summary: Jongho was everything you werenât: ambitious, diligent, promisingâall in all the perfect law school student. Naturally, your chaos didnât fit into his prearranged life. Not for long, anyway. Your silly little relationship was never meant to last. So how come you couldn't seem to move on? Of course, being grouped together for a semester-long assignment didn't exactly help your case.
tags: exes2lovers, law student!au, hurt/comfort, y/n lowkey has an inferiority complex, jongho is slightly possessive, best friends woosan (bc i love making them y/n's besties), some side characters from tbz/skz; warnings: alcohol consumption, throwing up
wc: 9.2k
a/n: this is my fic for the live alive collab hosted by @sungbeam! honestly i'm just so glad to have made it (or, well it's half past midnight in my time zone but i tried my best i swear t-t) i was really hoping my time management would be better for this, but honestly life wasn't really having it. either way, i hope you enjoy this story & pls check out the other fics for this collab!!
and also @ beam - thanks for letting me be part of this sweet collab. i'm glad to have had a good reason to write (and actually finish!!) something. love you lots<3
masterlist | collab masterlist
So maybe you'd overestimated what a two month break could do. Youâd thought you'd use all that free time really well, to eat healthy and exercise and read more books. Youâd also thought you'd be well ahead of all the assignments due during the break. And most of all youâd thought you'd come back after the break as a changed woman who is definitely not still hung up on her boyfriend that she broke up with right before the semester ended.
Reality however looked quite different: You'd eaten too much pizza, barely left the house, binge watched not only one but two TV shows, barely finished your assignments on time and spent an embarrassing amount of time crying over your boyfriend. Needless to say, you were most definitely still hung up on him.
Consequently, going back to school left you with mixed feelings. It all came down to a simple list of pros and cons, and you werenât sure which side was weighing heavier.
Pros:
Getting away from your nagging parents.
Seeing your friends again.
Spending a fun last summer with them.
Cons:
Seeing Jongho.
Your friends are his friends too.
Whatever fun activities are planned, heâll inevitably be there too.
It wasnât that you suddenly hated him (surely, life would be easier if you could). But just the mere thought of facing him again ripped your heart in two. His words were still ringing in your head like heâd said them just yesterday. âMight as well end it now.â As if it barely even concerned him. And just like that, itâd been over.Â
While it felt suffocating to be at home, you wanted to prolong your return as much as possible. For one to avoid Jongho for as long as you could. And then also to avoid your friends, most importantly your best friends. Because you hadnât told them about the break up. Youâd just pretended everything was fine right up until you sat in your train home. And then, the moment it had left the station youâd crumbled pathetically, sobbing so hard that a woman sitting in the seat before you handed you some tissues.
Of course you knew you couldnât keep the break up a secret forever, but somehow talking about it was scary. Talking about it would make it real. Talking about it would maybe prompt your friends to tell you that youâd been stupid and that it was your fault, and you werenât quite ready to hear that yet. Still, you couldnât just postpone it all indefinitely and take the semester off, so you arrived back at the dorm one day before the lectures were starting again. Your room looked the way youâd left it. You hadnât bothered taking any of your personal bits down while you were away, just packed what you needed and leftâbut when you set foot inside now, you were starting to regret that. Youâd never noticed how much space Jongho had taken up in your room. There were pictures of him and you and your friends all over your pin board, along with tickets from when youâd been to the theater together. On your desk was a clover heâd given you before one of your exams (three leaves, not four, despite his best efforts to find one), that youâd pressed and safely displayed in a tiny picture frame. And then of course, on your bed, right next to your pillow was that teddy with its tiny head and broad shoulders that heâd gifted you for your last birthday and that youâd always joked looked exactly like him.
You wanted to throw it all away just so you didnât have to look at it anymore. Instead, you curled up in bed, jeans and all, and cuddled that teddy close to your chest. You buried your nose in the soft material, pretending you could still smell him on it, when really it only smelled like you.
You must have fallen asleep at some point, because you woke up in the middle of the night, still in the clothes youâd worn all day, and with a terrible headache that kept you from falling asleep again. Since it seemed you werenât going to catch much more sleep anyway, you stepped outside. The halls of the dormitory had been noisy and bustling earlier, everyone eagerly greeting each other and catching up after the long break. But now it was eerily quiet. Maybe everyone had suddenly come to respect the curfew, or maybe theyâd decided to take it easy tonight since lectures would start tomorrow, and thereâd be a huge party to kick off the semester on Friday anyway.Â
As you wandered the corridor, it took you back to the last day before the break. Youâd aimlessly wandered back then too, unable to sleep after your conversation with Jongho, but not able to cry either. Not yet, anyway, because it hadnât sunken in yet. Itâd felt surreal at the time, like you half expected Jongho to show up at your dorm the next day to inform you that the break up was of course not actually happening. You could picture it so well, him standing there first thing in the morning, early enough to still catch the 9 AM train to his family home, making sure to tell you that youâre still dating, so you wouldnât have stupid thoughts while on break. Jongho was like that, preferring clarity over leaving you guessing. That day though, he hadnât shown up, and maybe that was a way of making things clear, too. Youâd watched the clock ticking away, 9 AM passing you by, but youâd still held onto some hope until the afternoon, when it was time for your own departure. And even then, a delusional part of you was thinking maybe heâd show up at the platform to apologize and heâd hold you so close and youâd hug him right back, and heâd tell you to let go because youâd miss your train, but you wouldnât even care because all that mattered was that Jongho still loved you.
It was only when the train had started departing and the people at the platform started blurring behind the window as you passed them by, that it finally sunk in. Jongho hadnât come. Heâd let you leave just like that, with a two month break ahead of you to cement the fact that youâd broken up. He was no longer your boyfriend. And with that realization came the tears, and it seemed they hadnât really stopped since then.
By the time you wandered back to your room, it was already getting light outside, the sunrise dying the sky in shades of pink and purple that were too beautiful to match your mood. You closed the blinds to shut them out and sunk back into your bed.
It seemed sleep had eventually found you again. In fact, you slept so deeply that you didnât hear any of your three alarms and completely missed your first lecture. Luckily, you had a really good friend, and he wasnât shy to remind you when you met him at the cafeteria in between classes.
âYouâd be so doomed without me,â he said instead of a greeting, âbut of course, your best friend in the world made sure to answer roll call for you and even signed you up for the group project.â
âThanks, Wooyoung,â you set down a cup of coffee in front of him as a means of compensation, âI owe you my life.â
âYou really do. That prof is no joke, you know?â
âYeah, yeah,â you sighed, taking a sip of your own cup.Â
âWhatâs been up with you anyway? Weâve barely heard of you all break. San was this,â he made a pinching motion with his fingers, âclose to borrowing his momâs car and driving over there to make sure youâre still alive.â
âThatâd be a 10 hour ride.â
âThatâs how much we love you.â Wooyoung rested his chin on his hand and eyed you intensely, âSo, will you tell me whatâs up?â
âIâve been stressed out over the assignments?â You already knew it was a poor excuse before he called you out for it.
âI know thatâs not it. Just tell me. I promise it will be okay.â
All his silly jokes and teasing aside, Wooyoung was a good friend and a good listener. But it still felt hard to put the words out there. It made you fell as if you were sitting in that train all over again, watching the people and the platform disappear, and your relationship with them.Â
âWe broke up,â you finally said, immediately taking another sip of your coffee hoping it could wash down the taste of heartbreak lingering on your tongue.Â
âAre youâthis isnât some weird joke, is it?â
You raised an eyebrow at him, âWho would joke about something like that?âÂ
He shrugged, âYouâve become pretty unpredictable, so who knows?â
âOh, yes, Iâm an enigma.â You rolled your eyes and the little banter helped you shove your actual feelings aside, pretending it all didnât phase you as much as it really did. Wooyoung looked at you for another moment, clearly seeing right through you, but not commenting on it.
âBut, uhm, if itâs true, then I have some sort of bad news for you,â he admitted reluctantly, his expression sheepish.
âSpill.â
âSo, uh, remember how I said I signed you up for the group project?â
âNo.â
âItâs supposed to be groups of fourââ
âNo, Wooyoung, please.â
âAnd San and I didnât knowâremember? You kept this incredibly relevant information from us, your best friends in the worldâand we had to make a decisionââ
âNo, no, noââ
âIt just made sense to group up.â
Great. Amazing. Splendid. You were stuck working on an assignment with your ex-boyfriend. all. semester.Â
âHow is this my life?â You dropped your head in your hands, âAnd how come he didnât protest either?â
âAh, right,â Wooyoung seemed to only realize now that you were lacking this information, âJongho wasnât present either. Saved his ass during roll call, too, but I guess thatâs not really of much interest to you.â
âNo, Jung Wooyoung, it is not of much interest to me in the face of this whole group project disaster.â Though, you did have to admit that it was highly unusual for Jongho, ambitious, diligent Jongho, to miss a class unexcused.
âUnderstandable,â he nodded, âBut maybe we can still switch groups?â
âWho would even switch with me? I donât have other friends.â
He grinned. âBut I do. Changbin is in that class too, Iâm sure he wouldnât mind taking your place. And heâs grouped up with Felix, you know Felix, right?â
You do know Felix. You like him too, though you wouldnât go as far as to call him a friend. Still, being grouped with sweet, kind Felix would be much better than having to spend the whole semester working with Jongho.
âWould you ask him?â
âAnything for my bestie,â Wooyoung looked at you with an encouraging smile, âIâm sure it will work out just fine.â
Maybe switching groups wasnât all that big of a deal, or maybe Changbin just liked Wooyoung enough to agree easilyâeither way, just two days later your friend assured you that the groups were changed without any issues, and Felix had even notified the professor of the changes already. He generally seemed to have taken up some kind of leading role, because you received a message from him that same day, informing you that the group had agreed to meet up the next Tuesday to make a plan for the semester, and asked if you could make it as well. Tuesday was fine with you, and honestly, even if it werenât you wouldâve tried your best to adjust your schedule to them out of gratitude for taking you in. According to Wooyoung, aside from Felix it was Eric and Sanha in that group, and because they were close to Jongho, youâd already talked to them quite a few times back when youâd still been dating. You remembered them as being pretty friendly and fun to be around and you just hoped their friendship with your ex-boyfriend didnât make things awkward. Though, even then, it seemed like a much better choice to work with his friends instead of the man himself.
Maybe it was that silly optimism of yours that jinxed your demise. Because surely enough, when you stepped into the cafĂŠ across campus on Tuesday, the guy sitting next to Eric at the table Felix had reserved looked uncomfortably familiar: It was Jongho. Even from a distance and a slightly awkward angle, you recognized him right away. His dark brown hair, the black frames of his glasses, the neatly ironed collar of his shirt. It didnât make sense. Why would Jongho bother showing up to the meeting of your project group? Even if he was friends with Eric and Sanhaâshouldnât he have the tactfulness to stay away after you went as far as to switch groups (something you were safe to assume wasnât only in your interest, but his as well)?
 You wanted to turn around and leave, maybe send a message that youâd suddenly started to feel unwell, or at least come back with a little delay in hopes Jongho wouldâve left by then, but before you could do any of that, someone called your name.
âHey there!â Felix greeted you with a bright smile, looking genuinely happy to see you again. He had a tray in his hands, four cups you noted, which meant either theyâd already ordered for you as well, or a certain guest was planning to stick around for at least one coffee. You hadnât seen Sanha around yet either, which filled your stomach with a feeling of unease.
âHey,â you nodded awkwardly, âdo you need help carrying that?â
âNah, donât worry. Just follow me, the rest is already there,â he naturally leads the way towards the dreaded table, âI hope you donât mind we ordered for you,â he added, âMatcha with oat milk.â
âOh.â Your gaze lingered on the cup you assumed to be yours, âThank you.â Jongho mustâve told him your usual order. How else would Felix, or Eric for that matter, know? And despite the anger you still felt about Jongho being there in the first place, knowing he cared enough to order for you, knowing he cared enough to remember, awakened something else in the depth of your stomach. You quickly pushed it aside. It was just routine, it didnât mean anything. Felix mustâve asked him if he knew your order, and he mustâve replied automatically, without giving it much thought or care. (But didnât that have its own value too? Didnât it feel inherently meaningful that your habits have become so ingrained in his very being, that he could recite them without thinking?)
âY/n!â Eric pulled you out of your thoughts as you approached the table, a wide grin on his face, âMan, itâs been ages since Iâve seen you last, how have you been?â He got up and hugged you so naturally and friendly, it made you wonder if he even knew about the break up. You didnât dare to ask though, didnât want to bring up that awful topic so you just hugged him back, told him youâd been great and left it at that. You sat down across from him, next to Felix and at the biggest possible distance from Jongho. Youâd wanted to glare at him, ask him why the fuck he was here, but now that you were actually close enough to talk to him for the first time since the end of last semester, it suddenly felt hard to even look at him. So, you focused on your matcha instead that Felix had placed in front of you, appreciating the latte art that fittingly almost looked like a clover.
âWhenâs Sanha joining us?â You asked, trying to come off as casual and relaxed and driving home that air of nonchalance by taking a sip of your drink.
âOh, you didnât know?â Eric sounded surprised. âHim and Jongho switched groups.â
You choked so badly on your matcha you almost spat it in his face, and gratefully accepted the tissue that was handed to you, before even realizing it was Jongho who handed it to you.
âItâs a good thing though,â Eric easily continued, âI love Sanha, but I think with Jongho in our group we have a pretty good chance of getting an A+, donât you think?â
âYeah,â you were still barely able to breathe, âRight.â
You tried your best to keep it together while Eric and Felix were there, focusing on the project and assigning tasks for everyone until the next meet up. The moment they left though, and it was just you, whoâd purposely lingered, and Jongho who, for some reason, had stayed behind as well, you exploded.
âWhat the fuck?!â You hissed, quiet enough not to make a scene, but not holding back any of the anger seeping into your voice.
âSomeoneâs angry, huh?â
You wanted to spit in his annoyingly composed face. How could he remain this calm? Did seeing you again not phase him at all?
âOf course Iâm angry! Why did you change groups?!â
He shrugged, âI could ask you the same, no?â
âYou couldâve at least said something! Then I wouldnât have bothered switching!âÂ
âYou didnât say anything either,â A grin slipped onto his features, âAnd considering these are my friends, couldnât you have anticipated this to happen? Did you maybe want to work with me?â
Maybe you hadnât thought this through. Why hadnât this occurred to you? But then why didnât he tell anyone? If not you, why not at least Wooyoung and San? After all, it concerned them, too! You shoved the last of your notes into your bag, not caring at all about the way the paper crinkled beneath your fingers.
âWhatever, guess Iâll just have to change back.â
âOh, yeah, Iâm sure the professor will love that. He already seemed mildly annoyed about switching the groups once, Iâm sure doing it again will leave a great impression,â he handed you your ballpoint pen that you hadnât realized was still laying on the table, âWeâve already distributed tasks anyway, just roll with it. Switching now will just make more work for everyone.â
He was right. Of course, he was right. Perfect, smart Jongho tended to be right about everything. Guess you were stuck with Jongho in your project group, again.
âDonât kill me for saying this, and I do feel so sorryâbut this situation is also kind of hilarious,â Wooyoung looked at you with mirth in his eyes, while San next to him was slurping up his ramyeon without much care.Â
âNo, I absolutely will kill you, how is this hilarious?!â
âI meanâboth of you switching groups to avoid each other and then ending up in the same group again? That must be some crazy fate.â
âYeah, right, fate, or maybe a certain someone,â you stared him down extra hard, âisnât as close to his friends as he thinks he is, or else Iâm sure Changbin wouldâve told you about this and we couldâve avoided the whole mess.â
âHonestly,â San intervened, mouth still full, âeven Changbin seemed surprised when Sanha showed up to the group meet up. Jongho mustâve just given him the time and place and left it at that.â
Huh. âThatâsâweird.â Jongho was usually a bit moreâŚorganized? Than that? Normally, he wouldâve at least given someone in his group a heads up, wouldnât he?
âHm,â Wooyoung hummed, a small encouraging smile on his face, âI suppose heâs struggling with the break up just as much as you are.â
That thought honestly made you feel a little better. You werenât the only one having a hard time. Jongho was struggling too. Why else would he have bothered to switch groups in the first place?
âTo be honest thoughâIâm still confused about the break up. I get if you donât want to talk about it, but it feels so sudden. Werenât you still all over each other at the end of the semester? What happened?â
âYeah,â San echoed as he finished the last of his noodles, âWhat happened?â
You chewed on your lower lip, unsure what to say, âItâs justâŚ. Heâs an ass?â
âOh, god,â Wooyoungâs jaw tensed, âif he cheated on you Iâll literally kill him.â
âNo!â You sighed. âHe didnât cheat.â
âThank god, Iâm not ready to defend someone in court,â San let out a breath of relief, âEspecially not for murder. Because, legally, this wouldnât even be manslaughter.â
âItâd definitely be manslaughter. Itâd be all the heat of the moment, a non-malicious crime of passion. Not that Iâd be dumb enough to get caught.â
âIt would not be manslaughter,â you agreed with San, âbut thereâs no killing happening anyway. As I said, he didnât cheat.â
Wooyoung didnât seem really convinced as he eyed you critically. âThen why? What happened?â
âIt just wasnât meant to be,â you shrugged, unable to meet his gaze, in fear heâd see right through you and the fact that the break up was all your fault. âWhy are you so surprised? You didnât even like him when we first started dating.â
âI didnât not like him!â
âYou called him a stuck up prick.â
âA silver spoon snob, too,â San added.
âWhy are yâall ganging up on me?â He huffed in offense, âAnd that was all just because I thought I needed to protect you! Before I knew how cute he actually is behind that serious face.â
âYou date him then.â
âNah, my bestieâs ex is off limits.â
âRight,â you rolled your eyes at him, âIf thatâs all thatâs stopping you, then you have my blessings.â
Wooyoung grinned, âDonât regret that later when youâll inevitably want him back.â
âI wonât.â What a stupid lie, when youâd never wanted to break up in the first place. But what right did you even have to want him back?
âBesides,â Wooyoung added, âuntil I hear a proper reason for the break up, I doubt the legal validity of it. In my books youâre still married until proven otherwise.âÂ
âIsnât the fact that we both wanted to avoid each other so bad we switched groups proof enough that weâre over for good?âÂ
âNice try, mittens. You switched groups precisely because youâre not over at all.âÂ
Working in a group with Jongho was exhausting. Eric had a pointâchances of getting an A+ with Jongho wasnât unlikely, after all he was a perfectionist. Unfortunately though, he made that everyoneâs business. As you analyzed the case your group was given for the assignment, he nitpicked every little detail, to make sure you werenât missing anything. And maybe, under different circumstances, you couldâve appreciated it. Jongho wasnât usually rude or harsh about his criticism, just honest. But with everything that had happened between the two of you, it felt hard not to take every little comment personally. Even when you knew his criticism was valid, you couldnât stop yourself from feeling like he was judging your work more harshly than anyone elseâs out of the grudge he held for you. So, you argued back, pathetically defended your stance as if it was a client you knew all too well was guilty and yet pleaded innocent.Â
âThe buildings shared a wall, Neighbour B shouldâve informed Neighbour A before tearing it down,â Jongho calmly stated and you knew he had a point. You knew, and yetâ
âIt was Bâs property, why would they have to inform anyone about a decision that only concerns their building?â you shot back, less calm, less collected, less fit to be a good lawyer.
âIt does concern the other party, though. They suffered damages,â Jongho frowned, and you could tell by the expression on Felixâ and Ericâs faces that they felt uncomfortable, but you couldnât bring yourself to back down.Â
âItâs not like A wouldâve had any right to stop them, so why make a big deal out of it before anything even happened? It wouldnât have changed anything!âÂ
âRight,â he huffed, âWhy bother talking about things, when the decision was already made, huh?â Something flashed through Jonghoâs eyes, bitter, hurt, angry.
Felix cleared his throat, âUhm, guys, are we still talking about the case?âÂ
The mask of indifference returned to Jonghoâs face, âObviously.â
âWhat else would we be talking about,â you added, but your voice was barely convincing. Truthfully, you didnât know. It didnât feel like it.Â
Once the group session was concluded you hurried to pack up your things, this time not at all interested in staying back with Jongho again, but it seemed you werenât getting much of a choice. The second youâd stuffed everything into your back, you bid them farewell and rushed out of the cafĂŠ, but Jongho easily caught up to you.Â
âLetâs talk.â
âI donât have anything to talk about,â you replied with a dry voice, starting to make your way towards the campus.
âWell, then just listen. Because I have something to talk about.â
You rolled your eyes but still stopped and turned around to look at him. âLetâs hear it then.â
âI know we broke up,â he started and it felt like the worst way to start a conversation, honestly, âBut that doesnât mean you can sabotage the group.â
âIâm not sabotaging anything.â
âYou get snippy whenever I criticize anything.â
You want to kill him. For a brief moment you feel like maybe, breaking up was the right choice. âMaybe your criticism isnât all that great, Jongho, ever considered that? Maybe you are not actually smarter than everyone else.â
You didnât truly believe what you were saying but he was stunned for a moment and then, to your surprise, shrugged. âFair enough. Still, Iâd prefer not to have arguments in the group that feel so personal.â
âWell, Iâm sorry for having feelings. Not surprising that you canât relate to that though.â
His face hardened ever so slightly, âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âIt means that just because you can pretend the break up didnât happen and are completely fine, the same doesnât have to apply to me.â
âWell, just because Iâm not dealing with it the same way as you doesnât mean I donât care at all!â His face was gleaming with an anger so intense, it mightâve scared you under different circumstances. But right now you felt smug about finally breaking his mask of calm indifference. It was satisfying. Maybe you couldnât make him love you, but you at least still mattered enough to make him angry.
âAnd besides,â he continued, âY/n, you broke up with me! You donât get to talk to me like that.â
And he was right. It was you who'd said the words first. But you'd never meant them, not really. You'd just felt so inadequate, like a stain on Jongho's perfect life. He'd always been just a little bit too perfect to be a real person; prestigous family, flawless CV, perfect grades, and despite all that somehow still a loveable personality. You on the other hand were lacking both brains and ambition, only studying law to somehow satisfy your parents despite knowing they would never be satisfied anyway. And then, when Jongho had gotten a job offer at a renown law firm at the end of last semester while you struggled to even get internships, you'd felt you'd lost your place next to him once and for all. So you'd asked him to break up, not because that was what you'd wanted, but because you'd hoped he would stop you and assure you of your right to remain by his side. But instead, when you'd spit your stupid lies about how we'd never last in the real world anyway, he'd just huffed a laugh. Sure, he'd said, Might as well end it now.
You swallowed around the lump clogging your throat. âMaybe I broke up, but you sure had no qualms agreeing to it."
"What?â He let out a sarcastic laugh, âShould I have begged for you to stay?"
"Yes! Yes, you should have!" A timid âwhy didnât you?â hung in the air, unspoken.
There was defeat in his voice when he finally spoke up again, "You didn't want me, y/n."
He couldnât be further from the truth. "I always wanted you." Youâd just needed assurance, needed to know he wanted you enough to fight for you. But he didnât.
In your peripheral vision, you spotted Felix and Eric coming out of the cafĂŠ as well. Felix headed down the street, but Eric was coming your way. Jongho mustâve spotted him too, by the way his demeanor seemed to change at the blink of an eye. It was a subtle shift, maybe not even noticeable to anyone else. But you noticed in the way he let go of the tension in his jaw, in the way the anger disappeared from his eyes.
"Then you shouldnât have broken up with me," was all he said, calm, definite, the end of a conversation. And of course he was right, as he always was: you shouldnât have. But why didnât he call you out on it? Why didnât he say you donât mean that, so you couldâve said youâre right, you always are. But maybe the fact you wanted him to take responsibility for your behavior, wanted him to make up for the mistake you made, was one of the reasons heâd decided to go along with it instead.Because who would want to date a person like that?
"All good?" You heard Eric ask as he approached the two of you.
"Yeah, no worries." Jonghoâs response barely reached you, like the tears welling up in your eyes were clogging your ears, too.
Right. You trailed behind them, not particularly caring about joining their conversation and rather focusing on keeping yourself from crying. No worries. The words rang in your head like they were mocking you. As if all of this meant nothing, was nothing to worry about. But maybe those were his true feelings. Might as well end it now, right?
When you got out of your last lecture of the day, still sorta out of it, you were suddenly met with a bubbly Eric jogging up next to you.
He grinned, âDid you enjoy the lecture as much as I did?â
âUh, yeah, totally.â
âI especially loved the part where he talked about penguins.â
Why would your criminal law professor talk about penguins? âTo be honest I was only physically there,â you admitted sheepishly and Eric laughed.
âYeah, I could tell. I was sitting like, right behind you. You didnât even notice.â
âSorry,â you scrunched up your face in apology.
âNah, itâs fine,â he naturally fell into step with you, âAre you headed home?â
âYeah, you?â
âGot another lecture.â
âI see.â
For a moment it was quiet between the two of you, before Eric picked the conversation back up, âWhat are you doing Thursday?â
You raised an eyebrow, âAm I supposed to be doing something on Thursday?â
âMy roomie and I are hosting a party, you should come.â
âIâuh,â your brain was already coming up with an excuse, but Eric wasnât done talking yet,
âIt seemed like you could use some distraction? And Jongho already said he wouldnât be there, donât worryâyou know how he isnât one to go out on a weekday.â
Neither am I, you wanted to argue, but Eric was right, wasnât he? Maybe you could use some distraction. You yearned for a night of dancing and laughing and partying and not thinking about your ex.
âIâll think about it?â
âNice!â He grinned widely, âIâll text you the address. Oh, and you should bring your friends along tooâWooyoung and San, right?â
âI just said Iââ but he suddenly seemed to be in a rush to get to his lecture,Â
âIâll see you there!â he said as if it was already a sure fact, and perhaps it was.
âYeah, sure,â you sighed and watched him disappear, before you fished out your phone and opened the group chat.
Party on thursday @ ericâs you texted and it didnât even take a minute before the replies came in
woo: noice
san: pregame at our place?Â
woo: U can come by at 6 y/nnie
The party was nice. The music was good and the people were friendly enough that it felt easy to mingle. Felix was there, too, as well as Changbin who immediately roped Wooyoung into a round of beer pong. They played against some of his friends that you didnât know at first, before you were convinced to go up against them together with Ericâs roommate, Juyeon, in the next round.Â
Unfortunately you werenât gifted at all and Juyeon wasnât gifted enough to balance it out. You let out a sigh as your ball once again bounced off the rim of a cup before ultimately falling onto the table.Â
âWeâll get the next one,â Juyeon assured, but you both knew there wouldnât be a next one, unless Wooyoung missed his shot too. He and Changbin already had you down to the last cup, and you could already feel the slight dizziness of the alcohol in your body.
âHope youâre still thirsty,â Wooyoung teased with a grin as he lifted his hand to aim. You wanted to say something back, but right then someone walked through the door behind him. Jongho. What was he doing here? It was so unlike him to go out during the week. Why would he suddenly change things up?
His gaze flitted over the people in the room.Â
Wooyoung made his toss. The ball hit the rim of the cup, circling it once, twice.
Jonghoâs eyes landed on you.
The ball dropped into the cup.
Juyeon said something consoling. Wooyoung and Changbin celebrated with a loud cheer and a tight hug. You felt like throwing up.
The winning team slid their remaining cups to your side of the table, while Jongho averted his gaze and made his way over to the kitchen area. You grabbed the first cup and downed it, hoping to swallow the sick feeling along with it, then the next and the next until there wasnât a single one left. There was cheering and hollering, but you didnât listen, nor did you care, because all that mattered was that Jongho was here.Â
âI couldâve emptied some too, you know? You didnât have to drink by yourself,â Juyeon looked at you with a mixture of surprise and worry.
âI was just so thirsty?â You forced and laugh and wanted to playfully nudge his side, but the movement made you lose your balance that you only regained by grabbing onto the edge of the table, âOh, oops,â you tried not to slur your speech, but you suddenly realized how drunk you were. It made you feel pathetic and embarrassed.
âAre you okay?â Juyeonâs hand hovered over your back, not quite touching you but ready to steady you if needed.
âIâuhm,â you still felt so sick, probably more so than before, because, unsurprisingly, beer wasnât the best medicine for an upset stomach. You blinked, slowly. The world was spinning.
âI think you could use some fresh air,â Juyeon concluded and you just nodded stupidly. He led you towards one of the closed doors in the apartment, a bedroom, you realized, and then towards the full height window, that turned out to be a balcony door as you got closer.
You let out a marvelling âOoohâ as he opened the door and maneuvered you onto the bench outside.Â
âWait here, Iâll get you a glass of water, alright?âÂ
You nodded and somewhat registered him leaving, but your eyes were fixed onto the blinking lights of the city that laid before you like a carpet of stars. It was really beautiful. There was a flowerpot in the corner. Maybe you had to puke.
Jongho was on his way home when Sanha called him. He already figured it would be about Ericâs party before he even picked upâheâd seen the messages in their 00z group chat. He picked up with a sigh.
âWhy are you even bothering? You know I wonât come,â he said instead of a greeting. Jongho didnât like going out during the week, especially if he had an early lecture the next day like he did tomorrow.
Sanha huffed and Jongho could see his grin before his inner eye.
âWhat?â
âWell, Iâm pretty sure Iâll be able to change your mind,â his friend replied. Jongho could hear music and voices in the background, Sanha mustâve already arrived at Ericâs.
âHow so?â He doubted there was anything Sanha could say now to make him come running, but he couldnât deny that his curiosity was piqued, if only ever so slightly.
âY/n is here.â
Jongho stopped in his tracks. That couldnât be. Why would you be at Ericâs party? When he asked Sanha that exact question, the other seemed a lot less irritated by the fact.
âI suppose she was invited?â
âBut why?! And why would she come?!â
âShe probably accurately assumed that you wouldnât come.â
No, fuck that. Jongho was definitely going. He had to. He turned around on the spot and walked back towards the bus station with quick steps. He wouldnât make the next bus, but the one after it should work. âIâll be there in 15, maybe 20 minutes.â
Sanha let out a laugh at the other end of the line, âI knew youâd say that. After all you even made me switch groups just to be on the sââ
âShut up,â Jongho interrupted him, âDonât talk about that when you and the whole world are at Ericâs right now. I donât really need anyone to know.â
âMhm,â Sanha hummed, âJust remember you still owe me that coffee.â
âYeah, sure,â Jongho rolled his eyes. Heâd reached the main street now and he could see the earlier bus at the intersection. As expected, he wasnât going to make that one unless he ran.
âBy the way, when did y/n get so chummy with Juyeon? Did they know each other?â
Jongho felt the breath being knocked out of his lungs, âWhat?â
âTheyâve been talking for quite a while now, and sheâs been laughing a lot. Since when is Juyeon funny?â
âHeâs not.â Jongho hastened his steps, eyes fixed on the bus getting closer. Actually, he could probably still make that one.
âRight? Anyway it seems theyâve teamed up at beer pong.â
You sucked at beer pong. Youâd probably get drunk. Or Juyeon could play the gentleman and drink for you and make you fall for his stupidly pretty face and tall frame. Yeah, no.Â
Jongho fell into a jog before he straight up started running while the bus was rolling into the stop. He made it just in time before the doors closed.
âYou good?â Sanha asked when he heard his heavy breathing through the line.
âYeah, yeah. Iâll be there in ten.â
âTen suddenly?â
âCaught a bus earlier than expected.â
Sanha laughed. âSomeoneâs desperate.â
âJust shut up and have a drink ready for me.â
âOf course. See you in ten.â There was still amusement in his voice. Sanha seemed to be having a lot of fun at his expense.Â
When he arrived he marched right into a game of beer pongâWooyoung and Changbin against you and Juyeon. Sanha was right, the two of you seemed chummy. Why? Since when? Did you get to know each other during the break? Your eyes met his for a brief moment. You seemed shocked, as if you truly hadnât expected Jongho to be here, and if he was being truthful that hurt a little. A part of him had entertained this secret fantasy that maybe, possibly, you came tonight hoping to see him. After all, Eric was his friend. It made sense for Jongho to be here, more sense for him than for you. But you looked truly caught off guard with your wide eyes. And also a little drunk; Jongho could tell from the slight redness on your cheeks and forehead. It was cuteâ
He tore his gaze away. He needed a drink. And so did you it seemed, because he could see you emptying one cup after the other from his peripheral vision. He hadnât wanted Juyeon to be your shining knight, hadnât wanted you to have a chance to witness Juyeonâs cool side. But now, seeing you drink them all by yourself made him angry too. You were clearly drunk already, why was no one drinking for you?
Sanha pulled him out of his thoughts as he held a cup under Jonghoâs nose.
âYour drink, as promised.â
Jongho took a huge swig of whatever was in there, âYeah, thanks.â It left a slight burn in his throat.
âYou just arrived and you already look ready to go home.â
âWell, I didnât expect to walk straight into that.â He nodded towards the beer pong table. Juyeonâs hand was at the small of your back. The plastic cup crinkled under Jonghoâs tightening grip.
âEasy, cowboy, you know youâre not y/nâs boyfriend anymore, right?â
Jongho shot him a death glare, âYou know as well as I do that that whole break-up was bullshit.â
âI donât think Iâm equipped to have an opinion here,â Sanha replied vaguely, taking a sip of his own drink, âbut whatever the case, youâre not back together.â
âYet,â Jongho corrected. His eyes followed you as Juyeon led you away and Jongho had been at this apartment often enough to know the room you were just entering was Juyeonâs bedroom. His cup got crushed further beneath his fingers. That asshole. You were clearly way too drunk to consent.
âHold this for a second,â he shoved his mangled cup at Sanha and then took big strides through the crowd of the party guests towards the door you just disappeared behind. Before he reached it though, it swung open again and Juyeon came out, almost stumbling into him. âOh, sorry,â He looked slightly startled but seemed to catch up on Jongho having purposely followed him when the latter didnât budge.
âY/n is quite drunk,â Juyeon said as if it was a good explanation.
âI saw that,â His response was unnecessarily harsh, something he was aware of, but didnât care to change.
âSheâs out on the balcony. I was gonna get her some waââ
âIâll take care of it,â Jongho interrupted.
Juyeon seemed unsure for a moment, probably figuring out in his head if Jongho, the ex-boyfriend, could be trusted to take care of you, but ultimately nodded, perhaps driven by the insight that he himself, an almost stranger to you, was definitely a lesser choice. âLet me know if you need something eââ
âI wonât, thanks.â Jongho was already on his way back to the kitchen area to get a glass of water for you.
âMaybe take a bucket with you as wellââ
âI can handle it.â Jongho didnât know himself to be this snippy. But alas.
A few minutes later, he stepped out onto the balcony, glass of water in one hand and a big mixing bowl in the other (how was he supposed to know where they kept their buckets? And Eric was god-knows where and he definitely wasnât going to ask Juyeon, because despite having been wrong about him taking advantage of your drunk state, he still felt somewhat upset just looking at the guy).Â
You were sitting on the bench, hugging one of the seat cushions to your chest as you stared into the night sky. You didnât immediately turn your head to look at him, and even when you finally did it seemed to take you a moment to register that it was him. You blinked slowly, your gaze dropping to the glass in his hands and then back up to his face.
âJuyeon will bring me water,â you said and even though Jongho knew it was probably just because you were drunk, he was surprised by the softness in your voice. Itâd been a while since you spoke to him without any underlying anger. Not that heâd been much better, though.
âI told him Iâd do it.âÂ
âWhy would you?â Your speech was slightly slurred.
âWhy wouldnât I?â He handed you the glass and took it without letting go of the cushion, which made it look quite cumbersome. Still you managed to take a sip before trying to hand it back to him.
âHave some more,â Jongho suggested and you did so without complaints. He sat down on the bench next to you, on the side without a cushion, and wondered what he was doing here.Â
âAre you disappointed? That I showed up instead?â
You didnât look up from the empty glass as you carefully placed it on the ground in front of your feet, only for Jongho to put it on the window sill instead to make sure you wouldnât accidentally break it.Â
âNo,â you finally replied.
Relief washed over him, as well as a sense of reason. If you didnât mind him being here, if you didnât prefer someone else taking care of you, then there was nothing wrong with him doing so.Â
âI puked into the flower pot,â you admitted out of nowhere, in between tiny sips of water, and Jongho was so caught off guard he let out a laugh. In a petty bout of jealousy he thought that Juyeon deserved the vomit in his flower pot.
âI missed that.â
He raised his eyebrow, âMissed what?â
âYour laugh.â
His chest hurt. âYou donât have to miss it.â You can have as much of it as you want. Iâll laugh all the time if that makes you come back.
âNo, I do,â you closed your eyes and leaned back against the bench, âI canât help myself.â
He wanted to hug you but he knew he couldnât, so he just remained silent and looked at you.
Your eyelids fluttered before you opened them again, an odd determination in your eyes. You shoved the pillow aside and it fell to the floor. âCan you take me home?â
âOf course.âÂ
He took your hand and helped you up from the bench and when he realized how wobbly you were on your feet, he wrapped one arm around your waist to steady you. He grabbed his things and your jacket on the way out, and then you were already in the elevator down. You didnât run into anyone of interest (aside from Sanha who met his gaze with a raised eyebrow) and he was glad for that. He didnât want to explain to anyone why he was here, why he was taking you home, and what he wanted even less was to hand you over to Wooyoung or San, who would surely think it was better for them to take you home. And maybe it was, but Jongho didnât want to hand you over to anyone, didnât want to give up this fragile moment of peace between the two of you.
When you stepped outside the building you took a deep breath, as if you hadnât breathed fresh air in ages, as if you hadnât just been on the balcony.
âThis is nice.â
âMhm,â he hummed.
âIâm gonna be sick,â and without warning you hunched over and puked in between the trash cans. He tried his best to keep your hair out of your face and slowly rubbed your back until you were done. It was gross, obviously, but a part of him felt nostalgic. It made him feel like your boyfriend again. Like a few semesters back, when you hadnât quite figured out your tolerance yet and ended parties like this more often than not. And he would take care of you until you felt stable enough to walk home, and when you didnât heâd carry you on his back and youâd whisper silly little I love youâs into his ear. As he rubbed your back, he wondered when youâd said it last, and if heâd hear it again.
He wiped your mouth with a tissue and gave you the bottle of water heâd still had in his backpack to let you rinse your mouth.
âBetter?â
You nodded, âBetter.â
âCan you walk?â
You seemed to consider for a moment, as if you were contemplating the correct answer, before you finally shook your head. He huffed a laugh. âFine then.â
Jongho crouched down in front of you, the way heâd always done, making it easier for you to get on his back. His chest felt tight when you wrapped your arms around him.
And then he started walking, carrying you home because it wasnât terribly far from here, and because that was what heâd always done. He felt you snuggle into him, tucking your face into his neck, and it was such a small gesture, something heâd considered so normal that heâd barely even noticed it, but now it felt like the world.
âWhy didnât you beg?â You mumble into the collar of his hoodie.
âWhat?â
âWhy didnât you say no? You couldâveâyou couldâve just said no.â
âHadnât you already made up your mind? Werenât you going to tear down the building either way?â
You shook your head, he assumed, and the movement of your hair felt ticklish against his skin. âI justâI wanted you to want me.â
âWhat kind of nonsense is that?â He looks straight ahead at the streetlights cutting through the darkness. âYou know I wanted you.â
âBut thatâs different. You wanted me in a college way, not in a future wife way.â
It sounded so ridiculous he wanted to laugh, but he couldnât, because this was about you and about his relationship and it was too important to laugh, no matter how ridiculous. âWhat does that mean?â
âIt means you wouldâve always left me, so I did it first.â
âAre you serious right now?â
âYeah,â you snuggled further into his neck as if your words werenât even contradicting that display of affection in the slightest. Though, in your drunk and tired eyes it was probably more about being comfortable and less about showing any kind of affection. âYou have your whole life ahead of you after all.â
âY/n, weâre the same age.â
âBut your future is worth more than mine.â You said it so matter of factly, like a truth youâd always known and secretly held onto, and maybe that was the most shocking part. Jongho stopped walking. He even almost dropped you, but remembered to hold on just in time.Â
âThatâs bullshit,â he replied, but he already knew youâd disagree. Youâd disagree and then explain to him the ways in which you were right, give arguments that had never even occurred to him. Heâd never even considered the value of his life or future, nor had he ever thought to weigh it up against yours. And by what measure, anyway? What made a future more valuable? Who decided that?
You, apparently.
âItâs not. Youâll have your fancy,â you were interrupted by a hiccup, âjob and drive a fancy,â another hiccup, âcar and I will just,â another, âbe me.â The last word slipped from your lips like an insult. âYou wouldâve left me anyway.â
âI wouldnât have,â he insisted, âThere is no just you. There is you. And I like you.â
âYou used to love me, though.â
He did let out a small, huffed laugh now. âAnd I would say that I still do, if I thought you wanted to hear it.â
âI want to hear it.â Your breathing sounded really calm now, as if you were on the brink of falling asleep.
âI love you.â
He heard the sleepy smile in your voice as you replied, âMe too.â
The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the excruciating headache that only got worsened by the shrill sound of your alarm. You groaned and aimlessly fumbled with your phone until it finally stopped. This was why you didnât like going out on weekdays.
After another ten minutes of drifting back to sleep, you tapped your phone screen to check the time. Almost 9. Fuck. You were going to miss the lecture. When you closed your eyes once more, hazy memories came back to you. Playing beer pong. Puking into Juyeonâs flower pot. Someone giving you water. Someone holding your hair. Someone carrying you on his back. Someone saying he loves you.
Jongho? You suddenly felt awake. Did that actually happen? Did you just dream it?
A message popped up on your phone screen.
Jongho: we need to talk
Double fuck.
You didnât want to, but you forced yourself out of bed and into your shower. Thereâd been painkillers on the nightstand that youâd swallowed down with a big gulp of water and you thought they were already helping. When you finally got dressed and ready to go, your lecture was already halfway over. But you werenât driving to campus for that lecture anyway.
You sat down on some stairs and waited for Jongho to come out. You needed this talk, as much as he did, probably. But you dreaded it too, confused by your own patchy memories and scared of that small hope inside of you getting crushed again. Still, you waited.
He didnât smile when he spotted you, but he didnât look upset either. It was something else, like insecurity and openness, feelings Jongho didnât tend to wear on his sleeve.
âHow are you feeling?â he asked when he plopped down beside you.
âHungover.â
He chuckled, âI can imagine.â
âScared, also.â
He frowned, âOf what?â
That you didnât mean what you said yesterday. Or worse, that it was just a dream. But you couldnât bring yourself to say that. Not even now, so you shrugged instead.
He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on his own hands. Speaking didnât seem to come easy to him either, and it made you feel closer to him, reminded you that he wasnât this perfect entity but rather also just a person.
âDid you mean what you said yesterday?â he finally asked.
You didnât remember half the things you said. âWhich part?â
âAll of them. That you wanted me to stop you. That you thought Iâd be leaving you anyway,â he took a small breath, âThat you love me.â
It felt like a now or never type of situation. If you werenât going to be honest now, when would you? So you nodded. âYes.â
âAll of them?â
â...Yes.â
Jongho turned to look at you and there was so much hurt and vulnerability and desperation in his eyes, it almost made you feel sick to look at him because you knew this was your fault.
âI wasnât going to leave,â he said and you think he said something like that yesterday too.Â
âIâm sorry,â you replied because it was the only thing you could come up with, âIâm sorry for not trusting you.â
âAnd I wonât leave now, either, if you donât want me to.â
Your eyes widened, unable to quite grasp the meaning of his words.
âBut you canât break up with me again. Not unless you mean it.â
Tears were welling up in your eyes, and you knew you were still on campus and it wasnât the best place to get emotional, but you didnât care. âIâm sorry,â you whispered again with a wobbly voice.
âThatâs not an answer.â
You sniffed, âI wonât. I wonât break up with you again.â
âPromise?â
âPromise.â
He let out a breath, as if heâd been holding onto it for a long time.
âGood.â He took your hand and intertwined your fingers and it felt so good, so reassuring, so much like home to be connected to him like that again. He stared at your hands long and hard and it made you think he was probably thinking about the same thing. But then he said âYou know your future isnât actually less valuable than mine, right?â
You almost felt ashamed. Like a child thatâd messed up. You knew the answer would be Yes but it would also be a lie, so you stayed silent.
âAnd to be honest, Iâd much prefer to think of it as our future anyway.â
Ours. That sounded pretty nice. It sounded like a shared apartment and getting groceries and taking vacations together. It sounded like building a home. It sounded like being together.
âIâd like that.â
A smile spread on his lips before he connected them with yours. âGood,â he said again.
âGood,â you repeated.
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you and park seonghwa, petty rivals since the third grade, can't stand the sight of each other. at least, that's what you both claim. sometimes, getting the truth out of two stubborn people just requires turning up the heat. â§
⡠genre, warnings. nc-17. academic rivals 2 lovers, college au, by definition this is a slow burn, swearing, drinking, angst, moms comparing you to other children </3, petty rivalry bc why r they like this in college it's been 12 YEARSâ, kissing at some point i promise, STEM </3, business major slander (it is justified for this character LOL), i spent two whole paragraphs describing how seonghwa gets out of a pool, like one suggestive line, slice of life, gets a little sappy at the end, brief mention of blood
⡠word count. 30.4k (ao3 link)
⡠associated tunes. the winner takes it all (abba), lemon drop (ateez), angeleyes (abba), i think i'm in love (kat dahlia)
a/n: this is my submission for the live alive! collab!! go check out everyone else's fics too <3 pls enjoy!!
SOME THINGS WERE JUST meant to ruin your entire day.
â0% chance of rain, huh?â you muttered wryly as you stared out at the torrential downpour with a scrunched nose.
âGood afternoon, Aurora County! It seems that our region has been hit with an unexpected storm. Get your umbrellas and raincoats out, everyoneâespecially if you're in the KQ University areaâweâll be in for a very wet evening,â came the voice of the news anchor from the local channel. It was broadcast on the small flatscreen hoisted up in the corner of the corridor behind you. He sounded all-too jolly for the current state of your world.
You let the front door to the sociology building slam shut behind youânot before it whipped one last gust of air conditioning at your backâleaving you to the storm, the heat, and your own devices. How the hell were you supposed to walk home in this?
The day had commenced rather uneventfully, as most mundane days in the middle of the week did. Spring quarter was in full swing with midterms creeping up faster than you could run out of this obscene amount of rain.
You racked your brain for any friends with a car who might have still been on campus. There was a decent chance there was someone around who could give you a ride back to the house, right?
BEEP BEEP!
You nearly flew out of your skin at the sound of a car honk going off down the steps from where you stood. In this small back street on campus, there weren't many cars that passed by who weren't instructors or TAs.
You squinted out into the heavy downpour as the passenger window to the silver sedan rolled down. âOy! Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna let me drown before you get in here?â
âWooyoung?â you shouted back, disbelief stark on your face. If he was in the passenger seat, then who wasâŚ
There was a blur of dark hair behind Wooyoung's head in the driver's seat, and you cursed under your breath. It didn't matter; all that mattered was that you got out of this rain. Any friend of Wooyoung's was a friend of yours.
You made a mad dash down the stairs and out to the street with your hand shielding your eyes and your head ducked to keep from being blinded by the fat splotches of rain. You crashed into the backseat of the car, hair slightly damp, skin a little damper. The AC was blasting from the front vents, blowing back a mixture of Wooyoung's signature oak and vanilla-bourbon, as well as a hint of something softer and sweet from the driver's side. AOA's Miniskirt shimmied out from the speakers under the loud accompaniment of the rain drumming overhead as you clocked the C-3PO Lego figurine on the dash.
âHey, thanks,â you exhaled out sharply as you maneuvered around to deposit your backpack at your feet and get yourself strapped into the seat. Your eyes went to the driver's side, eyeing the dark hair at the back of his head. He looked familiarâ
âIf you don't buckle your seatbelt in ten seconds, the car will start yelling at you,â drawled a voice that made your stomach drop.
Swiftly, that realization shifted into a hot flash of annoyance, one that made your nose wrinkle and the corner of your mouth dig into your cheek with disdain. The C-3PO made sense all of a sudden. âOh,â you droned as your seatbelt clicked into place, âit's you.â
Wooyoung's head hit the back of his seat with a loud groan. âPlease, God.â
âThe rain is waiting for you if you'd prefer that to me,â Park Seonghwa said to you through the sharp slant of his eyes in the rear view mirror. You didn't need to see his face to hear the saccharinity lacing his words like venom. âIt wasn't my idea toââ
âEnough!â Wooyoung screeched, fingers digging into his hair. âYou two are so loud sometimes, and that's coming from me!â
You folded your arms over your chest in the manner of a petulant child. You had been in the backseat of Seonghwa's car a total of five timesâand you would attest to everyone you knew that it was at least somewhat unwilling each time.
âSorry,â both you and Seonghwa grumbled under your breaths. At this rate, you knew how annoying yours and Seonghwa's pettiness could be to your friends. It was something that couldn't be helped, even at the ripe age of twenty-somethingâsome things just could not be forgotten. And some people were just meant to ruin your day.
Wooyoung loosened a sigh from his breath that sounded so akin to your mother's. âYeah, yeah. Let's go, I'm hungry.â
Seonghwa tugged the car into drive and the wheels peeled away from the curbside.
The drive from campus to where your house was located wasn't a long one by any means. Walking took far longer than driving, and if it wasn't raining like the world was ending, you wouldn't have minded the walk. You stared out the window to your right, watching the university district pass by behind a curtain of raindrops chasing one another down the glass pane.
âSo I'm guessing this means the car wash fundraiser is gonna be cancelled,â Wooyoung piped up after the last song ended. The synthesizer of the next song began to drift out from the speakers.
You turned to look at the back of his head in front of you. âOh shit, you're totally right,â you said. âI mean, the rain kind of beat us to it.â
There was a click of a tongue from the driver's seat. âSucks,â he muttered. âI was looking forward to raking in more cash than you, Ln.â
You didn't bother to hold back a roll of your eyes. âWhatever helps you sleep at night, Park,â you shot back. A spare raindrop rolled down from your hairline, and you reached up to swipe it away just as it dribbled down the side of your face. When you glanced up to meet Seonghwa's eyes in the rearview mirror, he darted back to look out the front windshield, as if burned by the eye contactâor from being caught.
âAish,â Wooyoung muttered. âI think we all know I'm the moneymaker of our society.â
A snort fell from your lips, and Wooyoung let out a squawk of indignation. âWhat was that?â He twisted around in his seat, hands clutching the back of the headrest as he scowled back at you. âSay it to my face, Ln.â
You grinned. âYeesh, so much of my last name today. You know you boys would have lost, right?â
The three of you had all been a part of the same pre-health student society since the beginning of your college careers. In kind, that meant that you also orbited similar social circles. You and Seonghwa had known each other the longest out of everyone here, having hailed from the same high school, the same community, and the same goddamn neighborhood block. (The universe had it out for you, truly.)
As the end of the school year was rolling around, your society was due for its standard round of fundraising. The idea that the leadership came up with before Spring Break had been that of a car wash fundraiser in bathing suits, and a competition between whether the guys or the girls could raise more money. One could always count on the male gaze, right? But now that this unexpected and early summer storm hit your county this week, it was doubtful that the fundraiser would still go on.
You could hear Wooyoung rolling his eyes through his voice. âI guess leadership is gonna pivot to that speed dating idea then, huh?â
âChanging the subject now, are we?â
âShut up!â
Your mood remained afloat the entire rest of the drive.
When the car began to slow as it neared the apartment complex Wooyoung lived in, you began to gather your things along with him. The rain had yet to let up, but your educated guess told you that you could make it down the street without your backpack flooding.
Seonghwa slid into an empty space along the front curbside, and Wooyoung was already hollering his gratitude, shoulder shoving his door open.
âHey, where are you going?â
You stopped just before you opened your own door, your backpack half on and making you sit at an awkward angle. You turned slightly toward the man who had spoken up and met his eyes in the rearview mirror. âI'm leaving?â you replied.
His eyebrows furrowed. âBut you don't live here.â
Even Wooyoung stalled outside the car as the rain pummeled the top of his hood. âYeah, Yn, you don't live hereââ
âWooyoung, can you please close the door before half the car gets wetâ âSLAMâ âthank you.â Seonghwa saluted to his friend through the passenger window as Wooyoung shouted something unintelligible from outside. The rain made it impossible to hear him, but he didn't wait to repeat himself, and ducked his head while sprinting for the apartment door.
The driver returned his attention to the front. âI'm driving you to your house,â he said, and signalled to get out onto the street again.
âYou don't have to do that. Your place is, like, the opposite directionââ
âIt's just a block away,â he countered. âDo you not want to be dropped off right outside?â
You deflated slightly. You definitely did, but was it not inconvenient to drive further up the street when his own living situation was back the way you just came? You could understand stopping at Wooyoung's apartment because it was in the middle, but enduring not one, but two U-turns in the congested, stormy university streets was not something you were wishing on anyone. Even Park Seonghwa.
He took your hesitation as your answer. âThat's what I thought.â
Whatever. If he wanted to drive the extra block, the extra two U-turns, and spend the extra time in the congested rain with people who didn't know how to drive, then that was his prerogative.
The car was silent for the next three minutes, barring the radio being played at a low volume. Just as he said he would, Seonghwa pulled his car right up into the driveway of the house you shared with six other girls.
He let the engine stall as you maneuvered your second backpack strap over your shoulder. âThanks,â you said quietly, hand lingering on the door handle.
Seonghwa carded a hand through his hair absentmindedly. âYeah, sure. I'll see you at Trivia Night then, I guess.â
âSee you when I wipe the floor with you again, you mean?â you asked as you climbed out of the car, holding an arm over your head.
âClose my goddamn door, Ynââ
Your laughter was interrupted by the slamming of his backseat door and muted by the downpour.
Trivia Night was held every Thursday evening in the basement of the anthropology building. It was the only classroom available at your required hours equipped for all of the society's needs; plus, its projector was still in working condition and it certainly beat the chemistry laboratory building's No Eating policy.
As a handful of the society's members gathered once again, it was beneath the dense storm clouds of the region's recent summer-like showers. This evening's theme was Homeostasis, an apt topic to study when the temperatures lately were far greater than any this city had ever endured in mid-April. When the sky wasn't unleashing the floodgates of Hell over KQ University, it was inflicting a diabolically humid atmosphere.
âDo I really need to know the technical term for your hair standing erect?â Choi San groaned as he waved a hand at the screen, while the traumatic rhythm of the Kahoot theme song distressed everyone in the room.
Society President, exhausted fourth-year, and medical school-hopeful Kang Seulgi had her boots propped up on the desk at the front, crossed at the ankles. She tossed a chip into her mouth. âHey,â she said and pointed at him, âdon't come cryinâ to me when you see 'piloerectionâ on your MCAT and you can't remember why it's relevant.â
From the back row of the desks, Song Mingi hollered out, âCan we switch to physics yet?â
A wave of groans swept through the room in a unanimous objection. The third-year math major widened his eyes at the reaction to his words, expression screaming, 'What'd I do?â His desk neighbor and best friend, Jeong Yunho, wheezed and slapped a hand onto Mingi's shoulder.
âThe only person who actually prefers the physics questions is you, Mingi,â Seonghwa teased from where he sat a few desks to your left. As the only person who had ever ventured past calculus, Mingi was, in turn, the only person in the room who favored math-based topics and was also good at them.
Mingi shrugged his shoulders helplessly and gesticulated wildly between Seonghwa and you. âI can't help that you and Yn suck at math.â
You whirled around in your chair. âHey! Why am I being pulled into this?â you asked, mouth agape.
âBecause you and Hwa have been neck-and-neck for first place for the past twenty questions!â
âIt's only 'cause I'm letting her catch up,â came Seonghwa's flippant reply, feigning boredom as he glanced down at his phone screen.
Your head snapped over him so fast, you nearly gave yourself whiplash. âOh, you're letting me catch up?â
He met your gaze like a challenge, mouth curling into the kind of smirk that made your heart pump (with absolute malice, of course). âI said what I said.â
âAlright.â Kim Hongjoong clapped his hands from the seat beside Seonghwa while sending his own friend a pointed look. âSeulgi, if you'd please justâletâs move on.â
Seulgi blinked, her chip-equipped hand freezing mid-air. âMy show was just getting started.â
âYou're so messy,â snorted Soyeon as she slapped a palm over her mouth. She turned to you and placed a placating hand on your arm. âSorry, babe.â
Your mouth pursed together in an unamused pout, but you were far from being actually offended. Any agitation you might have felt would only be aimed at the guy a few desks down from yours who had yet to wipe that audacious smirk off his face. As your friend and housemate Ronnie liked to remind you, sometimes it felt as if you and Seonghwa bickered like cats for fun. You could not disagree more; the pettiness between you was far more serious than you were proud enough to admit.
Seulgi smiled to herself and shook her head, then clicked something on her keyboard. âOh, before we move on, I thought we'd take a brief commercial break and talk about our upcoming fundraiser.â She muted the Kahoot theme, and the entire room seemed to deflate, all tension seeping out of your postures.
The tab switched to the one on the far left, revealing a PNG of a graphic copy-and-pasted into a document. You leaned back in your seat, loosely folding your arms over your stomach, as you picked out the words âbracelet-makingâ and âmatchmaking.â The idea was not something you had seen or heard of on campus yet, and you found yourself nodding absentmindedly. Bracelet-making was cute.
âLeadership has decided,â said Seulgi as she wiggled her salty fingers at the screen, âthat since the weather has so graciously ruined our plans for this weekend, we would move onto phase two of our fundraising and postpone the car wash idea.â
âSo we're not going forth with the speed dating thing?â Wooyoung piped up from somewhere near San, Yeosang, and Jongho's seats.
Madam President shook her head. âNah. Well, we're just not advertising it as speed dating; it's more like 'friendship matchingâ and making friendship bracelets. The student association doesn't like the idea of actual matchmaking for some reason. We'll just be pairing everyone who decides to participate through thisâ âshe scrolled down to highlight a hyperlinkâ âform. Anyone can join for an entry fee of eight dollars, which includes all of the bracelet-making materials, too.â
Lee Chaeryeong lifted her hand slightly to catch Seulgi's attention. âAnd this is not happening this weekend, right?â
âNo, it'd be too fast of a turnaround, so it'll be hosted two weeks out. Any other questions?â
âWhatâre your pairing criteria?â Seonghwa posed.
Seulgi shrugged. âThat's for me to know and you to never find out. And Hongjoong is sworn to secrecy, so don't even try.â
You chuckled to yourself, glancing over in the pair's direction. Hongjoong was shaking his head and smiling as Seonghwa nudged him in a joking attempt to coax an answer out of him.
When there were no more questions for the moment, Seulgi nodded her head and switched back to the Kahoot host screen. âRemember to repost the announcement on your Instagram stories, or I will make you suffer during our next Trivia Night. Okay! Next questionâŚâ
The remainder of Trivia Night went as anyone could predict: you and Seonghwa tied for first place. No one was surprised.
As members began to trickle out of the room following adjournment, it left only a select few. Soyeon, Seulgi, Yunho, Mingi, and Jongho remained; all five of whom surrounded the instructor's desk at the front of the room that Seulgi occupied to share her bag of chips.
Seulgi gestured at Soyeon with a vague wave of her chip. âIâm surprised you didn't go home with Yn. Don't you guys share a house?â
âYeah, but my friend Miyeon's got this rehearsal she's wrapping up soon,â said Soyeon, âso I told Yn to go back before me since she has some things to do.â
âOh, wait. Donât you guys have that biochem exam coming up?â Jongho chimed in.
Those around him, barring Seulgi, groaned altogether and Jongho snickered. Though most of the third-years in the society were actively enrolled in a biochemistry course, not all of you were in the same section. You, Soyeon, and Seonghwa were in an earlier section, while everyone else had a later section. Both sections were taught by the same professor, though, so both sectionsâ pain was quite similar.
âDon't remind me,â Yunho grunted and he slipped another chip past his lips. âThatâs what I'll be working on all weekend now that we don't have the car wash fundraiser.â
âSpeaking of,â Mingi piped up, nodding to Seulgi, âhow are you planning to make pairs for the bracelet-making thing?â
The president narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. âJust because you brought me muffins last week, Song Mingi, does not mean I'm gonna let you pull anything out of me.â
âOkay, butâ âYunho raised his palm, tongue jammed between his grinâ âcan you at least tell us if you're gonna put Yn and Seonghwa together?â
âSo you want whoever's near them to suffer?â Jongho asked incredulously.
Yunho's smile only widened. He lifted both hands now in a gesture. âC'mon! I can't be the only one tired of their back-and-forth. They can't really hate each other. Soyeonâ âhe shot a finger gun her way, catching the girl mid-chipâ âyou have to know something about this. You live with Yn.â
Soyeon finished chewing her bite, her expression screwing up into something both contemplative and frankly, disturbed. âI mean, I don't know what you expect me to sayâŚâ
âWell, does she bring him up a lot? Because I feel like Hwa definitely brings her up in conversations.â Anyone who was close to Seonghwa could name at least five instances where the man in question spontaneously inserted your name into the conversation. Outsiders who were unfamiliar with your dynamic would think too naively that he was talking about someone he didn't see as his academic rival since the goddamn third grade. (Yunho still shook his head at that. And they called him Mr. Overcompetitive?)
âYes, but it's to, y'know, complain about him!â
Jongho cocked his head to the side. âWe're not counting that then?â
Both Seulgi and Soyeon replied at once, âIt's complicated.â They whipped their heads around to look at each other, then bursted out laughing.
The boys present could only blink at them.
âOkay, okay,â Soyeon said through a last huff of laughter, âI do have to admit that there's no way she engages in these verbal sparring matches all the time with him for fun. Maybe I'm delusional, but she⌠looks at him.â
Yunho thumped his fist against the desk. âSo does he! Look at her, I mean.â
âThird grade until now is a long time for a slow burn arc,â Seulgi mused.
âIt's about goddamn time though.â
Soyeon waved her hands around to stop the conversation. âNow wait a minute, I'm not saying that she has feelings for himââ
Yunho grinned. âYou're not,â he agreed, âbut we're just putting two and two together. If you think about it, if they actually just liked each other, wouldn't that make a lot of sense? All the bickering is just foreplay!â
âGood grief.â
âI'm just saying!â he exclaimed with a laugh. âI think Seulgi should pair them up for the event, so they'll finally realize that the only tension between them isââ
Soyeon put a hand to her brow. âDon't say what I think you're gonna say.â
âI think they need to make out and get it over with.â
âIf they can get over their massive egos first,â Mingi pointed out unenthusiastically.
From her president's chair, Seulgi sucked the remaining salt and crumbs off her thumb and forefinger in deep contemplation. Since the moment you and Seonghwa set foot in this society, there was a feeling prodding at the back of her mind about the two of you; one might call it a hunch, a sixth sense. Maybe you claimed to hate each other's guts, but maybe there was a chance to smooth out that wrinkle and get you both to shut up.
There was another smile curling onto Yunho's face as he regarded her from across the desk. âYou have a plan,â he said. It wasn't a question.
Seulgi merely shrugged. âMaybe I do.â
When you were first entering into universityâand even when you were still in high schoolâpeopleâs favorite fearmongering tactic when you expressed your desire to go into medicine was that organic chemistry would suck the life right out of you. Truly, you wondered if the fear they ingrained in you was what made you ace the series last year, or maybe if it was just because Park Seonghwa was in your class.
You were beginning to suspect that the latter was the case, considering biochemistry was not even half as bad as you were expecting it to be.
âYour flashcards must be magic or something,â Soyeon grumbled beside you as she peered over your shoulder at the Quizlet deck you flipped through. The two of you were amongst the school of other students in your biochemistry course loitering outside the examination hall, cramming last minute knowledge into your already-packed craniums. iPads, textbooks, and notebooks were splayed out and poured over; you were certain someone had even brought a tea light to pray over.
You finished the deck you were on, drumming your fingers along the seam of your pants to give your nervous energy somewhere to go. âThey're not magic; I just become a hermit when exam weeks come around,â you replied. None of this information came natural to you, and the curve of your spine could attest to the amount of hours you spent hunched over your desk, grinding notes and problem sets.
Soyeon hummed, unconvinced, to herself. She had her own notes she was scrolling through on her tablet, a worried furrow between her brows. âIs it weird that I have a bad feeling about this exam?â
Your stomach twisted at just those words. âNo, I feel it too,â you muttered. You shivered then, as if an evil breeze just blew against your neck.
Your eyes coincidentally wandered elsewhere in the building lobby and met the gaze of a familiar opponent.
âNope,â you drawled as the man approached where you and Soyeon lingered, âit's just Seonghwa.â
Soyeon muffled a laugh by squeezing her lips together and she gave your shoulder a light shove. âYou're so petty, oh my god.â
Seonghwa lifted one perfect brow when he drew closer, lowering his headphones to hang them around his neck. âShould I even hazard a guess at what you just said about me?â he asked you directly, understanding full well that Soyeon was not the culprit.
You wrinkled your nose at him. âI have faith that you know.â
Soyeon coughed loudly. âSo, Hwa, how're we feeling about this midterm?â
A sigh fell from his mouth and it was a haggard sound that you could relate with down to your exhausted bones. He raked a hand through his hair, eyes flitting to you before going back to Soyeon. âIt's⌠hit or miss, I think,â he said, almost as if he were picking the words carefully.
âThat's how we're feeling, too,â you added in with an absent-minded bob of your head. âDr. Chung has been in a bad mood lately.â This statement was paired with a grimace while you hissed through your teeth.
âI hear you've been locking in hours at Quill all weekend, Ln.â
Quill was the colloquial name of KQ University's largest library, a frequent haunt of students during Finals Week because it was open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It had also practically become like your third home over the last few years of your undergraduate career. Truly, that reading room had seen far too much of you. âAre you asking around about me, Park?â you queried.
He flashed you a wry smile. âDon't flatter yourself,â he quipped. âEverything I learn about you is against my will.â
âBut you still listen to it, right?â
âKnow thy enemy,â he replied simply.
(Soyeon observed the two of you with a new set of eyes. After the conversation shared between five members of the Yn and Seonghwa Need to Get Over Themselves Club, she hated to admit that she was actually seeing Yunho's pointâand she hated to admit when a man had a point. There was always this inkling wriggling at the back of her mind that there must have been something deeper between you two, but she knew what it was like to not be able to stand the sight of someone.
The difference in this case was that, as much as you both claimed you loathed the sight of one another, you could not keep your eyes off each other.)
Soyeon leaned her elbow onto your shoulder and flashed the screen of her tablet at the both of you. As much as she was fascinated by this little observational study, there was an exam she needed to pass. âCan we go over glycolysis again? We have five minutes before they let us into the room.â
You and Seonghwa snapped out of your previous conversation. âShit,â you muttered while pocketing your phone, âyeah, let's go over it.â
Five minutes later, the doors to the Gwang-Yin Hall opened to allow the flood of students into its bowels. The mass shuffled into the spacious room in an unorderly fashion, a mass of nervous jitters and panic that would eventually tighten into a yarn ball only unwoundable by one's graduation date. Even then, the stress would only continue to mount rather than vanish.
All one could do was trudge on.
Two hours later, your hand was cramping and the digits on the clock projected upon the screen were getting closer and closer to zero. Your knee shook under the tiny wooden desk, palms and fingers sweating as you scanned through your answers and fixed one last response.
âTime! Pencils and pens down.â
A mishmash of curses and thumps rattled throughout the lecture hall. You heard sighs and coughs and calculators slam shut (which was weird because you didn't need a calculator on this exam); paper fluttered as exams were passed to the ends of rows and TAs came by to sweep them up. The professor was yelling at someone to stop writing, but you were already folding the desktop between the seats and shuffling out of the row.
Your brain hurt, fuck.
As you made your way toward the exit, your peers were already finding their friends and exchanging answers. This was arguably worse than the exam itself. You tried not to listen to themâwhat if your answers were different? What if the answer you got wasn't even in the same ballpark?
Exhaustion weighed down on your body from all the stress you'd accumulated over this past week and weekend. You raised your head to let your eyes surf through the crowd. Where was SoyeonâŚ
Your eyes did not snag on Soyeon, but they did catch the back of a familiar head. He was closer to the exit than you were, and you maneuvered through the masses to reach him.
âYoâ âyou appeared at Park Seonghwa's side just as you both shoved out into the disgusting and muggy April morning.
He sent you a look, eyebrows pursed in surprise. âYo,â he said back.
âThoughts?â
Seonghwa sucked in a breath that sounded very much like a hiss. âHit or miss, as I said,â he drawled. âI'm not in the mood to compare answers though, Ln.â
âMe neither. I kind of need caffeine though,â you thought aloud. It was only the beginning of the day, after all. You still had to get through a lab and one more lecture before you were due at the university hospital for a volunteer shift.
âThat sounds⌠super good right now actually.â Seonghwa's eyes went from you to the phone in his hand. âWhere are you headed?â
âPhysics lab,â you grunted with a scrunched-up nose.
His expression shifted. âOh,â he said. âThe wave simulator one?â
âYeah, the one they made us learn beginner Python for.â
âIt's easy,â he told you with a flick of his wrist. âMy group finished early and left with like, an hour to spare.â
You cocked a brow at him. âEasy for you to say. You went to that Comp-Sci camp in high school every summer.â You didn't know what inside you suddenly thought to speak the words in your head, but they were out in the open now. Maybe you really were tiredâin what reality did you even suggest that he was better than you at something?
Seonghwa made a sound that was suspiciously akin to a laugh. Disbelief filled his face; he shifted a foot toward you. âYou remember I went to fuckass Comp-Sci camp?â
âDon't get ahead of yourself,â you quipped, squinting one eye at him. Maybe you should not have said that, but there were worse places to be stuck. âMy mom just would not shut up about it.â Just like how she would not shut up about how much better Seonghwa was doing in his academics, and in general. The comparisons had gotten so out of hand when you were kids.
He bit his cheek. âDonât worry, Ln, my mom wouldn't shut up about how you tutored first graders after school everyday. If that makes you feel better.â
Your mouth curved into a frown, albeit incredulously. How much did your mom tell his mom? Neither you nor Seonghwa asked to be pitted against each other, but the dynamic had been ingrained in the two of you like a bad habit, and bad habits died hard. âIt's whatever,â was all you managed to say. You shouldn't have brought it up.
Seonghwa looked as if he was going to say something. His mouth opened, then snapped shut, his mind changed. âYeah, it's whatever.â
In seventh grade, Seonghwa's bike broke down along one of the worn trails behind the school that would take him toward the block you both lived on. The situation ended up with bloodied and scraped-up knees, and an equally bloodied and scraped-up ego, because you had watched it happen in real time.
Middle schoolers were not known for their empathy, but you saw the watery silver lining his eyes as he angrily shoved himself to his feet, tugging his bike along with him. He could barely step without his legs trembling.
Maybe your mom had just reminded you that he won the science fair again, but it didn't exactly feel right to abandon him on this trail, of all places. You slowed your bike to a stop next to him and met his glare with defiance.
âJust leave me alone.â
âSo you don't want a ride home?â
He scoffed. âNot from you. I don't need help.â
You could have growled with all of that middle school girl rage. âGet on the dang bike, Seonghwa. You're bleeding.â
He glanced down at his shins. Dark red streamed from the open wounds as if he'd just survived some chainsaw murderer, not Mother Nature from the height of a bike. Seonghwa glanced back over at you on your bike, the foot bars on the back wheel. He couldn't meet your eyes as he abandoned his vehicle on the path and propped one foot onto the corresponding bar of yours. âIf I hear you talking about this at schoolââ
âYeah, whatever,â you interjected, rolling your eyes. His fingers dug into your shoulders and you felt his weight press down on the wheels. You propelled your foot off the dirt trail and pumped your legs to make it up the small hill ahead. He could do his worst for all you cared.
âGood afternoon, Aurora County! It looks like we're in for another stormy week. Forecast says to expect showers through to the weekend with highs of about 86 degrees Fahrenheitââ SLAM.
You brought an umbrella to your sociology lecture this time.
The accessory popped out like a parachute as you launched it above your head, wincing as raindrops went flying in all directions. The outside world remained a living saunaâhot and wet and miserable. Nobody asked for this.
You paused to select a playlist to listen to, then commenced what you expected would be a long trek in the rain. Wednesdays were usually what you considered your break days; they acted as somewhat of a pause during the middle of the week to give you a moment to breathe. In the morning, you had a very relaxed bioethics seminar, and in the afternoon, it was your sociology lecture. There was a reason you loved Wednesdaysâ
BEEP BEEP!
DĂŠjĂ vu washed over you like rainwater being splattered by a car racing past. The familiar silver sedan rolling up next to you in the street sealed the deal.
Park Seonghwa lowered the passenger side window only partially. âYou need a ride?â
âAre you purposefully driving down this way orâŚ?â This week and the week before were the only times you ever saw him drive on this road. What class did he even have before this?
âThe main road that gets to North campus is closed for reconstruction, remember? They roped it off two weeks ago.â He deadpanned at you, unamused. âOf course, I'm driving this way on purpose.â
You made a face at him. âYou don't have to be chivalrous.â
âSo that's a no?â
âI don't need a ride from you.â As if it would help your case, you waved your hand up at your umbrella with a flourish. âI have coverage.â
His expression somehow seemed to flatten further. âGet in the car, Yn.â
Your reputation as a Seonghwa hater was suddenly in danger if you got into this car. You had an umbrella, good tunes, and a free afternoon. It was Wednesday, a good day.
You got in the car.
âThis could be considered kidnapping,â you hummed with no real malice as you wrestled your umbrella into its closed position, then shut the door.
Alright, Drama Queen. He rolled his eyes and pulled the car forward. âI regret everything.â
As soon as you settled properly into the seat, you realized where exactly you found yourself. The AC was blowing a cool and comfortable breeze at you, rustling up the smell of his flowery-coffee cologne. The song playing on low from the stereo was one that settled on the tip of your tongue, a name you could only remember when you saw its title on the navigation screen. And then there was that damned C-3PO Lego figurine stuck to the dash.
Seonghwa was less than a foot away from you with only the center console separating you. The two of you have sat closer to one anotherâthere was that spelling bee tournament in third grade, that school assembly in sixth grade, that Science Olympiad competition in tenthâbut all of those had been assigned. This was something you did on your own, just as you had run after him post-exam yesterday, just as he had walked up to you and Soyeon pre-exam.
You fiddled around on your phone and tucked your earbuds into your backpack, antsy to forget where you were and the choices you'd made.
He coughed. âSo,â he said, dragging out the vowel, âhow was the physics lab yesterday?â
There was a sudden spike of anxiety in your chest from the question, even though the lab itself had gone pretty okay yesterday. It was as if your body was gearing up for another cat fight on its own, as it seemed to do frequently around him. âFine,â you said. âI really don't know why they made us do a whole workshop for learning Python, though, when all we did was change two numbers around.â
âYeah,â he chimed in with a sigh, carding a hand through his hair as he made a turn, âme neither. It was helpful if you wanted to make more advanced adjustments though.â
âOh.â You couldn't help but think: how much more was Seonghwa learning or gaining from each lab because he had a slightly better foundation than you did in code? There would undoubtedly be future lab situations where you would need to know some kind of code in more depth, but⌠You dashed the thought away; you could look into an online course later. It would be fine. âYou have your physics midterm next week, too, right?â
He grunted, the corner of his mouth pressing into his cheek. âUnfortunately. You?â
âSame.â You glanced out the passenger side window. âSeulgi's probably gonna give into Mingi's demands tomorrow nightâfor physics questions, I mean.â
Seonghwa chuckled something low. âYeah,â he agreed with a grimace, âa nice reminder of what we're in for. Maybe this time, I'll even let you beat me.â
You arched a brow at him, unimpressed. âYou'll be so low on the rankings tomorrow, you'll never forget what gravity feels like.â A bold statement from someone who could barely punch the right buttons on her calculator. Then again, while Seonghwa went to Computer Science camp, it didn't necessarily mean he was good at math⌠or computer science. He just knew slightly more than you.
(Maybe it was time to actually look into coding classes.)
âSpeaking of gravity.â
Curious, you lifted your head to look at him.
His eyes darted off the road briefly to meet your gaze, before settling on the rain-slicked streets, the car's wipers swishing back and forth over the windshield. âMy mom keeps asking about you,â he said, the words coming out terse as if he had to rip them out of his vocal cords.
What did that have to do with gravity?
âAh,â you vocalized. His mom asks about you, too? You didn't necessarily find yourself in too many situations like thisâsituations wherein you had time for a full-length conversation. Truth be told, your mom enjoyed asking about Seonghwa, too. âTell her what I tell my mom about you.â
His brow flicked up when he glanced at you this time. âAnd what's that?â
âThat you're fineâI mean, doing fine.â
The car paused at the red light, the rain continuing to drum overhead. His stare bored into the side of your head, and you couldn't understand why your pulse suddenly leapt. Your heart was doing sprintsâno, cartwheelsâas his lips pulled into a cheeky sort of grin. You chalked up your racing heartbeat to annoyance. He did have an infuriating face. âHow fine am I, Ln?â
Was it hot in here? You could have sworn the air conditioning was on.
You looked back at him blankly and held your poker face for as long as physically possible. âCheck your ego, Park.â
The only reason he broke away was because the traffic light turned green.
As a responsible pre-health student with an impending physics midterm, you were stuck in the library on a Friday afternoon. The weeks seemed to tear by fast in the spring quarter, and you weren't sure you could keep up. Rain, as forecasted by the oh-so-helpful Aurora County weatherman, battered the windows of Quill Library, creating a comfortable white noise that nestled between the gaps of your headphonesâ shoddy noise cancelling function.
You stretched your arms over your head and pulled your spine up toward the ceiling. That was another practice problem set completed, and yet, you still felt worlds away from where you wanted to be.
With your head raised, you made a cursory scan of your surroundings. In this area of Quill, the tables were slightly larger, big enough to fit four people comfortably, as well as any and all work those four people might find themselves tackling. You were this table's lone occupant, but there were other tables lining the window down the length of this wall of the library, too, all taken up as well. Midterm season made this place popular, no matter the time of day.
It only made sense then that when you turned your head in the direction of the hallway, you made direct eye contact with a pair of fellow students who were undoubtedly in search of an open table, as well.
Kim Hongjoong seemed to physically float at the sight of youâor rather, the sight of your nearly empty table. Seonghwa didn't so much as smile. (You had been seeing a lot of him recently.) The latter had no choice but to follow the former over to where you sat, their wet sneakers tracking over the grey carpet.
You shifted one ear of your headphones. âHey?â
Hongjoong had his palms pressed together in a prayer position. âPlease tell me no one else is sitting here.â
You were tempted to say that Seonghwa might have to go find alternative seating, but even then in this seating climate, that might be too harsh of a joke. âI'm doing well, too, Joong. How are you?â you teased him with a small smile. You made a flourishing gesture to the empty seats across from you. âYeah no, be my guest.â
âThank you,â he said, waving Seonghwa over before squeezing into the seat closest to the window. âAnd sorry, we just had the worst time going through the tables in the reading room. I had no hope.â
You and Seonghwa made brief eye contact as he slid into the seat across from you. âI figured by the defeat on your face,â you mused to Hongjoong. âI just got lucky 'cause my bioethics lecture got out early, so I thought I'd find a place to plant for the afternoon.â
Hongjoong bobbed his head as he rummaged for his iPad in his messenger bag. âSounds like a plan. I'll probably only be here for a couple hours, really, and then I've got this club meeting to go to.â He nudged Seonghwa with the back of his hand, forcing the man to take out one of his earbuds. âYour plans: go.â
Seonghwa's eyes widened slightly as Hongjoong caught him off guard. His eyes darted to you, then back to his friend. âUhh,â he said and scratched the side of his jaw, ânot sure. I'll see how this goes.â He gestured to the notebook and laptop he'd just pulled out, the notebook cover labeled with a Post-It note that read Phys upside down.
âYeah,â you drawled with a nod, eyeing him.
âOh, Ynâ âHongjoong caught you before you moved your headphones back into place and you were lost to the world of fluid mechanicsâ âSeulgi's hosting a house party tomorrow night. Are you coming?â
Your face lit up with surprise. âThat's a little last minute, isn't it?â
He shrugged with a sheepish grin. âYou know her,â he replied helplessly. âI know a handful of people from the society will be thereâplus, a lot of other people she knows. You should bring your housemates!â
âI dunno, Joong⌠I do have that midterm on Monday.â
âI already know you'll be studying all weekend,â he parried. âIt'll just be for a few hours. You can swing by for a little, catch up, and then head home in time to get enough sleep to cram on Sunday.â
You abhorred that he knew your habits, sleeping and studying. Attending a house party the weekend right before a physics midterm was not a word to the wise, but if people from your society were going to be there, then perhaps they weren't too worried about their exams. It would be a nice, little break from all of the studying you'd been doing lately, as well as a reward for locking in.
Instead of giving Hongjoong a direct response, your eyes flickered to Seonghwa who was pretending like he wasn't listening. âIs he going?â you asked, jabbing the end of your pen in his direction.
âI'm right here,â he muttered.
Hongjoong shrugged. âDon't let a man stop you from having fun, Yn.â
Now that was a word to the wise. You felt your mouth pull into a smirk. âYou are so right,â you said to him. âBut I'll still have to let you know. If today goes well, then maybe you'll see me.â
A couple of hours came and went, and so too did Hongjoong. He rushed off to his club meeting, wishing both you and Seonghwa luck with your studying.
And then there were two.
You both continued to study independently and silently for a few more hours, coexisting in the same space of the library. At some point, the rain outside had quieted to a misty hush and the majority of the crowd had filed out to spend their Friday evening doing something less depressing.
By the pulsating at your temples, you figured your brain had enough for one afternoon. This session hadn't gone too terribly, you decided, as you drummed your fingers against your notepad. Your eyes lifted up to the man still seated across from you; Seonghwa's cheek was pressed against his fist as he scribbled something out into his notebook before checking it against his calculator.
He felt your flighty gaze, eyes ensnaring yours before you could look away again. âNeed something?â he asked, voice slightly hoarse from lack of use.
âNot from you,â was your automatic quip.
He made a show of looking around at the sparsely-populated area of the library. âWell, then you must be looking at a ghost,â he said back with a saccharine sort of smile.
You wrinkled your nose at him before deciding to actually close the lid of your laptop. âI'm going to go now.â
âNo one's stopping you.â
âYou're not leaving?â
He cocked a brow at you, the hand with his pen stopping on his page. âJust because you are? What do you think I amâobsessed with you?â
The scoff fell out of your mouth before you could stop it, but the heat swarming your cheeks and neck also appeared without permission. âNo one mentioned anything about being obsessed with me. I was just asking a question; it's a Friday night, after all.â
âWell, I'm currently on a date with physics.â
âOh, so you do get action.â
Seonghwa smiled. âMore than you, that's for sure.â
âAnd you say you're not obsessed with me.â You had no idea how the conversation unfolded in this direction, but you were throwing your things into your bag with fervorâanything to get away from him and whatever you were talking about now.
When you picked up your bag, you tucked the chair close to the table. Seonghwa kept his eyes on his laptop screen, cheek against his fist, pen tick-tocking against his finger.
You were only a couple steps away when you heard him say, âSee you at the party.â
You whirled around with your mouth open in retort, but you didn't actually know what to say. How could five words evoke such a visceral reaction inside your chest? He heard your response to Hongjoong earlier; he couldn't just assume you would go.
You turned back around without saying anything, and you swore you heard him snicker under his breath as you left. You would not be going to that party, just to make a point.
So maybe you were going to the party.
In your defense, it was not your idea. You were doing it in support of your roommate and good friend Ronnie, who heard her current campus crush was going to be there; thus, the seven of you in the house were going to all attend for a few hours in solidarity.
âIt's warm tonightâ âa skirt flew at your face, faster than you could realize or catchâ âso wear this. You've only worn it, like, what? Once?â
You sputtered as you whipped the skirt out of your eyes and mouth, your expression screwed up in disdain as Ronnie tore your half of the closet apart in search of a suitable top to match. âItâs not like Iâm the one about to see my crush,â you said as you lifted the skirt up in front of you to inspect it. Indeed, you had only worn the simple, pleated black garment a total of one time, and you had forgotten it existed ever since.
Ronnie eyed up a big graphic tee in her hand, stripped it from its hanger, then tossed it at you.
âVeronica Shim, I swear to godââ
âSue me for being nervous,â she squawked. She walked over and grabbed you by the shoulders. âI just need to busy myself before my hands shake so hard, they fall off.â
You peeled the T-shirt she had thrown at you off of your head. âIâm going to get dressed,â you promised, âand then I will let you do my makeupââ
âI love you.â Before you could respond, she was already halfway across the room again, tearing through your makeup box instead. When Ronnie was nervous, there wasnât very much that could calm her down unless she was physically doing something. It was what made her such an adept physical media artistâthe ceramics studio saw her face as often as the library saw yours. The bedroom you shared was covered from ceiling to floor in the origami she folded, from little paper stars to intricate flowers that had taken her days to make.
You were exceptionally fond of her, but if she threw another clothing item at your head, you might lose it.
In about an hour, the seven of you were piled into Lillian's minivan on the way to Seulgi's house. Each passenger, sans Lillian, had each taken a shot of soju Soyeon had found at the back of the kitchen pantry. Suffice to say, Ronnie was ready to actually talk to her crush and you were all prepared to have fun for the first time since midterms started.
You could already hear the music bleeding out from Seulgi's place, accompanied by the warm buzz of laughter and chatter. It was a smaller house at the end of a cul-de-sac a few blocks from where you lived. The driveway and surrounding streets were already chock-full of cars, so Lillian dropped everyone off in front of the house while she and Seeun went to find an open parking spot.
You, Ronnie, and Soyeon had your arms hooked together as Seulgi's housemate Irene let you in. The party was well under wayâwith it being a little past nine o'clockâand you could already spot some familiar faces in the crowd.
âWow, it's hot in here,â you shouted over the addicting bass kick of some early 2000s song. There were far too many bodies shoved into the living room; in no way was this within the buildingâs occupancy capacity.
Ronnie squeezed your hand before letting go. âI just saw my friend Renjun from my design principles class!â she exclaimed, throwing her thumb in the direction of the kitchen. âI'm gonna go say hi.â
âOkay, have fun!â
Soyeon tugged you in the direction past the kitchen, toward the stairs. âMingi just textedâapparently they're in the basement and they have tequila shots.â
âYou had me at shots,â you replied back with a grin.
Soyeon let out a hoot of approval, and the two of you turned the corner to take the stairs down into the basement below. As you descended into the bowels of the house, you unconsciously tugged the hem of your skirt down. You were definitely not tipsy enough to be unaware of your flashing risk.
There was still a handful of people in the basement, but it was considerably less congested than upstairs. There was even a fan hoisted up into the nearby corner blowing a draft of windânot cool wind, but wind nonethelessâdown over the basement occupants. Closest to you were a few people surrounding a pool table, while the far end was outfitted with a relaxed layout of rugs, blankets, bean bags, and pillows for people to lounge about in. The latter was where your society members were, their voices and laughter already familiar to you.
Wooyoung was the first to notice yours and Soyeon's entrance. He waved his arm at the two of you, careful not to knock off a very flushed San from his other shoulder. âOy! Look who finally decided to show up.â
âHad to wait for this one to get home and eat dinner first,â Soyeon said with a thumb pointed in your direction, her lips blowing a raspberry.
You threw her a look of betrayal. âIf someone had just called me, I would have been home faster!â You made a cursory scan of the people currently present, eyes looking for no one in particular, or maybe just someone to sit next to.
You happened to make eye contact with Seonghwa at one end of the loosely-formed circle, his legs crisscrossed, hands braced behind him. Hongjoong was on one side of him, but the other side was occupied by a girl you did not recognize. She was not from the society and she wasn't someone whom you had seen at a social function before either.
Before your face could visibly show your confusion, you were tugged down next to Wooyoung.
A clear shot glass was handed over to you, equally clear liquid sloshing over the rim, and it came as a packaged deal with a roughly sliced lime wedge. âHereâ âWooyoung placed one in each of your handsâ âyou can finish San's shot.â
âI can finish it!â San cried from his other side, lips pouty and face red as tomato soup.
Both you and Wooyoung gave him the same expression. âNo way.â
You took one for the team (San), and dunked the shot back, following it swiftly by the lime between your teeth. You grimaced at the initial burn, but it subsided the longer you sucked on the lime wedge.
âYah, both Soyeon and Yn need extra shots,â Yunho hollered from his seat between Mingi and Lia. He grinned as he liberally poured two more shots, one in a teacup and one in a miniature beaker.
You took the lime out from your mouth. âSays who?â
âSays me!â Seulgi chimed in, clapping her hands. âMinimum two shots to stay in the circleââ
âUnless you're driving,â Jongho called out.
âTruuue,â Seulgi agreed with a nod in his direction. âSo drink up, ladies.â
Who were you to argue with your host? You were already technically two shots in, thanks to your light pregaming, but you weren't about to complain. The shot glasses were passed around the circle to where you and Soyeon were seated, and you both dutifully paid your toll.
Just as you finished, you felt Wooyoung sling one of his arms over your shoulders. The movement seemed to make your world spin just a little bit more. âGuys, we should play Hot Seat!â
âOoh, like the game we played in middle school?â Chaeryeong asked.
âBut I don't want my seat to be hot,â San muttered, lips curving into a frown.
You cooed at him, reaching around Wooyoung to pinch San's cheeks together in one hand. âOh my god, you're so cute. How many drinks have you had?â
(From across the circle, Seonghwa's nose wrinkled. He leaned over toward Hongjoong's ear, muttering, âHe's not that cute, is he?â He had certainly thought it to himself a few minutes ago, but that was before you said it out loud.
Hongjoong turned his head, face contorted into pure incredulity. âYou're⌠kidding, right?â)
Sanâs frown deepened as he slurred, âOnly two.â
âAnd that's the way it's gonna stay,â Wooyoung declared, patting his friend on the head with pursed lips. âPersonally, I think Hot Seat is befitting of our current situation. You know, apparently, we're supposed to get a heatwave these next few weeks?â
Soyeon tipped her head back in a groan. âDude, I cannot take any more of this! I can't even tell if I'm sweating or if it's from the rain.â
âTell me about it,â Seulgi grumbled. âAt this point, we'll need to start planning for the postponed car wash fundraiser on top of the bracelet-making one.â
âWhy are we talking business at a party?â Mingi cut in. He had one elbow resting on Yunho's shoulder while the other hand raised a red Solo cup of his poison for the night to his lips. âLetâs play Hot Seat.â
âTake a shot for every question you don't want to answer?â you asked, glancing around the circle.
Only murmurs of agreement met your ears, and someone chimed in with a suggestion of three questions per person.
As the one who proposed the game, Wooyoung had the honor of going first. The only issue was that Wooyoung was the closest thing to an open book out of the entire group; it was hard to find a topic he would feel hesitant to answer out loud. Wooyoung's turn on the hot seat slipped by as fast as a summer breeze, and the baton was passed onto you (to give San a fighting chance, of course).
âWell, this should be good,â you chuckled, hoping your nervousness didn't shine through too much. Maybe an additional shot would actually help you.
Soyeon's grin lit up her face. âOoh, I've got one!â
âOh no.â
âIf Kim Hongjoong and Jung Wooyoung were each being dangled over a pit of lavaââ
Both Hongjoong and Wooyoung jerked to life at the same time from opposite ends of the circle as everyone else erupted into laughter. âNow wait a second!â
ââwho would you choose to save?â
You covered your smile with your hand and ignored Wooyoung's eyes burning two holes into the side of your head as best as you could. âWell, that's not fair; I need context!â
Soyeon shrugged. âTo save the world, I guess.â
âTo save the world?â You let it sink in. âCan't I drop both of them in?â you jested, guffawing at Wooyoung playfully shaking your shoulders and Hongjoong shouting his dissent from across the circle. âOkay, okay! Sorry, Hongjoongâyouâre going in the pit!â
âI knew I was your favorite,â Wooyoung sighed and draped himself over your shoulders.
âHer answer was coerced!â Hongjoong flashed you a wry and petulant smile as Seonghwa placated him with a pat on his back. It said everything you needed to know: you would pay for this. âYou should've taken the shot, Yn.â
âI've got a questionâ âYunho cut in, and there was this boyish sort of smile on his face with an impish twinkle in his eyes. You knew him well enough not to trust that lookâ âdo you actually hate Seonghwa?â
Half the group shot wide-eyed stares at Yunho, with Mingi shoving him in the shoulder, while the other half had their attention darting curiously between you and Seonghwa. There was a smile of disbelief that crawled onto your face as your immediate reaction; your sympathetic nervous system had jumped into high gear, as well, making your heart pound and palms sweat.
What kind of question�
You tried not to glance in Seonghwa's direction. âHate is a⌠strong word,â you drawled, dragging out the syllables of the latter half. Your fingers played around with the empty shot glass sitting on the rug in front of you, index tracing the rim.
âYouâve gotta answer the question, Yn,â Yunho prompted, the smile on his face only widening.
âYeah, answer the question, Ln.â
That had your head turning. Seonghwa did not look away when you met his gaze, and you couldn't tell from this distance if that was pure stoicism in his face, or if there was something else hidden there. The blood in your veins thrummed, simmered. His tone was so annoying though. This question was so annoying. Who asked this kind of thing in a group setting, let alone when you were barely even drunk?
You picked up the shot glass and wiggled it in the air. âPour me one.â
A group-wide groan erupted in this corner of Seulgi's basement, cleaving the tension wide open. You ignored everyoneâs playful shouts of dissent, their urges for you to hurt Seonghwaâs feelings and bruise his ego with your honesty; you insisted on the shot, and because Yunho was a little butthurt, Mingi took over the role of Keeper of Tequila and poured you one.
You drained the shot with easeâbetter the bitter burn of fermented agave than the bitter burn of truthful words. (Maybe you just didnât want to confront the very words you had already spoken, that âhateâ really was too strong in describing what you felt for Park Seonghwa.) It was the cowardâs way out, but the night was still young and you were still in the hot seat.
The last question you were dealt was dutifully delivered by Kim Hongjoong, as was prophesied by your disservice to him in your earlier answer. He asked if you had really cheated during the Trivia Night three months ago about plant physiology. It had been a point of great contention back then, and it didnât truly matter in the grand scheme of things; plant physiology night was âfor fun,â but everyone here owned at least one competitive bone in their body.
As everyone leaned in, expecting a horrible scandal to be confirmed, you said, âNo, but I know who did.â
The group howled once moreâyou wouldnât be surprised if the goddamn neighbors could hear you all at this pointâas they hounded you for answers. They were answers you wouldnât give, however, because you had fulfilled your turn on the hot seat.
You leaned back onto your palms and the tension in your shoulders loosened slightly now that you were no longer in the spotlight.
A loud giggle cut through all the noise around you. From across the circle, the girl you did not recognize was laughing into her palm, Seonghwa's mouth still moving as he muttered something under his breath so only the people around him heard.
Your face fell. âHe's not that funny,â you grumbled to Wooyoung, since Yeosang was busy answering a question on your left.
Your friend snorted loud enough that glances were thrown his way.
âJust admit you're mad you can't hear what he's saying,â he said to you, keeping his volume low enough this time so only you were privy to his words.
What an egregious take! It was hotter than hot, scalding even. âWhy would I be mad that I can't hear him? If anything, I'm pissed he's right in my line of sight.â
Wooyoung only lifted a brow at you, his mouth curving into his cheek while he smirked, unconvinced. âJelly,â was what he mouthed at you in exaggerated movements.
You huffed and shook your head. No way you were mad or jealous.
Park Seonghwa was drunk. At least, he was pretty sure he was on the cusp of tipsy and drunkâinebriated would be an apt term. The room was spinning; that was one standout symptom he was experiencing at the moment. Dim, amber lights swirling with the faces and basement walls around him, voices he recognized. Hongjoong would have definitely added that he giggled way too much to be Sober Seonghwa. It was settled then: he was drunk.
âGuys, be honest with meâ âthat was Sanâs voice⌠no. No, wait. That was definitely Wooyoungâs. He swore he saw his mouth moveâ âwho do we think is gonna get married first out of all of us?â
The group had dwindled down considerably following the conclusion to the game Hot Seat. Though the space taken up remained the same, the blob was far more deformed now. One could not call it a circle if they had even an ounce of integrity.
Seulgi lifted her beer bottle to her lips. âNot me,â she drawled with a snort.
âI think Lia,â said Soyeon.
There was movement next to Wooyoung, and Seonghwa watched you wag your finger in Soyeon's direction. Your head was on Wooyoung's shoulder, alcohol-induced drowsiness hitting you while it was making him think things. âMmh,â you agreed, âbut I raise you: Jung Wooyoung.â
Hongjoong loosened a sound from his lips that made Seonghwa giggle again. âYah, now you're just doing it on purpose!â
âI can hype up my bestie, Kim!â
âYeah!â Wooyoung chimed in. âLet her hype me up, Kim!â
âAlright, but,â Yunho said, mouth already stretched in a grin, âhe couldn't even ask out his work crush, remember?â
Wooyoung's eyes shot wide open. âOyâthe work environment at Gap was just not confession-friendly! It was actually anti-romance.â
Cutting through Yunho's snickering, a slightly-flushed Mingi raised his fingers for his turn. âLet's not sleep on the real secret romantic, Mr. Choi Jongho.â
A murmur of agreement swept around the group as all eyes went to the only truly sober member of the blob. Jongho lifted his can of ginger ale to his lips for a small sip, but shook his head as he did. âI don't know where you're getting this misinformation from.â
âWait, no! Mingi's right,â you piped up, even sitting upright to gesture with your arm at Jongho. (Seonghwa shifted in his spot, jerking as you moved. His inhibitions were⌠not in the building.) âYou would totally be in a long term relationship for years and not tell anyone until you're sending out Save the Dates!â
âExactly,â Seonghwa suddenly said, nodding his head. Ohâpeople were looking at himâdid he say that out loud? He could agree with you sometimes; he just didn't often agree with you aloud. âWhat?â
Hongjoong blinked at him, his eyebrows scrunched together, lips parting slightly before he pursed them, as if deciding against whatever thought wanted to breathe air.
You were the only one not looking at him like he'd just sprouted another head. There was that familiar neutrality, a slightly warmer version of the crinkle-nosed brattiness that drove him up the walls.
âYou guys are weird,â he muttered and flicked his eyebrows up, then took a swig out of the half-empty soju bottle parked between him and Hongjoong.
âWhat if I think Yn will get married first?â These were San's first, sober words since he had woken up from a brief nap; but considering what he said, maybe he hadn't quite reached sobriety yet.
Everyone's attention flipped to the opposite side of the group again, Seonghwa included. The question was cold gutter water that splashed over him from the street, and any haziness disappeared in an instant.
âNo fucking way,â both you and Seonghwa said at once.
Time stilled.
Yunho reacted first, leaning his chin onto his fist. He used his other hand to gesture between you two. âInteresting. Explain.â
Seonghwa leveled his gaze with yours. "I'm not claiming anything. I just don't think she'll be the first to get married.â He clutched the bottleneck in his hand, the glass hanging midway between the ground and his mouth, his elbow propped on top of his knee while he watched your reaction.
âThe feeling's mutual,â you replied tersely, a thin smile spread on your face. âWhat was it you said the other day? That you were on a date with physics?â
âWell, I definitely wasn't on a date with you.â
Out of Seonghwa's periphery, Hongjoong slapped his hand over his mouth.
There was a warm thrill beneath his skin as your eyes narrowed at him. âFunny, 'cause everyone here knows I would rather retake calculus than even think about going on a date with you.â
âIâm touched, Ln, really.â
âOh, there they are!â Heads turned in the direction of the voice. It cut through all of the buzz and chatter down here in the basement. Seonghwa's mind was yet to be at its sharpest still, but he was able to recognize the familiar faces of two of your and Soyeon's housemates, Seeun and Lillian. They bumbled over, arms linked and faces flushed with the spirits they had consumed tonight. âYn, Soyeonâweâre stealing you!â
âRecruiting,â Lillian corrected Seeun with a pointed cough. âWe are recruiting you to take over the pool table over there.â She thrust an arm in the direction of the opposite end of the room.
Seonghwa took an absent-minded sip of his drink as your friends tugged you and Soyeon to your feet, then stole you away from the group and whatever this conversation had turned into. The conversation blurred into something about long-term relationships again, drifting further away from the initial marriage inquiry and to something more palatable for a bunch of young 20-somethings.
The liquid in his bottle was drained, then replaced by another. To hell with that physics exam on Monday, he supposed.
Hongjoong passed him a glance. âAre you⌠gonna slow down soon?â
âMaybe after this,â Seonghwa muttered with his lips at the bottle rim. His eyes kept on wandering over toward the opposite end of the room to where you stood at the pool table; and the more he drank, the harder it was for his consciousness to drag his focus back to the people around him.
Your laugh cleaved through any self-control he had left. He leaned back on one hand, catching how you tugged down the hem of your skirt with an instinctive motion, before taking the pool cue from one of the guys thereâ
âHwaâ âhe heard his name, but his head was slow to turn. Seulgi was smiling at him, and maybe if he hadn't had this last bottle, he would have noticed the knowing tilt of her expressionâ âwhat about you?â
âHm?â
âAnybody you're interested in?â
Seonghwa's skin warmed as if he had just been caught. âNot really,â he answered and straightened from his previous position. He resisted the urge to look, to reveal every single one of his cards with one, stupid look. How he managed to bite his tongue this time was a miracle, but if anybody asked him again, he might admit his answer would be âthe girl in the skirt.â
When the Parks moved to your neighborhood in the third grade, your mom and Seonghwaâs mom became fast friends. The comparisons did not start immediately, but they were always there, lurking in the shadows of the upstairs hallways, in the whispers echoing from the kitchen when the âadults were talking.â There was almost an instant competition between your mothers on who could praise the otherâs child best.
Subsequently, it was not uncommon to find yourself at your new rivalâs house. Dinner or lunch or an afternoon snack was often offered at one anotherâs housesâoranges and peaches washed and sliced with precision, bikes abandoned on the wooden porch (your house) or at the side gate (Seonghwaâs house).
You had only ever been in Seonghwaâs room once, and that was seven years later, in the tenth grade. He was reluctant to let you into his safe space and you were reluctant to be in his space, but your mothers insisted, and their voices dropped into hushed tones as you both disappeared up the stairs in silence.
Seonghwa wordlessly opened the door to his room, and you were whacked in the face by the amount of things there: on the walls, filling the shelves, tucked away in boxes on the floor. It was an explosion of pop culture paraphernalia you were actually familiar with, but the one that was represented the most wasâ
âIâm more of a Star Trek person myself,â you said, leaning toward a fully-assembled Lego version of the Millenium Falcon.
Seonghwa hung close at your side, hovering, his arms crossed over his chest while he watched you carefully. âNobody asked.â
You stuck your hand up at him with the Spock salute, index to middle finger and ring to pinky finger.
That drew a half-scoff, half-laugh from his mouth. He shook his head. âYouâre such a nerd.â
âAs opposed toâŚ?â You straightened and put your arms out to gesture around you at his whole room. There were about a million weird things that tenth grade boys could be into, but there was a huge chunk of you glad that this was his chosen obsession. Star Wars or Star Trek, you would pick a nerd over a creep any day of the week. Not that you would pick him of all peopleâŚ
âIf you think I'm going to say you have a point,â he began.
âYou don't have to say it,â you finished for him, turning to inspect the Tai Fighter on a lower shelf. âI already know that I do.â
You could hear him roll his eyes. He seemed to do that a lot. âCanât believe you like Star Trek better.â
You snorted, twisting around to peer up at him from your squatting position. âWhat? You can't handle that I have a different opinion?â
âNo, I just thought you'd have better taste,â he replied airily.
Something within you paused at that. Though only a flippant parry at your own quip, you thought to yourself how ironic it was that you actually preferred the Star Wars franchise over the Star Trek franchise.
The only reason you bantered with him about it and stood your ground playing the Devil's Advocate was to breach that obvious discomfort you both bore coming in here. Bickering between you was natural, familiar⌠and the truth behind your words that day would be something you swore you would never reveal to him ever.
âYouâre trying to figure out what Seonghwa got on the exam, aren't you?â
You jerked your head to the forward direction and slid down in your seat, moving your pen back over your notebook. Seonghwa was seated on the far right side of the hall, whereas you and Soyeon were somewhere in the middle. There was no way you could see minute details from this distance, but you could certainly try to read his body language from here. â...No, I'm not.â
Soyeon flashed you a sidelong glance that spoke volumes on its own. âYes, you are. Your eyes aren't very subtle, you know.â
âThey're not?â
She snorted, the sound loud enough only to draw the attention of the person seated on her other side.
The week had dragged by at a snail's pace, compared to the prior week and weekend. As soon as you were released from your physics midterm on Monday, it was as if the world set its playback speed at 0.5. Perhaps it was the swath of heat that had descended upon the city that made everyday double in length. With no more gray skies and buckets of rain, the inhabitants of Aurora County were left to not only the unbearable heat, but the wrath of the sun, too.
Unfortunately, now that midterm exams were mostly completed, all that was left to do was await the scores. The atmosphere in your biochemistry lecture this morning had been suffocating in despair over the scores released yesterday afternoon. As customary, your professor was taking the beginning portion of lecture to review exam statistics and frequently missed questions.
Soyeon grumbled under her breath as she pulled her tablet out from her bag. âI think he should have curved it more,â she grunted, logging into the class-wide polling system. âThose questions about the Krebs Cycle were so stupid.â
âYeah, they were way out of left field,â you agreed. You hadn't done half bad on this past exam, but you weren't about to rub it in. It didn't mean you were the one who fucked the curve or anything; it only meant that you somehow ended up just a little above the average. Maybe those extra hours spent in Quill had been for something.
âAre you going to the meeting tonight?â
You shook your head, glancing between the screen and your own notes as you scribbled a big question mark in the margins by a note. âNo, I picked up another shift at the tutor center,â you replied.
As today was Thursday, usually the society would hold a Trivia Night, but Seulgi had made the executive decision to meet about this weekend's bracelet-making event instead. It was a more relaxed meeting meant for celebrating the end of midterm exams, while chatting about any last minute details for the event. You had already informed Seulgi in advance that you wouldn't be able to make it.
Soyeon let out a low whistle. âAnother one?â
âYeah,â you said with a helpless shrug. âBut it's to make up for the shifts I missed to study. Apparently, the Gen Chem classes still have an exam next week.â
âDamn. Sucks to be them.â
You grinned and shook your head. âAs if we weren't them once.â There had been a time when the lot of you in your pre-health society treaded through the murky and dark waters of the general chemistry series. Venting about the ridiculously-convoluted lab procedures and steep exam curves were rites of passage, at this point.
As Dr. Chung, your biochemistry professor, continued on with his planned lecture for the day, you leaned your cheek against your fist, gaze drifting back over to the right side of the hall. At some point, you were only half-tuned into whatever Chung was saying; the rest of your attention was worlds away.
You hadn't seen Seonghwa after your sociology lecture yesterday, but then again, it hadn't been raining and you had to linger back to chat with your professor about a lecture topic. If he had passed through that alleyway again, he hadn't said anything.
Suddenly, the back of the head you were staring at turned over his shoulder.
He hit his target dead-on, and his eye contact made you shudder out of your daze. Seonghwa made an exaggerated face so you could see it from that distance. What?
You stuck your tongue out at him, then forced yourself to look forward at the board. (Though, that sixth sense you had could tangibly feel his eyes roll at you.)
When the lecture ended, you and Soyeon moved out of the lecture hall with the current of your peers. You were so engrossed in making sure you weren't walking into anybody, you nearly missed the man that fell into step beside you.
âWhat's your deal this time, Ln?â
You perked up in surprise at the sound of Seonghwa's voice and him. Where he was seated, he should have been clear out of the building by now. He must have hung back then. âI have no idea what you're goinâ on about, Park.â
One of his brows quirked upward at you as he shouldered the door open. âYou are not getting away with burning two holes in the back of my head.â
âYou know,â you said, feigning thoughtfulness as you tapped your chin, âmaybe I canââ
Seonghwa peered around you at Soyeon. âWhat'd she want?â
âIâm not getting involved,â she declared. She raised her palms up at the both of you, shaking her head vehemently. Once you had all descended the stairs to the pathway below, she began stepping in the direction of her next course. âSee you, guys!â
With Soyeon respectfully bowing out, it left you and Seonghwa. Again.
He looked at you expectantly.
âI just wanted to know how you did on the exam,â you said with as much nonchalance as you could muster. âNo biggie.â
Seonghwa crossed his arms over his chest. âHow did you do on the exam?â
âFine.â
âWell, so did I.â
You nodded. âCool. Good talk!â You swiveled on the ball of your foot and prepared to take off, but he was swift to latch onto the top handle of your backpack.
âHold itâ âhe turned you back around just in time to catch the irritation cross your faceâ âare you going to the meeting tonight?â
He stopped you for this? âNo, I'm working.â
Something flickered in his expression; it was nothing you could label clearly. It was probably just his initial surprise. âOh. Sucks.â
You nodded again, mouth pressed together. âYup. See you on Saturday for the fundraiser then.â
âYeah, see you.â
How interesting that he cared to even ask that, you thought as you went off to your physics lab. Then again, one could ask that of any instance you or he inquired about the otherâs movements. At some point, it had become some convoluted game of chess; though, the older the two of you became, the way in which you played the game shifted. It was less capturing the other's pieces to get to checkmate first, and more so flirting with the idea of check. No matterâany lingering curiosities regarding one Park Seonghwa was dashed away and replaced by the remainder of your day.
And just like that, it was Saturday.
The pre-health student society had managed to snag use of a local cafe space for the event, probably thanks to Seulgiâs friend of a friend working as a shift supervisor there. It was of a cozy-modern design complete with smooth, white countertops and furniture, cute character mascots painted on the walls, and complete with the all-encompassing scent of roasted coffee. A late Saturday afternoon found the place packed to the brim with students, not just for your event, but general college students milling by for a weekend treat. It seemed to attract even more people to the event itself though; poor Hongjoong and Taeyong were asked to run to the nearby craft store a few blocks over to purchase some necessary stock of thread and beads.
The cafe was alive with the buzz of chatter, the clanging of coffee-making, and the dull sounds of acrylic beads dribbling off the sides of tables. In all definitions, the event looked and sounded like a success.
âHow does anyone do this for fun? Ohâshitââ
You wanted to jump off a roof. Or maybe stick your hand in that canister of boiling milk by the espresso machine ten feet behind you. Or just be anywhere but here. Across the small, two-seater table from you was a man you had only seen in passing and never properly interacted with. He was not a member of the society, so you could only imagine that he was a mutual friend of one of your society-mates. After this dreadful afternoon was over, you were going to find out who this man was connected to andâ
âCan you catch that for me? Thanks.â Justinâyour partner for the afternoonâtook the beads from the center of your palm and squinted his eyes as he tried to string them on his piece of electric blue thread.
The issue wasnât that he couldnât make a bracelet for shit; the issue was far more personal than that. âYeah, sure,â you said quietly, trying to ignore the fact that the pair right next to you kept sending glances over at your table. To make it worse, that very pair was Park Seonghwa and that girl from Seulgiâs party last Saturday. Your adept eavesdropping skills managed to pick up that she was vaguely connected to Seulgi through one group project they completed together in a freshman year dance class. (Why was it always Seulgi?)
You straightened, tying off the little loop you had made with a few seed beads. Maybe you should try making conversation again. âSo, uhm,â you began, âyou mentioned that youâre taking an econ class about⌠foreign markets?â
The guy nodded. âYeah, Economics in Cold War Foreign Tradeâitâs kind of interesting, actually.â
Oh. Economics wasnât really your forte, but if he was passionate about this subject, then it would at least make for an engaging conversation. You can work with this, Yn. âThen Iâd love to hear more. Whatâre you guys currently learning?â
âYou know, like the drive of U.S. actions during the Cold War,â Justin said with a shrug, not really looking up from his bead struggle. âPeople always forget that a major part of our foreign policy back then was driven by this need to dominate global markets and defend against communism. I mean, sure there was that thing with Guatemalaâ âhe paused his ramble and spared you a glanceâ âbut you donât seem like the type to be interested in that.â
Your hand movements paused, your facial features twitching into a confused smile. âIâm sorry?â What was that supposed to mean?
He looked at you again. âI just mean,â he said, âthat you donât look like the kind of person who would understand the nuances of that whole situation.â
For a pregnant moment, you just stared at him. Was he being serious? âYou could⌠give context,â you drawled, curling back all of the rage slowly mounting up inside of you like a tea kettle. âThatâs why I asked.â
âOh.â Justinâs eyes darted back down to his hands and he let out a laugh, the kind of sound that someone made when they were uncomfortable. âThere are just a lot of terms, yâknow, that Iâm not sure you would understandââ
Your eyes went to the ceiling for a second. âOkay, just stop,â you cut in and waved your hands in an accompanying gesture. Why was this fucking business major talking down to you?
The table descended into silence, and your counterpart mercifully shut his mouth. You didnât know what was more embarrassing: hearing this man effortlessly shut down any will you had left, or that the only other people who were privy to this conversation was Seonghwa and his event partner. Their conversation was much lower in volume, but youâd overheard the occasional chuckle.
You resisted the urge to huff; this was the worst.
âListen.â
You spoke too soon. When you glanced up from your beads, it was not at the man directly across from you, but the one who sat diagonal to you one table over. You swore he just rolled his own eyes.
Justin, stupidly, continued. âI didnât mean to offend you or anything. I donât really go on dates with nerdsââ
âWho said youâre on a date?â
âWho said weâre on a date?â
Both you and Justin whipped around to the table beside you. You could recognize that first voice even with your eyes closed and your body running on fumes. Incredulity, embarrassment, and perhaps even gratitude warmed the skin of your neck and face as you and Seonghwa made brief eye contact.
âSorry?â Justin stammered. âThis isnât your business, dude.â
Your eye twitched again. He wasnât even talking to you. âHey!â You snapped your fingers at Justin like he was a dog, and at this point, that was an insult to dogs everywhere. âIt isnât his business, but heâs right. Weâre not on a date, and the only reason I even put up with you was for the sake of my societyâs event.â Not to mention that you were giving him the benefit of the doubt, something he clearly didnât deserve.
âIf itâs not a date, then why the fuckâs it called matchmaking?â
Seonghwa rolled his eyes again before narrowing them into twin slits. âDidnât you read the flyer, dude? Weâre making fuckass friendship bracelets.â
Justin fumbled with the thread in his hands as he struggled to come up with an adequate retort. If your blood wasnât still simmering from his previous statements, you might have laughed at the way his face flushed, flustered by the lack of support he was getting while Seonghwa backed you up. In his fidgeting, every single bead he managed to string over the past fifteen minutes escaped from their thread, skittering to the floor with the likeness of a thousand dust mites scattering from a sudden beam of light. âFuck this,â he huffed, throwing down the sad piece of string onto the table. âCanât believe I paid for this shit.â
He pushed out of his seat, the movement causing an ear-piercing SCREECH to tear through the cafe. A few curious and concerned eyes followed him as he stormed out of the establishment. You half expected him to trip over one of the fallen beads he hadnât bothered to pick up. (If karma was real, that would have happened.)
Your gaze met that of Seulgiâs, who had been strolling around, socializing and monitoring peopleâs progress during the event. She hustled over, eyes wide as her head flicked between you and the door swinging open. âWhat happened?â she asked, not accusatory, but rather greatly concerned.
âHe was a prick,â Seonghwa answered matter-of-factly while crossing his arms over his chest.
âHe said some not-nice things,â you followed up. The steam in your ears was gradually dissipating, in turn, clearing your vision of your own ire. âWhoâs friend was he?â
Seulgi frowned and stood with a hand braced on the back of your chair and the girl next to yours. âI couldâve swornâŚâ her voice trailed off as she scanned the room. Then a curse tumbled out from her mouth, a hand slapping against her forehead. âGoddamn it,â she said, âyour partner was supposed to be Lee Jenoâyou know, Taeyongâs friend? He sat down at the wrong table, ugh. JENO!â
You all turned. Across the cafe, a dark head of hair perked up from one of the tables, his eyes as wide as the bottom of a coffee pot from the sound of his name being barked out.
You grimaced. âHey, Seulgi, itâs fineââ
Seulgi waved her hand. âNo, no. I should have micromanaged him; he saw the letter J and went with it! My plan,â she groaned. Despite her initial dismissal, she did not go off to scold Jeno or bring him to his original assignment; she merely turned back around and pinched the space between her eyes. âIâm so sorry, Yn. This should have never happened.â
You nodded your head with pursed lips, unsure of what to say. âItâs not your fault, really.â One could not control the audacity that emerged from a manâs mouth.
âOh my gosh, wait. Let me find someone else for you to sit with.â
âSeulgiâ âSeonghwaâs voice drew your attention back to himâ âshe can just join our table. Itâs fine.â
You startled and shook your head, glancing between him and your society president. Become the third wheel to Seonghwa and Sydney (that was her name, if you remembered correctly)? You would rather waltz into the oncoming traffic outside the door. Hadnât you had enough social anxiety for today? âThatâs okay! I really donât think Iâm up to doing this any longer. Can I just, like, monitor or something?â
Seulgi licked her lips. For a long beat, you truly believed she would refuse you. âOkay, yeah,â she said whilst nodding her head. She made a sweeping gesture with her hand as she took a step back. âI was just about to give Taeyong a break from the supply table, if you wanna do that.â How could you ever doubt your easygoing, existentially-exhausted senior?
You pushed out a sigh of relief. The chair legs scraped against the wood floors as you stood, sending any nearby beads tumbling further into motion. âLet me pick up these beads though before someone breaks a leg,â you joked.
âYou don't have toââ
âDon't,â Seonghwa cut in and practically waved you away. âJust leave 'em. No one's gonna trip; we'll get them later.â
He sent you a pointed look at your balking and the sternness there sent your toes curling. It wasn't only firm, but you swore there was a tenderness there, too. It was an action not meant to boss you around but to remind you that you did not have to be the one to pick up some asshole's mess.
You gripped the back of your chair, then slowly rose from it, nodding. âRight,â you whispered.
Seulgi led you over to where Taeyong was, all the while apologizing profusely for Jeno's lack of literacy for his own name. You dutifully replaced the vice president at his post, falling into an easy rhythm of organizing beads into small, metal trays, keeping threads from knotting if they were returned, and doling out the appropriate materials.
As the event passed on, you could feel the side of your head tingle, a phantom ache. When one was burned by the sun, the target area of skin often felt distinctly hot and irritated upon touch. You glanced up in the direction of said sun, catching only the movement of Seonghwa's head as he engaged in conversation with Sydney across from him.
You feigned a look away, watching from the corner of your vision as his stare touched you once more. An abrupt bout of tightness flared up in your chest, nerves inflamed and sensitive. Why was he looking over here so much? It had to do with what happened.
For the remainder of your time, you kept your eyes to yourself and tried to ignore the instincts compelling you to meet his gaze.
By the time Seulgi and Taeyong brought the event to a close, the sky had already fallen to darkness, the merciless sun sinking beneath the fold of Earth's horizon. You and the other members of the society made quick work of cleaning up all your messesâit turned out that nearly every table had spilled a handful of beads at some point. You felt a little less horrible about your own situation.
You grabbed your bag from the employee's room in step with Soyeon. âOh my gosh, wait I have something to tellâŚâ your voice trailed off, vision snagging on the person heading for the exit door. A lightbulb clicked on in your head. Right.
âI'll meet you at home,â you promised her with a hand grazing her shoulder. There was something you needed to do first.
Soyeon's brows twisted at your actions, but she sputtered a good-natured laugh anyway. âOkay? See you at home.â
âYoâPark! Wait up,â you called after his retreating backside, his body nearly completely over the threshold of the cafe door.
Seonghwa paused in the doorway, angling slightly to watch you catch up to him and keep the door open. âWhatâs up?â he asked before letting the door fall behind the two of you.
The evening outside was temperate, comfortable. Though the heat remained, it was no longer stifling like its sister, Daytime. Rather, the warmth settled over your skin as a thin shawl with no breeze interrupting. By many definitions, this was a perfect summerâs night despite it still being in the midst of spring. The streetlights flickered to their âonâ positions, painting the pavement a nostalgic sodium-orange up and down the university district.
You fell into step beside him and his pace slowed slightly as the two of you walked in the northerly direction toward your separate houses. âI just,â you began, the words needling at the back of your throat like an itch, âwanted to say thanksâfor speaking up for me back there.â
Seonghwa glanced at you briefly. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his cargo pants, keys clinking against his thigh with each step he took. âOh. Well, it was kind of the bare minimum, and that dude was being a class A jackass, soâŚâ his voice trailed off as he took a hand out to rub the back of his neck. He stole another glance at you. âAre we cool? I mean,â he amended, âare you okay? What he was saying was justâ âhe pushed out a sharp exhaleâ ânot nice, as you said before.â
You pursed your lips in memory of Justinâs words to you. âYeah, I donât know. Of course, it struck a nerve at the time, but it was more so that I couldnât believe that he was actually saying those words.â You laughed, the sound coming out breathy and incredulous. âHe was not only stupid, but blatantly ignorant. He was entitled, insensitive, and a fucking piece of shit.â
âI wonât argue with any of that.â
âYou better not,â you jested.
You nearly stopped in your tracks. Was this the first time that you and Seonghwa were conducting a conversation of this nature, ever? Of course, both of you had your share of asshole run-ins, but you were never close enough to really have a meaningful conversation about any of itânot the awful people in your lives, not the way your moms made you unofficial rivals, and not the fact that neither of you could get over yourselves for two seconds. It had to be that you were seeing him way more often this quarter compared to every other quarter. Yes, that had to be it.
The silence between you two became too comfortable. The warmth in the air was too comfortable. The oscillating distance between your bodies as you walked side by side was tooâŚ
You cleared your throat. âI would choose a nerd over a douchebag any day of the week,â you mused in an attempt to keep the conversation alive. Anything but whatever this was.
Seonghwa released a sound that was akin to a laugh or a choke; you couldnât tell. âRight,â he murmured. He fiddled around in his right-hand pocket for a moment, and you could hear the fabric rustling. Then it stopped, his head turning away from you like he was changing his mind. âNot to agree with you three times in one day, Ln, but same.â
âHigh score?â you chimed in weakly.
He faced you again, the amber warmth of the streetlight becoming his backlight, a halo. You couldnât see his expression clearly with the shadows in the way, but maybe there was a smile there that beheld a softness you didnât want to believe in. âYeah, sure. High score, you dork.â
There were moments in time when you decided to be a good person. Objectively, it was more accurate to describe yourself as a good friendâor if one wished to be even more particularâa doormat. Case in point: agreeing to run a phone down to the collegeâs natatorium when that very building was a good forty-five minute walk from your house on the opposite side of campus. If you took the bus, it might shave your estimated time of arrival down to twenty minutes, or increase it up to an hour, depending on the bus line. Even worse, temperatures were pushing the mid-nineties in Fahrenheit, and the phone's owner was none other than Park Seonghwa.
You were doing this for Mingi and the chocolate chip muffins his mom madeâat least, that was what you were telling yourself.
The bus beneath you rattled and squealed with every stretch of road it traversed. Rather than cutting through campus itself, it made a grand loop around its perimeter, catching the students and faculty who were forced to trek to the further reaches of campus rather than its heart. You fiddled with the phone in your hands; his case was a chrome silver vinyl plastic mimicking a quilted fabric. It was an interesting choice, one that you yourself wouldnât have made, but in your heart, you knew it certainly encompassed his tastes. You scrunched your nose up as you turned it around and the screen lit up, sensing the presence of a face in front of it.
The device didnât accept your face ID, of course, but you were left staring at the notifications on it. There were one or two text messages from names you vaguely recognized, a message from some group chat labeled âPSYCH202,â and a notification from some mobile game. A thought popped into your head, and you slipped your own phone out from your pocket, weighing the two devices before you.
What were you called in his contacts?
Ding! âYour head shot up and your body jerked in reaction to a particularly rough pothole in the road. âNext stop: East Paradigm and New World Street.â
You twisted in your seat to yank the yellow cord hanging along the side of the bus, eliciting a softer ding! to echo throughout the vehicle, followed by the words STOP REQUESTED displayed at the front.
It was a sign, you decided, to not try your little experiment.
When the bus came to a teetering stop at the E. Paradigm and New World stop, you called out a thanks to the bus driver before taking off in the direction of the natatorium. There was a paved pathway that broke off from the main road and bordered by smartly-trimmed bushes. It wound down the hill, and framed the glorious face of the KQ University indoor pool perfectly. Its wave-like rafters created a lengthened dome akin to the back of a seashell. Between the sandstone frame were pieces of cerulean blue-tinted glass to compliment the off-white building. You did not often find yourself in this area of campus, but you couldnât deny that the natatorium was a spectacle of its own.
There was a slight pang in your chest, something like nostalgia or bittersweetnessâresonating and heavy. It came with that distinct, sinking feeling in oneâs stomach of âwhat could have been.â
You entered into the front doors of the natatorium and sighed at the swath of air conditioning that fell over you. Curiously, there was no one stationed at the reception desk; your original plan had been to drop off his phone here and head out, but with no one present for you to hand it toâŚ
âGreat,â you muttered under your breath and made your way to the doors that led deeper into the building.
When you swung open this set of doors, however, your body seemed to deflate at the utter weight of damp, all-encompassing heat in the inner pool chamber. You heard in the winter, when the weather was frigid and snow littered the ground, the floors and pool water in here were actually heated. Why they did not think to turn off the heat during a goddamn heatwave was beyond you. The grander space reached high above your head with the most appropriate acoustics to echo the sounds of water splashing, whistles shrieking, and voices chattering. You brushed a hand through your hair as sweat already began to bead on the back of your neckâyou had only been in here for two seconds.
Where the hell could he be? You scanned the immediate area, eyes darting to any male with dark hair and a punk attitude.
According to intel youâd gathered from friends over the years, Seonghwa worked as a lifeguard here. It made logical sense; he was a member of your high school swim team, but was not particularly interested in swimming competitively in the collegiate league. Lifeguarding was not only a good way to continue swimming, but it also provided him with an income and a Basic Life Support certification.
âHey, youâre Yn, right?â
You blinked, turning to find a shirtless man walking up to you. He had dark hair, too, but none of that so-called punk attitude you were searching for. His abs though⌠You coughed and fixed your eyes firmly on his face⌠his bright, smiley face. âDo I know you from somewhere?â was what came out of your mouth instead of something intelligent.
To his credit, he only chuckled. âKind of,â he said with a sheepish grin, âIâm Mingyu. I donât know if you remember me, but I went to Pledis Academy.â
You rifled through the files of memories in your brain, referencing the name, the face, and the school. His face had grown more mature since you last saw him, but he was definitely no longer the scrawny swim star you remembered. Recognition flooded into you and a smile stretched across your face. âOh, shoot! I do remember you, Mingyu, oh my gosh. How have you been? You lookâ âyou regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth, and you awkwardly trailed off. Of course, he looked good, but that was not why you were here. Get it together!â âgreat,â you finished, clutching Seonghwaâs phone with both of your hands now.
Mingyu laughed again, ducking his head as he swept a hand through his hair. âOh, thanksâand you, too,â he swiftly added. âI canât believe we havenât bumped into each other all these years.â
âYeah, thatâs crazy,â you agreed, nodding your head. âItâs a pretty big campus.â
âRight? But youâd think weâd see each other at least in passing or at parties,â he said. âI donât know why I never saw you out with Seonghwa.â Mingyu froze, as if someone had just pinched him (probably his own conscience). âAre you two stillâI didnât know if you were still together or notââ
Your smile hardened into an awkward rictus. There were plenty of people who misunderstood yours and Seonghwaâs relationship, but Mingyu? He knew you both from your high school days, when you were undoubtedly more hostile toward one another. You were suddenly reminded of your primary purpose for being here. âOh, uh, we were never together or anything,â you drawled. Before Mingyu or you could fully let the mutual uneasiness settle into the grooves and heat of this room, you piped up, âSpeaking of: have you seen Seonghwa around? He left his phoneâ âyou lifted the silver-quilt case up as evidenceâ âat a friendâs and I was asked to deliver it.â
âAh!â Mingyuâs tell-tale signs of discomfort erupted right in front of our eyes, everything from his adorable stammering to the physical turning of his body as he searched for a way out of this conversation. âRightrightright! I forgot that Yunho sent me a text as a heads up; it completely slipped my mind.â
The expression on your face softened in sympathy. âItâs all good,â you assured him. Your brows twisted together, though, as you walked back his words. âYunho told you? I didnât know you knew each other.â
He bobbed his head in an affirmative. âYup. We met through Hwa in freshman year, actually.â Mingyu swiveled over his shoulder and leaned closer to you so he could point out the far end of the pool. âHe should be over there.â
Oh, easy.
You followed Mingyuâs line of sight toward the far end of the pool, and had to catch your own jaw before it dropped. Nope, not so easy.
As a former member of your high school girlâs swim team, you were no stranger to seeing people come out of a pool; but one thing you had concluded about it was that there was no person on earth who could get out of a pool completely elegantly. So then why the fuck were you gawking at the way Park Seonghwa had just appeared out of the water? As soon as his dark brunet head broke the surface, he was brushing the water out of his eyes and sliding one hand over his face to drag any remaining liquid out of the way. The pool water slipping off the slopes of his muscular back gleamed in the clear sunlight that shone through the glass panels far above as he swam freestyle over to the edge of the pool.
You hadnât even realized that he had something clutched in his hand, something that he was swift to pass over to a little boy and his mother crouched at the poolside. He nodded and smiled as the mother spoke to him, her hand tapping her sonâs shoulder, likely to thank Seonghwa for his service.
With the mother and son pair walking off, he braced his hands against the warm pool deck and pushed himself up and out of the water. Pool water cascaded down each crevice and slope of his body, catching on the folds of his swim trunks and his stomach muscles, before smacking against the concrete. He easily swept a foot onto the deck to stand up, and he brought his hands up over his face and through his hair again.
His gaze lifted from the weight of yours, and you wondered why the hell the temperature of the room just shot up ten degrees.
âOh, heâs seen us,â chirped Mingyu as you pointedly looked away. He began to wave at Seonghwa with that beam so akin to a golden retriever. âHwa! Look whoâs here!â
Yeah, I think heâs seen whoâs here, you thought to yourself while mustering up your pride and swallowing everything else in your mouth down. What the hell was wrong with you? Youâd seen drenched, shirtless guys beforeâyou were freaking standing next to one already! Granted, he wasnât drenched, but you had also witnessed Seonghwa in the pool plenty of times in high school. You needed to get a gripâ
âWell, this is a surprise,â he said when he was within earshot. Droplets of water continued to run down the surfaces of his body and leave wet footprints in his wake. Seonghwa eyed you with the stoicism you were used to, one that almost broke you out of your flustered state. (It had to be the heat and humidity in here. It had to be.) He inclined his chin at you and folded his arms over his chest. âIâm guessing Mingi or Yunho sent you.â
âYup.â You thrust out your arm to give him his phone. âIt was for the chocolate chip muffins Mingiâs mom makes.â
Seonghwaâs eyebrows lifted, unimpressed. He didnât take the phone. âYeah no, I didnât think you did it out of the goodness of your heart or anything,â he drawled and turned away. âYouâre gonna have to hold it for a few more minutes, though; I need to dry off before I electrocute myself.â
You made a face at his back, and with a wave to Mingyu, you strode after him. âHello? Dude, you know thatâs not how it works.â
âDo educate me, Ln,â was his flippant response. He went straight for a small alcove in the far left wall, one with two doorways facing each otherâa womenâs and a menâs locker room. You halted abruptly when he did, his hand pressed against the door to the menâs side. He sent you a look and his mouth was curved in a half-smirk. âThis is the locker room, by the way. If you want a peek, I think you should ask first.â
You could have choked on your own oxygen. âIâI knew that! And I didnât want a fucking peek, you perv.â
He merely laughed and disappeared into the locker room.
You were left to your own devices in the diabolical humidity of the inner natatorium. Absent-mindedly, you lifted your hand up to feel the back of your neck, the sides of your face, before swearing at the warmth just beneath your skin. With Seonghwa deserting you to dry off and, hopefully, put on a goddamn shirt, (all for a phone) you found something to entertain yourself. There was a bulletin board tacked on the wall between the doors littered with a myriad of posters and flyers and schedules. A section of the wall was dedicated solely to a set of polaroid pictures of each individual staff member, Seonghwa included. (It was a decent picture of himâdecent.) This seemed to be a trend for all the businesses associated with and surrounding the school.
Your eyes roved over the media with mild interest, tucking knowledge of an intermediate level water aerobics class held on Saturday mornings, and noting the old flyer for lifeguarding auditions forgotten on the board. As the summer break crept up on all of the students, faculty, and inhabitants of the university town, the pool here needed to prepare by training a new class of lifeguards.
Faintly, you heard the door to your left yawn open, then close with a soft thump. âThinking of brushinâ up some skills?â
You glanced over at him before turning your attention back to the poster you were reading. There was a light blue towel draped over one shoulder, his bare chest barely covered by a black tank top, and his dark hair still appeared slightly-mussed, the strands arranged in artful chaos. âNah,â you said, âjust curious. I'm not here much.â
âI know.â He stepped closer and stood beside you, sharing your view of the board.
The heat from his skin radiated against your arm and you fought the urge to lean toward him. Why would you want to go closer to more warmth anyway? You cleared your throat, passing his phone between you two a second time. âYou should be glad I don't show my face here a lot. I might embarrass you in your own element,â you jested as he finally accepted his device from you.
A low chuckle slipped from his mouth. âYou think you're so funny, huh?â he mused.
You were one breath away from whipping back something smartâor something stupidly obvious like âBecause I amââuntil his body casted a shadow over you. Sunlight had no choice but to gleam around the sides of his head and broad shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat, prey in a metal trap, as he leaned closer. (Prey had more survival instinct than you, at this moment.) Every contraction of your thoracic cavity was shallow and strained, lungs filling with the scent of him, all chlorine and sweat and musk.
âWhatââ
âDo it then,â he murmured, mouth level with your ear, âembarrass me.â
Then he grabbed the clipboard from behind your head and straightened as if nothing happened.
Your mouth went dry, and you swallowed to hopefully regain some of your dignity. What the hell⌠The words that you so easily wielded in his presence had retreated to the recesses of your brain, tucking themselves behind the featherlight weight of his breath at your ear and the heat of his gaze. Cowards.
Seonghwa cocked a brow at you as he flipped past one of the sheets of paper on the clipboard. âI know Iâm pretty to look at, but don't you have places to be?â
Fuck, did you have places to be? âRight,â you drawled, making a show of squinting one eye at him. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of your face from your hairline, and his eyes lifted from the clipboard momentarily. You instinctively swiped the droplet away; you needed to get out of this infernal torture chamber. âBye, I guess. Also, keep an eye on your fuckinâ phone, dude. This is the only time Iâm playing Delivery Girl.â
He leaned against the alcove wall as you began walking away, his arms folding over his chest. âYo, Ln.â
You threw him a look over your shoulder. âWhat is it now?â
âWhat time do you work until tonight?â
The question nearly had you running into some kid in an inflatable duck floatie. Your eyes widened as he swerved around you, and you parked yourself to the side of the room, as far away from the edge of the pool as you could. Your face contorted into confusion. âWho wants to know?â
Seonghwa said, âHongjoong does.â
âThen Hongjoong can text me like a normal person?â A frown etched itself onto your face. You had no quarrel with Hongjoong, even if he sustained the tiff between you from last Saturdayâs party. It was strange, though, that Hongjoong would think to get this little tidbit of information through Seonghwa of all people. Weird connections were being drawn in your head, and you werenât sure what to make of them. âWhatever. Tell him that I get off at nine.â
He sent you a small salute before hooking the clipboard back into its place on the wall. âAye-aye.â
You shook your head as you walked off, careful to avoid any wet puddles left in the textured concrete. Today was strange, to say the least; it had to be the heat.
You spoke too soon. The day only grew weirder.
âGood evening, Aurora County! Seems to me like weâre not quite out of the woods with this summer storm.â There was a crackly laugh cutting through the decade-old speakers in your earbuds before Aurora Countyâs favorite (and only) weatherman continued, âWeâll be braving another bout of showers tonight, and then it should be clear skies and beach weather here on out âtil Juneââ
ââand then he said to me, âI donât really go on dates with nerds!ââ you recalled in a voice that was deeper and more stupid-sounding than your normal voice. Your hands gesticulated in time with your narration, fingers waving around to overstate the complete absurdity of it all.
Kim Doyoung, your senior and the tutoring partner who got stuck with you on this late, rainy night shift, twisted his facial muscles into the dictionary definition of disgust. You wondered what one had to do to gain facial flexibility the way Doyoung could scrunch up his entire face like so. âNo fucking way.â
âYes fucking way!â you exclaimed and threw your hands into the air. The movement ripped your earbuds from your ears, and you discarded the wires in a haphazard heap on your laptop keys. There was no use in keeping quiet; at this point, the two of you had Quill Library all to yourselves, unless you counted the student librarians chained to their reception desks in the lobby. âAnd you know whatâs crazy? Guess who was sitting right next to us.â
Doyoungâs eyes were so wide, you could see your reflection in the whites of them. âWho?â
âSeonghwaâand that girl from Seulgiâs party on Saturday!â At this point in the evening, Doyoung was caught up on all of your so-called âloreâ from this past week. You nodded your head with vigor when he started slapping his leg. âExactly. And when this asswipe says his piece, both me and Seonghwa say at the same time, like, who said this was a fricking date? Then, Justin starts getting on Seonghwaâs case, for some reason, and I snap at him. He says some bullshit about why it was called matchmaking if this isnât a date, and Seonghwa reminds him that the flyer actually says âfriendship braceletsâ instead.â You gestured with your hand, adding, âOf course, with more snark.â
âBut of course,â Doyoung replied with a downturned mouth. He took a sip from his thermos, wincing at the steam wafting out of its mouth. How that coffee was still scalding after four hours was a mystery to you. âWait, so Seonghwa spoke up for you?â
âYup,â you said. You leaned your cheek against your fist as his question fully digested. âI guess itâs a little strange to think about, considering what you already know about our relationship. I mean, we kind of talked about it afterward and it felt weird to actually agree on things, for once.â
In an action that nearly had your eyes bulging out of your head, you watched Doyoung return his thermos to the table and place his hand on your shoulder. âYn, I might need to hold your hand while asking thisâŚâ
Dread was the weight of an iron anchor sinking in your gut. It festered there, rusting, and it took far too much energy to haul it up out of the water. You grimaced, glancing at the hand on your shoulder, then back at him. âPlease donât.â
âDonât you think you guys could actually get along if you got over yourselves?â
You blinked at him. âIs this a genuine question?â
His expression dropped into a deadpan in time with his hand slipping off your shoulder. âYes, and I want a genuine answer.â
âAh.â You scratched at your jaw, then reached over to pause the video that you abandoned earlier. You were tempted to make the joke of how The Emotionally-constipated Doyoung was actually prompting an emotionally intelligent conversation, but the thought dashed away as you fell into the gravity of his question. âSincerely? Yeah.â
It had never been a question of whether you and Seonghwa could get along; it was simply that the dynamic between you had been tainted from the start.
You saw the lines of his face and the curve of his posture soften. âThen why don't you?â
You pulled your eyes away from him at the sensation of heat crawling up your neck. That was embarrassment in tangible form, your nervous system coming up to bat. âItâs complicated,â you said, and quickly tacked on, âand that's not a copout answer. It legitimately is likeâ âyour mouth shut. How were you supposed to articulate this in a way that someone outside yours and Seonghwa's history could understand? âWhen we were younger, I couldn't see him as anyone but the person my mom thought was always better than me. It⌠screws with you, y'know? And it's not fair to Seonghwa or me that that is how we grew up looking at each other, butâI dunno. Our dynamic has always been like a cat fight and it feels weird if we're not at odds.â
âBecause being each other's competition is what feels natural.â
Your head dipped. âYeah.â
Doyoung loosened a sigh from the back of his throat and he shifted in his seat. âAnd you've never⌠thought about being friends with him? Bonding over that mutual pressure?â
âNot really,â you confessed. âWhen you're a kid who just wants your parents to be proud, you do what you have to. There were moments I saw him as someone other than the physical rendition of all my mother's expectations and my nightmares, though. I meanâwe still grew up together.â There was a laugh, and then your voice dropped off a cliff. You sat stock-still for a moment and let the epiphany swallow you whole.
Your counterpart allowed the silence of realization to engulf you. Seonghwa was your mirror image in more ways than not. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that you were both just kids at the time, and that ultimately, you had grown up together. (But now you were older. Would you continue to look at him and see the past, or could you make room for the man he was growing into?)
In the corner of your eye, you spotted movement. Both you and Doyoung turned to the entryway of this area in the library, and it was as if the universe was about to call you out on your thoughts.
Doyoung looked back at you with wide eyes. âSpeak of the Devil,â he whispered, head whipping back in Seonghwaâs direction, then to you.
You wanted to slap your hand to your forehead. âPlease be chill,â you groaned quietly to him. Over Doyoungâs shoulder, you watched Seonghwa quietly take a seat on the outskirts of the seating area, furthest from where yours and Doyoungâs table was. Wait, wasnât it Hongjoong who asked what time you got off work tonight? You peeked over at the time in the corner of your laptopâ8:24PM. Huh.
For a minute or two, you and Doyoung simply let the clock tick away in silence.
Then there was a nudge at your arm. âGo ask him if he needs help.â
You jolted. âWhat? He doesnât need helpâtrust me,â you hissed back. âHe already took Gen Chem in freshman year and passed with flying colors.â
âI hate that you know that.â
Oh. You pursed your lips together. âYeah, me too.â
Doyoung sighed and it was loud enough to echo against the high ceiling. He spun your chair around and practically shoved you out of it. âYou've been deployed, Yn.â
âThis is abuse of power,â you muttered, but gathered your body, ego, and all other accompanying parts, and rounded the table. You could not comprehend why your heart rate began to crescendo with each footstep you took in Seonghwa's direction. There had never been this kind of hesitation beforeâan uneasiness of suddenly being aware of too muchâonly an insistent balking to interact with the bane of your childhood.
Seonghwa didn't look up until your shadow sliced over his notebook page. It almost made your eyes twitch. âFunny seeing you here,â he drawled as he leaned back in his seat to peer up at you.
You arched both of your brows, unimpressed. âThere is a distinct lack of Kim Hongjoong, I see,â you said and gestured around at the nearly-empty room.
âYeah, well, he had a conflict.â
You rolled your eyes and slid into the seat across from him. âYou could've just asked me. Y'know, like a normal person.â
âSure I could've, Ln.â
âAnyways,â you muttered, scratching your head and then gesturing behind you in Doyoung's direction, âmy senior's tasked me with seeing if you need help with anything. I told him you probably don't, because this is a general chemistry tutor session andââ
âSoyeon says you got full marks on the Krebs Cycle portion of the midterm.â
The words that just spilled out of his mouth were experiencing a traffic jam when entering your brain. When did he and Soyeon talk about that? Why would Soyeon tell him that? And why would heâit hit you.
Your face must have said it all, because Seonghwa was already taking up a defensive position by folding his arms over his chest. âDon't make a big deal out of this.â
You pressed a finger to your lips. âI'm not,â you swore, then lowered your hand to lace with the other over the table. You were telling the truth, as surprising as it was for both you and Seonghwa. In your youth, you would have been flooded with jubilation at the news that you excelled where he underperformed. But as you sat across from him in the harsh library lighting, you felt nothing but a light âOh.â
You were expecting the warm satisfaction in your chest, the smug contentment making your fingers jittery. Those sensations never came.
Not so important after all, huh?
The side of his cheek shifted like he was biting the inside of it. âSo no snarky remarks? No celebrating?â
Were you really so bad? You shrugged. âIf that's what you want, I'll provide it. Butâyou knowâŚâ you trailed off in thought, an absent-minded laugh tumbling out. âI don't think we've ever admitted to each other our shortcomings directly. They've only ever been told to us through other people.â
Seonghwa's arms uncrossed, expression softening. âYeah,â he said. âRight.â
You pressed your lips together and nodded. âIt's cool that you came to me for help, though. I think I had a dream about this onceââ
âDon't push it, Ln.â
A grin split your face just thenâa true moment of jubilationâand you could have sworn something flickered across his own face.
You didn't push it. Instead, you and Seonghwa hunkered down in the corner of the room for the next couple of hours breaking down the target section. In the quiet, abandoned floor of Quill Library, rain drummed against the windows plastered with the dark night. At some point, Doyoung excused himself to head home, leaving you and Seonghwa beneath the grating overhead LEDs and the scratchy handwriting on the notebook passed between you.
The clock hands struck about ten o'clock when you decided to call it quits. Rain continued to batter the streets of the KQ University campus, and you stood beneath the large, stone archway that led into the library, watching the glow of the lights from inside scatter across the drenched cobblestones.
Seonghwa yanked his jacket hood over his head. âHey, come on, I'll give you a ride home,â he said to you, nudging your arm with the back of his hand before gesturing to the left.
You were not about to argue when it was pouring rain at ten o'clock and you were without an umbrella.
The two of you crashed into your corresponding sides of the car, breaths fogging up the windows and mirrors, seats and backpacks and skin damp from either sweat or rain. You shook any errant droplets out of your hair as Seonghwa cranked the engine on. His phone connected to the car radio the moment he began backing out from his parking space, and the vibrant instrumentals of a Bruno Mars song came grooving out of the speakers.
Seonghwa turned the volume down, and you leaned back in your seat and watched the streetlights blur like watercolors against the car window.
âThanks, by the way.â The glow of the stoplight was crimson red across his face. âI found tonight really helpful.â
You pursed your mouth as you traded glances with him. âYeah sure, man,â you said. âI'm glad you found it helpful. I think I'm just surprised you evenâI dunnoâasked me of all people.â
He passed you another glance as his visage turned bright green with the traffic light. âYou know I respect you, right?â
âAre you okay?â you blurted out. âLike are you dying or something?â
Seonghwa rolled his eyes so hard, you were sure he could see his brain up there. If he wasn't driving, you knew he would be hitting his head against the steering wheel. âGood grief, Yn, I'm trying to be sincere.â
You coughed, shrinking down in your seat. âAnd I'm being sincere too,â you retorted. âWe haven't been this civil toward each other sinceââ
âNever?â he offered.
âYes,â you said. You shared yet another look before he returned his eyes to the road. Your own gaze went to the lone C-3PO figurine on his dash and you balled up your hands in your lap, wondering how they had gotten so clammy. âIârespect you, too.â
âHow badly did it hurt to say that?â
Your head whipped around. âNow who's being the insincere one?â
Seonghwa chuckled and the corner of his mouth curled up. âTouchĂŠ,â he said. âIâm being serious though. I wishâŚâ
You swallowed as you stared out the front windshield. It didn't take a therapist to fill in the blank: I wish we hadn't started off how we did. I wish we grew up differently. I wish we had grown up as friends.
The car tires crunched slowly over the rainy gravel outside of your house a few minutes later. The front windows still emitted a warm, familiar light from within, signalling to you the consciousness status of some of your housemates. The windshield wipers continued to thunk, thunk, thunk away at the ceaseless rain against glass as you prepared yourself to cross the driveway without cover.
You stopped just as your fingers curled around the door handle. âBy the way, isn't your guy missing his guy?â you asked, wagging a finger in the direction of C-3PO. You were, of course, referring to R2-D2, the blue and white droid renowned for its resourcefulness and adorableness.
Seonghwa shifted in his seat, eyebrows lifting in pleasant surprise at the question. âOh,â he said, âwell, I guess I just haven't found the right moment to get him.â
Ah. You tugged the door open. ââNight then,â you chirped, and flashed him with the Spock salute.
âYou're such a fuckinâ nerd, oh my godââ
You threw your head back in a cackle as you slammed the car door, then bolted for your front porch.
In the eleventh grade, you bombed a Science Olympiad competition. The Science Olympiad was a high school organization you had been a part of since the moment you stepped foot onto campus in freshman year. As a junior, you were a seasoned professional, an ace card in the deck, a valued player in the rosterâuntil you fumbled every event at this specific meet.
To your credit, most of your teammates also met failure or mediocre success; but that was not something your mother cared about.
Park Seonghwa knew this fact like the back of his hand. He had recognized the sheer panic in your eyes during each event, the harried nature of each attempt to reconcile your mistakes mid-event, the defeat and anxiety pouring out of you in energy that could not be contained in that high-tension ball you called your body.
The bus ride home had been dead silent. The car ride in his mom's car was filled only by the muffled sounds of the world passing by. The worst part was seeing you at school the day afterward. You didn't only look exhausted, you looked sappedâof energy, a will, everything. He never said anything; he didn't have the heart or the balls to.
When the clock hit four on the dot, marking the beginning of after school practice, Seonghwa gathered in room A08 along with the rest of your teammates. He barely tuned into whatever the president was saying because your seat across the room was empty and they were taking roll call.
âI'll go look for her,â he offered as soon as your name was called. His stomach twisted into a painful knot, knowing. Maybe you weren't friends, but it didn't mean he couldn't try to save you some dignity. Seonghwa was already up and out of his seat before anyone else could acknowledge or offer assistance.
There were a myriad of possible places you could be and he would check all of them, barring the girl's bathroom. You had to still be on campus, though, because he saw your bike still locked up when he passed by. You would not have gone home at this hourâat least one of your parents would be home, thus, making it the last place you wanted to be. Minutes flew by as he zipped around different spots on campus. He peeked into other open classrooms, asked your band friends if you were in any parts of the music building, and ducked into alcoves around school grounds. The couple of times he called your number, it went to voicemail immediately; there was no point in trying to text you.
When he reached the swimming pool on the far end of campus, his hopes were not high. He had even broken a sweat, the skin beneath the collar of his hoodie warm and damp from perspiration. You had quit the girlâs swim team last year after an incident with the asshole coach, and it didnât make much sense that you would hide here of all places. Seonghwa was in no place to judge you for quitting, but your parents miraculously accepted it as long as you took up another extra-curricular. From what he heard, you were tutoring now.
As he stepped foot onto the barren, outdoor pool deck, he paused just as he opened his mouth to call out your name.
The sound of a gasp cleaved through the airânot a gasp of surprise, but a gasp for air. A broken sob rattled after it, followed by another, and another, a cascade of ruin and emotion that no one needed a label for.
Seonghwa froze in place. The distinct feeling that he was intruding swept over him. What if itâs not her, he thought and slowly crept closer, toward the sound. He would make sure that youâor whoever it wasâwas alright.
But as he took his measured steps, he spied a familiar head of hair around the furthest corner of the locker rooms building. He recognized the red stripe running down your track pants, the pair that you wore on Thursdays when you had your racquet ball class. Your shoulders trembled like a city on a fault line, a fissure in the earth that was once the unbreakable resolve he knew you to possess.
He had never seen or heard you cry before, let alone like thisâlike every single pressure point had conspired together to finally make you crack. He despised it, hated it. Out of all the people he knew, he never believed you could be broken.
Seonghwa backed away. He didnât make his presence known to you and he would never bring it up again. This was your private moment; he was probably the last person you wanted to see. He made his way back to the meeting room with a discomfort filling up his chest, and that presented itself outwardly as solemnity.
His teammates all glanced up at his return, and the president asked, âWhere is she?â
âSheâs fine,â Seonghwa replied while sliding back into his seat. âShe just needs a minute.â
âBut we have to tighten up on practiceââ
Seonghwaâs expression hardened. âGive her. A Minute.â
The presidentâs mouth snapped shut, and nothing further was said on the matter. However, fifteen minutes later, heads turned again to watch you stumble into the classroom while wiping your cheek, your eyes no longer red and your breathing back to normal. Seonghwa tried not to stare as you muttered out an apology and took your seat across the room from him. You shouldnât have to apologize, he thought.
He tried not to flinch when he remembered what your crying sounded like; tried not to let the anger he harbored at your mother fester into his own tone when he spoke; and tried not to mention at all that he had caught you at a moment of weakness, because if there was anything that would make you feel worse, it would certainly be that.
There were many things you could read about Jeon Soyeon. After living with her for a solid three years and suffering a glorious amount together through the trenches that were pre-medicine weedout classes, one might say you forged a bond only few could relate to. It was one of the primary reasons you believed that she had been itching to ask you something for an entire week.
You broke away from the lineup of dish detergents on the shelf before you, their rainbow of labels plastered with claims of killing 99.9999999% of grease molecules on your dishes to varying degrees of truthfulness. âAlright,â you said, whirling on your friend and roommate, which caused her to freeze up like a deer in headlights. âJust spit it out already.â
Soyeonâs hands lifted in surrender. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âDo not make me resort to unsavory methods.â The bright white LEDs above your head washed the entire store in their light, illuminating the companyâs specific shade of red plastered on the walls to contrast the white of everything else.
âItâs just thatâŚâ
âUh-huh,â you muttered, turning back to the shelf to pluck your houseâs choice of dish soap from the shelf. The translucent blue liquid sloshed inside with a slightly higher viscosity than water, but looser than hand soap. You dumped the bottle into the red basket hanging from your arm filled with the other items you and Soyeon were tasked with retrieving by your housemates.
âDoyoung told me that Seonghwa came to the tutor center during one of your shifts last week.â
You paused in the middle of the aisle, then recovered your stride and continued out into the main walkway. Was everybody talking to everybody but you, all of a sudden? âYeah,â you drawled, sending her a narrowed-eye look from over your shoulder, âand by the way, I canât believe you told him that I got the entire Krebs Cycle section right.â
Soyeon deadpanned at you and fell into step beside you as you began to wander in an aimless direction around the store. âIn my defense, he asked first! I had a feeling about his score, and you know that Iâm not gonna miss out on a chance to brag about my friend, so I told him about just that section.â
In truth, you werenât upset that Soyeon disclosed this information to Seonghwa. Of course, it would have been different if you hadnât done as well on that section, but it ultimately led to that strangely civil evening between the two of you. Since then, there had been two weeksâ worth of society gatherings and Trivia Nights, all of which passed by relatively normally, excluding the fact that the jabs you and Seonghwa exchanged were a little less biting. Not that anyone had pointed it out yet though.
You made a turn into one of the many toy aisles in this section of the store. âSo what about the tutor center?â you asked, beelining to the Lego sets on the shelves.
âGetting you guys to talk about your feelings about each other is like pulling teeth,â she groaned behind you.
âI mean, a straightforward question helps,â you mused. (âStraightforward,â you advocated for, until someone like Jeong Yunho asked you the most straightforward question known to man and you declined to answer in exchange for a tequila shot.) You shoved your hands into the pockets of your shorts and eyed the Lego replicas of real life items: a typewriter, a flower vase, a human-sized Boba Fett helmetâ
âWell, have you ever thought that youâre projecting your attraction for Seonghwa as a dislike for him instead?â
Your hand came to a stop. (Was there a tequila shot you could drink now?) What was with everyone asking you about your relationship with Seonghwa lately?
âSee!â
âNo, no, noâI can answer this! I can answer this,â you spluttered out defensively. You could see Soyeon bracing her hands on her hips next to you while you maintained your focus on the number of Lego bricks labeled on a box. âI canât believe Iâm being interrogated in a Target shopping aisle,â you muttered under your breath, blowing an errant piece of hair out of your eyes.
âOkay, I don't think I've ever thought of it in that way. Maybe there's some cognitive dissonance there with associating him with a lot of the negative things in our past, butâI don't know! Heâs⌠sure, I think he is an objectively decent guy, but heâs not my type.â When you faced Soyeon, she had her arms crossed this time, an eyebrow arched. âIâm guessing you donât agree,â you huffed.
âI really donât want to bring up your Hinge historyâ âyou opened your mouth to fire back a retort, but she held up her hand to stop youâ âand I wonât. But consider that maybe your obsession with the two of you being in the same league has a deeper meaning than simply his being the bane of your childhood. Like, you guys have so much common footing, and Iâve gotta be honest, girlâyou look at him and talk about him a lot.â
Your mouth curved into an elongated frown. You didnât look at him âa lot,â right? Not so much that it was obvious⌠right? If anything, the reason you looked at him so much was becauseâwell, even you couldnât come up with a bullshit excuse for that one. If you supposedly couldnât stand the sight of him, then why were your eyes always drawn to him like a magnet with the force of the Earthâs poles? Even gravitational acceleration could not beat the speed at which you found him in a crowded lecture hall.
The loud buzzing of a phone tore through the white noise buzzing from the overhead lights. It made you jump out of your skin, and you fumbled around in your pockets to take out your phone.
The caller ID glared up at you like the universeâs favorite joke: Park Vader.
Soyeon peered over your shoulder and snorted. âI forgot you called him that; youâre such a dork, Yn.â
âWhat?â you lamented. âI thought it was clever, âcause he was my sworn enemy!â
She shook her head to herself as she turned around and walked a straight line out of the aisle. That left you alone with the buzzing phone in your hands, the caller on the other side undoubtedly waiting, too. You couldnât remember the last time you received a phone call from him. Was it that one time you lost half the group during a society outing? Or was it high school graduation when he couldnât find where his parents had gone?
You brushed those thoughts aside and accepted the call. âHello?â
âHey, are you free right now?â
âUhh yeah,â you dragged out, peering around you for anyone in the vicinity. You kept the call off speaker despite no one being near. âDid you need something?â
The sounds of paper flipping and crinkling met your ears through the speaker. In your mindâs eye, you imagined him propped behind his desk and rummaging through his notebook graffitied with ballpoint pen. âThat question about which substrate the antagonist functions most closely toâŚ?â
Your brain flicked on its lights and you mentally rifled through the files labeled with âBiochemistry.â Something caught your eye at the other end of the aisle, and you tucked the phone between your ear and shoulder. âOh,â you said, âitâs succinyl-CoA because the compound inhibits the formation of citrate. The other options can be involved in the inhibition of the Krebs Cycle, but ultimately, succinyl-CoA is the only one thatâs involved with the actual condensation into citrate.â
A sigh erupted from his end of the call, his breathy tone tickling at your ear and making you think of the goddamn natatorium. He was quiet for a second as you scoured the shelves lined with Lego figurines of characters from movies. The dull scratching of his ballpoint pen was loud enough for his microphone to pick up; it was a soothing sound.
âI probably could have known that from straight-up memorization, huh,â he finally said.
You removed a box with an R2-D2 figurine from its hook. âMaybe,â you conceded. âYou can only memorize so much until it gets to a point, yâknow, where knowing the basics and applying them is more useful than committing every little detail to memory.â Five bucks? This tiny thing should be two dollars maximum, you thought, but tossed it into the basket anyway.
He must have heard the resounding crash of weighted cardboard and gravity, because he was quick to pipe up, âWhere even are you right now?â
âTarget,â you answered simply. âSoyeonâs somewhere around here, too.â The statement was paired with a swivel of your headâwherever she had wandered off to, you hadn't a clue.
âOh, did Seulgi make you guys go get stuff for the car wash thing tomorrow?â
âNah, this is all Lillian's doing,â you replied with more mirth than resentment. âErrands in exchange for coming to support us by bringing her minivan tomorrow.â
An indignant sound crackled into your ear. âThat's gotta be cheating.â
âSorry, that I have friends, Park,â you quipped back, snickering. âGet ready to have your ass handed to you.â
âBy you? Not a chance.â
You hummed absentmindedly, dallying toward the end of the aisle to begin your search for your friend. âNot by âchance,ââ you corrected, âbut by the army of our girls in bikinis.â
âIs that including you?â
You made a face. âDuh. Wait whyââ
A chuckle resonated through your ear, the heat from your phone meshing with the warmth in your cheek. âSee you and your bikini tomorrow, Ln.â
âSeonghwa, what theââ He hung up.
Your face ignited as you ripped the phone out from between your ear and shoulder. As expected, the End Call screen grinned back up at you. There was no way you heard what you thought you heard⌠but then again, there had been the pool before that, and the other car ride way before thatâŚ
Soyeon appeared from around the corner with her phone facing upward as if she herself was just on a call with someone. She peered at you curiously, her brows crinkling together. âAre you okay?â
âI think Seonghwa's been flirting with me, Soyeon,â you said. The phone was still hot in your hand. His goddamn contact was still on the screen.
She raised her hands up to the ceiling as if in prayer. âOh, thank Mother Seulgi, you're finally awake.â
Seulgi's cul-de-sac was busier than Greek row during Rush.
Perched up high in her second story bedroom window, you could breathe in the expanse of bodies milling about, the cars slowly rolling into the dead-end street, and the dozens upon dozens of buckets and sponges piled high with mountains of soap suds. The pre-health society's car washing fundraiser was well under way, even beneath the scathing wrath of the late spring sun.
âGood morning, Aurora County!â you heard the weatherman's voice carry through one of Seulgi's roommate's radios in the house. They were probably holed up in their room down the hall, deep in a cat nap and unaware of the party around them. âWell, it's gonna be another hot one today. Temperatures are looking to soar to the mid-nineties and hundreds by late afternoon. Make sure to stay hydrated and apply that sunscreen, folks!â
You had been finishing up with some preparations inside the house while everyone else was busy getting the event started. You might have missed the moment everyone tore off their shirts and hosed the first car, but there was plenty of time for one more.
Every conversation that had transpired last night replayed freshly in your mind as you sped down the stairs and out the front door. If you were to be wholly honest, you weren't sure where your head was. This was new to youâthe idea that the tension between you and Seonghwa could be anything but a rivalry. Your pulse throbbed at the junction of your throat and jaw, your palms clammy as the midday sun roasted you from even the shade of the porch.
âYn! Get your butt down here!â came Chaeryeong's shout, her arm flailing around to beckon you over to the Chevy SUV at the mercy of her water gun.
Soyeon cupped her hands around her grinning mouth: âAnd take that shirt off before I do it for you!â
You let out a loud laugh, descending the porch step by slow step, teasing your fingers at the hem of your T-shirt. âDonât any of you have manners? Where's my 'please?ââ
âPleaseâ âyour head whipped over to find Wooyoung lounging in a nearby lawn chair, his shirt unbuttoned and splayed out on either side of him, eyes boasting a pair of heart-shaped glasses, and shooting you a toothy grinâ âtake your shirt off. For me, of course, and definitely not for anyone else.â
You guffawed, fully amused. âFor you, and only you, my friend.â
âThat is the goddamn spiritâoop! Gotta go!â Wooyoung rocketed out of the chair as Seulgi came barreling out of the garage fifteen feet behind him, a menacing scowl fixed on her face and a slipper raised over her head.
âGet to work, Jung Woooyoung, or so help me!â Seulgi huffed as she stood on the lawn just before you, hands braced on her jean short-clad hips. She turned halfway toward you. âReady to rake in some money, Yn? Taeyong and the boys have gotten a headstart, but it won't help them for long,â she said, the grin on her face filled with more teeth than sportsmanship.
âYes, ma'am,â you chirped dutifully.
She pointed in the direction of a cobalt blue sedan rolling into the lot near the entrance of the cul-de-sac proper, where you saw Lia already stationed. You sent her a salute, stole a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses off a nearby table, and jogged across the street toward Lia. The latter gladly welcomed you to the area she affectionately called âThe Griddle,â thanks to the fact that she was in the flat, open expanse of the street. Her only reprieve was the big, floppy sun hat crowning her head and maybe the clipboard tucked under her arm.
She waved over the sedan to an open spot in front of one of the other houses, and to your surprise, as they rolled down the window, you were met by a familiar face.
âLong time, no see, Mingyu,â you greeted pleasantly, leaning over the window sill. You nodded in hello to the guy sitting in the passenger seat, as well.
Mingyu beamed with a kind of boyishness that made you nostalgic for high school, a rare feat. âHey, Yn,â he said. âMy friend Seungkwan and I thought we'd come to support.â
Seungkwan, the passenger, waved to you with a bright energy. âNice to meet the girl Mingyu hasn't stopped talking about.â
âAishâshut up, dude!â Mingyu stammered, cheeks darkening from his friend's exposĂŠ.
You giggled, the sound spilling out of your mouth from the slight second-hand embarrassment and feeling a little flattered. Sure, Mingyu was good-looking and seemed like a regular Prince Charming, but you weren't sure he was someone you were interested in at this moment. (Or was exactly your type, as Soyeon would say.) Your smile was cordial, bordering on polite. âAh well, thanks for coming out to show your support. We really appreciate it.â
âOf course!â he was quick to recover. âDo you guys want us to sit outside and wait, orâŚ?â
âEither is fine,â you said with a shrug and took a couple steps back toward Lia. You needed to locate a bucket and sponges and maybe even a hose before you could get started. âMake yourselves comfortable, guys.â
You shimmied your way over to Lia's side. âHey, is there any extra soap and water around here?â
Lia hissed through her teeth and tapped her chin with the back of her pencil. âOoh,â she murmured, âyou know what? Let me find someone who can get you thatââ
âI got it, Lia.â
Your heart palpitated, your lungs seized. For some reason, his voice sounded rough around the edges, and there were only so many instances when you could use heat as an excuse for delusions like this. You swore to god that Park Seonghwa just appeared out of nowhere, setting two buckets of sudsy sponges at your feet, but not before peering at you through long lashes with the intention to make you feel warmth from a source other than the sun.
His shoulders were already well bronzed in his tank top, the fabric loose to give his skin room to breathe. He carded a hand through his damp hair and looked you up and down. âI was promised a bikini.â
You blinked, and for a moment, you nearly forgot who you were. The attitude came zipping back in a second. âActually, you were promised a proper beating.â
âI could deal with that, too,â he drawled back, arms braiding across his chest.
(Lia quietly excused herself, likely to go run off in Soyeon and Seulgi's direction with the freshest of news. It was almost too easy to give you both privacy; how obsessed did you have to be with one another to forget that the world continued on when you were together?)
You flashed him a saccharine smile and bent slightly to pick up the buckets heâd delivered. âWell, thanks for the stuff. I'm gonna go clean Mingyu's car now.â Before he could even process what you said, you were already walking yourself back in the direction of your assigned car. Somewhere behind you, you registered the sound of Yeosang calling out for Seonghwa to help with a new car coming in.
When you reached the sedan again, you set the buckets by the driverâs side, the car now left to its own devices while Mingyu and Seungkwan loitered on the curbside nearby.
âYn, dâyou need help?â Chaeryeong jogged over in her sandals and flipped her hair over her shoulder with a big grin on her face. The water gun she wielded earlier had disappeared.
âDefinitely,â you said back, nodding. You took the heart-shaped glasses off and handed them to her. âHold these, please.â
Your fingers once again met the bottom hem of your T-shirt. A familiar sensation warmed at the side of your head akin to a light burn. Your eyes wandered in the direction of the stare that seared into you, and your pulse throttled up against your skin when you made eye contact with Seonghwa from across the street. He had the door of his newest vehicle propped open and half his body drenched from chest to waist already, but he halted any activity as if he sensed what was about to happen.
You didnât know what was wrong with you, but you held his stare while you tugged your shirt up and over your head. Immediately, your skin breathed a sigh of relief at being freed from the fabric incubator that was your cover-up. You tossed the garment onto the side of the road where a drink cooler had been left.
Chaeryeong suddenly coughed and leaned toward you, passing the sunglasses back into your hands. âI donât think Iâve ever seen Seonghwa look so intense.â
That phantom burn continued to flare against your head. You stole a quick glance back in that direction, your heart rate rocketing when you caught the way his eyes flickered over the expanse of exposed skin framed by a baby blue bikini top.
âThen you should see how locked-in he gets when doing exams,â you joked to Chaeryeong. It was a pathetic attempt at dismissing the fluttering in your stomach.
She shot you a look, her mouth pursing. âNo, girl, I think he wants to do you like one.â
If there was one way to get you to shut up with haste, it was that. Your jaw snapped shut before it could fully unhinge. No way. Nowaynowaynowayâyou hiked your sunglasses up on top of your head to push your hair out of your face. All of a sudden, you were hyper-aware of the presence across the street from you; and for the first time, it wasnât because you were solely looking to school his ass at something. When had you become so conscious about him looking at you?
You forced the thought to the back of your mind; in fact, you shoved it under a mental floorboard, hammered it in with a mental nail, and draped a mental rug over it. There were more important things to deal with at present and who were you if not a champion of absolute focus?
It truly proved to be a challenge for your mental faculties. As the late morning simmered into high noon, you and your society-mates must have cleaned about a few dozen cars. If the pre-health society did not collect at least a couple thousand in donations by the end of the day, you would declare your retirement. The heat was beginning to wear on you and everyone else, the sunâs rays beating down from above while the hot asphalt beneath discharged heat waves, completing a proper assault on two fronts.
You swiped the fat droplet of sweat rolling down the side of your face with your arm, despite it mixing with the layer of perspiration already settled atop your skin. You, Soyeon, and some of the other girls just finished up with a fraternity brotherâs dirt- and dust-slicked truck, and were making your way back toward home base.
Soyeon slumped one of her arms around your shoulders before her head came tumbling down next. âMan, the tan lines weâre gonna end up with are going to be diabolical,â she whined. âAnd right before summer, too! What am I supposed to do in a backless dress and my bodyâs in three different shades?â
âI donât know, but youâre still hot regardless of how many shades your body is,â you mused back with a cheeky grin. The two of you stood within range of the front lawn sprinklers, which had been so graciously activated by one of Seulgiâs housemates. You had already spotted some of the boys making full use of the cool water when they took their break earlier.
âHave I ever told you I love you?â
You chuckled and patted her head, your movements sun-soaked and lethargic. âLove you, too, babe.â
A high-pitched yelp pierced the air and the sound echoed against the surrounding houses of the cul-de-sac. You and Soyeon tracked the noise to the boysâ side of the street, where Wooyoung was scrambling away from the group like his ass was on fire, his hair and body dripping wet. The culprit, it seemed, was Yunho, of all people.
âOh my god,â you mumbled, âwho let Yunho have the hose?â A small chuckle left your throat as you watched the chaos unfold. The wicked, toothy grin slathered over Yunho's face was enough to tell anyone in the vicinity that he meant Business.
The trajectory of the hose spray continued on down the line before it reached the side of a black four-wheeler. Someone shouted from behind the trunk, before Seonghwa and Hongjoong emerged, their bodies sopping wet from head to toe.
âYah! Jeong Yunho,â Hongjoong cried with a shaking fist before flicking off the water from his arms and legs.
But your attention fixed upon the man next to him with the magnetism of an MRI scanner to a slab of metal. You couldn't rationalize how the world slowed, but when Seonghwa yanked the black tank topâdrenched and clinging to every crevice of his bodyâover his head, it definitely happened in slow motion. He shook out his dripping wet hair and scooped it backward and out of his face with one hand.
Your head whipped away before he could notice you were watchingâor drooling, for that matter. (What was wrong with you? You swiped at the corner of your mouth to thumb away the saliva there.) If anyone asked, the reason your face and neck were so warm was because of the burning ball of plasma reigning over your heads.
You heard your name being called out from your left, and you and Soyeon waited for Seulgi to come to a stop by you both. âHey, what's up?â you asked her.
There was a clipboard in her hand, similar to the one Lia had been holding onto earlier. âYou remember where my laundry room is, right?â When you nodded an affirmative, she continued, âWould you mind doing me a huge favor and grabbing a stack of the smaller towels on the rack in there?â
âOh, I'll go with you,â Soyeon piped up.
Seulgi made a sound that had both you and Soyeon freezing in place. A beat of silence passed between them, almost like telepathic communication.
âI just rememberedâ âSoyeon gave your shoulder a squeeze and began stepping away in the direction of a nearby coolerâ âI was gonna go restock some of the coolers with White Claws. Sorry, Yn!â
âThanks, Yn!â Seulgi chirped. âRemember that the laundry door has a weird lockââ
You sent her a thumb's up. âI remember,â you assured her, then made your way up the porch steps. You shook your head with a scrunched nose. That was⌠interesting.
The laundry room was infamous for its dysfunctional locking mechanism. You and the girls from the society had plenty of slumber parties in this house, and thus, knew very well that the laundry room in the basement would slam shut and jam on the inside. There was always a little doorstop to keep it open, but at times, the house's occupants would remove the doorstop if one of the machines were running.
You wormed your way through Seulgi's house toward the basement entrance, cutting beneath the stairs and into the house's foundation. The small fan blew out over the room with a gentle and low breeze, and afternoon sunlight poured in through the slim windows.
The laundry room door was tucked away on the far side of the room, and you paused just outside the door. Huh. It was closed.
Carefully, you pulled it open and peeked inside. No machine was running. You yanked the cord by the door to turn on the small strip light overhead; you couldn't spot the Ditto PokĂŠmon doorstop either.
âDon't be stupid,â you muttered to yourself, and closed the door while you went around the basement to look for a replacement doorstop. You made a loop around the basement and checked the cabinets by the pool table, eyeing a folded chair shoved in haphazardly with the pool cues.
The chair was chosen, and you propped it open between the door and the doorjamb, preventing yourself from being locked inside. âWhy is this door so goddamn heavy,â you pondered aloud, scrutinizing the way the weight of the laundry door pushed the folding chair until it was flush against the doorway.
Whatever. That would be fine for now.
You clambered in through the opening and went straight for the rack at the furthest end of the room. How many towels was Seulgi asking for? If it was the small ones, it might have just been for drying the cars, perhapsâŚ
Your thoughts slowed as the sound of footsteps resounded against the basement stairs. You glanced upwards, then back toward the door.
Thunk, thunk, thunkâthen, âLn? Yn, you in here?â
Brows crossing, you straightened. âSeonghwa?â
Sure enough, Seonghwa's head of damp hair appeared through the opening. His gaze flickered from the chair between the door and the wall, then back up at you. âSeulgi said you might need help.â
âOh.â So she didn't want Soyeon helping, but now Seonghwa was down here? There was something fishy going on⌠You turned back to the rack. âI mean, it's just towels.â
âIs there not a lot of them? She said there was a lot.â There was a soft shuffling sound, followed by a hollow clank as the chair was moved.
Shit. You whirled around, eyes widened as you watched him slip inside and set the chair aside. âWaitwaitâdonât let itâ âSLAMâ âclose!â A screech loosened from your throat as the wood vibrated from impact behind Seonghwa.
Your counterpart, to his credit, stood stock-still with his eyes blown wide. If he were a bunny rabbit, his ears would have been pressed flat against his head. âThere⌠was a reason that chair was there, huh,â he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
âYes,â you sighed deeply. You dragged a hand down your face as you racked your brain for a solution. âIt's fine. You didn't know about the door.â
âI'm sorry, Iâthatâs so stupid. Why haven't they called their landlord about this?â He rattled the doorknob to no avail, pink dusting his cheekbones as he tried to find some imaginary way out of the laundry room.
âDo you have your phone on you?â
Seonghwa patted his pockets, then groaned. âFuck,â he swore, raking a hand through his damp hair, âI took it out of my pockets earlier because I didn't want it to get wet.â
Dread curdled in your stomach and you leaned your hip against the drying machine. âSame here.â
The two of you averted gazes as the reality of your situation sank in. Your only hope was the fact that both Seulgi and Soyeon knew of your whereabouts and were bound to come looking for you should you not turn up in a reasonable amount of time. For a moment, you tilted your head back and stared up at the popcorn ceiling. Out of all the people you could have gotten stuck with, of course, it would be Park Seonghwa.
Your conversation over the phone last night sparked in your head, along with the stares you had been exchanging all day. You glanced over at him, his bare back now pressed against the door as he stared at the floor in thought; but he raised his head to meet your eyes. âWhat?â
âCan youâcan I ask you a question and will you answer honestly?â
He stared at you for a moment, then ducked his head. âYeah, sure. Shoot.â
âHave you been⌠flirting with me?â As soon as the question left your mouth, you wished so badly to reel it back in. Oh, the utterly horrified tightening in your chestâwas this a physical symptom of embarrassment?
The room was quiet enough to hear the muffled sound of the outdoor speakers driving their sound waves through the ground. You really hoped he didn't laugh. You wouldn't laugh if he confirmed it, but if he laughed, you would probably just about die of embarrassment. (But maybe you were willing to risk that. If what Soyeon talked to you about last night had any grounds, maybe there was a small part of both of you that was misinterpreting everything.)
Seonghwa's posture tautened and he pulled his shoulders back as if bracing himself. âMaybe I have been.â
âOh.â You had not been expecting such a straightforward answer.
He seemed to register your daze in a certain way, and he began moving toward you. âIs that an issue for you?â he asked lowly, his head tilting to the side while he eyed you.
You cleared your throat, shook your head. âNo,â you whispered.
âIt's not?â he murmured. He was closer now, close enough that if you extended your arm, your fingers would press up against the broad expanse of his chest. âSo you're not uncomfortable?â
âUncomfortable? I wouldn't say uncomfortable,â you babbled as he took another step closer. âIt's just that I'm not used to hearing something like that from you, addressing meââ
âSo you're saying I should do it more often?â Seonghwa's lip twitched with the ghost of a smile. âTo get you more used to it, I mean.â
When did this become an interrogation of you? Didn't you ask the first question? (Had he always been so close? You'd never seen abs this close before.) âOkay, stop!â You pressed your hands to his clavicle bones, and despite realizing you were touching the firm and bare flesh of his chest, you did not remove your hands. âWhat are we doing?â
He cocked his head to the side, eyeing you. The smile stopped ghosting you and curled up into his cheek. âWe're having a conversation about flirting, Ln. Do keep up.â
You couldn't help yourself from rolling your eyes. It was like holding a lighter under a fuse, and you yanked your hands away from him as if youâd just been burned by a hot stove. âI'm flustered, not stupid!â you sputtered, fumbling desperately for an ounce of dignity because it had never been this easy for Seonghwa to get you like this, right?
âI never said otherwise,â he said, chuckling. His chin inclined at you, hands bracketing on either side of your body upon the washing machine your back dug into. âYouâre a smart girl. What do the combined symptoms of dilated pupilsâ âhis finger tapped the bridge of your noseâ ârapid pulseâ âanother tap by your carotid artery on the underside of your jawâ âand shallow breathingâ âa graze over your sternumâ âsuggest in this specific context?â
The answer materialized in your throat as a lump and you forced it down. Your eyes strayed to his mouth, unable to help yourself, but this action was swiftly mirrored by the man in front of you. In all the years you knew him, you had never seen him from this proximity beforeâyou never let yourself. (Had his lips always been so pink?) Any attempt at closeness was always replaced by an exchange of barbed wits.
Your brain did the only thing it knew how to when it came to him. âGod, you're such a fucking nerd,â you spat, then grabbed his face and kissed him.
He made a sound against your mouthâsurprise, by the way his feet stumbled, knees knocking against yours and the washing machineâthen recovered, leaning into you with purpose, hands finding purchase on the bare skin of your waist to yank you closer.
You decided he made the faint remnants of Coors Light on his tongue taste sublime. You suddenly couldn't get enough of it. Your arms hooked around his neck, fingers burying themselves in the hairs at his nape. Every cell in your body was geared toward this man, and this man onlyâyour air exchanging with his, pulses pounding near in sync.
For once, your brain wasn't thinking. It wasn't thinking about what was happening outside that door, it wasn't thinking about how long you might be stuck in here, it wasn't thinking about ways to get out of here. Why would you want to get out of here? The heat conducted between your bodies could power the goddamn street for all you cared; the sensation of firm muscle against your stomach was enough to send you spiralling.
Seonghwa cupped the side of your jaw and coaxed your head back, your mouth further open. âHoly shit,â he rasped, voice worlds past Gone, then devoured you whole.
Holy shit, indeed. A whimper tumbled out from the back of your throat as you were pressed harder against the metal of the washing machine. Your mouths seared against one another like a brand, soft and breathy sounds seeping out from between you two, indistinguishable. Out of all the people in the world, how did kissing this man feel this right? Were some people just meant to ruin your lifeâruin youâin more ways than one?
When you broke for air, his lips chased yours briefly, the string of saliva a physical attachment between you. For a moment, it was only heavy panting, eyes shut, noses bumping one another.
Reality did not settle like the hot humidity of summer on skin; it rolled in with the impending doom of thunder clouds. Literally.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOMâa herd of stomps shook the walls around you, then were quickly followed by knocks so horrendously violent, one might believe that there was a murderer on the other side. âYn, Hwa? Are you guys alive in there?â
Why would they have the decency to knock? Hands went to Seonghwa's chest and you forced some space between you two. You avoided his stare as you furiously fixed your hair and willed your mouth to look anything but kissed. âYeah, will you open the damn door, Yunho?â
The laundry room door was hauled open, and on the other side was a handful of familiar faces, all quirked into curious expressions as they peered into the small space. They took in both of your appearancesâno one needed to say anything.
âTowels,â you said aloud, your brain finally toggling on. You whirled back toward the back shelf and began loading your arms with the small towels Seulgi had asked for. (There was a sense prodding at the back of your mind that she never really needed them, but you would choose to do anything rather than confront the decision you just made.)
Seonghwa called your name as you passed by. Your lips burned as you continued walking.
Seonghwa's head no longer housed a brain, but a film projector constantly rewinding and playing a specific, 15-minute cut.
The fundraiser had long since concluded with Seulgi and Taeyong comparing values to determine that the girls had indeed raised more money. Everyone was free to return home, or loiter around Seulgi's house like a bunch of freeloaders. Some, like himself and Hongjoong, decided to dip back home for a quick shower and a nap, then return in time to meet everyone back here for a movie.
You were not one of the people who returned.
He sat in the driver's seat of his car, a beaded bracelet warming in his palm. Every time he rewound the past, he came to similar conclusions: he egged you on, but you kissed him first. He reciprocated the kiss and he was sure you seemed into it. Maybe he had been wrong.
No matter what Hongjoong said to soothe his ego, Seonghwa was still left with this pit in his stomach. Should he not have touched your relationship? Since that night at the library, there had been less distance between you; he had been making progress. He needed to talk to you about it, perhaps apologize. You initiated the kiss, but you were allowed to change your mind. You were allowed to be swept up by the heat of the moment.
His eyes fluttered shut for a moment. When he opened them, he loosened his jaw with a sigh, tossed the bracelet into the cupholder, and replaced it with his keys. Go home, sleep on it, call her tomorâ
The passenger side door opened and shut. The car filled with light notes of jasmine and bergamot and pearâthe smell of summer and you.
He couldn't comprehend what was happening before you clunked something onto the dashboard next to his C-3PO. He blinked; it was a Lego figurine of R2-D2. (There went his steady heartbeat.)
You stared at the figurine you had placed, your hands settling into your lap. Your hair was still slightly damp, and the amber streetlight right outside your window casted a diabolically divine glow across your profile. âI thought it was time the spot was filled,â you said.
Seonghwa glanced between R2 and you. âAh,â he replied, swallowing, âthanks.â
âI've always liked Star Wars better than Star Trek,â you blurted. âI just kind of⌠said all of that that one time because you seemed so on-edge about me being in your space.â You shook your head and picked at the skin on your fingers. âI don't know why I'm saying this.â
His brows furrowed slightly at your confession. This whole time⌠Why were you saying this now? The epiphany hit him in the chest, a blunt force that might have sent him stumbling if he were standing. There were so many layers to this confession. He looked at the R2 and C-3 figurines again; the pair was finally complete.
âWhy didn't you tell me?â he inquired with a voice barely audible. It was one thing that you never outwardly judged him for his love of Star Wars or Legos, but it was another thing entirely that you claimed to be a Star Trek fan and allowed him to tease you.
âI convinced myself it was right for the time,â you said. A beat passed. âI'm sorry for basically running away earlier,â you continued on quietly. âI know I'm the one who kissed you first.â
âYou don't need to apologize for that,â he murmured. âIt all kind of happened really fast, and you know, it's okay if you didn't really mean it.â
Your head turned to look at him nowâreally look at him. He couldn't help but meet your gaze as opposite poles of a magnet did without fail. âI meant it. I don't know what it means, but I meant it. And Iâliked it. A lot.â The latter was uttered with such fragility, such vulnerability; it was cupping a snowflake in your palms and hoping the natural heat of your body did not melt it.
(You had gone home earlier this evening to wash up and laid in bed with the taste of him taking up residence on your tongue. Staring at the ceiling had lost its appeal after the first hour, and it took the efforts of both Soyeon and Ronnie to drag you out of your mental prison.
âDid you like it?â they'd asked. âAnd don't say no just because it's Seonghwa and you have an ego; be honest with yourself.â
You sat there before themâscared, nervous, and embarrassedâbut without a doubt in your mind as to the answer.)
Seonghwa wondered if you could hear the thrashing of blood in his ears like he could. He wondered if your heart pounded as vigorously as his did, if your mouth burned with the phantom of his, if you were confused by how you had gone on so long not seeing who was in front of you this whole time. (Because if he was being honest, you were the measure no one has been able to compare to in his head, in any capacity.)
âI liked it a lot, too,â he said. He would not let that snowflake melt, at least not by your hands alone.
Your eyes glimmered with silvery as they widened. âOh.â
Seonghwa offered you a small smile, then cleared his throat as he remembered something. His eyes went to the discarded bracelet in the cupholder, and he fished it out with a sheepish wince. âI, uh, made you this awhile backâ âhe deposited it into your waiting palmsâ â'cause you weren't able to finish your own bracelet at the event.â Seonghwa had been fidgeting with that thing in his pocket that entire evening.
âSo that's what you had in your pocket during the walk.â
He startled. âYou noticed?â
The corner of your lip tilted upward into a semblance of a smirk. You scoffed. âI notice everything about you,â the words slipped out of your mouth before you could catch them.
The weight of them rested heavy upon both of you, but not uncomfortably. Seonghwa relished in the sudden way you avoided his eye contact, and he decided that one embarrassing line could be traded for another. He let out a small laugh. âI just chickened out because it sounded stupid to give it to you and say I wished we could start over.â
God, why did that still sound stupid? Everything coming out of his mouth was stupid. It was impossible to have a do-over with so much history between you two, but⌠wasn't it worth a shot?
You absentmindedly rubbed at the arrangement of beads and artful knots along the thread, your mind seemingly far away. He had made you a friendship bracelet, or was it a do-over bracelet, or was it far more complicated than either or those? âI don't think we could ever start over.â
His heart plummeted into his stomach. Right. Rightrightright.
âBut I wanna try whatever this is.â You wrapped the bracelet cord around your wrist, looping it and tightening it to the perfect circumference. âI think we owe ourselves that much.â
A smile, so gentle and tender like the spring breeze, blossomed on his face. It was gladness in physical form. You couldn't help but break into a similar expression, and the thought occurred to him that you must have always had that smile. How could you know so much about each other and yet, nothing at all? What were you supposed to do with so much history?
It was a lot like layers of skin peeling away from a healing sunburn. All that damage caused over the years might take just as long to turnover, but who were either of you if not up for a challenge?
Not bad for a couple of nerds.
a/n: they tied for first place in the "who will get married first" debate by the way. pls remember to reblog + comment if u enjoyed !!
âş đżđđđđđđ - king!San x fem!reader â
âş đśđđđđ/đ°đ - historical and royalty au, cursed trope, angst, slow burn, tension, San is cold and a bit mean but only in the beginning, magic, generalised dark themes, not-so forced proximity, engagement, sacrifice, power imbalance, San got so darn sweet here it was driving me insane, downbad!San (stand up, my guy) â
âş đđđđđđ/đđđđđđđ - PG-18+ so MDNI!!! vomiting (San was unwell), slight mentions of blood (from injuries) , kinky smut, possessive!San, making out, nipple play, exhibitionism, pussy eating, fingering, rough sex, cum on mouth and face, cum play, choking on cum, standing up sex, cowgirl, missionary, breeding kink, clothed sex, dacryphilia, degradation, marking kink, slight sadism and masochism (just squint), creampie, unprotected sex, (DO NOT DO THIS) â
âş đđđđ đ˛đđđđ - 30.8K words (sorry Topaz) â
âş đđ˘đđđđđđ - San ruled a kingdom buried in snow, rumoured to be cursed, where people cannot leave once entered. The snow was harsh, unforgiving, never melted, and it only took but never gave. He was cursed king with a cursed land, and you were engaged to him not out of love, but to steady the crown that nobody respected due to fear. He treated you with coldness and formality, reinforcing the rumours that he was incapable of warmth, let alone affection. But as the truth of the curse unraveled, so did your understanding of the man you were meant to marry, and now one question remained - is San the cursed one or was he the one who cursed the land? â
âş đ˝đđđđ - This is my submission for the KSS Frost & Fire Exchange event for @sanjoongie (surprise!) who made that beautiful moodboard and wrote me a fic in return. I really tried my best here and I'm sorry it got so long, your moodboard looked a little too good to not have crazy plot in there. I genuinely hope you like this, I'm actually terrified ah.â
âş đđđđđđđ - @0rangemilk @ginger-mingi @ruubyrubes @oddracha @jaytheatiny @roxannecos @juicy-red @cheolliehugs @sunnysidesins @jjongbearshoney @midnightrebel1028 @mallielovssyou @jenluvzen @lovebuggjoy @mingiblossoms @crybabydollette @mustardmilkshake @asesinas @minyunsan-kitten â
He was a king with a crown of gnarled bones.
At least, thatâs what they all said. An eye isnât an eye because you look at it -Â itâs an eye because it looks back at you and we donât see things as they are; we see them as we are.
âWhat of the other kingdoms?â His voice traversed the vast hall, echoing against the stone walls of the Great Halls. He was impassive, nonchalant, but make no mistake, for his presence blanketed the entire expanse of the room.
You stood obediently off to the far side of his throne, almost unseen, but there nonetheless, just patiently waiting until the meeting was done. It was hard not to stare at the enigma that was Choi San. It wasnât that he called for everyoneâs attention just because he was the king, rather, he demanded it.Â
He didnât need it either. He just had it. Even a sliver of his shadow had everyoneâs attention. Hell, even his footsteps sounded different from the rest. San wasnât domineering nor commanding because he wore a crown. He was dominant because the air bent around for him.
âWord travels fast, my liege. I reckon itâs already reached the kingdoms up north like that of Wonderland and Horizon,â Park Seonghwa reported, reverence in his tone as he addressed his King. âI could send the troops to check out their militia and perhaps where their loyalties lie.â
Your eyes momentarily fleeted towards Seonghwa. The High Marshal was an honourable and proper leader, a skilled military man who led the kingdomâs armies in multiple battles and wars not many have had the guts to, and you knew he had Sanâs utmost respect. As if sensing eyes on him, he briefly met eyes with you, smiling in courtesy, before training them at San once more.
âNo need,â San droned, raising one hand, halting motion that meant to stop even your inner thoughts. Such was the power he wielded. âThe risk is too high for so little reward.â
He paused, tilting his head to the side, looking out the large window that overlooked the vast majority of the castlegrounds that were covered in nothing but thick snow. Melancholy was clear in his eyes, though he tried to cover it up with something steely.
He stood up from his throne slowly, deliberately as his eyes scanned the entirety of the room, leaving no space from anyone to breathe under his suffocating gaze. His fur-lined cloak that draped over his shoulders shifted with him, following his every movement as he began to walk off, the finality of his steps leaving no room for anyone to argue with him.
âRest up, Seonghwa,â he said, the words low but echoing, as if the castle itself carried his voice forward for him. âThe troops as well. Youâve done me well.â
Seonghwa blinked before inhaling sharply. He trudged forward, brows furrowed. âYour Graceââ
âI said,â San murmured, barely audible, but it was there. Everyone heard it, and the air shifted into something sharp as his voice tilted into a quiet warning. âRest up.â
You gritted your teeth, composing yourself to stop the shiver that threatened to travel up your spine. ThisâŚyou will never get used to this - to him. His words drifted through the Great Halls and they held weight enough to crush whatever protest Seonghwa thought he could muster.
San continued forward, not bothering to look back as his footsteps got closer and closer until he was almost in front of you. Immediately, you bowed, bunching your dress up in your fists as you lowered your head slightly.Â
One would expect that as the kingâs betrothed that heâd give you the same curtsy, or at least acknowledge you, but the way he completely ignored your existence was what you got. You were used to it. You had anticipated it, even. What a pity on your end, really.
As San passed you to walk away, his eyes briefly met yours, and by God, were they cold and indifferent. His gaze was earth-dark, not empty and not grounding, like land that dried up anything that grew on it.
What you werenât expecting, however, was for him to stop halfway to address you. You tensed, this has never happened before. You tried to hold eye contact, but couldnât. You couldnât stand the way he stared at you because it always made you flinch. It was dark and dangerous.
âWhat are you doing here?â San questioned tersely, voice carrying a hint of irritation he tried to hide with courtesy. âWhereâs Hongjoong?â
Hongjoong was your guard. âYour Majesty,â you mumbled through the intimidation. âForgive my impudence. I was merely wondering if I could invite you for a cup of teaââ
âAnswer my question,â he interrrupted, cutting you off cleanly like a blade that just hit fresh grass. His eyes were narrowed, unblinking and unyielding.
âMy King,â Choi Jongho, the Kingâs royal advisor, whispered subtly. âPerhaps we ought to calm down, the people are looking our wayââ
San lifted one finger, effectively silencing his own advisor with a subtle threat that carried the promise of ruin as if heâd already planned his end if he let one more word out. All while his eyes were still on you. âHongjoong,â he repeated. âWhere is he?â
You swallowed, your tongue suddenly heavy. âHongjoong didnât need to accompany me,â you said carefully. âI was on my way to see you, Your Majesty, so I dismissed him.â
San stilled, and so did you. He wasnât pleased with your answer, but he didnât look the least surprised by it. In fact, he didnât even care. âI see,â was all he said, and the way he uttered it sounded more like an afterthought rather than an acknowledgement.
Then, he started walking past you again. It wasnât dramatic, he had just already decided you were not worth another second of his attention. You gritted your teeth, forcing yourself to bow to him once more as heat and shame traveled to your face at his blatant dismissal of you.
It wasnât because you feared him. You stopped fearing him a long time ago, and if you were being honest, you never had any reason to fear him or be intimidated by him to begin with simply because he barely acknowledged your presence, anyway.Â
âDo not loiter around the Great Halls,â he spoke, cold and uncaring. âNext time, send a message if you have something you wish to tell me. You serve no purpose being idle around here.â
You were used to his disdain he reserved solely for you, but still, that stung more than you let on. It was the way he said it, too, that made you feel worse. It was meant to haunt your thoughts, the kind that followed you even after he was gone.Â
You stood there, hands clasped, head bowed, letting the echo of his footsteps fade down the corridor. You felt a hand to your shoulder and it was Jongho. He gave you a tight-lipped smile that was meant to comfort you, squeezing your shoulder once as his eyes shone with that familiar pity that everyone also gave you when the king talked down on you like he always did.
âDonât take it to heart,â he said with a small sigh, eyes on the corridor that San had turned. âHeâsâŚitâs not like that, he didnât mean it like that.â
You hummed, nodding out of courtesy. âI suppose,â you mumbled, barely audible. âJust like the tens of thousands of times heâs done it.â
Because you did try, you always did. You tried doing your part to get along with the man you were going to spend your earthly years with in this castle, and you had hoped foolishly that he'd meet you halfway all the time, but all youâve been getting was contempt. Mingi stayed silent, for even he cannot deny that you were right.
âLet me accompany you to your chambers, my lady,â he kindly offered. âSupper will commence shortly. I would suppose youâd like to rest for a bit before then.â
âThere is no need,â you mumbled quietly, smiling softly. âI can find my way back. And Iâm going to have to decline supper for tonight, my appetite has gone away. Would you be so kind to send our dear chef my regards? Yeosangâs food is always splendid, just not tonight, Iâm afraid.â
Jongho frowned, hesitant, before sighing. âAs you wish, my lady. I bid you a good night.â
You curtsied quickly, turning the other direction to walk away. However, instead of going to your chambers, you chose to turn to another hallway, opting to take a walk to clear your head and your muddled thoughts.
The massive window at the end of the corridors always fascinated you. It was where you went when you had to think and today was no exception. You glanced outside, watching as endless snow fell from the sky. The hallways felt colder to you. San felt colder. Much colder.
A couple of months ago, you wouldnât even dare dream stepping inside a palace, much less the one that San ruled. You still remember the first time you arrived and the first time you laid eyes on the man you were about to wed, but always put a wall in between you.
Poverty and famine had struck the lands where you were born and raised. You were used to it - born into it - but at least there was once a time where you lived on a quaint farm with your parents. But alas, famine chooses no one. It takes and takes, and your parents were no exception to that fate.
And you tried to sustain the farm, tried your very best to make the best of yourself under the dire circumstances you were handed, but it wasnât enough. Drought had struck the land, crops died, and plague had seemingly struck what little poultry and bovine you raised. It was painful, but you had to leave your farm and village all together. You werenât going to die along with it.
It wasnât easy; none of it was. You had just lost both of your parents and your hometown all in the span of a month and you were a lone traveling girl looking for the next best thing without falling prey to thieves and vagabonds looking for their next victim.
But there was only so much you can take. Food was scarce, begging wasnât an option any longer, and the streets werenât the most conducive place to sleep most nights. Winter was coming and the chills werenât helping your sore feet and empty stomach.Â
Giving up wasnât so terrible back then because at least, you could tell your maker that you had at least tried to survive - that you were a fighter who was just given a bad hand in life.
If you were going to perish from fatigue and hunger, though, you at least wanted to go where the air wasnât thick with grief and suffering. If this was the end, you wanted it to be somewhere that at least looked like peace, even if youâd never quite managed to feel it.
And then, you remembered that there was a nearby kingdom that was rumoured to be surrounded with so much snow, it was impossible to see through it. Youâve never seen snow before. With your remaining money, you bought a horse and settled for the journey onto this unknown kingdom.Â
âJust a moment,â the man you bought the horse from stopped you just as you were about to leave. âWhere did you say you were going again?â
You hesitated, not because you were keeping your journey a secret, but the look in this manâs face seemed to tell you that he knew and was just confirming if he heard you right. âThat kingdom thatâs nearby here,â you finally answered. âThe one in the snow.â
His eyes widened in shock before they drooped with something akin to alarm and trepidation all at once. âOh, dear child, must you go? Are you not privy to the curse that lay in that land?â
The Kingdom of Utopia, but nobody called it that; they say that if you utter even the kingdomâs name, then the curse that befell there would be placed upon you. Such a beautiful name for a place no one can speak out loud.
Such a contradictory name for something that was anything but utopia.
Because the snow never melted. Not in the summer, not under the brightest suns. Snow covered the entire expanse of the land and it made inhabiting it near impossible. Some believed that the snow swallowed flames, and some believed the kingdom had been punished by the heavens themselves. No one knew the truth, and no one dared to go and find out.
âIf that is the case,â you wondered out loud as you loaded what little of your belongings on your newly purchased horse. âThen why donât the people just leave if it was so cursed?â
âBecause they canât,â the man answered, shivering slightly, though not because of the breeze that passed. âOnce you get in, there is no way out. The snow is so thick and harsh that your soul would be gone from your body way before your foot can even attempt to step out. The people are trapped in there, my dear. I suggest traveling somewhere else.â
You were startled out of your memories when you heard a cough behind you. You turned around, expecting to find a servant who was wondering what the future queen was doing loitering around the halls, but you sighed in relief when you saw who it was instead.
âI knew Iâd find you here,â Wooyoung chuckled, bowing his head slightly in curtsy. âSir Hongjoong was a tad bit worried when you didn't come back to your chambers, my lady.â
You smiled in fondness. âI just wanted a bit of space, is all,â you said with a small shrug. âI needed time to think about certain things.â
A certain someone, you didnât want to say, but Wooyoung already knew. His smile dropped slightly, eyes shining with sadness only you knew what for. âI know youâve heard this all before,â he began. âBut you have to extend a bit of understanding towards His Majesty. HeâsâŚbeen through a lot, my lady. I implore you to forgive him.â
âI am far from angry at him,â you softly replied with a sigh. âIâŚjust wish heâd drop his walls with me once in a while. It was my fault, I was the one who bothered him.â
âNonsense, my lady,â Wooyoung quickly spoke, shaking his head vigorously. âYou are his betrothed, you are allowed to bother him. Worry not, itâll get better in time.â He extends a hand to you. âShall I escort you back to your chambers, then?â
You nodded, putting your hand on top of his. Everyone always rushed to defend San whenever events like earlier happen, and you get it, Utopia did have its reputation and rumours after all.
But thatâs all there was to it - rumours. Tales that are passed through taverns and alleyways to spook or entertain a wandering traveler. It wasnât to frighten you. Youâve experienced the true horrors of what an actual curse is, and it took away everything you loved and held dear.
These were the thoughts that you couldnât help but think the entire time Wooyoung led you to your room; your journey where it all began and why sometimes, you couldnât even be mad at San whenever he deliberately dismissed you.
The entire journey, you were beginning to doubt everything. The biting chill of the snowstorm that hit your skin was almost painful . Youâd think that the cold wouldâve numbed you by now, but no. The more you traversed the land and the nearer you got, the more prickling it felt. It was like the snow was slowly sloughing your skin off until it reached your bones.
The kingdom was near enough where you didnât have to stop and camp, but it was too late to go back by then. Grief and stubbornness lead you to where you were, knee deep in so much snow, your poor horse had a hard time crossing through it. Your fingers throbbed, your jaw ached, and your eyes watered from the sting of air that wished to carve itself into you.
Maybe they were right, because this was no ordinary weather - this was the land, itself, warning you. Coldness like this was meant to resent anybody that dared challenge it, and you were the fool who looked it in the eye and took it, anyway.
By a long shot of miracle, somehow, you managed to make it, though you were barely hanging on to the fact that you at least wanted to see if you could find a place for your horse to stay. It was your fault that it was put in this situation anyway. If not for your foolishness, it would have still been in another kingdom where it was warmer.
You were falling apart, you could tell, your senses were beginning to dull, and your already weakened state wasnât helping at all. You found an empty alleyway, and the moment you hit the wall, your knees gave out, puffs of visible breath leaving out your mouth.
This was the end, you could feel it. You took this time to actually look at your surroundings now that youâre not moving. It was hard to regret it now that youâre here. Snow was beautiful, there was no other way to describe it. The texture of it felt funny in your hand, too. You were expecting it to feel fluffier. Still, it didnât diminish its beauty and you didnât mind.
You could see the castle walls from where you slumped, the pale outline of it through the white haze, where it housed the darker side of the rumours youâve been told right before you traveled.
It was the king. Choi San. He was the centre of the rumours right where it all began, the very reason why they say Utopia was cursed. Some say that he was a demon who brought on the snow to isolate his kingdom. Most believed that the land that the castle was built upon was sacred and that the Choi clan did not heed the warnings and sent this was the punishment - that the snow itself was the everlasting famine destined to freeze everyone in it.
But the cruelest rumour of them all was that San, himself, might have been the source of the curse. People say that he sold his soul for eternal youth and immense power so long as the kingdom around him froze.Â
You didnât care, not anymore. All you wanted was to see something pretty before you went and this was more than enough for you. âGo on, pretty girl,â you whispered back then, patting the horse and encouraging it to find shelter. âYou donât belong out here. Go before you freeze.â
You shivered, feeling the cold even in your memories as Wooyoung opened the door for you with the practiced elegance of someone born to serve royalty. He helped you unfasten the heavier layers of your gown, and laid out your nightgown with gentle efficiency.
He turned away as you changed, always respectful and always giving you space, and when you slipped beneath the thick fur-lined blankets, he moved around the room to tidy what the maids had missed.
You watched him idly, noticing the flowers he was fixing in the embellished vase on your nightstand. Winter heathers. You knew of them from the occasional winters that hit your old village, the soft lilac bells that bloomed in spite of the frost that covered them and survived.
Something in the sight of them warmed you. This was one of the few things that made this cold kingdom bearable - there was always a different arrangement of flowers each night that Wooyoung fixed for you. âThank you,â you murmured, smiling. âTheyâre beautiful.â
Wooyoung stilled for a heartbeat before offering you a soft smile. âI only arrange them, my lady,â he said lightly, brushing a petal with the tip of his finger. âI do not choose them.â
You lifted your gaze toward him, curiosity sparking. âRest well, my lady,â he dipped into a graceful bow, opening the door to depart. âTomorrow will be a long day.â
You lay still, the soft weight of the blankets warming skin that had once been thinned by cold wind and hunger. It was strange to experience all the good things that life was now offering you. Back then, you were ready to close your eyes for the last time; content with surrendering because fighting had simply become exhausting.
But fate, as always, had a way of intervening before you took even one more step toward surrender. You remembered watching as the horse trotted away. Satisfied, you tried to close your eyes, but you were confused when you saw a figure standing where your horse was.
And you were even more confused when they started bundling you up with multiple layers of clothing that felt heavy on your tired body, like the luxurious blankets covering you right now. It wasnât enough to stop your teeth from chattering, but it was enough to keep you at bay for now.
âYouâre not supposed to be out here. Youâre almost at deathâs door,â they mumbled, tucking the thick wool coat snugly on your body, sympathy lining their voice. âWhere is your home? I will take you there. The storm is about to turn into a blizzard soon.â
You peeled your eyes open, realising that the person talking to you was a man. He was tall, decently good-looking, with eyes that naturally radiated tenderness as he stared at your pitiful form. And even in your state, you could sense that he was no ordinary man.Â
âA mage. Who wouldâve thought?â You laughed to yourself feebly, staring into his surprised eyes. âAnd Iâve no home. I am but a wandering traveler who has given up on life.â
He paused, pity in his eyes that observed your face for any signs of jest and deceit. He sighed deeply, dropping down to a squat to meet your gaze. âThough I am curious as to why youâd choose to be in our lands, it doesnât have to be like that. I can help you.â
You hummed, shaking your head. âIâm going to have to decline, kind Sir,â you sincerely declined. âIf you want to help, maybe help my horse. I would hate for her to freeze in your lands.â
It was then where his face completely fell into utter despair at your words. He took his fur-lined head covering, gently putting it on you. Your heartstrings tugged seeing this random strangerâs act of kindness towards someone like you.
âOh, you poor child,â he clicked his tongue, pursing his lips, his calculating eyes turning just a tad bit sharper. âEven in dire circumstances, you care about an animal rather than yourself. Youâre something special. Iâll help your horse if you let me help you.â
âWhatâs the catch?â
He tilted his head, a soft smile spreading across his lips. âSmart girl,â he chuckled. âI have a proposition for you. We are desperate for help, you see, and I believe youâre the perfect person for it.â
He gets up, dusting the snow that had begun to line his pants, offering his hand to you. âJust know that even if you say no, I will still help you find food and shelter. Contrary to what the outsiders sayâŚweâre not heartless monsters. How far would you go?â
You stared at his outstretched hand. Your heart was divided. This man didnât give off any malicious aura and something deep in you told you to walk into the light he was offering. âAnything,â you said. âYouâre asking a person who has nothing and everything to lose.â
His brows lifted with respect, a flicker of impressed astonishment softened the sharpness of his gaze. âAnything?â He repeated, quieter this time.Â
You nodded once. âAnything,â you confirmed. âWhy me?â
His expression warmed, the corners of his mouth lifting with a kind of earnest admiration. âWhen I touched you earlier, I saw a small glimpse of your past,â he said, his eyes glowing unnaturally golden and fiery that it felt like looking straight into the flames of the sun, surprising you. âYouâve lost everything, yet you still chose to fight. That tells me everything I need to know about you.â
He extended his hand a little nearer. âOne condition,â you said, taking his hand without hesitation. âWhat might be the name of the mage who decided to help a poor soul like mine?â
âYou may call me Yunho,â his smile deepened with a touch of relief as he wrapped his bigger hand around yours, warmth instantly flooding your body. âNow, shall we change your fate?â
After a warm meal and even warmer clothes, you were all set. What you didnât expect was for Yunho to take you inside the castle, leading you directly where you knew the ruler of the land would be. You stiffened and Yunho took great notice of this.
âI know this might be surprising, but I promise you, no harm will come to you. Not while Iâm here,â he gently explained. âAnd I know that the rumours about My Majesty don't really help, but please believe me, none of them hold any merit. Heâs not like that.â
But you didnât have time to think about it, because Yunho was already opening the ornate doors of the throne room, his hand on your lower back as he led you inside. You wanted to ogle at the glory and beauty of the room, but your world stilled at the sight before you.
San.
He was seated upon his throne, looking every bit the ruler whispered about in fearful legends. The way he sat - still and predatory - gave the unsettling impression that he saw far more than what lay before him. His throne was illuminated with torches, yet somehow, he shone far more.
Your breath caught in your throat, not with fear, but with awe. He was enormous, both physically and imposingly so, his broad shoulders wrapped with wool and fur that was so white, it looked like he made it out of the very snow that covered his entire kingdom. His long legs were crossed, one elbow leaned on the armrest, a finger to his temple as he stared on.
He didnât move, didnât even blink nor shift his posture when you and Yunho entered. And he was unfairly handsome. With his sculpted jaw and high cheekbones that complimented the way his raven hair was pulled away from his face, he was the epitome of royalty. And his eyes - God, those eyes - they were dark and unreadable.
It was then that it hit you - you thought that storm outside was cold, but it was nothing compared to the man sitting before you.Â
âJeong Yunho,â he said, his voice monotonous yet a lot more melodious than you thought. Such a juxtaposition, it was difficult to explain. âWhat is the meaning of this?â
He gazed at you once, but didnât bother to greet nor acknowledge you, and you were completely fine with that. You didnât know how youâd respond. Yunho bowed his head slightly. âI believe I have found the solution to our plight, San,â he gestures to you. âThis is Y/N, she will help us.â
You raised a brow not only at the lack of title when Yunho referred to San but also at the mention of your name you knew for a fact you didnât tell him. Silence enveloped the room before San spoke again. âShe is not of this land,â he scrutinised flatly. âWhy should she?â
The air tightened around you. You had no idea how he knew you werenât from here. San uncrossed his legs, the gesture itself regal in all its glory, placing both his elbows on his knees before leaning forward. âDoes she even know,â he continued, his gaze lingering on you for another second still devoid of warmth. âWhat sheâs helping for, Yunho?â
He wasnât challenging you, nor was he doubting you. He simply found your presence illogical and out of place, like you werenât even supposed to be entertaining any of this. You fisted your dress, side-eyeing Yunho with nervousness because the king wasnât wrong - you actually had no idea what you were doing here. God, you were such an idiot.
But what made it worse was San's indifference. You werenât the only one surprised - he was too, it seemed. You werenât the only one whoâs given up every possibility out there.
Because San needed a bride, a queen to rule beside him. Not out of romance or even lineage, but more for desperation and legitimacy. San sat on the throne, yes, but he was but a king in title only. No other kingdoms wanted to acknowledge a king and a kingdom without a queen.
It was an ancient law older than the snow that blanketed the land, and the surrounding nations used that as justification to dismiss Utopia entirely, and used Sanâs half-recognised reign as a shield to reject him. They needed allies, an alliance, treaties, aid when the need arose, trade routes to sustain the people and their living - and they needed a queen to make it happen.
Yunho knew this. Everyone in the castle knew this. And it wasnât like they didnât try, because they did. They searched high and low both in and out of the kingdom and even the country as a whole just for that missing key to make San completely legitimate.
The problem lay in Sanâs complete isolation and rumoured reign. Princesses from neighbouring countries outright rejected the offer, noble daughters chose to flee to distant relatives, even regular people of foreign countries didnât bother with a reply, and they all said the same thing - no one wanted to associate themselves with the cursed king and his frozen kingdom.
But there was one type of cruelty that cut deeper than the rest, because even the people of Utopia refused to marry him. Not the nobles, not the merchants, not the commoners. They simply didnât want to share the fate of a king rumoured to be the heart of the snow.
And you - you who had simply wanted to find a beautiful resting place - you were never meant to be an option. Yet, here you were, standing before a king whose crown was true and real, but whose authority was hollow without any respect.
âYou will be taken care of, treated fair and just with all the respect you deserve to have,â Yunho calmly explained albeit the hidden desperation that lined his eyes. âPlease, Y/N, we really need your help. The lack of allies will always pose a danger to our people and the snowâŚour food supply can only rotate so much because we have no functioning farms.â
You bit your lip, thinking. Hours ago, you had completely resigned to your fate and now, you were being offered a second chance in life you would have completely leapt at had it been given to you weeks prior. It wasnât even because you were chosen, it was because you were the only one who stepped willingly into the snow when everyone else fled from it.
But, at what cost and to what extent? On one hand, you meant what you said earlier - you had absolutely nothing to lose, but this time, you had everything to gain. But at the same time, you were about to bind yourself to a king nobody wanted to associate themselves with.
You lifted your eyes to look at the said king, almost jumping out of your skin when you saw that he was already staring back at you. He wasnât glaring. He wasnât even particularly expressive. He was simply looking; assessing and measuring something only he understood.
Though the intensity of it spiked anxiety in you, you found it fascinating. He was being handed the solution to his problems as a king on a silver platter and yet, he wasnât the least bothered by it. Like he had truly given up and didnât care for what was to come anymore. Exactly like you.
Your spine straightened before you even realized it. âAlright,â you whispered. âIâll do it.â
Relief washed over Yunhoâs features so strongly he almost looked emotional. âThank you,â he breathed out, grabbing your hands. âThank you so much, Y/N. You have no idea how much this means to us and the people of Utopia. We will be forever in your debt.â
He turned to San, practically pleading for approval with his eyes, but the latter didnât move. He didnât even look like he was breathing - he just stared at you. Â
And stared. And stared some more. He stared at you so long that the air completely became awkward and your legs actually started to ache from how long you were stared at. He stared at you long after the sun had started to sink into the horizon. It was long enough that Yunho started to fidget uncomfortably, letting out an uncomfortable laugh to break the silence. âUhm, Sanââ
âSilence,â San muttered. It wasnât even loud. In fact, he said it so flatly that it was almost astounding. âIâm thinking.â
You tried to swallow down the uncomfortable knot forming in your throat. You had no idea what he was thinking about, or why it took so long, or what he saw when he looked at you. But eventually, after one final, unreadable sweep of his eyes over you, San spoke.
âOnce you stay here,â he said. âYou can never leave. Literally. The snow will prevent you. Are you sure you want to surrender yourself to me?â
To me. The way he said it made your pulse spike. He wasnât threatening you, by all means - in fact, it even sounds like he was giving you a way out. He simply stated it as an inevitable truth, as if stepping into his world meant stepping into his possession by default. You were about to belong to him, body and soul, and something about that made your insides feel hot and heavy.
âDoes this mean Iâll never see what lies outside this kingdom anymore?â You asked, throat dry.
Sanâs eyes clouded with the first emotion youâve seen in him ever since meeting him - hesitance, and dare you say, perhaps a little of hope somewhere in there. But, it only lasted for a second before his eyes flashed back to that indifference.Â
âYou wonât survive it,â he said plainly, turning his head a little to stare at the never-ending snow that fell from the darkening sky. âNo one does, and believe me, people have tried.â
Your chest tightened at the insinuation. The people have tried to flee and fail. Still, you have made up your mind. âI am willing.â
He leaned back on his seat, face unreadable, before settling into that stance where he was staring at you again. And after a terrifying heartbeat, he nods stiffly. âVery well,â was he all said before you were dismissed.
And true to his words, you were welcomed. Quite warmly, if you may say so, compared to the harsh winters that the kingdom enveloped you in. You were treated fairly like you belonged here, just as Yunho had said, given your own chambers and even your own personal attendant, Jung Wooyoung - a male since unfortunately, not one family wanted to send their daughters to even work in the palace, but that's alright for you. You loved Wooyoung, and he loved you.
You were even assigned a personal guard, Kim Hongjoong, a valiant man who had sworn his life serving you. A good man, a genuinely good one. A feast was held in your name, of the woman who had finally agreed to marry into the frozen kingdom. The chef, Kang Yeosang, personally made sure to serve your favourite dishes, which you appreciated.Â
Indeed, you were treated like a future queen. Or the woman destined to be cursed with the one and only Choi San.
He was a king with a crown of gnarled bones. The irony of it all lay in what everybody believed in, because we donât see things as they are; we see them as we are. San wore a crown, but he was no king in his peopleâs eyes.
Except for his closest confidants and the ones who lived in the palace, the people who saw San saw differently. They followed but you can see the fear in their eyes. They have been so conditioned to believe that the reason the snow never stopped and why they can never leave was because of their own king, and thatâs what they choose to see.
And as for San, you barely saw him, never really spending time with him other than talking about diplomacy and Utopiaâs upcoming legitimacy as a kingdom. There were no gentle introductions and no attempts at familiarity with one another.
San never sought you out for anything beyond what was politically required. Every meeting he held with you was purposeful, efficient, and centered only on matters of state, and every time he did talk, he never really did look you in the eye, voice always teetering on that formal and clipped tone as if you were nothing more than an ally - which in hindsight, you were.
âYou may do the wedding planning in whatever way you wish, including the theme if that pleases you,â San explained one afternoon, hands clasped behind his back as he stood near a window. âI do not expect you to be the perfect queen right on the get go, and that is fine.â
He stated it like a transaction, not a life-altering commitment. âYes, Your Highness,â you mumbled, discomfort crawling under your skin at how stiff this entire exchange was.
Another time, he spoke to you about Utopiaâs fragile diplomatic standing. âYou will help stabilize the kingdom by simply existing by my side,â he said without malice, just pointedly, eyes on political letters heâs yet to send. He slides one to you, handing you a quill. âSign this.â
You swallowed, grabbing the quill from his hand, freezing right after. Usually, heâd go back to whatever he was doing after making you do something politically inclined. That and he always kept you at a careful and deliberate distance every time, anyway.Â
However, this time, you took such a long time doing what he told you to do that he paused, gazing up at you with those sharp eyes. âIs there something the matter?â He asked, tone courteous and polite, but hollow and impersonal. âSomething not to your liking?â
You avoided eye contact, not out of fear, but of shame, cheeks reddening against your will. âThatâs not it, Your Majesty,â you mumbled, embarrassed. âI-Iâm afraid Iâve forgotten how to write. I never had the opportunity to practice. My parents needed help with our farm back then.â
There was something so incredibly embarrassing and belittling about admitting your illiteracy in general, let alone in front of somebody as articulate and well-spoken as San. You sighed, rolling on your bed, the shame still fresh in your memory. It was a stark reminder of who you really were before Yunho found you in that alleyway - a peasant who struck gold.
San did not respond at first, only staring at you, arms crossing over his chest, shoulders sinking back into his chair. Then, he turns his head slightly to his left, to Jongho who you forgot was with you back then. âCall Mingi,â he instructed flatly. âEffective immediately.â
Jongho comes back with another man in tow, someone youâve seen with San once in a while during his meetings. San gestured vaguely in your direction. âI have a task for you,â he said. âTeach her basic literacy, and teach her well. Include the laws of the land if you must and other foundational studies.â
It was said so bluntly that you felt heat rush up your neck. But it wasnât his tone that bothered you the most, it was the way he spoke as if you werenât even in the room, as though you werenât standing right there. Then he added, âA queen must at least be able to sign her own name.â
You gritted your teeth, reaching over to touch the winter heathers on your nightstand gently to forget how San made that sound so harsh. âYou are dismissed,â he ordered, flicking his fingers at you, already turning back to his documents, already forgetting the sting he didnât even know he imparted at you.
You followed Mingi out into the hall, quiet and a little stiff. âDonât take it to heart, my lady,â he murmured with sympathy as he guided you down the corridor. âHis Majesty has a way with words that makes everything sound harsher than they actually are.â
You let out a breathy, embarrassed laugh. âI noticed.â
âHe doesnât mean anything by it,â Mingi continued gently. âHe simply didnât know how to soften his wordsâŚespecially around you. That doesnât mean he sees you as lesser.â
That, you believed in. You still do. You didnât take it personally then, and you still didnât take it personally now. You couldnât because he was right - this was simply how San was. However, one thing he never did, no matter how standoffish he was, was belittle you.
San was the type of man who matched your pace but kept a respectful gap, enough that your sleeves never brushed whenever you walked beside him, always keeping you at armâs length.
There were times where Yunho would try to leave you alone with him to build rapport, but San would just squint his eyes as if he had just been told something so insulting. âUnnecessary,â he would dismiss with a cold edge that cut deep. âNo need to deceive ourselves into thinking this union would be more than anything but political. I have better things to do.â
He was brash, that much was true. And yet, despite all that, he never treated you poorly. He never raised his voice, never belittled your inexperience or mocked your illiteracy and never crossed any boundary you hadnât explicitly offered.
None of this was meant to be romantic, and you reminded yourself of that often. Still, there were moments where his distance stung in ways you hadnât prepared for. As cold as the kingdom was, there was something even colder about being wanted only for what you could fix.
You sighed, blowing out the candles plunging the room into darkness, the soft scent of winter heather relaxing your senses as you sank deeper into the pillows, your thoughts drifting away as your eyes started to slowly close.
You tried your best to fit in, but sometimes, it was hard to offer warmth to a man who was determined to stay frozen.
You supposed that Wooyoung mentioned that tomorrow was going to be a long day, because he was absolutely right in that regard.
You had made up your mind to stay and read in your chambers all day, but imagine your surprise when Jongho delivered a letter to you, the surprise growing bigger when you realised that San personally wrote it, almost passing out in ultimate shock when you read it and saw that San was inviting you for supper.
There you were, not knowing how to fully react as you sat at the end of the long table directly across San, who sat on the other end. Youâve never had a meal with San alone. Meals usually composed of you along with other nobles to discuss politics and diplomacy issues regarding the kingdom, but never like this.
You cleared your throat. âYour Majesty.â
His gaze lifted, sharp and immediate, like he had been waiting for you to speak all along. âYes?â
You faltered, already shrinking under the weight of his gaze on you. âI would like to thank you for your generosity,â you said, sounding small in the vast dining hall. âI wasnât expecting a summon, is all.â
San set down his silverware. He didnât seem offended, it was more like he was choosing what not to say. âShould I assume,â he began, tone neutral, yet biting. âThat a simple supper with me is too much to ask of you?â
Visible shock fills your features, your eyes widening slightly before controlling them just like Wooyoung and Mingi had taught you. âThat is not what I mean, Your Grace,â you tried to explain, but he didnât relent.
âWe are to be bound together soon,â he huffed, not softening a bit. âI would like to reduce the unfamiliarity at least even though this is nothing out of necessity. Nothing more.â
Your chest tightened at the bluntness, at the clinical way he spoke his words. Everyoneâs words suddenly echoed in your head - that San never intended cruelty, that he simply spoke sharply naturally, but sometimes, it was difficult to grasp. It was difficult to not let the words sting you.
A sigh left your lips, picking up your fork to resume eating. But before you could do so, you saw him pick up a plate that was in front of him, and with a flick of his wrist that was far too sharp to be gentle, pushed it towards you. It stopped directly in front of you and all you could do was stare at it confused before you lifted your gaze towards him.
âWell?â San raised a brow as if daring you to waste his time by not moving. âThe food isnât going to serve itself. Eat.â
You stiffened. The sentence sounded harsh, unnecessarily so, and it was so him. But then, so quietly you almost missed it, you heard him mumble under his breath, âThe fish is still warm. I am sure it will please you.â
He didnât look at you after saying it. He simply resumed eating while all you could do was stare at him, not knowing exactly what to feel. Hesitant, you took a piece of the fish, not expecting much, but the moment it touched your tongue, your breath stilled.
Because it was perfect. You didnât mean it was perfectly seasoned or cooked, but because it was cooked and tasted exactly the way it was made back in your village before disaster struck. You never thought youâd ever experience this again and you didnât know what to make of it.
A strange, aching warmth bloomed in your chest, so vivid you almost forgot where you were and who you were with. âHow? This isâŚâ you trailed off before you could stop yourself. Home, your mind automatically supplied, this tasted like home.
You gazed back at him, heart leaping when you saw he was already staring at you. His lips were pressed into a thin line, brows furrowed as if you were bothering him by asking. âJongho had mentioned once that your village had plenty of fish,â he stated flatly.Â
You lowered your gaze to the plate again, heart thudding. âItâs very thoughtful of you,â you murmured absentmindedly, confused because you would have never mentioned something that personal to Jongho. You clearly remembered telling Wooyoung, though.Â
San scoffed under his breath, his dark eyes sharply lingering a moment longer on you than usual before he started eating again, effectively ending the conversation, leaving you wondering if he was uncomfortable rather than indifferent about the whole marriage aspect between you.
Nothing eventful happened the entire supper. There was no warmth, but there wasnât any coldness either, which wasnât necessarily a bad thing, but it did feel a little too hollow for your liking. The only thing in the air was the clinking of utensils and their scraping every time they hit the plate.
Dinner ended quietly just like you expected it to. âThank you for the meal, Your Grace,â you stood, bowing your head politely at him. âI will be taking my leave now. I bid you good night. â
You were about to make your way towards the door, careful not to step on your heavy lace-lined dress, when Sanâs voice rang through the hall. âWait.â
You froze, not expecting it. The command cut cleanly through the room, it wasnât loud nor urgent, but it sounded firm and absolute that your body halted by itself before your mind could catch up. You looked back at him, startled at the sudden call.
San hadnât moved far; he stood with one hand resting on the back of his chair, posture regal even in stillness. His chin lifted imperceptibly toward the center of the table. âTake those,â he said.
You blinked, confused. He sighed, brows furrowing as he moved his hand this time to gesture towards the table again, perhaps irritated at the aspect of having to repeat himself. âThe flowers,â he insisted, annoyed. âTake them. The arrangement, take all of them.â
You slowly turned your head, your eyes training to what he was pointing out. You raised your brows in mild surprise. Lenten roses. You didnât even notice them earlier, too focused on San and the fish you ate with all delight.Â
âThey will wilt if they are left here, and they would have been plucked out for nothing,â he spoke bluntly with that clinical precision youâve come to know him for as if everything was nothing but a trivial matter. âIf you appreciate them, take them. Otherwise they serve no purpose.â
You walked back to the table, trying not to flinch at San watching your every movement. You couldnât help the warmth blooming in your chest as your fingers lightly touched the edge of each petal. Youâve always loved flowers, especially here where everything was white and barren. The flowers brought colour and joy.
You lifted the vase carefully, gathering the flowers in your arms. âT-Thank you, I will take care of them,â you whispered quietly, not knowing what else to say.
San didnât reply. He only gestured one curt nod, already returning his gaze to the falling snow outside the window. There was something in his eyes then, something you couldnât fully gauge, but before you could think about it, he was already walking away, closing the door behind him, leaving you to think about what you thought you heard him whisper before he left.
âI am sure you will.â
You left the dining hall with the lenten roses cradled gently against your chest, their subtle fragrance following you down the corridor, smiling to yourself, careful not to tug on the petals as they brushed against the material of your dress.
It was how Hongjoong saw you, the gallant knight beaming as he approached you. âMy, what seems to make my lady smile like this?â His eyes looked at the flowers in your hands, eyes twinkling with understanding. âThose are beautiful. May I hold them for you while I escort you to your chambers?â
You smiled wider, appreciating the kind words. Hongjoong was one of the first people you met when you settled in Utopia. He was gentle, reliable, fiercely protective, and you found yourself being attached to him quickly. âHow was supper with His Majesty?â He asked.
âIt was good, thank you,â you answered truthfully. âA little stiff, and heâsâŚwell, heâs him.â
Hongjoong nodded in understanding. âI know what you mean,â he exhaled, pausing a little in thought before he continued. âMy MajestyâŚheâs carrying a lot. I would lay my life on the line for him. I know itâs hard to believe, my lady, but I can assure you he means well. Heâs a good man.â
âItâs quite alright, Sir Hongjoong, I understand,â you said, pursing your lips. âI am here for one purpose only and I will fulfill it. What Your Majesty and I have is nothing short of political. Heâs very decent to me so far, and I suppose heâs not required to go beyond that decency.â
But as you put the roses on your nightstand, replacing the winter heathers that have started to wilt, sometimes, you couldnât help but imagine a different scenario; one where Sanâs eyes werenât shrouded in frost, one where he might be that warmth in the midst of the snowstorm.
The thought of it made the tips of your ears red, heat spreading through your cheeks down to your neck. Snap out of it, you thought. The king was good-looking, devastatingly so, and admittedly, had the situation been different, he was actually your type.Â
Unfortunately, the lenten roses have also started to wilt. You would never admit that you noticed each stage of it, that every morning you checked the vase before you checked the mirror. You wouldnât admit that it bothered you. Enough time had passed where you noticed that something had changed, both for good and bad reasons.
âI know it might not seem like it because, well, the snow,â Wooyoung chuckled weakly one morning, looking at the window with worry. âBut Christmas always seems to bring out the best in people and we tend to celebrate it the best we can. I promise youâll love it, my lady.â
The snow began to fall harder; harder than youâve seen it. Christmas time apparently always brought the harshest storms, but it didnât stop everyone from decorating the entire castle with the familiar hollies and tapestries that brought a little colour and life in the usually grey castle.
âI believe it,â you smiled, hanging some ivy and a couple of ribbons in your chambers, which Jongho had so kindly brought. âDo youâŚthink the king will let me decorate his chambers?â
Both Jongho and Wooyoung froze, looking at each in worry before the latter cleared his throat. âBest to avoid His Highness during this time, my lady,â he said quietly. âHis mood is particularlyâŚdelicate at this time of the year, especially.â
You raised a brow. Apparently, the storms werenât the only thing that was harsh during Christmas. âWhat? Why? Does he not like Christmas?â
âItâs not that. Heâs just crankier and unapproachable, thatâs all,â Jongho admitted, avoiding eye contact. âBest not to test him, my lady.â
You tried to celebrate with everyone, noticing that everyone seemed to look forward to your presence every time you went around the castle. The servants seemed to be brighter in spirit, more than the usual, their smiles wider, the merry tunes of Christmas filling in the hallways that actually made you forget about your worries. You were actually happy for once.
âIt is because Christmas actually gives the people a reason to like the snow,â Mingi patiently explained one day in the middle of your lessons. âAnd the queenâs presence gives the people strength, a pillar to look up on in the kingâs absence.â
You werenât good with reading and writing yet, but you were getting there. Christmas wasnât an exception for you to skip out on your studies. Not that you minded, Mingi was a wonderful mentor and you genuinely did enjoy learning from the knowledgeable man.
âMay I know the reason why His Majesty is to be avoided during this time?â You asked, holding your quill just like he taught you. âEveryone seems to refuse to talk about it.â
Mingi turns silent. After a while, he gently grabs your quill, handing you a book instead. âShall we move on to economics, my lady?â He suggested, changing the topic, his eyes silently begging you to let the conversation go.
You faltered, mildly surprised at the blatant avoidance of the topic. You tried, you really did, not to think about San and respect what everyone kept saying, but it was getting harder and harder to ignore the elephant in the room. You nodded slowly, taking the book, and that was that.
Of course youâve noticed that San was nowhere to be seen. The throne room was avoided like it contained the plague, itself. His study was left untouched and even Seonghwa didnât dare enter it even for more military planning. The servants paled, pretending they had urgent business elsewhere, which always prompted either Yeosang or Jongho to personally deliver his meals.
Nobody was telling you anything. Whether it was because you were an outsider or they were doing it for your protection, you didnât know. You were left in the middle of it and you couldnât help but feel something twist deep in your guts.
Because this wasnât normal avoidance. This was fear. It wasnât the terrified kind, no, but the quiet, heavy, and trained kind - the kind that people develop after years of knowing exactly what triggers a man, and what doesnât. And you didnât know what to feel about it.
And of course, this was when you found yourself thinking of him even more. You asked yourself multiple times what happened to him and what made him dislike Christmas. At first, you thought it was because the snow fell harder on the already cursed, snow-covered land that people blamed on him, but seeing how the people acted, it was more than that.
Sure, San had always been especially cold and distant, his walls high and impenetrable, but he was never cruel and never raised his voice at anyone. He had always been intimidating, but you genuinely didnât understand why this time was different.Â
What could make an entire palace walk on eggshells around their king? Why did everyone act like Christmas turned him into something dangerous?Â
Oh, how you wished you knew the answer to this before you started roaming around the castle, hugging your arms to yourself, absentmindedly walking aimlessly with all these thoughts.
Was it the storm that was making San hot-tempered, or was it Sanâs temper that was bringing on the storm and making it worse?
A heavy gust of wind rattled the castle walls and the frames that were hooked on them, snapping you out of your thoughts immediately. You looked around in worry, realising that you had ventured a bit too far in your absentmindedness.
Your anxiety rose when you also realised that you were near the currently forbidden area - Sanâs chambers. Youâve never even been in this section of the castle before and you sure as hell werenât going to start now. Panicking, you quickly turned around to leave.
It wasnât until you heard it, something spine-chilling enough that it made you stop in your tracks not to listen, but out of surprise and horror. You didnât have to think hard or even turn around to know that the sound was coming from Sanâs room.
âFuck. Fuck. M-Make it stop, pleaseâŚâ
Moans and grunts of pure, raw pain were to be heard all over the corridors, the sound of it echoing ghastly around the walls and bouncing in its agony. You paled, caught off guard, not knowing exactly how to react at what you were hearing.
You jumped up when a loud crash followed by a deep, menacing growl on top of pitiful whimpers resounded after. It was horrifying to listen to. You couldnât help but put your trembling hands on your mouth, eyes widening at the prospect of San hurt, or worse, someone hurting him in the privacy of his own chambers. He sounded like he was getting tortured.
Panic arose in your head, but even then, you had to force yourself to think. What were you going to do? You had absolutely no idea what was happening behind that door and that, alone, terrified you.
Not the sounds, but the idea of it. What could bring a man like San - the controlled and measured king you knew, the one with walls so high, you couldnât see through it, the man who barely blinked at his adversaries - down to something feral and desperate?Â
Do you run? Do you get Jongho? Seonghwa? Yunho? Anyone who knows what to do? And you were going to do exactly that. You pulled your skirts up, ready to sprint for help, but once again, you heard a noise. Something about the primal emotions in his tone tugged at your heartstrings. He was choking, the sound of it wet, low, and trembling.
But most of all, he sounded alone. He sounded terrified. You couldnât leave him. Not like this. So against your better judgment, against every warning, against everybody who swore you shouldnât even think about approaching San, and against the fear stuck in your throat, you moved towards his door, your hand already pushing it open.Â
Nothing could ever prepare you for the destruction that lay all over the room the moment you entered. Everything was in shambles and disarray. Your heart almost wanted to leap out of your chest as you inspected the room, trying to look for the reason why you were even here.
You didnât see San. But you could hear him. You tried to follow his pained grunts, your feet moving to what you assumed was the bathroom, your insides turning upside down when you realised that he wasnât just groaning - he was wretching his guts out.Â
The closer you got, the more distinct the awful, guttural noises became. Your fingertips brushed the doorframe, almost whispering to announce your presence so as to not startle him, but you stopped halfway when you dared to look inside.
San was on his knees, trembling and bracing himself on one arm, his head lurched forward as he gurgled out the contents of his stomach, or the lack thereof. Your heart squeezed painfully seeing the great, cold king of Utopia reduced to such a state.
His usually prim appearance was nowhere to be seen, his hair disheveled and sticking to his skin, damp with sweat, his shirt open to reveal his sculpted chest that convulsed violently as he heaved and coughed so hard that you thought that something inside him was about to break. His other hand clutched the locket he always wore so tight, veins started to pop from his arm.
But that wasnât the thing that bothered you as much as it worried you. It was his eyes. They were wild, red, and bloodshot like he hadnât slept in days - like he hadnât been himself in days. Your heart cracked, not being able to stop the whimper that crawled up your throat.
His neck snapped up in your direction so quickly, you were terrified for a second, and he froze, eyes widening at the sight of you trembling uselessly by the doorway. For a split second, you saw something in those eyes other than coldness. You were the last person he expected to see.
And he tried to say something to you. You saw his lips part and you saw him process that you were here, in a place you absolutely shouldnât be, but before he could do so, his body seized again, bending forward brutally to clutch his chest, shoulders curling inward against the pain.
You watched him stand up, feebly supporting himself by gripping the edge of the sink as his quivering legs tried to support his weight. He stared at you with those hazy eyes, almost glaring, using the back of his hands to wipe his mouth. âWhat are you doing here?â He snarled. âWhereâs Hongjoong?â
Your body seemed to snap into action, step forward to try and help him. âYour Majestyââ
He slaps your hand away, but it was more of a poor attempt at it, limping past you with great effort. âI asked you a question,â he barked, angrier than youâve ever seen him, slightly making you flinch. âYou shouldnât be here, didnât anybody in this godforsaken castle tell you?â
He said it with such contempt, looked at you with so much scorn and disdain that you almost ran away with your tail between your legs, but when his trembling intensified, breath stuttering like his lungs couldnât remember how to breathe, you made the split decision to surge forward, anyway, gripping his arm to help him walk.
âYouâre not well, Your Grace,â you whispered, almost pleading. âPlease, let me help.â
A small gasp leaves your lips as your hands wrapped around his bicep. He was warm, warmer than you expected, like sitting in front of a hearth to seek comfort. And he paused, staring at you. Truly staring with something unreadable in his eyes before he shoved you, or tried to.
âDonât,â he tried to shove you again, his palm weakly trying to rip your hands away from him. His breath hitched, body swaying dangerously to the side before he leaned on the doorframe, eyes boring onto you sharply. âLeave,â he growled, jaw clenched, rage evident in his tone. âJust leave. Youâre useless to me.â
It stung that even in his state, he was still pushing you away. You didnât understand what was happening, and you had a feeling that you still wonât anytime soon, but when he started to stagger forward, you lunged forward to try and catch him before he hit his head on instinct. You didnât need to know for now. San needed your help.
âYour Majesty, Iâm begging you,â you pleaded desperately, pushing up on him and pulling him slightly to help him out of the bathroom. âStop fighting me, please.â
âAnd who the hell are you to tell me what to do?â His hand fisted weakly in the front of your sleeve, as if to shove you away again. Instead, it simply trembled there, powerless.
You didnât answer, grunting as you guided him towards his disheveled bed. He relents, albeit begrudgingly, sinking onto the bed, chest heaving, eyes glassy with exhaustion. You immediately get to work, finding something to use to wipe his sweaty skin and grimy face to relieve some of the tension that was troubling him.
The bed sank under your weight, and for a second, you hesitated a bit, but when you saw San breaking out in more sweat, the hesitation left. Gently, you dabbed the damp towel all over his skin. You stared from his temples, smoothing his hair out, wiping the residue off his lips as well, down to his neck, careful not to irritate him with the temperature.
You got all the way down to his chest, finally looking at it up close and being mildly surprised at the dark lines that littered all over it. They were black in colour, resembling tree branches that covered his entire torso. They didnât look natural. Rather, they looked infected and cursed.
It was when San seemed to realise that you were looking at them. You flinched when he suddenly grabbed a blanket to cover his chest, harshly snatching the towel away from your hands to brutally throw it across the room.
It was a sudden burst of fury that seemed to sap all the remaining energy out of him. âGet out,â he rasped, voice shredded raw. His hand flew to the locket around his neck, one that you always thought was just a trinket or an heirloom. âYunho,â his voice cracked. The moment he mentioned the mageâs name, the locket glowed brightly, pulsing with unnatural energy that made your skin prickle. âYunho.â
It was magic. You knew it was. Nothing natural glowed like that. And the lines that were strewn all over Sanâs skinâŚthose werenât natural either. But they werenât the angelic magic Yunho had.
Yunho burst in through the doors not even a minute after, panting and looking like he ran a marathon just to get here. His eyes widened in horror the moment they landed on the way San convulsed and shook under the sheets.
âSan? Good Lord, San, whatââ he began, eyes dropping into something that resembled agony, pity lining his features at the sight of his king suffering under whatever was happening to him. He was about to rush forward, but immediately halted when he saw you.
His eyes went even wider, horror and disbelief flooding every inch of his face. âY/N, my lady,â he exhaled in utter shock, not even expecting to even see anybody, much less you of all people, to be sitting on Sanâs bed. âW-Why are you here?â
San grunted in pain once more, prompting Yunho to rush forward, assessing his king and the damage that he endured. Yunhoâs face crumpled. âMy lady,â he said over his shoulder without looking at you, tone gentle but firm. âPlease. You must leave. Now.â
If there was anyone who knew what to do, it was Yunho. You watched him for a moment, watched his hands hover over the kingâs body as they glowed blue, the magic flowing from his veins to transfer them to San. He was healing him, you reckoned.
âYou must not speak of this to anyone, my lady,â Yunho said quietly, looking at you briefly before his eyes glowed into that familiar fiery light you remembered from when you first met. âAnd I know you have questions, questions Iâm afraid I cannot give you right now, but for nowâŚâ
You didnât need to be told twice. You quickly got up, hastily walking towards the door to let Yunho do his work in peace, but before looking back at San for one last time before leaving. He looked a bit better. His face was still ashen and pale, but at least he was now sleeping.
And it hurt. It was the precise way that Yunho knew what to do - it meant that this was a regular occurrence for San. This happened year by year. And you werenât privy to what he was trying to tell you.
Pretend you didnât see anything.
Days passed in a daze, long nights where you lay wide awake on your bed where sleep refused to visit you, hours spent where you did exactly the opposite of what Yunho expected of you - to forget what you saw in Sanâs chambers that day, all of the grizzly parts of it.
It just wasnât possible. How could you just erase what fear you felt when you saw him on the floor? How could you forget the way his bloodshot eyes looked at you like you were the anomaly for finding him in that pitiful position? The way they widened in disbelief when he saw you just before gagging helplessly again?
And when you werenât seeing him in your head, you were hearing him amidst the silence of your room. The sound of him vomiting was wet and brutal, the unpleasant hacking and heaving of his stomach as he retched out was all you could hear. You could never forget it.
And the only thing louder than the awful sound was the realization that San had been suffering like this alone.
He was all you could think about, and frankly, you were worried. You couldnât concentrate on your duties and studies, your mind often flying towards the king you swore your life to, wondering if he was eating, worried if he was still in pain or if he was sleeping well.
A gentle cough startles you out of your stupor and you look up, finding Seonghwaâs gentle eyes trained on you. âMy lady? Are you still there?â He asked. âYou seem to beâŚdistracted. We could always continue this discussion next time.â
You blinked, shame crossing your features. You were currently with the marshal, who took time off to discuss basic tactics to you as per Sanâs request for additional knowledge. Redness creeps up your cheeks, embarrassed that you were wasting Seonghwaâs very limited time.
âI am terribly sorry, Sir Seonghwa,â you sincerely apologised, bowing your head slightly. âI must be in a doozy. Iâm afraid that my mind is elsewhere.â
He immediately waves his hands in flustered protest. âPlease donât bow to me, my lady. And this might be impudent, but,â he paused, looking around to see if the coast was clear, his voice dropping into a faint whisper. âWould this happen to be about what happened to His Majesty a week prior?â
Your brows raised in surprise. âYou know.â
He sighed, deep from within his chest, before getting up to lock the door. He, then, gives a grim nod. âOnly those closest to him do,â he admitted, crossing his arms, jaw tightening. âIncluding Wooyoung. He was His Majestyâs favourite scribe before he was assigned to you.â
You stared at him, having more questions than answers. And he knew this. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. âI was the one who had to haul Yunho out after he was done healing him,â he explained with another sigh. âIt takes a lot out of him, you see. Magic has to come from somewhere, and mages usually use their own energy.â
âThen, what is going on with him?â You pressed, unable to hide the urgency in your voice.
But Seonghwa only exhaled, long and pained, and shook his head. You could see it that he wanted to tell you. His heart was far too gentle, too earnest for secrecy, but the loyalty he bore to San was carved into him more deeply than any oath. âIf I were permitted to speak of it, my lady,â he said softly, âI would tell you everything I know. Itâs not my place.â
There was one question that was bothering you the most, however. One where you were afraid of the answer. The question left your lips before you could stop it. âIs he sick?â
He shook his head with confidence without a hint of doubt or hesitation. âNo,â he refused immediately. âIt is not a diseaseâŚat least not the type youâre thinking of.â
Your stomach turned, not liking that answer at all. Seonghwa paused, leaning closer, his eyes filled with genuine worry. âYou may not be queen yet, but I have already sworn my life to you, my lady, and I am saying this out of pure love and concern for you as your loyal servant. For your sake, do not return to his chambers.â
His voice dropped into something more hushed and it sent shivers prickling down your spine. âNo matter what happens, no matter what you hear. Do not go back there.â
The snow started to let up after a few days, if only a little bit. While the kingdom was still covered in a white haze, the storm had subsided enough that everyone could at least walk out, including yourself.Â
âHow curious,â you pondered while out and about on the castle grounds, hugging the fur-lined coat closer to your body. âIâve been told that the storm was going to last another week or so. Today is a beautiful day, though, donât you think so, dear Wooyoung?â
Utopia was a very beautiful kingdom even though the entirety of it was only white. âYes,â Wooyoung replied, the corners of his lips lifted up tightly with what seemed more like force than mirth. âHow curious, indeed.â
His eyes didnât match the smile. They dropped almost immediately, dimming with a soft, far-off melancholy, his mind clearly somewhere else in thought. By the time you looked fully at him, he had already blinked it away, the tight smile still lingering. âShall we go to your classes, my lady?â
You nodded, letting him lead the way. Today, you were determined to do well, but the moment you got in the library, you were met with a sight you were not expecting.
Because there was San currently in a deep conversation with Jongho. There were times that Mingi wasnât available, so Jongho would substitute him more often than not, and once a week or so, San would supervise your progress. Today was supposed to be one of those days.
This was the first time youâve seen San out and about, both since heâd secluded himself and since that day you accidentally walked by his chambers. You felt your heart going haywire at the sight of him. Both men havenât noticed your arrival and you took this time to observe your king.
It was almost unfair how striking San looked when he was fully focused on something, especially whenever he held a quill to write something or handle paperwork. The sharp downturn of his brows, the lean line of his jaw, or the way his lips pursed into a small pout.
But it was unjustly unfair for him to still look this handsome even while clearly still recovering. And just like that, any attraction towards him went in the back of your head for now. He was pale, his eyes lined with bags that were purplish and almost black in colour, lips lacking in colour that made you worry. He was rigid, obviously trying to stand a little straighter than usual.
So much so that you were tempted to walk up to him to ask him if he was doing alright, but you knew better. Just then, as if sensing eyes on him, Jongho lifted his head and gave you a soft, pleased smile. âAh, my lady, just. âMy apologies. I didnât notice you were here.â
San paused for a split second, jaw tightening, before ultimately deciding not to lift his head to greet you in acknowledgement, his attention solely on the paperwork as if you werenât even in the room.Â
The entire lesson went by like that. It was the most awkward session of your life so far because while San didnât acknowledge you in general, this was different. Usually, he would chip in a thought or two, ask you random questions that pertained to the subject, but this time, he was silent. You wouldnât even know he was there if you didnât see him earlier.
After half an hour, he got up and left. That in itself wasnât unusual either, San never stayed the entire lesson anyway, but at least every time he left, he would politely, albeit stiffly, say his goodbyes to you or pass a small comment about you doing well on your studies.
And despite everything - your fear, your confusion, your unanswered questions - you felt your chest tighten. You watched him walk away, your spirits dampening at each step he took. Jongho took notice of this. âDid you want to run after him?â He asked. âHeâsâŚwell.â
You shook your head. But it didnât stop there. Unfortunately, this continued for days. You would see him in his office, in the throne room, just him doing his regular kingsley duties like nothing ever happened, but he never acknowledged you. Not once. He didnât speak to you nor even looked your way. You were like a ghost at this point, worse than strangers.
He was deliberately ignoring you, you soon realised. San was avoiding you like the plague, and of course, you knew why, but this didnât stop you from thinking about him anyway. The more the days passed, the paler and more sickly he looked, and you couldnât help but worry.
You couldnât take it anymore. You had to check up on him. It was how you found yourself standing by his chambers again, knocking lightly on the door, whispering your arrival. When nobody answered, you breathed in, pushing the door open and hoping for the best.
Thankfully, there were no retching sounds to be heard. But unfortunately, the sight that met you was worse than you could have imagined.
There was San seated on his bed, shivering and trembling violently, one hand fisting the sheets he used to cover his entire body, while his other hand was pressed against his face, but it did nothing to hide the sight that made your stomach turn and your knees almost buckle down.
Thick streaks of red seeped from his fingers as blood seemed to spill from his nose, staining the smooth expanse of his pale cheeks. His breath came out in sharp, ragged wheezes, teeth clacking against each other to fight the cold tremors that plagued his body, and every breath he took, blood trickled from the corner of his lips, down the sheets.
Globs of red covered the sheets that it was hard to imagine that it was once white. You had never seen anything so grotesque in your life. âS-Sire?â You choked out, barely able to breathe.
He jerked at the sound of your voice. He lifted his head and your hands numbed, because his eyes werenât just bloodshot - the white parts had entirely become red, like they were tinted with blood. For a moment, he didnât even recognize you.
But the moment he did, it was like something primal in him came alive. âWhat the hell are you d-doing here?â He roared, feral, so loudly, you felt your bones rattle. You gasped at the intensity of it, caught off guard. âGet out.â
You closed the door behind you. âYour Majeââ
âGet out! Fucking hell, just get the fuck out!â His voice boomed. It felt like cold water was splashed on you. The expression he held on his face was one of delirium and ferality, and this was the first time youâve actually heard San lose his temper like this or even raise his voice.
He lurched forward, body spasming, getting up to charge at you, the rage on him impalpable. Blood dripped onto the floor in steady beats from his nose. âI told you to stay the hell away from me,â he snarled, shoulder rising and falling in ragged breaths. âWhy must youââ
Everything happened so fast. His arms gave out entirely, body pitching forward. You rushed to catch him before he hit the ground, hands sliding under his shoulders. âPlease, youâre hurt and youâre bleeding,â you gasped despite every instinct screaming that you should run. âI canâtââ
âDonât you fucking touch me!â He lashed out, swinging his arms. You yelped when he accidentally hit your shoulders, making you stagger backwards. âYou stupid, stupid girl,â he spat. âAre you deaf or just highly incompetent? How foolish could you be? What part ofâŚâ he trailed off, wincing in pain. âWhat part of leave do you not understand?â
And maybe he was right. Maybe you were stupid. But it didnât stop you from limping towards him anyway. âPlease,â you whispered, hands up in surrender. âI want to helpââ
âI said donât come near me!â He barked, grabbing another nearby vase and throwing it on the floor in sheer anger. âYou just never listen, do you? You think barging in here in a place where youâre explicitly forbidden makes you brave? No, it makes you a burden, you recklessââ
He cut himself off with a guttural groan, one hand flying to his throat as if he couldnât breathe. That was it for you, you werenât going to just simply watch. You surged forward, grabbing him by the shoulders. âEnough,â you breathed, voice trembling with resolve. âJustâŚstop.â
His arm jerked up to push you away, but it was no use. âThe nerve of you, I am your kingââ
You narrowed your eyes, not even letting him finish his nonsense. You grabbed his shoulders and with one pull, you hauled him forward with practiced force. Even through the haze, you saw his eyes widen with surprise, genuinely stunned at the show of strength as you dragged him towards the bed and laid him down whether he liked it or not.
âYou are forgetting who I was before all of this,â you murmured calmly, trying to ease him onto the sheets. âI am a farm girl. I grew up carrying heavy sacks of grain and meat, Your Majesty. It was all I knew. You wouldâve known how calloused my hands were if you touched them more.â
He wanted to argue, you could tell, but more than that, there was a look in his eyes that made you pause. He looked at your hands, then back at your eyes with a brow raised, and there was something in there. He looked mildly offended. Now, you didnât want to assume, but if you were being honest, his eyes were clearly telling you he did, in fact, know.
You looked away, turning around to stop the butterflies in your stomach. You worked quickly, grabbing a basin and some towels and putting them on his nightstand and of course, he tried to resist at first, but eventually, the fight in him left and he went still, surrendering to your help simply because he had no strength left to give.
You wiped the blood from his eyes and cheeks, cleaned the streaks along his neck, cool cloth brushing over heated skin and every so often, he twitched or groaned. You urged him to sit up, finding the first shirt you found in his dresser to change his bloodied shirt, careful not to look at the dark lines that marred his chest for fear of him lashing out on you again.
You had to replace the water in the basin three times, spilling the now reddened water over and over again until his skin was free of blood and water no longer stained red. He stared at you the entire time you worked, emotionless, not saying anything.
âAre you comfortable, Your Highness?â You whispered, gently smoothing his damp hair away from his face.Â
He hummed hoarsely, nodding subtly, but he didnât look away. He watched you with those hollow eyes you were used to and usually, it unsettled you, but instead, your stomach fluttered. He was too handsome for someone who had nearly collapsed in your arms. It wasnât fair.Â
Suddenly, he grimaced, seizing as his entire body began to spasm, shivering even though it was pretty warm inside his chambers. You didnât know what to do, so you didnât. Instead, you quickly sat on the bed, gently positioning his head on your chest to let him borrow your warmth even though you werenât sure it was going to help, holding him tight.
He stiffened, but gave up the fight once again once he probably realised how warm you were, how gentle you cradled his feeble body as your hands steadied his head. An uncalled memory striked your head. This reminded you of how your mother would comfort you when you were ill.
Without thinking, as if on instinct, you fingers began to comb his hair, swaying your shoulders to rock him tenderly like your mother used to do to soothe you. âItâs alright,â you hushed, finding the right rhythm to rock his quivering body. âI-I got youâŚâ
You didn't know when the stinging behind your own eyes started, but you continued to rock him, anyway, hoping he didnât feel the tears that fell from your eyes on his skin, or the way your voice cracked once in a while as you hummed a soft lullaby to accompany the soothing motion. You really didnât know. All you knew was that it hurt to see him like this.
Eventually, the tremors eased, and finally, San went still, his head growing heavy on your chest as sleep finally caught up to him. His light snores filled your ears as whatever was causing all this loosened its grip on him temporarily to let him rest.Â
And you didnât move, not until you were sure he was truly asleep. You didnât want to anyway. And in the stillness that followed, your heart tugged painfully. This was the closest youâve ever been to San and it was unfortunate that it had to be in these circumstances.
You didnât realise how long youâd been sitting there, lost in your own thoughts, staring at his sleeping face. You were exhausted, your body was also becoming a little weary as the adrenaline came crashing down on you. You needed air.
You shifted, carefully lowering his head on his pillow so you could get up and let him have this rare moment of peace, but before you could get up, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist. Your breath stilled, mouth opening slightly in surprise.
And if that wasnât enough, he tugged on it, too. It was weak and clumsy, but you felt it, anyway. He didnât open his eyes, but his brows furrowed. âStay,â he rasped, barely a whisper, voice rough with sleep, raw with excess use and fatigue.
Your breath came out ragged as you stared at his hand around your wrist, holding onto it as if you were his lifeline. And by God, you felt something then. Your chest fluttered warmly at first, before turning into heat that was too dangerous for your own good. You could barely breathe, it was like he had your heart in his hand, squeezing it slightly instead of your wrist.
You bit your lip, hesitant. Was he even coherent enough to know what he was asking for? You didnât want to take advantage of it, but the thing was, you couldnât bear to leave this room knowing that you were going to worry about him the entire night, anyway.
It was when he opened his eyes, barely halfway, but enough where you could see the familiar sharpness in them. âStay,â he repeated, firmer this time. He wasnât asking you, he was demanding you.
You nodded, lifting the covers and sitting back down on the bed, and the moment you did, he shifted instinctively towards your warmth, making your heart flip. Not even a minute later, his breathing evened out again and you let these warm, fuzzy feelings lull you to sleep.
But the next morning, all those feelings died. You were startled awake by someone shaking you violently. At first, you didnât realise where you were, the unfamiliar setting of the room sending your head into a frenzy, but all of it came back to you when you saw San staring at you.
He looked somewhat better - better than youâve seen him in a while, really. In fact, he was already in his royal attire. And he looked angry. Maybe thatâs why his brows were furrowed together, face reddened in a way that only unbridled fury could bring.
You quickly got up, ready to tend to him in case he was still feeling unwell, your eyes automatically checking if there were specks of blood to be found on his shirt, relieved to see that there wasnât any. âYour Highness,â you began, voice still thick with sleep. âDid you needââ
âNot another word. I donât want to hear you, and I donât want to see your face, you hear me?â San spoke with calm, deliberate venom, not giving you a chance to even finish your sentence. âDo you understand me? Or are you perhaps too stupid to?â
You were stunned into silence. His words landed like a slap to your face, each one of them precise and intentional. âP-Pardon?â You couldnât help but let out, genuinely surprised at how scathing he sounded and it stung worse than anything last night.
He scoffed, tilting his head in mock fashion, a derisive smirk on his face. âYou think youâre exceptional now that youâve stayed here?â He seethed, eyes snapping to you with such lethal coldness, it halted the air in your lungs. âWhat, you think tending to me makes you important?â
This time, you were actually shocked, hurt filling your chest as you stood up to try and explain yourself. âI donât know what youâre saying,â you breathed out. âI was just trying to help.â
âOh, please, spare me,â he scoffed, eyes like cold glass. âYou deliberately refused to listen to me when I told you to get out and not come back. You were like a stray animal that refused to get kicked out.â
He enunciated his words clearly, ensuring each word landed exactly where it would do the most damage. And he succeeded. You blinked, hurt prickling your chest. âThis isnât fair,â you said. âI was genuinely worried for your well-being. You know thatâs not true.â
âNo? Tell me, then. What do you call throwing yourself at me during my weakest moments?â He kept trudging forward and you kept staggering backwards, stopping when your back hit the wall, San effectively trapping you. âOr maybe you were just that desperate, crawling into my bed like some pathetic little thing.â
The words hit like a slap, You knew he was a little cruel in ways he didnât mean, but this time, it was different. He meant every single thing. Of all the things he did and didnât do, this was the one that genuinely hurt you the most. You shook your head quickly, eyes stinging, not even knowing what to say to that one.
You could have any other insults any time of the day, but being accused of being a desperate whore will be one you will never, ever accept. You grew up with absolutely nothing, almost gave up your life with less, but the one thing you refused to let go and get trampled upon was your dignity and integrity.
Bile rose from your throat as you tried to breathe through the pain in your chest, the pain so physical that you wanted to fold in on yourself. You looked up, ready to excuse yourself, but when you looked at San, his eyes were wide, mouth open, expression aghast with regret.
You realised, then, that you had already started to cry, hot tears falling in torrential streaks down your eyes, You choked, getting dizzy at the whiplash at the speed of how your mind caught up and it was when an agonised whimper left your throat before you could stop it.
âI-I didnât mean what I said,â he backed up, raising his hand in an attempt to touch you but stopped himself at the last minute when he realised how deeply he shattered you. âOh, God, I did not mean any of that, I did not mean to diminish your integrity like thisâoh, God.â
But the damage was done. You hadnât even realized youâd spoken those words aloud. All colour drained from Sanâs face and he looked so frightened by his mistake that it hurt to look at because he wasnât even this frightened when he was bleeding out from his eyes and mouth.
âY/N, stop, donât cry, donât, please,â he said, voice suddenly hoarse, almost breaking. âI didnât mean those, I swear to you. Listen to me, I am soââ
You flinched at the sound of his voice, and that alone made him visibly flinch in return. You shook your head again, because you couldnât hear this. Not right now. Not when his words were still ringing in your ears like a fresh wound.
You were determined to get away, but he held onto your wrist. âDonât go,â he pleaded, raw and guilty. You tried to free yourself, but he held on. âY/N, please,â he swallowed. âI wonât keep you, but let me call someone to send you back. You canâtâŚjust wait, please.â
He held onto the same locket on his neck, the heirloom glowing slightly as San whispered to it, his hand never letting go of your wrist, not even when Hongjoong came in, eyes widening in concern at the scene he witnessed.
Sanâs hand finally loosened around your wrist, fingers trembling as they slipped away from your skin. âTake her,â he ordered the knight. âUse the hidden passage and let Wooyoung tend to her.â
He didnât look at you as Hongjoong led you out. He couldnât. His eyes were glued to the floor as if it physically pained him to lift them and you didnât look back as you walked out of the room he had shattered you in, letting the door close between you like a final, heavy blow.
To say that you were still upset until the next day would be an understatement. Because how dare he? How dare he just say those words like he had every right to? Oh, you were mad. And it wasnât even because you were looking for any sort of thanks for what you did; it wasnât your fault you were worried about him.Â
You touched your chest as you brooded in front of your vanity mirror. It was, however, your fault for feeling something there. Something you didnât want to think about when he held your wrist and told you to stay.
You shook your head to rid yourself of the thought, just in time to hear gentle knocking on your door. You sighed, pursing your lips, turning around to see a sheepish looking Wooyoung standing by the door, his hands behind his back. âI told you I did not want to be disturbed today,â you said.
âI know, my lady, but it is of utmost importance that I am here,â he replied, eyes twinkling. âI have something for you.â
Your frown turned into pleasant surprise when he finally brought his hands in front of him, a smile spreading across your face when you saw what he held. In his hands was the most gorgeous bouquet of purple hyacinths wrapped together with a thin strip of ribbon and lace.
âOh, how lovely,â you gasped, excitedly taking them from him, bringing them closer to you and breathing them in. âTheyâre particularly difficult to find around, how did you acquire them?â
âI didnât. Theyâre not from me. His Majesty had them curated especially for you, my lady,â Wooyoung replied softly.Â
Your fingers stilled around the stems of the hyacinths, the smile on your lips faltering, your expression of joy slowly being replaced to that of visible shock. âWhat?â You murmured before you could stop yourself. âHe did? Are you sure?â
âYes, my lady. He personally gave them to me for you. He even instructed me to arrange them properly,â he said, his expression softening, all traces of mischief gone. âHe wouldâve come personally, but didnât think you would want to see him. Not after yesterday.â
Just when you thought that San couldnât send your mind into shambles even further. Your mind spun, refusing to comprehend that the cold king of Utopia would even do something like this. You brought the flowers to your chest without realizing it, pressing them lightly against your heart as if to steady it.
âThank you,â you said softly. âIâll put them in the vase, myself.â
Wooyoung exhaled, releasing a breath you didnât even realise he was holding. When he turned to leave, you caught a glimpse of something in his eyes. It was relief, tinged with sadness.
As you put the delicate flowers in the vase, it was hard to miss how carefully they were picked just for you. Each petal was perfect, free from bruising or any kind of marring. But more than that, why had he sent them anyway?
You had a vague idea. Behind all the walls he was putting up, was proof that San was actually capable of feeling regret. Somehow, that just hurt as much as the words he said because he knew what he said was wrong, yet, he chose to hurt you at the moment.
You reached out and brushed your fingers against the petals of the hyacinths. You werenât completely ready to forgive him, but for the first time since yesterday, your anger wavered.
The next day, you woke up with a brand new bouquet that was even bigger than the one the day before. This time, they were forget-me-nots, which was fascinating to see in a bunch considering how tiny they were.Â
âAgain?â You murmured, fingers hovering before gently touching one bloom. Wooyoung can only shrug, turning around before you see him smile.
San must be more remorseful than I thought, you pondered. You put them with the hyacinths, the anger in your chest still not subsiding, but simmering at least. And you thought that was that, but no, the flowers did not stop there, because San kept sending flowers for one week straight.
By the third day, they were white tulips. You stared at the pure and pristine blossoms, biting your lips, no longer just surprised, because there was something else accompanying it that made your chest oddly tight. You were flustered, and not just that, you couldnât help the heat on your face that stayed for what felt like hours after receiving the brand new bouquet.
And you wanted to stay angry, you really did, because no matter how many flowers he sends, the words he said can never be undone anymore, but how were you supposed to do that when he sends avalanche lilies the fourth day so plenty, they spilled all over the place? The other flowers havenât even wilted yet and here you were with new ones.
You stood in the middle of your chambers, struggling to find a place to put the vase that was overflowing with so much of the lilies. You turned around, helpless looking at a smirking Hongjoong who held another vase of the lillies. âIâm running out of places,â you laughed under your breath, equal parts overwhelmed and intimidated by how many flowers there were.
By now, the servants had stopped pretending not to notice. News had spread that the stoic and impassive king had been sending his would-be queen flowers everyday. The giggles and murmurs brought life to the castle and it was ridiculous how all of this had you smiling like you were a teenager all over again.
âThese are lovely,â Mingi commented, laughing at the overwhelming amount of flowers in your chambers when he came for your usual classes. âWell, I have a delivery,â he handed you another bouquet, mischief in his eyes. âMore to add to this garden of yours, I suppose.â
You felt your face warm up at his teasing remark. âI have no idea what you mean,â you mumbled, feeling your body buzzing with excitement as you took the bouquet of snowdrops from him. You held onto them the entire class and never let them go.
By the sixth day, you were awoken to the calming scent of lavender. You smiled without realizing it, opening your eyes to see Wooyoung and Jongho giggling to each other as they arranged the lavender all over your chambers, not knowing you were already awake - not knowing that you had begun to look forward to each flower that San sent your way.
Then, the seventh day came and this one was delivered a little differently. It had been nighttime by then and you were already starting to feel disheartened since there were no flowers yet, but as you were reading your book, Yeosang came in carrying a tray of food that had you salivating.
Not only that, they were generous heapings of food that you could tell were your favourites, and Seonghwa was hot on his tail carrying a modest but breathtaking bouquet of pink camelias. Yeosang laid all the dishes properly, not-so-subtly wiggling his brows at you playfully.
âHis Majesty specifically asked for todayâs supper to be special,â Yeosang said, his mouth curving into a knowing smile. âCatered to you, my lady. I hope the fish is to your liking, His Highness said you enjoyed it the last time you had it.â
Seonghwa placed the bouquet on your lap. âLooks scrumptious,â he commented, gesturing to the food. âHis Highness was especially pleased when we told him we discovered a river that had trout in them while we were roaming the area. Immediately thought of you, my lady.â
Your throat tightened. You looked at the bouquet, fingers brushing all over the pink petals and they felt tender and more earnest than the other flowers he sent you, somehow more personal than the rest.
And then you stared at the feast for a little while longer when the two men excused themselves, tears threatening to fall from your eyes before you dug in, heart warm and as full as your chambers that were overflowing with flowers. You had to think about it at first, why this particular bouquet seemed to tug at your heartstrings the most more than the other ones.
The simplicity of it made it your favourite, but it wasnât because of that - it was because all along, it seemed that San had been paying attention to you.
Seven different flowers for seven days straight, and not a single word. You wondered if this was Sanâs way of speaking when words failed him.
But that wasnât how you usually handled things. No, you were the confrontational type. The very next day, you made up your mind to seek San, yourself. You didnât want to let things fester, but the truth was, you wanted to see for yourself if the flowers meant something to him.
You found San in his study where you knew he usually was at this time of the day. You took a deep breath in, that little fear in the back of your head overtaking you, a bit scared that he was going to push you away, and rapped lightly on the door. When no one answered, you opened it slightly, peeking your head in before entering.
San didnât even notice you, let alone hear your knock, busy with his paperwork. Your heart lurched as you stared at him. He looked better, the colours on his cheeks and lips were back. You cleared your throat to catch his attention.
San looked up, shock flickering briefly across his features before he schooled them back into neutrality. Still, he set his pen aside immediately. âY/Nâmy lady,â he whispered breathily, standing up from his chair. âPlease, come in. Iâd hate for you to not feel welcome,â he paused, a slight frown marring his handsome face. âWhereâs Hongjoong?â
âIâm alone,â you do as told, carefully closing the door behind you. âI wanted to thank you,â you said, straight to the point, voice steady despite the way your heart fluttered. âFor the flowers.â
For a moment, he said nothing, most likely not expecting you to bring it up. âWere they to your liking?â San asked, voice softer than youâve ever heard it though his face still retained that sharpness youâve come to know him for.
You nodded with an affirming hum. âI did,â you replied with genuine sincerity. âThey were very beautiful, all of them.â
His gaze dropped, his Adamâs apple bobbing up and down as he audibly swallowed. âIâm pleased to hear it,â he replied, low and careful. Gone was the flatness in his tone, replaced by something just a little warmer. âVery pleased.â
âI will be cherishing them, Your Grace,â you smiled softly.
That earned you a look from him that lingered and remained unguarded. His eyes softened in a way that felt almost dangerous, one that had you holding your breath because you have never seen Sanâs eyes be this expressive not only towards you, but in general. And now that you knew he was capable of doing such a thing, you didnât know what to do.
You broke eye contact first, not being able to take the intensity of his gaze. âW-Well, Iâm afraid I have taken too much of your time,â you cleared your throat, lowering your head to hide the redness of your cheeks. âI shall be taking my leaveââ
âWait,â he stopped you, startling you a bit and apparently even himself. There was a long pause and you could only blink in anticipation. Finally, he exhaled. âAbout that night,â he began and your breath hitched. He noticed and his eyes glazed but only for a bit before going back to being impassive again. âThe words I spoke were cruel, words I should have never said to you.â
His jaw tightened, but he didnât look away, forcing himself to look you in the eye even though this was taking a lot out of him. âAnd for that, I am very sorry. I hope you can accept my sincerest apologies.â
And when he bowed low, that was all you needed to see. It wasnât flowery and it wasnât anything grand. But it was San, a king who was so used to being bowed to instead of the other way around. You felt the weight of his apology settle deeply in your chest.
âAlso,â he continued when he stood up straight again. âThank you for taking care of me the way you did, especially for staying and cleaning me up even though I gave you every reason not to. It was wrong of me to intentionally hurt you after all those.â
âI forgive you,â you reassured him. âThough I was very much hurt, everyone deserves a second chance. You do, too.â
Another silence fell, but this one was different. It was a little awkward because youâve never really been alone with San without the entire exchange being political, but at least it wasnât cold or heavy. Rather, you found yourself not minding it much. The silence was comfortable.
When he finally spoke again, his tone had softened further, almost hesitant. âItâs a lovely day outside the castle grounds,â he turns his head towards the windows before training them back on you, eyes fainltly dubious but fairly hopeful. âWould you do me the honours of walking with me and lending me your time, my lady?
You were stunned into silence. The way he asked it, the way his gaze lingered as though he were bracing himself for rejection. Your heart betrayed you before your mind could catch up. âI would love to, my king. â
There was a very faint curve that tugged at the corners of his lips. It was very subtle, almost invisible but it was there, as he exhaled a soft sigh of relief. Then, he extended his hand, not breaking eye contact, and how can you reject him when he was actually offering and not demanding?
You began to lift your hand, but you stopped midair when you realised that you had no gloves on. San remained quiet, though you can see it on his face as realisation dawned. Your hands werenât soft and dainty, all traces of femininity gone from all the years of farming.
âMay I?â he asked gently, his voice lowered as though the moment itself deserved reverence.
At your nod, he gingerly reaches for your hand, his touch warm and surprisingly comforting at the lightest of contact. He hummed under his breath, stealing yours when he brushed his thumbs over the thick callouses of your skin and something burst inside your ribs.
âYou have beautiful hands that have been through a lot,â he murmured. âYou should be very proud of them. As I am.â
Your heart swelled painfully, emotion rushing in far too fast when he stilled his thumb, pressing them on your skin and thatâs when you felt it - his own scars. Callouses met callouses, strength met strength, and instead of shame, you felt seen. He shifted closer and with an ease that felt almost intimate, linked his arm with yours.
If you were being completely honest with yourself, you wanted to scream. Your face was as red as a tomato - probably even redder - trying your best not to be too stiff as San adjusted his pace to match yours as you began to walk through the snowy grounds of the castle.
And by God, he was trying his best. San still felt rigid beside you, his steps a little measured and deliberate, but not because of duty, but because of consideration for you. This was the same man who always kept space between you, who never so much as let your sleeves touch during formal walks, and now he was walking with you like you were equals.Â
âI know I should have asked this before,â he cleared his throat awkwardly, looking your way, and you just had to blush - one because the way the sun hit the high points of his face made him look ethereal, and two, he was really, really trying and it was endearing. âBut how are you liking Utopia? IâŚknow thereâs not much here. You can be honestâoh, wait.â
You frowned when he slowed. It was when you noticed that you were about to pass a narrow path, and not only that, the wind also started to pick up, the bite of it hitting your face rather painfully. Without saying anything, he angled himself to shield you from both the wind and the path so your dress wouldnât be caught in the dirt.
You stared at him in awe, your cheeks warm and your pulse racing for reasons that had nothing to do with trepidation. He gazed at you, shoulders tense as he waited for your answer. âItâs quiet and the snow doesnât pretend to be king, and I think thatâs why I like it. Utopia doesnât promise warmth. It promises survival, if youâre willing to stay and try.â
San stopped walking, turning fully to you, actually staring at you as if it was the first time heâs actually seeing you. Respect further softened his eyes, awe flickering in them. âI see,â he drawled, throat bobbing when he swallowed. âYunho was right all along. Thank you.â
You wanted to ask him what that meant, but he continued walking then, aimlessly with no ending point in mind. He asked you more questions, like the books you read or what you did in your free time. He didnât speak a lot, but when he did, he was very gentle with his words, very regal and proper. You reckoned that this was just how he was in general as a person.
And he listened to everything you said, never interrupting nor dismissing you. The walls were still there, unmistakable and tall, but you could see where he was pressing against them from the inside, trying to make room for you.
âAnd your lessons?â He asked earnestly. âAre they too difficult? Iâm afraid I might have put too much pressure on you.â
âThey are,â you admitted. âBut nothing I cannot handleââ
âYour Majesty.â
You both turned around, not expecting to see Jongho whose voice cut through the moment. His brows were both slightly raised, eyes pleased as he inspected the both of you and San - walking side by side, arms linked - head nodding in approval, though it is replaced by sheepishness when he realised what he just walked into and interrupted.
San stilled, his eyes narrowing into slits as he stared at his advisor. The tenderness he had didnât just disappear, it completely snapped out of existence as if the gentle man you were with the entire time was just an illusion. His body snapped into rigidity, face dropping into that impassive and unreadable coldness you were so used to seeing in him.
âYes?â San gritted his teeth, tone sharp and clipped. It wasnât apprehensionâinducing, rather, the immediate change fascinated you.
âWe have a budgetary meeting to be held half an hour from now, Your Highness,â Jongho meekly replied.
San sighed, mumbling quietly under his breath. âSend all the heralds. I shall be there,â he nodded, ever the king he was.
He turned, releasing your hand with visible reluctance. You didnât think that the change in him could be more startling, but you were wrong. The hardness melted away, eyes warming, voice dropping into something gentle and almost apologetic when he started to speak to you.
âI apologise,â he pursed his lips. âIt slipped my mind that I had prior commitments before this.â
You shook your head. âItâs quite alright, Your Highness. You have priorities you canât ignore.â
âI hope that I may ask for your time again,â he added, and in a drastic turn of events, he lifted your hand to his lips, planting a brief, innocent kiss to it before he let go. âSoon.â
And thatâs how he left you, standing still with your heart racing with cheeks so red, it wouldâve been enough to melt the snow around you. You realised, then, that Choi San might have been far more dangerous like this compared to when he was much colder.
So maybe you were curious about San. You wanted to know the things he liked, what he did in his free time, and what made him tick. You chalked it up to boredom on your end, however, there was genuinely one thing you wished to know more than anything.
âOh, hello, Y/N,â Yunho greeted with the warmest of smiles the moment you entered Sanâs study, lowering his glasses and setting aside the notes he held. âIâm afraid San isnât here today. Heâs currently with Seonghwa to inspect some disturbance up north of the territory.â
Now that you think about it, maybe this was the best case scenario. Yunho was easier to talk to than San, and from what youâve seen, the two seemed to go way back. Maybe he could answer your questions better.
âYou would be correct,â Yunho chuckled, crossing his arms with a smirk. âIâve been with the Choi clan before Sanâs grandfather was even born, so you could definitely say we go way back.â
It was your turn to raise your brows. You raised them so high, you wouldnât be surprised if they reached up your hairline. âFirst of all, you could read minds,â you blurted out stupidly before you could stop yourself. âAnd second, you donât look a day over twenty-five.â
At that, he laughs heartily, his entire body rattling as the melodious sound of his contagious laughter bounced around the study. âSo I have been told,â he chortled. âAnd you caught me at the most opportune time, too. Well, since youâre here, I could try to explain some things to you since there seems to be a lot in your mind.â
Yunho reached for a piece of paper, crumpling it into a small ball in his hand. At his touch, it began to glow, and when he opened his hand, tiny silver butterflies fluttered lazily in the air. He smiled when you gasped in awe, then at the flick of his wrist, they disappeared, a light drizzle of glitter left in their wake as proof of temporary life.
âIs this the same power you use to heal San that night?â You asked bravely, not sure if you were even supposed to ask but decided to go for it anyway.Â
Yunho hummed, eyes dropping at what you were trying to ask. âVery clever way of prying information out of me, Iâll give you that,â he chuckled. âBut yes, you could say that.â
And just like that, the air turned a little more serious. You hesitated for a little bit before asking again. âHis HighnessâŚwhat was that that night?â
Yunho exhaled slowly, the lightness draining from his expression as he turned fully toward you. âYou werenât meant to see that,â he said quietly. âYou werenât meant to be there at all.â
Your fingers curled into the fabric of your sleeves, bracing yourself. âWhat you witnessed,â he continued, choosing his words with care. âIs something that predates you, me, even this kingdom as it stands.â
Your heart dropped then and there. Not because of fear, but because you were hoping to hear something else that did not confirm the fact that, indeed, was suffering all this time. âSo,â you started, trying to steady your voice. âThe rumours about him being cursed...â
âYou saw the markings on his chest,â he said instead, eyes steady on yours.
Your breath hitched. He didnât deny it. âHow it began and what caused it,â he continued, turning his head to stare at the light snow falling from the sky through the window. âThat is Sanâs story to tell. What I can tell you is that weâre trying our best to stall it. I would use my powers and San would lend me his energy since it takes a lot out of me to do this.â
Your shoulders slumped before you could stop yourself. âBut todayâŚ?â
âJust me,â Yunho said gently, and then smiled knowingly. âYou look disappointed.â
You flushed instantly. âI-I was just curious.â
âRight,â he drawled, his smirk widening. âWell, a little birdie told me that you two were getting cosy the other day walking around the castle grounds.â
âWe are to be married soon,â you defended yourself weakly. âSurely, itâs fairly normal to familiarise with each other before then, donât you think?â
âMhhm. And surely, San didnât have to send you different flowers everyday and make a show about it,â he laughed. âThey were quite difficult to find, too. He was so adamant about them.â
You pouted, cheeks burning. âHe was being remorseful. Iâm sure youâve heard what happened.â
âSure, but what about the ones before those?â
You paused, caught off guard. That definitely caught your attention, because unless you were remembering wrong, you were positive youâve never received anything from San before. And Yunho, it took him a minute, but his eyes widened in genuine surprise when he saw that you had no idea what he was talking about.
âHeâs been giving you flowers long before the recent ones, Y/N,â Yunho carefully explained. âDo you not remember? Wooyoung would either arrange them for you or youâd already have them before you woke up. I know because Iâd make them and transport them in your chambers.â
The room spun before you. Of course you remember those flowers, they were the only source of happiness and comfort you had for the longest time since they were the only colour youâd see in contrast to the greyness of your surroundings. And to think that San has been sending them to you all along had you dizzy.
âI-I had no idea,â you breathed out. âI genuinely had no idea.â
âOf course you didnât,â Yunho sighed. âBut itâs not your fault, heâs not a very showy person, as you can already tell,â he paused, locking eyes with you firmly. âSan is a good man, just a little more reserved and closed off especially with what heâs been through. Here, take this.â
He proceeds to pluck a book from the shelf behind him and give it to you. âRead it when youâre alone, but for now, just know that that man you saw that night was not and will never be a representation of who San is as a person.â
You remembered the blood, the tremors, the way his voice had broken despite all that fury. Your throat burned. âI know,â you said. âI just genuinely wanted to help him, thatâs all.â
âAnd he knows that,â he replied softly. âBut you have to understand, he hates being seen like that because thatâs not him. He has a habit of saying things he doesnât mean because heâs so used to enduring things alone simply because heâs long forgotten how to ask for help. Like that morning when he made you cry.â
You cringed internally, not wanting to remember the hurtful things he had said, but waiting to see where Yunho was going with this. âThereâs no excuse, and heâs already tormented himself for it, but the reason why he was angryâŚtell me, did you go through a secret passage?â
You raised a brow in mild surprise, nodding in confirmation. âRight. You had basically spent the night with him. Unmarried. He didnât want the nobles seeing you and shaming you for it.â
You froze, the realisation striking you harder than you expected, but Yunho wasnât done yet. âUnfortunately, fear can look like cruelty sometimes,â he smiled, forlorn. âYouâd be surprised at how soft San actually is if you paid attention. Him assigning Hongjoong to you was probably the biggest telltale sign, Y/N.â
You were torn between knowing and not because you were terrified that once you knew, this would forever change the way your heart beat. Still, you looked up anyway, listening.
âHongjoong was Seonghwaâs lieutenant,â Yunho gently explained. âHis best fighter. San trusts very few people with his life. By placing Hongjoong at your side, he didnât just give you protection, he created a hole in his own defenses.â
Suddenly, memories clicked into place with painful clarity. Sanâs sharp tone whenever Hongjoong wasnât with you like that one morning when you asked him for tea. Still, you didnât want to believe it. âI-I donât understand.â
âHeâs not angry when he sees you alone without Hongjoong guarding you. Never was,â he said, gauging your reaction carefully. âHeâs worried youâll get lost. Terrified, even, that youâd lose your way and accidentally find yourself out in the snow and freeze to death.â
Silence followed. You only hoped that Yunho couldnât hear how your heart betrayed you by beating too loud inside your chest. âPay attention to him next time, yes? Pay attention to his eyes. Heâs got that look in them he doesnât even know he has when heâs staring at you.â
The moment you got out of there, you quickly ran to your chambers, opening the book that Yunho gave you. At first, you were confused because there was nothing but illustrations of flowers and their names, but when you looked closely, your blood ran cold. This wasnât just a book - Yunho handed you a floriography book. The study of flowers and their meanings.
You swallowed, knowing exactly what Yunho was trying to tell you without outwardly speaking of it. You turned the pages of the book, racking your head for flowers that San had given you prior to the recent ones. And then you remembered the winter heathers. Your fingers quickly scanned the book, until you found them.
Winter heathers, known to thrive where other plants cannot. Symbolises independence and self-reliance. When given, it is meant to say: Your beauty stands out even in the coldest times.
You almost dropped the book with what you just read, fumbling it clumsily in your hands. You couldnât believe it, was that how San looked at you even back then? And, then you remembered the lenten roses he made you take that one dinner.Â
Lenten roses carry quiet strength, consolation, and comfort with every petal. When given, it is meant to say: Your strength endures even in the deepest winter.
San made them seem like an afterthought back then, something whose potential he did not want to waste. You turned the page with a shaky exhale, desperate to find more meaning in the all flowers heâd given you.
The first one was the purple hyacinths. You will never forget that one because that was the first of many that he gave you.
Purple hyacinths: I bloom with remorse and I ask for your forgiveness.
A breathy exhale leaves your throat. The flowers were his way of speaking to you when words failed him. Your fingers lingered on the illustration longer than necessary, a dull ache spreading through you before you turned the page again.
Forget-me-nots: I cannot forget the hurt I put onto you.White tulips: I ask for forgiveness and hope we can begin again.
It was unsettling, how the sincere meanings of the flowers were earnestly making their way into your way, inching earnestly in every corner. You were about to turn the pages again when your eyes narrowed at the small text at the bottom.
Oftentimes, different flower combinations convey messages. For example, purple hyacinths, forget-me-nots, and white tulips together mean: I know I hurt you, I havenât forgotten, Iâm sorry.
By now, breathing was lost on you and each page you turned made it difficult to do so. You were so confused because the Choi San you had in mind was someone who viewed you as a person he needed for his kingdomâs legitimacy - someone dispensable and someone he didnât need to get to know as a person even though you were going to spend your life with him.
Avalanche Lily: I bow in humility for my mistake.
Snowdrop: I hope for a new beginning with you by my side.
Lavender: I canât stop thinking about you, near or far.
Pink Camellia: I long for you tenderly, and I long to be near you again.
Or so you thought. Now, you didnât know what to think. You thought you knew who San was. A hollow laugh left your throat because all this time, you had mistaken his walls for apathy. San had never been cold - heâd been soft all along. You just havenât learned how to read between the lines yet.
You pressed your lips together, but the sting only grew worse, creeping into the corners of your eyes. You blinked once; twice too late. A tear slipped free, landing on the page. You sucked in a shaky breath, hastily wiping at your face with the back of your hand.
You shut the book, setting it aside to do something youâve never done before - embroidery. That night, you spent the majority of it embroidering Sanâs initials on a small handkerchief, taking the time to be precise and make it look at least decent considering it was your first time doing it.
You didnât know what possessed you. All you knew, the more you sewed, your fondness for San kept growing tenfold. By the time you were done, you had probably pricked your fingers a thousand times, but you smiled, proud of what youâve done, hoping heâd see the beauty in what youâve created, just like he saw the beauty in you when you couldnât even see it in yourself.
You had been contemplating on how you were going to give San the handkerchief that you embroidered. The adrenaline had worn off then and now the thought of giving it to him had you embarrassed all over, anxious whether giving it to him will be too forward.
But you didnât have to think too hard. You were about to head out for a walk when a knock on your doors interrupted your plans. âY-Your Highness,â you breathed out, surprised to see San on the other side. âWhat brings you here?â
For a moment, he didnât answer, just staring at you like he couldnât believe that you actually opened the door for him. His composure was perfect, face emotionless and almost cold, but after that conversation with Yunho, you noticed something immediately - it was the way his gaze flicked away before settling back on you.Â
You wanted to melt into a puddle of endearment then and there especially with how red the tips of his ears were. Oh my goodness, you thought with quiet astonishment. Heâs shy. Heâs so shy and heâs trying to make himself look like heâs not.
âI was wondering,â he cleared his throat. âHoping, if I can ask you for your time again? I would like it if you joined me for tea.â
Well, you certainly werenât expecting that. For a moment, you hesitated, your mind reminding you of that one time you tried to invite him for tea and coldly rejected you. But this time, as you stared at his hopeful face, you couldnât help the butterflies in your tummy. He was trying, he really was, and you could feel it.
âLead the way, Your Grace,â you smiled before you could second guess yourself.
You felt the butterflies multiply when you linked arms with him again as he led you through the halls to one of the smaller dining rooms, opening the door for you before you could reach for them, stopping shortly by the door in awe at what you saw.
The table was beautifully set, but what caught your attention was the large array of tea laid out in neat rows. You looked at him, brows lifting in quiet disbelief.
San cleared his throat, gaze immediately dropping to the floor as if it held something fascinating. âI wasnât sure which you preferred,â he said, straightening his back in an attempt to save face even though the faint pink dusting his cheeks betrayed him. âSo I asked for all of them.â
You had to purse your lips together tightly in order to not laugh out loud at the absurdity of it all. âI see,â you chose to say, pulling the chair so you could sit down. âThank you, Your Highââ
âNo, wait, allow me,â he stopped you, gently prying your hand away from the chair so he could pull it for you to sit down. Your cheeks were redder than his by this point. âSan.â
âP-Pardon?â
He sat across you. âPlease, call me San,â he repeated, eyes soft, tone warm. "This might be too much to ask, but will you please do me the honours of letting me hear my name from you?"
He was right - it was too much to ask because you didnât know how to say his name without giving your true feelings away. But his gaze never wavered and he waited patiently like heâd wait forever to hear it from you without demanding it.
âSan,â you said at last, softly, as though speaking it too loudly might break something fragile between you.
The effect was immediate. He tilted his head as he stared at you, face still that same cold, indifferent king that had people trembling with fear at the mere sight of it, but his eyes told a different story. They twinkled, bright and sincere with genuine contentment.
You broke eye contact, afraid you might explode on the spot with how hot you felt, reaching for a random tea blend without even looking to give your hands something to do to distract yourself. You were about to lift the teapot when you felt Sanâs hand lightly stop you.
âLet me do it,â he offered, grabbing the pot to serve the both of you. Your eyes widened, aghast at what you were witnessing. He was the king, for Godâs sake. You were about to protest when he shook his head. âI insist. Please, I want to do this for you.â
âYou truly didnât need to do all this,â you said, though your voice wavered slightly.
âI want to,â San replied simply. âIf it brings you even a moment of comfort, then it was worth it to me.â
As if that wasnât enough, you watched as he put a small dollop of honey in the tea instead of the usual sugar cube. You wanted to cry. Yunho was right all along, San did pay attention more than you thought because you did prefer honey in your tea over sugar. He slid the cup towards you with both hands, watching as you took a sip.
âIs it good?â He asked expectantly. âI hope itâs warm enough and not too sweet.â
You smiled, taking another sip, not missing the way his eyes shone. âItâs perfect.â
The conversation naturally flowed from there, especially now that you knew a little more about San. Whenever he noticed that your plate was almost empty or you were almost done with your cup, he would take it upon himself to refill them for you, all without looking away from you as you talked.
And he listened, truly listened to everything you said as if the words you uttered were the gospel, itself. He was empathetic, too, eyes dropping into something somber when you mentioned the plague that took your parents from you, transforming into respect when you told him how you endured alone before settling your way into Utopia.
âI used to enjoy tea with my parents,â you said absentmindedly. âDo you enjoy tea?â
He stared at you, opting not to reply, but the fondness in his eyes was unmistakably there. He didnât say much, but when he did, itâs like his true goal in life was to leave you breathless. You suddenly remembered what you had in your hand the entire time. Your finger tightened around the handkerchief anxiously. âSan,â you murmured. âI have something for you.â
His brows knit together as you placed the folded handkerchief into his palm. He unfolded it slowly, eyes scanning his initials, tracing them as if they were sacred. He was about to say something, but closed his mouth when he touched the tiny detail you sewed next to it.
He narrowed his eyes to inspect what it was, and when he did, he looked up, eyes wide. Not exactly startled, but in disbelief yet soft and warm in a way youâve never seen before. âAn edelweiss flower,â he murmured. âDo you know what it means?â
You nodded, a serene smile gracing your face. Of course you knew what an edelweiss meant. You had spent countless hours looking for a flower whose meaning you wanted to convey; spent an exorbitant amount of time studying it so you could embroider it neatly onto the cloth.
My feelings match yours and I will brave the cold with you.
For a while, he did nothing, staring at the handkerchief with unreadable eyes, hands tightening around it once or twice as his mind traveled elsewhere. But then, he smiled fully and openly, unable to stop himself. That was probably the moment the world stopped for you, because that smileâŚyou will never forget it for as long as Utopia stood on its grounds.
Without a word, he reached across the table and took your hand, warm and sure, his thumb brushing over your knuckles like it belonged there. He didnât say anything, he didnât need to, as a genuine, helpless smile reached his eyes.
You didnât need to say anything either as your fingers laced with his. Youâve already told him everything you needed to as the both of you sat quietly in the room, letting the tea grow cold, the snow falling gently outside bearing witness upon you two.
Things went back to normal after that, but at the same time, some things have definitely changed between you and San especially after that afternoon tea session.
For one, you had tea with him at least three times a week, most of it because he would literally clear his schedule out just to make time for you. Secondly, and probably that made your heart beat wildly, the flowers never stopped. San would still send one every single day without fail.
You had no idea how he was acquiring them, especially because he had sent some flowers that you knew could not survive the harsh snow of the kingdom, though Yunhoâs exhausted demeanor and tired, sunken eyes should have been an indicator to you.
There were some things whose change was gradual, however. San and you went back to your duties, especially the politically inclined ones. It definitely sent you for a whiplash since you were slowly getting used to the sweetness heâs been showing you lately to the point that you had forgotten how utterly intimidating San was as a king and a ruler.
But the thing that would immediately make you blush that most was when the rare, inopportune moments where he would give you a subtle smile and nod in between those sessions.Â
The change definitely wasnât immediate, but it was there, just like Yunho had said. It wasnât something you noticed on the get go since San had gotten so busy again that you began to assume that he barely noticed you.
But this time, you actually tried to really pay attention like Yunho said because this time, you started to notice that he actually did watch you. And once you noticed it, you couldnât unsee it. Which begged the question - had San always been like this and you were just gullible?
The first instance was when you were with Mingi at one of your classes, San supervising in the background as usual as he did his own work, quill in hand, signing document after document. As Mingi lectured away, something tugged at you. And you didnât mean to do it, but in the soft blur of your peripheral vision, you saw it and your breath hitched.
Because San was already looking at you, quill still in hand. And that was the thing, subconsciously, you knew he had a habit of pausing once in a while, but you didnât know it was because he was watching you.
And it should have unnerved you, especially because he literally stared at you the entire study. His expression was neutral, yet alert as he literally stared at everything you did with that look in his eyes, and he stared long enough that you felt it all the way down your spine.
The second was when you were with Wooyoung when you were looking at a catalogue of some winter apparel since you needed more. As you were fitting in some of them, you noticed a shadow lingering in the reflection of the mirror. San was silent, literally almost invisible if you werenât paying attention, which was how he probably got away with it before.
But there he was, arms folded as he stared at the way the coat hung on your shoulders. You tilted your head curiously, looking back at him and making direct eye contact. Strangely, San looked away, pretending that he wasnât even staring to begin with, eyes drifting to the window to watch the snow outside as if heâs never seen them.
You had to commend the effort. You bit your lip hard, trying not to burst out laughing, but Wooyoung didnât even bother hiding it, laughing so hard that he had to clutch his stomach and lean against the clothing rack for support. âI never thought Iâd see this day come,â he cackled. âOh, that was a tragedy if I ever saw one, my lady. Iâm surprised it took you this long to notice.â
You felt heat rush from your cheeks to your neck. So, apparently, everybody knew San had been fondly watching you from afar all along except for you. âI donât know what you mean,â you squeaked. âSanâuh, His Majesty wasnât staring. Perhaps, just inspecting whatâs proper for me.â
âOf course not,â Wooyoung smirked, eyes dancing. âHis Majesty was simplyâŚdeeply invested in the structural integrity of winter apparel.â
San cleared his throat softly from where he stood near the window. When he turned back, his expression was back to that menacing and domineering one, even shooting Wooyoung a warning look, yet his ears were unmistakably pink.
âThat coat,â he cleared his throat. Before, you would have mistaken it for something that lacked emotion, but now, it was clear that it was restraint. âIt fits you. It keeps the wind out.â
You mumbled your thanks and his gaze lingered a second longer than necessary, soft and fond, before he turned away again, pretending very hard that the snow outside was suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world.
But the most damning thing was when you were in a council meeting, one that was held in the Great Halls along with the other nobles, both comrades and the usual ones who opposed royalty in general.
San sat on the end of the meeting table while you sat on the far end, the regality dripping off of him effortlessly. He looked distant and dangerous, face painted with so much calm. From the outside, he was the very image of intimidation, the untouchable king straight out of everyoneâs nightmares. Even the ones who loathed royalty kept their voices measured.
But you knew better. Now you did. Because his eyes were on you, measuring and assessing, and no one suspected a thing. It was subtle enough that anyone else wouldâve missed it, but not you. No, never you. You were used to feeling his eyes on you now; craved it at this point, even.
Because how can you not when he held the handkerchief you gave him like it was the only thing that kept him going in this dreaded meeting? Ever since you gave it to him, he never not had it with him. He took it everywhere, displayed it on the breast pocket of his royal garment even if it looked so out of place.Â
âThree deaths in three days. Always the lowest. The poorest of the poor, never the blessed,â Sanâs eyes narrowed, dark and brooding. âWhat does that tell you?â
One councilman shifted. âThat they donât know how to stretch what theyâre given, Your Grace.â
âWrong,â San said flatly without looking at him. âIt tells us that someone is using the food budget for the poor and pocketing them. Shadows donât stay in the dark forever, gentleman. â
You watched as his hand held the handkerchief a little too tightly in his hand to rein his anger in. People often mistook his stillness for indifference. In truth, his mind was racing, trying to figure out what his next response was going to be.
Everybody in the room froze, but not you. Even when San looked like he was about to explode, he still had the handkerchief in his hand and he didnât just hold it - he also adjusted it, smoothing the creases with his thumb. It would have been comical if you werenât so touched.
âHereâs whatâs going to happen,â he began, hand gesturing at each person, the same hand that held the cloth. âCome nighttime, there will be an internal audit of every noble who even breathed in the fundâs direction. If you are innocent, you have nothing to fear. If you are notâŚwell.â
His mouth curved, humourless, setting the handkerchief on to the side to brace his hands on the table to lean forward. âYou are going to learn what itâs like to starve under my watch. Just like the people who you had stolen from.â
The councilman nearest to San, however, thought it was a good thing to try and change the topic. âT-Thatâs, uh, quite a fine piece, Your Grace. Unusual for king to keep on hand, though,â he stammered, his hand already reaching for the cloth San had set aside. âMay Iââ
âDonât.â
It was just a word and it made everyoneâs breath still, including yours. A loud thud resonated around the room when Sanâs hand deliberately came down over the cloth. San lifted his gaze then, and whatever lived behind his eyes was cold, sheer, ancient anger.Â
âIf you touch that,â San sneered. âYou will discover how merciful starvation is compared to what Iâll do to you.â
The man recoiled, stuttering apologies, and for a fleeting second, Sanâs eyes met yours. He nodded, a silent reassurance. He folded the handkerchief neatly and tucked it into his coat, close to where his heart would be if he were brave enough to admit thatâs why he put it there.
âMeeting adjourned,â he murmured. âBefore my patience is tested further.â
No one needed to be told twice. You stood up amidst the rush of the people trying to escape Sanâs brewing wrath, but as you do, you felt your dress suddenly getting yanked backwards, gasping softly when your balance faltered, Hongjoong barely able to stop you from falling.
A councilman, one of the few who looked down on your modest background as a farm girl, accidentally stepped on your gown. Irritation flashed on his face and without even apologising, he steps aside, causing your shoe to come undone from your foot to slip a few feet away.
Heat flooded your cheeks. Your gasp had caught peopleâs attention, and by now, everyoneâs eyes were on you. Before you or Wooyoung could bend down to retrieve your shoe, San was already there, hand on your waist. You blinked at how fast he was considering you were far.
âAre you alright?â San whispered tenderly as if the room didnât just witness him almost unleashing his fury earlier.Â
More heat crawled up your face, though this time it was for a different reason. âY-Yes,â you said. âMy shoe, I just need toââ
You couldnât even finish that sentence. San was already kneeling in front of you, your shoe in his hand while the other still steadied you. âSanâYour Grace,â you hissed in mortification, panic creeping in instantly. âPlease, get up, this is embarrassing. Y-You donât have toâŚâ
Your sentence died in your throat when San looked up at you, a slight smile on his face, expression soft in a way only you will ever get to witness. âI want to,â he reassured in spite of the way the room silenced at the exchange between you two.
Because the Choi San was on his knees. The King of Utopia was kneeling. Your head spun as you watched him brushed away the imaginary dust on your shoe before guiding it back on your foot, touch gentle and almost reverent like you were worthy of lowering himself for.Â
A sharp intake of breath rippled through the room. One scandalised councilman spoke out. âY-Your Grace,â he stammered, incredulous. âThis is unbecoming of you. A-Are you doing what we think youâre doing?â
San raised a brow, turning his head slightly. âYes,â he replied as he adjusted your shoe, ensuring it fit comfortably before rising to stand again, arm snaking around your waist and pulling you close. âDoes anyone have a problem with that?â
No one answered - no one dared to. You stared at San, tears threatening to fall from your eyes at what he had just done. This wasnât some sort of show to assert his dominance in court, this was a deliberate message he was sending to everybody who was here to witness it.
You were to be respected. You were to be protected. You were his future queen. You were his future wife and you were utterly his. It was strong, because Sanâs words were the law and they were absolute. If the nobles defied this unwritten rule, theyâll get whatâs coming for them.
Your heart swelled painfully as San glanced back at you, his expression still hard and fearsome, but his eyes, his eyes always told you a different story. You couldnât help the genuine smile that crossed your face as he led you out, because you were more than alright.Â
It wasnât that you were treated badly to begin with, but ever since that day in the meeting room, you could tell that everybody looked at you differently. It wasnât anything remarkable and you would have missed it if you werenât looking up close.
The thing that made it obvious to you was that it didnât come from the people who already knew you; it came from the nobles that used to oppose you. Every time you passed them, they all had varying looks of respect, uncertainty, and acceptance. There was no in between. It was odd.
âIs it wrong that this feels more unsettling than outright disdain?â You chuckled while you were having tea with San again, sipping on the tea he had chosen for you this time.
He hummed, not really replying immediately, but you caught it - the tiny smile he tried not to show when you closed your eyes and sighed in contentment after that sip. âWhen youâre used to something, the change might be unsettling at first,â he said, words wise yet concise.
âI would suppose so,â you whispered quietly. You knew he heard you considering that he was seated close to you. Now that you think about it, the more tea sessions you have, the closer he keeps sitting towards you. You definitely werenât complaining.
Tea times with San were the highlight of your day. The both of you didnât even do much, just basked in each otherâs presence, but it was peaceful and it just felt right. San still didnât talk much, his face still dark and indiscernible, but his eyes lingered on you a little longer, almost fond with adoration.
The air around him wasnât any lighter, but it was gentler, and they became warmer the moment his eyes would meet yours. He poured the tea himself, adjusted the cup so the handle faced you, nudged a small plate of sweets closer without saying anything. His facade never broke, expression still carved in stone, but his actions always said otherwise.
Every so often, his gaze would drift to the window, where the snow had begun to fall just a little faster than usual. Nothing alarming, just enough to notice. His jaw would tighten once in a while but every single time, he would turn his undivided attention back to you.
The contrast would make your chest ache both with warmth and something you couldnât name yet because even when the world outside unsettled him, he always turned back to you.
Until he didnât, and the snow began falling at a rate so alarming, no one even dared to look at the windows for fear that the snow would swallow the entire palace this time. Tea times lessened and San would look more fatigued, more worn down somehow that you actually had started to worry if he was going to get sick.
The thought of him being in that position again where he could barely help himself. You didnât even want to think about it. Today was one of those days where San had to cancel tea with you and you were left in your room, staring at the snow from your windows falling at a troubling rate.
It was one of those things that unfortunately, you couldnât do anything about. Such was the curse of Utopia. That is, until you noticed the situation from beyond - the servants getting sick from the cold, worries from other good nobles of commoners passing from severe frostbite, vendors having to pause their livelihood from the severe storm.
You had to do something about it. One good thing that came out of San's fondness of you was that when it came to politics, he actually listened to you, took your points into consideration in what to do even if heâd end up doing something else along the way.
âYou are my soon-to-be wife,â heâd say. âMy other half and the half of the kingdomâs future, not some ornament hanging beside me. I also reckon two brains are better than one.â
It was how you found yourself being led by Jongho to the meeting room, the same one San defended you from. You were about to enter when Jonghoâs arm shot up in front of you in alarm, distress clear on his face.
âW-Whatâs the matter?â You asked, now worried as well.
Jongho put his finger on his lips, using his other hand to push the door open very, very carefully, and you immediately understood why. Now, youâve never heard San raise his voice before, but you wish you never did.
âY-Your Majesty,â one of the few good and brave nobles, stood near San, with a pleading look in his eyes. âIt is for the best, look at our kingdom, itâs buried in snow. If we donât give herââ
âNo,â San snarled, both hands slamming against the table with abnormally inhuman strength. The sound echoed violently, nothing like the controlled authority you were used to. âI said no.â
âBut, Your Grace, the snow will swallow Utopia wholeââ
âHeed our request, sire. This is what Lady Y/N is here forââ
âIt is for the greater good, one sacrifice for the greater good of the entire kingdomââ
Several nobles spoke at once, but San wasnât having it. His shoulders were tense, breath heavy, until he couldnât take it anymore. âEnough!â He growled, swiping everything on the table down to the floor. âEnough. I do not want to hear it, I refuse to hear any of it.â
Nothing was left untouched in his fury -Â scrolls clattered, ink spilled, quills broke. The room went deathly silent. Even Jongho didnât dare breathe beside you, and you couldnât even begin to think why you kept being mentioned in the conversation.
âThis is non-negotiable, do you hear me?â San snapped, voice raising another octave as he was hunched over the table. âIf I see any of you attempt to even touch a hair on her headâŚif I hear any of you so much as talk about doing itâŚâ
He paused, chest heaving in the severity of his own anger, a deep, unsettling laugh crawling up his chest. âI will end you. I will erase your bloodline. I will kill you.â
The threat, itself, shouldâve made you nervous, but something else made your heart pound, instead - Sanâs entire arm and neck area. Dark, cursed branches of blackened veins creeped from his hands, all the way to his arms and neck area, spread across like a rotten disease. The same ones you saw on his chest one time.
An involuntary gasp leaves you, prompting San to turn his head towards you, and you stopped breathing completely when you saw his eyes. They were dark - literally and figuratively. They were entirely black, no whites left as darkness seemed to swallow both his eyes. And they were now staring at you.
When San realised it was you, however, his anger seemed to vanish instantly. When he blinked, his eyes were back to normal and only the branches on his skin remained. âY/N,â he exhaled, uttering your name out like it was the only thing he needed to breathe at the moment.
Suddenly, San begins coughing, normally at first before they turn into worrying wheezes that had Yunho, who you didnât even notice was in the room, swiftly striding across the room to pat him on the back. âSan, calm down, please,â he placated. âThe snowâs already weakeningââ
âTake over,â San cut off, harshly pushing the mageâs hand away, as he made his way straight towards you, gesturing to a rigid Jongho. âCall Seonghwa. The three of you take over me.â
You didnât protest when he grabbed your hand and led you out of the room. You certainly didnât protest when he started leading you to his chambers, temporarily letting go of your hand to open a door on the far side of his room to reveal a narrow staircase. And you trusted him.
That trust turned out to be well-deserved when you realised that you were on top of a tower, overlooking the entire kingdom, but that wasnât what starstruck you - it was the stars above, beautiful twinkles of faraway clusters that overlooked and saw everything.
San didnât say anything, just leaning over the balcony. All you could do was stare at him - the darkened branches that littered his hands and arms, the unreadable look on his face that was scrunched deep in thought, the way the locket around his neck glowed and pulsated wildly brighter than the stars. You could even feel heat emanate from it from where you stood.
You didnât realise that you were lost in thought, not until you were enveloped in Sanâs scent, felt the warmth of fur and wool wrapped around your shoulders as he draped his coat all over your shivering body. âSan,â you started, fisting the coat closer. âYouâre going to get cold.â
He shook his head, snowflakes falling from his hair as he did so. âI donât get cold,â he murmured, pointing at the locket. âYou were staring at this, it prevents me from feeling chills,â he explained, voice tilting in amusement. You were about to touch it, but he held your hand to stop it, alarm on his face. âDonât,â he quickly said. âJustâŚdonât.â
âWhy?â You bravely asked.
He didnât answer. Instead, he wrapped the locket around his fists and you saw in real time how the curse on his skin started to slowly disappear. You were rendered mum. You had so many questions, so many things you wanted to know, so much information you knew you were missing, and a lot of anxiety over being left behind on a secret you knew you had no right to.
In a blink of an eye, the wind and the snow died. It stopped so suddenly that it gave you a whiplash. It wasnât normal, you knew it wasnât, especially when San didnât even look the least surprised about it. If anything, he looked relieved, like he was expecting it to happen, even.
And then, he coughed, his chest heaving at the force of his cough. Your eyes widened a little when you watched a thin trail of blood slipped from his nose, widening a bit more when San barely reacted, just wiping it with the back of his hand. âS-San,â you whispered.
âI know,â he replied calmly, almost tired. His gaze stayed fixed on the horizon, unbothered by the unnatural stillness around you. âIt happens when I push too far.â
Push what?
The question burned on your tongue - the snow, the curse, the locket. You opened your mouth to speak, but he didnât let you. âDo you think,â he interrupted suddenly, voice low, âThat I am doing the right thing?â
You blinked, stunned at the sudden, albeit clever, diversion. âWhat do you mean, San?â
Your heart broke for him. There was no king to be found in Sanâs eyes. He was just a man who looked impossibly tired. âThis. All of this,â he lifted his hand, gesturing at the entirety of the kingdom. âWhat if all of this was for naught? That Iâm failing my own people with my own bare hands without meaning to?â
âNo, youâre not,â you answered quickly. âYou canât do this to yourself, San. You canât fault yourself for the unpredictable. Sometimes, things donât work out the way we want them to and thatâs alright because thatâs out of your hands.â
He turned to look at you then, really looked at you, and scoffed good-naturedly in disbelief, like what he was seeing in you was too good to be true. âIâve thought of abdicating,â he confessed. âMany times. That, perhaps, Utopia would be better off without me.â
You didnât say anything right away; you couldnât, because what could you possibly say to that? âThereâs no right answer,â you finally replied. âNo one has the right to fault you for doing what you thought was right at the moment. The only thing we can do is hope for the best.â
Sanâs jaw tightened. âYouâre,â he breathed out, stepping closer, snaking his hand around your waist, trembling as if he was trying to stop himself from doing something. âInsane.â
You swallowed, heat traveling on your skin, training your eyes on his locket so you wouldnât see the way his eyes darkened. âYouâre a good king, San,â you said honestly, steadying your voice.
âHow so?â San rasped, his voice deepening in timbre, rattling your core.
âDo you remember the first time we met? That day in the throne room?â You asked, trying hard not to waver as you felt yourself being pulled flush onto Sanâs chest.Â
âOf course, I do,â he hummed, tucking your hair behind your ear, his hand lingering behind your neck. You shivered at the sensation. âI could never, ever forget that day. Why?â
âBecause you knew I wasnât from around here,â you answered like it was obvious. He frowns, confused. âYou knew I wasnât from Utopia because you care about your people, so much so that you remember all of them well enough to know that Iâm not one of your subjects.â
He clings on to you just like you were clinging on to the sound of his heavy breathing. Your faces were so close to each other's; one wrong step and your lips would meet. Time was at a standstill. You could drown in him and you'd never want to rise again.Â
His hand on your waist had your heart thudding against your ribcage, and you never realized how empty your chest was, how deep it really was, until you were this close to him. "Y/N," he whispered, his breath laboured and shaky. His grip on your waist tightens ever so slightly. "God, help me..."
There was no way you were meeting his eyes right now. He was right here close to you, so close, doing what he was doing and you letting him do it, and just leaning towards it. His hand held your chin and gently lifted it forward to meet his eyes. You bit your lips in apprehension and his eyes followed the movement. You knew you were done for when he mirrored you.
"W-What are you doing, San? Woah, this is dangerous," you stammered when you felt him back you up on the edge of the balcony. âI might fall.â
"Don't worry. I'll catch you when you fall."
Your heart felt heavy. "I believe it," you whispered, voice so small you weren't sure if he heard it.
But he did. The way he looked at you, how could you hold back from wanting to kiss him? If you leaned forward, you could capture his lips easily. "Donât look at me like that," he begged, his voice between a plea and a demand. "I don't want to be reading this wrong right now, please."Â Â
"I don't know what to say," you squeaked. "It's not that easyâ"
"I can make it easy for you," he said, his voice dropping an octave. You watched as he took the locket off, throwing it haphazardly on the ground. You watched him grimace in slight pain at parting with the locket, but he didnât seem to care. "I need you to kiss me."
He didnât give you a chance to reply. San immediately steals your breath out of you. He captures your lips in a kiss so deep, his chest comes crashing with yours and you had to hold onto him for support. You fervently kissed him back, tilting your head as your breaths mingled. When you start moving with him, he sighed in relief and you couldn't help but do so as well.Â
San kissed like he needed you to breathe and live. You could barely catch up, but you kiss him anyway. He brings a hand around your waist and the other behind your head to keep you close to make sure you were really here, like this heated kiss wasn't enough.
It was so easy to lose yourself in the kiss, after all, this was San. Your hands found their way on his head, your fingers slowly entangling themselves on his hair. You felt a bit bold, the rush of the kiss fueling you on. A low growl sounds from the back of his throat before he pulls away, sealing his lips on your neck, instead, to give it little kisses and kitten licks.
You felt his hands roam over your sides, going higher and higher until you felt them stop on your chest area. And when he cups both of your tits in his hands through your clothes, you couldnât help the airy moan that escapes your lips. âTell me to stop,â he breathes through your skin.
All you could do was helplessly whimper when you felt his teeth graze your earlobes, his hands toying with your top. And that was all he needed to know before he began to lower your sleeves, pushing your top down to expose your nipples that automatically hardened when the cold air hit them and he wastes no time touching them.
âSo sensitive,â he chuckled, his fingers plucking at your nipples. âI've always wondered how these would feel. Would drive me mad whenever I thought about it. â
You choke back another moan when he rubs his thumbs over the stiffening nubs. âA-Ah,â you gasped. âI've never noticed you lookingâŚâ
San responds by pinching a little harder. âBut, I was,â he said, relishing the way your face twisted in pleasure as his hand started to massage your inner thighs. âFrom the moment Yunho brought you inâŚGod, you were a vision, Y/N. Why did you think it took me a while to decide if I should take you as my bride?â
San takes one of your nipples into his mouth. âI wasnât thinking about Utopia,â he said, tongue encircling your nubs as his other hand started to lower your undergarments. âI was imagining all the ways I would take you. Imagining how I would bend you over my throne and take you right there and then.â
Something explodes inside you at that revelation. âPlease,â you beg, not really even know what you were begging for. âPlease, San, I want you.â
He hummed, the vibration traveling straight through you. He released your nipple, giving it one last lick before he started to lift your dress, about to kneel, when you stopped him. âH-Hold on,â you stammered, slightly scandalised. âS-San, here? W-What if someone sees?â
He smirked dirtily. You faltered, you had never seen such an expression on Sanâs face. It was obscene. It was everything. He doesnât respond, bunching your dress up in his hand and pushing them to you, making you grab it, before throwing your leg up on his shoulder as he kneeled down. You gasped, holding onto the balcony for dear life.
His eyes were locked on you, a predatory grin on his lips as he watched your mouth open to let out a silent scream when his latches on your inner thigh, sucking on the sensitive skin. It was painful, very much so. âS-San,â you moaned out, feeling pleasure at the same time, pushing his head away in a poor attempt to halt him. âStop, it hurtsââ
âDoes it?â He tilted his head sarcastically, clenching his teeth on your skin.
âY-Yesââ
âGood.â
That seemed to spur him on, the pain scrunching up your face as he sucked even harder, almost drawing blood to the area before moving on to the other thigh. Something about the pain triggers you, and before you knew it, you were pushing his head in, coaxing him to bite and suck harder to the point that the pain was more pleasurable than torturous.
âSay it,â he chuckled darkly, marking you, bruising your entire thigh area over and over again. âSay youâre mine or I stop.â
âN-No,â you sobbed, pushing your thighs together to keep his head in. âDonât stop, please.â
And he laughs, sadistically so, his fingers tracing the slick folds of your pussy. âWho knew youâd be a pain slut? Just my luck. Look at you, already so wet for me,â he growled, rough and low, teasing your entrance before he pushed a finger in, making you gasp and clench around him.
Your hands slap your mouth shut, trying your best to prevent the lewd moans that threaten to slip past your lips. âYou can be loud. Itâs okay. Weâre alone out here. No oneâs going to hear you,â he reassured, not bothering to slow his fingers down. Let go, Y/N. I want to hear you.â
He thrusts his fingers faster to prove a point, obscene wet sounds filling in the entire space along with your breathy moans. âGod, youâre dripping wet,â he groaned, his fingers plunging deeper to reach that spot that had you screaming out loud. âI bet you want my cock in here. To stretch this greedy little pussy and make you completely mine, donât you?â
You arched your back, weak to his onslaughts, the thigh on top of his shoulder shaking helplessly. âSan, p-please, that feels so good,â you whimpered.
"Fuck, listen to that," he murmured, the squelching sounds growing louder as he worked you relentlessly. "Your cunt's making such filthy noises. It's begging to cum, isn't it? Go on, soak my hand. Show me what a slut you are for this."
And you could feel it, your orgasm building slowly. âLet me help you out, hmm? Let me,â was all you heard before your vision completely blacked out. You felt Sanâs tongue flat on your clit, his fingers curling inside you as he laps you up, his tongue stroking your clit over and over again.
All you could do was scream, focusing on that tingly feeling on your abdomen the same time San kept alternating between pumping you with his fingers and his tongue swirling on your clit, slurping dirtily every time your drooling pussy would occasionally squirt on his face, just taking it all in, greedily swallowing your slick.
With a cry, you shattered all over Sanâs face, blubbering nonsense and begging at the same time as you clenched all over his fingers, all while he talked you through it. âThatâs it, thatâs my girl. Cum for me, yes.â
You panted heavily, the force of your orgasm literally rocking you. San withdrew his fingers, carefully letting your legs down, before grabbing the back of your head, forcefully stealing a bruising kiss from you, his teeth clashing angrily with yours. He pulls your head back, twice the force and effort, that it had your neck snapping backwards.
âKneel,â he demanded. Your knees thudded on the floor, as he shoved his pants down, his thick cock springing freely in front of you. It was veiny, the tip already leaking with so much precum. âOpen that filthy mouth for me,â he snarled, fisting his cock to slap it against your cheek.
You did as told, leaning forward to take the entirety of his cock in your mouth, but San had other plans. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, gripping it so tightly that the shock of it forced your mouth to open even wider, and that was when he rammed his cock in your mouth without warning.
âOh, fuck,â he moaned low in his throat, pulling on your hair so hard that it had tears pricking your eyes. The pain only made you clench, and your tears made San thrust harder. âThis is what youâre made for. I own every holes you have that I can fuck.â
You felt the tip hit the back of your throat, making you gag, but he didnât stop. You had to hold on to his thigh for balance, your saliva dripping pathetically from the corners of your mouth, as he fucked your mouth violently, not stopping and forcing you to take every inch of him. The brutal pace makes your throat burn and tears start streaming down your eyes.
âThatâs it, fuck,â San growled ferally, grabbing your hair to pull you back enough to inhale air before slamming back in. âChoke on it, get used to your jaw being stretched out. God, look at you. Your throatâs so fucking tightâŚâ
You struggled to breathe, throat sore, but he only fucked harder, his balls slapping on your chin with each thrust. Your efforts seemed to spur him on and he pushed your head deeper until your nose hit his pubic bone. Your eyes widened, letting out a sound between a whimper and a groan, and you retched around him. You could tell he was loving every second of this.
The sounds of your struggles, your nails digging helplessly on his skin, combined with the lewd slurps of your mouth sucking his cock unleashes something in San. His thrusts grew erratic, grunts turning almost animalistic, and the roughness of him mouth-fucking you just made your pussy throb, aching to be used by the same cock abusing your throat.
âIâm gonna cum, just stay like thatâfuck,â San held you still, cock buried to the hilt, as his cum explodes down your throat, pulling away just in time so he could mark your tear-stained face with more cum. He stepped back, admiring how absolutely ruined you looked.
And you stayed kneeling, mouth open as cum began to spill from your mouth, looking up at him reverently in a daze. You were about to close your mouth to swallow, but San stops you, wrapping a hand around your throat. âAh, ah, ah, you naughty girl,â he said, a dark chuckle rumbling from his chest. âI didnât give you permission to swallow. Get up.â
He squeezed your throat, guiding you up as he held it. Your eyes widened in surprise, holding onto his arms all while his cum was still in your mouth. âMmph,â you let out in panic when he squeezes. You couldnât breathe even through your nose, but thab tâs exactly what San wanted.
âGo on,â he taunted, effectively cutting off your air supply with one strong squeeze of your throat. âTake a deep breath. Choke.â
You couldnât take it anymore. You gagged, coughing and choking violently on his cum. Filthy, disgusting gurgling sounds of his thick semen filled the air along with his mocking laugh. âFuck, yes,â he sneered, fingers scooping the remnants of his cum that was scattered all over your face along with the ones dribbling on your neck back in your mouth. âGurgle my fucking cum, yes.â
It was hellish, almost. The feeling of Sanâs cum going down but getting stopped halfway every time he squeezes your neck had you gurgling pitifully on it. You were starting to get a little dizzy from the lack of air, lightheaded from the restriction Sanâs hand had on your throat. You could feel your eyes rolling from the back of your head and it was when San let go.
Your legs buckled at the sudden rush of air to your head, knees thudding back down the floor as cum spilled out from your mouth, chest heaving as you panted hard. You barely felt yourself being lifted up. âShh, youâre fine. Deep, easy breaths for me,â San soothed, wiping his stickiness off of you with the sleeves of his shirt. âJump.â
You didnât even process what he said, your body automatically doing it before your mind could follow. San caught you, your legs locking on his waist as your hands wrapped around his neck while his hands steadied you at your ass to keep you from falling. âGood girl,â he murmured.
His dark eyes locked onto yours and the way he gazed up at you with so much emotion and adoration behind the lust, like you were his entire world, sent shivers up your spine. San leaned in, tenderly compared to his brutal onslaught earlier, but you turned your head, avoiding his kiss. âSan,â you croaked. âM-My mouth has your cuââ
A low growl rumbled from his throat. âI donât give a fuck, don't you dare pull away from me,â he snarled, his voice laced with possessive fire. âYouâre mine, Y/N, cum and all. Every inch of you belongs to me. Kiss me or so God help you for what Iâm about to do to you if you donât.â
Before you could protest, his hands cupped your cheeks with rough urgency, thumbs pressing into your jaw to force your face back to his. The kiss was filthy, dominant, and possessive. You melted into it, your core clenching with arousal at how he owned you completely.
You felt his hardness poking your hole, making you squirm, but San held you tight, holding you up with just one arm in an incredible show of strength. âIâm not done with you,â he said, lining himself up. âIâm going to fuck you now, alright? Hold on tight.â
You threw your head back as the both of you moaned the moment San breached you, not even bothering to ease it in and completely burying himself up to the hilt. He moved slowly at first, trying to find a comfortable position as he pulled you down a bit so he could thrust up in you.
âOh, youâre so tight like this,â he groaned. His words made you clench, a feral snarl sounding at the back of his throat as his fingers dug into your ass as you did so.
He was lifting you by the ass and dropping you down and all you could do was bite the flesh of his shoulder to stop yourself from screaming. Sanâs self control was slipping, especially when the next bounce had him bucking his hips just as he dropped you onto his cock. Soon enough, he was pistoning roughly in you, the sounds of your ass slapping against his thighs obscene.
âSan, a-ah, S-San, mmm,â you keened, your tits bouncing wildly as he filled you up with speed and force behind each thrust.
And just as he was wildly fucking into you up and and down his cock, he suddenly paused, a low growl vibrating from his chest. You were confused, but then, he kissed you again, this time, devouring you as you felt him walk, carrying you back inside as he climbed down the stairs into his chambers all while he was still inside you.
He still didnât pull out as he sat down on the bed, taking off his shirt to get completely naked, laying down and positioning you on top of him while you were still dressed up. San looked up at you expectantly and you tried riding him, but your legs were jelly, already exhausted. He narrowed his eyes at your poor attempt at taking his cock.
âTired already? I barely even started,â he scoffed, slapping your tits, making you whimper. He smirked as beads of sweat started to roll from his forehead down to his chin. His hoarse voice betrayed his pleasure, his grip on your hips getting tighter. âCome on, give it to me. Show me how much you want this cock.â
You bit your lip and sucked on it in anticipation. San raised his eyebrows at your refusal to move even though he could see how red your face was from all the work. "Don't play with me, Y/N. It's not a good idea," his fingers dug on your skin even harder and you were pretty sure it would leave marks the next day. "Move."
"S-San, please, I canât," you pathetically whimpered.Â
His eyes narrowed into dangerous slits before he lifted you by the waist and then roughly slammed you down, effectively impaling you on his cock. You screamed out loud when you felt him hit that sweet spot. "San, please," you whimpered, your shaking hands finding their place on his toned chest.
You felt him tense underneath from your touch, it made his cock twitch inside you and you couldn't help but bite your cheek in the pleasurable sensation. All of a sudden, San grabs the top of your dress, and with a sharp tug, rips it open, a satisfying rip echoing in the quiet room. You were sure you looked insane - a ripped top with your skirt still on.
âFigured this would help,â he laughed darkly. You gasped when he suddenly grabbed your shoulder and pulled you down. "Now fuck me, and you better fuck me good or you're not getting up from this bed."Â
You whimpered when he grabbed a handful of your hair and roughly turned your head towards his to capture your lips in a rougher kiss while his other hand firmly held your ass and pushed it down to deepen his cock inside you. "San, yes, you feel so good i-inside me," you moaned out after he had driven deeper in you, head swimming in pleasure.
âYouâre so cock dumb that you need my help fucking this dick, huh?â San mocked, his own moans mirroring yours as he guided your hips back and forth.
Your answer was another breathy moan. You were growing lax in his grip, just letting San do whatever he pleased. Nothing was stopping him now from jamming his cock into your pussy and every thrust knocked the air out of your lungs, but she still found the ability to scream out.
âThis pussy is mine to use, yeah? Look at you, so tired but still taking my cock so well.â He palms your tits, his possessive gaze locked onto your pleasure-filled face. âGod, youâre all mine, Y/N. Mine. Donât stop now, youâre doing me so well.â
The feel of him, the scent of him, how deep you felt for him, just himâŚit was so overwhelming. And San can see it, the exhausted haze in your eyes as he fucked up at you. With a low grunt, he wraps his arms around your waist and flips you over in one fluid motion, pinning you on the mattress, your legs spread wide for him to admire.
You whined when he pulled out, slowly taking all of your clothes off until you were left bare and nude for him. You flushed red in embarrassment, but that soon turned into something when you saw the look in Sanâs eyes as he paused, drinking the sight of your naked body.
The way his gaze roamed your entire form with softness and tenderness left you breathless. Tears pricked behind your eyes at the way he lightly trails his hands all over you, reverence clear in his touch. His thumb swipes your tears away, his eyes shining with devotion that cut through the lust, adoration swelling in his chest until it physically aches him.
âYouâre beautiful. So, so beautiful, Y/N. Youâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me,â he murmured, roughly but tenderly. He cups your face gently, savouring the vulnerability as if owning you felt like the deepest and greatest honour for him. âYouâre soâŚGod, fuck, I donât know what to say. I just want toâŚâ
His tenderness can only last so long. He shifts forward, gripping your thighs to spread them wider and without warning, slams his hips forward, burying his cock back in you in one brutal thrust that makes your back arch off the bed. âOh, God, San,â you moaned out. âS-Sanââ
âThatâs it, take me. Take all of it,â he snarled, pulling out almost fully before ramming back in, the wet slap of your bodies echoing. He pounds into you relentlessly, balls slapping against your ass with each drive, leaning in to kiss you passionately.
He pulled away so you could both inhale once. It only took one look in each other's eyes before you were both tangled into each other once more. It felt good - it felt comforting like you were getting embraced by some unforeseen grace and wrapped you in its bosom even though you felt like his cock was about to split you into two.
You tense, mouth gaping open when San bites and marks your collarbone. âSan,â you cried. âMmm, t-too much.â
âTell me how my thick cock ruins you, how you crave to be bred,â he panted. You tighten around him to an alarming degree and you feel him smirk against your skin. âOh? You like that? Want me to breed you?â
âYes, San, yes,â you gasped, arching your back. âI-I want you to b-breed me, please.â
âThen I'll fill you up, mark you inside out, until you can't walk without feeling me.â
Itâs all you can do to claw at his back, relishing the feel of his cock pumping into you. Every time San thrusts, he grunts, every roll of his hips into yours hits that spot inside that makes you see stars. And you just take it, because this was San. Youâd do anything for San.
You grabbed his face so he could look at you. "Cum inside me," you were breathless, but it was like you stole his breath with how his cock seemed to harden even more inside you, if that was possible.
Sanâs eyes visibly darkened and he started pounding into you wildly. It was hard enough to make the bed creak obnoxiously as his cock plunges into you even deeper than before. Mindblowing pleasure started to ignite your insides, blanking your mind as your screams went up a pitch, cumming around his cock.
âFuck, Iâm gonna cum, Y/N, fuck,â he gritted his teeth, groaning lowly as you felt the warm gush of his cum spurt inside you. You could feel his cock pulsing, and with a few last desperate thrust of his hips, he was finally sated.
He collapsed on top of you as you both panted, riding out your highs. You felt him give your skin little kisses here and there, all while he stroked your hair repeatedly like some sort of mantra. âY/N,â youâd hear him whisper reverently. âOh, my Y/N. My sweet, sweet Y/NâŚâ
He rolls off of you, making you groan as you feel warm liquid gush from your pussy, one that he silently wipes off with a wet towel before laying down next to you, scooping you up carefully so you could rest your head on the crook of his shoulder. You stay like that for a while, just basking in the afterglow, when San suddenly breaks the silence.
âDo you really like Utopia?â He asked, almost idly like an afterthought.
You blinked in surprise, not expecting such a random question. âOf course I do.â
âHow much?â His gaze finally found yours. âEnough to fight for it? Enough to lead it, if one day you had to?â
Your heart stuttered inside your chest, but you chalked it up as nothing. After all, sex sometimes made people think of hypothetical scenarios and you decided to humour San with this one. âYes,â you answered honestly. âUtopia needs someone to love it even though itâs cruel.â
He exhaled, visible relief loosening in his shoulder, his lips curved faintly. âPerhaps,â he murmured, kissing your forehead lightly. âYou might be the queen Utopia actually needs.â
San had disappeared. Vanished into thin air the next day.
When you woke up the next day, you were completely alone, Sanâs side of the bed gone cold. You didnât think anything of it, he had duties as king and he couldnât just stay in bed for you all day, but when got back to your chambers with a worried Wooyoung and a panic-stricken Hongjoong arguing with Jongho about Sanâs whereabouts, it was when your entire world fell.
âThere is no way Your Grace would do that,â Jongho pressed, walking back and forth in the throne room, anger in his tone, dismay and doubt on his face at each passing second. âHe just went for a ride. Thatâs all. Sometimes he does that after the curseââ
âJongho, itâs been over half a day,â Hongjoong insisted, irritated at the taller man as he raised his voice up a notch, making you flinch. âHell, the fucking mage doesnât even know where he is. He did not go for a ride and you know it.â
âSo, what?â Jongho yelled back, the usually composed adviser slowly losing his cool. âAre you telling me that His Majesty ran away? Is that it? Are you even hearing yourself?â
You took a step back, dread filling your entire chest. Just the night before, you had laughed softly at his questions, brushing them off as speculation, never once suspecting that his questions werenât meant to be hypothetical at all. You quickly ran off, ignoring how Hongjoong kept calling you back and pleading for you to stay put. You needed to get out of there.
The entire palace was in shambles, the servants and nobles all scrambling but failing to contain themselves at the thought of their missing king. Some of them were genuinely worried for San, but there were a select few who feared of the said curse completely annihilating the kingdom now that San was missing.
You didnât heed any of them, worriedly looking for San even in the most obscure of places. Your panic rose every time you were met with an empty room, holding back tears as you imagined all the worst possible ways of what might have happened while you were asleep. You probably looked pathetic, but you didnât care. All you wanted was to see San again.
An idea pops in your head. Yunho. Having no other options left, you quickly ran to the mageâs quarters, not caring how unladylike you looked as you sprinted down the hall. He didnât even notice you come in as he was speaking urgently to Seonghwa, his expression grim. When Yunho noticed you, whatever composure he had shattered.
He quickly dismissed Seonghwa and ran towards you. The poor man was so distressed, sunken bags of purple splotching his skin, whatever magic in him getting sapped little by little by how much effort he was putting in finding his king and your eyes fell, feeling for the man. âYunho,â you breathed out. âA-Are you alright?â
Your chest wanted to cave in itself, panic clawing further up your skin. If magic cannot even reach San, then what will? âI-I was with him last night,â you swallowed, spitting the admittance out even if it embarrassed you so.Â
Yunho puts two and two together, brows shooting up in surprise, but chose not to comment on what you were trying to tell him, and you were thankful about it. You told him everything, minus the sexual details - Sanâs insecurities about being king, him thinking about abdicating at one point, all the way to the questions about you leading Utopia if the time came.
Yunho swore under his breath, a sharp, uncharacteristic sound. âDamn it,â he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. âIt might be the curse.â
âI need to know, Yunho. I think Iâve held off for far too long,â you pleaded, eyes burning. Yunho looked hesitant, but you pressed on. âIâve respected your silence as an elder, respected San as the authority, and I respected Utopia as a whole since Iâm not of this land and maybe I didnât have the right to know. Please. Tell me. I need to know, Iâm begging you.â
Something in your face must have touched something deep in the mage, and finally, he gives a slow nod. He exhaled heavily, shoulders sagging like the weight of centuries had finally caught up to him. âYouâre going to need to sit for this one,â he murmured, gesturing towards a chair.
You didnât need to be told twice. âItâs a long story,â he sighed, bringing his palms up, a small glow of light emanating from it, to touch your forehead as you felt yourself being transported into a memory. âWhile I cannot tell you, I could show you. Close your eyes.â
The world tilted on its axis. At first, you were confused because you saw a castle, a very familiar looking one at that and it was when it hit you - it was Utopia, only this time, there was no snow. It was lush and green, alive and well. You quickly realised that this was Utopia far before the snow started to swallow the kingdom, long before it had turned inhabitable.
And on the front of the castle grounds was a man in armour, standing proudly over an anguished woman, screaming at the top of her lungs in despair as she cradled the bloody body of another man who had long passed, her grief so raw that it split the sky open.
You gasped in horror at what you were witnessing, even more so when you looked closer. The man in the armour, he looked like San, only this one was far younger, and his eyes; they were unkind. Psychopathic, almost, not capable of empathy as he embellished the blood-soaked sword he had presumably used to slay the now dead man on the ground.
âYou killed him,â she mourned, her tears falling in torrents, voice breaking as her blood soaked hands tried hard to seal the fatal wound, but to no avail. âYou killed him, you monster!â
But the cruel man didnât care. He didnât say anything, just watched with wild, possessive eyes. You gasped when the woman looked up, her eyes glowing red in fury, the magic exploding from her so strong that even you could feel it from this memory.
âMay your kingdom know only the cold that took him from me,â she seethed. She rose slowly to her feet, and when she stood fully, her magic surged again, this time, stronger and final.
For the first time, the man in armor reacted. âWhat are you doing?â He barked, stepping forward with unease as the temperature dropped around him. You watched in horror as a sudden blizzard filled the entire space and palace. âStop, you cannotââ
âMay your bloodline rot beneath endless snow,â she cried. You felt it, the cold slamming into you as snow immediately blanketed the kingdom of Utopia. âOnly when a heart as warm and pure as his enters willingly and claims the throne and be claimed in return will the winter break.â
Then the vision shattered. You gasped, eyes flying open, Yunhoâs hand still resting against your forehead, his expression heavy with regret. âW-What was that?â You blurted out in disbelief at what you just saw. âWho was that? H-He looks like San, who was that woman?â
âHe does, because that was Sanâs father,â Yunho sighed, panting to catch his breath from all the energy he exerted. âThere was a beautiful forest witch who lived in the woods that he saw hunting once. He immediately fell in love with her, or rather, obsessed. It was disgusting, Sanâs mother died from heartbreak when San was only a newborn.â
Yunho dragged his hands down his face in defeat. âIt was greed in its coldest form. The witchâs heart already belonged to someone else, and in a jealous rage, Sanâs father killed him. In front of her, no less. Itâs why Utopiaâs cold and desolate. The snow is a manifestation of her grief.â
âAnd when the former king died, that cruel bastard,â Yunho continued, his voice rough. âThe curse didnât fadeâŚit passed. San absorbed it instantly.â
Your chest tightened, stomach twisting into something painful as your nails dug into your palms. âI-I donât understand,â you uttered. âWhat do you mean it passed? Are you telling me thatâŚâ
You trailed off, not even wanting to continue. May your bloodline rot beneath endless snow. The words were still clear in your head like a ringing siren. Yunho nodded grimly when you looked at him. âNot only did she curse the kingdom as a whole to eternal coldness, but also the entire Choi bloodline for that very same greed that killed her lover,â he confirmed.Â
Anger filled your veins at the man who had pretty much cursed his son for greed he couldnât control. âAt first, we didnât understand what was happening,â the mage spoke, a faraway look in his face as he recalled a memory heâd been wanting to forget. âThe snow just never melted and storm after storm claimed hundreds of lives. Sanâs father didnât live long enough for me to study the curse. Howeverââ
He paused, swallowing audibly, looking towards the floor. âThere was someone who did live long enough,â he whispered, voice cracking. âAnd heâs been missing for half a day now. He was but a child back then, Y/N. I-I justâŚsorry, I need to collect myself.â
A cold realization slid down your spine. San. You imagined a boy growing up under a weight no one should have to carry, a vessel for sins he never committed. That was the part that hurt the most to you because it was no wonder there was always something distant in his gaze, walls you could never get through, because he was always bracing for the cold no else could feel.
âI tried everything back then, you know?â Yunho finally spoke after a long silence, decades of desperation still lingering in his eyes. âI tried every magic I knew even if it almost killed me, but the snow just would not melt. But SanâŚhe loved Utopia even if the entire kingdom condemned him.â
Your brows furrowed in confusion, letting him continue. âUtopiaâs bound to its ruler. The Choi clan. The witch was smart enough to kill two birds with one stone - completely end the bloodline with the one thing that could outlast generations while erasing the entire kingdom.â
Your breath caught. âThe snow.â
Yunho nodded. âIronically, San was the one who realised what the curse actually entailed. Have you noticed that he never wears anything thick? He never gets cold when heâs outside with you, have you noticed that?â
You stayed silent, the puzzle pieces connecting slowly. Just last night when you were out on that balcony, he gave you his coat, even admitting outright that he never got cold. âHe said the locket prevented him from being cold,â you murmured to yourself more as an afterthought.
âThat was half the truth, yes,â Yunho said. âThe reason is because the curse wasnât meant to destroy the land outright - it was meant to bury it. â
A chill crawled up your spine. âThen why hasnât it yet?â
Yunho looked at you then, eyes dark with something close to reverence. âBecause San wouldnât let it. San absorbed the snow. Literally. Accidentally discovered it one Christmas evening when it stormed so bad, the snow was waist deep. It was the magic trying to reclaim Utopia completely. He got so sick, we thought we were losing him.â
The realization hit you hard. âSo when thereâs a stormââ
âHeâs at his weakest,â Yunho finished. âBecause heâs burning himself out to keep the snow at bay. Holding it back long enough for people to survive another day. The dark marks along his skin, they were the curse in itself, but more so just a side effect of him straining and pulling the curse inside him so the storm would stop, at least, for a while.â
The pieces slid together with a sickening clarity. Christmas was winter time and therefore where storms are the strongest. No wonder he hated it. No wonder he had isolated himself, it was so he could suffer in silence. And you were none the wiser.
You remembered how heâd convulsed, vomiting helplessly, blood streaking from his nose as if his body were tearing itself apart from the inside. And then, days later, the storm had stopped as if nothing had happened. It hadnât passed - San had just taken it. He had been protecting his people all his life and nobody even knew it, choosing to be condemned just to keep them alive.Â
And suddenly, you understood why San never stopped watching the skies; why even if he was with you or preoccupied with other people or in the middle of an important meeting he would always look out the windows. âThe locket?â You asked weakly.
âI made it for him,â he said quietly. âYears of San absorbing the snow had not been kind to his body. I wove magic into it so a part of the curse is in that locket. When the storm hits, it absorbs the curse before it reaches him. Not all of it, but enough to keep him alive until...well.â
His voice turns somber. âWithout it, he wouldnât survive the storms. Not anymore. And believe me, we tried transferring the curse to an enemy at one point by making them wear the locket, but it was too strong. Whoever touches it instantly perishes.â
You looked at him more closely, the way his jaw tightened as if holding back years of grief. And suddenly, you noticed it. This wasnât just sorrow, this was something deeper. âYou raised him,â you said softly. âYou love him.â
He only nodded, once, eyes shining as he looked away. âHe wasnât just my king, Y/N. Thatâs my boy,â he wavered, emotions finally coming through. âAnd he deserved something good for once. Which is exactly why youâre here, we needed you. Only when a heart as warm and pure as his enters willingly and claims the throne. The moment I saw you in that alleyway, I knew you were a kind soul, Y/N. Utopia becoming a legitimate kingdom with a queen was only half the reason.â
Yunho proceeds to explain that while it was true that they needed a queen, the reason why San was marriageless until now was because of what the curse said. It wasnât hard for San to force someone into a marriage or use something to bargain to find a queen, but it would be useless because the curse required someone to enter into the marriage willingly. And that was that, they thought that by you being here willingly, winter was going to fade.
But it didnât. Nothing had changed and everyone was back at square one. âThe problem was,â Yunho continued, exhaling shakily. âThere was the other half of the curse. One that San absolutely refused to acknowledge. Be claimed in return will the winter break.â
You halted at the insinuation, freezing like snow had been piled on top of your head. Your mind automatically raced with scenarios you didnât want to think about. Yunhoâs silence had pretty much confirmed everything you needed to know. To be claimed in return. They were going to kill you, use you as a sacrifice to balance the curse so the snow would finally stop and winter would come to an end. A willing queen and a king to give her up.
âThere was no way in hell San was going to let anything happen to you. You saw it yesterday. He didnât just reject it, he lost control,â he said firmly. âThere was never a doubt in his mind.â
âSo, what now? Where do we even find him?â You asked, chest aching painfully. âThere must be a solution, Yunho, something we could do to completely reverse this curse. I could hit the library for information, anything at this point. There has to be a way.â
âWell, yes, there isâŚâ Yunho trailed off, freezing as blood completely drained from his face. Whatever he just thought of had him off kilter so bad, he got up from his chair and knocked everything off the shelves in the process.Â
Before you knew it, he hurriedly bolted out of the room in sheer panic, leaving you to chase after him, the adrenaline boosting you because Yunho was fast. âYunho,â you chased after him, ignoring the burning sensation in your lungs and the sudden cold that hit you when you realised you had chased him all the way out to the horse stables. âWhatâsââ
âI know where he is,â Yunho gritted his teeth, already preparing to mount a horse. You could tell he was trembling in fear, swallowing the panic that had overtaken him. âSanâs planning to sacrifice himself. The land is bound to him, and his death would end the curse. Quickly, Y/N, hold my hand. We have to find him now.â
Terror filled your lungs, nodding anyway as you mounted, hands shaking so badly Yunho had to steady you before he started to ride away. The cold air hitting your face as the horse moved and blurred your surroundings did nothing to quelch the fear building at the pit of your stomach. All you could think was San and hope that you werenât too late.
Every second felt like it was tearing something vital from your chest, tears freezing at the corners of your eyes as you rode harder, faster, praying to see the man who had long decided that no curse was worth your life; that he would rather lose himself or let Utopia freeze than forever lose you.
The thought had you keen internally. Please, you begged, tears falling down your face painfully as they automatically froze before they even had the chance to form, gripping the saddle until your knuckles burned. Please donât let him think he has to disappear for us to survive.Â
âW-Where are we going?â You screamed into the air, teeth chattering from the cold.
âThe witchâs shack a little further up north where she lived with her lover,â Yunho replied, snapping the reins forward to make the horse go faster. âHer powerâs concentrated there.â
It didnât take long for you and Yunho to end up in a clearing where the trees were a little less condensed but the snow and wind were so strong and thick that it was almost impossible to see through it. But your breath hitched, anyway, because the moment you got past the haze, you saw him clear as day as if he was a beacon shining even from afar.
San. He was standing still in front of a quaint little shack, unbothered by the elements around him, just staring up at the sky with his eyes closed and you hated it. Absolutely detested the sight, because it looked like he had already resigned to his fate and was just waiting for the right moment to execute his plans.
And he was ready. You watched in panic as he raised his hand to his neck, holding the chain of the locket to take it off, but your body was already careening forward. You pushed yourself, jumping off of the horse before it even paused, ignoring Yunhoâs panicked calls and the way your leg ached when you fell particularly hard.
âNo!â You screamed at the top of your lungs, running like a madwoman through the thick blankets of snow even though your lungs were thinning in air and your legs were aching for reprieve. It was ear-piercing and blood-curdling enough to catch Sanâs attention, startling him to a halt and turning around, eyes widening when he saw your pitiful form run up to him.
And by God, he looked devastating. You wanted to tear up, it just wasnât fair for him to look this breathtaking and ethereal even as the snow surrounded him, melancholy wrapping him in its grace as he stared at you with hollow, empty eyes. âSan, please,â you begged, sobbing at this point. He looked like his soul had already left him long before his earthly body expired.
He smiled, the lines on his face softening and you abhorred how peaceful it made him look. This was the most at peace San had ever looked and you hated it. âMy sweet Y/N,â he croaked, the trembling in his hands betraying the true fear he actually felt. âWhat are you doing here?â
You yelped, trudging forward in failure when you tripped over a rock you couldnât see hidden by the thick snow. You pushed yourself up with shaking hands, tears blurring your vision. âDonât,â you sobbed, words tumbling out broken and raw. âDonât you dare look at me like that. Donât you dare make that face like youâve already decided.â
You felt Yunho behind you, steadying you, providing you warmth with the little magic he had left, opting not to say anything. This was between you and San at this point. And San, he just shook his head. âI have exhausted all options,â he said. âI am exhausted. Please, just let me go. I think I have suffered long enough that it should be alright if I could rest a bit, donât you think so?â
He said it so quietly amidst the oncoming storm and that scared you more than if heâd shouted. Your chest cracked open at the gentleness of it, at how he said it like a plea instead of a decision. âNo,â you cried, tears freezing at your lashes. âNot you. Not now. Not ever.â
Sanâs eyes softened. âY/Nââ
âYouâd already come this far, why now? You canât do this to the people who care for you. Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yeosang, Mingi, Wooyoung, Jongho, and especially Yunho. You canât do this to me. Weâve barely just begun, San, you cannot leave me like this. There has to be a wayââ
âDonât you get it? This is the only way,â San snapped, not out of anger, but more so in desperation, hoping for you to understand where he was coming from even if it meant it was for all the wrong reasons. âThe curse ends here. With me. I am the last of my bloodline so with me gone, the curse perishes alongside me.â
âYou know damn well that thatâs not true,â you snapped back, the frustration giving you a newly found rush of adrenaline that temporarily overtook the cold and the pain in your leg. âI came here willingly, San, and Iâm just as willing to do my part to be a sacrificial lambââ
âNo,â he immediately turns down, fire in his eyes so intense it couldâve been enough to melt the snow around him. âI didnât fight this curse this long to sacrifice someone else in the name of balance, especially not you.â
âSo, why wonât you fight for yourself this time?â You asked, voice breaking. âFor us?â
âI am,â he said hoarsely. âThis is the hardest battle Iâve fought yet. You think I donât want to stay? You think I donât want more tea sessions with you even though I despise tea? To stay long enough to finally see my kingdom be warm and green with you by my side?â
Something about that almost confession broke something inside you, and that was the most devastating part of it all. Almost. Just enough to finally tell you how he truly felt about you, but not enough where he was willing to stay long enough to tell you the entirety of it. âDonât go, San,â you looked at Yunho helplessly. âTell him, pleaseâŚâ
But the mage stayed mum, conserving his energy to keep you warm from the blizzard even though tears of devastation were already falling from his eyes. Sanâs voice dropped to something raw. âMy throne without you is meaningless and its future built on your death is no future at all,â he admitted before his eyes hardened with finality. âIâm sorry, YN.â
It all happened fast. In one moment, San was lifting his hands to take the locket off, and in the next, you were rushing to him, deliberately knocking him off to tackle him on the ground, momentarily distracting him. Without thinking, you took the locket off of him, putting it around your neck. It was all it took for all hell to break loose.
Yunhoâs spell shattered instantly in his state of shock and Sanâs eyes widened impossibly so as he realised what just happened. Everything was a blur, your ears ringing as you began to tumble down. San screamed your name, the sound of it so raw, primal, and animalistic that you could hear him even when you could barely comprehend the world anymore.
He immediately caught, cradling you in his arms as your vision started to blur out. âY/N, oh God, what the fuck did you do?â San cried, frantically shaking you as if that would get rid of the curse. âY/N, why? Why would you do that? Why?â
Your body jerked against his, your chest tightening to a degree where it felt like it was about to cave in on you. Suddenly, you felt this overwhelming cold over you and Sanâs grip tightened impossibly so. âYunho,â he called out in panic. âHer hands, oh Godââ
Black lines bled through your skin, exactly like the ones on Sanâs chest. They crept from your hands up your arms all the way towards your throat. Yunho staggered forward, horror breaking his paralysis. âThe curse,â he said, voice shaking. âI-I think itâs binding to herââ
San wasnât listening. He was sobbing now, forehead pressed to yours, tears streaking down his face as he begged you to stay awake. âLook at me,â he pleaded. âPlease. Donât you dare leave me, Y/N, pleaseââ
The last thing you saw was Sanâs face, utterly broken, grief carved into every line of it as he clutched you to his chest like something already lost.
Warmth youâve never felt before led your consciousness to awaken. It felt abnormal, like you werenât to feel it and for a moment, you thought you were back at your parentsâ farm - sweat clung to your skin, seeping out of your pores as natural heat from the farmland permeated all over the place.
Instead of the humble shack made out of wood and concrete, you were met with arched windows draped in sheer gossamer curtains. The bed beneath you was impossibly soft, and you were confused for a second. This wasnât the farmlands, and this wasnât warmth from the sun-baked earth you remembered.Â
You had to get up because the sweat was starting to irritate your lower back and you scrambled upright, you had to squint, covering your eyes as sunlight suddenly streamed from the windows. Now that you think about it, your lower back hurts too, like youâve been laying down for quite some time and the long sleep hurt more than felt restful.
You reckoned you should change out of your dress. It felt a little too thick for the weather. It was a nice day, perfect for a walk when you looked out your windows. The birds were singing outside, the trees were a lovely shade of green and multiple colourful flowers littered the entire palace groundsâ
You paused, horribly so. You blinked in a daze, rubbing your eyes in a daze and looked again. No. It was still bright outside, no blankets of snow covering the entire grounds like you knew Utopia to be. It wasnât supposed to be like this - warm, vibrant, alive. And you staggered, remembering everything all at once - the curse, the locket, San.
Suddenly, the door opened and there stood Wooyoung, looking like he was frozen in time, skin pale as if he had just seen a ghost. Whatever he had been holding slipped from his hands and clattered to the floor, forgotten entirely.
Before you could even say hello, he spun on his heel and shouted down the hall, voice cracking with panic and disbelief. âH-Hongjoong,â his voice cracked before he cleared his throat. âHongjoong!â
Hongjoong burst in, breathless, eyes wild. âWhat? What happenedââÂ
The second he saw you standing there, he froze as well before his knees gave out beneath him. He dropped to the floor without shame, head bowing as his hands pressed together. âThank the Heavens,â he whispered hoarsely, emotion flooding his voice. âOh, thank the HeavensâŚâ
Neither of them waited a second longer. âI-Iâll inform the mageââ the knight said before leaving.
Wooyoung bolted out as well, shouting at the top of his lungs as he ran down the halls, voice so loud you were sure the entire palace could have heard it. âYour Majesty, Your Majesty!â The young man hollered, voice brimming with emotion. âYour Majesty, sheâs awake!â
And in the chaos of it all, you could hear it, feel him approaching your chambers without even looking, the sounds of panicked footsteps as they got closer and closer and there he was - the man that made your heart beat at the mere thought of him, right in the flesh.
Sanâs hair was disheveled, like he had run his hand through it so many times in frustration. Your heart was torn between joy and hurt because San looked utterly worn down. The bags beneath his eyes looked darker than mere shadows and he resembled more of a shell of a man whose sleep had long abandoned him.
And now he was staring you at like he couldnât believe what he was seeing, torn between wanting nothing but to hold you versus protecting himself from nightmare and heartbreak just in case this wasnât real; that maybe he was hallucinating and you were only a figment of his imagination that he wanted so, so bad to manifest.
He flinched, not daring to breathe or blink. Slowly, he began to move closer to you, hands shaking as they hovered over you like he was afraid touching you would make you disappear. Just as suddenly, his legs gave out, knees thudding on the floor as his trembling arms wrapped around your thighs, head buried in your dress as he embraced your form.
âS-San,â you let out in surprise, hands automatically finding their way on his hair. âPleaseââ
âDonât,â he spoke, begged, voice raw and muffled. âPlease, j-just let me have this.â
When your fingers twitched, he gasped like heâd been holding his breath for as long as you were in that deep slumber and your touch just made him remember how to let air back into his lungs and life into his soul. It was how everyone else caught you and San and there was no dry eye in that room and at that moment.
Seonghwa and Jongho left first after, relief shining in their eyes, both bowing respectfully before they let Yeosang in, the kind-hearted chef holding onto a smiling Mingi. The taller had to lead the former out to give you and San privacy. Only Yunho was left, tears glistening in his eyes.
âDonât do that ever again. Donât you ever do that to me again. You donât understand,â he exhaled. âY/N. I thought I lost you, you were asleep for so long, I-I justâŚâ
You tried to speak, but your throat burned. You sat down to his eye level, unwrapping his arms around you, grabbing his face between your hands. âSan,â you said hoarsely. âLook at me.â
And he did. And by God his face, he looked wrecked up close. Eyes red-rimmed, jaw clenched so tight it trembled. âIâm here,â you continued, tears slipping free. âIâm not going anywhere. Weâre both here. Together.â
Something in him broke. He finally pulled you into his chest, arms wrapping around you, his restraint shattering all at once. He buried his face in your hair, clutching you like you were the only solid thing left in the world before grabbing your face to kiss you. His lips were warm with promise and relief neither of you dared named yet but felt settled deep in your chests.
A pointed, awkward cough cut through the moment. âAhem.â
You both froze, pulling away to see Yunho standing a few steps away, one brow raised, amusement swimming behind his concern. âIâm still here,â Yunho said dryly.Â
You broke out into a breathless laugh first and it was all the three of you needed to make light of the situation. San guided you to the bed to let Yunho examine your body. âYouâre perfectly healthy,â he said in disbelief even behind the relief. âA miracle, I tell you. You were reckless and I ought to smack you in the head for what you did, but so far, so good.â
It was when they told you everything that happened after you passed out. They couldnât wake you up so they had no choice but to bring you back to the palace. San had to look away, jaw tight, when Yunho narrated how the king never left your bedside. But what truly surprised you was that about a week later, the snow started to melt and storms just halted completely.
âJ-Just like that?â You asked, not able to stop your surprise, looking outside in confirmation and the scenario was still the same. Utopia looked utterly alive and if you closed your eyes to breathe in, it felt free. âHow long did IâŚsleep?â
Both of them looked at each other before Yunho looked back on you. His expression softened, like he was choosing his words carefully. âAlmost four months,â he said quietly. âItâs spring now.â
But something still boggled your mind, something far darker than you didnât want to acknowledge but had to know. âBut how? I donât understand, is this how it ends? Just like that? Is Utopia free from the curse? IsâŚâ you trailed off. âSan free?â
Yunho went quiet for a moment, then slowly repeated the words that had haunted the kingdom for generations. âOnly when a heart as warm and pure as his enters willingly and claims the throne,â he said softly. âAnd be claimed in return, will the winter break.â
You stayed silent, confused, but listened. âFor the longest time, we misunderstood that last part as loss, that we needed a pure and kind heart as a sacrifice to stop the snow. But the magic never asked for death. It wanted reciprocation.â
You let that settle in, shaking your head because you still didnât understand it. You felt Sanâs grip tighten around your hand and you turned to look at him. He had a soft smile on his face. âMy father,â he spoke softly. âHe was greedy. Just wanted to possess a love that never belonged to him. To enter willingly to claim the throne and be claimed in returnâŚit was never about sacrifice. It was about being chosen back.â
The words landed like a final piece snapping into place. âIn short,â Yunho finished. âTo love and be loved in return. A queen of pure heart who was willing to accept a bloodline of rotten rulers with all she had and a king who loved with all his without asking for anything in return.â
The words settled heavily in the room. You had to admit, it was all anticlimactic; something you read as a child in those fairytale books your parents could barely afford selling grains. Love. Such a convoluted word yet powerful enough to bury a kingdom if need be.
It was all you could think about long after Yunho had left, leaving you and San in your chambers as the both of you laid down on your bed, his arms wrapped around you, just basking in the silence and the general presence the both of you offered each other. It was all you needed, and you were all he needed and more.Â
Maybe that was what it really was. Even if it was anticlimactic, it was reality, and what you felt for San was real. It ran deeper than the curse that held him for the longest time, and it certainly went beyond the reckless endangerment you put your life in when you wore the locket for him.
âAre you mad at me?â You blurted out dumbly, not knowing what else to say.
San didnât answer you right away. He exhaled a small laugh through his nose in disbelief. âYes. Very much so,â he said honestly. Your heart tanked, guilt swirling in it, but before you could spiral further, he tightened his arms around you. âBut,â he continued gently. âWhat I feel for you will always be stronger than my anger. â
All the breath from lungs left you, his words suddenly becoming the oxygen you needed to live. You wanted to choke from all the emotions that were clawing up your throat, and you looked at him - really looked at him. You breath caught because there was no trace of that king nor that man who was bound by a curse he never deserved. He was just San. His eyes were warm, devastatingly soft, watching you like you were something precious.Â
âI lost myself while you slept. You just looked soâŚgone,â he admitted quietly. âAnd it terrified me more than the curse ever did. A part of me died when you wore that locket.â
Your throat burned. âIâm sorry. I-I didnât mean to scare you like that, I swear, and honestly, I still donât know what I was thinking. I just knew I didnât want you to leave me.â
He didnât answer; chose not to. He smiled, staring at you with fondness in his eyes and it was such a San thing to do. He brushed his knuckles along your cheek, memorizing you in a way heâd never done before. The way he looked at you made your chest ache.
âIâm underselling this, arenât I?â He suddenly said, his thumb traced slow, absent-minded circles against your arm. âWhat I feel for you, I mean.â
You felt his forehead rest against yours, breath warm, steady. âIâd swallow poison if it tasted like you,â he said. âIâd have brought you back one way or another. Find another witch to curse me just to drag you back. I loved you, Y/N. And you were gone. I loved you. And you slept.â
Your chest ached, full and fragile all at once. You couldnât speak. If you did, you were certain youâd fall apart. His thumb stilled on your arm. âAnd Iâm sorry,â he said suddenly, voice low, rough around the edges.
You were confused. "For what?"
"That you thought you couldn't come to me," he whispered. "For letting you believe that the only way was to carry what should have never been yours."
He turned to you, his eyes shining with sincerity, his heart on his sleeve as he was about to pour his emotions to you. "It breaks my heart that I didn't do well enough for you to know that," he kissed your hand, his lips lingering longer. "I'm the one safe person you can always turn to, Y/N. Had I known it was going to come to that, I wouldâve told you and let you choose what to do."
"Are you saying that you would have been okay if I solved everything myself?" You asked nervously. âThat you would have let me help had you told me the curse beforehand?â
"Are you asking me to be okay with it?"
You didnât reply immediately. "I want to know what my future husband thinks," you admitted shyly.Â
He raises a brow in surprise, the redness on the tip of his ears betraying his flustered emotions. âYes,â his thumb brushed under your eye, tender. âThe answer is yes. Your happiness has been the most important thing to me ever since I met you. I hope you know that.â
"I know it now," a tear fell from your eyes. And then multiple of them followed. "And now is all that matters."
He wiped your tears away with his free hand, looking at you like you were the only constant thing in the world that finally stopped freezing long before his kingdom did. âYouâre beautiful even in tears,â he murmured.
"You can't just say things like that," you sniffled, smiling through your tears anyway. "I-I have nothing to offer you, San, I'm just a farm girl and I have no idea how to lead a kingdom. I donât have any merit."
You had no idea where all your insecurity was coming from, but it was there. "No," San whispered. "You can give me everything. The people too. Look around you, Y/N."
And you did and thatâs when you saw it. Random things you knew werenât in the room - a hand stitched shawl, flowers in ornate vases, carved wooden charmed wooden carvings, multiple letters stacked against one another in one corner of the room. Your room was filled to the brim with gifts.
âTheyâre from the people of Utopia,â he said, following your gaze. âTheyâve been giving you gifts. I told them everything. About the curse. About what you did. About how the snow stopped because you refused to let me disappear.â
Your heart thudded painfully against your ribs. âTo them, youâre already their queen,â he continued. His eyes shone warmly, shining softly and earnestly as a good king should who truly loved his kingdom like San did. â You lead by caring enough to try. Every day, even when it costs you. I know I did.â
Then he smiled, that soft, devastating smile meant only for you, and reached into his palm. A ring rested there and your tears started falling downwards at a faster rate as he took your hand in his. âLetâs do this again, please. No more duties, no more curses. Just us choosing each other, if youâd let me.â
The room felt impossibly still as he held the ring up to you, hope trembling just beneath his calm. âTo the person who braved the cold with me,â he began. âWould you spare me the torment of being without you and marry me?"
You couldnât speak, nodding fervently as you covered your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing out loud. The breath he let out was shaky, broken by a smile so full it almost hurt to look at. When he slid the ring onto your finger, the cold felt like nothing more than a distant memory.
In that moment, with no more snow falling and no curse left to fear, it felt like the world finally, truly began again for the both of you. He cupped your face in his hands and leaned in. The kiss was nothing short of gentle, longing melting away between your lips.
And as the last remnants of fear had unshackled itself from the cold grips of despair, the curse was unbound. And at last, San felt free - truly free for the first time in his life.
genres and warnings: fluff, a sprinkle of angst in the beginning, slice of life, highschool au, coming of age, just teens having fun, mentions of smoking
word count: 15k
synopsis: you did not expect to basically get adopted by a group of boys when you transfer to your new school. at first, you think they are friends with you to prove sth to their rival-of-sorts, but later you find a home in them.
a/n: i must thank @eightmakesonebraincell for enabling this. it was genuinely so fun to write this without worrying about the plot and plot twists and worldbuilding.
Spring is a marker for new beginnings. The cherry blossoms bloom in all their pastel pink glory, the petals covering the streets in their wake. Some children try to avoid stepping on them and it turns into a gameâ anyone who steps on more than five petals on their way to school loses. Teens keep their heads raised up to the sky, having heard the famous saying about the cherry blossoms; if you catch a petal, your first love becomes true.
Some of them havenât had their first love yet. They are on their way to school, junior year, just like you. They are struggling to catch a petal with the hopes that the boy or the girl they said goodbye to before the year break ends up in their class, maybe even gets seated right next to them. With that little bubble of hope in their hearts, they jump around and their giggles echo in the streets.Â
The old folks who are just out for their usual morning walk or to see their children or grandchildren off laugh along in reminiscence and if you stop by to admire the scene, it seems straight out of a musical.
However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you are not a great appreciator of beauty. Some might even say youâre not worthy of being called a beholder at all. You should have beenâ as an old friend had the honour of telling you onceâ 'I don't know, a snail!'. You dodge the little kids who jump so unpredictably yet rather expertly, avoid the students who look to be about your age like the plague and somehow, make your way to your new school without an eventful morning.
Youâre clutching onto the shoulder straps of your bag as if someone would notice that you need help. However, the guard urges you to rush inside as the school bell is about to ring. With a deep breath, you take one step, and another, and then anotherâ
Until someone bumps against your shoulders and you find yourself losing balance, a startled little sound escaping your mouth as you find yourself pulled by gravity. Another pair of hands grabs your bag, propelling you up before you end up kissing the pavement. You look towards your right where the assailantâ you have no better word in your vocabulary to call the rowdy boy who bumped against you and almost killed youâ stands. He looks genuinely worried for a hot second but when he realises that he has not caused fatal damage, he bursts into a feline grin, tells you âmy bad!â and continues to rush towards the school building.Â
You hardly have time to look at your saviour. Everything is happening too quickly. He makes sure youâre steady before he zooms off after the assailant. All you can make out is that he is tall and very light on his feet, the navy blue uniform jacket in his hand almost flying in the air behind him.
While you are processing how you almost made it to your first day at your new school with a bust lip, you instinctively wrap your arms around your chest as more boys rush past you, calling after the duo. You shut your eyes and take a deep breath, hoping that your junior year will be uneventful, that this school year will pass by with you unnoticed, a part of the background. And you pray that no one recognises you here.Â
You didnât exactly leave your old school on a good note.
However, when you finally find your class after a trip to the teachersâ office and muster the courage to stop a random, kind-looking girl to ask for directions, you notice a few things.
Firstly, the classroom is not as big as your old classroom, which means that there are less students and more chances of people noticing and remembering you. You will have to try harder to merge into the background, butâ
The duo from earlier is in this class, with the tall boy recognisable because he is not facing you. He turns to look at the time and you meet eyes for a second, though he probably does not recognise you either. He has a puppy-like charm to him in the way his eyes curve when he smiles. You remain frozen at the entrance, willing the other boy to not notice you, but he does and offers you a cheerful wave. You donât respond in any way, a tap on your shoulder making you restrain a groan.
Upon turning, you find that itâs your homeroom teacher, the one you had just talked to in the office. She smiles warmly at you.
âGood timing. Come in, letâs introduce you to your class.â
âButââ
The words get stuck in your mouth when Miss Ji claps her hands to get everyoneâs attention. The boys and girls settle down and you are the only one awkwardly standing in the front, fiddling with your fingers and finding it hard to swallow the anxiety.
âAlright, letâs see⌠oh, Nabi is back in my class. Thatâs good, and⌠Seonghwa! How wonderful, butâ oh, noâŚâ
âOh, yes, Miss Ji!â The boy who bumped into you earlier is quick to respond. âYou cannot keep separating the eight of us every year! Itâs not going to work anymore.â
Miss Ji seems to consider his statement. Was that a challenge?Â
âCome on, Miss Ji,â the tall boy pleads and you count the boys who are nodding their heads in unison and pleading. Yes, exactly eight of them. âWe will be nice to you. We promise.â
âOnly if you insist, Yunho, because you are my favourite,â she says and Yunho grins, receiving congratulatory pats from his friends. You observe them with mild curiosity. It looks like they are old friends, which you suppose is nice.Â
Except there is an empty seat in the middle of them which could be your potential spot for the rest of your year. There is also an empty seat by the window and you would prefer that, butâ
Miss Ji asks you to introduce yourself and you bow to the class, clear your throat and say your name in a robotic tone.Â
âI transferred from Ilsan Tech High School. I hope we will have a good year ahead.â
The class claps for you, but itâs a little dull. Still, the girls look at you with a sort of vulnerable excitement in their eyes, perhaps wondering if you could be the new addition to their group. You donât smile back at anyone, making sure to disappoint them because it will hurt less if you do it now. The boys mostly appear uninterested, too busy with their gadgets except the assailant who is grinning devilishly.Â
âAlright, you can take the seat next to Wooyoung there,â Miss Ji points and you follow her hand to where she points, your heart sinking a bit dramatically when you realise that the name Wooyoung belongs to your assailant.Â
âUh⌠is there a chance that I can take the empty seat in the corner instead?â
âOh, that one?â One of the girls in the front points and answers for the teacher. âThat seat belongs to Yuna. Sheâs probably in the nurse room right now.â
âAhâŚâ you offer a weak smile as a thanks and begrudgingly make your way towards the assailant who seems too happy to have you to his right. You take your seat in the single row, in front of the girl Miss Ji named earlier, Nabi. The group of eight is on your left and right, with another boy in front of you who doesnât seem to be a part of this little gang.
Your homeroom teacher details what she expects from this junior year in the present term, asks all of you to take your studies seriously this year and to start preparing for what senior year brings in advanceâ to start thinking about your future. While she talks, a paper plane flies over your head and you have to focus hard to not let the boysâ incessant giggles get to you.Â
Miss Ji shakes her head at the bunch and says, âIâm personally going to separate you guys if you donât cooperate with me.â
âYes maâam!â The eight of them respond in synchrony and your eyelid twitches involuntarily. As soon as Miss Ji leaves the room, Wooyoung taps on your desk.Â
âSorry for ruining your morning,â he says with a hand over his chest. âShall I treat you to some bread and strawberry milk today to make up for it?â
âUh⌠no thanks,â you offer him a weak smile. âItâs okay.â
âSo you do admit that he ruined your morning,â the boy who sits next to Wooyoung leans forward, pushing Wooyoung back a bit so he can see you better. âIâm Jongho. If anyone bothers you, you can tell me.â
âWell⌠right now youâre both bothering me,â you mumble and the duo clutch their hearts dramatically. You wonder if thereâs a theatre class in this school because if there is and this duo isnât a part of it, the theatre class is missing out on some talent. âIâll be fine, thank you very much.â
âCome on, boys, donât bother her,â the voice on your right says and you look at the boy whoâs too pretty to be called handsome. âLet her be. Itâs her first day, donât overwhelm her.â
Seonghwa. He seems like the sane one out of the bunch. You give him a subtle nod to thank him and he just smiles in response, arranging the books on his desk neatly and tucking the long strands of his hair back.Â
However, you find two packs of bread and two flavours of milk on your desk during recess either way. You returned to a mostly empty class after going to the toilet first (and almost getting lost on your way back). You consider shoving the goods inside Wooyoungâs desk but you figure that if you just accept these, heâll stop bothering you for good.Â
With that thought, you open the vanilla bread and chocolate milk and enjoy your lunch in peace. There is only a group of friends at the front eating their lunch and chatting among themselves, ignoring your presence and you donât pay attention to them. You finish your lunch and rest your head on the desk for a much-needed post-meal nap when someone dares to tap on your shoulder and interrupt your peace.
Itâs hardly been half a day and youâre already at your witsâ ends. You prepare to snap at the person because youâre sure itâs Wooyoung or one of his friends, but to your surprise, you find that itâs the girl who sits behind you, Nabi.
âHave you had lunch?â
âUh, yeah,â you straighten. âEverything okay?â
âYeah, I just wanted you to know that if you need anything, any sort of help, you can ask me,â she says with a trademark smile that you can sense is just for show. Her long, straight hair gets flipped back as she looks over her shoulders. âI know Wooyoung can be a bit too much. If you ever want to switch seats, you can do that with me.â
Now, youâre not a fan of Wooyoung, but if she knows that Wooyoung can be too much, why would she offer to switch seats with you? She canât be a saint, could she?
You tell her that you will think about it. And think you do.
Over the course of the next few days as you struggle to keep up with your studies, adjust to this class and train yourself to think of the group of boys around you as background noise (even though they are anything but with their constant check-ins and every day treats on your desks because apparently, you have not verbally forgiven Wooyoung so he is bound to be your slave for âeternityâ), you notice one thing.
Nabi cares for Seonghwa.Â
Seonghwa does not care for Nabi. In fact, it looks like the group of them have beef with Nabi.Â
Nabi and Seonghwa, you find, are the best students in the class. The âmodelâ students. They are also vice president and president respectively. Seonghwa tries to be civil, but Nabi reads too much into his kindness and mistakes it for something else. Her level of infatuation with Seonghwa is such that she is willing to risk damaging her eardrums just so she gets to sit next to Seonghwa.
You also learn that Nabi does not like you very much, and maybe thatâs why the boys keep coddling you even though you keep snapping at them.Â
But you weigh your options. What is the worst the yapper who sits next to you could do? Girls can be dangerous when mad, that you know very well from your experience in your previous school. Girls can be very, very mean to their own people.Â
Of course, boys can be mean and violent too, but they generally donât bother with girls. Or maybe, youâre just a traditional stereotypical arse who thinks she knows too much when your only experience is from your previous school. Either way, you want to spend the rest of your school life silently, without coming out of the shadows. You donât want sworn enmity from Nabi or, well, be a cockblocker. If she wants to attempt to woo Seonghwa when it seems like all he cares about is his studies or the clumsy boy Hongjoong who sits next to him, youâre not gonna be the wall that prevents her from doing so. Youâll let Seonghwaâs other friends play that.Â
So one moody Monday morning, you catch Nabi in the hallway and let her know that you can switch seats with her. The joy on her face is innocent and you almost smile. Her group of friends cheer for her and with that, you go to drop your bag in the class and find a quiet spot until the bell rings.
None of the boys have arrived in class yet. You do smile to yourself at the thought of how they will react. Maybe youâll like your spot between San and Mingi better. They appear intimidating but it didnât take you long to realise that theyâre the softest of their group, thanks to the duo making sure you donât feel overwhelmed by Wooyoung who has made it his lifeâs mission to serve you.
The sound of the gentle breeze and the rustling of spring leaves lull you into a calm headspace and you soak in every bit of these few serene moments, sitting under the tree as your head rocks to the rhythm of nature. How nice is it to find a quiet spot like this in a busy place like a school? You wonder if someone shares this spot with you at some other timeâ there are signs of life here. A wrapper of a candy that someone must have forgotten to throw, a stick wedged in one of the pots with someoneâs name on itâ
âThere she is!â
Your hackles rise at the all too familiar voice of a certain self-proclaimed slave. You donât want to be a master. You donât want to feel like a Queen. So instead of addressing your subject, you gather your things and disappear into the maze that is this school.
Each step you take is urgent and there is a battle rhythm playing in your headâ when did that happen? You march forward more like a soldier than a lord, head hanging low and eyes suspicious as they scan the crowd and guide you in your navigation to the classroom. You check the timeâ maybe if you get to your new seat before the boys, right before the teacher comes in and they can no longer bother youâ
Before you can take a turn, a pair of large hands grab you by your upper arms and rotate you until you face the left, steering you towards the stairs as you swallow your gasp. You have hardly craned your neck upwards to identify your new assailant when a baseball cap gets fixed over your head. You mumble a few words of protest but you have no choice but to get taken to this unknown location that is a suspicious-looking room on the upper level.
You shut your eyes and brace yourself for whatâs next when the door opens. However, you open your eyes almost immediately as youâre hit by the smell of baked treats. Did you get portalled to a bakeryâ
And there is your servant, clad in an apron as if he baked these treats himself here. The expressions on your face must be theatrical because the boys stifle their laugh as you look around. You have definitely portalled to another world, because there is no way a room like this exists in this school that seems to be barely holding itself.
The room isnât too big but the shelves have been lined to the walls and decorated with ornaments. You spot a few snow globes and far too many plushies of each and every kind and colour, and realise that someone must have an obsessionâ and then thereâs lego figures on another shelf, neatly stacked and colour coordinated. The lower shelves contain comics and at the corner by the window, there is an old sofa that is covered with pink sheets and cushions.Â
There is a basketball net attached to a makeshift hoop and you spot a basketball and balls of all sizes lying around. You were aware the school had a basketball team and if you think hard, you might actually recall who among these boys play in the team, exceptâŚ
You are kind of distracted by the baked goods and cans of flavoured drinks that are neatly arranged on the table in the middle of the room.
A hideout. That is what this must be.Â
You finally look behind you to confirm the identity of your new assailant and gasp when you find that itâs Yunhoâ the other model student. He grins a bit too wide at your annoyance and you turn to face Wooyoung and Jongho who seem to be the masterminds behind this.Â
âWhat is wrong with you people?â
âWrong seems to be an overstatement,â Jongho pleads his case. âOff, maybe. Not right. But not wrong.â
âWhy did you switch seats withââ
Jongho smacks Wooyoungâs chest with an open palm while standing next to him, unmoving, his eyes never leaving yours. The loud thump of his attack echoes dramatically off the walls of this small room and you can hear distant giggles being masked. As Wooyoung doubles over and retreats, Jongho continues to smile innocently while your jaw all but drops to the floor.Â
Yunho, hands still on your arms, steers you to the chair and makes you sit before dragging another seat close to you, offering you a croissant. You, still watching Wooyoung worriedly as he gathers his energy and his pride, subconsciously start to nibble on it. When the chocolate filling hits you, you finally blink and inspect the croissant. Itâs actually goodâ
âMade by yours truly,â says Wooyoung in a weak voice. You make an impressed face and figure that since youâre trapped, you might as well enjoy the treat. San comes over to set some cans in front of you and you point at the cola which he opens with one finger effortlessly before setting it in front of you and you purse your lips to keep from smiling.
âCan you answer my questions now?â You ask Jongho when youâre done finishing the croissant and he offers you a cupcake with salted caramel frosting next. âWhat is this? A bribe? Youâre trying to break my morale with baked goods?â
âIt seems to be working,â Yeosang comments from your right where heâs sitting by the window next to Mingi and Hongjoong, who is half asleep as per usual. He doesnât seem to be a morning person and consistently naps throughout half the classes too.
You shoot him a glare but you donât deny it. The more you eat these treats, the more relaxed you become. Maybe this is how the special officers should treat their spies.Â
Seonghwa hovers around the lot of you, nervously moving around and fixing things that do not need to be fixed, stealing glances at you. You look over to Yeosang. âMaybe you should calm that one first.â
He laughs with an approving clap and you finally break into a smile, though you are quick to turn it into a dirty look as you lock eyes with Wooyoung. âYou tell me whatâs going on or Iâm leaving.â
âYou canât leaveââ
âWhy did you switch seats with Nabi?â
You look at Jongho. âLike hell I canât leave,â you say and turn to leave just to prove a point but Seonghwa is quick to rush over to the door while San and Yunho basically manhandle you back into the seat despite your protests.Â
âThis is bullying!â You yell at them and they quickly raise their hands in surrender. You turn to Wooyoung, feeling anger rise up in your throat. âWhy canât I switch seats with Nabi? Iâm going to be honest, I donât like my current spot. I would have preferred a corner or an end seat, so when she offered, I wanted to accept right away.â
âWhat made you hesitate?â Mingi asks, the first time he directly converses with you.Â
You take a deep breath. âThat does not matterââ
âIt does,â he asserts. âSo tell us what made you hesitate and if it makes sense, weâll let you be.â
âMingiââ Wooyoung warns but gets ignored, the room falling silent as the boys wait for your response.Â
âLook. I donât know why you guys are giving me special treatment, but I figured that itâs got something to do with Nabi. I know she wants to sit next to Seonghwa,â you admit, meeting eyes with said boy meekly as he comes into your vision. âI donât know if you guys hate her or something, but itâs got nothing to do with me, and I would honestly risk your wrath than hers. She doesnât seem like a very nice person.â
âOh, you donât want to risk our wrathââ Wooyoung begins but gets interrupted by Seonghwa.
âShe isnât,â he admits in a soft, quiet voice which makes you shift your attention to him. He appears nervous, his eyes darting over to Hongjoong who is watching the scene unfold in front of him with one eye open. âShe⌠can be persistent. Itâs been a while since the eight of us have been in one class, and yet sheâs here to torture me again.â
âTorture you?â You question.Â
âShe follows him to every class. Sheâs got connections so she makes it happen,â Hongjoong answers for his friend, folding his arms. âCall it an obsession, call it infatuation, but sheâs willing to hurt us and our group just to get Seonghwaâs attention.â
âHave you⌠tried talking to her?â You look at Wooyoung. âYou could. You would certainly get the point across.â
âSheâs as tough as Wooyoung, if not more,â San scoffs. âShe wonât back down. She just wants Seonghwa to be her friend first. She wants to study with him because heâs better than her in some areas. Where heâs not⌠he takes help from Yunho or someone else but Nabi, and that pisses her off.â
âSounds like a nutcase,â you comment. âBut now you see why I have no choice but to accept her demand to switch seats. She will ruin my life, and I just barely got away with my life getting ruined at my previous school, so Iâm sorry but Nabi is your old friend and enemy. Deal with her yourselves.â
Hurt flashes across Seonghwaâs eyes and you almost take back your statement, but it is the survival of the fittest here and youâre not the fittest. So survive you must, however that may be.
âShe canât hurt you. We will protect you and make sure that does not happen,â Yunho speaks. A promise, and your heart almost flutters at the determination in his voice. âWe canât do much since we donât have the power to get to Nabi directly, but what we can do is make you stay in your current seat. Granted, sheâs still like a shadow hovering over Seonghwa from her actual seat, but itâs far better than being right next to him and bothering him every minute of the day.â
âHe bothers me every minute of the day,â you point at Wooyoung and he laughs in disbelief. âI donât complain.â
âI donât stalk youââ
âHow did you find me today?â
âWe searched for you, not stalked you, you fool!â Wooyoung retaliates and you straighten up.
âFool?â You gape at his audacity. âHow dareââ
âGuys, stop,â Seonghwa butts in and makes you both sit back down before things escalate. âSheâs right. Itâs not her responsibility to act as a buffer for us.â
âA sane person in this group,â you clap.Â
âButâŚâ Seonghwa purses his lips guiltily as he looks at you. âWeâre not letting you leave until you agree that you wonât switch seats with Nabi.â
The gasp that escapes your mouth is one of betrayal. âYouâll miss all your classes.â
âI never wanted to be the model student,â Seonghwa flicks his bangs away dramatically, and in that moment, you think that you see a little bit of Wooyoung in him. But as you look around, watching their proud faces as they smile at Seonghwa, you realise two things.
Theyâre all the same.
They wonât back down.
âWhy me?â You ask in defeat, finally accepting the cupcake and Jongho smiles like a proud father.Â
âBecause sweetheart,â Wooyoung leans forward, spooning some chocolate chips to sprinkle over your cupcake. âI have a feeling that youâre just like us. And Iâm never wrong. I didnât become your servant for no reason,â he says, offering you some tissues and you listen to his reasoning as you eat the cupcake. âI recognise the glint in your eyes. Youâre kind of⌠a menace yourself too.â
You narrow your eyes but donât deny anything and he takes note of that.Â
âI donât know what happened to you or why youâve decided to just hide in this school now,â he continues, âBut Iâm not going to let you create a shell around yourself when youâre a gleaming pearl. Itâs just a shame that not everybody can see that.â
Your lips curve into an âohâ. âDidnât realise you were a poet too. Apart from being a certified yapper.â
âIâm a man of many talents,â he points at the table. âBaked last night just for you. I got a whiff of your evil little plan to switch seats.â
âHow?âÂ
Wooyoung simply smiles in response which makes you wonder if one of his talents is reading minds.
What you donât realise is that you had been far too obvious.Â
It was Yeosang who overheard your conversation with Nabi about switching seats. At first, they thought that you would switch instantly like any normal person, but when you didnât, they started to think that you were onto something. They watched you observe Seonghwa and Nabi for the following days and Wooyoung decided to continue with his self-proclaimed servant persona, just to annoy Nabi, since she could have been getting these treats too.Â
The more they interacted with you, the more they liked youâ first, it was because it was so obvious that Nabi had an instant dislike for you. You were sitting next to Seonghwaâ not right next to him, but still close enough. You were struggling to fit in and Seonghwa, ever the saint, was guiding you academically, in a very subtle, casual and easygoing manner, though Wooyoung always butted in and made things a little more⌠fun. They also noticed how you were able to match the freak of the freakiest freak in their group, Wooyoung, and decided that he needed competition.Â
What really sealed the deal was when you confronted Nabi when you found her going through Seonghwaâs notes while he and his friends were absent from the class. It was something you did without realising the implicationsâ you simply asked Nabi if Seonghwa knew that she was going through his notes. She smiled and said something about how theyâre old friends and didnât mind stuff like this, but the way she immediately went back to her seat confirmed your suspicions. The boy who sat in front of you told Seonghwa about the little interaction.Â
So it was no wonder that you were here today, trapped with this sugar bait with orders not to leave the room until you agreed to go back to your original seating position. If the boys were going to miss all the classes today with you, then so be it. You were not going to back down.
âToilet break?â You ask after a couple of hours, seated near the window on a chair with a comic in your hand. Mingi seemed to have quite the collection.Â
Wooyoung narrows his eyes at you, suspecting your every move. You raise a brow in challenge. âYou wonât be denying a girl her toilet break, will you?â
âGuards,â Wooyoung called and Yunho and San got up almost mechanically. âAccompany her to the toilet. Make sure you use the one on the upper levels so she does not have an exit.â
âYes sir!â San and Yunho proceed to station themselves in front of the door, waiting for you. You roll your eyes so hard that it sends a wave of pain in your head.Â
âIâm also going to be making a stop at the canteen,â you announce. âI think Iâll be sick if I eat any more of those sweets.â
âOh, yes, please,â Yeosang takes out a pen and notepad and starts scribbling something on it. You watch him with mild interest and when he tears the page and hands it to you, you realise with horror that itâs his order. âWhile youâre at it, get us something too.â
âYou get them,â you tuck the paper into Sanâs pocket. âOr Wooyoung does. Iâm not the slave here.â
San chuckles and opens the door for you and you take a moment to breathe in with your hands on your hips as if finally free from prison. The boys station themselves outside the toilets while you freshen up and you take your sweet, sweet time, spending too long in front of the mirror. However, when you step out and find them unfazed, you realise that you should up your game.
It is recess time and itâs crowded. You could easily make a run for it. Before you can take that defiant step forwards, San and Yunho both link their arms with yours and you gape at them in disbelief.Â
âNot so quick, Missy,â Yunho teases. âI could practically smell the scheming.â
You make a face at him and let them steer you to the cafeteria. On the way, you try again. â50 bucks each. Let me go.â
âTry again,â San says.Â
â70. I donât have any more.â
âThatâs your loss,â he pats your head and you barely contain an animalistic growl. When you reach the cafeteria, though, they let you go.
Yunho gives you a warning look, reminding you that theyâre trusting you for now. âLetâs divide and conquer. You grab the snacks. Weâll get the trays. Letâs have a meal before we go back.â
That is a tempting offer. The cafeteria meal here isnât bad at all.Â
The three of you split and you go to the other end to grab some drinks and snacks with the money the boys gave you. You struggle to carry everything and drop a packet of chips but someone is kind enough to pick it for youâ
Of course itâs Nabi.Â
You suddenly get why Seonghwa dislikes her. She really does watch and hover.Â
âAre you sure you can eat that much?â She teases but you let her help you. You spot San at the far end of the room, waiting for you and Yunho.Â
âUh, these are obviously not for me. Not all of them.â
âOh, have you made some friends then?â She asks coyly. âI didnât see you in class today.â
At that moment, you dislike her perhaps as much as Wooyoung does. Her voice is annoying, her acting is bad. Sheâs pretending too hard to be nice.Â
You also let the little things that she does get to you. The ones you were previously consciously ignoring. The way she pokes her things against your back during class and claims she did it by mistake. The way she accidentally kicks your chair far too often, especially when itâs clear that youâre about to doze off.Â
âWhy, yes, I have,â you return her smile and she looks surprised. âCan you help me get these to them?âÂ
âOf course,â she frowns. âI didnât realise you had any friends.â
âOh, it happened too suddenly,â you say and when you navigate closer to where San and Yunho are both sitting now, her steps grow hesitant.Â
San and Yunho frown at the sight of Nabi accompanying you and they almost think that you have betrayed them. However, you loudly say, âThese are my new friends. She was just wondering who Iâm carrying so many snacks for.â
âYou guys came to school today? All of you?â She asked, suspicious eyes flickering among the three of you. âWhere have you been?â
âNarnia,â Yunho says and San smiles, not offering anything else to Nabi. She shoots you a glare and drops the snacks on the table, pivots on her heels and leaves. You curb a smile and glance over at the duo who look far too proud of you.
âWhat?â You ask with a short laugh as you dig into the meal. They donât say much, just give you one of their chicken croquettes each as a token of gratitude and you laugh in disbelief, shaking your head. âThatâs it? Thatâs how easy it is to win over you guys?â
âDo you know what influence Nabi has?â San reminded you. âThe queen bee of this school. No one does what you just did.â
âI didnât do anything,â you say with a pout. âI just told her you guys are my friends.â
âWhat she heard was that you have been skipping classes with Seonghwa,â Yunho explained. âSheâs gonna be so mad. She might even report us to the teachers, in which case, get ready for a punishment tomorrow, y/n.â
âNo way,â you scoffed. âThatâs⌠petty.â
The boys donât need to remind you to go back with them to their hideout. You naturally walk with them, learning more about this school and its âpower hierarchyâ from the duo. Before you know it, you are back to the hideout and spilling the tea to the rest who appreciate your bold move and thank you for bringing these snacks for them.
In the midst of conversation, fun banters and games, you find yourself wondering why you were ever hostile towards them or apprehensive of the idea that you could still make friends here. Granted, you are not sure if you are ready to be a part of their group and be associated with them, or be called a friend by them, butâŚ
You do not mind this one bit.Â
Sitting around the table with them, having dragged it near the lone sofa for more space, eight pairs of eyes follow the path of the guava-flavoured candy which San tosses into the air for you. You almost miss but are quick to catch it in your mouth and the room fills with the echoes of your laughter, friendly banter ensuing when the boys quarrel about who is a better shot. You take your turn and you are cheered on, and it almost feels like youâre with a group of childhood friends. It almost feels like these are your people and that you are never meant to be separated from them.
Going back to class is forgotten. The whole fiasco about switching back to your original seat is also long forgotten. You simply have fun for the first time in a while. You look up at the ceiling when you laugh, finding butterflies painted all over them and you briefly think that this group of friends is as free and joyful as butterflies.
âAyo, sunbae!âÂ
Wooyoung calls and the poor girl who was obviously hiding with her friends from the rest of the school to sneak in a smoke curses under her breath and drops the cigarette, crushing it under her shoe. She rolls her eyes once, hard, before plastering what looks like a genuine smile.Â
âWooyoung! My favourite junior,â she spreads her arms and Wooyoung shares a rather manly hug with the senior, bumping fists with the other girl and the boys. He either has not noticed the cigarette or is purposely ignoring it, but at the same time, you appreciate how the senior hid the cigaretteâ or maybe it was because of the foreign presence (you).
You watch the interaction with mild curiosity and one of the boys poke you in the back, propelling you forwards. The senior regards you with interest and scans you slowly before turning to Wooyoung with a questioning look.
âThis,â he says with his hand extended towards you and you are once again gently pushed in front of Wooyoung, âis y/n. The latest addition to the group.â
You make a show of rolling your eyes, asserting that you still donât consider yourself a part of their tightly-knit group, but Wooyoung and the rest arenât having any of it. The senior, however, catches that.
âAre you being bullied by them?â She asks. âBlink twice if you need help.â
You blink thrice.
âCome sit,â she says, patting the space next to her and you gladly accept. You tell her that you like her hair very much and she smiles. The red highlights in her hair really accentuate her edgy appearance.Â
âIf any one of these hooligans bother you, you come to me,â she says and extends her hand. You shake it. âThe nameâs Yuna.â
âHooligans?â This time, San beats Wooyoung in squaring up against the seniors but one glare from the girls humbles him right up. He shrugs all too casually, scratching the back of his neck with the pout on his mouth deepening with each passing second. âIâm not a bad guy.â
âDid you forget the time you almost made Inhyuk sunbaenim cry?â
Bewildered, you look at Yuna and then at San who looks anything but the hooligan Yuna claims that he is. If Yuna is referring to this Inhyuk dude as her senior, he must have been at least two years Sanâs senior. And he⌠almost made him cry?Â
You reckon that Hongjoong notices the temptation in your eyesâ the temptation to ask for an explanation. He fixes his glasses rather proudly, smacking Sanâs back to remind him to straighten his shoulders.Â
âHe has got nothing to be sorry about,â Hongjoong claims.
âInhyuk sunbaenim was a bully, so we got our small-eyed duo to knock some sense into him.â
You donât know why but your gaze shifts to Mingi and he looks betrayed. He smacks his foot on the ground as he calls you out and you raise your hands in surrender while the rest burst out in laughter.Â
âWe keep them to intimidate bullies,â Yuna explains. âThem with me and Hyorin over there,â she points at her classmate, a tall girl with too many piercings. You wonder how the school allows that. âWeâre the guards of sorts.â
âThey donât seem like the type to win in a fight, though,â you point at San and Mingi.Â
âTheyâre not,â Yuna laughs. âJongho and Yeosang step in during the real fights.â
Jongho, you get. But Yeosang comes as a surprise and he grins shyly, further proving your point. There is no way he possesses the ability to harm a living, breathing thing.
âAnyways,â Yuna drapes her arm around your shoulder and you curb a grin. âI hope these boys have been treating you well. Itâs good to hear that youâre a part of our group now, but let me know if you want out. I know these shitheads can be clingy.â
âYeah, or if youâre a weird one, let us know in advance,â one of the senior boys says.
âWe donât want another Nabi on our asses,â the other boy quips and you narrow your eyes, watching your boys shift with unease.
âIntak and Channie never know when to shut up,â Yuna complains.
âWhat happened with Nabi?â You ask and Yuna looks back and forth between you and the boys.
âSo they told you the mild version of it, huh?â She laughs. âNot my story to tell, but sheâs a real piece of work.â
âYeah, Iâm surprised that after Nabi, theyâre open to having a girl in their group,â Intak says and Hyorin agrees. âI think theyâre friends with our girls because they donât consider them⌠as girls, if Iâm honestââ
âHey!â Hyorin takes off her slipper and chucks it at Intak. Chan shrugs, point proven.Â
âThatâs not true!â Yeosang argues. âJongho still has a crush onââ
âOh, look,â Jongho points at the distance. It must be divine intervention that the devil you were just thinking about is seen walking with her friends towards the basketball court. Thus Jongho succeeds in distracting everyone. Nabiâ the divine devil in questionâ does not notice the group of you. You hear a muffled scream and follow Jonghoâs gaze.
Yep. He most definitely has a crush on Yuna.
âOne day when Iâm no longer bound by the school rules,â Yuna begins, cracking her knuckles. âIâll have a good conversation with Nabi. Girl to girl.âÂ
She clenches her jaw as silence ensues with the weight of her threat hanging in the air. However, Yuna soon breaks out into a smile when she turns her attention to you.Â
âGot any questions? Anything youâd like to know? Iâve got everythingâ secrets and dirt on everyone.â
âYou donât want her as your enemy,â Wooyoung concludes and then grabs your hand and pulls you towards him. âLetâs go. I just wanted to introduce you so she can keep an eye out for you.â
âOkay, firstly,â you begin, âI can take care of myselfââ
âOoh.â
âDamn.â
âTell him.â
You give the seniors a side-eye and continue. âSecondly, I think eight sets of eyes âlooking out for meâ are enough. Why do you think Iâll ever get in trouble when you guys never leave me alone?â
âGive her some space, boys,â Yuna pleads in your case. âLet her breathe.â
Wooyoung grunts in disappointment but reluctantly lets go of your hand. You scoff but he seems too tired to match your energy and you wonder if he took it to heart.
You soon learn that their idea of giving space to you seems to differ from yours by a whole lot. They have definitely taken it to heartâ at least some of them.
You canât tell if theyâre doing it on purpose, but Wooyoung is not bothering you every minute of the day, and itâs bothering you now. When you find yourself worrying about this, you smack your head. Isnât this what you wanted in the first place?Â
But he hardly acknowledges you anymore. When something funny happens in the class, he no longer looks at you though you find yourself looking at him. Jongho is not very talkative either. The rest are just the same but still a bit⌠distant.Â
Youâre positive that theyâve misunderstood you, and you find yourself sitting in the secret hideout alone, bunking one of the lessons to just rethink your friendship with them again. Nabi sure seems to be making the most out of your misery, if it can be called a misery in the first place.
âTrouble in paradise?â She asked one day. You just made a face at her and luckily, Hongjoong called you over at the same time. At least Nabi didnât get the satisfaction of rubbing it in your face.
You are also a bit curious about what happened with Nabi. You even debate asking herâ why is she so obsessed with this group?Â
Youâve heard enough rumours now. Since youâve adjusted to the class in the past couple of months, the girls talk sometimes. Youâve heard about how Nabi, Seonghwa, Yunho and Hongjoong used to have a study group but something happened after which they broke their friendship with Nabi. That something probably has to do with Seonghwa, you reckon, but you canât probe since it seems to be a sensitive topic.
You donât know exactly how long you spend spacing out in the room, but nobody joins you. You wonder if itâs just that the excitement of being friends has died down, but you kind of miss everybody. School doesnât feel like fun anymore. Itâs only been a few days, but everything has started to feel different. You canât focus on your studies properlyâ or anything, for that matter.
While you think about what went wrong and what you can fixâ if thereâs any fixing to be done in the first placeâ you play with the softball, chucking it in the makeshift net and missing. You try again and again, but you only manage to make a successful shot a handful of times. One time, the ball misses and hits a frame on the shelf and you flinch, wondering if you broke something.
Upon inspecting, it is a group photo that seems to have been captured in a photobooth. The eight of them are squished against each other and you can barely see Jongho and Yeosang but they seem so happy and carefree there. You donât realise how big of a smile youâre sporting until you catch your reflection in the frame and your smile drops.Â
You want to be a part of this. If theyâve taken the first step towards youâ no, if theyâve taken so many steps towards you, it is ungrateful of you to keep walking away from them.
Adamant to make amends of sorts, you go to the canteen and get eight packs of bread and eight packs of flavoured milk for the boys. You know exactly the kind of bread they like and the flavour of milk that they likeâ each one of them. You go to class and place a pack of bread and milk on their tablesâ they must be getting changed for gym. Nabi eyes you with curiosity but you donât pay much heed to her, although you ask her if sheâs hungry. She only grunts in response and you stifle a smile.Â
When the boys return, they hesitate in their tracks. Some of them thank you and open up their snacks. Wooyoung doesnât really regard the treats and you fold your arms.
âAre you angry with me?â
He meets eyes with you for the first time in a while. âWhatever gave you that idea?â
âWellâŚâ you shrug in mild discomfort. âYouâre not⌠talkative anymore. Not with me.â
Wooyoung suppresses a smile and rests his head on his hand rather cockily. âDo you miss me?â
You scoff in disbelief but seven expectant pairs of eyes are fixed on you and you fidget nervously. âI mean⌠yeah? I do. What about it? Can we just go back to normal?â
Wooyoung thinks for a good few moments. He nods, and to your horror, the rest of the boysâ all seven of themâ produce cash out of their pockets and set it on Wooyoungâs desk. Wooyoung counts the cash and tucks it safely in his pocket and then looks at you with the most shit-eating smirk youâve ever seen on a human.Â
âGot you.â
âJung Wooyoung!âÂ
While he laughs loud and proud, you snatch the snacks from the table and make a dash for the door, Wooyoung right on your heel as he yells at you to come back. Your laughs and screams echo in the corridor and you can make out the rest of the boys following the two of you, just to witness the scene. You hop down the stairs with caution though you are screaming all the way, and thatâs where Wooyoung manages to successfully tackle you and you barely avoid an accident, making it down safely with his arms around your waist and your legs swinging in the air.
âLet. Me. Down!â You laugh loudly and he swings you in circles until you feel dizzy, though you canât stop laughing.
âThatâs what you get for asking for some space!â Wooyoung says as he sets you down. âTell me if you still want some space and Iâll gladly leave you alone.â
âI canât believe you guys bet on this!â You retort, clutching your sides that are currently hurting from laughing too much. âWhat was the deal?â
âWooyoung was sure he was going to break you within 3 days,â Jongho explains. âWe were sure you could manage 5, but clearly we were wrong.â
You pout. âI thought you guys were cross with me. For real.â
âCome on, werenât we acting normal?â Yunho asks. âWe wanted to win the bet. I thought we were the same.â
âNo, but it didnât feel the same without Wooyoung, I guessâŚâ you scratch the back of your neck.Â
âYou love me. I know,â Wooyoung spreads his arms to bring you into a hug but you ignore him, taking refuge behind Seonghwa who claims that he told Wooyoung to tone it down a little.Â
âMy turn to be angry with you,â you promise Wooyoung. âLetâs see how long you last.â
âNo time for that,â he shakes his head. âThe basketball practice games start next week and weâre competing against our rival team in two monthsâ time. We need to cheer for them.â
That piques your interest. You learn that the regional competition is taking place soon and the KQ Stallions are aiming for the first spot. Unsurprisingly, your schoolâs team is very good and almost always makes it to the top 3, though they havenât earned the 1st position just yet.Â
Mingi and Wooyoung ask you to join them in cheering for their team and you find that it is not something casualâ they are very serious about cheerleading. They have good reasons to be, for San and Jongho are playing in the team this year. Yunho is the substitute which means that he has to be on standby.Â
The princesses of the group choreograph your cheers to perfection. It is a sport in itself, but you quite enjoy it, especially since the cheerleading group has grown much bigger by the day with more students joining you, and Mingi and Wooyoung are already making plans on how to up their cheerleading strategies when the KQ Stallions advance to the finals.
When, and not if, and you love that confidence.Â
For the next few weeks, you settle into a routine with the boysâ if it can be called that. Every morning, a few of them catch you by the gates and you make your way to class together. There are no longer any bets or formality between you and the boys. Slowly but surely, they have opened your heart to them and once again, you find yourself with friends that might just last for life.
Although, you think of those words with caution. Your childhood friends didnât last. You sometimes wonder if it was a shame to leave things on a bitter note with your friends from your previous school. The timing of how you had to move because of your parents with what happened at school was an unlucky coincidence. But thanks to Wooyoung especially, you are once again willing to try the idea of friendship.Â
Your hideout now has a beaded curtain that you had hung with the help of Hongjoongâ something from your previous home that you no longer needed. Hongjoong and Yeosang sometimes add some shiny ornaments that they bring from home on the strings of the curtain and the sunlight reflects beautifully on them, creating a kaleidoscopic effect at times.Â
You and Mingi rather enjoy sitting under the curtains with your comic books while Hongjoong naps with his head on Mingiâs lap since Mingi hogs the lone pillow. Seonghwa moderates the basketball boys who practise with balls of different sizes in the hideout. They manage to practise passing and dribbling in this small space. Yeosang becomes the damage control or the human shield, making sure the ball doesnât somehow manage to hit Hongjoong square in the face. Something tells you it has happened quite a few times and there is a reason Yeosang so willingly guards the slumbering beast.
Sometimes, after school if you are all free and there is no practice, you make a trip to the convenience store and the chefs, Wooyoung and Seonghwa, make a variety of ramens with whatever ingredients they can find. You join the tables outside to make a big dinner table and spread the goods on it. Ramen after school tastes better for some reason. The convenience store part-timer is an old lady who adores Wooyoung so she lets you be and you think she enjoys watching you guys having fun, though every now and then she warns you to keep it down.Â
The boys may be all fun and games but they take their studies very seriously, all of them. Most of the time, they study on their own when they go home but sometimes, you all gather at someoneâs house to prepare for exams and you find that there is a reason the boys are the way they are. They all grew up with loving parents who think of their childâs friends as their own.Â
One time, you muster the courage and invite the boys to your place to study. It is not that part which requires your courage, but admitting to your parents that you have made friends.
Your mother regards you with worry. âAre you sure? We donât want you depressed again, unable to focus after what happened last time.â
Last time. When one of your old friends created a rift in your group and made you all break up, all because of her insecurities because she felt âleft outâ. You later realised that she just wanted you out because she did not like how you managed to be the âcentre of attentionâ everywhere.Â
Was it your fault that you made an effort to involve everyone? Did that make you an attention-seeker? Was this what you deserved after making sure your odd group of five friends lasted forever? You never realised how much venom that friend had in her heart. After she made up a story about you spilling your friendsâ secrets to another group in your class and none of your friends believed you, you distanced yourself. If that was the trust they had in you, then you were fine by yourself.
However, the sudden change took a toll on you. Your grades fell considerably and with your fatherâs sudden job relocation, you came to terms with the fact that this is how your childhood ends.
But when you nod to your mother with hopeful eyes, she breaks out into a smile and tells you that she hopes that your friends this time are nice. You promise that they are. When she learns that itâs a group of eight boys, she bursts into laughter and shakes her head.Â
âThey better be treating you like a princess.â
âDonât worry, mom. They treat me like a queen.â
Your mother sees that. The boys arrive dressed more neatly than usual, appearing well-kempt. Wooyoung, ever the charmer, has a bouquet of flowers for your mother. The rest of the boys have pitched in to buy some fruits. Your mother fusses over them and learns their names and thanks them. She cooks up a feast while you study in the living room, the study-group trio leading everyone.Â
You find that it saves time to study with themâ each one of them is good at one thing or the other. Jongho has a knack for predicting the content of the exams, and he swears that he isnât a spy. He just assesses patterns, he claims. Yeosang and Hongjoong are good at maths. Seonghwa is good at making notes. Yunho is an all-rounder but San excels in English. You excel in Korean and History, while Wooyoung and Mingi are good at the science subjects. Together, you help each other with ease and the group study sessions pass in a breeze.
Your first exams go well. You manage to maintain the good grades from your previous school, and notice how you score better in subjects you were formerly weak in. That is one box checked from your mental list.
The other box is the first basketball game, and youâre more worried about it than you thought you would be. Perhaps, it is because you are so roped in with the boys now that it starts to feel like your team and your victory or defeat. You start to feel like a coach yourself, fretting over the basketball trio just like the rest, showering them in treats and cool, refreshing drinks. Anything to make sure that they are in top condition.
However, the trio seems to take advantage of your kindness.Â
One day, you find yourself on the school field, a lone warrior standing with no one to defend herself. Your heart is thumping at an erratic pace. Sweat pools from every crevice and you want to move but you remain frozen in your spot for the fear of your life. Every instinct tells you to move but you cannot. You are not allowed to.
There is a beer glass perched on the top of your head, upside down. The basketball trio is taking turns practising their aim with an actual basketball. Not one of the soft balls or bouncy balls back in the hideout, no. They want to practise with the real thing, and because you lost in rock, paper, scissors, you have to be the sacrificial lamb for the day.Â
They might as well tie you to the tree with an apple on top of your head and practise their shooting skills.
âSanâ stop!â You canât help but scream as the ball flies closer and you shut your eyes. Each time they manage to hit the beer glass successfully, you sigh in relief and almost collapse to your knees. The trio celebrates while the others either laugh, enjoying this a bit too much, or move around anxiously because fear someone might actually hit you square in the face.
âCanât I turn around?â You plead your case again and turn to Seonghwa who seems to be the only one actually worried. The rest are too busy betting on who will break your nose today. The basketball trio keeps telling you to have some trust in their skills but theyâre not the ones standing with the beer glass on top of their head.
âBrain damage,â Wooyoung counters, âis worse than a broken nose.â
âWell then, why donât you stand in my place, huh?â You offer. The boys laugh harder when you tap your temple aggressively. âSince itâs stuffed with hay up here.â
âIâm not the one who lost the game, sweetheart,â he smirks devilishly. âCome on. 3 shots left. You can make out of this alive. Have some trust in them. Theyâve got killer aims.â
âKiller aimâŚâ you repeat. âKilling which target?â
âWeâre not that bad, and you know it,â Yunho says as he orders you to stand straight and not move. Apparently, moving out of reflex might make them lose their aim. You believe that Yunho probably has the least chances of missing his target since heâs so tall that he can probably see the back of your head as well.Â
You accept your fate and shut your eyes, willing yourself to not pee in your pants. Just like that, Yunho plays his last shot and successfully hits the beer glass which falls with a dramatic clack. As the boys cheer, you almost sink to your knees. Yunho pats you in encouragement but you scowl at him, promising revenge.
âJust so you know, Iâm the best shot,â Jongho says as he takes his position in front of you a good 6 feet away. âYouâve got nothing to worry about. Itâs San you should be scared ofâ he sometimes tends to let his emotions control his aim.â
âBut Iâm feeling good today,â San counters. âI havenât missed a shot. You missed one.â
âShe moved,â Jongho reminds him.Â
âThis cocky attitude of yours is going to get to you one day,â You promise Jongho.
âLetâs hope that day is not today,â Jongho says and chucks the ball in your direction without warning.
You seem to have jinxed yourself. This time, you hardly have any time to shut your eyes before you feel the ball collide with your face.Â
There is a moment of silence. A blissful moment of no sensations before you feel something wet on your lips and you curl inwards, clutching your nose. Hot, burning pain is all you feel for a good few moments, apart from the ringing in your ears.
âOh, my god⌠are you okay?â Jongho is also the first one to approach you. The rest are too busy gasping and clutching their heads in disbelief.
âWhat do you thinkââ
âChoi Jongho!â
It is not one of the boy's voices you hear. It is Yuna, your senior and your saviour, who calls his name like itâs her last rite.
âI can explainââ Jongho barely has time to say before heâs running for his life with Yuna and the rest of her friends out for him, each holding one of their shoes in their hands, ready to deliver a beating. You chuckle at the scene but groan in pain.Â
It is Yunho who gently moves your hands away from your nose to inspect the injury. He sighs in relief and that is how you know your nose is not broken. With a handkerchief, he pinches your nose to stop the bleeding. You try to move out of his grasp because of the pain but he holds you close and smiles apologetically.
âIâve got you. Just stay still.â
This close, you can make out the flecks of brown in his eyes. You wriggle a bit but feel someone hold you in place from behind.
âThatâs what youâve been telling her for the last half an hour.â
It is Seonghwa. He tucks your hair away, not minding how sweaty your forehead is. You pass a weak smile and when Yunho pulls away, Seonghwa cleans the blood off your upper lips with his sleeve.Â
In that moment, you forget that these boys are the same people who led you to the altar that got you the bleeding nose in the first place. Wooyoung arrives to your rescue next with a bottle of water and Yeosang has ice in another thermos that he always carries with him.Â
Now you know why.
âYou guys,â you chuckle in disbelief, especially when you spot Jongho still running for his life and the seniors livid. âYouâre all insufferable.â
They share grins and help you get up. Thankfully, your nose doesnât feel as bad as before, especially with the ice but Yeosang still suggests a trip to the nurse's office. You move to the water stands, wanting to wash your face and the boys follow you closely, promising to teach Jongho a lesson.
When you are done washing your face, Jongho arrives with an apologetic look and his hair sticking out in different directions, probably from whatever Yuna and Hyorin did to him (nothing much, youâre sure). He is out of breath, his cheeks flushed from running so much but he still canât contain his smile.
âCome on, best shot,â you tease. âSay it.â
âIâm sorry,â he says, giggling like a 5 year old who just learnt a bad joke.
âDo better,â you say dismissively, washing your arms.
âIâm genuinely sorry,â he tries again and you regard him. He purses his lips and looks down. âItâs just⌠your nose is swollen and it looks funnyââ
That is it. The last straw. You turn the tap full and block it with your hand before anyone can react. Jongho gets sprayed with a sharp stream of water and when you stop, he looks at you in disbelief with water dripping from his hair and face.
âAgain!â Wooyoung announces and the boys scramble to grab Jongho and keep him in place and this time, Hongjoong and Seonghwa help you with the taps. While Jongho screams in defiance, your laughter fills the airâ
Until Seonghwaâs spray hits your back.
âOh⌠Iâm sorry, I didnât mean toââ
âGet him!â Hongjoong says the battle call.
The seniors watch from a distance as the 9 of you spray each other with water. Jongho has definitely gotten the worst of it, drenched from head to toes. Whenever someone sprays you with water, the seniors yell their name in warning. If you werenât wearing black gymwear, the seniors would have buried the boys alive by now.
All pain is forgotten as you splash each other with water. Someone tackles you in a hug and steers you in the direction of the jet stream one of the boys produces from the tap. Someone shields you with their body in a chivalrous manner. All that matters is that you are laughing like there is no care in the world.Â
The day of the basketball game against the rival team arrives. The victory of this match will lead to the KQ Stallionsâ qualification to the regionals.
The school is in a different state todayâ the floors are polished, the teachers are enthusiastic and the students are feeling energised. The colours of the KQ Stallions are everywhere. By the time school comes to an end, almost everyone has something red on themâ paint on their faces, polish on their nails, ribbon in their hair or a red flag with black stripes in their hand.Â
Hongjoong has taken it upon himself to make sure the cheerleaders match. You wait for your turn and when you stand in front of him, the both of you grin widely. You catch some dried paint on his hair from the sunlight that pours on him through the window of the classroom and you brush it off while he dips his brush in the paint.
âExcited?â He asks, even though he knows the answer.
âIâm positive Iâll crash from adrenaline overload before the game even starts,â you tell him. He nods, pointedly looking at the way youâre almost bouncing on your legs.Â
âStay still,â he instructs and you mutter a âyessirâ. He gently grabs you by the chin and tilts your face to the left to paint a red stripe across your cheek. He tilts it to the right and does the same, focused.Â
Then he switches his brush for the black paint and you notice how his hand is still cradling your chin. You also notice how close you areâ when he paints the black stripes, you think that you can feel his breath caress your cheeks.Â
And if thatâs not enough, he blows on the paint. Just for you. He didnât do it for anyone else, you notice. He also tucks the strands of your hair back so they donât catch in the wet paint.
You stand doe-eyed and for the first time, your heart flutters. You donât know if he notices, but when heâs done, he pats your shoulder and asks you to find Seonghwa, who he says must be hiding somewhere, shirking his duties. He was supposed to be helping him.
Youâre still making sense of this weird feeling in your chest when you take a turn in the corridor and you almost crash into someone. That someone is none other than Seonghwa who reflexively grabs your wrists and steadies you.
âOh, itâs you,â he says and leans closer to inspect the paint on your cheeks. This close, you can see the twinkle in his eyes and the flutter in your heart intensifies. You subconsciously pull away from him.
âHongjoong did a good job,â he grins. âDid he ask you to find me?â
âUh, yeah,â you manage to say, mouth suddenly dry. âHe thinks youâre hiding.â
âHeâs not wrong,â Seonghwa laughs. âWent to stretch my back. You want one?âÂ
He offers you candies and you take the strawberry one. He takes the orange. You unwrap it and pop it in your mouth, focusing on the taste. You listen to him talk about something but youâre too busy processing what just happened, and when Yeosang joins you, youâre glad for the distraction.
Once itâs time, you all head to the basketball court. You donât get to meet the basketball trio up close as they are being lectured by their coach, but you catch Jonghoâs attention and yell âbreak a nose!â to which he shakes his head in amusement. San and Yunho glance over in your direction and you all send finger hearts to the trio.
You find your spot in the middle of Wooyoung and Yeosang, and Mingi breaks down the moves once again to everyone present before taking his spot in front of you. He stands at the lowest row of the bleachers, the three of you on the upper row, and then the rest behind you, increasing in numbers as the rows ascend.Â
The basketball trio look incredibly handsome in their black tank and shorts, a red stallion embroidered on the front with their names and number on the back. They stand in front of the rival team gritting their teeth in determination and you watch with wonder how their demeanour changes. Yunho has a private moment with Jongho and San where it looks like he is giving some last instructions, and then he breaks into a smile and wishes them luck, sharing a group hug. It warms your heart infinitely and as soon as the players take position, Mingi raises his hand and you clutch the glittery black and red poms tightly and wait.
The game begins. As per Mingiâs cues, you cheer with your soul and your heart, and pause to inspect the game when he signals you to stop. Each time the KQ stallions score, you have to physically stop yourself from simply jumping up and down out of joy and stick to the choreography. However, Seonghwa and Hongjoong rub your shoulders as they share your excitement. Wooyoung and Yeosang share your enthusiasm. Mingi smiles brightly and gains strength when he looks back at his friends.
The game grows tense. The first quarter ends with KQ in the lead. All of you cheer for your team while the rivals gather around to revise their strategies. Your team toasts over water bottles and you can tell that theyâre excited to be leading. The coach tells them to keep their heads in the game.
The second quarter is twice as intense. The rival team seems to have taken an aggressive stance and they make no mistakes in scoring or defending their basket. The KQ Stallions try to keep up and they do a pretty good job. The cheerleaders make sure that their excitement doesnât die down and that your team gains some energy from your cheers. However, this time the KQ Stallions trail by a few points.Â
All is good. They just need to do better in the third quarter.Â
The third quarter is packed with nervous energy. While the first few minutes are uneventful, one of the defenders from the rival team tackles the freshman player in your team, resulting in a foul. The defender looks smug even after the warning and Yeosang tells you why.
The freshman in your team is a key scorer. If he is not able to play in full health, the team gets affected. Yunho might end up substituting in that case but it would definitely affect the morale of the team.
Youâre filled with rage after hearing that, but it seems like you are not the only one. The seniorsâ specifically your group of friendsâ are unfiltered with their curses. The cheers have died down and you are all instead focusing on the game, tracking each and every move.
You donât miss how theyâre trying to take Jongho out. He is a versatile player who can defend well and shoot better (if you forget about the broken nose incident). Jongho seems to have an idea of their strategy and he focuses more on protecting himself than the ball.
The third quarter ends with a score of 56-57 with the rival team in the lead. Tension peaks and the air feels electric. Before the fourth quarter begins, both the teams take timeouts to adjust their strategies. Yunho ends up substituting for the freshman after all, who seems to have a sore ankle. Itâs not good for the team for him to keep playing.Â
The fourth quarter begins with an ominous ring of the whistle. After a few minutes of dribbling, passing and failed shots, your trio of friends exchange signals and try to coordinate another shot. They work neatly, a bit sneakily but in full synchronisation. Itâs almost like they are tuned to each otherâs thoughts.Â
The way San throws the basketball into the hoop is nothing short of incredible and KQ finally leads by 3 points. The room bursts into a chorus of cheers and you mechanically perform the practised moves.Â
While the rest celebrate the lead, you are more focused on how the rival team reacts to this turn of events. They have a strong defence and with Yunho managing to find a weakness and helping coordinate a shot, you wonder if the rivals will end up making more dirty moves. You definitely smell scheming with the way they get aggressive in their actions.
As if Wooyoung has heard your thoughts, he comments, âTheyâre sneaky bastards but they donât know whatâs coming for them.â
The tension grows with each passing minute. With just three minutes left and a difference of 2 points, the cheerleaders have stopped cheering altogether and are watching the game with sharp eyes, following the basketball. The hall echoes with joyous shouts and groans and you donât know when it happened, but the three of you are almost clutching at each other at the last minute.
âOh, theyâre doing it,â Yeosang notices and you look at him in confusion. âFollow Yunho. Youâll see.â
You do exactly that. Yunho passes the ball to San and San dodges the players with expertise. He is leading them to your own basket and you wonder if heâs doing the right thing, but then you notice two thingsâ
Jongho and Yunho are straying away from the rest towards the rivalâs basket which is mostly defenceless right now. With only seconds left, it looks like the rival players are leaving their posts and already preparing for a celebration.
San, however, jumps and throws the ball in Yunhoâs direction. He is pulled down by a player but the ball manages to reach Yunho and panic ensues. Yunho is surrounded before he can make a goal and he throws the ball to Jongho who switches to offence and takes a risk, making a long shot at the hoop.
Itâs like time slows down as everyone sucks in their breaths, anticipating whether the ball will make it into the hoop or not. Your heart sinks dangerously as the ball hits the edge and Yeosang shuts his eyes close. Wooyoung is shaking your arm in a nervous fit.
Silence ensues.
The ball hits the floor. The score changes. The timer rings.
The KQ Stallions have won the game. Jongho has managed to score.Â
âOh my god,â you breathe and Yeosang finally looks at the scoreboard. âOh my god!â
Cheerleading is forgotten and the whole team jumps up and down and youâre swallowed in group hugs. You all are screaming out of ecstasy and you feel like you could cry out of sheer joy. You can hardly contain yourselves as you wait for the KQ Stallions to stop their own celebration and finish the formalities. As soon as theyâre done shaking hands with the rival teams who look thoroughly annoyed, your friends look in your direction and they run.
You all rush towards the stairs that lead down to the court and you follow Wooyoung and Yeosang who lead you with their hands in yours, making sure youâre not left behind. You canât breathe but youâre the happiest. Mingi crushes Yunho in a hug before sharing him with the rest of you. San brings the three of you in a hug and then Jongho joins and you all take turns ruffling his hair and smothering him in affection, once again cracking jokes about how heâs a good shot but managed to break your nose anyway.
The nine of you form a circle and as you hop around, it feels like itâs a little bubble. You have created your own world, your own space, and here, itâs just happiness and excitement. Nothing can hurt you. No one can take you down. The boys squeeze in some silly dance moves and you suddenly think of the butterflies painted in your hideout room.Â
There used to be eight of them but now thereâs another painted on the roof. You donât know when Hongjoong painted that, but now you know what he intended.
It feels like youâre a butterfly just like themâ free and happy.Â
Junior year passes by in a breeze.Â
While the KQ Stallions didn't win the regionals, their achievement of making it to the regionals is an accomplishment in itself. The boys still play basketball with as much enthusiasm, and the rest of you still cheer as if your lives depend on it.Â
With the passage of time, you have created a unique bond with each friend. Your dynamics have shifted with everyone but itâs still the same as the first day. Sometimes, you wonder if things between them changedâ you feel like an impostor. However, they assure you that your presence has changed nothing, yet, changed everything in a good way.
You donât know how you feel about that, but you suppose itâs nice to know how they feel about you.Â
Yuna had somehow learned about your hideout room and the group of four started to treat the room as their own. At first, Wooyoung and Hongjoong had protested but they had been bribed with an offer to try Yunaâs extensive collection of flavoured cigarettes. They had hesitated at first but eventually agreed to try, ignoring Seonghwaâs warnings about the dangers of smoking. You had watched with curiosity as they tried a strawberry and peach flavoured smoke and then clutched at your stomach that hurt from laughing too much when they incessantly coughed and almost threw up.Â
Nevertheless, they âallowâ Yuna and her gang to share the room (as if they had a choice in the first place). Perhaps, because itâs their senior year and theyâll miss them next year. The girls take care of youâ Yuna teaches you a few things about nonchalance and dominance (you need that as the lone girl in the group of eight boys), and Hyorin teaches you all the feminine stuff.Â
At first, the boys cringe and only Seonghwa joins Hyorin as they style your hair or do makeup on you (where Jongho joins tooâ apparently, he has a knack for makeup) but then one day, San comes prepared. He shows Hyorin something new that he learned from his sisterâ an eyeliner hack that he tries on you.Â
Impressed, Yuna and Hyorin take turns having him apply their eyeliner. Seonghwa takes the seat next and the room bursts into appreciative laughter as San applies eyeliner on Seonghwa too. Wooyoung finally gives in and because the eyeliner looks so good on him, the girls fawn over him and apply some eyeshadow as well. He complains for a few moments but when he takes a look in the mirror, he caves in and canât put the mirror down.Â
Thus, you juniors warm up to the presence of the seniors in your hideout, which isnât a common occasion but welcomed now. You have snack parties and the boys who have a knack for cooking share tips and sometimes collectively bake treats for you. It is a stark difference from the first time you found yourself in this room, being bribed by treats. It feels like home now.Â
During the holidays, the whole lot of you make trips to the amusement park and the aquarium. One time, you go to watch a horror movie at the cinema where you learn that only Yunho and Jongho seem to possess the stamina to sit through a horror movie. You keep creating wonderful memories with your friends. The seniors donât always join you, occupied with preparing for college but itâs fun either way.Â
At school, your homeroom teacher Miss Ji grows fond of your group. It looks like the boys are behaving this time so theyâll be in the same class in senior year too. You pray with your whole heart that senior year will be just like this. Nabi, however, stays salty with you. She doesnât bother you very much anymore, but itâs clear that she still has a strong dislike for you.Â
You donât care. The boys protect you fiercely, but even if they didnât, you can stand on your own now. You have learned your lesson from your previous school. You know how to stand up for yourself.Â
You have to learn to stand up for yourself because the boys take any and every chance to prank someone and then point fingers at another. It is a joke, of course, but it has strengthened your debating skills and survival skills. It turns into a warzone pretty quickly with them, but in the end, itâs all fun and games.Â
Itâs all fun and games. From racing each other to the cafeteria or earning punishment for the whole group during gym where the teacher makes all of you run extra laps. Cooling off under the shade and having water splashed on you which turns into a water fight. A protective throw of someoneâs jacket onto you to cover yourself as the boys flush because they forgot that you are a girl. You flush deeper because you forgot that you are a girl too.Â
Then there are the trips to the convenience store during school as the nine of you sneak out, jumping over the walls. The twin towers of the group act as stepping stones for you to help you make it to the other side of the wall. Mingi usually does the throwing and Yunho catches you in his arms. His ears turn red and your cheeks flush without fail every time you make a run to the store. You both look at each other and laugh shyly.Â
Towards the end of the junior year, the nine of you go to the riverside one evening to have a dinner of ramen and take a break. Finals are approaching and the stress is palpable, so you sometimes make little trips like these to calm your nerves. The seniors couldnât join you which is a shame but you know youâll have fun either way.
After a hearty meal of ramen and kimbap, Hongjoong takes out a ukulele and Mingi, who sits next to you, turns a pot upside down and grabs some sticks from the trees, ready to play his makeshift drum. The boys start to sing their favourite songs and you join them, clapping in harmony. Itâs a lovely moment and you canât help but feel giddy. Yeosang and San couple dance in the middle and Wooyoung sings for them.Â
When youâre packing your belongings and preparing to go back, you catch Wooyoung who is zipping his bag.Â
âI didnât realise you could sing so well,â you start and he smiles, pleased with himself.
âWhy, thank you,â he grins.
âNo, I mean it,â you say and he pauses to look at you. His voice is still echoing in your head, lulling you into a calm headspace. âYou have the most beautiful voice Iâve ever heard. I canât believe Iâm saying this, but itâs the truth.â
Wooyoung raises his brows. âYouâve told me to shut up so many times that I canât believe what youâre saying.â
You laugh. âI mean your singing voice. Not yapping voiceââ
He is quick to bring you in a chokehold and you tap on his arm to indicate that you surrender. He shifts his arm to bring you close and stares at you.
âYou mean it?â He asks.Â
You look at him. His eyes are wide and eager with anticipation.Â
âI mean it. I need you to sing more and yap less.â
âOh, you love it when I yap,â he says. You donât deny it.Â
He kisses your temple. While itâs something that he does everyday, this time, he lingers and kisses your cheek too. You feel the onset of butterflies in your stomach and you canât believe it.Â
Before you can process this moment, San joins you and welcomes you with a kiss to your cheek too. You almost groan but the way he looks at you with so much fondness melts your heart and you realise he isnât teasing you. Heâs just⌠being himself.Â
âYou alright?â He asks.Â
âIâm fine. I told him he has a nice voice. Make sure it doesnât get to his head,â you say and wring out of their grip, leaving them snickering. You take refuge behind Yeosang who, ever your protective friend, tucks you further behind him. It reminds you of the time you used to call Wooyoung the assailant. Jongho pokes you in the side and makes you fold over, the three of you running in circles to get each other.Â
Your laughter carries throughout the semester. Junior year comes to a beautiful conclusion and you part ways with the boys for the holidays. You share a teary-eyed farewell with the seniors and promise to stay in contact and meet up often. They assure you that they wonât leave you alone and that every now and then, you can expect them at the hideout. It sounds like a promise to you and a threat to the boysâ the seniors warn them. Take care of our little sister.
Take care they do. While you donât meet up for the first half of the holidays, all of you travelling around to meet your families, you do occasional meetups at cafes and arcades with anyone who is able to join. The group chat remains alive and it almost feels like youâve never parted.
Senior year arrives. It is the first day of school, a year apart. Cherry blossoms fill the streets again, blooming in all their pastel pink glory, contrasting beautifully with the morning blue sky. The clouds look nothing short of cotton today, fluffy and full.
Just like last year, children are on their way to school and playing games on the streets again. They focus on stepping or avoiding the petals, challenging each other playfully. The old folk sit to bask in the scene. The students look nervous but the blossom shower seems to help soothe their souls.
And then there is your group of seniors. Youâre all waiting at the designated intersection for Mingi and Yunho to arrive. While you wait, youâre all chatting among yourselves and catching up. San recounts a trip to his hometown to visit his grandparents. Wooyoung has far too many stories to share. Yeosang can apparently play the violin now and he is being assigned as the musician in your hideout now. Hongjoong and Seonghwa argue about their plans for college.Â
Jongho, who has dyed his hair red over the holidays, is wondering how heâll get past the guard and the teachers. You tease him about how heâs definitely inspired by a certain senior he had a crush on. He no longer reacts when you mention it or tease him about his little crush over Yuna. It seems like he has gotten over it, or realised that it was more admiration than crush.
The twin towers arrive, waving enthusiastically from the distance. You all pretend to be mad since you waited a good 15 minutes for them, but when Mingi pulls the zipper of his bag to reveal snacks, you all decide to forgive and forget. The duo is welcomed warmly and you all start to walk towards the school.
âOh, look at that,â Seonghwa points at a boy and a girl trying to catch the petals from the trees. They seem to be juniors. âThey must have heard the saying about how catching a falling petal grants your wish or brings you luck.â
âOr makes you find your true love,â you say spontaneously and Seonghwa glances at you with a smile. You suddenly feel shy. âI think thatâs the most common belief associated with catching falling petals.â
âWell, itâs not hard to catch them,â Seonghwa attempts to catch a petal but misses. âPerhaps, that is why the saying exists. So we believe that finding your true love isnât a very hard thing.â
âSo that we do not lose hope and believe in our luck,â you add and he agrees. âIs it supposed to be catching a petal at the same time as the otherâŚ?â
Seonghwa follows your gaze. The couple seems to believe that the petals have to be caught at the same time.Â
âNow that is hard,â Seonghwa laughs.
âWhatâs hard?â Wooyoung asks, falling in step with you both.
âDo you think we all can catch petals at the same time?â Seonghwa wonders.
âYou bet we can. Guys!â Wooyoung claps to get everyoneâs attention and you groan, laughing to yourself. âWe have a challenge.â
âWhatâs the prize?âÂ
âShut up and listen,â Wooyoung scolds Mingi and he leans against Yunho for comfort, laughing anyway. âWeâre all going to try to catch petals at the same time.â
âWhy would we do thatâŚâ Yeosang begins but when Wooyoung folds his arm, he retracts his question.Â
âIs this about the true love saying?â San wraps his arm around Yeosang and you all slow down to a halt. âI donât really believe in that, but itâs romantic.â
âIf the nine of us catch petals at the same time, that would make it more believable,â Yunho comments. âBecause what are the chances?â
âIt would be nothing short of a miracle,â Hongjoong sighs. âAnd it is also what gets us late on the first day of school.â
âThree attempts,â Wooyoung suggests and Jongho nods, being the first to accept the challenge.
You think itâs a bit foolish and youâll definitely be late for school, but Wooyoung looks so happy to just finally have all of you together and his grin is unmatched. You get him. Youâre feeling happy and content too. You meet eyes with all the boys, and it looks like they share the sentiments.
So you all turn away from each other, waiting for Wooyoungâs cue. All of you fix your eyes on that one petal that seems to be falling the right way, that seems to be calling to you. When Wooyoung shouts ânow!â, you all jump and swing your hand in the air and clutch your fist before you turn back towards each other, light on your feet and almost reminiscent of butterflies in your movement.
It seems nothing short of magical when you all open your fists to find that everyone managed to catch a petal in the first attempt. All nine of you.Â
Some of you stand in disbelief while the rest absolutely lose their minds. Youâre frozen in place, staring at the petal in your hand in awe. When you look up, you find all the boys clutching at their petals like itâs a token of luck. It might as well be.Or maybe, itâs a symbol of love, marking new beginnings.
đŠđđ˘đŤđ˘đ§đ : jung wooyoung x grimreaper!reader
đŹđ˛đ§đ¨đŠđŹđ˘đŹ: wooyoung never thought death would be so beautiful
đ°đ¨đŤđđđ¨đŽđ§đ: 6k
đđđ đŹ: life and death themes, angst, fluff, clingy wooyoung, grim reaper reader, after life
đ§đ¨đđđŹ: honestly? i don't even know. i made myself sad. why? again, i don't know.
"hyung, i've been having these weird dreams again lately. this black figure just sits in the corner, wherever i am. it's so scary-"
"wooyoung. i'm staying up late in the studio, please don't scare me."
"and i'm walking home alone after this, hongjoong, what am i supposed to do? i'm scared shitless. i walk around paranoid, people think i'm crazy for turning around every few minutes while i walk."
the older man rolls his eyes playfully at the younger ones response, then pops another soup dumpling in his mouth. he immediately regrets it, forgetting that they are still very hot inside. seeing the young one in distress, he quickly chews it and swallows it, trying to ignore the burning sensation down his throat.
"look, if it's bothering you so much, you can sleep with seonghwa tonight. i'll just sleep on the couch when i come home."
"thanks, man! i'm sorry, at first it was funny. but now? it's getting so frequent that the other night when i woke up, i almost smacked yeosang across the face. poor guy was just trying to drink water. but now that he isn't here, it's even scarier."
hongjoong snickers, then picks up another dumpling. he makes sure to blow on it first, before biting only half of it off so it can cool down. much better.
"just don't be scared if you hear rattling. that's just me coming home and dragging my cables with me. where has yeosang gone anyway?"
"he went to his parents for the weekend. it's his mom's birthday."
"oh, right. should've known. he never shares anything like that."
they stay in silence for a while, enjoying the rest of the food. hongjoong treated his brothers a lot, and wooyoung felt like it was finally time to return the favor. of course, he missed the way hongjoong secretly swiped his card at the counter on his way to the toilet, so when wooyoung asked for the bill, he was left disappointed and angered.
"it's already paid, sir." the waitress says, hiding hongjoong's smirk with a tray as she collected the dirtied dishes.
"what? by who?"
"thank you, hasun. the food was amazing as always. sorry for the mess."
"you-" wooyoung started, pointing his finger at his older brother.
"oh, don't worry about it. you're always welcome." the young girl smiles, a little flirtatiously.
hongjoong didn't miss it, of course. but he only nodded with a respectful smile, understanding his position as an idol and his limitations. "have a good night!"
the young men exit the little restaurant they often visited as trainees and freshly debuted. it was always fun to go back to old memories of fun and sacrifice. hongjoong looks at wooyoung, who is still sulking because he couldn't pay. he loves all seven of them, with all his heart. without them, who knows where he would be. each one of them worked so hard, and they are where they are right now because of team work. and hongjoong couldn't have asked for better team mates. team mates he gets to call family.
"come on, cheer up. i'm your hyung, i can't let you pay."
"san lets me pay all the time." he mumbles, not even looking at hongjoong. it makes the older man even more amused.
"san loves to tease you, and you know he can't deny free food. you'll pay another time."
"liar."
"i promise."
"i don't believe you."
"pinky promise?"
"that means nothing coming from you."
"come on, you're doing too much."
polar opposites, they were. hongjoong didn't care about those things. he just wanted to take care of his members, and lead them. but wooyoung? he cared about every little detail, showed love to everyone around him, and got deeply hurt every time hongjoong would promise something and then break the promise.
"you won't stay late tonight?" "nope."
"did you eat the chicken i made for you? you didn't starve yourself again, did you?" "of course i ate it."
"will you wrap up earlier today so we can all go out for lunch?" "sure."
"did you check out that back pain?" "yep."
he would stay up late. he didn't eat the food. he wouldn't wrap it up either. the chicken would stay on his desk for days sometimes, until a visit from seonghwa would take care of it. he would fall asleep on his couch with his laptop, fingers stuck on one key and typing endless pages of the same letter while the exhausted producer softly snored on the keyboard. back at the dorm, the bottle of alcohol would be downed, and wooyoung would only be washing seven glasses, the eighth one still waiting on the counter. hongjoong would come, see the single glass on the counter, and feel bad. but the music won't produce itself. once the work is finished, he'll enjoy with them.
yet the work never seemed to finish, and it made wooyoung angry. not at his leader, but at the expectations from everyone above them. even now, hongjoong had very dark circles under his eyes, and was blinking heavily. it was only seven in the evening, and he still had to be in the studio.
"i hate when you overwork yourself. or when you starve yourself as a punishment for not doing a good job. and i hate when you put work first. we barely see you these days, only on interviews and concerts. i just wish-"
"don't guilt trip me, okay?"
"what?" wooyoung says for the second time that night, now more in disbelief than in disappointment.
hongjoong scoffed, feeling mentally tired. "look, i'm trying to finish this so i can rest before the comeback. so we can all rest before the comeback. i don't have time for these hangouts or slacking. we are team mates and colleagues, and-"
"oh."
hongjoong realizes how wrong his words came out, but by the time he looks at wooyoung, the young man is already sulking again. "no, i didn't-"
"team mates? colleagues?" he scoffs. "you know what? go. i don't care. i'm sorry i'm a pain in the ass. i won't ask again."
"wooyoung-" hongjoong puts his hand on wooyoung's shoulder, trying to fix the situation he created.
"i don't care!" wooyoung yanks his hand away, and accidentally pushes him in the process. "go! i don't care. i'll leave you alone, and i won't ever ask you for a drink or bring you food. it rots in there anyway, and as a colleague, i'm clearly overstepping. so, good luck with your work, mate."
the older man can only watch as the younger one crosses the street, going a different route just to be alone. he wishes he could follow him and apologize, but the deadline is so close, and eden is unforgiving. even now, when he is only two minutes late, his phone is blowing up with calls and messages from him.
"fuck."
the phone beeps loudly near hongjoong's head. when he turned the alarm on before sleeping once he got back from the studio and threw himself on the couch, he audibly groaned at the words on his screen:Â three hours and twelve minutes until the alarm. it takes him a while to peel his eyes open, and when he takes his phone, he is surprised to see an incoming call instead of the alarm. it is still dark outside, meaning that he only actually slept for an hour. the letters and numbers on the screen are blurry. hongjoong can't fight the fatigue, and thus, shuts the phone off sleepily, turns on his side and then falls asleep again.
the second time he is awoken, it isn't by the fateful alarm. rather, it is by a shoulder shake. he turns around, rubbing his eyes. the sky is no longer pitch black, but a dark blue colour, stars slowly bidding goodbye and the sun announcing it's arrival. from this point onwards, it feels like a dream. a nightmare, rather.
hongjoong remembers seeing the foggy frosted windows first, ones that looked at the big buildings and busy streets of seoul. only six in the morning, and people were already up and working hard, despite the biting winter weather. then, hongjoong remembers his team mates, brothers, standing above the couch in the living room. seonghwa's eyes bloodshot red, and jongho rubbing yeosang's back as he sobs into his shoulder.
"what's going on?"
"did wooyoung come home last night?" seonghwa's voice is a mere whisper.
"what?" hongjoong is completely awake now, throwing the blanket aside and sitting up straight. lack of sleep doesn't allow him to stand yet, so he remains sat. "i came here well after midnight, i didn't want to make any noise so i went straight to sleep. i even have my clothes on still. yeosang? when did you come back?"
"hongjoong..." seonghwa starts, looking anywhere but at his friend who looks more concerned with each second that passes. with full right.
"what? say it, god, i feel like throwing up. what is it? where's wooyoung?"
"they called us to identify a body."
hearing those words for the second time that morning, san can't help but break down. he leaves the room, yunho following. he can't let him stay alone, one missing member is enough.
"what?" hongjoong's voice now matches seonghwa's, his heart tight and legs ice cold. a chill runs down his spine, and his eyes burn terribly.
the young leader on the couch finally takes a good look at his older brother. his eyes puffed and red, lips dry and trembling, dried tear marks on his cheeks, and new tears making his eyes glossy. hongjoong is still unable to react. he doesn't know what to say. he can't move, his legs nor his tongue. it is not until mingi hands him his jacket that hongjoong realizes he isn't dreaming again. the situation is serious, painful, and unbearable. he can only hope on the way there that the jung wooyoung they have isn't the jung wooyoung he parted ways with last night.
but when hongjoong arrives at the morgue, and sees his dear friend and brother embraced by an eternal dream, all he can do is slide down the wall and grab his head in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair as some sort of subconscious punishment.
"mr jung crossed the road on a red light"
"the car that hit him was going over the speed limit"
"we did everything we could"
"the driver was taken by police"
"we tried reaching out while he was still somewhat conscious"
hongjoong's breath stops.
the call.
the call from the unknown number he so lazily muted.
the call that maybe couldn't save wooyoung, but could've given a chance to hongjoong to show him how much he is loved.
the call that wouldn't make this situation as tragic as it is.
wooyoung died not knowing that hongjoong loves him as his brother, not knowing that he bought eight tickets for the new movie he so wanted to watch, not knowing that hongjoong begged eden to have a week off to make up for all the times he has ditched on everyone. again, all that hongjoong has is hope. hope that if there is an afterlife, wooyoung could look down and see that hongjoong didn't mean what he said last night. not in the way wooyoung took it.
selfishly, hongjoong blamed eden. if he didn't stay up that late, he could've gotten the call. hell, if eden wasn't so harsh on him, this wouldn't have happened. he would have enough time to spend with his family, and the argument wouldn't have happened at all. they could go to the movies, stay up late at the dorms and drink, talk about silly crushes and gossip about the managers and staff, then all fall asleep on the floor with shared blankets and couch pillows.
"come on, we have to go. we have to tell his parents."
on a rocking chair, on a porch overlooking the orange and pink clouds, sits a young woman. a black hood rests on her head, the shadow hiding her face. her thin, skeletal looking fingers flip through the pages of the worn out book, mind already autofilling the sentences. she knows the book by heart, it being her favorite since she learned how to read.
the sound of grunting and tossing takes her attention away.
finally, she thinks.
she enters the little wooden cabin, leaving the book in the chair, still rocking. the young man opens his eyes, hands reaching to rub the sleepiness out of them. he sits up, now almost fully awake. he looks around, scratching the back of his neck. his surroundings look nothing like the usual mornings he wakes up. finally, he sees you. a black hooded cloak, thin fingers gripping the scythe that is bigger than you, and a sickly looking bunny on your shoulder, pitch black and blending with your cloak.
then, sharp pain. his spine aches, and wooyoung screeches. he curls up on the bed, hands gripping at his back in hopes to make it stop. you take pity in the deceased human and his pain, and spare him. the scythe thumps against the floor, and the young man calms down. he breathes fast, uneven, and sits up again. his eyes widen, and you think that if he widened them a little more, his eyeballs would pop out. all the reactions are the same. they all think they're ready for death, but when they do encounter it, suddenly they want back.
"no..."
denial, the second reaction. how ground-breaking. you sigh, bored. will you ever encounter an interesting human? then, you remember you were the same. worse, even. wide eyed, screaming into the black cloak to let you go back, trying to jump from the porch into the clouds, in hopes of landing back among the living. three times you tried to jump, until you were strapped to the very same bed the young man is in right now.
"no, it can't be. i mean, it's a dream, right?"
you don't answer. it won't be of any help. instead, with the handle of the scythe, you push an empty bottle from the night stand towards him. despite his growing confusion, he takes it in his hand, not yet asking why it is empty. he looks at you, well, tries to, as if to silently ask. he sees that you don't acknowledge him, and makes his peace with it.
he unscrews the cap, and looks inside. the bottle is still empty, and wooyoung isn't sure what to do. using the handle of your trusted companion again, you push the bottle towards his lips, and the bottle finally fills with liquid. to your surprise, it turns white. milk?
"wow." he says, downing the whole bottle. he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then looks at you once again. "let me guess. fills with whatever the person yearns for at the moment?"
you nod slightly, then take the bottle. you toss it into a wooden box, which is only halfway full this week. it makes you happy. you hate days when it's overflowing. because of the people themselves, and because of the mess you have to clean up.
"i haven't had a glass of milk in years, i think. somewhere deep down i must've really needed it."
the man stands up, looking around. his hand reaches towards the pink clouds spilling through the open cabin, and he feels a warm sensation. he notices that it doesn't have windows and doors. only window and door frames, and light transparent drapes that float in the gentle breeze. he looks out the window, and sighs. the cabin sits on the clouds, the colorful fluff extending into the horizon over the sun. no other houses, buildings of any kind, or animals. except a path, which wooyoung doesn't ask about yet.
"must be damn beautiful looking at this all day long. the sun is setting on earth? the clouds are pink, so... i mean, you don't have to answer. i don't know what to do with myself. i guess i'm waiting to wake up. or subconsciously think that if i approach this as a normal person, you might send me back. that not happening, right?"
asking to go back, third reaction. but he isn't asking. merely making sure that his thinking is right. when you stay silent, he takes that as affirmative.
"so, how does this go? do i confess my sins? do i stay a ghost and haunt someone? do i go to another place? or do i take over yours?"
he is easy going. not boring at all. very relaxed, in fact. for a person that lost his life overnight, at the peak of his life, he seems very friendly. usually, people that arrive here hate you. as if you were the one who killed them, and not often their foolish and reckless decisions.
the animal on your shoulder jumps down, finding its usual place in the warm abandoned bed. wooyoung refrains from petting it, even though that's all he wants at the moment. to feel something alive in his hand again. speaking of which, he remembers his brothers. his family, both of them. he gulps, afraid of showing emotion. he isn't sad for himself. he is sad for them. they'll have to carry the burden of grief for days, until they are ready to let go. and wooyoung hopes they let go soon, for their sake.
he doesn't have time to further sadden himself, when he notices you exiting the cabin through the other door frame. it is the path he saw, leading through the clouds and disappearing far away.
"no bikes?" he jokes, the silence becoming unbearable. he has to occupy himself, as to not think of the life he so carelessly abandoned.
but you still don't say a word. you walk in front of him, the black cloak tail trailing behind you.
 "should i just save my breath?" he mumbles, more to himself. "i thought i'd be scared. frankly, i'm a bit bored. i-"
his breath hitches when you suddenly turn around, pointing your scythe at him. the silver blade glimmers under the faint rays of sunshine, blinding almost. "silence."
wooyoung expected many things. but for you to sound so gentle while you looked so fierce? his expression must've pissed you off, because you thump the bottom of your scythe against the floor, causing him to vanish into thin air and spawn back in the bed. more like above it, making him land on his butt on the soft mattress.
"hurry." your voice echoes everywhere. "or you won't make it."
"wait!" wooyoung's legs ache as he runs down the path, struggling to catch up to you.
fatigue takes over his body and mind. being dead isn't for the weak, he thinks.
"fuck-" he yelps, hands reaching for his back in hopes of relieving the pain that has struck him again. then, he sees the scythe raise from the ground again, and you preparing to thump it one more time. "wait! no, no, no-"
"no swearing in my realm."
"i'm sorry!"
but you show no mercy, instead teleporting him back in the bed, this time being kind enough not to drop him on it. you hear him groan out of frustration, and you can't help the smirk on your lips. by the time he catches up once again, you are almost at the end of the path.
"i apologize." he breathes out. when you don't respond, he frowns. he trails behind you, gaze fixed on the cobblestone path surrounded by clouds that have now turned a violet colour. the sun will set any second now.
he wonders how many days have passed. was he buried already? how was his family holding up? how was hongjoong? and the rest? san? oh, san. and yeosang, too. a seed of self hatred spawns in wooyoung's heart. how could he be so careless? he caused permanent pain to those who did nothing but love him. he hopes hongjoong isn't too hard on himself. it's not his fault, and he hates that it took this to realize it. as much as it hurts, he hopes they move on as soon as possible. for their sake. they have each other, they'll get through this. they have to.
a creak wakes wooyoung from his thoughts. he finds himself standing in front of a gated garden. the doors open on their own, tall and of steel. it reminds wooyoung of castle gates. you head inside, the cloak trailing behind you. the young man follows, careful not to step on it.
"this is the Garden of Truth." your voice is an echo, even though you are mere inches away from him. it is a gentle one, sounding as if multiple voices were speaking at once. satisfyingly eerie. "while we walk through it, you can ask me anything. and i will tell you the truth, and nothing but the truth. but beware: what questions you choose to ask determine what happens to you beyond the gates at the end."
wooyoung hums. curious eyes take in the sight of the dull garden ahead: vines that climb the stone walls nothing but branches, grey grass, hardened soil, no animals other than the bunny on your shoulder. the sky is suddenly grey, the pastel colours long left behind the gates. wooyoung doesn't look back. it seems that if he does it, something might go wrong. so he looks straight ahead, gaze fixed on the dried up bushes that run along the dusty path.
"our time here is limited. i suggest you start." you warn.
"right." he clears his throat. "how uh... how did they find out?"
"you'll have to be specific, wooyoung. specific questions are rewarded with specific answers."
"of course." he agrees, mentally face palming himself. "how did my colleagues find out?"
"a few fans recognized you as they were passing by. they were the ones that called the ambulance. then, the hospital contacted your company, which contacted park seonghwa and the rest."
oh, no. not atiny.
wooyoung's heart clenches. that must've been traumatic. it will scar them for life.
"did i... on the spot? did they see my... corpse or my body?"
"at the hospital. you were still alive when they found you on the road."
"oh," he is somewhat relieved.
he knows the time is limited, yet he can't bring himself to speak as he watches your bony fingers run through the dried leaves of a willow that is sagging sadly over the path. was the garden always like this?
"not always, no." you answer his thoughts.
"i wasn't aware you can read minds." the young man is surprised.
"questions, wooyoung." you remind him, threatening to thump the scythe against the ground again.
"okay, okay!" he quickly stops you. "the garden... what happened to it?"
"bad people touched what was sacred. they tarnished it. took away its purity. in response, the garden destroyed them and itself." you point your scythe at a wall. "and made me its prisoner."
only then does wooyoung notice that the stone spheres on top of the tall walls aren't spheres. petrified heads, littered along the walls that guard the dead garden. they seem to be... bleeding. "but... you aren't at fault. why are you its prisoner? and in what way are you imprisoned?"
"i brought them here. misjudged them." you sigh, remembering the events that occurred centuries ago. "they didn't deserve the garden of truth. they deserved the Void of Confessions. i am bound to the garden. at night, i spawn in the dried up well, whether i like it or not. surrounded by echoes of those that walked the path to the Void of Confessions instead of finding peace here. tormented by their curses, swears, screams, and whatnot. until it exhausts me, and i fall asleep in the dark pit and wake up back on the porch in my rocking chair."
"Void of Confessions?" you strike is curiosity.
the rustling of the dried leaves as you both walk is somewhat calming. it's been a while since you had a calm walk. and you are grateful to the young man for it. "those who have done many evil deeds and still think of themselves as innocent and deserving of mercy. they are thrown into the white void, falling for eternity, or until they reach sincere regret and confess to every single thing they did wrong."
"every?"
"every."
"even if they don't remember it?"
"even if they don't know they did it."
suddenly, wooyoung is grateful that he is in the garden. he thought that he wasn't always the best version of himself. was he really a good person, or were there just such horrible people that compared to him, he was deserving of this garden?
"how many people have escaped the void?"
you hum, as if thinking. but wooyoung knows you know. "one."
"who?"
"me."
comfortable silence envelops you both again. wooyoung isn't scared of you. right now, he even feels some kind of admiration when he looks at you. "when will you stop being its prisoner?"
"when the grass turns green again, when roses climb up the walls, when the bushes become dense, when the willows offer shade again, when the branches shield the garden, when the sun pokes through the grey mist, and when the first apple turns red on the Tree of Memories."
"what's that?"
"it's something i haven't been able to offer visitors for the past few centuries. or, well, since the events occurred." you sigh. "it's a tree by the gates of the exit. all dried up now, sadly. depends on the time of the year, the tree produces various fruits. but there's always one apple, no matter what fruit it bears. the Apple of Remembrance. it allows the person who bites into it to take one memory from the mortal world into the after life, before all your memory is erased. in other words, you'll get to live with a single memory of your choice forever."
"i'll lose my memory?" wooyoung sulks.
"it's for the best. it'll allow your soul to rest in peace." you assure him. and he believes you. he just wishes he could somehow cheat this... magic. bring his memories with him. he can handle it. "i'm sure you can."
he rolls his eyes at your answer to his thoughts. "privacy, miss grim reaper."
when you don't answer, wooyoung goes back to thinking.
"hongjoong... how is he?"
"not good."
his heart feels as if it'll burst. "no sugarcoating, huh?"
"garden of truth." you remind him.
"did i manage to get a hold of him? i remember speed dialing his number when i woke up for a split second."
you didn't seem to hesitate when giving answers. this time, wooyoung noticed that your posture changed. "no."
"...why?"
"he hung up."
"oh."
he didn't blame hongjoong. he was angry, and tired. he couldn't have known.
"is hongjoong blaming himself?"
"yes."
a question lingers on the tip of his tongue. and he knows that you know what it is. and you could answer if you wanted. he wouldn't have to say it out loud. yet, wooyoung never asks.
can i see him one last time?
it stays locked in his throat, tormenting him. making it difficult for him to swallow. then, you indirectly answer. "from the cabin and beyond, all ties to the mortal world are cut off. they are unreachable, in any way or form."
the young man's heart sinks. he knew it. yet, to hear it out loud, it shatters him. his vision becomes blurry, the shades of grey blending into one and causing him to stop. he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to stay strong until at least all the questions are asked and answered. when he opens his eyes again, he notices that you have stopped to wait for him, back still facing him.
"can't haunt anyone?" a joke escapes his lips.
"it's not that kind of death."
death.
wooyoung didn't realize that the word wasn't used at all since he came. he died. he didn't just spawn into this magic realm where time and space is an odd concept. he is going further into the unknown, not able to turn back. not able to ever look at his loved ones again. not able to wake up and realize that it's just a dream. everything around him is unfamiliar, and a sudden feeling of uneasiness creeps down his spine.
"yeosang... and san. how are they?"
"devastated. they're not leaving each other's side."
"will they recover?"
"not for a long time."
a knife to the heart, your words were. but he can't blame you, as much as his heart seeks someone to unleash on. "and the rest? will they get over it? will ateez continue to be without me?"
again, silence. wooyoung doesn't like it. he doesn't like it when you stop, either. his breath hitches. oh, what will you tell him?
"please." his voice cracks. "i need to know they'll be fine. they're my everything. i'll do anything, i swear, anything-!"
"one of them won't make it."
"what?"Â voice a mere whisper, and heart broken into pieces that cut, wooyoung stops in the middle of the garden. tears freely spill down his pale cheeks, and his breath shudders. "no."
his knees give up, legs jelly on the floor, and upper body barely keeping him up in a sitting position. dried thorns cut into his hands as he subconsciously grips the dusty cobblestone, and the tears soak the hard soil. wooyoung finally breaks into sobs, painful wails echoing through the garden and bouncing off the stone walls.
"please, please, please," he begs, "please! i'll be your servant for eternity, i'll switch places with you so you can find your peace, i'll replant the whole garden if needed. please."
"wooyoung."
"please!" he screams. you know he isn't screaming at you. and it doesn't anger you. it even makes you feel sympathy for the unlucky young man. "i'll eat the dust and thorns if i have to. god, lock me up here, curse me, don't ever let me out. just, please, please, please, keep them safe."
finally, you turn around, breaking your own rule and opting to console the distressed young man behind you. yet, when your eyes land on the sight that was hiding behind your back this entire time, a gasp escapes your lips, and the scythe falls to the ground with a light thud.
the garden blooms, the gates are overrun with thick vines, the grass green, the bushes dense, a yellow hue has replaced the dull grey one, and roses decorate the walls. seeds sprout in the soil between the stones, wooyoung's tears watering them. his begging doesn't stop, instead turns into low whispers of despair.
"wooyoung." his face fits in the palm of your hand. glossy red eyes look at you, or at least try to. "oh, you pretty soul."
"w-what?" he hiccups.
"turn around."
you help him up, your weak figure barely holding him up, but enough to make him stand and turn around. his jaw drops at the sight, much like yours did. "how...?"
"you did this. with your selfless questions and desire to see others live well, even if it is without you." your other hand still cradles his pale face. thumb gently wipes the tears away, all while he stares at you with eyes full of confusion, sorrow and pain. "you saved the garden."
"but..."
"you saved me."
it takes all in you not to hug him. and you would've managed, had he not wrapped his arms around you and pushed you into his chest. you've never done this before. you are waiting for the sky to split open again, to rain thorns and blood. yet it doesn't happen. wooyoung still hugs you, quietly sniffling into the crook of your clothed neck. "i'm scared."
"you won't be scared for much longer." both gazes land on the gates on the other side. the garden revives as wooyoung walks through it, until he reaches the end of the path and the faithful tree. "look."
and truly, just like you said, the tree bears fruit. peaches. "i desire peaches?"
"it seems so. and look, an apple." you point at the single red apple that grows on the branch that hangs lower than the others. "i believe that's yours. as are the peaches. as many as you want, before you head through the gates, of course."
wooyoung picks a peach, and it snaps in a satisfying way. the tree rustles as the branch goes back in place. he feels the soft fuzzy skin of the fruit. for the last time. then, his breath shudders again. "i don't want to go."
"i can't send you back, wooyoung."
"no, i- i don't want to go back. i want to stay. with you."
it reminds you why you don't hug, why you don't show sympathy. "i'm just an escort. nothing more."
"i could be your helper. your gardener. people would feel more at ease if they saw me here."
"you mean well, and that's what saved the garden. your ability to love and care for people more than for yourself. but it doesn't work that way."
"why not?"
"it'll work for a day. what happens when your physical form starts decaying? you'll require a cloak, just like me. and it's not like one grim reaper isn't scary enough, you'd put those people through a second death when they see two of us?"
he knows you have a point. still, he thinks it's worth a shot. but the answer is clear. thus, wooyoung reaches for the apple. "how does it work?"
"you bite into it. as you chew, it will take you through a short journey through your life. you'll relive everything in a span of five seconds. from your birth, to your death. in that time, you'll find the memory which you'll take with you. the rest will fade as you walk out the gates."
"even the memory of you?"
"even the memory of me."
"but you aren't from the mortal life." he argues.
"doesn't matter. beyond the garden, everything is peaceful. i am not peaceful, i do not belong there. i am in the middle of this all. not good enough to cross on one side, not bad enough to cross on the other side. the garden wasn't my curse. the realm itself is my curse."
"but-"
"goodbye, wooyoung." you bring the apple close to his lips, encouraging him to bite into it. "this might hurt a bit."
five seconds has wooyoung's brain on fire. from his birth, childhood, to his trainee days, and his last days. he lives through it all again. when he opens his eyes, he is surprised to find his cheeks soaked, and chest rising and falling fast. he has found the memory. the sweet apple turns sour in his mouth, realization taking over one last time.
"you don't have to say it out loud."
"i want to."
he swears he could see you smile, even though there was nothing but black void beneath your hood. "go ahead."
"the memory of sharing the first sincere laugh with all seven of my brothers."
you were expecting something like that. seems that this group was more than just coworkers. wooyoung drops the apple on the ground, feeling his head become dizzy.
"is it happening?"
"yes." you confirm. the gates open, causing you to release a breath you didn't know you were holding. when was the last time a human has made you feel anything? "go on. don't be afraid. there is no pain beyond the gates. or so i've heard."
"does another life exist?"
"i wouldn't know, wooyoung." you genuinely say. "i am bound to this place, remember?"
"then... if there is another life... i selfishly hope to see you again."
the chuckle that leaves your lips is audible, warming the young man's heart. "i'm not going anywhere for a long, long time. that i can assure you."
wooyoung then turns around, one foot stepping over the threshold. he doesn't remember his teenage years. one hand holds onto the fence just outside the gates. he doesn't remember his trainee years. the other hand holds onto the other fence. he doesn't remember his family. the other foot steps over the threshold.
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đđđŹđđŤ.: while all of the city loves their superhero and is ready to defend him with their lives, you seem to be the only fool looking at the bigger picture. and the only one to loathe spiderman.
đŠđđ˘đŤđ˘đ§đ : jeong yunho x f!reader
đ°đ¨đŤđđđ¨đŽđ§đ: 10k
đđđ đŹ: angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, superheroes and supervillains, spiderman!yunho, villain!reader
đ°đđŤđ§đ˘đ§đ đŹ: loss of a loved one, injuries, bl00d, SA attempt, mentions of suicide
đ§đ¨đđđŹ: this one was in the basement for a year now, thought i'd finish it and see if it helps my writer's block :)
when will spiderman be held accountable for the consequences of his actions?
yes, your superhero saved your city multiple times. yes, he saved that old lady from falling off the building. yes, he fought off an alien giant that threatened to blow up the continent. yes, he saved that school bus from drowning. that's his job. he is a superhero. it is expected of him.
have you people looked at the aftermath? victory and relief blinds you, you fail to see the demolished buildings, wrecked cars, shattered windows of your favourite shops. has spiderman ever stayed to assist firefighters clear up the scene? has he ever comforted people who were still paying off that car that is now on top of a building somewhere? people who just got their apartment? people who have just opened their shops?
no. spiderman doesn't care about those things. he cares about glory, praises and rewards. he vanishes until a new threat emerges, appearing only when the city has already suffered destruction, and sometimes causing further damage himself. what good is a city that you have to rebuild every few months, watching it get demolished every single time?
wake up, people. it is time to hold spiderman accountable.
the publish button is clicked without hesitation. third article this week, and no sight or sound of the notorious hero. your teeth bite the inside of your cheek again, abusing the already wounded flesh as your eyes scan the article one more time. this one should get his attention. it has to. slowly over the past few months, people are starting to understand you. those who once called you a fool are now on your side, demanding at least an apology from the man who successfully hid after every battle.
"leaving early?" your coworker asks, eyes not moving from his own screen.
"yes." you answer, shutting your laptop and safely putting it away in its bag.
"going home to write more mean things about spidey on your little hate blog?"
"not that it is any of your business, but i am going to the cemetery."
the smirk drops from the man's face, and his eyes notice the flowers on the edge of your desk. "oh. sorry."
"yeah. see you tomorrow, wooyoung."
last time you were here, it was still summer. the grass was green, and the sun reflected the shiny letters on the tombstone. flowers decorated almost every grave, lots of colorful bundles and candles making the place less morbid. now, it was the opposite. you haven't visited since august, and it was already october. autumn has made the grass dry and brown, and tombstones grey and gloomy. his name didn't shine anymore. it was just letters on a stone.
"hi, baby." a shaky whisper leaves your mouth, almost disappearing with the wind. you crouch, placing fresh white lilies in front of the stone. fingers reach to graze the silver letters, tracing each one before tears blur your vision. "i brought you your favorite."
he never had a favourite flower. not until you gave him a compliment that made him blush for a week every time he looked at you.
"you're as pretty as a white lily, seonghwa."
"w-what?"
"what?"
"pretty? i am supposed to be handsome." his cheeks are a pretty pink shade, and his eyes are shiny as he looks at you flustered.
"you are handsome. and you're also very pretty. you're my pretty boy."
and he was.he was beautiful in every way. his eyes, his lips, his words, his soul. he was one of the purest people you've ever met. selfless, full of love and so sweet. you met him in a coffee shop where he worked, and lost him there too. three years ago on this day you met him. one year ago on this day you lost him.
"i miss you. i miss you so much its burning me inside out." you sob, fingers subconsciously caressing the stone like you once caressed his face. "he'll pay for it. i promise you. he will."
a week passes, and still nothing. the city hero has retreated who knows where, unaware of the boiling situation inside you. even as you sit in the emergency room, you do not react to the alcohol making your open wound bubble, instead thinking of ways to get to the man behind the mask.
"what happened again?" the doctor's assistant, who had just arrived in the room flushed with papers in her hands, asked as she looked at your leg.
"we were at the zoo, and we failed to hear that there was a viper on the lose. we found it when my crazy sister casually ripped the animal off her leg and tossed it over my head." your sister explains as she holds your niece, bouncing her on her hip to keep her occupied.
"time is crucial. had you come a few minutes later, you'd be dead, young lady."
"okay." you simply reply, emotionlessly watching as the doctor rubs ointment on the exposed flesh before wrapping it up.
your sister sighs. "right, thank you doctor."
"you must rest for a few days. no walking unless you absolutely must. see me again in a week."
you stand, walking over to the assistant and taking the note, as if you didn't hear what the doctor just said. "thanks. bye."
"i am so sorry." your sister apologizes, then rushes outside to catch up with you, struggling to carry her daughter. "wait!"
"i'm not walking fast."
"why are you like this?" she finally grabs your elbow, making you turn around and face her.
"like what?"
"like this! numb! like you don't care whether you live or die! don't you think about your family? your niece who has to see you like this? the only emotions she sees on you are rage and grief, and it makes her sad to see her once happy auntie turn into whatever this is now."
your eyes land on your niece, the five-year-old resting her head on her mothers shoulder and looking at you with sad eyes. with your fingers, you move the bangs out of her eyes, caressing her cheek in the process. "i don't care whether i live or die."
"what?"
"you heard me. i don't. if i live, i get to avenge seonghwa. if i die, i get to be with seonghwa. simple as that."
"listen," she pulls you aside, hiding you from curious eyes. "i hate to be the one to tell you this, but you need to move on."
"no."
"listen to me-"
"leave me alone. don't touch me." you yank your arm from her grip, hitting your niece with your elbow in the process.
the older woman gasps, and so does the child, before her eyes become shiny with tears and lips form a pout. you gulp, stepping back.
"don't ask about me. don't call me. don't visit me. forget about me."
the ground sways beneath your feet as you walk home. brain cluttered, heart racing, and leg aching, you barely make it to the park and fall on the wooden bench. you've never felt this ill before. not even when you got drunk on your last birthday. the autumn sun mercifully warms you as you doze off on the bench, not having the energy to care about whispers and pointed fingers.
when you wake up, you almost have to peel your eyes open. your lips remain shut, and you struggle to breathe. once your eyes gets used to the dark, they lock with other ones. a scream leaves your mouth, but is muffled by a hand firmly planted on your face. the stranger sits on your legs, having full control over your body. fuck, is this how you'll die?
"come on now, sweet thing. you were all sprawled out in the middle of the park. it's basically an invitation. why the sudden rejection?"
you were ready to be wounded. you were ready to be held captive. you were ready to be tortured. you were ready to die. but you were not ready to have another man touch what belonged to seonghwa. his touch still lingers, and you will not allow him to tarnish it.
"there, there. it'll be over quickly. or not. i'll decide how you deserve it."
his other hand doesn't bother to take your clothes off. instead, he unzips your jacket, then rips your shirt open. the cool air hits your clothed chest, and tears graze your cheeks as you realize there might not be a way out of this. he is strong, and big. and scary. the city is full of people, making it easy for freaks to blend in. you couldn't tell whether he was human or not.
his eyes glow in the dark, and they are hungry. hungry for your flesh or your essence, you did not know. you only knew one. seonghwa. finally, you cared whether you live or die. you'd rather die before this man touches you. you didn't want to live to go through this. you'd never forgive yourself.
"you're boring me." he sighs, annoyed. then, he removes his hand from your mouth. "scream, cry, beg. go on."
sharp pain cuts through your head, making you wince and shut your eyes.
"what the fuck?" you hear him say, then get off you.
when you open your eyes, your vision is... colorful. you no longer see the man, but a shadow that glows red, yellow, green and blue. you gasp, blinking a few times. it stays the same, and it scares you. what did he do to you?
"are those fucking fangs?"
your fingers reach to touch your mouth, and indeed: fangs.
"stay the hell away from me." he steps back.
"no- wait!"
the man you ran from is now running away from you. and you chase him, seeking help in danger. you follow the figure, soon catching up to it and knocking it to the floor. "no! get off me, you monster!"
"what did you do to me?!" your hands grip the fabric of his clothes, shaking his body for answers. "what did you do?!"
he spits in your face, causing you to fall back and give him a mere second to get up. thinking he is faster than you, he stops behind a tree to catch his breath. but you see him. you smell him. and you'll kill him.
"did you just fucking spit on me? after trying to rape my unconscious body?"
a choked gasp leaves his mouth, seeing your figure appear in front of him. "i'm so-"
before he can finish his pathetic apology, your fangs sink into his neck, causing him to shriek in pain. a foreign force takes over your body, making your nails plunge into his stomach, and fangs release liquid inside his flesh. once his squirming stops, you step away, letting his lifeless body fall to the ground. you no longer see vibrant colours, and your vision turns normal.
you don't get the chance to be surprised by your own actions, because you feel a rock hit your back, causing you to shift your attention to a family behind you, fingers pointed and jaws dropped. "viper!"
***
when you called in sick, everyone rushed to your door to make sure you're alright. you had never called in sick before, except the week when seonghwa passed away, and since then, you've been a raging workaholic. working for yourself, for him, and for spiderman. for his destruction. for his misery. you wanted him to feel what you felt that day. you wanted him to feel what you still feel every day. dying little by little, hoping to reunite with your lover but not having the confidence to do anything about it. you wished to see the hero grieving and miserable.
and it might be possible now more than ever. you stand in front of the mirror, finally gaining control over your vision. you could switch to infrared whenever you wanted, and you were quickly learning what exactly is happening in your body. it took you waking up and seeing your changed face in the mirror to finally visit an old friend.
"a radioactive viper." the scientist explained after examining your vitals. "gave you its powers. so cool."
"mingi, nothing about this is cool."
"is too! you can see infrared, you have venom in your fangs, and, uh, you have fangs! you just need to learn how to control all of it." he pokes your forehead, then makes his way to his desk and sits. you follow, desperation evident in your voice.
"mingi, please-"
"knock-knock!"
you run to mingi's closet, not wanting to show your fangs to another poor soul and scar them.
"you don't have to- oh what the hell." the blonde man gives up, letting you hide. "come in!"
"you free?"
"sort of. what is it?"
you watch through the crack as another tall man enters the office, a backpack loosely hanging from his shoulder. he is dressed casually, in loose black jeans and a red and blue college jacket. his hair is dark and falls over his brown eyes, which are curiously examining mingi's messy lab.
"experimenting? i've never seen your lab this messy."
"i just finished a research. nothing of importance so far. what's up, yunho?"
"i was hoping you'd help me with an assignment."
"come on! i finished college ages ago!"
while they're busy bickering, you slip from the closet and carefully make your way to the door. they sit at the round table, mingi finally obliging to help with the assignment. as the student reaches for his notebooks, he catches your figure by the door.
"hey, aren't you that journalist?"
fuck.
"you haven't dropped anything in a while. is everything alright?"
you can't tell if he is worried, or just thirsty for more of this one sided drama you have with the spiderman. you turn around, and your fangs retract in time. he also fully turns around, spinning on his chair in the process and eyes locking with yours.
"yes, it is. just... a writer's block. i'm taking a break from..."
"hating spiderman?" he finishes for you, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. "jeong yunho, nice to meet you."
"jeong yunho?" you repeat, name familiar in your ears. "the spiderman photographer?"
"guilty." he replies, a smile dancing on his lips.
mingi watches from aside as the tension thickens between the two of you. not many words are spoken, but each one feels like drawing a weapon and wielding it. a duel of words.
"say, why exactly do you dedicate all your time to him?"
"i thought you were a fan of my work. how do you not know?" you bite back, a sour smile decorating your equally sour face.
"oh, i know. i just wanted to hear it from you. after all, i am a fan of your work." yunho folds his arms across his chest, then leans against the table with his back. "but i am also a fan of spiderman. after all, he pays for my bills and tuition."
"i am not repeating what i wrote. countless times. you are free to visit my blog or read the newspaper. i have to go."
you turn around, angrily stomping towards the door. mingi sighs, relief washing over his body too quickly.
"i hope i cured your writer's block. i'll be waiting for your article, miss journalist."
you don't have to look at him to know that he is smirking. and you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror to know that your fangs are fully visible again.
it was the second time since the bite that you had the urge to kill someone. and it was the last time you looked normal. now, as you looked at your reflection in the mirror, you didn't know whether to be worried or excited. your fangs and vision were fully controlled, but the scales on your neck and jawline and viper eyes not. you don't seem to have any kind of power over them, and it limits you.
or frees you.
you are yet to decide. do you stay inside and learn to hide it, or do you unlock your full potential.
your eyes land on the opened article on your laptop screen once again.
viper - new threat or an escaped lunatic?
it's been a little over a week since the park attack. the family who witnessed it referred to the woman as the viper, describing how her eyes shined and fangs were smeared with blood when she turned around to look at them. they also described her way of moving and speed as something they'd never seen before, even though they all had encounters with heroes other than spiderman.
speaking of spiderman, will he wait for another attack to happen before he reacts? we all know of the uproar my friend and colleague received after calling him out. she has disappeared, called in sick, and never returned. is it possible that he has intervened? after all, she was onto something.
tick-tock, spiderman. lots of questions, accusations, and whatnot awaits you, yet you hide somewhere in your lair, letting all of this happen. letting the people you once helped to turn against you. it's time you stepped out and stood up for yourself.
if the viper is indeed a new threat, you have an opportunity to prove that you are not what she says you are.
wooyoung has unknowingly taken your side with this article. and it is all the encouraging you need.
it doesn't take you longer than a day to sew a hooded outfit for yourself, in order to blend in with the darkness and help you move easily. and it takes you less than a week to get spiderman's attention in a way that could've been avoided. you have raided almost every jewelry shop, broken cafe windows, destroyed parks. simply, you made everything you laid your eyes upon wilt.
at this point, you loved the thrill. cries for help were music to your ears, tearful faces pretty to look at, and your name on many articles and news stroking your ego. you could only imagine the look on spiderman's face as he watches people begging him for help. but you are yet to reach the main goal of this show.
you couldn't wait to show yourself to him. to finally make him see for himself what power you possess. to not only see it, but to feel it, and to beg you to stop.
and it happens on a late night as you sit on the edge of your building, legs hanging above the still busy streets. the dark hood covers the scales on your neck and jaw, but leaves your bright yellow eyes exposed. you scan the city, looking for a particular swinging figure. and you spot him, coming this way. he doesn't seem to notice you, taking his sweet time shooting webs and swinging from the buildings. until his web catches your leg instead of the brick wall, and you swiftly break it.
his sixth sense works in his favour, because he is quick to shoot again, this time next to you. you let him be, watching as his rhythm gets disrupted and he hangs from a single web before regaining control. while he takes his sweet time to adjust, his gaze seems to lock with yours, and you see the way the big white shapes widen in shock, representing his eyes. you only smile, then turn around, as if walking away. he skillfully lands in front of you, in his usual spider stance.
"who are you?" he doesn't hesitate to ask, taking slow steps towards you.
"come and find out." you reply, stepping back. little by little, you reach the edge of the building, your heels hovering above the streets. "if you dare."
with that, you let your body fall. the cool air and gravity envelop it, sending shivers down your spine. and surely, in no time, the masked man is in your vision. he catches up to you, shooting a web and swiping your body in the air with a single hand. your hands hold onto his shoulders, gripping the red and blue fabric as anger boils inside of you. finally.
"gotcha." you hiss into his ear.
"what?" he asks, not sure if he heard right. but once your teeth sink through his suit and into his neck, realization hits him.
he almost drops you, pain ripping through his body as he struggles to reach any kind of surface around him. you don't release any liquid inside yet, rather choosing to keep him on the edge. but the pain of the bite is enough to break him, and he loses control of his webs and becomes dizzy. just in time, you jump on a nearby fire escape, leaving his limp body hanging from a single web and hitting the brick wall. even for spiderman, that must've hurt. and you are not sorry for it.
he'll take this as a warning.
you have him where you wanted him since day one: unconscious, powerless, and vulnerable. all it would take is a single bite again, a proper one this time. and you'd be happy and content. but not before breaking him, little by little.
"i'll stomp on you, you little insect. i'll feed on your pain and misery." you seethe as you watch people open their windows and try to help him, pulling on his limbs and almost tearing him apart, trying to be the one to save the hero. with a nearby fire extinguisher, you break the single web by throwing it his way, making his body fall to the ground. you turn to leave, but not before spitting on the floor where he lays and people are gathered around him.
***
you lay awake at night, thinking of your next step. he doesn't know who you are, and you plan to make it clear. so much that when he sees you in your human form, he'll stay away from you. you want his fear, his tears, his grief. you'll feed on it like a starved vulture, not stopping until he wails under your touch.
sitting on top of the building has become your new favourite spot. you could go higher for a better vision, true. but this one has the cafe. this one feels like seonghwa and the memory of him. you can almost smell the soft vanilla that lingered on his skin, and the coconut that made his black hair soft and shiny.
a lily lays in your palm, its petals pearly white with a few red stripes. it reminds you of his face, before he took the last breath. pretty pale face, with blood streaming on the side of his head and coating his cheeks and neck, white sweater soaking it up.
you don't know how many times you've replayed that memory in your head. but you know you'll do it many times again. it is your biggest motivation.
"it's a bit cold tonight for sitting here, don't you think?"
if his plan was to catch you off guard and scare you, he failed miserably. "it is perfect."
he hums behind you. "you could've killed me. you didn't. why?"
you pull at a petal, ripping it away from the bud. "it would've been too easy."
"who are you?" he is persistent.
"careful." you warn, pulling at another petal and watching it fall on the street below. "you know how it ended last time you asked that question, spidey boy."
"what do you want from me?"
you sigh, feeling bored of the conversation already. you rip out another petal, and another, until there is only one left. "what makes you think i want something from you?"
"you've been causing trouble left and right. robbing places, but returning everything after a few days. as if you wanted to get my attention. or are you simply that sick in your head and you love to play god with people?"
"i don't want anything from you. i want you."
he is taken aback, lips struggling to form a sentence.
you feel him step closer, but you don't budge yet, back still facing him. "tell me one thing, spiderman."
"what?"
"do you feel sorry for the damage you're doing to this city?"
"wh-" his word comes out broken, and his breath hitches as you throw you head back, yellow eyes looking right into his. a wicked smile dances on your lips, your hood falling from your head and finally revealing your face to him. "you."
"peekaboo." you rip the last petal, and in a swift motion, stand up and latch yourself onto him.
he falls to the ground with a grunt, arms planted on your waist in order to keep you away from him. your nails dig into his wrists, and his fingers dig into your flesh. his grip is as strong as yours, causing you to wince and pull away.
"i asked you a damn question. you know who i am, you're familiar with my work. tell me, do you feel- oof!" he tackles you to the ground, this time him being on top.
"you think i care about pretty cars and fancy shops when i need to defeat an alien army?" his long fingers wrap around your neck, squeezing its sides and ridding you of oxygen. "you think i have time and energy to stop and think before attacking or dodging?"
your nails reach for his neck, finding the hem of his mask and trying to pull it off his head. once he realizes what you're trying to do, he takes both of your hands in his single one and pins them against the cold concrete above your head.
"how about this: next time, you come up with a solution. i'll gladly let you handle it, and i'll stand aside and take notes. is that good enough for you, doll?"
"let go of me." you foolishly demand.
"hmm... no." his grip on your neck intensifies, until your vision starts to darken. "good night, my little journalist."
you had hoped it was just a dream. how could you let your guard down? instead, you are awoken by cold water splashing your face. you find yourself in a foreign room and a cozy bed.
"oops. did i wake you?"
your head turns to the figure that sits on the bed. "you."
"me. and your bestie." the photographer points at the scientist who stands at the door.
"where am i? why am i here?" you take in your surroundings, forgetting that yunho has now seen your true nature.
the bedroom you're in is a simple one; with a bookshelf, a gaming table, and a comfortable bed. you haven't slept in such a soft bed in a while. once you finish examining the room, your eyes lock with the photographer's, and you finally realize. you're in his room.
"it's okay." mingi assures, stepping in before your fangs dip into his neck. which is covered by a turtleneck. "you can trust him. i do."
"trust someone who just poured water in my face?" you grumble, wiping the liquid with your sleeve. you then notice you are not wearing your clothes. instead, you wear a blue and red college jacket you've seen once already. the colours that make you sick to your stomach. "why am i wearing his clothes?"
"i'm right here, journalist. you can talk to me, i don't bite."
the way he calls you journalist is familiar to you. but mingi calls you that too, so you drop it. "why am i wearing your clothes?"
"well, in case aunt may barges in the room, it's easier to explain the scales than the whole inej ghafa aesthetic you had going on."
"in what world is that easier?"
"guys," mingi sighs, "i really have to go. promise me that you won't kill each other."
"where are you going?" you ask, disbelief evident in your voice. he can't possibly leave you alone with the photographer.
"believe it or not, i have a family and a job." the blonde man says, putting on his leather jacket. it is odd to see him wearing anything other than a white lab coat.
"and i don't?" yunho raises an eyebrow at his friend.
"you," mingi walks over just to flick the photographer's forehead, "have a day off. i'll be back tonight."
"but-!" he doesn't let you finish, waving and slamming the door of yunho's room on the way out. "asshole."
silence envelops the room, and you didn't know how much you needed it until now. the vengeful voices in your head have taken a break, letting you enjoy peace for the first time in a while. you lay in a stranger's bed, wearing his clothes, and listen to him breathe.
"you have questions." he wakes you from your meditation.
"i do."
"go on." he turns his body towards you, still sitting on the edge of his bed. "i'll answer truthfully. i promise."
you pull your legs close to your chest, hugging your knees and resting your chin on top of them. "how did i get here?"
"mingi found you unconscious in his lab when he returned from the toilet. then, he brought you to my place. you know he has a big and loud family. he assumed you'd like the peace and quiet here."
he isn't wrong. you do like the peace here. and you also like the coziness of the jacket and the soft blankets, no matter who they belong to or the colours. "you know what i am?"
"you're not a what, journalist. you're a who. and i know who you are. you are y/n, my favourite journalist from nexus daily, and viper, my new favourite villain."
"so i'm a villain?" you scoff.
"well, yes. anyone that harms civilians is considered a villain." he tilts his head slightly, trying to maintain eye contact with you as your eyes stay locked on the silver rings on his fingers. "go on. ask."
"why haven't you handed me over to your spidey friend?"
yunho hums. "i guess i could. but it is not my fight. it is none of my business. he can come find you yourself."
"you say mingi found me in his lab. i had an encounter with spiderman last night. he choked me until i passed out, so he could've handed me over to whatever forces. or destroy me himself. i doubt i found my own way there." you're puzzled, memories of last night flooding your brain.
"maybe he wanted to give you a chance to rethink your decisions. a chance to change."
"nothing will change my decisions and goal." you glare at him. he nods, disappointment evident on his face. "have you snapped any pictures of me? sold them? how much am i going for?"
"no, i haven't. do you take me for that kind of person? to take pictures of you while you are unconscious and vulnerable?" he is now even more disappointed, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks at you with intense eyes. "you think mingi would drop you off here and leave me alone with you if i was like that?"
"you can't be mad at me for asking."
"i'm not mad, i just..." he sighs. "i'm not mad."
you're silent for a while, as is he. your gaze is locked on his slender fingers that play with the rings, similarly to how you play with the hem of your top when you're thinking or nervous. when a light breeze brushes your cheeks, you realize that his window is tilted open. you wrap yourself in his jacket, and he notices. without a word, he stands up to close it, letting you take in his whole figure. he is taller than mingi, and his black turtleneck shows off his slender figure. wonder why he hides it under oversized hoodies and jackets.
"your turn." you say as he sits back on the bed, averting your eyes from his body before he catches you staring and teases you.
"why do you hate him?"
"you know-"
he interrupts, "no, i don't. i only know there's more to it than your articles tell. there's more to it than a demolished city."
instead of answering, you opt for avoiding his gaze. you stare at the spiderman photographs on the wall above his desk, resentment growing with each picture you notice. "it's none of your business."
"true, it isn't. but if you want me on your side, you'll have to tell me. what is it that he did that has you using your powers against the city?" he sits closer to you, and for a moment, you think he wants to take your hands in his. but they only move for an inch, before resting back on his lap. "you're not a bad person. at least you weren't, that's what mingi tells me. he still believes that you are not a villain. and i wish to believe it too."
"he made me a villain." you finally lock eyes with him.
"spiderman did?" yunho tilts his head again, confused. it reminds you of a curious puppy.
"yes. he took everything from me, that reckless bastard. and i intend to take everything from him, before i take him. and i'll keep protecting the city from the foolish avengers, i'll take down each one of them if i can't keep them away, and i won't stop until i am done. then, i'll surrender. i'll rest."
at the mention of avengers, yunho tenses. "tell me."
"they don't care about anything when they fight. they ruin whatever they touch. they ruined my life, he ruined my life! he took my lover away from me." tears prick your eyes, announcing their glorious arrival. you grit your teeth, brain replaying the horrid memories of the day. "we were at a cafe, celebrating the anniversary of the day we met. foolish, i know. but it was special to us. everything was normal, until the news announced that we stay inside wherever we are and do not exit. we could see a giant swinging a bat or something left and right, and spiderman just throwing anything and everything at him."
tears have soaked your cheeks already, just like then while you both crouched under the table that day. you shook from fear, and he held you, kissing the top of your head and assuring you that everything would be okay while stroking your hair.
"when they were in front of the cafe, that idiot of a hero swung a car at the villain, and fucking missed, sending it through the window and-" you hiccup, burying your face into the sleeves of the soft jacket, "and-"
"it's alright." yunho hushes you as he stands up and sits next to you, resting his back against the headboard. he carefully pulls you into a hug, caressing your hair as you cry into his chest. when you don't push him away, he rests his head on top of yours. "you don't have to-"
"and it landed on him. on seonghwa. everyone ran away, they left me alone with him. half of his body was stuck underneath, and i couldn't pull him out. he didn't feel his lower body, he just begged me to leave him there and save myself. but i couldn't. i went out on the street, didn't care about the fight going on, and called for help. even foolishly thought spiderman would hear me and just lift the damn car. but he didn't. he kept throwing vehicles and whatnot around, above my head, into the buildings, and so on. he saved the city, but he killed the love of my life. my reason to live."
if you weren't violently sobbing and shaking, you would've heard his heart beat faster where your head rested against his chest.
"i am so sorry, doll."
and if you weren't swallowed by the veil of an opened wound, you would've heard how familiar that nickname sounds.
the photographer assured you that you could stay as much as you wanted. and you appreciated it. you enjoyed the coziness of his room, the cooking of his aunt, and the company of jeong yunho himself. he was kind and funny, and didn't push you like mingi did. you felt like your old self with him. until you'd catch your own reflection in the mirror, and the shiny scales brought you back where you were.
you didn't forget about your goal. but yunho's company made your heart calm and brain clear. he kept you occupied while he was there, and charged his aunt with it when he wasn't. yunho also didn't push you to forgive spiderman, or anything similar. he never spoke of it again, wouldn't even mention him when he came back from work.
"i brought treats!" he came earlier one day, just when you were changing into your clothes. he stopped with a box of muffins in his hand, eyes looking at his discarded jacket and brows furrowed. "where are you going?"
"i'm leaving, yunho."
"what? why?" he pouts subconsciously.
"i overstayed my welcome. and i am delaying my goal. the sooner i do it, the sooner i get to rest."
while he attempts to formulate an argument, you pick up the jacket from the bed and approach him. the brown eyed man observes with curiosity as you place the jacket into his free hand, then rise on your tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek.
"thank you. i felt like myself the past few weeks. like the old me. and thank you for listening and not judging. it means a lot to me."
he blushes furiously, the tips of his ears turning hot and red as you step back and smile at him. "i- i- don't go."
"i must."
"isn't there another way?" he shoves the jacket back in your hands, as if that'll make you stay. "the avengers will crush you."
"this is the only way. he needs to learn. no amount of talking will save him. i gave him many opportunities."
"please don't go. i- i grew fond of you. i don't want anything to happen to you." he admits. he puts the treats aside, then grabs your shoulders. "i can talk to him for you."
you scoff. "you're cute. no."
dropping the jacket on the floor, you turn your back on him, and make your way to his window. you hear him huff out of frustration.
"even if i stayed, yunho, my heart still belongs to seonghwa."
"journalist?" he calls when you step out of the window.
"yes?"
"go easy on him. he may not be as strong as you were."
"no promises."
and when you jump out, he whispers to himself: "i know i am not as strong as you were."
***
finding the hero was a challenge once again. you didn't practice any fighting. you didn't have to. your venom was enough. it had to be. what was he compared to your bite? you have also shortened your goal. you won't go down on his level. your plan was to kill someone he cared about, but killing him would do enough harm to his family already. if they knew what he was.
"finally," you breathe out, seeing the blue and red figure swinging through the streets.
but before he can properly land on the rooftop, another figure jumps on top of him, pushing him to the ground and delivering a punch. you step back, watching as the creature relentlessly hits his masked face, all while he struggles to fight back.
"oh, no you won't." you rush to them, jumping on the stranger's back, pulling him away from the man on the floor. "he is mine to kill!"
"who the fuck-" the figure throws you on the floor, pinning your hands to the ground and yanking your hood off. "you."
"you- you bastard. how are you alive?" you stare at the eyes that you first saw that night. the eyes that were once lifeless. because you were the one who drained the life out of him.
he smiles disgustingly, then looks over at the hero. "he saved me."
you were wrong. it wasn't your essence or your flesh, it was both he craved. and you won't give it to him. not then, not today.
"he saved you only because he didn't know what a sick and twisted bastard you are!" you push him off you with your feet on his chest, sending him flying to the other end of the rooftop.
the hero that was once on the floor runs over to you, helping you stand. "are you hurt?"
"get your fucking hands off me." you push him away, but he doesn't budge. you try again, punching his chest, kicking and screaming. he simply takes both of your hands in his, and cups your jaw so you can calm down and look at him.
"help me get rid of him, then we can solve this. torture me, kill me, do what you want. but help me kill this whoreson."
"why? who is he?"
"he is a shapeshifter." he seems to hesitate a bit before continuing," and a rapist."
a faint grunt is heard, and you both look his way. he stands there panting, no longer in his human form. he is hairy, and has taken an almost werewolf-like appearance. then, he looks at you with the most evil smile you've ever seen. and you know you have to move. but your legs stay on the ground, frozen and disobedient. his figure speeds up, sharp teeth gleaming under the faint city lights and red eyes hungrily taking you in. just before he can jump on you with his jaw wide open and his pointy tongue peeking out, the hero grabs you by your waist once again, shielding you with his body.
the creature latches onto spiderman's back, digging its claws into his back, causing him to yelp. even though that's where you wanted him, it makes your heart twitch with pain. he doesn't let go of you, still hugging you close to his chest and shielding you from the blood thirsty claws.
it is not until they break through his back and chest, and almost pierce through you, that the hero pushes you away from him. he falls to the floor once again, fingers digging into the concrete and pained moans and groans leaving his mouth.
"go! leave!" he yells at you.
"no!" you yell back. "i am not leaving without at least one body tonight!"
the creature retracts one of his hands, only to point it at you and make a gust of wind pull you close to him. his open hand catches your body by your neck, raising it from the floor and squeezing it. you gasp for air, nails desperately clawing at the hairy hand, but to no avail.
"silly little viper." he growls. "it will be me who will leave with not one, but two bodies tonight. you and your little friend."
the hero uses the moment of distraction to hit the werewolf, making him release you. in a split second, spiderman skillfully avoids the kicks and punches, as well as the bite attempts. one bite must've taught him enough.
"please, leave!" the hero begs.
"no!" you refuse, joining him in the fight.
your speed allows you to dodge the attacks, as well as landing them. you are not as strong, but you have found his weak points. his sides, crotch, and neck. then, he pushes you away with a gust of wind once again, and focuses on the masked man. when you stand back up, you are tired. sick and tired of being tossed around so easily. bruised, hurt, and angry.
you look at the two, ready to give it your all this time. then, you stop. blinking a few times, you wonder if you're seeing right. there's two red and blue heroes in front of you, both in an equally bad condition. suit ripped, blood seeping through the fabric, and heavy breathing.
"what the fuck?" you breathe out.
"please, you have to go. we'll solve our issue another day, i promise." one of them shouts, stepping over.
"no! i told you we'd solve it once we get rid of him! don't leave, we are so close!" the other joins.
they both sounds identical, look identical. and you are torn. if you leave, the real one might get killed, which would fulfill your goal. but the fake one stays, still terrorizing the women and girls in the city. if you stay, you'll have to choose which one to save. and how can you possibly know which one is the real one? their masks are ripped in a few places, identical as well, but it doesn't help. even if they took off their masks completely, you couldn't tell. you have never seen spiderman without his mask on.
"i don't-" you stutter, looking between the two. "i don't know what to do."
"i am the real one, journalist."
"no, i am! you work for nexus daily and-"
"your boss is ruby allen!"
"we met on this rooftop twice already!"
"and you threw yourself off it the first time!"
"you had lilies in your hand the second time!"
the other one quiets down. and it confuses you. if he were the real one, wouldn't he keep talking? you raise an eyebrow, looking him up and down. "aren't you going to keep proving you are the real one?"
"i don't have to." he whispers, then steps closer.
you step back, confused as ever. "and why not?"
"because," he sighs, then, with his bloodied hand, takes the ripped mask off. "the lilies were for seonghwa."
"yu-" you choke on the word. "yunho-"
"i am so sorry, doll. i am so sorry it had to be this way."
"that's not- you can't-" at a loss for words, you put a hand over your mouth.
your biggest comfort for the past few weeks was your biggest enemy. the person you swore to kill. the person who killed your lover.
"don't do this to me." you cry.
"i'm sorry, journalist."
"the hell with you two!" the shifter turns back into the werewolf, running full speed at you.
"save yourself. please. i'll find you afterwards. i promise." he smiles at you assuringly, eyes glossy with tears, as much as yours.
"i will kill you, jeong yunho. maybe not today. but one day i will."
"i know, doll. and i won't fight back. i'll make it the easiest kill for you."
taking one last look at his beat up face, you hiccup and hide a sob, then run. run until you can no longer, collapsing in a narrow dark street, face buried in your bloodied hands. you finally free the sobs that have accumulated in your throat, tormenting you, and heart aching as the brain processes the newfound information.
how are you to kill jeong yunho?
***
among all the shapeshifter headlines, one of spiderman catches your attention.
spiderman missing!
he has been missing for weeks now, and no amount of hanging at the rooftop, by his window or at the lab could bring him back. you hated spiderman, but you liked yunho. and each thought of yunho was betrayal to seonghwa. your heart wished to move on, accepting defeat, yet your brain was stubborn. you wanted to carry out your plan. you wanted to destroy spiderman. but how can you, when he has the kindest eyes and the sweetest smile you've ever seen since seonghwa's passing?
the cool air does nothing to you as you walk on the edge of the building, hoping to see the familiar red and blue swinging among the skyscrapers. he must be holed up somewhere, recovering all by himself. when you left him, he was already in a bad condition. he heals faster, you know it. but how fast can one heal when someone has had their hands pierced through their body?
with a sigh, you climb back into your room, and suddenly, a hand finds its way over your mouth. another one holds your waist in place, while the person lowers their head on your shoulder, lips brushing against your ear shell.
"it's me, journalist." his breath is hot against your cheek. "i'll let go now. don't scream, doll."
once he does, you don't hesitate to jump to the other side of the room, grabbing the nearest object to shield yourself. the floor lamp is yet to prove effective, but you hold it pointed at him just in case. "how do i know it's you?"
"he doesn't know you hate my guts. relax. it's really me."
your eyes finally take in his form. he is still in his ripped suit, holding his side, blood seeping through the fabric and leg limp. his face is swollen and full of cuts, and his breaths shallow.
"what are you doing here?"
"i didn't know where else to go." he admits.
"so you came to the death's door?"
"window, technically."
you scoff in disbelief. "you're a fool, jeong yunho."
"my fate is inevitable. it is only a matter of time when i meet my end, but before that, i need you."
ignoring the fuzzy feeling in your stomach, you set the lamp down, not breaking eye contact with him. you need to have him in sight at all times. "where are your little avengers?"
"someone told me you didn't like them. besides, i want you to get your revenge. i promise i didn't know what he did to you, otherwise i'd never-"
"you seem so relaxed about the fact that i'll kill you." you interrupt him. "why is that? what are you planning?"
he limps over to your bed, dropping on it on his side and letting out a hiss in pain. "i had time to think. seonghwa's death is the only death i know of. how many more are there? all because of my reckless fighting."
you wish to say that he doesn't deserve to utter seonghwa's name. but his face scrunched in pain and bruises, and blood covering his body are enough for you to swallow your words. he really had nowhere to go?
"after-" he coughs, then yelps, holding his side, "after we kill the shapeshifter... you can come find me in mingi's lab. i thought i'd make it look like a suicide, so you don't have anyone on your back and you can live freely."
"stop that. go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning."
were it not for his current state, you wouldn't let him stay inside this long, let alone sleep over. but you still have a heart, and you still remember that beneath the ripped mask is jeong yunho. the man that made you feel human again. the man that made you not visit seonghwa's grave in a while, because his name shined in your face as if yelling cheater. but seonghwa would never do that, even if you had found someone else by now. don't stop living because of me, he said with his last breath.
but how can you live with all the damage you've done by now, under the excuse that it is for him?
upon exiting the room, you miss the way yunho's warm brown eyes follow your figure, lips curved in a light smile. if he was going to die, he was glad that you would be the one doing it. at least one person will be at peace.
***
"i don't want it to look like a suicide." you say as you sit on the edge of the building, legs hanging above the city street.
"what?" the masked man asks. "why?"
"i want them to know i did it."
conveniently, the hood covers your eyes, which are burning as tears announce their arrival. with each hour that passes, you pray that the shapeshifter doesn't appear. if he does, you pray that he kills you, so that you don't kill yunho. and if he doesn't, you pray that he kills yunho instead of you doing it. not because you don't want the city to hate you, or the avengers after you, but because you don't have the heart to do it. not after those weeks with him, and not after last night.
not after you had climbed into the bed sleepily, forgetting that you have company in it and forgetting that it was the reason you were sleeping on the couch in the first place. cold, shivering and a mumbling mess, you had found your way into his arms, nuzzling your head into his bare chest and soaking up his warmth. he smelled like blood and sweat, but felt like the fluffiest cloud on the sky. the cloud just before the sun sets; the orange and pink one, the prettiest one. the last one.
you woke up before him, cursing yourself for getting in there. to make things worse, you got up fast, accidentally elbowing him on his side and causing him to grunt in his sleep. wherever he was hiding and whatever he did must've tired him, because he doesn't wake up. it gives you a chance to properly look at him. and when you finish examining his flushed face, his bruised cheekbones, his cut lips and jaw, and his fluttering lashes, it gives you a chance to change your mind.
you sit on your window, sewing his suit. the blue and the red suddenly pretty shades, and no longer waking anger inside of you. and you hated yourself for it. you hated yourself so much for it that you considered jumping off the building you're sitting on right now. but you know he'd catch you, and you'd have to explain.
"if you do that, the whole world will hate you." yunho whispers.
"they can't hate me if i'm dead."
"no-"
"we have company." you interrupt, not wanting to hear anymore.
the shapeshifter is back in its spot again, glimmering eyes piercing through you like the sharpest knives. yunho gulps next to you. "there's something different about it."
you hum, examining the creature. it is in its werewolf appearance, teeth on full display and dripping with blood and saliva. "the insect and the reptile. the party can now begin."
"yeah. it seems to be..." you examine it as it leaps at you, "glowing."
just before he latches onto you, yunho pulls your body into his, then wastes no time in throwing you on the creature's back. fangs yearning to pierce his skin, and fingers pulling at his hairy head, you hold onto him for dear life. one wrong move and you're dead.
while yunho distracts him, you still struggle to bite him. not because he's moving too fast, but because his skin seems too thick for a bite. and then, fear swallows you whole. maybe you bit off more than you can chew.
the shifter senses the change in your demeanor, as does yunho. it's almost as if you can see his eyes widen under the mask right before you feel unbearable pain on your neck. its singular hand wraps entirely around it, and you swear you hear your bones crushing under his grip.
no amount of yunho's distracting works on the being. its eyes stare deep into your soul, and it's the last thing you see before your vision blurs and finally darkens.
seonghwa, here i come.
***
you always thought that seonghwa would be waiting by the gates for you.
not only is there no seonghwa, there is no gate either. just endless light. no corners, no ceiling. just a vast floor and space. you thought dying would be... well, you didn't think about that part much. you only thought of reuniting with your lover. and if you did think about it, you didn't imagine it so dull.
where was the pain? the suffering? the regret? the desire to be alive again?
"darling?"
ah. there it is.
the guilt.
eating you up alive as you turn around, eyes locking with familiar ones that you've missed with your entire being. up until recently, you cried yourself to sleep, wailed and tortured yourself, wishing to gaze upon those brown eyes one more time. yet why can't you look at him right now?
"what are you doing here?" the sound of footsteps bounces off the non existent - or invisible - walls, and make you bite the inside of your cheek.
your gaze is fixed on his white attire; a loose white linen shirt and white pants, along with a simple white bracelet with a familiar flower as a charm.Â
"my love," he calls, voice so soft it has you melting on the floor. literally. he crouches in front of you, holding you by your shoulders while your legs feel like jelly. "oh, darling."
your face rests in his warm palm which holds your head up for him to see. finally, you look at him again. he still smells of vanilla. "seonghwa."
"what did the world do to you, my sweet?"Â
you smile into his touch. "it doesn't matter now, does it? i'm here."
you expect him to smile back. yet he doesn't. he examines your bruises and cuts, gently feeling them under his thumb as he holds your jaw in his hand. "what troubles you?"
he summons the guilt once again. he knows. he has to know. why does he make you say it out loud?
"i think i fell in love with your murderer."
that's when he smiles. not mischievously, not condescendingly, and not in any way that would make you feel worse. the smile is soft and genuine, just like his whole being. do you even deserve park seonghwa, even after death?
"say something." voice a mere whisper, you beg. "please, hwa."
thoughts race, and hands shake. you can't seem to hold eye contact longer than two seconds. yet seonghwa simply presses his plush lips against your forehead, erasing every thought you had for a split second. he gives you peace.
"it's not as if it matters anymore. i'm dead anyway."
"that's where you are wrong, darling." he helps you stand.
"what?"
"you're not dead. you are unconscious."
"then why-" you step back, making seonghwa's hands fall from your body. suddenly, you feel cold and empty. you wish you could jump into his arms and bury your face into the crook of his neck, just to smell and feel him properly one more time. "why are you here?"
"i came to tell you that you need to let go."
"never." you gasp in disbelief. "i could never let you go."
"i'll always be in your memories. but, sweetheart, you need to move on. you need to let me rest as well."
you never thought of it that way. by holding grudge and seeking revenge, you didn't let his poor soul find peace. "this isn't just about you or me. it's about countless others who died the same way."
"the sooner you realise that i died so that thousand others could survive, the sooner you'll be at peace."
"but why you, seonghwa?" your voice cracks. and it shatters seonghwa's heart, you can see it. it makes you feel even worse, causing him pain when he should be resting in peace. "why did it have to be you?"
"because if it wasn't me, then it would've been you. and all deities know that i wouldn't be able to survive losing you."
"hwa-" you cry out.
"you have to come back, journalist."
"don't call me that." you step back, furrowing your eyebrows.
seonghwa's expression shifts. he doesn't look at you with a loving gaze anymore. as if he wants to anger you, scare you away back into life. "journalist."
"stop."
his facial features start melting, taking a different shape. eyes, nose, lips, hair. no longer your seonghwa. "don't die on me, doll."
"stop it! stop! don't call me that!"
"god, please, wake up." his voice is the last one to change. "come back so you can kill me, dammit."
you didn't know you were holding back a scream. a painful shriek, rather. one that has you almost stop breathing, but it wakes you up from the deep slumber.
"seonghwa." you pant.
"i got you." the voice says, and you feel arms wrapping around your shaking figure.
back at the rooftop. seonghwa gone. yunho alive. chest painful from sobbing. scratch marks all over your face. your own hair between your fingers. bloody insides of your cheeks. how long were you hurting yourself subconsciously?
"why would you wake me up? i was finally with him." you feel betrayed.
"you had unfinished business." yunho replies, still holding you in a hug which prevents you from further hurting yourself. "you have a hero to kill."
the sooner you realise that i died so that thousand others could survive, the sooner you'll be at peace.
why did he have to be so good, even after his death? why did he make everything so much harder?
in the corner of your eye, you see the creature. he is back in his human form, all beat up and very much dead. yunho himself doesn't look great, either. his mask is barely holding together, and there is claw marks all over his body. you were supposed to help, and you let him down.
"i'm ready whenever you are." the dark eyed man interrupts your thoughts. "i won't tell you to make it quick or painless. i'm sure it wasn't like that for you. you don't have to go easy on me."
your eyes watch as he rips his mask apart, then fidgets with the fabric as he awaits your decision of his fate.
"you are really ready to die for a stranger?"
he scoffs to himself. "not only for you or seonghwa. for everyone else i've damaged and haven't taken accountability for."
he died, yet thousands survived.
the sooner i make my peace with it, the sooner seonghwa will rest in peace himself.
"any last words for me?" he offers, tilting his head to look at you. puppy-like. just his style.
"actually, yes." will the self hatred and guilt go away by themselves? "there's a fried chicken place that works until late."
"huh?"
"i'm not waiting for you or carrying you." will seonghwa regret what he said to you?
"oh." yunho is confused more than surprised. he isn't sure whether this is one of your games or you are genuine. until you turn around as you reach the edge of the building and smile at him.
"hurry. i'm quite hungry."
yunho can't help but roll his eyes and smile as he watches your figure fall from the building. he will catch you. he always does.
he even forgot he wasn't wearing the mask anymore.
maybe you spared him so that you can plan his demise without anyone interfering. maybe you had a change of heart. or maybe, he was dead already, and was given the punishment of falling in love with you but never being able to have you.
whatever it was, he wouldn't give up the current moment for anything in this world; the two of you sitting on his window, eating crispy chicken, ignoring the fact that you tried to kill each other not that long ago, and the sneaky glances.
if this was his fate until the end of times, he won't complain. he will embrace it with arms wide open. he'll fall from the building again. he'll willingly let you bite again. he'll take claws through his body again. all of it, if it meant it guaranteed your happiness.
summary: when you come into his shop to get your boyfriend's car fixed, yunho can help but wonder what a hardworking, pretty girl like you is doing with someone so...pathetic. and maybe, just maybe, he feels like he could treat you better.
pairing: cowboy mechanic!yunho x female!reader
genre: non-idol au | strangers to lovers | angst | fluff (no smut yet, but there will be eventually)
rating: pg-13 (18+ for the whole series bc there will be smut eventually)
word count: 5.6k
content/warnings: pet names (sweetheart, doll)
notes: thank you so so much to @yunho-onlyhands & @skzdust for beta reading this for me 𤧠it means so much, and it very much helped me iron out this draft đ
also thank you so so much for all the love on this series so far! i truly love writing for this couple so much. they make me so happy đ
Getting up out of bed for the next several days took nearly all of your energy. And unfortunately, âgetting cheated onâ is not an acceptable reason to get out of work, so you were forced to call in sick. Using up the last of your sick days for the year. Everything was so draining, and somehow every corner of that godforsaken apartment was just a painful reminder of the years you seemed to have wasted.
Your head swelled and pounded from the lack of sleep, and the endless hours of tossing and turning left you unbearably irritable. Even trying to make yourself meals felt like an impossible task.
You basked in the irony that your apartment was messier than ever. You were trying to pick away at Yeonjunâs endless amount of stuff. Throwing whatever you could find in boxes and letting it pile up in the kitchen. But somehow you were constantly finding shit that you had to physically restrain yourself from tossing straight into the garbage.
And you probably would have been living in your mess for days on end if Rosie hadnât forced herself into your apartment nearly every day. Her cheerful energy never wavering when she burst through your front door. Usually bringing snacks and treats with her.Â
Today was no different. This time, though, when she dragged you out of bed, she started laying out outfits. A variety of short, fringe skirts and topslined up haphazardly across your unmade bed, complimented by a pair of white cowboy boots tossed onto the floor.
âWhat is all this?â you asked, brows furrowing while you failed to suppress a yawn.
She grinned at you, âWeâre going to a party.â
âOh, Ro. I donât know if Iâm ready for that,â you grimaced at the idea of being surrounded by sweaty strangers in a house youâd never seen, Rosieâs usual party scene.
âOh, babeâŚâ She mimicked your tone, âYou have no choice.â
You pouted at her, and she mirrored that, too. Before breaking into a wide grin, âCâmon! I know youâll have fun! Itâs not a house party. Itâs a barn bash that Mingi invited me to. He said his friendâs family hosts one every year, and he really loves it. And I donât know what Iâd do without my favorite girl there.âÂ
You eyed her suspiciously, ââHis friendâŚâ
She bit her lip in a failed attempt to hide her smile. Her clearly freshly manicured hand swatted at your arm, âCome on! You havenât seen him in weeks! And you donât even have to talk to him. I really just want to have you there,â she laid her head on your shoulder, âBetween you and me, though, Mingi says he still talks about you a lot.â
You scoffed, but Rosie could tell clear as day how flattered you were by that statement. A heavy sigh fell from your lips, âCan we at least get ice cream after?âÂ
Her face lit up, âYes! So youâll come?â
You nodded and smiled softly at her, âYes, Ro. Iâll come.â
âOh yay!â She wrapped you in a hug. When she pulled back, her grin was full of scheming. âOkayâŚletâs play dress up.â
After several hours of letting her dress you up and do your make up and hair, Mingi pulled up outside your apartment. Loud music spilling out the windows of his shiny black sports car.Â
Rosie grabbed your arm when she saw him leaning against the hood of the car, dark sunglasses covering his eyes. âOh girl I got so lucky, didnât I?â She whispers to you.
You rested a hand over hers, âWell Iâd say he got pretty lucky, too.â
She giggled and smiled up at you. Letting her head lean on your shoulder as you both made your way down the sidewalk to his car.
He grinned and waved as he saw you both approaching, pushing himself off the car. âWow, you both look great.â He slid his sunglasses onto his head, and you watched as Rosie ogled up and down at him. You wouldnât lie, he looked really good. In a tight black t-shirt that didnât quite reach the waistband of his black leather pants, leaving a sliver of his midriff exposed. The black, studded boots he wore were the perfect way to stay on theme but put his own spin on it. Suddenly, it made a lot more sense why your friend had opted for a black leather miniskirt for a supposed âbarn bash.â
You reached your hand out to him, figuring this might be your only time tonight to finally introduce yourself to him, âThank you, Mingi.â You gave him a friendly smile, âIâm Y/n, by the way. I donât think weâve ever officially introduced ourselves.â
He chuckled and shook your hand, âNice to meet you. Iâve heard a lot about you.â
âNice to meet you, too,â you glanced down at your friend, âI could say the same thing about you.â
Rosie just giggled and leaned further into your side. And your heart about melted at the way Mingi looked at her so fondly. Hearts practically forming in his eyes.
He opened the door to the backseat and half bowed, presenting the open car door to you, âLadies.âÂ
You laughed and slipped into his car, clearly freshly cleaned. Rosie slid in after you, taking Mingiâs hand as he helped her into the car and kissing him on the cheek before he closed the door. She was glowing, and you couldnât be more happy for her.
As you pulled up to the barn, your stomach fluttered with nerves. The car pulled to a stop before Mingi helped you both out and led you to the door, his hand resting on Rosieâs back.
The atmosphere is much calmer than you were expecting. It was still a party, but the ambiance of the small barn was really nice. There was no DJ, just a playlist playing over the various speakers spread around the building. A small but adequate bar was set up not too far from the door, and you saw many people serving themselves out of the coolers. The lights were low, but it was still relatively easy to see all the way across the small space. And there were hardly more than fifty people here, so you had a lot of room to breathe.Â
Maybe you were glad that Rosie had dragged you out of the house for this.Â
âAlright ladies,â Mingi spoke from beside you, his hand on your friendâs lower back, âEveryone is over there.â He pointed to one of the many high-top tables that were spread around the dance floor.
And just like you suspected, Yunho stood beside it alongside a couple men you failed to recognize. He wore the normal cowboy get-up, but it seemed nicer today. Even though he wore the same beige hat youâd seen him in before, he was more dressed up. His jeans were darker, and he wore a white button-up that had clearly been ironed before he put it on. And maybe it was just the low light of the barn or maybe it was your newfound singleness, but something about the way he leaned against that table and the way his head tilted back when he laughed made your stomach flip.
You followed Mingi and Rosie to the table, trailing behind the two of them and trying to catch your breath and calm your growing nerves. Yunho saw Mingi first, his height and platinum hair a dead giveaway, and broke into a huge smile. He pulled his friend in for a hug, with two mildly aggressive pats to the back. And he even pulled Rosie in for a small side hug.Â
âYou guys made it!â He greeted with a huge grin. When he let go of Rosie, he finally saw you over Mingiâs shoulder. For a brief second he looked a little shocked, though you could tell he was trying to hide it. He broke into yet another smile but a softer one, one that was more obvious in his eyes than his lips. âHey.â
You waved shyly at him, âHi.â
Rosie and Mingi stepped aside to chat with the others, leaving the two of you alone with each other. âHowâve you been?â
You shrugged and failed to reel back a clearly unsavory sigh, âItâs been alright.â
He raised an eyebrow at you, âYou sure?â
The tips of your fingers fiddled with the fringe on your skirt, and you chuckled dryly, âItâs been kinda horrible actually. I havenât had to deal with a breakup since I was sixteen, so I guess Iâm just out of practice.â
He laughed at that, and you were glad, feeling better that you hadnât brought down the mood. âTry not to beat yourself up about it, alright? Break ups suck, but a lot of the time, it is for the better. And if you ever need anythinâ, car related or otherwise, call me. I know youâve got Rosie to help you out, but if you ever need help when sheâsâŚâ he glanced over at your friend who was practically hanging off of Mingiâs arm, âpreoccupied, just let me know.â
You looked up at him, grateful for his willingness, âThank you, Yunho.â
He tipped his hat, in a way that seemed half a joking nod to his cowboy persona and half completely sincere and genuine, âOf course, Doll. Anytime.â He glanced over your shoulder, âCan I introduce you to my friends? Well, most of âem, anyways. Looks like weâve got some slowpokes who havenât shown up yet.â
âPlease, Iâd love that.âÂ
He holds out his arm for you, and you grasp it gently, letting him tuck your hand into the crease of his elbow. And he guides you back to the table where the rest of the group has been talking.Â
They all turned to the two of you once they noticed your approach. Waiting curiously while Yunho introduced the girl who'd arrived with Mingiâs date, âGuys, this is y/n.â
You smile, giving them all a small wave, catching the eye of one of the men who was practically beaming at you.
âWell I was wondering when weâd finally get to meet her,â the blonde man said, leaning over the table and shaking your hand when you reached for him, âNice to meet you. Iâm Hongjoong.âÂ
âNice to meet you, too.âÂ
You went around the whole table introducing yourself. You found out that Hongjoong had been in the year ahead of Yunho and Mingi in high school and had left town for fashion school in New York after heâd graduated. Heâd moved back a couple of years ago and opened his own tailoring shop downtown. Bringing his boyfriend, Seonghwa, back with him from school with him. Both of them moving in together in the small studio above Hongjoongâs shop. Seonghwa had pulled you in for a hug immediately upon meeting you, and you couldnât help but feel a deep warmth at how easily accepted you were.
After meeting Seonghwa and Hongjoong, you were introduced to San. And found out that you and San actually went to the same university. Never once did you cross paths, but it was nice to have the connection nonetheless. He was newer to the group apparently. Only meeting Mingi at a race a little under a year ago. He wasnât a mechanic but he âknew his way around the cab better than anyone.â Or at least thatâs what Mingi had claimed.
And then there was Yunhoâs younger cousin, Jongho. Apparently, this whole barn bash tradition had been one started by his parents, and, though he wasnât super keen on running it, he made sure that the party still happened annually.Â
When Yunho went to grab you a beer, Jongho nudged your side with his elbow. Smirking at the way you shamelessly eyed his cousin at the bar.
âHeâs single, you know?â standing next to you and admiring his cousin alongside you. Watching as he mingled with some other friends beer the cooler.
You laughed, âSo Iâve heard. Thatâs not really any of my business, is it, though?â
Jongho shrugged, âI would say by the way you wonât stop staring at him, it might be all of your business.â
This kid. âI guess itâs kind of on him to make a move then, isnât it?â
âHe wonât.â He took a sip of his beer. Setting it on the table in front of you.
âWhat?â you glanced over at him, brows pinched in confusion. âWhat do you mean âhe wonât?ââ
He met your eyes, âYou just got out of a relationship, right?â You nodded hesitantly and a bit embarrassed that that was knowledge he had. âThen heâs not gonna push anything. It took a lot of convincing from us,â he gestured to the group, âto even get him to invite you tonight, and he wouldnât even do that directly. Unless you push for it, Yunho isnât gonna make a move. He wants to give you the time you need to heal. So the ball is definitely in your court for this one.â
You pondered his words. Turning them over in your head. Part of you nervous at the prospect of being in charge, being the driving force. But another part of you feeling like he just couldnât get anymore perfect. Already, he had been nothing but respectful and gentle toward you. Helping you where you needed it. But something about the way he treated youâŚit just made you feel so special.
Your heart tightened at the feeling. Special wasnât a new feeling. A much younger you had felt that beautifully deceptive feeling before. Because it doesnât take much to feel special, but it's an easy way to trick the heart.
âWant me to open it for ya?â Yunho gestured to the beer in his hand that he had so graciously grabbed for you.
You nodded, âThat would be wonderful.â
âNot a problem, Doll.â
You watched as he positioned the rim of the bottle against the edge of the table. Shamelessly admiring his arms as he did it. You hadnât noticed it earlier, but at some point, heâd rolled his sleeves up. Revealing his toned forearms. From which you could see his many veins lining his arm. When he brought his hand down on top of the bottle you jumped in surprise, watching the cap pop up and fall to the ground.
Yunho laughed at your jumpiness, reaching the bottle out to you. His fingers brushing over yours when you took it from him.
âThank you,â you gave him a shy smile.
He opened his mouth to playfully remark over the way you ogled at him, but he was cut off by a voice behind you.
âY/n!?â shouted a male voice full of obvious surprise. Your head whipped around, recognizing that voice instantly.
You stared at him wide-eyed in shock. Though his hair was longer and his voice deeper, youâd recognize Jung Wooyoung anywhere. And he hardly gave you a second to breathe before his arms were wrapped around your shoulders, practically suffocating you.Â
He rocked you side to side dramatically when you finally hugged him back, your arms embracing his back. You were still trying to comprehend seeing his face after so long, when he pulled back, hands still resting on your shoulders, âHow have you been?â His enthusiasm not once wavering. He playfully slapped your shoulder, âWhere have you been?â
Still a bit dazed, you just blinked at him, before pulling him back in and hugging him tighter than before. His giggle vibrated through your chest. A sound you thought youâd honestly never hear again. And though you couldnât see his face, you could perfectly visualize the way his lips pulled back into that smile that had encouraged you so strongly all those years ago.
Finally, after several long moments, you let each other go. His smile still burning as he repeated his question, âHowâve you been?â
You shrugged, trying not to let the unfortunate question tamper your mood, âFine. Kind of going through a breakup right now, so itâs been a little rough if Iâm honest.â You felt your heart fill with a familiar warmth, though. And you smiled at the memories of your long walks together, the ones where you told each other everything.
âOh girl, a bad one?â
You nodded, taking a sip of your beer, âHe cheated.â
âShit, seriously!?â he made a face of disgust, âGive me his name. Iâll kick his ass. I swear.â
You sat there for a second silently staring at him. A bit embarrassed to admit the truth he had yet to realize.
Expectantly, he kept his gaze locked onto yours, waiting patiently for your response. Until you saw it click in his eyes, and his face turned to a look of utter disgust. âPlease tell me you two did not just break up.â You avoided his eyes. His judgement, âWas there at least a break in there?â
You shook your head, âNoâŚâ
âDamn, girl. Howâd you put up with that for that long?â Sympathy washed over his face.
Shrugging you offered the only thing you could think of as a reasonable answer, âIt was comfortable? I donât really know.â You leaned against the table, âHeâs the only boyfriend Iâve ever had, so I guess I justâŚdidnât really know when I was supposed to end it.â
âMaybe thatâs just the thing with him.â
You hummed.
He continued, âHe makes you feel like youâre where youâre supposed to be. With him. And your life revolves around him for so long that it just becomes the new normal, and you struggle to even remember what your life was like before you met him. Was it better? Was it worse? I guess itâs hard to tell when heâs worn you down so much that you canât even think that hard.â
As much as it was so nice to have someone to understand your pain, your heart hurt for Wooyoung, too. You placed a comforting hand on his back.Â
He smiled gently at you, âWell, Iâm glad you're at least out of it now.â
âIâm glad you are, too.â
Things between him and Yeonjun had ended disastrously. About as bad as things could go. Wooyoung leaving the band had been kind of inevitable from the beginning. With all logic, it was just a fun thing for him to do throughout his university years. He had never planned for it to be a lifelong thing, let alone the career path that Yeonjun seemed to think it was. But when Wooyoung had told Yeonjun that he was leaving the group one month before graduation, it was chaos. A constant storm of accusations. Yeonjun berating his former friend for being a poser and a traitor. And Wooyoung scoffing at the man's delusions.Â
You remember the countless hours you spent in Yeonjunâs room. In his bed consoling him. Telling him that it was going to be okay. And reassuring him that he didnât need his help to keep the band together. Though you were secretly hoping to see Wooyoung move on to better things.
Peering up at him, you asked softly, âYou donât hate me, do you?â
He laughed through his nose, tucking you into his side and pressing his cheek into your forehead, âI could never. Actually sometimes I wonder why I never reached back out to you. Maybe I had figured youâd moved on.â
âI missed you, Youngie.âÂ
You felt him let out a content breath, âI missed you, too.âÂ
From behind you, you felt a pair of eyes on you, practically burning into your skull. You glanced over to see his painfully familiar face watching the two of you carefully. You tried to smile and wave at him, but he continued to stare, seemingly uninterested, before returning to his conversation with San.
âMhm,â you sighed, a bit defeated, âAnd he still hates me.â
He nudged your hip with his, âHey, he doesnât hate you. You two justâŚprobably have some things you need to work out.â
You glared at him, âThat might be oversimplifying it.â
âSeriously, I think you just need to talk to him. At least for closure. Because I know the way you two left things left room for none of that.â
Of course, he was right. The last time you spoke to Yeosang, it was a massive fight. One that had left many wounds, the biggest one being the loss of your closest friend. Someone who had always made you feel complete.
âIâll try.â It felt like an empty promise. The thought of going over there and talking to him made you honestly sick to your stomach.Â
âHey,â Wooyoung slid your beer back into your hand, âDonât let it bum out your night, okay?â He looked back at the group and then smirking back at you, âSoâŚYunho?â
You took a sip to try and mask your smile, âWhat about him?â
âDonât play dumb. Whatâs going on there? Howâd you two even meet?â
You laughed, âActually, I think you would really like this story.â
After chatting with Wooyoung for what felt like hours, you found yourself wandering back to Yunho. You could tell he was a bit tipsy from the light flush across his face.Â
âSmall world, huh?â He gestured toward your friend.
âYeah I guess it is,â smiling fondly at him.
He lifts his hat off to readjust and ruffle his hair before placing it neatly back on his head. God you needed to get over your feelings about that hat. But you couldnât stop looking at him. Something about the alcohol that was barely in your system and the way the smallest of his actions drove you up the wall had you feeling insane.Â
But maybe it also had you feeling more confident. Perhaps a bit too confident.
âHey,â You look up at Yunho apprehensively, âDo you wanna dance?â
His smile makes you nearly melt into the floor as he tips his head to the side, that stupid beige hat lopsided with the motion, âOf course, Doll. I thought youâd never ask.â
He takes your beer from your hands and discards it in the trash. Grabbing your hand and pulling you to the center of the barn where everyone is mingling and dancing together.Â
You stumbled over your feet and braced yourself on his chest. He grinned down at you, âWell hello pretty girl.âÂ
He placed his hands on your waist to steady you. âHi,â you whispered up at him.
He held you so gently. Letting you both sway to the song that reverberated off the wooden walls of the barn. But you paid no mind to the music or the dust at your feet or Wooyoungâs eyes that you could feel boring into your back. Too focused on the way you could hear the rustle of Yunhoâs shirt as you danced.
As soon as the song picked up its beat, though, the two of you started to really have your fun. His hands found your own and he pulled you to him before spinning you around. He was careful with you, but not in a way that stomped on any of your excitement. You just feltâŚsafe around him. And as many times as he spun you and dipped you and pulled you to him, you never once doubted his ability to keep you upright and in his arms.
Even when you tripped over your feet a couple times, he always made sure you were steady and balanced. And then he would proceed to giggle and tease you for being clumsy.
It was so carefree. Being with him made it so easy to forget that you were rotting in your bed just earlier that day. And it wasnât out of a place of pity. He was just that kind of guy. The one who was so easily able to make you laugh with just his presence. And one that valued your happiness just because you deserved to be happy, not because it made him feel good to cheer you up.
And as the music kept going you could feel yourself falling deeper and deeper into his big brown eyes. Maybe it was just the alcohol or maybe it was the fact that this man, who seemed to embody everything you would want in man, had you in his arms, but your mind kept flashing with thoughts of lifting his hat off of his head and running your hands through his hair. Brushing your fingers over his cheek. Wrapping your arms around his neck.
As the music slowed, the space between you two shrank until there was virtually nothing between you save for the clothing covering your skin. Yunhoâs hands lightly squeezed your waist, his eyes searching your expression for any sign of discomfort, âIs this okay?â
You nodded, letting your hands rest comfortably on his chest, âItâs perfect.â
Your eyes explored his face. Over his lightly flushed cheeks, over his beautiful eyes that tracked your every move, over the soft pink of his lips that made it impossible not to imagine them on your skin. You didnât even notice when your hands slid from their place on his chest to the back of his neck. Holding yourself closer to him. The tips of your fingers brushing against the pieces of his soft hair that peaked out of his hat.
The sound of the music faded completely into the background. The only beat you could feel was the one of your hearts beating together in rhythm.Â
âFuck,â he said in a whispered breath, âyouâre so beautiful.â
You pulled a bit of your lip between your teeth, âYunhoâŚâ
He removed a hand from your waist and cupped your cheek, âDoll.â
You could only blink and look deep into his eyes. Trying to ignore the way your heart pounded erratically in your chest. Your ears drowning out anything but his voice.
âDoll,â he leaned in closer, and his eyes flicked down to your lips, âCan I kiss you?â
âPlease,â you practically whimpered. Letting him fill the gap between you. Kissing you with so much need and desire. Like heâd been wanting this for months. For years. His arms wrapped around your back. Holding you as close as he could get you.Â
And you let him kiss you so breathlessly that you had to gasp for air when he pulled away in moments. Grasping tight to the back of his neck. Only to be pulled back in by those deep, beautiful eyes.
His lips were so soft on top of your own. Just like you had imagined. But it was the way he held you that made you feel so safe. His arms around you like heâd never let you go. Like the comfort of having someone by your side for a lifetime.Â
It felt like a lifetime.
An eternity.
Youâd felt that before.Â
When you had started dating Yeonjun at nineteen it had felt like a lifetime. And the way he kissed you the first time had made you melt into his arms. Youâd rushed headfirst into that relationship. So sure that the sparks that flew between you and the tipsy butterflies filling your gut were enough to sustain the feeling youâd mistaken for love.Â
And here you were again.Â
Running away from Yeonjun and tumbling into Yunhoâs open arms.Â
Sweet, sincere, and beautiful Yunho who genuinely seemed to want something deeper with you.Â
Who seemed to truly see you and want you despite knowing so little about you.
God, what the fuck were you doing?
Yunho pulled away from you immediately when he felt you freeze up in his arms. âHey, whatâs wrong?â He asked. His brows furrowed and voice gentle but still piercing through the loud music surrounding you. Concerned at the way you wouldnât even meet his eyes.
You stumbled away from him, âYunho, Iâm so sorry.â Practically falling out of his grasp and in the next instant you were bolting out the nearest door.Â
Yunho stared in shock as the barnâs side door slammed behind you. Glancing over at his friends, he saw that none of them had seemed to notice the incident. And with Rosie and Mingi nowhere in sight, he had no choice to run after you. A mix of fear of confusion guiding his steps as he chased after you. Momentarily losing sight of you in the dark expanse of the pasture.
The soft dirt revealed footprints that matched the pointed toe of your heeled boots along the side of the corn field. He followed them without a thought. Only racking his brain for what had gone wrong. Each step he took had him feeling sicker and sicker with dread.Â
Fuck he had moved too fast.Â
Never in his twenty-five years of life had he kissed someone without taking them on a date first. Let alone a woman who, before tonight, had not been single every time they had met. He knew he was jumping the gun when he asked Mingi to bring you tonight, though he wasnât really sure if you were gonna show up. And just the brief idea that he had made you uncomfortable made Yunho want to curl up and die.
As your footsteps made the curve around the edge of the corn field, he finally saw you. Sitting in the old swing that hung from the massive oak tree that loomed over the pasture.Â
His heart hurt when he saw you there. Hunched over and sobbing into your hands. With your back to him, he knew you couldnât see him, but he was sure you knew that he was gonna come after you. Nevertheless, he stepped a bit heavier than he normally would, so you could hear him. Not wanting to scare you off another time.
You refused to turn around when you heard him coming up behind you, but you let your thumbs swipe away the tears that threatened to stream down your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths to try and get yourself together.
And when you caught a glimpse of him stepping into your line of sight, you finally dropped your hands from your face. Teeth gnawing at your lip. Trying to think of something, anything, to say to rectify the mess you had just created.
Because, truth was, that was probably the sweetest and gentlest kiss of your entire life, and maybe if you had held it together for two more seconds, you would have been able to explain your worries to him.
But instead, when you looked up from your lap to the man squatting right in front of you, hat clenched in his hands. And you couldnât even find it in yourself to swoon at his flushed cheeks or the messy hair falling over his face, because all you could see was the distressed look in his eyes.
âDollââ he shook his head, âY/n, Iâm sorry if I misreadâŚFuck.â He dragged a hand over his face and up into his hair, pushing the strands out of his face, âThat was too soon. Iâm so sorry. I should have neverââ
âYunho,â you cut him off. Still fighting back tears, âYou did nothing wrong.â
âButââ
You put your hand up to stop him again, âStop. Please. Itâs not your fault. Itâs mine. I shouldâve never asked you to dance. I didnât mean to give you false hope.â
His heart broke a little, and you could see it in his eyes, âCâmon, you donât mean thatâŚâ
âIâm sorry,â your words came out in a broken whisper, âIâm justâŚI canât do this,â you pointed at him and then yourself, âright now.âÂ
âSweetheart,â he lifted a hand and cautiously placed it on your knee, and you let him keep it there, âI donâ mean to rush things. We can wait as long as you need and go as slow as you're comfortable with. I just,â he took a deep breath, âdonât wanna let you go.â
You placed your hand over his, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes despite how painful it was, âYunho, you are such a sweet guy. And I know someday you will make someone so happy.â His head dropped forward, his forehead barely resting against your leg in defeat, âBut that someone just isnât me. Not now. And probably not for a long time. I have too many wounds to heal from Yeonjun, and I just canât pass that burden on to you.â
He stood up from the ground and you lifted yourself up with him. Your heart nearly cracking in half at the tears streaming down his face, âYou wonât even let me try?â His voice came out in a strained whisper.
You reached your thumb up to wipe a tear from his eye, selfishly letting your hand rest on his cheek. You shook your head. âI need time. Too much time to expect you to wait for me.â The hat he dangled in his hands, the hat youâd grown to love, bumped against your thigh. You grabbed it from him and slipped it back onto his head. Smiling sadly up at him âI believe in you, cowboy. Youâll find someone else. I just know it.â
Pushing yourself up onto your toes, you gave him one last kiss on the cheek. Before leaving him standing there in the cool night air. Wishing for a brief second that you hadnât come tonight at all. But wishing even stronger that you would never leave.
the space between us three (jyh) | series masterlist
â˘summary: while juggling the demands of life, yunho continues to do his best to raise his independent 11 yr old daughter, seora. throughout the years, they've built a strong foundation, an unbreakable bondâ one that consists of late night talks and food runs, father/daughter dates, and sideline cheerleading at her basketball games. so when you unexpectedly come into their world, things shift. despite the uncertainty and the fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone, yunho and seora eventually learn how to open their hearts and learn how to rebuild a home where three can thrive together.
â˘pairing: single dad!yunho x f. reader
â˘genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, single dad au | fluff, angst, smut
â˘general warnings: cussing, mature language, slice of life, insecurities, anxiety and trauma from past events, death/mentions of death and tragic accidents, unprotected sex, alcohol consumption, complex relationships, growing pains, etc. - individual warnings for each chapter will be included
â˘release: coming soon ! 11.29.24
â˘a/n: hi! i know we dearly love our pmylm!yunho but i'm bringing a new yunho to the plate - one i think you'll equally adore. i'll be working on this alongside of wildfire next - idk why this comeback is also giving single dad yunho of a pre-teen so here i am lol hope to release it soon and i hope you all enjoy it <33
â ď¸ Summary: The chance of turning into a walking corpse was greater than finding love in the jumbled mess of despair and death, yet you happened to stumble upon the other half of your soul. After many fights and misunderstandings, you and Yunho explain each side of the story and decide to make your mouths do something far more enjoyable than spitting harsh words and biting remarks. Starts from where the oneshot ended.
â ď¸ Pairing(s): Jeong Yunho x F!Reader
â ď¸ Genres/Tropes: Non-idol AU, zombie apocalypse AU, romance, smut, golden retriever x black cat (kinda, not really)
â ď¸ Warnings/Tags: Female reader, no use of (Y/N), safe sex (wrap before you tap), oral sex (f and m receiving), fingering (f receiving), brief breast play, pantie sniffer Yunho, minor breeding kink, praise, aftercare, petnames (angel, darling, good boy/girl), not beta-read
â ď¸ Wordcount: 6.3K
â ď¸ Author's note: So... this is what was going to happen after Yunho and MC proclaim their love to each other, but I decided to leave the smut scene out hehehe. However, my lovely @bvidzsoo got a whiff of the deleted smut scene and well, here we are! Everyone say 'thank you Ari!' đ I would highly appreciate it if you checked out Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode first! Keep in mind this is my first time writing smut so be kind lmaoo.
This is all fiction and not meant to represent the idols involved in any way or form. This work is NSFW and not appropriate for minors as it contains explicit scenes as well as adult language. Minors and ageless blogs refrain from reading this work!
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âI need you⌠I need to show you how much I truly adore you. Please, may I paint you with my love until youâre covered in nothing but the shade of me?â
âYunhoâŚâ
âI wonât be mad if you donât want to. Iâve already said what my heart desires the most in the world, but I want to do this for us. For you, angel.â
âShow me then.â
The most mundane words made him into the happiest man alive. He weaved his fingers through yours and tugged you in the direction of the watchtower furthest away from the prison building. An exchange of comforting squeezes lasted the short journey and Yunho even looked over his shoulder every few seconds to assure himself you were really there. You werenât any better. You couldnât take your eyes off his back and stumbled over your own feet in the process. The inside didnât exceed your expectations. The tower was twice the size of a prison cell with a lot more space to move around in. A somewhat clean mattress was pushed up to one side of the room. Yunho gently closed the trap door behind you and plopped down on the poor excuse of a bed. As much as he longed to kiss you until both were on the verge of passing out, he let you take in the new setting. The last thing he wanted was to rush you. The night had just begun and you had all the time in the world to explore each other, to learn the way your bodies function.Â
Yunho silently patted the empty space on his left and you obeyed. His hand was warm on your thigh and you fought back the shiver pleading to glide down your back.Â
âIs this okay?â He whispered and you nodded. âWords, please. I need to hear you say it.â
You looked up at him through your lashes and he nearly ascended to heaven then and there. âItâs okay.â
He swallowed a heavy gulp of nervous saliva and moved his hand to rest on the soft cushion behind you. Leaning in closer so his breath fanned your cheeks and lips almost grazing yours, Yunho feigned confidence as he flashed a devilishly handsome smirk.
âAnd now?â
âItâd be better if you just kissed me.âÂ
Your wish was his command. The previously bare skin of your neck was embraced by his palm while his other hand found your hips and maneuvered you to lay down. Your own hands latched onto his bicep and the side of his face to ground yourself from the heated kiss. The sweetness he showed you minutes ago was abandoned on the field and replaced by urgency as well as the need to taste you again. It was filthy with a lot of spit and your tongues rolling against each other.Â
He left open mouthed kisses along your skin and trailed down your neck to your collarbones, even reaching your earlobe which Yunho gently bit down on and whispered softly, âYou drive me crazy, angel.â
Having had enough of his teasing, you rolled him on his back and plopped down on his crotch. The element of surprise mixed with your clothed cunt pressing against his half-hard cock caught him off guard, and a gutted groan slipped past his bruised lips. You seized the moment and peppered harsh suckles to his neck, determined to leave an array of beautiful roses and sweetpeas on his pale skin. His hands flew up and gripped your hips, and the image of his finger leaving dark blotches on your skin heightened the ache between your legs.
âBe patient, darling. Iâll take good care of you, I promise.âÂ
You were once again on your back, this time with Yunho pushed between your legs, groins aligned and chests touching. You needed Yunho like he was the means to survival. He was the nectar youâd search for in the wild, the sun youâd grow to reach and the water youâd boil to drink. Patience wasnât a word in your dictionary anymore. Not when he held you softly and kissed you like there was no tomorrow. An overwhelming feeling of warmth and belonging stored in your chest, but you couldnât label it for what it was because you had never experienced such strong emotions before. Not even when the world was still normal. It was so frustrating that tears gathered in your eyes and eventually escaped down the valley of your cheeks.Â
âWhy are you crying, my pretty girl?â Yunho cooed and wiped the salty liquid with his thumbs. âYouâre so pretty. Your eyes and nose, lips, and everything. So pretty.â He left chaste kisses to the corner of your eyes and mouth, and on the top of your nose.
âI donât know,â you admitted and turned away from him as heat attacked your face.
He caught your chin between his thumb and index finger, and gently guided you to look at him again. âDonât do that, angel. Itâs okay to cry, just donât shy away from me.â
Vulnerability was almost as scary as a biter, the only difference was you knew how to handle the latter. So, for once in your life, you heeded his advice and clasped your hands around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. In a perfect world, Yunho would have his lips locked with yours for all eternity. You let out a whine of dismay â a noise you didnât know you had in you â as he broke apart and Yunho couldnât help but smile as he pressed a kiss to your sternum. Aroused and curious, you leaned back on your elbows to get a better look at what he was doing. Yunho continued his path further down your clothed body; your ribs, belly button, hips and even dared to graze your lower abdomen, right on your mound. In the wake of his kisses, your skin sizzled with excitement and your breath got heavier.
Yunho intensely held your eyes, not once looking away, as he grabbed the hem of your shirt and slowly lifted it to expose the button of your pants, but didnât go further than that. It took you an embarrassingly long time to realize he was waiting for your permission. With a wordless nod, he unclasped your bottoms and slowly stripped them off your legs leaving you in thin black panties doing nothing to cover your pussy. It was with great restraint that Yunho held back from tearing the flimsy material and going head first between your legs. To have you writhe and moan at the wonders of his tongue and fingers as he fucked you open, spreading your juices all over his nimble limbs and listen to you fall apart over, and over again. Instead, he caressed your legs, starting from your ankles and gliding up your calves to massage the expanse of your thighs. Much like before, he dropped searing kisses along the same paths his fingers had touched your skin. Each leg was thrown over his shoulder and your heart quickened at the closer proximity.Â
Terms of endearment were let out in the open and his whispers of âso good for meâ, âmy pretty angelâ, âonly for meâ heightened the fire lit in your stomach.Â
You sucked in a sharp breath of air as Yunho nibbled on the inner side of your thigh, leaving his mark on the beautiful canvas that was you. A harsh hiss escaped your lips as he gave equal attention to your other thigh and he would have decorated your skin in more vivid colors if it werenât for your plea of touching you where you needed him the most.
âAnything for you, pretty girl.â
The barely-even touch of his finger skimming over your clothed sex had you falling back down against the mattress, your hands squeezing the shit out of the sheet below in a futile attempt to calm down. Each nudge of his digit sent a crackling jolt of electricity up your spine, but it faded out before you could even feel as much as a buzz of euphoria.
âSo wet for me.â
âYunho,â you hissed, but it proved success as he inched your panties to the side and took a long, surprising lick up your slit.Â
Your gutted moan mixed with his lewd slurping noises just made your cheeks burn hotter. Yunho was relentless as he dragged his tongue through your folds and collected your wetness. It got you gripping the sheets and bucking your hips up, needing him closer. In return, Yunho pinned you to the mattress with an arm pressed over your stomach. He could die a happy man right then and there; between your legs and face stuffed with your cunt. The vibrations of his hum combined with the skilled movements of his wet tongue made you all the more vocal.
âYouâre delicious, baby.â The praise had you grinding your hips the best you could with the restraint holding you down. âOh, you like hearing that, donât you? My sweet little thing tastes so good I could sit here all day.â
âYunho,â you whined and bucked up again.
âShhh, just relax for me.âÂ
He lowered himself down again and you squirmed as his warm breath fanned over your pussy lips. Expecting to feel his mouth, you didnât know what to do with yourself as his finger was swallowed by your wet hole. With screwed eyes and mouth wide, you basked in the pleasure of his finger working you open. It was when he pulled out and added another digit that you took a hold of his wrist, the sensation getting too much for you, but Yunho had other plans. He intertwined your fingers with his free ones and pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.
âYouâre so good for me, just hold on a little longer. Could you do that angel?â
Yunho smirked at your little nod. Plunging back his fingers in you, he quickened the pace and gave your clit an overwhelming amount of attention filtering between his tongue and thumb. His name fell from your lips, an indication that you were close to release and who was he to deny that? He waited until his fingers were deep in you and curled them just enough to stroke the spot that made you see stars. The combination of his mouth sucking on your clit and fingers exploring your needy hole pushed you over the edge. As you lay there, legs shaking and chest heaving, Yunho continued worshiping you with his mouth. It was his life mission to suck you dry and he didnât stop until you weakly pushed his head back. Obliging, he pulled his sticky fingers out and wasted no time wrapping his mouth around them. The sight of his eyes rolling to the back of his head, chin glistening and lips red could make you come again and if the prominent bulge in his jeans was anything to go by, Yunho could cum untouched.Â
You didnât know what came over you. One second you were laying limp, unable to catch your breath let alone move and in the next you were pouncing on him. Tasting yourself of his tongue and grinding against his hard on.Â
âI need you.â You kissed him and he returned it with just as much passion.
âYou have me.â
âI need you in my mouth,â you elaborated and pressed the heel of your palm to his groin. It was incredibly arousing to see the effect you had on him and admittedly, it was hot to know a big guy like Yunho could crumble with the touch of your fingers. The fun didnât last long though.
âWeâll get there, angel, but right now itâs all about you so just lay down for me.â
Handing over your dominance like it weighed nothing, you scooted down from Yunhoâs lap and leaned back on your feet. Your hands, though, didnât inch away from him and trailed the edge of his shirt.
âGo on then, take it off.â
The material was immediately pulled over his head and thrown haphazardly somewhere in the room. You didnât care, not when you were whisked away by his striking body. Chiseled with fine lines tracing the contours of his abs and muscles. It was hard to look away. If not for the muscles, then for the scars portraying his survival. You traced each and every one with the tips of your fingers and lingered on the healed bullet wound. Sensing the change in your demeanor, he took hold of your hand and gave it a kiss. He didnât want you to think about that now, God knows you deserve a break from fearing for your lives.
Yunho mimicked your action from earlier and got your shirt off, leaving you in nothing but a black bra and matching panties. You slapped his chest as he whistled and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. Whispering a faint âfuck offâ, you covered your face and fell back on the mattress.
âDonât get shy on me now, Iâve already seen how pretty you are.â
He caught your flying foot and you let out a screech as he pulled you toward him. It was muffled by his lips massaging yours. His hands explored your body, gripping and squeezing anything he could take hold of, and he got drunk on the sounds you were making. Nothing could beat the beautifully erotic moan that spilled out of your mouth when he skimmed over your boobs and it was his cue to give them some more attention. He laid his whole body weight on your legs and gently wrapped each hand around the sides of your torso while simultaneously pressing his thumbs into your nubs, and slowly swirled them around your covered tits. The pleasure flared up in you like fireworks, but it wasnât enough to make you unravel for the second time and you couldnât do anything to hasten his pace. Unless you begged.
âYunho, faster.â
âMmm, what did you say?âÂ
You could hear the smile behind his words and if it werenât for your lust filled senses, youâd give him something to smile about. Despite having a taste of you, Yunho was adamant on taking things slow and it felt like forever until he took your bra off. Cheeks burning and body growing hot from the sudden bashfulness of being laid bare before him had you covering your chest, which Yunho tutted at and hastily grabbed your wrists.
âPlease donât do that. Youâre beautiful, angel, and itâs just me. Just your Yunho.â
Reluctant, you searched his face for a hint of dishonesty. You hadnât given yourself to anyone in a long time â courtesy of the dead, quite literally wanting to eat you â but youâve experienced a fair deal of men trying to get into your pants through flattering lies, and it wouldnât surprise you if Yunho shared that cursed behavior. However, one thing was clear; you wouldnât last another day in the prison if he did. The emotional hurt would be unbearable. But this was Yunho. Your Yunho.Â
âOkay.â
âGood. Now⌠lay back and relax for me. Let me make you feel good again.â
That he did. Again and again, and again. The arch of your back didnât come from his fingers moving in and out of your cunt or the flat of his tongue flicking your clit. It was the result of Yunhoâs mouth hallowing around your boob, tongue swirling around your erect nub while the other got the full attention of his hand. The nipple was caught between his forefinger and thumb, twirling and pinching it enough to send ecstasy through your veins.
âYuhââ You moaned and cradled his head closer to your chest. âMore.â
Who knew a man licking and sucking on your tits could make you feel so alive? Yunho let go with a pop, his lips red and covered in saliva â just like your tit â and blew air on your nipple making it harden before giving the same treatment to the other. Glancing down, you found his eyes already on you, even with his mouth occupied. Focused and following every flex of your facial muscles, it felt like he was looking deep into your soul. Something was telling you he enjoyed watching your face contort into pleasure more than heâd like to admit. If he could tease you, why wouldnât you do the same? Throwing the caution of anyone overhearing your intimate moment, you parted your lips and let the loudest of moans rivet the walls. The stutter of his hips against yours was proof your plan worked.Â
âYouâre really making it hard to take things nice and slow, angel,â he groaned and grinded his pelvis against your cunt, allowing the wetness to seep through his pants.
âThen donât,â came your breathless reply. âDonât hold back. Youâve already shown how much you like me. What I need is you to fuck me, hard and fast. Please, Yunho.â
Maybe it was your whining tone or perhaps your straightforwardness making him scrap his plan of intimate lovemaking. It wouldnât surprise him if your vulgar language set him off, hearing you explicitly say what you wanted him to do. Deep within, Yunho knew it was the Godforsaken way his name rolled off your tongue. Being left with nothing but the brain of a caveman, he ripped your panties into two and scrunched the material in his hand, and brought them up to his nose. The sniff he gave them was long and got you dripping like a broken faucet. You were intoxicating in all possible ways and Yunho already longed for the next day he could unravel you again. But first, heâd make you come on his dick, once, twice, even three times if youâd let him.
Distracted by the scent of your panties, Yunho didnât notice you discretely guide your fingers to your soaping cunt. He missed the way you parted your pussy lips, glistening with your juices and the excess of Yunhoâs spit, and teased your clit. Being in charge of your own pleasure, you didnât hold back and filled yourself with two fingers and pushed the heel of your palm against your throbbing clit. Waves of warmth spread to your toes, but you soon realized your fingers werenât reaching the same spot as Yunho did. The desperate and clenching sound of your digits going in and out of your hole grounded Yunho. He nearly fell over at the beauty before him; you spread open and fucking yourself, whimpering and biting down on your lip to hide the sinful sounds.
âLikeâ uh⌠what you sâh-ee?â You asked through a moan.Â
âGorgeous,â Yunho replied and leaned back on the ends of his feet. He reached for his belt buckle and undid it at a snailâs pace, giving you all the more reason to grow frustrated.Â
âHurry.â
You were always so snappy and demanding even when clouded by the need to be stuffed full of cock.
Undoing the zip of his bottoms, Yunho was reminded of the important package he stored in his pocket. The sudden slap of the condom had you sliding your fingers out of yourself. The foil packet was cold against your stomach. You took it between your index- and middle fingers, and looked up at your lover.
Glancing in Yunhoâs direction, you did a double take at the blue tinfoil packages in his hands and grew hot from embarrassment. Your look was all it took for Yunho to defend himself.
âWhat? I doubt people want to reciprocate at this time.â
He wasnât wrong, but it didnât make you feel any better or stop the sensual image of Yunho. His naked body tangled in sheets looming over you and the very same condom you just saw in his hands, now stuck between his lips. Then you shook your head, as if to make the thought disappear before it could delve into an even more lustful scenario. The naked Yunho was gone, but the heat burned your cheeks worse than the sun on a summer day.
The huge grin on Yunhoâs face told you he thought of the very same memory. The condom was pried from your hands and placed on the mattress a little further away as he stepped back to stand up. He then guided you to the waistband of his pants and raised a brow, the corners of his mouth curling up. There was no need to say it out loud because you knew exactly what he was hinting at. Getting up on your knees, you were quick to push the material of his pants and boxers down midthigh, allowing his erect cock to break free of its confines. His member stood tall and proud, the tip flushed a beautiful hue of red and weeping a little bit of pre-cum. You salivated at the image and wanted himâ no, you needed him in your mouth. Now.
You peered up at him, eyes big and your tongue rolling out, as your fingers fell like dominoes around the hard length of him, starting from your pinky and ending with your thumb. Yunho hissed and his dick twitched at the contact. You leaned closer to the tip, mouth open and drool dripping from your tongue, but you werenât going to give him what he wanted just yet. A gust of cold air swept over his hot member and Yunho weaved his fingers into your hair, not pulling at it, but using it as an anchor to not topple over from your mischief.
âArenât you a good boy?â
Yeah, Yunho was a goner. His eyes fluttered shut and his chest heaved as his cocked lived a life of its own; twitching and oozing more precum. You stroked your hand up and darted your thumb over his slit before moving it back down to the base. Sparks of pleasure spread to every nerve in his body and he got lost in the blissful sensation.
âAnswer me, Yunho.â
âIâm ah, a guhâ good boy!â
The glint in your eyes at his words was dangerous, but all Yunho could think about was the feel of your wet and warm mouth, him hitting the back of your throat, feeling you gag around him, oh boy. Nothing could beat the real thing. You licked a stripe up the underside of his member and then tapped the tip once, twice on your tongue before enveloping it in your mouth and suckling on it like a lollipop. He threw his head back with a groan of appreciation. You spread your spit diligently down his cock and spread the wetness further down his shaft, gradually taking him deeper into your mouth. Yunho had a pretty cock, that you would admit; long and curving with a very prominent vein decorating the side.
The first few seconds were spent getting adjusted to his size â something youâd have to undoubtedly do later too â but when you got the hang of it, you had no issue bobbing your head up and down. You wanted him to lose all sense in his limbs and were determined to make him see beyond stars. Yunho released a shuddering moan in response to your hum teasing his sensitive cock with vibrations.
âPlease, donât stop.â
He opened his mouth to continue with his praises, but the tip of your tongue gliding into his slit drew out another strained moan instead. It sent throbs of arousal to your core. The gurgle of words dying in your throat at his thick cock made Yunho grow harder and more aroused. The drool spilling out the sides of your mouth left a trail down your neck that was so messy and nasty, but he loved every second of it. You hollowed out your cheeks and sucked harder, even massaged his balls until his pleads were nothing but a mess of jumbled words and moans.Â
âAngel, myâ ah my angel!âÂ
Yunho couldnât stop the involuntary thrusts upward, but you were unphased by the jab of his tip to the back of your throat. All you did was suck harder, tongue caressing the underside of his cock and sending him to heaven. He tightened the grip on your hair, but not so you couldnât move if you desired to do so and a broken string of moans echoed in the room. Goosebumps broke out on the surface of his skin as his vision faded to black. Your mission of having him see the stars went beyond that as he was met with an exploding supernova.Â
Your nails dug into his hips, holding him in place so he had no other choice but to spill his seed onto your tongue. There was so much cum it was impossible to keep it all inside that the white liquid trickled onto the mattress, making you look so fucked out. You swallowed the bit that hadnât gone to waste. Coming down from his high, Yunho cradled your cheek and smeared the rest of himself all over your face. He brought you into a kiss, not caring about tasting his warm and salty release on your tongue. Your angelic giggle filled the room and Yunho smiled against your lips before pulling apart.
âYouâre amazing,â he panted and guided you to lay on your back as he crawled over you.
âI know,â you replied and ran your fingers through his wet bangs, styling them to expose his forehead. You could never get enough of Yunhoâs ethereal face, even when sporting sweaty and glowing cheeks.
The sight of your teary eyes and swollen lips had his cock stiffening again in record time. How couldnât it when you looked so pliant beneath him? All traces of playfulness were wiped off his face and he tilted your head up to look straight into his dark, hooded eyes half-lidded with desire.Â
âI need to fuck you angel, to watch my cock go in and out of your needy little hole. Youâll take me nice and good, wonât you? Every inch and drop of cum I have to offer. Iâll fill you up until my cum trickles out of you and then fuck it back inâ oh fuck! Please, let me make you feel good.âÂ
If there was anything better than hearing a man moan, itâd be to hear him beg. Lucky for you, you got the best of both worlds. Taking a hold of his member, you guided the cockhead through your folds and both groaned in unison.
âWhâwait!â
In the blurry haze of pleasure, Yunho hastily grabbed the forgotten condom and flimsily tore its package. A whimper of dismay reverberated in the room and your pout had him reconsidering whether the wrapper was necessary or not. Gaining clarity amidst the thick fog of lust, he shook the awful idea out of his head and rolled the condom on. Raising a child or getting a STD wouldnât be ideal in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, no matter how much heâd love to see you full of his seed or cradling a newborn.
ââM sorry angel, but thatâs non-negotiable.â
âI know,â you sighed and cupped his cheek, dragging him down into a heart fluttering kiss. You hitched a leg around his waist and pulled your bodies closer. His cock grinded against your cunt and you inhaled in a sharp breath as he gently teased your entrance.
âWeâll go slow, darling.â He spread his fingers through yours and pressed your intertwined hands against the mattress while his elbow kept him from crushing you, his thumb still rubbing soothingly against your cheek. âAnytime you need a pause or need me to stop, just tell me, alright?â
You were wet and ready, had been from the moment Yunho rolled you beneath him. The chaste feel of your lips on his palm was the confirming answer he was searching for to get started. The tip nuzzled against your entrance and your walls immediately clenched against nothing.Â
âBreathe, angel. Breathe.âÂ
Yunho didnât progress until you relaxed and didnât pose the threat of snapping his dick in half. His movements were slow and careful. It required time and patience, but he eventually managed to bury himself completely in you. His cock prodded your belly and Yunho had to screw his eyes shut or heâd come on the spot. You whimpered at the lack of movement and wiggled impatiently.
âYunho, you can move now.â
âAre you sure?â He swiped a trickle of sweat off your forehead, his eyes constantly searching for an indicator of discomfort.
âYes! Please, just fuck me!â
Yunho moved with precision. He was just about out of you â only keeping the tip engulfed by your heat â and then in one long stroke, he filled the empty space taking your breath away. He planted kisses along your jawline and relentlessly thrust inside you, not giving you a chance to catch your breath. You raised your free hand, blindly searching for something to grapple onto and Yunho guided it around his neck, and hoisted you to sit on his lap. Your legs wrapped around him instinctively and he guided you up and down on his cock. The sudden change in position had him reaching everything and beyond, and dragged out a heavenly cry from between your lips.
âYunhooo!â
The sound of skin slapping and incoherent sobs filled the room. Your heat and wetness gripped him tighter with each ram of his hips. He was stretching you out deliciously. Your lips meet in a sloppy, open mouthed kiss, sighs of pleasure grazing your face. The arch of your back positioned your clit to be rubbing against his abdomen and you threw your head back, your eyes rolling somewhere deep in your mind as he thrust again and again, never letting up on his pace.
âYouâre taking me so well, angel.â
Your cunt sucked him in and you felt your body tightening, getting ready for sweet release. Yunho wasnât too far away either, shuddering as your ass bounced up and down.
âYunâ YunhoâŚâ
He licked a long stripe along the side of your neck, nibbling on it like a piece of cheese and bucked his hips harder. âI got you. I got you, angel. Let go fâme.â
It was the graze of your nipples against his, him biting harshly on the skin on your neck and cock slamming hard against your cervix that pushed you over the edge. You dug your nails into his shoulders and climaxed unannounced. He wrapped his arms around you, elevating slightly from the mattress and rutted into you like a rabbit in heat. Your broken sobs spurred him on until his body stuttered and cock released spurts of cum into the condom. Yunho gently let you down and cursed the human anatomy for not letting him follow in tow, but he couldn't, not until he tended to your needs. He discarded the spent wrapper in the bin across the room, put his boxers back on and returned with a water bottle. Helping you sit up, he coaxed you into drinking some water before pulling the spare blanket over your quivering body. You were both in need of a shower, but that could wait a few more minutes.Â
Back in high school, he remembered the nurse preaching how important it was for girls to pee after sex. Something about minimizing the risk for an infection, he wasnât really paying attention as he wasnât interested in that stuff at the ripe age of sixteen â courtesy of his fear of getting a girl pregnant â but either way, he had to get you to a bathroom sooner or later. A mental timer was set for thirty minutes as he slotted up behind you. Another thing he learned was the importance of aftercare, not just cleaning and giving good, but to actually be present emotionally. So he made sure to keep you connected in some way and settled on having an arm curled around your waist, and chest pressed to your back. Time stopped as you regained your breathing and came down from the high of having your guts rearranged. You both lay there, basking in each otherâs presence and letting the overwhelming emotions settle into place. Yunho eventually broke the silence.
âYou alright there?â
You hummed, making yourself comfortable and played with his fingers resting on your abdomen. âYeah, âm just sleepy.â
âMmm, me too, but I donât wanna sleep just yet.â
âWhy?â
âCause I have duties to attend to and I canât do that and keep you in my arms.âÂ
Your chest rumbled and he joined with a chuckle of his own. The long press of your lips to the back of his palm awakened the butterflies in his stomach and embraced his heart in a blanket of warmth.
âThank you,â he suddenly said and buried his nose in the crown of your head, eyes fluttering shut at the comforting scent that was you.Â
âWhat for?â
âFor trusting me in the most intimate way possible.â
You turned around, your eyes were quick to latch onto his. âThank you for taking care of me. For staying true to your words and showing me how much you need me. I really feltâŚâ
âFelt what?â He breathed out, sensing your hesitance.
âI felt⌠the love. Your love.â
Your confession hung in the air and Yunhoâs heart stilled, eyes freezing and mouth agape. His fingers trembled as they curled around your neck and jaw, massaging your cheekbone and searching for anything that indicated this wasnât real. He found nothing, but the reflection of everything his soul thirsted for; love, belonging and a home.Â
At a loss for words, he could only do what felt right in the moment and leaned down to capture your lips in a feverish kiss. Sealing your souls yet again in an unhurried rhythm. Your body responded and you worked your mouth against his, the sexual tension was long replaced by pure affection. Although it was his first for both making love to you and kissing you, Yunho would always choose the latter over the other. He could kiss you for all eternity. He wanted to start his day tasting your morning breath and end it in the same way, catching a glimpse of what fun adventures you went on. Between the long hours stretching from dusk to dawn, heâd sneakily steal a plethora of kisses that would make life worth living.
Yunhoâs breath ghosted over your lips. âGood, because my heart beats only for you. The only time it wonât is when it completely stops working.â
âYou are out of your mind.â
âAsk me⌠Ask me if I love you.â
âWho even says that? âStops workingâ⌠Youâre crazy.âÂ
Persistent to get what he wanted, he kept repeating it until you gave in.
âFine! Do you love me?â
He broke out in a boyish smile, cheeks on display and stars flickering in his eyes. âMore than you could possibly imagine, angel. Youâre too tangled into my soul to the point where life isnât possible without you by my side. I love you. Oh God, I love you! I am in love with you!â
âBe quiet,â you hissed and clasped your palm over his mouth. âSomeone will hear you!â
The lovesick fool had another trick up his sleeve as his tongue darted out and swept across your hand. âLet them, I want them to! I am in love withââÂ
He didnât get to finish the sentence as you shut him up with a kiss.Â
âAre you done now?â You breathed out to which Yunho murmured a no and pulled you back into a more passionate kiss, his hands trailing down to your ass and making you straddle him. Before it could progress into a heated make out session having you both lust for each other again, Yunho parted from your delicious lips.
âNow Iâm done.â
For the rest of the night, you lay there in each otherâs embrace. Yunhoâs fingers glided over the surface of your soft skin and hummed a soothing melody. The rivet of his chest combined with the lulling sounds forced your eyes close. Before you could completely succumb to dreamland, Yunhoâs voice cracked the cloud of drowsiness.
âIâve been thinkingâŚâÂ
You made a noise to let him know you were awake and â somewhat â listening.
âAnd I want to marry you.â
The confession smacked out every ounce of sleep from you and you found yourself sitting up at the speed of light, eyes and mouth wide open. Yunho didnât flinch nor squirm under your gaze. He held his ground and stood by his words.
âWhatâŚ?â
âI want to marry you,â he repeated and took your hands in his, allowing his fingers to fall in the empty spaces between yours.
The proposition sounded insane. Before people married with the purpose of survival, to stabilize financial struggles and have a secure pillar to lean back on when needed or to strengthen the relationship between powerhouses. People rarely ever marry with the sole intent of love if they werenât already comfortable in their Louboutin heels and Valentino dress shoes living in a mansion big enough to fit five households. What good did a ring on your finger bring in a world with the dead crawling around?
âBut why?â
âBecause I already almost lost you once and that was before I even got to tell you about my feelings. I donât want to relive the past and make the same mistake of waiting until something happens to one of us before I take action.â
âWhat if you regret it?â
âAngel, the day you walked out from behind that shelf with a gun aimed at my head, I knew you were the one⌠So, what do you say? May I live out the rest of this fucked up life with you by my side?â
Tears hanging onto the corner of your eyes and your lips wobbled with emotion. Nodding, you flung your arms around his neck and sealed the union with a kiss, pouring your everything into it and hoping to convey how much truly you loved him. There were no witnesses to your unity, but the stars and the moon would have to speak of your love for generations to come.Â
Š HONGJOONGSPOETRY 2024 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.
Since I have a tiny bit written for this chapter, and I'm trying to get it done before Christmas, here's a tiny sneak peek!
Pairing: Ateez x 9th member!readerÂ
wc:Â 216
AU: a/b/oÂ
Genre: Fluff/Angst
warnings:Â talking about feelings, feeling like you don't deserve things, reader is sad, but also so is matz
masterlist
âYouâre awake, hmm?â Seonghwa asked, looking down at her.
She nodded, looking up at him, and then turning to look at Hongjoong, who was looking down at her with both a caring and concerned look on his face, making for an interesting combination of emotions. She was confused at the concerned look on his face, wondering why he was feeling that way.Â
She must have said it out loud, as the alpha chuckled before his face turned serious.
âI am worried about you,â he said, looking at her, his tone conveying that this wasnât a joking matter.
âWhy are you worried?â She asked, confused still.
Seonghwa cut in, âBecause you were sad earlier when you were with Hongjoong, and from what you told the others, it doesnât account for why you were sad earlier today.â
Y/n became quiet at the mention of her time alone with Hongjoong in the studio earlier that day. How do you admit that you felt undeserving and that you were being allowed to do things that really, only pack should do. And no matter how much she wished she was, in her short time of knowing these men personally, she was not part of their pack.
Y/n-ah, talk to us please?â Hongjoong asked, his voice taking on a pleading tone.
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Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut (mdni / 18+), Drama, non-idol au, university au
Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x reader (f)
Word Count: 24k
Warnings/content: Mention of cheating (not by Y/N or Woo), jealous Wooyoung, alcohol consumption / bar + club scenes, arguments, sassy Wooyoung, miscommunication / lack of communication, trust issues, emotional scenes, dry humping, clit play, oral (f receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex for a bit before using protection (don't risk it, use protection always), multiple orgasms, sorry if I missed anything else! Please note that other than Ateez, all other names used here are fictional.
Engineering had a way of chewing you up and spitting you out, leaving behind a weird mix of pride and exhaustion. Senior year was supposed to be the calm before the storm of real lifeâat least, thatâs what everyone told you. âYour hardest classes are behind you,â theyâd said. And technically, they were right. But no one warned you about the infamous one-year course known as Senior Design.
You stared at the whiteboard in your teamâs lab space, the markers bleeding dry from overuse. A timeline of deadlines and half-finished ideas mocked you from the board. You couldnât remember the last time youâd felt ahead.
Being a biomedical engineering student at Ateez University had always felt like wearing a badge of honor. It still did, but lately, that badge felt heavier than ever. Between your part-time job at one of the dining halls, your Senior Design project, and keeping up with life outside of school, you were running on low energy and low motivation.
And then there was your⌠situationship, Jung Wooyoung.
You met Wooyoung about five months ago at a bar while celebrating your bestfriendâs birthday. It was the middle of summer, and the night hummed with warm air and the kind of energy that only comes when youâve got nothing urgent hanging over your head.
Chaerin, your best friend and unofficial social coordinator, had chosen one of the trendiest bars in the city for her celebration, and needless to say, it was incredibly packed. The music thumped in your chest, the faint scent of citrusy cocktails and spilled beer mixing in the air. Chaerin had gone off to play darts with a couple of your friends, leaving you at the bar with a drink in hand, effortlessly chatting up the bartender about his favorite local spots.
Thatâs when Wooyoung slid into the empty seat beside you.
âDo you always charm strangers this easily, or is it just bartenders?â he asked, his voice laced with amusement.
You glanced at him, your eyebrows raised. He had an easy grin, the kind that said he was used to making people laugh, and eyes that sparkled like he was already planning his next joke. Youâd be lying if you said he wasnât the most attractive man youâd ever seen around here.
âOnly the ones who give me free drinks,â you shot back smoothly, smirking when the bartender snorted at your response.
Wooyoung chuckled, resting an elbow on the bar table surface. âFair enough. But if youâre looking for free drinks, you might be wasting your time here. Iâm much better at drinking them than paying for them.â
âOh, good,â you quipped. âI was worried you might actually be useful.â
His laugh came louder this time, and before you knew it, the two of you were deep in conversation. He told you he was a Computer Science major at the same university as you and heâd just wrapped up an internship at a local tech company and was enjoying a brief break before his co-op started in the fall. You matched his energy effortlessly, sharing stories about your summer adventures and making him laugh so hard at one point that he nearly spilled his drink.
By the end of the night, Chaerin was tugging you toward the dance floor, and Wooyoung was scribbling his number on a napkin with a dramatic flourish. âIn case you ever get bored of charming bartenders,â he said, slipping it into your hand with a wink.
The next day, you found yourself pacing around your apartment, the napkin still sitting on your kitchen counter. Youâd told yourself you werenât going to text him. He was funny and definitely, well⌠hot, but he also seemed like the kind of guy who knew exactly how to get people to like him. You werenât sure if he was just playing around with you, and you werenât one to waste your time on boys.
But you couldnât stop thinking about the way heâd grinned when you fired a sarcastic line back at him, or how easily heâd kept up with your humor. Against your better judgment, you picked up your phone.
You: Hey, itâs Y/N, the one whoâs apparently too good for bartenders. Hope you didnât get kicked out of the bar for spilling your drink
His reply came almost immediately.
Wooyoung: Kicked out? Please. I was the highlight of the night. But glad to see you havenât forgotten me yet
You: Hard to forget someone who almost ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes
Wooyoung: What can I say? I always make an impression
One text turned into two, then ten, and before you knew it, you were swapping jokes and stories like youâd known each other for years. Two weeks later, you subtly dropped hints that you were going to a popular club near campus, hoping heâd show up.
The bar was alive with energy, music thumping through the walls as groups of friends and strangers laughed and danced under dim, colorful lights. You walked in with Chaerin, ready for the night.
It didnât take long for Chaerin to spot someone she knew, dragging you along to meet them. While she chatted with her friend, you excused yourself to grab a drink. As you approached the bar, a familiar voice called out over the crowd.
âY/N?â
You turned, and there he wasâWooyoung, leaning casually against the bar with that ever-present smirk. He looked effortlessly good, dressed in a fitted black shirt that rolled up at the sleeves, showing off his forearms. His hair was slightly messy, like he hadnât planned to show up but somehow still managed to look perfect.
âWooyoung,â you said, feigning surprise but already feeling your pulse quicken. âFancy seeing you here.â
âYeah? Or did you secretly hope Iâd be here?â His smirk deepened as he pushed off the bar and stepped closer, just enough to invade your space without being overbearing. Of course you hoped heâd be here.
You rolled your eyes, though a smile tugged at your lips. âIn your dreams, Woo.â
âAh, but dreams come true sometimes,â he quipped, leaning against the bar again. âWhat are you going to drink?â
âWhateverâs strong and cheap,â you replied with a laugh.
âCheap?â He shook his head in mock disapproval. âYou deserve better than that. Iâve got this one.â He signaled the bartender, ordering something with a sly confidence that told you itâd probably be deliciousâand a little dangerous.
You leaned your back against the bar, facing him. âBig spender tonight, huh? Whatâs the occasion?â
âNo occasion. Just⌠saw someone worth treating,â he said, his voice low but loud enough for you to catch over the music. His eyes locked with yours, and for a moment, the world around you faded, the beat of the music syncing with the thrum of your heartbeat.
The bartender handed over two drinks, and Wooyoung slid one toward you. âCheers,â he said, clinking his glass against yours. âTo⌠unexpected meetings.â
âTo unexpected meetings,â you said, like as if you hadnât dropped subtle hints of your whereabouts for the night. The drink was smooth, sweet but with a bite that lingered on your tongueâjust like him.
As the alcohol worked its way through your system, you found yourself laughing more, leaning in closer to hear him over the noise. He leaned in too, his voice brushing your ear, his breath warm against your skin. The space between you felt electric, charged with something unspoken but undeniable.
The music shifted, a sultry bass-heavy track taking over, and Wooyoung straightened, holding out a hand. âDance with me?â
You hesitated for only a second before setting your drink down. âWhy not?â
The dance floor was packed, bodies moving to the rhythm, the lights flickering in time with the music. Wooyoung pulled you into the crowd, his hand firm but gentle on your waist. The space between you disappeared as you began to move together, your bodies naturally finding the same rhythm.
His hands lingered on your hips, guiding you closer, his touch deliberate but teasing. You met his gaze, and for a moment, the air between you thickened. His lips curved into a wicked smile, and before you could overthink it, he leaned in, carefully watching your expression to see any hesitation.
âHave I ever told you how beautiful you look tonight?â he murmured in your ear, causing goosebumps to arise on your skin.
You pulled away to look at him. âHave I ever told you that you do too?â This time, you leaned in, brushing your lips on his lightly, testing the waters. But the moment he responded, it deepened. His hand slid to the small of your back, pulling you against him, and your fingers found their way into his hair. The music pulsed around you, but it was distant compared to the pounding of your heart.
You werenât sure how long you stayed like that, lost in the haze of the music and the heat between you. When you finally pulled back, realizing that things were getting hot and heavy and you were still in a public setting, his eyes were dark, searching yours.
âWant to get out of here?â he asked, his voice rough and low.
You smirked, still catching your breath. âMy place or yours?â
Presently, Wooyoung somehow managed to juggle his co-op, his friendships, and his relentless optimism without breaking a sweat. While you were pouring coffee at midnight twice a week for fellow college students at your job, he was asleep. While he was debugging code at a sleek office desk in the morning, you were asleep. While you were buried in your senior design work and other classes, Wooyoung was busy at his co-op or catching up with his friends. He was supposed to graduate a semester early, but he got this co-op last minute, so he decided to push his graduation to the next semester. He liked it better this way as you and most of his friends were graduating during the spring. His co-op was a 20-minute drive away from campus, so he was glad he didn't have to go through the trouble of finding another place to stay and subleasing his apartment for the semester.
You were proud of himâyou really were. But the cracks in your schedules meant seeing each other less and less. The only time the two of you could actually spend some quality time together was on the weekends.
It was late on a Friday night, and you were curled up on the couch in your small one-bedroom apartment. The apartment was quiet except for the low murmur of the TV, where an old rom-com played in the background. Wooyoung sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, his laptop open as his fingers flew over the keyboard.
âYouâve been staring at that screen for hours,â you said softly, reaching out to run a hand through his silky black hair that heâs been growing out. âDonât you ever get tired?â
He turned his back to look at you, a crooked smile pulling at his lips. âOf work? Constantly. Of being awesome? Never.â
You rolled your eyes but smiled, appreciating the glimmer of his usual charm. âWhat are you working on this time?â
âJust polishing some scripts for a demo on Monday,â he said, his voice tinged with focus. âIâll be done soon.â
Nodding, you left him to it, but the silence between you felt heavier than it used to. Late nights like this had become routineâhim buried in his co-op responsibilities, you juggling your courses and your part-time job. Time together had dwindled to brief moments like this, where the companionship was comforting but fleeting.
After a few more minutes, Wooyoung finally shut his laptop with a decisive click and turned to face you. âHey Y/N? So⌠Iâve got something to tell you.â
The seriousness in his tone made you sit up a little straighter. âWhatâs up?â
âIâm going to Busan next week,â he said, his words careful but casual.
âBusan?â you repeated, curiosity flickering across your face. âFor work?â
âYeah,â he said, rubbing the back of his neck. âThereâs this company eventânetworking, panels, that sort of thing. I wasnât expecting to go since itâs mostly for full-time employees, but they extended the invite to co-ops too.â
You nodded, a small smile forming on your lips. âThatâs great, Woo. It sounds like a big deal.â
âIt is,â he admitted, though his smile didnât quite match the excitement in his words. âBut itâs over the weekend.â
Your heart sank a little at that. Weekends were precious, the only time you both had to really reconnect amidst the chaos of your schedules. Still, you refused to let the disappointment show.
âWell, you should go,â you said sincerely. âItâs a good opportunity, and youâve worked hard for this.â
Wooyoungâs eyes softened, a small crease forming between his brows. âI was kind of hoping youâd come with me.â
Your relationship with Wooyoung was⌠straightforward and complicated at the same time. The two of you werenât dating, werenât committed to each other, and yet things between you both were exclusive. Your friends referred to him as your âboyfriend,â claiming thatâs how he acts. Honestly? Youâd be lying if you said you didnât act like a girlfriend too. There was just no tag for this relationship. Wooyoung only briefly mentioned one time that he doesnât do relationships but also doesnât like to fuck around. But feelings? He never really said anything about it. Were you FWBs? Were you⌠well, letâs just say itâs complicated.
His offer caught you off guard, and you laughed lightly, though your tone was gentle. âThatâs sweet, but you know I canât. Iâve got Senior Design deadlines next week, and one of my teammates is already slacking. If I disappear for three days, Iâll come back to double the workload.â
He nodded slowly, though his smile faded at the mention of your project, knowing how stressed you can get over it. âWhoâs the teammate giving you trouble?â
âHis name is Minhyuk, if thatâs what youâre wondering,â you said, âYongha and I have been picking up the slack for him.â You noticed the way his posture stiffened. âJina is doing fine too, but sheâs taking so any credits and has three hard classes, so we offered to ease her load a bit.â
Wooyoungâs expression relaxed slightly, but the way his jaw tightened when you mentioned Yongha didnât go unnoticed by you.
âLee Yongha, right?â he asked after a moment, his tone light but probing.
You raised an eyebrow slightly. Your university was huge in terms of the number of enrolled students, and you knew Yongha grew up in the other side of the country, so you wondered how Wooyoung knew of him. âYeah. Do you know him?â
He shook his head quickly, though the flicker of unease in his eyes told a different story. âNot really. Just heard the name around, I guess.â
The shift in his mood was subtle but noticeable, and it lingered in the air even as he changed the subject by asking if you wanted to go to the mall with him tomorrow. You didnât press him on it, but something about the way his smile didnât quite reach his eyes left you wondering.
-x-x-x-
The weekdays came and went, and you found yourself in the thick of the chaos. Your teamâs project was barely hanging by a thread, and Minhyukâs lack of participation was only making things worse. Despite your best efforts to keep everything together, it felt like you were drowning in deadlines. On top of that, Wooyoung was gone to Busan for his company event, and the days felt longer without him.
Saturday morning, you found yourself in the library, headphones plugged in, buried in your laptop and scribbling notes. You could barely keep your eyes open, but there was no way you could afford to fall behind. Your phone buzzed, a message from Wooyoung lighting up the screen.
Woo: Hope youâre surviving the weekend without me
You smiled, a soft warmth spreading through you. You missed him, even if you hadnât admitted it yet. After a few moments of deliberation, you replied:
You: Surviving⌠barely. But Iâve got enough caffeine in me to last until Monday. Howâs Busan?
Woo: Itâs great. The eventâs been interesting. I met some cool people. Donât drink too much coffee
You paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard. You wanted to ask him more about his trip, about his thoughts on the event, but you couldnât stop thinking about your team, about the mess you were still trying to clean up.
You: Iâll try. Iâll be glad when youâre back!
You hit send and leaned back in your chair, stretching your arms above your head. The library was quiet, but it felt like the walls were closing in. The pressure was mounting, and all you wanted was a chance to breathe.
A few minutes later, your phone buzzed again. You expected a simple reply from Wooyoung, but this time it was a voice message. You clicked on it, holding your breath as his familiar voice filled your ears.
"Hey, I just wanted to say, I know things are tough right now, and Iâm sorry I canât be there to help. But just remember, youâre not alone in this. Youâve got this. I believe in you. And if you ever need a distraction, Iâm only a call away. I loveâah, um, the ocean here, I love the sea, yeah, I wish you could see it."
You closed your eyes, letting his words sink in. It was exactly what you needed to hear. There was something about the way he spoke, the confidence in his voice, that made you feel like everything would eventually work out. The end of it made you catch your breath, thinking he was going to tell you he loves you.
Your phone buzzed again, this time a text from him.
Woo: Take a break for me, okay? Youâve earned it. Iâll be back soon, and we can catch up
You couldnât help but smile, your heart feeling a little lighter. As much as you had to focus on your work, you couldnât ignore the fact that Wooyoung had a way of making you feel like you werenât carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders alone.
You were just about to stand up for a much-needed break when your phone buzzed on the table.
It was a message from the senior design team group chat. You quickly reached for your phone, and your eyes landed on Yonghaâs name.
Yongha: Guys, I have AMAZING news!
You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. With the project feeling like it was slowly spiraling, good news seemed like a distant dream. You tapped the message, intrigued.
Yongha: I just got off the call with the sensor supplier. They confirmed the prototype sensors we ordered will be ready ahead of schedule. Weâre good to start testing next week if everything goes as planned!
A wide grin spread across your face. Ready ahead of schedule? That was huge. Testing next week? That was exactly what you needed to keep this project on track and show your professors the progress you were hoping for. For a moment, you let the excitement wash over you, imagining how the timeline would change.
You typed quickly, not wasting a second.
You: No way! Thatâs amazing! When can we start testing?
Yongha: Next week for sure. We might even have enough time to do a demo for the end of the semester. Iâll need you here to help with the setup. Can you come over to the lab later to go over everything?
Your heart skipped a beat. A demo? That was more than you expected. Things were looking up, and for the first time in days, you allowed yourself to feel the excitement.
You: A demo before the end of the semester? Thatâs incredible! Yeah, Iâll come later. Let me know what time works best
You couldnât stop the smile on your face as you sent the message. This could be the breakthrough youâd been waiting for, the moment everything fell into place. After all the stress and late nights, things were finally moving forward.
But then your phone buzzed again, a message from your slacking teammate.
Minhyuk: Sorry, Iâm behind on my part of the project. Iâll catch up soon
You stared at the screen for a moment, the smile slowly fading. Another excuse. It always seemed like it was the same thing, promises of catching up, but no action. You let out a frustrated breath and quickly closed the message. You didnât have time to dwell on it right now.
You had to message Wooyoung about this though.
You: Good news! The sensors are ahead of schedule! We can start testing next week
You paused, fingers hovering over the screen. You really didnât want to complain about Minhyuk, but you couldnât keep everything bottled up.
You: But⌠Minhyuk is still slacking off
You pressed send and put your phone down for a moment, running a hand through your hair. You couldnât let this bring you down nowânot with the progress the team had made. You had to focus on the positives, on the opportunity ahead.
A minute later, your phone buzzed again with Wooyoungâs reply.
Wooyoung: Iâm proud of you, seriously. But I get it. Youâve been pushing so hard. Take it one step at a time, okay? And if you need a break, just call me. Iâm here for you
The words were simple, but they grounded you. You felt a little lighter, like you could breathe again. With the good news about the sensors, maybe there was a way forward after all.
You: Youâre the best, Woo! Iâm heading to my lab now
You grabbed your jacket and stood up, ready to head out to the lab.
As you walked across campus, the air felt crisp, and a quiet energy hummed through your steps. Campus was relatively calm as itâs a Saturday. Normally, youâd be half-dragging yourself through the day, but today felt different. Today, something good was happening. You couldnât remember the last time the project felt like it was on the right track.
When you entered the lab, you were greeted by the familiar sound of the soft whir of machines, but the place was noticeably more organized than usual. Yongha was already there, pacing by one of the tables, a laptop open in front of him. He looked up as you walked in, his face breaking into a grin.
âY/N,â he greeted you with enthusiasm, âGlad you could make it. Iâve got everything ready for us to go over the prototype designs.â
You smiled, nodding as you dropped your bag on a nearby counter. âI wouldnât miss this for the world. Youâre telling me weâre actually getting these sensors ahead of schedule?â Your voice almost had a note of disbelief in it, but you were genuinely excited. It felt like youâd been waiting forever for a breakthrough, and now it was finally here.
Yongha laughed, clapping his hands together. âYes, ahead of schedule. Itâs almost like everything weâve been working on is finally paying off. I mean, look at this!â He gestured to the sleek-looking box on the counter, a small screen and a set of wires connecting it to the main unit. You walked over to get a closer look.
âIs this the sensor prototype?â you asked, leaning in.
âYep! This is the first iteration. Itâs not perfect, but it's a start. The suppliers said theyâve managed to miniaturize everything, so it should be portable. Weâve got everything we need to start testing today.â
You ran your fingers over the surface of the device, inspecting it closely. It was smaller than you expected, much more compact. The potential was clear. A wave of excitement rushed through you again. This could be the thing that would make your project stand out.
You turned to Yongha, eyes bright. âSo, whatâs the plan? How do we get started with testing?â
Yongha gestured to the table, where several test tubes, samples, and the rest of the lab equipment were laid out. âFirst, we need to calibrate the sensor, make sure the readings are accurate. Iâve got some control samples here. Weâll run a few tests and make sure everything works before we try with real biological samples. Iâve already set up the softwareâjust need to input the parameters for each test.â
You nodded, walking over to the table to take your place beside him. âSounds like a plan. Letâs get this show on the road.â
As you both dove into the work, the lab began to feel alive with purpose. You were no longer bogged down by the frustration of Minhyukâs lack of effort. The pieces were finally falling into place. For the first time in a long while, everything felt like it was moving forward in the right direction.
As you calibrated the sensor, the rhythm of your work was interrupted by a soft buzz from your phone on the counter. You glanced over, seeing that it was another message from Wooyoung. You smiled briefly, thinking of him in Busan.
Wooyoung: Howâs the lab going?
You quickly tapped out a response, not wanting to lose focus on the task at hand but appreciating his check-in.
You: Itâs going great! The sensors are ahead of schedule. Iâm at the lab with Yongha now, testing everything. Hopefully, weâll have good results today!
After a beat, another message popped up.
Wooyoung: Thatâs awesome
You: Yup, Iâm gonna get back to work now
You slipped your phone back into your pocket, refocusing on the task at hand. You and Yongha continued working through the calibration and fine-tuning of the sensor, running test after test. There were some hiccups along the wayâa few misreadings here and there, a few software glitchesâbut with each iteration, it became clearer that the sensor was working exactly as it should. The readings were more accurate with each test, and the excitement in the lab built with every successful result.
By the time the afternoon stretched into the evening, you were both buzzing with energy. The data was promising. The prototype sensor was functioning very well. This could really be the breakthrough you needed.
âI think weâre ready for the real samples next week,â Yongha said, leaning back in his chair and wiping his brow. His voice carried a mix of exhaustion and satisfaction. âWhat do you think?â
You stepped back, surveying the lab table strewn with equipment and data printouts. It wasnât perfect, but it was closeâcloser than youâd dared to hope. âYeah,â you said, a grin spreading across your face. âI canât wait to see it all come together.â
Yongha chuckled, shaking his head. âYouâre more patient than me. Iâd start testing tonight if I could.â
You laughed. âThat makes one of us. Iâm ready to celebrate getting this far without setting something on fire.â
âWell, speaking of celebrationsâŚâ Yongha stretched his arms over his head and stood up. âIâm heading to that cafĂŠ down the street for a frappe before I call it a night. Want to join me? My treat.â
The mention of caffeine perked you up instantly. âA frappe sounds good, but Iâm paying for my mocha cream bread,â you said, grabbing your bag.
âDeal,â Yongha said with a smile. âLetâs go before they sell out.â
The evening air was crisp as you and Yongha stepped out of the lab. The cafĂŠ wasnât far, just a short walk down the cobblestone path lined with trees that rustled gently in the breeze. You adjusted the strap of your bag on your shoulder, glancing at Yongha.
âSo, how are your other classes going?â you asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
âNot too bad,â Yongha replied, his hands tucked into his jacket pockets. âBiomechanics is killing me, though. I canât tell if itâs the material or the professorâs monotone voice.â
You laughed, nodding knowingly. âDr. Kim? Yeah, he could make winning the lottery sound like a tax seminar. I survived his class last semester with copious amounts of caffeine and an unhealthy attachment to Quizlet.â
âThat sounds about right,â he said with a grin. âHow about you? Whatâs your least favorite class this semester?â
âEasy. Biostatistics,â you groaned. âI get the concept, but the actual analysis makes me want to curl up and cry. Itâs like the numbers are personally attacking me.â
Yongha chuckled, shaking his head. âYouâre handling Senior Design, work, and Biostatistics? Youâre a masochist.â
âOr just really bad at prioritizing my sanity,â you joked, earning another laugh from him.
Before long, the cafĂŠ came into view, its cozy interior lit by soft, warm lights. The rich smell of coffee and freshly baked goods greeted you as you stepped inside. You both orderedâYongha sticking to a frappe, while you opted for your favorite mocha cream bread and a white chocolate frappe. You found a small table near the window.
The conversation shifted as you sipped your drinks, veering between shared frustrations about classwork and lighthearted teasing about your groupâs quirks. You were genuinely enjoying yourselfâit wasnât often that you got to talk to Yongha outside of project stress, and it was nice to connect on a more casual level.
Then the door swung open, and you heard a familiar voice.
âY/N?â
You turned to see Wooyoungâs friends, Yeosang and San, walking in. Their laughter trailed off as they spotted you. They looked surprised, their gazes flickering between you and Yongha.
Youâve hung out with them a couple times and they were genuinely amazing people. You werenât very close to them yet, but your friendship was blossoming. You knew Chaerin had a thing for San and planned to make a move on him soon.
âYeosang! San!â you said, smiling. âWhat are you guys doing here?â
âGrabbing a bite after the gym,â Yeosang said, his tone light but his eyes curiously scanning the scene. âDidnât expect to see you here.â
âAh, yes,â you gestured to Yongha. âThis is my classmate and senior design teammate, Yongha.â He smirked, and you noticed San and Yeosang didnât seem⌠impressed. âYongha, these are my friends, San and Yeosang.â
Yongha nodded. âPleasure to meet you.â
San raised an eyebrow, but there was a serious expression on his face. âLikewise.â
âWell, we should let you get back to it,â Yeosang said after a beat, nudging San. âCatch you later, Y/N.â
âYeah, see you around,â San added, giving you a wink before following Yeosang to the counter.
As they moved away, Yongha exhaled, leaning back in his chair. âYour friends are⌠interesting.â
You laughed, shaking your head. âTheyâre good guys. Donât take it personally⌠I think theyâre just exhausted from the gym.â
âI wonât,â Yongha said with a small smile, though his eyes followed the pair as they ordered their drinks.
You remembered how Wooyoung tensed up when you mentioned Yongha before. Taking a sip of your drink, you watched Yeosang and San grab a table on the other side of the cafĂŠ.
You didnât really know what was going on, but you had a feeling that they all knew each other.
-x-x-x-
The open group floor of the library buzzed with life, a mix of chatter, the tapping of laptop keys, and the hiss of the nearby espresso machine filling the air. You sat cross-legged on a worn couch, sipping a frozen hot chocolate drink as Chaerin scrolled through her phone beside you. Siya perched on the armrest, her legs swinging slightly, her energy as vibrant as her orange blazer.
âIâm telling you, itâs perfect,â Siya said, holding her phone out to show a picture of the dress sheâd been obsessing over. It was a sleek, floor-length black gown with a thigh-high slit and an intricate beaded neckline. âIsnât it gorgeous? Classy but with just enough wow factor to make people remember me.â
Chaerin leaned forward, squinting at the screen. âItâs beautiful, but are you sure itâs appropriate for a business club event? The slit is a little⌠daring.â
âExactly!â Siya beamed, clearly unbothered. âWhat better way to make an impression? Iâll be memorable and professional. Win-win.â
You snorted into your coffee. âSiya, youâre not making an impression; youâre making a statement. Donât be surprised if someone asks you for a red carpet interview.â
âThatâs the goal,â she said with a dramatic hair flip. âHonestly, we were going to call this event âThe Business Ballâ but our clubâs president didnât like it. Besides, this event is less about stuffy networking and more about showing off and rubbing elbows with people who matter.â
âWho matter⌠like Song Mingi?â Chaerin teased, wiggling her eyebrows.
Siya gasped, clutching her chest. âHow dare you call me out like this! But, yes, I might want him to notice me. You donât just let a tall, sexy man with a voice like that go unnoticed.â
âOh, please.â You rolled your eyes, smirking. âIf Mingi doesnât notice you in that dress, heâs blind and not worth your time.â
âExactly!â Siya pointed at you triumphantly. âSee, Y/N gets it.â
Chaerin grinned, leaning back on the couch. âFine, but if you end up stealing the spotlight from the guest speaker or get caught in an oops moment with that slit, donât come crying to us.â
âI wonât!â Siya waved her hand dismissively. âIâm a professional. I know how to handle a slit.â
That sent the three of you into a fit of laughter, drawing a few curious glances from nearby students. You didnât careâthis was one of the few times you could let loose after a weekend of work and lab stress.
When the laughter died down, Siya sighed wistfully, looking at the dress on her phone again. âAnyway, I still need to buy it. Itâs a bit expensive, but itâs worth it, right?â
âTotally,â Chaerin said, nudging her. âThink of it as an investment in your futureâand your love life.â
You chuckled, shaking your head. âJust make sure you donât outshine the actual event. We wouldnât want the business club talking about your dress more than the keynote speaker.â
âLet them talk,â Siya said with a grin. âIsnât that the whole point of black-tie events?â
Siya set her phone down and leaned forward, clasping her hands dramatically. âOkay, enough about me. Whatâs new with you two? Chaerin, have you figured out what to wear for your cousinâs wedding yet, or are you still pretending youâll find something last minute?â
Chaerin groaned, dropping her head back against the couch. âUgh, donât remind me. My mom keeps sending me links to these over-the-top hanboks that make me look like a walking flower arrangement. I love her, but Iâm not trying to outshine the bride.â
âJust go modern,â you suggested. âThere are some stunning minimalist designs that would make your mom happy and still let you breathe.â
âEasy for you to say,â Chaerin retorted, poking your arm. âYouâre not dealing with a family thatâs convinced weddings are the Olympics of fashion.â
âTouchĂŠ,â you said, grinning.
Siya smirked, nudging Chaerin. âYouâre stressing for nothing. You could show up in a potato sack, and people would still talk about how good you look.â
âThanks for the confidence boost,â Chaerin said, rolling her eyes. âAnyway, what about you, Y/N? Anything exciting from your end?â
You hesitated, swirling the remains of your iced coffee. âNot much, honestly. Just the usualâSenior Design, work, and trying to stay sane.â
Chaerin raised an eyebrow. âNo drama with your Jung Wooyoung situation? You both have been unusually quiet.â
Siyaâs eyes lit up. âGirl, how are you surviving that? Heâs fine as hell. If it were me, Iâd catch feelings in, like, a week.â
âOh she has feelings for him, thatâs for sure,â Chaerin chipped in.
You laughed, but the mention of Wooyoung brought an odd flutter to your stomach. âItâs not that deep,â you said, brushing it off. âWe both know what it is, and weâre keeping it casual.â
âHmm,â Chaerin hummed, unconvinced. âAnd howâs that working out for you, really?â
âHonestly? Itâs fine,â you said, leaning back. âWe donât get to hang out much because of his co-op and my schedule, so itâs not like weâre in each otherâs faces all the time. It works.â
âDoes it, though?â Siya pressed, tilting her head. âI mean, youâre cool with it now, but what happens when one of you starts wanting more? Itâs been a couple of months already and yâall low-key act like a couple anyway.â
You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. âI think weâre both too busy for that kind of drama.â
Chaerin exchanged a glance with Siya, who smirked knowingly but let the topic drop.
âAlright, if you say so,â Chaerin said, sitting up.
You glanced at the time on your phone and sighed. âSpeaking of busy, I should probably head out. Iâve got a ton of work to do before lab tomorrow.â
Siya groaned dramatically, flopping against the couch. âYouâre leaving us? Who am I supposed to talk to about my fashion emergencies?â
âYouâll survive,â you said with a grin, grabbing your bag. âAnd for the record, buy the dress. Itâs a power move.â
Siya beamed, giving you a thumbs-up. âKnew youâd come through for me.â
Chaerin nudged you lightly as you stood. âDonât work too hard, okay? And let us know if you need help with⌠well, anything.â
You hesitated, her words making you pause. For a second, you thought about telling them everythingâabout Yongha, the awkward cafĂŠ encounter and the way it seems like thereâs some sort of history between the boys. But the thought of unpacking all of that now felt exhausting, and you werenât even sure where to start.
âI will,â you said instead, slinging your bag over your shoulder. âSee you both later.â
As you stepped out of the library, the cool evening air hit you, a welcome contrast to the stuffy warmth inside. The conversation about Wooyoung lingered in your mind as you walked, mingling with the memory of Yeosang and Sanâs frosty reception toward Yongha.
You shook your head, as if physically trying to dispel the thoughts. It wasnât your problem, you reminded yourself. Whatever happened between them was their business, and you had more pressing things to focus onâlike preparing for tomorrowâs lab session and making sure the project stayed on track.
When you got to your apartment, you were surprised to see Wooyoung leaning casually against your doorframe, his phone in hand. He looked up as you approached, a grin spreading across his face.
âWoo? What are you doing here on a Tuesday night?â you asked, punching in your passcode to unlock the door.
âCouldnât stay away,â he replied smoothly, slipping his phone into his pocket.
You gave him a skeptical look as you pushed the door open, taking your shoes off. âSeriously. Did you lose a bet or something?â
He followed you inside without answering, kicking off his sneakers by the door. The moment you turned to close it, he was on you, pressing you gently but firmly against the wood.
âWoo, whatââ
âI just had to see you,â he interrupted, his voice low and breath warm against your cheek. His hands rested on either side of you, caging you in but not making you feel trapped.
Your heart skipped a beat, but you refused to let him see that. Instead, you smirked, sliding your arms around his neck. âCanât wait three more days, can you?â
His laugh was soft and breathy, but his eyes stayed locked on yours, their usual mischief laced with something heavier. âMaybe not,â he admitted, his tone teasing but edged with sincerity.
You tilted your head, brushing your lips lightly along the side of his neck. âYouâre lucky I donât mind breaking my no-midweek-visits rule.â A rule you had in place solely because you had to get up quite early on Wednesdays and you would struggle if you didnât sleep early due to certain⌠distractions.
âLucky?â He let out a soft scoff, his lips curving into a smirk as he dipped his head closer. âIâd say Iâm very lucky.â
Before you could retort, his mouth found yours, the kiss warm and demanding. Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging him closer, as if daring him to show you exactly how much heâd missed you.
Wooyoungâs hands tightened on your waist as the kiss deepened, his body pressing against yours in a way that made it hard to think straight. His lips trailed along your jaw, down to your neck, leaving a trail of warmth that sent shivers down your spine.
âWoo,â you murmured, trying to keep your voice steady despite the haze settling over your thoughts. âI thought you were busy with work this week.â
âI am,â he said between kisses, his voice a little breathless. âBut I needed a break. And you.â
The bluntness of his words made your chest tighten, though you werenât sure if it was because of how easily he said it or how much you liked hearing it.
You tugged lightly at his hair, making him look up at you with those dark, teasing eyes that always seemed to know exactly what you were thinking. âYouâre impossible, you know that?â
He grinned, cocky as ever. âImpossible to resist?â
You rolled your eyes, but before you could respond, he kissed you again, his hands sliding up to frame your face. When the kiss broke, you rested your forehead against his, trying to catch your breath. âYouâre such a distraction,â you muttered, though there was no bite to your words.
âGood,â he said softly, brushing his thumb along your cheek. âYou work too hard anyway.â
You couldnât argue with that, but you also couldnât let him think he could just show up and derail your week. âYouâre lucky Iâm in a good mood tonight,â you teased, poking his chest lightly.
âOr maybe youâre just always in a good mood when Iâm around,â he shot back, smirking.
âDonât push it,â you warned, though the smile tugging at your lips betrayed you.
He stepped back reluctantly, giving you a little space. âOkay, okay. Iâll behave⌠for now.â
You quirked an eyebrow. âBehave? Thatâs new for you.â
He laughed, the sound filling the room with a warmth you hadnât realized you needed. âDonât get used to it,â he said, walking into your kitchen to grab something to drink. You took this opportunity to hang your jacket and freshen up a bit in the bathroom, changing into a new sleepwear set you ordered online.
When you stepped out of the bathroom, the faint sizzle and savory aroma of something cooking drew you toward the kitchen. You stopped in your tracks as you turned the corner, your breath hitching just slightly. There was Wooyoung, standing at your counter, sleeves rolled upâwell, lack of sleeves entirely, as heâd taken off his hoodie and was now wearing a loose black tank top. The fabric hung low enough to hint at his toned chest, and his arms, lined with prominent veins, moved with practiced precision as he chopped up whatever vegetables he could find in your kitchen.
He didnât notice you at first, focused on his task. His brow furrowed slightly as he tossed the freshly chopped vegetables into the sizzling pan with a flick of his wrist. The sound of the oil crackling filled the air, mixing with the scent of soy sauce and garlic. You stood there, watching him cook. You couldnât help but blatantly check him out. You wanted to run your hands over his veiny arms and watch his abs harden while heâs fucking you, andâ the sound of running water interrupted your thoughts. Wooyoung finished cooking what you were certain of was fried rice and was now washing his hands.
Mentally reminding yourself to pull it together, you walked into the kitchen. âWhat are you doing?â you asked, leaning casually against your small, 4-seater dining table, trying to appear unaffected.
Wooyoung looked over his shoulder while drying his hands with a towel. For a moment, you swore you saw his jaw tighten, like he was trying to hold something back. His eyes scanned you slowly, from head to toe, and you could feel the weight of his gaze lingering just a second too long on the way your sleepwear clung to your body. The shorts were undeniably short, and the crop top left a little too much exposed skin, but you didnât expect his reaction to be this⌠intense.
The look in his eyes shifted, almost imperceptibly, as if he was battling with something inside. His fingers tightened on the towel, and you could see the slight twitch of his jaw as he tried to keep himself composed, his usual cocky smirk faltering for just a second.
Taking a deep breath, Wooyoung made his way towards you. He placed his hands on the dining table on either side of you, trapping you in between his arms. âI think the question is what are you doing to me, Y/N?â he said in a low tone. You moved slightly to sit on the edge of the dining table.
âI donât know what you mean,â you said innocently, though your next action of pulling him closer by the waistband of his sweatpants was anything but innocent.
âIâfuck, Y/N. If you keep doing this to me,â his hand moved into your hair, gently grabbing it to tilt your head back to look at him, âI wonât be able to behave anymore.â
âThen donât,â you said daringly, spreading your legs to give him the space to stand in between them. Wooyoung wasted no time in crashing his lips onto yours. Your hands were around his neck, trying to pull him even closer if that was even possible, while his hands were moving up and down the exposed skin of your thighs. He broke the kiss to trail kisses down your neck to the exposed skin of your chest before he came back up.
âMay I?â he asked, his fingers at the hem of your top. You nod and try to take it off, but Wooyoung stops you. âKeep it on, it looks so good on you.â He pushes your top up only enough to free your boobs so that he could latch onto them. His tongue swirls around your nipple while his hand plays with your other boob, giving it a gentle massage. He switches sides and mimics his actions. Once heâs done, he trails kisses down to the waistband of your shorts and looks up at you for consent.
âOn the dining table?â you ask with a raised eyebrow. Wooyoung smirks. âDessert on the dining table, why not? Besides, you never use it anyway.â That was true since you always eat on your couch while watching something. âNow lean back and relax for me, sweetheart.â
You did as he said, and he slid your shorts along with your underwear down your legs. âSo eager for me,â he states, noticing the wet stain on your panties before tossing it onto a chair. He gets down on his knees to be at eye level with your pussy, and moves your thighs to rest over his shoulders. He trails kisses along your inner thighs before reaching your heated core. Your hand moved into his hair and your body feels so warm. Wooyoung licks a stripe from your hole to your clit, letting out a small moan at your taste. He repeats his actions a couple of times before latching onto your clit, gently sucking the nub. You squirm, bucking your hips up. Wooyoung smirks, moving his arms around your thighs to hold you down in place so you couldnât move.
âWoo⌠god, fuck,â you moan. He hums before lapping at your clit in a faster pace that had you gripping the sides of the table. He let go of one of your thighs to bring his hand to your hole, slipping a finger inside while continuing to lap at your clit. Your free thigh moved to squeeze his head once you felt the pressure building up in your lower abdomen. Wooyoung added another finger and pumped it in and out in a similar pace to the way he ate you out. âI⌠Woo, Iâmââ Before you could finish your sentence, your orgasm crashed over you, rattling your body. Wooyoung slowed his pace while you rode out your high, savoring the taste of your cum on his tongue. He pulled his fingers out and sucked them clean before lifting you up, grabbing your clothes from the chair, walking to your bedroom.
Wooyoung set you down on your bed and took his tank top and pants off, leaving himself bare in front of you. He reached for the drawer on your nightstand, taking a condom from it. He set it aside as usual since you both went a little raw for a bit.
He pumps his hard cock in his hand before running it along your wet folds to lubricate it. You whimper when the head of his dick rubs against your sensitive clit that was still pulsating from his previous actions. âAre you ready for me, sweetheart?â he asks and you buck your hips, earning a soft chuckle from him.
âI want to ride you,â you say and Wooyoung felt like he would bust at your words.
He moved to lie down on your bed, and you straddle his lap. You reconnect your lips to his, kissing him in a heavy way, slipping your tongue in his mouth. He matches your pace while his hands move along the sides of your body, feeling every inch of your skin. Without breaking the kiss, you take his dick in your hand, aligning it with your hole before sinking all the way down. You moaned at the stretch and the mild sting you felt. You gave yourself some time to adjust, pulling away from the kiss. Wooyoungâs hair was disheveled and his lips were swollen, and he looked so, so sexy. You rolled your hips against his, placing your hands on the wall in front of you while you moved up and down his length, your warm walls squeezing his cock.
âAlways so tight no matter how much I fuck you,â he comments, his hands grabbing your ass. âIâm gonna need that condom now, Y/N.â
You smirk, ignoring his words to move faster on him, teasing him dangerously the way he teases you. Wooyoungâs bites his lip, the thrill of letting you him raw brings goosebumps to his skin every single time. But you had to get off him, and you quickly ripped the square packet, taking the circular item out, wasting no time in unrolling the condom onto his dick. You climbed back onto his lap and sank back down on his cock. This time, you placed your feet flat on the bed and bounced on his dick, your bed squeaking at the movement.
âF-fuck Y/N,â Wooyoung moans, his hips bucking up to meet yours halfway, skin slapping hard against each other. He reached between your legs to rub your clit in circular motions while you slammed down hard on his dick, chasing your orgasm.
âWoo, you feel so fucking good.â Your core tightened and you let go, moaning loudly while letting yet another orgasm wash over you.
âAlmost there,â Wooyoung groans, fucking up into you faster before coming to a still, spilling inside the condom in you. You felt his dick pulse with every load he shot, and you slumped down against his chest, breathing heavily. He kissed your forehead, letting you lie down on his chest until you moved to get off him.
âYou good there?â he asks and you hum in response, getting up to go pee and wash your hands. Wooyoung follows you to the bathroom to clean up and dispose the used condom before throwing his clothes on. He waited for you to get dressed before engulfing you in his arms.
âLetâs have dinner now, hmm?â he says, kissing your head before taking your hand in his, dragging you to the kitchen.
-x-x-x-
Chaerinâs apartment smelled faintly of vanilla candles and coffee, the cozy vibe a perfect contrast to the slightly chaotic retelling of your night with Wooyoung. You were curled up on her couch, legs tucked under you, while Chaerin sat cross-legged on the floor, sipping from a steaming mug of tea.
âSo, let me get this straight,â Chaerin began, her tone dripping with exasperation. âHe shows up unannounced, cooks for you, fucks you, and then stays the night on a Tuesday? And youâre still not dating?â
You shrugged, twisting the edge of a throw pillow between your fingers. âItâs not like that. Weâre just⌠having fun.â
âHaving fun?â Chaerin repeated, raising an eyebrow so high it practically disappeared into her hairline. âThat man is head over heels for you. And youâre just letting it slide becauseâŚ?â
âBecause weâre busy,â you replied, trying to sound nonchalant. âHeâs got his co-op. Iâve got my own stuff. Adding dating into the mix would be like asking for trouble.â
Chaerin gave you a pointed look, her tea forgotten on the coffee table. âY/N, youâre literally living the plot of every rom-com ever. Boy likes girl, girl pretends itâs casual, drama ensues, and thenâbam! You realize youâre in love with each other. Just skip the drama part and go straight to dating. Yâall already act like a couple, so I donât see how things would be any different.â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât help the small smile tugging at your lips. âItâs not that simple.â
âIt is, though!â Chaerin leaned forward, her enthusiasm contagious. âYou already spend all your free time with him. He clearly adores you. What are you waiting for, a neon sign?â
Before you could argue, she shifted gears, a sly grin spreading across her face. âSpeaking of signs, I made a move on San. I, um, waved at him at the east dining hall.â
You chuckled. âThatâs it?â
Chaerin tossed a throw pillow at you, laughing when you barely dodged it. âShut up! Itâs not that easy, okay? Sanâs⌠intimidating.â
You raised a brow. âSan? Intimidating? Heâs like the human embodiment of a golden retriever.â
âYeah, but a hot golden retriever,â Chaerin argued, her cheeks flushing. âEvery time I see him, my brain just⌠short-circuits. Itâs embarrassing.â
You couldnât help but laugh, sitting up straighter. âYouâve got to shoot your shot, Chaerin. Whatâs the worst thing that could happen? He says no? I doubt it though.â
She groaned, flopping onto the floor dramatically. âWhy do you have to be so reasonable?â
âBecause someone has to be,â you teased.
Chaerin propped herself up on her elbows, giving you a sly grin. âFine, Iâll make a⌠stronger move on San if you admit that Wooyoung is more than just a hookup.â
You rolled your eyes, getting to your feet. âNot happening.â
âThen I guess weâre both cowards,â Chaerin called after you as you headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
âGuess so!â you shouted back, though your chest tightened a little at the thought of Wooyoung and everything he made you feelâfeelings you werenât quite ready to unpack just yet. You knew you had strong feelings for him, but you didnât know if he felt the same and for now, you liked the way things were between the two of you, so why ruin it?
After spending an hour with Chaerin, you headed to the dining hall for your work shift. Then, you made your way to the engineering building, the familiar buzz of fluorescent lights and faint hum of lab equipment greeting you as you entered.
You glanced at your phone, checking the time. 6:06 PMânot bad. You werenât expecting much from todayâs meeting; it was supposed to be a quick check-in with the team to discuss next steps, but you were going to stay back for a while with Yongha to get some data collected.
As you approached the door of the lab, you noticed Jina walking in at the same time. She gave you a polite smile, clutching her laptop to her chest.
âHey, Y/N,â she said, holding the door open for you.
âHey, Jina,â you replied, stepping inside, thanking her for holding the door for you.
Your eyes immediately landed on Yongha, who was already seated at the lab bench, scribbling notes in a notebook. His sleeves were rolled up, and his focus was so intense he didnât even look up when you and Jina entered.
What surprised you, though, was seeing Minhyuk in the corner of the room, fiddling with a piece of equipment. It was a rare sight.
âMinhyuk?â you said, raising an eyebrow.
He turned at the sound of his name, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. âHey. Thought Iâd show up for once.â
You exchanged a glance with Jina, both of you equally stunned. Minhyuk had been the notorious ghost of your team, always finding excuses to skip meetings or leave work undone. Seeing him here felt almost surreal.
âDid the universe shift while I was gone, or are you actually here to help?â Jina teased, setting her laptop down on the table beside Yongha.
Minhyuk laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. âYeah, yeah, I deserve that. But seriously, Iâm here to pull my weight tonight. Promise.â
Yongha finally looked up from his notes, his expression unreadable as he glanced between you and Minhyuk. âGuess miracles do happen,â he said dryly, though there was a faint smile tugging at his lips.
You chuckled as you set up your laptop, the tension easing slightly. âWell, itâs good to have all hands on deck. Weâve got a lot to cover.â
As the team settled into work, you couldnât help but feel a spark of hope. With everyone present and seemingly motivated, maybeâjust maybeâtonight would actually be productive.
The hum of the centrifuge joined the soft clatter of keyboards as everyone found their rhythm. It was almost unsettling how focused Minhyuk seemed, diligently taking notes and double-checking calculations with Jina. For once, it felt like a proper team effort.
Yongha stood by the biosensor prototype, carefully adjusting the settings on the connected monitor. He looked up, catching your gaze. âHey, Y/N, can you double-check the calibration? I think weâre close, but I donât want to risk any errors.â
You nodded, moving to stand beside him. The device gleamed under the labâs fluorescent lights, the culmination of weeks of late nights and stress. âSure. Letâs see.â
As you worked, Yongha leaned slightly closer, his focus entirely on the screen. âBy the way,â he said softly, âIâm glad Minhyuk showed up, but Iâve got to admit, itâs a little suspicious.â
You chuckled under your breath, keeping your eyes on the screen. âSuspicious? Or are we just not used to seeing him do actual work?â
âProbably both,â Yongha replied, a small smirk tugging at his lips. âStill, Iâll take what I can get.â
You hummed in response, working on adjusting the calibration.
âHey, Y/N,â he said, glancing at you as you adjusted the monitor. âHow is it that youâre so good at this? Makes the rest of us look bad.â
You shot him a look, half-amused, half-skeptical. âFlattery wonât get you out of work, Yongha.â
He grinned, leaning just slightly into your space as if to check the monitor, though there wasnât really a need. âWho says Iâm trying to get out of work? I love being here. Or⌠maybe I just like watching you work.â
You paused, fingers hovering over the controls, your brain scrambling to process his words. Was he being serious, or was this just Yonghaâs way of lightening the mood?
âUh-huh,â you said, trying to sound unaffected. âMaybe you should focus on not breaking anything.â
He chuckled, his voice low enough to make your stomach flip. âDonât worry, I wouldnât dare ruin your work.â
You smile, quickly shaking his words off, choosing to focus on the calibration instead of the sudden shift in his tone. It wasnât the first time Yongha had been playful, but tonight it felt⌠different. You were his teammate in a couple of shared classes before and he never really said anything out of the ordinary. Maybe he was more comfortable with you now that you had to work with him for two whole semesters.
Once the calibration was complete, you stepped back. âNumbers look good. Weâre ready for the test.â
âNice work, as always,â he said, his voice softer now, almost private despite the others being in the room.
âThanks,â you replied, not quite meeting his eyes. You could feel his gaze lingering, and it sent a weird feeling in your stomach. Not butterflies, no, but uneasiness. You hoped he was just being friendly today.
Jina and Minhyuk joined you at the bench, their chatter breaking the moment.
âCalibrationâs done?â Jina asked.
âYep,â you said, grateful for the distraction. âLetâs run the test.â
As the prototype whirred to life, everyone fell into their roles. Yongha stayed close by your side, occasionally brushing past you to adjust something. It was subtle, almost unnoticeableâexcept you noticed.
When the results appeared on the monitor, a wave of relief washed over the team.
âDetectionâs on point,â Jina announced, her excitement evident. âWeâre exactly where we need to be.â
âFinally,â Yongha said, glancing at you with a smile. âIâd say that calls for a small celebration.â
Minhyuk laughed. âIf by celebration, you mean heading home to sleep, Iâm all in.â
The group chuckled, and Jina clapped her hands together. âLetâs call it a night. We can fine-tune everything tomorrow.â
As you packed up, Yongha lingered nearby, helping you put away the equipment.
âGood work tonight,â he said, his tone softer now that the others were preoccupied.
âYou too,â you replied, trying to keep things casual.
He hesitated for a moment, then added, âIâm glad weâre on the same team. Makes the late nights easier.â
Your breath caught, and you gave him a small smile, unsure how to respond without reading too much into his words.
âSee you tomorrow, Yongha,â you said instead, slinging your bag over your shoulder.
âSee you, Y/N,â he replied, his eyes lingering on you as you walked out the door.
As you stepped into the cool night air, your mind raced. Was Yongha just being friendly, or was there something more to his words and lingering glances? You shook your head, brushing the thought aside. You didnât have time to overthink thisânot with everything else on your plate.
Your feet faltered when you noticed a familiar figure leaning casually against his car parked at the curb.
âWooyoung?â you muttered, blinking in surprise, wondering what he was doing here. Was he waiting for you?
He straightened up as soon as he saw you, a grin spreading across his face while you walked up to him. âHey, beautiful,â he said, his voice warm and teasing. âHow was yourââ
âY/N!â
The sound of Yonghaâs voice made you turn, catching sight of him jogging toward you, a blue notebook in his hand.
Wooyoung immediately stood taller, his expression sharpening as his eyes landed on Yongha. You didnât miss the way his posture shifted, suddenly alert.
âI forgot to give this to you,â Yongha said, stopping in front of you and holding out the notebook. âItâll help with your part of the write-up for the paper. I made the notes⌠especially for you.â His tone was light, but there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. His gaze flicked briefly to Wooyoung, and you felt the tension between them before a single word was exchanged.
âOh, um, thanks,â you said, accepting the notebook. You glanced between the two of them, the air growing heavier by the second. âYou two know each other?â
âNo,â Wooyoung replied coldly, his voice a stark contrast to the easy warmth heâd shown earlier.
Yongha chuckled, tilting his head slightly as if sizing him up. âOh, but I believe Iâve seen you around. Jung Wooyoung, am I right?â
His cocky tone made Wooyoungâs jaw tighten, and you quickly stepped in. âUh, Yongha, thanks again for the notes.â
Yongha didnât move, his smirk deepening as he looked at you, though his eyes softened which Wooyoung immediately noticed. âHow are you heading home, Y/N? I drove here, so I can drop you back if youâd like.â
Before you could even open your mouth, Wooyoung let out a low, dark chuckle that made your stomach flip. âThat wonât be necessary,â he said, his voice smooth but laced with an unmistakable edge. He stepped closer, positioning himself between you and Yongha. âIâm here to take my girl home. Now, if youâll excuse us.â
The words hung in the air, thick with unspoken challenge. You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden tension crackling in the air and the way Wooyoung claimed you as his. Yonghaâs smirk widened, clearly relishing the moment, while Wooyoungâs jaw tightened, his stance growing more assertive.
âYour girl?â Yongha repeated, his tone dripping with feigned innocence. He crossed his arms, the smirk never leaving his face. âInteresting. I donât think she mentioned that during our late-night lab sessions.â
Wooyoung took a step forward, his posture calm but his eyes sharp. âFunny. I donât think she mentioned you at all,â he shot back smoothly, his voice steady but tinged with a dangerous edge.
Your eyes darted between the two of them, your stomach twisting uncomfortably. âOkay, thatâs enough,â you said firmly, stepping between them before things could escalate.
Yongha held up his hands in mock surrender. âRelax, Y/N. Iâm just making sure youâre taken care of.â His gaze flicked to Wooyoung one last time, his smirk fading into something more serious. âGuess Iâll see you in our lab tomorrow.â
He gave you a final glance before turning and walking away, leaving the tension thick in the air.
Once he was out of sight, you exhaled, running a hand through your hair. âWhat the fuck was that, Woo?â
Wooyoung turned to you, his expression softening slightly, though the irritation lingered in his eyes. âI could ask you the same thing, Y/N. Whatâs with him?â
âHeâs just a teammate,â you said quickly. âWe work together. Thatâs it. Iâve literally told you this beforeâ
Wooyoungâs gaze didnât waver. âHe doesnât look at you like itâs just it.â
You sighed, rubbing your temples. âWoo, you canât just show up out of nowhere, act territorial, and pick a fight with someone you donât even know.â
He stepped closer, his voice lowering. âI wasnât picking a fight. I just donât like the way he talks to you.â
You tilted your head, giving him a pointed look. âAnd why do you care so much? Weâre notââ You hesitated, the words catching in your throat. Dating, you wanted to say. And he knew that all too well.
His eyes searched yours, his expression unreadable. âBecause I do,â he said simply.
The weight of his words hung between you, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. Finally, he let out a small sigh, the tension in his shoulders easing. âCome on. Let me take you home.â
You hesitated but nodded, knowing it wasnât the time to push the conversation further. As you got into his car, you couldnât help but glance back toward the building, wondering what Yonghaâs smirk and Wooyoungâs reaction really meant.
The silence in the car was deafening, broken only by the hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of your jacket as you adjusted uncomfortably in your seat. Wooyoungâs hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles faintly white under the dim glow of the dashboard lights. You wanted to say something, to break the heavy quiet between you, but every time you opened your mouth, the words died in your throat.
When he finally pulled into the parking lot of your apartment, he parked in one of the guest spots and pressed the button to turn the engine off. Neither of you moved right away.
You sighed. âWoo, we need to talk aboutââ
He unbuckled his seatbelt abruptly, the click echoing in the confined space, and turned toward you. Before you could say anything more, he leaned over, his hand sliding to the back of your neck as his lips crashed into yours.
The kiss was intense, urgent, as if heâd been holding back all night and couldnât anymore. His fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as he poured everything into the way his lips moved against yours. Your breath hitched, but you didnât hesitate to respond, your hands gripping his red hoodie as if to ground yourself.
His other hand cupped your jaw, tilting your head slightly to deepen the kiss, and you felt the heat radiating off him as his body leaned closer. The world outside the car faded, leaving only the sound of your quickened breaths and the electricity buzzing between you.
When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his breaths uneven. âI couldnât wait,â he admitted, his voice low and gravelly.
You swallowed hard, your heart pounding against your ribcage. âI can tell.â
A small, almost sheepish smile tugged at the corner of his lips, but the fire in his eyes remained. âHe gets under my skin,â he murmured, his thumb brushing against your cheek. âThe way he talks to you, the way he looks at youââ
âWoo,â you interrupted gently, your voice soft but firm. âIt doesnât matter. Heâs just a teammate.â
He studied you for a moment, his gaze searching, before nodding slightly. âI know, and Iâm sorry for the way I acted earlier. But I just⌠I needed him to know youâre mine.â
His words sent a shiver down your spine, and though a part of you wanted to protest the possessiveness, another part couldnât deny the thrill it gave you.
You leaned forward, brushing your lips against his again in a softer, lingering kiss. âDo you want to come inside?â you whispered against his mouth.
He pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, a flicker of amusement crossing his face. âLead the way, beautiful.â
-x-x-x-
Chaerinâs living room was cozy as always, with its mismatched throw pillows and faint scent of vanilla candles. You were curled up on the couch, nursing a cup of hot cocoa while Siya sprawled out dramatically on the rug. Chaerin sat cross-legged in her oversized armchair, scrolling aimlessly on her phone.
âSo,â Siya began, her tone teasing and suspiciously triumphant. âGuess who got a ride home from Song Mingi last night?â
You and Chaerin turned to her at the same time. âNo way,â Chaerin gasped, leaning forward.
âDetails,â you demanded, pointing at her with mock seriousness.
Siya grinned wickedly, clearly enjoying the attention. âWell, we were at the business club event, right? We got all chatty and flirty and he offered to drive me home after. You know, all polite and gentlemanly.â
âUh-huh,â Chaerin interrupted, narrowing her eyes. âCut to the good part.â
Siya pretended to think for a moment, then shrugged as if it wasnât a big deal. âFine. We started talking about music on the way back, and I wanted ice cream, so he took me to this place up the hill. He parked at a viewpoint, and we were sitting in the truck of his car. Next thing I know, weâre making out.â
âMaking out?â you echoed, raising an eyebrow.
Siyaâs grin widened. âOkay, fine. He fucked me in his car.â
Chaerin clapped a hand over her mouth in shock. âYou didnât!â
âOh, I did,â Siya said smugly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. âAnd let me tell you, Mingi is not shy once heâs into it.â
âGirl!â Chaerin exclaimed, half-scandalized, half-impressed. âIn public?! In his car?â
âWell, I mean it was pretty late and there were no cars around and the area was dark too. No clothes were taken off though, ugh. He lifted my dress and pushed my thong aside. Heâs got a big dick though as I expected.â
You burst out laughing, shaking your head. âOkay, Siya wins this weekâs tea spill, hands down.â
âObviously,â Siya said with a wink. Then, her gaze flicked to you. âSpeaking of tea, whatâs going on with you? Anything juicy?â
You hesitated, your mind flashing back to last night: the tense encounter with Yongha and Wooyoung, followed by the way Wooyoung has kissed you in the parking lot.
âY/N,â Chaerin prodded, leaning forward, sensing you did, in fact, have something to share. âDonât make me beg.â
You sighed, setting your mug down. âOkay, fine. Something kind of⌠weird happened yesterday.â
Both girls straightened up immediately, their attention locked on you, a look of concern evident on their faces.
âSo, I was leaving my lab, right? And guess whoâs waiting outside for meâWooyoung.â
âWait, Wooyoung?â Chaerin interrupted, her eyebrows shooting up. âSince when does he wait for you?â
âExactly,â you said, gesturing for emphasis. âIt totally caught me off guard. But before I could even process it, Yongha called out to me.â
âOh no,â Siya groaned, already sensing drama.
âOh yes,â you said with a nod. âHe came up to give me some notes for our project, but he was being all⌠flirty about it.â
âFlirty how?â Chaerin asked, narrowing her eyes.
You rolled your eyes. âYou know, the usual. Saying he made the notes especially for me, smirking like heâs the king of the world.â
Siya whistled low. âBold move. What did Wooyoung do?â
âThatâs the best part,â you said, your lips twitching into a smile despite yourself. âHe just steps in, all dark and broody, and says, âThat wonât be necessary. Iâm here to take my girl home.ââ
Both girls gasped, Chaerin practically sliding out of her chair. âHe didnât!â
âOh, he did,â you confirmed.
âThatâs⌠kind of hot,â Siya admitted, fanning herself dramatically.
Chaerin leaned forward, her eyes wide. âAnd? What happened next?â
You shrugged, trying to play it cool. âHonestly, I was worried they might start a physical fight. But Yongha backed off, and Wooyoung drove me home. End of story.â
âYeah, right,â Chaerin said, crossing her arms. âWe know you. Thereâs no way that was the end of it.â
You hesitated for a split second too long, and the knowing look they both gave you made your cheeks heat up.
âSpill,â they said in unison.
âI mean⌠he got kinda possessive and kissed me in his car. We had sex and he stayed the night again,â you said, your cheeks heating up and both the girls squealed loudly.
You leaned back into the couch, feeling the weight of your thoughts as you looked between Chaerin and Siya, trying to explain the unease you were feeling. âBut girls⌠Somethingâs off,â you said, your voice quieter now, more serious. âItâs like... I donât know how to put it, but everythingâs been weird lately.â
Siya tilted her head, intrigued. âWhat do you mean âweirdâ?â
âOkay, so the other day, Yeosang and San were acting super weird when I introduced them to Yongha,â you started, rubbing the back of your neck. âIâve never seen them act that way before. It was as if they knew himâlike, knew him wellâbut they didnât acknowledge it.â You leaned forward, your eyes scanning their faces for understanding. âAnd then Wooyoung? He... his reaction was weird too. It felt like he was trying to hide something, like he didnât want me to get involved with Yongha.â
Chaerin raised an eyebrow. âWait, so you think Wooyoung and the others know each other? Like, theyâve all met before?â
You nodded slowly, the confusion in your mind spilling out. âYes! Itâs like thereâs some secret, and no oneâs telling me. I mean, Yeosang and San were cold, but they were still polite. And then there was the way Wooyoung... I donât know, he just shut down when I mentioned Yongha. Like, something snapped in him. I thought it was weird, but I didnât want to push him.â
Siyaâs eyes narrowed. âOkay, but thatâs suspicious. Why wouldnât they just tell you if they knew each other? It seems like theyâre hiding something.â
âI donât know. Itâs like a weird tension between them,â you said, exhaling a frustrated breath. âAnd I feel like Iâm stuck in the middle of something I donât understand. Itâs all so strange.â
Chaerin gave you a reassuring look. âWell, youâre right about one thing: something is definitely going on. Theyâre all acting like theyâre trying to keep their distance from each other, but itâs clear that thereâs history.â She tapped her chin, thinking. âBut what if this is more than just them being weird around you? Maybe thereâs something deeper there. Something... they donât want you to know about.â
You sighed, running a hand through your hair. âI donât know what to think anymore. I want to trust them, especially Wooyoung, but itâs hard when everyoneâs acting like thereâs something Iâm not supposed to know. Iâm caught in the middle of this... thing, and itâs driving me crazy. I have to work with Yongha for a couple more months until we graduate, so I really donât want to be in this weird situation.â
Siya pursed her lips, her eyes glinting with curiosity. âIf somethingâs off, thereâs a reason for it. If Wooyoungâs keeping something from you, or if heâs acting shady, you need to find out what it is.â
Chaerin nodded in agreement, looking at you seriously. âBut donât stress yourself out. If you want to get to the bottom of this, you have to stay calm. Donât let them pull you into something you donât want to be part of.â
âI know,â you said softly, but the knot in your stomach remained. âItâs just... Iâm starting to feel like Iâm missing something big, and Iâm not sure if I want to know what it is.â You looked at your friends, the weight of it all sinking in. âBut I also feel like I donât have a choice but to find out. How I will do that, I do not know⌠yet.â
After hanging out with the girls for a while, you decided to head to your lab instead of going home despite it being nearly 8PM. You werenât expecting anyone else to be here so late, but as you turned the corner, you spotted Yongha, seated at one of the workbenches. His head was bent over a stack of papers, his brows furrowed in concentration.
âDidnât expect to see you here,â you said, setting your bag down on the table across from him.
Yongha looked up, startled, but quickly composed himself. âOh, hey. I could say the same to you.â
âIâve completed my work for the day,â you admitted. âFigured Iâd get a head start on next weekâs data.â
He nodded, setting his pen down and leaning back in his chair. For a moment, he hesitated, as if weighing his words. Then he spoke, his tone softer than usual. âAbout last night... I wanted to apologize.â
You blinked, caught off guard. âApologize?â
âFor the way I acted. Outside the lab, with Jung Wooyoung.â He rubbed the back of his neck, looking almost sheepish. âIt was out of character for me, and it definitely wasnât fair to you. I guess I just... lost my cool a bit.â
You tilted your head, studying him. Yongha wasnât one to show vulnerability often, and the sincerity in his voice threw you off. âItâs fine,â you said slowly. âHonestly, I wasnât sure what was going on, but... itâs not a big deal.â
Yongha gave a small, humorless laugh. âMaybe not to you. But to me...â He trailed off, shaking his head. âNever mind. Itâs nothing.â
You frowned, sensing there was more he wasnât saying. âYongha, if thereâs something bothering you, just say it.â
He hesitated again, then leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, you couldâve sworn you saw some sort of worry flash through them. âItâs just... Are you two⌠you knowâŚâ He let the question hang in the air, his meaning clear.
You felt your face heat up. Honestly, you didnât know what to say since Wooyoung preferred to keep his⌠situation with you strictly between his friends and yours. âUh, weâre not dating, if thatâs what youâre asking,â you said quickly, though the words felt awkward on your tongue. âWhy?â
Yonghaâs lips quirked into a small, almost wistful smile. âNo reason. I was just curious.â He leaned back again, crossing his arms. âHeâs protective of you. I noticed that much.â
You shifted in your seat, unsure how to respond. âWooyoungâs just... like that. He looks out for the people he cares about.â
âHmm.â Yonghaâs gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he looked away, grabbing his pen and pretending to focus on his notes. âWell, Iâll leave it at that. I didnât mean to pry.â
âRight,â you said, suddenly feeling the need to busy yourself with something. You pulled out your laptop and started typing, but your mind was racing.
You had your messages linked to your laptop, and a notification popped up from Wooyoung.
Woo: Are you home yet?
You: Iâm at the lab
Woo: Oh. With Lee Yongha?
You: Yeah, he is here. Why?
Woo: No reason. Iâm sure youâre having a great time.
You stared at the message on your laptop, the tone unmistakably sarcastic. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, your stomach twisting. What was his problem?
You: Whatâs that supposed to mean?
The typing indicator popped up immediately, and then his response came through like a slap.
Woo: Nothing. Just seems like heâs got everything handled. Donât let me interrupt your night.
You let out a sharp exhale, your jaw tightening as you reread the message. The passive-aggressive tone wasnât like himâor maybe it was, but it was usually cloaked in humor. This wasnât funny.
âEverything okay?â
Yonghaâs voice broke through your thoughts, and you looked up to see him watching you, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. He had his hands tucked casually in his pockets, but there was an edge to his expression, like he was waiting for an opening.
âYeah, all is well,â you muttered, locking your laptop.
Yongha tilted his head, his lips curling into a faint smirk. âAh. Trouble in paradise?â
âThereâs no paradise,â you shot back, your tone sharper than you intended. âAnd definitely no trouble.â
âCouldâve fooled me,â he said, his smirk widening. âHe seems pretty bothered, though. Canât imagine why.â
You glared at him, feeling your frustration bubbling over, mentally reminding yourself not to open your texting app on your laptop while heâs around again. âWhy are you so interested?â
He shrugged, his gaze steady. âJust curious. Heâs not usually the kind of guy who loses his cool. But then again...â He paused, stepping closer, his voice dropping slightly. âI can see why he might.â
You froze under the weight of his words, your heartbeat quickening. Was that a compliment? A challenge? You couldnât tell, and it only made the tension in the room worse. The fact that he mentioned that Wooyoung wasnât the type to lose his cool was enough to confirm your suspicion that they, in fact, knew each other and were pretending otherwise.
âDonât,â you said, your voice quieter now, but firm.
Yongha stepped back, raising his hands in mock surrender. âRelax. Just making an observation.â
You didnât respond, turning your focus back to your notes in an attempt to ignore the heat rising to your cheeks. After a moment, Yongha grabbed his bag and headed for the door.
âFor what itâs worth,â he said, pausing in the doorway, âI donât think heâs mad at you. Heâs mad at me.â
Before you could ask what he meant, the door swung shut behind him.
You stared at the closed door, your thoughts spinning. What did Yongha mean?
When you glanced back at your laptop, the last message from Wooyoung still sat there, burning into your mind.
No matter how much you wanted to ignore it, you knew you currently were caught in the middle of it all. You decided to push your thoughts away for now while you walked back home.
When you got to the hallway outside your apartment, you spotted Wooyoung waiting, leaning against your door. He was dressed in business casual attire today and you knew he came straight from work. His arms were crossed, but his posture was stiff, his expression unreadable.
You sighed as you approached him. âWoo?â
âJust wanted to talk,â he said casually, but there was an edge to his voice.
You unlocked the door and stepped inside, leaving it open for him to follow. He did, shutting it behind him, the click echoing in the silence.
Dropping your bag on the couch, you turned to face him. âOkay⌠talk.â
He didnât respond immediately, his eyes fixed on the floor before meeting yours. âWhatâs going on with you and Yongha?â
You blinked, thrown by the question. âSeriously? Weâve been over this, Wooyoung. Heâs my teammate. Nothing is going on.â
He scoffed, his jaw tightening. âYou say that, but itâs like every time I turn around, youâre with him. At the lab, at the cafĂŠ...â Of course, Yeosang and San would tell him about the cafĂŠ. You were surprised heâs only bringing it up now when he clearly has an issue.
âOf course, Iâm with him!â you shot back, exasperated. âWeâre working on a project together. A project that will take a whole academic year. You knew this from the beginning!â
âAnd heâs making it more than that,â Wooyoung snapped, stepping closer. âIâve seen the way he looks at you, Y/N. Donât tell me youâre blind to it.â
âAnd what if Iâm not?â you countered, your voice rising slightly. âWhy does it matter to you? Youâve made it pretty damn clear weâre not together, so why do you care so much?â
He flinched at your words but recovered quickly, his frustration mounting. âYou know why I care!â
âNo, I donât!â you said, the emotion bubbling over. âBecause you keep dancing around it, Woo. You act like I belong to you, but youâre the one who set the rules. Youâre the one who doesnât want this to be anything more than... whatever this is!â
He stared at you, his chest rising and falling as he processed your words. âYou think I donât want more?â he finally said, his voice low but heated.
âThen why arenât we dating?â you demanded, your voice cracking, though youâre the butterflies in your stomach were fluttering around in a rapid pace. âWhy are we stuck in this limbo? If you care so much, if you want me the way you act like you do, then why wonât you just say it?â
He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration evident. âItâs not that simple, Y/N.â
âIt is that simple!â you fired back. âYouâre just too much of a coward to admit what you want. Or maybe you donât know what you want at all.â
âThatâs not fair,â he said, his tone dropping to a whisper.
âNo, whatâs not fair is you showing up at my door, acting possessive, and then refusing to give me anything real,â you said, your voice trembling. âYou canât keep doing this to me, Woo.â
âYou agreed to be with me like this, Y/N,â he muttered, taking slow steps towards you before resting his forehead against yours. The room fell silent, the air thick with tension. Wooyoung pulled away after a moment to look at you, his eyes softening slightly, but the anger was still there. âIâm sorry,â he said, his voice barely audible. âI didnât mean to make you feel like this.â
You shook your head, tears threatening to spill. âThen stop. Stop confusing me. Stop... God, Woo, I know thereâs some history between you and Yongha and you wonât come clean to me about it. Youâre all acting like you donât know each other and itâs tiring me out. Why wonât you just tell me whatâs going on?â
He didnât move, his gaze locked on yours. âI canât, Y/N.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause I donât want to lose you,â he admitted, his voice raw. âBut I donât know how to... I donât know how to⌠I would rather you not know. I donât know what to do.â
His confession hung in the air, heavy and unsteady. You swallowed hard, your emotions swirling. âThen figure it out, Wooyoung,â you said softly. âBecause I donât want to be caught in this. I do not know whatâs going on. I have to work with him for couple more months. Please⌠donât make things difficult for me.â
You turned away, leaving him standing there in the middle of your apartment, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
âY/N,â he called after you, his voice desperate, but you didnât stop.
âLock the door on your way out,â you said, disappearing into your bedroom, shutting the door.
And with that, the conversation was over, but the unresolved tension lingered, a storm waiting to break.
-x-x-x-
You didnât hang out with Wooyoung over the weekend like you usually do. For the first time in months, you found yourself with nothing but your own company and an endless list of tasks you had no desire to complete. You went to work, cleaned your apartment twice, even reorganized your closet, and attempted to binge-watch a show, but your mind refused to focus. Every time your phone buzzed, you checked it instinctively, but it was never him.
By Sunday afternoon, you gave up pretending you didnât care and texted Chaerin instead.
You: Free? I need to get out of this apartment
Chaerin: Always free for you babe. Lunch at the kimbap place near campus?
You: Sounds good, see you in 30
You arrived at the small restaurant, spotting Chaerin instantly. She waved you over, already halfway through an iced tea. âYou look exhausted.â
You sighed, sliding into the seat across from her. âI am.â
She arched an eyebrow. âThis is about Wooyoung, isnât it?â
You groaned, dropping your head into your hands. âIs it that obvious?â
âI mean, what else can it be when you look like this?â she said, sipping her drink. âSo, what happened?â
You told her about the argument, the frustration bubbling back to the surface as you recounted every word. Chaerin listened attentively, her expression growing more serious as you went on.
âAnd then he said he didnât want to lose me,â you finished, slumping back in your chair. âBut he still couldnât give me a real answer. He said he doesnât want me to know whatâs up with him and Yongha, and he said he doesnât know what to do. So I told him to figure it out.â
Chaerin shook her head. âWow, that boy is a mess.â
âI know,â you said, exasperated. âBut I feel like Iâm losing my mind. I keep thinking maybe I was too harsh, or maybe I shouldâve pushed him moreââ
âNo,â she interrupted firmly. âYou said what you needed to say, Y/N. Heâs the one who needs to get his act together.â
You nodded, though her words did little to ease the ache in your chest.
âSo, whatâs the plan?â she asked, leaning forward.
âThe plan?â
âYeah,â Chaerin said. âAre you going to wait for him to figure it out, or are you moving on?â
You hesitated, unsure how to answer. The truth was you had feelings for him. You were in love with him. You wanted things to work out.
âI guess Iâll see what he does,â you said finally. âBut Iâm not putting my life on hold for him.â
âThatâs my girl,â Chaerin said, raising her iced tea in a toast. You smiled faintly, but the knot in your stomach remained.
After lunch, you took the bus to Jinaâs apartment to work with your team on one of the project reports. Jina lived in the same building as Wooyoung, and you couldnât help yourself from wondering if he was home right now and if you should go to his place after. A part of you wondered if that was a terrible idea, considering the fact that he hasnât texted you at all since the argument.
When you reached the lobby of the building, you noticed Yongha had just arrived too. You greeted him while waiting for the elevator. âHey, youâre here a lot earlier,â you said, remembering that he said he would be an hour late on the group chat.
âI got off my shift early,â he replied with a grin. âDid you see the graphs on the report? If Minhyuk mixes up the axes on one more graph, I might just lose it. I swear heâs trying to set a record for how fast he can make me question humanity.â
You laughed, a genuine belly laugh that echoed through the quiet lobby as you both stopped in front of the elevator. âItâs the way he does it so confidently that kills me,â you said between giggles. âLike, âOh yeah, that Y-axis? Totally accurate.ââ
Yongha joined in, chuckling softly. âAt least it keeps things interesting. Who needs peace of mind when you can have chaos?â
The elevator dinged, the doors sliding openâand your laughter abruptly died when you saw who was standing inside.
Wooyoung.
He was leaning casually against the elevator wall, his gym bag slung over his shoulder. His sharp eyes immediately landed on you and Yongha and his casual demeanor shifted ever so slightly, tension creeping into his stance.
âY/N,â Wooyoung greeted, his voice calm but unmistakably cool.
You blinked in surprise. âWooyoung?â Why havenât you texted me at all, you wanted to ask, but remembered Yongha was here too.
âHey,â Yongha chimed in, stepping into the elevator with you, his confidence undeterred. âDidnât know weâd get the pleasure of running into you here.â
Wooyoungâs lips twitched into a smile that didnât quite reach his eyes. âLifeâs full of surprises.â
As the elevator began its ascent, Yongha leaned slightly toward you, his head tilting as his eyes zeroed in on your hair.
âHold still,â he said softly.
âWhat?â you asked, confused, glancing at him as Wooyoungâs gaze sharpened.
Yongha reached out, his fingers brushing lightly against your temple as he plucked something from your hair. His movements were deliberate, almost slow, as if savoring the moment.
âThere was a leaf stuck,â Yongha explained with a small grin, holding it up for you to see.
âOh,â you said and smoothed your hair reflexively. âThanks.â
Wooyoung, who had been watching the exchange with a darkening expression, shifted his weight slightly, the muscle in his jaw twitching.
âA leaf, huh?â Wooyoung said, his voice low and edged with sarcasm. âGood thing you were here to save the day.â
Yongha chuckled, clearly amused by the tension. âWhat can I say? Iâm observant.â
The elevator dinged, signaling your floor, and you stepped out quickly, eager to escape the suffocating atmosphere. Before the doors closed, you turned back to Wooyoung, who hadnât moved from his spot. His dark eyes met yours, a storm brewing in his expression that sent an uneasy shiver down your spine.
âSee you around,â he said, his tone clipped. The doors shut, and you exhaled slowly, the knot in your stomach tightening as you walked toward Jinaâs apartment.
Yongha, however, seemed completely unaffected, his usual easygoing grin still in place. âThat guy has quite the glare,â he commented casually.
You shot him a look, but he only laughed.
âLetâs just get to work,â you muttered, though your thoughts were already tangled in the intensity of Wooyoungâs gazeâand the unspoken tension that seemed to grow heavier with every passing moment.
-x-x-x-
5 days later
It was a typical Friday night, and you were more than ready to unwind. Chaerin, Siya, another friend named Maya, and you had decided to head to your favorite bar for a much-needed girlsâ night. The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and the energy was just the kind of distraction you needed from the stress of school and all the drama. Wooyoung had ignored your messages, and you honestly did not know what to do anymore. For now, you decided to focus on girlsâ night.
Chaerin laughed as she raised her glass to make a toast. âTo surviving the week and pretending we have it all together!â
Siya clinked her glass against yours. âTo good times and great friends!â
You joined in with a grin, feeling the weight of the week start to lift as the alcohol started to take effect. You werenât sure how much youâd had already, but you were definitely starting to feel more relaxed. You werenât a lightweight drinker and sobered up pretty quick too. Sometimes, you hated it.
The night continued with music, laughter, and the comfortable camaraderie youâd come to expect with Chaerin, Siya, and Maya. You were enjoying yourself, letting go of the stress for a whileâuntil you noticed a familiar face entering the bar.
San.
At first, you didnât think much of it. It wasnât unusual for people from your university to end up here. But then came Mingi, Yeosang, and Yunho, and finally, Wooyoung.
Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and for a moment, everything seemed to slow down. You hadnât expected to run into him here tonight, especially not after everything that had happened the past week. You tried to look away, but your gaze was drawn back to him again.
âY/N?â Chaerin called out before following your gaze. âOh⌠Fuck, he looks so hot!â
âWho?â Maya asked following her gaze. âOh Kang Yeosang? I agree.â
âI meant Choi San,â Chaerin said with a chuckle. âBut well⌠I suppose all the men of their group are quite the eye candy.â
âAnd so are we!â Siya squeaks out, her face flushed pink from the alcohol. âLook at us, girls! Weâre so sexy! Weâre so stunning! Weâre so smart! Weâre so beautiful!â The three of you laughed at drunk Siyaâs words, and you patted her head affectionately. âHey! Could I get a chocolate martini?!â she called for the bartender.
âIâll have one too, thank you,â you told the bartender who nodded and headed off to make your drinks. You decided not to turn back and look at Wooyoung, not wanting to ruin your night by feeling sad over the fact that he chose to ignore you.
But moments later after having yet another drink, you turned back to see where he was. You caught sight of the booth where the rest of the guys were, but Wooyoung wasnât there. Your eyes scanned the area, trying to find him, but struggling due to the flashing-colored lights.
And then you saw him standing against a pillar⌠with a girl. She was leaning so close to him and from the angle where you were at, it appeared that she could be⌠kissing his neck? You watched them more carefully. It seemed like they were just talking.
âUh oh. Double trouble,â Chaerin announced, catching your attention.
Before you could ask her what she meant, you heard someone call out your name. âY/N!â
You turned toward the source of the voice, your heart already sinking. Standing a few feet away, wearing his usual confident smirk, was Yongha. Flanking him were his two friends, Jaehyun and Taemoo who youâd briefly met once when they were waiting for Yongha outside one of your shared classes.
âYongha?â you blurted.
âFancy seeing you here,â he said, stepping closer with that familiar air of nonchalance. His eyes, however, scanned your face like he was trying to read your mood.
Jaehyun and Taemoo greeted your friends with easy smiles, and soon enough, introductions were exchanged. Chaerin immediately latched onto Jaehyunâs arm, chatting him up like they were old friends, but she was just sociable like that. Siya, meanwhile, was too occupied with her martini to pay much attention, but Maya caught Taemooâs attention after recognizing that they were in the same major.
âJung Wooyoungâs back with his ex again?â You heard Taemoo say to Jaehyun, causing the girls to glance at you. You didnât react, though your stomach dropped. So that girl was his ex?
âAre you surprised?â Jaehyun said with a laugh. âDude should move on. I canât imagine running to the same girl that cheated on me thrice.â
You immediately glanced at Chaerin who looked at you. Wooyoung was cheated on thrice? If thatâs true then why is he talking to his ex again?
Yongha kept his focus on you. âYou okay?â he asked softly, his voice low enough that only you could hear, but still loud as the music was blasting.
You hesitated. It was clear heâd caught onto your distracted state, but you werenât about to spill your emotions in the middle of a bar. âIâm fine,â you replied, forcing a small smile.
His eyes narrowed slightly, like he didnât believe you, but he let it go. âWell, let me know if you need anything,â he said, leaning in just enough to make the gesture feel intimate.
Before you could respond, Chaerin called out, âY/N, you have to come dance with us!â
You glanced back at Yongha, who gave you an easy shrug. âGo. Have fun.â
You allowed Chaerin to pull you toward the dance floor, but as you moved with the beat of the music with the girls, you couldnât shake the nagging feeling in your chest. You tried to focus on the rhythm, the lights, the energy of the crowd, but your eyes kept drifting back to that pillar where Wooyoung had been.
He wasnât there anymore. Neither was his ex.
Frustration and something sharperâjealousy, maybeâpricked at your thoughts. Was this really what you were to him? Someone he could ignore all week and then end up with another girl, his ex of all people, at the club?
Chaerin pulled you closer to her. âCan you come with me to the bathroom?â You nodded, letting Maya and Siya know you were headed there before Chaerin dragged you along. You waited in line, grateful that it was moving faster than youâd expected. Once you and Chaerin used the bathroom and washed your hands, she took a picture of both of you at the mirror.
âLetâs go take a shot before we hit the dancefloor again. Be a bad bitch, Y/N, come on,â she said, making you raise an eyebrow. âWooyoung noticed you. I saw him looking at you and Yongha.â
You sighed. âYeah, he probably thinks Iâm here with Yongha. But⌠I canât believe he was with his ex.â
Chaerin chuckled. âWell⌠take advantage of that. Make him jealous and heâs gonna come crawling to you. Besides, I saw that girl leave, so I take it that maybe she was trying to go after him again.â
You sighed, leaning against the bathroom wall for a moment, though Chaerinâs last sentence relieved you. âI donât know if I want to play those games, Chaerin. Heâs been ignoring me all week. What if it doesnât even work? What if he doesnât care?â
Chaerin gave you a pointed look as she fixed her lipstick in the mirror. âOh, he cares. The way he was staring? Trust me, he cares, and let me tell you girl, that man has always had feelings for you. He just doesnât want to admit it yet.â
You rolled your eyes, though a small part of you hoped she was right. âStill. This whole thing feels... exhausting. I donât know if I have it in me tonight.â
Chaerin put her hands on your shoulders and spun you to face her. âY/N, look at me. Youâre hot. Youâre smart. Youâre fun. If Wooyoung canât see that, then screw him. But trust me, he does see it. And if making him sweat a little gets him to step up, why not? Worst case, you have a good time, take some shots, and enjoy yourself with your girls.â
You let out a small laugh despite yourself. âYou always know how to hype me up.â
âDamn right I do,â she said with a grin. âNow come on, letâs grab that shot and show everyoneâincluding Wooyoungâhow bad bitches have fun.â
With renewed energy, you followed her out of the bathroom and back to the bar. Chaerin ordered two tequila shots, handing one to you with a wink. âTo being the main character,â she said, raising her glass.
You clinked your shot glass against hers, downed the tequila in one go, and let the burn energize you.
As the two of you made your way back to the dance floor, you couldnât help but glance around the bar. Your eyes automatically sought him outâand there he was. Wooyoung was back at the booth with the rest of his group, but his focus wasnât on his friends.
It was on you.
You felt Chaerin nudge your arm. âTold you,â she whispered before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the crowd of people dancing.
The music pulsed around you, and for the first time that night, you allowed yourself to let go, swaying to the rhythm and matching Chaerinâs energy. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Yongha and his friends near the bar, watching you with amused smiles.
And somewhere in the mix of lights, music, and glances, you realized Chaerin mightâve been right. Maybe it was time to make Wooyoung sweat.
Yongha was making his way toward you, the smoothness of his steps betraying his drunk state. His friends remained at the bar, chatting amongst themselves, but Yongha was solely focused on you.
Chaerin grinned, noticing his attention on you. âLooks like someoneâs got their eyes on you,â she teased, nudging you playfully. âLet loose, my girl. Be the bad bitch you are. Show Wooyoung what heâs missing!â
You laughed loudly, running a hand through your hair while you danced to a remixed upbeat song that had the whole dance floor moving.
"Mind if I join you?" Yongha asked, his voice slightly slurred but still carrying that flirty edge that made you think he wasnât exactly sober.
You raised an eyebrow, but with a playful smirk, you stepped closer to him, the music pumping louder as it filled the space between you two. "I suppose so." You were playing a dangerous game, but you had too much to drink and at this point, you did not give a fuck.
Yongha didnât waste any time. His hands found your waist with a confidence that almost made you forget the tension earlier in the night. You let him guide your movements as the music shifted into a new song that had the crowd cheering, his grip firm yet gentle. You could feel the heat from his palms on the exposed skin of your waist. As you both moved together, his eyes never left yours. He pulled you in closer as you swayed together, and you were reminded of the way you had danced in this very club with Wooyoung before.
But amidst the heat of the moment, your eyes flicked to the side, catching sight of Wooyoung. He was standing in the same spot near the booth with his friends, his arms crossed over his chest, his posture tense. The slight furrow of his brows was all you needed to see to know he wasnât happy. However, San looked incredibly amused and he leaned in to whisper something in Wooyoungâs ear.
Something shifted inside you, the cocktail of emotions from earlier mixing with the alcohol buzzing through your veins. You knew it was very petty, but in this moment, you didnât care. You weren't about to let him have all the control over this situation. You werenât going to be the one left wondering what could have been, while he played his little games.
Without breaking eye contact with Wooyoung, you dropped it down low, your body moving in sync with the rhythm of the music, your movements slow and deliberate as you bent at the waist, inching down to the floor. The look in Wooyoungâs eyes shifted immediatelyâsurprise, anger, maybe even a flash of jealousyâbut you didnât look away.
Yonghaâs hands gripped your hips, guiding you back up, and as you stood upright, you let your back press against his chest for a brief moment. The heat of his body against yours, combined with the thrill of making Wooyoung watch, sent a surge of adrenaline through you.
You let your gaze hold Wooyoungâs for just a few seconds longer before you finally broke away, returning your attention to Yongha, who was still grinning at you, clearly enjoying the game that was unfolding.
Wooyoung, though? He wasnât smiling. The tight set of his jaw said it all.
As soon as the song finished, you excused yourself. âIâm going to get a drink upstairs,â you let Chaerin know. The club had a mezzanine floor that was a lot less crowded and didnât have a dance floor.
âGood job out there, babe!â she drunkenly yelled, pulling you into a hug before you pushed through the crowd to make it upstairs.
You moved to where a window was open, and you relaxed when you felt the chill air hit your heated body. You took a deep breath, trying to calm down your racing heartbeat.
When you felt a presence behind you, you turned around, surprised to find that Wooyoung actually followed you upstairs. The white button up shirt he was wearing had most of the buttons unbuttoned, exposing his toned chest.
Wooyoungâs eyes flashed with something dark and unreadable as he stepped closer to you, making you take a step back, your back hitting the wall beside the window. The tension in the air thickened, and you could feel your pulse quicken, though you didnât want to admit it. He stood inches from you, his presence overwhelming.
âWhat the hell were you doing with him?â Wooyoungâs voice was low, rough. The irritation, the jealousy, all bubbling to the surface now that he had you cornered. And yet you found it hot.
Hot that he definitely cared about you. Hot that there was a vein popping on the side of his neck from the clear anger he was feeling. Hot that his eyes were scanning your body the same way it does when he wants you.
You took a deep breath, trying to stay calm despite the fire burning in your chest. âYouâve been ignoring me all week, and now you want to get all possessive?â
His lips curled into a tight smirk, but it was empty, edged with frustration. âI wasnât ignoring you, Y/N. I was giving you space.â He emphasized the word, his eyes flicking over you. âBut it looks like you moved on from me already, huh?â
You chuckled in an unamused tone. âMoved on? I could same the same about you, Wooyoung. Werenât you chatting up another girl?â
âShe means nothing to me,â he said quickly. âI donât care about her.â
âSheâs your ex girlfriend.â
His eyes darkened at the mention of her, and he stiffened, clearly not expecting you to know that much. âOh, so I guess your precious little Yongha told you about her and I, hmm?â
You felt a sharp sting in your chest at the way Wooyoung said âyour precious little Yongha.â The bitterness in his voice, the way it rolled off his tongue, left you with a sour taste in your mouth. You crossed your arms, trying to keep your composure, but your patience was running thin, and the anger was bubbling in your chest. âWhat, are you jealous now?â
Wooyoungâs jaw clenched, but instead of answering you directly, he took a step closer, reducing the space between you two. âYou wanna know why Iâm pissed?â His voice was rough, almost a growl. âBecause I canât fucking stand seeing you with other guys. Especially him. Especially anyone who isnât me.â
You froze, feeling your heartbeat skip. This was the first time he was being this... honest. Vulnerable, almost. But instead of giving you comfort, it made everything feel more complicated. âYouâre the one whoâs been avoiding me, Wooyoung,â you said, frustration creeping into your tone.
Wooyoung sighed, his eyes darkening as he reached out to touch your arm, his fingers barely brushing your skin. âYou think I want this? Think I wanted to let you go all week without talking? You think this is easy for me?â
You were about to respond, but the words got caught in your throat when Wooyoung stepped closer to you. His body was suddenly right in front of yours, invading your personal space, and all you could do was look up into his eyes, the fire in them burning bright. The heat between you two was palpable, thick enough that it made it hard to breathe.
âIâm not blind, Y/N,â he continued, his voice more intense now. âI saw the way you moved with him. You looked good together. Too good.â
Your breath hitched in your throat at the possessive edge in his tone, but it only added to the frustration that was now boiling over inside you. You couldnât help but feel the same angerâanger at yourself for letting him get under your skin, and anger at him for pushing you to this point.
âStop making this about him,â you spat, stepping closer to him, your body finally reacting to the proximity. You jabbed your finger into his chest. âYouâve been acting like Iâm nothing to you, and now suddenly, Iâm supposed to be okay withââ
Wooyoung didnât give you time to finish. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you toward him, his lips crashing down on yours with an intensity that stole your breath away. For a moment, you froze, but it didnât take long before you kissed him back, your hands fisting his shirt, pulling him even closer. The kiss was hot, desperate, the frustration and the jealousy all pouring out into this one explosive moment.
He pulled away just long enough to look at you, his eyes dark with something dangerous, something you werenât sure you could handleâbut you didnât care.
âTell me you donât want this, Y/N,â he murmured, his voice rough. âTell me you donât want me.â
You shuddered at the intensity in his words, but you couldnât deny it. You wanted him. You wanted all of it. âI do,â you breathed out. âI want you, Wooyoung. I only want you.â
A low growl escaped him, and before you could react, he pressed your back against the wall and his lips were back on yours. His hands were on your hips, pulling you into him, grinding against you in a way that made your pulse race.
The heat between you two was undeniable now, a wild, consuming thing that neither of you could fight. The tension, the unresolved anger, and the attraction all mixed together in a way that had your body aching for more.
âFuck, Y/N,â he groaned, his lips trailing down your neck as his hands moved to your thighs, lifting you effortlessly, pinning you against the wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer, the friction between you making your head spin. The music in the club faded as you focused on the way Wooyoung kissed you with such urgency, such intensity.
But as much as you wanted thisâwanted himâthe words were still hanging in the air, thick with meaning.
He pulled away after a moment, setting you back down on your feet, holding you steady. âWhyâd you pull away?â you whispered, your hands still tangled in his hair. âWhy donât you just tell me what this is, Wooyoung?â
He stopped for a moment, looking you dead in the eye. âBecause Iâm scared, Y/N. Iâm scared of what this means. I donât know how to make this work between us, but God... I want you.â His voice cracked slightly, but the raw honesty made your heart skip a beat.
Your lips brushed against his again, more gently this time, but still charged with the same intensity. âThen stop overthinking it,â you whispered against his mouth. âLetâs just figure it out.â
âI canât, Y/N. Not when youâre around him most of the time.â You stared at Wooyoung, his words replaying in your mind like a broken record.
Your chest tightened, frustration flaring in your veins. âWhat the hell does that mean?â you snapped, shoving him back just enough to create space between you. âAre you seriously blaming me for working with Yongha? For doing what Iâm supposed to do for my project?â
âItâs not about the project,â Wooyoung shot back, his voice strained as he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes darted away for a moment before locking onto yours again. âItâs about him, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you with him. I canât stand knowing youâre laughing with him, spending time with himâletting him get close to you.â
Your eyes narrowed, the anger bubbling over. âYouâre acting like I have a choice, Wooyoung! Heâs on my team! What am I supposed to do? Avoid him? Quit my project? Is that what you want?â
âNo,â Wooyoung growled, his voice dropping low, his frustration palpable. âI just... I donât trust him, okay? Heâs not who you think he is.â
You froze for a moment, taken aback by the intensity in his voice. âAnd what does that even mean? If you have something to say, then just say it, Wooyoung. Stop dancing around the truth!â
His jaw tightened, and for a second, you thought he might finally spill whatever heâd been holding back. But instead, he shook his head, his fists clenched at his sides. âYou wouldnât understand,â he muttered.
You scoffed, crossing your arms. âYouâre unbelievable. Do you know how exhausting this is? You canât just drop cryptic hints and then expect me to read your mind. Iâm not a damn mind reader, Wooyoung!â
âIâm trying to protect you, Y/N,â he snapped, his voice rising. âIâm trying to keep you from getting hurt, but you just donât see it!â
âThen help me see it!â you shouted back, stepping closer to him. âTell me why you hate him so much. Tell me why this is such a big deal to you. Or are you just too scared to be honest with me?â
Wooyoungâs eyes burned with frustration, but underneath it, you caught a glimpse of something elseâpain, raw and unfiltered. His lips parted, as if he was about to say something, but then he stopped, shaking his head again.
âI canât,â he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. âYou wouldnât understand. You donât need to know.â
You stared at him, the weight of his words sinking in. âYou canât even trust me enough to tell me the truth,â you said softly, your voice trembling. âHow do you expect this to work, Wooyoung? How can we have anything if you keep shutting me out?â
âItâs not about trust,â he said quickly, his voice desperate now. âItâs about me. About what I canât deal with. I donât want to lose you, Y/N. But I canâtââ
âCanât what?â you pressed, tears threatening to sting your eyes. âCanât let yourself care about me? Canât let yourself get close because youâre too scared of what might happen?â
Wooyoungâs silence was deafening, and the look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.
âThis isnât fair,â you whispered, your voice breaking. âItâs not fair to me, and itâs not even fair to you. If you canât trust me, if you canât let me in, then whatâs the point, Wooyoung? What are we even doing?â
His hands clenched into fists, his jaw tightening as he looked away. âIâm sorry,â he said, his voice raw. âIâm sorry I canât give you what you need.â
You swallowed hard, the ache in your chest almost unbearable. âThen maybe weâre better off letting this go,â you said softly, turning away from him. âIf you canât communicate with meâŚâ you shook your head with a sigh, âthen letâs stop whatever this is, Woo. I⌠Iâm done trying.â
As you walked away, you couldnât help but glance back, hopingâprayingâthat heâd stop you. That heâd fight for this, for you.
But he didnât. He just stood there, his head bowed, his silence cutting deeper than any words ever could.
-x-x-x-
Nine days had passed. Nine long, agonizing days since you last spoke to Wooyoung. Since you walked away from himâsince he walked away from you.
You tried to keep yourself busy, pouring your energy into school, work, and anything else that could distract you from the gnawing ache in your chest. But no matter what you did, you couldnât stop thinking about him. About his words, his silence, his absence.
It was a Sunday afternoon, and you had just finished your shift at the dining hall. Your body ached from the long hours, and the emotional weight you carried didnât help. You trudged home, trying to focus on mundane tasks to keep the sadness at bay.
In your apartment, you loaded the washer with your laundry, throwing a detergent pod into it when you heard the doorbell ring. Frowning, you quickly start the washer, the sound of the machine filling the silence as you headed to the door. You werenât expecting anyone, and it was rare for someone to show up unannounced. When you opened the door, you froze.
Wooyoung stood there, looking like a shadow of himself. His hair was disheveled, covering most of his eyes, and his face was pale, his usual sharp features softened by exhaustion. The dark circles under his eyes told you he hadnât been sleeping.
Before you could say a word, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You could smell his usual perfume, and you couldnât help but take in a deep breath. His body felt heavy against yours, as if he was on the verge of collapse, and the way he clung to you made your heart ache.
âWooyoungâŚâ you breathed, your voice shaky.
He didnât respond right away. His head rested against your shoulder, and you felt the uneven rise and fall of his chest as he tried to steady himself.
âIâm sorry,â he finally whispered, his voice hoarse. âIâm so sorry, Y/N.â
You swallowed hard, your hands hovering for a moment before you let them rest gently on his back. âWhat are you doing here?â you asked softly.
âI didnât know how to face you after everything. I thought if I stayed away, itâd be easier,â he said, his voice barely audible. âBut it wasnât. It only made everything worse.â
You pulled back just enough to look at him, his face inches from yours. His eyes were red, like heâd been cryingâor fighting not to.
âI didnât mean to hurt you,â he continued, his hands trembling as they gripped your shoulders. âI just⌠I didnât know how to deal with it. With you. With⌠everything.â
Your heart broke at the sight of him like this, so vulnerable, so raw. But the hurt youâd felt over the past week wasnât something you could just ignore.
âI was scared,â he continued, his voice cracking. âIâm still scared. But I canât lose you, Y/N. I canât.â
His words hung in the air, and for a moment, all you could hear was the sound of your breathing and the distant hum of the washing machine.
âWhat are you scared of?â you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Wooyoung hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor. âOf history repeating itself,â he said finally, his voice trembling. âOf you being around him. Of him⌠taking you away from me, just like before.â
You felt a pang of confusion mixed with sadness as you pieced together his words. But before you could respond, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours. âPlease,â he whispered, his voice breaking. âDonât give up on me. Donât leave me, Y/N.â
His words hung heavy in the air, the rawness of his plea cutting through the ache youâd carried for days. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a shuddering breath before moving slightly away from you, just enough to meet your gaze fully.
âIâm in love with you,â he finally admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your breath catch. âI want this to work. Iâm ready to talk to you.â
Your heart skipped a beat as his confession settled in. For a moment, the weight of everythingâthe silence, the confusion, the painâseemed to dissolve in the warmth of his words.
âYouâre ready?â you asked, your voice trembling.
He nodded, his eyes searching yours. Without a word, he gently took your hand in his, his touch warm but hesitant. He led you to sit on the couch with him, and for a moment, there was only silence as he seemed to gather his thoughts.
Wooyoung exhaled deeply, running a hand through his messy hair. âI donât even know where to start,â he said, his voice low. âBut if Iâm going to do this, I need to tell you everything. No more hiding.â
You nodded, your heart pounding.
âWhen I started college, Yongha and I were roommates,â he began, his tone tinged with nostalgia. âIt was a random assignment, but we clicked almost instantly. He was funny, easy to talk to, and we had so much in common. It didnât take long for us to become best friends. We did everything togetherâparties, late-night food runs, you name it.â
He paused, looking down at your hand in his, as if drawing strength from your touch.
âAt the time, I was dating my ex, Sohee, the girl you saw me with,â he continued, his voice quieter now. âWeâd been together since senior year of high school. She goes to another university nearby, but we made it work. Or at least, I thought we did.â
You felt the tension radiating from him as he tightened his grip on your hand slightly.
âThe first time she cheated on me was during her freshman year,â he said bitterly. âShe got drunk at a party and hooked up with some random guy. She swore it was a mistake, begged me to forgive her, and like an idiot, I did. I told myself it was just a one-time thing cause she was drunk.â
You stayed silent, letting him continue at his own pace.
âThe second time was during spring break,â he said, his jaw clenching. âShe hooked up with one of her friends while I was visiting my family. I didnât find out until weeks later when her other friend accidentally told me about it. By then, I was already questioning everything, but I was too scared to let her go. She was my first love, you know? I thought I could fix us.â
His eyes darkened as he continued, his voice filled with pain and anger.
âBut the third timeâŚâ He trailed off, swallowing hard. âThatâs when everything fell apart. It was during the start of junior year. I came back to campus earlier than planned after a weekend trip. Yongha had texted me saying heâd be at Yeosangâs place, so I figured Iâd swing by and hang out. When I got thereâŚâ
His voice cracked, and he looked away, his eyes glistening. âI walked in on them. Sohee and Yongha. They were making out in Yeosangâs living room, like I didnât even exist. Like what they were doing wasnât the ultimate betrayal.â
Your heart ached as you listened, the rawness in his voice cutting deep.
âI ended it with both of them right there,â he said firmly. âI told Sohee we were done, and I told Yongha I never wanted to see his face again. Yeosang had gone to the nearby convenience store to get beer and when he came back just as I was about to leave, he told them to get out.â
He turned to you then, his eyes filled with a mixture of pain and fear. âThatâs why Iâve been so distant, Y/N. Thatâs why Iâve been so scared to let you in. Because I know what it feels like to be betrayed by the people you trust the most. And when I saw you with Yongha constantlyâŚâ He shook his head, his voice breaking. âI couldnât handle it. It brought everything back.â
Tears pricked your eyes as you absorbed his words, the weight of his past hitting you like a tidal wave. âWooyoungâŚâ you whispered, your voice trembling.
âIâm not saying this to make excuses,â he said quickly, his gaze locking onto yours. âI just⌠I needed you to know. I needed you to understand why Iâve been such a mess. But I swear to you, Y/N, I donât want to lose you. I donât want my past to ruin what we could have.â
His vulnerability broke something inside you, and without thinking, you reached out, wrapping your arms around him in a tight embrace. âYou wonât lose me,â you whispered fiercely. âBut you have to let me in, Wooyoung. I canât fight for this alone.â
He held onto you like you were his lifeline, his head buried in your shoulder. âIâll try,â he promised, his voice muffled. âFor you, Iâll try.â
You gently pulled back from the hug, your hands still resting on his shoulders. Wooyoungâs eyes were heavy with emotion, his vulnerability laid bare in a way you hadnât seen before.
âWooyoung,â you began softly, your voice steady but full of feeling. âIâm so sorry for everything youâve been through. No one deserves to be betrayed like that, especially not by the people they trust most.â
His jaw tightened, and he glanced away, his fingers twitching slightly where they rested on his lap. âItâs not you I donât trust,â he said finally, his voice quiet but firm. âI trust you, Y/N. I do. Itâs him I donât trust.â
You nodded, understanding his perspective. âI get that. What Yongha did to you was unforgivable, and Iâm not here to defend him. But Wooyoung, I need you to know that whatever he and I shareâitâs strictly professional. Iâm his teammate. Nothing more.â
âI know that,â he said quickly, his eyes darting back to yours. âBut it doesnât stop me from⌠hating that you have to be around him. Itâs not fair. He doesnât deserve to be anywhere near you.â
You reached for his hand, lacing your fingers through his. âI canât change the fact that weâre on the same team,â you said gently. âBut I can promise you this: Yongha doesnât mean anything to me. You do. And I would never let him come between us.â
Wooyoung exhaled sharply, his grip tightening on your hand as if anchoring himself to you. âI want to believe you,â he admitted, his voice strained. âAnd I do. I trust you. But the thought of himâŚâ He trailed off, shaking his head.
âYouâre allowed to feel that way,â you said softly. âIâd probably feel the same if I were in your shoes. But thisâwhat we haveâitâs worth figuring out, isnât it?â
His gaze softened, and the tension in his shoulders seemed to ease just slightly. âIt is,â he said, his voice quieter now. âYouâre worth it. Iâm justâŚâ
âScared,â you finished for him, a small, understanding smile tugging at your lips.
He nodded, his eyes glimmering with the weight of unspoken fears. âYeah. Scared of losing you. Scared of⌠him trying to ruin this.â
âYouâre not going to lose me,â you said firmly, cupping his face with your free hand. âAnd as for Yongha, Iâll handle him. He doesnât get to ruin anythingânot for you, not for us.â
Wooyoung let out a shaky breath, leaning into your touch. âI donât deserve you,â he murmured, but there was a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth now.
You smiled back, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. âWell, too bad,â you whispered against his mouth. âYouâre stuck with me.â
For the first time in days, the tension between you seemed to lift, replaced by a fragile but genuine sense of hope.
âSo⌠you want to date me?â Wooyoung asked in a sheepish tone, though there was a tinge of insecurity and vulnerability to it.
âI do, Woo. Iâm in love with you too,â you admitted, and his eyes widened. âBut Iâd rather not rush into anything right now.â
Wooyoungâs expression shifted, his widened eyes softening as he absorbed your words. There was a flicker of relief, though it was quickly accompanied by a slight furrow of his brow. âNot rush into anything?â he repeated carefully, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
You nodded, keeping your gaze steady. âI want to make sure weâre both ready for this, Woo. Iâm in love with you, and I know you feel the same, but after everything that happened, I donât want us to start something that might get tangled in unresolved feelings or doubts.â
His lips pressed together as he considered your words, his thumb unconsciously stroking over your knuckles. âI donât doubt how I feel about you,â he said softly, but there was no mistaking the vulnerability in his voice.
âI know,â you reassured him, squeezing his hand gently. âBut itâs not just about feelings. Itâs about making sure weâre in a good placeâboth of us.â
Wooyoungâs gaze dropped for a moment, his lashes casting shadows against his cheeks. When he looked back up, there was a flicker of determination in his eyes. âYouâre right,â he admitted, though his voice was tinged with reluctance. âI just⌠Iâm scared that if I wait too long, Iâll lose you.â
âYou wonât,â you said firmly, leaning closer so your foreheads nearly touched. âIâm not going anywhere. We can take things slow, figure this out together. Thereâs no rush, Woo.â
His lips curved into a small, lopsided smile, though the vulnerability lingered in his gaze. âSlow, huh?â he murmured, tilting his head slightly. âDoes that mean I still get to kiss you?â
You couldnât help but laugh softly, the sound lightening the mood between you. âYou already kissed me, genius,â you teased, brushing your nose against his.
âYeah, but that was before the whole âtaking it slowâ thing,â he countered with a grin that was quickly becoming more playful.
Rolling your eyes, you leaned in and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. âDoes that answer your question?â you whispered when you pulled back.
Wooyoung grinned, the tension in his shoulders easing. âCrystal clear,â he said, his voice warm and teasing, though there was a new softness to itâa promise of patience and understanding.
-x-x-x-
2 months later
The rooftop of Wooyoungâs apartment building was a winter wonderland, blanketed in fresh snow that crunched under your boots as you ran. Your hectic semester had just come to an end, and with it came heavy snowfall, much to your delight.
Wooyoung had been relentless, pelting you with snowballs and laughing with childlike joy as you tried to dodge them. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his grin wide and mischievous as he chased you.
âTruce!â you called out breathlessly, holding up your hands.
âTruce?â he echoed, feigning suspicion but dropping his snowball nonetheless. He stepped closer, his dark eyes glimmering under the soft glow of the rooftop lights.
You nodded, smiling as you tried to catch your breath. âYeah. I surrender.â
âGood,â he said with a smirk, leaning in close. âBecause I was going to win anyway.â
âOh, shut up,â you replied, laughing as you playfully shoved him.
His arms wrapped around you in a swift, warm hug, pulling you against him. âYouâre freezing,â he murmured, his breath visible in the icy air.
âWhose fault is that?â you teased, but your words softened as you looked into his eyes.
He smiled at you, tender and full of something deeper. âLetâs go inside.â
The elevator ride down was quiet, your hands still entwined as warmth slowly returned to your fingers. By the time you reached his apartment, your cheeks were pink from the cold and from the way Wooyoungâs gaze lingered on you.
Once inside, he guided you to the couch, handing you a blanket before sitting down beside you. âI, uh⌠have something for you,â he said, his voice a little unsure.
You raised an eyebrow. âSomething for me? Whatâs the occasion?â
âJust⌠stay here,â he said, quickly getting up and disappearing into his room.
When he returned, he was holding a small box wrapped neatly in silver paper. He sat down beside you again, his knee brushing yours as he handed it to you. âOpen it.â
Your fingers were slightly tremblingânot from the cold anymoreâas you carefully unwrapped the box. Inside was a delicate necklace with a small heart pendant wrapped in the infinity symbol, the metal catching the light beautifully.
âWooyoungâŚâ you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper.
âI wanted to give you something that shows how much you mean to me,â he said, his voice low and earnest. âThe heart is for⌠well, my heart, because itâs yours. And the infinity symbol⌠itâs because I want this to last. Forever.â
Your throat tightened, and you looked at him, your eyes already glistening with emotion. âWooyoungâŚâ
He reached out, gently taking the necklace from the box. âCan I?â
You nodded, turning so he could clasp it around your neck. His fingers were steady, but when he finished, he let them linger on your shoulders.
âI love you,â he said softly, his voice steady despite the vulnerability in his words. âIâve loved you for so long, Y/N. And I want to ask⌠will you be my girlfriend?â
Tears slipped down your cheeks as you turned back to face him. âYouâre such an idiot for even having to ask,â you whispered with a watery laugh.
His face fell slightly. âWait, is that a noââ
You didnât let him finish, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. He froze for a moment before melting into it, his hands finding your waist as he pulled you closer.
When you finally pulled away, your foreheads rested together, and you smiled. âItâs a yes, you idiot. Of course, itâs a yes.â
His grin broke out like sunshine, bright and pure, and he kissed you again, more passionately this time.
âGood,â he murmured against your lips. âBecause Iâm never letting you go.â
The warmth of Wooyoungâs embrace enveloped you as you sat together on his couch, the delicate weight of the necklace now resting against your collarbone. His kisses softened, turning into small pecks on your lips, your cheeks, and even the tip of your nose, making you giggle.
âYouâre in a good mood,â you teased, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.
âI just secured the best girlfriend in the world,â he said smugly, his arms tightening around your waist. âWhy wouldnât I be in a good mood?â
âFlatterer,â you replied with a mock roll of your eyes, but you couldnât hide your smile.
âIâm serious, Y/N.â His tone shifted slightly, becoming softer, more sincere. âThese past two months⌠youâve been my light. Even when I was being a coward, you stuck by me. I donât deserve you, but Iâll spend every day trying to prove myself wrong.â
Your heart swelled at his words, and you cupped his face in your hands. âWooyoung, donât say you donât deserve me. We both have our flaws, our scars, but thatâs what makes us stronger. And Iâm not going anywhere, okay? Youâre stuck with me.â
He leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. âStuck with you, huh?â He opened his eyes, a playful glint returning. âI think I can live with that.â
âGood,â you said with a grin. âNow, how about we celebrate? Hot chocolate and a cheesy rom-com?â
âCheesy rom-com?â he groaned dramatically, though his lips twitched with amusement. âI thought we were celebrating, not torturing me.â
âHey, Iâve endured enough action movies for you,â you shot back. âItâs your turn to compromise.â
âFine, fine,â he said, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. âBut Iâm picking the snacks.â
âDeal.â
As you both moved to the kitchen to prepare for your cozy night in, you couldnât help but glance down at the necklace again, your fingers brushing over the pendant. It wasnât just a piece of jewelry; it was a promise, a symbol of the love you both were willing to fight for.
And as Wooyoung pulled you into another unexpected hug, whispering âI love youâ into your ear, you realized that this was itâthis was the beginning of your forever.
The End.
A/N: Precious readers, you have made it to the end! I want to sincerely thank you for taking the time to read yet another fic of mine, or if this is your first one, I hope you enjoyed it! I am working on a new story that will come out this month, so stay tuned! <3
listen to - diet pepsi by addison rae
na jaemin x reader
wc - 10k
genre - fluff and hotness, shy!reader, flirty!jaemin, suggestive
warnings - shirtless jaemin x4, mentions of a "nude" pic, partying/drinking, a makeout session, aloootttt of sensual tension!
a/n - HERE IT IS! thank you all so much for the hype over the preview. i hope yall enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it:) comments and feedback are always appreciated!! i read all of them! update: i still can't move on from that jaemin pic.
Accidentally walking in on your best friend's hot housemate half naked with a towel around his waist in the bathroom was never in your plans. But maybe, it was in his?
âWhy do you guys have so much Diet Pepsi in your fridge?â There is a slight cadence of disgust in your voice, judgment for the most part, knowing damn well no one drinks Pepsi â let alone Diet Pepsi.Â
Mark shuts the fridge door that youâve left idly open as you rummage through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. âIt was a late night purchase. The store ran out of all the good stuff.â
âNow, itâs left taking up space.â You snarl, picking through opened bags of crackers, chips and candy that arenât sealed properly. âYou guys never have good snacks.â Giving up, you make your way upstairs toward the only bathroom in this entire shared house.
âWell, last time I checked, you donât live here.â Mark hollers from the kitchen, a bit of sass in his statement. âYet youâre here all the time!â
âYouâre overjoyed Iâm always here!â Your body leans over the railing of the stairs, calling out to your best friend in an unnecessarily booming voice and a light giggle at the end of your sentence.
Mark doesnât respond and youâre deep in the hallway in search for the bathroom that is shared between four college men. Although youâre solely Markâs best friend, the other three guys have welcomed you into their house as they would their own. Honestly speaking, youâre only rambunctiously annoying when youâre just around Mark. His housemates know you as his shy and sweet friend.Â
Itâs hard for you to open up to others, despite these people being equally as close to Mark as you are. There is just not enough common ground for you to relate to them, as nice as they are when youâre at their house.
Jeno is probably the most similar to you, a man of few words and a smile that resembles a kind puppy. He doesnât contribute much to the conversation, but he is always laughing at their shared jokes and silly antics. Haechan is the most different from you, playful and Markâs nightmare at times. Lastly, thereâs Jaemin, a man who youâve found yourself stealing glimpses of whenever he is near.Â
Your heart leaps and twirls at any mention of his name, his whereabouts, him. Though, your crush on Jaemin will never come to light. You only let yourself admire from afar, a man as hot and charming as he is already has an entourage waiting on him. And Mark would never let you live it down that youâre practically drooling over his housemate.Â
So as you find yourself in front of the bathroom door, you donât hear the shuffling on the other side. You mindlessly turn the knob and open to reveal Jaemin, shirtless with a towel low around his waist. Â
He doesnât even flinch at the sudden exposure, clearly engulfed in taking a mirror picture. Both of his arms hold up his soft pink phone, his biceps flexing at the simple position. His broad, wide shoulders are on display and all you see is his bare silky skin. Youâre gawking, anyone can see at a mile away, hungry eyes tracing the outline of his toned chest and chiseled abs.Â
When he finally acknowledges your presence, a big toothy grin appears on his face. Your name rolls off his tongue excitedly, âyouâre right. I am overjoyed youâre here.â His lower register catches you off guard and something inside of you spikes at its rumble.
Jaemin watches as you try to find your words, tripping over your own tongue. He drinks up how your eyes bounce between his face and his bare upper body, lost in his canvas.Â
âSorry!â You quickly shut the door, odd that youâre the one embarrassed when he is the one who got walked in on. Running down the stairs, you slam right into Mark, causing him to fall back onto the couch.
âWhoa! Are you in a rush or something?â Mark groans. His eyes fixate on your flustered expression. âWhat happened?â
Youâre deciding whether or not you should lie to him, committed to not exposing and embarrassing yourself even further. âJust bumped into Jaemin. Does he normally not lock the bathroom door?â
There is a small quiver in your voice, but you try your best to remain nonchalant and calm. Mark raises a curious eyebrow, a shaky grin grows on his lips. You canât even imagine all the wild and inappropriate thoughts spinning in this college boyâs head.
âThatâs weird. Heâs usually good about that stuff.â He snickers, âWhat did you see?â
âGet your head out of the gutter.â You lightly slap the back of his head, but feel heat spread across the tips of your ears and run its way down to your cheeks. âI didnât see anything.â
âBummer, bet you wanted to.â Mark jokes, a fit of giggles erupting from his stomach.Â
You roll your eyes and proclaim loudly, âI have no interest in Jaemin.â Liar. The image of his hot body still hasnât left your mind. Itâs catastrophic. Crossing your arms, you plop onto the sofa next to your best friend.Â
Right on cue, another voice chimes in. Coming down the stairs, Jaemin dances his hand on the railing. His muscular arms catches your immediate attention as he flaunts around in a tight white tank, his other hand in the pocket of his gray sweats. âDamn, that really hurts my ego, (y/n), especially after youâve seen me naked just now.âÂ
Nonetheless, he doesnât look offended. Instead, a sweet smirk curves upward on his perfect face. You swallow hard, bashful and ashamed yet again that Jaemin continues to ruin you.Â
Mark is laughing his hardest, but you donât hear him. Your heart pounds in your ears, rapidly and loudly. âYou werenât naked, Jaem. Donât give Mark any ideas.â
Jaemin chuckles, tucking in his chin shyly. His charming smile is subtle, but dazzling. Youâre absolutely positive you have tiny stars swimming in your eyes just looking at him. He makes his way past you two, toward the kitchen to grab a Diet Pepsi out of the fridge.
âIâm sorry, Iâll remember to lock the door next time.â He apologizes, taking a sip of his drink and grimacing at the taste.
âWhat were you even doing in there?â Leave it to Mark to be such a curious cat. You nudge him in the rib and he winces noisily. âI want to know what you saw! You guys are acting so suspicious.â He sends a glare at you.
Jaemin comes up behind the couch. He leans over, handing Mark his phone. On display is the picture you witnessed Jaemin take a few minutes ago and the frontal view is even better than what you saw from the side. Your sharp intake of breath doesnât go unnoticed by Jaemin, but he doesnât call it out.Â
The picture could be considered a nude, even if it cuts right at his waistline. Itâs so scandalous and he doesnât seem the slightest sheepish about it. If anything, he and Mark are grinning together at Jaeminâs godly body, like two bros appreciating each otherâs muscles.Â
âYo, Na Jaemin! This is so crazy, look at that chest work.â Mark giddily hits at Jaeminâs chest, displaying a weird manly affection for his housemate. âAll those hours at the gym are paying off. Are you posting this?âÂ
Jaemin shakes his head. âItâs only meant for special eyes.â He glimpses briefly over at you, but you avert contact quickly. You think about all the people the boys talk about during their drunk kickbacks, but Jaemin is incredibly secretive. I donât kiss and tell, is what he always says when the guys try to probe him with investigative questions.
You normally try to pretend like it doesnât bother you, always helping him by telling the boys to mind their own business. Nonetheless, youâre probably the only person in the room who wants to know the most about his endeavors.Â
âThis is a nude?!â Mark jumps up and throws the phone back at Jaemin, rubbing his eyes in hopes to rid the picture out of his memory. âI love you dude, but Iâm not sure if I want to know youâre posing for nudes in our bathroom.â
Jaemin laughs, âCâmon, Mark. You donât have to have such a big reaction, just say you want me to send it to you too.â Mark shakes his head aggressively and youâre suffocating at the thought that you walked in on Jaemin taking a nude. A swirl of nasty thoughts circle your mind and you gulp at the desires that fill your lungs.
You get up so suddenly that Jaemin and Mark fall silent and wait for your next move. âIâm going home.â You announce, gaze stuck to the ground and fists balled at your side. âIâll see you later, Mark.âÂ
âAlright, do you need a rideââ
âNo, Iâll just walk. I need to take a breather.â Your legs are moving before anyone can follow after you. You didnât know what came over you, but spending another second in that room with them meant increasing your chances of saying something regrettable.
The cold breeze of the night cools your hot skin and fresh air clears your mind. It is still early in the evening when you check the time, but it is realistically going to take you 30 minutes to walk back home. You didnât think it through, frankly, but at least your head is clear from all the dirty thoughts about Jaemin.
Though, you wonder how whoever receives his photo would react. Would they combust the same way you did? Would they be left speechless at such a glorious man? Special eyes. It must be nice to have Jaemin interested in you.Â
When youâre left with your own reflection and about a quarter into your walk, a car pulls up slowly next to you on the curb. Initially, youâre cautious as to the random vehicle approaching you so intently.Â
However, the driverâs window rolls down and Jaemin calls your name. âItâs dangerous for you to walk. Iâll take you home.â
That annoying, rhythmic sound of your heart starts up again. Normally, Mark is the one who drives you to and back, but even you didnât think you could stand being in the car with him as he would endlessly tease you about Jaemin.Â
âThatâs alright. Iâm almost there-â
Jaemin gets out of the car and walks around to open the passenger door for you, âit wasnât a polite offer. Iâm taking you home.â His stern tone causes you to comply and enter his car without another attempt to protest.
When he enters the car, the tension in the atmosphere is heavy and thick. He turns off the engine and you can hear the quietness of the night again. You swallow the spit pooling at the back of your throat, unsure how to talk to him. This is the first time you two have been alone together, just you and him in one confined space. Youâre usually with Mark when youâre with the other guys.
âIâm actually really sorry, again. I hope you donât feel weird about seeing me like that.â Your heart crumbles at the genuinity in his apology. Your abrupt leave probably had him thinking he made you feel uncomfortable.
âJaemin, itâs fine. I already forgot what you looked like and itâs your house. You should feel comfortable doing what you want there.â Youâre downplaying all the emotions rising in your throat, but you canât help feeling guilty at the pout on his glossy lips.
âMark said that youâre not used to stuff like that. Is that true? Did I make you feel uncomfortable?â Jaemin looks over at you, a hand resting over the wheel.Â
You look away, his sultry stare being too much for you to handle. âMark doesnât know anything about what Iâm used to. I donât talk about that stuff with him.âÂ
Itâs the truth. Youâve had your fair share of hook ups, drunk makeout sessions at the club, and a previous relationship. So, you wouldnât say youâre as innocent as Mark always tries to make you out to be to others. However, youâre not throwing yourself at just anyone and arenât as open to sharing your experiences to people, Mark being one.Â
Jaemin nods, acknowledging everything youâre saying. âI noticed youâre usually quiet when all of us talk about our sexual experiences.âÂ
âYou are too, though.â You mumble under your breath, twiddling your thumbs.
âIâm too distracted watching how shy you get at the mention of Haechan getting head.â This statement, paired with his deep voice, is glass shattering. Something drops in your stomach, your feelings and thoughts colliding together into something unidentifiable.
Jaemin looks so good under the streetlamp. Even in the darkness, you can still see the twinkle in his alluring gaze and how much charm he exudes with a simple toothy smile. The desire to kiss him is so magnetic, you can feel yourself breaking at any moment.
âYou notice me?â Your brain has lost control over the words that spill from your lips. Your lustful and romantic feelings go into overdrive, saying things youâve never dared to say.
It is his turn to send you a confused look, as if it is the most ridiculous question you could have asked. âOf course I do. Itâs hard not to. You⌠have such an effect on me. I talk about it all the time to Jeno and Haechan.âÂ
This is shocking news to you. Youâve always been under the impression that the other three had no interest or a second thought about you, let alone Jaemin of all people. At the end of the day, youâre just Markâs best friend and youâre only really there because of him. His housemates are respectful and donât linger for too long when youâre around, so it never occurred to you that would be a topic in their conversations.
You stutter and approach slowly, âwhat do you talk about?âÂ
Jaemin chuckles, shaking his head and starts the car. âCanât tell you. Just know that I like it when youâre around.â He starts driving you home and you can feel the conversation fleeting. But you donât want to stop, you want to peel him layer by layer until he is at his core.Â
You two drive for some time in silence. When he approaches your neighborhood, he hits you with one sudden question. âDo you have feelings for Mark?â This is the one of many times he has surprised you tonight.
âNo!â You refute excessively. âWeâre strictly friends. He is nowhere near my type.â It is a question you get pretty often, given that you two are attached at the hip. Nonetheless, the thought of you and Mark together romantically makes you gag. He is nearly your brother at this point.Â
Jaemin raises a curious brow, âwhat is your type?âÂ
He pulls into your driveway and youâre presented with a window of opportunity. You dance with the possibility that Jaemin could actually be yours. After tonight, he definitely confirmed that he notices you.Â
Jaemin peers over with innocent eyes and a soft smile. His elbow rests on the middle console and his large hands hold the bottom of the steering wheel. And you canât believe that after all this time, he has been looking at you with such an endearing gaze. Gathering all the courage you have left, you clear your throat.Â
âGuys like you.â You say, rather breathlessly. You see his pupils dilate and his lips part at the sudden flirtatious confidence. Itâs like a lightbulb switches on inside his head. For once, you have left him speechless. âGoodnight, Jaemin. Thank you for bringing me home.âÂ
You exit his car, but he is quick to follow. âWhat kind of gentleman would I be if I didnât walk you to your door.â You almost make out the slight shakiness in his voice and youâre giggling at how dazed youâve gotten him.
Approaching your door, Jaemin turns your cheek to face him. His hand remains hot against your jaw and you think in any second, he might lean down and kiss you. Heâd kiss you to the point where youâd turn to goo right at his feet.Â
Your knees grow weak under his hooded stare, âgoodnight (y/n). Iâll let Mark know that I got you back safe and sound.â With that, his hand drops and he starts taking a few steps backwards toward his car. Disappointment is evident in your reaction.
Your shaky hands unlock the front door and you look back to see Jaemin leaning against his car waiting patiently for you to enter. When you get inside, your back slides down against the door, heart beating fast, and you wallow in the emptiness that Jaemin has left you with.Â
The only noise filling the air is the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. Then, your phone buzzes in your pocket and the notification causes your jaw to drop.Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): 1 Attachment
âHoly shit.â Jaeminâs nude flashes back at you and youâre taking everything in. The events earlier today come flooding back into your memory. Lustful desires cause your stomach to stir, tracing the lines of his collarbones and following the protruding vein on his shoulder. Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): for your special eyes xx
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): still have no interest in me?
Blinking at the thread of texts, your head is empty and a lump forms in your throat. Na Jaemin, the man that you are.Â
mark lee-ave me alone: Party tonight, you coming????
mark lee-ave me alone: Itâs been like almost two weeks since we hung out, do i need to file a missing personâs report?Â
you: iâve got finalsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: you finished finals we literally share calendar schedules⌠why u avoiding me
you: why are you guys alcoholicsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: sounds good ! see u tn hehe
Tossing your phone onto your bed, you groan into your pillow. It has been a while since you went over, let alone seen Mark. After the moment you had with Jaemin, you arenât entirely sure if youâre ready to face him again. You had nearly fainted from all the emotions he put you through that day.Â
He also didnât reply to your text, but then again, you didnât give him much to work with. This is Na Jaemin youâre talking to and the last thing you want to do is to scare him away. So, the best response you came up with was the blushing emoji and embarrassment hit you all over again.
Nonetheless, you went back to that photo every night since and its effects remain the same every time. Widened eyes, hot cheeks, butterflies in your lower abdomen, wild thoughts. It has gotten to the point where your phone suggested making it his contact picture, causing the bashfulness to catch up to you.
Your phone buzzes again and youâre rolling over to expect another text from Mark. Instead, your heart rubs at your chest at the appearance of Jaeminâs name on your screen.
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): canât wait to see you tn
Mark mustâve told them about you coming to the party. All it takes is one simple text and your feet are kicking in the air. Excitement replaces the dread that you were feeling before and youâre jumping out of bed to find a cute outfit.
When you finally get to the house, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation bubbles inside of you. While youâve looked forward to seeing Jaemin before, this time is completely different. He unlocked something that you can no longer control.Â
Mark lets you in, slightly buzzed, and the house is already packed with drunk people. Haechan is on aux as per usual with his perfectly curated party playlist. Jeno has a large bottle in his hand, pouring a line of shots on the kitchen island like a skilled bartender.Â
Youâre unconsciously scanning the room for Jaemin, Markâs words going in one ear and out the other. âItâs quite a turnout. We didnât expect so many people would show!â
When you take a quick look around, many are unfamiliar faces. Most of these had to be friends of his housemates, knowing how small Mark keeps his circle.Â
âWhat is this party even for?â Yelling over the loud music, you swear there will be ringing in your ears tomorrow morning.
âWeâre celebrating the end of the semester!â Mark cheers, excitedly with a big goofy grin. âThe guys mostly wanted an excuse to get their friends together and have some fun.â
âThatâs surprisingly more wholesome than I thought.â You nod, noting the pretty girls moving their hips in the dark and crowds of guys surrounding the keg. âVery fun.â You say sarcastically and follow Mark through the maze of hot bodies.
The kitchen is unrecognizable. Half empty glass pitchers and plastic cups line the sticky marble counters, they were definitely not getting their rent deposit back with all the tarnish.
It wasnât your first time at one of their parties, but it had been a long time since theyâve thrown something of this scale. It surprised you, mostly because everyone who lived here seemed so laid back that you didnât expect the large magnitude that they could draw in.
âDid you want something to drink?â Mark grabs a beer from the fridge, politely squeezing his way through those leaning against the appliances.Â
You shake your head, ânot right now.â He lifts a curious brow at your bottom lip between your teeth. Could he tell you were anxiously waiting for someone?Â
âSo, where have you been lately?â Your mind is extremely overstimulated with everything happening around you, and of course, Mark decides to have an open conversation in the middle of his densely packed kitchen area.
Shrugging, you play it off like everything is normal. âNeeded a break from you. You bitched about me coming over all the time, so I chilled out.â
Mark takes a swig, clearly not believing you. âThatâs the real reason why? There isnât anything else regarding someone who lives here?â
He is prying, digging, scheming. You can see it in his smug face when he knows he hit a soft spot. âDo you want to tell me? Because it seems like thereâs something going on that you wonât tell me.â
âItâs just interesting.â He shrugs, âJaemin insisted on going after you the night you walked out. Care to tell me what happened?â Mark giggles to himself like a high school girl sharing secrets. Rolling your eyes, the twitch of your lips curve into a small grin.Â
âIs that so out of his character?â You cross your arms, âJaemin has always been a gentleman unlike you, who let me walk home in the dark when you know it takes me 30 minutes.âÂ
Your best friend throws his hands up in defense, âI was going to go! Like I said, Jaemin beat me to it. He just grabbed his keys off the hook and told me he got it.âÂ
âAfter you told him I felt uncomfortable?â Anger rises in your voice. Quite surely, you sound more offended than you actually are. Nonetheless, that explanation from Mark did irk you a bit when Jaemin had told you.
Mark looks sheepishly at you and takes a timid sip. âWell, didnât you? Isnât that why you stormed off?! When have you ever talked about nudes, or having sex for that matter?âÂ
Scoffing, you couldnât believe him. Your face gets warm from the spotlight he has you under. Itâs complete disbelief that fuels your next line and you shout over the music, âThat doesnât mean I donât have sex. I have sex!âÂ
âWho is having sex?â The baritone voice sneaks up from behind you and a hot hand touches the small of your lower back. You seize up at the physical intimacy, turning around to see Jaemin looking as charming as ever. The pure visual of him has hearts in your eyes.
Mark laughs, not noticing how Jaemin snakes his hand around and rests it on your hip. He pulls you a bit closer so that your body leans against his strong arm. âWe were just talking about what happened between you two a couple of weeks ago.â
Jaemin nods, as if he understands the situation completely without much context. He looks down at you and smiles sweetly, âdid something happen between us?â
He doesnât break eye contact with you, barely paying attention to Mark, who youâve also tuned out of this conversation. The quiver in your voice is obvious and Jaeminâs eyes gleam upon hearing your sudden shyness. âNo. You just drove me home.âÂ
âYeah, you heard it here first.â Jaemin switches to an excited and peppy demeanor, as if all is well and you two arenât acting extremely suspicious.
Though, Mark is incredibly oblivious so he isnât hard to fool. He doesnât press on and gets pulled off to the side by Haechan to fix one of the speakers, leaving you and Jaemin alone among the drunken party goers. Your throat feels like it's closing in on itself, nervousness building your stomach yet again.
Jaemin swiftly turns you to face him fully, both hands holding your arms as he admires how youâve dressed up tonight. âIâve always liked this shirt on you. How have you been? I noticed you havenât come around lately.â
âIâve been busy.â Youâre as quiet as a mouse, but Jaemin hears you loud and clear. Youâre extremely conscious of the two of you openly together for everyone to watch or listen in, but Jaeminâs attention is solely on you.
âBusy avoiding me?â The way he asks is lighthearted. He isnât trying to instigate the way Mark was, it's playful and unserious, even if the question did hold some genuine curiosity.
âI donât know.â Itâs easier for you to be truthful with Jaemin compared to Mark. After that brief chat in his car, you felt like you could be honest with him as he was with you. As if somehow, that one pivotal night changed the dynamic of your nonexistent friendship completely.Â
You feel connected to him. Seen by him. âIf I did something wrong to make you want to avoid me, you gotta tell me.â Jaemin begins, sincerity heavy in his round eyes and tone.Â
However, you stop him from continuing. âThere is nothing wrong with what you did. I liked it, alot. I avoided coming because you make me feel nervous and shy.â Perhaps you are revealing too much too soon, but you canât help it with the way Jaemin looks at you.Â
He grins, âyouâve always been nervous and shy around me. Those feelings never stopped you from coming around before.âÂ
Youâre stunned at how observant he actually is. All this time, you thought you did a good job at keeping those feelings internal. Jaemin and you never shared an extensive conversation before that night, but you didnât completely ignore him whenever he was in the room.
Whenever you two would be physically near each other, youâd strike up small talk about classes and ask how heâs been â even if you had to build up the courage to say something.
You would always greet him back when he would arrive home or if he appeared from upstairs. There wouldâve been no way he couldâve seen how your hands fidgeted or hear your voice shake or when youâd avert your gaze. Right?
But he did. He saw through it all. And it hit you that Jaemin had really been observing you this entire time, beyond a simple notice. âSure, they didnât before. This time, things feel different between us.âÂ
âI like when you talk about there being an us.â Jaemin beams, âitâs cute. We never got to have that all this time.â He resembles a happy kid on Christmas day, opening a present that he had been good for all year. Itâs hopeful and quite touching that he thought about growing closer to you.Â
âDo you feel like itâs different between us?â You ask timidly. The feeling of possible rejection lingers in the back of your heart. This could all be a misunderstanding and you read it all wrong.Â
He ponders for a bit, eyes darting to the ceiling and then back at you. âYes, but not entirely. I think youâve gotten more comfortable opening up to me, but my feelings toward you havenât changed.â
Hadnât Jaemin brought it up, you really didnât know that your heart opened up as much as it did for him. It was all natural, seamless. He didnât have to speedrun questions like an investigator to get you to talk, everything just flowed. The second part of his answer did prompt more curiosity rather than something definitive.
How does he feel about you?
As you debated a follow up question, the two of you get interrupted by a small group of people pulling at Jaeminâs shoulder. He is brought back to the swarm of a party and youâre retreating into the background. âNa Jaemin! Weâve been looking everywhere for you.âÂ
Before he could excuse himself, they whisk him away deep into the dark sea of dancing individuals. Sighing, youâre left with the same emptiness you felt two weeks ago. Mark comes stumbling back, the beer in his hand now nearly finished.
âAre you drunk off of a Bud Light?â You snicker at your friendâs wobbly entrance. Your heart is heavy in your chest, but you let these emotions subside.Â
He takes a final drink, âIâm just feeling a little loose. I think itâs finally time you get some.âÂ
You give in, especially now that Jaemin has reeled you in and left you without any clarity. You need a drink to calm all the nerves that he lit up, ease all the pent up tension he created.Â
âOnly if itâs not what youâre having.â Markâs head swishes heavily on his shoulders, peering around to find the man with the alcohol supply. He gestures to Jeno from the opposite side of the room for two shots and you laugh at their silly roleplay.
Jeno walks over and greets you with a smile, realizing he didnât see you come in this whole time. He pours a dangerous amount of Vodka that overflows out of the small glass.Â
âDude! You suck as a bartender, youâre fired!â Mark giggles drunkenly at Jenoâs heavy hand and clinks the shot glasses. âBest friend shots!â He squeals happily at you.
You oblige, holding your breath for the intake of alcohol. Wincing at the taste, you down the shot as best as you can. Itâs dreadful, but somehow your muscles relax and your mind clears from the running thoughts of Jaemin.Â
âAnother one!â Jeno cheers. This time, he prepares three shots and joins in on the random celebratory atmosphere that Mark established.Â
The responsible side is signaling alarm bells to slow down, but the side intoxicated with disruptive feelings of Jaemin is silencing them all. So you think, one more shot wonât hurt.
Youâre unsure of how much time has passed. Twenty minutes? An hour? Maybe even two hours. It feels late and early all at the same time. At this point, youâre experiencing a good buzz after the last few rounds of shots with Jeno and Mark.
The liquid courage has you asking for Jaeminâs whereabouts.Â
âI think heâs upstairs in the bathroom with someone.â Mark slurs his words, clearly not knowing the magnitude of this information. Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach, a ton of bricks hitting you. Youâve tuned out the booming music and Markâs words play on a loop.
âWhen did you see him go up with someone?â You ask again, not wanting to believe Markâs words. Could it have been one of the people from the group that stole him away? An old fling. A friend with benefits. An ex-lover. An admirer. The list unravels itself like a never ending scroll.Â
He shrugs, itâs obvious this man has no actual idea what is going on or how much it's affecting you. âCheck for yourself.â The edge of sass in his tone has you feeling challenged. Mark always gets a bit snarky and direct whenever heâs intoxicated.
Youâre going back and forth with yourself â stay or find him. If you see him making out with someone else, then what? It would actually hurt you and you only have your own blossoming feelings to blame. If he is alone, then what? Will he finally tell you how he feels about you? Will he finally kiss you? The desire for that is enough drive for you.
And so you go.Â
Heading up the stairs, the mess of the party downstairs fades into the background. Your palms grow sweaty as you walk down the long hallway toward the looming bathroom. Light flows through the bottom crack of the door. Not knowing what to expect, youâre just hoping what Mark said isnât true.Â
Your hand holds onto the shiny knob, hesitant to get your ego bruised at the sight of Jaemin with another person. Taking a deep breath, you open the door.
Jaemin is in the midst of zipping up his jeans, the belt around his waist unbuckled. However, he is alone and oddly enough, the sound of the running toilet brings an ounce of reassurance for you. He looks up and your grip relaxes on the knob.Â
Upon seeing your figure, Jaemin shakes his head with a sneaky smirk. He goes about washing his hands as normal and says, âwe really need to stop meeting like this.â
âMaybe you should try locking the door for once.âÂ
âI do. Somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.â He sounds so innocent lying through his teeth. Jaemin wipes his hands on the hand towel and leans against the door frame, ânow are you actually going to use the bathroom or did you know Iâd be here waiting for you?â
Your mouth opens to speak, but no words form. Jaeminâs gaze eats you up again, taking in your attire and dolled up look once more. His playful smile disappears and is replaced with a thin line, his jaw tightening. âSo pretty.â His low voice whispers, eyes never leaving your lips.Â
Right then and there, the want to kiss him surges throughout your body. There is nothing stopping you from diving into Jaemin, letting him have you utterly and completely. No consequences filter through your head, no other thoughts besides what his lips taste like. It could be the alcohol, but youâre fully drunk off his sultry stare and his feathering touches on your wrist.Â
He leans in toward you, head tilting as he inches closer to your face. Closing your eyes, you await the kiss youâve longed for. Blood pumping in your veins and heart doing somersaults in your chest.Â
âDid you drink?â You quickly open your eyes at his question and see Jaemin pulling back. The familiar feeling of disappointment floods your body too well.Â
âI took a few shots.â Youâre biting the inside of your cheek, trying to not look embarrassed at how badly you wanted him to kiss you. The smell of alcohol is still hot on your breath and youâre even surprised at how composed youâve managed to be.Â
âSweetheart, I donât want to kiss you like this.â Jaeminâs tone is sweet, but firm. Although you were nowhere near black out drunk, you understood his sentiments. He wanted to kiss you without any chance of regret. He wants to do it right.Â
âI blame Mark for this.â A heavy sigh falls at the end of your sentence. You roll your eyes at the sound of Markâs voice from downstairs. Regardless of your disappointment, your heart is still burning at how he called you sweetheart. You didnât know how good it would sound until it left his mouth.Â
In a blink of an eye, he quickly kisses your cheek. âThat will have to do for now.â Jaemin smiles, wide and toothy.
You donât have enough time to process, still stuck at the small pet name, as he whisks you back down to join everyone at the party. Your eyes widen, cheeks grow hot, butterflies grow in your lower abdomen, and wild thoughts swirl in your head. All of which didnât need Jaeminâs nude for these effects to arise.Â
âYou know, Jaemin has started asking about you a lot.â Mark looks up from his laptop, taking a break from his strenuous essay. It had been a week after the party and everything fell right back into routine. Youâd show up to their house as if you never stopped coming around.Â
The only difference is that youâre not here to see Mark anymore. Youâre here for Jaemin. As clingy and corny as that seemed, you left every day happy that you got to talk to him. The two of you had been texting since the night of the party, mostly brief conversations about your day, but he never forgets to wish you a good morning.Â
Whenever youâre at the house, Jaemin would join you and Mark when heâd come home. Initially, Mark didnât seem to notice that his housemate would linger for as long as youâd be here or that Jaemin would purposefully sit close to you, or those longing stares you two would share across the table.Â
It wasnât until you were drinking water and Jaemin had casually asked for a sip. Then, it clicked. Mark jumped, he pointed fingers, he accused. All of which, you two blinked innocently at him in confusion, Jaeminâs bottom lip touching the rim of your bottle.Â
Jaemin and you denied everything Mark tried to throw at you two, given that in all actuality, you two are only getting to know each other. He still hasnât kissed you on the lips. He still hasnât really spent time with you alone again, though you are incredibly nervous at that potential idea coming to fruition.Â
After the night of the party, youâve been wondering and waiting for his move. It did bother you the first few days, but his sweet texts always had a grin growing on your face. Jaemin played a very long game.Â
âReally? Like what?â You try to hide your undying curiosity. Not looking up from your screen, you pretend to browse through empty tabs to seem like you are too busy to care. But deep down, it has been eating away at you wondering how Jaemin feels.
Mark smirks, âtell me what has been going on between you two and then Iâll tell you.âÂ
Scoffing, you roll your eyes at his deal. âThat just sounds like youâre making shit up.âÂ
âSo there is something going on between you two!â His voice grows louder, a bit more accusatorial. His eyes narrow, âyou know I expected secrets from him, but not from you! Youâre my best friend.â Markâs sad pout tugs at your heartstrings.
A sigh escapes your lips and you give him your full attention. It didnât feel good having to keep things from him, but you thought to wait until something actually happened before saying anything. Nonetheless, since you canât stand seeing your best friend sad, you decide to just come clean from the beginning.Â
âHe sent you that nude!?â Mark gasps as you reveal the night Jaemin drove you home. The more you talk about your encounters with Jaemin and your thought process, the more you realize how much you like him. Beyond attraction, beyond his chivalry. A flower has grown from the seed he watered. Â
âNo wonder why there is this weird tension whenever weâre all together. Itâs because you two are literally eye fucking each other across the room.â Mark grumbles, but he lets you finish telling your piece. From the nude to the conversation in the kitchen to the kiss on the cheek. He now knows everything youâve experienced and how youâre wrapped around Jaeminâs finger.
A part of you prepares for the teasing and the gross kissing noises, but your best friend just nods silently. His stare is blank, like he is trying to process the everything and nothing youâve been through. Growing nervous, you shift uncomfortably on the couch.Â
âJaemin asked me about your favorite things. He told me that itâs something that would come in handy one day.â Mark clears his throat and can barely look you in the eye, almost embarrassed to share such an intimate question his friend asked about you. âHe also asked if I had feelings for you.â
Your jaw drops, heart falling to the pit of your stomach. This is unexplored terrain â the two of you never touched on the topic of potentially becoming romantic. It had always just felt mutually platonic. Sitting up quickly, you lean closer toward him.
He sends a weird stare at your sudden attentive figure. âI donât, first of all, donât get too excited here.âÂ
The anticipation leaves your system, falling back against the cushion and going back to your homework. âI thought you were going to reveal some crazy backstory with the way youâre acting.â
Mark laughs, mockingly. âWeâre nearly siblings. Iâve seen every bad part of you, your charm doesnât work on me.âÂ
âWell, the feeling is mutual!â You ruffle his hair, messing it up between your fingers as he tries to push you off. A fit of giggles fill the room that the two of you donât hear the front door open.
When the door shuts, you glance over to see Jaemin stripping his shirt. Cursing under your breath, your eyes remain stuck on all his bare skin. His whole chest and abs glisten with droplets of sweat, veins popping from whatever pump he got from the gym. His track pants hang low, the waistband of his briefs peeking through.Â
Mark laughs at how youâre practically frozen over Jaemin. Jaemin looks your way and his familiar, sweet smile greets you. âHey cutie, did you finish your project?âÂ
He walks over, his shirt thrown over his broad shoulders. Heat travels across your cheeks, you swear the temperature in the room went up several degrees. Youâre batting your eyelashes, but averting any attention from his defined figure as he closes the space between you two.Â
Jaeminâs heart swells at the sight of your shy antics. He canât imagine anyone as cute as you, so reactive to every little thing he does. He doesnât even see Mark in the room, all he wants to pay attention to is you.Â
âAlmost. Mark has been distracting.â Maybe your voice naturally gets airy around him, Jaemin just makes you want to twirl your hair and smile all the time. He takes a seat on the armrest next to you. As he crosses his arms, his biceps make their appearance once again â all voluptuous and strong.Â
âOh? How so?â He cocks a curious brow, finally taking a glance over at his housemate. Mark snickers at how differently you react to Jaeminâs casual demeanor. For all he has known, this is how Jaemin is. Heâll walk around shirtless, even pants less, as if it is any normal day. But since Mark kindly warns him that youâre going to be coming around, he complies.Â
Now, Jaemin just wants to drive you into delirium.
Your mind is absolutely wiped, there is nothing more distracting than a half naked Jaemin â this you knew too well. As you tremble over your words, Mark saves the day by falsely admitting how heâs been trying to chat with you so he didnât have to do his essay.Â
âAh, chatterbox. Iâm jealous.â Jaemin gets up and spins on his heel, heading toward the stairs. Your body unknowingly leans toward his fleeting figure, a pout tugging at the corner of your lips.
Jaeminâs finger taps along the railing, drawing a trail as he walks up each step. âI wish I got to distract you from your project, talk to you for hours.âÂ
Youâre freaking out internally, trying to decipher if he had just spit out an innuendo or if he genuinely meant it. You fight the urge to completely yell at the top of your lungs how much youâd love him to. Mark also bites back the scream that threatens to escape, not believing what he is a witness to.Â
âYou can!â Your chirpy, forced tone nearly cracks from your nervousness. âJoin us after your shower.â Even if you wanted him alone, youâre willing to settle for moments with Mark in them.
âIâll come, donât worry.â No flirtation, no smug smirks, Jaemin gently reassures you that heâll come back for you. And while the heavy tension in the air dissipates, youâre finding your heart to throb at his thoughtfulness.Â
âDude, youâre so whipped for him.â Mark giggles and youâre throwing a decorative pillow at his chest, very much embarrassed. âI should let you guys be alone, would you want that?â
The second Mark proposes his question, your heart shakes at the possibility of Jaemin and you finally alone again for an extended period of time. It is a nerve wrecking thought, you can feel your pulse racing. Not that you had avoided such a potential situation, but you didnât really think you would get the chance to. Now that your good friend knows everything, he has the power to help you out.Â
âI do.â Youâre admitting so much of your vulnerability that Mark actually softens at your tiny request. He nods and packs up his things without any hesitation. âBut where are you going to go?â You didnât want to seem like you were kicking out your friend from his own house.
He brushes off your guilty tone, âdonât worry. Thereâs a study session happening in 15 minutes for one of my classes.â With that, he slings his backpack over his shoulder and takes a moment to look at you. His facial expression is hard to decipher.Â
You stand and he holds your shoulders, âno more secrets.â Mark says with glossy eyes and a small smile. âAnd use protection.â He laughs, breaking the almost sweet and serious moment you two rarely share. You push him off and roll your eyes, though secretly grateful that you have Mark in your life.
Itâs agonizing as you wait for Jaemin to come out of the shower, being completely alone with your hypotheticals and expectations eating away at you. Thereâs no way you have the capacity right now to focus on your project and homework. Jaemin just consumed every bit of you.
When he finally walks down the stairs, fully clothed and hair freshly blow dried, you pretend again that youâre too busy to notice. He heads toward the kitchen to open a can of Diet Pepsi and makes his way back. Jaemin snuggles up next to you, arm draped around the back of your side of the couch and youâre drowning in the scent of his body wash.
âMark left?â He sips, his Adamâs apple bobbing and his jaw tightening with each gulp. Youâre lost in his seeping aura, wondering how the fuck he looks so good doing something so simple.Â
Clearing your throat, you place your laptop on the coffee table and face up at him. He meets your starry eyes and it takes so much in you to not break away. âStudy session.âÂ
Jaemin nods knowingly, leaning forward to also neatly set down his can. Almost immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifts from light hearted to heavy sensual tension. Not that either one of you expected anything to happen, but just being in each otherâs presence is suffocating and intoxicating all at once.
Now that youâre finally alone with him, you canât help all the nerves and flips in your stomach from happening. âI kept you waiting then.â His voice is raspy, causing it to sound deeper than normal.Â
Shaking your head, you say the first thing your heart thinks of. âIâm always willing to wait for you.â Jaemin lifts an eyebrow at your statement, noting the shock in your face as soon as it filled the air. His arm snakes around your waist, pulling you onto his lap and youâre maneuvering your legs to straddle him.Â
This intimate position has your heart springing out of your chest, thumping so aggressively that you swear he can feel it against his own. His hands are politely placed on your back and he peers up at you with a sultry stare. Youâre holding your breath and unsure where to place your hands, losing your wits already at how things have escalated.Â
âIs this alright with you? Am I doing too much?â He cautiously asks, ready to set you back down to where he had selfishly pulled you from.Â
âThis,â Scrambling, tripping, catâs got your tongue! Jaemin doesnât realize how your mind has been lit with flames all from this one swift movement. âThis is fine. I like this.â
He smirks, âyou like being on top of me?â When he asks such a nasty question, youâre too bashful to play along. Jaemin chuckles, âyouâre driving me crazy right now.âÂ
You are? Itâs quite unbelievable that any of this has an effect on him. Perhaps he is better at holding back his reactive facial expressions, but Jaemin seems so laid back and unphased. âMe? Iâve barely said more than a few sentences.âÂ
âItâs not about the quantity, you can say anything to me and Iâd be smitten for you.â Jaemin taps your nose, in a loving and endearing way. Youâre getting a side of him youâve never really seen before â this head over heels, heart eyed fool. A part of you craves more of this, feeling special at how he only has eyes for you.
The other part is shocked that youâre even experiencing any of this, how did you get so lucky?
âJaem, are you going to finally tell me how you feel about me?â When you say his name, his nonchalant attitude almost falters. His ears perk up, eyes alert and a tighter grip on the hem of your shirt. âHow did we get here?âÂ
He purses his lips, contemplating long and hard about how he should go about explaining himself. Your voice is more stern, he can tell youâve been wanting to get an answer to this for a while.
âI like you.â Jaemin says it so easily, those words roll off of his tongue effortlessly that it surprises himself.
âSince when?â You donât mean to sound so interrogative, but all this time, this didnât make any sense to you. Maybe your own lovey eyes blinded you from seeing his feelings or that your own self esteem halted you from believing someone like him could like you back. Nevertheless, this all came about so suddenly for you.
A small smile grows on his face as he thinks back to the first time he saw you. Your timid introduction and you glued to Markâs side, but none of that could take away from how pretty you looked.
And when he first heard you laugh, like really laugh, he swore he needed to hear it again, and again, and again. Sooner or later, he found your shyness irresistibly adorable and he only wanted to interact with you more, but was unsure about your relationship with Mark.
Ultimately, Jaemin decided to keep his distance because you and Mark seemed more than close. However, the more he pulled away, the more you filled his empty thoughts and daydreams.
Whenever you came around, he found himself happier just upon seeing you for a brief second and hearing your silly anecdotes to Mark all the way from his room. If all you two had exchanged was a small greeting, Jaemin would be satisfied.Â
Until the night you stayed for one of their drunk kickbacks, and something inside of him unlocked. A new sense of desire? The introduction of lust and curiosity.
Jaemin noted the way youâd squirm, dig yourself deeper into the cushions, hide your face in your shirt. Your reactions to his friendsâ sexual adventures were typical, full of gasps and slight embarrassment, but your eyes were more than telling of your piqued interest. The one thing that he hated was that you never openly shared a single thing, even when asked.Â
So, that meant he didnât either. In a more respectful sense, he normally doesnât dive into the nitty details as much as his housemates do, but you were such a mysterious person. He wanted to keep himself that way as well, making him as alluring as you were. The art of not knowing, just makes you want to know more.Â
And when you would stand up for him against the other boys, that boldness only made you more attractive. Maybe you didnât want to know about his personal endeavors, regardless, you respected his privacy and were willing to break out of your shell for him.
What other layers of you has he not seen? That caused him to wonder how much he could push you, what other reactions he could draw out of you, and gauge if you had any interest in him.Â
In between your nervous stammers and long stares, Jaemin had some inkling that you might be into him. However, he couldnât tell if that was just his ego deluding his judgment or if it was the actual truth.Â
He had something less drastic in mind than you walking in on him in the bathroom. But, he thought if he waited and hesitated as much as he did before, there would never really be another chance. If you were disinterested, it wouldâve been a lighthearted mistake and brief awkwardness. If you were interested, then it opens the door metaphorically as well.Â
So in the spur of the moment, as he heard your voice and footsteps down the hallway, he quickly unlocked the door. His heart pounded rapidly in his chest as he tried to keep his phone steady.
Act natural. Be cool. Be confident.
He just hoped you couldnât see right through his desperate act. And when you opened the door and everything that followed after, it was enough to wash away any doubt he had before.Â
After dropping you off, he decided right then and there that he was going to pursue you.Â
âWould you believe me if I told you it was since the day I met you?â His voice is soft and quiet. Jaemin brushes a few strands of hair out of your face, gently tucking it behind your ear. âI was looking forward to your presence without realizing it. Iâd tell Haechan and Jeno how I was excited to hear your voice, even if it wasnât speaking to me.âÂ
He could be such a romantic, though this didnât come too much of a shock to you. You couldnât believe that youâd be the recipient of it one day. âSince the day we met. That feels like ages ago.â Your eyes wander off, trying to regain the distant memory.Â
You could barely remember the day Mark introduced you to his housemates. It was such a blurry scene, mostly because you were so painstakingly nervous so you tried to bury it in the depths of your mind. The only thing you remember was the tight grip you had on Markâs sleeve and Jaeminâs gorgeous smile.Â
âWhy didnât you try approaching me? Be my friend, get to know me back then?â You ask, a small edge in your tone. Instead of months of googly, heart eyed stares, you two couldâve been acquainted much earlier. Your relationship wouldâve been so far along, milestones wouldâve already been hit. A thousand kisses wouldâve already been exchanged.
Jaemin is well aware of his lack of action, âI wasnât sure about you and Mark. I didnât want to overstep and initially, I couldnât tell if you even wanted to be around anyone besides him.â Now his questions to both you and Mark made sense.
He wanted to be absolutely certain that there would be no conflict. No room for anyone else. No blurred lines. Jaemin wanted to do it right.
âSo, me walking in on you in the bathroom⌠was that an honest mistake?â As all the dots connected and all the lines matched up, youâre replaying all the moments that led up to this point.
He can see the gears turning in your beautiful head and laughs, âlike I said, somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.âÂ
Rolling your eyes, you settle with your own conclusion that perhaps it was in his plans all along to fluster the fuck out of you. As much as you hate to admit it, it worked. Hook, line and sinker.Â
âHow do you feel?â Jaemin asks, as his knuckles rub lovingly against your cheek. His big hand slides toward your jawline and he firmly cups your face, a quick flicker from your eyes to your lips.Â
Intense. That is how you feel. At any second, you are a volcano ready to erupt. All these pent up emotions â lust, fondness, frustration â burst at your seams. All of which is unbeknownst to Jaemin, despite being the very spark of it.
âI feel like you should kiss me now.â Spoken confidently, Jaemin is shocked at your response. You didnât have to ask him twice though, as he pulled you into him without missing a beat.Â
The kiss is slow and cautious, like he is holding back from doing too much, taking too much. He guides your hands onto his collarbones and across his toned chest. Underneath his thin shirt, you feel how strong and defined he is. Youâre hesitant at first, unaware of how much you could feel.
Jaemin could sense it, pausing in between your small kisses to take off his shirt. Youâre wide eyed, fully shocked at his chiseled body right in front of you. Itâs just like how you remembered from his photo, except now itâs not through a tiny phone screen. All on display, Jaemin takes your shaky hands and places them delicately on his broad shoulders.
âTouch me.â Itâs all he has to say until your lips are connected again. His hot skin against your fingertips as youâre dragging them down his biceps, moving along all of his exposed terrain.Â
Adrenaline fills your system and you canât even begin to stop all the lustful and romantic feelings that bubble across your chest. So, you fervently kiss him back to signal just how much you want it, how much you wish to be kissed by him.
Jaemin loses it between your sweet touches and your eagerness, both hands now holding your face steady for him to deepen the kiss. The feverish glide of his lips on yours is something unforgettable. Itâs inimitable, a passion that solely exists for the two of you. Kissing Jaemin is blissful, like nothing matters more than being here lips locked and hands on his bare chest.
Kissing Jaemin also ruined you. Moving forward, youâll crave this feeling forever. How are you supposed to kiss anyone else in this world now? How will you ever want to kiss anyone else knowing youâve experienced this?
You two make out until condensation forms on the outside of his Diet Pepsi can. There is a lingering taste of the soda on his tongue; a taste you once hated so much is now something you canât get enough of.Â
When youâre both finally pulling away, your lips are puffy and Jaemin is catching his breath. He could feel his heart bursting at the sight of your disheveled hair and pouty lips. Youâre the prettiest baby heâs ever seen.
Heâs staring at you with tiny stars in his eyes, ones that reflect your own. And he breaks the silence, ânow we can finally tell Mark we kissed.â A sweet, kind smile appears at the end of his sentence.Â
Youâre laughing, and Jaeminâs heart flutters knowing he is the reason behind that melodic sound he loves hearing so much.Â
you live in a shitty apartment in a shitty neighbourhood surrounded by shitty neighbours who seem to make it their lifeâs work to make your life a living hell
the guy that lives across from you is an aspiring dj, emphasis on aspiring
unfortunately with him working the late shift at his supermarket job, it means he likes to practice late into the night
after the first 5 noice complaints, you just gave up trying to get a decent night sleep; part of you thinks he carried on just as one giant âfuck youâ
the family that live upstairs arenât great either
the sonâtimmy? tommy? who caresâthinks itâs fun to sit on the stairs with his buddies and smoke anything they can get their hands on
your air freshener is the only thing keeping you from losing your mind at them! well, that and the fact that quite frankly him and his friends terrify you
they watch you carefully as you make your way down the stairs, pushing through their congregation with a tight lipped, overly polite smile on your face
usually they donât say a word, giving you little more acknowledgment than a hum as you thank them for barely making enough room for you to push through them
they make you nervous, you canât deny that, and half of you thinks thatâs the whole point
itâs like itâs some sort of strange power play to keep you from complaining to his parents, or worse, the landlord
not exactly a threat, but not not one
maybe itâs those nerves that made you open up to your friend one day
youâd met up with him at a local cafe, offering to pay for his coffee if he gave you half of the sandwich heâd brought with him
âthey just spook me a little, yâknow?â you mumble as a few crumbs topple over your bottom lip and onto your chin, âitâs a group of 10 over-grown teenage boys; itâs fucking intimidating!â
mingi just nods along, a small frown on his face as he listens to you complain about your living conditions for what seems like the millionth time
he gets it; moving is expensive, especially in the city, and you need to stay relatively close to where you work since you donât have a car
it doesnât mean he has to like it, though
âwhat about a guarââ
âa guard dog?â you cut him off, âmingi, weâve had this conversation so many times before!â
itâs the truth; it seems like every single time you see him he brings up the same suggestion; scary dog privileges can get you very far in life according to you friend
âtoo mentally ill to look after another life, sure,â he reiterates the same point you make every single time, âbut what about a hybrid?â
again, it feels like youâre in a constant loop of deja vu, destined to relive this conversation over and over again until you can finally afford to move out of that shit hole
âi canât affââ
ââafford a hybrid, yeah i know,â you roll your eyes as he finishes your sentence; jesus, heâs annoying, âbut what if i told you i knew a guy?â
it sounds suspicious, but you wonât lie and say youâre not a little curious
perhaps youâre just a little too nosy to not lean in a little closer with a brow cocked a question of âwho?â primed on your tongue
âcanât say,â is all mingi says, âhe doesnât like people poking around in his business.â
he says it so nonchalantly as if heâs not your best friend whoâs just announced that he knows someone who is almost definitely into some dodgy shit
youâd be a bad friend if you didnât ask at least a few questions, but before you can even open your mouth, mingi beats you to it
âÂŁ200 will get you a hybrid though,â you almost choke on the sandwich at the price; this is some seriously dodgy guy if heâs selling hybrids for that little, âÂŁ300 if you start laying down preferences.â
âmingi,â you begin, about to beg him to get out of whatever business heâs getting himself involved in
âiâm assuming itâs a no?â he raises an eyebrow; you donât even have to nod for him to understand your answer
he concedes, throwing his hands up in surrender like he always does whenever you have this conversation
still, the smirk on his face as the conversation moves onto something else doesnât fill you with the upmost confidence
a week passes by rather quickly; you work, you come home, you go about your evenings as normal, you sleep
nothing seems any different, and why would it? nothing about your life ever really changes without some sort of built up or expectation
and then your doorbell rings
you assume itâs just your neighbour again, around at yours to ask you some sort of stupid question that could easy be solved using a single braincell and google
you trudge to the door with a sour look on your face and a bitterness already growing on your tongue, just to swing it open to see⌠not your neighbour
not anyone you recognise for that matter
your gaze travels up from the chest you stand eye-to-eye with, traipsing lazily over the defined muscles on his neck before reaching his face
a jaw set in stone, two steely brown eyes and a pair of jet black dog ears are what immediately catch your attention
that and the fact that heâs very handsome; so much so that it takes everything in you not to stare at him with your mouth wide open
âare you going to let me in?â he says as if the hybridâs arrival at your door was at all expected by you
âwho are you?â is the only response you can
âyour guard dog,â he replies, and just like that everything clicks into place
mingi, that bastard
âbut i didnât pay for a guard dog,â you argue, hoping that itâll be enough to make him go back to whatever creep it is that mingi has gotten involved with
âwell, someone did.â
he looks bored as he uses a hand to push you aside and steps past you into your tiny apartment, as if this is just another day for him
maybe it is; you donât know much about hybrids, but youâve heard enough stories to know just how many of them go through life without a permanent home
theyâre tossed from pillar to post as if theyâre not conscious beings with minds and lives of their own
itâs sad, the fact that they can be so easily tossed aside by so many people
itâs even sadder to find yourself relating to that feeling
you shut the door, twisting the lock with a finality that youâre not sure you understand
âwhatâs your name?â you ask as you turn to face him
âyunho,â he sighs
itâs a pretty name, you think to yourself
one that you wouldnât mind saying over and over again for the⌠foreseeable futureâŚ
seriously, fuck song mingi
âwell iâmââ
âi know your name, puppy,â your mouth snaps shut at the authority that laces itself into his words, âitâs all iâve heard for the past few days.â
you zip your mouth shut, something in your brain warning you not to speak out of turn
something in your brain seems to forget that this is your own home; surely you can speak whenever you want to
âi wasnât sure what to expect, but you seem to fit the bill,â dark pupils land on your body, dancing up and down your form before finally meeting your eyes, âa pretty thing like you in a town like this? iâm shocked youâre still in one piece.â
âhow dare you, iââ
âwhere am i sleeping?â he cuts you off like your complaints are little more than the stubborn words of a child
it irritates you to no end, and yet you canât find the words to fight back
thereâs just something in his eyes that has you convinced that maybe youâre not the one in charge here
âthe couch,â you point to the ratty leather thing, feeling a slight twinge of guilt that itâs the only thing you have to offer
he takes a glance at at for just a second or two before shaking his head
âno,â he replies, âyou have a double bed, right?â
âa doubleââ your eyes go wide, âyouâre not sleeping in my bed!â
âyes, i am,â he insists, condescending and annoying. you hate him already, âbecause iâm certainly not sleeping on that thing, puppy.â
it doesnât go unnoticed that heâs yet to use your name, instead sticking to that godforsaken nickname
if you thought it would make a difference, you might say something about it, but the stubborn arsehole has already shown enough of himself to make you understand that it would do very little
âthe floor is available,â you spit, venemously
âand yet it tempts me even less than the sofa,â he smiles sarcastically and it boils your blood, âyouâre just gonna have to get used to sharing.â
he takes a few paces forward until youâre having to crane your neck to look him in the eyes
you can practically feel his breath dancing across your cheeks as he lets out a low chuckle, a darkness washing over his face as he studies you
âyouâre gonna have to get used to a lot of things now that iâm here,â warmth spreads across your cheek as his palm moves to cup it, âbut thatâs okay puppy, i can be patient while you learn.â
yunho might have been the superstar out of the two of you, but you have always been the center of his universe. (you â it's always been you.)
⡠genre, warnings. bffs2l, childhood friends 2 lovers, pining, popstar/singer au, swearing, fluff, humor, angst, hurt/comfort, kissing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety/nervousness, they physically cannot be apart for too long sorry they've got Attachment Issues low-key..., one kiss (is all it takesâ)
⡠word count. 16.3k (guys,, this was supposed to be only like 6-8k i swear đ)
⡠associated tunes. keep smiling (demxntia), gone too long (lullaboy), tear in my heart (twenty-one pilots)
a/n: hope u guys like this :'))) i had one of the scenes from here stuck in my brain for awhile and so i had to build the rest of the fic around it, and it turned into this monster, so uhm yes... also much love to @jaehunnyy tysm for reading thru it for me đ
THE DAY YUNHO'S ALBUM hit the Billboard Hot 100, you knew that you were going to need a lot more hands on deck than just you, your roommate, and Jeong Yunho himself.
âThere's not enough albums, not enough time in the day, not enough of you!â You exclaimed with your fingers shoved into your hair as you took in the landscape of chaos before you on your living room floor. âYunho, why couldn't you be ambidextrous?â
His eyes widened, body frozen where he was shoving a slice of beef jerky into his mouth. âMwe? Pwhy are pyu yellinh ap mwe por?â
âI'm not yelling at you; I'm just wondering why you weren't born with eight arms instead of just two.â There were simply too many albums for him to sign before his agent came to pick them up in two hours, and there were also too few albums for the amount of demand. You always knew your best friend would make it big one day, but you also thought he would have had a whole team by that time.
Technically, you were his teamâyou, your roommate Trinity, and Mingi who was at his grandmother's for the long weekend. Mingi was five texts away from driving back down to help you guys four hours ago though. But his family needed him right now, and Yunho was firm in ensuring Mingi didn't have to come down and help. We got this, he'd said. It'll be easy, he also said.
Sure. Easy.
âWe can't just forge his signature?â Trinity joked in a sleep-deprived daze as she leaned back against the couch cushions. Her mouth opened wide in a yawn. âI'm kidding. Let's not ruin his career.â
Yunho swallowed his bite. âThat would be nice.â He cleaned his fingers on the Wet Wipe he had handy by his thigh, then picked up his black Sharpie, spinning the writing utensil between his fingers. âNow where were we? Album number fifty-sixâ?â
This had taken place just four months after Yunho released his second album, Aurora. It had been nearly a year and a half since Yunho debuted himself onto the music scene, and it was about time people finally began to recognize your best friend for all that he wasâmulti-talented, charismatic, handsome (on some occasions; you wouldnât let him catch you slipping up there, though).
Within the next year and a half, Yunho skyrocketed into further altitudes of fame.
There were plenty of changes that occurred, many evolutions to Yunho's team and additions to his discography, but you were always a part of it. Even with your own career dealings, you would drop anything to be there for him, and him for you. Between the morning show interviews and late night recording sessions, there were also the research presentations and study session pick-me-ups.
âAre you sure you don't wanna come with?â You asked from where you were stationed in front of the bathroom mirror, putting on the final touches for your look this evening.
You could hear Trinity's fingers clacking away at her keyboard at the speed of light through her open bedroom door. âI'd love to, but I unfortunately did screw myself over by procrastinating on this paper. Have fun though, and tell Yunho congrats for me.â
Tonight was the album release party for Yunho's third full studio album entitled Youth. It was something he had been working on for years now, only recently having become satisfied with the tracks he chose and produced for it. Due to his sudden rise in fame, the release party was said to be hosting a myriad of big name celebrities and figures in the music industry. And of course, you. You were no one special, in hindsight, but Yunho couldn't begin to imagine celebrating a milestone without you by his side.
By eight o'clock, you were ready to head out.
You bid Trinity goodbye as you hustled out the front door of your apartment and down to the street below. Yunho and Mingi and everyone else would already be at the party; you would arrive on your own via Uber. You wished you could've been with him to get ready like all the other times, but your schedule had been unfortunate as of late. You were lucky enough to have gotten off of work this early.
As you sat in the backseat of your ride, you anxiously fidgeted with your phone in your lap.
(You were, without a doubt, excited to arrive at the party. Due to yours and Yunho's ever-busy and ever-conflicting schedules nowadaysâyours because of work and PhD candidacy stuff, Yunho's because of rehearsals for his upcoming world tourâit had been awhile since you were able to hang out in person. You missed your gentle giant of a best friend.)
A loud vibration from it made your heart leap into your throat, and your face lit up in the dark with the incoming notification.
rockstar đ¤: pls tell me you've left the house
You snorted and typed out a swift reply. If I told you I was still in my pajamasâŚ
rockstar đ¤: then i would call u a liar cuz u don't go to work in pjs, weirdo
rockstar đ¤: just getting antsy tbh
rockstar đ¤: need my star here w me :â)))
You couldn't help the touched pout that came to your face. I'm almost there, don't worry. And who are you calling a star when that's you? He always got a little sappy when he was nervous.
rockstar đ¤: im literally not having fun here without u hurry up ://
your phone: isn't this UR album release party đ yun, why aren't u having fun?
rockstar đ¤: just hurry up
your phone: aish okok 𤧠eta 8min mr. impatient
You knew it was the jitters making him say things like that. Once you got there, you hoped you could help reassure him that he could stop worrying for just a second to enjoy himself. Even if Yunho worried about the album and what people thought, you were just as nervous. You hadn't even heard the entire thingâheâd been cheeky and didn't tell you he added a song to it last minute, but you'd listened to everything else.
You just hoped that people would continue to celebrate him and give him the love he deserved.
When your Uber driver pulled into the drop off loop at the front of the venue, you thanked him on your way out and threw the strap of your small purse over your shoulder. Already, however, as you were met with the residuals of flashing camera lenses and frantic paparazzi calls just a little ways down the driveway, the anxiety slowly began to settle in the pit of your stomach.
You could see the celebrities going up the entrance with people asking them to pose for their cameras, to say a word into their recorders.
Immediately, you turned on your heel and began slipping your way to a side entrance. The last thing you wanted was for dozens upon dozens of people to be staring at you, wondering who you were and why you were important. There were definitely people who knew youâyou were plastered all over Yunho's social media because that was just what best friends did. But compared to everyone else walking up that driveway? Not a chance. You were nobody, and that was ay-okay to you.
Just as you thanked one of the employees coming out the side door for letting you in, you felt your phone buzz in your hand again, this time with an incoming call.
You picked it up and squeezed it between your ear and shoulder. âYou're gonna need to speak upâthe kitchen is super loud.â
âYou're here finally!â Yunho said to you through the phone. âI was starting to get worried.â
You chuckled as you ducked out of the kitchen and into the main lobby to get to the elevators. The party was taking place somewhere on the seventh floor⌠if you could get there without getting lost. âHey Yun, do me a favor?â
âSure.â
âCalm down, man.â
The elevator sang its arrival and you stepped inside to the sound of Yunho sucking in a deep breath, then exhaling slowly. âI am calm⌠wait, are you in the lobby? Let me come down and get yââ
âI just got in the elevator, so don't worryâand I really don't think you should be leaving your own party, rockstar,â you teased. âMan, Mingi and Hwa really pulled out all the stops for this place,â you marveled quietly as you gave the elevator carriage a thorough look. It was made of marble and mirrors, every surface polished and crisp, like that of a tailored suit if tailored suits were made of crystals.
âYeah, it's really great,â he agreed. âRemember the release party we threw for Crescent?â
A fond laugh tumbled out of your lips as you stepped out of the elevator and onto the seventh floor. Your mind filled with memories of his debut album's release party hosted in yours and Trinity's living room with three extra large Domino's pizzas, root beer floats, and a cheap disco ball. It had been a party for four that nightâyou, Yunho, Mingi, and Trinityâbut your friends didn't need the fancy shit to have fun. âDefinitely leagues away from this.â
There was a bouncer at the far end of the hallway, and you were certain now that you were in the right place.
âI kind of miss it,â Yunho murmured. You heard the sound on his end shift, simultaneous to watching the doors in front of you crack open and see Yunho's head pop out into the empty hallway.
âI kind of miss it, too,â you said into the phone, your eyes locked on his and a smile blooming over your features at the sight of your best friend, in the flesh.
There was a tender gleam in his eyes as he took you in and said something in a low tone to the bouncer. He stepped out into the hallway, letting the doors behind him shut fully.
âSlowpoke,â was his greeting to you as he scooped you into his embrace. The smell of his cologne was something familiar and delicious, and permeated your senses.
âWorrywart,â you quipped back, wrapping your arms around him to reciprocate.
When you both pulled back, he kept you at arm's length so he could take a better look at you. âI can't believe you're calling me the worrywart! I do recall that one night when Aurora hit the Top 100ââ
You silenced him with a look and a playful punch to his shoulder. You pressed your lips together to suppress a smile as he tilted his head back in a jovial laugh. âQuiet, you. For once, I can't believe you're more nervous than I am.â
He gave a sheepish grin, fussing with the unbuttoned collar of his dress shirt, adjusting the chain he wore on his collarbones so the clasp sat right at the hollow of his throat.
You softened. Oh, he was really nervous.
âThis album's just big for me; you know that,â he said, almost like he was trying to brush it off.
âI do.â The two of you began slowly making your way back towards the party doors. âThough, I'm excited to hear this mystery song that you snuck on there. I'm sure everyone will fall in love with the album, just like I did.â
He peered over at you then, and you couldn't understand why you were unable to read his expression then. It was⌠different. âReally?â
You blinked. âOf course,â you replied automatically. âI mean,â you added, âit's you, Yun. What's not to love?â
Yunho seemed speechless for a second, but moments later, he was breaking into a soft-cornered smile. âYou always know what to say, Yn. Come on, there are some people who are dying to meet you.â
âDying to meet me?â You laughed as the bouncer let the two of you into the party.
The party room was a rented out lounge space with wraparound windows that looked out at the skyline in the valley below. The main lights were kept low and warm, illuminating strategic places throughout the space to highlight the prohibition-like interior design. It was something out of a 1920s speakeasy with its velvet couches and dark mahogany wood finishes.
Yunho took you over toward the side of the room to get food first. There was a variety of snacks and small bites on the buffet table, and there was a bar counter shoved into the far corner where a bartender served drinks.
âI've pretty much socialized with everyone in this room already,â Yunho murmured to you as he shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned. âMeaning I can bug you for the rest of the night.â
Your eyebrows shot up. âThere has to be, like, fifty people here. We still have the whole party left.â
âYeah, but I have more fun with you anyway,â he said with a shrug. He reached for one of the little serving cups that held a little roll of rice armed with a slice of wagyu beef on top, all wrapped together with a strip of nori. âNow theseâthese are fucking amazing, dude. You have to try one.â
You snorted, but grabbed one of the little cups. âHow many of these have you eaten already, Yun?â
He tapped his cup against yours like he was clinking glasses together. He chuckled, averting his gaze. âWe don't have to talk about thatâŚâ His eyes caught onto someone nearby, and he perked up, shoving the entire bite into his mouth so he had a free hand to flag down whoever it was. âMmh!â
You nearly choked on your own bite as you watched your best friend, who's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, flap his arm around in the air to get this person's attention because his mouth was currently occupied.
You turned your head to see who he was waving over, and nearly choked again, having to cup your hand over your mouth to prevent rice from falling out. Your eyes widened an alarming amount. âMmnoâ!â You mumbled through your bite.
âWhat? I can't hear you,â he snickered. âHongjoong hyung! There's someone I want you to meet.â
You made a crazed gestureâno, no, I'm not ready! How dare you ambush me with social interacâyou swallowed the food in your mouth as Hongjoong made his way over. You had never met the famed Kim Hongjoongâlegendary producer, prodigy musician, favorite model to ever strut down the Paris Fashion Week Runway. He dropped off the grid for a brief three-month hiatus until he suddenly reappeared, but in your best friend's Instagram story. At some point, Yunho had met Hongjoong and won his favor. Then again, it was easy for Yunho to win over anyone's favor.
No one really knew why Hongjoong disappeared like he had, but some speculate it had something to do with his new relationship status: single.
You were always starstruck seeing Hongjoong on Yunho and Mingi's social media, as well as Hongjoong's own platforms. Tonight was no exception.
Hongjoong's hair of the season was a simple light brown that complimented his skin tone and the warmth in his smile. You were used to seeing him in more extravagant garb, but tonight, he chose something very simple, but chic like Yunho.
Yunho and Hongjoong clasped hands in greeting. âWhat's up, man?â The latter chirped, eyes flickering over to you as you attempted to behave normally.
Yunho gestured toward you, his eyes twinkling as he swept his arm around your shoulders to bring you forward. âThis is Yn. Yn, this is Hongjoong. He's the one who produced the albumââ
âNow, don't downplay your own efforts, Yunho,â Hongjoong cut in with a knowing look. âYou produced so much of it on your own; I fine-tuned and made a couple tracks, but the rest was all you, man.â
âI always tell him he's far too humble,â you agreed.
Hongjoong sent you a smile, extending his hand out. âGreat minds think alike, Yn. It's very nice to meet the person this guy doesn't ever stop talking about.â
You laughed good-naturedly and saw Yunho's flushed sheepishness out of the corner of your eye. You shook Hongjoong's hand with a firm, confident grip. âNice to meet you, too. You'reâyouâre incredible, by the way. I remember when Yunho posted a photo with you, and I literally screamed his ear off over the phone.â
Yunho winced and held a hand up to his ear, as if remembering the physical sensation of that phone call. âYup, definitely damaged my eardrum that day.â
âWell, thank you; I'm flattered,â Hongjoong replied pleasantly. âSo I'm assuming you've probably heard as much of the album as I have then?â
âI'm sure you've heard the whole thing,â you said. âYunho has withheld one of the tracks from me, but I've listened to all the rest.â
He cocked his head to the side. âOh? Which track didâoh.â As he and Yunho made eye contact, you watched as a silent understanding passed between them, and Hongjoong's mouth tugged upward in a teasing smile. âThat song.â
You blinked. âWhat does that mean?â
Hongjoong flourished his hand as if to wave away the thought. âHe just wanted it to be perfect, so we were working on it up to the last second. Nothing terribly concerning.â
Ah. You relaxed, but the curiosity still lingered in your mind's eye. âI'm sure it's great, nonetheless.â
âOh yeah, you're gonna loveââ
âOh-kay! That's enough about the song,â Yunho chuckled nervously as he grabbed your shoulders and began steering you away from a clearly amused Hongjoong. âLet's go say hi to Mingi, hm?â
You threw him a look from over your shoulder, but went along with him toward wherever he'd seen Mingi wandering around. âWhat has gotten into you tonight?â You teased, though, you also hoped to know why he was so jittery. He wasn't even this nervous about dropping his debut album.
Yunho showed you a bright smile, the same kind of golden-retriever expression that the media knew him well for. It would have been enough if you didn't know him. âAgain, it's an important album to me. And the song I added last minute is on the deluxe version, so I wasn't really confident in putting it on the original release.â
âAh,â you murmured. You reached up to pat the hand that rested on your left shoulder reassuringly. âI'm sure it really is a great song, Yun, and I'm not just saying that. You can make an awful omelet, but you can't make an awful song.â
Your best friend bursted into laughter at the latter comment, and your heart soared to see the genuine smile on his face now. That was your Yunho shining through. âYou're rightâif I can't scramble eggs, at least I can write a song.â
Over the next hour and a half, Yunho took you on a tour around the room, jumping from friend to friend to introduce you to more of his world. For the most part, however, it felt like an excuse for you to bond with all his friends in teasing him about something or other. But he seemed content enough to see you getting along well with the other people close to him.
He had met plenty of your friends at your work, so it was only fair that you got the same opportunity.
At some point while you were with Wooyoung and San discussing all of the rehearsals for Yunho's upcoming world tour, Hongjoong summoned everyone's attention to announce that it was time to listen to the album. It would be a rather casual affair with the Youth album playing in the background of the party, but you were certain people would minimize their conversations to listen in.
You craned your neck to peer around the crowd to see where Yunho had gone off to. âWait, guys, did you see where Yunho went?â
Wooyoung and San joined your search, but quickly hustled you into a nearby booth to sit and enjoy the album with your drinks. âHe'll find us,â Wooyoung assured you as the three of you slipped into the leather seats. âHe wouldn't miss this.â
âHe'll at least be here by the last song,â San said offhandedly, his eyebrows wagging up and down.
Your lips parted, your face morphing into feigned offense. âWait. Did he let you guys listen to the deluxe edition song, too?â
âMaybe,â Wooyoung giggled.
San cooed at your pout. âAwwh, don't take it to heart, Yn-ie. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.â
You raised your drink to your lips, sighing before taking a sip. âEverybody talks about this damn song as if he wrote it for me.â
Unbeknownst to you, the two others at the table exchanged pointed looks between one another when you were looking away. It was a wonder how Yunho was able to keep this all a secret from you. Though, even San and Wooyoung knew how busy you could get nowadays, so perhaps it really was just that easy. Plus, they had all at one point or another been privy to Yunhoâs feelingsâ
âSpeak of the Devil,â you perked up at the sight of your best friend emerging from the crowd with the othersâHongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Jongho (vocal coach and album feature), and Yeosang (PR management)âin tow behind him. âWe were wondering where you had gone off to.â
Yunho grinned as the lot of them squished into the circular seating arrangement with you, San, and Wooyoung. âSorry, had to go round everyone up. The album should be queued up and ready to go.â He chose to sit on the end of the booth to your right while everyone else filled it up from the other side.
You offered him a sip of your drink, and he gladly took the glass from you. âSo San and Woo were just telling me about how their tour prep is coming. You guys are leavingâwhat was itâtwo weeks from now?â
He hummed, smacking his lips as he set the glass back down on the table. âYeah, it should be just about two weeks,â he said. His arm came up to rest against the back of the booth seat behind you. âYou know, you can still come to the first stop with usâŚâ This was said with a very pointed look at you from Yunho, followed by similar expressions from everyone else around the table.
âAnd you know that dayâs when my supervisor holds quarterly meetings that are mandatory,â you shot back. As much as you hated the timing, the day that Yunho and the team planned to fly to their first stop on his world tour, you were required to be present for a very important meeting at work.
The Youth World Tour was something Yunho had been looking forward to and preparing for a long time. Besides working on the Youth album itself, his working hours extended over the past year or so to get ready for this major milestone. You would definitely be able to meet up with them at one of the tour stops, you just werenât sure which one yet.
Things at your workplace were a little rocky as of late due to shifting management, but you would play it by ear. For your best friend, of course you would make it work somehow.
Your ears pricked up at the sound of strings strumming overhead and your heart leapt out of your ribcage for a moment. âOh my god, I love this song.â
âYou and me both, Yn,â Hongjoong chuckled across the table from you, reaching over so you could bump fists with him, âyouâve got good taste.â
âYouâre only saying that because you wrote this one specifically,â Yunho sputtered out a laugh while rolling his eyes.
âItâs a good message,â you said, picking up your drink to take a generous gulp of it. There was a little left at the bottom of the martini glass and you swirled the liquid around before handing it over to Yunho to finish. âI think this one will definitely make it onto my work playlist.â
Yunho draped the back of his hand over his forehead, setting the now empty glass on the table. âWow, relegated to the work playlist. Is that all I am to you?â
âYou are a mood maker,â you pointed out with a teasing smile.
âBro, you're complaining as if Yn doesn't put her work playlist on for everything she does.â Mingi arched his brows over the rims of his sunglasses. (Why was he wearing sunglasses indoors and at night? You didn't know; he said something about looking cool.)
Wooyoung chuckled. âWhat? So let's say you're trying to sleepââ
âYah, I have a different playlist for that! I'm not completely unreasonable.â
âCompletely,â Yunho and Mingi said at the same time, then looked at each other with wide, excited eyes. They bursted out laughing at once, too, leaving you to deadpan at the two clowns to your eleven o'clock and three o'clock.
You sighed. âI hate you guys.â
That only made them laugh louder, spurring on the others to crack smiles and for you to do the same.
Yunho calmed slightly, his cheeks hurting from smiling. âAw, you walked right into that one, Yn.â
âSo you're saying you are, in some capacity, unreasonableâoh my god, don't hurt me!â Mingi shrieked as he shoved Yeosang's body in front of him like a human shield as you lurched forward and threatened to grab him.
Yeosang sent Mingi a dirty look as he wrestled out of his neighbor's hold. âDude.â
âJongho, protect me.â
The vocal coach popped the olive from his martini into his mouth. âIf you can't handle the heat, hyung, stay out of the kitchen.â
You nodded, raising your pointer finger up. âExactly.â
For the next hour, you and your friends shared good company and conversation, while also commenting on, praising, and enjoying the tunes from Yunho's Youth album. There were a good thirteen songs featured on the album, and while most of them were inspired by real life, you remembered the days and nights when Yunho would break out the white board under his bed to draw out a concept map of the storyline he'd created in his head for some songs. It was like a miniature Easter egg hunt for fans to piece together from album to album.
When the clock hit nearly midnight, you recognized the song that marked the end of the conventional albumâtrack number thirteen, 22. It was a song that reflected and lamented on his early stages of adulthood, all the goods and bads, all the hopes and dreams he had left. It was something that tied the regular album with a satisfying bow, but you were also giddy to hear the secret fourteenth deluxe track.
But as his ethereal voice from 22 faded out, the same guitar chords from the first song of the album began to play.
Everyone at the table paused in confusion.
âUhh, I thought you were revealing the hidden track tonight, Yunho?â Seonghwa asked from across the table.
Yunho tilted his body out of the booth to peer into the sound booth at the very back of the lounge, a furrow in his brow. âI thought I was, too,â he said as he stood up. âIâll be back in a sec.â
Before anyone else could say anything, Yunho disappeared past the door to the sound booth. You frowned as Hongjoong excused himself to catch up with him, mumbling something about helping with any technical difficulties.
In retrospect, it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you didn't get to hear the song tonight. You would simply listen to it when the deluxe album dropped in about a week, but you wouldn't deny that you were a little disappointed. Everyone else at this table had already listened to itâwhy had Yunho not shared it with you yet? Did he think you would judge him or not like it? You didn't think you were ever so harsh a critic, but that would explain why he was so nervous all night.
Regardless, you remained positive.
When Yunho and Hongjoong returned to the table, the rest of you all looked on to them expectantly.
âSomething wacky is going on with the system right now and won't play the file for the hidden track,â Hongjoong huffed. He passed Yunho a sidelong glance, and you saw how Yunho avoided his friend's eyes like the plague. âSorry to disappoint, Yn.â
Everyone's attention whipped toward you, and you straightened like a deer caught in headlights. âOh, uhm, it's no biggie,â you said. You glanced over at Yunho who, if anything, seemed guilty. Or maybe it was just something apologetic. âReallyâI can wait for it to drop officially.â
You didn't like how the air seemed to shift during this exchange, as if all the other boys were sitting on the edges of their seats, faces morphed into mixed ranges of confusion and disbelief.
You cleared your throat. âAnyone want more drinks?â
As the night waned and the party came to a close, you found yourself being helped into another Uber car to head home. After the supposed tech glitch, the remainder of the party passed by without a hitch. At the very end, Yunho popped open a theatrical bottle of champagne for all his guests to close out the celebration.
The backseat door closed just as Yunho ducked in with you, his hand waving out the window to San, Wooyoung, and Jongho passing by along the curb.
The alcohol had gradually made its way to your brain, and there was a light buzzing at the base of your skull that made you feel all warm and fuzzy. You yawned, leaning your head against Yunho's shoulder.
He chuckled, one of his hands coming up to gently pat your head. âTired?â
âMhm,â you hummed as your eyelids fluttered closed. âYou didn't have to lie, y'know.â
You felt his shoulder tense under your cheek. If only you could feel the rapid beating in his chest, then he'd be as good as done.
âI don't know what you're talking about,â he replied innocently, nimble fingers running over the chain links of his wristwatch.
Your eyes cracked open slowly. âYunho.â
A beat passed, then he sighed. âAre you mad?â He asked quietly and his hand nearest to you found yours as he began to mindlessly inspect the chipped nail polish on your fingertips.
âNo, silly. Why would I be mad?â When he didn't respond right away, you let out an exhale of your own. âI mean, I could tell you were nervous about me listening to the song all night. And if you weren't ready for me to listen to it yet, then I totally get that, and I'm okay with waiting. I just would rather you tell me that instead of make Hongjoong lie for you.â
He stopped playing with your fingers. âI'm sorry, for the record. Thank you for understanding.â
You hummed in reply.
The drive continued on with the accompaniment of a random radio station playing on low volume. You weren't going to fall asleep just yet with the alcohol still working its way through your system, but you kept your eyes closed nonetheless.
âI missed you, you know?â Were his first words to break the next silence.
A small smile wormed its way onto your face. âI missed you, too. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever.â
He chuckled, the low sound rumbling through his chest and into your ear. âTexting can only take us so far. Isn't that crazy? We can't even survive a week without hanging out, but we're⌠we're about to be separated for so much longer timewise and distance-wise.â
You grumbled. âDon't remind meâwait. Has it really only been a week?â You peeked one eye open, a frown coming to your lips. âNo way.â
Yunho smiled, shaking his head. âBelieve it or not, stargirl. It's been only a week.â
âIn-fucking-sane.â
âYou're telling me.â
âHow are we going to survive?â You pondered aloud, genuinely. If you couldn't fly out to see him within the first handful of tour stops, you and Yunho at the soonest wouldn't be able to see each other for three weeks. And if you couldn't escape your work duties and your PhD responsibilities, then it would be longer than that. âYou're gonna have a closer relationship with your Valorant account than me.â
Yunho snorted. âI already have a closer relationship with my Valorant account than you.â
âShucks.â You breathed out. âGuess I'll just text Hongjoong then. You know what he told me tonight when we were exchanging numbers? All eight of you nerds have a group chat and he gets ignored like a mom in a family chatroom.â
Your comment made a laugh tumble out of Yunho's mouth. âDid he make that analogy?â
âNo, Seonghwa did when he overheard.â
A wheeze. âThat tracks.â Yunho licked his lips as he turned his head slightly to glance down at you leaning on his shoulder. With his free hand, he warmed his palm over your head like he could keep you here forever. âSo what's this about texting Joong?â
You shifted your position to get more comfortable and clung to his arm to press yourself closer. There was still a little ways to go before you reached your apartment. âI told him offhandedly that I wanna pick up a new hobby⌠something about crocheting or something, and apparently that guy is like⌠amazing at everything, so he's gonna help me out.â
âAh.â The sound was quiet. âI'm glad you guys got along.â
You smiled to yourself. âMe too. He's really cool.â
âNot cooler than me though, right?â
You blindly reached over to pat his chest in warm reassurance. âDon't worry, big guy. I guess you're still the coolest guy I know.â
He clicked his tongue at you with a weak chiding, âYah. You only guess? Don't tell Mingi that.â
âOh, I wouldn't dream of it.â
The Uber eventually pulled up along the curb outside your apartment complex. You lifted your head up from Yunho's shoulder and woke yourself up with a good stretch of your limbs.
He helped you out of the car, handing you your purse when you finally got your bearings. âAre you sure I can't walk you up? You look like your knees are about to buckle,â he chuckled.
You shook your head. The cool evening air was helping your brain to sober up. âNo, no. Don't worry about itâIâm not as drunk as that one year.â
âDear heart, how could I forget,â he teased. âMingi still has the recording of when you begged to be bridal carried.â
Your face warmed at his mention of that memory and you wrinkled your nose at him. âI was gonna say âI love youâ along with goodnight, but I suppose not.â
Yunho froze. âWhat?â
Maybe you really weren't sobering up, because you didn't catch his strange reaction. âNevermind,â you said flippantly. âLove you, Yun. Good night. Get home safe!â
He seemed to unfreeze, his lungs filling with breath again. A soft smile melted onto his pretty lips as he looked on toward you with a warm fondness. âLove you, too. Good night, Yn.â
He remained where he was outside the car door as he watched you dig your keys out from your purse and open the complex door. When you had one foot inside, you stopped, and turned back to him with a big grin on your face. âHey!â
âHey?â He laughed.
âI'm proud of you.â
For the thousandth time tonight, you made him lose his breath, his hold on reality. He swallowedâhe wanted to kiss you. âI love you. Get some rest, stargirl.â
You waved to him in reply and he waved back. Then you disappeared through the door and left him there, his heart full and beating fast, the longing in his chest weighing heavier than before.
When you and Yunho were thirteen, you spent the longest period of time away from each other for the rest of your lives. It measured to about one summer break long when Yunho flew to South Korea to spend the entire vacation there and you could do nothing but chat with him via good, old fashioned e-mail.
Now that the two of you were older, even a couple days dragged on like an eternity. And because of your clashing and stacked schedules, a couple days almost always bled into a week.
A week since the release of Youth marked the inevitable release of its deluxe edition and the ever mysterious fourteenth track.
âYn, wait, can you just help me finish this set of primers?â
You were this close to escaping the lab before one of your colleagues caught you. Taking a deep breath, you resolved to turn back and help them out. One less thing to worry about later, right? You could still listen to the track once you got home.
Except you couldn't, at least not right away. You saw the email on the bus ride home:
Hello TAs! One of your peers has unfortunately been involved in a motorbike accident early this evening. We have been informed that they will recover to full health, but because they are hospitalized, we will need to redistribute responsibilities regarding grades and as to who will cover their TA sectionsâŚ
You skimmed down the email's contents, knowing you wouldn't be the one filling in as an actual TA. Because you were a first year graduate student in your first quarter, you opted to start off with grading work for now. But even if you didn't have to deal with a whole section of undergraduates, you could feel the blood drain from your face.
âYou've gotta be shitting me,â you said, then slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized you'd said that aloud. You mouthed a sheepish âsorryâ to a parent and her child nearby, then ducked your head to look at the contents once more.
There was no way they wantedâno, neededâall of those graded by tonight.
This was cruel and unusual punishment, but you knew you were going to do it anyway.
By the time you finished grading, shoveled dinner into your mouth, and took a therapeutically scalding hot shower, it was sometime past two in the morning. Thank fuck it was Saturday.
It was less than twelve hours later that you settled into the passenger seat of Yunho's Lexus sedan with a pair of shades covering your dehydrated, puffy eyes from the world and whatever paparazzi was stalking his car. Yunho glanced over at you with barely concealed amusement. âWell, good morning, princess.â
âYou can't see it but I'm glaring at you,â you grunted as you strapped yourself in with the seatbelt. âI can't believe you wake up before noon now.â
âUnfortunately,â he chuckled, peeling his car away from the curb. After an unsatisfactory six hours of sleep, Yunho had woken you up with the obnoxiously loud sound of your phone ringing. You managed to negotiate for him to pick you up in two hours rather than half an hourâand now here you were. You never truly considered yourself a breakfast person and you would have happily slept all the way to lunch, but even through the exhaustion, you wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see you.
He would be gone by the end of the week, after all.
You leaned your head back against the headrest. âI used to have to lure you out of bed with the smell of bacon. Remember when you ate that entire plate of raw-ass bacon and pancake batter that Mingi made?â
Yunho let out a loud laugh that made you smile. He glanced over at you. âBro,â he sighed, shaking his head, âyou know I'll eat anything. Oh my gosh, I will never forget the horrified look on your face when you came out of the bathroom and found out what happened.â
âYou looked like a kicked puppy when I told you that you shouldn't have eaten raw bacon,â you snorted. You'd felt so awful that Yunho was such a good eater who didn't complain; he didn't have any negative side effects afterward, thankfully, but you swore to never let Mingi in the kitchen or to let Mingi feed Yunho ever again, so long as you lived.
There was a cafĂŠ a few minutes drive from your apartment complex that the two of you liked to go to. It was a little hole in the wall, located on the second floor above a pet shelter, and the entrance could only be accessed through the stairs in the next-door alleyway.
Yunho adjusted the beanie over his bangs and you shifted your sunglasses up to the top of your head as you entered the establishment. There were a few people seated in the area to the right, but something you liked about this place was its hidden gem quality. (And the drinks and food they served, of course.)
âHi, welcome in!â The barista behind the counter called before ducking behind the espresso machine. âGive me two seconds, and I'll be right with you.â
âNo worries, take your time,â Yunho chirped back as he scoured the menu, eyes squinting and tongue darting out to wet his lips.
You had a general idea of what you wanted already, and you let Yunho know what it was before slipping off into the restroom.
By the time you emerged from the back hallway where the washrooms were, Yunho had finished ordering and was standing by one of the open two-seater tables by the far window with the soft autumn sunlight painting over his features. For a second, you stood at the opening of the hallway, just admiring him. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making you envision the sunlight dancing around him as he sat down in one of the seats.
Heat rushed up your neck as your eyes met across the cafĂŠ. Gazes locked, you stood frozen, but a smile bloomed on your best friend's face like the coming of spring. It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.
And then he made a face, cocking his head to the side like a puppy with a question. 'Why are you just standing there?â He seemed to ask.
You shook yourself out of whatever strange daze you'd slipped into, then walked over to join him.
âYou okay?â He asked as you took the seat across from him, a teasing lilt to his voice, yet there was still concern in the curve of his mouth.
You waved said concern away. âYeah. I think I'm still waking up or something.â
âAh,â he nodded in understanding. He frowned. âWhat time did you go to sleep last night?â
âLike⌠some time past two.â On cue, you let out a large yawn, lifting your sleeve up to cover your mouth. âIt's okay. I'll just sleep early tonight or something. One of the other TAs got into an accident, so we just had to do some make-up work and I just happened to get home late as it was.â
You could already see the guilt manifest on his face for waking you up, and you were swift to add, âI'll be fine with food and coffee, so 's alright. What about you? How'd you sleep last night?â
âI slept decently,â he replied, leaning forward to rest his cheek against his fist. âI didn't end up dropping the deluxe album, so it was a little more restful thanââ
Your brain took a second to catch up. The⌠the deluxe album⌠oh. Your eyes went from half-mast to wide open. âYouâyou didn't release the deluxe? Sorry, I was so busy yesterday that I didn't check my socials.â
âDon't worry about it,â he said with a sheepish smile. âBut yeah, I told my manager that I still wasn't ready to release it to the public just yet. I don't know when I'll postpone it to, but it probably won't come out until while I'm on tour.â
Ah. There was that disappointment settling in the pit of your stomach again. This wasn't about you, but why did it seem like he was avoiding your eventual listening to this song? He was almost always sending you audio files without prompting, so what made this one different?
Nonetheless, it wasn't your song. You would respect Yunho's privacy if he wanted to keep this one to himself and his friends.
You unconsciously rubbed your arm. âOh okay. Yeah, I meanâtake your time, Yun. I'm glad you don't feel pressured to release it when you aren't ready.â
His expression softened to something tender that made your chest feel fuzzy. âYou'll listen to it soon, I promise.â
The barista called out Yunho's order number, and your friend stood up to go retrieve it. You sighed as you fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt and peered over your shoulder as a pair of newcomers asked him for his autograph and a picture. You watched the pleasant smile spread on Yunho's face as he conversed with them as easy as breathing air, alongside the faint blush over his cheekbones.
No, you didn't know what had gotten into you this morning.
âNo, no. You have to loop it through this piece hereâyeah, there you go.â
You were so concentrated on following Hongjoong's directions that you didn't even register the sound of Yunho's front door opening and closing. Hongjoong clicked his tongue and scooted closer so he could direct your hands and the crochet hook himself.
âUhm⌠hey?â
Both yours and Hongjoong's heads whipped up at the sound of Yunho's confusion. He stood at the entrance to the living room area where, scattered all around you and Hongjoong, were clothes, toiletries, and other essentials laid out for Yunho to throw into his bags.
Tonight marked the evening before Yunho and the team were to set off on the Youth World Tour. Tomorrow, they would fly out sometime in the afternoon, which meant that you would have time to send them off before heading to work and class. However, because you hadn't seen Yunho since this past Saturday when he dragged your ass out of bed for breakfast, you invited yourself over to his apartment to oversee his packing. Hongjoong just so happened to be swinging by Yunho's apartment and you asked if he was up for an impromptu crocheting lesson.
Hongjoong arrived some time while Yunho ran out to the Chinese place down the block to grab dinner, and the two of you had been hunched over the ball of yarn and hook ever since.
âOh, you're back!â You exclaimed. In your distracted state, Hongjoong took the opportunity to take the crochet piece from you and subtly fix the mistakes you made.
Yunho's brows creased, eyes darting from you to Hongjoong as he slowly placed the takeout bags on the semi-cleared coffee table. âYeah⌠Joong, when did you get here?â
You leaned forward to help clear off the rest of the coffee table and to also assist in unpacking all of the takeout containers. Yunho shucked the baseball cap he was wearing off to the side, carding a hand through his dark locks.
âLike⌠seven minutes ago,â he replied cheekily. His mouth curled into something mischievous as he locked eyes with Yunho. âI can leave, though, if you wanted to be aloneââ
âHyungââ
âI'm messing with you,â he snickered as he handed you the yarn and hook. âI only came by to drop off the emergency backup files hard drive and to give Yn-ie a sneak peek of her crocheting lessons to come.â
(Yunho's eyes narrowed a millimeter. Yn-ie?)
You set the unfinished crochet square down on the couch to walk Hongjoong to the door. âAre we still on for tomorrow, by the way?â
âWhat's tomorrow?â Yunho twisted around where he was seated on the floor to watch you and Hongjoong make your way to the front door.
âYou,â said Hongjoong with raised eyebrows at your best friend, âare going on a plane with everyone else. Because I'm not leaving until the day after tomorrow, Yn and I are bonding over lunch after we see you all off.â
You and Hongjoong finished up finalizing plans in the doorway, followed by amiable farewells. Yunho called out a âgood nightâ to his friend as Hongjoong slipped out the door, and left you and him to the apartment by yourselves.
You claimed the spot on the floor next to him and accepted the pair of wooden chopsticks he extended to you. âI'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to invite him in. I probably should've asked,â you said sheepishly as you snapped the chopsticks apart.
âOh, no, he's been over quite a few times, so it's all good,â he replied swiftly. âI just didn't expect you two to be so close.â He added a laugh at the end that sounded more nervous to him than it was supposed to.
âWe've been texting back and forth, but I guess so. Nothing like the two of you,â you jested, lifting your eyebrows up and bumping your elbow against his.
Yunho grinned. âWhat's that supposed to mean?â
âYou guys spend all that time together in the studioâWHAâNO! Keep those hands to yourself!â You shrieked, rolling out of the way to dodge his hands that threatened to tickle you into submission. Yunho had thrown his head back in a carefree laugh, a beautiful expression in itself, that had you reciprocating.
When you were sure he wasn't going to attack you (affectionately), you scooted back over to your original spot next to him. He smiled to himself at the sidelong glance you casted him, and he went and grabbed one carton of rice for himself and the other for you.
âThank you for dinner, by the way,â you told him as you opened up your carton, his somehow already opened and spilling over with food.
You once again caught him with his mouth full, and Yunho swallowed the bite of food he had before replying. âYeah, man. Of course.â
âI swear that I will definitely get the next meal we haveââ
âYn.â He touched the back of his hand against your arm to draw your attention to him. âYou literally were the one to make sure I made it out of college alive, like, I can never thank you enough for how much you did for me then and continue to do for me now.â
You swallowed, suddenly blown back by the way he looked at you right now. âI did it because I care about you, Yun. It's not something I expect to be repaid for.â
âI know,â he said with a nod, lips pulled into a tender smile that made your stomach do flips. This was the look no one else got to see from him. Sure, he could fill stadiums of people who would see his big, bright grin that shone brighter than the sun, but⌠but this one, this smile, was yours. âThat goes the same toward this meal, okay?â
Yunho notched his finger under your chin and tilted your head up slightly to meet his eyes. âDon't worry about it.â
You set your carton of rice and chopsticks on the table, he copied your movements, and you wrapped each other in your mutual embraces. The startling realization that you wouldn't see him for longer than a week from tomorrow onward rushed toward you like the coming of a tide to shore. Before you knew it, the water was up to your knees, and youâwhat were you going to do without him here?
âI miss you already,â you whispered.
You felt him squeeze you tighter, nose pressed against the side of your neck. âI won't be gone too long.â A promise.
âThank god Seonghwa and Wooyoung can cook.â At the sound of his snort from above your head, you squawked out in your defense, âWho else is gonna make you bacon and pancakes in the morning when youâre dead tired?â
âHey! I can fry bacon, Iâll have you know!â
You pulled away from him so he could see the look of pure disbelief on your face. âOkay, rockstar. I believe you.â
He scrunched his nose up at you. âThatâs not very convincing.â
âIâm glad weâre on the same page.â
Yunho scoffed, reaching over to flick your nose. You let out a sound of indignation and rubbed your nose, a scowl on your face at Yunhoâs very pleased expression. And even if you were currently conspiring on how to get back at him, you couldnât help but resolve something right that secondâyou would do everything in your power to see his show in two weeksâ timeâto see Yunho in two weeksâ time.
The thing about cheap plane tickets was that the cheaper you bought them, the less âamenitiesâ that it came with. The one youâd purchased specifically for two weeks in the future did not allow you a refund. This meant that if something were to arise, you would be a good several hundred dollars poorer, and your plans to surprise Yunho at his show would fall completely through the floor.
Good thing you werenât about to let that happen, right? âŚRight?
âYouâre sick.â Those were your roommate Trinityâs first words to you as you stumbled out of your bedroom and found her perched on one of the stools at the kitchen counter. She fixed you with an unimpressed look as she stirred around her morning coffee.
âIâm notââ Your own response was cut off by one very untimely cough into your elbow. You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste at the back of your throat. Great. ââsick.â
âAnd Iâm Oprah,â she deadpanned.
âYou could be.â Did you really sound as much like a dying walrus as you thought you did? Holy shit.
She stood up from her stool, setting her coffee cup on the counter, then walked over to you to direct you back into your room. âIâm not permitting you exit from this apartment until you're better. Back to bed with you.â
âButââ
âNo buts! If you wanna still be able to fly by the end of this week, then you have to get better, Yn.â
You really, unfortunately, could not argue with that. Nearly a week and a half had passed since Yunho started touring. Opening night had been a massive success, as youâd seen the broadcast and read the reviews on social media. In the concert photos and videos slowly being released online, there was no doubt in your mind that Yunho belonged onstage. He was radiant as a diamond in each depiction of him, and he sounded better and better each night.
Suffice to say, you were beyond proud and happy for him.
In order to make your surprise successful, you informed Yunhoâs team of your plans so they could help you get into the concert once you arrived. Your part consisted mainly of finishing all of your work ahead of schedule so you werenât swamped when you got back. It was nearing the end of the term, meaning there was lots to grade and study, but when you had a goal, you were determined.
The only downside was that, between the long days and nights of work, your body couldnât fight against the swift rush of early winter air that swept through the city in the past week. Your working hours stretched out longer and longer until your body just⌠gave up. Or at least, it was giving up.
After calling in sick to your workplace, you crashed back into bed for what you hoped to be a restful nap. Maybe when you woke up, this would all just turn out to be a 24-hour fever.
(It was not a 24-hour fever.)
You didn't even know what time it was when you woke up groggy and your head pounding like there was an active construction site taking place in your skull. Your bedroom was dark, and the world outside your window was also dark. The sound of your phone ringing drilled into your cranium, and you groaned as you felt around your mess of blankets and sheets for wherever that damned thing wasâ
âHello?â You croaked into the receiver when you finally grabbed ahold of your phone.
There was a pause on the other end, and you were about to ask who it was when they responded. âOh my god. You're sick.â
Your heart leapt into your throat at the sound of your best friend's voice and you shoved your face into the pillow. âI'm not sick.â
âYn, sweetheart, you literally have the sexy sick voice.â
âYou think I'm sexy?â You asked in a drowsy, unwell daze. âBut anyways, I'm notââ You lifted your face into your elbow in time to practically hack out your lungs. You groaned. âOkay, maybe I am sick.â
Could things get any worse?
You could hear the frown in his voice. âYou sound like my worst nightmare.â
âAm I sexy or your worst nightmare? You need to pick an adjective.â You whimpered as you struggled to pull yourself up into a sitting position.
âAt least I know it did nothing to that attitude of yours,â he laughed. He sobered for a moment when he heard you groan as the blood rushed to your head. âHey, do you have meds with you? I can order some and have them there in half an hour.â
You waved him off, even though he wouldn't be able to see. âNo, it's okay. I should have taken an ibuprofen before I crashed. I'm sure we've got extra Nyquil around here somewhereâŚâ
You attempted to stand up, a swear falling from your mouth as the vertigo hit you and sent you tumbling back down onto the edge of the bed.
âYn, I'm sending you medicineâand dinner. That one bistro near your apartment is still open, right? I'll let Trinity know that deliveries are on theâYn?â
You lifted your head and broke out of your return to unconsciousness. âHm? Sorry⌠I did not hear anything you just said.â You rubbed your hand down your face and scooped your phone up to make your way out of your room. You somehow made it to the door, and you leaned against the doorjamb as you pushed out into the dark hallway. âYou don't have to send anything, Yun. Trinity's studying for her law school finals, so I don't wanna bother her. PlusâŚâ
You opened up the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and bit back a sigh of disappointment. No cold medicine. There was pain medication, at least, so that should hopefully help you fall asleep again.
At your lack of words, Yunho asked, âNo medicine?â
âNo, I have some medicine,â you countered. âJustânot the right ones.â Before you could swallow any pills, you hacked out another lung into your elbow; you swore your coughs were sounding worse and worse.
âYou know what? I'm flying homeââ
You slammed the pill bottle on the bathroom counter. âDon'tâwhat? Yunho, do not fly home. It's literally just a littleââ You coughed, ââcold. You have another show in two days. If you show up on my doorstep, I'm not opening the door.â
From the silence on his end, you knew he wasn't in total agreement with you. Maybe the bottle slamming was a little much, but his statement had surprised you. It didn't make sense for him to drop everything for you when you were experiencing something so trivial as a cold.
Not unkindly, you said to him, âI appreciate the concern, but you have bigger things to worry about and care about.â
âYou will always be the most important thing I care about.â
His admission was so sincere that your heart gave a violent palpitation in your chest. You struggled to swallow, and it wasn't just because your throat was sore. âAnd I feel the same way about you,â you murmured, âbut I can take care of myself, okay? I'll be back to normal in no time.â
You heard a sigh from his end. âI know; you're right. I just⌠wish I was there with you right now.â
You could understand thatâit was how you felt. But some things couldn't be helped, and Yunho needed to be where he was and you needed to be where you were. You could hold down the fort while he was gone taking over the world by storm.
You closed the bathroom door to give an extra barrier between your voice and where Trinity was studying in her room. After knocking back a couple painkillers, you seated yourself on the floor with your back against the bathtub and your knees pulled up to your chest. âYou know what's kind of ironic?â You coughed into your elbow and wrestled down another one bubbling up in your throat. You shouldn't have been speaking so much, but you could deal with the repercussions later. âI think I freaked out when you said you were going to fly home, not just because that's insane, but also because I was going to surprise you by flying out to your show in a couple days.â
He sucked in a breath. âYou were gonna come surprise me?â
âYeah,â you muttered, swiping at your nose and tucking your chin to your knees. Then you had to go and screw it all up, and you couldn't even get your money back. You pretty much accepted that you weren't going to be better by the time the day rolled around, especially not for travel. âI'm sorry I couldn't come see you.â
âNo, don't be sorry!â He cooed. âI'mâIâm really sorry you're sick and I'm sad you couldn't make it, but⌠but think of it this way, hm? As soon as you get better, I'll fly you out to whatever city I'm in and we can hang out and you can come to the concert. All you have to do is get better for me.â
You didn't know if your schedule would allow after this setback, but you were going to remain optimistic. With a small glimmer of hope peering through your chest, you replied, âOkay.â
âOkay,â he said, and you could hear the fond smile in his voice.
âBy the way,â you began, and had to clear your throat from how congested it was getting. Maybe some hot tea would do you good. You clambered to your feet to get out of this bathroom and do just that. âWas there a reason you called originally or was it just to say hi?â
A beat of hesitation passed between your question and his answer. âAhâŚâ There was a wince in his voice, âI, uhm, called because I wanted to know if you'd seen something online, but obviously you haven't 'cause you were asleep, butâŚâ
Seen something online? Your movements with your electric kettle paused. Had someone posted something about Yunho? âWhat is it, Yun?â Who's ass did you need to beat?
âSeonghwa hyung found out that someone leaked the hidden track online a few hours ago.â
You leaned your cheek against your palm, eyebrows knitting together. âShit, dude. I'm so sorry,â you said with a frown. That meant some rando on the internet had hacked into someone's files and leaked the song.
A sharp exhale from Yunho's end. âYeah, I dunno. We're working on getting it taken down right now, but in the event it can't be done soon enough, I think I'm just gonna release the deluxe version in a couple hours.â
It seemed by his response that it wasn't the hacking that was his primary concern. Leaked, unreleased songs happened to every major artist in the industry, and it had most definitely happened to Yunho before this. But this time⌠this time felt different. You knew how hesitant he was to release this, and having the track get released to the public on terms that weren't his? Well, that just wasn't fair.
âYou don't,â you said softly, reaching for a mug in the top cabinet to plop your tea bag into, âhave to release it officially right now. You can still wait until you're comfortable.â
You heard sounds of shuffling on his end, followed by the sound of a door opening. You thought you heard Yeosang's voice as he murmured something to Yunho. The exchange was swift, but it reminded you that your time with your best friend here was limited.
âDo you need to go?â You asked, trying to cover up your hope that he didn't have to with nonchalance.
He hummed. âIt's okay, I have a few minutes left. They want me to 'okayâ a couple things out on set, but that can wait. Uhm⌠as for what you said about releasing itâI,â he sighed, âI think this was the push I needed to finally drop it, y'know? I think either way I was going to be scared forâfor people to hear itâfor you to hear it. But uhm⌠yeah. That's all I wanted to say. I think it'll probably be released whenever you wake up.â
You poured the hot water of your tea bag, setting the kettle down gently. Letting the steam rise up to help clear your congestion, you could finally think a little clearer now. âI'm sorry this didn't happen on your terms.â
âI appreciate that. I hope you like the songâI⌠I really hope you like the song.â
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. âI'm going to like the song, rockstar. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.â
He let out a small laugh and the sound of his happiness, however big or small, made your chest feel heavy. âIâve missed you so much,â he rasped out. âSo much.â
You pressed your forehead to your fist, willing the prickling feeling of tears at bay. âI wish I was thereâIâve wished I was there with you the moment you left. But I'm so, so proud of you. I know I've said this before, but you belong on that stage, Yunho. I'll be there⌠I'm always there in spirit.â
âYou can't say that and expect me not to fly my ass home right now.â
You sputtered out a laugh, which was probably a bad idea, because it led to an utter disaster of a coughing fit. When you finally managed to get a reign on things, you picked up your mug of tea and took a couple ginger sips. It was still piping hot, but whatever scalding temperature it was at somehow soothed your throat and your head.
You set the cup down. âAgain, I'll be there in no time, I promise.â
âYou swear on your life?â
You sighed, but you pressed your lips into a smile. âI swear on my life.â
Yunho's departure from this call was imminent, and so you made further promises to get plenty of rest and to take care of yourself. You only did so when he promised to do the same for himself. Just after you both hung up, you received a text message from him: Stay up for five more minutes!! The delivery's almost there.
You huffed out a rough-sounding laugh, and bit your tongue around a smile. Of course he had still ordered you stuff. You shook your head to settle on one of the kitchen stools to nurse your tea and wait for the delivery to get here.
When the driver was safely out of bounds of your door, you poked your head out into the hallway to grab the paper bags seated on your doorstep. You had only expected medicine and maybe dinner, but not only were there cold medicines, orange juice, and hot soup from the bistro down the street, but there was a bouquet of flowers there, too.
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you pulled everything into the safety of your apartment. Damn Jeong Yunho and his gestures. It didn't mean anythingâthey were just Get Well Soon flowers, but why did you kind of wish they were more than that?
The Youth album's fourteenth track entitled your space hit the charts at number two. By the time you woke up, still sick as hell, the track had been officially released for about eight hours. You rolled over in bed to guzzle down half a bottle of water and cold medicine, then grabbed your phone.
It seemed that social media blew up while you were asleep. The deluxe drop was trending under a couple different tags, and based on initial skims, you were happy to report that most had everything good to say about it.
Though, some of the commentary made you pause. He has to be seeing someone, said one user. Look at these lyrics. These could only be produced by a man in love.
You had to swipe out of the app at that point. Instead, you went over to yours, Yunho's, and Mingi's group chat together where Mingi and Yunho had waged a meme war while you were asleep after Mingi wished you a âGet Better Soonâ message. You sent back your own meme in response and opened your music streaming app to find track fourteen.
The boys would probably all be asleep by now, so they wouldn't respond any time soon.
You found your space exactly where you thought it would be, at the very bottom of the deluxe album. You sat yourself up against your headboard, plugged your earbuds in, then hit play.
If only you knew how much it would rock your world.
Hongjoong was never wrong about his hunches. It had been about a week and a half since you came down with an awful cold and couldn't make it to your intended surprise show, and slightly less than that since the deluxe album dropped. Even before the tour started, life was a whirlwind, but now that the tour was only ramping up further from this point, it had been nothing short of a total rush.
Different cities every week, at least two nights a cityâall of it took a toll on both the staff and artist involved. Hongjoong's hunch, however, regarded the artist in particular as he watched said artist keep his smile up to say goodnight to the remainder of the stadium workers who lingered for cleanup. Yesterday was their last show date in this city, and today, Yunho and his team had come by to help load everything up for transport to their next destination. Tomorrow, they would fly out and be in the next city to begin preparing for the next round.
But as Yunho began making his way toward the exit where Hongjoong was waiting for him, it was impossible to miss the immediate exhaustion that flooded his features. He carded a hand through his hair as he checked his phone, then pocketed it in the back pocket of his pants.
âHey,â Yunho nodded to Hongjoong as he met him at the exit and they both walked out into the chilly evening together. There was already a car waiting at the curb to take them back to their hotelâthere was still so much that needed to be done before they left for the airport tomorrow.
âHey,â he said back. âEverything okay?â
Yunho glanced over at him. âHuh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine; just tired. I think it's a good thing I started packing before we came here earlier,â he mused. For him to pack early? A miracle.
Hongjoong bobbed his head in understanding. âYeah, I get that, but that's not reallyâyou know you can be honest with me, right? I know this has all been⌠a lot.â And Hongjoong would understand; he had been in the public eye for so long now, and all of that could be so incredibly draining. From catering to fans and journalists and sponsors, it could be difficult finding himself amongst all that mess.
Plus, Yunho had the added bit of being away from home for a very long time. From what Hongjoong understood, Yunho only used to tour relatively close to home, and when it was farther, it was during his school breaks. He also knew that you were an integral part of Yunho's sanity, and that even before he reached this level of fame, you were his rock, his anchor, his ground control.
Being away from you for so long was beginning to show. When Hongjoong brought it up offhandedly to Mingi, Mingi was swift to agree.
âIââ Yunho began as he slipped into the passenger seat and Hongjoong into the back of the car. He murmured a soft greeting to the driver before strapping himself in with a seatbelt. ââit definitely has been hard,â he admitted with a sigh. âI don't know, Joong. You know that rush you get while onstage, but it just comes crashing down a couple hours later? Like the adrenaline leaves you all at once and all you crave for is home?â
Hongjoong pursed his lips, watching Yunho lean the side of his head against the window as he watched the world pass by. âYeah, I do,â he said quietly. âThe moments between all the rush and excitement, you're no longer distracted from how much it all is.â
A nod. âYeah.â
âYou miss her?â It was less of a question and more so a statement. Hongjoong's hunches were never incorrect. It was both a blessing and a curse.
Yunho's quiet was answer enough.
Hongjoong played around with the back of his phone case. He knew you had listened to the songâheâd asked Yunho and you'd texted Hongjoong, too. Yunho reported that you gushed about the song and affirmed him in all his choices and lyricism as always, but he was certain that you didn't get it. But when you had run to Hongjoong questioning your own feelings and if Yunho had been scared to tell you if he was in love with someone, Hongjoong could confidently say that you did get it, just not one hundred percent.
There was still miscommunication in the message, but he knew that was only something that the two of you could sort out.
âHave you guys talked since last week?â
âYeah, we have. She's beenâŚâ He pushed a breath out of his mouth, â... She's been working her ass off trying to make up for the amount of time she was sick. I don't even know how she isn't getting sick again. I meanâall the shit she has to weather throughâI wish I could help.â
And he couldn't, not like how he wanted to, not from so far away. Maybe that was what was eating him up inside the most, besides the fact he believed his feelings to be unrequited.
The car pulled up to the back entrance of the hotel Yunho and his team were staying at for the time being. The two of them thanked the driver on their way out, and they were swiftly greeted by employees coming out of the back for their breaks.
When they reached the warmth of their hotel floor's hallway, Yunho said to Hongjoong, âI miss her so much.â He shoved his hands into the pockets of his Youth World Tour hoodie, eyes lined in silver. âI worry about her so much, too. I'm sure she worries just as much about me and I know that she's more than capable about taking care of herselfââcause god, she was the one who kept me afloat all these years, and Iââ
I love her.
He slapped his key card against the reader and shoved into his hotel room with Hongjoong trailing after with a sympathetic frown on his face.
âIt just feels wrong sometimes when I can't be with her. Is that crazy?â
Hongjoong settled a warm hand on Yunho's shoulder as the latter sat down on the edge of his bed. âIt's not crazy,â he said. He'd felt like that about a person, once upon a time. After everything Hongjoong had gone through with his last relationship, one might think he didn't believe in love, but he was still clawing for it. He wanted something that he could see manifesting between you and Yunho. He wanted to help you reach that.
He sighed and sat down next to him. âIt's completely valid to feel this way, y'know? She's been a huge part of your life and your passions, and for you to see all this without her seems incomplete.â
Yunho nodded. âYeah.â
âYou can go home whenever you want, you realize that?â Hongjoong asked. âWe have time built into each week to give you rest days, man. We can make that work.â It might be a little tiring for so much travel, but one trip back wouldn't hurt, especially when it could help his mental state more than simply powering through.
âI know,â he replied. âI don't⌠I just feel like I want her to see that I can do this, that she didn't put her trust and energy into someone who would fall so fastââ
âDo you seriously believe she would think about you that way?â
Yunho's expression shuddered, and he let out a shaky breath as he shook his head.
Hongjoong arched his brow. âExactly. She would never fault you for needing a break. Being human is not a sign of weakness, Yunho. She's your best friendâI think she has more forgiveness and compassion for you than that.â
Yunho swallowed. Of course what Hongjoong said was right. You wouldn't look at him any different if he needed a break; it was just a thing about being kinder to himself. But sometimes it was hard to put that into perspective, and perhaps he just needed someone to do that for him.
With no good choice made without a decent night of sleep, Hongjoong bid Yunho goodnight.
As soon as Hongjoong slipped out of his friend's room, he sighed and mentally calculated what time it would be where you were. You should have been awake.
And awake, you definitely were.
You would be lying if you said you hadn't been listening to the song your space on repeat for the past week and a half. Even as you sat in one of the campus dining halls doing work and eating your crappy sandwich for lunch, your headphones were spilling with your best friend's gorgeous croons.
You questioned everything at the same time. You'd figured out two days after you first heard it that you were in love with your best friend.
The lyrics had resonated with you, and you had come to the startling conclusion that you felt the song's meaning toward Yunho.
All you could do since was freak the fuck out and tell Yunho that the song was incredible. You didn't know who the song was for or about, but you knew it was important to him because of how scared he was to release it. Had he been scared to tell you he was in love with someone? Why?
Sometimes you found yourself tearing apart the lyrics like a rabid trash panda.
I couldn't ever leave you behind
They couldn't ever take me away
Baby, if I could pick a heaven on Earth
It would be anywhere in your space.
You broke away from your work and sandwich to the sound of a text notification. Suddenly remembering how loud your vibration ringer was, you silenced it, then opened up Hongjoong's message: I know you're probably moping and eating a shitty sandwichâwhat. You glanced down at said shitty sandwich that sat in its equally sad plastic container. How did he knowâŚ? âand he's not doing well either. He's miserable, dude.
Everything slowed for you, and it was no longer about your so-called epiphany. You felt your entire body and mood drop at the news. You'd seen social media posts commenting on Yunho's stage presence and brightness never fading, but there were always the one or two who noted something along the lines of him seeming too tired or that perhaps he didn't have enough stamina for this.
The latter comments made your blood pressure spike, but there was, unfortunately, some truth to it. You just didn't think it was this bad.
You pressed the backs of your knuckles against your eyes. You hadn't been doing the best, clearly, and you knew that it was largely because you missed him. Being away from someone you considered home for so long meant that you were bound to get homesick.
You didn't know what to do. There was so much work to be done, and you had just caught up. On top of that, you were short a few hundred dollars from the last time you tried to fly out.
Another message buzzed in from Hongjoong: I think you guys really need to talk.
The organ in your chest rattled around in its cage; it longed to be with its partner. You were starting to understand that now.
The song playing in your ear was slowly petering out, and all you could hear was his voice.
And I've kinda been wanting to ask if we can
Skip the 'whyâ and get to the 'ourâ
Because baby, I love your space
But I love ours more.
Yunho had not flown home that week. Some emergencies had sprung up as soon as they landed in their new city, and all bets were off to be able to go home. All that he could do was buckle down and get comfortable. Even so, he knew how to make the best out of a situation.
As he stood at the very center of the main stage, he held a hand up to shield his eyes from the bright spotlights shining down on him now.
âIs that better?â Hongjoong's voice echoed throughout the near-empty stadium.
From one of the balconies, Jongho cupped his hands up around his mouth to scream at the top of his lungs, âLOOKS GOOD, HYUNG!â
âJongho,â Yunho chuckled into his microphone, âdid someone not get you a headset, bro?â
A beat passed, and then, âNO.â
Mildly amused laughter cropped up around the stadium in reaction to the youngest's troubles. It was little moments like these where Yunho could forget for one second just how tiring all of this amounted to become. His smile was genuine, and his tongue darted out to trace his teethâ
âJeong Yunho, put your damn tongue away.â
Yunho's eyes went as wide as saucers, his expression morphing into something like childlike surprise as he immediately retracted his tongue into his mouth. But in the split second it took his brain to process the words that had been said, he also recognized the voice who'd said them. From the big screen, any one of the staff members or you could see the way his face stretched into the widest grin possible, his eyes lighting up like spotlights.
He lifted the mic in his hand up to his lips as he tilted his eyes up to the sound and lighting box far up in the stands. From where he was onstage, he could just make out the shape of you in the box next to Hongjoongâthe sneaky bastard. âLn Yn, get your ass down here right now,â he said, hardly able to contain the excitement in his voice.
You didn't need to be told twice.
You raced down the stadium steps from the box, your legs carrying you as fast as humanly possible without falling. Yunho leapt off the stage and left his microphone behind to meet you in the middle.
Somewhere between the pit and mezzanine, you flew into his arms and he caught you, spinning you around. The glee on both of your faces was enough to make everyone stop and appreciate the tangible love before them. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you pursed your lips to subdue them. You squeezed him as tight as you possibly could; his arms held you firmly around your waist, head tucked into the joint between your neck and shoulder.
âYou're here,â he croaked with tears in his voice now. You heard him sniffle, and only held him tighter. He felt the added strength and let out a sob. âI missed you so much.â
Oh, for fuck's sakeâyou started bawling like a baby. âIââ you sucked in a breath, ââI heardâso I booked a flightââ
This only caused his body to tremble harder. âOh god⌠Yn⌠IâŚâ
You sniffled and brushed your hand over the back of his head in an attempt to get both of you to calm down. âHey, don't worry about it, okay? It doesn't matter; you know I'd drop everything for you.â When his only response was to press his wet eyes against the heat of your neck, you blinked away your tears. âPlus, I missed you, too, rockstar.â
Yunho let out a watery laugh, gently setting you down onto solid ground. You both looked like a hot mess and a half: snot dripping out of your noses, eyes red and drowned in salty tears. The adrenaline rush from the surprise had trickled out of your system, but your heartbeat continued to rattle around in your chest with reckless abandon. His messy, damp hair; the wobbly shine in his dark brown irises; the way he smiled at you with that something on his face⌠he was everything to you.
âGlad to know the feeling's mutual,â he said, nudging you with his elbow, then pawing at his eyes to wipe the tears away.
âGood to see you, Yn!â San piped up from the stage with his microphone. He had picked up Yunho's microphone from where he'd abandoned it to come meet you.
You laughed, lifting a hand up in a wave. âHey, San! Hi everyone!â
Chimes of greetings from all the other boys and staff members cropped up from all around the arena.
Yunho brushed a hand through his hair and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. âDid all you fuckers know about this?â
Mingi was perched on the ledge of the stage. His grin seemed to be the widest after watching your reunion. He tugged the microphone attached to his earpiece closer to his mouth. âDon't tell us you're not grateful now.â
âNah, I'm just surprised Wooyoung was able to keep his mouth shut.â
Wooyoung didn't need a microphone to let you all know of his offense. You could hear his squawk of disapproval all the way from where you stoodâcrazy how acoustics worked.
Yunho heard your laugh from beside him, and he glanced over at you to catch the fond look on your face. He hadn't stopped smiling for the past five minutes, and it didn't matter how much his cheeks hurt. You were here; that was all that mattered.
âThis place isââ you marveled as the two of you began walking down the stairs together toward the stage. The backs of your hands brushed against one another, breaths away from touching, from lacing, from being together. ââhuge. It's so much moreââ You felt your lip wobble again, âI don't even know why I'm getting emotional. It's all you dreamed of as a kid, wasn't it?â
The tears pricked at the edges of his eyes again, and the two of you looked back at each other with equally wet eyes and bright smiles. âYeah,â he nodded, swiping at his eyes.
âYou deserve it.â
âAll thanks to you,â he said with a sniffle, hugging you to him again. You were solid and real beneath his fingertipsâhe was so happy you were here. This was where you belonged; none of this felt right without you.
When you finally reached the bottom of the pit, Yunho had to run back up to the stage, and you went through the aisles until you found your perfect seat. It wasn't long before Mingi bounded up the steps to come join you. He brought you in for a long awaited hug of his own.
âWhat's good, Yn?â He asked with a soft chuckle as he pulled away and settled in the seat to your left.
Just ahead, Yunho appeared onstage with his microphone in hand, and the two of you lifted your hands in sync to wave to your best friend.
You adjusted your bag in your lap, and clasped a hand on Mingi's shoulder. âThis is surreal. Does it feel surreal?â
Mingi's lips pulled into a smile as nostalgia made his vision cloudy. âIt does, every single time. I'm glad you're finally hereâweâre all very happy that you're here now.â
You bumped your head against his shoulder and let it rest there for a moment, and his hand came up to gently pat your head to tell you he understood. You didn't need to say anything.
For the next hour and a half, you and Mingi got to watch Yunho and everyone else run through the last of the day's lighting checks. Periodically, someone else from Yunho's personal team would come and sit with the two of you, then leave quickly when they had something else on their to-do list.
At last, when the session wrapped up and everyone was sent to go home for an early night, you rushed down to meet with Yunho again.
He waited for you to be at his side before leading you down toward backstage. âThere's a couple things I need to grab in my dressing room before we can head back to the hotel.â A thought suddenly interrupted his thoughts and his eyes widened. âDo you have accommodations? Please tell me you do.â
âDon't worryâI promise I'm not sleeping on the streets,â you teased. You'd figured all of that out pretty last minute with Hongjoong and Mingi's help.
Yunho nodded, a smile coming to his face. âOkay, good. I was gonna offer my room and I could sleep on the pullout couch.â
The thought of sleeping in the same room as him made your skin warm, and if you hadn't realized your feelings for him before, you would be confused as to why you were so flustered at the thought now. It wouldn't be the first time you had a sleepover. But this would be⌠different. Oh lord.
The backstage hallways were scarce and dimly lit in order to save energy, but it was enough to guide you and Yunho's way to the star dressing room. You swallowed as you reached the doorâthe facade plastered with a pretty, gold star with his name on itâand followed him inside.
âHey, Yun?â You asked him as you lingered by the door and he rushed around to grab his things. The room was decently spacious, and definitely larger than all the other ones from his past tours.
âMhm?â
âCould we⌠talk about something?â
He glanced back over his shoulder as he threw things into his bag. âYeah, âcourse.â
You toed at the polished ground, fingers twisting and wringing in front of you. âItâs about the song. The, uhm, the your space one.â
His movements paused. He looked up and connected gazes with you through the vanity mirror in front of him. Yunho cleared his throat and ducked his head to zip up his bag. âWhatâwhat about it?â He asked, shouldering his bag and meeting you back at the door.
He seemed unable to look you in the eyes directly now as he closed the door behind the both of you as you stepped out into the empty hallway.
âI just,â you stammered. Blood rushed up to your face and you could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears. âI needed to knowâI didnât need to knowâitâs your life and your song, and you have every right to have feelings for someone without me knowing. And I think Iâm asking this for selfish reasons, but⌠are you seeing someone?â
The question caught him off guard, his eyes blowing wide open. âWhâno. No, I am not seeing anyone. Why do you ask?â
âThe songâI know I shouldnât be indulging in what people on the internet say, much less in the opinions of those who donât even know you, but I couldnât help but agree with them when they say the lyrics, theâthe feeling of the songâyouâre in love, and Iââ Your breath caught in your throat as you choked on the words lodged there: And I am in love with you.
Yunho pushed an exhale out of his mouth and stepped toward you. So much shone in his eyes right then, and it didnât matter how much light there was in this damn hallway, his eyes would always glitter like twin diamonds. âI am in love with someone. Yn, Iâm in love with you,â he said. âI thought that the song would make it obvious, which is why I was so scared for you to hear it, but I realize now that this was just something I should have said outright.â
Your heart fluttered in your chest and it wasnât from the nerves anymore. God, your knees felt like buckling from the force of the tenderness in his eyes alone. âYouâreâyouâre in love with me?â
âI am,â he nodded. He slowly reached for your hands and clasped them within his own. âIâve been in love with you since that day you ran out of Science Olympiad practice to come to my audition; Iâve been in love with you from the moment you yelled at me for not being ambidextrous and I had beef jerky in my mouthââ
âI did not yell at you!â
He broke out into a cheeky, yet fond grin, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face with his hand. âIâve been in love with you for so long that I canât imagine what life was like before I was in love with youâand yes, you did yell, but you can yell at me as much as you like, and I would still be head-over-heels for you.â
Your lip curled in on itself at all of his words, at everything he was revealing to you now. You wished you had knownâoh, god, you wish you had known. You didnât know if things would have been different, but for some reason, you had a feeling that all paths might have led here nonetheless.
You squeezed his hand between your own now. âYouâre everything to me, Jeong Yunho,â you rasped out, unable to put strength behind your voice for fear of all of the emotion about to spill out. âAnd Iâm so stupid for taking so long to figure it all out, but Iâm in love with you, too, and Iâd be damned if I let another day pass without you knowing that.â
Something washed over him in that moment, and he laughed, leaning over to cup the back of your neck and rest his forehead against your own. It was ridiculous, the fact that both of you were giggling and smiling at such a precipice of emotion, but it felt right.
You could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips as he murmured, âFuck, I wanna kiss you so bad.â
âThen come kiss me, rockstar,â you said, looping your arms around his neck. You drew him down to your mouth and felt his body mold against your own. Every crevice and curve slotted so perfectly with one another, and the heavy longing in your chest slowly eased.
âYou guys have been incredible for me tonightââ Yunho beamed as he walked toward the front, center stage and looped the electric guitar strap over his head to the sound of the roaring crowd, ââso I've got a little surprise for you.â
One of the staff members had set out a mic stand and bottle water for him, and he approached both items to fit the microphone into place. Tonight was the Friday night concert being held in this city, and the energy was dialed to one thousand in all the best ways.
He held onto the microphone with one hand. âThis song is dedicated toâwritten forâmy best friend in the world, the love of my life, my stargirl. I'm sure you know itâyou crazies debuted it at number two on the chartsâthis is your space.â
His smile tugged up wider at the reaction he received. If anyone in the crowd didn't know the song, they were about to fall in love.
Yunho laughed, shaking his head, as he began checking to make sure his guitar was tuned with practiced, nimble fingers. âOh, by the wayââ he pointed up at the accessory he wore, the crocheted headband holding his hair up and out of his face, with a row of stars across its band, ââshe made this for me. Isn't it cute?â
The stadium echoed in choruses of âawâ and cheers.
He could only duck his head with a smile, eyes twinkling with fondness and tenderness at the thought of you. You were in the crowd, but you could be up here with him in spirit. âYeah, that was me, too.â
After you and Yunho left the stadium yesterday, hands intertwined and a new page in your relationship turned, youâd gone back to his hotel to share a restful evening in one anotherâs presences. You revealed later that night that you spent the four or five days you were bedridden practicing your crocheting skills until you were able to make him a headband. A row of three stars studded the length of itâstars for your rockstar.
Yunho struck his fingers down the strings of his guitar with a gentle rocking motion from his opposite hand to let the sound reverberate around the stadium. The crowd cried in love as his soulful, beautiful voice filled their ears with love of his own. And as his fans filed out of the stadium for the night and headed home, Yunho could finally return to his home. Because you were here now⌠no matter how far, no matter the distance, the two of you would always find a way to be in the other's space.
a/n: pls remember to reblog, comment, and send asks if you enjoyed!
yunho might have been the superstar out of the two of you, but you have always been the center of his universe. (you â it's always been you.)
⡠genre, warnings. bffs2l, childhood friends 2 lovers, pining, popstar/singer au, swearing, fluff, humor, angst, hurt/comfort, kissing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety/nervousness, they physically cannot be apart for too long sorry they've got Attachment Issues low-key..., one kiss (is all it takesâ)
⡠word count. 16.3k (guys,, this was supposed to be only like 6-8k i swear đ)
⡠associated tunes. keep smiling (demxntia), gone too long (lullaboy), tear in my heart (twenty-one pilots)
a/n: hope u guys like this :'))) i had one of the scenes from here stuck in my brain for awhile and so i had to build the rest of the fic around it, and it turned into this monster, so uhm yes... also much love to @jaehunnyy tysm for reading thru it for me đ
THE DAY YUNHO'S ALBUM hit the Billboard Hot 100, you knew that you were going to need a lot more hands on deck than just you, your roommate, and Jeong Yunho himself.
âThere's not enough albums, not enough time in the day, not enough of you!â You exclaimed with your fingers shoved into your hair as you took in the landscape of chaos before you on your living room floor. âYunho, why couldn't you be ambidextrous?â
His eyes widened, body frozen where he was shoving a slice of beef jerky into his mouth. âMwe? Pwhy are pyu yellinh ap mwe por?â
âI'm not yelling at you; I'm just wondering why you weren't born with eight arms instead of just two.â There were simply too many albums for him to sign before his agent came to pick them up in two hours, and there were also too few albums for the amount of demand. You always knew your best friend would make it big one day, but you also thought he would have had a whole team by that time.
Technically, you were his teamâyou, your roommate Trinity, and Mingi who was at his grandmother's for the long weekend. Mingi was five texts away from driving back down to help you guys four hours ago though. But his family needed him right now, and Yunho was firm in ensuring Mingi didn't have to come down and help. We got this, he'd said. It'll be easy, he also said.
Sure. Easy.
âWe can't just forge his signature?â Trinity joked in a sleep-deprived daze as she leaned back against the couch cushions. Her mouth opened wide in a yawn. âI'm kidding. Let's not ruin his career.â
Yunho swallowed his bite. âThat would be nice.â He cleaned his fingers on the Wet Wipe he had handy by his thigh, then picked up his black Sharpie, spinning the writing utensil between his fingers. âNow where were we? Album number fifty-sixâ?â
This had taken place just four months after Yunho released his second album, Aurora. It had been nearly a year and a half since Yunho debuted himself onto the music scene, and it was about time people finally began to recognize your best friend for all that he wasâmulti-talented, charismatic, handsome (on some occasions; you wouldnât let him catch you slipping up there, though).
Within the next year and a half, Yunho skyrocketed into further altitudes of fame.
There were plenty of changes that occurred, many evolutions to Yunho's team and additions to his discography, but you were always a part of it. Even with your own career dealings, you would drop anything to be there for him, and him for you. Between the morning show interviews and late night recording sessions, there were also the research presentations and study session pick-me-ups.
âAre you sure you don't wanna come with?â You asked from where you were stationed in front of the bathroom mirror, putting on the final touches for your look this evening.
You could hear Trinity's fingers clacking away at her keyboard at the speed of light through her open bedroom door. âI'd love to, but I unfortunately did screw myself over by procrastinating on this paper. Have fun though, and tell Yunho congrats for me.â
Tonight was the album release party for Yunho's third full studio album entitled Youth. It was something he had been working on for years now, only recently having become satisfied with the tracks he chose and produced for it. Due to his sudden rise in fame, the release party was said to be hosting a myriad of big name celebrities and figures in the music industry. And of course, you. You were no one special, in hindsight, but Yunho couldn't begin to imagine celebrating a milestone without you by his side.
By eight o'clock, you were ready to head out.
You bid Trinity goodbye as you hustled out the front door of your apartment and down to the street below. Yunho and Mingi and everyone else would already be at the party; you would arrive on your own via Uber. You wished you could've been with him to get ready like all the other times, but your schedule had been unfortunate as of late. You were lucky enough to have gotten off of work this early.
As you sat in the backseat of your ride, you anxiously fidgeted with your phone in your lap.
(You were, without a doubt, excited to arrive at the party. Due to yours and Yunho's ever-busy and ever-conflicting schedules nowadaysâyours because of work and PhD candidacy stuff, Yunho's because of rehearsals for his upcoming world tourâit had been awhile since you were able to hang out in person. You missed your gentle giant of a best friend.)
A loud vibration from it made your heart leap into your throat, and your face lit up in the dark with the incoming notification.
rockstar đ¤: pls tell me you've left the house
You snorted and typed out a swift reply. If I told you I was still in my pajamasâŚ
rockstar đ¤: then i would call u a liar cuz u don't go to work in pjs, weirdo
rockstar đ¤: just getting antsy tbh
rockstar đ¤: need my star here w me :â)))
You couldn't help the touched pout that came to your face. I'm almost there, don't worry. And who are you calling a star when that's you? He always got a little sappy when he was nervous.
rockstar đ¤: im literally not having fun here without u hurry up ://
your phone: isn't this UR album release party đ yun, why aren't u having fun?
rockstar đ¤: just hurry up
your phone: aish okok 𤧠eta 8min mr. impatient
You knew it was the jitters making him say things like that. Once you got there, you hoped you could help reassure him that he could stop worrying for just a second to enjoy himself. Even if Yunho worried about the album and what people thought, you were just as nervous. You hadn't even heard the entire thingâheâd been cheeky and didn't tell you he added a song to it last minute, but you'd listened to everything else.
You just hoped that people would continue to celebrate him and give him the love he deserved.
When your Uber driver pulled into the drop off loop at the front of the venue, you thanked him on your way out and threw the strap of your small purse over your shoulder. Already, however, as you were met with the residuals of flashing camera lenses and frantic paparazzi calls just a little ways down the driveway, the anxiety slowly began to settle in the pit of your stomach.
You could see the celebrities going up the entrance with people asking them to pose for their cameras, to say a word into their recorders.
Immediately, you turned on your heel and began slipping your way to a side entrance. The last thing you wanted was for dozens upon dozens of people to be staring at you, wondering who you were and why you were important. There were definitely people who knew youâyou were plastered all over Yunho's social media because that was just what best friends did. But compared to everyone else walking up that driveway? Not a chance. You were nobody, and that was ay-okay to you.
Just as you thanked one of the employees coming out the side door for letting you in, you felt your phone buzz in your hand again, this time with an incoming call.
You picked it up and squeezed it between your ear and shoulder. âYou're gonna need to speak upâthe kitchen is super loud.â
âYou're here finally!â Yunho said to you through the phone. âI was starting to get worried.â
You chuckled as you ducked out of the kitchen and into the main lobby to get to the elevators. The party was taking place somewhere on the seventh floor⌠if you could get there without getting lost. âHey Yun, do me a favor?â
âSure.â
âCalm down, man.â
The elevator sang its arrival and you stepped inside to the sound of Yunho sucking in a deep breath, then exhaling slowly. âI am calm⌠wait, are you in the lobby? Let me come down and get yââ
âI just got in the elevator, so don't worryâand I really don't think you should be leaving your own party, rockstar,â you teased. âMan, Mingi and Hwa really pulled out all the stops for this place,â you marveled quietly as you gave the elevator carriage a thorough look. It was made of marble and mirrors, every surface polished and crisp, like that of a tailored suit if tailored suits were made of crystals.
âYeah, it's really great,â he agreed. âRemember the release party we threw for Crescent?â
A fond laugh tumbled out of your lips as you stepped out of the elevator and onto the seventh floor. Your mind filled with memories of his debut album's release party hosted in yours and Trinity's living room with three extra large Domino's pizzas, root beer floats, and a cheap disco ball. It had been a party for four that nightâyou, Yunho, Mingi, and Trinityâbut your friends didn't need the fancy shit to have fun. âDefinitely leagues away from this.â
There was a bouncer at the far end of the hallway, and you were certain now that you were in the right place.
âI kind of miss it,â Yunho murmured. You heard the sound on his end shift, simultaneous to watching the doors in front of you crack open and see Yunho's head pop out into the empty hallway.
âI kind of miss it, too,â you said into the phone, your eyes locked on his and a smile blooming over your features at the sight of your best friend, in the flesh.
There was a tender gleam in his eyes as he took you in and said something in a low tone to the bouncer. He stepped out into the hallway, letting the doors behind him shut fully.
âSlowpoke,â was his greeting to you as he scooped you into his embrace. The smell of his cologne was something familiar and delicious, and permeated your senses.
âWorrywart,â you quipped back, wrapping your arms around him to reciprocate.
When you both pulled back, he kept you at arm's length so he could take a better look at you. âI can't believe you're calling me the worrywart! I do recall that one night when Aurora hit the Top 100ââ
You silenced him with a look and a playful punch to his shoulder. You pressed your lips together to suppress a smile as he tilted his head back in a jovial laugh. âQuiet, you. For once, I can't believe you're more nervous than I am.â
He gave a sheepish grin, fussing with the unbuttoned collar of his dress shirt, adjusting the chain he wore on his collarbones so the clasp sat right at the hollow of his throat.
You softened. Oh, he was really nervous.
âThis album's just big for me; you know that,â he said, almost like he was trying to brush it off.
âI do.â The two of you began slowly making your way back towards the party doors. âThough, I'm excited to hear this mystery song that you snuck on there. I'm sure everyone will fall in love with the album, just like I did.â
He peered over at you then, and you couldn't understand why you were unable to read his expression then. It was⌠different. âReally?â
You blinked. âOf course,â you replied automatically. âI mean,â you added, âit's you, Yun. What's not to love?â
Yunho seemed speechless for a second, but moments later, he was breaking into a soft-cornered smile. âYou always know what to say, Yn. Come on, there are some people who are dying to meet you.â
âDying to meet me?â You laughed as the bouncer let the two of you into the party.
The party room was a rented out lounge space with wraparound windows that looked out at the skyline in the valley below. The main lights were kept low and warm, illuminating strategic places throughout the space to highlight the prohibition-like interior design. It was something out of a 1920s speakeasy with its velvet couches and dark mahogany wood finishes.
Yunho took you over toward the side of the room to get food first. There was a variety of snacks and small bites on the buffet table, and there was a bar counter shoved into the far corner where a bartender served drinks.
âI've pretty much socialized with everyone in this room already,â Yunho murmured to you as he shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned. âMeaning I can bug you for the rest of the night.â
Your eyebrows shot up. âThere has to be, like, fifty people here. We still have the whole party left.â
âYeah, but I have more fun with you anyway,â he said with a shrug. He reached for one of the little serving cups that held a little roll of rice armed with a slice of wagyu beef on top, all wrapped together with a strip of nori. âNow theseâthese are fucking amazing, dude. You have to try one.â
You snorted, but grabbed one of the little cups. âHow many of these have you eaten already, Yun?â
He tapped his cup against yours like he was clinking glasses together. He chuckled, averting his gaze. âWe don't have to talk about thatâŚâ His eyes caught onto someone nearby, and he perked up, shoving the entire bite into his mouth so he had a free hand to flag down whoever it was. âMmh!â
You nearly choked on your own bite as you watched your best friend, who's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, flap his arm around in the air to get this person's attention because his mouth was currently occupied.
You turned your head to see who he was waving over, and nearly choked again, having to cup your hand over your mouth to prevent rice from falling out. Your eyes widened an alarming amount. âMmnoâ!â You mumbled through your bite.
âWhat? I can't hear you,â he snickered. âHongjoong hyung! There's someone I want you to meet.â
You made a crazed gestureâno, no, I'm not ready! How dare you ambush me with social interacâyou swallowed the food in your mouth as Hongjoong made his way over. You had never met the famed Kim Hongjoongâlegendary producer, prodigy musician, favorite model to ever strut down the Paris Fashion Week Runway. He dropped off the grid for a brief three-month hiatus until he suddenly reappeared, but in your best friend's Instagram story. At some point, Yunho had met Hongjoong and won his favor. Then again, it was easy for Yunho to win over anyone's favor.
No one really knew why Hongjoong disappeared like he had, but some speculate it had something to do with his new relationship status: single.
You were always starstruck seeing Hongjoong on Yunho and Mingi's social media, as well as Hongjoong's own platforms. Tonight was no exception.
Hongjoong's hair of the season was a simple light brown that complimented his skin tone and the warmth in his smile. You were used to seeing him in more extravagant garb, but tonight, he chose something very simple, but chic like Yunho.
Yunho and Hongjoong clasped hands in greeting. âWhat's up, man?â The latter chirped, eyes flickering over to you as you attempted to behave normally.
Yunho gestured toward you, his eyes twinkling as he swept his arm around your shoulders to bring you forward. âThis is Yn. Yn, this is Hongjoong. He's the one who produced the albumââ
âNow, don't downplay your own efforts, Yunho,â Hongjoong cut in with a knowing look. âYou produced so much of it on your own; I fine-tuned and made a couple tracks, but the rest was all you, man.â
âI always tell him he's far too humble,â you agreed.
Hongjoong sent you a smile, extending his hand out. âGreat minds think alike, Yn. It's very nice to meet the person this guy doesn't ever stop talking about.â
You laughed good-naturedly and saw Yunho's flushed sheepishness out of the corner of your eye. You shook Hongjoong's hand with a firm, confident grip. âNice to meet you, too. You'reâyouâre incredible, by the way. I remember when Yunho posted a photo with you, and I literally screamed his ear off over the phone.â
Yunho winced and held a hand up to his ear, as if remembering the physical sensation of that phone call. âYup, definitely damaged my eardrum that day.â
âWell, thank you; I'm flattered,â Hongjoong replied pleasantly. âSo I'm assuming you've probably heard as much of the album as I have then?â
âI'm sure you've heard the whole thing,â you said. âYunho has withheld one of the tracks from me, but I've listened to all the rest.â
He cocked his head to the side. âOh? Which track didâoh.â As he and Yunho made eye contact, you watched as a silent understanding passed between them, and Hongjoong's mouth tugged upward in a teasing smile. âThat song.â
You blinked. âWhat does that mean?â
Hongjoong flourished his hand as if to wave away the thought. âHe just wanted it to be perfect, so we were working on it up to the last second. Nothing terribly concerning.â
Ah. You relaxed, but the curiosity still lingered in your mind's eye. âI'm sure it's great, nonetheless.â
âOh yeah, you're gonna loveââ
âOh-kay! That's enough about the song,â Yunho chuckled nervously as he grabbed your shoulders and began steering you away from a clearly amused Hongjoong. âLet's go say hi to Mingi, hm?â
You threw him a look from over your shoulder, but went along with him toward wherever he'd seen Mingi wandering around. âWhat has gotten into you tonight?â You teased, though, you also hoped to know why he was so jittery. He wasn't even this nervous about dropping his debut album.
Yunho showed you a bright smile, the same kind of golden-retriever expression that the media knew him well for. It would have been enough if you didn't know him. âAgain, it's an important album to me. And the song I added last minute is on the deluxe version, so I wasn't really confident in putting it on the original release.â
âAh,â you murmured. You reached up to pat the hand that rested on your left shoulder reassuringly. âI'm sure it really is a great song, Yun, and I'm not just saying that. You can make an awful omelet, but you can't make an awful song.â
Your best friend bursted into laughter at the latter comment, and your heart soared to see the genuine smile on his face now. That was your Yunho shining through. âYou're rightâif I can't scramble eggs, at least I can write a song.â
Over the next hour and a half, Yunho took you on a tour around the room, jumping from friend to friend to introduce you to more of his world. For the most part, however, it felt like an excuse for you to bond with all his friends in teasing him about something or other. But he seemed content enough to see you getting along well with the other people close to him.
He had met plenty of your friends at your work, so it was only fair that you got the same opportunity.
At some point while you were with Wooyoung and San discussing all of the rehearsals for Yunho's upcoming world tour, Hongjoong summoned everyone's attention to announce that it was time to listen to the album. It would be a rather casual affair with the Youth album playing in the background of the party, but you were certain people would minimize their conversations to listen in.
You craned your neck to peer around the crowd to see where Yunho had gone off to. âWait, guys, did you see where Yunho went?â
Wooyoung and San joined your search, but quickly hustled you into a nearby booth to sit and enjoy the album with your drinks. âHe'll find us,â Wooyoung assured you as the three of you slipped into the leather seats. âHe wouldn't miss this.â
âHe'll at least be here by the last song,â San said offhandedly, his eyebrows wagging up and down.
Your lips parted, your face morphing into feigned offense. âWait. Did he let you guys listen to the deluxe edition song, too?â
âMaybe,â Wooyoung giggled.
San cooed at your pout. âAwwh, don't take it to heart, Yn-ie. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.â
You raised your drink to your lips, sighing before taking a sip. âEverybody talks about this damn song as if he wrote it for me.â
Unbeknownst to you, the two others at the table exchanged pointed looks between one another when you were looking away. It was a wonder how Yunho was able to keep this all a secret from you. Though, even San and Wooyoung knew how busy you could get nowadays, so perhaps it really was just that easy. Plus, they had all at one point or another been privy to Yunhoâs feelingsâ
âSpeak of the Devil,â you perked up at the sight of your best friend emerging from the crowd with the othersâHongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Jongho (vocal coach and album feature), and Yeosang (PR management)âin tow behind him. âWe were wondering where you had gone off to.â
Yunho grinned as the lot of them squished into the circular seating arrangement with you, San, and Wooyoung. âSorry, had to go round everyone up. The album should be queued up and ready to go.â He chose to sit on the end of the booth to your right while everyone else filled it up from the other side.
You offered him a sip of your drink, and he gladly took the glass from you. âSo San and Woo were just telling me about how their tour prep is coming. You guys are leavingâwhat was itâtwo weeks from now?â
He hummed, smacking his lips as he set the glass back down on the table. âYeah, it should be just about two weeks,â he said. His arm came up to rest against the back of the booth seat behind you. âYou know, you can still come to the first stop with usâŚâ This was said with a very pointed look at you from Yunho, followed by similar expressions from everyone else around the table.
âAnd you know that dayâs when my supervisor holds quarterly meetings that are mandatory,â you shot back. As much as you hated the timing, the day that Yunho and the team planned to fly to their first stop on his world tour, you were required to be present for a very important meeting at work.
The Youth World Tour was something Yunho had been looking forward to and preparing for a long time. Besides working on the Youth album itself, his working hours extended over the past year or so to get ready for this major milestone. You would definitely be able to meet up with them at one of the tour stops, you just werenât sure which one yet.
Things at your workplace were a little rocky as of late due to shifting management, but you would play it by ear. For your best friend, of course you would make it work somehow.
Your ears pricked up at the sound of strings strumming overhead and your heart leapt out of your ribcage for a moment. âOh my god, I love this song.â
âYou and me both, Yn,â Hongjoong chuckled across the table from you, reaching over so you could bump fists with him, âyouâve got good taste.â
âYouâre only saying that because you wrote this one specifically,â Yunho sputtered out a laugh while rolling his eyes.
âItâs a good message,â you said, picking up your drink to take a generous gulp of it. There was a little left at the bottom of the martini glass and you swirled the liquid around before handing it over to Yunho to finish. âI think this one will definitely make it onto my work playlist.â
Yunho draped the back of his hand over his forehead, setting the now empty glass on the table. âWow, relegated to the work playlist. Is that all I am to you?â
âYou are a mood maker,â you pointed out with a teasing smile.
âBro, you're complaining as if Yn doesn't put her work playlist on for everything she does.â Mingi arched his brows over the rims of his sunglasses. (Why was he wearing sunglasses indoors and at night? You didn't know; he said something about looking cool.)
Wooyoung chuckled. âWhat? So let's say you're trying to sleepââ
âYah, I have a different playlist for that! I'm not completely unreasonable.â
âCompletely,â Yunho and Mingi said at the same time, then looked at each other with wide, excited eyes. They bursted out laughing at once, too, leaving you to deadpan at the two clowns to your eleven o'clock and three o'clock.
You sighed. âI hate you guys.â
That only made them laugh louder, spurring on the others to crack smiles and for you to do the same.
Yunho calmed slightly, his cheeks hurting from smiling. âAw, you walked right into that one, Yn.â
âSo you're saying you are, in some capacity, unreasonableâoh my god, don't hurt me!â Mingi shrieked as he shoved Yeosang's body in front of him like a human shield as you lurched forward and threatened to grab him.
Yeosang sent Mingi a dirty look as he wrestled out of his neighbor's hold. âDude.â
âJongho, protect me.â
The vocal coach popped the olive from his martini into his mouth. âIf you can't handle the heat, hyung, stay out of the kitchen.â
You nodded, raising your pointer finger up. âExactly.â
For the next hour, you and your friends shared good company and conversation, while also commenting on, praising, and enjoying the tunes from Yunho's Youth album. There were a good thirteen songs featured on the album, and while most of them were inspired by real life, you remembered the days and nights when Yunho would break out the white board under his bed to draw out a concept map of the storyline he'd created in his head for some songs. It was like a miniature Easter egg hunt for fans to piece together from album to album.
When the clock hit nearly midnight, you recognized the song that marked the end of the conventional albumâtrack number thirteen, 22. It was a song that reflected and lamented on his early stages of adulthood, all the goods and bads, all the hopes and dreams he had left. It was something that tied the regular album with a satisfying bow, but you were also giddy to hear the secret fourteenth deluxe track.
But as his ethereal voice from 22 faded out, the same guitar chords from the first song of the album began to play.
Everyone at the table paused in confusion.
âUhh, I thought you were revealing the hidden track tonight, Yunho?â Seonghwa asked from across the table.
Yunho tilted his body out of the booth to peer into the sound booth at the very back of the lounge, a furrow in his brow. âI thought I was, too,â he said as he stood up. âIâll be back in a sec.â
Before anyone else could say anything, Yunho disappeared past the door to the sound booth. You frowned as Hongjoong excused himself to catch up with him, mumbling something about helping with any technical difficulties.
In retrospect, it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you didn't get to hear the song tonight. You would simply listen to it when the deluxe album dropped in about a week, but you wouldn't deny that you were a little disappointed. Everyone else at this table had already listened to itâwhy had Yunho not shared it with you yet? Did he think you would judge him or not like it? You didn't think you were ever so harsh a critic, but that would explain why he was so nervous all night.
Regardless, you remained positive.
When Yunho and Hongjoong returned to the table, the rest of you all looked on to them expectantly.
âSomething wacky is going on with the system right now and won't play the file for the hidden track,â Hongjoong huffed. He passed Yunho a sidelong glance, and you saw how Yunho avoided his friend's eyes like the plague. âSorry to disappoint, Yn.â
Everyone's attention whipped toward you, and you straightened like a deer caught in headlights. âOh, uhm, it's no biggie,â you said. You glanced over at Yunho who, if anything, seemed guilty. Or maybe it was just something apologetic. âReallyâI can wait for it to drop officially.â
You didn't like how the air seemed to shift during this exchange, as if all the other boys were sitting on the edges of their seats, faces morphed into mixed ranges of confusion and disbelief.
You cleared your throat. âAnyone want more drinks?â
As the night waned and the party came to a close, you found yourself being helped into another Uber car to head home. After the supposed tech glitch, the remainder of the party passed by without a hitch. At the very end, Yunho popped open a theatrical bottle of champagne for all his guests to close out the celebration.
The backseat door closed just as Yunho ducked in with you, his hand waving out the window to San, Wooyoung, and Jongho passing by along the curb.
The alcohol had gradually made its way to your brain, and there was a light buzzing at the base of your skull that made you feel all warm and fuzzy. You yawned, leaning your head against Yunho's shoulder.
He chuckled, one of his hands coming up to gently pat your head. âTired?â
âMhm,â you hummed as your eyelids fluttered closed. âYou didn't have to lie, y'know.â
You felt his shoulder tense under your cheek. If only you could feel the rapid beating in his chest, then he'd be as good as done.
âI don't know what you're talking about,â he replied innocently, nimble fingers running over the chain links of his wristwatch.
Your eyes cracked open slowly. âYunho.â
A beat passed, then he sighed. âAre you mad?â He asked quietly and his hand nearest to you found yours as he began to mindlessly inspect the chipped nail polish on your fingertips.
âNo, silly. Why would I be mad?â When he didn't respond right away, you let out an exhale of your own. âI mean, I could tell you were nervous about me listening to the song all night. And if you weren't ready for me to listen to it yet, then I totally get that, and I'm okay with waiting. I just would rather you tell me that instead of make Hongjoong lie for you.â
He stopped playing with your fingers. âI'm sorry, for the record. Thank you for understanding.â
You hummed in reply.
The drive continued on with the accompaniment of a random radio station playing on low volume. You weren't going to fall asleep just yet with the alcohol still working its way through your system, but you kept your eyes closed nonetheless.
âI missed you, you know?â Were his first words to break the next silence.
A small smile wormed its way onto your face. âI missed you, too. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever.â
He chuckled, the low sound rumbling through his chest and into your ear. âTexting can only take us so far. Isn't that crazy? We can't even survive a week without hanging out, but we're⌠we're about to be separated for so much longer timewise and distance-wise.â
You grumbled. âDon't remind meâwait. Has it really only been a week?â You peeked one eye open, a frown coming to your lips. âNo way.â
Yunho smiled, shaking his head. âBelieve it or not, stargirl. It's been only a week.â
âIn-fucking-sane.â
âYou're telling me.â
âHow are we going to survive?â You pondered aloud, genuinely. If you couldn't fly out to see him within the first handful of tour stops, you and Yunho at the soonest wouldn't be able to see each other for three weeks. And if you couldn't escape your work duties and your PhD responsibilities, then it would be longer than that. âYou're gonna have a closer relationship with your Valorant account than me.â
Yunho snorted. âI already have a closer relationship with my Valorant account than you.â
âShucks.â You breathed out. âGuess I'll just text Hongjoong then. You know what he told me tonight when we were exchanging numbers? All eight of you nerds have a group chat and he gets ignored like a mom in a family chatroom.â
Your comment made a laugh tumble out of Yunho's mouth. âDid he make that analogy?â
âNo, Seonghwa did when he overheard.â
A wheeze. âThat tracks.â Yunho licked his lips as he turned his head slightly to glance down at you leaning on his shoulder. With his free hand, he warmed his palm over your head like he could keep you here forever. âSo what's this about texting Joong?â
You shifted your position to get more comfortable and clung to his arm to press yourself closer. There was still a little ways to go before you reached your apartment. âI told him offhandedly that I wanna pick up a new hobby⌠something about crocheting or something, and apparently that guy is like⌠amazing at everything, so he's gonna help me out.â
âAh.â The sound was quiet. âI'm glad you guys got along.â
You smiled to yourself. âMe too. He's really cool.â
âNot cooler than me though, right?â
You blindly reached over to pat his chest in warm reassurance. âDon't worry, big guy. I guess you're still the coolest guy I know.â
He clicked his tongue at you with a weak chiding, âYah. You only guess? Don't tell Mingi that.â
âOh, I wouldn't dream of it.â
The Uber eventually pulled up along the curb outside your apartment complex. You lifted your head up from Yunho's shoulder and woke yourself up with a good stretch of your limbs.
He helped you out of the car, handing you your purse when you finally got your bearings. âAre you sure I can't walk you up? You look like your knees are about to buckle,â he chuckled.
You shook your head. The cool evening air was helping your brain to sober up. âNo, no. Don't worry about itâIâm not as drunk as that one year.â
âDear heart, how could I forget,â he teased. âMingi still has the recording of when you begged to be bridal carried.â
Your face warmed at his mention of that memory and you wrinkled your nose at him. âI was gonna say âI love youâ along with goodnight, but I suppose not.â
Yunho froze. âWhat?â
Maybe you really weren't sobering up, because you didn't catch his strange reaction. âNevermind,â you said flippantly. âLove you, Yun. Good night. Get home safe!â
He seemed to unfreeze, his lungs filling with breath again. A soft smile melted onto his pretty lips as he looked on toward you with a warm fondness. âLove you, too. Good night, Yn.â
He remained where he was outside the car door as he watched you dig your keys out from your purse and open the complex door. When you had one foot inside, you stopped, and turned back to him with a big grin on your face. âHey!â
âHey?â He laughed.
âI'm proud of you.â
For the thousandth time tonight, you made him lose his breath, his hold on reality. He swallowedâhe wanted to kiss you. âI love you. Get some rest, stargirl.â
You waved to him in reply and he waved back. Then you disappeared through the door and left him there, his heart full and beating fast, the longing in his chest weighing heavier than before.
When you and Yunho were thirteen, you spent the longest period of time away from each other for the rest of your lives. It measured to about one summer break long when Yunho flew to South Korea to spend the entire vacation there and you could do nothing but chat with him via good, old fashioned e-mail.
Now that the two of you were older, even a couple days dragged on like an eternity. And because of your clashing and stacked schedules, a couple days almost always bled into a week.
A week since the release of Youth marked the inevitable release of its deluxe edition and the ever mysterious fourteenth track.
âYn, wait, can you just help me finish this set of primers?â
You were this close to escaping the lab before one of your colleagues caught you. Taking a deep breath, you resolved to turn back and help them out. One less thing to worry about later, right? You could still listen to the track once you got home.
Except you couldn't, at least not right away. You saw the email on the bus ride home:
Hello TAs! One of your peers has unfortunately been involved in a motorbike accident early this evening. We have been informed that they will recover to full health, but because they are hospitalized, we will need to redistribute responsibilities regarding grades and as to who will cover their TA sectionsâŚ
You skimmed down the email's contents, knowing you wouldn't be the one filling in as an actual TA. Because you were a first year graduate student in your first quarter, you opted to start off with grading work for now. But even if you didn't have to deal with a whole section of undergraduates, you could feel the blood drain from your face.
âYou've gotta be shitting me,â you said, then slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized you'd said that aloud. You mouthed a sheepish âsorryâ to a parent and her child nearby, then ducked your head to look at the contents once more.
There was no way they wantedâno, neededâall of those graded by tonight.
This was cruel and unusual punishment, but you knew you were going to do it anyway.
By the time you finished grading, shoveled dinner into your mouth, and took a therapeutically scalding hot shower, it was sometime past two in the morning. Thank fuck it was Saturday.
It was less than twelve hours later that you settled into the passenger seat of Yunho's Lexus sedan with a pair of shades covering your dehydrated, puffy eyes from the world and whatever paparazzi was stalking his car. Yunho glanced over at you with barely concealed amusement. âWell, good morning, princess.â
âYou can't see it but I'm glaring at you,â you grunted as you strapped yourself in with the seatbelt. âI can't believe you wake up before noon now.â
âUnfortunately,â he chuckled, peeling his car away from the curb. After an unsatisfactory six hours of sleep, Yunho had woken you up with the obnoxiously loud sound of your phone ringing. You managed to negotiate for him to pick you up in two hours rather than half an hourâand now here you were. You never truly considered yourself a breakfast person and you would have happily slept all the way to lunch, but even through the exhaustion, you wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see you.
He would be gone by the end of the week, after all.
You leaned your head back against the headrest. âI used to have to lure you out of bed with the smell of bacon. Remember when you ate that entire plate of raw-ass bacon and pancake batter that Mingi made?â
Yunho let out a loud laugh that made you smile. He glanced over at you. âBro,â he sighed, shaking his head, âyou know I'll eat anything. Oh my gosh, I will never forget the horrified look on your face when you came out of the bathroom and found out what happened.â
âYou looked like a kicked puppy when I told you that you shouldn't have eaten raw bacon,â you snorted. You'd felt so awful that Yunho was such a good eater who didn't complain; he didn't have any negative side effects afterward, thankfully, but you swore to never let Mingi in the kitchen or to let Mingi feed Yunho ever again, so long as you lived.
There was a cafĂŠ a few minutes drive from your apartment complex that the two of you liked to go to. It was a little hole in the wall, located on the second floor above a pet shelter, and the entrance could only be accessed through the stairs in the next-door alleyway.
Yunho adjusted the beanie over his bangs and you shifted your sunglasses up to the top of your head as you entered the establishment. There were a few people seated in the area to the right, but something you liked about this place was its hidden gem quality. (And the drinks and food they served, of course.)
âHi, welcome in!â The barista behind the counter called before ducking behind the espresso machine. âGive me two seconds, and I'll be right with you.â
âNo worries, take your time,â Yunho chirped back as he scoured the menu, eyes squinting and tongue darting out to wet his lips.
You had a general idea of what you wanted already, and you let Yunho know what it was before slipping off into the restroom.
By the time you emerged from the back hallway where the washrooms were, Yunho had finished ordering and was standing by one of the open two-seater tables by the far window with the soft autumn sunlight painting over his features. For a second, you stood at the opening of the hallway, just admiring him. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making you envision the sunlight dancing around him as he sat down in one of the seats.
Heat rushed up your neck as your eyes met across the cafĂŠ. Gazes locked, you stood frozen, but a smile bloomed on your best friend's face like the coming of spring. It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.
And then he made a face, cocking his head to the side like a puppy with a question. 'Why are you just standing there?â He seemed to ask.
You shook yourself out of whatever strange daze you'd slipped into, then walked over to join him.
âYou okay?â He asked as you took the seat across from him, a teasing lilt to his voice, yet there was still concern in the curve of his mouth.
You waved said concern away. âYeah. I think I'm still waking up or something.â
âAh,â he nodded in understanding. He frowned. âWhat time did you go to sleep last night?â
âLike⌠some time past two.â On cue, you let out a large yawn, lifting your sleeve up to cover your mouth. âIt's okay. I'll just sleep early tonight or something. One of the other TAs got into an accident, so we just had to do some make-up work and I just happened to get home late as it was.â
You could already see the guilt manifest on his face for waking you up, and you were swift to add, âI'll be fine with food and coffee, so 's alright. What about you? How'd you sleep last night?â
âI slept decently,â he replied, leaning forward to rest his cheek against his fist. âI didn't end up dropping the deluxe album, so it was a little more restful thanââ
Your brain took a second to catch up. The⌠the deluxe album⌠oh. Your eyes went from half-mast to wide open. âYouâyou didn't release the deluxe? Sorry, I was so busy yesterday that I didn't check my socials.â
âDon't worry about it,â he said with a sheepish smile. âBut yeah, I told my manager that I still wasn't ready to release it to the public just yet. I don't know when I'll postpone it to, but it probably won't come out until while I'm on tour.â
Ah. There was that disappointment settling in the pit of your stomach again. This wasn't about you, but why did it seem like he was avoiding your eventual listening to this song? He was almost always sending you audio files without prompting, so what made this one different?
Nonetheless, it wasn't your song. You would respect Yunho's privacy if he wanted to keep this one to himself and his friends.
You unconsciously rubbed your arm. âOh okay. Yeah, I meanâtake your time, Yun. I'm glad you don't feel pressured to release it when you aren't ready.â
His expression softened to something tender that made your chest feel fuzzy. âYou'll listen to it soon, I promise.â
The barista called out Yunho's order number, and your friend stood up to go retrieve it. You sighed as you fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt and peered over your shoulder as a pair of newcomers asked him for his autograph and a picture. You watched the pleasant smile spread on Yunho's face as he conversed with them as easy as breathing air, alongside the faint blush over his cheekbones.
No, you didn't know what had gotten into you this morning.
âNo, no. You have to loop it through this piece hereâyeah, there you go.â
You were so concentrated on following Hongjoong's directions that you didn't even register the sound of Yunho's front door opening and closing. Hongjoong clicked his tongue and scooted closer so he could direct your hands and the crochet hook himself.
âUhm⌠hey?â
Both yours and Hongjoong's heads whipped up at the sound of Yunho's confusion. He stood at the entrance to the living room area where, scattered all around you and Hongjoong, were clothes, toiletries, and other essentials laid out for Yunho to throw into his bags.
Tonight marked the evening before Yunho and the team were to set off on the Youth World Tour. Tomorrow, they would fly out sometime in the afternoon, which meant that you would have time to send them off before heading to work and class. However, because you hadn't seen Yunho since this past Saturday when he dragged your ass out of bed for breakfast, you invited yourself over to his apartment to oversee his packing. Hongjoong just so happened to be swinging by Yunho's apartment and you asked if he was up for an impromptu crocheting lesson.
Hongjoong arrived some time while Yunho ran out to the Chinese place down the block to grab dinner, and the two of you had been hunched over the ball of yarn and hook ever since.
âOh, you're back!â You exclaimed. In your distracted state, Hongjoong took the opportunity to take the crochet piece from you and subtly fix the mistakes you made.
Yunho's brows creased, eyes darting from you to Hongjoong as he slowly placed the takeout bags on the semi-cleared coffee table. âYeah⌠Joong, when did you get here?â
You leaned forward to help clear off the rest of the coffee table and to also assist in unpacking all of the takeout containers. Yunho shucked the baseball cap he was wearing off to the side, carding a hand through his dark locks.
âLike⌠seven minutes ago,â he replied cheekily. His mouth curled into something mischievous as he locked eyes with Yunho. âI can leave, though, if you wanted to be aloneââ
âHyungââ
âI'm messing with you,â he snickered as he handed you the yarn and hook. âI only came by to drop off the emergency backup files hard drive and to give Yn-ie a sneak peek of her crocheting lessons to come.â
(Yunho's eyes narrowed a millimeter. Yn-ie?)
You set the unfinished crochet square down on the couch to walk Hongjoong to the door. âAre we still on for tomorrow, by the way?â
âWhat's tomorrow?â Yunho twisted around where he was seated on the floor to watch you and Hongjoong make your way to the front door.
âYou,â said Hongjoong with raised eyebrows at your best friend, âare going on a plane with everyone else. Because I'm not leaving until the day after tomorrow, Yn and I are bonding over lunch after we see you all off.â
You and Hongjoong finished up finalizing plans in the doorway, followed by amiable farewells. Yunho called out a âgood nightâ to his friend as Hongjoong slipped out the door, and left you and him to the apartment by yourselves.
You claimed the spot on the floor next to him and accepted the pair of wooden chopsticks he extended to you. âI'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to invite him in. I probably should've asked,â you said sheepishly as you snapped the chopsticks apart.
âOh, no, he's been over quite a few times, so it's all good,â he replied swiftly. âI just didn't expect you two to be so close.â He added a laugh at the end that sounded more nervous to him than it was supposed to.
âWe've been texting back and forth, but I guess so. Nothing like the two of you,â you jested, lifting your eyebrows up and bumping your elbow against his.
Yunho grinned. âWhat's that supposed to mean?â
âYou guys spend all that time together in the studioâWHAâNO! Keep those hands to yourself!â You shrieked, rolling out of the way to dodge his hands that threatened to tickle you into submission. Yunho had thrown his head back in a carefree laugh, a beautiful expression in itself, that had you reciprocating.
When you were sure he wasn't going to attack you (affectionately), you scooted back over to your original spot next to him. He smiled to himself at the sidelong glance you casted him, and he went and grabbed one carton of rice for himself and the other for you.
âThank you for dinner, by the way,â you told him as you opened up your carton, his somehow already opened and spilling over with food.
You once again caught him with his mouth full, and Yunho swallowed the bite of food he had before replying. âYeah, man. Of course.â
âI swear that I will definitely get the next meal we haveââ
âYn.â He touched the back of his hand against your arm to draw your attention to him. âYou literally were the one to make sure I made it out of college alive, like, I can never thank you enough for how much you did for me then and continue to do for me now.â
You swallowed, suddenly blown back by the way he looked at you right now. âI did it because I care about you, Yun. It's not something I expect to be repaid for.â
âI know,â he said with a nod, lips pulled into a tender smile that made your stomach do flips. This was the look no one else got to see from him. Sure, he could fill stadiums of people who would see his big, bright grin that shone brighter than the sun, but⌠but this one, this smile, was yours. âThat goes the same toward this meal, okay?â
Yunho notched his finger under your chin and tilted your head up slightly to meet his eyes. âDon't worry about it.â
You set your carton of rice and chopsticks on the table, he copied your movements, and you wrapped each other in your mutual embraces. The startling realization that you wouldn't see him for longer than a week from tomorrow onward rushed toward you like the coming of a tide to shore. Before you knew it, the water was up to your knees, and youâwhat were you going to do without him here?
âI miss you already,â you whispered.
You felt him squeeze you tighter, nose pressed against the side of your neck. âI won't be gone too long.â A promise.
âThank god Seonghwa and Wooyoung can cook.â At the sound of his snort from above your head, you squawked out in your defense, âWho else is gonna make you bacon and pancakes in the morning when youâre dead tired?â
âHey! I can fry bacon, Iâll have you know!â
You pulled away from him so he could see the look of pure disbelief on your face. âOkay, rockstar. I believe you.â
He scrunched his nose up at you. âThatâs not very convincing.â
âIâm glad weâre on the same page.â
Yunho scoffed, reaching over to flick your nose. You let out a sound of indignation and rubbed your nose, a scowl on your face at Yunhoâs very pleased expression. And even if you were currently conspiring on how to get back at him, you couldnât help but resolve something right that secondâyou would do everything in your power to see his show in two weeksâ timeâto see Yunho in two weeksâ time.
The thing about cheap plane tickets was that the cheaper you bought them, the less âamenitiesâ that it came with. The one youâd purchased specifically for two weeks in the future did not allow you a refund. This meant that if something were to arise, you would be a good several hundred dollars poorer, and your plans to surprise Yunho at his show would fall completely through the floor.
Good thing you werenât about to let that happen, right? âŚRight?
âYouâre sick.â Those were your roommate Trinityâs first words to you as you stumbled out of your bedroom and found her perched on one of the stools at the kitchen counter. She fixed you with an unimpressed look as she stirred around her morning coffee.
âIâm notââ Your own response was cut off by one very untimely cough into your elbow. You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste at the back of your throat. Great. ââsick.â
âAnd Iâm Oprah,â she deadpanned.
âYou could be.â Did you really sound as much like a dying walrus as you thought you did? Holy shit.
She stood up from her stool, setting her coffee cup on the counter, then walked over to you to direct you back into your room. âIâm not permitting you exit from this apartment until you're better. Back to bed with you.â
âButââ
âNo buts! If you wanna still be able to fly by the end of this week, then you have to get better, Yn.â
You really, unfortunately, could not argue with that. Nearly a week and a half had passed since Yunho started touring. Opening night had been a massive success, as youâd seen the broadcast and read the reviews on social media. In the concert photos and videos slowly being released online, there was no doubt in your mind that Yunho belonged onstage. He was radiant as a diamond in each depiction of him, and he sounded better and better each night.
Suffice to say, you were beyond proud and happy for him.
In order to make your surprise successful, you informed Yunhoâs team of your plans so they could help you get into the concert once you arrived. Your part consisted mainly of finishing all of your work ahead of schedule so you werenât swamped when you got back. It was nearing the end of the term, meaning there was lots to grade and study, but when you had a goal, you were determined.
The only downside was that, between the long days and nights of work, your body couldnât fight against the swift rush of early winter air that swept through the city in the past week. Your working hours stretched out longer and longer until your body just⌠gave up. Or at least, it was giving up.
After calling in sick to your workplace, you crashed back into bed for what you hoped to be a restful nap. Maybe when you woke up, this would all just turn out to be a 24-hour fever.
(It was not a 24-hour fever.)
You didn't even know what time it was when you woke up groggy and your head pounding like there was an active construction site taking place in your skull. Your bedroom was dark, and the world outside your window was also dark. The sound of your phone ringing drilled into your cranium, and you groaned as you felt around your mess of blankets and sheets for wherever that damned thing wasâ
âHello?â You croaked into the receiver when you finally grabbed ahold of your phone.
There was a pause on the other end, and you were about to ask who it was when they responded. âOh my god. You're sick.â
Your heart leapt into your throat at the sound of your best friend's voice and you shoved your face into the pillow. âI'm not sick.â
âYn, sweetheart, you literally have the sexy sick voice.â
âYou think I'm sexy?â You asked in a drowsy, unwell daze. âBut anyways, I'm notââ You lifted your face into your elbow in time to practically hack out your lungs. You groaned. âOkay, maybe I am sick.â
Could things get any worse?
You could hear the frown in his voice. âYou sound like my worst nightmare.â
âAm I sexy or your worst nightmare? You need to pick an adjective.â You whimpered as you struggled to pull yourself up into a sitting position.
âAt least I know it did nothing to that attitude of yours,â he laughed. He sobered for a moment when he heard you groan as the blood rushed to your head. âHey, do you have meds with you? I can order some and have them there in half an hour.â
You waved him off, even though he wouldn't be able to see. âNo, it's okay. I should have taken an ibuprofen before I crashed. I'm sure we've got extra Nyquil around here somewhereâŚâ
You attempted to stand up, a swear falling from your mouth as the vertigo hit you and sent you tumbling back down onto the edge of the bed.
âYn, I'm sending you medicineâand dinner. That one bistro near your apartment is still open, right? I'll let Trinity know that deliveries are on theâYn?â
You lifted your head and broke out of your return to unconsciousness. âHm? Sorry⌠I did not hear anything you just said.â You rubbed your hand down your face and scooped your phone up to make your way out of your room. You somehow made it to the door, and you leaned against the doorjamb as you pushed out into the dark hallway. âYou don't have to send anything, Yun. Trinity's studying for her law school finals, so I don't wanna bother her. PlusâŚâ
You opened up the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and bit back a sigh of disappointment. No cold medicine. There was pain medication, at least, so that should hopefully help you fall asleep again.
At your lack of words, Yunho asked, âNo medicine?â
âNo, I have some medicine,â you countered. âJustânot the right ones.â Before you could swallow any pills, you hacked out another lung into your elbow; you swore your coughs were sounding worse and worse.
âYou know what? I'm flying homeââ
You slammed the pill bottle on the bathroom counter. âDon'tâwhat? Yunho, do not fly home. It's literally just a littleââ You coughed, ââcold. You have another show in two days. If you show up on my doorstep, I'm not opening the door.â
From the silence on his end, you knew he wasn't in total agreement with you. Maybe the bottle slamming was a little much, but his statement had surprised you. It didn't make sense for him to drop everything for you when you were experiencing something so trivial as a cold.
Not unkindly, you said to him, âI appreciate the concern, but you have bigger things to worry about and care about.â
âYou will always be the most important thing I care about.â
His admission was so sincere that your heart gave a violent palpitation in your chest. You struggled to swallow, and it wasn't just because your throat was sore. âAnd I feel the same way about you,â you murmured, âbut I can take care of myself, okay? I'll be back to normal in no time.â
You heard a sigh from his end. âI know; you're right. I just⌠wish I was there with you right now.â
You could understand thatâit was how you felt. But some things couldn't be helped, and Yunho needed to be where he was and you needed to be where you were. You could hold down the fort while he was gone taking over the world by storm.
You closed the bathroom door to give an extra barrier between your voice and where Trinity was studying in her room. After knocking back a couple painkillers, you seated yourself on the floor with your back against the bathtub and your knees pulled up to your chest. âYou know what's kind of ironic?â You coughed into your elbow and wrestled down another one bubbling up in your throat. You shouldn't have been speaking so much, but you could deal with the repercussions later. âI think I freaked out when you said you were going to fly home, not just because that's insane, but also because I was going to surprise you by flying out to your show in a couple days.â
He sucked in a breath. âYou were gonna come surprise me?â
âYeah,â you muttered, swiping at your nose and tucking your chin to your knees. Then you had to go and screw it all up, and you couldn't even get your money back. You pretty much accepted that you weren't going to be better by the time the day rolled around, especially not for travel. âI'm sorry I couldn't come see you.â
âNo, don't be sorry!â He cooed. âI'mâIâm really sorry you're sick and I'm sad you couldn't make it, but⌠but think of it this way, hm? As soon as you get better, I'll fly you out to whatever city I'm in and we can hang out and you can come to the concert. All you have to do is get better for me.â
You didn't know if your schedule would allow after this setback, but you were going to remain optimistic. With a small glimmer of hope peering through your chest, you replied, âOkay.â
âOkay,â he said, and you could hear the fond smile in his voice.
âBy the way,â you began, and had to clear your throat from how congested it was getting. Maybe some hot tea would do you good. You clambered to your feet to get out of this bathroom and do just that. âWas there a reason you called originally or was it just to say hi?â
A beat of hesitation passed between your question and his answer. âAhâŚâ There was a wince in his voice, âI, uhm, called because I wanted to know if you'd seen something online, but obviously you haven't 'cause you were asleep, butâŚâ
Seen something online? Your movements with your electric kettle paused. Had someone posted something about Yunho? âWhat is it, Yun?â Who's ass did you need to beat?
âSeonghwa hyung found out that someone leaked the hidden track online a few hours ago.â
You leaned your cheek against your palm, eyebrows knitting together. âShit, dude. I'm so sorry,â you said with a frown. That meant some rando on the internet had hacked into someone's files and leaked the song.
A sharp exhale from Yunho's end. âYeah, I dunno. We're working on getting it taken down right now, but in the event it can't be done soon enough, I think I'm just gonna release the deluxe version in a couple hours.â
It seemed by his response that it wasn't the hacking that was his primary concern. Leaked, unreleased songs happened to every major artist in the industry, and it had most definitely happened to Yunho before this. But this time⌠this time felt different. You knew how hesitant he was to release this, and having the track get released to the public on terms that weren't his? Well, that just wasn't fair.
âYou don't,â you said softly, reaching for a mug in the top cabinet to plop your tea bag into, âhave to release it officially right now. You can still wait until you're comfortable.â
You heard sounds of shuffling on his end, followed by the sound of a door opening. You thought you heard Yeosang's voice as he murmured something to Yunho. The exchange was swift, but it reminded you that your time with your best friend here was limited.
âDo you need to go?â You asked, trying to cover up your hope that he didn't have to with nonchalance.
He hummed. âIt's okay, I have a few minutes left. They want me to 'okayâ a couple things out on set, but that can wait. Uhm⌠as for what you said about releasing itâI,â he sighed, âI think this was the push I needed to finally drop it, y'know? I think either way I was going to be scared forâfor people to hear itâfor you to hear it. But uhm⌠yeah. That's all I wanted to say. I think it'll probably be released whenever you wake up.â
You poured the hot water of your tea bag, setting the kettle down gently. Letting the steam rise up to help clear your congestion, you could finally think a little clearer now. âI'm sorry this didn't happen on your terms.â
âI appreciate that. I hope you like the songâI⌠I really hope you like the song.â
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. âI'm going to like the song, rockstar. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.â
He let out a small laugh and the sound of his happiness, however big or small, made your chest feel heavy. âIâve missed you so much,â he rasped out. âSo much.â
You pressed your forehead to your fist, willing the prickling feeling of tears at bay. âI wish I was thereâIâve wished I was there with you the moment you left. But I'm so, so proud of you. I know I've said this before, but you belong on that stage, Yunho. I'll be there⌠I'm always there in spirit.â
âYou can't say that and expect me not to fly my ass home right now.â
You sputtered out a laugh, which was probably a bad idea, because it led to an utter disaster of a coughing fit. When you finally managed to get a reign on things, you picked up your mug of tea and took a couple ginger sips. It was still piping hot, but whatever scalding temperature it was at somehow soothed your throat and your head.
You set the cup down. âAgain, I'll be there in no time, I promise.â
âYou swear on your life?â
You sighed, but you pressed your lips into a smile. âI swear on my life.â
Yunho's departure from this call was imminent, and so you made further promises to get plenty of rest and to take care of yourself. You only did so when he promised to do the same for himself. Just after you both hung up, you received a text message from him: Stay up for five more minutes!! The delivery's almost there.
You huffed out a rough-sounding laugh, and bit your tongue around a smile. Of course he had still ordered you stuff. You shook your head to settle on one of the kitchen stools to nurse your tea and wait for the delivery to get here.
When the driver was safely out of bounds of your door, you poked your head out into the hallway to grab the paper bags seated on your doorstep. You had only expected medicine and maybe dinner, but not only were there cold medicines, orange juice, and hot soup from the bistro down the street, but there was a bouquet of flowers there, too.
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you pulled everything into the safety of your apartment. Damn Jeong Yunho and his gestures. It didn't mean anythingâthey were just Get Well Soon flowers, but why did you kind of wish they were more than that?
The Youth album's fourteenth track entitled your space hit the charts at number two. By the time you woke up, still sick as hell, the track had been officially released for about eight hours. You rolled over in bed to guzzle down half a bottle of water and cold medicine, then grabbed your phone.
It seemed that social media blew up while you were asleep. The deluxe drop was trending under a couple different tags, and based on initial skims, you were happy to report that most had everything good to say about it.
Though, some of the commentary made you pause. He has to be seeing someone, said one user. Look at these lyrics. These could only be produced by a man in love.
You had to swipe out of the app at that point. Instead, you went over to yours, Yunho's, and Mingi's group chat together where Mingi and Yunho had waged a meme war while you were asleep after Mingi wished you a âGet Better Soonâ message. You sent back your own meme in response and opened your music streaming app to find track fourteen.
The boys would probably all be asleep by now, so they wouldn't respond any time soon.
You found your space exactly where you thought it would be, at the very bottom of the deluxe album. You sat yourself up against your headboard, plugged your earbuds in, then hit play.
If only you knew how much it would rock your world.
Hongjoong was never wrong about his hunches. It had been about a week and a half since you came down with an awful cold and couldn't make it to your intended surprise show, and slightly less than that since the deluxe album dropped. Even before the tour started, life was a whirlwind, but now that the tour was only ramping up further from this point, it had been nothing short of a total rush.
Different cities every week, at least two nights a cityâall of it took a toll on both the staff and artist involved. Hongjoong's hunch, however, regarded the artist in particular as he watched said artist keep his smile up to say goodnight to the remainder of the stadium workers who lingered for cleanup. Yesterday was their last show date in this city, and today, Yunho and his team had come by to help load everything up for transport to their next destination. Tomorrow, they would fly out and be in the next city to begin preparing for the next round.
But as Yunho began making his way toward the exit where Hongjoong was waiting for him, it was impossible to miss the immediate exhaustion that flooded his features. He carded a hand through his hair as he checked his phone, then pocketed it in the back pocket of his pants.
âHey,â Yunho nodded to Hongjoong as he met him at the exit and they both walked out into the chilly evening together. There was already a car waiting at the curb to take them back to their hotelâthere was still so much that needed to be done before they left for the airport tomorrow.
âHey,â he said back. âEverything okay?â
Yunho glanced over at him. âHuh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine; just tired. I think it's a good thing I started packing before we came here earlier,â he mused. For him to pack early? A miracle.
Hongjoong bobbed his head in understanding. âYeah, I get that, but that's not reallyâyou know you can be honest with me, right? I know this has all been⌠a lot.â And Hongjoong would understand; he had been in the public eye for so long now, and all of that could be so incredibly draining. From catering to fans and journalists and sponsors, it could be difficult finding himself amongst all that mess.
Plus, Yunho had the added bit of being away from home for a very long time. From what Hongjoong understood, Yunho only used to tour relatively close to home, and when it was farther, it was during his school breaks. He also knew that you were an integral part of Yunho's sanity, and that even before he reached this level of fame, you were his rock, his anchor, his ground control.
Being away from you for so long was beginning to show. When Hongjoong brought it up offhandedly to Mingi, Mingi was swift to agree.
âIââ Yunho began as he slipped into the passenger seat and Hongjoong into the back of the car. He murmured a soft greeting to the driver before strapping himself in with a seatbelt. ââit definitely has been hard,â he admitted with a sigh. âI don't know, Joong. You know that rush you get while onstage, but it just comes crashing down a couple hours later? Like the adrenaline leaves you all at once and all you crave for is home?â
Hongjoong pursed his lips, watching Yunho lean the side of his head against the window as he watched the world pass by. âYeah, I do,â he said quietly. âThe moments between all the rush and excitement, you're no longer distracted from how much it all is.â
A nod. âYeah.â
âYou miss her?â It was less of a question and more so a statement. Hongjoong's hunches were never incorrect. It was both a blessing and a curse.
Yunho's quiet was answer enough.
Hongjoong played around with the back of his phone case. He knew you had listened to the songâheâd asked Yunho and you'd texted Hongjoong, too. Yunho reported that you gushed about the song and affirmed him in all his choices and lyricism as always, but he was certain that you didn't get it. But when you had run to Hongjoong questioning your own feelings and if Yunho had been scared to tell you if he was in love with someone, Hongjoong could confidently say that you did get it, just not one hundred percent.
There was still miscommunication in the message, but he knew that was only something that the two of you could sort out.
âHave you guys talked since last week?â
âYeah, we have. She's beenâŚâ He pushed a breath out of his mouth, â... She's been working her ass off trying to make up for the amount of time she was sick. I don't even know how she isn't getting sick again. I meanâall the shit she has to weather throughâI wish I could help.â
And he couldn't, not like how he wanted to, not from so far away. Maybe that was what was eating him up inside the most, besides the fact he believed his feelings to be unrequited.
The car pulled up to the back entrance of the hotel Yunho and his team were staying at for the time being. The two of them thanked the driver on their way out, and they were swiftly greeted by employees coming out of the back for their breaks.
When they reached the warmth of their hotel floor's hallway, Yunho said to Hongjoong, âI miss her so much.â He shoved his hands into the pockets of his Youth World Tour hoodie, eyes lined in silver. âI worry about her so much, too. I'm sure she worries just as much about me and I know that she's more than capable about taking care of herselfââcause god, she was the one who kept me afloat all these years, and Iââ
I love her.
He slapped his key card against the reader and shoved into his hotel room with Hongjoong trailing after with a sympathetic frown on his face.
âIt just feels wrong sometimes when I can't be with her. Is that crazy?â
Hongjoong settled a warm hand on Yunho's shoulder as the latter sat down on the edge of his bed. âIt's not crazy,â he said. He'd felt like that about a person, once upon a time. After everything Hongjoong had gone through with his last relationship, one might think he didn't believe in love, but he was still clawing for it. He wanted something that he could see manifesting between you and Yunho. He wanted to help you reach that.
He sighed and sat down next to him. âIt's completely valid to feel this way, y'know? She's been a huge part of your life and your passions, and for you to see all this without her seems incomplete.â
Yunho nodded. âYeah.â
âYou can go home whenever you want, you realize that?â Hongjoong asked. âWe have time built into each week to give you rest days, man. We can make that work.â It might be a little tiring for so much travel, but one trip back wouldn't hurt, especially when it could help his mental state more than simply powering through.
âI know,â he replied. âI don't⌠I just feel like I want her to see that I can do this, that she didn't put her trust and energy into someone who would fall so fastââ
âDo you seriously believe she would think about you that way?â
Yunho's expression shuddered, and he let out a shaky breath as he shook his head.
Hongjoong arched his brow. âExactly. She would never fault you for needing a break. Being human is not a sign of weakness, Yunho. She's your best friendâI think she has more forgiveness and compassion for you than that.â
Yunho swallowed. Of course what Hongjoong said was right. You wouldn't look at him any different if he needed a break; it was just a thing about being kinder to himself. But sometimes it was hard to put that into perspective, and perhaps he just needed someone to do that for him.
With no good choice made without a decent night of sleep, Hongjoong bid Yunho goodnight.
As soon as Hongjoong slipped out of his friend's room, he sighed and mentally calculated what time it would be where you were. You should have been awake.
And awake, you definitely were.
You would be lying if you said you hadn't been listening to the song your space on repeat for the past week and a half. Even as you sat in one of the campus dining halls doing work and eating your crappy sandwich for lunch, your headphones were spilling with your best friend's gorgeous croons.
You questioned everything at the same time. You'd figured out two days after you first heard it that you were in love with your best friend.
The lyrics had resonated with you, and you had come to the startling conclusion that you felt the song's meaning toward Yunho.
All you could do since was freak the fuck out and tell Yunho that the song was incredible. You didn't know who the song was for or about, but you knew it was important to him because of how scared he was to release it. Had he been scared to tell you he was in love with someone? Why?
Sometimes you found yourself tearing apart the lyrics like a rabid trash panda.
I couldn't ever leave you behind
They couldn't ever take me away
Baby, if I could pick a heaven on Earth
It would be anywhere in your space.
You broke away from your work and sandwich to the sound of a text notification. Suddenly remembering how loud your vibration ringer was, you silenced it, then opened up Hongjoong's message: I know you're probably moping and eating a shitty sandwichâwhat. You glanced down at said shitty sandwich that sat in its equally sad plastic container. How did he knowâŚ? âand he's not doing well either. He's miserable, dude.
Everything slowed for you, and it was no longer about your so-called epiphany. You felt your entire body and mood drop at the news. You'd seen social media posts commenting on Yunho's stage presence and brightness never fading, but there were always the one or two who noted something along the lines of him seeming too tired or that perhaps he didn't have enough stamina for this.
The latter comments made your blood pressure spike, but there was, unfortunately, some truth to it. You just didn't think it was this bad.
You pressed the backs of your knuckles against your eyes. You hadn't been doing the best, clearly, and you knew that it was largely because you missed him. Being away from someone you considered home for so long meant that you were bound to get homesick.
You didn't know what to do. There was so much work to be done, and you had just caught up. On top of that, you were short a few hundred dollars from the last time you tried to fly out.
Another message buzzed in from Hongjoong: I think you guys really need to talk.
The organ in your chest rattled around in its cage; it longed to be with its partner. You were starting to understand that now.
The song playing in your ear was slowly petering out, and all you could hear was his voice.
And I've kinda been wanting to ask if we can
Skip the 'whyâ and get to the 'ourâ
Because baby, I love your space
But I love ours more.
Yunho had not flown home that week. Some emergencies had sprung up as soon as they landed in their new city, and all bets were off to be able to go home. All that he could do was buckle down and get comfortable. Even so, he knew how to make the best out of a situation.
As he stood at the very center of the main stage, he held a hand up to shield his eyes from the bright spotlights shining down on him now.
âIs that better?â Hongjoong's voice echoed throughout the near-empty stadium.
From one of the balconies, Jongho cupped his hands up around his mouth to scream at the top of his lungs, âLOOKS GOOD, HYUNG!â
âJongho,â Yunho chuckled into his microphone, âdid someone not get you a headset, bro?â
A beat passed, and then, âNO.â
Mildly amused laughter cropped up around the stadium in reaction to the youngest's troubles. It was little moments like these where Yunho could forget for one second just how tiring all of this amounted to become. His smile was genuine, and his tongue darted out to trace his teethâ
âJeong Yunho, put your damn tongue away.â
Yunho's eyes went as wide as saucers, his expression morphing into something like childlike surprise as he immediately retracted his tongue into his mouth. But in the split second it took his brain to process the words that had been said, he also recognized the voice who'd said them. From the big screen, any one of the staff members or you could see the way his face stretched into the widest grin possible, his eyes lighting up like spotlights.
He lifted the mic in his hand up to his lips as he tilted his eyes up to the sound and lighting box far up in the stands. From where he was onstage, he could just make out the shape of you in the box next to Hongjoongâthe sneaky bastard. âLn Yn, get your ass down here right now,â he said, hardly able to contain the excitement in his voice.
You didn't need to be told twice.
You raced down the stadium steps from the box, your legs carrying you as fast as humanly possible without falling. Yunho leapt off the stage and left his microphone behind to meet you in the middle.
Somewhere between the pit and mezzanine, you flew into his arms and he caught you, spinning you around. The glee on both of your faces was enough to make everyone stop and appreciate the tangible love before them. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you pursed your lips to subdue them. You squeezed him as tight as you possibly could; his arms held you firmly around your waist, head tucked into the joint between your neck and shoulder.
âYou're here,â he croaked with tears in his voice now. You heard him sniffle, and only held him tighter. He felt the added strength and let out a sob. âI missed you so much.â
Oh, for fuck's sakeâyou started bawling like a baby. âIââ you sucked in a breath, ââI heardâso I booked a flightââ
This only caused his body to tremble harder. âOh god⌠Yn⌠IâŚâ
You sniffled and brushed your hand over the back of his head in an attempt to get both of you to calm down. âHey, don't worry about it, okay? It doesn't matter; you know I'd drop everything for you.â When his only response was to press his wet eyes against the heat of your neck, you blinked away your tears. âPlus, I missed you, too, rockstar.â
Yunho let out a watery laugh, gently setting you down onto solid ground. You both looked like a hot mess and a half: snot dripping out of your noses, eyes red and drowned in salty tears. The adrenaline rush from the surprise had trickled out of your system, but your heartbeat continued to rattle around in your chest with reckless abandon. His messy, damp hair; the wobbly shine in his dark brown irises; the way he smiled at you with that something on his face⌠he was everything to you.
âGlad to know the feeling's mutual,â he said, nudging you with his elbow, then pawing at his eyes to wipe the tears away.
âGood to see you, Yn!â San piped up from the stage with his microphone. He had picked up Yunho's microphone from where he'd abandoned it to come meet you.
You laughed, lifting a hand up in a wave. âHey, San! Hi everyone!â
Chimes of greetings from all the other boys and staff members cropped up from all around the arena.
Yunho brushed a hand through his hair and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. âDid all you fuckers know about this?â
Mingi was perched on the ledge of the stage. His grin seemed to be the widest after watching your reunion. He tugged the microphone attached to his earpiece closer to his mouth. âDon't tell us you're not grateful now.â
âNah, I'm just surprised Wooyoung was able to keep his mouth shut.â
Wooyoung didn't need a microphone to let you all know of his offense. You could hear his squawk of disapproval all the way from where you stoodâcrazy how acoustics worked.
Yunho heard your laugh from beside him, and he glanced over at you to catch the fond look on your face. He hadn't stopped smiling for the past five minutes, and it didn't matter how much his cheeks hurt. You were here; that was all that mattered.
âThis place isââ you marveled as the two of you began walking down the stairs together toward the stage. The backs of your hands brushed against one another, breaths away from touching, from lacing, from being together. ââhuge. It's so much moreââ You felt your lip wobble again, âI don't even know why I'm getting emotional. It's all you dreamed of as a kid, wasn't it?â
The tears pricked at the edges of his eyes again, and the two of you looked back at each other with equally wet eyes and bright smiles. âYeah,â he nodded, swiping at his eyes.
âYou deserve it.â
âAll thanks to you,â he said with a sniffle, hugging you to him again. You were solid and real beneath his fingertipsâhe was so happy you were here. This was where you belonged; none of this felt right without you.
When you finally reached the bottom of the pit, Yunho had to run back up to the stage, and you went through the aisles until you found your perfect seat. It wasn't long before Mingi bounded up the steps to come join you. He brought you in for a long awaited hug of his own.
âWhat's good, Yn?â He asked with a soft chuckle as he pulled away and settled in the seat to your left.
Just ahead, Yunho appeared onstage with his microphone in hand, and the two of you lifted your hands in sync to wave to your best friend.
You adjusted your bag in your lap, and clasped a hand on Mingi's shoulder. âThis is surreal. Does it feel surreal?â
Mingi's lips pulled into a smile as nostalgia made his vision cloudy. âIt does, every single time. I'm glad you're finally hereâweâre all very happy that you're here now.â
You bumped your head against his shoulder and let it rest there for a moment, and his hand came up to gently pat your head to tell you he understood. You didn't need to say anything.
For the next hour and a half, you and Mingi got to watch Yunho and everyone else run through the last of the day's lighting checks. Periodically, someone else from Yunho's personal team would come and sit with the two of you, then leave quickly when they had something else on their to-do list.
At last, when the session wrapped up and everyone was sent to go home for an early night, you rushed down to meet with Yunho again.
He waited for you to be at his side before leading you down toward backstage. âThere's a couple things I need to grab in my dressing room before we can head back to the hotel.â A thought suddenly interrupted his thoughts and his eyes widened. âDo you have accommodations? Please tell me you do.â
âDon't worryâI promise I'm not sleeping on the streets,â you teased. You'd figured all of that out pretty last minute with Hongjoong and Mingi's help.
Yunho nodded, a smile coming to his face. âOkay, good. I was gonna offer my room and I could sleep on the pullout couch.â
The thought of sleeping in the same room as him made your skin warm, and if you hadn't realized your feelings for him before, you would be confused as to why you were so flustered at the thought now. It wouldn't be the first time you had a sleepover. But this would be⌠different. Oh lord.
The backstage hallways were scarce and dimly lit in order to save energy, but it was enough to guide you and Yunho's way to the star dressing room. You swallowed as you reached the doorâthe facade plastered with a pretty, gold star with his name on itâand followed him inside.
âHey, Yun?â You asked him as you lingered by the door and he rushed around to grab his things. The room was decently spacious, and definitely larger than all the other ones from his past tours.
âMhm?â
âCould we⌠talk about something?â
He glanced back over his shoulder as he threw things into his bag. âYeah, âcourse.â
You toed at the polished ground, fingers twisting and wringing in front of you. âItâs about the song. The, uhm, the your space one.â
His movements paused. He looked up and connected gazes with you through the vanity mirror in front of him. Yunho cleared his throat and ducked his head to zip up his bag. âWhatâwhat about it?â He asked, shouldering his bag and meeting you back at the door.
He seemed unable to look you in the eyes directly now as he closed the door behind the both of you as you stepped out into the empty hallway.
âI just,â you stammered. Blood rushed up to your face and you could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears. âI needed to knowâI didnât need to knowâitâs your life and your song, and you have every right to have feelings for someone without me knowing. And I think Iâm asking this for selfish reasons, but⌠are you seeing someone?â
The question caught him off guard, his eyes blowing wide open. âWhâno. No, I am not seeing anyone. Why do you ask?â
âThe songâI know I shouldnât be indulging in what people on the internet say, much less in the opinions of those who donât even know you, but I couldnât help but agree with them when they say the lyrics, theâthe feeling of the songâyouâre in love, and Iââ Your breath caught in your throat as you choked on the words lodged there: And I am in love with you.
Yunho pushed an exhale out of his mouth and stepped toward you. So much shone in his eyes right then, and it didnât matter how much light there was in this damn hallway, his eyes would always glitter like twin diamonds. âI am in love with someone. Yn, Iâm in love with you,â he said. âI thought that the song would make it obvious, which is why I was so scared for you to hear it, but I realize now that this was just something I should have said outright.â
Your heart fluttered in your chest and it wasnât from the nerves anymore. God, your knees felt like buckling from the force of the tenderness in his eyes alone. âYouâreâyouâre in love with me?â
âI am,â he nodded. He slowly reached for your hands and clasped them within his own. âIâve been in love with you since that day you ran out of Science Olympiad practice to come to my audition; Iâve been in love with you from the moment you yelled at me for not being ambidextrous and I had beef jerky in my mouthââ
âI did not yell at you!â
He broke out into a cheeky, yet fond grin, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face with his hand. âIâve been in love with you for so long that I canât imagine what life was like before I was in love with youâand yes, you did yell, but you can yell at me as much as you like, and I would still be head-over-heels for you.â
Your lip curled in on itself at all of his words, at everything he was revealing to you now. You wished you had knownâoh, god, you wish you had known. You didnât know if things would have been different, but for some reason, you had a feeling that all paths might have led here nonetheless.
You squeezed his hand between your own now. âYouâre everything to me, Jeong Yunho,â you rasped out, unable to put strength behind your voice for fear of all of the emotion about to spill out. âAnd Iâm so stupid for taking so long to figure it all out, but Iâm in love with you, too, and Iâd be damned if I let another day pass without you knowing that.â
Something washed over him in that moment, and he laughed, leaning over to cup the back of your neck and rest his forehead against your own. It was ridiculous, the fact that both of you were giggling and smiling at such a precipice of emotion, but it felt right.
You could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips as he murmured, âFuck, I wanna kiss you so bad.â
âThen come kiss me, rockstar,â you said, looping your arms around his neck. You drew him down to your mouth and felt his body mold against your own. Every crevice and curve slotted so perfectly with one another, and the heavy longing in your chest slowly eased.
âYou guys have been incredible for me tonightââ Yunho beamed as he walked toward the front, center stage and looped the electric guitar strap over his head to the sound of the roaring crowd, ââso I've got a little surprise for you.â
One of the staff members had set out a mic stand and bottle water for him, and he approached both items to fit the microphone into place. Tonight was the Friday night concert being held in this city, and the energy was dialed to one thousand in all the best ways.
He held onto the microphone with one hand. âThis song is dedicated toâwritten forâmy best friend in the world, the love of my life, my stargirl. I'm sure you know itâyou crazies debuted it at number two on the chartsâthis is your space.â
His smile tugged up wider at the reaction he received. If anyone in the crowd didn't know the song, they were about to fall in love.
Yunho laughed, shaking his head, as he began checking to make sure his guitar was tuned with practiced, nimble fingers. âOh, by the wayââ he pointed up at the accessory he wore, the crocheted headband holding his hair up and out of his face, with a row of stars across its band, ââshe made this for me. Isn't it cute?â
The stadium echoed in choruses of âawâ and cheers.
He could only duck his head with a smile, eyes twinkling with fondness and tenderness at the thought of you. You were in the crowd, but you could be up here with him in spirit. âYeah, that was me, too.â
After you and Yunho left the stadium yesterday, hands intertwined and a new page in your relationship turned, youâd gone back to his hotel to share a restful evening in one anotherâs presences. You revealed later that night that you spent the four or five days you were bedridden practicing your crocheting skills until you were able to make him a headband. A row of three stars studded the length of itâstars for your rockstar.
Yunho struck his fingers down the strings of his guitar with a gentle rocking motion from his opposite hand to let the sound reverberate around the stadium. The crowd cried in love as his soulful, beautiful voice filled their ears with love of his own. And as his fans filed out of the stadium for the night and headed home, Yunho could finally return to his home. Because you were here now⌠no matter how far, no matter the distance, the two of you would always find a way to be in the other's space.
a/n: pls remember to reblog, comment, and send asks if you enjoyed!
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chapter 1 : oh shit. a cowboy.
summary: when you come into his shop to get your boyfriend's car fixed, yunho can help but wonder what a hardworking, pretty girl like you is doing with someone so...pathetic. and maybe, just maybe, he feels like he could treat you better.
pairing: cowboy mechanic!yunho x female!reader
genre: non-idol au | strangers to lovers | angst | fluff (no smut yet, but there will be eventually)
rating: 18+ (for the whole series bc there will be smut eventually)
word count: 4.9k
content/warnings: pet names (sweetheart, doll), strangers to lovers, toxic relationship, yeonjun slander đ (sry baby), yj and reader get into a pretty big fight
notes: literally thank you so much to @ateez-main-yapper for helping me write this! like this would not exist without her letting me yap in her dms. or letting her help build the story up. or asking her to help edit. this was a two woman job đââď¸ so thank you baby đ
ALSO there have been a couple changes and edits from the teaser, so not everything of the first 1k words is the same âşď¸
and YES there will be a part 2 (& 3 đ) so PLEASE don't ask for it đ she will come when she's ready
Where the fuck was this place? You took another turn down another shaded alley, the sky strangely overcast for two in the afternoon.
The tapping of your fingers on the steering wheel was the only music since the stereo had broken months ago when Yeonjun slammed his fist against it in a fit of rage when you asked him to skip his gig this weekend to attend your sisterâs wedding. Now it just blinked periodically when the car hit a bump, giving it miniscule signs of life. And for a man who focused his whole life around his music, he seemed uncharacteristically uninterested in getting it repaired. And maybe it would never get fixed because you could only afford to get the big issues fixed today.
After six wrong turns you finally pulled into the parking lot. Your friend had recommended this garage when youâd told her this car had been having all sorts of issues, and she insisted on here. You had your doubts when she pulled up the Instagram of one of the mechanics to show you the shop and ended up going on about how hot he was for several minutes, but you didnât really have any other options.
It looked official enough. The brick building was large enough to house two large garage doors that opened up the shop to the dusty parking lot. Peering inside, you could see that there weren't many people inside the garage. There were only two mechanics in your line of sight, the closer of the two venturing back and forth between his toolbox and the taillights of an old Chevy, and you were their only customer as far as you could tell. You shrugged, Maybe theyâre understaffed.Â
You shrugged before swinging the car door open and grabbing your purse out of the passengerâs seat, brushing off your pants before you made your way in. There wasnât a front desk or a receptionist to talk to, and you got the feeling that this shop was solely run and staffed by the men inside.Â
You spent several moments hovering by one of the garage doors, shuffling your feet and trying to catch the eye of one of the mechanics, but neither of them looked up. Entirely too absorbed in their work to notice your presence. They must not get very busy.Â
âUmâŚhello?â You spoke, trying not to startle either of them.Â
They both turned to you, and the man whoâd been fixing up the Chevy opened his mouth to speak. But he was cut off by his coworker, who jogged over from where he'd been partially hidden from view behind a rack of miscellaneous parts, putting a hand on his friendâs shoulder and muttering a quick, âIâve got her, Min.âÂ
âMinâ chuckled and rolled his eyes, returning to his work.
Oh god.Â
âHey Doll, what can I do for ya?â Something about the way he sauntered up to you and smiled so gently immediately filled your stomach with butterflies, but you chose to ignore them for the sake of your own sanity.
Doll. That was a new one, and you felt that anyone else uttering that word toward you wouldâve disgusted you to your core. But something about this stranger was strangely comforting. Maybe it was the way he tilted his head as he waited for you to speak. Maybe it was the baseball cap strewn backward on his head. Or maybe it was the strands of his taupe hair that fell in front of his face, strands you imagined yourself brushing up under his hat.
Your fingers fidgeted with the strap of your purse, âIâm, uh, having some car issues.â
The laugh he let out, and the curve of his lips that accompanied it, made the tips of your ears burn, ââCourse you are, sweetheart. Anything in particular, though?â
âOh,â you chuckled softly along with him, âWell, he mentioned that the accelerationâs been kinda weird, and I thought the engine was a little loud when I drove it here today. Sorry, I donât really know a ton about cars.â
He hummed and tapped his foot a couple of times, âWhich one is it?âÂ
You pointed across the lot.Â
âAlright, let me pull it into the garage,â he put his hand out in your direction.Â
You stared at it, confused, and when you looked back up at his face he was smiling at you again. Stupid smile. He made your heart flutter more than you wouldâve liked to admit.
âKeys, sweetheart. Your keys.â
âOh,â you scrambled around in your purse before handing them over, embarrassed.Â
He took them from you with a 'thanks doll' and a tip of his head, hand hovering over his forehead in a way that made you think he was used to wearing hats much bigger than this simple baseball cap. Before you could even question it further he was jogging across the lot and pulling the car through the big garage doors.Â
When he stepped out of the car he looked at you curiously, âThis your car?â
You shook your head, âNo itâs my boyfriendâs. Heâs beenâŚbusyâŚlately, so he hasnât been able to bring it in. He keeps complaining about it, though, so I just decided to do it for him, I guess.â
He raised his eyebrow at you, nodding slowly.Â
âWhat?â you asked, moderately offended.
He shook his head, waving a dismissive hand, âNothing. Sorry. You just seemed a little unsure is all.â
âYeahâŚI donât know. I honestly think he just kept complaining so I would get tired of his whining and go on and get it fixed myself,â You chuckled awkwardly. Why the fuck were you telling him this? You started to feel a little embarrassed.
And that feeling only got worse when you saw the mildly horrified look on his face.Â
You shook your head and ran a frustrated hand through your hair, âCan you just fix it?â
That pretty fucking smile came back, and your grip on your hair tightened just a little in frustration. âOf course I can. Glad you brought this in when you did, honestly. Seems like your boy toyâs got a bit of an exhaust leak. Could be pretty dangerous, so it's good to get it off the road.â
âAh, perfect.â You shifted on your feet, âHow long will it take, do you think?â
He lifted his hat and ruffled his messy hair before readjusting it on his head. Why did every little movement he made drive you crazy? âUnfortunately, issues like this take a couple days. I doubt I could get her done any sooner than tomorrow.â
You nodded, âOkay. Iâll try and get a ride home then.â
âAlright, Doll. Let me write down your number real quick so Iâso we can call ya when sheâs ready.â
You wrote down your name and number for him on a pink sticky note that he stuck to the dash.Â
âPerfect!â He smiled at you, âWeâll call ya tomorrow.â
You couldnât help but smile back, âAwesome! Thank youâŚOh. Iâm sorry, what was your name again?â
âYunho. My name is Yunho, sweetheart. Itâs nice to meet you.â He stuck out his hand for you to shake.
And you couldnât help the ramming of your heart in your chest when he took your hand into his own.
Yunho watched as you stepped out into the parking lot to call someone, presumably that questionable boyfriend of yours who seemed to be way more trouble than he was worth. He couldnât help how his heart had dropped when you told him you had a boyfriend in the first place. After a long while of singleness, he was kind of hoping to test the waters when he saw you, and it even seemed like you responded positively to his obvious flirtations.
âSo a boyfriend, huh?â Mingi startled him from behind.
Yunho let out a small sigh, trying not to let himself get too worked up about it. You had only met twenty minutes ago for fucks sake. âYeah, seems like a real piece of work though.â
âReally?â MIngi gave his friend a skeptical side-eye, âOr is that the jealously talking.â
âNo, seriously! This is his car. And she said itâs been actinâ up for a while, but he never made the time to bring it in. She only brought it here âcause he wouldnât stop whining âbout it.â
âHuh. Sounds kinda child-like to me, but who are we to judge? We haven't even met the dude,â Mingi pat his friend on the back, âTry not to let it get you down, man. Iâm sure thereâs a cowboy-lovin girl right around the corner waiting for you.â
Yunho nodded, moving along so Mingi would let the whole thing drop. But no matter how many times he repeated in his head that you were taken, he just couldnât stop looking over in your direction. You just seemed soâŚtired. He didnât want to assume, but he got the feeling that this boyfriend of yours might be the main cause of that. And try as he might to reign in his ego and keep it in check, he couldn't help the part of him that knew that, whatever this man was providing for you, he could do so much better. That wasnât really his place, though. So he let you be.Â
âYeonjun what do you mean youâre busy? You were on the couch when I left an hour ago,â you sighed through the phone.
âBaby, come on. You know I have a gig tonight,â You fought the urge to roll your eyes. âAnd I need to get in the right headspace, so I canât leave the apartment. Itâll ruin the mood.â
âIs that really more important than picking me up? Iâm stuck here.â
âI donât know. Call an Uber?â Oh, you were gonna kill him.
âWhat? Why would I pay for an Uber when I have a boyfriend at home with my perfectly functioning car who could drive his ass over here and pick me up? For free!â
You hated how difficult it was to get him to help you out in any way. Why did he have to be so stubborn? âListen, I really canât break my flow right now. Maybe wait a couple hours, and Iâll come pick you up, okay? Or maybe have one of your friends pick you up.â
âItâs 3 pm on a Tuesday, Jun. Most people are atââ He hung up on you, âWork..â You trailed off.
God, this is so embarrassing. What the hell were you going to do now? You could call an Uber, but you could barely afford groceries this week. And getting this car fixed was gonna drain the last of your paycheck.Â
You bit at your lip anxiously, wracking your head for options. Your friends would be more than happy to pick you up, but most of them wouldnât get off work for another two hours. So maybe you could just wait until then. Or maybe you could hitchhike? The highway was miles off. And your gut wrenched at the idea of a stranger knowing where you livedâŚBut maybe that could work. Or maybe you couâ
âEverything alright out here, sweetheart?âÂ
You jumped at his voice, âOh! Yeah,â you scratched at your head, trying to force a smile, âMy boyfriendâs just really busy, so he canât come get me.â
âDo youâŚneed a ride?â He offered sincerely, âI donât wanna overstep or anything, but I could help ya if you need it.â
âOh god no! You donât have to do that.â
He grinned softly at you, âItâs really nothing at all. Iâll tell you what, Iâm leaving here in about an hour. If you canât find a ride before that, youâll let me give you drive you home.â
Just say âyes.â Your brain was practically begging you to speak, but you knew this would cause an argument with Yeonjun. A random handsome man bringing you back to the apartment? Oh, it was a recipe for disaster. But what other choice did you have? It wasnât like he was gonna pay for an Uber to help you home or pick you up himself. No, he left you stranded here with a shit reason, so you were gonna get home the best way possible, and, if it pissed him off, that was his own damn fault.
âOk,â you smiled up at him, âIf you really donât mind.â
âTrust me, Doll, itâs no problem at all. Let me just finish a couple things up and change, and then weâll get going, okay?â
You sat on the bench inside the shop while he finished his work. Trying to give yourself a moment to breathe. This was supposed to be your day off. You had finally been able to get a break from both of your jobs, and this is how you were spending it. Trying to fix the car of your boyfriend who couldn't even put his âpre-show ritualâ on hold to make sure you got home safe. Part of you was mad at him. Livid that his priorities were so far in the gutter. But you were mostly angry at yourself. Because at the end of the day, when all was said and done, you were the one who had spent six whole years of your life bending over backward for a man who wouldnât even reach out his arm to catch you.Â
You worked two jobs to support the two of you. Your paychecks paid for groceries, rent, insurance, everything. And what did he pay for? Nothing. Because he didnât have a job. He played two gigs every month at the dingy bar two miles from your apartment, which somehow justified not even bothering to look for employment.Â
How did you even get here? A deep sigh rose out of your throat. What the hell were you doing all this for? Your head hurt just thinking about all the times heâd let you down and all the stupid little arguments those let-downs had caused. And yet you were still out here paying his bills and running his errands.
âAlright, sweetheart, ready to go?â You broke out of your spiral when he called for you, and you looked up to see him no longer in the denim and baseball cap he was sporting earlier.Â
Lord help me. You silently prayed to whoever might be listening, swallowing around the sudden dryness in your throat. He was sporting a light blue button-down shirt with the top two buttons left open so his collarbones were exposed and a light brown cowboy hat that almost exactly matched his hair. A cowboy. Of course. You couldnât help the racing of your heart as he reached to adjust the brim of his hat. Unsure of whether you wanted to praise or curse whatever fate had sent him your way.
You cleared your throat and stood up from the bench, barely pushing a âyesâ out of your mouth.Â
He grinned and motioned for you to follow him to the parking lot. The innocent gesture left you lightheaded as you focused on the way his index and middle fingers curled towards his wrist.
As you approached, he gestured to a baby blue pickup truck, âHere she is. My baby.â You chuckled, endeared by the pet name, the image of him gently patting the hood of 'his baby' as he walked around the front of the truck with you reminding you of cowboys in old westerns, leaning their foreheads against their mares as they gently stroked their manes.Â
It was sweet. So sweet that you almost missed the fact that he was coming around to the passenger side of the truck with you.
He brushed past you, reaching for the passenger-side door. Swinging it open, he held out a hand to you, and you took it without much thought.Â
âUp you go,â he said with a playful lilt to his voice, helping you hold your balance as you climbed into the truck.
âThank you, Yunho.â
âItâs not a problem at all, Doll. I got ya.â He was going to be the death of you for sure.
âTen years. Youâve been working there that long?â you looked over at him, amazed, âHow old are you?â
He let out a hearty laugh, âTwenty-five. Mingi and I used to come up after school every day and help out. His grandpa used to run the shop but he retired a few years back and left it to him.â
âOh, thatâs sweet!â The thought of a little Yunho sweeping the floors and vacuuming cars made you smile.Â
He hummed, âYeah, itâs been a real nice job. Flexible hours, good pay, get to meet pretty girls from time to time.â
The tips of your ears burned at his blatant flirting. You looked over to see him focused on the road in front of you. The rays of the late afternoon sun shone on his face, letting you see the tan glow of his skin up close.Â
Why did you have to meet such a seemingly perfect man today? Why couldnât this opportunity have fallen into your lap six years ago?Â
And fuck you knew you needed to end things. But more than half a decade of your life had been poured into this relationship and you couldnât find it in your heart to let that go so easily.
Yunho noticed you looking over at him in his periphery, expecting some kind of playful rebuke, but was more than a little worried by your silence. Afraid he'd crossed a line, he was quick to apologize, eyes sincere and tone sober when he chanced a proper glance your way. âIâm sorry, sweetheart. I donâ mean to make you uncomfortable.â
âNo! Itâs fine,â You assure him, unconsciously threading your fingers through the ends of your hair, âI just donât usually get this kind of attention. I know youâre just being playful.â
He nodded, some of his playfulness seeping back into his expression as he cleared his throat, adjusting the brim of his hat as he fixed his attention back onto the road in front of him. âI promise Iâm not lyinâ about the âprettyâ part, though. I hope you know that.â
You scoff, but you can feel the heat in your cheeks rise, âThank youâŚâ
Silence enveloped the two of you after that, but he didn't seem to mind. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and humming along to the music playing out of the car's stereo. In another life, one where the man waiting for you back at your apartment wasn't hell-bent on driving you insane, you wanted to believe that you could be strong enough to look away. To ignore the butterflies filling your stomach. To ignore the way he made your heart flutter. But you just couldnât find it in you to look away, but he didnât seem to catch on.
He thinks it's cute that you think he doesnât notice. Heâs very keen on noticing your every little move. The way you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear when he called you pretty and the way you awkwardly fidgeted with your bag when you told him that you didnât normally receive that kind of attention.
It took every ounce of self-control in his body to keep him from prying. But he couldnât help the way he started to hate this man that heâd never met even more. What he wouldnât give to have a partner who was willing to go get his car fixed without asking. Someone who was so dedicated to the relationship that they were willing to sacrifice the little free time they had just to help out.
As he pulled into the parking lot of your apartment complex, he glanced over at you and met your eyes for a second. You quickly whipped your head away, embarrassed that youâd been caught red-handed. He couldnât stop himself from smiling, smiled, âHere we are.â
âMhm,â you nodded awkwardly, busying yourself with checking that you had all your things set to go. âThank you for the ride. It means a lot.â
âNot a problem at all, Doll. Need me to walk you up?â he asked, leaning forward to try and meet your eyes.
You shook your head, âNo, Iâll be alright.â You gave him a smile, âSo youâll call me tomorrow?â
He nodded, the tip of his hat dropping slightly, âYep, I should be done with âer around noon.â
âPerfect! Again, thank you so muââ
You were cut off by the sound of someone pounding on the passenger side window. Both of you turn at the sudden commotion.Â
Yunho watched as you hurriedly swung the door open and slid out of the car. And he heard a muffled, âJun, what the hell!?â after youâd slammed the door of his truck.
Ah, the boyfriend.
âAre you insane? What the fuck is your problem?â You yelled.
Yeonjun glared at you through the wild strands of his crimson hair, âMy problem!? Who the fuck is that?â
âOh, thatâs your issue? That I had to have the mechanic drive me home?â You seethed, jabbing a finger into his chest, âThis couldâve easily been avoided if you had picked your sorry ass off the couch to drive me home yourself. Like any decent partner would.â
Your not-so-subtle jab seemed to go over his head, his mind too focused on the image of you smiling and blushing in response to a man that wasnât him. âYou really couldnât have found a woman to drive you home? It just had to be this dick.â
âNo, Yeonjun, I couldnât find a woman to drive me home. You know why? Because itâs a Tuesday afternoon and all of my friends have jobs. Unlike you who canât even take the time to take a break from whatever the fuck you do all day to give me a ride.â
He gawked at you, clearly offended, âI have a job.â
âOh my god. This again?â You ran a frustrated hand over your face, âNo. You donât. Practicing with your bandmates twice a week and playing a single gig a month is not a job. You make $100 a month.â
âHow many times do I have to tell you that I donât want a nine-to-five? I like my schedule the way it is.â
You could feel angry tears forming at the back of your eyes, stinging as you held them back, âYou think I DO!? Yeonjun, I work sixty hours a week trying to keep us afloat. I pay for our food, our rent, our insurance, your fucking car! And I canât even get you to pick up the damn apartment when Iâm gone.â The tears started falling before you even realized it, shocking both of you. It had been a long time since heâd last seen you cry. Because you always chose either anger or an eerily calm response to his childishness. Knowing deep down that he wouldnât be able to comfort you if you slipped into vulnerability. âIâm fucking tired Jun. This was my first day off in three months, and I spent it trying to get your car fixed. And I canât even get a âthank youâ out of you. I donât know how much longer I can do this. You arenât nineteen anymore, and I think itâs time you grow the fuck up.â
He didnât say anything. The anger in his face replaced by a mix of shock and awkward discomfort, one of a man who was embarrassed to even be in this situation.
You stayed like that for a beat, holding your breath, praying for the moment when he realized everything heâd done wrong. Where he woke up from the immature daze heâd been trapped in since you were teenagers. But you supposed that was all wishful thinking, the tension broken not by either of you, but by a honk from behind him. His bandmate was here to pick him up.Â
He couldnât even look you in the eyes. âWeâll talk about this later,â he mumbled before jogging up to his friendâs car and sliding into the passenger seat. You watched him give his friend one of their ridiculous handshakes, the sound of blaring music and feminine laughter spilling out into the parking lot before the car door slammed shut. The scene was so ironic in the face of everything he'd just yelled at you for that you really couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up through your tears, bitter as acid on your tongue.
Yunho sat in his truck as he watched your asshole of a boyfriend leave the parking lot. He stayed like that for a while, watching you wipe at your tears and try to compose yourself. When youâd calmed down enough for his conscience to let him leave, he looked down at the passenger seat and noticed you had left your purse behind.
Grabbing the bag, he exited the truck and approached you. Trying his best not to startle you, he cleared his throat.Â
Surprised by the sound, you turned around to find Yunho standing there awkwardly, holding out the purse you now realized was missing from your shoulders, âYou left your bag.â
âOhâŚthank you.â You mumbled, closing the distance and grabbing it from him with a bit more force than you meant to. The mechanic didnât so much as flinch.
How could he when his heart hurt for you? This woman he could barely even claim to know. He hated the fact that you felt the need to respond defensively, the pain in your eyes, and how you could barely look at him. You shouldnât feel ashamed of this. It wasnât your fault. But Yunho knew without you having to say anything that you were incredibly embarrassed.Â
âListenââ
âOh god. Please donâtâ
His shoulders dropped, âI just wanted toââ
You lifted a hand to stop him, âYunho, please. Youâve been so kind to me, and I really appreciate your help today. But please for the love of god donât make me dump my relationship problems on you.â
âHey now,â he said, holding both his hands up in a calming motion as he spoke in a voice so deep and steady in contrast to your own that it caught you by surprise, âI donât mean to push or pry, Doll, you just look like you could use someone to talk to is all.â
âI just donât want you to think down on me,â you sighed.
He looked at you sincerely, slipping the hat from his head and placing it on the hood of the truck, âNow, have I given you the impression that thatâs somethinâ I would ever do?â
The appreciative smile you gave him almost made him melt. You leaned back against the side of his truck, tilting your head back until it hit the window with a soft thud, âIâm just so tired.â
Yunho slid next to you, awkwardly scuffing his boot into the pavement, âWould it be too rude to say I could tell?â
You chuckled, âI just donât know what Iâm doing wrong. Iâve been trying for years to get him to just put in an ounce of effort, but he wonât budge. But weâve been together so long I donât know if I have it in me to end things.â
âYou know itâs not your job to teach him how to be an adult, right? Heâs a grown-ass man. You shouldnât have to beg him to help you out.âÂ
The somber look in your eyes when you looked up at him made Yunho want to pull you in and hug you to his chest, but he respected your boundaries.Â
âI know. I justâŚâ you trailed off, no longer finding it in yourself to argue for your relationship.
Yunho took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he wanted to get off his chest, âLook, Doll, I donâ wanna overstep or anything, but Iâm gonna be blunt with you.â He paused, giving you room to tell him to stuff it and save it for someone else if you wanted to. But you were looking up at him expectantly, teary eyes nearly pushing his little speech clean out of his skull. He had to clear his throat a little before continuing. âThe way that man treats you is just disgusting. For everything you do for him? The least he could do is make sure that your apartment is spotless and you never have to cook again. And Iâm not saying itâs me who should give it to you, but you deserve worlds better than that.â
âYeahâŚâ was all you could get out before you felt a tear fall down your cheek, and you tried to wipe it away before Yunho saw. But of course he noticed.
Tentatively, he placed a hand on your shoulder in comfort, running his thumb along the fabric of your t-shirt. You surprised him, though, when you turned into him and started sobbing into his chest. Your fingers desperately gripping his button down.
âOh sweetheart,â he whispered, wrapping his arms around you and rubbing your back. Holding you with so much warmth and sincerity that you felt safer than you had in years. In the arms of a stranger, no less.
genre/warnings: angst, smut, major character death, graphic descriptions of violence
summary: denial after denial, your step-brother continues to nag you about an upcoming high school reunion, until you finally agree to tag along. itâs awkward seeing your ex-boyfriend, haechan, again for the first time in years, but you have no time to dwell on the past with the threat of undead students banging on the school gates.
word count: 20k
a/n: part 3/3 of my wanted: dead or alive series. as always, feedback is appreciated!
Every nerve in your body was screaming at you to leave this school, to never step foot here again, but you had made a promise you were none too keen on breaking.Â
Though to be fair, you had been pressured and borderline manipulated into coming. Mark, your stepbrother, was the only reason you had bothered to show up at all. You had no idea why he couldnât drag himself to your stupid high school reunion on his own.Â
But alas, what your annoying little stepbrother wanted, he almost always received. Though not without a fair tradeoff. You would be sure to do something that would momentarily destroy his life at some point.Â
At the moment, the idea of storming out and abandoning him without a ride was particularly appetizing.Â
âMark, I donât think I can do this anymore,â you said as you approached the fiery, demonic gates of hell.Â
Mark rolled his eyes for the nth time today alone. You had been insufferable about this entire trip ever since he (forcibly) asked you to come. âWeâre already here. Donât be ridiculous.â
âItâs not too late to turn around,â you reminded, scratching at the blue denim of your pants. âWe can always change our minds, you know. Go shopping instead.â
âNot a chance,â Mark replied, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you straight ahead. âCome on, itâll be fun.â
It was your turn to roll your eyes, but Mark gave you little to no say in the matter. He pushed you forward until you exasperatedly swatted his hands away, insisting that you knew how to walk on your own, and braced yourself for the inevitable havoc.Â
You both knew the real reason you didnât want to come back here and it had nothing to do with the school itself. Well, maybe. There were a lot of memories youâd buried on school grounds, good and bad. Some memories better than others. Some unspeakable. The point was that your rationale behind leaving was something much darker.Â
Walking through the double entrance of your former school, you were surprised by how uniquely different and yet familiar the place looked on both the inside and outside. The campus looked recently renovated, but it wasnât completely unrecognizable. There were the usual old brick walls, but fresh blue paint and brand new white pillars.
You wondered if they finally upgraded the bathrooms. Though you had wanted better ones since freshman year, even when you graduated, they were still pathetically disgusting. The entire student body had been hoping for something cleaner. More like begging.Â
Mark studied the entrance hall in awe for a moment before flitting his gaze back to you, patting you on the shoulder. âWeâre early. Wander around a little bit. See how much the school has changed over the past decade. Thatâll give you enough time to get your mind together before the others get here.â
You silently shrugged in answer, deliberately sulky. Mark had definitely planned this out. No doubt he had been expecting your stubbornness.
With that, Mark turned and started down the hallway, most likely going to check out the school for himself. You didnât understand why he was here any more than you understood yourself. He wasnât even a part of your senior class.Â
You stood in place for a moment as you glanced about awkwardly, uncertain of here to go first. There were so many options, and far too many of them brought back forbidden memories. The kind that you were to never, under any circumstances, speak of.Â
After a long minute of wavering, you ultimately decided to pace in the direction of the lockers, concluding it was the safest option. Despite how many years had gone by, the journey still felt so natural. The route was engraved inside your memory, with the once in a lifetime experience of not having to shove past other students in a crowded hallway.Â
The lockers looked a little different. They were still the very exact shade of blue they had been a decade ago, but with some touch ups. You stood in front of yours, something bittersweet making your heart throb. Many memories existed here. Stupid, petty arguments and stolen kisses.Â
With how engrossed in your thoughts you were, the last thing you were expecting was for someone to come up behind you.
âBoo!â
You jumped, screaming as loud as your lungs would let you. Startled, you jolted to look to the other side, coming face to face with Johnny Suh. âGod, you asshole,â you swore, a hand put over your speeding heart. âI can already tell youâre still annoying.â
Johnny laughed. âIs that your way of greeting someone you havenât seen in years?â
You scoffed, very familiar with Johnnyâs shenanigans, and retorted, âOnly if scaring the living the hell out of them is yours.â
Despite the annoyance in your tone, you pulled Johnny in for a well-overdue hug. And Johnny, ever the gentleman, made sure to ensure maximum distance between your bodies. Maybe it was a little bit too chivalrous. Sure, a whole decade had gone by, and Johnny had always been respectful, but he had never been one to mind a splash of contact between friends.Â
Male or female, for the record. You pulled away first, crossing your arms in suspicion. âWhatâs her name?â
Johnnyâs eyes widened in surprise. âIs it that obvious?â
You laughed. Was that a serious question? âYou just gave me the most courteous hug ever and I know youâre the last person to be scared of tits. You definitely have a girlfriend.â
âFiancĂŠe, actually,â Johnny replied with a smile, holding up his hand to show off the band on his finger. âIâm engaged. I bought us matching rings.â
You gawked, surprised. Johnny was one of the few people in the bunch who you had never imagined to have a successful long-term relationship, so this kind of life update was totally unexpected. âEngaged to who?â you asked, flabbergasted.Â
âVictoria,â Johnny replied casually.Â
That threw you for another loop. Victoria, as in Victoria Kim? The same Victoria you literally bet five dollars wouldnât take Johnny back if he was the last guy on earth? There was no way in hell. âDidnât you guys break up?â
Johnny smirked, having been anticipating that reaction from you. Everyone he knew had been in a state of shock when he mentioned heâd rekindled his relationship with his high school sweetheart. âYouâve got a lot of catching up to do.â
Understatement of the decade. Literally. There were only a few people you were currently up to date with in your former friend group, although that was merely because of forced proximity. Mark, Taeyong, and Jaehyun were all in some kind of dance squad together with a couple of other buddies they had.Â
Johnny, on the other hand, had become something like a ghost after graduation. You knew virtually nothing about his life after high school and you hadnât really made an effort to maintain the friendship via social media, which was partly because of the fact that your account had gotten hacked by some stalker, but that was an entirely different conversation.Â
You shook your head, clearing the thoughts away. âCongratulations,â you replied, still reeling with shock.Â
âThank you,â Johnny said, leaning against the lockers. âWhat about you? Dating anyone?â
Your eyes widened, although you probably should have been expecting it. Fuckâs sake, this was a high school reunion. There were going to be a million questions thrown at you about your personal life and you had to be prepared to answer all of them. âMe? No. Iâve had a few brief stints, but nothing lasting.â
Johnny nodded in understanding, tempted to probe you about the brief stints in question, but held himself back. He didnât want to make you too uncomfortable. âAh, I get it. The dating pool is pretty fucked up right now anyway. Youâre not missing out.â
âSays the engaged man,â you quipped. âYou donât have to say things just to make me feel better.â
Johnny threw his hands up. âYou caught me.â
You grinned, appreciating the fact that Johnny was still admirably sincere. He kept things real, but he was cautious with his words and did his best not to hurt anyoneâs feelings. You could see the maturity in his face and although it gave you whiplash, it was a pleasant addition to his character.Â
There was still a lot to get used to. You were genuinely happy for his engagement, however, you would be lying if you said it didnât rub salt in all the wrong wounds. So many years ago, everybody said it would be you walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress. And now ironically, Johnny would be getting married to the same woman everyone swore he wouldnât last three seconds with.Â
Which, according to Victoria herself, was very inapplicable in bed. And to be fair, they had dated without breakups for nearly two years in high school.Â
You forced the thought out of your head again, knowing that you were cruising down dangerous waters. Glancing up at Johnny, you asked, âDid you get taller?â
Johnny glanced down at you, noting the remarkable high difference he had never failed to tease you over in high school, and replied, âIâve always been taller than you.â
âNo shit,â you replied, because that wasnât even what you had asked. âBut did you grow?â
Johnny teased, âNah. I think you just got shorter.â
You rolled your eyes and directed your attention back to the blue lockers, too annoyed to look at his face. Your lockers were right next to each other, meaning you got the pleasant luxury of hearing him and Victoria make out before every other class period like the two love-struck teenagers they had been.Â
Not that you had been much better.Â
âHaechanâs been single too,â Johnny told you offhandedly.Â
You furrowed your brows. âI didnât ask about Haechan.â
âNo, but you were thinking about him.â
He had you there. Haechan had been all you could think about since the moment Mark asked if he could drag you along with him to this goddamn reunion, and he was single-handedly the only reason why you would have rather been at home. The thought that you would inevitably have to face him at some point today made you immensely antsy.Â
No one needed to know that though. You didnât want to seem like you werenât over a relationship you had been in literally a lifetime ago. âAnd what would you like me to do with that information?â
Johnny shrugged, but there was a certain hint of mischief to the smile on his lips, and you werenât even remotely curious about what it meant. âYou donât have to do anything. Iâm just saying. Heâs single, youâre single. I thought you would be curious.â
âNot even a little bit,â you lied through your teeth.Â
Johnny could see straight through your tale, but he didnât call you out on it. He didnât need to. You were already filling in the blanks on your own, just as he had intended. âIf you say so.â
You considered giving him a snarky response, but you refrained, deciding that youâd rather keep up your facade of nonchalance. In no way would you give the impression that you were invested in Haechanâs love life. Instead, you deflected the attention, asking, âHowâs Vicky?â
âSheâs doing great,â Johnny replied, smiling at the mere mention of his betrothed. You could tell he was smitten. âShe works in the foreign language department of a beauty brand and she makes good money doing it too.â
You were pleased to hear that. âNo surprise there. Sheâs always been the better bilingual.â
âOh, definitely,â Johnny agreed. âShe speaks flawless Korean and rarely mixes it with English. Iâm kinda jealous. But at least living in Korea improved my accent.â
You gawked and raised your voice up a shrill pitch, asking, âWhen the hell did you do that?â
âLike I said, youâve got a lot of catching up to do,â Johnny teased, seemingly having fun dropping all this new information on you out of the blue. âAnyway, Iâll catch you in a bit. Iâm gonna go see if Jaehyunâs made it here yet.â
âOkay. Good luck finding him if he has. That guy can hide anywhere,â you joked.
âNot from me, he canât,â Johnny said with a chuckle, turning and heading down the hall.Â
You heaved a breath when he was gone. The first conversation had gone by smoother than anticipated, which took a few weights off your shoulders, but not many. You were still dreading bumping into your ex.
With a hand wound through your hair, you willed yourself not to make a beeline for the gates. You honestly hadnât been expecting to speak to anybody already. You thought Mark had said youâd have some time before the others got here. Then again, Johnny was nothing if not punctual. You couldnât think of a single time he had arrived late to homeroom, even if all he did was goof off.Â
At the thought of Mark, you decided to find wherever the hell he had ran off to. The school wasnât that damn interesting. There were only a number of places actually worth visiting the last time youâd stepped foot on campus.Â
You predictably found him in the courtyard, where you remembered Mark had spent the bulk of his free time, usually chatting with his fellow underclassmen or writing underneath one of the trees by the fountain. At the moment, however, he was sitting on the edge of the fountain obviously flirting with a very pretty girl.Â
Mark had his arm draped over Xiuâs shoulder and a hand over her thigh, which was crossed on top of her other leg. They were laughing about something that mustâve been super funny, because the way her body rattled as she laughed was almost violent. The whole sight was disappointing.Â
Normally, you would never deliberately get in the way of your brotherâs endeavors to score a beautiful lady, but today had given you a lot of momentum. You pranced over like a disapproving parent, arms folded.Â
âI guess I know the real reason you wanted to come here, Mark,â you said as they noticed you approaching.Â
Markâs face flushed slightly, like he had been caught. Xiu, on the other hand, laughed and stood to give you a hug. âOh my god. I havenât seen you in, like, forever,â she said.Â
You unfolded your arms to hug her back, grinning from ear to ear as you went in, but making sure to send a disdainful glare Markâs way over her shoulder. âI know,â you replied, pulling back with a beaming smile. âHowâs life abroad?â
Xiu went on to gush about her life in Guangzhou, where she had moved after graduation to live with her maternal grandmother. With how she spoke of the cityâs food and culture, you almost wanted to take a vacation yourself. She asked you about your life away from the city too, seeming genuinely intrigued.
Though she was entirely none the wiser to the look Mark was giving you as he sat behind her on the fountain. He looked like he wanted to mangle you. You barely suppressed a laugh, but somehow managed to keep it in until you begrudgingly decided to leave after a few more minutes.Â
âI think Iâm gonna go now. Wouldnât wanna get in the way of whatever you two obviously have going on,â you said after a moment, donning a perfect smile.Â
Mark looked relieved, resisting a grateful sigh. Xiu thought nothing of your departure. If anything, she seemed a little disappointed, but she knew sheâd see you again once the gathering kicked off. She said your name and bid you goodbye. âSee you in a few,â she told you, waving.Â
Reciprocating her kindness, you waved back, turning around and heading back inside the school.Â
You hadnât shown it while Xiu was still paying attention, but you were definitely more than a little mad at Mark right now. The sheer audacity of him to bring you here knowing you were scared shitless of running into your ex, solely so that he had an excuse to speak to some girl he liked. Was he fucking serious?Â
It was the ultimate betrayal. No wonder heâd been so adamant on showing up to a high school reunion despite for one, it having nothing to do with him, but for two, him already being up to date with half the people attending.Â
Maybe you were being overdramatic. The moment Mark first saw Xiu it had practically been love upon first sight. Heâd had a crush on her since his freshman year and pined over her like some hopeless idiot until she graduated. It was something of a miracle she was actually paying attention to him now. You should have been happy.Â
Pacing down another hallway, you bristled with annoyance. Then, a familiar face caught your eye, standing in front of a bulletin board between two classrooms. âTae,â you called out.Â
Taeyong turned his head, smiling when he recognized you. âHey, bossy. Howâs it going?â
You playfully rolled your eyes at the nickname, exhaling a breath as you came closer. âAt this rate, Iâm gonna need a detailed timeline describing the events of everyoneâs lives over the past ten years,â you quipped.Â
Taeyong burst into laughter. âI get it. Did you know Johnny is getting married?â
âHe just told me a few moments ago,â you replied, still feeling the after effects of shock. âAnd to Victoria of all people. Like, I never thought she would take him back. He must have seriously grown up.â
Taeyong nodded along. âOh, yeah. Johnnyâs grown up big time. I swear, it gives me whiplash sometimes.â
You didnât know exactly why Johnny and Victoria had broken up. She only voluntarily gave her side of the story to a select few people and went on about her life as if heâd never existed in it whatsoever. But it wasnât difficult to assume that it was Johnnyâs teenaged boy tendencies that had culminated in a devastating breakup.Â
Their entire relationship was a mystery at this point and you were kind of tempted to get to the bottom of it all. âIâm still waiting to figure out how they even made up with each other. From what I remember, their breakup was pretty final.â
Taeyong hummed. âMy thing is they were in different places. I think Johnny just needed some time to learn about life and Victoria needed to focus on herself. They couldnât grow together.âÂ
That was a perspective you had never considered before. You had always just assumed that with Johnnyâs track record, Victoria finally realized she was way out of his league. âThatâs true. I hear sheâs doing really well. Iâm glad theyâre both in a spot where they can be happy on their own as well as with each other.â
There was a curious gleam in Taeyongâs gaze, but if he was thinking about something in particular, he didnât say a word. âHow are you doing? The last time I saw you, you were super grouchy. Iâll never forget the way you took over our practice.â
âI did not take over your practice,â you insisted, although he wasnât exactly wrong. âI just couldnât help but notice you guys were a little out of sync. Youâre welcome.âÂ
âThanks so much,â Taeyong replied with a hint of sarcasm. âYou didnât answer the question though.â
âHm?â
âHow are you doing?â
Taeyong was someone you didnât feel like you had to hide with. There wasnât a mean bone in his body and he was the least judgmental person you knew. âIâm okay,â you replied nonchalantly, shrugging. âI didnât really want to come here, to be honest. But Mark always gets whatever he wants eventually.â
âI figured,â Taeyong said, chuckling in amusement. Mark was rather spoiled. âI was surprised when Mark told us you were coming.â
âHave you seen him?â
Taeyong had a strong feeling that you werenât talking about your stepbrother. âHaechan? No. He probably overslept or something. Might have even forgot the reunion was today at all.â
You laughed, but you strongly doubted it. Haechan wasnât a very forgetful guy. His sharp memory had been his whole excuse to whisk you off on random dates. He always remembered your anniversaries, the day you first met, the day you first said you loved each other.Â
No, Haechan would never forget something like this. If he didnât show up, it was because he didnât want to. And you had a feeling you knew why.Â
You veiled the nostalgic emotions racing through you behind a smile. âThatâs awfully optimistic. Anyways, I couldnât help but notice that weâre standing right beside Doctor Namâs class.â
Taeyong nodded, grinning from ear to ear. Ironically, there wasnât much about that class to smile about, but it resuscitated some happy memories. âThis is my first stop. I had to come here right away. Itâs been so long.â
You shook your head, wistful. âGod, she was the best. She literally kept us alive in third period with the snacks she passed out.â
âYeah, because she knows AP English Lit is boring,â Taeyong said with a chortle. âMy nephew says she still hands them around.â
That surprised you a little bit. You usually saw teachers get grouchier as they got older. You had to commend her for not losing her mind after more than a decade of teaching obnoxious teenagers. âThatâs good to know. Wish we had snacks in calculus.â
Taeyong feigned a look of disappointment. âYou would get one headache and immediately say, âI need a nap.ââ
You nodded in confirmation, grinning at that. âThat does sound like me. Everybody was so surprised I said I was majoring in computer science as if I donât do the same shit at my job. The second I get home, I drop like a rock.â
Taeyong gave you a pat on the shoulder. He knew about your job and from what youâd told him, it sounded both complicated and stressful. He would much rather keep to dancing. âWomen in STEM,â he retorted.Â
You scoffed and shook your head. For sure, your work left much to be desired, but you had worked your ass off for it and it paid the bills. âHey, Iâm gonna go see if I can find Jaehyun,â you said, a sudden thought appearing in your mind. âJohnny went looking for him a while ago and I hope he doesnât remember that I owe him five bucks now.â
Taeyong looked confused for all of seven seconds before he keeled over in laughter. âOh my god. You made a bet that Victoria was never taking Johnny back, right?â
âYes, and Jaehyun, being the dickrider that he is, just had to oppose me and stand up for his bestie,â you droned.Â
âIf he hasnât asked you about it now, he probably forgot,â Taeyong replied, smiling wryly.Â
That was wishful thinking and you both knew it, but it was true that Jaehyun hadnât said a word to you about it, and you highly doubted heâd been oblivious to Johnnyâs engagement like you were. âI hope so. See you in a bit.â
Taeyong waved you goodbye, shoving his hands in his pockets and continuing to read from the bulletin board.
Only when you set off on your journey did it occur to you that you had no idea whatsoever where to find Jaehyun, and the school was big as hell. You rooted in the middle of the hallway, thinking. You were still on the first floor, as was everyone else youâd met so far, which made it reasonable to assume that Jaehyun hadnât made it too far either.Â
If I was Jeong Jaehyun, where would I hide, you thought to yourself, humming. Assuming he had shown up on his own will, unlike you, you expected him to be somewhere mingling with the bunch.Â
So imagine your surprise when you saw him standing at the trophy wall.Â
Jaehyun turned, having heard your footsteps, and smiled when he recognized you. âYou came,â he said, pleasantly surprised.Â
You nodded, coming up beside him. Though you were sure to leave a little bit of distance between your bodies. âYou sound shocked.â
âCan you blame me?â Jaehyun asked. You were expecting him to then go on about the very obvious reason everyone had for not expecting to see you, but he didnât say anything.Â
Now it was your turn to be surprised. But you didnât let it show, hiding it behind amusement. âWell, I guess not.â
Jaehyun chuckled and tilted his head. He was watching the wall in front of you both with a certain fondness in his eyes. And something vaguely nostalgic.Â
You followed his gaze. The trophy wall had everything you would expect a display case to have. There were numerous things dating back to the year the school was established, including a framed photo of the basketball team from the year youâd graduated. Johnny, who had been team captain at the time, was crouched down in the front with a ball in his hands. And Jaehyun was right beside him, as to be expected.Â
âYou know, I never imagined you going from basketball to dance,â you mentioned, peering up at him. âMaybe I should have. The level of footwork required is crazy.â
Jaehyun snickered, his head bobbing as he giggled. âI guess you could say I graduated.â
Your lips twitched as you desperately tried not to laugh, but to no avail. âI knew you were gonna say something stupid. You get that look in your eye and start laughing.â
âYou laughed too.âÂ
âYeah, but not because of what you said.â
âI still made you laugh. A win is a win.â
You exhaled dramatically, relenting. Then, you giggled again. Likely a thing to happen when you were in a high school with a handsome boy. âYes, thatâs true, I guess. You did make me laugh.âÂ
Jaehyun beamed triumphantly. âYou have a cute smile. You should laugh more. Youâre always so serious.â
Your brows stitched, but you brushed it off. It was a harmless compliment. âUm, thanks,â you replied bashfully.Â
The floor squeaked. Though you could have sworn the sound came from behind you, there was no one there when you glanced over your shoulder. You ignored it, chalking it up to someone walking down the hallway.Â
âI heard the dance crew is going really well,â you continued, changing the topic. âMark wonât shut up about practicing.â
âWerenât you bossing us around the last time I saw you?â Jaehyun asked, crossing his arms.Â
You rolled your eyes and dramatically groaned, âFor the love of God, I was not bossing you guys around. And even if I was, you kinda needed it.â
Jaehyunâs voice was dripping with sarcasm, âWhat would we do without your constructive criticism?â
âDie, probably,â you retorted. âHey, did you know that Johnny is getting married? My bad. Thatâs a stupid question. Of course you know.â
Jaehyun was amused. âYeah, Iâve known for a while. He wants me to be his best man.âÂ
You shook your head in mock disappointment, asking, âWhy am I not surprised?â
âDid you not get an invite?â
That question surprised you. You figured he would have known. You told him no and explained, âJohnny and I havenât been keeping in touch. I honestly think today was my first time seeing him in, like, eight years? The last time I saw him was at Xiuâs send-off party.â
âMaybe you can be my plus one. Iâm sure he wouldnât mind having you,â Jaehyun suggested.Â
At first, you thought you were imagining things, but now you were fairly certain that you werenât crazy. Was Jeong Jaehyun flirting with you?
That made you curious. All those times you had seen Jaehyun when visiting Mark at your parentsâ house, and never once did it cross your mind to stop and ask if he was single. âYou donât already have a plus one?â
The implications of your question were obvious. Jaehyun shook his head and timidly confessed, âNo. Dating has been pretty shaky for me, to be honest. And Mark told me youâre not seeing anybody. I didnât ask, I swear.âÂ
âMark needs to get the hell out of my business,â you replied lightheartedly, clearly only half meaning it. âBut heâs not wrong. Dating has been shaky for me too.â
âMaybe we can be shaky together,â Jaehyun said in his usual, slow and melodic voice. âAnd because I like you, I wonât hold you to that bet we made in school.â
You gaped, stunned. You obviously hadnât been expecting that. So he did remember.Â
Jaehyun gave you a knowing smile and slithered away, most likely to find some hole in the ground to crawl inside. He wanted to leave before he potentially embarrassed himself in front of you.
Now you were interested. That was a turn you hadnât seen coming, but it certainly had your attention. You and Jeong Jaehyun. You didnât know why you hadnât thought of that sooner. Jaehyun was the perfect storm of ideal attributes in a man. He was handsome, talented, just the right amount of weird, and very respectful. More or less everything you had ever wanted.
You couldâve gone on, but there was one more place you wanted to visit before it was time to reunite with the others. The single most well-funded location on the entire campus.Â
There was a weird sense of pride when you stepped onto the campus football field, which was ironic, because you had never been one to care too much about school sports. Much less the ones your friends werenât participating in. The quality of the field may have been prioritized over the dark, unimaginable bathrooms, but at least it looked pretty.Â
Plus the team was full of admirably gifted players, at least when you were in school. So not only did the field make the school look good, but its champion teams did too.Â
You meandered over towards the back of the bleachers. There were more memories this field had to offer than just football games youâd been dragged to. You could see images of yourself hiding behind the bleachers, a particular boy in your arms.Â
Speak of the devil and he shall appear, clad in black leather.Â
âWe used to have a time here.â
You gasped and whipped around. Your stomach physically dropped when you locked eyes with the last person you wanted to see.Â
Haechan waved at you with a sly smile, not seeming even remotely remorseful for startling you. âSorry. Was that too forward?â
You were tempted to roll your eyes, but resisted. âSince when have you ever cared about being too forward?â
âYou make a very valid argument,â Haechan said, snickering.Â
Looking at his face, you felt a familiar knot return to your stomach and it only tightened when you met his eyes. You didnât know why people called them butterflies. Theyâd always felt more like a flock of wild, vicious birds.Â
Not to mention heâd brought up what you used to do behind the bleachers. The mere thought damn near made you paralyze on the spot. Suddenly, you were remembering what it was like to sneak behind them for another tryst of stolen kisses and tender touches. Haechan had made you your most rebellious. There was never a dull moment with him. Everything he did was to feel alive and naturally you soaked in all that energy.Â
Johnny and Victoria, with all their differences, were the couple that no one had expected. Victoria was brilliant and thorough. She was the good girl. Johnny was impulsive and smart when he tried. He was always looking for mischief and fun. There was a certain uproar theyâd received upon announcing their relationship that you and Haechan shockingly never had.Â
You and Haechan had your fair share of differences too, but in a way that complemented the other. Haechan, for all his recklessness, was intelligent and perceptive. He loved having meaningful conversations that required thought, and he loved having them at quick paces.Â
That never bothered you like it did with other people. You loved discovering and learning about other peopleâs opinions on all sorts of topics, even if you didnât necessarily agree. You loved expanding your horizons and seeing the world. And Haechan never ran out of things, ideas, or places to show you.Â
It was frustrating that no matter how hard you tried, you couldnât shake the thoughts of what youâd had with him, and you were struggling not to show it. But you didnât want to make things awkward, so you said, âYou look good.â
Haechan flapped his leather jacket and replied, âThanks. You look great yourself.â
You forced yourself to maintain your gaze. The sight of him used to make you smile. Now, it made your stomach ache. âHow have you been doing?â you made yourself ask.Â
Haechan shrugged. âIâve been pretty good. I just bought a new bike.â
You hummed. Haechan always did love motorbikes. In high school, he dreamed of one with a beautiful, black stain and a flair of red with insane, unrivaled speed. The fact that he said a new bike mustâve been heâd had one and then some. âAh,â you replied, not surprised. âYou still love those death machines.â
âI do,â Haechan said, even though you hadnât phrased it like a question. âProbably even more now that Iâve owned a few. What about you? How have you been?â
Donning your most confident smile, you ignored the flutter in your gut and chirped, âOh, Iâm wonderful, you know. In all the ways that matter. I bought my first house last year and since I actually have a backyard now, Iâve been really into gardening and meditating.â
Haechan was impressed. âWow. That is wonderful. I donât think Iâm ready to give up the whole apartment thing yet.â
You chuckled. That was very on brand of him. You used to joke that Haechan was allergic to being in the same place for too long and a complete adrenaline junkie. At some point, you were the only thing that managed to keep his attention for longer than a week.Â
âWhatâs funny?â he asked with a hint of confusion.Â
âNothing,â you replied, shaking your head. There was still a faint smile on your face. âIt just sounds like you.â
Haechan retorted, âWell, I hope so. I am me, after all. And I take great pride in living up to my name.â
âI bet you do.â
You had more to say, but no courage to say it. It was most likely going to be awkward or embarrassing. Maybe it was a good thing you faintly heard someone barreling through the doors to join you both outside.Â
Saved by the bell, Johnny came running towards you both at a speed you hadnât seen in literal years. âYou two need to go inside. Thereâs zombies everywhere,â he panted out.Â
You rolled your eyes. Everybody had said Johnny had grown up, and now he was talking about zombies. âVery funny, Johnny.â
Haechan snickered. You both clearly assumed he was joking, which was totally fair. For one, zombies were outrageous. But for two, Johnny had always loved to play silly tricks on his friends back in the day and you surmised that this was no different.Â
âIâm serious,â Johnny said in a voice more stern than you had ever heard from him before. It was extremely unlike him. âI know it sounds crazy, but theyâre surrounding the school!â
You and Haechan glanced at each other, sharing the same doubtful expression. But the look on Johnnyâs face was weirdly authentic.Â
In the middle of your telepathic exchange, you heard weird breathing coming from behind you and turned to see someone slowly but steadily climbing over the gate. They were stained almost head to toe in blood and there was a gnarly bruise on their face. And in that moment, you knew it wasnât a lie.Â
âOh my god,â you gasped, the air fleeing your lungs.Â
Johnnyâs face darkened. âLetâs go. Right now.â
You didnât even notice that youâd gone completely rigid. Haechan grabbed your hand and started pulling you along from the spot where youâd rooted in unwavering fear, dragging you back towards the school.Â
The thudding in your chest was violent. It gave the throbbing pulse you got around Haechan a run for its money. You didnât even know how to react to this kind of situation, other than running for dear life. And even that practically had to be done on your behalf. There was no prior experience to compare it to for reference.Â
After what felt like an eternity of sprinting, the three of you locked yourselves inside the closest room with a door you could find, which happened to be the computer lab. The sole sound in the room was your collective panting, but the only thing you could hear was your pulse thudding in your ears.Â
Johnny grabbed one of two tables pressed against the wall and began to drag it across the floor, obviously about to block the door. Which was a very rational, very logical response, but it made you flare up with concern.Â
âJohnny, wait,â you said, eyes widening. âMark. I donât know if Mark is okay. The last time I saw him, he was with Xiu in the courtyard.â
Johnny paused, bracing his hands on the table, and glanced down as he tried to think. âItâs dangerous to go back out,â he warned.Â
You knew that, but it didnât change anything. No matter how infuriating Mark could be, you couldnât rest until you knew he was safe. âI donât care. Heâs my little brother. I have to make sure heâs alright.â
âThen, Iâm going with you,â Haechan said in a tone that left no room for argument. His fingers were still intertwined with yours.Â
Johnny shook the hair out of his face. There was no doubt that he was against the idea, but he knew how important Mark was to you. âFine. But you both need to be extremely careful. Okay?â
Haechan looked determined, brave. You didnât know how he was keeping himself together while you were on the very verge of panic. âWeâll be fine. I wonât let anything happen to her.â
Your eyes darted back to Johnny. You didnât want to leave him here on his own, but you knew he was capable of taking care of himself. âDo you want us to find Victoria?â
Johnny shook his head. âNo. I told her to hide in one of the classrooms while I looked for you guys. Sheâs safe.â
You blew out a breath of relief. That was one less person you had to worry about. Now you just had to see if the others had found some kind of shelter, especially your stepbrother. âGood. You should be careful too. Weâll text you if we find out something,â you said, reluctant.
âIâll be okay. Go,â Johnny told you firmly.Â
Haechan didnât need to be told twice. He gave Johnny a wordless nod and led you out of the lab, shutting the door behind you both as quietly as possible. There was no telling if the zombies had made their way inside yet, but you would much rather be safe than sorry.
Nothing about the hallways soothed your unease. They were alarmingly quiet and the only source of noise was the sound of your footsteps bouncing off the walls. The one thing providing you comfort was ironically Haechanâs hand gripping tightly onto yours, a gentle reminder of the fact that you werenât alone.Â
âI wonder if heâs still in the courtyard,â you whispered. âHe canât be, right? They would have seen something by now.â
Haechan wanted to tell you something reassuring, but he couldnât bring himself to lie. He said your name calmly. âI donât know. I hope not.â
You frowned. You couldnât stand the uncertainty around Markâs safety. He may not have been your blood, but he was still family and the only sibling you had. If you lost him to something as insane as undead creatures, it would shatter you irreparably. Â
âHey, weâre gonna find him,â Haechan told you softly, recognizing the look of dread on your face. âDonât worry.â
âI really hope so,â you whispered.Â
In total, there was one positive to this bizarre situation and that was that you didnât have time or space to worry about the rift between you and your old lover. The threat of potentially losing each other permanently forced you to stick together in ways unlike anything youâd ever experienced.Â
Literally. You were so close to Haechan, hand in hand with your side mere centimeters away from his hip, you couldnât tell if it was the cause for your speeding heartbeat or the fear with its hand clasped tightly around your throat. Maybe it was both.Â
Either way, you were in panic mode and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. You were the queen of overthinking, and at the moment, it was all you could do not to compulsively think about Mark. If he was okay, if he and Xiu had managed to isolate themselves, and whether or not he was even aware of the dangers lurking just around the corner.Â
You had so many questions. Many of them had to do with the mystery behind how there were even actual, legitimate zombies in the first place, but you knew no one around you would have answers. It was all completely insane, but you had seen the one climbing over the gate with your own eyes. It looked real and terrifying.Â
There was a sudden sound. You knew you hadnât made it up in your head, because Haechan tugged at your arm to keep you in place, hiding you behind him.Â
âWhat is it?â you asked, trying to peek over his shoulders.Â
Haechan put a finger to his lip, effectively quieting you. Had it been any other day, you would have playfully gotten on him for shushing you, but absolutely nothing about today was typical.Â
The sound of footsteps caught your attention. You couldnât see anything, but at the very least, you knew they were too fast to be zombies. It sounded like someone was scurrying down the halls as if they were being chased, which wasnât an unreasonable assumption.Â
Not a second later, Mark turned down the hallway with his fingers wound protectively around Xiuâs hand. His eyes lifted in surprise. âDude,â he said, obviously shaken up. âYou guys will never believe what we just saw.â
You took a wild guess and asked, âZombies?â
Mark gawked. âHow did you know?â
âWe saw them too,â Haechan answered for you. âJohnny says theyâre surrounding the school. We need to get somewhere safe.â
âWhere should we go?â Xiu asked, eyes dampening with unshed tears. She had always been sensitive to every emotion imaginable.
Haechan shrugged. âAnywhere is better than the middle of the hallway right now.â
Mark scratched his head. âWell, the closest place I can think of is the gym. We can at least head there to make a plan.â
You nodded, taking a deep breath to stabilize yourself. âYeah. Yeah, thatâs not a bad idea. Letâs do it.â
No one argued. The four of you were quick to beetle down the halls in the direction of the schoolâs gym as if you were being hunted like prey. But the fact that there were more than two of you provided some easy reassurance.Â
You were remembering how long the hallways were and exactly why they gave you eight minutes to travel from class to class, though even that didnât feel like enough at times. Granted, you used to spend half that time kissing and making out, but that was only natural. You were grateful there werenât thousands of students to shove past at the moment.Â
There were a few times where youâd almost tripped over your own legs with how quickly you were sprinting, and when you finally rounded the corner to the gym, the four of you hurried inside, checking for even the smallest indication of undead interference. It didnât seem like they had made their way inside yet. Still, you knew it was only a matter of time before they did, so you texted Johnny and the others your whereabouts.Â
The hope was that everyone would be able to meet up safely at one place, in one piece. Your best bet at survival would be to stick together, rather than individually trying to take all of those monsters on your own. You tried to call the police with that same logic, but no calls would connect.Â
More importantly, you hadnât heard from Taeyong or Jaehyun since youâd briefly spoken to them in the hallway, and that thought made you more than a little anxious. Their chances of survival were decent as long as they hadnât gone to the courtyard or something, but at the same time, being indoors meant you had to assume they didnât know about the danger on the horizon.Â
âGuys, I canât wrap my head around this,â you said out loud, sitting next to Haechan on the bleachers. He scooted over, finally giving you some room to breathe. âZombies?â
âMan, it looked real,â Mark said, shaking his head in disbelief.Â
That was the problem. It looked real, but there was no logical explanation behind why it was even possible. âNo, thatâs what I thought too, but it still doesnât make sense. Are we sure weâre not being pranked?â
Haechan shook his head. âI donât think itâs a prank. I saw that thing. It wasnât human. It was like an animal.âÂ
Silence draped over the gym like a gloomy, giant thundercloud. âIâm scared,â Xiu confessed after a beat.Â
Mark threw his arms over Xiu and held her tightly in his embrace. âWeâll be okay, Xiu. The others will get here soon and weâll all make a plan to get the hell out of here.â
Right on time, Johnny came in with Victoria in tow. You hadnât seen her until now and she looked absolutely horrified. Their hands were gripping onto each other so tightly you would think they had seen a ghost.Â
And even ghosts somehow seemed better than dead men walking.Â
The first thing Johnny did after sitting Victoria down was take a headcount, and he looked very displeased with the number heâd calculated. âWhereâs Jaehyun and Taeyong?â
âWe donât know,â Mark replied, shuddering with cold dread. âWe texted everyone, but I donât think theyâve responded.â
You double, even triple-checked your phone, hoping to see some kind of confirmation that they were doing okay, but there was nothing new. âItâs radio silence. Thereâs no telling if they even know whatâs going on.â
Johnny mumbled something under his breath you couldnât hear with the sheer amount of distance between you, but you didnât need to in order to tell that he was thinking precisely the same thing you were. There were what you could only think of as real life monsters surrounding the school, two of your friends were unaccounted for, and you had no feasible way out.Â
âSitting here doesnât feel right,â Mark said, brows stitched. He was obviously deep in thought. âI think we should go look for them.â
Johnny was quick to shoot him down. âNo, itâs too dangerous. Thereâs no way of telling if weâll make it back.â
âAnd what about them?â Mark asked, ever altruistic.Â
Johnny countered, âWhat good will it do if we all die trying to be heroes?â
That was a fair point and Mark knew it. You didnât all have to potentially die. He was silent and sulky for a minute, tearing his eyes away. âI still donât like it,â he grumbled.Â
Haechan spoke up. âThink about it, Mark. We donât know where they are. We have no means of self-defense. What are you gonna do if something pops up behind you? Scream for dear life?âÂ
âHeâs right, Mark. We canât go,â Xiu said, trying to persuade him from committing to something he would never be able to undo.Â
Mark tensed with frustration. âThen, what do you guys suggest? Staying here forever?â
âI donât think thatâs a good idea either,â Haechan replied, glancing at the two entrances. âIf those things break in, they have two options to enter through and weâd be trapped.â
Johnny didnât waver. âWell, we just wonât let them break in.â
Haechan scoffed. âWith what tools?â
Mark stood up like lightning, as if to say that he rested his case. âExactly. Weâre gonna need to go back out one way or another.â
Exasperated with the back and forth, you chimed in, âMaybe thatâs true, but we definitely are safest here. Thereâs room for all of us and a water fountain, plus this is the only spot with an easily accessible bathroom.â
Mark nodded along and added, âYeah, and we obviously canât stay here forever, but weâre gonna be here a while if we canât get in contact with the cops. We gotta make this place extra secure so that itâll hold us longer.â
No one could deny the truth of that either, because the reality of the situation was that no place was inherently safe. You had to condition it. Disgruntled, Johnny reluctantly agreed, âThatâs true. We donât know how long weâre gonna be here, so we need supplies.â
You heard the doors being drawn open followed by rapid footsteps and the dialogue in the room came to a grinding halt as you each waited with bated breath to see who was coming from around the corner.Â
A collective breath of relief wafted through the gym when Taeyong and Jaehyun walked through the left entrance.Â
âThank god,â Johnny said, immediately coming to a stand and draping his arms around his best friends.Â
When he was free again, Taeyong released a breath and looked amongst the gym much like Johnny had, content with the number of less than happy faces he saw. âWe got your text, but it was a little too late when I saw it. We had to hide out for a bit in one of the classrooms but a lot of them are locked, so it was a mess.â
You frowned. So, the monsters had made their way inside. You were royally fucked.Â
âHey, what matters is that youâre here,â Johnny replied, giving Taeyong a pat on the back. âWe decided that weâre gonna go back out. The gym is good, but thereâs room for improvement.â
Johnny explained that you guys had gone back and forth about the next best course of action, and ultimately came to the conclusion that you had to strengthen your hideout. âWeâre gonna be here a while. We need to make this place a little more sustainable.â
You got to your feet, mentally preparing yourself to potentially encounter one of those nightmarish creatures. âYes. We need food for when we get hungry, first aid for if we get injured, and some kind of weapon to defend ourselves for obvious reasons,â you told them reasonably.Â
Haechan was still sitting at the bleachers, deciding not to give chase, but his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear him. âI think we break into pairs,â he urged, seeming fully prepared to support his recommendation if necessary. âSafety in numbers.â
But no one argued. It was obviously smarter than traveling individually, and would allow you to hit more places quicker than if you moved as one whole group. âJaehyun and I can go to the infirmary and see if thereâs a first aid kid lying around,â Taeyong volunteered.Â
Jaehyun nodded in acceptance. âWe can do that, but where would we get food?â
âThereâs snacks in Dr. Namâs classroom. Itâs unlocked,â Taeyong replied. His knowledge was coming in handy. âItâs not much, but itâs better than a headache. Iâm sure sheâs got granola bars.â
âWe can take care of that,â Mark replied, rubbing circles on Xiuâs back. âSounds easy enough. I just donât know what kind of weapons we can get our hands on. I mean, thereâs hand sanitizer?â
You gaped, suddenly thinking of something. âOh my god. Principal Myeong. Do you think his shotgun is still in his office?â
Johnny shrugged. âThereâs no harm in finding out.â
âIâll go with you,â Haechan said, finally rising from the bleachers.Â
You swallowed, but you didnât turn him down. It wasnât like you were going to ask Johnny or Victoria to come with you instead when they obviously wanted to be together. âOkay.â
Johnny stretched his arms over his head, and as if to confirm your suspicions, he said, âThen, I guess Vicky and I will stay and check if thereâs any blind spots.â
You nodded. It was settled. You were going to be traveling with Haechan to hopefully locate a shotgun, and you prayed you didnât make things awkward in the process. Entire lives were dependent upon this treasure hunt.Â
Haechan gingerly grabbed your arm and led you out of the gym with slow, cautious steps, neither of which you argued against. He was falling back into that familiar pattern of the way things used to be. âLetâs go before we meet any unwelcome visitors,â was all he said.Â
Maybe you were falling back too. It was easier now you were terrified half to death and in abundant need of emotional support, because it was perfectly reasonable that you were clinging onto his body for dear life. And if anybody asked, your excuse would be that you just needed a companion.Â
The front office was very far away, on the total opposite end of the school, which meant that there was ample time to hash out the obvious elephant in the room, the unspoken fracture in your relationship. Something you had no plans to do, but Haechan wasnât on the same page. He had only let you go by force, not by will.Â
Haechan lasted a whole five minutes and half before he couldnât help himself from saying, âI feel like we have something to talk about.â
You peered up at him, briefly giving the hallway a break from your scoping to meet his eyes which were already locked on you. Your heart flipped. âSomething like the fact that we all might die?â
Haechan almost rolled his eyes. He could tell you were actually worried, but he could also tell that this monster outbreak was convenient for you. It lent you the perfect opportunity to deflect your feelings, which you had always been exceptional at doing. With everyone except him, of course. âIs that your final guess?â
You didnât need to guess. You already knew, you just didnât want to talk about it. âI donât think right now is a good time.â
âNow or never, beautiful,â he flirted, persistent.Â
You would think he would behave as if he had more situational awareness, all things considered. But Haechan would always be unapologetically himself, even if the world was ending. That was what you had loved about him to a fault. âWhat is there to talk about? Itâs been years.â
âExactly,â Haechan said, like that was his very point. âI miss you.â
Your eyes widened a little more than they should have. Haechan had always been adamant and shameless. âI miss you too,â you confessed with some reluctance.Â
Haechan raised a brow, delighted. He hadnât been expecting you to say that and it only encouraged him to see what else he could push you into admitting. And he was very much unafraid of riling you up solely to pull it off. âHow can you miss me when you left me?â he asked, feigning annoyance.Â
Like he expected, you immediately bristled. You had spoken to him in depth about the rationale behind your departure, the damaged relationship with your parents and how you wanted to take control of your own life. He knew exactly why youâd skipped town. âAre you serious?â
Haechan kept going, âI loved you so much, and you just left me and everything we could have had together. Everything we should have had.â
You had never been one to raise your voice, so it was ironic that in the one situation where you suddenly became overwhelmed by the urge, it would have been the stupidest mistake you couldâve made at the moment. âYou know why I left,â you replied, willing yourself to remain calm. âYou told me you understood.â
Haechan shrugged. âI do understand. That doesnât change how I feel.â
That only made you angrier and you asked, âWhat did you want me to do? Stay here for you at my own expense? Knowing I was miserable here?â
âWe could have figured something out,â Haechan replied, although even he didnât believe that. Not anymore, at least. When he was younger, he used to be bitter and think about ways to keep you together. Now it sounded like a fairytale.Â
You shook your head. âI never wanted to leave you, you know that. You were never the problem. Thereâs not a day that goes by where I donât think about you and wonder how youâre doing. So donât act like I ran away on our wedding day or something.â
Haechan softened, almost dropping the act. Hearing that made thunder shoot through his heart. You still thought about him and pictured his face, the same way he still pictured yours? âYou still think about me?â
You wondered if youâd been too honest. Seeing the remorseful look in his eyes, you were starting to piece together that he was deliberately provoking you to get the reaction he was looking for, and you chastised yourself for falling into his trap. âYouâre fucking with me.â
With nothing to say in his defense, Haechan merely grinned. âIt took you this long to notice? Iâm unimpressed. And severely disappointed.â
You suppressed a sound of annoyance, even though you were relieved. He was still making you think about things youâd rather not think about and feel things youâd rather not feel. Those old emotions were coming back up. Buried, but uncovered. They were never dead, they just didnât have anything to trigger them until now.Â
The thing about your breakup with Haechan was that it was a completely mutual, amicable decision. There was never any animosity. Maybe it would be easier to let him go if youâd hated him, but Haechan had done nothing but be both an amazing boyfriend and your best friend. Things just didnât work out.Â
At the end of the day, you chose to put yourself first. And it was the best thing you could have ever done for yourself and for your happiness, but you were never not thinking about who else it affected. âYou could have just asked me how I feel,â you murmured.Â
âWould you have told me?â Haechan asked, a knowing look on his face.Â
You were silent for a long while, which made the answer a dead giveaway. âThatâs not fair.â
âWhen have you ever known me to play fair? I gotta make sure I always win somehow,â Haechan said, deliberately bumping into you ever so gently to make you sway.Â
You stumbled a little, but Haechan was quick to help you steady yourself. He hadnât forgotten about the monsters roaming the school, supposedly inside now even though youâd both yet to see or hear any. You sighed and said, âYeah, nothing about you is fair.â
It wasnât fair. That he was so goddamn handsome, even more than he had been a whole decade ago, with those same kissable lips that had gotten you in trouble more times than you could count. That every second you werenât here was another second he probably had his tongue down another girlâs throat. And that life had forced you into a cold compromise.Â
Haechan didnât know if you could tell whether heâd been serious or not, but for some reason, he felt the need to clarify. âHey, for the record, I wasnât lying when I said I miss you. I really do. You were my first love.â And my last too.Â
âAnd you were mine,â you replied, a vague but all too familiar feeling slowly festering in your stomach as you locked eyes with him. The dangerous recklessness you got whenever he was in armâs reach.Â
What Haechan didnât know was that he was the one who had given you the courage to leave. You had been the girl with a major stick up her ass before you met him. He was quick and witty and impulsive. He had shown you that you could be more than what your parents envisioned for you and you didnât have to be afraid of breaking the mold.Â
Haechan was strategically stopping you both at every corner, making sure to check the next hall before you ventured that direction. He used this opportunity to pull you flush against him, his hand brushing against your forearm so faintly it almost tickled. âI do still think about what could have been,â he admitted quietly. âBut I know thatâs not what you needed.â
It was a bitter pill to swallow for the both of you, but there was no denying that it was true. You couldnât go straight to getting married and having kids with him, even if you loved him. You would have been trapped in a marriage that defined you, with no way of knowing who you really were or what you were really capable of. âJohnny told me youâre single,â you told him, faint.Â
Haechan nodded, watching the way your hands clasped onto his leather. There was a whole whirlwind of memories blurring through his mind. âYeah. Iâm not built for a romantic life. Iâm hard and fast.â
You could have laughed, but you were being mindful of your noise levels. Haechan reminded you of the metropolis - always on the grind, always in motion. He would have loved the city youâd moved to. âIf I remember correctly, youâre bold, loyal and passionate. All good things. Whatâs stopping you from being like Johnny?â
âI never found another you,â Haechan whispered.
Your heart was hammering in your chest. Your breath was out the window entirely. So many years had gone by, but he was still irrevocably stuck on you. âYou want another one of me?â
âDonât be crazy,â Haechan said, shaking his hand. âI want you. Youâre all Iâve ever wanted. And I decided a long time ago that if I canât have you, then Iâll die by myself.â
He sounded so sure, so resolved. Like he had completely eliminated all other options. No matter how hard he tried, he would never find someone who measured up to the standard you had set for him. You swallowed the lump in your throat, reaching for his hand, and replied, âYouâre not dying alone.â
Haechan lifted a brow. Your left hand was already intertwined with his right hand, so to be holding both of his hands might have seemed like overkill, but it made his heart race with a breed of thrill that heâd been convinced was long gone.Â
After passing by a few more hallways and miraculously staying clear of any zombies, you finally reached the front office. Haechan opened the double doors and held them for you while you walked inside.Â
The office was completely empty. No one was there, although that didnât necessarily come as a shock. Your first thought was to try using the phone to get in contact with the outside world, but that didnât work either. You exhaled deeply, frustrated.Â
Haechan put a comforting hand on your back and led you to the principalâs office. âLetâs see what heâs got in here.â
You glanced around. The two of you had been here, together, more than once. You were lovebirds and the teachers hated to see it. They also had hated to see you fucking in the locker room, which you had gotten mandatory lunch detention for a week because of. Then, it got extended to two weeks, because you wouldnât stop passing notes behind the teacherâs back.Â
The memory made your breath hitch. It was all you could do not to sweat on the spot like a total idiot. You never knew who you were when you were with Haechan, but you liked her.Â
âYou gotta be quiet, baby,â Haechan told you, whispering in your ear. His hands were secure on your waist, supporting you as you sat on his thighs.Â
The boysâ locker room was void of life, save for the two of you stacked on one of the brand new benches. With how hard you were riding him, Haechan felt like you were stealing his soul and giving him life all at the same time. You were his God and he had every intention of worshiping you like the beautiful deity you were.Â
You clammed your hands on his shoulders to anchor yourself, knowing you would sink into an endless reservoir of him otherwise. âIâm trying,â you whined.Â
âTry harder,â Haechan said, despite knowing damn well that you were doing your absolute best not to make any noise. It was hard; the way he filled you turned you into a lawless animal.Â
In retaliation, you yanked his hair, drawing a loud whine out of him. He hadnât expected that, but he wasnât complaining. He was your beautiful boy with a very advanced pain kink. You slowly rode to the tip of his dick, tugging his head back by his dark strands, and locked eyes with him for a long while.Â
Haechan breathlessly met your gaze. The eye contact was intense. It was like you were staring into each otherâs souls, searching for fire and being burned by its passion. Then, you tightened your grip on his messy black hair and pulled him for an even messier kiss.Â
It was out of control. There was no rhythm, no rhyme. If anybody was watching, they would have assumed you were two hopeless virgins that didnât know what to do with each other. Your lips met in a wild clash of teeth and tongues, drinking in one another like you were starving.Â
Haechan was a wreck. The things you did to him were unspeakable. Your body was his favorite addiction and fucking you in a locker room that neither of you had any business inside of (he never played sports) was arguably an incredible source of adrenaline. Kissing you always made his heart throb with a mind of its own.Â
As if the pleasure wasnât already soaring high, you slammed back down on his cock in the middle of the kiss, and Haechan moaned into your mouth. He broke away, arms tightening around your waist. âFuck.â
You giggled, having expected that reaction. You knew what he liked, and you knew what he loved. âWhat was that about being quiet?â
Haechan tipped his head back. You were making him insane with lust, with need. âYouâre driving me crazy.â
âI think Iâm riding you crazy,â you purred, continuing to roll your hips. You wanted to see him unravel, to see him break, even if you already knew what that sight looked like. You were picturing it in your head. His flushed face, his parted lips, and his whiny moans.Â
âFuck,â Haechan repeated, unable to conjure up any other words in his mind that would adequately convey the feelings you gave him.
You chuckled, because you knew exactly what he was going through and it made you very satisfied with yourself. You could feel it too. The ecstasy hammering through you in waves of warmth, submerging you beneath its surface. It was a potent drug of its own lethality, but that never stopped you from getting too close to the edge.
The point of no return. You had crossed it the second Haechan tempted you into becoming this wanton version of yourself. A girl who had tasted pleasure and was now on a perpetual journey to feel that good again. You never wanted to stop. You couldnât stop.Â
âYou feel so good,â you whispered, steadying yourself with his shoulders again. You knew you had been impatient, knew this could have waited until after school, but he made you crave him to an extent that you had never craved anything before.Â
Haechan swallowed, fighting for breath. The way your voice sounded when you were nearing the brink of climax would be the death of him. He moved his hand underneath your skirt, steering them to your ass where he knew you liked being touched. Your mouth opened, a few soft pants escaping.Â
You were nothing short of ravenous as you rode him with enough vigor to bend heaven and earth to your will. This was the taking, the conquering. Haechan belonged to you just as much as you belonged to him. The animal inside you was slowly but surely losing the battle against the woman.
âFuck. Fuck. Iâm coming,â Haechan whispered, his face tensing as he wrestled with his impending orgasm. You could tell he was trying to fight it, not wanting to come just yet, but it was too late. His fate was sealed.Â
You didnât slow down like some people would think to do. You went faster. Haechan cursed underneath his breath, mumbling something about how you must have been trying to kill him, and surrendered to your body. If this was how he died, with you on top of him making his dick feel things he never knew were possible, then so be it. Â
The entire locker room was filled with your shared sounds. His moans and yours and the wet squelch of your bodies meeting. It was almost suffocating. With how hot and stuffy the air seemed, you would have thought one of the showers were running.Â
Haechan couldnât take it anymore and he shuddered with climax, overcome by how ruthlessly you were riding him. His nails dug into your hips with more force than he intended, but you didnât mind the pain. If anything, the sting only encouraged you. You soaked in the way he cried out your name and felt your own body approaching the brink.
âGood boy,â you whispered in his ear, not stopping. You werenât done with him yet.
Haechan felt his mouth run dry. You were completely in control right now, completely in charge of his body, mind and soul. You fucking owned him and he wasnât ashamed to shout it from the rooftops. No one would ever come close to satisfying him the way you did.
Your hips moved faster as you endeavor to finish yourself, using his cock to get yourself off. Which, to Haechan, was the hottest thing ever. He didnât mind being at your disposal one bit, especially if it meant he got to watch in awe as you drove yourself to the end.Â
And his cock could stay hard for almost just as long as you needed it to. There was something about you that he never got tired of. The body never lied, and his was obsessed with your entire existence.Â
You finally reached your climax, your mouth hanging wide open while you came with soft gasps. Your hands were tightly braced onto Haechanâs shoulders as the heat wrecked through you from head to toe. It was a powerful orgasm and you enjoyed every second of it. Haechan did too. You throbbed around his dick and made that pretty fucking face he couldnât get enough of.Â
Haechan was still trying to collect his breath when you stilled against him. He laced his arms around your back, pulling you close. âMy god. That was crazy.â
You nodded in agreement, resting your head on his shoulder in place of your hands and moving them to his chest. âAnd you said I couldnât be a dom.â
Haechan rolled his eyes. âYeah, calling me âgood boyâ doesnât make you a dom, beautiful.â
âYou seemed to really like it though,â you quipped, never skipping out on the opportunity to tease him.Â
âYou could piss in my coffee and I would like it.â
You grimaced, climbing off of him. âWay to ruin the mood, babe.â
Haechan laughed. He grabbed you, pulling you flush against him, and smashed his lips against yours.Â
You smiled into the kiss.Â
That was one of many times youâd had sex together in that room, and fortunately the only one youâd gotten caught doing it. You remembered how heavenly it felt to be tangled in his arms, to be closer than close and as threaded together as you were physically allowed.Â
Haechan had meant everything to you. That man shook your world. He showed you how to reject expectations and to unabashedly live in your truth. He taught you how to be bold, how to be brave, and how to stand up for yourself. And he had loved you the way you deserved to be loved, without conditions. He loved you just because you were you.Â
It had got you thinking. If there was more to life than your grapple with control and festering resentment for your emotionally unavailable mother and emotionally unstable father, if someone could love you without you having to stretch yourself thin to meet some golden standard, then there had to be another route you could take other than the one youâd resigned yourself to so long ago.
So you made the decision to leave. And sometimes you looked back, but you never regretted it. You did what was in your best interest and you were a happier person now that you lived somewhere where your parents couldnât steal your whole life away.
âEarth to my beautiful queen,â Haechan said, waving his hand in front of your face.
You blinked in surprise and stepped back. When the hell did he get in front of you? âSorry. I spaced out.â
âYeah, I can tell,â Haechan replied, chuckling. âWhat were you thinking about?â
Your face burned. Like hell you were going to tell him that you had been reminiscing about the time you rode him halfway to hell in the fucking locker room. âNothing. I just went somewhere else for a minute.â
Haechan smirked, but if he had any inkling about where your mind had wandered, he didnât say a word about it. âWell, I need you here. I think Principal Myeongâs gun is in that safe, but it has a code.â
You glanced over to the safe heâd pointed to. It was definitely big enough to harbor a shotgun, which you doubted was even legal for him to have on campus, but you werenât necessarily eager to get into that at the moment. âIf I was Principal Myeong, what would be my safe code?â
Haechan shrugged, thinking about it. âHis momâs birthday?â
Your eyes narrowed. âHow in the hell would we figure that out?â
Again, Haechan shrugged his shoulders. He was just spitting things out. âHow the hell should I know? Look in his calendar.â
âHe has to hate his mother if he doesnât remember her birthday,â you grumbled, shaking your head. You were also convinced that with his age, she was probably dead. But to your surprise, his motherâs birthday was marked in his calendar.Â
When Haechan entered the number, however, the safe didnât unlock.Â
He groaned. âDamn. Maybe heâs a Daddyâs boy.â
You snickered and stepped away from the calendar on the wall to join him beside the safe. âCome on. If you were Principal Myeong, what would your safe code be?â
Haechan tried to think. He was pondering hard, judging from the look on his face. âI have no idea. Probably the address of Mrs. Kimâs husband.â
You giggled. There had been rumors, back in the day, that your former biology teacher was sleeping with the principal. After that, there were even more rumors that she and her husband had separated. âTry her birthday. I remember it, because she wouldnât shut up about a birthday trip to the Bahamas. November twelfth.â
Haechan didnât look too convinced, but he entered the numbers anyway, looking bored as all hell.
The look on his face when it actually clicked open was priceless.
âOh my god,â he gasped. âYouâre a genius.â
Your eyes widened. You hadnât been expecting it to actually work. âUm, I feel like I know too much information now.â
Haechan laughed and did the honor of retrieving the shotgun from the safe, which, for some reason, he knew how to check for ammunition. âSheâs loaded,â he said casually.
You raised a brow. âWhy do you know how to do that?â
âI saw someone do it on a show,â Haechan replied offhandedly. âItâs not that hard.â
âOh, brother,â you groaned. This weapon was not in good hands.Â
Haechan chuckled at your obvious doubt. âDonât worry. No one will get hurt who doesnât need to.âÂ
You didnât know if you should have believed him, but you hoped that you could. There was no way in hell you were going to take it off his hands. The idea of carrying any kind of weapon capable of discharging a lethal projectile was thoroughly unappealing to someone like you.Â
With few other options, you exhaled through your nose and replied, âFine, but if someone does get hurt because of this, I reject all accountability.â
âFine by me,â Haechan chirped, sounding so confident in himself. âLetâs go, beautiful. We had a smooth trip here, so Iâm hoping for one back.â
Only five minutes later, you saw Jaehyun and Taeyong running down the hallway like they were being chased by a killer with a chainsaw.
âWhat the hell?â you whispered under your breath.Â
Taeyong saw you both first and he started gesturing down the hall with his free hand, the other clasping tightly onto a first aid kit. âMove. Move. Move!â
You didnât remember zombies being particularly quick if the movies checked out, so for them to be in such a hurry, you had to assume there were many of them in close proximity. That was enough to make you snatch Haechanâs hand and start sprinting down the hallway like you had everything to lose.Â
âHow many?â Haechan asked as the two of you started running more or less beside the others.Â
âWay too goddamn many to count,â Jaehyun said through labored pants. He looked damn near out of breath, but if needed, he would run until his legs gave out.Â
That was some of the worst news you could have received at the moment. The gym was on the totally opposite side of the school and running there from where you were would exhaust you thoroughly. To say nothing of the fact that there was no telling where else they were located on this floor. There could have been more ahead.Â
âHaechan,â you called out. âCan you shoot any of them?â
Haechan glanced back for a split second. He could see a crowd of zombies distantly making their way around the corner, but they were far enough that you could lose them if you kept moving. âI could, but I donât think thatâs necessary if we can make it back to the gym first. We donât need to waste bullets.â
He made a decent point. With how many monsters were currently in the building right now and how many you didnât even know were around in total, it would be in your best interest to keep yourselves safe and capable of fighting back. âThatâs fair.â
You stayed close to Haechan as you ran. That belligerent hammering had returned to your chest, only this time you could hear it thumping against your ears too. It was like playing a scary game with a threatening, demonic soundtrack reverberating in the back, only this was real life.Â
When you least expected it, another pack of zombies emerged from the hallway on your left and you had to do an abrupt zigzag to stay out of armâs reach. You managed to steer away at the last second, but Jaehyun wasnât so fortunate. Three zombies got a hold of him and one bit him on his shoulder.Â
You gawked in unadulterated horror as Jaehyun let out a blood-curdling scream, sinking onto his knees. âJae,â you cried, letting go of Haechanâs hand and rushing to pull him back.Â
Jaehyun grappled your leg and scraped his nails over your exposed calf, making you holler out in pain, and you jolted back as he bore his teeth like he was preparing to sink them into you.Â
Taeyong pulled you away while Haechan started opening fire on anyone that dared go near you, thankfully sparing Jaehyun. The wounded monsters slowed, but they didnât stop chasing. It gave you just enough advantage to outrun them all. The second you were a safe distance apart, the boys started dragging you away.Â
It was even harder to run with the bloody scratch on your leg, but you gave it all you had to offer, mustering the strength to push forward. You could barely think. You just knew you had to keep going and you couldnât stop until you were somewhere safe.Â
The closest possible place on the first floor was the library and the three of you barreled inside like you had a flight to catch that was about to leave with you, bursting through the doors without a second thought. You knelt on the floor and watched as the boys started to barricade the door off with anything they could find.Â
As soon as they were pleased with the numbers of book-heavy carts shoved in front of the door, Taeyong rushed to your side with the first aid kid, opening it immediately. âAre you okay? How bad does it hurt?â
âIâm fine,â you replied, obviously still shaken up. Your mind was still struggling to process and accept what had happened. âIt could have been a lot worse.â
âYou could have gotten bit,â Haechan said, filling in the blanks. He sounded angry. âWhy would you do that?â
Your eyes flickered in surprise. âJaehyunâs our friend. I wanted to help him, just like you guys helped me. How was I supposed to know he was going to try and bite me?â
Haechan tempered, realizing he was being too harsh. âIâm sorry. Itâs not your fault. I just donât want anything bad happening to you.â
You cursed as Taeyong started to clean the wound. It was shocking for a scratch caused by human nails, but nothing that you would have to worry about long term. None of which stopped it from stinging like a bitch.Â
Taeyong draped your leg over his knee so that he could access it better, all the while Haechan hovered over you both with a worried look. âIs it deep?â the latter asked.
âLike she said, it could have been a hell of a lot worse,â Taeyong replied, attentively tending to your injury. His face softened every time he heard you hiss. âSheâll be okay. Itâs not that bad.â
Haechan sighed in relief. He hated the thought of anything going bad with you. One wrong move or late reaction and you would have been as good as dead.Â
After a few minutes, Taeyong put a bandaid on your scrape and said that you were as good as new, closing the kit back. You all waited a few minutes to gauge whether or not the coast was clear, quickly and meticulously making your way back to the gym before there could be any encores.Â
The three of you released a collective breath of relief when you stepped inside, immediately catching the attention of Johnny and Victoria.
Ever attentive, the former was quick to notice the bandaid on your leg, which most definitely hadnât been there before, and asked, âDamn, already? What happened to her?â
You shook your head, not wanting to think about it. âIâm fine,â was the only thing you could bring yourself to say. All that you had left to recover from was the fresh wound of what youâd just lost.Â
Johnny was confused by your curt answer. He immediately sensed that something wasnât right and glanced between the three of you. âWhat did you say it like that for? And whereâs Jaehyun?â
No one said anything. You looked at the ground. Taeyong swallowed the lump in his throat. How did you tell someone that their best friend since childhood was bitten and taken by undead monsters?
The only one with enough courage to tell him the truth, Haechan spoke up, âHeâs gone, Johnny.â
Johnnyâs face went grim. His lips parted, but Victoria beat him to a word, exclaiming, âWhat do you mean heâs gone?â
Haechan ran a hand through his messy hair, taking a deep breath, and explained, âHe got bit. They blindsided us. There was nothing we could do.âÂ
âYou left him?â Johnny asked incredulously.Â
âThere was nothing we could do,â Haechan replied again, firmer.Â
Johnny tensed in a blend of anger and frustration and heartache. Victoria took him into her arms and that was the last thing you saw before you tore your eyes away and went to sit on the bleachers again. You couldnât bear to watch him suffer through the same grief wrecking through your body like an infectious virus.Â
If not worse. You knew what Jaehyun meant to Johnny. You all did. They were brothers, blood be damned. You knew that if you lost your brother you would never be the same, and that thought had you actively fearing for Markâs life. Every second he wasnât here was another second he could be dead or infected.Â
It was all you could do not to pace around the gym like a mad woman with way too much caffeine in her system. You were worried sick, giving it your all not to assume the worst, but it was much easier said than done. You couldnât shake the feeling that the worst had yet to come.Â
Haechan was standing in the corner with a blank look on his face, most likely trying to process the trauma of watching his friend get dragged away by monsters. You wondered if you should talk to him. It would be a good way to take both your minds off the dark side of today.Â
Who else would you talk to anyway? Johnny looked half a second away from falling apart. Victoria was selflessly trying to console him in the midst of her own despair. Taeyong looked like he was struggling with guilt and didnât want to be bothered.Â
The only one you figured could alleviate the persistent thoughts racing through your head at a thousand miles per hour was Haechan. He had been good at it in the past, making everything seem okay in the face of adversity even though that with every second spent apart, you had thought your world was crumbling.Â
You had to stay on top of what you could control, because those were the only things you had right now. The tension was tight as hell and you were overwhelmingly aware of the odds here. You guys had phones, but no signal. No way to contact people and alert them that you were in danger. And attempting to evacuate the school would be too risky.Â
You had no idea what was out there waiting for you, nor did you have any desire to find out. The sneak peek in the hallway with Jaehyun was more than enough.Â
Finally, you mustered the courage to approach him, hoping you wouldnât regret it immediately after, and announced, âI have a question.â
Haechan lifted a brow, expectant. âHit me.â
âDo you still stay hard after you come?â
Haechanâs eyes went wide with shock at your question for all of two seconds before he burst into laughter. âJesus, woman,â he replied, taken aback. âWhat kind of question is that?â
You shrugged. The sound of his laugh was still melodious, like a heaven choir. âI was just wondering.â
âI see,â Haechan said with amusement, bobbing his head. âAnd to answer your question, I only stayed hard for you because you really turned me on.â
You blinked. Well, that was certainly an answer. âOh. Wow.â
Haechan didnât seem to think it was all that surprising. âYeah. Wow, right?â
You laughed, glancing away. It was ironic that you had been the one to ask him such a bold question and now you were getting shy.
Haechan observed your body language. He could see that you had gotten flustered, but that wasnât what stood out to him. You looked startled, tense. And you had every right to be. âIâd ask you if you were okay, but I can tell that youâre not,â he said softly.Â
You smiled thinly. It was all you could muster at the moment, all things considered. âI used to think that running away from home and leaving behind everything I knew, everyone I loved, would be the scariest thing I ever did. But this? This is some spooky shit.â
âI thought losing you forever would be the scariest thing for me,â Haechan whispered. âAnd I still do.â
Everything about that confession broke your heart. You had never wanted to make him feel like that. Haechan could never lose you, not when it was the picture of his face and the memory of his love that used to get you through every day. You sighed. âWhy did we stop being together?â
Haechan almost chuckled. He didnât know if you were seriously asking, but he decided to humor you. âWe wanted different things out of life. You wanted to go find yourself in the big city and I never got bored of home.â
You snorted. âHow ironic.â
Haechan nodded in agreement. After all, this city wasnât particularly small, but it wasnât as big as your new one either. You just wanted a change of pace. And Haechan, for all his hatred of routine, had struggled to accept that. âI think I still love you. Because when I saw your face for the first time today, it gave me hope. And now that weâre standing here, not knowing whatâs next, all I feel is dread.â
You could feel that dread too. It wrapped its calloused hand around your throat and asphyxiated you. âDo you remember the night before I left?â
Haechan nodded, face tensing with something wistful. âI donât think I can ever forget it. And trust me, Iâve tried.â
You remembered it too. It was the last night you ever saw Haechan face to face. You were twenty years old, moving out of the house you had spent every single last one those years trapped inside of, and about to kiss goodbye the single best relationship youâd ever had. And the first one that had really meant something special.Â
Haechanâs room was dark, but you could see enough thanks to the moonlight penetrating through his window with the curtains drawn open. You had been staying in his house for the past week and making love every day while his parents werenât home.Â
Even then, he was on top of you, rocking into you with languid thrusts. It wasnât really his style, but it was also the nth round of many and you were both tired. Though he couldnât get enough of your body and he didnât want to be apart from you knowing that not a moment of your relationship wouldnât matter the second you boarded your flight in the morning.Â
So this one had to count for something.Â
âIâm gonna miss you,â you whispered. You thought you would be saying that a lot lately, but the reality was that you had held your tongue for the past week, desperate to ignore the finality in every action you took.Â
Haechan had been hoping you wouldnât. It wasnât that he wasnât going to miss you - he was going to be sick to his stomach without you, but he didnât need a reminder that you were leaving him, even if it stared him in the face every day. You may not have realized it, but every time you made eye contact, you looked at him like you were about to leave your heart in his lap.
âIâm gonna miss you more. You have no idea,â Haechan said, forgoing his grip on your hips to intertwine his fingers with yours.Â
You squeezed his hand, closing your eyes and releasing a shaky breath. âYou wonât hate me for this, will you?â
Haechan recoiled in surprise. âWhy would I ever hate you?â
You shook your head. You knew it was irrational. That being said, that didnât stop you from being afraid of what was to come in the very near future. âI just⌠I thought you would feel betrayed. We made a lot of promises together and now weâre breaking them because I canât be here anymore.â
Haechan sucked in a breath. He figured it would be best to think over what he was going to say before he let it spill from his mouth. âI donât hate you. I will never hate you. I understand why youâre leaving and Iâm happy for you, because I know that youâll be happier there.â
âWhat if I leave and itâs not what Iâm hoping for it to be?â you asked.Â
Haechan countered promptly, âWhat if you leave and itâs everything you want it to be and more?â
âEverything I want and more would be for us to go to a whimsical place far away from here where we can be together until the day we die, but thatâs not realistic.â
âDreams are never realistic. Thatâs what makes them dreams. Itâs up to you to make them real,â Haechan replied, meeting your eyes and never daring to look away no matter how much it pained him.Â
You sighed. He could be so wise when he wanted to be.
Haechan took a minute to collect himself and continued, âI want you to chase your dreams, baby. Even if it hurts me in the process. Because what would hurt me more is knowing that youâre unsatisfied and putting up with something just because you think itâs what I want.â
In that moment, you finally realized how lucky you had gotten with him. You always knew you were lucky, but right now you felt like the luckiest girl in the world. And at the same time, you felt like fate wasnât on your side. âIâm so scared, Haechan.â
âIâm scared for you,â he admitted, poignant. âMy mind keeps screaming with thoughts of things that could go wrong with you out there in some big city all by yourself.â
âBut?â
Haechan gave you a look. âWhat do you mean? But nothing. Iâm scared and I wish things were different so that you could stay here.â
That made you laugh for some reason. Maybe because you werenât expecting it.Â
The sound of your laughter eased some of the tension in his heart. He asked, âYou know what scares me more though?â
You rolled your eyes playfully and droned, âI know, I know. The thought of me not being happy and sacrificing my dreams just so that we can be together.â
Haechan shook his head. âNo,â he blurted out. Then, he thought about it. âWell, yes, that too, but I was going to say the thought of you not being mine. Iâm terrified of you moving on and forgetting about me.â
You frowned, bringing your hand to his cheek with the tenderness heâd always loved about you. âIâll never forget you. You mean the world to me. You give me strength. Iâm not gonna lie, if it werenât for you, I probably would have slit my wrists a long time ago.â
Haechan winced. âDamn, baby.â
You smiled thinly, watching his eyes close and his face rub against your palm as you gently soothed him. He would forever be a slave to your touch. âI know. But you being there for me has changed my life for the better. And even if we never see each other again, Iâll still remember your face. Your voice. The way you laugh and the way you make me think. Iâll always carry a piece of you inside my heart.â
âAnd youâll be walking with all of mine,â Haechan told you fondly, losing himself in you.Â
In more ways than one. You couldnât remember how long you two had stayed there, pleasuring each other until you were too sore to take any more and too weak to keep your eyes from closing. You just knew that you had been cocooned in his embrace, arms and legs coiled snugly around him, wishing you didnât have to let him go.Â
You still could see the heartbroken pain on his face he tried (and failed) to hide as he watched you leave that following morning.Â
âIt was so hard to walk away after that,â you confessed, slumping against the wall. âI knew that if I looked back, I would run right back into your arms.â
Haechan dropped beside you and lowered his head onto your shoulder. âThen Iâm glad you never looked back. There was always this sadness to you, even when you tried to hide it from us. I donât feel that from you now.â
You were happier. You were in a place where you felt like you could be yourself, surrounded by friends you trusted and found reliable. No one passed any judgment. But none of that would matter if you didnât make it back home. âI hope itâs not all for nothing.â
âItâs not all for nothing,â Haechan replied sternly. âWeâre gonna be fine.â
You nodded, believing him. You would all be fine. Everything would be okay.
The lights flickered on in the hallway, drawing everyoneâs attention to the door, and you could see through its window. They were motion activated, which meant someone was coming. You swallowed, wondering whether to expect Mark, some monsters, or a secret third option.Â
You thanked God himself when you saw Mark barge through the door with Xiu, holding a basket of snacks.Â
âIâm gonna go grab something to eat,â you told Haechan, standing up on your legs. âYou want anything?â
Haechan shook his head. âNah, Iâm not hungry.â
You were tempted to press, but you didnât want to overstep any boundaries, so you left it alone and walked away. He was hardly blinking but he didnât seem tired like you were after so much sprinting. You knew he tended to get lost in his thoughts to the extent of neglecting himself and you were beginning to get a little worried.Â
Mark saw you approaching him and dropped everything (he literally dropped the snacks) to throw his arms around you securely. You squeaked in surprise but welcomed it nonetheless. âOh my god. I canât breathe. Mark, when did you get so strong?â
âIâm so sorry I dragged you here,â he apologized, penitent. âIf I had known that this was going to happen, I wouldnât have forced you to show up against your will.â
You didnât spare a second in responding, âMark, donât you dare apologize. Absolutely none of this is your fault. You couldnât have known.â
Mark still felt guilty. He couldnât shake the feeling that he was to blame for some of this. âI know, but Iâm the only reason you came. And if I didnât make you come here, you wouldâve been safe. You wouldâve never gotten hurt.â
You sighed. âItâs just a scratch, Mark.â
âRight now itâs just a scratch. I hope to God thatâs the most any of us get,â Mark huffed. He was annoyed, but not with you. With himself.Â
You hoped so too. No matter what amount of unfinished stood between anyone, no one deserved to die. You didnât want a day intended for celebration and unity to end with mourning and grief. And even then, that ship had sailed.Â
Mark nudged your side with his elbow. âHowâs Haechan doing? I see you guys havenât left each other alone. And you were so scared of running into him.â
You mustered a smile. You had been so convinced that reuniting with your old lover would be the worst thing to happen today. âYeah, itâs funny. I donât know what I was so afraid of. Heâs still the same boy I fell in love with, but eight years older and eight years wiser.â
âIs he holding up okay?â
âI think heâs holding up better than anyone in the room, to be honest,â you answered with a nod, glancing back at Haechan. He was still sitting by the wall, stoic as ever. âHeâs really brave and super strong. Always has been.â
Mark followed your gaze. The tenacity was something he could appreciate and definitely something needed when half of you were on the verge of losing your shit. Even Johnny was grappling with defeat. âHeâs the kind of person you need. The kind of person you deserve.â
There was a dull throbbing in your heart. It was an ache that youâd suppressed for many years and itâd finally had its fill of being locked away. It needed attention. âHe said he still loves me, you know.â
âAnd what did you say?â Mark asked expectantly.
You shrugged. Obviously, you knew, but the whole thing still seemed surreal to you - not just the monsters. You had been half expecting hatred, resentment and dismissal. Not affection and compassion. âI didnât say it back, if thatâs what youâre asking. Not directly, at least. But I think he understood. He and I have always had a way of communicating.â
Mark bobbed his head in agreement and replied, âYeah, thatâs true. I still canât see you with anybody else. You two belong together and I hope that when we make it out of here, you guys can work things out.â
You grinned softly. No matter what, you and Haechan had always been the couple that everybody wanted together. It made you happy to know people still felt that way, because you did too. But you chose to deflect, asking, âWhat about you and Xiu?â
âI wanna make things work with her too. Iâve had a crush on her for the longest,â Mark confessed, turning his head to look at her. She was a few feet behind him consoling Johnny and Victoria.Â
You nodded, pleased that Mark had found his match. He had been as unhappy in love as you were. It was in the genes, even if he wasnât your blood brother. âOh, I know. I think everybody knows. You were never exactly subtle. But I have to give credit where credit is due, and itâs crazy that sheâs all over you now. What did you do?â
To your surprise, Mark started giggling mischievously.Â
You rolled your eyes, knowing exactly what that meant. âNevermind. Spare me the details.â
Mark threw his hands up. âHey, thatâs just life, you know? Things work out when theyâre supposed to.â
You had been about to reflect on the remarkably wise words spoken to you, but everyone quickly noticed the faint thump resounding in the hallway as the lights flickered on, indicating that someone was approaching. The dialogue faded. It was so quiet that all you could hear was your quickening pulse.
All of the boys were on high alert. Taeyong, who was already on edge, rooted in place like a rock. Johnny glanced up from where heâd been sitting with his face in his hands, tapping his foot. Haechan made his way over to investigate. And Mark stood in front of you protectively.Â
It was like a dam breaking. There was a split second of peace before a pack of zombies barged in through both entrances, and your whole body went into panic mode. You couldnât breathe and your immediate instinct was to take flight, but there was nowhere else to go. You were trapped.Â
Startled beyond belief and terrified for her life, Xiu ran over to where you and Mark were standing in shock as everything rapidly unfolded, grasping his arms and joining you behind him. At the moment, it felt like the safest place to be.
Haechan was quick to draw his weapon and start opening fire on the gory monsters in front of you, but there was no way he could defeat them all. There were too many. The sound of gunshots made you recoil harder and you shrunk in on yourself, willing yourself not to sob.Â
In the blink of an eye, they were cornering Victoria like a knot of hungry sharks. Johnny cried out her name and didnât think twice about advancing on the hungry creatures, knocking two of them dead onto the ground with his fist.Â
When Johnny spun around to grab her and lead her away from the others, Victoria bit into his face.Â
You closed your eyes when you heard his screams, knowing that there was nothing you could do for either of them now. The infection spread within them too quickly. It had been like that with Jaehyun too; one second he was the sweet boy youâd always known, and the very next, he was trying to drag you into the void with him.Â
When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was Taeyong getting drowned into a sea of monsters. He resisted, thrashing against them and kicking his legs, but to no avail. You lost sight of his face as he was swallowed beneath them to be feasted on like a rotting dead animal.
You couldnât believe what you were seeing. What you were hearing. The wound of grief from earlier was still too fresh and you werenât afforded the opportunity to process the second and third losses before Taeyong was stolen from you too. He shouted out in pain, but the sound was muffled as he was overpowered. You would never forget those agonized cries for as long as you lived.Â
Haechan accidentally shot one of them in the head and it dropped to the ground, its body twitching for a few seconds before it stilled completely. You gawked, eyes widening. That was how you killed the dead.Â
He seemed equally stunned, but there was no time to waste in lying around waiting to die. âWe need to go,â he said in a tone that would brook no argument.Â
As sick as it sounded, you knew he was right. You needed to leave while it was still an option. You were outnumbered. The monsters were still focused on Taeyong and they wouldnât be distracted by him for much longer. It was now or never.Â
âThereâs an emergency exit door in the storage room,â said Mark, gesturing for you all to follow him with a rapid blur of his hands.Â
The remaining three of you paced behind him as quickly as you could without drawing attention to yourselves. As much as you hated having to leave them there for dead, you had to prioritize survival. You tried to tell yourself that they would have wanted you to leave. Whatever you needed to do to convince yourself that you were making the right choice.Â
Fortunately, the storage room was unlocked, and all four of you charged inside, maneuvering between several racks of spare basketballs and sports equipment and sundries. You had no idea where the exit door led to specifically, but you had no other option than to fuck around and find out.
You ended up halfway out of the school. There was a fence within a fence, bringing you outside, but still within the outermost perimeter. It was a dangerous place to be, considering most of the monsters were roaming outdoors and you had no way of escaping the relatively tall gates of your school.Â
The innermost fence, on the other hand, while definitely all, was still climbable. Your school was a prison no one had been talented enough to sneak out of, but that didnât mean no one had ever tried. And you and Haechan had gotten pretty good at hopping over the inner fence to take a detour to the garden shack for some alone time.Â
Mark looked at the fence in disapproval. There was a gate, but it was obviously locked. No one other than the coaches and custodians likely knew the code. âWhat fucking security freaks, dude.â
Haechan looked toward you. âYou thinking what Iâm thinking?â
You nodded reluctantly. It had been a minute since youâd needed to hop a fence, but you couldnât stay here. You had to go back inside the school.Â
Xiu caught on and she didnât like it one bit. âNo way you guys are seriously thinking about climbing the fence.âÂ
âDo you have a better idea?â Haechan asked impatiently.Â
Mark narrowed his eyes at Haechan. âDonât talk to her like that. Sheâs scared of heights.â
âAnd Iâm scared of getting my brains chewed out by zombies and turning into one like the rest of our friends. You two can stay here, but Iâm hopping the fence.â
âHey, chill out,â you said, putting your hands up and glancing between the both of them before things got ugly. âThereâs no point in any of this if youâre both just gonna kill each other. We need to hop the fence. Now.â
Mark sighed, turning towards Xiu. âI can carry you over, if you want.â
Xiu shook her head. âNo, itâs okay. I can do it.â
Haechan was satisfied. âGood.â He pivoted so that he was facing you, handing you the shotgun. âHold this for me.â
You grabbed the gun cautiously. You were every bit afraid of accidentally setting it off and wounding yourself or someone else in the process.Â
Haechan stepped back, taking a deep breath, and ran up and hauled himself over the fence like it was nothing. You acted quickly, but carefully, handing him the gun over the slightly shorter gate.Â
Then, it was your turn. Your heart was pumping. Your whole body was on edge. You walked backwards, putting some distance between you and the fence, and sprinted over without a second thought. You grasped the top for leverage and pulled yourself over, landing on your feet.Â
And then there were two.Â
Mark exhaled a shaky breath and glanced at Xiu again, holding her hands. âYou can go now.â
She shook her head. âNo, you go.â
Mark looked like he was about to ask if she was sure, but Haechan beat him to a word. âFuckâs sake, we donât have time for this. Thereâs zombies coming. Look behind you.â
There were a handful of zombies slowly but surely making their way over and there was only so much time before they caught up to you. Frantically, Xiu began to fret, eyes widening as she clasped Markâs forearms. âGo. I donât wanna slow you guys down.â
Mark glanced between her and the fence, stuck at a crossroads. Ultimately, he grabbed Xiuâs face and kissed her breathless like it was his last chance to let her know how he really felt, and threw himself over the fence.Â
âOkay, baby. Itâs your turn,â Mark said, gesturing for her to come over.
Xiu hesitated, eyes wide with fear. It was a six foot tall jump that required every bit of vigor to haul yourself over. You watched with dread, an invisible clock ticking above your head as your body shuddered with alarm. You couldnât stand still.Â
Especially not when the zombies were getting closer and closer with every second gone to waste. In a life or death situation, every single breath counted. She was running out of time and you desperately didnât want to lose another valuable friend that had made an impact on your life for the better. You just couldnât. You refused.Â
âBabe,â Mark called again, on the verge of panic. âPlease. You have to jump right now. Just come to me.â
You and Haechan urgently waved her over. You exclaimed, âXiu, just do it! Donât think about it. Itâs only gonna take a few seconds and then itâll be over.â
Xiu stepped back, preparing herself for the leap. She took a few restrained steps forward, testing the waters, and backed away again. âMark, I canât do it. Iâm scared,â she whimpered.Â
âYes, you can,â Mark reassured her gingerly. âYou can do it, Xiu. Youâre gonna be okay. I promise.â
Xiu begrudgingly nodded, wanting to trust him more than anything. She exhaled a shaky breath and walked back, glancing over her shoulder to gauge how much distance remained between her and the monsters, and resigned herself to the fact that there was no other way out. Finally, she closed her eyes and sprung forward, getting caught at the top and bracing herself on the fence.Â
When she glanced back, she lost her grip and fell for all of a couple seconds, cracking her skull on a rock.Â
The sound was the most devastating thing youâd ever heard.Â
âXiu!â Mark cried out in anguish, rushing towards the fence without a second thought.Â
Haechan had to get a hold of him before he leaped back over, barely able to restrain Mark with how wildly he fought it. Haechan briefly forwent the gun and grappled Mark, spinning him around so that they were face to face. âHey, man. Look. Look at me,â he said, bracing his shoulders. âSheâs gone.â
âNo,â Mark shouted in denial, attempting to wrestle free of Haechanâs iron grip.
You helped Haechan hold Mark in place, knowing it would be both foolish and risky for him to go back over when there were monsters nearly clawing at the gate. You could see the agony on your brotherâs face and it broke you in half. âMark, Iâm sorry,â was all you could bring yourself to say. âIâm so sorry.â
âNo,â Mark echoed, but this time it was a hollow whisper. He slackened and the second you and Haechan released him, he dropped to the ground. There was no faking the heartbreak in his eyes. In his voice.Â
Haechan exhaled deeply, cradling his face in his hands. âFuck, man.â
Even though you were dealing with your own overwhelming whirlwind of emotions - anger, grief, and fear - you knew someone needed to be the voice of reason between the three of you so that you could survive. âMark, itâs time to go,â you told him gently.Â
Mark looked up at you, empty. Like he didnât care whether he lived or died. His voice was quiet. âI promised. I promised her she was gonna be okay.â
You shook your head, reaching out to grab his hands in an act of consolation. âYou couldnât have known this was going to happen.â
Mark was in too deep. He couldnât see it any other way. To him, this was preventable and the outcome had largely depended on him. He lowered his head in shame. âI shouldnât have let her go last. I couldâve helped her. I knew she was scared.â
âYou canât blame yourself for this, Mark. Itâs no oneâs fault,â you replied gently, wishing there was something you could say to convince him. But you didnât have time for that right now. âBut we really need to get going so that no one else gets hurt.â
Mark nodded, begrudgingly coming to a stand. He was only partly in the journey now; halfway to surrender. âThe gymâs blown. Whatâs the next best place?â
You thought about it. âThe auditorium?â
âThereâs too many doors,â Haechan chimed, having learned his lesson from the gym fiasco.Â
You shrugged. âYeah, but we can hide behind the stage if we need to.â
Haechan sighed. âI guess.â
You frowned. There was a stormy, dark cloud of defeat hanging over the group now and it disappointed you, even if it was justified. You said nothing, dragging your feet with them as you tried to neglect the agony tearing you apart. Brutal was an understatement.Â
The hallways were damn near packed with monsters, as if they were making sure there was no stone left unturned. No place they hadnât searched. That thought alone was scary as all hell. With every new corner, the three of you were forced to check each angle before you proceeded down the hall.
It was hard to keep your head in the game when you couldnât help but vividly remember the lives that had been stolen plain in your face without consequence. One after another, back to back. You were channeling the despair into strength and spunk, but that didnât make it any less painful.Â
Hopelessness was nothing new to someone like you, but this was a different breed of misery; you could feel the ache in every breath you took and all the while, you had to ignore how limited they felt, because you didnât want to lose faith altogether. You had to keep telling yourself that this wasnât the end even if you could hardly believe it.Â
You felt sick as you thought of Johnny and Victoria. They should have been happy together, and now you had to pray that their souls were united and at peace. You thought of Taeyong, who had been nothing but nurturing and tender to everyone who loved, but you couldnât do anything to save him. Xiu who was sweet and deserved a chance with Mark as much as he deserved one with her.Â
And Jaehyun whose smile you were picturing in your mind and shattering apart at the thought of never seeing again. You wished you could have done more for them. You could still hear their screams and the agonized sound was something you would always remember.Â
Mark put his hand up, making you and Haechan halt in your tracks behind him in the middle of a broad wall. You figured heâd heard something. He crept closer to investigate, slowly peeking his head around the corner to get an idea what was going on.Â
In the next second, Mark was blindsided and yanked the other way. He cried out as he disappeared behind the corner.Â
âMark,â you called out, eyes widening. You managed to grapple him in the nick of time and forcibly pull him back into you, sighing in relief when you realized he was unharmed. You had been one second away from losing him indefinitely.Â
Haechan turned the corner with his gun and began shooting anything that moved without mercy. You hated the sound of gunshots and every single one startled you more than the last, but you understood that they were a necessary evil which were aiding in your survival.Â
The monsters started dropping like flies and you stilled like youâd been struck by lightning when you recognized the one that had grabbed Mark. It was Jaehyun. A little more bloody, a little more pale, but you knew Jaehyun when you saw him. He hardly looked the same without life.Â
You saw the bullet piercing his forehead and knew that this was the last youâd ever seen of him unless it was in your dreams.Â
Mark went slack beside you. He didnât say anything, but you knew he was thinking the exact same thing you were.Â
Haechan, on the other hand, hadnât noticed. He was too busy firing away at the flock of monsters in front of you. With how shocked you were, you failed to realize there was another one stealthily creeping behind you until Mark jolted, hollering out in pain.Â
Your protective instincts kicked in. You werenât thinking about your own health or safety. You just knew you wanted to protect your little brother with your life and you fought and struggled with the monster, prying him away.Â
But it was too late. Mark had been bitten. The infection was stronger than your desire to save him, no matter how badly you wanted it. You barely dodged Mark when he lunged at you and tried to get a hold of your arm, your eyes widening in horror at your worst fear coming to life.Â
âNo. God, please,â you whimpered, the defeat finally starting to catch up to you. You couldnât win this battle. Not when your undoing had been guaranteed from the start.Â
Haechan gaped, but he didnât let you falter. You had to stay in motion. Which meant being confined to an eternity of running, and you were beginning to realize it would just be easier to give up. Wordlessly, he handed you the gun, the message obvious. You know what you have to do.Â
You shook your head. The gun burned your hands. Though you knew that head shots were the only sure-fire way of neutralizing anyone who had been infected, you also figured it would kill them permanently. And you couldnât do that.Â
âIâm not killing him,â you told Haechan, backing away. âAnd Iâm not letting you do it either.â
Haechan exhaled through his nose. âWe have to do something quickly or weâll be cornered.â
Your eyes stung with unshed tears. It felt like the world was spinning. You were nauseous and sick to your stomach, the most cruel shudder wrecking through your body as you fought the urge to sob.Â
Finally, knowing you had no other option, you aimed the gun. Mark slumped to the ground, clutching the wound in his leg. Like hell you were going to kill him. âI hope we can fix you,â you whispered poignantly, handing Haechan back the weapon and facing the other way.Â
You refused to look at Mark anymore. You had failed to protect your own brother. He was your responsibility, your family. The person you were supposed to be there for through thick and thin. And you let him down in the worst way possible.Â
Haechan gave chase, calling out your name. âWait!â
Not turning around, you kept walking. You were at your breaking point. âHow could you ask me to do that?â
Haechan replied, âHeâs dead! Thereâs nothing we can do for him now whether you shoot him in the head or not. He would have wanted you to protect yourself.âÂ
You whipped around and exclaimed, âYou donât know that! There has to be something we can do.â
Haechan was quick to ask, âLike what, baby? You really think theyâve got some anti-zombie virus remedy cooked up and ready to hand out? Thatâs just not realistic.â
âWhat if it was me?â
Haechan rooted in place, his feet fixed to the ground as his eyes flickered with surprise. âWhat?â
âYou heard me,â you snapped. âWhat if I had gotten bitten? Would you have shot me?â
Haechan swallowed. âYou canât ask me something like that.â
That only served to make you angrier. It was the same damn situation, as far as you were concerned. Losing someone you cared deeply about and being forced into making a tough choice. âWhy not?â
âBecause itâs different,â Haechan huffed.Â
âHow?â
Raising his voice ever so slightly, Haechan replied, âI donât know. It just is!â
You didnât realize that your volume had attracted more attention until it was too late. You could feel the dread flooded into your bloodstream before you even knew why. When you glanced up, you saw monsters approaching you both at every turn, at every angle.Â
At that moment, you accepted defeat. You knew you had no chance at victory. Even if you fought until the very end, rebelled against everything inside you that wanted to surrender in hope of survival, you knew it would be pointless. You would run out of bullets at some point exactly like how youâd run out of will. And you were already running on empty.Â
If you somehow survived this, you would wish that you hadnât. How could you live after seeing what you had seen, constantly reminded of what youâd lost?
Haechan was on the same page. You couldnât escape this, no matter how hard you tried. He laced his fingers through yours and confessed again, âI love you.â
You couldnât hold back anymore. The tears were dripping from your eyes and staining your cheeks. âI love you too,â you whispered.Â
Haechan nodded, releasing your hand to throw his arms around your waist from behind.Â