Hmm...

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tell me something soft

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

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Is this anon not aware that half of tumblr wants to fuck this guy for no reason?

These are things I'd rather you think than say out loud

narrator who's terrible at social cues & describes every facial expression as "unreadable"

"The frown was completely unreadable. Thankfully, the loaded and raised gun offered a clue."

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Today a very friendly Golden Retriever came up to me and I said "hey buddy :D" and the owner asked "do you know each other?" like his dog had a social life he didn't know about

shoutout to whoever stole my amazon package containing nothing but a single pair of shoelaces.

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her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

“women don’t have the capacity for misogyny” have you ever met a mother

bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?

I hate when a tiny stupid thing pushes you over the edge and makes you freak the fuck out because it makes you look like a completely irrational tar pit of a human being. Like no I promise this is warranted just maybe not about that specifically I swear I'm well adjusted. Come closer stick your fingers in my cage