random sixteen year old girl interrupting what the group already had going on.
JYP stood in a studio with the boys, as he explained about a new addition to the group, a new sudden, but positive change to the group.
he opened the door and in you walked. sixteen years old with a passion for performing.
hyunjin’s eyes widened as he saw you, trying to contain his excitement. his best friend along side of him in the group? he was living the dream.
however, the other seven boys seemed unimpressed. they didn’t know you and they didn’t want to know you. they already had their group and that didn’t include you.
despite their feelings, you all went on to debut. but that didn’t change how they felt.
three years later and hyunjin had officially asked you to be his girlfriend. he couldn’t understand how he let himself wait four years before asking you to be his, but he was glad he had now.
you two were the closest out of everyone and STAY loved you two together.
the others however, were another story.
you could count on one hand how many times you’d had a genuine conversation with them. any single one of them. they all avoided you like the plague, but you never knew why.
some days would be better than the others, but every day was always filled with minor harsh comments.
a common one was from minho. in dance practice which he and hyunjin usually led, he’d call you out for any minor mistake.
“yah! y/n! seriously?! it’s easy, keep up! i’m not going over it again!” minho yelled out, glaring at you in the mirror, but you just glanced at him.
you were stood next to seungmin, who had clearly made the same mistake as you, yet no comment was made for him.
minho turned back to himself, muttering a curse under his breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear and snicker at.
the other times were blatantly obvious.
when you had group meals, they’d purposefully leave you out.
you’d been at rehearsal all day, a solo singing rehearsal at the studios. hyunjin had messaged you informing you that everyone had come to his dorm for a group meal.
you sighed, knowing this would be absolute hell. but despite the feeling you had, you still sent a heart back to your boyfriends message, wanting to at least see him tonight.
he informed the boys. to which no one really acknowledged, brushing the words of casually, especially because it was to do with you.
the table was set, and hyunjin had gone to grab something from his room just before you arrived.
he heard commotion in the kitchen, returning back to the table, where he saw you stood looking disappointed and the group of smirking boys.
“it seems like there’s not enough?” seungmin spoke with faux sympathy.
hyunjin looked to the table to see everyone’s plate had been filled, but yours.
and all of the food that were in the bowls had gone, meaning they’d not left anything for you.
“i could’ve sworn we made enough!” jeongin also added sarcastically.
the group snickered, but hyunjin just stood there, looking at his so-called friends as they ripped into you.
“i guess you’ll just have to skip out on this one, y/n,” han said to you, with a shrug as he began eating his food.
“you can always go to the convenience store!” changbin suggested with a smirk.
“yah! stop,” hyunjin commented to the boys, “i’ll go to the store, you go to my room. i’ll get you a few things, yeah? i’ll be a few minutes, it’s just next door anyways,” he walked up to you and placed his hand on your cheek, in a comforting manner.
you nodded shyly, eyes looking down in embarrassment. hyunjin kissed your head and left the apartment building.
as soon as the door clicked shut, the boys began laughing to each other, eyeing the way you stood there.
“you just gonna stand there?” lee know asked.
“sorry,” you mustered out, leaving and moving towards hyunjin’s room.
“i seriously don’t get it,” felix spoke, being careful to speak quietly.
“hyunjin and her,” felix responded
jeongin spoke up, “yeah me neither. i mean come on, she’s such a pushover it’s so easy, and so sad!” the youngest laughed.
bangchan interrupted, “yah! she’s still your elder ayen,”
“by two months, it means nothing, she doesn’t need his respect, does she?” seungmin jumped in, coming to defend jeongin.
“well, maybe one day she’ll hopefully feel the same way we feel about her, and decide to just go on a full-time hiatus,” lee know wished, “then we’ll actually be stray kids, not this fake version that started when she joined-”
the door clicked open again and hyunjin walked in, “what was that?”
the boys played along, acting clueless as though they hadn’t just been talking awfully about you. “nothing, just talking about our pre-debut days, isn’t that right guys?” changbin asked, turning to the group, where everyone nodded, trying to hide the smirks on their faces.
hyunjin walked past them and straight towards his dorm room, opening the door to see you curled away from the door on his bed.
your body was shaking. you were crying.
hyunjin gently closer the door and immediately rushed to your side of the bed. he crouched down so that he were now eye level with you.
“baby, hey, i’m here now, you’re okay,” he soothed and he patted down your hair, trying his best to comfort you in this state.
“i don’t get it,” you continued weeping, shoulders lifting with each cry.
hyunjin moved onto the bed as you moved over, giving him room. hyunjin held you in his arms.
“they don’t see you like i do. i’ll always see you, no matter what; the real you. if they won’t choose you, i always will,” hyunjin told you, his own empathetic tears rolling down his cheeks.
you nodded against his chest, trying to block out the painful ache in your chest.
you and hyunjin didn’t speak about that night again. he tried to, but you refused to even acknowledge the words you had exchanged, or what the boys had done to you. you just moved on, like you always do.
the next major event was only a few days later. an outfit assessment, where you would be looking into and trying on all the new outfits for the new comeback. it was always yours and hyunjin’s favourite time.
you were the last one to go. you’d left the room to change into your first outfit, not realising the boys had now moved into the outfit department room to join hyunjin who sat waiting for you.
you’d walked back in with a wide smile on your face. you loved this outfit, and you couldn’t wait for hyunjin to see it.
“i love this one ha-rin! i really like the detail you-” you began rambling as you burst back into the room with pure excitement.
the seven boys who had now joined your boyfriend on the couch, snickered as they took in the outfit you wore.
some of them more obvious than the others. laughing out loud with one another. at what, you didn’t know. but it hurt.
seungmin turned to han and began whispering something, causing the elder to laugh out loud, eyeing you up and down.
hyunjin’s fist clenched at his sides, and you noticed. you shook your head at him, holding back the tears you felt.
you turned to look at yourself in the mirror, ha-rin stood next to you, as she also held her tongue.
she’d been told by hyunjin and yourself what the other put you through. she’d seen and heard it many times, but she couldn’t do anything to help anyways.
“it’s a bit much, isn’t it, y/n?” jeongin questioned, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, the others wearing the same look, trying to hide their laughter.
you looked over yourself once more. “yeah… yeah, you’re right,” you mustered.
“ha-rin you should probably sort that out,” chan commented as he stood up, leading the others out of the room, their laughter following after them.
the door shut behind the. “y/n! you need to let me defend your name if you’re not going to! i swear!” hyunjin stood up rapidly, coming up to face you and hold your hands.
“no! no. you can’t. they’re your friends; even if they’re horrible to me,” you told hyunjin, who sighed.
“i’ll always choose you, y/n,” he responded.
you never noticed the full decline in your health, metal and physical until it really hit.
during a dance rehearsal, where once again it was led by minho and your boyfriend, the tension in the room had been building.
snide comments made by each member towards you and your capability.
“y/n! i swear! you’re seriously lacking right now and holding everyone back! catch up!” minho yelled, causing everyone to look at you with a indifferent look.
you just nodded, continuing to run the choreography. lee know continued to stare at you, when suddenly he turned of the music with an exasperated sigh. “you know what! let’s just take ten, seen as some of us can’t even execute basic choreography anymore!” he commented, looking directly at you.
the others rolled their eyes. “y/n why don’t you go grab everyone a drink?” changbin suggested, everyone nodding at this suggestion.
you of course, wouldn’t say no, especially not to them. you nodded, not even realising your feet were carrying you out.
as you stepped out, your legs practically buckled, as you reached for the nearest wall.
your heart punched at your ribs, beating rapidly, while also skipping a beat. your mind was fuzzy and you couldn’t even think straight. your breath seemed to be knocked out of you, as you heaved for air.
you’d managed to stagger yourself down the hallway, coming face to face with staff. they immediately grabbed onto you in a state of panic. you weren’t you.
just as they grabbed onto you, you fell out of consciousness. legs completely bucking from under you as your last bit of strength faded. “we need to get her to the hospital!”
the practice room was filled with laughter from the seven members. but hyunjin just stood there. you weren’t here to tell him no this time, he could finally say what’s he’s been thinking.
“honestly, did you see the look on her face? i mean seriously-” felix had laughed, but was soon cut off by hyunjin.
“you guys are fucking horrible. you know that?” he burst out.
“what?” changbin asked. the group began to quieten down at hyunjin’s sudden interruption.
“the way you all speak to her and about her. what has she ever actually done to deserve it? huh?” hyunjin looked around at them, everyone with a bewildered expression, “just because she was so fucking talented she joined us late! so what? she deserves to be here just as much as any of you!”
“and the way you treat her is fucking sickening! all of you! even you felix who’s seen as being this whole thing of sunshine - it’s bullshit! you, jeongin! the maknae who just can’t ever do anything wrong!” hyunjin began pointing to each member, “even you chan! the literal leader of our group! yet you can’t even respect my girlfriend or even show her any ounce of appreciation! what type of leader does that make you?!” hyunjin yelled.
he hadn’t even realised the tears that had pricked in his eyes, or the way he’d slowly begun crying as he expressed his thoughts towards his members.
“it was never meant like that, hyun.. it’s just a joke,” changbin said, as he stood up going to reach for hyunjin, but hyunjin hit his arm away and stepped back.
“you call it a joke?” hyunjin asked rhetorically with a laugh. “a joke? you’re serious? if it was a joke i wouldn’t have to deal with the fucking consequences you guys cause, when i’ve got my girlfriend crying to me! asking why her members; her leader! and people who should be her family, hate her!” he yelled, “does that sound like a joke?”
“we never meant-” seungmin spoke up.
hyunjin scoffed, “don’t give me that bullshit! you’ve meant everything you’ve ever said. and i’ve never said anything because y/n didn’t want me to, to keep the group peace. but fuck the group peace, when you speak to her like that! fuck all of you, as a matter of fact!”
the group turned silent, looking at hyunjin who was now crying. he was angry. his chest heaved and tears poured down his cheeks.
the group just stared at hyunjin, then turning to glance at one another.
“you guys need to change this,” hyunjin spoke quietly, everyone turning their attention back to him, “or else i’m gonna have words about my contract in this group,” was the final thing he said before exiting the room.
as hyunjin stepped out he wiped his face down with one hand, releasing a breath of air.
he moved throughout the building, wanting to return to your dorm as soon as he could. he didn’t want to go back home to his other members, so he went to his safe place. you.
as he arrived at the dorm, he noticed an uneasy silence. he couldn’t hear you muttering to yourself, or you shifting around in the apartment. nothing.
he called out for you, but was met with pure silence. he moved into your bedroom, to see that your bed was made.
he reached for his phone out of his pocket and called you. it rang and rang. but there was no answer. hyunjin was worried, so he had to do the next best thing; call your manager.
the phone rang a couple rounds, before the voice of her came through.
“hello hyunjin,” she spoke.
“is she okay? where’s y/n?” he asked in a panic.
“we’ve had to take her to the hospital. she’s suffered an acute panic attack. she’s okay, she’s just been seen now,” her manager explained.
hyunjin ended the call and rushed out of the apartment, calling an uber to take him to the hospital.
the seven remaining members sat there in silence. they reflected on what hyunjin had just said.
“so… how do we even ‘sort this’. i mean kinda hard considering it’s been this way for what, six years?” minho spoke up.
felix shook his head, “no. he’s right,” he stood up and turned to face everyone. “we’ve been awful to her! and she just sits there and takes it every single time! what’s wrong with us? this isn’t us! it never was!” felix added.
“i mean, no. but it’s just how things happened,” jeongin responded.
“so what? we just sit here and continue acting like this towards her! fuck that! if none of you wanna change, you do that. but you’ll lose hyunjin in the process!” felix walked out of the room.
felix returned back to his, hyunjin’s and seungmin’s dorm. felix was going to apologise. firstly to you and secondly to hyunjin.
he arrived at the dorm, but hyunjin wasn’t here, neither were you.
felix where are you??? i’m sorry. i want to apologise. to both of you.
felix hyunjin come on. please. i’m so fucking sorry
hyunjin she’s in hospital.
felix’s eyes widened at the message. he opened the boys groupchat, the one without you, or hyunjin, cause they believed they needed one without either of you.
felix we’ve seriously fucked up guys. we need to stop what we’ve been doing.
changbin what else has happened
felix it’s not my place to say. but you need to know. she’s been put in hospital and i think we caused it.
han we’ve taken it too far, we seriously need to stop.
chan not only for y/n, but for hyunjin.
you woke up in a room that definitely wasn’t yours. white walls and a thin bed sheet.
“hey, hey,” hyunjin muttered, grabbing onto your hand. “lay back down, i’ll go fetch someone,”
hyunjin left the room and returned not even a moment later, immediately coming back to your side.
“what happened?” you muttered, looking at the drip in your arm.
“you had an acute panic attack, and you were extremely dehydrated. they’re just running a few more tests,” hyunjin explained.
“oh…” you responded quietly.
the emotions of everything hit you suddenly. the way things had gone. the fact you ended up here.
hyunjin immediately took ahold of you, soothing your tears as he whispered in your ears.
felix arrived outside your hospital room. he went to enter but as soon as he saw you cradled in hyunjin’s arm he stopped himself and stood around the corner.
“i don’t get it,” you cried. “i wanted this. i wanted my dream and i got it, but i don’t know if i can when they act like this,”
hyunjin took your face into his hands, “hey. you’re not letting anyone take this away from you. not even them,” he told you, to which you nodded.
felix knocked on the door, his hand hesitant. you both turned to look at him.
“oh, felix..” you whispered, you were clearly nervous to see him.
“i brought you these,” he pulled out some flowers from behind his back, “and also this,” he then pulled out the teddy hyunjin had won for you years ago, on your first date.
he’d heard you and hyunjin talking about it one time, knowing it stayed in hyunjin’s dorm, felix grabbed it before leaving.
“i heard you take it everywhere with you… so i thought you could do with it now,” he explained.
you smiled weakly, “thank you,”
he sat down in the chair next to the bed. “look, i don’t even know where to start. what we all did to you, is unforgivable. you never deserved it. you were just a kid, and we all were, which is why we should have been understanding and accepting,” felix said.
“i’m not expecting your forgiveness, but i want you to know im sorry. both of you. im sorry hyunjin that you sat and watched us do this, and y/n im even more sorry that we put you through this. i’m so incredibly sorry,”
you nodded. you could tell felix’s words held truth to them. he was being genuine. “thank you,” you answered. “i forgive you, but, i’m not ready to be friends with you yet; any of you,”
felix nodded, looking down, “i understand,”
“maybe one day, when things have calmed down, when everyone’s apologised and stopped acting the way they have been. maybe then, we’ll be a proper group,” you told felix, who smiled weakly.
“thank you, y/n,” felix responded, “i’ll let everyone know you’re okay,”
over the next few months, the boys slowly started to grow. the harsh comments or the purposeful lack of attention to you died down, but was replaced with them trying to fix what was already broken.
chan actually started asking for your opinion during recording sessions. he’d ask whether you were okay after you’d had a long day of schedules, even informing staff to make sure you took a break.
lee know backed off during dance practice. even when you made minor mistakes, he knew of course, minho never missed anything. but he let hyunjin correct you, learning from the way he gently spoke to you when you went wrong. he learnt how to correctly you gently and softly, without belittling you.
changbin stopped with the passive aggressive comments. after a few weeks, he realised you went to the gym late at night. he never knew that about you. so he eventually asked if he could join you. you agreed. it was silent for the most part, but changbin was glad to have made progress with you.
hyunjin stayed strong. he always did. he continued to choose you. he was, however, very wary with the other members. he was worried that it was all false, the way they were acting was a phase. but he held strong for you. he held you each night and told you how special and loved you were.
han started putting in effort. he was similar to chan, in the sense of wanting to hear what you had to say. he’d create a genuine conversation after seeing something you were interested in, causing the pair of you to discover that you both had similar interests. something han had never realised.
felix continued to try. you grew closest to him out of everyone. hyunjin had always been the closest to felix, so you made that bit more effort with felix.
seungmin started making jokes. not mean ones. not even ones that had a bit of snark to them. genuinely funny jokes. ones where he picked on other members for something silly, calling han a pabo for just being himself. ones you could actually laugh at.
jeongin complimented you. actual compliments. comments about your hair, your outfits. everything. he didn’t want to overload you with them though, so he kept them spread out. but he tried to make you feel good about yourself.
they all tried. it took a while for things to go to how they should have always been. but they were trying and that’s all that really mattered to you.