sometimes quiet is violent

That’s radical man was he shredding on by? How much air did he get? Did he chip his deck? Probably couldn’t land that kickflip bro. 

It was wicked, bruh. Should’ve been there. Blood all over the place. 

“I better start on writing your new and improved autobiography”

“It’ll be a best seller, I can see it now. I’ll be famous in no time.” 

Absolutely. I love gore. Disgust me, please.

My kind of person. I like you, we’re gonna get along just fine. 

Yeah, cause my paycheck is so much more booming than yours. No, okay, of course. I wouldn’t be the ultimate wingman if I didn’t. 

Listen to Jessie J for once, Lando. It’s not about the money, okay? Aah, atta boy. I knew there was a reason I kept you around.

I’m sorry. It’s been a weird week. Life is weird now. I need a beer. You need a beer? Let’s go get beer, okay? Okay. 

Now you’re speaking my language. First round’s on you, right, buddy? 

Oh my God, really? You too? Have you and Lilah been conspiring together? You know what, Zeke, I’m gonna save up all my money and then I’m gonna spend it on building a giant ass billboard in the middle of town that reads ‘Landon Kennedy is fucking sorry’. Then you two won’t have anything to complain about anymore. 

Chill! It was a joke, man. I swear! Look, I totally forgot about your whole Halloween meltdown, I swear. See? That’s how much I don’t pay attention to your little tantrums. You should really love me for it, honestly. 

Listen, I’m not saying it happened, but I am saying that maybe the guy was running his mouth saying Pikachu was the best Pokemon known to man, and just maybe I was over it. 

You can’t go and push any kid that goes and pisses you off. At this rate, all the kids in Westfield are gonna need stitches. Okay, so maybe the dude was like 17, but still, the guy’s practically an infant compared to us, okay? 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. My own mind freaks me out sometimes. Before you know it you have some weird nickname like Shark Dundee. Or Snake Dundee. Snakes will also make you sound very manly and brave.”

“I call Snake Dundee! It’s happening. This is me now.” 

Oh god! Did he bleed a lot? I love scars. Scars are so cool.

You seriously wanna hear about the gore that went down at the skate park today? 

Listen, no matter what that little punk may say, I didn’t trip him. I was not around when that went down.

You’re a lying liar who sits on a throne of great big lies, Lando. 

“If he does do that, it could be from another shark? He’ll be like.. Shark Dundee. That sounded better in my head, actually.”

“Shark Dundee, I like it. Man, I seriously need to come to you next time I get busted up. You can be the writer of my entire backstory. Make it a tragic one. I need the ladies to feel for me.”

You um.. have a thing for scars?

Sure, I mean, each scar always has a story behind it, right? Sometimes it’s a nice ice breaker. 

“That would complete the look. It’s a shame the season for shorts is so far away, but I suppose that gives him time to let it all heal into that beautiful scar that’s going to get him all the girls.”

“Once spring rolls around he’ll have that baby all nice and fresh. Maybe he should fall more often. Y’know, get a matching one on his arm. It’ll make the story even more legit.” 

You’ve got some gory interests, my dear. But I suppose it’s going to look very cool. Maybe he could come up with a heroic background story for it and say he wrestled a shark.

That’s what I’m saying! We can even go to the 99 cent store and buy him one of those whack shark tooth necklaces and he can say that it was from the shark he took down. 

“Thanks man. I’m a journalist.”

“Journalist, in this town? That’s got to be one hell of a job. At least you’re never bored.”