My name is Rachel.

I know Dracula is the bad guy of Castlevania and all, but if some zealous Christians showed up at my home and horribly murdered my wife because she did medicine too good I too would probably have gone absolutely fucking feral

He gave them a year and fair warning

i’m babysitting this 4 year old kid today and as his dad was leaving he said “be good today” and the kid responded by saying “dad i will punch you in the leg” 

i got introduced to this girl who’s an art major in college and while we were talking she told me that true artists suffer for their art and i asked her if she suffers for her art and she kind of sat there for a second and then she was just like “one time i couldn’t draw two eyes similar enough to each other so i curled up on the floor and cried for like fifteen minutes”

i was reading about the myth of prometheus today when the phrase "new liver, same eagles" popped into my mind, so i'm keeping that in mind for the next time someone asks me how it's going

if I die please don’t let my mom bury me with a ugly wig. Please let her know 28 inches of Brazilian wavy with a silk lace closure is what I wanted. Thank you.

28 inches and a silk lace closure? ima rob your grave.

I’d deadass come back to life like Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen and fight you like I was number 1

here’s a picture of me doing blood magic

but theres no picture there

thats right kids i dont do blood magic keep the maker in your hearts and be like me

That Midwest feel: When the tornado sirens go off and you panic for a second before remembering “Oh, it’s Wednesday”

what does this mean

It means it’s Wednesday, bro. If a tornado hits on a Wednesday it can’t hurt you. Those are the rules.