⤡ 18+ blog primarily for long nct fics. masterlist below. no requests.
⤡ revehae is my side blog where i write evil little stories that normal people will find off-putting. ireverie is the enhypen equivalent.
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DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
⤡ JOHNNY SUH, 23k, 1/3 of the wanted: dead or alive series.
five years ago, you were part of a unit assigned to eliminate the head rival of a crime syndicate. the plan backfired miserably. ever since you have been laying low, but then your former boss calls you with alarming news.
KEEP ON
⤡ JOHNNY SUH, 13.6k
All things love and commitment are feared upon by you. You keep a tight crew and let few people in, cynical of otherâs intentions and leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake. If you break other peopleâs hearts first, they canât break yours. And yet, it was all too easy falling for Johnny, digging yourself into a depthless hole of love. But he is no exception to your heartache games.
WAITING GAME
⤡ JOHNNY SUH, 9.1k, 1/4 of the Temptation series.
Your best friendâs dad is a smoking hot dilf seeking vengeance after youâve spent the past couple of years teasing him, but it seems that you canât handle a taste of your own medicine.
LITTLE DO YOU KNOW
⤡ LEE TAEYONG, 14.9k
After three years away from Miami, Taeyong is finally ready to return to the city. He left a world behind here, but most importantly, he left you. And being invited on a friendly get-together trip to a beach resort gives him a little too much time to resume unfinished business between you both.
DRESS CODE
⤡ NAKAMOTO YUTA, 7.4k, 3/4 of the Temptation series.
Nakamoto Yuta and his rings have caught your eye. In an effort to seduce your professor, you decide to take your best friendâs advice and change your wardrobe. Youâre given an advantage when Yutaâs son asks you to tutor him, and itâs like Satan is handing you opportunities on a silver platter - but at what cost?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
⤡ NAKAMOTO YUTA, 20k, 2/3 of the wanted: dead or alive series.
after investigating the activity of a local gang, your boss abruptly disappears, and it's up to you to find out what happened to him. you almost immediately suspect the reapers, one of the most infamous gangs in seoul. and yuta is willing to lend a hand in your operation, but only at a cost; forget him in the end.
VENOMOUS
⤡ NAKAMOTO YUTA, 18.8k
Born into the underworld, crime was all youâd known your entire life and was practically in your blood - murder, drugs, money, power, and everything in between. In spite of your father leading one of the two major gangs that dominated Asia, you managed to keep safe. But all that changes once the rival gang has bad blood to settle with your father, and suddenly a vendettaâs being pursued against you.
WHISPER
⤡ KIM DOYOUNG, 8.9k, 2/4 of the Temptation series.
When you were nineteen, you could only dream of meeting Kim Doyoung in his sheets. Behind his back you watched all the movies he starred in, wanting nothing more than to be the one he touched whenever a sex scene came on. So when the opportunity surfaced four years later after youâre casted together in the same movie, you didnât hesitate to snag it - even if it meant hiding from his wife, your father, and the public. And even if feelings developed.
DIE IN YOUR ARMS
⤡ JEONG JAEHYUN, 22.4k
Every single night before bed, you play your royal husband, Jaehyun, a song on his grandfather's piano as a distraction from the ominous sounds you hear. To the public, you're all smiles, but discreetly, you're a slave to your suspicions. Though it seems the more you pry, the more secrets you start to unravel.
HONEYMOON AVENUE
⤡ JEONG JAEHYUN, 12.3k
A year ago, wedding bells were ringing and you were screaming, âYes!â at the top of your lungs. Last Christmas, you were supposed to be wed under a mistletoe. This Christmas, company finds you in the form of your ex-fiancĂŠ that broke off your engagement after youâre both inconveniently trapped in an elevator.
WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD
⤡ JEONG JAEHYUN, 14.5k
Three years ago, you had a summer fling with Jung Jaehyun, and what was simply sex turned into more after you caught feelings for him. Then, you find out he has a girlfriend, and decide to call it quits. Three years later, he's back in town, trying to come back in your life, and most importantly trying to come back into your heart, but you're a little hesitant to let him.
WISH I NEVER
⤡ JEONG JAEHYUN, 27.2k
Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.
CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?
⤡ MARK LEE, 10.4k, 4/4 of the Temptation series
The apartment next door to yours has been vacant for months. No one had gone in or out, not until your new next door neighbor moved in two weeks ago. Mark, a slightly older guy who prides himself on his patience and willpower with a penchant for control. But when you make it clear youâre resolved to wither away the things he values most, Mark decides heâs down for the challenge, determined to put a leash on your unrestrained behavior - and most importantly, finally shut you the hell up.
EX MARKS THE SPOT
⤡ MARK LEE, 19.9k
Two months ago, you and Mark called it quits and havenât spoken to each other since. As per tradition, your respective friend groups gather each Christmas eve to keep the peace, but this year somebody has a different plan. And the new chick on Markâs arm isnât the worst thing to happen.
PRETTY LITTLE WEAPON
⤡ MARK LEE, 25.7k
A lifetime worth of adversity had brought you to Bloodlust. You joined them to escape your history, but with Mark Lee - an undercover narcotics agent with a secret to keep - comes the threat of being forced to confront your past. Old wounds are opened, but scars heal.
(AT THE END OF THE DAY) EVERYBODY DIES
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 20k, 3/3 of the wanted: dead or alive series.
denial after denial, your step-brother continues to nag you about an upcoming high school reunion, until you finally agree to tag along. itâs awkward seeing your ex-boyfriend, haechan, again for the first time in years, but you have no time to dwell on the past with the threat of undead students banging on the school gates.
CHANGE YOUR MIND YET?
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 4.6k
Youâre going to kill him. You swear, Youâre going to kill him. how did Liu Yangyang accidentally tell Lee Donghyuckâyour greatest enemyâthat you think heâs hot and that youâve been in a dry spell recently? Now you have to avoid the inevitable confrontation, and worst of all, deal with the most stubborn person alive (who ironically thinks that youâre the most stubborn person alive).
FOREVER YOURS
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 23k
Thirst for exhilaration and a stupid dare brings you, your boyfriend Haechan, and your friends to the eerie camping grounds of Chimera - the name of a town rumored to be occupied by a number of vengeful, lurking spirits. But nothing is as it seems in this ghost town.
LOVE JONES
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 25.5k, part one, part two
After breaking off your engagement to your fiance, you move to Los Angeles to pursue a modeling career. There in the fairytale land where stars go to shine you meet Haechan, an aspiring photographer with a penchant for mischief and flirtation.
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, PARK JISUNG, 19.8k
upon accidentally finding a video of you and your boyfriend haechan doing some very sexual things, jisung knows that he shouldnât watch it. he knows that it would be an extreme invasion of privacy, but heâs unable to control himself when he sees the thumbnail. so he settles for only watching 30 seconds. except, 30 seconds turns into 30 minutes, and by then heâs buried himself too deep into a life-changing situationâor in which jisungâs terrible at keeping secrets.
SUPERMODEL
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 23k
Five years ago, you left your hometown and ex to recreate your identity in California. Now, you're a staple of the fashion industry and on the front cover of magazines everywhere. Your hard work has paid off, but when you realize that you might be pregnant, you have to decide whether you want to be a full-time model or a full-time mother.
THE DEVILâS CUP
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 6.8k
In a world where humans and demons are separated by earth and the unknown, youâre curious about the creatures that most mortal beings are too frightened to investigate. More specifically if they can please you sexually. As they say, curiosity killed the cat.
WHO NEEDS CUPIDâS BOW?
⤡ LEE HAECHAN, 11.1k
Cupid is not on your side, it seems. Heâs made you fall in love with the worst possible person ever, AKA your best friend, AKA the man who still eats tootsie-popsâwillingly. And frankly, it feels like the damn candy has a better chance of dating him than you ever will.
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genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brotherâs worst enemy, forbidden love, markâs dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death
summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.
word count: 27.2k (listen⌠i donât know anymore okay)
a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause iâve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!
âAbsolutely not.â
âDude, come on,â Mark whined.Â
âHell the fuck no,â Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. âThe last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.â
âAnd?â
âYou texted him from your own phone,â Yuta deadpanned.Â
You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldnât think of a word to even explain it.
Mark gestured over to you. âBut you gave her drugs.â
Yuta grimaced. âFirst of all, donât say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.â
You added, âPlus Iâm not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.â
Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it wouldâve helped his case.Â
Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, âWhy donât you just chug Jenoâs notorious punch and call it a night? Thatâs what Iâm gonna do.âÂ
âIâve actually got plans with a chick whoâs been dying to chug my notorious punch. Iâll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,â Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said.Â
You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. âAye, aye, captain,â you chirped, saluting him.Â
After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.
Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.
You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one.Â
"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have itâŚ," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.
Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you werenât sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. âWhat up, baby? Long time no see.â
âRicky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.â
More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother.Â
And yet he took that retort in stride. âBaby, how many times do I have to tell you that Iâm sorry? It was a mistake and Iâll never make it again.â
âYouâre absolutely right,â you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. âYouâre a sorry motherfucker and youâll never make it again, because weâre done for good.â
But Ricky just couldnât take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, âDonât you know youâre nothing without me? Nothing!â
Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm.Â
Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found.Â
You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, âDo we have a problem over here?â
It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brotherâs worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didnât ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyunâs name made your brother tense.Â
It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, âWho the fuck are you?â
âThe hostâs cousin,â Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. âAnd you are?â
âThe love of her life.â
You didnât know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldnât be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came.Â
Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."
Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.
Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didnât hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with.Â
Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he wouldâve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable.Â
âInsufferable prick,â you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. âThanks, Jaehyun. I donât know what he wouldâve done if you werenât here.â
Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. âYou donât have to thank me for that. Itâs basic human decency.â
âAnd some people donât even have that,â you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy.Â
If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.
Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, âHey, I didnât know Jeno was your cousin.â
âMe, neither.â
It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasnât what you were focused on.Â
It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome.Â
Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, donât check him out. Heâs your brotherâs worst enemy. Youâre out of your goddamn mind if you think youâre getting laid tonight just because heâs playing nice.
âI should go,â you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. âThanks again. I really appreciate it.â
You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnnyâs sister, but damn, you were kinda cute.Â
At least for now, Jaehyun wouldnât play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasnât exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him.Â
You were half tempted to stop by Jenoâs room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs.Â
Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics.Â
âThere you are,â came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. âTaeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?â
âIâm fine,â you hollered over the music. âJust heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.â
Any other time, Johnny wouldâve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. âHave you had anything?â
You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. âJust the beer in my hand, Johnny.â
He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. âListen, I just wanna look out for you. Youâre my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...â
âMom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,â you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. âI get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that Iâm not a little girl anymore.â
âIf you were a little girl, you wouldnât be here and we wouldnât give you weed.â
That comment wasnât even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it.Â
âWhy were you around Jaehyun anyways?â Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasnât making any advances.Â
The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didnât need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. âRicky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.â
Johnny immediately perked up in anger. âWhat?â
âRelax. Jaehyun already took care of him. Thatâs why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.â
âI swear to god, Iâm gonna kill that son of a bitch,â Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind.Â
âRicky, or Jaehyun?â
âDoes it matter?â
You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didnât ask him months ago. Johnny mightâve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you.Â
The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that couldâve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what wouldâve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there.Â
Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you werenât going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.
You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous.Â
Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they werenât there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommatesâ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what.Â
You honestly couldnât blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways.Â
Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place.Â
The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you werenât too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open.Â
You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature.Â
And somebody else.Â
âI thought that was you,â said somebody from your side.Â
Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh.Â
It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate.Â
Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, âAre you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?â
Jaehyunâs eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? âActually, Iâm surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.â
You snickered, crossing your arms. âYou didnât check the forecast before you left the house? Itâs not gonna rain. Probably.â
Jaehyun furrowed a brow. âProbably?â
âThat guy on the news is an infamous liar,â you grumbled under your breath.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. âI told you why Iâm here. What about you?â
Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyunâs scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. âOh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.â
âReally?â
You bobbed your head. âYeah. Why?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNothing,â was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, heâd potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you.Â
You bobbed your head. âYup, Iâm alright. Itâs just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.âÂ
Jaehyun winced. âDamn. That must suck.â
âI get heâs doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?â
Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. âYeah, I know exactly what you mean.â
That caught your attention. âYou do?â
Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. âI mean, I donât have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. Itâs sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when youâre on a date with a girl and your mom wonât stop calling you?â
Your lips couldnât help but curl into a grin. âAw, youâre a Mommaâs boy.â
âThis is exactly what I mean,â Jaehyun groaned.Â
âNo, itâs⌠cute,â you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. âMost of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.â
Jaehyun found that amusing. âYou think Iâm a sweetheart?â
You shrugged your shoulders. âMaybe. I donât know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.â
âDo you want to?â
âDo I want to what?â
âKnow me better,â Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasnât sure what he wanted.
That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldnât hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. âGod, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.â
Jaehyun snickered with mischief. âWho said that he has to know?â
That response downright shocked you. You werenât expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. âOoh. Youâre trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun took that in stride. âIâm guessing you like that.â
Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. âHm, you know what they say.â
âI donât think I do.âÂ
âItâs always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,â you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.
Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. âIâve gotta go. Later, Dimples.â
Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts.Â
It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question.Â
You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brotherâs trust. You didnât know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didnât mention crushing.
But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun.Â
You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really whatâs itâs come to, huh?
Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. Sheâs his baby sister, you asshole. Sheâs off-limits.Â
Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you.Â
It wasnât like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough.Â
He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter.Â
Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldnât mind on this one. Plus sometimes youâd gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off.Â
You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You werenât counting, but he definitely was.Â
âYour dick probably has so much chlamydia that itâll mutate into a different variant like Covid,â Haechan teased.Â
You grimaced, but you definitely agreed.Â
âYouâre one to talk,â Mark snapped.Â
Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. âOf course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. Iâm clean as a whistle.â
You shook your head in amusement. âIâve never understood the saying âclean as a whistle.â Like arenât whistles actually contaminated from being in someoneâs mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dickâŚâ
Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friendâs expense.Â
Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. âAnd what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?â
âDefinitely not as often as you guys,â you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. âIâll be right back. Iâve gotta tinkle.â
Markâs nose wrinkled. âYou didnât think that was too much information?â
You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life.Â
âIf it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,â Yuta joked dryly.Â
You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom.Â
And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didnât know where it was.Â
You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. Youâd only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldnât fucking hold it.Â
You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?
You set eyes on a random door and said, âFuck it.â You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience.Â
To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. âWhat are you doing here?â
âOh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. Iâm guessing this isnât it,â you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI live here, baby.â
âOh.â You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely werenât yourself when you had to pee.Â
Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. âYou can use mine. Itâs that door over there.â
âThank you,â you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom.Â
You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?
âYou sure were in a hurry,â Jaehyun teased.Â
You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyunâs room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. âNo girls in here, I see.â
Jaehyun didnât know whether to be offended by that or not. âWhat do you think I am, a pimp?â
You snickered. âNah. Iâm just traumatized. Sue me.â
Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didnât want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. âYou never answered my question the other day.â
âWhat question?â you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although youâd had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate.Â
Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun.Â
Johnny wasnât around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that heâd step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didnât want you to be there either, but you assured him that youâd steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun.Â
And it wasnât as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasnât your fault that you didnât know where the bathroom was.Â
âIf you wanted to get to know me better.â
You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. âJaehyun, you know my brother wonât approve.â
âI guess thatâs a ânoâ then,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyunâs, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared.Â
His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.
The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses.Â
Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?
You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didnât complain, taking time to catch his breath. âIs that a maybe?â
You giggled and shook your head. âItâs a yes.â
Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didnât care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity.Â
Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, âWeâre playing with fire.â
âIronically, I thought the same thing,â Jaehyun deadpanned.Â
You chuckled. Well, if you didnât care, and he didnât care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this.Â
Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. âHave you been drinking?â
âNope.â
âDid you do any drugs?â
âNot even a little,â you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brotherâs incessant worry. âWhy?â
Jaehyun said without hesitation, âBecause Iâve got weed.â
That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommatesâ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. âGeez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?â
Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends.Â
The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyunâs whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuckâs sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.
The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyunâs side. He didnât seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too.Â
And it also only enhanced your curiosity. âDo you do this often, Jaehyun?â
âYou mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?â
âYeah.â
Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. âEh, not really. Iâve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.â
You werenât surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didnât expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that youâd even believe it.Â
âMaybe you havenât met the right girl then,â you suggested coyly.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. âMaybe.â
It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. âWhat exactly are you looking for?â
Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because heâd thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy.Â
But maybe it wasnât all too simple. Jaehyun wasnât searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didnât draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on.Â
Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. âGuess.â
You threw him a look. âAre you serious?â
Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. âIâll tell you, but I want you to guess first.âÂ
You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. âVinyls from the nineties. Youâre an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.â
Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening.Â
You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, âYou want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.â
âYouâre good at this,â Jaehyun muttered.Â
âIâm nowhere close to being finished,â you said, grinning from ear to ear. âJudging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.â
Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this.Â
âYouâve searched for love and havenât found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,â you said, concluding your investigation.Â
âWow,â was all Jaehyun said.Â
Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, âAm I warm?â
âYouâre on fire,â he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. âBut how did you know?â
âThat you love a damsel in distress?â
âThat Iâve looked for love and gave up on it.â
You almost rolled your eyes. You couldnât believe he was seriously asking that question. âNo offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus youâre hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt itâs meaningless sex.â
Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you couldâve imagined it being there.Â
âI donât think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know sheâs out there, and when the timeâs right, youâll know.â Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, âBut youâre also a guy, and guys want sex.â
Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didnât know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep.Â
You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You couldâve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before.Â
There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didnât want to get ahead of himself.Â
It wouldnât have been the first time.Â
Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. âWhat about you - what are you looking for?â
âWho said I was looking?â you asked with obvious amusement.Â
That shattered Jaehyunâs former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didnât intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It wouldâve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later.Â
So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but youâd forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.
That way getting hurt was borderline impossible.Â
Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, âYou said that you think Iâm hot.â
âI literally said that ten hundred hours ago,â you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air.Â
You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didnât know he was hot was a fool. âAm I hot enough to kiss?â
Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldnât get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser.Â
You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better.Â
Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you couldâve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball.Â
To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didnât know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful.Â
It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.
Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommateâs that was never home, according to Jaehyun.Â
Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriendâs apartment and Jaehyun didnât know why he still paid rent, but he didnât complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out.Â
And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, âI donât like the attention.â
Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out.Â
The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun.Â
Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. âGood morning, Dimples.â
Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. âGood morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?â
âI shouldâve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,â you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyunâs blankets to help strengthen the temperature.Â
Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often.Â
âI couldâve slept on the sofa,â you said without complaint. âThe party was over by the time we called it a night and itâs the most comfortable sofa Iâve ever put my butt on.â
âIt goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when thereâs a perfectly functional bed upstairs.â
âAw, what a gentleman,â you replied, coming to stand at his side. âI drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I donât know how you live like a damn vampire.â
âWhatâs wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.â
âI donât think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,â you retorted, arms crossed.Â
Jaehyunâs lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything.Â
You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, âWhatever youâre about to say - donât.â
Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, âI made you something. Itâs not much because Iâve gotta go soon, but I didnât want you to be hungry.â
âThank you,â you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over.Â
âYouâre welcome,â Jaehyun told you gently. âNext time Iâll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.â
You gawked. âYou can cook?â
âA little bit, yeah. Why?â
âYou just got so much hotter,â you breathed.
Jaehyun grinned.Â
The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home.Â
Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasnât unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive.Â
You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasnât a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had.Â
You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you werenât expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents.Â
You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, âUh oh. Am I in trouble?â
Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. âVery much so.â
Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âYou look like you had a long night.â
âThatâs probably because I did.â
âDid you hook up with anyone?â
You grimaced. âGross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?â
Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious.Â
âNo, I didnât hook up,â you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth.Â
Johnnyâs lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. âI worry about you. Is that a crime?âÂ
You exhaled a long breath. âYouâre right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didnât, and Iâm sorry. I just got⌠distracted.â
That got Markâs attention and he butted in dramatically, âWhere did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadnât been twenty-four hours.â
Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. âAnd what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?â
âI wouldnât be too worried. Youâre annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said âcome get your bitch back.ââ
You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once.Â
âIâm gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,â you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs.Â
Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didnât hesitate to ask, âYouâre gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.â
âFor the last time, I did not hook up,â you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. âAnd get the hell out of my house - you donât even live here!â
You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook.Â
A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didnât have a lot of spare time.Â
You didnât mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained.Â
Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasnât a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high.Â
Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.
And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier.Â
Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didnât want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess.Â
He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty.Â
Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyunâs bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, âHey, is she coming over tonight?â
âYes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,â Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose.Â
âHave you guys⌠you know?â
âThatâs a personal question.â
âSo you havenât.â Yugyeom pressed, âMan, when are you gonna tell her youâve got the hots for her? You know what, Iâll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.â
Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. âI think I know what girls like.â
âThen whatâs the problem? And donât tell me that you havenât thought about it. Weâre both dudes, man. Thatâs bullshit.â
âThere isnât one,â Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He mightâve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth.Â
Yugyeom prodded, âThen?â
âI just donât wanna rush into it.â
Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside.Â
But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous.Â
So Yugyeom left it alone.Â
Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyunâs driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyunâs which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together.Â
Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, âDarling, Iâm home!â
âIâm upstairs,â Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself.Â
You didnât hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyunâs comfortable bedroom. âHey, Dimples,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background.Â
The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. âCome here.â
You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place.Â
God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasnât on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyunâs company. There was something happening to you and you couldnât tell if you liked it or not.Â
Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. âThings okay at home?â
âNew topic,â you groaned.Â
Jaehyun winced. That couldnât have been too good.Â
âYou smell good,â you purred, breathing in his scent.Â
âYou always say that.â
âBecause you always smell good.âÂ
âI just got out of the shower.â
âWithout me?â
âYou sound like a guy,â Jaehyun said in disapproval.Â
You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.
Jaehyunâs eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking.Â
You couldnât help but stare back. Jaehyunâs visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldnât help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there.Â
It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasnât the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that youâd spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism.Â
When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?
Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldnât have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you shouldâve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.
Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all.Â
Your lips found Jaehyunâs again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest.Â
Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldnât ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, âDo you want to have sex with me?âÂ
âIsnât it obvious?â you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.
All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. âI want to hear you say it.â
Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. âI want to have sex with you.â
That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him.Â
His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyunâs touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. âAre marks okay?â
Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. âYeah. Johnny will notice, but heâll never assume theyâre from you.âÂ
It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over.Â
Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasnât as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadnât been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since youâd last had sex.Â
And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didnât fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.
âJaehyun, fuck me,â you groaned impatiently.Â
Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, âI want you to beg.â
You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, âMake me.â
âIâm gonna make you beg, alright,â Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties.Â
The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didnât look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste.Â
You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyunâs voice somehow got deeper when he asked, âWill you let me taste you?âÂ
âFuck,â you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. âUh, yeah. Yes.â
No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldnât have been further from tentative.Â
Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.
There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out.Â
It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did.Â
âJesus, fuck,â was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think.Â
Jaehyun sure didnât seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel.Â
Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute.Â
The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window.Â
Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. âHow are you doing up there?â
No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, âFuck.â
Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. âIt sounds to me like youâre having a fun time,â he started. âDo you want to cum?â
You obviously heard that and hissed, âDonât ask stupid questions.âÂ
âIf you want to cum, then beg me for it,â Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.
Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously.Â
The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg.Â
âPlease,â you said, your voice raising a few pitches. âOh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun didnât make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there. Â
And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core.Â
Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyunâs soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didnât release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank.Â
It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.
Jaehyun didnât seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. âAre you back to earth?â
âBarely,â you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs.Â
âDo you want to stop?â
You gawked. âAre you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.â
âI still want to fuck you,â Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his.Â
Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain.Â
I think thatâs the best head Iâve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasnât top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?
Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasnât a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one.Â
Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didnât think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option.Â
You didnât want to ruin that, so you didnât get too deep.Â
But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting.Â
Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. âDo you have condoms?â
âAlways,â Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.
That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you werenât sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. Youâd rather be safe.
Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, âTell me how you want it.â
âHard and deep. Deep and hard,â you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye.Â
Jaehyun smirked. âThat can be arranged.â
You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted.Â
It didnât seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, âYouâre staring.â
âSorry.â
âNo, youâre not,â Jaehyun said.Â
You giggled. âNo, Iâm not.â
The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch.Â
You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface.Â
Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell.Â
âOh my godâŚ,â you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled.Â
Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. âDoes that feel okay?â
âMore than okay,â you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build.Â
You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.
Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasnât an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking.Â
It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasnât, it was damn near close.Â
There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you couldâve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles.Â
Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadnât even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating.Â
His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body.Â
It was fucking mind-blowing.Â
Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight werenât to have sex, in spite of his roommateâs attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision.Â
âYou take it so good, baby,â Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you.Â
Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous.Â
You were peering into Jaehyunâs soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through.Â
You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasnât skipping out on the extremes.Â
Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, âIâm so close.â
Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black.Â
The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits.Â
âI want you to cum,â Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. âNice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?â
âYes,â you choked out.Â
If you were being frank, he didnât even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof.Â
All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.
Your hands slipped from Jaehyunâs hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, âFinish me.â
The hoarseness of your voice alone couldâve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldnât last very much longer.Â
You were even more restless than before and it wasnât long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.
Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing.Â
The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly.Â
Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. âAre you okay?â
Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyunâs attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. âNo, more like incredible.â
That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. âDo you wanna shower with me?â
âThatâs kinda intimate,â you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. âHell yeah, I do.â
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom.Â
Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyunâs. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own.Â
Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you.Â
You sat on Jaehyunâs bed, memories of what youâd just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back.Â
At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side.Â
There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
âOh, nothing.â
Jaehyun didnât believe you at all, but he didnât press.Â
You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow werenât paying attention, he just got out of the shower.Â
But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you shouldâve. It wasnât your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girlsâ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown womanâs wet ones.Â
As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldnât help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. âJaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?â
Jaehyun hummed. You figured he mightâve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows.Â
âYouâre pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. Youâre technically always alone, but you donât live alone. Why?â
Now that wasnât what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. âItâs because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.â
You made a noise of content. âYouâre close then.â
âYup.âÂ
You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.
âWhat about you and your friends?â
âWhat about them?â
âWhatâs the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?â
You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. âNo way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,â you quipped.Â
Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle.Â
Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. âOn a serious note, Mark is my bestie and heâs what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes Iâll walk in on them hanging out without me.â
You didnât notice the way Jaehyunâs head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating.Â
And he was only irritating to some. Those who didnât find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts.Â
You continued, âYuta is more Johnnyâs friend than he is mine, but heâs laidback. Haechan is a little shit but heâs funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.â
You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it mustâve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasnât half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly.Â
Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, âEw!â
Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldnât have been further from his type, was one of your older brotherâs closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious.Â
Never mind the fact that he admitted heâd actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It wouldâve been the easiest way.Â
You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldnât ignore each otherâs incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how youâd slept.Â
Side by side, skin to skin.Â
The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.
Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief.Â
After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadnât eaten since you left home.Â
What you didnât expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though.Â
You werenât sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture.Â
Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. âOh, hey. Sleep good?â
âI only slept for a few hours,â you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. âBut yeah, I slept pretty good.â
Yugyeom chuckled. âI bet.â
You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasnât a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you werenât close by any means.Â
âI didnât think youâd be here,â you said after a pause, straddling a barstool.Â
âI mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?â
âJaehyun,â you chirped.Â
âOkay, thatâs fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?â
âYou and Jungkook, but it wasnât always that way.â
Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell.Â
Iâll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. âYou know, youâre the first girl Iâve seen last this long with Jaehyun.â
âOh?â
âIâm not saying heâs a player, but I thought Iâd stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isnât easily impressed,â Yugyeom said.Â
It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. âIâm sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.â
âI didnât say that you werenât.â
âYes, but you think that we arenât,â you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after.Â
Yugyeom laughed. âNo, I donât. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All Iâm saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.â
âAnd you want me to take it?â
Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. âWhatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.â
Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, âWhat are you two talking about?â
Yugyeom lied without hesitation, âHow handsome you are, of course.â
Jaehyun didnât believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. âYou think Iâm handsome?â
âOh, the handsomest,â you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder.Â
Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, âYou left me.â
âIâm sorry,â you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. âIâll stay next time.â
âGood.â
Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate.Â
The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyunâs arms, restless. If you werenât getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you werenât kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless.Â
It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.
You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence.Â
Plus you didnât get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope.Â
Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didnât want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldnât last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture.Â
But of course, you were pacing down your schoolâs courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Markâs footsteps catching up to you. âWanna tell me why Johnny asked me if youâve been going out with somebody lately?â he asked.
You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. âWhy would he ask you that?â
âBecause Iâm your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,â Mark hissed.
You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off.Â
Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, âDonât freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.â
Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, âWhat the fuck, dude?â
âI just said donât freak out!â
Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasnât going to freak out. âAre you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.â
âGod, I know,â you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache.Â
The shock was still evident on Markâs face, but he seemed to be cooling off. âShit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?â
Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. âJeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.â
Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyunâs. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes.Â
âOh my god,â Mark gasped.Â
âWhat?â
âThat night you went upstairs to pee and didnât come back,â Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadnât seen the hints earlier. âYou were off screwing Jaehyun, werenât you?â
âActually, no. I was with him, yes, but we werenât hooking up then.â
Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?
Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, âListen. You canât tell Johnny.â
Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. âAlright. Fine.â
âIâm serious. You have to promise.â
Mark groaned, âDude, Iâm not gonna tell Johnny that youâre fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.â
You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. âOkay.â
âBut that doesnât mean that I approve.â
âUnderstandable. I can live with that.â
âI donât see how,â Mark grumbled under his breath.Â
You frowned.Â
Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week.Â
But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyunâs birthday came of nowhere.Â
âNo way you were born on Valentineâs day,â you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo.Â
Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him.Â
Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyunâs house.Â
You had gotten him a gift and you werenât sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation youâd shared and you were half confident, half uncertain.Â
Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriendâs place after spending the morning celebrating his friendâs birthday, and held the door open for you. âUh, do you need a minute?â
âNo. Thank you,â you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside.Â
You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it mightâve broken.Â
Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. âHi.â
âHi, birthday boy,â you greeted.Â
Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself.Â
âI, uh, got you something,â you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous.Â
âI can see that.â Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, âYou didnât have to.â
âBut I wanted to. Youâre my⌠friend,â you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. âI didnât know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.â
Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, âWhatever you got me is more than enough, baby.â
You sure hoped so. You didnât spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable.Â
Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyunâs features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile.Â
A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyunâs attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end.Â
âWow,â Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. âYou⌠I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.â
âWhen you talk, I listen.â
Jaehyunâs eyes met yours. âThank you.â
âYouâre welcome,â you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. âHappy birthday, baby.â
Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded.Â
Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot.Â
But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts.Â
You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once.Â
But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldnât have each other? What if?
Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up couldâve prevented his feelings from getting this deep.Â
You wouldnât tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldnât have him?Â
When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. âLetâs go make hot cocoa,â he said after a pause.
You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think.Â
The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten.Â
You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite.Â
Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didnât have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.
Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home.Â
He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home heâd built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay. Â
A hopeless romantic to his core.Â
After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldnât decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice.Â
There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasnât an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him.Â
Though you didnât notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didnât make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, âI kind of got you something, too.â
Your eyes went wide with shock. âYou got me something⌠for your birthday?â
âI mean, yeah. Itâs also Valentineâs day and youâre⌠important to me,â Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips.Â
âI am?â
âYou are,â he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. âStick it into your computer when you get home.â
You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldnât be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, âWhatâs on it?â
âA surprise,â was all Jaehhyun said.Â
You hummed. If Jaehyun didnât want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press.Â
But you would be lying if you said that it wasnât killing you.Â
Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didnât want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejectionâs brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds.Â
At least you couldnât tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. âTalk to me,â he said, squeezing your hand.Â
You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. âAbout what?â
âTell me more about yourself. Itâs been months, but I feel like thereâs still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.â
A little sigh left you. âWhere do I even begin?â That was what you said, but youâd already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. âI want to be an orthopedic surgeon. Iâm obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. Thatâs why Iâve been busting my ass for grad school.â
That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene mightâve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyunâs first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks.Â
You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance.Â
Jaehyun was a keen listener. âThat sounds tough.â
You fought a groan. âGod, yes. But itâs so worth it. Itâs my senior year and Iâve been waiting my whole life for med school.â
âYouâve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?â
âIâve always known who I wanted to be,â you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. âWhat about you?â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNo. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole âfinding yourselfâ thing.â
âThereâs nothing wrong with that. Itâs rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. Thatâs freedom,â you said.
Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity mightâve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. âWhat about love?â
âWhat about it?â
âDid you ever dream of that, too?â
You shouldâve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. âI used to,â you admitted, somber. âI just havenât had a ton of faith in it lately. Thatâs what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize lifeâs not like the movies.â
Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, Iâm the hopeless one. Iâve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine.Â
Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. âYeah, I know.â
You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already wouldâve.Â
âYou didnât ask me,â Jaehyun started.Â
You glanced up at him.Â
âAbout my pain,â he continued shortly. âAbout her.â
âI didnât think you were ready.â
âDo you want to know?â
âI mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,â you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing.Â
He replied with total certainty, âI want you to know.â
You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasnât a single person in the county who didnât know your history with your one and only ex. âOkay. Take your time.â
Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that heâd never specifically told anyone. âBack home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasnât. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.â
You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening.Â
Jaehyun continued, âI guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldnât be myself around her.â
You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew.Â
âThen, I found out she was cheating on me,â Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. âAnd I left her then and there. I dipped. I mightâve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.â
You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadnât had nearly as many other partners as you thought he wouldâve. âYouâve only dated once?â
âFor me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasnât a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,â Jaehyun said. âI talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and Iâve obviously hooked up.â
Ironically, Iâve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me.Â
âI harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, Iâm a little lonely sometimes, but itâs okay.â
âDoes it get sad?â you asked quietly.Â
Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. âMaybe, but itâs better than being heartbroken. Anyways, Iâve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.â
You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasnât that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didnât have expiration dates.Â
Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasnât hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyunâs head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didnât have a future together.
But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you.Â
You were hyper aware of Jaehyunâs eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. âIs there hot cocoa on my face?â
Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender.Â
You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink youâd shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldnât be sated till his soul was tied to yours.Â
When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for.Â
Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you.Â
You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didnât concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore.Â
Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever.Â
You pulled back and panted, âSo, you wonât let me sleep on the couch, but youâll fuck me on it?â
âItâs seen worse days,â Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck.Â
You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyunâs name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldnât forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets.Â
Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldnât help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits.Â
Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, âYou ready for me, baby?â
âMore than,â you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily.Â
Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldnât stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldnât do it.Â
You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.
Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation.Â
You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, âWhy did you do that?â
âI forgot a condom,â Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare.Â
âGee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,â you deadpanned.Â
Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, heâd lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside.Â
You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. âWhere are you going?â
Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, âTo get a condom.â
âSit your cute ass down,â you told him a bit too assertively. âYou can have me raw.âÂ
Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. âFor real?â
You nodded. âYes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.â
Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, âThatâs one hell of a responsibility, woman.â
You purred teasingly, âAre you scared you wonât be able to do it, or are you scared that youâll bust too fast?â
Jaehyunâs eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.
You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint.Â
Jaehyun didnât reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyunâs throat.Â
You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly.Â
Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper.Â
You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer.Â
Like he was making love to you.
âYouâre so beautiful. Iâm in love with your body,â Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.
You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter.Â
Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.
You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldnât get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another.Â
But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame.Â
âGod, fuck,â you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. âYou make me feel so good.â
Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other.Â
Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyunâs name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck.Â
It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have.Â
Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock.Â
You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air.Â
âLike that. Fuck, Iâm gonna cum, Jay,â you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders.Â
The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldnât take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. âLook at me,â he growled.Â
You did. You didnât have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.
Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldnât breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.
âI want you to cum on my cock,â Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace.Â
You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.
There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyunâs hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs.Â
Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out.Â
Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots.Â
You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyunâs pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasnât done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished.Â
Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath.Â
You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts.Â
Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, âJay, baby, keep going. I donât care how long it takes. Fuck me until youâre done.â
Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface.Â
You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you.Â
Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, âGet on your knees.âÂ
You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control.Â
Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust.Â
âFuck,â Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off.Â
You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat.Â
Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didnât want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end.Â
You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didnât have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself.Â
Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.
Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldnât even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not.Â
You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax.Â
Jaehyun ultimately couldnât control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise youâd ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs.Â
You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear.Â
Jaehyun looked like heâd just had the ground ripped from underneath him. âYou just blew my mind,â he said through jagged breaths.Â
You didnât miss a beat. âI just blew you.â
Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face.Â
After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, âBy the way, Iâm on birth control.â
Jaehyunâs mouth gaped open. âAre you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.â
âThat didnât stop you from fucking me though, now did it?â you replied, crossing your arms.Â
âI wasnât that scared.â
You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. âBesides, at least our baby wouldâve had the worldâs finest father.â
âAnd the worldâs finest mother. They wouldâve been beautiful,â Jaehyun flirted.Â
Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. âI meant that you wouldâve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.â
Jaehyunâs eyes flickered in shock. âWhy do you think that?â
You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didnât need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. âBecause love itself is your passion. Youâre selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.â
Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed.Â
You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and wouldâve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed.Â
Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets.Â
You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets.Â
It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyunâs weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldnât want to leave.Â
That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that youâd accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof.Â
You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable.Â
Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldnât last forever and didnât attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing.Â
Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyunâs cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I canât have you and I donât even know why.Â
âJay?â you whispered.Â
âHm?â
You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you wouldâve thought it wasnât your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun⌠meant something to you. This was officially your business. âWhy does my brother hate you?â you asked.Â
Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. âYou donât know?â
You shook your head. âNo. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but itâs killing me and I need to know.â Because I canât make sense of why we canât be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.
Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend.Â
You were almost afraid to ask, âIs this going to change my perspective on you?â
âIt shouldnât if you believe me,â Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasnât too confident that youâd take his side.Â
You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark.Â
Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didnât want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasnât. âYou knew Mike, right?â
You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnnyâs friend, but let him continue.Â
Jaehyun explained, âIâm sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. Thatâs what he said.â
You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. âBut?â
âBut then he wasnât clean anymore,â Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. âLast year, at one of Xiaojunâs parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.â
You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldnât stop once heâd gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking.Â
âThen some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he ODâd, but I swear to god it wasnât me. But they ran with it anyway.â
You frowned, pausing your handsâ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends.Â
That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didnât take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didnât want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyunâs house and Johnny would ask if youâd done any drugs.Â
Because of Jaehyun.Â
âGod, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, Iâd kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasnât me,â Jaehyun said, sounding broken.Â
You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads.Â
Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. âPlease tell me you believe me.â
âI believe you,â you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadnât known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that youâd known each other.Â
âThank god,â Jaehyun sighed in relief. âDoes this change things between us?â
You shook your head. âNo. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think youâre a good guy now. Nothing is new.â
âThank you.â
âFor what?â
Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, âTrusting me.â
You laced your fingers through Jaehyunâs, squeezing his hand. âIâll always trust you.â
That warmed Jaehyunâs heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders.Â
The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.
Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didnât want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it wouldâve been to do something as simple as go out together.Â
Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, âI want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.â
You blinked. âYou want to go out⌠with me?â you asked, making sure you werenât mistaken.Â
Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. âIs that a bad idea?â
âWhat if we get caught together?â
Jaehyun shrugged. âThatâs a risk Iâm willing to take.â
âOf course it is. You donât have anything to lose,â you said, but your tone was humorous.
Jaehyun replied without hesitation, âI have you to lose.â
You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.
There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks.Â
Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach.Â
It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating.Â
He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professorâs classroom for attendance.Â
After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyunâs room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave.Â
And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself.Â
Good morning, sleeping handsome. Iâm gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didnât notice. See you next weekend. Call me.Â
Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that youâd obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you.Â
Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one.Â
You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it wouldâve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it.Â
It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting.Â
You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how.Â
There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasnât Jaehyunâs idea of a love confession. Maybe youâd known all along, but you didnât want to accept it, because you knew that it wasnât written in the stars.Â
Now you had no choice.Â
You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else.Â
Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too.Â
Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jenoâs house didnât count. Those were merely instances youâd happened to cross paths.Â
When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didnât jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne.Â
You didnât mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyunâs disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasnât on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.  Â
He couldnât help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasnât going to ask.Â
The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak.Â
But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didnât want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life.Â
Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further.Â
It wasnât until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text youâd received from Johnny. We need to talk. Iâll be home in an hour. âWell, that cannot be good,â you mumbled to yourself.Â
âIt isnât.â
You jolted in alarm. You didnât know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once.Â
Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnnyâs face, you fought a groan, wondering what you couldâve possibly done now when youâd been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, âHi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.â
Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, âTaeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?â
That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. âWhat?â
Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. âDonât play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?â
âIâm not dating him, weâre justâŚ,â you trailed in frustration, realizing that youâd been caught. âShit, yeah. Iâve fucked him and weâre hanging out.â
Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. âI canât believe this. God, my own sister.â
Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you wouldâve at least seen the text and braced yourself. âJohnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!â
âI could never like him,â Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence. Â
You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. âPlease listen to me, alright? He didnât do it, Johnny. It wasnât him!â
Johnny gawked. He couldnât believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, âOf course thatâs what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?â
Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyunâs claims. âNo, but...â
Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, âStop. Just stop. I donât even want to see your face right now.â
Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment.Â
After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating.Â
Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldnât even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.
Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye.Â
You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak.Â
The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didnât want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one.Â
Though you couldnât see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. âAm I late?â
âNo, youâre perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,â you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch.Â
Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. âWhat happened?â
âJohnny knows,â you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. âTaeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.â
Jaehyunâs heart sank. No wonder you hadnât texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. âWhat now?â
âI canât see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I wonât have a brother anymore. I canât live with that guilt. Thatâs why Iâve been running from it for months,â you said quietly.Â
Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. âWeâre giving up? Thatâs insane! Donât let him stop us from being together.â
You recoiled, surprised. âAre you asking me to choose you over my brother?â
âNo, of course not,â Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words.Â
You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldnât bring yourself to move. âYou should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I canât give you that, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun shook his head. âNone of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I donât care what compromises I have to make.â
âWell, I do,â you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. âIt was never going to work. You had to know this. We arenât Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they donât get to be happy!â
Jaehyunâs chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?
Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, âIâve enjoyed these past months with you and weâve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.â
Jaehyun spat, âI donât want to be just friends. I canât be just friends with you. Why donât you understand that?â
Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing couldâve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free.Â
Not even knowing this day would come.Â
âI love you,â Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you.Â
Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. âYou canât love me.â
Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, âYou canât tell me how to feel.â
Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyunâs too. âYouâre in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you donât love me.â
Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldnât stand for it. âSaying that doesnât make it true.â
You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didnât want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless.Â
Jaehyun continued, âYou did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.â
Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, âGoddammit, Jaehyun - you canât have me!â
You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didnât want things to end on even worse terms than they already were.Â
But you shouldâve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and heâd damned if he surrendered without a fight. âSo, thatâs it? Youâre just going to walk away?âÂ
You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. âThe fuck do you want me to do, Jay? Itâs out of my hands.â
âTalk to Johnny - you know that I didnât do anything!â
âNo, I donât know anything,â you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly.Â
That stunned Jaehyun. You didnât trust him anymore?
Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. âWow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.â
You walked away. You didnât have the strength.Â
Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldnât stand you right now. âI bet this isnât just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you donât have to trust another guy again.â
Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadnât even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, âFuck you. I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it.Â
The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didnât want to be a little more optimistic. You couldâve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities.Â
Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your motherâs questions and made a beeline for your bed.Â
Johnny didnât ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what shouldâve never needed to happen in the first place.Â
The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didnât talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And Mark wouldnât understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available.Â
Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. Iâve truly outdone myself. Iâve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record.Â
Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didnât call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think.Â
You werenât sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?
It wasnât that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadnât. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely.Â
And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow.Â
Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too.Â
The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard.Â
Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasnât like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasnât any less excruciating.Â
Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you werenât as alone as you thought you were, but you still didnât want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid.Â
You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyunâs familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.  Â
What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadnât ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You couldâve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better.Â
But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature.Â
It doesnât matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. Thereâs no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain.Â
You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun couldâve never been a pair. You knew it wouldnât last forever. Youâd always known. You didnât expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didnât expect to have your fun cut short so soon either.Â
It wasnât fair.Â
Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention.Â
You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasnât for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this wouldâve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.
Fuck, you shouldâve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadnât smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else.Â
More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?
If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldnât be hurting. Your heart was being tortured.Â
It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldnât relive this agonizing cycle over and over.Â
You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty.Â
Something had to give.Â
To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. âHey, bestie. Talk to me,â he said. âHow you feeling?â
âLike judgment day came early for me, I guess,â you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets.Â
Mark sighed roughly. âDamn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said youâre the worldâs biggest hermit and itâs kinda depressing.â
That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. âOh, Johnnyâs been talking about me?â
âWell, yeah. Iâve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. Heâs your brother.â
Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger.Â
Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, âOh, my beloved bestieâŚâ
Mark knew that tone and interjected, âFuck.â
You fought a tiny laugh and continued, âWould you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?â
The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you âyes.â
Mark huffed, âJesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldnât lie. Iâm a man of God.â
Because you didnât feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, âYour dadâs a cop, isnât he?â
âI donât like where this is going.â
Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. âIs there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mikeâs overdose?â
Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadnât thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, âIâll call you back.â And then he hung up.Â
You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.
Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didnât have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.
Sleep came easy. Though they werenât Jaehyunâs, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasnât stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel.Â
Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest.Â
You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didnât, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, âHello?â
âGood news,â Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. âI had my dad pull some strings. And youâre gonna wanna hear this.â
Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, âWell?â
âJeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and theyâre literally about to bust the guy that did it. Theyâre waiting on a warrant. Youâve got great timing,â Mark said.Â
You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. âWhat the hell?â
âIsnât this good news?â
âYeah, it is,â you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didnât think the stupid plan would really work. âThank you, Mark.â
Mark was quick to reassure you, âYou donât need to thank me. Youâre my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?â
You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. âUh, would today be a bad time?â
âThe sooner the better.â
You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, âWill you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.â
Mark retorted, âShould I bring the entire police force too?â
You rolled your eyes and begged, âCome on, Mark. Youâre my bestie and I need you. Heâs more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.â
âI was already on my way,â Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up.Â
You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die.Â
Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves.Â
The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute.Â
You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, âHey, I really need to talk to you.â
Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, âYou can go first.â
You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parentsâ rebuttal on your behalf. âI donât know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that Iâm really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.â
Johnny nodded along, listening.Â
âBut I fell in love with him,â you said without hesitation. âAnd Iâm not going to ask you to accept us or anything. Thatâs your choice. But I thought there was something you should know thatâs bigger than Jaehyun and I.â
Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. âOkay.â
It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnnyâs eyes carefully set on your face, but you didnât let it stop you from continuing, âIt really wasnât him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Markâs dad not only confirmed it wasnât him, but theyâre working on getting him into custody.â
Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way youâd vouched for him all these years. âItâs true, Johnny. It wasnât Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.â
Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. âI donât know what to say,â he whispered. âI feel like shit now.â
You snorted. âDonât do that to yourself. Please. Iâve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.â
âAbout that,â Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. âI wanted to tell you that Iâm sorry for freezing you out.â
âJohnnyâŚ,â you trailed.Â
Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. âI know youâve had a rough few weeks, and though I havenât exactly been pleased with you, youâre still my sister. The least I couldâve done was ask you âhow are you doing?â but I couldnât even be bothered.â
You sighed loudly. That was true. And youâd be lying if you said it didnât rub salt in the wounds.Â
âI havenât done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. Youâre my only sibling and letâs be honest, I donât think Iâll be getting another one,â Johnny said lightheartedly.Â
You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldnât be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out.Â
Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. âI guess what Iâm trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And Iâll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.â
âNo need. I forgive you right now,â you whispered, simpering.Â
Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didnât feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took.Â
You took the lead, starting reluctantly, âListen. I know Mikeâs passing has been hard on you, Johnny. Thatâs why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but Iâm an adult. You need to let me take care of me.âÂ
A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldnât leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday.Â
You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnnyâs shoulder. âAnd youâre my big brother. Iâll obviously still give you a call when Iâm going through a rough time. But you have to respect that Iâm my own person.â
Johnny nodded. âYeah, I know. Iâm sorry about all that too. Iâll be better.â
âI will too,â you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts.Â
Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished.Â
Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brotherâs loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this.Â
You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. âAlright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,â you wheezed.
Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless.Â
Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, âIâm so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.â
You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late.Â
Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, âYo, Johnny, are we good?â
âNo.â
Mark gawked.Â
âIâm kidding,â Johnny said with a teasing lilt. âWeâre good, man.â
Mark exhaled in relief. âThank god.â
You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldnât shake the feeling that something was missing from your life.Â
Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, âGo get him.â
You gasped, but you didnât question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. âYou mean it?â
âYes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,â Johnny told you (sort of) kindly.Â
You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. âPray for me. Heâs not gonna be thrilled.â
Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. âYeah, he will. Tell him that Iâm very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.â
âIâll be sure to let him know,â you deadpanned, heading for the door.Â
The drive to Jaehyunâs house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didnât help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of âwhat ifs.â
For fuckâs sake, you didnât even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?
Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside.Â
You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, âCan I come inside?â
Jungkookâs eyes narrowed and he didnât waste any time in snapping, âWhy should I let you in after you broke my friendâs heart?â
âBecause Iâm sorry and I want to set things right with him,â you said, matching his lack of hesitation.Â
Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, âOh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. Iâm sick of his brooding ass.â
You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind youâd been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot.Â
Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize.Â
You knocked on Jaehyunâs door, but you guessed he really wasnât expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, âJesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.â
âItâs not Yugyeom,â you called back. âItâs me.â
All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI walked to talk,â you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact.Â
Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, âWe already had a conversation.â Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life.Â
The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. âI know, but I wanted to apologize. Wonât you at least hear me out?â
Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, âYouâre the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didnât even want to do that.â
âBecause I thought it would be useless,â you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. âBut I donât anymore. You were right. I shouldâve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.â
Jaehyun mightâve acted like he wasnât listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. âYou said âearlier.â What do you mean?â
You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, âI mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Markâs father is a cop.â
Jaehyun softened. âYou did all that? Why?â
âBecause youâre worth fighting for,â you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe.Â
Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasnât tired of the doubts.Â
Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. âI didnât mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.â
Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. âI know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.â
You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. âStop being understanding.âÂ
âIf youâre expecting me to be angry, I canât do anything for you. Iâve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.â
You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. âWhere are you at now?â
Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, âBargaining.â
âFunny. Me too,â you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery.Â
You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldnât resist loving you. Sue me.Â
The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, Heâs my little damsel now.Â
The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyunâs hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. âIâm sorry,â you told him softly. âI thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didnât want to quit until youâd exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. Iâm sorry.â
Jaehyun squeezed your hand. âItâs okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didnât stand a chance against fate.â
âAnd somehow I made shit ten times more painful,â you murmured, ashamed.Â
âLike I said, I understand where you were coming from,â Jaehyun said, being gentler than he shouldâve.Â
You shook your head. That meant nothing. âBut do you forgive me?â
Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. âYes. I forgive you, baby.â
Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things heâd say that made you feel as if you would burst with love.Â
But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didnât want to be without them ever again.Â
âIâm tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that youâll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops Iâd never think to go to otherwise.â
Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. âYou said you love me.â
âI havenât said it before?â
Jaehyun huffed, âNo. Not even once.â
You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, âThen, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I donât know what to do without you.â
âI love you too,â Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin.Â
You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting.Â
âDonât leave me ever again. Donât ever let me go. Never,â Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.
âI wonât,â you told him, kissing his forehead. âIf you play me that song you made me on your guitar.â
Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. âYou liked it?â
âI think Iâve cried to it, like, a million times,â you admitted unabashedly.Â
Jaehyunâs jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room.Â
A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song heâd written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyunâs. And Jaehyun was yours.Â
Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didnât know how to be without him. And you didnât have to learn, because you never would be without him again.Â
You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, Thereâs nothing to dislike about this guy.Â
genre/warnings: smut, a pinch of angst, fluff, stuck in an elevator with your ex-fiancĂŠ, exes to lovers, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving)
summary: A year ago, wedding bells were ringing and you were screaming, âYes!â at the top of your lungs. Last Christmas, you were supposed to be wed under a mistletoe. This Christmas, company finds you in the form of your ex-fiancĂŠ that broke off your engagement after youâre both inconveniently trapped in an elevator.
word count: 12.3k (complete opposite of a slow burn)
a/n: inspired by honeymoon avenue and my everything by ariana grande, undo (back to my heart) by tinashe, and ice queen by baekhyun. âtis the season! (it was xmas when this was originally posted lol). as always, feedback is appreciated!
Last year around this time, you had arranged to be wed. You recalled restlessly counting down the days until your lover would meet his lips to yours in front of all of your friends and family once granted the greenlight to kiss the bride.Â
You had everything planned down to a âT.â The banquet hall would be emerald and burgundy. There would be an arch above you where a mistletoe would hang. The wedding cake would have Jaehyunâs surname. And everyoneâs attire would be formal, though seasonal.Â
It was supposed to be the best day of your life.Â
A winter wonderland wedding seemed like an apt choice for you. You were so, so cold, but there was still an air of warmth to you. Now, your heart was unthawed.Â
This Christmas - much like the last - you would be alone.Â
It stung knowing you would be lonely for the second Christmas in a row and there was nobody at fault but yourself. You were miffed at your own behavior, but gave yourself no time to dwell on the past, doing what you knew how to do best - work until your brain went numb.
There was plenty on the roster today. A corporate meeting, phone calls to answer, and reports that wouldnât type themselves. And that was to be brief. Speaking of which, you needed to brief employees about new protocols.
âCome on, come on, come on,â you chanted impatiently to yourself, tapping your foot against the floor. The elevators in your apartment were running later than usual today.
You heaved a breath of relief when the doors chimed open. Out went a group of people and in went you. Maneuvering your body to press the first floor button, you came to a halt when you noticed it was already selected and gleaming.Â
That was when you finally noticed the man in the elevator - the only other person there with you - glancing down at his phone. You leaned against the railing and shifted your attention to the door nonchalantly, writing off the stranger as the very least of your concerns. Getting to work on time was paramount.Â
As it always was.
Morning traffic is going to be brutal, you thought with a grimace. Every thought in your head revolved around work and how long it would take you to get there.
It would seem you would have no time for your morning coffee run. You remembered those times when youâd stay the night at Jaehyunâs, waking to a hot cup of coffee that heâd made just the way you liked it waiting for you.
Four words would permanently be etched into your memory. Have a good life.
With some disdain, you bade the thought retreat. Jaehyun was no longer a part of your life and you doubted he would want to be ever again. Not that you blamed him. It was your punishment alone.Â
The elevator gave a jolt and you gripped the elevator for dear life, screeching, âWhat theâŚ?â
The floor indicator donned the number one in a big, bold shade of red, though ironically, the door gave not an inch. Which was odd. You pressed the button that ostensibly opened the door in these types of situations, but to no avail.Â
âAre we stuck?â
Your head snapped behind you and you nearly broke into a cold sweat when you noticed that the man lone in the elevator with you was no other than your ex-fiancĂŠ.Â
Living in the same apartment complex as the man you were once fated to marry was no easy feat, but the multiple years of seeing each other made it simpler to avoid him. For one, you knew one anotherâs routines and thus what time to be out the door either before or after the other.Â
That said, you had seen Jaehyun a couple of weeks ago, but the last time youâd spoken was when he returned all of your things from his apartment. Have a good life. Those were the last words heâd exchanged with you.Â
That had been approximately a year ago, a couple of weeks before Christmas and the day you were supposed to say, I do.
âAppears that way,â you replied, clearing your throat.Â
Jaehyun had his phone in his pockets now. You held your breath as you gave him a once-over. He was still handsome as ever, though that was to be expected. As far as you were concerned, he looked more or less the same as the last time youâd spoken, only his hair was a little lengthier. He still looked rather displeased to see you.Â
And he was wearing a suit. Which meant he was most likely also trying to go to work.Â
You frowned. Now you were thinking about Jaehyun in suits. Needless to say, that was a sore spot.Â
A voice came over a speaker and you recognized it as Yangyangâs, one of the apartment staff. He spoke like he was reading from a textbook, âPassengers, do not be alarmed. Our technical team will be arriving shortly to repair the service. We apologize for the inconvenience.â
You mused aloud, âCan he hear us?â
âLoud and clear,â Yangyang chirped.Â
âHow long will it be before someone can help us?â you asked, never keen on being late.Â
âI canât say, maâam. Anywhere from fifteen minutes and a couple of hours.â
You interjected to screech, âA couple of hours?â
Jaehyun clamped a soothing palm on your shoulder to calm you down. It was almost embarrassing how effortlessly his touch could ease you even a year after he broke off your engagement.
Yangyang explained in his usual exuberant tone, âThe weather and usual early traffic may cause a delay, maâam. They will be arriving as swiftly as possible and servicing is already underway by our maintenance staff.â
âThank you, Yangyang,â Jaehyun said, smoothing his palm down your back.Â
âHave a nice day, Mr. Jung. You too, maâam.â
You heaved a breath. âSo, it looks like weâre going to be here a while.âÂ
âHopefully not that long,â Jaehyun said, recouping his hand.Â
Though it stung, you understood. It went without saying that being trapped in an elevator with the ex that abandoned him was not part of todayâs plan. He may have called off the engagement, but you were the one that left him high and dry.Â
You broke his heart. Not only that, you stole his future. Everything he ever dreamed of, a wife and children, was thrown out the window because of your selfishness.Â
Jaehyun recognized you would both be stuck together for a while and rather than sit in awkward silence, he asked, âHowâs life?â
Darn him. No matter how hard you tried, you couldnât get the last words he had said to you out of your head. Have a good life.Â
The breakup was bitter and stone-cold. Jaehyun made a couple of things unmistakably clear with those four words alone. For one, he was cutting you out of his life for good. And he no longer desired to be imprisoned within yours, being punished for no good reason at all.Â
And you never fought him - never fought to win him over. Maybe because you had already known for some time that your engagement was in danger. It was beyond reclaim. Irrevocably damaged.Â
Never one to appear weak, you said, âGood. Really good. I was promoted to secretary.â
Jaehyun perked up. You got what you wanted. But did I deserve to be the sacrifice, baby? Was it worth it?Â
âStill a workaholic I see.â
You frowned. âOld habits die hard. How have you been?â
âI canât complain,â Jaehyun said. âI wasnât promoted or anything, but everythingâs been pretty good over here.â
You had no doubts. Jaehyun was an editor and his line of work gave him plenty of leeway. For the most part, he worked from home, though there were instances where he came into the workplace. At least, when you last spoke, that is.Â
âThatâs amazing. Iâm happy for you,â you said, willing yourself to smile. A part of you was strangely bitter. It didnât want to see him happy without you.Â
Though you no longer followed each other, Jaehyun still popped up on your Instagram homepage every now and then. And perhaps youâd searched his page more times than you cared to admit. Everything about his page was achingly sentimental and reminiscent of your past together.Â
Pictures of him at museums or bridges at nighttime or parks with his hair whipping through the breeze. Once upon a time, you were the one taking those pictures of him. Now, you wondered who was behind the camera, living the life youâd carelessly given away.Â
âThanks,â was all he willed himself to reply.Â
Your eyes instinctively fell to your watch and your head fell back as you groaned, âGod, Iâm going to be late for work.â
Jaehyun fought a snort. âYeah, me too. At least thereâs still some good news.âÂ
âLike what?â
âItâs warm in here,â Jaehyun commented lightheartedly.Â
You chuckled. What a way to relieve the tension. Though Jaehyun never failed to make you laugh with ease. Except for when you broke up. Nothing was funny then.
Those weeks leading to the breakup may have been worse than the day it actually happened altogether. The feeling of knowing something was inevitably bound to happen yet being unable to prevent it was arguably worse than the emptiness you felt when Jaehyun announced he no longer wanted anything to do with you.Â
Emptiness numbed you to the pain for a couple of days. You couldnât eat, couldnât sleep. All you could feel was a bitter, nipping cold enveloping you, eventually splitting you right down the middle.Â
Jaehyun subtly eyed you as you typed a message to your boss, warning him that you may have been late for work and telling him to proceed without you. Maybe some things never changed. You were still gorgeous, that was for sure. But you were also still married to your work. Ultimately, that would always prove to be your downfall.Â
It seemed like only yesterday you were his. He was planning to meet you at the altar, itching to sweep you into his arms and kiss you the moment you were pronounced husband and wife.Â
You had always been a workaholic. At one point, Jaehyun loved it about you. He never thought your relationship would be foredoomed because of it. Devoted and loyal were two terms that described you strongly.Â
Although, maybe you had been too devoted to the wrong thing.
Your broken engagement was a prime example of what happened when you applied too much pressure to one thing and neglected the other. It was the wretched result of not finding balance.Â
Everything you ever hoped and dreamed of flashed before your eyes. Once upon a time, you were both making plans to move into a house together. You wanted a pet. And you were thinking about children.Â
Now, you were all alone. And you had never felt colder.Â
For some reason, the absurdity of your predicament hit you merely moments after you sent the text message. It just didnât seem probable to be trapped in an elevator with your ex-fiancĂŠ. Much less alone. You threw your head back and whined, âI mean, what are the odds.â
Jaehyun pitched you a confused glance.Â
You winded a hand through your hair and elaborated, âUs being stuck in the exact same elevator and forcing ourselves to pretend we donât mind. If I remember correctly, you had no intention of hearing from me again.â
âI think we should spare each other the awkwardness,â Jaehyun replied, donning an impassive expression. And tone.Â
You bit your lip. Maybe you shouldnât have said anything. Jaehyun being kind to you should not have been mistaken and was probably more or less because he wanted to avoid as much tension as possible - not because he didnât hate you.Â
Jaehyun spoke up again to ask, âHow long have we been here?â
You glanced at your phone and read the time. âAbout fifteen minutes, I guess.â
âSo, weâre going to be here for a couple of hours,â Jaehyun quipped, trying to lighten the mood the best way he knew how.Â
You winced, hoping there was an in between. âNot like I had anything else to do,â you mumbled.Â
Jaehyun himself wasnât exactly bummed about missing a day, or at least a couple of hours. Though this was you. He used to joke that hell would freeze over the moment you decided to actually take a day off. âThey will survive without you for a while,â he comforted softly.Â
You scoffed. You were carrying that company on your back. âIâm afraid thatâs where youâre wrong. The whole building will be in flames if Iâm not there within an hour tops.â
âIâm sure,â Jaehyun scoffed. âIâve never seen anyone work as hard as you do.â
I have, you thought wistfully. Jaehyun fought harder for your relationship than you ever tried, but enough was enough. He was at his limit, giving more than he was receiving and he couldnât let you take advantage of him anymore.Â
Though it was intended to be a compliment, for whatever reason, your heartache was only amplified. You swiftly changed the subject. âSo, what are your plans for the holidays?â
He shrugged. âNothing special. Iâm going to spend some time with my family.â
That caught your attention. âYou havenât been seeing anyone?â
Jaehyun only shook his head. He was afraid of opening his mouth and saying something that would make shit awkward again. For all he knew, you two would both be stuck together for potentially the next couple of hours and he did not want to spend it in suffocating silence.
Unfortunately, Jaehyun couldnât deny that after your engagement was broken off, finding other girls had been hard. They came a dime a dozen, but none of them remained. Even after you were long gone, bits of you lingered, scattered everywhere across his life.
Jaehyun went to bed and thought of nights spent cuddling you to sleep. He visited his favorite cafe and thought of your go-to order. Jaehyun hooked up with other girls and thought of how beautiful you looked writhing underneath him, your voice calling out his name in a cry, dripping with sweet honey.Â
Though you were forever gone, the memories of you still haunted him everyday. For so long, he had been convinced he was made for you. You were the only woman he ever wanted.Â
And he couldnât have you.Â
Jaehyun commanded the thoughts to go away. You stopped being his long before the breakup. âYou?â
âOh, you know. With my line of work, I just donât have the time,â you replied bashfully.Â
That Jaehyun knew all too well. Just a little.Â
He bobbed his head. âSounds like you.âÂ
Guilt suddenly plagued your chest. Every second beside him you were reminded of the fact that you were the one who ruined a beautiful thing. You had gotten what you strived for, though in hindsight, the lengths you went to get it were brutal and cold-hearted.Â
You had sacrificed so much of yourself to get to where you were. And now that you were standing at the top, you could finally see the collateral damage youâd inflicted at the bottom.Â
There was only a good couple of feet to separate you and Jaehyun. And you absolutely loathed it. There was more distance between you when he uttered those four words permanently etched into your memory, before turning and heading out of your front door.Â
Jaehyun fancied it no more than you did. Walking away had been hard. He looked back, but never stopped. A year ago, he was convinced that he would have moved on by now. But no matter how far apart you were, his heart was still one of your captives. Not only did he leave a piece of it with you, but the whole damn thing.Â
He wanted it back. Damn it, he wanted you back. He wanted back every piece of himself he gave you, but above all else, he wanted back what you had. To go back to the way everything was the day he got down on one knee and asked for permission to hold your heart forever.Â
He remembered like it was yesterday. Earlier that spring, he took you to a bridge. Not only was it one of your favorite spots in the city, but it was where you both first said I love you.Â
Maybe that was why. Now, you couldnât bring yourself to visit it anymore. The memories were too painful.Â
Just like the first time he took you there, night had fallen. The bridge overlooked a river, moonlight cast into the water. Purple lights made the trail glimmer. But the moon was a little fuller, the air a little cooler.Â
Not that either of you minded. To be with you, he was content.Â
You were beaming. Even before he proposed. None of you could stop thinking about the night you first said that you loved each other. But when Jaehyun asked you to marry him underneath the moonlight, you were over the moon.Â
You were chanting, Yes! Jaehyun had to sweep you into his arms and meet his lips to yours to cut you off. A very long time ago, the memory made him smile. Now, it made his heart swell with agony.Â
His eyes were sad. And understandably a little angry. Even after all these years, you could still read him clear as day. You wondered if he could read you, too. You whispered, âIâm sorry.â
Jaehyun heaved a deep breath. An apology wouldnât fix his broken heart and saying you were sorry wouldnât undo the heartache you inflicted on him. It wasnât okay. He hated you for leaving him lonely. For choosing your job over a future together. He would never forgive you for it. âI never wanted much. I never wanted all of your time. Only a little was all I was asking for.â
âI donât want to go there with you, Jaehyun,â you said, exhaling a sigh of your own.Â
All Jaehyun did was shake his head and murmur under his breath, âClassic.âÂ
A part of you bristled. Why Jaehyun always wanted to hash things out with you was a mystery. Fighting was draining and you never had the energy. A long day of work left you with only enough strength to take a long hot shower before crawling into bed.Â
Not Jaehyun. He would never understand. The pressure to succeed, the struggle to unlearn the definition of success you were taught even before your adolescence.Â
A year ago, everything was falling apart in your relationship. You were arguing more, spending time together less. Jaehyun was trying to salvage what was left. In his mind, fighting with you was better than not speaking to you at all.
Most of your memories with him were unforgettable, but when they were bad, they were excruciating to think of. You could still remember the last argument before the uncoupling.Â
December was still fresh and the air was frigid, numbing your senses until you stepped into your warm apartment. Jaehyun was waiting for you there. A smile tugged your lips when you hung your coat and excitedly bounced into the kitchen, smelling hot chocolate.Â
âBaby, Iâm home,â you sang radiantly. At one point, it used to be your favorite line to say. A lifetime of obsessing over movie cliches was to blame.Â
Jaehyun locked eyes with you and simpered. You looked nothing less than exhausted, though he found it cute on you. âHey, my love. How was your day?â
You instantly groaned, âIâd rather not talk about it. Or think about it, for that matter.â
âWill a cup of hot cocoa make it better?â
You propped yourself on the island and flirted, âMade by Barista Jaehyun himself? Of course.â
Jaehyun handed you a mug and you accepted it gracious, muttering, âthank you.â He was the sweetest thing you could ask for. Even sweeter than the hot cocoa warming your palms.Â
That was how the arguments always began. They were sweet, innocent moments - until they werenât.Â
Your lover dipped behind the island and returned with a mug of his own, still steaming with freshly hot cocoa. You thought absolutely nothing of it. Not until he opened his mouth. âHow does a date night on Friday sound?â
You frowned. âThis Friday?â
âWell, yeah,â Jaehyun said, rubbing his nape. âItâs been a while, you know. Since weâve gone out on a date.â
That was true. Jaehyun always had some extra time to spare. He wanted to spoil and indulge you at every given chance. But you were always busy. Even when you were off the clock, you were still on the clock. And more often than not, you brought work back home with you.Â
âIâm so busy and so tired, Jay,â you whispered gently. God knew you wanted to, but you didnât have the time and much less the energy.Â
âI get that,â Jaehyun started. âBut canât you take even a day off?â
âIâm aiming for a promotion, Jaehyun. I have to prove myself. My boss has been dangling this shit in our faces for the past few months. I canât let an opportunity like that slip away.âÂ
Jaehyun was rapidly getting frustrated and reminded, âYou do realize weâre getting married in a few weeks, right?âÂ
Your eyes flickered. âYes, I do. And I plan to be there.â
âAt the rate youâre going, I wouldnât be surprised if you stood me up.â
Your heart sank. âHow can you say that?âÂ
âHow couldnât I?â Jaehyun snapped, evidently pained. âWeâve been engaged for the past nine months, but it doesnât feel like Iâm about to get married. It feels like Iâm losing you because youâre too absorbed in your goddamn job.â
âAre you asking me to choose you over my job?â you asked, standing to your feet. This entire argument was an affront to your pride.Â
âNo. There is no point in giving you an ultimatum when I already know that you will choose your job every time without hesitation - you already do. Iâm asking you to make room for me, but I canât force you to do anything you donât want to.â
You countered, âI do want you.â
âDo you?â Jaehyun snapped, skeptical. âYou canât even go on a date with me. You want a promotion more than anything else.â
You sighed, âI donât want to fight, Jay.âÂ
âI know that. You donât want to fight for anything,â Jaehyun said bitterly. âYou would rather watch us burn to ash than fight for us.âÂ
Anger plagued you and you were prepared to hurl something back, but he didnât give you the chance.Â
Jaehyun added, âI donât like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and Iâm scared sheâs not there anymore.â
Your words were cold as ice, âThen, leave.âÂ
And the rest was history.Â
There was nothing you could say when Jaehyun left you, no fight for you to give. It was you that sent him away. It was you that made him leave. He had only given you what you asked for.Â
Old habits died hard. The one-year anniversary of both the breakup and the day you were supposed to be married was rapidly approaching and to distract yourself from the pain, you were burying yourself in work. You didnât want to think about Jaehyun and what you almost had. Not even for a second. And then, today came and ruined everything.Â
Now, you were being forced to confront the past.Â
Donât cry, donât cry, donât cry. Youâre stronger than this. God, you wanted to be anywhere but here right now. Tears burned your eyes, but you would never let them fall. Not with Jaehyun there. You didnât want him to see the mess heâd left of you - how miserable you were without him.Â
You wanted to mend everything back together, but it was too late. Everything was irreparably broken. You had the opportunity to patch things up, and you passed it up. No more time could be wasted crying for the moon.Â
And still, somewhere deep inside, you knew Jaehyun would steal it for you.Â
Jaehyun saw your eyes and softened a little. Damn it, they still made him weak. Your tears were made of diamonds and they were priceless. Jaehyun said, âMy mother still talks about you, you know. She asks me when weâre going to get back together.â
Your eyes flickered. âThatâs⌠interesting,â you lied. âI thought she would hate me. And be more protective of her baby.â Because I broke your heart.Â
âYou know my mother always loved you,â Jaehyun chuckled fondly. âI donât think anyone believed in us more than her - not even ourselves.â
Somebody had to, you thought weakly. Though Jachyun was a romantic to his core, even he had to eventually throw in the towel.
Everyone thought you and Jaehyun would be the perfect match. Each of your families were anticipating a beautiful wintry nuptial ceremony on Christmas day. And when news of the uncoupling broke loose, your people weren't exactly shocked, but they were heavily disappointed.
You were clearly the problem. Until you learned how to balance, you would never be happy in love. Up until now, you were beginning to become content with that fate.
Though now, your heart was greedy.
Jaehyunâs mother crossed your mind. She was the epitome of an angel and the fact that she still wanted you in her sonâs life after all the pain you caused him was deafening. But what about what Jaehyun wanted? Does he even still love me?
Every moment spent with his mother had been wonderful. She spoke fondly of him and vice versa and supported him unconditionally. It was true motherly love and it made your chest stiffen, taut with envy. Ever since you were a kid, you only knew pressure. Your parents wanted you to have the life they didnât when they were your age, but they were very strict in how they went about it.Â
Tough love was all you received. They didnât help you through trying times. You were expected to suck it up. You were taught that tears were a sign of vulnerability and vulnerability was weakness.Â
You fought them back with everything you had and said, âHow does she know I wouldnât mess things up again?â
âI donât know,â Jaehyun told you, not disputing the fact that you had essentially destroyed everything. It stung, but it was the truth. âShe says âa mother knows best.ââ
Jaehyun watched you struggle to hold yourself together. You were good at pretending to be okay and smiling through your pain, but he was even better at seeing through you. He saw you through a lens that only a man who loved you with his whole mind, body, and soul for years could see. He saw all your weaknesses, all your flaws. But he never judged and he saw something else in them, too. What made you beautiful.Â
âBut what do you want?â It was killing you. For as long as you stood there, you needed to know.Â
âI wanted you,â Jaehyun replied honestly. âBut you wouldnât let me have you.âÂ
You shook your head. âYou had me. Every piece of me - it belonged to you.âÂ
âThatâs not how I remember it,â Jaehyun muttered. âYou had my heart, but your work had yours.â
âThatâs not true.âÂ
Jaehyun was firm. âIt is and you know it.âÂ
âI loved you,â you told him softly.Â
âWell, you sure had a funny way of showing it.â
You gripped the railing to anchor yourself. It didnât move, but you could feel yourself slipping into weakness. âI donât know how to stop, Jaehyun. I think itâs a part of me now. Itâs hard to stop doing something youâve done your whole life.â
I donât like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and Iâm scared sheâs not there anymore.
Maybe he was right. Maybe that woman was long gone.Â
A cloud of melancholy came over you, pouring over you and Jaehyun. He told you somberly, âI could have helped you if you would have let me in. But you were pushing me away.âÂ
âI know,â you said, meeting his dark eyes. âBut I wish I would have known back then. I never realized I was breaking us apart. Not until it was too late. I thought I was doing what was bestâŚâ
Jaehyun finished darkly, âYou were doing what was best for yourself. Not for us.âÂ
You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but quickly accepted he was right and instead said, âI was wrong. I was selfish. I wasnât considering how any of it made you feel and thatâs a decision I have to live with now.âÂ
âDo you regret it?â I need to know if my broken heart was worthwhile.
Your eyes burned. âEvery day of my life.âÂ
âWhy?â Jaehyun questioned, voice barely above a whisper. âYou got the promotion. Isnât that what you wanted?âÂ
âI thought it was,â you muttered. Your chest was swelling with self-disgust and agony and anger. Not at Jaehyun, but at yourself. âBut when I lost you, I realized that everything I needed was already right there. Until it wasnât.âÂ
Jaehyun was quiet but pensive. As if he was trying to trace exactly where everything started going wrong.Â
Even in school, you were devoted. You were the valedictorian of your class. Jaehyun used to steal you away to kiss you behind the bleachers. But you would always be there for his basketball games, cheering him on better than any cheerleader.Â
High school sweethearts, he thought wistfully. In high school, you won prom king and queen. Everyone thought you would last forever. That only God himself could part you.
How beautiful it was to be young, dumb, and in love.Â
Jaehyun knew your issues stemmed from your childhood. When you were still in high school, sometimes you had to blow him off to study. He remembered you cancelling hangouts because your parents refused to let you out of their house until you studied until you were cross-eyed. Their house, their rules, was the policy.Â
But he also remembered those nights when he would hear a knock on his bedroom window and smile when he saw you beaming at him through the glass. One December night, you were crazy enough to sneak out during the nipping cold, shivering and rubbing your arms outside his window.Â
Though it was many years ago, Jaehyun remembered that night clearly. His mother made you hot cocoa and promised not to tattle. She always had a soft spot for you and held some disdain for your parents. She claimed they worked you too hard.Â
Everything was so perfect back then. He knew what changed, but he couldnât understand why. You used to make time for him whenever you could. As the pressures of adulthood caught up to you, it all came to a slow, brutal end.Â
But why?
Then, leave. Those were the two words he would never forget. They were powerful than the I love youâs - more powerful than the I miss youâs. Your clipped, icy tone, would maybe someday be forgiven, but never forgotten.Â
A stubborn wound was forevermore slashed on his heart waiting for you to heal it.Â
You were breaking. Every part of you was crashing down. A familiar ache split your heart right down the middle. âIâll never forgive myself for throwing away the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. I didnât know what I had until it was gone and I canât tell you enough how sorry I am.â
Your ex-lover was mawkishly nostalgic and sentimental and never said he forgave you, for that would take a while longer, but told you, âI knew I was the second priority in your life after your career. And I was okay with that. Then, it started to feel like I had no place in it at all. I was at the end of my tether, a stranger to the woman I was supposed to marry, and I knew we couldnât carry on like that, my love.â
My love. That was what Jaehyun always used to call you. Your eyes flickered. âDo you stillâŚ?â
âI donât think Iâll ever completely get over you,â Jaehyun admitted forlornly.Â
That was when the dam broke. Jaehyun had dismantled you piece by piece and left you vulnerable. You had no strength to fight back the tears rolling down your cheeks.Â
Jaehyunâs arms, as they always were, were wide open. He pulled you into his warm embrace and let you sob into his chest, smoothing his hand down your back and protecting you from the sharp coldness of your own pain. You were beleaguered to remember the last time you let yourself cry. You let everything pile up until the water pressure became too much.Â
âShh. Itâs okay. Let it out,â Jaehyun crooned, gently stroking your hair. âYouâre not weak.âÂ
There was an ache resurfacing in your body and it was purely unshakable. Your heart was whole, but hollow. Only its pleas to be back with Jaehyun - where it belonged - rang out in the icebound, empty void.Â
Being in Jaehyunâs arms only made you nostalgic and the pain hit you harder. You thought regretfully of those moments in the past when he would hold you for all to see. And you remembered going to bed and always knowing he was still there, because you would feel his arms still tight around you and smile. Like he wanted to protect you, even while asleep.Â
You sobbed, âI donât deserve you.â
Jaehyun gently pushed you back only a little and looked you in your eyes. He wiped your cheeks with his thumb and told you calmly, âYou made a mistake. We all do.âÂ
The gesture made you soft and weak. Goddamn it, you were so weak for him. Like your knees would give in any moment now.Â
âNot like the one I made, though.âÂ
âThatâs true,â Jaehyun said. âBut do you regret it?â
Your voice wavered, âMore than anything.â
âThen, I forgive you.â
You shook your head, not knowing how to accept that. You didnât deserve forgiveness. You didnât deserve understanding. But that was the kind of person Jaehyun was.Â
He deserves someone better than me, you thought somberly. But you wouldnât know what you would do with yourself if he found that someone.Â
âYou should hate me,â you said softly, voice cracking. âI broke your heart. I broke us.â
Jaehyun shook his head. âYou know what my mother always says?âÂ
âIt doesnât only matter if you break something, but if youâre willing to put it back together,â you said, smiling fondly at the memory of his mother. She always treated you like you were her own.Â
Jaehyun nodded and asked, âAre you willing to put us back together again?â
You mulled it over. There was no doubt that you were willing. Back then, you were too in your head to notice reality. Now, you were blindsided by pain and regret and inclined to do anything to make it stop. âWhat it I mess up again?âÂ
âRelationships arenât perfect. People fuck up and people make mistakes. Youâre only human,â Jaehyun told you frankly. âIâll be there to help you clean it up. But donât let me pull all the weight. We both have to fight together.â
âOkay.â You knew what you wanted now. It wasnât that job. It wasnât a promotion. It was the man that had spent half his life loving you, and would still love you for the other half. âIâm willing.â
Jaehyun smiled. A part of him couldnât fathom how this was happening. The hole in his heart was steadily being sealed. He pulled you back flush against his chest.Â
The tension in the air seemed to alleviate then. You could finally breathe again. Being in a tight space with the love of your life didnât feel suffocating anymore, but closer to relief.Â
You were talking freely again. You missed just being able to have a conversation with Jaehyun, recalling those times when you would discuss anything under the sun. Long nights of talking the moon away knowing full well you had work in the morning hit you. With Jaehyun, the small talk was skipped. You could discuss anything and everything.Â
There was no worry, no fear. Sometimes, there would be tension, but never the unpleasant kind. Only moments ago, those times seemed like merely a distant memory. Now, there was hope that you had Jaehyun back.Â
In his arms, you realized that was where you belonged. It was your safe haven in a world filled with danger. Your secrets were safe with Jaehyun and you were free to be vulnerable, because you knew he would never betray you. No matter what happened between you both, whether you were angry or in love, you knew whatever you told each other would forever remain under lock and key.Â
âDo you remember the arch?â you asked, wistfully recalling what couldâve been. âI wanted a mistletoe up there. For some reason, I couldnât shake the thought of kissing you underneath it for the first time as your wife.â
Jaehyun chuckled fondly. âI remember. I also remember you wanted John Stamos to marry us because he was your, and I quote, âtrue first love.ââ
You nudged his side. âHey, I would have also accepted Shemar Moore.â
Goddamn it, now Jaehyun was thinking about kissing you. His eyes fell to your pretty lips, still as enticing as they used to be when you were his. Never had he wanted to kiss you so badly. Like it would heal the wounds caused by missing you.Â
Can I⌠can I kiss you?â Jaehyun asked.Â
You said with no hesitation, âYou can do whatever you want to me.âÂ
Now that he had your permission, Jaehyun didnât waste a second to envelop your lips in his. Only then did you realize how much you missed feeling his lips on yours, how much you craved tasting his tongue in your mouth. You had gone so long without, but ironically, he still felt like home. And making out with him felt right as ever.Â
Jaehyun kissed you so fiercely that he nearly swept you off balance and caught your hips in his arms. Your fingers threaded through his hair, back against the railing. He kissed you to make up with the wasted times he spent with other people. You kissed him to make up for the wasted times you could have spent with each other. To fill the void and patch each other back up.Â
He taught you what love was. It was letting each other in instead of freezing each other out. It was was building something beautiful together and fighting to protect it instead of letting it all fall apart and into ruins.Â
Kissing you eased Jaehyunâs heart. His pain was forgotten and he was overwhelmed with his undying love for you. He would never get over you, no matter how hard he tried. A love like the one you had would take more than a lifetime to get over you.
The way you immediately clicked, it was like you knew each other in a past live. Even now, his feelings were unabating. In his next life, it would still be you and only you. Always and forever.Â
You were so besotted with Jaehyun and the way his lips tasted that neither of you noticed the elevator door opening.Â
Yangyang cleared his throat. âUm, guys?âÂ
Both of you whipped around, more than a little shocked to see the door open with Yangyang standing in the middle to prevent it from closing on you.Â
Jaehyun looked at you and asked, âHow long have we been in here?â
âApproximately two hours,â Yangyang chirped. âYouâre free to go now. By free to go, I mean please exit the lift. As you can see, thereâs a bit of a line.â
You looked behind Yangyang and saw a couple of people impatiently waiting to travel upstairs. You lowered your head and flushed. Jaehyun laced his fingers through yours and led you outside of the elevator, smiling like a dumbass. He didnât care who saw. He couldnât have been any more happy than he was right now.Â
âWell, weâre free,â he said once you were both in the clear. Then, he frowned. âBut we still have work.â
You winced. âAnd I wasnât kidding about the place burning down. I really need to be there. I know how that sounds, but I promise Iâll make it up to you later. Do you trust me?âÂ
âOf course,â Jaehyun said, grabbing your wrist and kissing the back of your hand.Â
Your heart tugged at the gesture. Whyâd he have to be so goddamn perfect?Â
You got on your toes and pressed a brief kiss to his lips, feeling butterflies swimming in your gut. It seemed they had come to visit again. âIâll see you later, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun told you goodbye and watched you leave. It hurt a little to see you go, but he knew you would come back to him. You always did, even if it took a year and unlikely circumstances.Â
When you were gone, he turned around and grabbed his phone out of his pockets. He had to tell his mother that maybe she knew best after all.Â
Night fell. Jaehyun still hadnât heard from you although you should have been off from work hours ago. A part of him was worried, but he still trusted that you wouldnât give in to your old habits. It was Friday night. Maybe you were resting and would see him tomorrow.Â
Jaehyun went into his living room and played some music. The atmosphere reminded him of you. Holding you in his arms and spinning you around. Everywhere he went, he could still hear your voice and laugher ringing in his hair, like the ghost of you was haunting him.Â
He shook his head. You drove him mad. He accepted that he would never forget you, much less the way it felt to love you.Â
The doorbell ring and he could barely hear it over his music. Jaehyun didnât pause it, but went to open his door and was pleasantly surprised to see you standing there.Â
âWhat are you doing?â Jaehyun asked.Â
âI told you I would make it up to you,â you said, breath condensing in the air. You gestured to the pair of grocery bags in your arms.Â
It was Jaehyunâs natural instinct to take them out of your hands, and turning, he said, âHurry up and come in. Itâs cold outside.â
You didnât need to be told twice and followed him immediately, shutting the door behind yourself. It was warm and cozy inside his apartment, as always. You hung your coat on the rack and glanced around, memories hitting you tenfold, square in the heart. Everywhere your eyes fell, you saw figures of you and Jaehyun.Â
Dancing in the living room. Movie night marathons on the couch. And racing down the hallway with your lips on the otherâs and your hands desperately trying to remove each otherâs clothes as you messily stumbled into the bedroom for a long night of loving.Â
âI see youâve already set the mood,â you joked when you noticed the music playing, watching him set the groceries on the counter.Â
Jaehyun beamed. âI wasnât even expecting company.â
âSorry for showing up unannounced.â You smiled coyly, approaching the kitchen. âIâll make it up to you. And no, you canât help, Chef.âÂ
âPlease?âÂ
You grabbed a gigantic wooden spoon and pointed at him. âSit your ass down.â
âJesus. Alright, then,â Jaehyun said, lifting his arms defensively. Ever stubborn were you. The reminder roused a chuckle from him. âHave it your way then, bossy.â
âI will.â
Jaehyun shook his head, still cheesing like an idiot. You were still iron-willed. That part of you would never change.Â
You cooked dinner in Jaehyunâs apron and he laughed at how big it was on you. The memories were overwhelming now. It seemed that no matter where you were or what you were doing, his mind would always find a way to remind him of your presence.Â
But the memories didnât have to be bitter or painful anymore. He wanted to try again. He wanted a fresh start, a chance to repaint the canvas and a clean slate. As long as you were both determined to make things work, Jaehyun had faith in you and him.Â
âDinner was amazing,â Jaehyun complimented, throwing your dirty dishes in the sink to be remembered later. He stepped back over to the island and trapped you in his arms.Â
You peered up at him, cheeks warming. âThank you.â
Looking into your pretty eyes, Jaehyun couldnât resist the temptation to kiss you anymore. You made a noise of surprise when he met his lips to yours, caught completely off-guard, but you kissed him back. It would be fighting your instincts not to.Â
You closed your eyes and let Jaehyun guide you, trusting he would never lead you astray. When he kissed you, he melted away your icebound surface and got under your skin, peeling you back layer by layer. You liked kissing Jaehyun. Way too much. Even now, you could still recall the first time you made out, hiding behind the bleachers on campus yet gigging loud enough for all to hear.Â
When it came to each other, you both were like moths to the dangerous flames of love. Love would always unite you again. You couldnât resist those pretty, twinkling sparks of fire. And you couldnât get enough of the burn.Â
Jaehyun was confused when you pulled away, but looked into your eyes again and saw a kind of sadness twinkle in them. Your voice was weak, âWhy donât you hate me?âÂ
âI couldnât even if I wanted to, baby,â Jaehyun said, finding your hand and squeezing it firmly. âAnd believe me, I tried. Even if a part of me did hate you, an even bigger part of me will always love you.â
That was all you needed to hear before you were sucking on his tongue again, wet kissing noises tangled in the sound of old school music.Â
Then, Jaehyun pressed you into the counter, kissing you even rougher. You were riling him up, moaning into his mouth and that noise would never not do it for him. A different kind of fire came over you when you noticed him very impatiently unbuttoning your blouse.Â
Same old Jaehyun. At heart, he was still the same as the cute boy you fell in love with. You were pleasantly impressed that kissing you alone still got him up.Â
You broke the kiss again to ask through jagged breath, âDo you think weâre moving too fast?â
âProbably,â Jaehyun replied. Not that he gave a damn. ďżźUnless you did, of course. âDo you wanna stop?âÂ
âJaehyun, I literally have not had sex in over a year. If you donât fuck my brains out I think Iâll cry.â
Jaehyun chuckled darkly. âThat can be arranged.â
You made a noise of surprise when Jaehyun cautiously scooped you into his sturdy arms and lowered you onto the counter. You made out hotly, his hands continuing to quickly unbutton your blouse and yours pulling his shirt above his head.Â
The sight of his happy trail and toned abs made your core throb. And your mouth water. Your palms involuntarily slicked over them, feeling nothing but hard skin and muscle.
âSee something you like?â Jaehyun asked, grinning in the most annoying way possible.Â
You swallowed the lump in your throat and said, âStill a gym rat, I see.âÂ
Jaehyun bobbed his head. âYeah. I still hit the gym with Johnny when we have spare time.â
That you knew. Despite the breakup, you and Jaehyun still had a ton of mutual friends, chiefly from high school. You recalled seeing Johnny post one of his gym visits with Jaehyun not too long ago.Â
And you also vividly remembered the sight of Jaehyun, donning sweats and a blank tank-top. He drove you absolutely feral. His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and his biceps were flexed, showing off his muscle. You would always be a sucker for a burly man that could snap you in half if he so pleased.Â
Jaehyun expertly removed your bra and tossed it somewhere to be forgotten. He wanted to see your breasts bounce while he pounded you into oblivion. Your skirt followed, but Jaehyun slid your panties to your ankles at a agonizingly slow pace, all the while smiling like an idiot as you gave a needy and impatient whimper.Â
âYouâre already so wet,â Jaehyun murmured, drawing an invisible pair of lines on your bare cunt with his fingers. âDid you miss me that much?â
You whimpered, âPlease, Jay.â
Hearing you call out his name like that was all it took for Jaehyun to lose all sense of self-restraint and he spread your thighs apart with tenderness, burying himself between them. You let out a sharp cry, throwing your head back. Some of your best orgasms were the ones when Jaehyun ate you out until you physically could no longer take it and begged for him to stop.Â
Jaehyun targeted your clit immediately, a testament to the fact that he knew your body intimately. Your thighs clamped around the sides of his head, unaccustomed to the pressure.Â
He merely clasped your thighs in his palms and held them freestanding, undeterred as he continued to lap at you like with the hunger only a untamed beast could have.Â
âFuck,â was all you could say, curses dangling from your lips. You had been touch-starved for over a year and the familiarity of Jaehyunâs touch was overwhelming in the best way possible.
Despite the fact Jaehyun handled you gently, with love and tenderness and nothing but, he ate you out like an animal.Â
Jaehyun longed for the taste of you, arousal gathering on his tongue. He loved unraveling you like this. You could never stay still, much less quiet when he was going down on you. The sight of you, head angled back and moaning his name nearly made him cum in his pants.Â
Your fingers clamped locks of his hair and Jaehyun groaned, somehow spurred on by the gesture. You were making noises left to right, feeling yourself nearing your peak in record time. A year of no sex factoring in a skilled partner would absolutely do that to you.
Your lover learned to recognize you at the threshold of release a very long time ago and briefly parted from your pussy, substituting his mouth with his fingers as he sang, âJust let go for me, baby. Itâs okay.â
It was clear that your body had every intention of obeying him. Naturally, it submitted to Jaehyun, with no fear and no reluctance. He knew it and it knew him.Â
âOh my God. Jaehyun,â you moaned, thighs twitching. Not wanting to hurt him, you clamped your nails into the counter, eyes closed as the pressure threatened to consume you from head to toe.Â
Jaehyun talked you through it, whispering, âDo it for me, baby. Just let go.â
Not too much longer, orgasm seized you, rendering you weak and defenseless. You had no strength in your body to fight it even if you wanted to, weakened by his touch. Your toes clenched and you cried his name, fingernails scraping the island roughly enough to damage both your nails and the countertop. Â
Jaehyun didnât stop eating you out until you went rigid, chest undulating. You looked a hot mess, heaving for breath and your lips parted, easing the airflow.Â
âAre you okay?â Jaehyun asked when he moved from between your legs, fighting off a smirk at the sight of you completely disheveled.Â
âNot until you fuck me,â you rasped, still needy in spite of still trying to catch your breath.Â
Jaehyun snickered and tugged his pants down, underwear soon giving chase. You positively gawked when you saw his bare, thick dick. It never failed to make your mouth water. And your body tremble with release.Â
You kept your nails at your sides as Jaehyun lined his cock up at your entrance, gently easing himself past your sheath-like walls. He still clasped his hands at your thighs, brows crumpling with concentration. You were still so goddamn tight, clamping around him with a grip almost vice-like.Â
âJay,â you whimpered, hands clenching into fists.Â
âShh,â Jaehyun whispered, moving his mouth to the side of your face. There was a catch in your breath when you noticed his lips brushing against your ear, breath tickling your nape. âOpen up for me, baby.â
The sensation of being filled completely made you feel nothing short of relief. There was a wet noise when Jaehyunâs hips smacked against your own, the last thrust followed by one even deeper. You tried your best to take all of him, wanting to please him even if it was the last thing you did.Â
Jaehyun slipped out of his own trance briefly enough to mention, âI didnât wear a condom.â
âJust pull out,â you said, in no state of mind to give a damn. You liked the feeling of him fucking you nice and raw.Â
âWeâre definitely a pair of idiots.â
You snickered and found his hand, slipping your fingers through his. âYouâre my idiot and Iâm your idiot. Thatâs all that matters.â
Jaehyun smiled into the crook of your neck, eventually clamping his teeth there to conceal a moan at your expense.Â
He lifted his head and drew back to admire the entire view, watching his cock disappear between your legs over and over again borderline obsessively. There was something about you that he would never get tired of. He liked holding you close and loving you hard.Â
âYouâre the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen,â Jaehyun exhaled, voice full of sincerity. And raw pleasure.Â
You were burning up, withering heat blindsiding you. Jaehyun was making short work of you. It felt like love-making rather than plain old fucking, all things considered. Jaehyunâs gentle, steady pace as he whispered sweet little nothings in your ear, old school romance songs faded out in the background all the while.Â
All you could focus on was Jaehyun. He was all you could hear, all you could feel. You were driven by the feeling of your walls garroting his size, the sounds of the little groans he couldnât smother into your skin and his affectionate words urging you closer to climax.Â
âDonât hold back, baby,â you sighed, tightening your hold around his hand. It was a tiny, sweet gesture. âPlease? I wanna hear you.â
Jaehyun obeyed you because there wasnât a damn thing on this earth he wouldnât do for you. You owned him and you knew it.Â
Jaehyun swore when you clamped around his dick even harder. He watched your breasts bounce, your whole body unstill. Even your hands were scrambling, releasing him and now finding purchase in his back. âI love you,â he sighed, kneading your breasts.Â
âI love you, too,â you moaned, feeling light as ever. He always took you to another dimension whenever you were together, but especially when he was fucking you within an inch of your life.Â
I love you, too. Jaehyun was beaming. That was the first time heâd heard you say it in over a year and you had no idea how badly he needed to hear it again now.Â
Jaehyun marked up your neck, leaving a trail of himself like souvenirs for you to remember in his absence. Your pulse thumped rapidly, your heart on the verge of tearing out of your chest, landing into his palms where it belonged. Now, your heartache was - at long last - soothed.Â
There were no words to aptly describe your affection towards Jaehyun. Your love for him ran to an inexplicably deep extent with seemingly no end. It was all you could think about while he fucked you, how badly you needed him in your life. How the sensations he made you feel were irreplicable and you were content enough to simply be in his arms.Â
Your lover never lasted very long when fucking you bare and raw and sensing himself approaching climax, Jaehyun brought his fingers to your clit, already swollen from release. A gasp tore from your throat when he fondled with the sensitive bundle of nerves, trying to facilitate an orgasm out of you.Â
âJaehyun,â you whined. You reached for his hand, sensitive.Â
Jaehyun grabbed your hand with his spare one and slipped his fingers through again for you to squeeze. âItâs okay, my love. I want you to cum,â he said gently, biting your sweet spot.Â
He was making short work of you. Your climax threatened to ensnare you with a force powerful enough to snap you in half. You needed it. More than anything, you needed it.Â
You hauled your nails over his back, drawing long, red lines across the naked flesh. Jaehyun hissed darkly, pace quickening and coming even harder. You were driving him mad and vice versa. Your body had never been more confused than it was in that moment, barely willing itself to not writhe away but simultaneously matching his thrusts, wanting to build the pleasure yet somehow escape it all at once.Â
âIâm coming, Iâm coming,â you warned in a impassioned chant, choking on your lack of breath. âIâmâŚâÂ
Your body quivered, release stealing the rest of your words before you could speak them. You found Jaehyunâs hand again, squeezing it for dear life. The orgasm was so heavy you almost collapsed in on yourself and Jaehyun. You were seeing white, burning red, emitting Jaehyunâs name in a sharp cry.Â
Jaehyun felt you clenching around his cock with climax and immediately withdrew, knowing he would bust a nut inside you if he stayed a second longer. âOpen your mouth,â Jaehyun told you, voice husky, thick with lust. Â
It was almost enough to break you all over again.Â
You did as instructed, no hesitation required. Jaehyun fitted his cock inside your mouth, moaning at how warm it was. You took him in, wanting to get him off and taste him dripping down your throat.Â
When he saw you, cheeks hollowed with his rigid cock in your mouth, Jaehyun nearly came then and there. He fucked your mouth, guttural little praises dangling from his lips.Â
Your thighs clenched tightly, hot sparks still aflame between. He got you riled up effortlessly, hardly ever needing to try. There was something about him that you were naturally attracted to, an unshakable kind of attraction. You couldnât fathom why you couldnât escape him, why your body and heart was seized by your lover.Â
âSo good,â Jaehyun grunted, pace accelerating.Â
Jaehyun fucked your throat until he came, emptying his balls into your mouth at long last. Eagerly, you swallowed as much as you could, an amalgamation of his release and your saliva dribbling down your chin and onto your naked, heaving breasts.Â
And the sight positively wrecked him.Â
âFuck,â you rasped, still registering what the hell had happened.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flashed with alarm. âDid I hurt you?âÂ
âNo, itâs just that thatâs the best sex Iâve had in a while.â
Jaehyun rolled his eyes and quipped, âThatâs the only sex youâve had in a while.â
âGod, yes,â you groaned, still feeling unalloyed pleasure burning between your thighs.Â
Jaehyun scooped your bare body into his arms again and carried you into his room, pressing the gentlest of kisses to your lips and neck all the while.Â
You smiled to yourself in the morning when you roused, feeling Jaehyunâs arms still wrapped loosely around your waist.Â
Everything had shifted then. Though you initially had plans of spending the holidays buried in work, you came to find that Jaehyunâs warm embrace was the greatest gift you could have asked for on Christmas day. There was none of the loneliness and dwelling you dreaded, only making brand new memories with the man you loved with your entire heart, mind and soul.
On Christmas day, you visited his motherâs house where his family had gathered, recognized familiar faces that were surprisingly all too glad to see you again.Â
When Jaehyunâs mother opened the front door, you greeted bashfully, âHi, Mrs. Jung.âÂ
âI knew we would meet again,â Mrs. Jung said softly, simpering in a self-satisfied manner. âCome in, dear. Youâre always welcome in our home.â
You stepped inside the house, Jaehyun following suit once exchanging a silent, understanding glance with his mother. As always, she was right.
As you glanced around, nostalgia hit you tenfold. Everywhere you looked, there were memories of you and Jaehyun. You could see you both running up the stairs excitedly and Mrs. Jung scolding you about horse-playing indoors. When your eyes fell to the kitchen, you saw yourself joining the Jungâs for dinner, sitting directly beside your lover.Â
Jaehyun leaned into your ear, given that seasonal music was blaring, and said, âIâm going to have a talk with my brother-in-law for a second. Be on your best behavior and donât try to escape out a window. Old habits die hard.âÂ
You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him. âGo. Iâll be right here,â you said, heart wrenching softly.Â
Jaehyun snickered and slithered away.Â
In his place came someone you were very familiar with.Â
âNostalgia?â
You whirled around, instantly recognizing the voice as Taeyongâs, one of Jaehyunâs many, many cousins.Â
âI made a lot of memories here. Iâll never forget any of it,â you replied honestly. âLong time, no see.âÂ
Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. âDefinitely. I was scared that Iâd never see you again.â
âWhy is that?â Your curiosity was piqued. You never imagined Jaehyunâs family would anticipate meeting you once more. It was the stark opposite of your expectations.Â
Taeyong leaned closer like he was telling you someoneâs deepest, darkest secret, and whispered, âBetween you and I, Jaehyun hasnât been the same since the breakup. Not a happy camper. You were a part of his life for so long that we were all convinced he would never adjust to living one without you again.â
Visioning a morose, heartbroken Jaehyun made you frown. âI did that.â
âYou absolutely did. You broke the poor guyâs heart and made him unbearable. He didnât deserve that. And I didnât deserve to have to put up with his insufferable ass,â Taeyong scoffed offhandedly, though you knew his words were lighthearted. âBut you fixed it.â
âI guess I did that, too,â you exhaled contentedly, turning your head to spot Jaehyun chatting with his brother. That made you beam. Everything had fallen apart, shattered into pieces, but you were both willing to do the work and put them together.Â
âHeâs himself again,â Taeyong said, following your gaze. âThank you for giving me my favorite cousin back.â
âI should have never taken him away in the first place.â
Taeyong gave you a playful, half-assed attempt at consoling, âGood people do bad things. We all fuck up. Just maybe not as badly as you.â
You nudged his side.Â
He continued, turning somewhat sober, âHe forgives you. But this wonât work out until you also forgive yourself.â
âYouâre so young, but so wise,â you whispered, slightly touched.Â
Taeyong snickered. âIt runs in the family,â he said, patting your back before turning away.Â
You merely stood there, rooted in place. Taeyong had given you something to muse on you. You realized a part of you was still clinging onto guilt, unable to rationalize your own decisions. You were so convinced that you were undeserving of Jaehyunâs love and courtesy that you had forgotten how to move on from your errors.Â
It would be a process. But a step a day was better than none at all.Â
You beamed when you noticed Jaehyun approaching you and he returned it, outstretching his hand and asking, âMay I steal a dance?âÂ
âOf course,â you said, taking his hand in yours.Â
Jaehyun brought you from the foyer to the living room where mainly everybody had gathered to dance, spinning you in his arms as holiday music filled the air.Â
You swept some free strands of hair from his handsome face, admiring the view only a little higher up than you. Even in a room filled to the hilt with people, Jaehyun and Jaehyun alone was all you could see. Everyone else faded. It was only you and your lover, swaying to the rhythm of a seasonal song.Â
âThis feels like senior prom, but Christmas edition,â Jaehyun quipped.
You snickered delightfully. âI remember when we were announced prom king and queen. I like how nobody was surprised.â
You remembered it like it was yesterday. Jaehyun joined you for the first dance, gently whirling you around in front of several prying eyes, but you didnât care. To you, the room was as good as empty. They were faceless, nameless people with no contribution or value, no relation to you and your blossoming romance with Jaehyun.
It was an experience you never knew you needed back then. Maybe in that moment, you knew it was fate. That one way or another, Jaehyun was inevitably the one you would grow old and gray-haired with.Â
Even now, as you stared into his pretty brown eyes, you knew that this was the man you wanted a future with.Â
Jaehyun glanced up and said, âLook.â
You did as told, smiling fondly as you noticed the mistletoe hanging above your heads. A part of you wondered if it was a coincidence or if he chose this spot deliberately. âI remember kissing you in front of everyone,â Jaehyun added, full of mischief.Â
You played along and hummed, âIâm not sure if I recall. Care to remind me?â
Jaehyun didnât waste a second to lock lips with you, tasting hot cocoa on your tongue. You could taste gingerbread on his and the thought made you giggle into his mouth. There was something about it - something about Jaehyun - that made every tiny thing mean a billion times more.Â
All of the whimsical little things made your heart swell with happiness.Â
âYo, chill, you horn dogs. Thereâs children,â scolded Jaehyunâs other cousin Mark, covering his little cousinâs eyes. His family gave you a headache. Every time you learned them all, it was as if another cousin popped out of thin air.Â
You and Jaehyun pulled away, snickering. You leaned on your toes, giving his lips one final peck before deciding youâd had your fill.Â
Days of being Jaehyunâs again turned into some of the happiest months of your life. You were letting go of some of your old habits and setting some past trauma free. There were a handful of grim times, but you both made the effort to repair things before they spiraled out of control.Â
Excuses had run their course. Jaehyun would ask you on dates and youâd agree more, overworking yourself less. Until now, you never realized that putting some distance between yourself and the stresses of work was what it took to be happier. You had made the earth-shattering mistake of convincing yourself that hard work equated happiness.Â
The two of you agreed to take things slow, afraid rushing would land you in an achingly familiar predicament, but you couldnât deny that things had been speeding up. And Jaehyun already knew that it would forever be you.Â
It was another long, brutal day of work and nothing was out of the ordinary. You were running across the office, balancing direct orders on top of your daily tasks. You needed six skins to have a job like this. Three to balance the roles of multiple people and another three to endure the wear and tear.Â
Ten, your favorite co-worker, tracked you down and stopped you dead in your tracks to say, âHey, slow down a second. Someoneâs here to see you.â
You did the opposite of slowing down, still walking and as he followed you, said, âTell them Iâm taking a sick day, would you? Thanks, Tennie.âÂ
âI donât think so,â Ten said, donning an amused look. Which successfully made you pause in confusion. Usually, Ten never hesitated to cover for you. âYouâre going to want to hear what this guy has to say. I swear.âÂ
Very reluctantly, you agreed to follow Ten, curiosity piqued as you wondered who in the hell would dare interrupt you in the middle of a swift-paced work day.Â
Jung Jaehyun. That was who.Â
You made a face of confusion when you saw him there, smiling at you like an idiot. Confused, you asked, âJay, you couldnât text or call?âÂ
âWhat Iâm about to do is a bit difficult to do over the phone,â Jaehyun retorted, admiring your state of obliviousness.Â
You huffed, âWhat are youâŚâÂ
You cut yourself off when you noticed one of the staff hand Jaehyun a tiny box and he proceeded to crouch on one knee. The realization made your heart thud, pulse quickening.Â
Jaehyun started, âBaby, Iâve been racking my brain trying to think of how to say this. I had to have tried to practice this a million times before I decided to talk to you from my heart.â
Your co-workers all gathered around, and you noticed even your boss observing from the corner of your eyes, but your gaze was locked on Jaehyun and no one but.Â
Your lover fought his nerves and added, âWe met when we were in high school. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were so young, dumb, and drunk off learning what true love was for the first time. We couldnât resist each other.âÂ
The memories made your heart melt, taut with ecstasy.Â
âThen, we got older. And things got more complicated, but in spite of that, we never stopped loving each other. Not for a second,â Jaehyun declared, impassioned. âIâve been in love with you for so long that I canât imagine my life any other way. No matter what has changed between us.â
Jaehyun was staring you dead in the eyes, watching your face melt with awe. It gave him all the courage he needed.Â
âYou made it so easy to fall in love with you but so hard to fall back out. And I donât want to. I adore you, my love. Thoughts of you keep me up and night, restless. You make me crazy.â
Your eyes burned, fighting an oncoming threat of tears with every passing word. Jaehyun had swept you off your feet, making you feel emotions you never knew existed.Â
âI know weâve been through thick and thin, baby. But we were there for each other. And even when we separated, we found our way right back into each otherâs arms,â your lover added.Â
You wanted to pinch yourself, determine if you were dreaming. Even though Jaehyun had proposed once to you before, you would never get used to the wave of emotion that plagued you, rendering you soft and full of glee.Â
âI didnât know what love was until I fell for you. Youâre my first love and all these years by your side have only solidified my courage that I want you to be my last. You are the only woman on this earth I can imagine a future with and if itâs not you, then I know thereâs nobody else out there for me.â
Ten was smartly grabbing a box of tissues for safe measure.
Jaehyunâs voice got softer, âLetâs try again, my love. Letâs do this one more time - one last time. Will you marry me?âÂ
Now, you had the spotlight. Ten was none too subtly mouthing, âSay âyes.ââ Everybody was anticipating your reaction and you wondered exactly how long in advance everyone had been in on this little surprise except for you.Â
There was no hesitation and you practically screamed as you chanted, âYes!â
Jaehyun, much like the last time he proposed to you, swept you into his arms and kissed you to death, effectively silencing you. The room erupted in cheer. Everybody was glad to get a break from their tedious jobs and witness a moment as beautiful as this one.Â
The champagne was already popping. Your fiancĂŠ whirled you in your arms and you told him affectionately, âI love you.â
âSay it again,â Jaehyun said, incapable of getting enough.Â
âI love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much that I donât know what to do with myself.â
âLet me love you,â your fiancĂŠ said, staring at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And you were. âThatâs all you have to do.â
You smiled, pretending to mull it over. âI think I can let that happen.â
Jaehyun was over the moon. There were no words to describe how ecstatic he was. He missed this feeling and he was more than glad that it had returned. âMerry Christmas,â he said playfully.Â
âJaehyun, it is literally the end of February. You wished me Happy Valentines Day after fucking my brains out on your birthday,â you replied, rolling your eyes.Â
âStill,â your fiancĂŠ said, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips and cheesing at the memory of fucking you raw again. âMarrying you is the best gift I could ever ask for.â
You smiled in agreement. And fought a smirk as you remembered you had your own little surprise for your betrothed, waiting for you at home on the bathroom counter.Â
Jesus Christ, you were going to need a bigger place to stay.
*buckles in* im about to do a bi monthly smile for the camera reread and i am craving jihyuck SO BAD... i will report back when i am done
BABESâŚ. sorry i didnt respond i dont rly check this blog that much?â/@?$$!>% did you ever make it out. if you didnât finish thats okay i would stop reading it too
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genre/warnings: smut, angst, gun usage, descriptions of death and violence
summary: five years ago, you were part of a unit assigned to eliminate the head rival of a crime syndicate. the plan backfired miserably. ever since you have been laying low, but then your former boss calls you with alarming news.
word count: 23k
a/n: part 1/3 of my wanted: dead or alive series. as always, feedback is appreciated!
Maybe it was only your paranoid instincts, but from the minute you woke up, you couldnât shake the feeling that something about today was very, very off.Â
Though to be fair, you always had that feeling. Nowhere was too safe. You were constantly glimpsing over your shoulder and bouncing across the globe to evade potential predators that wanted to stain the walls with your blood. Your mind was always screaming.Â
Until you met Johnny, that is. There was something about him that put you at ease from the moment you met eight months ago at a hotel poolside. He was just so damn easygoing and chill. The world could be burning and Johnny would still find a way to make you laugh, as if nothing was ever wrong. Â
He was an American nomad, bred of admirable spontaneity, which gave you the perfect excuse to wander without him asking any important questions. Johnny spent months courting you relentlessly and whisking you away on trips all over the world. But it wasnât his money that drew you to him. You were more interested in his uncanny ability to subdue the monsters in your head.Â
You didnât know how or why, but the cacophony of screams died when you were with Johnny. The reckless, heaving water became gentle waves crashing against the shoreline.Â
Now here you were, in some lavish hotel in Monaco with the entire Mediterranean sea right outside your balcony, and you had never been happier. Your whole relationship with Johnny consisted of taking vast trips together. He wasnât in any rush to settle down and you didnât have that privilege, though youâd made it abundantly clear you were committed to each other.Â
Johnny didnât want to come on too strong. Getting to know one another was a slow and steady process, given that neither of you were none too forthcoming, but Johnny was adamant on learning all there was to know about you. And to your surprise, he had been moderately successful.Â
But there was one tiny secret you never let slip.Â
Johnny was snuggling up to you like a baby bear, which was ironic considering the sheer size of him, and it was the cutest thing ever. âI love traveling the world with you,â he mumbled into your neck.Â
âOne day, itâll be ours,â you replied, grinning from ear to ear.Â
âI donât want it. Iâd give it all to you.â
You snorted and joked, âAnd let me be solely responsible for all of its ugly? No thank you. Iâd prefer we share custody.â
Johnny laughed. Before he could come up with another response, there was a knock at the door of your luxury suite. You glanced towards him, startled. âDid you invite company?â you asked.Â
âNo, but I did tell my boss where he could find me if anything important came up at work,â Johnny said quietly, apparently as confused as you were. âIâll get the door.â
You didnât want to let him go. Most of your life had been spent in shady hotels and you never answered an unknown visitor without a gun. Your survival instincts flared up again, but it wasnât only yourself that you feared for now. Sometimes you wondered if you were selfishly putting him at risk.Â
Any friend of yours was an enemy of your enemies. You had seen them come and go, temporary like everything else in your life, but Johnny was different. You wanted him to stay.Â
Almost immediately after Johnny stood to answer the door, tugging his shirt back over his head, your phone began ringing on the nightstand. You recognized the contact and pressed the phone to your ear. âHey, Doie. Whatâs up?â
âAre you around anyone?â
Between the curtness of his question and the sharpness in his tone, you couldnât decide which baffled you more. âYes. Why?â
âKeep your face straight and your voice level,â Doyoung said sternly. âCan you get away from them?â
You glanced up at Johnny. Heâd returned from the door by now with an envelope in hand, watching you with furrowed brows. âYes.â
âDo it now.â
With a few seconds delay so as to not raise too much suspicion, you rose from the bed and mouthed to Johnny, âBusiness stuff.â Then you excused yourself to the balcony.Â
Johnny nodded in understanding.Â
When the balcony door was shut behind you, you spoke up again. âI did what you asked, but Iâm at a hotel. Heâs nearby.â
âI know,â was all Doyoung said.Â
That did nothing but strengthen your bewilderment. âWhat do you mean by you know?â
Doyoung cut to the chase. He sounded perturbed. âListen to me very carefully. Margo was killed this morning.â
You gawked. âWhat?â
âSingle shot to the back of the neck. Close distance. No sniper.â
Despite the humid weather outside, the most aggressive shudder shot down your spine. âWe canât be certain that has anything to do with us,â you said, but it was obvious you hadnât even convinced yourself.Â
âIâm certain.â
The balcony door opened and you jolted, but tried to regain your composure when you realized it was only Johnny. âMy bad,â he said, raising his hands. âIâm getting my letter opener.â
You nodded, smiling thinly at him. There was no way in hell you wanted to give away the nature of the phone call you were currently having. âHow come?â
Doyoung explained, âSol was killed two weeks ago. He opened a laced letter. Invisible powder. Nobody knew until today because they assumed he was on vacation. You know how he likes to go off-grid. He never even saw it coming.â
âFuck,â you grumbled under your breath, although Johnny had already slipped back inside as quickly as heâd come.Â
âDispose of your cellphone as soon as possible,â Doyoung instructed, naturally falling back into his position as your supervisor. âDo you remember the location?â
Glancing around, you searched for signs of suspicious activity. It felt like you were being watched. You sighed, running a hand through your hair. âOf course.â
âGet a burner and message me from that number when you get close. This phone will still be active. Iâll meet you there. Do you copy?â
âYes,â you said, chilled by that tone. You hadnât heard it in five years. Not since your last mission together.Â
Doyoung hung up. He was curt and to the point like that. When danger was imminent, there was no time to waste on niceties. This was not your friend Doyoung youâd come to know, but the cold leader of a formidable undercover unit.Â
Then a thought came to your mind and you rushed back inside the hotel room, immediately finding Johnny and frantically asking, âDid you open the envelope?â
Johnnyâs eyes flickered. âNo, but I was about to. Why?â
âDonât touch it. Please.â
Johnny obliged, but he was catching on. âYouâre acting weird. Whatâs going on?â
Rather than answer, you paraded over to your nightstand and retrieved a gun from beneath a stack of magazines in the drawer. Maybe you were considerably less paranoid than before, but you werenât a dumbass. You still had enemies that would pay a pretty penny to have your head on a stick.Â
Johnny gawked at the weapon in your hand, presumably loaded. âBaby, what the hell?â
âSo, change of plans,â you started, grabbing your suitcase and hurling it onto the bed, and began to toss your belongings inside. There werenât many. This life had taunted you never to pack more than what you needed. âWeâre going to the United States.â
âIâm not going anywhere until you tell me whatâs happening,â Johnny replied sternly, coming to your side. âWhy do you have a gun?â
A sigh escaped your lips and your eyes winced closed. This was the day you had always feared; the one where the time would come for your darkness to come to light. Johnny admired you for the pretty little image of yourself youâd painted in front of him. You werenât ready for him to see you for who you really were.Â
What you really were.Â
Johnny pressed his forehead against yours, sensing the distress bubbling within you. He was tender and loving, even in a moment like this. Something more than you deserved. âLook at me.â
You obliged him. Without hesitation. No one thought it would be possible to tame you, but here you were, willingly submitting to a man. Hell must have frozen over.Â
Johnny brushed a hand through your hair gingerly, not wanting to startle you away, like you were some new animal adjusting to a stranger. âI donât know what you mightâve done and what you mightâve seen, but none of that matters to me. I care about you. That will never change,â he told you in a whisper.Â
God, you wanted to believe him. It would have made things easier, being able to confide in him about all of the haunting horrors. You shook your head, overpowering your own tears. âJohnny, you donât understand. Iâve done unforgivable things.â
Johnnyâs voice was saccharine. âThen make me understand. Help me help you.â
âI wish it was that easy,â you mumbled, pulling away. You had to finish packing and relocate right now.Â
Your stubbornness was nothing new to Johnny, but that didnât make it any less inconvenient. That said, he could sense the urgency of whatever predicament you had somehow landed yourself in, and started grabbing his things. He sighed, relenting. âHow soon do we need to be in the United States?â
âAs soon as possible.â
âI know a guy that knows a guy who has a jet,â Johnny told you, quickly folding something to toss into his suitcase. âHe can get us there in half a day, maybe less.â
You paused in your tracks, considering your options. There was this unspoken arrangement about your relationship with Johnny. Your inexplicable connections that conveniently helped you out of each otherâs dilemmas. But you never pressed him about it, because you couldnât afford him asking you questions either.Â
Out of curiosityâs sake, you asked, âWhatâs his name?â
âJaehyun.â
That name rang no bells, but you wouldâve been more alarmed if you even vaguely recognized it. âOkay. Call him, but be quick about it.â The people hunting me waste no time.Â
Johnny did as told, swiftly taking his phone out of his pocket and heading into the bathroom to make a call.Â
With the last of your things zipped away in your suitcase, you had no choice but to sit there waiting for something to happen, which was not your favorite hobby ever. There were stories, in the underworld, of snipers that could stay awake for days waiting on the perfect opportunity to eliminate their subs.Â
Johnny crossed your mind again and you shuddered, worries heightening. You glanced over at the letter. It had been addressed to him, not you, however, that only made you assume your hunters had something worse in store for you. Something darker.Â
Though on the other hand, it made you hyper aware of the darkness you had sucked Johnny into solely by associating with him. Your boyfriend was now a liability, exactly as youâd feared, but you refused to leave him to fend for himself. They had made plain that they knew what he was worth to you and youâd be damned if you let him die for the sake of your survival.Â
The assassins tracking down your unit like prey werenât bunglers and there was no doubt that theyâd be coming after you next. You had spent months studying the intricacies of the assignment and attempting to comprehend their behavior. Every breakthrough brought you closer to confirming the identity of the leader until it was all suddenly over.Â
Someone snitched. You still didnât know who for certain, but you doubted they were a member of the original seven proxies assigned to the unit. Four of them were dead. There were only three of you left, as far as you knew.Â
Thus you did everything in your power to lay low and make yourself even more elusive. You were ever on the move, denying yourself the freedom that came with becoming too comfortable. Then, you met Johnny this year in February, on a mission in Long Beach. He had been a normal guy at some fancy hotel, never meant to be more than one night of drunken fun. So you were pleasantly surprised when one night became eight months.Â
And even more so when you subsequently forfeited your career. You hadnât fully recovered from that life and you doubted you ever would, but Johnny made it easier to live with your unjustifiable mistakes. He saw something in you that no one else did. Not even yourself.Â
If only you knew what.Â
Johnny emerged from the bathroom, the sound of the door opening drawing your attention to him. âGood news,â he started, heading for the bed. âHeâs available. It should be ready for us when we get there.â
âThen letâs not waste any time,â you said, tucking away your gun.Â
If Johnny had any more questions, and you knew full well he did, he still didnât ask.Â
Like Johnny had said, the private jet was waiting for the two of you when you arrived and you hurriedly climbed aboard. They knew where you were. Why they hadnât taken you out when they had the chance was a mystery, but you decided to count your blessings. You were (for now) still alive and that was all that mattered.Â
You tried to get some sleep, given that you would be up and flying for a good minute, but to no avail. You usually found plane rides oddly peaceful, but there were a million thoughts in your mind vying for your attention all at once. It was all you could do not to think about your hidden career.Â
It had its perks, the coin stained in other peopleâs blood, and the companionship of a few of the friends youâd met along the way, but most people in the underworld were not exactly affable and there was always a fear in the back of your mind that one day it would be you who died for the gain of another.Â
Johnny laced his fingers through yours and you glanced over at him. âTalk to me,â he murmured, sweet as ever. Â
You shook your head. You had met many perceptive people in your lifetime, but Johnny took the cake. âI canât.â
âOf course you can,â Johnny said, reaching for your other hand and also taking it in his. âYou can talk to me about anything.â
You glimpsed down at your intertwined hands, then back up at his deep brown eyes. They were too damn discerning. âThereâs something about me you donât know.â
Johnny said nothing, but those words made him raise a brow. He was silently gesturing for you to continue, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.Â
God dammit, was he trying to disarm you? Because it was working. You hated how easy it was for him to render you vulnerable. You - the most formidable of proxies this generation had ever known.Â
The thought made you laugh, which Johnny obviously wasnât expecting. You shook your head and explained, âIâm shocked you havenât left me. Most people would have wanted no parts the second they saw the strap.â
âCan I hold it?â
You burst into laughter again. Like hell. âYou want me to give you a loaded weapon? I donât know what you know. Thatâs like giving a bomb to a baby.â
Johnny chuckled, but he sobered almost immediately after, loosely draping an arm over your shoulder. âHey, for the record, itâs gonna take a lot more than a gun to make me wanna leave you. Iâm crazy about you,â he confessed, whispering. âAnd the way I see it, youâre a little crazy all on your own.â
You grinned, appreciating the way he could say something serious and make you giggle in the same minute. âMaybe I am.âÂ
âBy the way,â Johnny began gingerly, as if one wrong move would startle you away. Which wasnât too far off. âWhy didnât you want me to touch that letter earlier?â
The amusement quickly fell from your lips and the change was not lost on Johnny. The space around you was virtually silent till you willed yourself to murmur, âI think it was laced.â
Johnny blinked in shock. âLaced? Like that Amerithrax shit?â
You shrugged. âSomething like that. I donât think itâs anthrax, but whatever it is, itâs just as deadly. Killed someone I know just from opening it. I got the call about his death this morning.â
âDamn, baby,â Johnny said with a wince, taken aback. âWhat did he do to deserve that?â
âItâs a long story,â you mumbled under your breath.
It was obvious you didnât intend on elaborating any further than you already had and Johnny didnât press, especially became a more jarring thought came. âBut the letter was addressed to me,â he pointed out, clearly confused. âNot to you.â
âI know. They donât want to kill me off immediately, for whatever reason.âÂ
âThat means youâre special, I guess.âÂ
A chill shot down your spine. You already knew, but him saying it aloud made it true. For some inexplicable reason, they wanted to play the long game with you by watching you suffer.Â
âIâm sleepy,â you said. A lie, but a convenient one. You wanted to be alone in your thoughts a little longer. âI think Iâll rest my eyes.â
Johnny chuckled. âFor only a few seconds, Iâm guessing?â
Your voice was dripping with sarcasm. âHow did you know?â
âLucky guess,â Johnny whispered, pressing a quick, sweet kiss to the temple of your forehead. âGoodnight, beautiful.â
âNight, Johnny,â you murmured.
After a few moments of thinking of the unthinkable future, you eventually tormented yourself to sleep, waking up some hours later with your head on Johnnyâs shoulder. You wholeheartedly blamed him. He was holding your hand delicately, caressing the back of it the entire time. Almost like he knew you needed it.Â
You werenât as relieved as you thought you would be when you touched down in the United States. Ironically, you felt less exposed to danger thousands of feet above the ocean than you did on American soil. Johnny was turning you soft. Youâd rather be somewhere in his arms.Â
The safe house you would be holing up in until further notice was given to you by one of your trusted American contacts. It wasnât particularly easy to find, which was a nuisance for you today, but something you would undoubtedly be grateful for later on. The place was a far cry from luxurious, but it was low-key, and that was enough to keep you happy.Â
âAh. Feels just like home,â Johnny said with a bucket load of sarcasm.
Dragging your luggage inside, your shoulders shook as you laughed. âIâve gotta make a call.â Then, you nudged his side gently and quipped, âBe a good boy and donât talk to any strangers while Iâm gone.â
âYes, maâam,â Johnny chirped obediently.Â
You entered the kitchen. It was small, cramped. Not that you would be doing much eating when you were stressed like this. You grabbed the burner phone youâd picked up on the way and dialed a number from memory, hoping you wouldnât be too late.Â
The phone rang for a while. You almost thought that nobody would answer, for a multitude of reasons, until you finally heard a chary, âWhoâs this?â
âMark.â You sighed in relief. âThank god. Itâs me. Are you holding up okay?â
âSo you got that call too, huh?â Mark asked, though it was obvious. You had no other reason to be calling. You didnât mean to be distant, but it was not often you reached out to your former co-workers.Â
But it was still good to hear his voice. With two of your other co-workers gone one week after the other, it was clear they were hunting each of you down one by one. âI got it last night,â you replied, exhaling through your nose. âThis morning, technically. Monaco is seven hours ahead of Illinois.â
You could hear movement in the background, like he was actively packing his things with his ear pressed to his shoulder. âYeah, Iâm leaving Canada. I should get over there in a couple of hours. I was actually just about to toss this phone. You have great timing.â
That surprised you. Mark was the opposite of you, feeling safer in one place that felt like home rather than never getting too comfortable anywhere. âYouâre not staying in Toronto? You havenât left in years.â
âThey killed my sister,â Mark hissed. You could hear the hurt in his voice, the bite in his tone. He was who you were worried about most. âI know that Iâm probably being led into a kill box, but I canât just stay here. Iâll put a bullet in her killerâs head myself by the time this shit blows over.â
âMark,â you started, but you knew there was no use.Â
Mark said your name sternly. âI already made up my mind. Iâm on my way. I should be seeing you and Doyoung later.â
You blew out a breath. âOkay. Get here safe. Please.â
âI will,â he said reassuringly. âBe as careful as you can, okay? Iâll see you soon.â
âOkay. Bye.â
âWait.â
You were just about to hang up when he spoke those words in the nick of time. âYes?â
Markâs tone was accustory, âYour boytoyâs with you. Isnât he?â
You stifled a sigh. There it was, the cons of being buddies with proxies as good at their jobs as you were. âHeâs at risk. They sent him the envelope. Not me. They will hurt him to get to me.â
âMaybe,â Mark said, obviously none too convinced by that possibility. âOr maybe itâs a setup. You could be his sub.â
Glancing around the area to make sure Johnny was out of earshot, you whispered, âMark, Iâve given my life to this field and the sick people infesting it. Heâs as normal as they get.â
âIs he?â
âMark,â you snapped.Â
Mark let it die. âFine. But you better be in one piece next time I see you, or itâs him Iâm going after.â
Well, there was no use in arguing with him when he used that tone. It firmly indicated that he meant business. âDonât worry,â you said softly, glimpsing around again. âBye, Mark.â
When the call was over, you slipped the burner into your pocket and braced yourself for your next task. You had to make sure this place was secure enough to hold you for the upcoming nights.Â
Nine years in the industry had taught you that there was no such thing as being too safe and it was always in your best interest to be virtually untraceable. You double checked every window, making sure they were all locked. You also clocked a number of potential exits and noted all of your options.Â
It was borderline impossible to rest knowing that your life was at stake, and you damn sure wouldnât make yourself an easy kill. If somebody really wanted you dead, they had their work cut out for them. You had spent too much time building up your power to let it be snatched out of your hands without a fight.Â
With the house taken care of, you could breathe a little easier in relief. You took out the burner and typed in the number you had memorized. In the city. Iâm ready whenever you are.Â
Delivered. No matter how much you hated it, you felt like a sitting duck amongst sharp-toothed sharks.Â
âHad enough?â Johnny asked, poking his head around the corner. Heâd seen you checking out the windows.Â
Youâd heard his footsteps, knowing he was coming. It might have come off as excessively paranoid, or obsessively so, but you were a listener, and recognizing the distinct sounds of someoneâs steps had saved your life. More than once. âYeah, I think so. Just had to make sure the safe house is really safe.â
Johnny chortled, fully entering the living room now, and walked over to sit beside you. âWeâre in the middle of only God knows where. I think weâll be pretty okay, baby.â
âI sure hope so,â you muttered.Â
Johnny cocked his head. âYou said thereâs something about you that I donât know, but you never told me what.â
And that was how it would stay. At least for now. The phone call with Mark reminded you of what was at stake and you had to remember that everyone was a suspect. âI didnât?â
âYou donât have to tell me if you really donât want to,â Johnny assured you gently, resting a hand on your back. âBut I want you to remember that this is bigger than you. Assuming whoever is after you knows about us, my life is at stake too. Not only yours.â
Something bitter scorched its way down your throat. He wasnât exactly wrong. It was a conclusion you had already come to, but that didnât mean you werenât opposed. The fact that someone had attempted to take him out angered you to no end. âI know that. And Iâll come clean. But not right now.â
Those words brooked no argument, and knowing your tendency to keep things close to your chest, Johnny asked instead, âWhen do we move out?â
You stretched your arms above your head, hoping to shake the tense feeling within you in spite of knowing it had nothing to do with your muscles. âThe minute I get the call. I let my former supervisor know that we landed. Heâs not exactly the sociable type, but heâll let me know when weâre clear.â
âYou two must get along great then,â Johnny quipped.Â
You rolled your eyes, recognizing his attempts at humor, but softened. âListen, Johnny. Iâm sorry I got you dragged into this mess. I never meant for you to see this part of me, but my past is coming back to bite me in the ass.â
Johnnyâs brows knitted together. âAre you an assassin or something?â
âYes, and thatâs all you need to know right now,â you said, crossing your legs on the chair.
Silence prevailed for a brief moment and you were worried you had reasonably startled Johnny, but you were surprised when he said, âNot gonna lie, thatâs pretty daunting news, but I donât give a fuck what you are, baby.â
Those were the last words you expected to come out of his mouth and you couldnât decide if they were alarmed or comforting. âAre you sure?â
âWhatever youâve done, Iâm sure you had your reasons,â Johnny said, pulling you into his brawny arms. Not afraid of you. âI already told you, thereâs nothing in this world that could change how I feel about you. I love you.â
Every muscle in your body went rigid. Although you had been dating for almost a whole year, you and Johnny had never muttered those three words until now. And it had been even longer since youâd heard them.Â
Your face was stiff and you didnât make a move, but somehow Johnny could sense the panic within you. He had always been good at seeing plain through the walls you put up to protect yourself. âYou donât have to say it back, but I wanted you to know.â
That confused you to no end. âYou donât at least want to know if I love you back?â
Johnny sounded amused, which was the last reaction you were expecting. âI already know. Itâs in everything you do. If you didnât love me, you would have wordlessly left me in Monaco to die,â he said, gathering some of your hair in his hands and brushing it out of the way. âBut I want you to say it when youâre ready and not a second before.â
You nodded, trying to play off the fact that your heart was beating quicker. How did he always just know?Â
Johnny moved his hand to your cheek, his touch featherlight, and continued, âI know something nightmarish is happening and you probably feel like the whole world is out to get you. Do whatever you think is right. Trust your gut and nothing else. Not your supervisor, not your friends. Not even me.â
You stared into Johnnyâs eyes when he pulled back. They were deep and brown and hypnotic, pulling you clean under his spell in one fatal swoop. Like you were holding a gun and he was whispering in your ear for you to pull the trigger.Â
It was dangerous to love somebody to that extent and you knew it, but you were past the point of no return. Johnny was your one weakness, the only thing that could blind you. Your enemies were smart in targeting him first, but foolish to think you would let them take him away from you so easily.Â
With his hand still on your cheek, Johnny flirted, âMay I ask you to lower your guard for a few moments while I kiss you, or am I asking for too much?â
âItâs okay,â you replied, rolling your eyes in mock annoyance. âYou can kiss me.â
Johnny beamed in excitement. When his lips crashed against yours, you remembered why you were even here with him in the first place. Your body relaxed in his arms, knowing it was safe there, shielded from all the dangers of your twisted world. Johnny knew exactly how to disarm you, lowering all your many defenses.Â
His mouth fell downwards onto your throat and you knew what he was doing, but you couldnât be bothered to stop him. You needed the relief and the place was secure enough. What was a little bonding time between two lovers?Â
âMind if I take this to the bedroom?â Johnny asked, slipping a hand up your blouse.Â
You nodded, biting your lip.Â
Johnny effortlessly hoisted you into his burly arms and carried you into the bedroom, tossing you onto the bed. You giggled as he crawled over you, threading your fingers through his dark hair to pull his mouth back onto yours. There was no delaying the soft sighs you made as Johnny felt up your body.Â
The two of you stayed there like that together for the longest time, your hands falling onto his broad shoulders and his grabbing a handful of your boobs. More often than not, sex was a game of patience. You were both stubborn in your own way, scheming to utterly ravage each other.Â
For some reason, Johnny was an expert at both dominating and manipulating your body, and for some even weirder reason, you let him. He always seemed to intuitively know what you needed and how you needed it. No one understood you like that. Johnny was the first human being you had let get close enough to wield that kind of power over you, and it was equally as sexy as it was unnerving.Â
You shuddered at the feeling of his big hands as they advanced down your thighs. They were so cold sometimes. Back when you first got together and holding hands gave you the most outrageous butterflies, you used to tease that he was like a snake or something.Â
In the heat of your kisses, shirts were thrown and pants were tossed. You gawked at the sight of Johnnyâs toned abs even though you had already seen them a thousand times before. He preferred to travel to countries with plenty of sunshine and hot sand. Naturally, youâd seen him shirtless in a year more than youâd seen your mother.Â
âFuck me,â you moaned, simmering with yearning. Your hands wandered down his burly chest.
When they finally reached the navy blue shorts you couldnât for the life of you figure out why he was still wearing, you grabbed a fistful of Johnnyâs half-hard cock, and he tensed with the same thought. Johnny may have prided himself on his extreme willpower and self-control, but you knew a thing or three about ruining men, and you were damn good at it.Â
It was obvious you were up to no good. You met Johnnyâs stare as you pumped his cock stiff in your hands, watching him falter. He was melting right there between your fingers. If only he was fully naked. You would have been trailing kisses down the base of his cock.Â
You smirked when you heard him groan your name under his breath. That long thread of patience was unraveling. There was this battle between the two of you, taking turns sending each other into oblivion. The thing about you and Johnny was that sex started long before any clothes came off.Â
Johnny swatted your hand away. Gently, of course. âOkay,â he said in that firm tone that meant heâd had enough.Â
You couldnât resist a satisfied grin. There was nothing like making a masculine man like himself lose control.Â
Johnny took the lead, sticking a hand between your legs, which you voluntarily widened for him without having to be told. He liked how submissive you became when in bed with him and chuckled faintly to himself, teasing his hand over the damp spot in your panties, and tempted to toy with you until you soaked through both sides.Â
It wasnât that Johnny was very patient. You had the upper hand in that regard. But what he lacked in patience he made up for in obstinacy, which you both had an ample amount of, and made things all the more exhilarating.
You were sighing softly underneath him, your body gently arching into his touch as you felt yourself burn from the sheer proximity of his body to yours alone, and Johnny appreciated every second. There was a certain pleasure he got out of making you crack. You were tough and composed, something you prided yourself on, but something about breaking you felt like getting a small taste of your inner chaos.Â
A glimpse behind the forbidden door.Â
âJohnny,â you called out, trying not to sound whiny.Â
It didnât help. Johnny could still read your body language flawlessly. He stifled a smirk, playing dumb. âHm?â
You scowled at him. Not out of any genuine anger, of course. Though maybe a hint of frustration. You knew he was baiting you to the point of begging, wanting to satiate his ever hungry ego.Â
âDonât you think it would be nice of you to do something?â you asked.Â
âI am doing something,â Johnny replied as if he was totally clueless to what you wanted. âIâm touching you, arenât I?â
âYes, you are. And itâs very generous of you to do that,â you said with a hint of sarcasm. âBut maybe you could consider going the extra mile.â
âThe extra mile? Oh, you mean, like, this?â
Johnny dipped a hand underneath the waistband of your underwear and your lips parted in a shaky gasp as you braced his shoulders again, instantly squirming. Your legs reflexively closed on him, but Johnny didnât even blink, merely spreading them wide again with his free hand as he listened for the sweet sound of your pleasure.Â
âAm I right on the money?â he asked knowingly, finally letting that sly grin come out to play.Â
He was right on something. It may not have been money, but you could feel his thumb on your clit and it was making you shudder. You nodded, your whole body feeling electric. Your toes curled and your hands dropped, balling into fists on the sheets.
You could feel how hard he was as he leaned over you, his body damn near flush against yours, tauntingly close. The very hard bulge in his shorts was all you could feel in your thigh. Johnny ignored it. Which was getting increasingly harder the more he watched you whimper and tense with need, aching to be filled, but he wanted to play a little more.Â
Johnny decided to go another mile and slid a pair of long, thick digits inside your heat with no resistance from your body. You sucked him in, wet and ready, and Johnny watched the tension on your face elevate.Â
Your entire body was begging you to stop being stubborn and give in to Johnnyâs demands if it meant he would do something to cease the endless throbbing in your core, but as good as his fingers felt in you and even better you knew his dick would feel, you didnât want to give him that satisfaction. Though it certainly wasnât more than what he deserved.Â
âYou asshole,â you said, torn between your desires.Â
Johnny flinched, but smiled at your sudden outburst. âWhat I do now?â
You pretended to be angry, grumbling, âMaking me want you. Fuck. Youâre a piece of shit. I hate you.â
Johnny chuckled. He knew you didnât mean a single word. You just didnât want to admit that you needed him, even though everything in how your body was responding to his touches said more than enough. âYou wonât be saying that when I fuck you,â he replied confidently.Â
âAnd when exactly will that be?â
âWhen I feel like it.â
You rolled your eyes. He could be so damn annoying. There was only room for one stubborn bitch in this relationship. You pointed out, âYouâre hard.â
âSo?â
You narrowed your eyes. âSo, donât you feel like it right now?â
âNope,â Johnny replied with feigned indifference, pushing his fingers in and out of you and watching how you accepted them desperately. The whole thing made him wish it was his cock in you instead.Â
You didnât buy that at all. Johnny wasnât invincible, no matter how hard he tried. And his horniness was through the roof. âJohnny, fuck me.â
Johnny thought you bossing him around, or at least attempting to, was funny. âSay please.â
âJohnny, fuck me. Please,â you grumbled.Â
âNow was that so hard?â he asked, looking relatively pleased.Â
You didnât get the chance to answer, because before you knew it, Johnny withdrew his digits from your sopping hole and stepped out of his shorts. He slipped your panties to the side and lined himself up with your entrance, his eyes on your cunt the entire time as he watched his cock steadily disappear inside.Â
Johnnyâs hands clamped tightly onto your thighs as he sank deeper, tipping his head back with a moan at the hot, tight sensation of your pussy gushing around his cock. He tried to will himself to go slow, not wanting to overwhelm you with too much, but the way you were throbbing was testing his patience. And his restraint.Â
You were out of breath and he had hardly even done anything so far. The size of him never failed to knock the wind of you. It didnât matter how many times you fucked, or how much he prepared you, Johnny still managed to taunt your limits.Â
âJesus. Fuck,â you exhaled, craving his warmth and wanting to escape him in equal measure. Your hands grappled for something, anything, to ground yourself. When Johnny took you, he took you somewhere far, far away from earth.Â
Johnny would have been worried, if not for the fact that you had wound your legs snugly around his waist, forcing him deeper. He smirked. âCan I move, baby?â
You nodded. âYeah. Move.â
Johnny groaned as he started to push in and out of you, dragging his thick cock through your walls. He never got used to this either. Maybe it was only in his mind, but he couldnât shake the feeling that you got tighter the more he fucked you. Wetter the more he stretched you out.Â
No one had ever made you feel this way before. Youâd had meaningless sex a dozen times and then some, but this was something much different. There was so much passion seeping from your bodies and it made the ecstasy skyrocket tenfold. So much love, dare you say.Â
But the control Johnny had over your body was your favorite part by far. The orgasms brought by his will were the most powerful youâd ever had. They felt like you were releasing a dark part of you that had quietly attached itself to your soul. Johnny was good at showing you that if you let him take the lead, if you let go, he could bring you to elysian heights.Â
You thought for certain you were bound for hell, but damn, Johnny made you see heaven. And now that you knew what heaven felt like, you didnât want to consider any other option.Â
Johnny could see it on your face. He always could. In the bedroom, at least. Out there, you could be cold and inscrutable, but when he was bringing you to your peak, there was no part of you that he didnât see. âStill hate me?â he asked teasingly.Â
âNo,â you stammered out. You wanted to say you loved him, the words were right there on the tip of your tongue, but you couldnât.Â
âShh, itâs okay, baby. Donât say anything,â Johnny whispered, pressing sweet kisses along your throat and collarbone. âJust take me.â
You relaxed in his arms, succumbing to the building pressure in your core as Johnny took and took from your body, speeding up his steady rhythm. You loved when he did that. Though you knew Johnny valued your pleasure deeply, there was something about when he availed you, of how he bled you dry.
Johnny knew you would let him if he asked. You would let him do anything he wanted if it meant heâd be satisfied in the end. It was his reward for loving you without conditions. You were his beautiful, sick little lion that heâd tamed.
âYouâre perfect for me. You know that?â Johnny asked a little breathlessly. âAll for me.â
âOh my god,â you whimpered, grabbing Johnnyâs hair and pulling him down to you. His chest was flush against yours and you could feel the sweat of his body mingling with your own and the vicious thud of his heart as he moved.Â
You found his lips and kissed him hungrily, too hooked on passion to care about kissing him perfectly. The desperation in your touches only made Johnny want you more. He matched your energy and met his lips to yours with the same amount of fervor, if not crazier. You heard him groan and the sound did everything to turn you on.Â
There was no denying his fire for you and you appreciated every single bit. His skin burned, hot and sticky with a glistening sheen of dampness. Johnny was just as insane for and about you as you were over him, his body said so. Though it helped that he wasnât shy with his words.Â
Johnny brought one hand between your legs and the other to your throat that was stained in marks leftover from his kisses. You were already weak and he knew exactly how to make you even weaker. You gasped when you realized what he was doing, looking into his eyes and finding nothing but a darkness that said he wanted to ravage you. It made you tighten.Â
You felt something in your stomach tighten when you saw Johnnyâs face change, tensing with the wound of pleasure. He mumbled curses under his breath in a voice that made you shudder. You knew then that you werenât far. He was going to finish you.Â
âJohnny, Iâm close,â you told him through heavy pants.Â
Johnny tightened his grip on you, moving his hand faster over your clit. He chuckled when you moaned. âYeah, you wanna come? Tell me how bad you need it.â
âGod, Johnny. Please,â you begged, knowing he wanted to gauge how much he turned you on, how good he pressed your buttons. âI need to come. I need you. I canât hold it. You feel too good. Oh my fuck.â
âThen go ahead. Let go for me, baby,â Johnny commanded darkly, watching you expectantly. He knew you were about to fall apart any moment now.Â
And you did. Your orgasm took hold of you and slammed you down onto the surface, and you felt the impact in every bone of your body. But rather than a dull ache, it was a heady euphoria. Johnny was there to sweep you into his arms, whispering sweet nothings as he coaxed you through every second like a gentleman.
He tried to act like the way you clamped around him and cursed out his name when you trembled with climax wasnât getting to him, but Johnny was starting to melt into your heat and he couldnât help how much getting you off got him off. It was too natural. He looked down at you proudly, taking in the sight of you laying there, trying to collect yourself.Â
You tried to take it as he continued to pound you out, trying to make himself come now than he had taken care of you, but it was making your head spin. âJohnny,â you whined.Â
Johnny raised a brow, playing innocent. âWhat? I didnât say I was done with you. Now did I?âÂ
You swallowed sharply. This wasnât the first time he had fucked you through your orgasm and then some, but he was damn good at making it feel like it was.Â
âYou tapping out on me?â Johnny taunted, knowing it would do the trick. You always had something to prove.Â
You shook your head. It was too much for you, but that was exactly the point. You let Johnny decide how much you could handle. He was the one in charge, like it or not. âNo. Never.â
âGood,â Johnny chirped, satisfied. âYou know what to say if you change your mind.â
You had a safe word, but you remembered using it only once. The word lingered in your mind but didnât dare escape your lips. You didnât want him to stop. You wanted him to take you until there was nothing left. And then take some more.Â
Your silence was loud as ever and Johnny grinned, knowing he had you exactly where he wanted you. He continued to have his way with you, his hands gentle as they wandered your entire body, but his hips slapping against yours with a vengeance as he tried to drive himself over the edge.Â
It wouldnât be long. Johnny wanted to keep fucking you forever, die tangled together limb to limb, but with every hit through your slick walls he felt his grip on his restraint slack. You were breaking him down, piece by piece.
You couldnât think straight. You could barely even see, your vision hazy with the faint sting of tears in your eyes. Johnny had once told you that there was a thin line between pain and pleasure and now he was taking you there. He delicately kissed your face and chest all over as he overstimulated you, making you teeter.Â
âJohnny, come,â you whispered, coaxing him to finish while still playing meek. âI want you to fuck me full. Please. Oh my god.â
Johnny grunted at the thought of fucking you full of his cum and the memory flickering into his brain. He tightened his hold on your body, hands falling to your perfect hips, and moved even faster. You gasped when he sank his teeth into your neck, fiending for you. All of you.Â
You took it like you were made to take him. Your soft moans and sweet cries were unraveling Johnny quicker than he would have liked, making his dick twitch inside you, and it was only a matter of seconds until he lost the fight.Â
It was insane how much power you wielded over each other. You knew all the right places to touch, all the right words, all the right things to say. There were no limits. Only getting lost in the endless cosmos of each other.Â
Johnny closed his eyes as he at last came with a delicious, guttural groan that made you burn with the urge to suck the soul out of him. He kept fucking you until he felt like stopping, his warmth flooding into your wet pussy, and the sensation made you moan.Â
When he was finally sated, he collapsed against your chest, smothering you with the weight of him that you loved. You could feel his tired breath on your neck and the heat of his body against yours, and it was oddly comforting.Â
Johnny lifted his head from the crook of your neck to peer into your eyes, asking, âYou okay?â
You nodded. âIâm good. Thank you for that.â
Johnny chuckled. He could feel the tension leaving your body and he was proud, and more than glad, to be of service. âPleasure is my business and I aim to satisfy.â
You giggled at his words, wounding your arms around his broad shoulders while you held him close. You knew you would have to get up one way or another, but not right now. This was your time to simply be there for each other.Â
And that was what you did, but then you had a mischievous thought and it was all you could do not to snicker as you untangled yourself from Johnnyâs arms. He was reluctant to let you go, but relented, watching you with curious eyes.Â
You brought your hand down to his now soft cock, toying with him as you tried to get him up again. There was an untamed look in your eyes that didnât go unnoticed by Johnny.
He tensed immediately when he felt your hands on him. His voice was suspicious. âWhat are you doing?â
âNothing, sweetheart,â you replied in a tone that was way too innocent to be believable.Â
You giggled, gently shoving at him. It didnât work, but Johnny took it as a sign that you wanted him to shift, and so he sat up on the bed. You followed, returning your hand between his legs as you stroked him back rigid.Â
âAre you really trying to make me come again?â
You shrugged. That was only half your goal. You wanted to make him lose his mind, and the best way to do that was to give him a nut he would always remember. âWhy not? Donât tell me thatâs all you got for me, handsome?â
âI always got more for you,â Johnny flirted without hesitation.Â
You smirked, moving from the bed and sinking onto your knees. âThatâs what I like to hear.â
Johnny had only just managed to recover his breathing when he felt his breath start to hitch again as you pumped him stiff in your hands, which only took a few moments. You were his vice. Nothing got him hard like you, the thought of you, and the promise of fucking you.Â
When he was ready, you took him into your mouth slowly but steadily, inch by inch. You kept your fist around the base of his cock, figuring it would be best to have multiple sensations. Johnny groaned. It was one thing to fist his own cock, but when you were the one doing it, it was like his entire body was in flames.Â
âFuck,â he grunted, tangling his fingers through your hair none too gently. He knew you liked it a little rough, knew you didnât feel alive without pain.Â
Your supple hands moved just fast enough to make Johnny want more and your mouth took just enough of him that you werenât gagging. He was a really big boy. Though you knew you could fit more, you wanted to draw things out for as long as you could, slowly tasting his shaft with your tongue.Â
Johnny gave your cheek a little impatient slap when he started to get annoyed with your teasing. This was the only man you would let touch you like that and get away with it. Mainly because it was hot coming from him and you liked pushing his buttons.Â
Ignoring the faint burn of his palm on your cheek, you obliged his silent command, knowing better than to test him. He wouldnât hesitate to take away all the power you thought you had right now and have you at his mercy. You took more of him into your mouth, head bobbing around his cock.Â
âShit, baby. Like that. Suck me just like that,â Johnny moaned. You loved the breathlessness in his voice, the way he sounded borderline desperate. And you loved knowing that it was only for you even more.Â
Johnny watched you suck him off like it was the driving force behind your life, seemingly having your fill of teasing him. He gathered another fistful of your hair, using it to keep you in check. You looked so pretty on your knees for him, kneading his cock with your perfect tongue.Â
It was everything you knew it would be, knew he would be unable to resist. You wanted to see him unravel one good time before the night was over, no matter the cost. The bruises forming on your knees and the dull soreness developing in your throat be damned.Â
You loved pleasing Johnny. Not only because you got pleasure from having the power to make a dominant man like him lose his shit, though that was a significant part of it. There was a giving side of you that just wanted to see him content as his reward for making you feel safe and comfortable.Â
The violent need for control you had stemmed from a lifelong struggle with power. You had been completely helpless before and now you wanted to conquer the unconquerable. There was nothing that would stand between you and what you wanted. After being denied so many times, you became the villain and began to take.Â
But Johnny was just as stubborn as you, if not more. He couldnât be bent into shape and he would never bend to anyoneâs will. Though it took you a minute to accept, you liked that about him. He didnât view you as something to be feared. And he seized control over you without making you feel like something to own.Â
There was no way in hell you could repay him for that, but you knew he would settle for a mind-numbing blowjob.
Johnny grumbled curses under his breath as he started to rock into your throat without warning, setting a rhythm of his own. He was close to the edge and he needed to come. You werenât prepared. You gagged a little bit, eyes burning. But you didnât complain.Â
âIâm gonna come,â Johnny warned, though it was relatively obvious. âTake it all for me, baby. I know you can.â
You allowed Johnny to fuck your throat as he so pleased, desperately trying to handle his aggressive pace and willing yourself not to gag by sheer force. The throbbing between your thighs had returned and you chastised yourself for getting horny over being used.Â
Johnny tipped his head back with a moan he couldnât stifle before looking back down at you again, something sharp and hungry in his stare. You looked up and met his gaze, your eyes misty with unshed tears, and the sight made him bust on the spot.Â
His thighs trembled as he released, painting the back of your throat with a load of hot cum you attempted to swallow. He hissed in something like pain but not quite there, his grip tightening on your hair, inadvertently pulling your face flush against his balls.Â
It was a sight you would never forget. The way his handsome face tensed perfectly in a dangerous kind of ecstasy, a deep groan of your name escaping his lips. The way he swallowed as he accepted his defeat. It was absolutely beautiful.Â
Johnny panted, pulling you off him and wiping a stray tear from your face with his thumb. âYou win. This time. Next time I wonât go easy on you.â
Your voice was a little hoarse from the rough fucking it had received as you snickered and replied, âIf that was you going easy on me, Iâd hate to see you going hard.âÂ
Johnny smirked. âPlease. You love when I go hard.â
You rolled your eyes playfully.Â
Johnny ushered you to the bathroom for a shower. Though it was much smaller than you knew he was used to, he didnât complain. He was mostly focused on taking care of you and worshiping your body after ravaging it. Which was only fair.Â
You fell asleep in record time, tangled in his embrace. Nights with Johnny ensured the easiest sleep you had ever gotten. There was something about the arms of a big, strong man like him that easily lured you someplace far away. They were the safest place in the world.Â
Morning came and Johnny rose before you did, gingerly slipping from behind you. Watching your face as he climbed out of the bed, he was careful to make sure you didnât stir. The last thing he wanted was to wake you up when you were blissfully oblivious. He grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and started out.Â
Johnny glanced at you one more time before leaving. You looked so peaceful, curled up into the blankets. Heâd noticed that you had this uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere, at any given time. He shook his head and made for the door. Most nights he lay awake.Â
Something didnât feel right. You noticed the empty spot in the small bed and the lack of arms around your body immediately upon rousing. That was weird. Where had Johnny gone? Did he leave in pursuit of coffee? Or did someone get to him while you were sleeping?
You told yourself you were being ridiculous and tossed the blankets off your body, sliding your feet into a pair of slippers. The possibilities were endless, but it was reasonable to assume Johnny was still in the house somewhere. He wouldnât have gone without a fight. And there was no doubt you would have heard a struggle.Â
The sound of his voice coming from the living room made you grind to a halt in the tiny, dark hallway. He sounded like he was speaking on the phone. You tried to make out who he was talking to, but his responses gave nothing away. They were too straightforward.Â
Much like how you were trained to answer questions on the phone when the wrong people were privy to your conversations.Â
You lingered in the hall, wondering whether you should have approached or not. Something told you not to give yourself away just yet, but something else told you to stop treating Johnny like a sub by spying on him. Fuckâs sake, he was your partner.Â
Before you could decide, Johnny hung up the phone and started for the kitchen. You acted like you were casually walking down the hallway and greeted him sweetly.Â
âGood morning, sunshine,â Johnny replied, slipping his fingers through yours as he led you into the kitchen with him. âI made coffee.â
âThanks.â
Johnny added playfully, âFor myself. But youâre more than welcome to have some.â
You rolled your eyes. He was only kidding, but you always loved how much energy this guy could have in the morning. You were an early riser because it was built into you. Johnny was just a productive kind of man.Â
The kitchen was uncomfortably crowded even with only the two of you inside, so you shifted over to the slightly larger living room while you drank coffee together. Johnny was sitting beside you on the couch with his spare hand instinctively resting on your thigh, tracing circles on your exposed skin.Â
Your eyes flickered to his naked back for all of two seconds before you willed yourself to focus on the important bits. âI heard you on the phone earlier,â you mentioned, getting a conversation rolling.Â
Johnny seemed totally relaxed, as if he had nothing to hide. âDid you now?âÂ
âYeah, I did,â you replied, glancing back down at his hand on your thigh before meeting his eyes. âWho were you talking to?â
Johnny realized by now that you were doubting him in some way, and he was quick to explain, âI was talking to my mom, letting her know that we might have to do a rain check. You and I were supposed to fly out and see her this weekend. Remember?â
That was true. Your last night in Monaco was always meant to be yesterday regardless of how the dayâs events played out. âAh,â you replied, quiet. It would have been your first time meeting his mother. Which meant things were serious. âWell, youâre still close to home.â
âShe doesnât know that,â Johnny said. âShe did most of the talking. I was trying to keep her from getting worried without revealing too much information.â
That was a perfectly logical explanation and you believed him wholeheartedly. You made a face, feeling guilty for suspecting someone as harmless as Johnny. Maybe that phone call with Mark the other day was making you even more paranoid than you already were.Â
That was the way of life around here, though. Your kind didnât believe in being innocent until proven guilty. It was the other way around. As much as you wanted to deny it, Mark had a valid point. You needed to hold Johnny to the same standard that you held henchmen.Â
But you still felt bad. In your mind, Johnny was probably the last person you needed to be evaluating. âIâm sorry,â you whispered with obvious guilt.Â
âDonât apologize,â Johnny told you, patting your thigh. âYou want to be safe. I get it. Like I said, trust your gut.â
You swallowed. That was the problem. You had always trusted your gut, but between her and your heart, you couldnât tell the difference when you were with Johnny. âThereâs an old saying in the underground, uh, my former boss told me. Death that tastes like sugar is poison.â
Johnny cocked his head, staring deeply into your eyes. And maybe your soul. âWhatâs it mean?â
âThat something that seems too good to be true probably is,â you said, your gaze unfaltering as you watched him watch you.Â
Johnny took that in stride, chuckling. Draping an arm over you, he asked softly, âHow do you sleep at night when youâre always looking over your shoulder?â
âBecause I have you next to me,â you quipped.
Johnny laughed. âGood answer.â
Playfully ruining the mood, you added, âAnd your dick also makes a good lullaby. You wear me out.â
âBetter answer,â Johnny replied, leaning in to meet his lips to yours in a gentle, intimate kiss. The feeling of your body made him feel warm all over.Â
You kissed him back, hands combing through his hair. And he was sweet as sugar.
You soon forgot all about your suspicions and tried to forget about your worries as well, but it was much harder done than said. Keeping your mind off the madness was like pulling teeth. Johnny wanted to help, but the more he tried to comfort you, the more shame and dread made your stomach ache.Â
You were just antsy. Waiting on a phone call or something from Doyoung was leaving you on edge. The silence was suffocating. Any moment you could die and the people hunting you had a solid five different ways to take you out of the picture. For good.Â
At the same time, you were thinking of Johnnyâs comfort too. You could tell he didnât exactly love this place. It was a far cry from the luxurious suite in Monaco, but it was something you were accustomed to as a criminal. Your only hope was that it didnât inconvenience Johnny too much to be here. You knew how he hated confinement.Â
You also knew that it was for the best. There was no way you could promise to keep him safe if he wasnât here beside one of the most lethal proxies to enter the league. Though you couldnât help but regret coming into his life and bringing your chaos with you. It was selfish. He may have insisted that he wasn't afraid of your darkness, but Johnny had also never seen your monsters.Â
Even you were scared of them. That said more than enough.Â
With that thought, you considered the only thing you hadnât done. The one option you had been actively avoiding. Which was telling Johnny the whole truth. You were painfully aware that if you told him the full extent of what you were, you couldnât just stop there. You would have to tell him everything.
That thought was terrifying. It might have done you some good to confess away the weight on your chest, but you didnât want anything to change more than it likely already had. You liked things between you and Johnny the way they were without him knowing what all youâd done, but the truth of the matter was that he already knew. He may not have known the details, but there was no doubt he had imagined it.Â
Frankly, whatever he was picturing in his head was probably nothing compared to what you had actually gone through.Â
With a sigh, you removed yourself from your post in the living room and made your way over to the bedroom where Johnny was. He looked up when he heard you come in and watched you plop down beside him. âHi,â you greeted, shyer than you had ever been with him.
Johnny held back a chuckle, wondering what that meant. âHi, beautiful.â
That word stung to an indescribable level, because you felt so ugly at the moment. For what you had done. For what you had seen. And for what you hadnât said. âIâm coming clean.â
Johnny raised a brow. âOh?â
You nodded, stuck in the middle of an extremely unfair game of tug of war with your nerves. âYeah. You deserve to know the truth. And the truth is that Iâve been hiding myself from you for eight months.â
Johnny didnât say a word, letting you talk. He recognized that look on your face, the one that meant you had something to get off your chest.Â
You took a deep breath and explained, âWhen we first met in that hotel earlier this year, I was in the middle of a mission. A week after we hooked up, I finished it. It was the last one I ever did, because I got so tangled in you that you made me want to be normal again. So I hung up my cap and tried to live a happy life with you.âÂ
âBut then this happened,â he finished for you in typical Johnny fashion.Â
âYeah,â you replied, glancing down at your hands in your lap and chuckling faintly. âFive years ago, I was a part of a unit assigned to eliminate a major sub in the underground. Subject, I mean. Thatâs what we call our hits.â
Johnny nodded along in understanding. âIâm guessing that didnât go too well?â
You swallowed, fumbling with your hands. This was your least favorite part of the story. âWe got so close. We were at this ball for his drug front. I still donât know how it happened and how he found out, but two of us died that night. The other five survived by the skin of our teeth.â
âThat dude you said opened a poisoned letter,â Johnny started, mentally connecting the dots. âWas he a member of your team?â
You frowned. âHe was. There was another girl too, and she was killed the other morning. Thereâs only three of us now. Weâre all being hunted to the last man.â
The room was silent. It didnât surprise you that Johnny had gone quiet, probably trying to process everything you were telling him, but it did unnerve you a little.Â
You had so much more to say. Now that you had gotten started, a part of you didnât want to stop. You had been carrying these secrets with you since forever. âAfter we made it out, we had all agreed to lay low and not draw any attention to ourselves. One of my partners went back home to Canada because thatâs where he feels safe. But I donât feel safe anywhere. Thatâs why Iâm always moving. Itâs not because I like traveling. Itâs because Iâm on the run.â
âThatâs like running from your shadow,â Johnny whispered, gently putting an arm over your shoulder. He wasnât in any way malicious, but that comment made you sweat.Â
He was right. The shadow of who you were would follow you perpetually. You couldnât just wipe the slate clean now that it was stained in blood. It was naive of you to think that the past wouldnât come back to bite you. This life had chosen you, after all. Not the other way around.Â
âYou are the one place in this world where I feel safe. Where I feel like I donât have to hide,â you confessed, glancing up to meet his gaze. âBut at the same time, thatâs why Iâve been hiding from you. I was scared that if you knew what I really am, you wouldnât want to be with me anymore. And I would lose the only reliable thing I have.â
Johnny didnât say anything about that, gingerly running his hands over you. You already knew that he wasnât leaving. âWhat all do you know about this sub you were hunting?â
The better question would have been what you didnât know. You worked harder than youâd played, and youâd gone through great lengths to uncover the dirty secrets of that syndicate and each of its high-ranking members. The Emperor, their leader. Volcano, the explosionist. Toxic, the poisoner. Bullseye, the sniper. Torch, the arsonist. And Backstabber, the spy.Â
You sighed, being forced to confront the part of your life youâd been running from for the past five years. âFrankly, Iâve never seen his face. We just know that he runs one of the most dangerous syndicates in the underground. We got damning info on their ranks, their functions and their operations. It was the most advanced job I ever had.â
âHow come?â
âWell, because the core of my job is that Iâm more of a killer,â you replied, the words like poison on your own tongue. âWhen you kill big fish, itâs natural to have to do a lot of digging to establish the best method, but nothing like this. This was months of grueling effort even with a team. And it was my first time with a group.â
You were not used to working on a team and it was more than a little obvious, but the seven of you made it work. Mark could testify to your aloofness. You were good friends now, but you rarely went out of your way to speak to him. It was nothing personal; that was just how you rolled.Â
Johnny was taking all of this surprisingly well. He didnât flinch once when you casually mentioned killing. âFive years is a long wait.â
You shrugged your shoulders. You had held grudges for much longer. And in the underground, people forgot very little. They forgave even less. âWhen you make an attempt on someoneâs life, itâs not,â you told him, a shiver running your own spine. âItâs perfectly calculated revenge. Like I said, our unit buckled down on safety after the mission failed. Iâm sure the syndicate wanted to wait until we let our guard down to strike.â
âYou said it's a big syndicate,â Johnny reminded, maybe the smallest hint of concern in his voice, as if he was trying not to let it show. âWhere do you stand in the line between the powerful and the powerless?â
That was an unexpected question and it made your brows knit together in thought. âWell, Iâm not in the game anymore, but Iâve spent a lifetime building up my power and rep. Iâve got influence. I could still have my hand in the business if I wanted, if you know what I mean. And Iâm a pretty good damn shot. Iâve never missed.â
Johnny cocked his head. âSo you just threw it all away to be with me? And they just let you?âÂ
âWhen I last worked, I was a freelance proxy. I didnât belong to a network and I never will again,â you replied with noticeable disdain. âWhen youâre as good as me, it gets you power, but it also gets you a lot of enemies. So obviously thereâs a lot of people out there that donât wanna see me happy. Thatâs why I lay low.â
Johnny took a good look at you. He knew you were making it sound easier than it was, but he couldnât be bothered to care. The place he was looking was far deeper. âWhy this life? Why not something more normal or less dangerous? Why did you choose to live a life where the only thing you can trust is your gut?â
âI didnât choose it,â you said, quiet as a mouse. âI didnât have a chance to be anything different. It was either this, or a slow death. I lived on the streets as a kid and I saw a lot of crazy shit in a short time. I guess it desensitized me. Which made me the perfect candidate for a contract killer.â
âSo you were taken in?â Johnny asked.Â
âRemember how I said I didnât wanna be in a network again?â
Johnny nodded his head, seeing where you were going with this, and he frowned at the thought of something happening to you. âYeah, I noticed that.â
âWell, they took me in when I was twelve,â you told him, less than proud. But you told yourself countless times that youâd only done what you had to do to survive. âPrimed me for the job. They said I would make them a lot of money someday. And I did.â
Johnny wasnât too convinced that this was so simple either. âThereâs more to the story. Isnât there?â
You tensed with something far more explosive than anger and potent than sadness, something that made your eyes blur. You fought it with all your strength, whispering, âI went through a lot of shit, Johnny. But I couldnât leave. Because they told me they were the only family I would ever have. And they werenât wrong. But the shit they put me through? I wouldnât wish it on my worst enemy. And I have a lot of those.â
Johnny frowned, but heâd expected as much. He doubted there were a large number of people that had a normal upbringing and yet went on to become contract killers, if any at all. He whispered your name softly. âYou didnât deserve whatever you went through.â
Your eyes were burning. âThen why does it feel like Iâve been punished since the second I was born?â
Hearing you say that broke Johnnyâs heart. It was clear to him that you had been through hell and back. More than anything, he wanted to relieve you of all your suffering and kill all the demons he knew youâd faced. The demons he knew you werenât done facing. âI want you to listen to me carefully,â he said softly, taking your hand in his own. âYou are not being punished. I know itâs unfair what happened to you, but you did what anyone would have done to make it. You made a hard choice. You made the strong one.â
âIâm tired of being strong,â you murmured.Â
âI know. I know you are,â Johnny replied, letting you rest your head on your shoulder. âBut thatâs exactly what these people want. They want to break you down and give you a reason not to fight. Donât let them win.â
You were silent for a long minute, strangely comforted by his words. So many times had you thought of giving up, of letting go. The main reason you were still alive was because you were too cocky to let anyone else kill you and too much of a coward to do it on your own.Â
Finally, you glanced up into Johnnyâs eyes and asked, âWhy arenât you scared of me?â
Johnny could see the vulnerability in your expression, a part of you he had never seen before, and it made him even more curious about you than he already was. âBecause I donât think youâre a monster.âÂ
Those words came with an impact. You didnât know how to feel. There was something about the way Johnny saw you that was so damn precious and too much of a damn lie.Â
âCall me crazy, but I donât think thereâs anything you could ever do to scare me away,â he continued, looking at you like you were the most beautiful woman in the world. He wished you could see yourself the way he saw you.Â
You swallowed hard. It was hard to believe that you had found someone with such unwavering loyalty to you, without any ulterior motives. You felt bad for doubting him again, but you just couldnât shake the thought that something wasnât right. Your insecurities were loud.Â
One part of it was that you had always viewed Johnny as the perfect picture of what a normal life should have looked like. What did it mean if he glimpsed into your world and somehow didnât immediately run the other direction?
Johnny tilted your head up and placed his thumb on your bottom lip, as if he was preparing to lean in for a kiss. You would have let him, but in that very moment, your phone began to ring in your back pocket.Â
You startled, pulling away and immediately putting the phone up to your ear. âWhatâs the move?â
âItâs time,â came Doyoungâs voice from the phone, stern as ever. âYou know where to go. Donât waste any time.â
âCopy that,â you answered, sending a look Johnnyâs way to let him know it was time to get going.Â
The line went dead and you immediately got to work. Johnny had already started moving, preparing to leave the house and head towards the final destination. âWhere are we even going?â he asked in the middle of gathering his things for the second time.Â
It was a valid question and Johnny was half expecting a vague answer, so he was surprised when you replied, âDead Manâs End. Itâs an old refuge for assassins, been around since the eighties. Itâs kind of like a hitman hotel, if you will.â
Johnny grimaced. âThat just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Are you sure about this?â
You exhaled a deep breath, pausing dead in your tracks. That was a good question for which you didnât have a proper answer. âNo, but itâs our best bet at figuring out what the hell is going on. And besides, the road there is way scarier than the place itself.â
âWhatever that means,â Johnny mumbled.Â
His reluctance made you frown. You understood his distaste, but this was entirely out of your hands. Your best bet at survival was by pairing together with the last walking members of your old unit and going over what you knew about this organization.Â
As long as you were still breathing, no one was going to hunt you like an animal and get away with it.Â
There were a couple hours of travel to make and Johnny was adamant that he would drive, even if he didnât know the roads. You let him. It wasnât like you were expecting a coup. When you said the road to the hotel was scarier than the place itself, youâd only meant putting up with all the dread and unease. Â
After driving endlessly, you finally pulled in front of a random building in the middle of essentially nowhere. You knew you were at the right place when you noticed how meager the place looked from the exterior. Nothing that would draw unwanted attention. It was the perfect hideout for criminals like yourself with a lot of blood on their hands.Â
âSo, whatâs the plan?â Johnny asked as you both carried your things to the door.
You kept yourself composed. âWeâre going to walk in and get a room. Donât say anything. Iâm gonna find my boss.â
Johnny nodded, opening the lobby door and holding it for you as you strolled inside with your suitcase in tow. You thanked him and he followed you straight to the front desk where a woman was sitting there on the phone. She glanced up at you and mouthed, âOne moment, please.â
While you waited, you glanced around the lobby, scrutinizing it with the intent to commit the entire layout to memory. There was standard hotel stuff, in spite of this being a getaway for lowlifes. A small lounge area with the television set on some sports channel. An even smaller spot for brewing coffee. There were more things down the hall beside the elevator.Â
The lack of other human presence didnât concern you. Most wouldnât hang out somewhere as open and vulnerable as the main lobby, and the wise few wouldnât come out at all. You didnât look for long. You didnât need to. It was your job to be able to record a lot of information with little time and effort, and nothing seemed out of place, so far.Â
âAlright, sorry about that,â the receptionist said after a few minutes, putting the phone down. She glanced between you and Johnny. âName and handler?â
You told her your name and gave her Doyoungâs, before gesturing towards Johnny and adding casually, âHeâs with me.â
The receptionist glanced up at Johnny and nodded, documenting his name in addition to yours. âIâm going to need you to check in your weapons, please.â
Drawing your weapon from behind you, you signaled towards Johnny again and told her, âHeâs not carrying.â
âThatâs fine, but I still need you both to check your luggage through that door over there. Itâs like the airport, only much simpler.â
The expression on Johnnyâs face gave away the fact he clearly found the policy odd, but you both followed instructions and stepped through the security checkpoint one after another, not hearing a single beep.Â
But when the receptionist handed over your keycards, instructing you to head to the elevator on the right hand side of the room, Johnny crept close and whispered, âNever heard of criminals checking in their guns.âÂ
You snickered. âI told you, the road here is scarier than the place itself. With a bunch of murderers in the same room, shitâs bound to get messy if weâre all packing. Itâs the only thing that makes this place remotely safe.â
Johnny didnât seem too convinced about the safety of this refuge. âYou donât need a gun to kill someone.â
âThatâs true, but it makes things a lot easier,â you replied, pressing the second floor button. It was perfectly safe; not too close to the bottom floor, yet not too far away from the ground.
Johnny had no argument.Â
When you reached the second floor, you both stepped out, scanning the hallway for your room number. The walls were a murky shade of green, the paint chipping off and every decoration (which they barely had) looking as if it was on its last leg. The entire place appeared stale and in violent need of renovation, but something about it was strangely comforting.Â
You walked by one door and immediately got a strong whiff of marijuana. âSomeoneâs getting high as hell,â Johnny quipped.Â
âCould be worse,â you murmured.Â
The second you were in the room, you locked the door and secured the door chain, making sure no one could creep inside behind you. Then, you swung your luggage onto the bed and dug in your pockets for your phone, sending Doyoung a text to let him know that you had checked in and you were ready to meet.Â
âIâm guessing your former bossâ name is Doyoung,â Johnny said, given that was the name you had supplied to the receptionist earlier. âIs he here?â
âNo idea,â you replied, brows stitched together. You had been expecting an instant response or phone call. âI thought he would be. Iâll give it twenty minutes before I get suspicious.â
Johnny had noticed a shift in you. You seemed somewhat more comfortable and at ease here than you ever did at the five-star hotels heâd stayed in with you or even the safe house youâd locked yourselves in only some hours before, and he wanted some kind of explanation. He knew you had your reasons for everything, but the idea didnât make any sense to him whatsoever.Â
But he didnât ask. Instead, he settled on the bed and flirted, âYou know what I could do to you in twenty minutes?â
âAbsolutely nothing,â you chirped, playing along. âOur foreplay lasts way longer than that.â
Johnny chortled, knowing it was true. A solid half of your foreplay didnât even involve physical touch. Sometimes he got worked up simply from talking to you and listening to you speak your mind. âWe can skip the talking,â he said, loosely grabbing your waist. âThatâs my favorite part though.â
âMine, too,â you agreed. âBut frankly, I donât trust these beds.â
Johnny laughed. Everything about this building made it seem like it hadnât been touched in decades. âWell, letâs hope weâre not here for long.â
You wouldnât be. Either you would come to danger, or danger would flock to you in large quantities. No matter what happened, your only hope was that you would be prepared. There was no hiding.Â
At first, ten minutes passed. Weird, but no big deal. Then an entire twenty went by and you were still snuggling up on Johnny, having not heard a single chime or ping. That was extremely out of the ordinary and you internally began to fret.Â
Retreating from Johnnyâs arms ever so begrudgingly, you gave him a fleeting kiss on the lips and said, âIâm gonna go check things out. Itâs really weird that he hasnât called or texted me yet.â
There was a hint of reluctance in Johnnyâs eyes, as if he didnât want to let you go, but there was nothing he could do to keep you still. You were restless. âBe safe,â he told you, appreciating how the faint feeling of your kiss was lingering on his lips.Â
âYou be safe too,â you replied with worry. It wasnât like you wanted to leave Johnny alone, but you trusted that he could hold his own. âKeep the door locked at all times. The bolt and the chain.â
Johnny waved you off. âI know, I know. Iâm not a kid, baby.â
âI just want to make sure youâre careful. I love you.â The words had already escaped your lips before you realized exactly what you were saying, but you couldnât take it back. You blinked in surprise.Â
Johnnyâs eyes widened vaguely, having not expected you to blurt out a confession of your love for him, but he was pleasantly surprised. âI know you do. I love you too.â
You nodded silently, feeling awkward. With one final glance and a pat on his shoulder, you waved goodbye and turned away.Â
There was something you had to get to the bottom of.Â
You stepped into the hallway. Doyoung was the type of human being you didnât call unless it was an absolute emergency, as were you, so you had tried to keep your conversations strictly written only, but something about this situation was starting to give you unpleasant vibes. Calling you hours ago to order you here, but not being around himself, didnât make any sense.Â
Not to mention Mark, who you hadnât heard from since that less than ten-minute phone call youâd had when you landed. You wondered if he had even arrived in the States safely. The most important thing right now was figuring out if he and Doyoung were even still alive.
The thought struck fear into your very soul, but you tried not to let it consume you. There was a reason the lot of you had been assigned together to the same team, and that was because you had the means and the willpower to survive. You wouldnât be taken down easily and neither would they. They were strong.Â
You felt borderline naked without your gun as you sauntered very quietly down the hallway of the second floor, but the knowledge that no one else had their weapons on them either provided you some easy reassurance. Plus you had something that not everyone else did. Your tenacity was your secret weapon.Â
With no other viable option, you gave in and dialed Doyoungâs number on the burner phone, hoping he would pick up after a few rings. The call immediately went to voicemail. You furrowed your brows and tried again, but he ultimately still didnât answer.Â
Which made you moderately anxious.Â
Maybe he had to get another phone, you told yourself, which still didnât make enough sense. Doyoung had a remarkable memory. Wouldnât he still try to contact you?
This was officially beyond weird. This was venturing into the territory of all things dark and dangerous. You promptly dialed Markâs number instead, hopeful to get a hold of him, but to no avail. Rather than go straight to voicemail like Doyoungâs phone, it went on and on.Â
Fuck, he switched phones, you remembered, thrusting yourself back into that phone call youâd had the other day. He had said something about how he was about to toss his phone and how you had good timing. Wherever it was, it wasnât off or dead, but still of no use to either of you now.
That was the catch. You were meant to be elusive and completely untraceable, but it came to a disadvantage when even the people you needed most couldnât reach you.Â
Having no idea what else to do, you turned around and headed back for your room to regroup, knowing you needed to mull over your next steps and the middle of a hallway was no place to do something like that. On the way, you paid close attention to the windows and any potential blind spots.Â
Upon unlocking the door, you were surprised it opened immediately without any need for asking Johnny to unhook the chain. Fuckâs sake, didnât you tell him to lock it behind you?
âJohnny,â you called out in annoyance, shutting and bolting the door behind yourself as you walked inside. You had been expecting to find him pacing around somewhere or gazing out the window, but you didnât see his tall body anywhere in the tiny room.Â
You narrowed your eyes and checked the bathroom, but it was entirely clear too. Johnny wasnât here. Matter of fact, the only thing that indicated he was ever even here was his bag on the single bed.
Something like panic filled your chest and made your stomach tighten. Your brain immediately went to the worst case scenario. Did someone get to him in the five seconds you had turned your back? How in the hell did he sneak out of the hallway without you noticing?
You shook your head, willing yourself to calm down. Maybe he just went downstairs to get coffee or something. You knew he needed coffee like an addict needed crack. He would drink it at any given hour.Â
Solely to be safe, you quickly called his burner number, having saved it in case of situations like this. You were disappointed when it rang and rang with no answer, wondering what in the hell was happening. It had to be on his person. You would have heard it otherwise.
You groaned and stepped back into the green corridor, confused as all hell. Your very first thought was the elevator. The only reasonable idea you could conceivably imagine in the midst of all this bewilderment was to return to the main floor and see if the receptionist could clue you in on any significant information.Â
It felt like you had been standing in front of the elevator for ages before it finally drew back its doors with a chime and allowed you to enter. You pressed the lobby button and waited patiently for it to descend down to the main floor.
The trip took a long minute. Though it was only two floors down, the elevator didnât seem to be in the same rush you were in, which was more than a little frustrating. Every second you went without answers was another second you couldnât bring yourself to relax.Â
You breathed in a short-lived relief as the doors opened again and you walked onto the main floor, straight for the lobby. The sight in front of you only made you blink.Â
The receptionist was very dead, slumped forward onto the front desk. You could see the wound that had done her in, one shot to the back of her neck. The exact same way Doyoung said Margo had been killed. The exact same pattern you had studied in that unit so many years back.Â
You shuddered. They were here. Your initial instinct was to charge into the inventory behind the front desk where the receptionist had checked in all of the weapons, but the shock on your face when you realized the entire inventory had been cleared out was priceless.Â
âWell, Iâll be damned,â you said aloud in total disbelief. Not only did that mean that you were unarmed, but at least one person here had access to several different weapons.
And you had no idea where Johnny was, or literally anybody else for that matter.Â
Paranoid as ever, you frantically called Johnnyâs number again, mumbling under your breath for him to pick up the damn phone. Your blood was pumping belligerently in your veins and you were seconds away from losing your ability to think altogether.Â
A noise echoed from behind you, making you snap around. You heard a ringing sound from the lounge area of the lobby, but no one was there. You did notice, however, the familiar phone on one of the coffee tables.Â
Johnnyâs phone was here. Which meant that at some point, he had been here as well. And he possibly knew what had happened with the receptionist.Â
Your brain was starting to hurt, spiraling with all the different possibilities of what had happened and what was to come. There was only one thing you knew for certain, and that was that your trust in Johnny was steadily beginning to wane. There was no longer a strong faith in his seemingly normal, picture perfect life. With every second that passed without knowing where he was, it dwindled more and more.Â
An idea popped into your head and you stepped around the desk, skillfully maneuvering around the dead body to briefly scan todayâs log for any relevant information. You didnât know why you hadnât thought of it sooner. If any of your colleagues had checked in, their names would be on the paper.
You grinned triumphantly when you saw two familiar names, Mark and Doyoung. They had both checked in this morning, hours apart, with Doyoung logically getting here first and Mark some time afterwards. So they were here. The only thing that didnât make sense was why you hadnât heard a peep from either of them since your last exchanges over the phone.Â
At the very least, you knew you had to keep moving. You were a walking target the longer you stayed in place. There had to be a way to figure out where they were without risking your life in the process. It may have felt like it, but you werenât the only one in the building.
Making a beeline for the elevator, you tried to create some semblance of a plan. Given the other one was out of order, it was the only functioning elevator connecting the four total floors, which made it a dangerous spot for anyone trying to travel. And seemingly so far, no one else had been brave enough.Â
That, or they took the stairs. Either way, you had to be cautious. You saw the way the receptionist had been killed - quick, efficient, and more importantly, quiet. Gone within a blink. There were people here who wanted you dead, likely staking out every available exit, and you had to be both stronger and smarter than them if you wanted a shot at survival.Â
The very second you were back in the room, you chained the door shut behind yourself. It felt like you were walking in circles. Your body was hyper aware of the danger it was involved in, burning with the urge to pace around, but you didnât want to make excessive noise or draw any unwanted attention to yourself with movement.Â
You did, however, approach the closet in search of something that could be used as a makeshift weapon, knowing that you inevitably would have to go back out. You stilled when one of the floorboards creaked beneath your weight. At first, it was out of fear of making too much noise. Then, you realized there was something unusual about the panel.Â
It was loose, as if it had been removed and then placed back improperly. With your experience in the industry, you knew it was very common for proxies to leave tools in place for their allies to use. You werenât at all surprised to find something like this in the hotel.Â
Getting down on your knees, you scanned the room for something to facilitate pulling up the panel, grabbing the closest object of assistance and digging up whatever the hell was clearly underneath the wooden plank.
It was a gun.Â
You beamed, victorious. Upon checking the chamber, you found it was fully loaded. Meaning you had all the ammunition in the world in comparison to most people here, assuming those stolen guns in the inventory had fallen into the hands of one person and not many.Â
Well, that changed things. For one, you no longer had to confine yourself to this room for half of eternity. You would obviously still need to be extremely cautious, but now you had a means of defending yourself. And for two, it would be easier to find your former teammates, and get rid of anyone who stood in your way.Â
With a sigh, you nodded to yourself, standing up. You tried to think of a tentative plan. For starters, you had to find Doyoung. He would have answers, he always did. And where in the hell had Johnny run off to?Â
Back in the hallway, it didnât take long for you to get your answer.Â
Johnny was by the elevator, stained in blood.
You rooted in place as if you had crossed paths with a wild bear. For a second, you couldnât even feel yourself breathe. Your heart all but stopped. And when Johnny finally turned and saw you, standing there in total shock, the emotion on his face was completely unreadable.Â
There was a dry lump in your throat that you tried to dampen by swallowing. Whoâs fucking blood was that?Â
Then, it hit you.Â
âDid you kill the receptionist?â you asked, blurting out the question the moment it entered your mind.Â
Johnny had the audacity to blink in surprise, as if he had no idea what you were talking about. Which you didnât believe for a second. âNo, of course not.â
âI donât believe you,â you snapped. âYou disappeared when I told you to stay inside. I called your phone. You werenât in the lobby, but it was. Donât expect me to believe that you had nothing to do with this.â
In an attempt to be consoling, Johnny reached out to hold you like he had always done when he tried to reassure you calmly, gingerly calling out your name before responding, âBaby, I know what it looks like, butâŚâ
You instinctively whipped out the gun you had found, pointing it at him in a heartbeat as you stepped away. âDonât fucking touch me,â you warned, threatening. Your true colors were showing. The side of you that you never let him see. âI swear to God, I will shoot you.â
Johnny backed up, putting his hands up in innocence, as if he had nothing wrong. He looked surprised, likely not expecting you to be armed, whereas it didnât seem like he was packing. Right now. âIt looks like my catâs out of the bag. I might as well come clean.â
Your heart was trembling, but your mind was trying to cling onto some leftover strength. She wasnât a quitter. âYou knew. You knew ever since we got that laced letter.â
âThere was no laced letter,â Johnny replied, indifferent.Â
Your eyes narrowed. âAnd how would you know that?â
âBecause Iâm the one that sent it to us.â
You didnât think it was possible for you to go any more still than you already had, but now you were as rigid as a corpse, standing there in a kind of disbelief stronger than the agony of a bullet tearing through flesh. âWho are you?â you asked stiffly.Â
Johnny smirked, as if he was proud of himself for having deceived you all this time. âTake a wild guess.â
âYouâre his gun,â you said, hands trembling as you grasped the weapon in your hands. All this time, your kryptonite had been hiding in plain sight. You had shown affection to the enemy, held him, made love to him. Slept beside him at night with all the trust your wounded self could muster. Â
âI consider myself his poison,â Johnny retorted.Â
You gawked. The gears were turning in your head, the gears that should have turned a long time ago, but you were too love blind to see it. âYour function,â you gasped. âYouâre the poisoner. Youâre Toxic.â
âDing. Ding. Ding. I was wondering how long it would take you to figure me out. They said you were the best of the best, you know. I guess that was before I got to you,â Johnny replied, grinning from ear to ear. He sighed, content. Then, he patted himself on the back, and quipped, âGood going, Johnny.â
âIs this a fucking joke to you?â you asked viciously, clearly having none of it.
âMaybe just a little bit, yeah,â Johnny admitted, chuckling faintly. âI mean, you have to admit I got you good. Rich American guy who loves traveling but never talks in detail about his job. I mean, I thought it would be too convenient, but you never asked any questions.â
Because I didnât want you asking any questions about mine, you thought, but the words wouldnât come. You were too stunned to speak. He had you completely fooled.
âYouâre a bastard,â you sneered.Â
Rather than be offended, Johnny laughed in amusement. âHow are we any different? You had your secrets too.â
âI told you what I was when shit hit the fan,â you replied, although you knew it would be impossible to justify your half of it. You were just so sick of who you used to be and you didnât want to risk losing what you had now.Â
âYeah, after shit hit the fan,â Johnny said, making a valid point. âDo you know how easy it would have been for me to take your life? God knows Iâve had ample opportunity. And yet youâre still here. Do you wanna know why?â
âBecause you want to savor this to the last breath,â you replied, guarded.Â
âBecause Iâm in love with you. Tragically. Fatally. Dangerously.â
You would be lying if you said that you didnât want to believe him, to crawl into his bloody arms and let him hold you as if you meant something to him. But now you knew what he was. He was exactly like you, if not worse. And you were no stranger to telling a fib if the job required it.Â
âSometimes love isnât enough,â you argued, willing yourself to be strong. âWhereâs Doyoung?â
Johnny wanted to touch you. Where words had failed, he knew his body could win you over, but something told him it wasnât the best call to make right now. He sobered. âI have no idea, but you need to stay away from him. Heâs not what you think he is.â
Your skepticism only heightened. âWhat do you know about him?â
Johnny was holding back, his hands still above his head. There was obviously something he wasnât telling you. âHeâs dangerous. This whole trip is a scheme to kill you and your friends. He wanted to pry you out of hiding.â
âBut you went along with it without saying a thing,â you reminded, doubtful. âHow is that any better?â
Johnny sighed. âI had to. Itâs the only way.â
âThe only way to do what?â
âTo get rid of him.â
âGet rid of him for what?â
âHeâs the Emperor, baby.â
You shook your head in denial. For one, that didnât make any sense. Doyoung was the same person you had spent years of your life hunting? Impossible. You saw the grief on his face that night your other teammates had been killed like lambs to the slaughter.Â
The idea that he was another evil, however, did explain his absence now that you were finally in the kill zone. You still werenât entirely adamant on trusting Johnny though. Fuckâs sake, he was covered in blood right now. And you didnât want to know why.Â
âYouâre lying,â you sneered, pressing the button to summon the elevator. You couldnât look at him, couldnât stand next to him. It was too goddamn overwhelming.Â
âI can see why you think that,â Johnny replied softly, having suddenly turned serious. Like he was trying to prove his innocence somehow, even if he was stained in the evidence of what he truly was. âBut I promise Iâm not.â
You scoffed. If only life was so simple, where promises were inherently something of substance. âYour word means nothing to me right now. Youâre a killer,â you said, tightening your grip on the firearm in your hand.Â
âIâve been a killer long before we met. So have you,â Johnny reminded, his voice becoming slightly sharper. âAnd you know what? Iâve never lied to you. Iâve just kept you away from the whole truth.â
You raised your voice, asking, âHow do I know that?â
That tone was something Johnny had never heard from you before, and in a way nothing else ever had, it startled him; it showed him how close he was to losing you. âDonât you trust me?â
You didnât even grant that a response. You felt completely and utterly betrayed, even if a part of you didnât think you had any right to be. It felt like a direct affront to your character that he even asked you something like that. You had trusted him, and look what that had gotten you. Where it had gotten you.
âIâm going to leave this floor,â you replied, gesturing towards the elevator. âAnd youâre going to make yourself useful, or die trying.â
Johnny looked at you, more so the gun in your hands, eyes flickering in surprise. âYouâre leaving? What? No. You canât do that.â
âWatch me,â you whispered, stepping backwards into the elevator. The whole time, your eyes were trained on Johnny and so was your weapon, making it abundantly clear that you were armed, capable, and very, very dangerous.Â
Death didnât discriminate, after all. Why should you?Â
Not daring to move as much as an inch, Johnny watched the elevator door close, stealing you away from him and carrying you to God knows where. âFuck,â he cursed under his breath, heart thudding violently.Â
Once in the elevator, you relaxed, but even that was short-lived. You jolted when your phone began to ring and you were shocked when you read the number, recognizing it immediately. You put the phone to your ear and answered, âJesus, Doyoung. Where the hell are you?â
In typical Doyoung fashion, he didnât waste any time on explanations, whispering, âListen to me. Johnnyâs lost it. I watched him shoot the receptionist with my own eyes.â
Your brows furrowed. You had mentioned Johnny to Doyoung before, but only vaguely. Not once did you ever reveal his identity. âHow do you know his name?â
âHow do you think?â Doyoung asked, suggesting it was obvious. âIâve been keeping tabs on you. I had to make sure you were safe, that you werenât falling into the same trap as the others.â
âAnd what did you conclude?â
With seemingly no intention to be very forward for once in his life, Doyoung continued, âI was suspicious. His record was squeaky clean, too clean, so I kept digging. I didnât find a damn thing, but I knew I was right to be suspicious when I saw him shoot the receptionist with no mercy.â
You shook your head, thinking it over. Missing inventory aside, whoever killed the receptionist had to have access to a gun, but they had all been checked in upon entrance. And you knew Johnny wasnât carrying one, because the machine would have dinged if he was.Â
Though that didnât mean there werenât any other weapons in the building whatsoever. You were sure there was some way to sneak them inside and plant them for others to get a hold of. Hell, that was the only reason you had one now.Â
To say nothing of the fact that he was literally stained in blood. That was the entire reason you had suspected him in the first place. The only problem was that now that you thought about it, he couldnât have been armed. You saw the look on his face when you left and it couldnât just have been because he didnât want you to go.Â
It was because you had something valuable.Â
Another conflicting part of the story was that Doyoung talked about Johnny as if they had never met before, but Johnny himself had told you he was the Emperor. Which, if true, meant Doyoung was his boss. So, one of them was lying.Â
Stepping out of the elevator onto the bottom floor, you stealthily paced the corridors with the gun in your clasp and the phone to your ear, whispering, âWhy didnât you call me earlier?â
âI meant to, I really did, but after I checked in, all this crazy stuff started happening, andâŚ,â Doyoung trailed off, confusing you. Until he added, âYou have a gun?â
That voice didnât only come from your phone; it came from behind. You whipped around in a blink, noticing Doyoung standing a few feet away, eyes widened in surprise.Â
You hung up. You hadnât seen Doyoung in person in years. He hardly looked any different. He still had deep, dark hair and that stern, chiseled face. And he still had this commanding aura to him that had made him so efficient as your leader.Â
But you werenât so confident about him anymore. Not after the interaction youâd just had. Johnny had planted doubts in your mind, even if you didnât trust him either. You figured it was in your best interest to assume everyone was dangerous and a threat until proven otherwise.Â
âI found it in one of the rooms,â you replied casually, but you stiffened as he stepped closer to you. âWhy?â
Doyoung looked more alarmed than you had seen him since that godawful night so long ago. He whispered, âYou need to give it to me. I think Johnnyâs the Emperor.â
âWhat?â
âWhy else would he kill the receptionist?â Doyoung asked, frantic. âI know you like him, maybe you love him, but this is important. We have to kill him before he kills us.â
You heard heavy footsteps coming from the staircase at the end of the hallway and drew your gun in preparation, but you were surprised to see that it was Johnny. And he looked equally as stunned to see you standing there next to Doyoung.
âStay away from her, Johnny,â Doyoung spoke up, getting the first word in. He stood in front of you, as if he was defending you.Â
âWhatever heâs been telling you, heâs lying,â Johnny told you hurriedly, panting for breath. âYou canât trust him. I told you, heâs the Emperor.â
Doyoung looked offended. âWhat the hell are you talking about? Youâre the Emperor. You planned all of this to isolate us and get us alone, didnât you?â
Johnny raised his voice, insisting, âDonât listen to him, heâs lying. I told you who I am. Think about it, baby. Why would he bring you here and make it easier for you to die?â
Doyoung matched his energy and snapped, âI brought us here so we can decide collectively on a course of action. Weâre stronger together than we are alone.â
Ignoring him, Johnny focused on you entirely and reasoned, âYouâre more vulnerable together and you know it. You said it yourself that youâre being hunted down to the last man. Why go out of the way to assassinate you when he could just lead you into a death trap?â
âThatâs not true,â Doyoung hissed.Â
Johnny called out your name, shifting around Doyoung to make eye contact with you. He could see how your trembling hands clasped the weapon like it was your only lifeline. âPlease. Iâd never hurt you, you have to trust me on that. Give me the gun.â
Rolling his eyes, Doyoung said, âCome on. Youâve known me for years. Give me the gun and we can walk out of here and go home.âÂ
Something inside you burned furiously. You didnât have a home. Youâd considered home to be wherever Johnny was, but even that had fallen through. And you knew that if you walked out of here without him, you would have nothing left except the shadow of what you used to be. You had nothing left to lose.Â
When you told Johnny that you were on the run, he had said, Thatâs like running from your shadow. And now more than ever, you realized he was right. You couldnât keep doing this to yourself anymore. You needed to end the fight once and for all so that you could finally know peace instead of transience.Â
âEnough!â you screamed, pointing the gun back and forth between both men. They startled, your raising voice making them still. âYou can both go to hell.â
With that, you took off, sprinting up the stairs and hoping to lose them before they could even attempt to catch up with you. That was one of the many, many pitfalls of being a woman in a male-dominated world. You had to compensate somehow, and what you lacked in strength, you made up for in speed and wit.Â
You just hoped it would be enough to save you.Â
There were footsteps behind you. You couldnât see them when you turned, but you never stopped moving. The only thing you knew was that you had to think of a way to get out of here, but going outside was far too risky. You didnât know what was waiting for you out there nor were you even remotely curious.Â
You cut down to the other staircase on the right hand side of the hallway, hoping to outsmart them. There were only a handful of floors, but there had to be some way to buy yourself more time to think. They wouldnât expect you to go back down, would they?
When you made it safely to the bottom floor, you checked both ways like a child crossing the street before circling back to the main lobby. It was strangely empty. You wondered if anyone was here other than the three of you. Mark crossed your mind and a palpable fear began pumping through your veins.Â
He had signed in. You knew that much. Walking down the corridor you had clocked upon entrance, you made a beeline for the bar, knowing no one would expect to find you there of all locations. But to be safe, you locked the door and released a shaky sigh.Â
Your head was spinning. Your mind was scattered. Someone had emptied out the inventory, but neither Johnny nor Doyoung clearly had weapons of any kind. So who in the hell stole all the guns?
A sudden sound jolted you out of your mental headache. Your first thought was the door youâd locked, but no one was there. Then, you heard it again. It was a thud, coming from behind the door, as if there was something behind it that couldnât get free. Like a trapped bird throwing itself against its cage.Â
Your heart was thumping in your chest as you approached the storage room, wielding your weapon. You heard the thud again; it sounded like a kick, followed by muffled noises. There was someone back there. You felt a sudden chill sweep over your shoulders.Â
Taking a deep breath, you counted to three under your breath before you yanked at the knob, throwing the door open.Â
Mark fell over, having been leaning on the door, and dropped to his side.
âMark,â you gasped, recognizing him in a heartbeat. He was familiar to you, even in this disheveled state.Â
He said something, eyes wide as he glanced at you, but you couldnât make it out. There was tape over his mouth.Â
You sat him up, crouching down onto your knees. After you had gotten him upright, you looked into his eyes and warned, âThis is gonna hurt like a bitch. Iâm sorry.â
With no further warning, you ripped the tape straight off in one clean jerk.Â
Mark recoiled in pain. âGoddamn!â
You winced, as if you were the one hurting. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs okay,â Mark replied, exhaling a breath of relief. He looked like he was simply happy that you had found him and he didnât die in that storage room, which you understood. You could finally relax knowing he was physically okay.Â
As you cautiously undid the tape binding his arms and legs, not wanting to cause him any more discomfort than necessary, you asked, âWho the hell did this to you?â
Mark shrugged. He looked like he had been through hell and back without taking absolutely any detours. His skin was damp with sweat you could feel through his clothes. There was a faint patch of blood on his skin and you assumed heâd been attacked. âI donât know.â
Your brows furrowed. âWhat do you mean, you donât know?â
âThey came up from behind me while I was walking in the hallway,â Mark explained, stretching his limbs now that they were free. âI never saw their face. And when I came to, I was tied up in the closet.â
That only confused you even more. Obviously, there was something they didnât want Mark to interfere with, but a bullet to the head seemed like a much more practical solution than tying him up and hiding his body. âWell, they didnât kill you,â you pointed out.Â
Mark nodded, sighing. âYeah, but why?â
You sighed too. Like hell you knew. You had been expecting more bodies, more casualties. There no was no doubt you were grateful Mark wasnât dead, but it still threw you off. âYou were right.â
âOf course, I was,â Mark chirped, even though he had know idea what you were going on about. âSo, what was I right about?â
âJohnny,â you told him quietly, almost like you were ashamed. Maybe you were. âHeâs not what I thought he was. Heâs one of us. And I was his sub.â
Mark gawked. A part of him had seen it like that coming, but it wasnât like he had happily anticipated it. âDamn. Iâm sorry.â
You tangled your hand through your hair, because now you were thinking about it and it was breaking your heart all over again. You had fallen six feet under for his deceit. The man you loved and thought you knew was just another proxy that had been contracted to take you out. Only this time, he had actually gotten close.Â
âIt gets worse,â you replied, forcing yourself to remember everything that had gone down in the past hour. âHe claims to be Toxic. And he says that Doyoung is the Emperor.â
The first part seemed to surprise Mark more than the second and his brows knitted. âWait, they sent Toxic after you instead of Backstabber? Why? I thought his function was just to poison people and leave. You guys have been together for months.â
âWhy would he lie?â
Mark shrugged. âMaybe heâs the Emperor.â
You could literally feel your bones chilling. That was what Doyoung had said, and now Mark seemed to believe it too. You didnât know what to think. âJohnny says Doyoung is the Emperor, but Doyoung says itâs Johnny. I donât know who to trust.â
Marked mulled it over. There was a lot of catching up to do, all things considered. He shook his head, frowning. âWhat is your gut telling you?â
âI donât know,â you whispered. You couldnât even trust your instincts anymore, even after relying on them your whole life. Johnny had told you to trust your gut and kick everything else to the curb. But how could you when you didnât know what it was trying to say?
You had learned to bridle it, but it never completely stopped. It became a whisper instead of a scream. And now there was a dull echo.Â
âCome on,â Mark encouraged, grasping your shoulders. âThink. Forget everything you feel right now just for a second and think. You were in a unit with Doyoung for a year and youâve spent the past however many months practically glued to Johnnyâs hip. What did they say? How did they say it?â
You blinked. âMark, I canât.â
Mark shook his head. âYes, you can. I know you want to move on from this life, but you never will if we canât make it out of there. We need the clever assassin. Let her come out one last time and then kill her.â
You sucked in a breath, willing yourself to get back in shape. The clever assassin. The lethal proxy. The woman you thought was dead and buried. Now more than ever, you needed her back. One last time. âSomeone shot the front desk lady. Uh, close range like Margo. Johnny was covered in blood. I thought it was him at first. Doyoung said he saw him shoot her with no mercy.â
âYou said at first,â Mark pointed out. âDo you not think so anymore?â
You were reluctant for a minute, but you finally said, âThey donât have guns. They were both trying to convince me to give them mine, but I told them to fuck off.â
Mark was surprised. âAre you sure?â
âYes. Someone took all of the guns from the inventory, but I donât know where they are, and they both looked desperate for a weapon. Which means someone else is here too. But Johnny couldnât have shot the receptionist if he didnât have the means.â
âSo, Doyoung lied,â Mark concluded.Â
You shrugged. It seemed like the whole room was reeling at this point. âI guess so.â
Mark mumbled something under his breath, likely in shock as he processed the new information. âThen, the only question left is what are they so scared of?â
âOr who,â you replied quietly.Â
Mark stood up. The solution seemed obvious to him. âWe gotta go.â
Your eyes followed him. âAnd do what? We need a plan if weâre going to go out in the open.â
Mark shook his head. âAre you serious? Doyoung is guilty as all hell. And that means he probably killed my sister. You have a gun. Letâs go put a bullet in his head and get the hell out of this dump.â
âWait, Mark,â you replied, standing up and grabbing his arm. âLetâs just think about this for a little longer.â
âWhatâs left to think about?â Mark asked grimly.Â
âLetâs say Johnny is telling the truth. Heâs Toxic and Doyoung is the Emperor,â you started, lowering your reach to his hands. âThat means theyâre trying to kill each other even though they work together. Why?â
Mark shrugged his shoulders again. âNo idea. What did Johnny tell you?â
You thought about that interaction youâd had with Johnny on the second floor, where heâd confessed to being complicit in the nightmare you were currently living. âHe said that this trip was the only way to kill Doyoung, but I donât get why he would want to kill his boss.â
âI do,â Mark replied. âThink about it. Youâre Johnnyâs sub. The cold case excluded, when has it ever taken you months to kill someone?â
Your lips were in a line. You didnât want to entertain the idea that Johnny genuinely cared about you, because you didnât want to be wrong. But he said it himself he had ample opportunity to leave you for dead. He never did.Â
âNever.â
âExactly,â Mark said. âHeâs obviously stalling. If Doyoung is his direct boss and heâs been assigned to help pick us all off for being in that unit, heâs not gonna wanna go through with killing you, especially if he really loves you.â
You chewed that over. There was something about your affection for Johnny that triggered your fight or flight instincts in a way youâd never experienced before. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it was suffocating.Â
âItâs your call,â Mark told you, patting you on the shoulder. âWe can always kill them both if that makes you happier.â
You laughed for the first time in a long time, but you knew that wasnât what you wanted. You were just so scared. Fear was one of the most natural human emotions and yet you were so ashamed to be afraid. It made you feel out of control. âNo,â you replied, shaking your head. âI think I know what I need to do.â
âThen, letâs go,â Mark said, waving you forward with his hand.
With one final breath, you nodded and silently followed Mark out of the bar through the double doors. You hoped you were making the right decision. This was beyond life or death. You werenât afraid to die. You were afraid of dying alone.Â
When in the hallway, there was a light in one of the rooms on the right side. You and Mark exchanged glances, noticing that the door was ajar. It looked like a laundry room, likely connecting to a sauna or pool. There were a bunch of white towels stacked on top of each other from what you could see.
âYou go ahead. Iâm gonna check this out,â Mark told you, distracted.
You narrowed your eyes. Did he seriously think you were going to leave him alone? Heâd just barely survived being thrown into a closet to rot like an animal. âMark, no. You donât have a weapon. Come on, itâs just a closet.â
As if he didnât hear a word you said, Mark walked off. âFive minutes.â
You shook your head in disbelief, but there was no opportunity to argue, because he had already disappeared.Â
âUnbelievable,â you mumbled under your breath, disgruntled. That boy had a death wish. You were practically certain of it now. What had he seen that made him want to investigate instead of minding his own business? A ghost?
The more you walked into the lobby, the less confident you were beginning to feel. You couldnât afford to be wrong. Even if you werenât afraid of death, there were more lives at stake than just your own. You had Mark to take care of, even if he was perfectly capable of defending himself, and you had honor.Â
It was everything in your world. You may not have been on a team anymore, but if there was anything the league did teach you other than how to be a lethal, unstoppable bullet no one would ever see coming, it was that you didnât leave your family to die. And it was a principle you still followed despite your reproach for the network.Â
With how you had grown up, taken under the wing of a hawk to become an even deadlier hawk, you knew there was no one you could really trust. Hardly even yourself.Â
But you also knew that living life with no one really, truly by your side was lonely.Â
You didnât even need to look for Johnny. He was creeping down the hallway with quick, soundless steps, totally not looking suspicious. When his eyes locked on you, he went rigidly still.Â
âJohnny,â you called out faintly.Â
Johnny put his index finger up to his lip, shushing you, and approached you ever so slightly. With the gun in your grip and your evident distrust of him, he wasnât taking any chances. His voice was light as a feather as he said your name. âI know I had you under the impression that I was some oasis away from this world and I apologize. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever.â
The sudden apology had you taken aback, even though you tried to stay on guard. It was hard when you were around Johnny. Your body was so used to being at ease when you were with him, not registering him as a threat. âYou never hurt me.â
âI never hurt you,â Johnny repeated, knowing what youâd meant by that. He had never physically caused you any pain - not more than youâd bargained for, at least. âAnd I hope you can believe me when I say that I never plan to. If nothing else is, my feelings for you are real. The thought of hurting you alone makes me angry.â
You silently took his words in. They sounded so genuine, so affectionate. You were good at recognizing lies when you heard them, but it was clear by now that you were a little weak in that regard when you were blinded by emotion. Your judgment was clouded.Â
Johnny glanced over his shoulder and continued, âThatâs why I have to do this. Thatâs why I have to kill Doyoung. He knows that I wonât go through with the order and he wonât rest until one of us is dead.â
âThatâs why you want the gun,â you replied, realizing Mark had been right. Johnny cared about you too much to let you die.Â
Johnny looked over his shoulder again, like he was being watched. Or followed. It didnât take a genius to figure out that he was trying to stay clear of his boss. âGive me the gun and I can end this. We can meet my mom. We can go any place in the goddamn world. We can settle down if thatâs what you want.â
Footsteps echoed in the halls. They werenât coming from behind you, so you knew it wasnât Mark. It was someone else.Â
âPlease,â Johnny replied, surprising you. Youâd never heard him beg for a damn thing in the entire time youâd known him.Â
You swallowed, weighing your options. There werenât many. Either you gave him the gun or you kept it for yourself. You just couldnât understand why he was so adamant on having it, if not to turn it on you at some point. âWhy do you need the gun? Why canât I do it?â you asked quietly.Â
âI donât want his blood on your hands.â
Your heart thumped with an intense, deep tremor. Those words were weirdly sentimental to you in a way that was inexplicable. He was willing to take the blame so that you wouldnât have a mark on your back. You believed him. If Doyoung was the Emperor, that made him one of the most influential figures in the underground. His death would send shock waves through the league and likely even through the public.Â
The syndicate would have its revenge. No one would take out its Emperor and not be penalized accordingly for it, but you thought about it some more. Not only would the lack of power weaken them, but there was a way to take advantage of the situation at hand.Â
So you gave Johnny the gun, holding your breath. He accepted it.Â
The footsteps drew closer, louder. Johnny pulled you behind him and whipped around.Â
It all happened in a blink.Â
A gunshot echoed out. Your ears rang from the loud noise and you shuddered, only vaguely remembering the last time you had heard something so deadly. You thought you would be numb. It used to feel like nothing. Right now, however, staring down at where the bullet had pierced Doyoung squarely between the eyes, the feeling in your chest teetered toward relief.Â
âDamn,â Johnny replied, handing you back the gun. âIâm still a damn good shot. What canât I do?â
It took you a second, but you managed a laugh. The sight was surreal, but something told you that youâd made the right choice.Â
Johnny rubbed his temple. He was clearly relieved too. âAlright, trivia time. You were in a unit for a year tasked with knowing everything about us. What do you know about me?â
âUh, youâve been dealing with poison for at least a decade. Youâre the best poison specialist in the league and you learned in America, but you do dirty business with chemists all over the globe so that thereâs less of a trail, which has made you a super pain in the ass,â you replied, reciting everything you knew from memory.Â
The longer you thought about it, the more sense it made. Johnny had been hiding in plain sight this entire time and youâd had no idea. The thought made you somewhat uneasy, but you also had to admit that you were impressed.
âYouâre forgetting the part where Iâm his right hand.â
You gawked. âYouâre what?â
Johnny chuckled, glancing at Doyoungâs lifeless corpse with no remorse. âWell, I was two minutes ago, that is. Iâm the Emperor now.âÂ
Now that was a surprise. You knew their functions, but you had never understood the exact hierarchy system in the syndicate. âJohnny, what the...â
Johnny looked more than enthusiastic to explain, but his gaze quickly became distracted. By the time you caught the flicker of motion that had stolen his attention, it was too late.Â
You tensed when you heard another gunshot rang out in the hallway. You and Johnny instinctively both clung to each other, shuddering with the same fear.Â
Sol slumped to the ground as quickly as heâd moved.
Mark stepped forward, panting. He pushed his hair out of his face, lowering the weapon heâd somehow gotten ahold of. âFound the guns,â he announced, scratching his head.
You sighed in relief, but your eyes were wide with confusion. Sol must have stolen them, not that that made any sense whatsoever. âI thought he was dead?â
âThatâs what Doyoung told me,â Mark said, glancing between the two very dead, bleeding bodies on the floor. âDamn, thatâs a clean shot.â
âThank you,â Johnny chirped, simpering.
You shook your head, emptying the chamber of the gun you were holding and handing it over to Johnny. âGet this damn thing away from me.â
The grin on Johnnyâs face turned upside down when he heard your tone. âHey, itâs done. Itâs over.â
Mark smiled, watching you both from afar. There was a bittersweet feeling in his heart at the thought of what heâd lost and the sight of what youâd gained. âItâs over,â he echoed.Â
You nodded, holding onto Johnny like you would die without him. Though you still couldnât help but notice he was still covered in blood. âSo why are you wearing blood if you didnât kill the lady at the front desk?â
âI got into a little fight with that guy. I had no idea you knew him,â Johnny replied, lifting his shirt and revealing a bloody gash.Â
You gawked. âYou got stabbed?â
Johnny laughed. âYou didnât notice, right?â
âYou have a pain tolerance even a masochist would bitch about,â you said, shaking your head. âI should have known. You have all those tattoos.â
âNever trust a guy with tattoos,â Johnny said jokingly.Â
You snickered. âNo, absolutely never.â
Mark seemed to have finally caught his breath. âHey, Johnny guy. So, thereâs not a team of snipers sitting outside this place?â
Johnny shook his head. âNah. Doyoung really had it out for you guys, wanted to kill you himself.â
Mark sighed. âWhere does Sol fit in all this? Doyoung said he was poisoned.â
Johnny shrugged. âDoyoungâs lied to you guys a lot, even all those years ago. He was planting fake clues to lead you guys astray, but you were still getting closer than he thought you would. So he threw in the towel.â
Hearing that made you frown. Youâd looked up to Doyoung, admired him even. You hated that things had to end this way. âSo is Margo really dead?â
âWho? That girl in your unit you were talking about on the plane?â Johnny asked. âI donât know.â
Markâs face fell.Â
Your heart ached. Untangling yourself from Johnnyâs arms, you walked over to Mark and pulled him in for a hug. âGo,â you whispered. âLook for her.â
âI have a better idea,â Johnny said. âIf we get somewhere with better service, I can ask my team. If sheâs dead, one of them probably know. Doyoung hasnât been telling me stuff anymore for obvious reasons.â
Mark glanced at Johnny from over your shoulder. âYouâre serious, dude? Youâd do that?â
âA friend of the woman I love is a friend of mine. I can do a small favor. I have to let them know Doyoungâs dead anyway.â
Your heart warmed, but a question lingered over your head as you released Mark, and you asked, âBut wonât they bark when they find out you killed him?â
Johnnyâs shoulders shook as he laughed. There was a very, very tiny possibility, but that was why he took the kill. âWho said they had to find out? Dead men tell no tales.â
It was your turn to laugh. No one ever had to know. You could keep a secret, especially if it meant youâd be free from this hell. âI guess thatâs true,â you replied, nodding. âDead men tell no tales.â
i know its an old one LOL but i desperately needed you to know that SMFTC has become no1 in my fic hall of fame and it truly got me invested in your works đ pls never die i love your writing so much
im not even gonna lie to you i sat here for like 2 minutes trying to think of what fic you were talking about⌠i felt like a mother that accidentally left her kid at the gas station or something because i was abbreviating all my fics trying to figure out which one you were talking about, and i was like damn, did i rly abandon them so much that i donât remember them????? then i finally checked the taglist and i was like oh⌠SMILE FOR THE CAMERA
no idea why you put the M, unless thatâs not the fic you meant but itâs the only one that makes sense đ but omg SFTC, while itâs old asfk and not a reflection of my writing now (i think i was 18 when i wrote it omg that was like 5 years ago đđ but to be fair i think i originally posted it jan 2021 so i would have turned 19 like 2 months later), is kinda legendary in the sense that i think thatâs how i started getting into writing long fics.
i think it was that > WAFTT > then this 30k jungkook seonghwa haechan juyeon fic i have yet to repost because it is TRULY abysmal and should never be uncoveredâŚ..truly the most self indulgent thing i have ever written
i dont think sftc is that cringe⌠itâs definitely cringe but not that cringe⌠still, please like newer fics more, i beg of you.
smut , haechan x reader , hushed sex ig... , doggy style (he's standing and she's like pressed against a couch) , kinda mean hyuck , semi public sex , quickie , selfish fuck (only he cums LMAO) , no condom , creampie , lots of petnames , requested here! , lmk if i missed anything!
"we're on in 10 minutes everyone!" the set manager's voice rang through the locked door of the dressing room.
"h-hyuck- you- you have to- ahh-" your mouth fell open as he slid into you, his grip on your waist firm.
"what i have to do is fuck this pretty pussy hm? you worry about keeping that mouth shut."
you nodded dumbly, face pressed harshly against the couch cushion, "y-yes hyuck- oh!"
his pelvis rocked against your ass, dripping cunt filled to the brim.
"i said quiet."
.
the sound of skin slapping filled the small room, your moans muffled by donghyuck's fingers, his attempt at keeping you quiet. but your whiny noises still slipped past your lips, the room growing hotter by the second.
"angel please, so fucking loud- want everyone to hear us? want everyone to know how desperate this little pussy is- can't even wait till after the concert?"
your pussy tightened around him, a loud hiss leaving his lips, his grip on your waist almost painful.
"h-hyuck please hurry- i wanna-" you moaned as you felt him press deeper against you, his chest now pressed against your back.
"wanna what? this isn't about you baby- fuck- you can wait your turn."
you whined in his grasp, arms now fully circling your waist as he pounded into you.
"'m gonna fill you up baby- you want that hm?"
your pleas were muffled, one of his hands moving up to press your face deeper into the couch.
"yeahhh baby, 'course you want it- want hyuckie to stuff you full of his- fuck."
his head fell forward as your pussy tightened around him, his words only pushing you further. he stilled against you, hips gently rocking back and forth before, "fuckkk- tight little pussy squeezing me so-" he drew his hips back before slamming back into your roughly, the couch moving from the force.
"h-hyuck- fuck, fuck, fuck-" your words were jumbled, voice shaky and broken as he fucked into you, his strength making your head spin.
"yeah baby- yeah- just like that- oh my- y/n fuck i'm gonna cum-" he groaned against your back, his styled hair and makeup long forgotten as he continued to pound into you.
you arched your back into his grasp, ass pressed perfectly against his pelvis, his balls slapping against your clit.
"shittt, baby shit- i'm- fuckkk-" his voice was soft, teeth digging into your back as he tried to muffle his groans.
his hips stilled, flush against your ass, his body gently twitching as he filled your cunt.
"i love you so much pretty girl- so good- you're so so good for me."
he leaned back, arms letting you fall towards the couch as he rubbed at your back gently. on instinct his head turned towards the clock, 8:10 PM. "oh fu-."
you winced slightly as he rushed to slip out of you, immediately hopping around the room looking for his clothes, "wait- wait where's my sock- shit-"
"lee donghyuck! if i have to come in there i swear to-" you both froze in place as mark banged on the door, his tone clearly upset.
you turned to face donghyuck, reaching inside the couch cushion to pull out a small piece of clothing, "your sock-" he hushed you with a kiss, stumbling out of the room as he pulled his sock up, heavy boot in his free hand.
"you're the best, love you sugar cakes! see you after!"
and then he was gone, not for long though- you think he wouldn't want to eat his cum out of you during intermission?
Haechan, a favorite among classy wives to hire during the hot summer season for a nice, thorough pool cleaning, seems to have a favorite wife of his own.Â
You.Â
Or the one where Haechan was the pain-in-your-ass son of the family you used to babysit for, but now heâs making it his mission to be the pain-in-your-ass pretend husband that you never asked for, but very clearly need.Â
minors dniÂ
PAIRING â lee haechan x afab milf!reader Â
WORDCOUNTâ 18.9k
CONTENTâ Â age gap: reader is 31Â and haechan is 24, milf trope/single mother reader, college pool boy haechan (turned part time babysitter), reader has 1 kid and haechan really wants to give her another, reader has morals!! haechan just doesnât see it as a moral issue, he is actually very sweetÂ
!WARNINGS! â Â age gap, haechan is somewhat of a manipulator, heâs gentle but wonât take no for an answer. dub-con in one instance. major breeding kink and kind of a mommy and daddy kink (domesticity), angst regarding reader and her ex husband, reader has huge titsÂ
NOTE â this was written for jay from enhypen over on my other blog, but i am gifting it to you guys here as well! I WROTE THEM BOTH!!!! NOT PROOF READ.
nsfw tags under cut
nsfw tagsâ thick big dick haechan, small instant dubious consent, tit obsessed haechan, groping and grinding, mommy/daddy kink, breeding kink, unprotected sex, cum stuffing-ish,pussy eating, fingering, basically itâs haechan doing stuff to you, this ainât smut this is making love, also reader doesnât shave her coochie and haechan fucking loves it.
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Having a stray eye isnât typically something you afford yourself when it comes to men. Things tend to change with time though, that much you know is true.Â
It was proven to you for the first time when your ex husband decided to up and leave you three weeks before your due date for a womanâwell, girl, fresh out of highschool. Years of trust and promises crushed with just a single sentence and a slam of the door. Time mustâve changed you for him to leave so heartlessly. Time mustâve changed him to become so cold.Â
 It was proven again when you were able to heal despite never believing you could. Seconds of pain turned to minutes, to hours. Days. weeks. Months. Years of pain before being able to wake up and feel somewhat numb to it all. Like a flip switch in your head that told you that you can be happy now even if as a single mother. After all, the hard part was over.Â
It took some four to five years, but it did happen. Time did change you, it healed you, it matured you. As your child grew, so did you. And for the better, you think. You count your blessings of living a life far more lavish than you ever could have anticipated given the circumstances that had been thrown at you. Even to the point of nesting, wanting another child, wanting a big and happy family. But alas, your ex husband had better things to do.Â
At the end of the day, youâd never be able to call this home yours if you had stayed with your ex husband. He didnât like this kind of âflashyâ lifestyle, and to him, everything you wanted seemed too flashy for him. Perhaps he was right to some extent, as you recognize the brand name goods you now own, solely because you had promised yourself in the depths of your despair that youâll get to a point in life where you can buy yourself everything you not only need, but want. So, here you are, owning an expensive home, in a nice neighborhood, with a nice car and a nice pool.Â
Your daughter has everything she could want and need too, aside from a sibling, itâs certainly still more than what you had growing up and itâs all because of you. A fully decorated bedroom drenched in glitter, purples, creams, yellows, and pink, her favorite color. All sorts of play houses, costumes, dolls, a few lego sets, and even some plastic swords and knives for the days she wants to pretend to be her favorite movie characters. Clothes she can grow into, and a nice little fund building up for her as she grows up. Her first car, college, help for a downpayment on her own first house.Â
Both of you have everything you could ever want or need and for that, youâre so proud. Especially knowing your husband would have never believed you could make it this far without him. Still, despite having everything you could ever ask for, thereâs something in you that feels empty.
Time changes things.Â
Time changes a lot of things, you note more than usual, as the man youâve been ogling for the past three weeks makes himself far more known to you than you ever wished he would.
The interaction with him was always so quick before today and given the fact that he was a complete stranger, you never quite invited him into your home consideringâyou know, small child and all. You had hired him over text. Haechan, your neighbor said his name was. His handsome features didnât offer you anything more than a clean pool and a wandering eye.Â
Your neighbor apparently has a friend who has a cousin that has an even nicer pool than you do. Given, itâs only a nicer pool due to the fact that this young man, Haechan, tended to it weekly and made damn sure it could be drunk out of if a person had a craving for chlorine.Â
You feel like an idiot now that it didnât dawn on you quick enough. Sure, he looked a bit familiar to you but who doesnât when youâre always out and about seeing so many different faces on a daily basis? His name, Haechan, didnât ring any bells. Now though, the shame of staring at his sweaty pecs and biceps came crashing down the moment you realized who Haechan actually is.Â
He didnât do a damn thing to remind you either, if anything, all he did was walk around all sweaty in the afternoon heat with his tank top either sticking to him, or off entirely. It appears that you had just been too busy running errands with your child, considering his shifts were always when you were home. Too busy cooking, cleaning, reading, lounging. Too busy looking atâŚwell, not his face.Â
Too busy to give the man a glance more than that of a slice of pie behind a bakery window.Â
Haechan.Â
Since fucking when was that his name?
âLee Donghyuck.â You whimper near mortified, three weeks too late as you hand him his pay with nervous hands. âSpray-cheese in my hair Donghyuck?âÂ
âAh, was wondering when youâd pick up on that.â He smiles at you with that crooked grin, a knowing look that any man at a bar would give you if he had caught you checking him out. Then, he pockets the hefty amount of cash that you hand to him. âI go by Haechan more often these days.â He trails off, an amused smirk half-falling as he looks at your expression of realization. âYou can call me whatever you want though.â
Heâs well aware of how often youâve checked him out since he started intentionally taking his clothes off. After all, itâs mid-july by this point and the sun baring down on him doesnât quite call for a fucking turtle neck sweater. Or a T-shirt, or a tank top, for that matter. It calls for all skin baby, beautifully tanned and toned for you and any of your neighbors to look at if they so wanted to.Â
Haechan doesnât work out for nothing, after all. Summer after summer, heâs found himself to be quite fond of the rich women that hire him for their pool services. Always wanting an attractive young man to wander around half naked and satiate their lack of sex life with their husbands, or boytoys, or what have you. He knows all that extra pay isnât because he does a good job either. Heâs gotten winks, small comments, even a few offers of his body for more pay.
Heâs turned them all down, of course. For a full-on affair, anyway. Haechan has gotten a few blow jobs and quickies as a tip before though, and a lot of that is why he keeps getting referred to more women. Richer women. Never single women.Â
Until you.Â
He quite enjoyed catching you looking at him. Especially given the fact that he knew exactly who you were when you introduced yourself to him via text. That little childhood crush on you came back within an instant upon actually seeing you again. Truly, he had forgotten all about you up until that fateful day three weeks ago.Â
If heâs being honest, heâs been pining something fierce since he first stepped foot on your property. Excitement swelled inside of him just to see you again. To see if youâre still hot, to see how youâre doing, what youâre doing. How your life is going.
 He knew you didnât recognize his nickname through text, and he definitely knew you didnât recognize him to be eating him up with those eyes of yours either. So, he played along, enjoying it while he could before it would inevitably dawn on you. Still, he remembers you so well from back then. Crazy to know that he rarely thought of you for the past twelve years or so, and how all those little butterflies of his came back in a far more mature way. He was only twelve back then, but heâs a man now.Â
Twenty four and perfectly sound as a man who knows what he likes. The fact that you happen to fall into that category is no fault of his own, honestly. Itâs your fault if anyoneâs at all. Haechan is a man that likes a specific type of woman too. Woman. Not a girl, not a young lady, not a free spirit, nor a prude. He is drawn to the idea of experience, to the idea of settling down. Itâs not easy to find that at his age, in college, surrounded by party girls and casual drug use.Â
And, well, imagine his smile upon seeing your lovely, lavish home with the large pool, no ring on your finger, a whole fucking child, and your motherly instincts when you buckle her into the car for an errand. Oh and the broken fence in the far back of your yard.
Youâre a single mom.Â
A hot single mom who lives lavishly. One who could probably use a manâs help around your house.
He half expected you to be able to recognize him when he appeared for work the first time. He even had a monologue in his head on what to say to you, and how to present himself. You didnât seem to take notice though, introducing yourself to him as if you hadnât spent all that time in his childhood home when you were a teenager. Like you never mothered him, or put him to sleep with the soft stories when you let him watch all those scary movies before bed. Even at twelve, he was a scaredy cat.
 Clearly youâre too busy experiencing life to notice the way he fawns over you too. Hating how youâre more reserved than the other lavish, fixed-up women. You seem to have standards, or maybe itâs just priorities ... that's so hot. Truly, it only makes him want you more because by now, the other women would already be rubbing all over him. The ones who shouldnât be wanting him the way they do. So, yes, heâs always stealing glances at you with sparkling dark eyes, fantasizing in his head that this pool is his to clean now, because thatâs what a good man would do for you, right? With him around servicing your pool and lawn, youâd never need to hire or spend money on another broke ass college student again.
Yes. Thatâs how quickly he fell into this infatuation solely because you looked at him like you want it without realizing who he was. Hell, without realizing how perfect you are in terms of what he wants.
God, how are you still single?Â
Like, why do you have a child and a house so beautiful without a man wandering around doing all of this work for you? Not that you couldnât do it on your own, itâs just, you clearly have the means to make a man do as you please. Why havenât you?
You happen to fall almost perfectly into the categories of what heâs looking for. Save for the fact that now you recognize him as that kid you used to babysit rather than the man who tries to be sexy while cleaning your pool. Which is a fucking shame, if heâs being honest, to be written off as that same ten year old child rather than a fucking man who very clearly has needs and desires.Â
The point isâ Haechan wants you and he parades around your pool for you to look at him. So what if you used to babysit him? Itâs not like youâre an old swamp-hag trying to lure him with candy. Youâre justâŚa woman. And heâs just a man.Â
âWell, thank you for cleaning again,â You trail off in an awkward tone, shifting your eyes to anywhere but him. He watches you though, smiling a smile you know all too well from his childhood antics. It must mean something different now, or maybe not. âI guess Iâll see you next week?âÂ
âWell, actually,â Haechan offers, âWould you be opposed toââ You cut him off instantly with an awkward wave of your hand.
You donât know why you make assumptions, maybe from that damned smile on his face, but you do recall your ex husband reminding you time and time again that itâs one of the things he hated about you.Â
Assumptions. Always thinking the worst, or perhaps the most filthy of situations and expressions. To be fair, you feel guilty about how youâve been looking at him, you canât help but panic trying to pretend like it never happened, and that he never saw it happen.
âIâm not interested, Donghyuck.â You respond hastily, pressing your thumb to your bottom lip to bite the skin on it, keeping your eyes away from him with the awkward words. After all, he knew who you were this whole time and paraded around like that?Â
Even before recognizing him yourself, you know men well enough to know when theyâre trying to flaunt. Is it so wrong to assume?
âInterested in what?â Haechan tilts his head knowingly, seeing the way you buckle under the guilt of staring at the very man you used to tuck into bed every night. He can see the way you try to push those sexual thoughts you had away in the quick rejection to a simple assumption.Â
 âI was just going to ask if you want me to fix your fence.âÂ
Ah, you did get ahead of yourself through the guilt, and youâre far too aware of it as you draw your eyes back to him and note the expression on his face. Amused, maybe a bit of concern in his eyes, even?Â
âAh, umââ You start, trailing your eyes down your fence line never once noticing a break in it. Haechan is quick to point though, leaning to you with a whisper of âright there.â And well, you did not need to hear that tone in his voice the way you just did.
God, itâs so awkward.
âWell, how much would that cost me?â You question with an empty voice, staring at the broken fence.Â
âFree.â He uses the same tone, leaning away from you now and smiling wide. âThat is, if you provide lunch.âÂ
Well, despite the awkwardness, that break over there would cost you a pretty penny to fix, and your daughter needs the safety of playing in her own yard without random animals or worse, people, making their way in. Plus, youâre quite fond of saving money. How else would you be here if you werenât good at it? And now, given that youâre most definitely not interested in Haechan, what's the harm in making a few sandwiches for someone you already know well enough? Itâs not like youâve never made him lunch before.
The awkwardness will pass and your guilt will subside. You both will laugh at it over a cold glass of iced lemonade, surely. Itâs not like you realized who he was anyway, itâs not like youâre just gonna keep looking at him like that. You should just push forward and itâll all be fine.Â
âHell, Iâd even watch the kiddo so you can have a break every now and then.â He watches your reaction, wanting to ask so many questions about why youâre single, who the father is, where he is, why he isnât here. âAfter all, I learned quite a bit from you.âÂ
For a second you consider that too.
And thereâs three reasons as to why you should. The first being that you were literally just looking for a new child care facility due to learning of the staff coming to work while sick. Your poor daughter came home with a fever just last week, and youâve had little luck in finding a place with the same educational benefits for her.Â
The second being that, well, while youâre not hurting for cash or anything, it wouldnât hurt to be able to put a little more back for her college fund. Or for fun little vacations.Â
And lastly, despite your guilt of lusting over someone you shouldnât have, you know Donghyuck and you know his family even better. No background check would be needed, your daughter could be in the comfort of her own home rather than a classroom setting that sheâs sure to see for at least twenty years of her life in the future.Â
So, yes. You consider it instantly, and Haechan sees it.Â
You only know of the childhood version of him and, well, the slutty pool-side version of him apparently. If only you knew of that other side of him and how fond he is of watching his own younger cousins. How good he is with children, and how much he clings to the idea of being a father one day.
Haechan is great with kids, with or without them having a hot mom.
And well, he knows that heâs fond of looking at you at least. Besides, as long as you can work with his class schedules, heâd be willing to do just about anything to play pretend-husband, even if youâre unaware of it.Â
âIs that so?â You finally ask, curious eyes looking at him with a furrowed brow. âShouldnât you be out living the life? College parties and such?â You add, wondering why such a great deal has managed to flop down on your lap. The idea of even cheaper childcare without the risk of unvaccinated children, and sick caretakers being far too good of a deal to pass up.Â
âWell, yeah I guess.â He shrugs, leaning backwards to stretch and roll his shoulders. âNot really my scene though. I have classes Monday and Wednesday all day, Tuesday and Thursdays my classes are online. If you can work around that, Iâd rather just be making money and chilling.âÂ
You think about it just for a second more when he continues.Â
âI can be here on weekends too. Maybe you should be the one out relaxing and having some drinks.âÂ
âWell, I donât quite need that, or for you to be here on weekends.â You think as you say it, knowing you have given up on going out to try and meet men two years ago. âI could pay you though, letâs say, thirty an hour?âÂ
Well, shit, thatâs not too bad at all, especially considering heâs about to give up on cleaning the pools of a few women in his contacts for this. Itâs a major pay cut, but still enough to get by comfortably if youâll have him multiple times a week. That plus the pool cleaning money? And free lunch?Â
âOh, you donât go out at all? I donât see why not, could probably get a man in no timeââ Haechan ignores the wage offer and pushes to note the singlehood he had been noticing for the past three weeks. âand the pay is fine.âÂ
âAh, well, the dating pool isnât so great in this neck of the woods.â You scratch the back of your neck when you say it. âThat aside, I'll have her in day care on the days you canât be here, but it really would be a big help. Thank you for the offer, Donghyuck. And for the fence too.âÂ
He watches you with a firm nod, shoving his hands into the pockets of his basketball shorts, still entirely shirtless in front of you.Â
âAnd the pool.â You add quietly after a moment.Â
âI think youâd be surprised about the dating pool.â He smiles as he pushes the subject back to what you had previously said, hoping you believe those words before continuing. âSo, when do you want me to start?âÂ
âIs tomorrow too soon? Youâre okay to set up here with your online classes?â
âTomorrow is perfect.â He smiles.
âIâm sure she would be so happy knowing she wonât be going to daycareââ You clap, feeling a bit less awkward despite the boldness of the man in front of you. Youâre sure heâs just teasing you for knowing you checked him out. âI know I am.âÂ
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Itâs a little too perfect, actually.
After that first day of watching your child and making a lazy attempt at âfixing your fence,â heâs settled in like itâs home. He wishes it was, with the lavish lifestyle in a house far too pretty compared to his own living space with piles upon piles of laundry heâs too lazy to pick up for himself.Â
Itâs different for you though. Different when heâs here.
Truly, he feels like heâs living the life after a couple of weeks with decent pay and a comfy space to do his homework. He watches your child, which is arguably the hardest part of the job but sheâs well behaved for him. In fact, she seems to have taken a shine to him.
Heâs starting to be very intentional with taking far too long to work on your fence too, and still maintaining your pool. Heâs trying to drag this out for as long as he can. Even if just to see if you still look at him when you come home the same way you did before recognizing him. You never do though. When his shirt is off and heâs wiping his forehead in the sun, you donât look at him anymore.
Hell, heâs even considered breaking things in your home just to give himself more jobs to do. More things that make him feel needed, like a husband. More things that you thank him for fixing, even if it breaks again two days later.
And ah, the food in your fridge is always free reign to him, that large television in the living room too. God, sometimes he dreads going home, and by sometimes, he means all the time. Who in their right mind would ever fucking want to live outside of this lifestyle? He really canât believe youâre single, nor can he believe that he has the opportunity to be in your home, close to you. It shouldnât take too long now to convince you, right? That you donât necessarily have to be single? That you need him around to live even more comfortably?
In short, Haechan is in his head about how heâs practically just roleplaying as your stay-at-home husband before having to go back to his shitty little apartment and remind himself that heâs just a fucking college student with no interest in the people on campus. And like, even with the way you come home from work, all groggy and exhausted on the days heâs there, you always thank him before giving him his pay. What he likes best about those nights is when youâre too exhausted to even pay him and you promise to do it next time.
In his mind, thatâs you promising to see him again.Â
He could give less of a shit about the pay at this point, as long as he gets to be in this house, smelling your favorite candles and dish detergents, seeing you, being a semi-father to a child who deserves more love than the two of you combined can giveâŚheâll fucking do anything you want for free.Â
Itâs difficult sometimes, like he really canât help it. Some days wandering around this house and imagining how the two of you could have landed on buying it together. How the rooms would be organized if he were here from the start. Claiming his spot on your couch like any dad would. Playing dolls with your daughter, laughing with her, letting her paint his nails and put his hair in little pigtails. He even cleans your pool as if it were his own, meaning, he genuinely cleans it.Â
He has taken it upon himself to mow your lawn, confusing the yard workers that you apparently hired years ago. Did he accidentally fire them? Maybe, but any good husband would save you money, right? He checks your mail, waves to your neighbors and lets them make assumptions.Â
And every single fucking night itâs harder and harder to go back home.
Especially after a full day of playing dad then seeing you come back so tired. Turning off that switch in his head isnât easy. He wants to greet you like the husband you donât have. He wants to ease your hard days in so many ways. Tell you heâs proud of you, that you still look so pretty after an exhausting shift of whatever the fuck you do. He wants to serve you dinner, run you a bath, fix your hair, lay you downâ oh, heâs fantasizing again. Unfortunately, he has to settle with seeing the relief on your face when he lets you know in a soft voice that heâs cooked dinner and he will heat it up for you before leaving, kiddo is in her room sleeping, no dishes in the sink, and laundry is folded and put away.Â
He loves the appreciation in your eyes, and sometimes even sees a glint of sadness. He can tell you wish you had this from a person who isnât here for pay. Someone who loves you, and loves your child, and feels joy in making your life easier.Â
Fuck, if only you knew.Â
And youâd be lying if you tried to say Haechan isnât a godsend to you on the days he babysits. Many times you find yourself wishing heâd just move in and do everything that you canât do. Youâd pay him well, give him a guest room, whatever. But itâs justâŚnot viable to support a full time employee like that, nor is it fair to your daughter.Â
She needs a parent, not a paid college student who needs some extra cash. You have to be that parent, you have to make time for her and witness all of her joys in life. You have to protect her and never bring in faces of men who claim to want to be a father, only to run and break her heart more than your own.Â
For now, you settle with this godsend of a little shit you used to babysit. Still you can barely believe thatâs the same person, but againâŚtime changes things. And thankfully, the awkwardness of what you did has died down drastically.
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Today, youâre more thankful for Haechan than you have been previously. After a heavy workload has been lifted off your back with the approval of this project, you need a night out. For the first time in years, youâre giving yourself a night out, all because you have someone you can trust to be here for your daughter.
He was so understanding when you called, happy to come over right then and there to put her to bed and mostly just house-sit for the night. Even without an end time for him, and even without asking for extra pay, he justâŚaccepted with an understanding tone and that stupid breathy chuckle he gives to you when you ask for favors. âWhat? You need me there right now? Iâm putting on my shoes.â He had said.
Itâs the fact that now, as he sits on your couch looking at you in your chosen outfitâ he seems a little off. Maybe itâs because you asked him where the best spots in town are because itâs been so long since youâve gone out, or maybe he just feels awkward seeing so much skin on your body.Â
To be fair, he didnât realize you were going out out. He thought that maybe you were gonna go stay with a friend to celebrate and have a drink or two.Â
In reality though, heâs just awestruck. Already you look great even after your busy days at work butâŚthis is a different level. The way your tits look in that push-up bra and tiny ass top, when heâs used to seeing you head out in some sort of business casual outfit without an ounce of skin showing save for your ankles or wristsâŚjesus. Heâs struggling more than usual to keep himself calm around you, hopping up on one leg when you walk away to try and adjust the chub in his pants, and releasing a small sigh before youâre looking at him again.
His skin feels like itâs on fire knowing youâre going out looking like that.
âYou sure you're okay to sleep over? I figure itâll be easier since Iâm not sure when Iâll come home, or if I come home.â You smile with a wink, your stomach in knots over the two shots youâve taken for the first time in years. âI can call my friends and tell them not to come if youâd rather focus on your studies.âÂ
Haechan shakes his head, waving his hands in defense for you as if he didnât just see the way your tits bounce and squish against your shirt with each move you make.Â
âNo, no! Go on, have fun.â He says, encouraging you to go out despite hoping you come home with no luck of finding a man out there.Â
Just, look at you. Fuck, heâs staring again. He hates knowing that he could be one of the guys at whatever bar or club youâre landing on tonight. He could be the person that makes sure you donât come home, getting to plant his face right there. He could be whatever you want him to be if youâre looking like that.Â
But no, he has to play husband again, which is normally something heâs all too excited to do. Tonight though, he feels like a fucking cuckold. After everything he does for you, after not mentioning how youâve skipped a few of his payments, after slaving away for hours over your pool, your household chores, fixing and breaking that fucking dishwasher, cooking you dinner every single night heâs here just to make sure you have a meal when you get off of workâŚyou imply you may not come home tonight?
And youâre dressed like that?
And youâreâŚ
God, you just look so good right now. It pains him to know you didnât dress like this for him, the only man who cares enough to make your life easy. Heâs not mad at you, per se, but heâs pissed that you donât see him as an option despite showing you time and time again that not only is he an option, but the right choice.Â
This is what you look like when you want to impress a man? This is how you act? How you talk? Fuck, god, fuckâ maybe heâs just too deep in his one-sided roleplay but it really, really fucking feels like heâs watching his woman go off and look for someone else to fuck.
âThank you, Donghyuck,â You smile, walking over to him with a saunter in your step and a gentle smile across your lips.Â
Heâs never heard you speak his name so sensually, the way his cock twitches forces him to wince away from you. Heâs never even seen you saunter before. Fucking hell, somehow it feels worse seeing you act like this after how many times heâs imagined it, all alone in his room.Â
A slow walk from you, with the strap of your shirt slipping off your shoulder, fat tits threatening to spill out, lifting the hem of your skirt, or dress, or whatever youâre wearing in his fantasy at that point. Your voice, so soft, so sexy. And youâre practically bringing his fantasy to life right now, except he knows youâre going to fucking walk away from him like this. Into the fucking arms of some random dude at a club.Â
Probably some loser heâs seen on campus too.
âIt means a lot.â You add, popping a quick, platonic kiss to the top of his forehead.Â
Ah, lip gloss. That little kiss on him is enough to ignite him to the point of no return. He almost wants to skip the part of asking you not to go and straight up just beg that you pick him, that you choose him. Itâs not just your home, or the luxuries that come with it. Itâs you that he wants. Youâre the fucking luxury and youâre just gonna go to some sticky-floored club and pretend heâs not clearly checking you the fuck out right now? Like heâs not about three seconds from dropping to his knees just to see you from the angle you deserve?!Â
âItâs no problem.â Haechan relents, dropping himself onto your couch instead and adjusting his body to sink deep into the cushions just to keep himself from arguing against everything heâs giving you permission to do right now.Â
Hah. Permission.
âBe safe.â He adds in an even more monotone voice. âIâll be here when you get back.âÂ
And god, he seethes in his thoughts after you close that door and hop into the car with your friends. You donât look like a mother tonight, and he wonders if youâll be upfront and forward with anyone you intend to hit on too. Probably not. Heâs well aware of the men in this city, after all, heâs one of them.
Itâs really not something he can control after seeing you like that either. Your child is already in bed and heâs just sitting here on your couch with a throbbing, fucking weeping cock thinking about you. Whatâs stopping him from taking care of it? Youâre not here, after all.Â
Youâre not fucking here. But everything about you is.Â
And thatâs how he finds himself in your bedroom for the first time, barely making it a foot into the room before closing the door and dropping to the floor. The scent in your room is different. Itâs feminine, gentle, like the energy is kissing him all over and sending goosebumps straight to the head of his cock. He couldnât even pull it out, already holding his breath with his hand down his pants, vigorously trying to get what he wants so badly yet knowing that his hand will never compare to you.Â
And itâs here where he feels like a husband. Spilling against his pants with a silent, choked back sob as he stares forward at your bed, and the way you didnât make it this morning. Itâs messy, and he wants to be in that mess of sheets with you more than anything.Â
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Haechan hates that heâs now forced to get used to your late night ventures. Every weekend now. Every. Fucking. Weekend. Â You ask if heâs willing to stay over so you can go unwind, and despite his better (or worse) judgment, he accepts. The only solace he finds in these ventures is knowing you consistently come back home right after usual closing times, and youâre mostly sober. Sometimes a bit whiny that youâre not lucking out, worrying that maybe youâre too old now, or maybe youâre just not as desirable. There have even been a few times where youâve exposed your ex husband during your rants, giving Haechan little hints to follow as to why youâre single, and how he left you.Â
Still, he knows in your tipsy state that you usually wouldnât talk about these things with him, but heâs all too happy to get the details once you come home. Mostly because it calms his rising rage at how youâre doing this to not only him, but yourself. Itâs mostly because youâre technically coming home to him though.Â
And every single time, you go back to your bedroom to grab his payment even though it could wait until morning, considering heâs been sleeping in the guest roomâ all he can think about is how heâs been in your room. Heâs gotten off countless times by now by the smell of your room alone, still barely able to even reach your bed to lay in it himself for a better experience. God, heâs probably memorized each little fray in your carpeted bedroom floor by now with how much heâs zoned out on it mid-jerk off session right there on his knees at your door.Â
Heâs truly pathetic for you.Â
This time thoughâŚthree in the morning has passed and normally youâd have been stumbling through the door an hour ago. Normally, heâd be fighting back the need to tell you that youâre beautiful, not too old, and entirely desirable. Normally, he would be fisting his cock again in your guest room before sleep, getting off on the idea that he can cum in a house that you live in, smothered by the sheets you meticulously picked out to match the walls of the room. Moaning for you, practically crying for you to let him do it all.Â
Have you really done it this time? Gone off with some man? Are you getting railed right now in some hotel, or car, or someoneâs shitty man-cave? God, his mind is racing, both aroused at the fact that you must be horny to be constantly wanting to go out like this, but equally as devastated because likeâŚheâs right here.
Who the fuck cares if you babysat him? Heâs a man. No longer that child who sprayed cheese in your hair or dumped salt into the bag of sugar. Heâs a fucking man, cooking you dinner when you work, parenting your child, cleaning your house, maintaining your pool and fenceâŚ.He does everything for you, why the fuck donât you see it?!
Click.
Haechanâs ears perk up instantly at the sound. He sits up on the couch from his depressed slump of scrolling through his phone, quickly fixing his hair and clearing his throat.Â
In you stumble, right into the little entryway table with a whisper-scream of âShit, fuckââ
Haechan looks at your state before standing to his feet and rushing to you, helping you balance on your feet despite your footing not quite being grounded even with his help. You lean on him closely, letting out an alcohol scented sigh.Â
His nostrils flare as he holds his breath, feeling your tit press against his arm, smelling the drinks, the sweat, and the dulled perfume on you. Then, a hint of something else. Musk.Â
Youâve been with a man.Â
He holds back a gesture at the way you lean on him. Nothing more he could want at this moment but to hold you tightly and tell you that heâs got you, despite the panic in his stomach at the way he sniffs out another man. Out of lust, love, desperation, frustration. This is the closest youâve been to him for this long. You feel clammy and cold, a clear indication that you drank far, far too much. Your tank top is sticking to you, your eyes are a bit glassyâ
âYouâre late.â He says shortly.
âLate?!â You raise your voice before looking at him with drowsy eyes, furrowing your brow. âI donât have a curfe-â
âShhââ He shushes you, helping you get to the living room. âSheâs sleeping and youâre going to have her make a fuss about waking up.â
You giggle to yourself as he drops you onto the couch, now aware that yes, you are not a single college student anymore. Youâre a single woman. A fucking mother.Â
You shouldâve just gotten a hotel for the night and slept there to dream a little longer.Â
âRight.â You laugh, slouching, spreading out wide against the couch and trying to fix your gaze on him. âWhyâre you still awake?âÂ
Haechan fixes his eyes on you, swallowing around a lump in his throat. The way youâre slouchingâŚseemingly forgetting that youâre wearing a skirt and basically flashing your panties at him. God, the things could do to you right now. The things he could get away with if he wanted to. He tries to shake those thoughts for now, and instead, inspects you from head to toe.
Heâs never seen you look so relaxed. Chest raising and falling with each breath, hair a little messy, lipstick stains smeared on the outsides of your lip line. He chooses to ignore the faint swell against your neck indicating someone has been sucking on you. But, well, he canât ignore it. Both his cock and heart aches at the very thought.
âYouâve been kissing?â Haechan tries to ask nonchalantly.Â
âA lot more than thatââ You smile, feeling a flush cross your cheeks before the disappointment hits you square in the gut.Â
Haechan watches your face fall, and he mimics it by falling onto the couch and sitting by your headâŚyou know, allowing you to lay your head on him if you want to. Youâd probably not notice his arousal anyway, given your state.Â
âOh?â He asks gently, the disappointment now showing plainly on not just your face, but his own.
âThought I was gonna go home with him, turns out he decided to be done after a blowjob in the parking lot.â
Oh, the way his blood boils. Not for the fact that you were used or rejected, but for the fact that you found someone that you were interested in and genuinely intended to leave your home life in his hands for however fucking long. Really? Just gonna leave him here all alone? Like he couldnât do better for you?
âItâs for the betterââ Haechan says as he shivers with irritation, struggling to keep his facade up. Itâs definitely not what you wanted to hear, and definitely not what youâd have expected to hear from a college guy at all either.
âThis happened last time too, except he didnât even get me to the parking lot.â You huff, unaware of how much youâre sharing right now.Â
He bites back the anger yet again, inhaling deeply before releasing a calming breath through his nose just to contain it. SoâŚit has happened more than once?Â
âWhy donât you let me take you out someday?â He says suddenly, well aware that youâll probably never remember he said it in the first place.Â
If anything, heâs testing the waters for his own sake. Heâd hate himself forever if he didnât at least take advantage of this moment a little bit.Â
âThen who will watch my daughter?â You respond in slurred speech, not even comprehending who it is thatâs asking you this question right now. Not even thinking about your history with him, or the family ties.Â
He, on the other hand, is quite entertained by the way you donât bring the history up like he expected. His cock twitches at it, bumping your head just a bit, not enough for you to notice apparently. Fuck, it would be so easy for him to pull it out right now, and justâŚtap your lips with it.Â
Maybe youâd even open your mouth for him.Â
âIâll skip class on a Wednesday, we can go while sheâs still in daycare.â He continues through an almost-moan, encouraging the conversation to stay positive.
âDonghyuckââ You slur before clearing your throat and sitting back up in a dizzy show of how drunk you are. âYou know I canât do that. Itâs too weird.âÂ
In all fairness, you know he has likeâŚa thing for you. After all, why else would a college dude be spending his weekends here babysitting your kid? Itâs not like you havenât noticed the way he checks you out before you go out for the night. Why would he do all of this if he didnât have some sort of attraction to you? Sure, youâre taking advantage of it as best as you can despite how you didnât recognize him at first.Â
Despite how deep down, you very well know how attracted to him you are too.Â
âOnly because you make it weird.â Haechan rolls his eyes as he looks at you, spreading his legs out to adjust his comfort, noting the way you glance down to his lap and see it. âIâm a grown manââ He starts, spreading his legs wider, pressing his cock against his pants to the point you can practically see the outline.âyou know this.â He continues, trying to be bold now by reaching forward and moving a strand of your hair from your cheek.Â
âYouâve seen it.â
You freeze, suddenly feeling entirely too sober to be talking about this kind of thing with him. With Donghyuck. God, his mother would fucking kill you if she found out heâs in your house while youâre out trying to get fucked by whoever is willing to love you temporarily.Â
Haechan sees you thinking though, and continues to take the advantage now that heâs feeling brave. Now that youâve seen the twitch in his pants and havenât moved off the couch, or told him to go home.Â
âI saw you watching me when I was cleaning your pool, multiple times.â He whispers snidely. âYou stopped when you realized who I am. Why?â
âDonghyuââŚâ You trail off. âYou know this isnât okay. What would people think of me? There are rules, and I will not go down this route with you.â
A rush of air hits your face and suddenly, warmth hits your cheek. You feel him so close, closer than ever before. Itâs dizzying. Haechan is over you, hovering with one hand ghosting over your hip.Â
âYou want to though, donât you?â He gets even closer now, darting his eyes down at your chest and unable to pull them away. âKnowing how good I am with your daughter? How well I clean up? How strong I can beââ
You swallow hard. For a moment, you almost lean into him. You almost melt right then and there, the need for intimacy so heavy inside of you after being left high and dry, knowing that youâd accept it from just about anyone at this point. Butâ this is Donghyuck. You canât.Â
You really, really, canât.Â
The look of disappointment in his eyes kind of hurts when youâre pushing him away. That playful smirk falling faster than you think your sanity did the day your ex husband left you.Â
âThisââ You pause, realizing all too well how heâs used your drunken state against you for this conversation. âThis is your last paycheck.â
âI donât think so.â The smirk is back now, exceptâŚitâs different. âYou know I promised her a Barbie dream house next weekend.â He smiles fully now. âSheâs a bit attached, you know, even called me dad by accident the other day.âÂ
Youâre shocked.Â
âSheâŚwhat?â
âYou know sheâs attached to me already, donât be selfish.â Haechan shrugs at you while rolling his eyes, leaning against the couch again and turning his head to look at you. You try to pretend that you donât see his hand slightly groping himself. âGuess she misses having a father around. Canât be too easy for her, especially with her mom going out every weekend trying to fuck guys who would run the second they learn about her.â He ticks his tongue now, as if heâs pitying you more than your daughter.Â
âDonghyuck, thatâs notââ
âThatâs not, what?â
âThatâs not what Iâm doingâŚâ You lower your voice to a near whisper, upset that you couldnât even enjoy the drunken state you came home in, now feeling entirely too sober, and a little sick in the stomach.Â
âOh, so you havenât gotten laid since Iâve been hereââ He leans closer again now, trying to resume what he was going to do just moments ago. âThey havenât even touched you, have they?â His hands move to your thigh and presses down as if to hold you in place. âWhy?â
âI try not to just sleep with anyone.â You lie, knowing youâd sleep with anyone just to feel wanted for once. And youâre trying to ignore his hands on you right now, trying desperately not to like it. Itâs the first time a man has touched you in this house since your husband left you. As expected, you almost feel your knees buckle despite sitting comfortably. âI have to be careful, you know?â
âMm, I know more than you think.â He leans into you, hovering yet again with his upper half over you as he whispers it. âDonât need to be careful around me though.â He adds, this time trailing his voice right against your jaw, up to your ear. âYou must be so frustrated.â He ghosts his lips there for a moment, waiting for you to push him away, or say something, anything, really.Â
âWhy would I be frustrated?â You lend the smallest of whispers, feeling the goosebumps against your skin rising at the mere thought of giving in just this once.
âNot having anyone to please you.â He adds now, landing a very slight kiss right under your lobe. âAlways being used for someone elseâs pleasure, maybe?â
You almost nod, feeling weak in your state and thoughts swimming with what ifâs, morals, and anxieties. Youâre frozen in place despite knowing a simple push would create the distance you need to breathe.Â
âYour fingers will never be enough, will they?â He continues, essentially chaining you to this couch with his words alone. You canât help the fight in your head, you need to feel wanted, and you want so badly to feel needed. âI bet you wish someone would love you for all that you are, not all that you have.âÂ
Itâs silent as you feel his lips press down again, this time moving his body over you almost entirely. You can feel the couch dip a bit as he places all of his weight on a knee, moving his other leg to stand between yours.
âYou must need someone to fill that hole in you by now, right? That pussy of yours?â He continues, his tone a bit more snide now as you give in to his hold with shaky breaths.Â
And truthfully, Haechan has never let himself come on this strong towards someone before. Usually the wives are doing this to him. Theyâre trying to convince him, encourage him. Heâs so fucking horny right now though, with that daze in your eye, your legs spread around his knee, blinking up at him like a cheating wife. As if you want to apologize, as if you need him to forgive you. Need him to make everything better.
âI heard you the other day, you know, talking to your momââ He smiles, tilting his head to look into your eyes, seeing a small shine in them. âYou want another, donât you?â He continues, moving his lips now just over yours as he, now, presses you firmly against the couch. âYou must hate knowing that Iâm the only person who can do that for you.âÂ
âGod, Haechan.â You immediately buckle, not realizing how suddenly heâs not Donghyuck at this moment. Heâs someone else. Heâs Haechan.
âWhy donât you go for girls on campus?! Donât you have parties to be attending on the weekends instead of being here, trying to parent my chilââ
âLower that voice of yours,â He whispers, eyes now hooded as he looks at you. âYou know sheâs asleep.â
God, heâs right.Â
âBesides, why would I want them when I have you right here under meââ He tilts his head. âLooking so disappointed that you like it, too.âÂ
Right then, your moral code shines into the front of your mind at the consideration of giving in.
A weight on one shoulder chanting, âNo! What would people say?! What would people think?!â, and then little to no weight on the other shoulder, echoing in a sweet song of âFinally! Someone who will love you! Finally! Someone! Finally!!! Finally!âÂ
You pause, not knowing at all what to do. Your body wants to push him away, even your mind and soul wants you to push him away. But you know deep down, youâd only push him away to see if he will try again. No man has ever tried for you like this, and you need more of it.Â
To feel desired after so long of neglecting this side of yourself, itâs enough to make a person lose their footing in reality. To give in to just about anyone willing to look at you the way he is right now. Itâs the fact that you go out to try and find it, and even with this alone, Haechan has satisfied you more than any stranger promising to make you cum.
âIâŚdonât know what to sayââ You stutter. âI donât know what to do.â
âI do.â Haechan smiles, glancing at your lips before meeting your eye again. âWhy not hand over the reins and relax for aââ His hand dips under your skirt, cupping your sensitive cunt in one hand alone. âAh, I knew it.â Then, his other hand finds purchase on your chest, lifting your heavy breast in his hand with a blatant, hard squeeze.
After a sharp inhale you look away from him in shame, afraid to admit it despite the truth of it leaking through your panties and onto his palm.
âWet.â He smiles, no longer looking at you but flicking his eyes back and forth from between your legs, and to your chest. Still, he fumbles around the wet spot, wanting so badly to lift these fingers to his mouth and taste. Heâs fantasized about it, about how youâd taste, how warm it would be, what your pussy would feel like against his fingersâ
And just as heâs pushing your panties to the side, pads of his fingers touching right where you need them with his eyes hooded and watching you closely, something snaps.
You push his hand away, only to feel him push back, holding you down with more force, gripping your tit tighter, sliding his fingers in before massaging the slit with a blatant moan on his lips.
Then, you try again, shoving him back only to hear him chuckle and continue his antics untilâ you jump to your feet. It felt too good, too grounding to have him touching you like this. You nearly stumble back over the coffee table, but you manage to stand tall and firm despite the fact that even though your mind feels sober, your body is fucking wasted.
âDonghyuck.â You argue immediately, using his name the same way you did when he was a child. âStop.âÂ
He throws his hands up in defense, raising his brows in surprise.Â
âIââ He pauses, staring at you. âI thought you were enjoying it, my mistake.âÂ
Itâs the fact that you were. You were enjoying it too much, and there would have been no defending your actions if you had given in to the feeling.Â
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Stupid. Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid. Thatâs what you are.Â
Your ex husband was right all along. Out of everything youâve accomplished since your heart was shattered, ripped to shreds, stomped on, youâd think it would take a lot more to break you.Â
âYou ask for too much.â Your ex husband had said once. âYou canât even stand to be alone for one day.â He had said a year or so later. Small digs on who you are and what you need sprinkled into small arguments, only to come more and more from the lips that you kissed and promised to kiss until you die. Until all of his words were to make you feel inadequate. Until everything he said to you stuck with you, forcing your confidence to bury itself six feet under.Â
Are you to blame? As it stands, maybe. Why else would you be allowing yourself to consider it? Consider Donghyuck, you mean. Never in your life would you have considered him of all people to be the one that you need.Â
Never in your life would you have thought heâd be interested in a woman like you, in a situation like yours, with a child. Why did that night with him stick in your head more than every single mean thing your ex husband said to you? Why did his words seem more believable?Â
Because you were drunk at the time? Wet, neglected, and drunk?Â
Then why is it that youâre sitting here on your day off with your beautiful, bright-eyed daughter rummaging through your purse for whatever catches her eyeâŚ.and youâre thinking about him? About what he's doing right now, how heâs feeling, if heâs eaten.Â
Why is it that youâve gone the entire week ignoring his texts, asking if you need him to come resume his job as babysitter? Why the fuck do you want to accept after how he took advantage of your state of mind? After he came onto you and tried to manipulate you?Â
Despite all of his words ringing true in the back of your head. That was a dirty tactic he pulled on you. Yet, stillâŚyou want him back, and god fucking dammit you could cry knowing your daughter called him âdad.â You hadnât believed him at first, but after this week alone it slipped from her mouth several times.Â
âHeâs not your dad, baby, thatâs just Donghyuck.â You remember correcting her more than once, and all she responded to you with was a confused expression.Â
âWhy not?â Is what her little voice gave back to you after her child-like brain decided it was fed up with you correcting her very right assumption of the guy who promised her the Barbie Dream House.Â
Why not?
Why not?
Well, if you could have an adult conversation with a five year old it would be much easier to answer that. Because he sprayed cheese in your hair. Because you were seventeen and his babysitter when he was twelve years old. Because you ogled him without recognizing him as your pool boy. Because of a lot of things.
âUncle Donghyuck.â You finally corrected her again.Â
She shook her head, and continued doing and saying as her little mind pleased. It made you miss having a father around for her though. You think she needs it more than you do.Â
And that fucking Barbie Dream house is what brings Haechan back.Â
Right at your doorstep today, with a gentle knock to the door and a timid smile on his face. He doesnât even look at you when you open the door, instead he crouches down in front of you with the big, flashy box. He ignores you, tilting himself to look past you and straight at your daughter.Â
You hold your breath when she runs to Haechan, arms spread open and laughter shrieking in your ears. Your heart aches so much at this moment.Â
Given your work schedule, youâd never gotten to see them interact much. He always came over as she was eating her breakfast, and you always came home after she was put to bed. You guess itâs fair that they have a bond now. She doesnât even run at you like she does for Haechan. In fact, the only time she ever does is when she had a bad day at daycare or had a tummy ache.Â
She runs to you when she needs you, but she runs to Haechan like she wants to. Like she genuinely is attached to him, and his kind smile, and his eyes, and probably that warm embrace that youâve never let yourself experience.
You watch them, not allowing yourself to melt at the moment because you did not invite him over, nor did you give consent to bring that fucking doll house here. But you canât say no now, as she clings to his leg when he stands up and looks at you with an almost irritated glint in his eye.Â
His eyes trail all over you briefly too, as if checking for any new spots or marks that a man could have put on you. You feel seen, dipping your head to not meet his eye and scratching your neck as if to hide a spot there. There isnât a mark, itâs justâŚfear? nervousness? anxiety?Â
And then he hauls the box in for her without saying a word to you. You watch him hard now that his back is turned. His voice sounds so loving when he speaks to your child as if sheâs an equal. Plopping down on your living room floor with her and opening the large box.Â
He Oooâs and Aahhhâs with her as he pulls each piece out, connecting the walls, the doors, handing her little things to help him with. And both of them are so focused on the task at hand to create a safe space for all of her abused barbie dolls that⌠you feel invisible.
For the first time ever in front of them both, you feel like you are nothing but a ghost. That he is the single parent. As if youâre forgotten, less loved, not wanted, not even needed.Â
Thereâs a bubbling in your gut when you tear up, reminding yourself that what Haechan did that night was probably just, well, heâs a man. Men aim to fuck at all times usually, and you guess you should have expected it at one point from him because, again, youâre aware that heâs attracted to you. Even more aware now.Â
But the way you feel right now outshines that. Heâs ignoring you to keep your child happy. She is ignoring you because it seems Haechan does a better job at it than you do.Â
And, well, heâs not holding you down, whispering things in your ear, letting out frustrated little sighs at your drunken or drowsy words now. So, you say nothing. All you can do is go to the kitchen and prepare a snack, trying to force the tears to stay inside of you with quiet sniffles, hoping you can join their little picture perfect moment so that you can be helpful too.Â
Your heart swells when they both look at you as you present a plate of snacks. You have to hold back tears again at the way their eyes shine, thanking you for the snacks. Haechanâs eyes stay on you a bit longer though, as if saying âSee? See what youâre making her go without?âÂ
You do see it.Â
ButâŚit canât be him. As much as you wish it could be, you just canât. There has to be another man out there just like him, one that doesnât have a history with you that would cause whispers and questions. There has to be.Â
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That moment you witnessed seems to have solidified Haechanâs place in your home. Whether it be for babysitting or simply so your child can see him when sheâs asking for him (which is often.) Itâs kind of an issue, actually, because now the choice isnât yours anymore and it appears Haechan knows that.
You hate that youâre forced to see him for what he is now. How he proves himself over and over again to be the man you need. The issue is that you still donât want it to be him. The bigger issue is that heâs breaking down your walls, doing little things for you, looking at you with those dark eyesâ your resolve cracks and reminds you every time heâs here that maybe it could work. Maybe youâll give him a chance. Maybe you wonât have to go out anymore looking to fill a void that no one else fits into.Â
Itâs the way that now, you canât help but to compare him to your ex husband. The man who you loved for so long, who you genuinely thought youâd spend your life with happily and safely. Now, compared to Haechan, your ex seems likeâŚnothing. Like a little crack in your resolve. He was older than you by just two years, took care of you for so long, impregnated you, and slowly but surely throughout all that time grew to resent you too.
You still donât know why, but perhaps itâs just because you were growing into your own. You were becoming more independent, though he never had the capability to realize just how much you depended on him during the very time he left you.Â
âI just donât want to do this anymore.â Your ex had said to you on that fateful morning.Â
Your belly was big as you tried to waddle up to him when he said that. You canât help but think back now and wonder how pathetic you must have seemed when he yanked his arm from your grip, especially due to the difficulty of your pregnancy already. You were sick through most of it, only having a few good days here or there where that pregnancy glow would make your ex husband second-guess himself.Â
The slam of the door after that was more exhausting than the months of pregnancy youâd gone through. It felt loud, so loud you could hear it vibrate throughout your whole body. You recall falling to the floor and carefully holding your stomach. Itâs like all of the heartbreak pooled there. The loss of your husband three weeks before he got to meet the child he was supposed to love. Her little heart must have been breaking inside of you too.Â
Double the pain.
And then you were mending yourself on your own. Going into labor early from stress, your family helped take care of you more than her. You were needier. You were broken.Â
And never, fucking ever, did you think youâd find yourself sitting comfortable in your lavish home realizing that your ex-husband didnât deserve all of that pain from you. He left you for that girl, and not two months later did she leave him.Â
Never did you think youâd find yourself thinking about Haechan as a replacement either. Well, not a replacement, but like, maybe justâŚheâs the idea of a perfect dad if you pay attention to how your child talks about him. How they act together. How she cries for him before bed when heâs not there, asking you why you donât read to her the way Haechan does. Why don't you sing to her the way he does? Why don't you use the same voices for her dolls? Why you donât cut her food like he does, why you donât do this or that.
Thatâs what makes it click the most you think. The fact that Haechan has given her something you never can. The love of a father. It doesnât even feel like heâs babysitting at this point, heâs parenting, teaching her lessons, bandaging small boo-boos, fixing her hair,âŚcooking dinner, cleaningâŚexisting here like he belongs.
Haechan has done more for your daughter than your ex husband ever could have, more than you could have done for her too, you think.Â
Even now, as you come home night after night and see him, you struggle to see him as anyone that isnât who your daughter needs. Maybe who you need.Â
His summer semester is coming to an end too, and itâs hard to see him as a college student now. He really does coursework and everything that needs to be done at your home all within a single work day? With no complaints at all? Lately, youâve noticed that heâs been more focused on studying when he babysits too, but still your daughter listens to him better than she listens to you.Â
Yet, still, itâs like youâre avoiding each other as you go through the motions, but you notice him more. You feel more discomfort because of it, mostly because you know your resolve about this is breaking. Thereâs a fear inside of you that revolves around him.
What if you missed your chance?Â
What if it does end up being a mistake if he still wants you?
You donât know what to do, but you know you want him.Â
Some nights, Haechan does sleep over due to exhaustion and you donât even ask him to leave because you know heâs not doing it to try anything. The avoidance is loud. Lately, you come home from work and there he is, sitting up with his laptop on his lap but sound asleep, softly snoring. Each time, you remind yourself of how heâs sacrificing his study time to babysit. You know your child can be distracting and needy when she wants something too, but he doesnât complain even a little bit. The least you could have done was bring him a blanket, which you did. And you woke the next morning to find him curled up on the same couch, laptop toppled over onto the floor.
Small, gentle acts of kindness towards each other but never face to face. Youâve woken to fresh coffee countless times, made exactly the way you like it because you know heâs watched you make it yourself. Youâve come home to re-stocked items, like milk and eggs, laundry detergent, and even toothpaste. Itâs nice, and a small indication that he doesnât resent you. Even through face-to-face avoidance on your part.
Tonight seemed different though, compared to all of the other nights when you canât go out. You walked through the door to the smell of dinner and your child still awake, sing-songing at you the moment you walked in.Â
âDad said I can stay up late!âÂ
You quirk a brow, her calling him that now becoming a regular occurrence to the point it goes through one ear and out the other for you. You recall discussing her bed time though, with absolutely no exceptions.
âDid he now?â You hug her before taking off your cardigan, walking with her to the kitchen where you find Haechan, placing down a small plate on the table with cartoon characters on it, right in front of two bigger plates with bigger portions of delicious looking food placed neatly on it.
Your heart swells, but your anxiety grows twice as big alongside it. This.Â
This is what youâve wanted for so long. This is what you never thought you could find. So, why is it that you still have push-back in your mind? Despite knowing that Haechan has proven himself time and time again, you want to argue?!Â
Perhaps itâs because you like the way he tries. Maybe youâre not ready to lose that feeling of being chased in some way, of being begged to let him stay. Maybe itâs because you begged your husband, desperate for him to keep you, but he left anyway. It feels like Haechan gives you power over yourself, over your love-life, over everything, really.Â
And if you were to actually accept his advances, even just a dinner on your table, what if he stops? What if he gets bored once he gets what he wants? After all, heâs still young, you canât truly imagine he wants to do this forever.Â
Not with you, and not with your daughter either.Â
âWhatâs all this? Isnât it a bit late for her to have dinner?â You question him instantly, anxiety bubbling up out of assumption alone.Â
âWe had a small snack a few hours ago.â Haechan reassures you. âI finished my exams and had a burst of energy to celebrate, besides, itâs a Fridayââ He goes to pull out a chair for you. âYou donât need to be up early either. A late dinner every now and then never hurt anybody.â
The way this is the first time the two of you have had a face-to-face conversation sinceâŚthat night. His voice calms you, and thatâs scary.Â
You huff, happy because you could easily melt into this chair and pretend youâre having a family dinner, like you always wanted, like you never rejected a touch from him that you desperately wanted. You could just play along and pretend Haechan is everything you need. Except, it wouldnât even be pretending at this point. The whole idea of him has changed. But, again, that anxiety. You still have that little voice holding you back, no matter what you want, or what you need, you fear itâll be ripped from you again if you were to let yourself be weak for another person.
âIâm really tired, Donghyuck.â You explain, walking past the kitchen and towards your bedroom. âThanks for dinner but Iâm not too hungry and I just want to lay down.â
And with that, he watches you leave. No real appreciation, no congratulations on him finishing his exams, not even a kiss to your childâs forehead. Is he still expected to be the one to put her to sleep?Â
Why is he even here? Why did he do all of this?Â
His patience is running dry.
So, he eats with your child as your plate goes cold and he leaves it there. If you canât even handle a dinner at the table with the person who cooked it, you can deal with your own fucking plate. Throw away your own fucking food, wash your own fucking dish. And if you canât tuck your child into bed, heâll do it, but you can shove that fake ass exhaustion right up your ass for all he cares.Â
He knows youâre not exhausted. Heâs seen you when you are. Youâre just being an asshole to him at this point, trying to appear like youâre perfectly happy with the life you live when your drunken rants prove otherwise. You treat him like everything he does has an ulterior motive. Which, yeah, maybe it does, but he was genuinely excited to have someone celebrate the end of this semester with him. Maybe assuming youâd indulge him went too far. For the first time, he wasnât doing it to impress you.
By the time Haechan gets your daughter to bed, all tucked in with a little tune to fall asleep to, he closes her door and just stands there in the silence on the other side of it.Â
You must really enjoy being a single mother, huh? This is why too. He always questioned it. Youâre so attractive, so well-adjusted. You work hard, your daughter is a sunshine in this world, and youâve not managed to find anyone to love you yet? He thought he was lucky to be the one getting to spend time with you.Â
Turns out, you refuse to let anyone in despite Haechan knowing, fucking seeing straight through you. You want something from someone. You need it, yearn for it, even. But itâs almost laughable at the way you refuse it.Â
Excuses, excuses, excuses.Â
Itâs the fucking audacity you have taking advantage of him. Youâve practically led him on. You lend him everything he wants in life. Thatâs it. You lend it. From flaunting yourself before you go to bars, to exposing all the marks you allow other men to leave on you. Letting him stay in this house, father your child, cook, clean, mend, fix, heal.Â
From being a faux-father to being minimized to a college student that you used to babysit. Heâs offered you relief in so many ways including sexual, and all you fucking do is avoid, deny, fucking reject him. You still go out to bars, later and later youâll come home with new swells against your skin, but always looking so empty and disappointed. Sometimes he thinks you try to make him jealous. Sometimes, he thinks you want him to try again.Â
Sometimes, he thinks you get off on the fact that he keeps trying.
And he has tried. Albeit more gently lately, but he has. Small, lingering touches when he hands you your coat to help you get out the door and to work quicker. Starting your car for you before you leave. Fuck, he even opens the goddamn door for you. Anything to make you feel appreciated, respected, and fucking wanted.
The silence is loud in his ears due to the sheer irritation as he drops his head, staring at his feet and knowing itâll only take a few strides to reach your bedroom. A room he still craves to be in.
Heâs raided those drawers by now, because of course he has. Soiling your panties, your sheets, anything that still smells like you when youâre gone for the day, all so he can act normal upon seeing you when you come home. Heâs laid in your bed by now too, wondering what it would feel like to have your weight beside him. He fantasized about anything and everything he possibly could in there.
And heâs always warmer. Always cums the hardest with weak, muffled moans as he stuffs your pillows into his mouth to keep quiet. All before cleaning every trace of himself there, closing the door, and wishing he was allowed to exist in there with you.Â
Right now will be the first time Haechan enters your room to your knowledge, and it sucks for him because he has essentially trained himself to get hard every time he opens this fucking door. Still, he composes himself, and itâs a bit of a shock if youâre being honest. You thought heâd go home after this, you were kind of hoping he would after you made it so awkward.Â
You felt guilty the second you saw his expression fall to your rejection of eating dinner like a big fucking happy family. You want it so bad, you want him so bad.
When you left the kitchen, you immediately went to your room and hopped in the shower, well aware that he wouldnât follow you. You thought hard while the hot water made attempts to wash away your feelings. Would it have been so bad to just eat with him? With your daughter? With both of them? The way his eyes fell, it burned your heart a little bit.
Still, no answers came to you because you know part of you just wants to see what else he will do for you. Despite the history with him, and despite knowing his entire family would question and scoff at you for itâŚIs it really so wrong? To want to give him a chance just to see if heâll leave you too?Â
Just to see if itâll hurt when he does it too?
Inviting him to your home almost every day of the week isnât wrong, right? Forgetting to pay him all those times before, hoping to see him again and get that confidence boost, that wasnât wrong. Letting your daughter attach herself to him when you swore he wasnât permanent, no longer having the energy to correct her use of âdadâ towards him⌠none of that is wrong.
 Itâs all Haechan. Heâs the one in the wrong for willingly following along, not you. Right?Â
And as youâre sitting on your bed in your towel, zoning out and staring at your floor, Haechan swings your bedroom door open without a single knock, mindfully closes it, and immediately goes off on you.
Somehow, you really expected him to accept your rejection but your heart swells that he didnât. You donât think he ever will, and youâre exhausting yourself hoping heâll prove you wrong.
Heâs shown you enough by now. This is what breaks down that wall inside of you, isnât it?
âWhat am I doing wrong?â He shoots his first question out in a desperate whisper shout, eyes searing into you before continuing without a single breath. âBecause I do everything for her, and i do everything for you, does that really make you so fucking uncomfortable?â
âDââ You try to respond, feeling your skin prickle at the sheer irritation in his expression.
Heâs fighting for you.
âIsnât that what you want?!â
âAfter everything I doââ He throws his hands up now, running his fingers through his hair as if you make him feel like he wants to rip it out. âAfter trying to make your life easy while making mine harder, for what? You to not eat the fucking food I made? For you to go to the bar all the time just to come back disappointed like Iâm not right here waiting for you to come back?âÂ
âWhat ar-â
âDonât ask me any stupid fucking questions, Just answer me.â He drops his hands, stepping up to you, placing both hands on either side of your hips, doing his best not to react to your near-naked body. âWhy?â
You lean back, trying to create more distance to try and give him an answer that you donât even know yourself, but he just keeps closing in. Not letting you escape this time. Youâve never seen him so riled up before, itâsâŚ
WellâŚ
âBecause I came onto you? Because I tried to do what no one else will do for you?â His voice shakes when he says it, and you can feel the heat radiating from him. Is heâŚabout to cry?
Only now, seeing him so close with an entirely sober brain do you realize an answer. Maybe not to his question of why, but to the same question youâve been asking yourself. Itâs because of that look in his eye. Youâve never been able to put a word to it, but now with him demanding you explain yourself so closely, you see it.
Heâs desperate.Â
Arguably as desperate as youâve felt to fill the void. Except, heâs trying to do that for you and you wonât let him out of what? Fucking fear? Hell, at this point the history means close to nothing when it comes to all the new memories heâs made in this home, even without you. The history of babysitting him, the history of your ex husband leaving you. It doesnât matter.
You think hard, so hard that you feel your eyes burn as you stare up at him. Glancing without intention to his jaw when he clenches it, to his neck when he swallows his words, to his lips, his eyes, the hair falling in his faceâŚand you justâ
You reach up, running a soothing hand through his hair to get it out of his face. Then you see those same desperate eyes somehow grow more desperate as he lowers them, leaning into the touch, as if youâve been starving him the same way youâve been starved for years. He falls silent too, cutting himself off mid-question just to feel you touch him for the first time.
âI donât know.â You say, which seems like a better answer than having an excuse. What can you say otherwise? That itâs because it shouldnât  be him? That youâre afraid heâll realize heâs not ready to settle? To be a dad? Heâll ask why, and itâll be the same answer you gave on that drunken night. An answer that you no longer care about.Â
You babysat him when he was a child, but you were still a child too.Â
You were still a child, and time changes things.
Your ex husband left you, and youâre afraid he will too, especially because heâs so much younger? Who cares?
Your answer seems to fly right past his head though, because heâs still leaning to feel your fingers in his hair, and heâs looking at you as if nothing you say will matter unless you make it hold some weight to him.Â
âDonghyuckââ You pause, scratching right at his nape, uncaring of how you can feel your towel loosening on your body. âYou havenât done anything wrong.â
Somehow, his name on your lips is what he needed to hear. The tone of it, the rasp in your voice, your fingers in his hair. Actions speak louder than anything the two of you could say right now, and he canât help it. Nothing can stop him, not even you at this point.Â
He hasnât done anything wrong you say? Itâs because he fucking knows what you need.
You inhale deeply, holding your breath when you feel your back hit your mattress, his warm hands instantly taking advantage of your freshly-showered state and tugging at the towel just slightly to let it fall open. You hear a slight breath from him at that moment, an inhale. There, he climbs onto the bed, nudging himself between your legs and trapping you there under him, both hands holding your arms down.
Like heâs afraid youâll reject him again.
âYouâre going to let me take care of you now.â He demands, though to him it sounds more like a plea solely due to the fact that heâs so fucking turned on itâs unreal. That feeling of when your fingers were in his hair? Seeing your naked body? Unshaved pussy? Being in this fucking room with you? It throws him into overdrive, especially with the way you just lay there blinking up at him in surprise. The anger melting away only amplifies it more.Â
How could you do this to him? Genuinely, how could you have let him fucking suffer for you like this?Â
Still, you blink up as if youâre a deer caught in headlights and it makes his heart thump against his ribcage. Your eyes are so bright, that glint of sadness he had seen so many times isnât there right now. And thereâs so much adrenaline inside of him, like he needs to move fast before you change your mind again. Youâve not let him do this for some fucking reason or another and now youâre just laying here for him.
 There, with your entire body on display, and you appear to be docile. Fucking obedient? Like he always knew you would be if youâd just drop the fucking act?! You were meant for him and him alone, and heâs going to show you why.
In all honesty, youâre tired of denying yourself by now. From the moment you saw him that day cleaning your pool for the first time, youâve wanted him on some level. It wasnât an emotional attachment, but a hope, a fantasy for you. And when you recognized him, you were more impressed with him than embarrassed. You tried not to let your eyes wander out of guilt, out of feeling like a pervert.Â
And then, that day when he came onto you, he was just a man to you. Your faux guilt kept you from letting him, and your hope to be chased kept you from it too. As if youâve never pleasured yourself to the thought of him, shamefully in this very bed. As if youâve never called out his name with a silent breath. If you keep going at this point, youâll lose him before ever knowing what he could really be for you.Â
This is his last ditch effort to beat you at your own game, and youâre ready to lose.
 So, now, you let yourself get lost in him. In his eyes and the way he pleads and makes his demands. He probably doesnât recognize his strength against you right now, or how much itâs turning you on. With the way he has both hands on your wrists, probably bruising them, and thereâs nothing you could do even if you wanted to. His weight holding you down feels better than you imagined.Â
After so long, with so many failed hookups where youâve told them of your daughter and all theyâve done in return is get their orgasm then leaveâŚHaechan. He wants to take care of you?Â
He wants toâŚgive you what you need?
Fuck, you know he can. Thatâs the fucked up part. Heâs proved it so many times to you in so many ways. Youâve watched him, the way he moves and acts around you. Heâs exactly what you need.You pushed him to this point, where his sanity is on the brink of crashing. Taking it away from him again feels wrong, because itâs exactly what you want.
And when he presses his leg between yours, he knows.
âAgain?â He comments, now releasing your wrist from one hand and running it down, able to slip his fingers right into the slick of your bare pussy. âYouâre wet.âÂ
You still just blink up at him with an intake of breath at the pleasure, thoughts running left and right on what to do, finally realizing you donât want to do a damn thing. Heâd do it all if you let him. Clean your house, be a father, fix all of the breaks, make you wet.
And you just feel him, the way his fingers play around with what he does to you. You can practically feel his confidence rise at the way you spread your legs a bit more, as if to give him more access. When you look at him, his expression remains harsh, but slowly he moves himself down, lips brushing over one of your nipples while keeping eye contact.
Still that irritated look, like heâs mad you havenât let him do this before now.
âHow many times are you going to pretend like Iâm not the one who gets you wet?â He asks before rubbing circles around your clit, tongue flicking in the same way around your nipple. âLike I donât have a right to take care of you?â
Your breath is still caught in your throat, trying to be careful about what you say right now despite knowing you canât speak. You focus on what heâs doing instead, losing yourself to something youâve not felt in far, far too long.Â
Heâs right. Heâs gotten you wet more than once by now. More than he knows.Â
And goddamn, he knew your tits could bounce, but the way they move without the support of a bra, the plush, soft feeling of your nipple growing erect in his mouth, all for him to bite and pull at. He does it too, listening to the little seething sound of pain from you when he pulls all the way back with your nipple between his teeth. Only to let it fall from his mouth and break eye contact with you to see the jiggle as it falls.
His cock twitches, at everything that you are right now, feeling more pleasure through seeing you like this alone compared to fucking his own fist on your bedroom floor. He notes how your legs squeeze him more at the nipple stimulation than his fingers too, memorizing the way your labia falls open between them. He smirks, flicking his tongue more, quicker.Â
There. There it is.
A low rumble in your chest falls from your lips. Soft, a moan. A very small, delicate sound.
âYou like this?â Haechan asks, looking up at you, letting his tongue fall from his mouth again and flicking the erect nub. âWhen I play with your tits?â
You nod, throwing an arm over your face in embarrassment that this is actually happening. Youâre letting him. Already you feel yourself heat up more, even when he takes his fingers away from your clit and instead, uses them to flick your other nipple.Â
And he does this for a few minutes. Paying special attention to your tits, going back and forth with his fingers and tongue to each bud, trying so hard to not stop just to shove his cock between them and use them the way heâs always wanted. He focuses on drawing out more and more little sounds from you instead, slurping his own saliva from your painfully erect nipples, pulling back, blowing cold air, then warming it up again with his lips. All while simultaneously groping, flicking, and pinching with his other hand.Â
âJesus, Haechanââ You moan quietly, chest rising and falling as he squeezes and licks against you.Â
Thatâs right, say his name. Let him fucking know heâs doing what you like. Haechan thinks, feeling his cock weep in his pants as he does it. Wondering just how sensitive you are to be reacting like this to simple nipple stimulation. God, heâs wanted to suck on these for so long, and now youâre letting him. Theyâre so big, so plush. He wants to fucking cover them with his mouth, he wants to bury his face in them, kiss them all over them.Â
And if they were to get bigger? He moans at the thought, remembering that conversation you had with your mom. You want another. He bets theyâd swell upâOh, fuck yeah. Theyâd probably hurt to rub against your shirt. God, fuck, he canât control his thoughts right now.
 Finally.Â
Fucking finally, he has you and heâs not going to let you run away again.
He doesnât fucking care if itâs forward. He wants what he wants, you want what you want. That want just so happens to line up. Besides, heâs already proved himself to you, he knows it. If youâre letting him do this, maybe youâd let him stay like this.Â
âDid they get bigger?â He moans briefly as he swaps to your other nipple again. âSo full, so heavy, were they leaking all over you?â
You listen to him, trying not to feel the pit in your stomach bubble with even more arousal at his blatant and dirty words, feeling your clit throb at the stimulation your tits are getting right now.Â
âMakes my dick fucking throb just thinking about it. FuckââÂ
âLet me give you another,â He mumbles now, almost mindlessly before looking up at you with an intense gaze as he bites down, indicating that heâs not mindless about it at all.Â
âSwell you up, make you glowââ
Oh.Â
Why is thatâ why are you dripping?
He hears that moan you let out. Different from the others, almost desperate.
âMm, yeah.â He encourages it, now allowing his hand to travel back down to witness how much wetter youâve gotten at those words. So messy, so perfect. âKnew youâd want it raw.â
You canât help the nod, as it comes before you even process his words solely because you feel his fingers slip inside of you. You havenât been this wet in so, so long. You want to feel it. To be full again, of anything. Of him.
âYe-â You start, interrupting yourself with a bite of your lip and your eyes rolling back.Â
âThatâs right mama,â He coos, tilting his fingers up and amplifying the pressure inside of you. âGonna let me take good care of this pussy, yeah?â He adds, lifting from your tits and ghosting his lips over yours.Â
He watches you closely, that daze in your eye. God, you look so horny right now. Thereâs nothing more he wants than to see this time and time again. To let you wake up every morning with his warm cum inside of you, to see your belly swell with his child, to see your tits grow until they hurt.Â
Heâd take care of you. Heâd take good fucking care of you.Â
âSay something.â Haechan whispers against your lips, darting his tongue out against your lips, angling his fingers up and making you moan. âSay you want me to give it to you raw.â
You open your mouth, feeling his tongue lick and swallow up that moan you just gave him before you try to compose yourself. You canât help it, youâre so, so sensitive right now and you canât help but find it incredibly sexy to be here, laid bare, while heâs still fully clothed.
Like he really is doing this for you. Heâs not trying to get his own orgasm and leave. Youâre weak and those words of âlet me give you anotherâ shines in your head. Weak, youâre weak. You should be thinking about condoms, you should be thinking about the consequences of this.Â
But youâre not.Â
You do like it raw.
âHaechanââ You stutter as you try to grasp the reality of his words, feeling his fingers repeatedly hit right where you need it. âIâmâŚnot protected.â
He moans. Loudly, before huffing out an irritated groan.
âYou must really want it then.â He narrows his eyes at you. âGoing out all the time trying to get fuckedââÂ
He plunges his fingers in again, deep, and holds them there as he pulls back to look at you. To really look at you, then he glares.
âYouâd really let just some fucking dude give you a baby?âÂ
You repeatedly shake your head.Â
âNo!â You retort, thrusting your hips up. âI justââ
âMhm,â He pulls his fingers out now, sliding himself down so fast that you can barely comprehend him sucking your clit into his mouth before pulling back in a moan at the taste of you. âIf mama wants another, daddy will give her one.â He says now, as if to pacify you.
As if to give you everything.Â
And youâd argue, really, you would. You want another child so bad, but this isâ itâs too soon. You havenât even established a relationship with him yet. Boundaries havenât been discussed. His college planâ but fuck itâs not entirely your fault that youâre like, super turned on by the idea of it. To the thought of being so filled with cum that thereâs no possible way you couldnât end up pregnant. An indication that, no matter what, no man at a club could fulfill the arousal for you even if they cared to do it.Â
Youâd never have let them actually fuck you raw.Â
Haechan thoughâŚhow can you keep telling him no?
How could you reject him again when you want it so badly?Â
Fuck now, think later.
âYeahââ You say against your better judgement, hands reaching down to his hair so you can grind up against his mouth, lost to the arousal as you mimic what he referred to himself as. âDaddy?â
You feel his mouth fall slack at that, as if youâre accepting him in full now. You feel your clit hit nothing in his open mouth, but it throbs harder.Â
 He knew you were slightly into him for letting him do this at all, but now, youâre truly accepting it. Like you know heâll fucking do it, like you want him to fucking do it.
âThatâs right,â He moans against your clit as he licks at it, barely able to comprehend your voice calling him that but clinging to it all the same. âGonna let daddy do it all for you.â Â
Yeah. You are. Youâre gonna let him do it. All of it.Â
And then, the room is enveloped in quiet moans, more from Haechan than from you due to your breath being stuck in your throat. His tongue, licking every part of your sensitive cunt, his hands reaching back up to your tits, fondling, pinching, painfully tugging at them as he moans louder, louder, louder for you to want him.
He presses his hips up and against your mattress as he tastes you, so deeply it hurts his cock to neglect it like this. Each rub feels raw, twitching and pulsing to be let out, to be inside of you, on you, against you. Filling you up with his cum, plugging it in as a promise that you canât leave him even if you wanted to.Â
Heâs going to fucking do exactly what he said he would.Â
And only when you feel his tongue lap against your hole do you finally release your breath, âDaddyâ coming out in a choked back sob. It breaks him, his body going into overdrive as he pulls back and justâ stares at you with wild eyes.Â
You stare back up at him, knowing that calling him that means something more than a cringe little roleplay kink. It means something deeper to him. He wants to be a dad, a real one.
âOh yeah?â He finally says, hands going straight to his button and zipper.Â
You canât help it, biting your lower lip as you blink up, watching his shoulders move, the veins on his arms protruding as he rushes to pull it out andâ oh. You moan at it, the way his heavy, slicked up, cock falls out, dark, needy.Â
âDaddyââ You urge him on, knowing that itâs driving him absolutely insane.Â
âMhm?â He shuffles himself off the bed, letting his pants drop as he lifts his shirt off of him and fucking glares at your tits. âYou want daddyâs cock?â Â He adds now, shooting his eyes up to you as both of his hands land on your legs.
Your mind goes blank when you feel him slide his hands around to the back of your thighs, pushing your legs forward, curling you in on yourself, forcing your pussy to be out and on display for him.Â
And you watch him, the way he stares down at it. Itâs embarrassing to be so seen right now, not having expected to get fucked open by anyone tonight, let alone him. You probably should have shaved or something, or like, not gotten out of the habit in the first place. But he moans at it, mouth falling open at the fact that you are entirely a fucking woman.Â
A fucking mother.
The prettiest pussy heâs ever fucking seen let alone tasted.
And he moans, breaking the silence, forgetting only for a moment how long heâs been wanting this. It boosts your confidence more than youâve ever felt. His reaction to this is more than your ex husbandâs reaction to you when you were pristine and borderline pornstar quality.Â
Haechan doesnât see you as used and neglected, he just sees you. And this. This is the pussy he wants. This is what he wants to put his baby in.Â
When he flicks his eyes back to you, with that same open mouthed expression, it knocks the breath out of you. Thereâs so much love in his eyes, or maybe lust, you donât care. You think youâre matching that expression for him too, because itâs like he canât hold back anymore. He canât just sit and look at you anymore.Â
He just canât.
And you feel it, his thick head pushing past the tightened, pulsing hole and not stopping. He pushes in slowly, painfully slow, to the point youâre both looking at each other with a slack jaw. Finally. The pain of it, the pleasure, the fucking need youâve been trying to fulfill.Â
That look on your face drives him wild too, he knows he has you by now. You like it, you love the way he slides in and makes damn sure you feel it. Every second of the slide pries you open, and he wants to remember this moment forever. He wants you to fucking remember too.Â
Wants you to know that no one will ever fit inside of you so perfectly, so deeply.
When he finally bottoms out, he leans forward to keep himself buried deep as he ghosts his lips over yours. He feels the way you try to kiss him, but he pulls back with a confident smirk.Â
âWhen was the last time youâve felt a cock so deep in you?â He whispers hotly, knowing you need not answer. Knowing you wonât answer, not with the way youâre instantly lifting your head and kissing him.Â
Your pussy pulses around him when you lick into his mouth, the first real kiss sending his heart soaring. He twitches inside of you with each squeeze, and kisses you harder, deeper. And somehow, it brings tears to your eyes.Â
The way he kisses, the way he makes you feel him. Fuck, the way he makes you feel whole, so wanted, like youâre amazing to him. In more ways than just a body to fuck, but heâs stuck around despite all of your avoidance and rejections. You hope youâre making it worth it.Â
Fuck, you need to feel worth it to him.
âYouâd better not fucking pull out.â You groan through a breath, his lips still kissing you through your words as he finally pulls his hips back, fucking in once.Â
Hard.
Honestly, could you have said anything else at this moment? Heâs trying to make this last, he needs it to last. If you keep fucking talking, saying everything heâs ever wanted to hearâÂ
âFuck,â  He moans, his hands moving up to your cheeks as he licks into your mouth. âYou canâtââ He continues, fucking in again, moving your body up with each thrust do to the sheer force of him trying to plunge in as deep as he can. âYou canât fucking say that to me right now.â
Youâre seeing stars though, unable to say anything else as your eyes roll back at the way the head of his cock practically kisses your cervix with each push into you. Heâs so rough, so desperate for it.Â
You donât think he expected you to respond either, with the way he keeps his lips on yours, his body pressed so closely that having your legs to your chest means nothing to him now. Mating press be damned, heâs lost his mind to the feeling, not the aesthetic of being a fucking dad.Â
Your legs wrap around him instead, and heâs all too happy to feel it. Your legs hug him the same way your arms do, the same way your pussy does, and heâs fucking in love with you.Â
He braces one hand back against your leg, holding it against his hips as he continues to fuck forward, still at the same pace. Deep and with purpose. Every few seconds the bursts of pleasure run through him, making him shiver and moan into your mouth. Little grunts, near whimpers for you to let him give you the world.Â
More than this. More than fucking, more than taking care of you, more than anything he could ever possibly give you. Heâll find a way.Â
And then, youâre clenching hard, matching his near-whimpers except moaning in full pants, babbling and drooling cries against his mouth.Â
âMamaââ Haechan soothes, continuing his pace as he tilts his head back to get a good look at that lost gaze in your eyes. âYouâre crying?â
You nod with a laugh, tears rolling down the same way the wet of your cunt slips down your ass. Youâve never felt so good, so fucking full. And for some reason, that does him in. Making it last be damned, he genuinely thinks heâs won you over. He can make it last next time, he can do more next time, he canâ
He leans back all the way now, onto his knees as your legs try to hug him back to you, and his eyes go straight back to those tits. The way he made a promise. The way they bounce, slick with his sweat from pressing against you.Â
âFuck, youâre so pretty.â He grunts in a breath, now quickening his pace and snapping his hips. Pulling out all the way briefly to plunge into your again. âCanât get any deeperââ He continues, flicking his eyes from your face, to your tits, to that beautiful pussy of yours swallowing him up.Â
Now his eyes roll back, hands going back to your thighs to push you back into position. No way in hell can he last, not at a pace like this, inside of a woman like you.Â
âDonât pull out.â You repeat again in a breath, seeing his face and the way he focuses solely on you. You know heâs going to cum, and you want him to. You want to feel it, every single fucking drop of it.Â
âYeah?â He nods his head with laser-focus on your pussy now, staring down as he points tight, short thrusts inside of you. âMomma wants my cum? Hm?â
Oh, heâs fucking gone.
âShe likes it?â He continues to talk himself up. âLikes being so fucking full of it? Yeah?âÂ
Goddamn, fuck, heâs insane.Â
âYes, daddyââ You whisper-shout, fingers shooting to your clit, other hand raising to your mouth to silence the moans as to not be too loud.Â
âFuck, yeah you do.â He lets out a near growl, his voice low and rumbled as he slaps your hand away, pressing hard on your clit with his thumb as he buries himself in you once more and stiffening his abs. âThatâs right.â
And instantly upon feeling him pulse, that first spurt of cum painting your insides, you lose yourself with him. Your fingers drop from your mouth and you release a pornographic moan for him, rutting yourself against him, as if to fuck it deeper into you.Â
It only prolongs the orgasm though, for both of you.Â
Haechan is silent, trying to keep his eyes open through the pleasure as you pulse and squirt around him, his thumb pressing so hard into your clit, his cock cumming so deep, filling you up so wellâ He wants to see it. Wants to watch you fall apart for him. Wants to witness the way you let him do this.Â
And he holds himself there, so hard and so full of pleasure for you. Keeping himself practically impaled against your cervix until your body falls slack. Still, he fucks it into you, holding you in place with a softer moan now. No longer guttural or deep from his chest. His breathing is rough, a soft, near feminine moan leaves his lips as he falls forward onto you.Â
You wince along with him at the sensitivity, panting, a sweating tangle of a mess the two of you have become. And itâs the fact that itâs the first time youâve ever gotten off at the same time as someone else. You feelâŚsoft.Â
Your hands find their way to his hair as his face squished against your tits while he regains breath, not daring to move his hips because your pussy is too warm to leave right now. You brush the sweat-slicked hair out of his eyes, running your fingers all the way back to his nap, and then slowly down his back to rub and scratch.
He shivers at the feeling, humming the same feminine-tone he had released previously. And all he can do is hear your heart thumping against your chest, even through these soft tits of a pillow heâs lying against.
Haechan never wants to move again, not from this spot, ever.Â
ăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăťăť
âYou know Iâm in love with you, right?â Haechan mentions briefly after a long moment of silence, looking up at you with his wet hair.Â
Deep in the night, your food still cold and on the table, youâve found yourself freshly showered and on your living room couch with Haechanâs head on your lap. He made sure to have stayed long enough inside of you to implantâŚsomething if it was going to happen. So he didnât argue a shower, and you didnât argue letting him join you either.Â
He had washed you, gently running his hands between your legs with what you can only describe as the softest, most alluring face a man has ever given you. Like he won the lottery, or found the answer to eternal life or something. You repaid him by letting him admire your tits again while you jerked him off, but thatâs besides the point.Â
âLike, Iâm not going to leave. I hope you know that.â He adds with a soft groan to your hands still in his hair. His new favorite thing.Â
You look down at him, hand moving to his cheek as the words hit you in the chest.
Thereâs anxiety along with happiness, at all of the boundaries and serious conversations that will need to be had now, but still, you feel like youâre glowing when he looks at you.
He didnât even have to say it, and arguably you probably donât need to say it back either. You think he sees it in you. Even if he didnât, you think heâd take anything you give to him and cling to it. After all, it only took one time for you to break entirely for him.Â
âAre you now?â You smile with a chuckle, looking back to the tv and pretending to watch it. âWell, thatâs good. Otherwise Iâd be making you go get a plan B or something.âÂ
His eyes narrow at you.
âLike hell Iâd let you, even if I didnât love you.â He groans. âBut I do, so donât ever say that shit again.â
You chuckle, feeling the calm in your home that once felt so chaotic. Itâs quiet now, both inside and outside of your head.Â
âCongratulations, by the way.â
He looks at you with question, quirking a brow.
âFor finishing your finals, I mean.â You smile, going back to petting through his hair and feeling like youâre on top of the world, despite what you assume to become half of your world lying his head on top of you.Â
âOh, right.â He smiles, now turning his head to watch the tv. âI probably failed them.â
You donât believe that, but even if he did, you think you could be what he needs too. He wouldnât have to work if he didnât want to.
If heâs really in love with you, all heâd have to do isâŚnot leave.Â
âAre you sure you want to be having these conversations with me? You can just call it a hook-up.â You finally say, hoping he means it, knowing it breaks your heart a bit to give him an out. âI donât want you to feel like Iâm going to trap you here just because Iâm a little smitten too.âÂ
Haechan glares, blinking up at you.
âI literally just tried to put a baby in you.âÂ
Thatâs fair.Â
âAnd youâre not going to run off? Get cold feet?âÂ
âCan you stop doubting me and just let me do what I want for once?â He argues playfully. âDo you even know how much that barbie fucking dream house costed me? I couldnât run even if, for some stupid ass reason, wanted to. I love her too.â
finally finished this like i said i would and oh my god. i literally donât even know what to say. i already knew it was good, but i knew it was really damn good when it started hurting. and not in a hon take it out itâs hurting way i mean OMFG THE ANGST⌠literally broke my heart. like the way haechan cares for the daughter soooooo much đđđ the scene where heâs building the barbie dream house, reader feels ignored and sheâs trying not to cry. like, this hurt but it also cut on a deeper level because it reminded me of my own childhood, like it literally unlocked a very painful memory⌠HON YOU ARE SICK. and you know what else is sick? you edged me SO BAD. making me wait to fuck haechan, making him wait to fuck """me""" (it feels so weird to self-insert), like fuck, THE YEARNING. it was funny to me though, seeing reader hold herself back partly bc sheâs worried abt what ppl will think (even though thatâs definitely mostly just an excuse), because does she Not Know that at some point Hyuck was outside Waving To Her NeighborsâŚ? like we already know girl. but fuck, the abandonment issues and lust for control because of it IS SO DAMN REAL. too real. i felt that shit on. personal level.
oh and iâm definitely not walking out of here without talking about the sex. the raw sex. her calling him daddy. HIM CALLING HER MAMA. like omfg hyuck please please please give me yiur kids and leave after olease i need it Olease
AITA for setting my cheating ex's car on fire? (and then falling for his cousin)
pairing: firefighter!haechan x reader
genre: fluff
word count: 8.6k
synopsis: revenge is best served coldâor on fire. literally.
authorâs note: luvpuffcore is finally back!! ilysm cat and moon and thank you for another amazing year of friendship <333 i truly am the #1 most successful fan of all time 𤊠also special shoutout to cat for letting me use some of her creepy dms and moon for sharing her league knowledge yall are god's strongest soldiers fr !! happy new year, my loves â¨đđ
warning(s): mentions/threats of violence, sexual jokes, y/n commits arson but in a girly pop way (pls don't try this at home), character assassination of mark
playlist: get him back! by olivia rodrigo â is it new years yet? sabrina carpenter â drinks or coffee by rosĂŠ â risk by gracie abrams â mastermind by taylor swift
additional: check out a nonsense christmas: reddit edition!
r/AmITheAsshole
u/justgirlythings-arson119 ⢠3d
AITA for setting my cheating exâs car on fire? (and then falling for his cousin)
I (24F) caught my boyfriend cheating on me with a discord kitten he met on League of Legends two days before our anniversary. I proceeded to have the biggest crash out ever known to man, bought a gallon of gasoline, went to his house in the middle of the night, and lit his car on fire. I had completely forgotten his cousin was a firefighter in the area, and he showed up at the scene, which hindered my masterful plan a little bit. Luckily, my ex didnât press any charges though because no way in hell heâs going to admit he has a discord kitten in a court of law. Anyways, the next day, my ex groveled and begged me to go to his familyâs Christmas party with him so that he could save face in front of his mommy. Long story shortâletâs just say it didnât go well. His cousin ended up driving me home, and I think maybe Iâve fallen for him?Â
⼣ 9.8k ⼼ 1,439 Comments
mcballs-im-lovin-it0323 ⢠2d
YTA for not crashing out even harder bc i woulda slept with his entire bloodline if he played in my face like that đââď¸
⼠Reply ⼣ 2.8k ⼼
picklepounder1010 ⢠1d
wouldâve had him calling me mama, papa, auntie, uncle, grandma, grandpa etc fr đŠ
⼠⼣ 943 ⼼
god-of-donuts0423 ⢠1d
YTA for dating a lol player
⼠Reply ⼣ 1.1k ⼼
goonknight1027 ⢠5h
no way this post is about that twink lol streamer
⼠⼣ 629 ⼼
part one | oh, i wanna key his carâŚor light it ablaze?
onyourmark 12/1/2024 3:03 PM
heyyy u play lol too đ
onyourmark 12/1/2024 3:05 PM
im a yasuo main đ
onyourmark 12/1/2024 3:10 PMwhat kinda asian are u
onyourmark 12/1/2024 3:10 PMwhatchu look like
onyourmark 12/1/2024 3:10 PMsorry was that too much đđđ
Your best friend, Rosie, has to put your phone down and take a few deep breaths. âI think Iâm going to throw up.â
âKeep going. You havenât even seen the worst of it,â you respond through a mouthful of strawberry ice cream, completely deadpan.Â
onyourmark 12/7/2024 6:21 AM
ahh đđ
onyourmark 12/7/2024 6:22 PM
*kisses you*
onyourmark 12/12/2024 5:39 PM
can i tell U something weird :3 đ
onyourmark 12/12/2024 5:40 PM[Audio Message]
onyourmark 12/12/2024 5:39 PMi wrote this rap about my feelings for y baby girl
onyourmark 12/12/2024 5:39 PMbecause uve been such a good gril for me
onyourmark 12/12/2024 5:57 PM
holy fck holy dcking fck that body of urs is absurd
Rosie covers her mouth with her hand, closing her eyes in a grimace. âNo way he copied Adam Levine unironically.âÂ
âKeep going.â
onyourmark Yesterday at 1:20 AMwhen can i see u
onyourmark Yesterday at 1:20 AM
ill be free after christmas
onyourmark Yesterday at 1:20 AM
after annyign fam stuff đđđ
Every message Rosie reads feels like another sucker punch in your gut and your ego, but you just dig your spoon into the tub of ice cream with even more force and let her keep going. Every time you blink, you feel dried up mascara flaking off your eyelashes and getting stuck in the dried tears and snot on your cheeks.Â
ââAnnoying fam stuff?â Is he talking about your anniversary?â Rosie demands.
Yes, your anniversary with your now ex-boyfriend, Mark Lee, is on Christmas. You used to think it was romantic. What a goddamn idiot you were.Â
âAt least he called me family,â you reply wryly, a hysterical laugh rattling in your chest like a wet cough.Â
Rosie shakes her head and hands your phone back to you. âI canât read any more of this. Iâm going to be sick. I thought Discord mods and Discord kittens were just memes. I canât believe people like him actually exist.âÂ
You just shrug.
âWhere the hell is he now?â She crosses her arms.Â
âProbably at his parentsâ house. Theyâre on a ski trip, and they wonât be back until tomorrow,â you sigh, getting a headache thinking about how you were going to explain this to Markâs parents.Â
âGood. Change the locks on your door before he tries to come crawling back. Heâs done mooching off you,â Rosie huffs.Â
âYou were right,â you state matter-of-factly, âThat he was just a jobless bum loser whoâs a mommaâs boy.âÂ
She looks guilty, leaning over and giving you a hug. âIâm sorry, Y/N.âÂ
You think about the time you first met Mark, when the two of you were just starry-eyed freshmen in college together. He was so awkward and shy that it took almost an entire semester for him to finally look you in the eye. He followed you around like a sad puppy and would get flustered at any prolonged amount of attention you gave him. After about three years of him being hopelessly in love with you and unable to work up the courage to ask you out, you finally decided to give him a chance in your final year of college. It was a white Christmas, and you remember his trembling hands holding your face, freezing cold fingertips brushing your cheeks, and how red his nose was when he leaned in to kiss you. He looked at you as if you were a goddess that was put on this Earth purely for him to worship.Â
Maybe thatâs why you moved in together with him when the two of you graduated, even when he was unemployed and you supported him financially. Maybe thatâs why you smiled and nodded when he told you he wanted to try being a Twitch streamer. Maybe thatâs why you gifted him his first microphone for his setup, or baked him a cake when he finally got his first viewer (even though it was actually a secret account that you made in order to boost his confidence). Maybe thatâs why you never complained when he started skipping out on dates (sometimes even your birthday) in favor of growing his audience, or when he bought you extravagant gifts like jewelry or designer clothes without any clue of your preference or size. Maybe thatâs why you chose to ignore the churning feeling in the pit of your stomach when you noticed his eyes starting to drift towards anything but you.
Maybe you were always the one who worshipped him.Â
Itâs almost comical how easily almost a decade of your life has gone down the drainâand all it took was a couple of laughing emojis. In the end, the one who loves more is always the one who loses the most.Â
You gave up your best years to Mark Lee, and yet you seemed to have run out of tears to cry for this man.Â
Instead, all you have left now is pure, unbridled rage boiling inside of you. Itâs the kind of anger that needs to simmer firstâthe kind that manifests first as a calm indifference before it finally bubbles over into a complete meltdown. But youâll be damned before you set fire to your mental health and personal belongings that you worked tooth and nail for over a man who ruined your life.Â
So, youâve decided to set fire to something else.Â
âRosie,â you say softly, your voice chillingly serene. âIâm going to set his car on fire.âÂ
Rosie laughs. âWant me to be your getaway driver?âÂ
âNo, I wouldnât want to implicate you,â you respond smoothly. âBesides, I want him to know that Iâm the one who did it.âÂ
She looks at you for a moment, trying to decide if youâre joking or not. âAre you sure youâre okay?âÂ
âYes. I donât have the energy to care about him anymore,â you answerâonly a half lie. âYou should go now. I know you have a late shift tonight.âÂ
Rosie gives you another tight squeeze. âCall me if you need anything, okay? Iâm off this weekend, so we should go get drunk off our asses.âÂ
After she leaves, you slowly get up and make your way to the bathroom. You wash your face in the sink, scrubbing on the gunk off, and apply a fresh layer of makeup. If youâre going to do this, youâre going to make sure you look hot as hell (pun intended). Once youâre done, you make your way to the nearest gas station and purchase a gallon of gasoline before promptly driving to Markâs parentâs house.Â
By the time you get there, itâs already close to midnight, and not even the darkness can shroud Markâs new Tesla Cybertruck. You remember when he bought it because you had to pay for half of his rent for the month because he was saving up for itâthe smug grin on his face, as he announced it to his Twitch chat. Youâre embarrassed at how happy you were for him, and you didnât even have the heart to tell him how hideous you found it. The truckâs mirrored exterior reflects the moon in the starless night sky, and the full moon almost looks like a shiny, pretty bullseye calling out for you to destroy it.Â
Without hesitation, you get out of your car and immediately start dumping gasoline all over and around the car. The scent of gasoline normally makes you nauseous, but the scent of revenge smells even sweeter. Before you take out your lighter, you pick up a large piece of broken concrete from his driveway. With all of the strength you can muster, you hurl the concrete into the driver side window of the truck and watch your reflection shatter along with the glass.Â
The car alarm starts blaring, and you wait for the light in Markâs room to blink on. You see his silhouette as he opens his blinds and peers out, just to lock eyes with you. He gawks at you like heâs just seen a ghost, and it doesnât take long for him to make his way down to you. As he stumbles down the driveway, you take out your lighter and flick it on, letting it slowly slip from your fingertips. Your heart swells with a hysterical sense of glee as his eyes widen, the orange flames reflecting in his teary eyes. His Cybertruck is set ablaze with a Hollywood-esque level of perfection, and the fire gives your face a golden glow as if you were the starring actress.Â
âY/N! Are you fucking crazy?â Mark hollers over the crackle of the flames, voice breaking.Â
âOh, you bet I fucking am,â you laugh.Â
âIâm gonna sue youâyou bitch! Have you thrown in jail!â he screams, fishing his phone out of his pocket and punching in 911 on the keypad. âIâm calling the cops right now!âÂ
âDo it, you spineless piece of shit! Iâm going to make sure everyone in this damn neighborhood and on the internet knows what a lying, cheating, soul-sucking little leech you are!â you yell back at him. âIâm going to ruin your fucking career first and then happily walk my ass down to the police station.â
That makes Mark stop in his tracks, his thumb hovering over the dial button. He canât control the fear on his face. âNo one is gonna believe you.âÂ
âAw, you sure no one will believe me when I show everyone the screenshots of your DMs with uwukittenbb69?â you taunt.Â
âIâll say theyâre fake!â he nearly screeches.Â
âLetâs fucking go then! My word against yours. Weâll see who they believe,â you challenge.Â
Mark falters and takes a small step forward. âW-WaitâŚâÂ
Unfortunately for him, heâs interrupted by the squealing sirens of a firetruck pulling up to the street. You and Mark exchange glances, and you silently dare him to report you, before both of you turn towards the firefighters exiting the truck.Â
âMarkâŚand Y/N?âÂ
Your eyes widen at the sound of the approaching firefighterâs voice. You watch in horror as the firefighter removes his helmet, and you get a clearer look at his face. Tufts of wavy caramel-colored hair sticking out, a youthful and angelic face that doesnât suit his occupation, and heart-shaped lips turned downwards in concernâitâs Markâs cousin, Donghyuck. Youâve met him a decent amount of times at family gatherings, and he sometimes drops by you and Markâs apartment to deliver homemade food from his mom. Donghyuck has always been kind to you, and you didnât want him to see you like this.
Donghyuckâs confusion is short-lived before his attention falls back to the fire and how close you are to it. He quickly grabs your arm and pulls you away from the burning truck.Â
âBe careful. Are you hurt?â he asks carefully, eyes scanning your face with precision. âAnd why arenât you wearing a jacket? Itâs freezing out here.âÂ
You open your mouth to try and fumble out an answer, but you flinch at the sound of Donghyuckâs colleagues blasting Markâs car with water from the firetruckâs power hose. All thatâs left of the Cybertruck is a deformed and blackened pile of scrap metal with a plume of smoke rising from it. You canât help the sense of satisfaction you feel.Â
âDonât breathe in the smoke. Itâs not good for you,â Donghyuck urges, gently sticking an arm in front of you and gesturing for you to step back even further. âCome with me. Thereâs blankets in the back of the truck.â
âIâm fine,â you finally manage to say, shaking your head. âIâm not cold.âÂ
Itâs true; the fire you set has been more than enough to make your insides feel all warm and fuzzy. He doesnât look like he believes you but doesnât try to push any further.Â
âOkay, so what the hell happened here? We got a call from the neighbors saying there was a blazing ball on fire in Markâs driveway and that the two of you were in a screaming match.âÂ
âAsk Mark,â is all you say.Â
Donghyuck raises an eyebrow.Â
âIt was an accident.â
As if on cue, Mark suddenly materializes next to you and Donghyuckâa restless expression on his face. He probably thought you were telling Donghyuck what he did to you and rushed over.Â
âWhat?â Donghyuckâs eyes nearly pop out of his head. âYouâre saying that was an accident?â
âYeah. I was justâŚmessing around. Donât worry about it. It was an accident,â Mark says through gritted teeth, sounding completely defeated.Â
The corners of your mouth twitch when you chime in, âA senseless accident.âÂ
Donghyuck is completely speechless as he glances between the two of you. However, you look past him and watch the fireworks exploding in the dark sky. Pulling out your phone, you see that itâs midnight, meaning itâs officially the 25th of December. Glancing over at Mark, you see him trembling in the cold with a sniffly red nose and bloodshot eyes. Heâs staring straight at the ground, fists clenched.Â
You smile.Â
part two | part two | wanna push him in the fireplace and watch him burn!
When you finally get home that night, you draw yourself a steaming hot bubble bath and even use the fancy bath bomb that Rosie bought you. After you get dressed, you make a charcuterie board and pour yourself a glass of wine as well before falling asleep to a Hallmark movie playing on your television. Itâs probably the best sleep youâve gotten over the past month.Â
You wake up in the morning feeling refreshed, a certain five-foot-nine burden lifted from your shoulders, and text all of your friends and family your holiday greetings. Rosie invited you out to her family gathering because she didnât want you to be alone on Christmas, but you declined. You decided to stay home and get some cleaning done. Of course, by cleaning, you mean boxing up all of Markâs stuff and donating it to Goodwill. You initially wanted to burn everything, but youâve committed enough arson already.Â
Just as youâre getting ready to make a hearty breakfast in preparation for the mass Mark exodus, you hear the door to your apartment being opened, and your blood runs cold when you realize you havenât changed the lock. Then your cold blood begins to boil at the audacity that Mark still must have in his pathetic little body to even dream of stepping foot in your home.Â
Gripping your frying pan tightly, you march out of the kitchen to greet him. Mark at least has the sense to shrivel back when he sees you approach him. To your delight, he looks absolutely terrible. Itâs obvious he didnât get any sleep nor did he feel the need to change out of his pajamas.Â
âI know youâre mad,â he says quickly, holding his hands out as if ready to block a punch.
âIf you actually knew that, you wouldnât have stepped foot in my apartment,â you say nonchalantly. âYou have ten seconds to give my key back to me and get the hell out before you have to call the cops again.â
âChill, chill,â he mutters, âIâm just here for my stuffââ
âDonât tell me to chill. Iâve always hated it when you tell me that. It makes you sound like a patronizing douchebag, which you are, of course,â you snap. âYouâre insane if you think Iâm going to let you just waltz in here and casually get your stuff. Most of which I paid for, by the way.â
âY/N, come on,â he sighs. âat least let me get my PC setup.â
That makes you burst out laughing. âHoly shit. You really have the gall to ask me for your PC setup? Are you on actual crack? Get the fuck out!â
âOkay, okay, okay. Iâm sorry, okay? Just one more thingââ
âDonât make me swear to Jesus on his birthdayââÂ
âMy mom wants you to come to the Christmas party this afternoon,â he blurts out, squeezing his eyes shut. âIâŚhavenât told her yet. I wanted us to tell her, um, together, after the party.â
He doesnât need to say it for you to understand what heâs implying. He wants to make it seem like the breakup was mutual to save his reputation and because he knows his mom will lose her mind. Heâs pretended to be her perfect little boy his entire life, a mommaâs boy to the very core, so he canât ever let her know what a bottomfeeder he is.Â
âIs this some sort of social experiment to see how far you can push my limits before I finally snap? Again?â you ask incredulously.Â
âPlease, Y/N. Iâll do anything. I wonât ask for my stuff anymore. I wonât tell anyone about the car thing. I promise you that you wonât ever see me again if you do me this favor,â Mark sputters.
You hate that you still hesitate, despite how much youâre disgusted by him. It makes you feel like you havenât completely axed the part of you that was in love with him, and that sickens you. However, Mrs. Lee has always been like a second mother to you, and it doesnât feel right to just cut her off without a proper goodbye just because her son is a cretin. You suppose this could be good closure for such an ill-fated relationship.Â
âYou swear on your life that youâll leave me alone forever after this?â you ask, crossing your arms.
Mark nods profusely.
âFine. Iâm only staying for an hour, and I donât care if the party isnât over yet. Weâre going to tell her within that period or else,â you state.Â
âThank you. Thank you so much, Y/N.â Mark opens his arms to hug you, and it takes every fiber in your being not to whack him across the head with your frying pan.Â
âDo not touch me,â you warn, âNow get out.âÂ
To his credit, he promptly hightails it out of your apartment (perhaps he finally noticed the murderous glint in your eye). You almost immediately regret agreeing, but you tell yourself that today is the last day that youâll ever have to deal with the likes of Mark Lee again. Putting a hold on cleaning, you get ready for the party instead, donning a cute holiday fit that you had prepared especially for today since it was supposed to be your anniversary. Now, it makes for a great revenge dress.Â
Mark had texted you to let you know to bring a gift since there would be a white elephant gift exchange, and half of you wants to call him and scream at him for not letting you know sooner and the other half is screaming at yourself for forgetting to block him. Not having enough time to go out and buy a gift, you decide to wrap up the scarf that you knitted for Mark. You stayed up all night after you got off work to make it for him, and it looks a bit wonky, but you thought he would appreciate it. You feel bad for whoever receives it, but there has to be a few duds in the mix or itâs not a true white elephant experience. Maybe they can use the scarf to wipe up their dogâs piss or something.
When you drive back to Markâs parentsâ house, itâs an ironic clash of atmospheres. The place is decked out with Christmas decorations, an amalgamation of rainbow lights, inflatable snowmen, and wreaths on every door and window. Yet, you can also see remnants of the dark burn marks in their driveway. Mark must have managed to call a tow to take his Cybertruck away just in the nick of time. You do wonder how he managed to explain the burn marks, though.Â
Taking in a deep breath, you hype yourself up in your car visor mirror before stepping out and walking to the front door. Before you can even knock, Mrs. Lee opens the door and envelops you in a bear hug. She smells like sugar cookies, and it occurs to you how much youâll miss her.Â
âOh, sweetie! Iâm so glad youâre here,â she coos, cupping your face. She then ushers you into the living room, linking her arm through yours. âI was so worried because I thought the two of you got into a fight while we were on our trip.â
You just smile uncomfortably. âO-Oh.âÂ
âA motherâs intuition is always right, you know,â she says, winking, âPlus, I knew something was off when Mark told us heâd be staying at our place for a couple nights. Poor boy was a mess, you know. He somehow managed to total his car in the driveway! Can you believe it? He really needs you around to whip him into shape!âÂ
You hope she canât see you holding in a laugh. As youâre walking, you scan the room for Mark, but heâs nowhere to be seen. It doesnât surprise you one bit that youâre being treated as fodder so he can hide in his room.Â
âAnyways, say hi to everyone!â She leads you directly into a circle of Markâs aunt and uncles. You give them all an awkward hello and try to slink away while they all converse, but one of Markâs aunts turns towards you.Â
âSo, how long have you and Mark been together, honey?â she asks.Â
âUm, about four yearsââ
âOh, but theyâve known each other for much longer than that. Seven years! Mark had the biggest crush on her, you know,â Mrs. Lee interjects.Â
âMy goodness, does that mean weâll be hearing wedding bells soon?â Markâs aunt teases. The rest of the circle oohs and ahhs, and you want to strangle yourself with a garland.Â
âI mean, what is he waiting for anyway? Heâs making loads of money on the Internet now, isnât he?â she continues.Â
âExactly. I want grandchildren, you know,â Mrs. Lee huffs.Â
Unable to bite back your words anymore, you clear your throat loudly. âI have something I need toââÂ
âOh, Y/N! Iâve been looking for you,â another voice chimes in.Â
All of you turn around, and a gasp nearly escapes you when you see Donghyuck standing in front of you. Heâs in a white cable knit sweater, and his wavy hair looks so fluffy that you almost want to reach out and touch it. His cheeks are a bit flushed, probably because heâs in such thick clothing (or Mrs. Leeâs famous spiked eggnog). Without his uniform on, he looks much softer, dreamier.Â
âYouâŚhave?â you ask, bewildered.Â
âYup! Come on, I gotta ask you something,â he answers cheerfully, gesturing for you to follow him.Â
Youâre a bit wary of what heâs scheming, but youâd rather risk it than have to deal with any more marriage talk, so you gladly let him whisk you away from the crowd. Donghyuck leads you to a less crowded part of the room, swiping a piece of chocolate cake when he walks past the dessert table, and tucks himself into a corner thatâs concealed by a giant Christmas tree.Â
âHere we go. I introduce to you my super covert corner that I stand in when I want to avoid nosy relatives,â he says in a sing-song voice before offering you the cake in his hand. âWould you like some German chocolate cake made by yours truly? Itâs pretty damn average, if I do say so myself.âÂ
You pause, only just now realizing that Donghyuck helped you out. You suppose you have nothing to lose, so you accept the cake. âOh. Thank you. So, you didnât have anything you wanted to ask me?âÂ
âWell, actually, I do,â he hums, giving you a sheepish grin. âYou set Markâs car on fire last night, didnât you?â
Part of you already expected this question coming, so you manage to keep your expression neutral. âAre you accusing me?âÂ
âWhy, I wouldnât dare. Besides, I donât need to. I know you did,â he says casually, shrugging.
Even though you should feel panicked, you donât. In fact, Donghyuck almost seems to find it amusing.Â
âDo you have proof?â
âMark told me,â he states sweetly.
You sigh loudly, immediately giving up the ruse. âI knew that damn lowlife would yap.âÂ
âSo, what did he do?âÂ
âOf course, he told you what I did but didnât tell you what he did,â you snort.Â
âWhat, he cheat or something?âÂ
âWorse.âÂ
You pull out your phone and show Donghyuck Markâs Discord DMs and watch his expression morph into disgust as you indulge in the cake he gave you. The dessert is perfectly average as he said, but thereâs something charming about it. In that way, the cake is quite similar to its maker.Â
âAs a government employee and resident fighter of fires, nothing justifies arson,â he states after a brief moment to collect his thoughts, âbut this comes pretty damn close.âÂ
You give him a smug I-told-you-so look.
âBut seriously, what you did was really dangerous, Y/N. You could have injured yourself badly. That jackass is not worth getting third-degree burns over. There are better ways to get revenge, you know,â he lectures.
âLike what?â You raise an eyebrow.
âI donât know, like TP or egg his car or something. Slash his tires?âÂ
âGod, are you from a 90s movie or something? Thatâs lame as hell,â you snort, taking another bite of cake.
âDig your key into the side of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive? Carve your name into his leather seats? Take a Louisville slugger to both headlights? Slash a hole in all four tires?â He wriggles his eyebrows.Â
âAre you quoting Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood?â you ask incredulously.
âMaybe next time heâll think before he cheatsâŚâ Donghyuck sings, purposefully off-key.Â
You canât fight that smile that spreads across your face, and it eventually turns into a full-on belly laugh when he continues to sing. Itâs the first genuine laugh, the first moment of brief happiness and relief, that youâve felt in a long time. You thought you had it when you set Markâs car on fire, but something still coiled in the pit of your stomach like simmering, black smoke. In this tiny little corner that smells of pine needles and chocolate cake, you feel free like a clear sky after a long winter storm.
âFor the record,â Donghyuck says, voice gently dipping, âyouâve always been too good for him, and everyone knows itâincluding him. Heâll regret what he did to you for the rest of his life. Thatâs your revenge.âÂ
Your breath staccatos in your chest at his words. You tell yourself that he has always been a smooth talker, but he looks at you with such honesty and warmth that you want to believe him.Â
âHave you always been this sweet?â You meant for the words to come out in a teasing manner, but your voice is tinged with breathlessness.Â
Donghyuck grins, and his lips remind you of the heart-shaped lollipops that you see in the store during Valentineâs Day. âThe sweetest.âÂ
A part of you wonders what would happen if you craned your neck and kissed him right here and now. Not because youâre romantically interested in him, of course. Rather, it would be a spectacular way to get revenge on Mark. Most girls go for the brother or the best friendâmaybe even the dad if one is particularly ambitiousâbut the cousin is an untapped (pun NOT intended) medium for revenge.Â
You wonder if Donghyuck tastes like cookies or wine-filled chocolates or spiked eggnog or even fruitcake. You really hate fruitcake, but you suppose you wouldnât mind for the sake of revenge.Â
But you would never do that to him. Heâs much too kind of a person to be involved in you and Markâs mess. The fact that youâre able to confide in him and he actually takes your side is something that you truly appreciate. As much as you want to torment Mark, itâs best to just end it here.Â
âYou can use me too, you know,â Donghyuck adds.
âHuh?â You blink.
âFor your revenge,â he clarifies. âUse me. To make him jealous, to bully him, whatever you want.âÂ
For a moment, you almost believe he somehow read your mind.Â
âJust wanted to let you know,â he says, shrugging, âsince you probably think it would be too mean. Plus, I think you would need my help anyways.â
That makes you feel greatly offended. âWhat is that supposed to mean? You say that like I didnât set a car on fire.âÂ
âYouâre too naive in your thinking. Revenge doesnât always have to be loud and in your face like that. Itâs a lot more fun when you break them down psychologically in more subtle ways,â he explains.
âSo, youâas a government employeeâcanât approve of me committing arson because I got cheated on, but youâas a government employeeâcan casually and openly discuss waging psychological warfare on another civilian. On said person who cheated on me, who also happens to be your cousin because you seemed to have forgotten that, â you point out sardonically.Â
Donghyuck just smiles before slightly leaning in, eyes flickering down to your lips. You open your mouth to retort but your words instantly die in your throat, softly gasping when his hand brushes your chin as he reaches over and swipes a bit of chocolate frosting from your bottom lip with his thumb.Â
âSure I can,â he answers smoothly, âbecause, unlike a certain someone, I wonât get caught.âÂ
âI didnâtââ
âAnd by the way, Mark didnât tell me you set his car on fire.âÂ
You gawk at him as he walks past you with a content grin on his face. âNow come on, I hear my aunt calling for us.âÂ
Maybe you need to take back your earlier statement of Donghyuck being too kind. He might actually have more screws loose than you.
.
.
.
You almost completely forget about Mark until he finally comes downstairs for the white elephant exchange. Youâre in such a daze from your earlier interaction with Donghyuck that you barely recoil when Mark takes a seat beside you on the couch, especially since Donghyuck is sitting in the rocking chair directly across from you.Â
The gift exchange begins once everyone has drawn a number, and you honestly just dissociate for the first half of it. Keeping your gaze trained on the piece of paper that has 26 scribbled on it, you donât look up until you feel Mark get up beside you and pick a gift from the pile. Youâre praying to both Jesus and Santa that he doesnât pick yours, but you suppose you've been deemed a sinner and also put on the Naughty List (maybe for setting your cheating exâs care on fire?) because Mark somehow manages to find yours in the pile of presents.Â
When he opens it, you can tell by the way he quickly glances at you that he knows itâs yours. After all, he saw you practicing your knitting throughout the week. He happily wraps it around his neck and beams proudly. âI love it.â
The way he carefully looks back at you makes you want to smack him into the new year. You know heâs trying to get on your good side, and you make it clear with your scowl that it isnât working.Â
Youâre actually grateful that itâs your turn next so that youâre able to get up and walk away from him. Wanting to get this entire situation over with, you haphazardly grab one from the top of the pile. Your heart sinks when you take out the stuffing paper from the bag and realize that itâs Markâs gift. You contemplate putting the paper back in and not opening it at all, but you cave under the pressure of all the expectant pairs of eyes on you.Â
In typical Mark fashion, his gift is a signed T-shirt of his own merch. Itâs an obnoxious yellow color with his Twitch username and a giant screen printed image of his face plastered across it. Heâs written his signature right over his forehead, so it makes him look like he has random chicken scratch on his face.Â
âOh, it must be destiny!â Mrs. Lee exclaims, clapping her hands together.Â
You force a smile before returning to your seat, doing everything in your power to ignore Markâs stupid giddy expression. Shoving the shirt back into the bag, you casually kick it away from you.Â
A couple more people take their turns, and youâre counting down the seconds to when this is finally over so you can go home. Eventually, itâs Donghyuckâs turn, and he saunters towards you and holds his hand out.Â
âGimme.â
You blink at him.
âYour gift. Iâm stealing it,â he explains, wiggling his fingers.Â
âYou wantâŚthis?â you ask, completely baffled.Â
âWell, duh. Itâs going to sell for a lot of money, you know.â He winks.Â
You canât help but laugh when you realize heâs helping you out again. âThis has to be unethical. Arenât you a government employee?âÂ
âGovernment employees need to make money too,â he replies, sighing.Â
âWell, if you really want it, I guess I have no choice,â you huff, faking exasperation before handing him the bag.Â
Youâre smiling when he takes it and walks back to his chair, and you hear Mark grumble something under his breath. Turning to him, you raise an eyebrow, snippily asking, âWhat?â
âI said,â he repeats so loudly that it reverberates throughout the room, âwhen did the two of you get so friendly?âÂ
A silence falls over everyone, and the two of you are now center stage.Â
âAre you really going to do this now?â you hiss.Â
âI noticed that the two of you were getting awfully cozy behind the Christmas tree earlier,â Mark retorts, shrugging.Â
Donghyuck gets up to intervene, but he doesnât have time to even react before you grab a pillow from the couch and chuck it in Markâs face.Â
âYouâve got some nerve. Was this your plan all along? To make me look like the bad guy in front of your family?â you demand, feeling your face grow hotter and hotter from rage. âYou and uwukittenbb69 were getting awfully cozy too, donât you think? Iâd say snug as a bug in a goddamn rug even.âÂ
Mark stands up in a flash, his eyes frantically glancing at his mom before pointing his finger at you. âBaby, I told you she was just a friend.âÂ
You nearly choke on air when you hear him call you that. Making a beeline towards the pile of presents, you begin to toss them at Mark with each question you add. âYou absolute lunatic. Do friends beg each other for pictures of their tits? Do friends write raps confessing their love for one another? Do friends blow off their anniversary with their girlfriend so that they can meet up for a quick booty call? And yes, Iâm saying quick because you and I both know itâll be a speedy endeavor.â
âWhat on Earth is going on?â Mrs. Lee cries out as Mark tries his best to swat away the presents being hurled at him.Â
âYouâre a psycho bitch,â Mark yells. âItâs not like I actually slept with her. We were just messing around online. You got jealous over nothing. And you set my car on fire!âÂ
âYou wanna see psycho?â you snap, throwing the present in your hands down onto the floor and marching towards him with your bare fists before you suddenly stop and take in your surroundings. You see the horror and shock on everyoneâs faces, the way theyâre looking at you, and then perhaps most clear of allâMarkâs expression. Heâs angry just like you, but thereâs a glimmer of victory in his eyes. As if heâs bested you in some manner.Â
And he has. Youâre the villain now.
Taking in a deep breath, you will yourself to walk over to Mark in a calm manner, looking him directly in the eye.Â
âYouâre nothing except a liar and a cheater, Mark Lee. That will never change that no matter how much you try to spin it in front of your family. You built your success off my back, and I hope that haunts you for the rest of your life. May you receive everything that youâve done to me tenfold. Thatâs all I want to sayââ You pause. âOh, and Iâve always thought your Cybertruck was fucking ugly.âÂ
You reach over and snatch the scarf from his neck before turning and walking out of the door, feeling like you finally managed to cut off the ball and chain around your ankle. Just as youâre about to reach your car, you hear someone calling after you.Â
âIâll drive you home,â Donghyuck says once he catches up to you.Â
âIâm not so distraught that Iâll become a hazard on the road,â you say wryly
âWell, when it comes to being around a car, youâve certainly proved that youâre not exactly at your most dangerous when youâre behind the wheel,â he jokes.Â
âYou may have a point,â you acknowledge, giving him a small smile.
âLet me drive you home, Y/N. Iâm worried about you,â he insists again, much quieter this time.Â
âHow are you going to get back then?â You raise an eyebrow.Â
âIâll call an Uber or something.âÂ
âThat would be such a waste of money,â you snort.
âNot if itâs for you,â he says almost instantly. His normally brown eyes almost look auburn when under the golden glow of the sunset.Â
Thereâs such determination, such assurance, such warmth in his gaze that you let yourself be surrounded with, no longer having the energy to resist him, and it feels like falling onto a soft cloud after a long, winding journey. For once, you just want someone to take care of you, even if itâs just for a moment.Â
âFine. Do as you please,â you relent, tossing him your car keys before walking around to the passenger side and climbing in.Â
Donghyuck looks relieved, beaming when he situates himself in the driverâs seat. You try not to be impressed with the way he easily backs out of the driveway with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the headrest behind you, maneuvering the wheel with a deftness youâve never seen before. Then again, he does drive a massive fire truck on the daily, so your Toyota probably isnât much of a challenge for him.Â
He drives with his eyes staring straight down the roadâalmost too focusedâbecause you know heâs trying not to look at you. Probably because youâre making it abundantly clear that you donât want him to look at you, leaning your head against the window and away from him. It doesnât mean that you donât see his wandering eyes, almost as if it were second nature, drift back to you in the reflection of the window.
âPathetic, right?â you finally say, feeling suffocated by the heavy silence.
âWhatâs pathetic?âÂ
âMe.âÂ
âWhy would you be pathetic?â Donghyuck grips the steering wheel tightly, knuckles turning white as the leather creaks under the force of his hold.
âMark was right. I talked a big game in front of him, but in the end, I was just the psycho ex-girlfriend. I told myself that I would never let him hold my emotions hostage anymore. That I would erase any care I had for him left in me. Because indifference means that Iâm truly free. But I couldnât do it. I really hate him, to my very core, and that means he still has power over me. I hate that most of all. I want him to feel the same pain I did, and I want to exact revenge on him, but at the same time, I want to move on with my life. Iâm like a dog chasing my own tail; itâs pathetic.âÂ
You wanted to sound more lighthearted about this, turn it into a joke, but Donghyuck seems to draw out a vulnerability within you that makes you want to tell him everything youâve been trying to desperately ignore.Â
âY/N, youâre dealing with the end of a long-term relationship. Itâs only natural that you have confusing and conflicting feelings about everything. Youâre not pathetic; youâre human. Mark stole your girlhood and your youth, and itâs going to take time for you to heal from that. Itâs impossible to immediately get back on your feet after what he did to you. None of this is your fault, so donât ever berate yourself,â Donghyuckâs voice trembles as he speaks. âI promise you that one day, youâre going to wake up and youâll realize that you donât remember what Mark's favorite food is. His favorite movie. His favorite color. Then youâll realize that you can barely even remember what his face looks like when heâs sad, happy, angry. Eventually, youâll forget about him entirely, and all the pain he caused you will just be seconds of your life that evaporates from your mind completely.â
When he speaks to you like thereâs nothing heâs more sure of in this world, it makes you want to believe him. You want to be his promise.Â
âThank you, Donghyuck,â you whisper, placing your hand on top of his for just a moment before pulling away. Your touch is feather light, but you hope he didnât notice the way your fingertips lingered a second longer.Â
The two of you fall quiet again, but this time, the silence is much more comfortable now. Youâre almost disappointed when he pulls into your apartment complex, unsure of how to say goodbye to him.Â
âWould you like some hot cocoa or something?â you blurt out when he parks. âI think I have some in my apartment.â
You donât realize how suggestive your offer sounds until itâs too late. Donghyuck hesitates for a moment, and you can tell heâs debating on if he should tease you about it or not. To your surprise, he doesnât.
âNah, itâs okay. Itâs getting dark soon, so I should head back.â He pulls out his phone and starts ordering an Uber.Â
âWant me to wait with you then?â Youâre not sure why you keep insisting on staying with him, but this day has been so batshit insane that you almost feel like a passenger in your own body.Â
âProbably not a good idea,â he chuckles.
Now, you feel both confused and slightly offended again.
âAnd why is that? I know Iâve been a bit of a menace today, but stillâŚâ you trail off awkwardly.Â
Donghyuck pauses for a moment as he stares at you; his face is closer to yours than itâs ever been because youâre sitting right next to him. You can tell heâs thinking very carefully about his next words. It occurs to you that, for a guy as seemingly flippant as him, he is actually quite thoughtful.
âYou know, Iâve been compared to Mark my entire life,â he begins, musing.Â
âSoooâŚyou didnât want me to wait with you because youâre gearing up for a trauma dump?â You raise an eyebrow.Â
Donghyuck holds his hand up in front of you, shushing you. âShh, let me have my big moment.âÂ
âSorry. Please proceed.âÂ
âAhem. As I was saying, I was but a poor, innocent wee boy living in the shadow of the golden child in our family. Mark was always the more athletic, the funnier, the more charming one. His grades were ass, but he always managed to get out of trouble because he was the favorite. When I got my job as a firefighter and he was unemployed, my family barely congratulated me or even acknowledged it at all because they were afraid they would upset Mark. You see, Iâve actually lived quite a tragic life,â Donghyuck sniffles, wiping away a fake tear.Â
âWhat a shame that they canât see how wonderful you are,â you chime in, a smile in your voice.Â
Your honesty in response to his joke visibly catches him off guard, and he blinks a couple of times before your words finally register.Â
âRight?â he huffs dramatically, but he canât seem to meet your eyes completely as a light flush dustes his face and ears. âBut fret not, I didnât particularly mind. It was nice not having to live up to any expectations. Besides, I was happy for Mark when he finally got successful as a streamer. We were raised like brothers, and I always admired him. I was proud of him.âÂ
âHa, little did you knowââ
âAll this to say that, growing up, Iâve never been once jealous of Mark,â Donghyuck states proudly.Â
Then he slowly looks over at you with longing eyes, almost as if his body turning itself towards you is a natural reflex. His expression is so soft and affectionate that it nearly takes your breath away.Â
âThat is, until he met you.âÂ
So, this is what Donghyuck looks like when heâs in love. You wonder if it would ever be possible for you to wake up one day and not remember it.Â
But you arenât sure if you return his feelings in the same way. Just like you couldnât bring yourself to use him for your revenge, you canât bring yourself to ask him to wait for you while you figure out the mess of your current emotional state. The one who loves more always loses, and you donât want to lose Donghyuck.Â
âI just wanted to tell you that,â he continues, âIâm not expecting a response. Itâs for the better you donât respond right now anyways. If you want to pretend like this conversation was all a bad dream conjured up by sleep paralysis and never want to talk about it again, Iâm okay with that too.âÂ
You smile.Â
âButâŚif youâre able to, just look my way sometimes. Iâll do everything in my power to keep your attention, even if I have to get on a unicycle with a clown nose and juggle. And, if one day, you find yourself looking for me on your own, let me know. Then, Iâll ask for an answer,â Donghyuck promises. Â
True to your word, you donât give him an answer. Instead, you take the scarf thatâs been laying across your lapâthe scarf with a few holes thanks to missing yarn and sections where you accidentally knitted the pattern in the wrong direction. Now itâs a bit stretched out due to you snatching it off Mark.Â
But this scarf, as average (maybe even less) as it may be, is charming in its own way.Â
Leaning forward, you wrap the scarf around Donghyuckâs neck. He watches you in complete awe, in a trance, as if he were in a dream and any movement would wake him up.Â
âI should head inside now,â you say quietly, trying not to giggle at his stupefied expression.
He only nods dazedly, and youâre certain that would have been his reaction regardless of what you said. It takes a few more beats for your words to actually click before he clears his throat loudly. âRight. Yes. You should.âÂ
He hands you your keys back before stepping out of the car and opening your door for you. âIâll wait down here until you get inside, and then Iâll go meet my Uber.âÂ
âThanks for driving me,â you say, realizing you never thanked him.Â
âYouâre welcome. Good night, Y/N.â Donghyuck puts his hands in his pockets and tucks his chin into the scarf as he watches you go.
As your hand hovers over the doorknob, you know you should just open the door and walk inside so you donât keep him waiting in the cold. You really shouldnât look back because it would mean that you wanted to. Not because he asked you to.Â
But you do. You look backâ
only to meet his eyes, the two of you exchanging knowing smiles.
extra | is it me? am i the drama? i donât think iâm the dramaâŚ
r/AmITheAsshole
u/justgirlythings-arson119 ⢠9h
(UPDATE) AITA for setting my cheating exâs car on fire? (and then falling for his cousin)
So, it turns out my cheating ex got catfished. His supposed Discord kitten was actually some random guy and his friend who were dicking around. They ended up leaking the DMs so theyâre all public now for those who would like to read them (by now, Iâm sure you all know who my cheating ex is). I would highly advise against listening to the rap confession though. Godspeed if you choose to. I am also selling his expensive PC setup on Facebook Marketplace if anyoneâs interested. Happy New Year!
P.S. I ended up inviting the cousin over for hot cocoa. Heâs very sweet.Â
⼣ 11.3k ⼼ 2,293 Comments
pissrevolver1122 ⢠8h
rip bozo got catfished by me n bro for some robuxÂ
⼠Reply ⼣ 3.8k ⼼
pooprevolver0205 ⢠8h
canât believe bro actually jacked off to a pic of knees LMAO
⼠⼣ 1.9k ⼼
piss-k1nk0219 ⢠2h
yall are about to have the awkwardest family get togethers ever lmao
⼠Reply ⼣ 910 ⼼
bigsnowballs0813 ⢠4h
$5 and an iced coffee for the pc take it or leave it
⼠Reply ⼣ 748 ⼼
femboyluvr0701 ⢠1h
are u gonna set the cousin's car on fire too
⼠Reply ⼣ 639 ⼼
justgirlythings-arson119 ⢠1h
probably not heâs very good at putting out fires :(Â
⼠⼣ 482 ⼼
âYou nearly choke on air when you hear him call you that. Making a beeline towards the pile of presents, you begin to toss them at Mark with each question you add. "You absolute lunatic. Do friends beg each other for pictures of their tits? Do friends write raps confessing their love for one another? Do friends blow off their anniversary with their girlfriend so that they can meet up for a quick booty call? And yes, I'm saying quick because you and I both know it'll be a speedy endeavor."
bro hshshdjsdh this GAGGED ME SO BAD. like i was just eating my food and had to put my hand on chest. my gf thought i was choking. as a mahae girlie but a hyuck ult this fic kilt me. LIKE WOWWWWWW MY HYUCKIE WAS SO PERFECT. he was so cutes. when he said that mark didnât tell him she set his car on fire dhdhdjdjjddhhdj. i wanna kiss him soooooo bad but then again he could set MY car on fire and i would probably still wanna kiss him. very cute very fun very Lets Kill Mark. i love it!
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Yani is it just me or did you changed the storyline for honeymoon avenue? Because in my memory they had sex in the elevator??? Or is it another fic from another writer? Iâm so confused ngl
itâs just you, babe. i 100% remember yangyang being like Guys dont fuck in the elevator we have a line here! or something and they got groceries and dinner and then they fucked. Right?
you might be confusing it with another fic fhshsgsjdjd i dont even know how to begin to write ELEVATOR SEX
genre/warnings: smut, a pinch of angst, mystery, exes to lovers, (mentions of) characters death, graphic descriptions of violence and murder, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, oral (m/f)
summary: Two months ago, you and Mark called it quits and havenât spoken to each other since. As per tradition, your respective friend groups gather each Christmas eve to keep the peace, but this year somebody has a different plan. And the new chick on Markâs arm isnât the worst thing to happen.
wc: 19.9k
authorâs note: (this is a repost!) nothing like a christmas mystery lol. partly inspired by honey lavender by ieuan. as always, feedback is appreciated!
Distractions, you chanted to yourself, desperate to think about literally anything other than your many problems.Â
A tall window overlooked the entire city, as far as you were concerned. Nightfall had taken over and the bustling streets were caked in thick clunks of snow. Pressing your fingertips against the glass, you could feel relentless winter.Â
None of it did anything to soothe the white hot envy scorching its way down your throat. Across the room, there was a blonde girl on Markâs arm, snuggling against his chest and sucking up all of his warmth.Â
That shouldâve been you, but you would never admit to yourself (or anyone) that you were jealous of her. You had way too much pride for a silly thing like that. Of course, Mark had never brought a girl to one of these events before, and you had an inkling it was solely to make you jealous. You couldnât let him win.Â
âThis is my friend Jodie,â Mark had introduced the girl hanging on his every word like a lovestruck teenager, but noting how close they kept to each other amongst many other things, it was safe to assume they were more than friends.Â
Less than lovers, probably, but undeniably more than friends.Â
Johnny, the man of the hour, came floating your way with the grace of a butterfly and said, âDamn. You could just tell me if youâre hating the party.â
Your eyes flickered. âWhat?â
âYouâre mad. Itâs written all over your body language.â Then, he craned his head and whispered in your ear, âHave a drink and relax a little. Donât let him know heâs getting to you.â
âHeâs not getting to me,â you grumbled under your breath, but you knew that it was an obvious lie.Â
âIf heâs not, then Jodie sure is. Thatâs what he wants. The whole reason heâs sucking her face off by the hearth is because he wants you to see.â
You knew that. Mark always wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged. His whole life was based on making people look at him, to which you were no exception. Your relationship consisted of him doing anything and everything necessary to grab your attention, but in all honesty, it didnât take a whole lot.Â
You could never keep your eyes off Mark and he knew it. Wherever he went, he was the most radiant person in the room. He was a Leo to his fucking core.
Getting back in character, you straightened up your stance and threw Johnny a beaming smile. âItâs a wonderful party.â
Johnny grinned. âThere she goes,â he said in his regular speaking voice, pleased at your new demeanor.Â
He was the master of all things body language and human psychology. He had been friends with you long enough to be confident that youâd never want your ex thinking for a second that he had one up on you. At least you knew somebody would always have your back. With Mark and his friends, you couldnât help but watch it.Â
âThanks,â you replied quietly, grateful heâd come get you together. And quickly at that.Â
âYouâre my friend.â
âMarkâs your friend.â
âYeah, but Markâs a dickhead.â
You snickered. âAmen to that.â
Johnny was the middleman between you and Markâs individual friend groups. After an incident dating back all the way to your senior year in high school, your former friend group of nine was split in two. You, Jeno, and Jaehyun on one side, with Mark, Chungha, Haechan, and Yuta on the other.Â
Johnny, the god of friendly relations that he was, managed to drift between both sides. Matter of fact, these parties of his were the whole reason you even saw the other side of the group every year. If it werenât for Johnny wanting to maintain the peace, most of you would never be in the same room again for any purpose.Â
You took a glimpse around the party. It was being held in Johnnyâs sumptuous two-floor penthouse this year after the outdoor disaster that was last year's Christmas eve reunion. To say the least, hypothermia had never seemed scarier.Â
Unsurprisingly, Mark still had his hands and mouth all over Jodie as they stood near the hearth, the fireplace decorated in limestone. Chungha was marveling at Johnny's case of precious stones and cabochon gems. Off to your right, Haechan had his face set in a scowl.Â
âHaechan looks happy to be here,â you quipped with total sarcasm.
Johnny didnât even spare Haechan a glance, like he already knew what heâd see if he looked, and chuckled. âYeah, we got into a tiny argument a few minutes back. Heâll be fine.â
That piqued your curiosity, but you didnât press. Haechan always went looking for trouble and Johnny stopped it before it could even happen. Of course Haechan disliked that.Â
The elevator dinged, revealing a fashionably late Jeno. Johnny noticed and glanced at you, saying, âIâve got to greet our favorite guest. Thanks for coming, by the way.â
You shot him an amused grin. âI came for you, but Iâm staying for the margaritas.â
Johnny shook his head and laughed. After asking him to tell Jeno that you said hello, the two of you went your own separate ways.Â
For a little bit, you went to mingle, but you realized quickly that there werenât a lot of people you were keen on having a conversation with. Jeno, your best friend, was with Johnny. That left Jaehyun, Johnnyâs stepbrother, but you knew he preferred to be left alone.Â
Mark obviously wasnât an option. Even if he knew you better than anyone in the room.Â
In spite of knowing you wouldnât be there long, you made small talk with Jaehyun for a couple of minutes before he got an apparently urgent text message on his phone and excused himself apologetically.Â
To where, you had no fucking clue. This was your first time in Johnnyâs penthouse regardless of how close you were. You spent very little time in the city and even less at your own home. It was a blessing you hadnât missed one of these parties yet.Â
Maybe a curse. To be frank, you didnât want to be here, but that had almost everything to do with Mark. Bringing Jodie along to an annual reunion for friends was low, even for him. But you kind of wished you had somebody to keep you company like he did.Â
You exhaled your feelings and pretended that they didnât bother you. Your mother told you a long time ago that the only person youâd ever be able to depend on was yourself and though she had her own set of parenting complications, it was the best advice sheâd ever given you.Â
Speaking of advice, Johnnyâs was starting to appear way too appetizing and you made a beeline for the kitchen, slipping past Yuta who was apparently on the phone. Those infamous mango margaritas were calling your name.Â
When you entered the hallway, turning around the corner from the dining room, you almost immediately retreated. You almost told Johnny that you couldnât be here for another minute. But Mark noticed you and it was too late. He would immediately know what was going on and take it as a surrender.Â
âLook who decided to come,â Mark said sharply, a greeting of his own in some twisted way. âI bet you were hoping to see a fruity cocktail.â
âYes, and youâre standing in my way,â you spat, gesturing to the cabinets behind you.Â
Mark furrowed a brow. âYou arenât going to take one thatâs already there?â
You looked at him like he had fifteen heads. Those couldâve easily been spiked with any substance. âMark, half the people in this house hate each other. I love margaritas, but I love my life way more. Now, if youâll excuse me.â
Mark scooted out of your way, though only because he knew the bounds of your survival. It was all that you knew. Â
You reached around, grabbing ingredients from various places. All the while, Mark stood there, hating how unbothered you were. He was desperate to get a reaction out of you and would go to great lengths to get what he was searching for.Â
His eyes were fixed to your frame and the green sequin gown hugging it tightly. There was a long slit running down the side that Mark clocked before you turned to face the counter, offering a delicious view of one of your perfect legs. When his eyes lifted from your beautiful curves, he noticed the dress was backless.Â
Fuck, you were still gorgeous. Worst of all, you were still exactly everything he imagined and wanted. The girl of his dreams.Â
âI wouldnât let anyone hurt you,â Mark admitted, staring daggers into your back.
You rooted in place with shock at the blurted confession, hands on a bottle of tequila, wondering if he had any liquor in his system making him a little more blunt than he shouldâve been.Â
Until Mark finished, âBecause if anyoneâs going to kill you, itâs going to be me.â
The flutter in your chest immediately settled back into exasperation. Mark wasnât afraid of having an altercation with you and he knew he could get away with it without suspicion. Given the bad blood between your respective friend groups, occasional animosity was to be expected.Â
Plus it wasnât like it was still some grave-bound secret. It also wasnât as if you never saw the glares Haechan threw your way.Â
You recovered with a roll of your eyes, turning to him and snapping, âHow long are you going to hate me?â
âAs long as it takes,â Mark growled, parading out of the kitchen before you could get another word in. He wasnât prepared to argue yet, but he refused to let you have the last word.Â
You shook your head in contempt. Mark wasnât just your former lover, but the other half of you, regardless of how corny it sounded. You knew he could hold a grudge until the day he was six feet under. As long as it takes. For what, you had no clue.Â
Finishing up the cocktail, you cleaned up behind yourself and prepared to head back out to the party, though made a last-minute decision to linger in the kitchen. You were irritated and you werenât in the mood to socialize or see Mark again until your system had a little liquor.Â
A few moments afterwards, Jeno bounced into the kitchen eagerly, grinning from ear to ear like he knew that heâd find you here. As if to sell your suspicions, he greeted, âFound you. And it only took eight seconds.â
You chuckled, sipping from your glass. Though you already knew the answer, you humored him, asking, âHowâd you find me?âÂ
âEasy. I just followed the tequila.â
âMe and tequila do go way back,â you replied, smiling at the memories. Some good, some⌠unspeakable. You gestured to your glass. âWant one?â
Jeno shook his head. âNo thanks. Iâm good.â
You gasped dramatically and joked, âWhat, are you pregnant?â
âNo way. Iâm a complete virgin.â
You burst out laughing. âYouâre a complete fucking lie.â
Jeno looked like he couldnât even take himself seriously. Then, he shifted the topic, mentioning, âI saw Mark storm out of here. That also was a hint as to your whereabouts.â
You fought a grimace, deciding nonchalance was key. âWe talked for the first time in two months. Since the breakup.â
âHow did that go?â
âTake a wild fucking guess,â you mumbled, the memory making you wince and take another generous sip.Â
Jeno grimaced. âYeah, he didnât look too happy. Are you okay?â
âIâm fine,â you assured him, though you werenât certain. Your heart still raced a little when Mark was close enough. But a familiar pain always followed in its wake.Â
Jeno gave you a knowing look, but said nothing. Both of you were distracted by the sound of footsteps, noticing Johnny and Jodie cruising down the hallways. From the looks of it, he was giving her a tour. She was giving Johnny heart eyes.
You arched a brow in curiosity, while Jeno appeared amused. To the average outsider, Johnny looked content as ever, but you and Jeno recognized him with dwindling patience.Â
âThis partyâs getting interesting,â Jeno commented, eyes darting down the hall with interest.Â
You nodded in agreement. âItâs already a step up from last year.â
There were painful flashbacks flickering behind Jenoâs eyes. âDamn right. As soon as I stepped into the lobby, all I could feel was warm air.â
You snickered. âJohnny doesnât repeat mistakes. He hates it.â
âYou really know Johnny.â
You noticed that Jenoâs eyes were already on you when you glanced up to look at him. âWe dated. You know that.â
âFor your motherâs sake,â Jeno replied.Â
That was true. She was practically begging you to bring a guy home. Not because she was eager to have grandchildren (though the time would come where sheâd start pressing you for an heir), but because having an affluent partner would make you look better, which would thus make the company look better.Â
It was before Mark. The bad blood aside, he wasnât exactly the type of person your mother approved of you being seen with. Mark was a rapper. Johnny, on the other hand, came from a lineage of prominent wealthy businessmen.Â
In a weird way, it kind of made sense how the group separated. There was you, whose father was the chairman of an oil company, Jeno, whose father was the chief executive of a private equity investor, and Johnny and Jaehyun, whose mother was an entrepreneur, but Johnny was chosen to take over the business while Jaehyun was stuck with real estate.Â
Then there were Markâs friends. Chungha, who was a successful model and influencer. Yuta, a popular soccer player. And Haechan was the product of two fierce attorneys, but he obviously had no intention of following in his parentsâ footsteps.Â
Johnny was everything your mother wanted you to be with and to appease her, you dated him for a few months. And you were grateful. He helped you learn new things about yourself and how you navigated relationships. You were never in love with him, but youâd always love Johnny.Â
Your heart still wanted Mark. You didnât know what love was until you fell for Mark.Â
âYes. It was strictly business,â you confirmed, thinking nothing of it. This wasnât news. Jeno knew you well enough.Â
Jeno nodded in approval. âIâm gonna go take a look around the house. This is my first time coming over.â
At least you werenât the only one. âHave fun. Iâm gonna find some food. Iâm hungry.â
Jeno told you that heâd see you later, then dipped. Meanwhile, you went around the corner to the dining room, finding plenty of food and wanting to dig in. You didnât trust half of the guests here enough to eat unsupervised dishes, but unlike the previous years, you didnât manage to sneak in a meal beforehand.Â
Yuta and Haechan ironically didnât seem to be as wary. They were sitting beside each other, chatting over their food. Out of his friends, Mark was closest with Yuta and Haechan. Their friendship was unwavering and one of the few to stand the test of time. In a way, they were like a trio of brothers.Â
You subtly took glances at them. Haechan looked more buoyant and cheerful than earlier. Definitely not in the mood to poison anyoneâs food. And Yuta, though you werenât necessarily close anymore, still seemed like the Yuta you used to know. Before the incident ruined you for the worse.
Haechan couldnât be any more different. He was the same spoiled little brat, you supposed, but he wasnât shy about his disdain towards you. And the rest of your friends. If it werenât for the fact that Johnny was just so goddamn likable, you were certain Haechan wouldnât come.Â
At least you werenât on their radar for now. Neither of them seemed to be fazed by your presence. Thank god, you thought to yourself, glimpsing across the dining room. There were mistletoes hanging from here to there. You could hear typical holiday music from down the hall.Â
It was a good sign at the very least. You were just paranoid and not having Mark to discreetly meet in a bathroom for a quickie forced you to confront the dark essence of these parties. With Mark, the feeling was still there, but at least you could convert it into tension of a sexual nature.Â
You still remembered what it was like. Betting kisses on how many minutes of alone time you had before the others noticed you were coincidentally both missing. Those sweet nothings youâd whisper in his ear to coax him towards climax quicker.Â
And they would work. Every fucking time. There was nothing like watching his face immediately tense with pleasure at those words and watching his orgasm consequently wreck through his utter being like a freight train.Â
You chuckled at the thought. It was too fucking easy, but boy, Mark could fuck.Â
Your thoughts wondered again. To Mark, and to Jodie. Did he fuck her, or was he merely using her as a pawn in this little game of his?
You wouldnât be surprised. On top of his exigency for attention and demand for total adoration, Mark was fucking spiteful. He was the pettiest dude youâd ever met and would go to the ends of the earth and back simply to make a point.Â
A few more glances around the dining area and you decided that there was nothing for you there, returning to the solace of Johnnyâs marble kitchen. Thinking about your stupid ex made you lose your appetite.Â
If you made it back home for Christmas tomorrow, there would be a full-course dinner with your relatives anyways. You used to hope that youâd be able to bring Mark to one of those holiday banquets, though youâd be delusional to think itâd be anything other than a complete fiasco.Â
Hell, the only lover of yours to survive meeting your mother was Johnny, and that was because you didnât know a single person who could possibly dislike him at all.Â
To your surprise, a spine-chilling gunshot rang out somewhere down the hallway, jolting you out of your brief abstraction.Â
âFuck!â cried Johnnyâs voice, startled. You knew immediately that something was wrong. Johnny, at least on the outside, was never afraid.Â
Not since that night.Â
You marched straight for the living room and the echoes of several pairs of hurried footsteps said that everybody was on the same page. Though you couldâve swore the gunshot came from here, when you got to the living room, everyone was there except for Johnny.Â
No, Jodie wasnât there either. You would know, because sheâd be clinging to Markâs arm right about now, like a child to their motherâs bosom in a grocery store.
Johnny stumbled out of the lounge with no apparent injuries, but an inscrutable look on his handsome face.Â
Jaehyun was the first to ask, âWhat happened?â
âJodie,â Johnny said emotionlessly, pointing to the lounge. âSheâs dead.â
Nobody moved. You instinctively glanced to Mark, wondering what his reaction would be, but his face didnât move a fucking inch.Â
âIs that what that gunshot was for?â Yuta pressed.Â
Johnny shook his head and replied, âNo, the gunshot was for me. Somebody tried to shoot me from the overlook upstairs, but missed by an inch. I ran into the lounge for shelter, but found Jodie there instead.â
The bullet in the wall by a lamp was enough proof that Johnny wasnât lying. One of his guests standing before him now tried to take him out.Â
There was a familiar unsettling sensation burning through your gut like a gunshot wound to the abdomen. The room devolved into its own breed of silent chaos, but you could tell from everybodyâs faces and guarded postures that the same thought was flickering behind your eyelids.
Mark finally expressed a pinch of anger in his tone, stating in confusion, âI only heard one gunshot.â
âThatâs because she wasnât shot,â Johnny replied coolly, running a hand through his hair. âShe was butchered.â
Well, that sure didnât paint a pretty picture. Just the thought of what youâd see if you walked into the lounge made you stiffen. You jotted down a mental note not to go in there unless absolutely necessary. Â
You glanced up towards the overlook. It was tall and offered the perfect angle of Johnny from where you assumed he was standing, plus there was enough space between the metal bars for a bullet to fly.Â
To its sides were two different hallways, both functioning as possible escape routes, but everybody got here fairly quickly. Wouldnât anyone have noticed if someone fired a shot merely seconds before gathering here?
Your arms were folded across your chest and your face was fixed in a line to hide your fear. There was no room for it with this crowd of people. âYou didnât see anyone?â
âI looked up and they were only a sliver.â
Chungha didnât look too happy. âShouldnât we call the police?â
âAs if itâs ever that easy with us,â Jeno retorted.Â
Johnny quickly shot the idea down. âNobodyâs coming in or out of my house until I know who did this. If you want to try me, be my guest.â
You werenât keen on being cooped up in this house for only god knows how long with people who were as good as strangers (especially now that bodies were dropping), but you didnât plan on disobeying either, even if Johnnyâs threat did little to intimidate you.Â
Johnny knew you. He knew you deep down. If Mark werenât there, standing only a couple of feet shy of you, you would confidently say that he knew you better than anyone else in this room. But it was Mark who had seen all your ugly.Â
Haechan irritably groaned. âThen, whatâs the plan, tough guy?â
âWell, we can start with placing you all outside of the scene. Whatâs your alibi?â Johnny asked.Â
Haechan didnât take kindly to being accused, as evident in his tone when he hissed, âI was in the dining area with Yuta, eating. Our plates are still on the table.â
Johnny glanced at Yuta, who subsequently nodded to confirm that it was true. Plus you could still hear their chatter from around the corner when you were in the kitchen. Their alibi was rock-solid.Â
âI was coming out of the downstairs bathroom when I heard the gunshot,â Jaehyun said, glimpsing around.Â
Nobody countered him, and Johnny seemed to trust him, all things considered. They may not have shared blood, but they were brothers.Â
You rubbed your temple. âI was in the kitchen.â
âI was in the den,â Mark claimed, holding his arm. You could see the slightest shift in his carefully constructed demeanor. âI saw Chungha coming from the back of the hall, so it wasnât her.â
Chungha said nothing. She was warily glaring holes through the skin of everyone around her. Chungha was a sweetheart and never thought badly of you after the split-up, but she refused to let others get too close, and you honestly respected it.Â
You were the same way. Skeptical of everybody that crossed your path and kept a tight-knit circle of buddies. After whatâd you seen and done, there was no such thing as being too safe.Â
Jeno huffed, âI was just walking around. I wouldâve asked Johnny for a tour, but he was a little⌠preoccupied.â
Jeno didnât elaborate and nobody asked him to, but you knew exactly what he meant, and you telepathically exchanged the same thought when you made eye contact for the briefest of seconds. It was odd that only seconds prior, Johnny and Jodie were walking together. Now Jodie was dead and somebody tried to shoot Johnny?
âLetâs not waste precious time. Itâs obviously Jeno,â Haechan snapped, glare cutting through his enemy like a blade.Â
Jeno frowned, offended. âWhy me?â
Haechanâs face was tense with frustration. âYou know why.âÂ
âStop,â Johnny told them sternly, stopping the action before it could accelerate too quickly to be controlled. âWeâre all adults here and weâre going to handle this like adults. If you have proof, by all means, share. If you donât know for certain, then keep it to yourself.â
Unsatisfied, Jaehyun crossed his arms and asked, âSo what now? We just continue on as if there isnât a killer on the loose?â
âYep.â
Jaehyun sighed in distress, but he didnât go against Johnny.Â
The eight of you separated quickly, scattering about Johnnyâs large house. He seemed to be aware that nothing would happen if you all remained together.Â
Getting everybody alone upped the stakes. The perpetrator would be more tempted to act. And you needed them to make a mistake.Â
At least for now, you decided to remain on the first floor where you were already familiar with your surroundings. In spite of being the obvious attack zone of the killer, you were comfortable here.Â
On your way out of the living room, you noticed some of the group assembling into pairs. Unsurprisingly, Johnny and Jaehyun were together. As were Haechan and Chungha. It was a powerful method, but you preferred to be alone. That way there were less distractions.Â
You also had no reason to view yourself as a target, though that made you ask yourself the glaring question. Why the hell would somebody want to kill Johnny?
Ironically, the purpose of these parties was to maintain the peace. Jodieâs killer obviously had to know that killing Johnny too wouldâve been quite the statement to make.Â
That there was no peace when it came to the eight of you. You were composed only of death and destruction.Â
You were so deep in your thoughts that you barely noticed Mark walking in front of you until you nearly crashed into him, stumbling and being caught in his open arms. âWhoa there, baby,â Mark said, holding onto you tightly. âYou should really be more aware of whatâs going on.â
You wrested yourself out of his hold, but in the middle of doing your damnedest to free yourself from him, your fingers accidentally traced a familiar shape in his coat pocket and you stilled in surprise. âYou have a gun?â
Mark didnât try to deny it. âWhy would I go anywhere without one, baby?â
âIâm not your âbaby,ââ you hissed, stepping a comfortable distance away from him.Â
Mark only hummed. His attention was on the long slit in your emerald green dress. For a second, you couldnât believe he was blatantly checking you out, then he angled himself towards you and drew his hand to your exposed leg.Â
Your eyes flitted to Mark and when his met yours, a sly little grin spread across his lips. Youâd be lying if you said that his hand on your legs didnât instinctively reactivate carnal feelings inside of you, but you dared not reveal it on your face.Â
Finally, after a few seconds of scooting up your thigh, Mark found what he was looking for and purred, âSmart girl.â His hand was at your obviously occupied thigh holster, pointing out the fact that you were also armed and dangerous. âI guess this makes us even, huh?â
You didnât realize youâd sucked in a breath. It was maddening how perfectly he knew your habits, how predictable you were. You threw his hand off and hissed, âDid you try to kill Johnny?â
âNo. Did you?â
âNo.â
Mark hummed, apparently believing you. Many things could be said about you depending on who you asked, but at least everybody could agree that you werenât a killer.
You removed his hand from your thigh and straightened your posture. If the two of you had weapons, it was safe to assume that you werenât the only ones. The gun strapped to your thigh was the only reason you werenât totally frightened of being alone.Â
Your eyes were fixed to Mark, studying him. You werenât fond of the fact that you were met with the same level of attention, as if he was trying to make you falter under his stare. It wouldnât be that easy.Â
Breaking the silence, you told him, âIâm sorry about your piece.â
Mark didnât look too bummed. âDidnât care about her like that anyway.â
Yeah, that checks out. You rolled your eyes. âYou never cared about anything or anyone, except for yourself.â
That response seemed to genuinely surprise Mark. âIs that what you think of me?â
You werenât prepared to discuss your emotions with Mark and the sober part of you made the executive decision to walk away instead. The liquor had you feeling a little too honest.Â
Mark, on the other hand, wasnât done with this conversation. He grabbed your arm and demanded, âAnswer me. Is that what you think of me?â
You wrested your arm out of his hold and snapped, âJust walk away, Mark. Itâs what youâre good at.â
Thatâs rich, Mark thought, but rather than argue with you about it, he stormed off. You were unbelievable. After all he did for you, after how deeply he loved you, you seriously thought that he didnât love you? That hurt more than he cared to admit.
You watched him walk away, bristling. It didnât matter that he was only doing what you told him to do. He never fought for your love. He always chose himself over you. Why am I surprised?
Irritated, you made a dramatic exit of your own, wanting nothing more to do with Mark for as long as you lived. He just had to be so fucking difficult. If there wasnât a slaughter party ongoing right now, youâd be tempted to scout for more alcohol.
At least you knew that you were right not to trust anyone. The food wasnât spiked apparently, but your point still stood. This crowd was unpredictable and you were never truly safe together. There would always be that lingering tension in the air.Â
You just wish you knew what their intent in killing Jodie and attempting to kill Johnny was. By now, you were so surrounded by death that you hardly blinked, but Jodie didnât deserve to die. A puppet in Markâs silly little games or not.Â
As if you werenât already totally pissed, Haechan made his way towards you and hissed, âAdmit it. Youâre behind all this.â
You resisted a groan and replied blandly, âI thought you said Jeno was the killer?â
âThe two of you are besties. Itâs not far-fetched to say that youâre in this together, all things considered.â
Rather than be offended, you were purely annoyed. You crossed your arms. âEven if that were true, thatâs ridiculous. Why would I want to take out Johnny?â
âNo, no, no. Johnny was Jenoâs idea. You had your eye on Jodie,â Haechan said like he had it all figured out. âI saw her corpse. The overkill? It was insane. I bet you took one look at her sucking the breath out of Mark and lost your goddamn mind.â
You rolled your eyes. âOh, please. Youâre pulling shit out of your ass, Haechan.â
Like it was all he knew how to do, Haechan kept pushing. âTwo different modus operandis usually indicate two different killers.â
âOh, yeah? Did Daddy teach you that?â you snarled, feeling your blood pressure soaring.Â
Haechan shot you a venomous glare and replied back very belligerently, âItâs not rocket science. Youâre jealous. Plus you already sided with a murderer once. Why wouldnât you do it again?â
âGod, itâs been years,â you groaned, bringing your palm to your forehead. This man was a walking headache. âIf you donât like us, then fine. But that blood is on all of our hands. Pointing blood-stained fingers wonât change that.â
Haechan was practically fuming. Obviously, he didnât like that.Â
You had already started to leave, traveling a fair distance away from Haechan, but spun on your heels to give one final retort, âAnd for the record, Mark having Jodie tag along to make me jealous was a weak move. Tell him to try harder.â
Then, you left. You left and you didnât look back. It was hit after hit for you, and you just couldnât seem to catch a fucking break. Haechan literally had no reason to bother you other than to be a nuisance. His parents were lawyers. He was certain that if push came to shove, heâd have nothing to worry about. And neither would the people he cared for.Â
There was no telling if you would survive the night at this point. If a bullet didnât take your life, then stress and frustration was a sure-fire way to finish you off.Â
The important question was who would be anticipating your death?Â
You wanted to think that you had never been more on edge, though that wouldâve been a bold-faced lie. And an insult to your bodyâs self-preservation effectiveness. You were far from weak and if you were intent on survival, there was nothing or nobody that would stand in your way.Â
In an attempt to abate the tension, you made a beeline for the in-door elevator. Hopefully before any other unwelcome visitors could try to snake their way into your path.Â
When the elevator dinged, you were surprised to see Jeno. âWhere are you headed?â you asked.Â
Jeno retorted, âShouldnât I be asking you that?â
You snickered and slipped beside him. Finally somebody whose company didnât piss you off. âSecond floor. Obviously.â
Jeno stepped out of the elevator, but extended his hand to keep the door from closing, scanning the bottom floor for other people. Apparently, there werenât any, because he finally said, âThereâs something weird going on.â
You snorted. âOther than the death and murder? Yeah, probably. Haechan accused us of being killers.â
âNo, I meanâŚ,â Jeno trailed, taking a peak across the hallway again. âWhat if heâs faking it?â
âWho?â
âJohnny.â
You made a face. That wasnât something youâd even considered and you werenât exactly convinced now that you had. âWhy would he do that?â
Jeno shrugged. âWhy do people kill? He was the first one to discover Jodie. And heâs the guy that hosts these parties.â
âYeah, I think thatâs a pretty solid reason to assume heâs not the killer. Heâs literally a victim. No offense, but I donât buy that he killed Jodie then somehow had enough time to make it look like somebody fired a shot at him,â you replied.Â
âI guess,â Jeno mumbled, quietening. You were about to ask why, but you clocked Jaehyun casually strolling by.
Which meant he wasnât with Johnny.Â
Jeno cocked you one final glance and said, âPeople always look at the guy with his hands dirty. No one ever suspects the guy with his hands behind his back.â
Then, he recouped his hand and disappeared behind the elevator doors. In a time that it took you to blink, he was gone so quickly you couldâve imagined his presence.Â
And now you were thinking. If Johnny were alone, who knew what he was up to, but in the same vein, that couldâve just made him more vulnerable.Â
You immediately brushed the thought aside. Johnny? Vulnerable? Pfft. This guy taught you everything you knew about how to survive and it was only thanks to his valor and self-preservation skills that you were even breathing.Â
The elevator dinged again and this time the doors made a little narrow opening for you to walk through. It was your first time on the second floor of Johnnyâs luxurious penthouse and the very first thing you did was monitor the new environment.Â
Few people apparently. Everything just seemed so normal and there was hardly anything out of place. You could faintly hear the Christmas songs still blasting from the speakers downstairs.Â
You crept just down the hall, pausing at the overlook. The place where the gunshot was fired. You gripped the rails, scanning the ground below. In the corner of your eye, you noticed Chungha sneaking about, but she was gone just as quickly.Â
The killer had to have been lithe. These little metal bars were thin and did little to conceal your frame. For Johnny to have barely seen them, you could only liken them to a thief in the night.
The problem was that literally everybody fit that description. There was no person that you could rule out, because you each had the capacity. If not the motive, then the means.Â
That was why you couldnât wrap your head around it. Your lone brain couldnât fathom the devastation plaguing this group and you decided that you wouldnât even try. With a little breath, you turned and searched for the fitness center.
It wasnât difficult to find. All you had to do was narrow down your options, taking peeks through windows and quickly discerning that they werenât your final destination. After some trial and error, you found your way to the massive gym area.Â
According to the sign, and a conversation youâd overheard earlier during the party (before all hell broke loose), just around the corner was a soccer simulator.Â
Somebody was already inside when you pushed the door open to enter. You bashfully waved your hand. âThought Iâd find you here.â
Yuta looked surprised to see you, but he only wore it on his face for a split second. âStalker, much?â
âNah. I just thought, âif I was a famous soccer player, where would I go?â And this was the first place that came to mind.â
Yuta snickered. âPredictable. Thatâs a character flaw, I guess.â
A tiny laugh escaped your lips. Honestly, you were just glad that you even felt comfortable enough to joke around with Yuta, even if it was meaningless. Haechan was praying for your downfall and Chungha didnât socialize with outsiders, but Yuta was thankfully normal.Â
He didnât seem to mind your presence either. The large screen glaring at you in a violently blue hue was definitely on, but Yutaâs eyes appeared elsewhere. He finally said, âThis gang and parties donât mix too well, huh?â
âI think not,â you retorted, crossing your arms in amusement. Staying detached from the darkness was the only way you could stay sane. âSomebody always ends up dying at one of them.â
Yuta took a seat in a nearby chair and kicked his feet up on another one beside him pensively. âSworn enemies with an axe to grind in the same room under the guise of ceasing rivalry one day out of the entire year. I couldâve told you guys how that was gonna end.â
I couldâve, too, you said to yourself, a billion thoughts like a downpour in your head. It was why you never left your house unarmed and hesitated to eat food you didnât make.Â
Because you were protecting yourself. Just like everybody else in this house.Â
âWell, itâs not a shock,â you replied in agreement. âWe do enough damage on our own, but together? Itâs all weâre capable of.â
Yuta fought a frown. âI feel bad for that Jodie girl. Iâm sure youâre aware Mark was definitely using her, but she didnât deserve to be dragged into our sick hell.â
Those pictures of her slaughtered body were flickering in your head again. It haunted you, and you hadnât even seen her corpse. âEverybody that comes near us gets burned.â
Yutaâs demeanor shifted noticeably, brooding. âI feel guilty. Yet when Johnny told us she died, all I could think was âat least itâs not my fault this time.â Is that wrong?â
His sudden vulnerability surprised you, considering Yuta wasnât the type to randomly express his feelings, much less to you. You immediately put your hand on his shoulder in comfort and said, âDoyoungâs death wasnât your fault. You didnât know.â
Yuta shrugged. âIf I had listened to my parents, if I hadnât invited you all there, that night wouldnât have happened. Doyoung wouldnât be dead. And this friend group mightâve stayed in one piece.â
âYuta, you should blame that creepy psychopathic weirdo. Not yourself.â
Yuta grimaced, as if the sole mention of that guy flung him back to a place heâd already buried.Â
And you didnât blame him. You didnât even know the guyâs name, but you could describe him vividly. How could you not? The same pale guy in blood-stained overalls appeared in your dreams a little too often.
This little party turned bloodbath wasnât you and your friendsâ first rodeo. Matter of fact, youâd argue that the first round was a tad scarier. You still got flashbacks, so terrified for your life and everybody around you that adrenaline numbed you to the crisp, nipping autumn air.Â
For his birthday prelude, Yuta invited all of you to his parentsâ expensive farmhouse, sitting just on your hometownâs outskirts. It was quiet, remote. No neighbors, which seemed fun in the first half, but as the night progressed, it became a nightmare not having anyone nearby.
A birthday celebration quickly became a fight for survival, and Doyoung lost. He was one of you, still a part of you, locked away inside your heart but never forgotten.
Jeno had accidentally stabbed him with a gardening tool, thinking that he was the killer. Doyoung had come to his hiding spot desperately seeking shelter, but Jeno panickedly made a mistake that cost him his friendâs life and the trust of his others.Â
That was how the friend group divided. There was the side that would never forgive him for Doyoungâs death, blaming him wholeheartedly. And then there was the side that showed him some grace. You were all frightened out of your minds that night.Â
Though what Jeno did didnât matter. You were all complicit in Doyoungâs demise, whether they wanted to admit it or not. The killer made you all finish him off, made you all bury his wounded corpse while it was still fresh.Â
Your hands were still stained with dirt and blood, burning hotter every time you thought of him.Â
âI blame Jeno,â Yuta seethed under his breath.Â
You frowned.Â
Yuta stood to his feet, unable to stay still. There was too much emotion in him now, pulling him every which way. âEvery year I get whiplash from having to mourn my friendâs death anniversary then celebrate my birthday back to back. Thatâs unforgivable.â
Though you liked Yuta, you werenât going to let anyone slander your best friend silently. âI understand, but itâs not just Jenoâs fault.â
Yuta chuckled. âIf only you knew.â
Your brows furrowed. âWhat donât I know?â
âThat Jenoâs fucking obsessed with you. Always has been. We donât hate him because he killed Doyoung. We hate him because we think he killed Doyoung for you.â
Your lips parted soundlessly, flabbergasted.Â
Yuta read the confusion on your face plain as day and continued, âThink about it, sugar. Doyoung had a crush on you. That was everybodyâs business. And itâs Doyoung who Jeno accidentally stabs out of all people?â
You couldnât say anything. It wasnât like you hadnât turned down Jenoâs advances once before, but he was so fucking chill. You couldâve forgotten that it even happened. There wasnât a single thing in your friendship that felt out of place.Â
Plus he knew firsthand that you were head over heels for Mark only, even if you didnât want to be anymore. It was pathetic. Yuta had just told you another guy was willing to go to lethal lengths to keep you away, and yet one of your first thoughts was how painstakingly you loved Mark.Â
But Mark hated you.Â
âI donât want to talk about this anymore,â you said, the lines between fiction and reality beginning to blur.Â
Yuta relaxed. He could tell there was a lot going on in your head, because he recognized the conflict akin to the one warring within himself. âItâs dead.â
You appreciated that. Fuckâs sake, Mark and his friends usually liked to push until there was nowhere else to go. And then some. Your thoughts wandered there and you opened your mouth, asking, âWhy are you nice to me?â
âIâm not nice to you,â Yuta replied, making you blink. âI just treat you like a regular human being. Thereâs a difference.â
âWhy?â
âBecause you havenât done anything for me not to.â
You shook your head. âMark wouldnât agree,â you muttered, rubbing your arms.Â
Yuta glanced at you. You were letting your guard down around him, something he was certain you probably hadnât even done with Mark tonight. âFuck Mark. Heâs been lying to himself. And to be frank, I think heâs deluded himself.â
Your eyes were cold when you looked into Yutaâs. âElaborate.â
âI mean, he wants to convince us and the whole world that he hates you and heâs moved on, but he hasnât even convinced himself. You were his everything, man. Mark hasnât been the same since the breakup. I want my friend back.â
I want my lover back. But Mark used to be your friend, too. A healthy blend of friendship and romance that made your love for each other feel depthless.Â
If only you knew back then that your love would be tested. Would you have still sacrificed every piece of yourself to make him happy if you knew that it still wouldnât be enough?
âI hope you have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow,â you told Yuta after a long pause, a telltale sign that you were leaving and had no more room for conversation.Â
âIf I make it to tomorrow,â Yuta retorted playfully. âLikewise. Merry Christmas.â
You smiled at him on your way out in a final goodbye. You only wanted one thing for Christmas, and that was to have Mark back in your arms. Where he belonged.Â
For a good minute, you meandered about the hallways, cautiously monitoring your surroundings to make sure no one was trailing you. You considered heading to the den for refuge, but Mark obviously liked it there, and youâd had enough run-ins for one night.Â
Instead, you opted for the in-door pool, where obviously nobody was. In front of you stood a long line of water with a set of hot tubs off to the side. It was the perfect place to clear your head without having to constantly check if there was someone out to get you.Â
Before you could slightly relax, you scanned the room and clocked two exits. If you couldnât get out of the main exit for whatever reason, there was always the option of the backup door. With that pressure off your shoulders, you took off your heels and sank your feet in the pool.Â
Dangling your feet in the water, your mind began to race, hopping from one thought to another at a pace too painful for you to keep up with. You hated being this way. Always having to keep an eye out, never fully trusting anybody. Mark was the only person that you could turn your back to and confidently believe youâd be fine.Â
Once upon a time, he was your safe haven, and now you werenât sure if you could even trust him anymore. For all you knew, he couldâve been behind all this.Â
It hurt to think of what you shouldâve been, of the happy, oblivious couple you were only months earlier. The couple that didnât go to bed angry or sleep in different rooms, too stubborn to spend the night beside each other. There was no problem the two of you couldnât sort out back then.Â
You started to wonder if Yuta was right about everything he said. First of all, Jeno didnât kill Doyoung. It wasnât that quick. He attacked him first, but you all had Doyoungâs blood on your hands. Literally.Â
You only wished you couldâve seen Yutaâs point of view. Jeno was admittedly happy when you and Mark finally broke up, though you figured it was because he didnât want to see you suffer, not because he wanted you to be with him instead.Â
Worst of all, Yuta told you that Mark still wasnât over you. And you hated it. If you wanted Mark and Mark wanted you, then why werenât you together?
Then, you remembered. The lack of compatibility that burned your happy home together down to a crisp. Things failed because Mark wanted to conquer. You refused to be taken. What made him feel ignored made you feel free. What made you feel inhibited made him feel secure. When he started to feel unwanted, he pushed you away.Â
Your love was a slow burn till the end. All of those years of pining for each other turned into you pining away from heartbreak, eating your heart out for a boy you were destined to never have at all.
You hated knowing that you and Mark wouldâve never worked out whether you dated or not. Maybe because you knew that if you didnât have Mark, then you had no one. It simply wasnât written in the stars.Â
Mark was the only one who knew your biggest fears. Your motivations. He knew firsthand the irreversible impact Doyoungâs death had on the rest of your life, because you confided only in him about the shame. You werenât scared of being naked with Mark. He saw the ugliest bits of you and it wasnât what sent him running.Â
It was hard to explain to anybody that wasnât there, but nothing was the same after Doyoung died. Thanks to your parentsâ status, you were already used to being careful, but it was nothing like the girl you were after fighting for survival. It was your first time fighting for anything.Â
Every inch of you was alive and awake, perpetually on fight mode. Mark wasnât just the sole place where you could exist peacefully; he understood your trauma and loved you with every fiber of his being in spite of it.Â
That was why you couldnât be with any other guy. How could you explain those nights when you woke up screaming in terror? Mark didnât ask questions. He just held you and told you that you were safe in his arms.Â
If you couldnât have Mark, then you knew you were meant to die alone.Â
The sound of a door pushing open made you immediately stand up, preparing to take off without your heels. They would only slow you down anyways. You saw Mark enter and, rather than cool down, your stiff muscles were overloaded with apprehension.Â
âI have an idea and Iâm prepared to argue with you about it,â were the first words to come out of Markâs mouth, speaking before you could dare to, as if he knew youâd have something to say.Â
You played it cool, though your heartbeat was harshly thudding in your ears. âWhat do you want now?â
Mark took your tone in stride. âWe should travel in pairs. As they say, safety in numbers.â
Your face tensed in disgust. âAnd why in the hell would I want to travel with you?â
Mark didnât skip a beat. âBecause if Iâm the killer, youâre the only one that stands a chance against me.â
You folded your arms. Mark almost grinned looking at you, but resisted. It was like your favorite pose ever. âI thought you said you didnât kill Jodie?â
âTechnically, I said that I didnât try to kill Johnny,â Mark answered, a sly smile on his lips. âDo you trust me?â
âI donât trust anyone anymore,â you replied coolly. Not after you broke it. And me.Â
âGood. You donât trust me and I donât trust you. We donât have reasons to. But letâs at least be forward with our intentions here,â Mark said, stepping closer. âI intend to survive. And you?â
âI intend to survive as well,â you asserted.Â
Mark added forthrightly, âAnd weâll do anything to live, even if it means killing someone else for our own sake. Weâre not strangers to sacrificing other people for our benefit.â
You heaved a breath and groaned impatiently, âSo what? This is some truce or something?â
âOr something,â Mark replied with enough uncertainty to make you overwhelmingly suspicious. âWeâd just be working together. Who says that you have to trust me?â
You hated that you were seriously considering it, but he was making a pretty decent point. It was stupid to be by yourself. You had to admit it, even as somebody that valued her independence like it was your lifeline.Â
Mark recognized you in conflict with yourself, even as you tried your hardest to appear neutral. After all those years spent by each otherâs side, he guessed it was simply natural. Your bottom lip stuck out, though only slightly. You were giving it your best shot at keeping composed.Â
You weighed the pros and cons in your head. If you didnât pair with Mark, you would be more vulnerable, but if you did, it would be increasingly difficult to ignore having to confront the whirlwind of feelings he left you to soak in.Â
You didnât want that, but it wasnât like you wanted to die either. Finally, after a moment of contemplation, you relented. âFine.â
Satisfied, Mark grinned victoriously. âTwo heads are better than one.â
That was what you used to think. It used to be enough to simply look into Markâs eyes, knowing that he was there. Now you couldnât stand to be beside him. âNot when theyâre bumping into each other,â you grumbled.Â
Mark cocked a brow. âThen, letâs not make this about us. Letâs focus on survival. Thatâs our common interest here.â
Obviously, that was easier said than done, but you didnât argue or complain. This was a rare moment of Mark willing to set your differences aside for a better purpose. At least for now, you intended to behave.Â
Plus you wanted to see how long the two of you could go before Mark started barking. He looked sweet, but if anybody thought Mark was all sugar and rainbows, they clearly hadnât met him. This boy was all fire.Â
And you were air; gentle as a featherlight, ocean breeze, but capable of roaring like a tornado if provoked. Forceful enough to spread his flames out further, but not to blow them out. Mark was untameable. You had that in common.Â
It sounded corny, but it was the truth. You bettered one another in some ways, but enabled one another in others. Your similarities seemed to work against you, neither of you wanting to set your pride aside.Â
That was the problem. If you pushed, Mark pushed back harder. If Mark screamed, you screamed back louder. It was like a fucking seesaw that you couldnât get off of.Â
Rationally, an important question kept prodding at your ribcage. âHow did you even find me?â you asked.Â
âI had to look everywhere,â Mark said, slight exasperation in his tone. âI knew you wouldnât be out in the open, so it was just a matter of finding out where you were hiding.â
You nodded. That would have to be a satisfactory response. You werenât going to press him about it. âOkay, but if weâre going to be a team, we need to try and figure out whoâs killing and whatâs going on.â
Mark bobbed his head. âYeah, I know. Have you been seeing anything suspicious lately? I noticed Jaehyun creeping out like heâs got something to hide.â
Your brows furrowed. âSeriously? I did too. When I was talking to Jeno in the elevator. Chungha looked a little suspicious, too.â
Mark obviously didnât expect that. âYouâre kidding. You know how Jaehyun said that he was downstairs when the gun went off?â
âYeah. Why?â
âI saw Jaehyun coming from down the hall, where I also noticed Chungha come from. She came after him, but it looked timed. Kinda like how we used to leave at different times so nobody would think we were together.â
The mention of those times sent you back, perfectly calculating the ideal time to exit the same room without raising suspicions amongst your friends and foes.Â
Bidding the thoughts to go away, you quickly recovered, mentioning, âThatâs odd. I donât know if itâs connected, but earlier when I was talking to Jaehyun, he excused himself to go upstairs.â
âBefore the gun went off?â Mark asked, skeptical.Â
You leaned down to fix the strap of your heel, which youâd slipped back on after you realized the intruder was only Mark, discerning that he was no threat. âYeah, somebody texted him. From the face he was making, it looked urgent. I just assumed one of his relatives messaged him and he went to god knows where upstairs to take a call.âÂ
Mark shook his head in disapproval. Disappointment, maybe. âTheyâre in cahoots, thatâs for sure.â
You pressed, âBut why in the hell would Jaehyun and Chungha be working together? Theyâre not even on the same side.â
âMotives to kill,â Mark sighed, face twisted cutely in thought. It was so stressful pretending that you werenât attracted to every little thing he did. His eyes widened a little and he said, âWait.â
âHm?â
âItâs common knowledge that when Johnnyâs mom died, she left him to take over the family business, while Jaehyun got stuck with real estateâŚ,â Mark trailed.
You quickly noticed where this was going and added, âJaehyun always wanted to be the chief executive. Ever since we were teenagers, it was all he talked about.â
Mark tapped his chin. âI still remember what it was like. I couldnât tell if he was more depressed about his stepmother dying, or not inheriting her multimillion dollar business.â
âYou think heâs still holding that grudge?â
Mark shrugged. âWho knows?â
You subconsciously scratched your forearm. You didnât realize, but Mark did. It was something you often did when you were anxious, which was basically all of the time. âChunghaâs been paying an awful lot of attention to Johnnyâs jewelry case.â
âShe likes anything bright and shiny,â Mark responded, thinking nothing of it. âWhy? You think she stole something?â
You shrugged your shoulders and replied, âI think anythingâs possible, but I donât think itâs worth killing over. I mean, sheâs not just rich. Sheâs wealthy. She can afford her own diamonds.â
Trying to figure those two out was like attempting to unravel the identity of Jack the Ripper. Jaehyun was composed and Chungha was vigilant. Their guarded natures combined made them both mysterious and lethal.Â
Mark couldnât wrap his head around it, either. But he was certain that those two were up to no good. âWell, weâve got their motives. Letâs try to think of the others.â
âJohnny told me he and Haechan got into an argument before the party. He looked pretty pissed earlier,â you recalled.Â
âYeah, I picked up on that, too,â Mark said. When a guy who sent earthquakes wherever he went was agitated, it was impossible for the whole world not to notice.Â
âSpeaking of holding grudges,â you started, gathering any pieces you could find and linking them with each other. âJohnny left Yuta at that shack and because of it he got an injury that almost cost him soccer.â
Mark didnât seem convinced. âYeah, but Yutaâs been playing soccer just fine for years now. Plus he told Johnny to leave to find that weapon.â
âThe reasoning doesnât have to make sense to anybody but the killer.â
Mark was silent for a long time, cautiously contemplating. âWhat about Jeno?â
You were irked at the mention of your best friend, but knew that nobody was totally off the table. Not even yourself. You played innocent. âWhat about him?â
Mark exhaled a breath, but laughed. âYou know, I canât tell if youâre playing dumb, or if youâve truly never noticed how much Jenoâs into you. You canât seriously think him attacking Doyoung was an accident.â
Yuta had already brought you up to speed on the whole jealousy killer Jeno theory between Mark and his pals, which you were none too convinced about. âIf Jenoâs the killer, I donât understand what heâd get out of killing Johnny or Jodie. By your logic, that means you should be dead. Not your girlfriend.â
âMaybe Johnny likes you.â
âIgnoring the ridiculousness of that statementâŚâÂ
Mark interjected before you could continue, âIs it so ridiculous? You and Johnny dated, and it was your decision to break things off. You were never in love with him, but have you ever considered that maybe Johnny loved you?â
You hadnât really considered it, you always assumed Johnny knew he was doing you a favor and it was nothing more or less, but that didnât stop you from snapping, âJeno knows where I stand with Johnny. That I was never in love with him. Why would he kill a man that isnât a threat?â
âDid you like Doyoung back?â
âNo,â you hissed.Â
Mark shot, âAnd you donât see him walking around here, do you? You said it yourself: the reasoning doesnât have to make sense to anybody but the killer.â
âI think that says more about the faultiness of your theory than mine.â
Mark opened his mouth to speak, but you didnât let him get a word in.Â
You sneered, âAnd are you seriously going to ignore the fact that Jodie was killed? Carved out like a pumpkin. That sounds like something only somebody with a lot of rage for her would do.â
Mark was losing patience, you could tell from the look on his face. âAre you implying that I killed her?â
âIâm not implying a damn thing. But you were pretty nonchalant over the fact that you got an innocent girl killed,â you replied, definitely insinuating that he was responsible. âOutside of being tainted by your touch, that is.â
âMaybe you did it,â Mark snapped.Â
You rolled your eyes. This was the second time youâd gotten this accusation today and you werenât keen on hearing it again, but Mark was already yapping before you could tell him not to bother.Â
âYou couldnât stand to see me with a girl that wasnât you,â he said, a turmoil of wildfire dancing in his pupils. âSo you got rid of her.â
You threw your head back and grunted, âOh, fuckâs sake. Get over yourself.â
âGet over me,â Mark hissed. âWeâve been over for months. It was never gonna work, you know? Everythingâs sunshine and rainbows during the honeymoon phase.â
âFuck you,â you seethed, turning away and heading for the door. You didnât know why you thought he was capable of having a civil conversation with you. So much for not making this about us.Â
Mark grabbed your arm, glaring at you in disapproval. âIâm sorry, was this too much pressure for you? You couldnât handle the heat and now youâre walking away again?â
You screamed, âYou pushed me away!â
âBecause you pushed me first,â Mark yelled, matching your energy. Matter of fact, what you gave, he doubled it and handed it back tenfold. And vice versa.Â
Running your hands down your face, you wanted to scratch your skin off with your nails. âDude. What the fuck are you talking about?â
âIâm talking about all those times you made me feel like you didnât want me. All those times you left me alone without a reason why. You got so distant on me, baby. Really had me wondering if there was somebody else.â
Somebody else? You couldnât believe he was serious. Your heart would never want anybody that wasnât Mark, because she knew he was the only one that could satisfy her.Â
Your face softened for a fraction of a second. âAll I wanted was you.â
âYou sure had a funny way of showing it,â Mark grumbled under his breath.Â
Guilt flickered in your eyes, stinging them to crystals, but you didnât let them fall. âI needed space. I liked being with you, but not at the expense of losing touch with my soul. I needed room to breathe.â
Mark frowned. âWhy didnât you just say that?â
You asked just as quickly, âWhy didnât you just ask?â
âIt felt like a waste of time. I thought you already decided that you didnât want me. That you were just another girl who underestimated how much attention I need.â
âWow,â you mumbled quietly. Amused, but angry. âYou fight, but for all the wrong reasons.â
Markâs eyes flitted towards yours. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âThat you wouldnât fight for us to stay together, but youâll shout in my face at literally any other given opportunity.â
Mark reined in his head, running his hands through his hair. âListen, Iâm no good at this relationship stuff.â
âI know.â
That made Mark bristle. It wasnât just his fault, but you refused to hold yourself accountable. âYouâre no expert, either.â
âI know,â you sighed, lips curled into a frown.Â
Markâs eyes flickered.Â
It appeared you were finally realizing how egregiously the two of you had mutually fucked up. âWe didnât talk. And that was okay. Our problems were small enough that after we climbed into bed with each other they were long forgotten. But then they got bigger and we didnât know what to do, other than what weâd always done.â
Mark scratched the back of his head. âBut it didnât work. The problem was still there.â
Part of the reason why you two never worked through the issue was because you failed to specifically identify the problem. Mark didnât just want to be loved, he demanded it. And he did it by completely seizing power over your mind, body, and soul.Â
Your mind in life. Your body in bed. Your soul in everything in between.Â
You didnât like to feel dominated in that way. It made you dig into your heels. Letting Mark exercise this assertive power over you, letting him have control over the tiniest piece of you that was left, it felt like a betrayal. To yourself, and to the dead.
Because you were still clinging to that girl. That girl whose hands were clear of blood and didnât spend hours scrubbing under her nails away a stain that wasnât really there. The girl who didnât take that final blow to her friendâs chest and watch the light in his eyes dim until he was gone.Â
It was cruel and unforgivable, but even with the hurt on Doyoungâs face, there was an understanding twinkle in his eyes. Youâd seen it, for a tiny fraction of a second. Or maybe you imagined it so that it would be simpler to live with the crippling guilt.Â
You were the girl he loved and the last thing he saw. Every anniversary, you swore one of the stars in the sky twinkled brighter.Â
I didnât have a choice; it was him, or all of us. What was my other option? Plus he was going to die either way. The police didnât arrive on scene until dawn. He would have bled to his death if we didnât finish him off.Â
Mark knew he was high-maintenance and he knew the toll Doyoungâs death had on you, but he somehow never exactly pieced together how it would impact your relationship. That there would be days where you didnât want hugs or kisses. You just wanted to be left alone.
Plus Mark was so sympathetic about everything you went through and all of your feelings to the point you assumed he would just know you needed space. Somehow you had mistaken his understandingness for being a mind reader.Â
And Mark, somewhere along the line, sensed you drifting away, so he discarded you first. Mark didnât get abandoned. It wasnât in his nature to stick around when he knew he was on the brink of being cast aside, left high and dry.Â
He wanted to be loved, but he wanted to love himself. And he was not against hurting himself, because the pain was easier to cope with than if he let somebody else hurt him.
At least he thought it would be.Â
âWe couldnât just fuck and make up anymore, so we started to argue over petty things, and we never got to the core of the matter,â you said, picturing yourself back in that living room, shouting.Â
Mark remembered, because it was all heâd been thinking about for months, asking himself what was the final blow in spite of being aware that he was the one who chose to break up. âPillowtalk was the only time we really discussed our emotions. Remember?â
God, how could you not? This boy would fuck the shit out of you then snuggle you to sleep immediately after, chatting about anything under the sun (or moon) until your eyelids got too heavy and started to flutter closed.Â
You simply nodded your head, unable to open your mouth. Though you both were being vulnerable, you were afraid of what you mightâve said.Â
Mark chuckled. âDonât take this the wrong way, but I always had these doubts about you, to be honest. You were too good to be true. Most girls get tired of me after a minute so I never stay too long, but youâve been in my life since we were kids.â
Your eyes were sad when you glanced into his. âSo why did you leave me? Why didnât you fight?â
Markâs eyes twinkled with regret as he whispered, âI was scared of being abandoned by the girl I loved. So I dipped. I ran before you could tell me that it was over. It gave me some kind of agency over my heartbreak.â
You laughed in disbelief. This breakup was so dramatic, and for what? âIn hindsight, weâre just a pair of fucking idiots,â you said, shaking your head in disapproval. âImagine if we just talked about this months ago. It couldâve all been so simple.â
Mark hung his head in shame, resting his hand at his nape. It wouldâve spared him some pain. And so many tears.Â
âIâve spent months thinking that I donât deserve love because of what I did that night. Because if I canât have you, Mark, then thereâs nobody else out there for me,â you told him, releasing the words youâd been holding back for eons.Â
Mark blinked, processing. Then, deciding he was short of words, he said, âIâm done talking,â and smashed his lips against yours. You were surprised, but immediately molded your lips into his, feeling his hands instinctively get a hold of your hips.Â
It had been a lifetime since youâd last felt his touch on your skin and to say you missed it would be an understatement. Your body felt like it was being reawakened, dormant sensations coming back to life again.Â
Two star-crossed lovers, discreetly meeting each other for one final rendezvous before your individual lives inevitably drove a wedge between your passionate sparks. That, or death. For now, you were content to be in each otherâs hold, kissing like it was the last time.Â
As your bodies swung in each otherâs embrace, you noticed Markâs feet dancing dangerously close to the edge of the pool. âCareful,â you warned, shuffling him out of the way. âDonât want your flames to get doused.â
Mark snickered. âPlease, baby. I have enough fire for the both of us.â
âI know you do. Thatâs what I love about you.â
Markâs ears perked up at that. You loved him? You didnât know how long he had been waiting to hear you say that. And it made him remember what you told him only moments ago before his brain went blank. âI love you. Donât ever think that you donât deserve to be loved.â
Your chest filled with warmth, but you purred, âOr else what?â
Leaning into you, Mark nibbled at your ear a little before whispering, âOr else Iâll have to show you how much you mean to me.â
It was difficult to play nonchalant. Your heart was skipping beats now. You wanted Mark desperately and it drove you to the brink of insanity. âOh, no. Iâm so afraid.â
Mark grinned, dragged you away to a padded chaise.Â
You sat there, your entire body excited, but your brain (at least for now) was still capable of thinking rationally and you asked, âAre we seriously about to fuck in a pool chair?â
âWeâve fucked in worse places and done even worse things,â Mark replied offhandedly, thinking about nothing but getting his hands on those pretty thighs of yours.Â
You pressed your lips together, aware that you had little to zero grounds for argument. Bathrooms werenât even anywhere close to the most outlandish location you and Mark had decided would be an apt backdrop for sexual intercourse. Those places were unspeakable.Â
Mark took your silence as a victory and whispered silkily, âSit back and relax, baby.â
You giggled. Mark had never left you unsatisfied. A time with this boyâs head between your legs was guaranteed to be a sacrilegiously fulfilling experience.Â
Mark grabbed your left leg, draping it over the side of the chair so that he wouldnât have to literally bend over backwards to go down on you, and when he noticed the gun poking out of your thigh holster, he laughed. âWith your permission, I wanna take your gun. If it makes you feel better, Iâll set mine aside, too.â
You let him take your gun and disarm the weapon before setting it on a poolside table wedged between the chaise you were currently occupying and another. If this was some ruse to get you unarmed, Mark was simply stupid. He wouldâve had way better opportunities moments prior.Â
But it wasnât. Mark was tugging your panties down your ankles, something you were certain he wouldnât bother to do if he had murder on his mind. You usually felt naked when you were bare of a weapon, but something about Mark naturally made you relax.Â
Your dress rode up above your hips, giving him complete access to your dripping pussy. Just thinking about what he was about to do to you, you swore, breathing became the most difficult chore.Â
Mark took one fucking glimpse at your glistening pussy and almost howled like a goddamn wolf. Instead, the sound that emerged from the back of his throat was identical, animalistic and ravenous as if he couldnât wait to dig into a full course.Â
The comparison wasnât far off, because as soon as he stopped staring hungrily at you in a way that made you shift, slightly self-conscious, his calloused palms were clasping your thighs tightly and his mouth was flush against your throbbing core.Â
âJesus. Fuck,â you moaned, thighs tensing already. And he just started. To be fair, it had been a couple of months since anybodyâs hands - or mouth - had touched you there. You had been unable to give yourself to anybody that wasnât Mark, which you felt like a total fool for when you saw him booâd up with Jodie.Â
And yet here you were, still letting him have his way with you, giving him the power to break you down and build you back up as he pleased. Your breaths were quick, your lips parting in a shaky exhale at every pass of his tongue against your glistening folds.Â
It reminded him of the past couple of years, sneaking around to fuck in the most isolated location you could possibly find. All of those times he mounted you on a fancy bathroom counter to get his head between your thighs, or fucked you there so hard the mirrors clouded.Â
All Mark knew was sex and destruction, and half of the time, those things came hand in hand. For a minute, he was more than that with you. Until you were gone and he knew he was at least partly to blame. He wanted to prove to you that he was more than your reckless lover.Â
Though that would have to be put on hold. As of right now, his intentions consisted only of wrecking you.
âGod, I missed the way you taste,â Mark grumbled with a mouthful of pussy.Â
His voice was deep and handsome, and so sexy that you likely couldâve nutted then and there, too aroused to keep a rein on yourself. Mark had that effect on you and the worst part was that he knew it. Sex used to be a game of seduction, teasing each other for hours to see who would break first.Â
Of course, you folded the better half of the time. Mark had fucking cheat codes. This boy knew your every weakness and used them to his advantage. The hell were you supposed to do when he made you watch recordings of the previous times heâd pleasured you? Not kiss the very ground that he walked on?Â
Pfft. Yeah, right. Though you never went down without stating in defense, âYou cheated!â
Oh, fuck Mark. He just had to be so good with his hands. And a pleaser.Â
You always got your lick back, though. Mark may have won in the first half, but you knew exactly how to take him down. First, you had to make him think that heâd already won. Then, you had to return the favor, making him swear he saw stars. That was how you kept the balance.Â
Markâs tongue was expertly navigating your clit and you wanted to be mad at it, but all you could bring yourself to do was writhe in the gray chaise. Had not his hands been locking your thighs in place, you wouldâve snapped them closed in sensitivity. Mark was not to be underestimated. This boy was way stronger than he seemed.Â
You resigned yourself to the fact that your only option was to lie there and take it all. There was nowhere for you to escape. When it felt too good, it was a telltale warning that Mark would seize control of your whole body, and you were torn between fleeing and letting him have it.Â
âDonât try to run away from it, baby,â he whispered knowingly, though he knew you couldnât resist the temptation of the satisfaction you were promised. âIâve got you.â
You rolled your hips into his face in a hurried pursuit for relief, desperately wishing you had something to anchor yourself with and lower you back down to earth, but Mark had brought you to a constantly ascending high.Â
Mark chuckled, because he knew he had your body down to a science. If you thought it couldnât get anymore dangerously intense than this, you were wrong as hell and had another thing coming. Mark released one of your thighs, gathering your arousal on his sticky fingers, and fucked it right back into you.Â
You gawked. You almost couldnât believe he was making a mess out of you like this, but then you remembered that he was Mark fucking Lee. Taking your breath was what he did best. His mouth was still on you, sucking and licking, because you were the closest thing to heaven he would ever know and he couldnât get enough.Â
All the while, he thumbed your clit, making a tremble roar through your utter being and your toes clench, tucking into themselves.Â
âIâm so close,â you whimpered in the tiniest voice.Â
âI know,â Mark replied, pulling back. âWhat did you think I was doing all the extra shit for?â
You winced your eyes closed and heaved the thickest breath, attempting to regain control over your body, but to absolutely no avail. That was when you came to terms with your fate. Mark was going to finish you off.Â
âYou know what I want. Let go for me,â Mark whispered darkly. âDo it on my fingers.â
âFuck. Fuck. Fuck,â you chanted, feeling something tense in your belly. The pleasure blending with the yearning created a sensation unlike any other. Your whole figure was engulfed in flames, scorching you from head to doe.Â
It was closing in. You could feel sinâs darkly cloaked hand reeling you in, pulling you closer and closer, and closer to the jagged edge. There was no point in struggling; you were in natureâs grasp now and whatever happened was entirely up to her.Â
As someone who prided himself on his ability to please, Mark took great delight in pleasuring you and it was no shock that he knew exactly how to coax you towards climax. âYeah, thatâs it, baby. Let it all go. Iâve got you.â
Finally, you started to cum, ecstasy shooting through your body every which way in the form of uncontrollable warmth, making your head feel light and your toes curl. Markâs encouraging words became static to your ears, your senses totally overpowered, the life leaving your body for all but a split second.Â
Mark was sporting the slyest of grins, watching you wind back down as if he was marveling at his own handiwork. You shouldâve been singing his praises, applauding him for his grand efforts. âThere you go. Good fucking girl.â
Sex was one of the most powerful weapons in Markâs arsenal. He sucked at relationships, but he could only walk away after claiming the best nut of your life.Â
After a moment or two out of the atmosphere, you came back to the ground, having just stopped tightening around Markâs digits and shuddering involuntarily. You raised your eyes to meet his own, chest undulating. Gripping the arms of the chair for dear life. âFuck you. You are the devil.â
Mark snickered, reluctantly recouping his fingers from between your legs. âOh, yeah, baby. Fuck. I always loved that dirty mouth of yours.â
You rolled your eyes. He mustâve forgotten how good you were at taking back everything he stole from you and giving him damage tenfold in retaliation. Those sets of expletives would be escaping his pretty pink lips any minute now. This was only the beginning of the end.Â
Throwing your leg back down, you climbed out of the chaise, standing to your feet with a little stumble.Â
âWhoa there, baby. Be careful,â Mark said, grabbing a hold of your wobbling frame and holding you flush against his chest. âIâd hate it if something bad happened to you.â
God, you were weak in the fucking knees for this man. Literally.Â
You grabbed Mark by his suit tie and pushed him back first onto the chaise. His eyes went wide in surprise, but he quickly recovered and grinned. âDamn, babe. I like where this is going.â
You chuckled, crawling on top of him and pulling his face into yours. Markâs hands were below your ribs, holding you in his arms while the two of you made out for what felt like an eternity. In the best way ever.Â
Mark grunted none too quietly when you felt his tight bulge pressed sharply to your core and mischievously got the clever idea to grind against it. The sound had you throbbing again, desperate to mount his cock then and there, but you were bent on teasing him at your own expense.Â
The wet smack of your lips meeting only enhanced your arousal further and while you did a significantly better job at keeping composed, Mark was losing his mind by the minute.Â
His hands dropped from your skin to his pants in an attempt to free his aching cock, but you were quicker, gathering his wrists in your palms and pinning them over his head. âMm-mm. My turn, baby. Just⌠sit back and relax,â you mimicked, refusing to let him take the wheel.Â
Mark let you have your way with him. Frankly, he would let you do whatever you pleased.Â
You did the honor of unfastening Markâs pants, pulling them and his underwear down his thighs just enough for his stiff cock to spring to attention. You licked your lips, salivating. The tension in your core got even tighter.Â
Mark groaned when you pressed your lips to the head of his cock, kissing it tenderly. That understanding, patient guy was nowhere to be found when his dick was involved. Or at least when he wasnât the giver. Instead, Mark was less than human, a voracious beast that longed to feed.Â
Your tender kisses became delicate licks, neither of which provided Mark very much relief and you were aware. âFuck. Baby,â he called out to you, hopeful that youâd quit the games soon. âDo something.â
âSomething like⌠this?â you asked, gripping his hard cock and pumping him in your fist. Then, seconds later, you sucked him into your mouth, making all of the air flee Markâs lungs.Â
Mark immediately cursed loudly. His cock hadnât known this amount of relief since he left you and he wasnât ashamed to admit it. Little did you know, Mark hadnât fucked anyone else since you, either. It wouldâve felt like cheating, like a betrayal, even though he knew that you were over.Â
Probably why Jodie had been throwing herself onto Johnny, hoping to get some dick, because the boy that brought her there only wanted to kiss her when you were there.Â
âFuck,â Mark groaned like it was the only word he knew. It probably was, all things considered. It wasnât uncommon for his mind to go blank when your lips were airtight around his cock. His whole body shuddered in sensitivity, having been aroused since he started eating you out.Â
And you were just sitting there, straddling him like a little devil, doing things to his cock that had him rethinking his whole life. Nobody had ever riled him up like this. Nobody instinctively knew how to get him off this quickly. Nobody, but you.Â
Mark was looking at you with a certain darkness when he somehow summoned enough willpower to ask, âDonât finish me yet. Please.â
You came up for air, but obeyed his request. You were well aware that you could finish him both ways, but there was no way of knowing how much time you had left before something inevitably demanded your attention, and you wanted to ride him so badly it made your head spin.Â
Mark could finally breathe, but he shouldâve known that it wouldâve been short-lived. You didnât waste a second to grab his cock and mount him, slowly but certainly sinking down to take it all.Â
Your wet walls were quick to clamp down on his thick cock, drawing a deep, low swear out of Markâs lips. Your nails gripped his shoulders for purchase, eyes winced closed, taking a minute to relish in the feeling of being full again contentedly.Â
âMark,â you whimpered, feeling yourself throb and tighten. You couldâve cried at the relief, so thrilled to be as close to Mark as your bodies could physically be again, and selfishly still aching for more.Â
Mark blinked through the haze in his mind that you had single-handedly constructed, thrown back into the mist the second he heard you call out his name. His eyes closed, mind flickering with images of you, recalling all of those times you rode the soul out of his dick.Â
You were an ethereal seductress, Mark was convinced, deceptively leading him to peril, rendering him helpless at the mercy of your enchanting charms. Your body did unspeakable things to him. With how tight you were around his cock, Mark would follow you to his demise.Â
Was it fucked up to have sex while people were dying all around you? Yes. But thatâs what you and Mark were. Two fucked up kids who never got healing. Â
You felt healed when you were with each other, stripped to your truest forms, without fear of judgment. Mark taught you how to let go. You taught Mark how to let himself be loved.Â
At least you made up before you fucked. In your opinion? That was progress.Â
âFuck, you ride me so good. I swear, youâre the best Iâve ever had,â Mark said, obsessed with your every motion as you rocked your hips down onto his cock, resuscitating all of those carnal sensations you woke up inside his soul.Â
The best Iâve ever had. Your mind was spiraling, faint from the heat burning your bodies up a thousand degrees hotter. Your body was built to take him, or at least it felt that way. Like the satisfaction you got from each other could only exist between the two of you.Â
Again, you grabbed Mark by his tie, pulling him in for another heart-stopping kiss. There was no hesitation. He kissed you back devilishly, getting a hold of your waist tightly, sucking on your tongue without bothering to be clean or slow about it.Â
You could kiss Mark until the day you died. You never wanted to forget how he tasted in your mouth. How he felt pressed flush against your semi-naked skin, your soft lips. How he looked at you like you were the only woman heâd ever loved, ruined for any other girl.
Mark wanted to complain when you parted from his lips, but suddenly they were on his neck and he sensed a shiver run down his spine, shock and pleasure taking the sound before it dared to leave his mouth. Your teeth grazed his collarbone, finding his pulse and sucking at it.Â
You watched Mark melt on the spot and giggled. Your friends and his friends were definitely going to clock the bright red marks on his throat, but neither of you could bring yourselves to care. If you wanted to suck and nibble at his neck, then by all means, Mark would let you do whatever you wanted.Â
Markâs guttural groans were your greatest vice, making you noticeably throb around him, which thus only yanked a mouth-watering hiss out of his lips. He was looking at you through fluttering eyes, the corners of his vision dark and reeling, watching you ruin him from below.Â
To be fair, you already ruined him. All those days Mark spent waiting for you, waiting to hold you, were days of complete and total annihilation. Not only the ones after the breakup, but before it. Those days where he only watched you from afar, dwelling on you. Pining for you.Â
You separated from his neck to say, âGod fucking damn. I love your dick. I love the way you feel inside me.â
As if Mark wasnât already fighting off his looking orgasm. âYeah?â
âNo one will ever feel as good as you. I just wanna keep you close to me like this, Mark. Forever. I donât want anything to come between us ever again and I wonât let it.â
âMe, too,â Mark wheezed, his breaths barely enough to keep him alive, though he didnât mind it because he had you. You were on top of him, killing him softly and giving him life all at the same time, and it was more than he could handle.Â
You could tell from his tone of voice that he was dangling over the edge and was attempting to stave off his impending orgasm, holding himself at bay. Mark didnât want this to end so soon. You just came back into his life and he wasnât keen on letting go of those endorphins.Â
It wasnât like you were far from release yourself. You couldnât resist it, not when Mark kept making those sexy fucking sounds and your bodies were exchanging warmth. You couldnât wait to take him to bed properly, bones tensing with the very desire to do things to him that you sadly couldnât do here.Â
Mark felt the same way. He wished your clothes were completely off, but this would have to suffice for now and that was fine. This was enough to kill any man. Your soft sighs as you rolled your perfect hips, your bodies skin to skin, directly absorbing everything you did to each other.Â
You were too good to be true, as Mark said. He oftentimes thought he was dreaming. It was unbelievable that a girl of your caliber could love him through each of his many flaws and proudly stake her claim to him, and in a way, that was what you were doing now. Telling the whole universe that you were Markâs and you didnât give a fuck who saw.Â
Markâs eyes tightened closed. You were making short work of him and he was minutes away from coming undone. Maybe seconds.Â
Taking one look at you Mark was both relieved and shattered out of his goddamn mind. For one, you were obviously also standing at the very threshold of climax, though he couldâve pieced that together from how vigorously you were riding him. To say the least.Â
But for two, you looked bewitching as hell with your face tensed in pleasure, and it was making the blood rush to Markâs cock.Â
âFuck. Shit. Fuck,â Mark cursed, because they were the only words that would come to his head, other than the occasional, âJesus Christ.â It was safe to say that you had him right where you wanted him; so far over the edge that there was no returning. No going back.Â
You moaned his name, preparing to take him there. Mark was already gone. He blew his long blond hair out of his face so that he could take a better look at you, going to town like no other before you.Â
Mark hoped that you wouldnât finish him earlier than he needed, that you wouldnât pull out all of your priceless tricks, but he wouldâve been naive to truly believe that you would let him off that easily. No, you wanted to wreck him thoroughly. The same way that he had wrecked you.Â
At long last it was time to reap what heâd sowed. And you absolutely did not intend to show him any mercy. You wanted to see him at his worst.Â
Finally, you leaned into Markâs ear like he feared that you would, whispering in the velvetest voice you could, âCome on, baby. I know that youâre close. Donât you wanna finish inside me?â
You hit the jackpot. Markâs brain faltered at the thought of releasing his load inches deep inside of you, imagining the sated noise that you would make when you sensed him empty his balls inside of you. âFuck.â The temptation burned hotter than before, sending tingles through his limbs.Â
âIâm gonna cum,â you told Mark in a shockingly level voice, though he could still hear a slight tremble in your tone. âAnd I want you to cum with me. Please?â
Mark bobbed his head. You were so deep in his head that he would do whatever you wanted, no matter how insane the request. Plus that sweet tone you were using on him was getting under his skin, making his face strain.Â
You quickened your pace, pulling out all of the stops to get him to finish, knowing he was weak and defenseless against your methods. Mark started to shudder and it became obvious that his fight was over. It was a telltale hint. You were going to get him off.Â
And then it hit him. It sped into him like a semi-truck on the interstate, a head-on collision that burst into an uncontrollable path of fire, setting him off. Mark cursed in the lowest tone he could make as he finally orgasmed, a steadfast grip on your hips.Â
His hips bucked up into yours as he rode out his high, releasing every drop of semen into your hot vice-like pussy. You moaned like he knew you would at the sensation, trembling with your second release, nails digging into his shoulders that were (thank fuck) safeguarded by his suit.Â
After all was said and done, you collapsed onto his chest, panting for breath. Mark took a few blinks to try and clear the misty look out of his eyes. They were dark and soulless, thanks to you. For half a minute, he swore he couldnât barely see a damn thing.Â
Neither of you wanted to move for the longest time. You desperately wanted to remain there in Markâs arms and he was content with just holding you there. Though in favor of looking presentable lest somebody caught you, you forced yourself to come up off his softening cock, grabbing a pool towel to clean up your mess.Â
Mark stubbornly fixed his clothes, though with the look on his face, all you could liken him to was a heartbroken puppy that nobody wanted to play with. âDude. Itâs already over.â
You checked your phone and chuckled, âMark, itâs been like an hour.â
Right as you were about to set your phone back down on the poolside table, it vibrated in your hand, your screen flashing brightly. You glanced at it again, noticing a message from Johnny. Living room. Now.Â
You noticed Markâs phone had also pinged when you flitted your gaze to him. âJohnny?â
âYup,â Mark replied, suspicious. âWhat do you think? Set up?â
You huffed, âA hell of a smart one. Even if it is, weâve got to go check it out.â
âYeah, but I just wanna go home with you,â Mark grumbled under his breath.Â
You frowned, patting his back. This night would be over eventually, whether the daylight came first or Johnny ceasing it brought it on.Â
Mark stepped back, letting you tug your dress back down. You were wearing your thinking face again so it came to him as no shock when you asked, âWho do you think did it?â
âI donât know. Weâre all capable of the unspeakable.â
âThatâs what scares me,â you whispered.Â
Markâs lips made a line.Â
The two of you grabbed your weapons, tucking them back into their hiding spots. After making sure you looked presentable, you and Mark emerged from the pool area, not bothering to look like you werenât together or you still loathed each other.Â
You loved Mark and Mark loved you. Why should you hide?Â
To your misfortune, you and Mark were the last to arrive, which inevitably gathered unwanted attention. Your attention, however, was on the gash on Jenoâs arm, and you came up to him to ask fretfully, âWhat the hell happened?â
âWhile you and Mark were obviously busy making babies, somebody attacked Jeno. At least we know it wasnât you two,â Haechan said, the perfect balance of sweetness and venom in his tone.Â
Johnny glared, but continued, âThat, and I noticed something from my case was missing. My motherâs necklace was stolen.â
You and Mark knowingly glanced at each other. It was you that said, âWell, Iâm not saying she did it, but Chunghaâs been paying very close attention to your case lately.â
Jeno hissed, âIs that what youâre worried about right now? I need a doctor! Johnny, you canât possibly think weâre staying here all fucking night so that you can play Benoit Blanc.â
âFirst of all, I didnât steal anything. If I wanted something, I would just ask. But your motherâs necklace? Johnny, Iâm your friend,â Chungha replied as if it was the most absurd accusation ever.Â
Johnny hadnât smiled in so long it was starting to become terrifying. And you honestly couldnât blame him. First somebody tried to kill him, and now his dead motherâs necklace was stolen? Youâd go ballistic, but Johnny was relatively level when he said, âI consider you all my friends. And yet one of you tried to shoot me dead.â
Chunga said nothing. Her lips were in a frown.Â
âSo weâre just going to ignore me?â Jeno asked bitterly.Â
âItâs a light gash, not a bullet wound. If you donât get an infection, you will be fine,â Jaehyun told him coolly.Â
Jeno grumbled something under his breath incoherently.Â
You patted his back compassionately. There was a lot going on and it was hard to divide your attention between Jenoâs cut and Johnnyâs stolen items. âI donât understand the purpose of this meeting. Awareness? What are we doing to figure out whoâs behind all this bullshit?â
Jeno hummed in agreement.Â
âI donât understand the purpose of these parties,â Haechan huffed exasperatedly. âNevermind. Yes, I do. I know exactly why we come together every fucking year. We donât see each other to âkeep the peaceâ or âremember Doyoung.â We do it to forget. Forget what happened.â
Johnny opened his mouth to say something, but Haechan didnât let him. And for once, you werenât complaining.Â
Haechan glanced at Johnnyâs glaring face and said, âDonât look at me like that, man. Weâve all been thinking it. Iâm just the only one with enough courage to admit it. We all committed a sin. Now that we have our fancy public lives, we wanna make sure the truth stays dead and buried.â
You glanced to your feet as Haechan went on this little tangent of his. It was supposed to make you uncomfortable. How could you live comfortably with what youâd done?
"Each of you come here to save your own fucking asses, because if the media finds out that you're killers, it makes Mom and Dad look bad. That's it. That's the purpose," he ranted, ending his tirade bluntly.Â
Well, he sure didn't beat around the bush. But that was the Haechan that you'd always known, confident and outspoken. To his right, Yuta was standing there, nodding along at everything he said in approval.
Jeno clapped his hands together. "You know what? I can't stand this guy, but round of applause. He's right."
You couldnât argue even if youâd wanted to. After graduation, the group was indefinitely separated into pieces, but the eight of you agreed to never speak of what happened again. Of course, all of you went on to have successful careers, mostly because of who your parents were.Â
Mark was the only exception. Your relationship wasnât only private to your friends, but to the whole world. And for a weird reason. In spite of his affluence, your mother would have a heart attack if she knew you were dating somebody that wasnât born into his wealth.Â
Once upon a time, Mark Lee was a regular boy from Toronto. Somebody you vouched for and let into your circle, assuring him your friends werenât just stuck-up rich kids. And he happened to make a killing doing something he loved.Â
You wished you could say the same.Â
Johnny said nothing for a long time, standing there with his hands posed behind his frame, which made you question him. It made you recall what Jeno had told you in that elevator a couple of hours earlier. People always look at the guy with his hands dirty. No one ever suspects the guy with his hands behind his back.
You glanced at the boy you were holding. Jeno noticed, peering back at you, but there was something different about his stare. Like there was something paining him. Then again, he did take a knife to one of his arms.Â
Your gaze flitted back to Johnny. But how could he be guilty? It wouldâve taken an insane amount of self-assurance to think that heâd pull a stunt like this off. And Johnny had plenty, but it wasnât in his nature. Instinctively, he was a protector. It was this manâs natural instinct to defend what he loved with his life.Â
Johnny leaving Yuta in that shack to search for a weapon wasnât the whole tale. He left him there, but the weapon he found was the same one he used to kill your tormentor. This man risked his own life to put an end to the most traumatic night of your lives. Like that, the fight was over.Â
You narrowed your eyes. Somebody here was guilty. But it wasnât Johnny.
âYouâre all dismissed,â Johnny said after a long pause.Â
There was something recognizably off in Johnnyâs tone, but you didnât get the chance to ask questions, because Mark tugged you away from Jeno and led you down the hallway for all to see.Â
âDude, what the hell?â you screeched.Â
Mark put his finger on his lips and said, âSomebody sliced up Jeno and I think that same person is framing Chungha.â
âYeah, thatâs what I was thinking,â you huffed, rubbing your head. âI hope it wasnât Haechan. Heâs such a cancer.â
âActually, heâs a Gemini.â
âThatâs notâŚ,â you trailed. âNevermind. I love you, Mark.â
Mark still wasnât used to hearing those words leaving your mouth again and instinctively he drew you into him, kissing you against the closest fucking wall with all of the affection within his very bones.Â
You were so happy that you forgot you were even there. That danger and death were sputtering and crepitating all around you, because none of it seemed to matter when you were with Mark.Â
âYou didnât tell me you two were back together.âÂ
Jenoâs voice startled you back into brutal reality. You would recognize it anywhere, but the ferocity in it was foreign. And you quickly noticed the gun in his hand.Â
Mark tensed, but hid you behind him. He went to draw his own weapon, but Jeno threatened, âAny sudden moves and Iâll shoot.â
Your heart was racing. Fear coursed through your veins, but it was washed over by unadulterated anger. You broke out of Markâs grasp, hissing, âWhat is this?â
âBaby, donât,â Mark told you. There was worry in his eyes, but none for himself. All of it was for you.Â
Jeno laughed, but you could tell that deep down he was bristling. âNo, let her. She just doesnât fucking listen, does she? I told her that you were bad luck, and here she is with her tongue down your throat. You canât save somebody that doesnât want to be saved, Mark.â
Mark was irritated, but said nothing. Not with a gun pointed squarely at your chest.Â
It was overwhelmingly obvious now that Mark and his friends had been right about Jeno, but you hadnât realized until now, when it was far too late. âYouâve been jealous this whole time?â
âEverybody else noticed that I was in love with you,â Jeno said with total vitriol. âNever you. Youâre too busy sulking over Mark to pay me a lick of fucking attention.â
If it werenât for the weapon glaring you down, you wouldâve been tempted to give him a piece of your goddamn mind. The sting of the betrayal sitting in your gut numbed you to most of your fear, but not all of it.Â
An irrational, heartbroken man that felt entitled to your affection holding a gun? There was no telling what he would decide to do.Â
Jeno was spiraling and it was obvious. He was at the end of his tether which made him all the more dangerous, because that meant anything was fair game. âYou know, I thought I took care of us. I thought that having Doyoung out of the picture would give you no choice but to look at me, but I was wrong. First it was Johnny. Then, it was Mark. It's like I wasn't even an option.â
Fighting back the incoming threat of tears, you shook your head and tried to keep your voice level, âYou killed Doyoung so that you could have me?â
Jeno answered smartly, âNah. That was all you, babe. But I wouldâve done it. I wouldâve done anything for us.â
Mark wanted to pull you out of harmâs way, but Jeno cocking his gun at him made him still. Never in his life had he felt so helpless. His heart was thudding so violently, twisting in his chest, because the girl he loved was in danger and he couldnât do a damn thing to help her.Â
You couldnât tell if he was addressing you or Mark when he said, âLove is a weakness. You want to, but you donât want to. Your brainâs telling you this, but your heartâs telling you that. Who do you listen to? Whatâs good and whatâs bad?â
Your head was spinning. Your muscles were tensing with the overpowering urge to attack, as were Markâs, but you knew Jeno was a threat. You coaxed sweetly, âJeno, put the gun down. You and I, weâre friends. We can talk this out like we always have.â
That only made Jenoâs rage worse and he snapped, âThat right there is your fucking problem. You think Iâm stupid. Donât you know I can tell when youâre lying to me?â
You heaved a breath. If it werenât for Markâs body still pressed so closely to yours, you probably wouldâve panicked.Â
Jeno was mercurial in his feelings, switching from resentful to indifferent, to petulant like a newborn child. His voice was wounded as he confessed, âIâve spent so long wishing that I could have you there with me. And every time it feels like I get close, thereâs another guy. Iâm back where I started. Itâs always one step forward and three steps back with you.â
You shook your head, slipping your fingers through Markâs. âWhatâs your endgame then, Jeno? You know Iâll never be yours.â
âI know,â Jeno said, glaring as his eyes dropped to your intertwined hands. âAnd thatâs why if I canât have you, nobody will.â
There was a loud crackling in the air, so loud your ears started to ring, but you thought it was out of shock.Â
It was over before it even started. Mark shoved you out of the way, sending you barreling to the ground just in time for the gunshot to miss you, but pierce him through the shoulder.Â
Jeno wasnât none too pleased about the bullet missing his ultimate target, but because heâd already gotten started, there was no way that he was stopping anytime soon. The second he raised his hand to fire another bullet, a second shot echoed out behind his frame.Â
You gasped when Jeno collapsed, a pool of blood peeking out from under him, but you crawled over to the body crouched beside him and shrieked, âMark!â
Mark was leaning against the wall, taking inhale after exhale. You tried to reserve panic for later, taking off Markâs coat and applying pressure to the wound. His eyes winced closed and he hissed, âFuck! That hurts.â
âI know, baby. I know. But weâve gotta stop the bleeding,â you replied, vision blurring from tears. You hoped to god the bullet missed his nerves.Â
Jaehyun came rushing over as Johnny looked over Jenoâs body, making certain that he was no longer a threat. He took his gun and said to Jaehyun, âCall emergency services.â
Jaehyun bobbed his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket immediately and calling a number he had on speed dial.Â
âKeep the pressure on him. I know it doesnât look that serious in the movies, but a shoulder wound can kill him,â Johnny told you, intent on sitting there until an ambulance arrived.Â
In the corner of your eye, you noticed him pull a chain from Jenoâs coat and mumble something under his breath.Â
You briefly lifted one hand off Markâs shoulder to wipe a tear away. Being with Mark again blinded you, tricking you into thinking that youâd finally be happy solely because you had Mark back, but this burst your bubble. Itâd never be over. Days of living in unbroken fear would never stop. The internal warring would never end. It was a constant.Â
âI hate that sound,â you mumbled under your breath.Â
Markâs voice was quiet, but he pressed his other hand to your forearm to let you know he was still there. âWhat sound?â
An invisible icy breeze crept over your shoulders, making you shudder as you replied, âGunshots.â
âThen, weâll go somewhere weâll never have to hear them again. Itâll be just you and me. Maybe a family, if you want one.â
âIâd like that,â you whispered.
Mark smiled as wide as he could, squeezing your forearm.Â
âAnd then what happened?â Maxine asked.Â
Mark, holding your six-year-old daughter in his lap, answered, âI went to the hospital. Your mommy rode with me in the back of an ambulance.â
Turning the corner to your bedroom with cups of hot cocoa in your hands, you threw your husband a look and asked, âIs it a good idea to be telling our children about this, Mark?â
August swiftly begged, âWait no. We want to hear the rest of the story about how Dad got his scar. Right, Maxi?â
Maxine bobbed her head. âMommy, please?â
Markâs bottom lip protruded, mimicking the cute pouts and puppy eyes of your shared children. âPlease, Mama?â
You playfully rolled your eyes at your husbandâs behavior, but he and your kids were too damn irresistible. âOh, what the heck. Okay. Fine. Go on.â
Maxine stood on her fatherâs thighs, dancing excitedly in celebration. Mark watched her fondly, but kept a close eye to make sure she didnât fall. August, on the other hand, simply smiled. Heâd always been curious about you and his fatherâs life endeavors.Â
You passed cups of hot cocoa to your two kids, both of whom gave you a sweet, âThank you.â
August took a sip and asked, âSo, what happened at the hospital?â
âI had to get a surgery on my shoulder,â Mark explained. âWhen I woke up and I could keep my eyes open for longer than a few minutes at a time, it wasnât Christmas eve anymore. It was New Years.â
You bobbed your head. âI spent Christmas with your father in that hospital. I was supposed to go home to have dinner with my parents and a bunch of shareholders, but I couldnât leave his side. Especially not without knowing if he was okay.â
The only time you left was when you literally had no other option. Bathroom breaks or the doctors kindly asking for you to leave. The others occasionally came to give him a visit as well, but as long as Mark was there, that hospital was your new home.Â
Their company meant a lot back then. It helped not to be too lonely there from time to time. You half expected a huge, âI told you soâ or something from all of Markâs friends, but they were surprisingly sympathetic.Â
Imagine Markâs surprise when he woke up for good and you told him that Haechan had even hugged you.Â
Maxineâs eyes winced closed. âOw! Thatâs hot,â she exclaimed, setting her mug on the nightstand.Â
âCareful, sweetie. Youâll burn yourself,â Mark said, eyes flickering with care.Â
Your lips curled into a grin. You liked watching Mark sometimes, like you werenât even there. Here and there, you would peek around the corner after coming home, listening to the sounds of your husband fathering your kids. He was so attentive and patient with them. It meant everything to know your babies were in good hands.Â
Mark showed Maxine how to blow her hot cocoa and she mimicked his actions with cautious sips, demanding politely in between, âKeep talking. I wanna hear the rest of the story. Please?â
You chuckled. This little girl would follow up the most aggressive demand with a sweet-sounding âplease?â
âYour mommy had to enlighten me on what happened after I went to the hospital, because I was too out of it to see the mystery unfold in real time,â Mark replied.Â
You nodded your head. You still remembered sitting there beside that hospital bed, ceaseless beeping fading into background noise after enough hours spent basically alone. Youâd told Mark, âHe tried to kill Johnny to throw off whatever investigation succeeded the shooting.â
Mark had blinked, processing. Thinking took entirely too much strength hooked to whatever equipment was keeping him alive in that damn hospital. âWhat about Jodie?â
âJodie was collateral damage, maybe a surrogate. I was obviously the actual object of his rage. His endgame. It gives me chills, thinking about how he smiled in my face when he knew he wasnât gonna leave that party till he or I was dead.â
The little flashback made you fight a sigh. People had betrayed you before, but none like that. You banished the thoughts away and kept entertaining your kids. Jeno was gone. In hell somewhere, hopefully.Â
As you snuggled under the blankets beside your son, he questioned curiously, âWho stabbed Jeno?â
âThe medical examiner looked at him. She said the wound was obviously self-inflicted to a trained eye,â you replied with a snicker. At first, you were outraged. Nowadays, all you could do was laugh.Â
You werenât even slightly worried about your kids comprehension skills as you regaled them on that ever so wonderful time in your life. Your kids were brilliant. Maybe it was all those books they liked to read, but you could have the most advanced back-and-forth conversation with those two and they would understand every single word. Sometimes it was frightening.Â
âAnd to think, he had such a fit over an injury he made himself,â Mark added, shaking his head in astonishment.Â
The thought made you want to roll your eyes, but another one made you want to burst into laughter. âGod, do you remember his face when Jaehyun told him that heâd be fine? I think he and Johnny suspected Jeno was the killer.â
Maxine was beaming from ear to ear. âUncle Johnny is so cool. Is he still coming over next weekend?â
You bobbed your head. âYup. He said he has a surprise for you. And before you ask, Iâm not telling.â
Maxine pouted. âPlease?â
âNope. Your cute tricks wonât work on me this time. I fortunately value my life and Uncle Johnny will kill me if I tell you,â you replied, crossing your arms.Â
Maxine sighed sadly. You hated it when she did that. It made you want to give her the entire universe. Â
Fortunately, Maxine forgot rather quickly, because she whipped around and asked her father, âDaddy, how long did it take you to heal?â
âI was all better the next day,â Mark lied through his teeth.Â
You deadpanned, âHeâs lying. He was in the hospital for a week and it took three months before he was even slightly normal again.â
Then, you moved here. Jaehyun and Chungha came over to help you with interior design. Imagine your shock when you found out the reason they were suspiciously walking around Johnnyâs penthouse was because they were sneaking around to kiss and hook up. Apparently, they were taking a page out of your book.Â
You glanced at the alarm clock on your nightstand. Noticing that it read eleven oâclock, you said enthusiastically, âAlright, kids. Whoâs ready to open up their Christmas presents?â
There was a loud chorus of, âMe!â Your kids started to jump up and down on your bed in excitement, nearly crushing your legs, exactly as they had done when they woke you and your husband up a couple of hours ago.Â
Mark chimed in, âFirst one there gets to open up their biggest present first.â
Immediately, Maxine and August hopped off your bed, racing each other to the living room as quickly as possible before the other could get there.Â
You couldnât help but giggle. Never in a billion years did you imagine having this future with Mark, but you were endlessly grateful. âMerry Christmas, love of my life.â
Mark leaned in to kiss your cheek. âMerry Christmas, baby. Iâve got a little surprise gift for you later.â
âOh?â
Mark snickered at the mischief on your face. âItâs not what youâre thinking.â
âHow do you know what Iâm thinking?â
âBecause you get that little look on your face,â Mark replied with a sly grin.Â
You shook your head, but you were still smiling. âOkay. If itâs not that, then what is it?â
âIf I told you, it wouldnât be a surprise.â
âOkay, fine. Have it your way. I donât care,â you groaned.Â
Mark was sporting the biggest smile ever. For what, you had absolutely no clue, until he pulled you for another kiss and confessed, âIâm so glad we made up that one Christmas.â
Your skin came alive against his. Your whole body was filled with bliss and wonder. You laid your head on his chest, feeling his heart race. âMe too, baby.â
genre/warnings: smut, a pinch of angst, fluff, stuck in an elevator with your ex-fiancĂŠ, exes to lovers, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving)
summary: A year ago, wedding bells were ringing and you were screaming, âYes!â at the top of your lungs. Last Christmas, you were supposed to be wed under a mistletoe. This Christmas, company finds you in the form of your ex-fiancĂŠ that broke off your engagement after youâre both inconveniently trapped in an elevator.
word count: 12.3k (complete opposite of a slow burn)
a/n: inspired by honeymoon avenue and my everything by ariana grande, undo (back to my heart) by tinashe, and ice queen by baekhyun. âtis the season! (it was xmas when this was originally posted lol). as always, feedback is appreciated!
Last year around this time, you had arranged to be wed. You recalled restlessly counting down the days until your lover would meet his lips to yours in front of all of your friends and family once granted the greenlight to kiss the bride.Â
You had everything planned down to a âT.â The banquet hall would be emerald and burgundy. There would be an arch above you where a mistletoe would hang. The wedding cake would have Jaehyunâs surname. And everyoneâs attire would be formal, though seasonal.Â
It was supposed to be the best day of your life.Â
A winter wonderland wedding seemed like an apt choice for you. You were so, so cold, but there was still an air of warmth to you. Now, your heart was unthawed.Â
This Christmas - much like the last - you would be alone.Â
It stung knowing you would be lonely for the second Christmas in a row and there was nobody at fault but yourself. You were miffed at your own behavior, but gave yourself no time to dwell on the past, doing what you knew how to do best - work until your brain went numb.
There was plenty on the roster today. A corporate meeting, phone calls to answer, and reports that wouldnât type themselves. And that was to be brief. Speaking of which, you needed to brief employees about new protocols.
âCome on, come on, come on,â you chanted impatiently to yourself, tapping your foot against the floor. The elevators in your apartment were running later than usual today.
You heaved a breath of relief when the doors chimed open. Out went a group of people and in went you. Maneuvering your body to press the first floor button, you came to a halt when you noticed it was already selected and gleaming.Â
That was when you finally noticed the man in the elevator - the only other person there with you - glancing down at his phone. You leaned against the railing and shifted your attention to the door nonchalantly, writing off the stranger as the very least of your concerns. Getting to work on time was paramount.Â
As it always was.
Morning traffic is going to be brutal, you thought with a grimace. Every thought in your head revolved around work and how long it would take you to get there.
It would seem you would have no time for your morning coffee run. You remembered those times when youâd stay the night at Jaehyunâs, waking to a hot cup of coffee that heâd made just the way you liked it waiting for you.
Four words would permanently be etched into your memory. Have a good life.
With some disdain, you bade the thought retreat. Jaehyun was no longer a part of your life and you doubted he would want to be ever again. Not that you blamed him. It was your punishment alone.Â
The elevator gave a jolt and you gripped the elevator for dear life, screeching, âWhat theâŚ?â
The floor indicator donned the number one in a big, bold shade of red, though ironically, the door gave not an inch. Which was odd. You pressed the button that ostensibly opened the door in these types of situations, but to no avail.Â
âAre we stuck?â
Your head snapped behind you and you nearly broke into a cold sweat when you noticed that the man lone in the elevator with you was no other than your ex-fiancĂŠ.Â
Living in the same apartment complex as the man you were once fated to marry was no easy feat, but the multiple years of seeing each other made it simpler to avoid him. For one, you knew one anotherâs routines and thus what time to be out the door either before or after the other.Â
That said, you had seen Jaehyun a couple of weeks ago, but the last time youâd spoken was when he returned all of your things from his apartment. Have a good life. Those were the last words heâd exchanged with you.Â
That had been approximately a year ago, a couple of weeks before Christmas and the day you were supposed to say, I do.
âAppears that way,â you replied, clearing your throat.Â
Jaehyun had his phone in his pockets now. You held your breath as you gave him a once-over. He was still handsome as ever, though that was to be expected. As far as you were concerned, he looked more or less the same as the last time youâd spoken, only his hair was a little lengthier. He still looked rather displeased to see you.Â
And he was wearing a suit. Which meant he was most likely also trying to go to work.Â
You frowned. Now you were thinking about Jaehyun in suits. Needless to say, that was a sore spot.Â
A voice came over a speaker and you recognized it as Yangyangâs, one of the apartment staff. He spoke like he was reading from a textbook, âPassengers, do not be alarmed. Our technical team will be arriving shortly to repair the service. We apologize for the inconvenience.â
You mused aloud, âCan he hear us?â
âLoud and clear,â Yangyang chirped.Â
âHow long will it be before someone can help us?â you asked, never keen on being late.Â
âI canât say, maâam. Anywhere from fifteen minutes and a couple of hours.â
You interjected to screech, âA couple of hours?â
Jaehyun clamped a soothing palm on your shoulder to calm you down. It was almost embarrassing how effortlessly his touch could ease you even a year after he broke off your engagement.
Yangyang explained in his usual exuberant tone, âThe weather and usual early traffic may cause a delay, maâam. They will be arriving as swiftly as possible and servicing is already underway by our maintenance staff.â
âThank you, Yangyang,â Jaehyun said, smoothing his palm down your back.Â
âHave a nice day, Mr. Jung. You too, maâam.â
You heaved a breath. âSo, it looks like weâre going to be here a while.âÂ
âHopefully not that long,â Jaehyun said, recouping his hand.Â
Though it stung, you understood. It went without saying that being trapped in an elevator with the ex that abandoned him was not part of todayâs plan. He may have called off the engagement, but you were the one that left him high and dry.Â
You broke his heart. Not only that, you stole his future. Everything he ever dreamed of, a wife and children, was thrown out the window because of your selfishness.Â
Jaehyun recognized you would both be stuck together for a while and rather than sit in awkward silence, he asked, âHowâs life?â
Darn him. No matter how hard you tried, you couldnât get the last words he had said to you out of your head. Have a good life.Â
The breakup was bitter and stone-cold. Jaehyun made a couple of things unmistakably clear with those four words alone. For one, he was cutting you out of his life for good. And he no longer desired to be imprisoned within yours, being punished for no good reason at all.Â
And you never fought him - never fought to win him over. Maybe because you had already known for some time that your engagement was in danger. It was beyond reclaim. Irrevocably damaged.Â
Never one to appear weak, you said, âGood. Really good. I was promoted to secretary.â
Jaehyun perked up. You got what you wanted. But did I deserve to be the sacrifice, baby? Was it worth it?Â
âStill a workaholic I see.â
You frowned. âOld habits die hard. How have you been?â
âI canât complain,â Jaehyun said. âI wasnât promoted or anything, but everythingâs been pretty good over here.â
You had no doubts. Jaehyun was an editor and his line of work gave him plenty of leeway. For the most part, he worked from home, though there were instances where he came into the workplace. At least, when you last spoke, that is.Â
âThatâs amazing. Iâm happy for you,â you said, willing yourself to smile. A part of you was strangely bitter. It didnât want to see him happy without you.Â
Though you no longer followed each other, Jaehyun still popped up on your Instagram homepage every now and then. And perhaps youâd searched his page more times than you cared to admit. Everything about his page was achingly sentimental and reminiscent of your past together.Â
Pictures of him at museums or bridges at nighttime or parks with his hair whipping through the breeze. Once upon a time, you were the one taking those pictures of him. Now, you wondered who was behind the camera, living the life youâd carelessly given away.Â
âThanks,â was all he willed himself to reply.Â
Your eyes instinctively fell to your watch and your head fell back as you groaned, âGod, Iâm going to be late for work.â
Jaehyun fought a snort. âYeah, me too. At least thereâs still some good news.âÂ
âLike what?â
âItâs warm in here,â Jaehyun commented lightheartedly.Â
You chuckled. What a way to relieve the tension. Though Jaehyun never failed to make you laugh with ease. Except for when you broke up. Nothing was funny then.
Those weeks leading to the breakup may have been worse than the day it actually happened altogether. The feeling of knowing something was inevitably bound to happen yet being unable to prevent it was arguably worse than the emptiness you felt when Jaehyun announced he no longer wanted anything to do with you.Â
Emptiness numbed you to the pain for a couple of days. You couldnât eat, couldnât sleep. All you could feel was a bitter, nipping cold enveloping you, eventually splitting you right down the middle.Â
Jaehyun subtly eyed you as you typed a message to your boss, warning him that you may have been late for work and telling him to proceed without you. Maybe some things never changed. You were still gorgeous, that was for sure. But you were also still married to your work. Ultimately, that would always prove to be your downfall.Â
It seemed like only yesterday you were his. He was planning to meet you at the altar, itching to sweep you into his arms and kiss you the moment you were pronounced husband and wife.Â
You had always been a workaholic. At one point, Jaehyun loved it about you. He never thought your relationship would be foredoomed because of it. Devoted and loyal were two terms that described you strongly.Â
Although, maybe you had been too devoted to the wrong thing.
Your broken engagement was a prime example of what happened when you applied too much pressure to one thing and neglected the other. It was the wretched result of not finding balance.Â
Everything you ever hoped and dreamed of flashed before your eyes. Once upon a time, you were both making plans to move into a house together. You wanted a pet. And you were thinking about children.Â
Now, you were all alone. And you had never felt colder.Â
For some reason, the absurdity of your predicament hit you merely moments after you sent the text message. It just didnât seem probable to be trapped in an elevator with your ex-fiancĂŠ. Much less alone. You threw your head back and whined, âI mean, what are the odds.â
Jaehyun pitched you a confused glance.Â
You winded a hand through your hair and elaborated, âUs being stuck in the exact same elevator and forcing ourselves to pretend we donât mind. If I remember correctly, you had no intention of hearing from me again.â
âI think we should spare each other the awkwardness,â Jaehyun replied, donning an impassive expression. And tone.Â
You bit your lip. Maybe you shouldnât have said anything. Jaehyun being kind to you should not have been mistaken and was probably more or less because he wanted to avoid as much tension as possible - not because he didnât hate you.Â
Jaehyun spoke up again to ask, âHow long have we been here?â
You glanced at your phone and read the time. âAbout fifteen minutes, I guess.â
âSo, weâre going to be here for a couple of hours,â Jaehyun quipped, trying to lighten the mood the best way he knew how.Â
You winced, hoping there was an in between. âNot like I had anything else to do,â you mumbled.Â
Jaehyun himself wasnât exactly bummed about missing a day, or at least a couple of hours. Though this was you. He used to joke that hell would freeze over the moment you decided to actually take a day off. âThey will survive without you for a while,â he comforted softly.Â
You scoffed. You were carrying that company on your back. âIâm afraid thatâs where youâre wrong. The whole building will be in flames if Iâm not there within an hour tops.â
âIâm sure,â Jaehyun scoffed. âIâve never seen anyone work as hard as you do.â
I have, you thought wistfully. Jaehyun fought harder for your relationship than you ever tried, but enough was enough. He was at his limit, giving more than he was receiving and he couldnât let you take advantage of him anymore.Â
Though it was intended to be a compliment, for whatever reason, your heartache was only amplified. You swiftly changed the subject. âSo, what are your plans for the holidays?â
He shrugged. âNothing special. Iâm going to spend some time with my family.â
That caught your attention. âYou havenât been seeing anyone?â
Jaehyun only shook his head. He was afraid of opening his mouth and saying something that would make shit awkward again. For all he knew, you two would both be stuck together for potentially the next couple of hours and he did not want to spend it in suffocating silence.
Unfortunately, Jaehyun couldnât deny that after your engagement was broken off, finding other girls had been hard. They came a dime a dozen, but none of them remained. Even after you were long gone, bits of you lingered, scattered everywhere across his life.
Jaehyun went to bed and thought of nights spent cuddling you to sleep. He visited his favorite cafe and thought of your go-to order. Jaehyun hooked up with other girls and thought of how beautiful you looked writhing underneath him, your voice calling out his name in a cry, dripping with sweet honey.Â
Though you were forever gone, the memories of you still haunted him everyday. For so long, he had been convinced he was made for you. You were the only woman he ever wanted.Â
And he couldnât have you.Â
Jaehyun commanded the thoughts to go away. You stopped being his long before the breakup. âYou?â
âOh, you know. With my line of work, I just donât have the time,â you replied bashfully.Â
That Jaehyun knew all too well. Just a little.Â
He bobbed his head. âSounds like you.âÂ
Guilt suddenly plagued your chest. Every second beside him you were reminded of the fact that you were the one who ruined a beautiful thing. You had gotten what you strived for, though in hindsight, the lengths you went to get it were brutal and cold-hearted.Â
You had sacrificed so much of yourself to get to where you were. And now that you were standing at the top, you could finally see the collateral damage youâd inflicted at the bottom.Â
There was only a good couple of feet to separate you and Jaehyun. And you absolutely loathed it. There was more distance between you when he uttered those four words permanently etched into your memory, before turning and heading out of your front door.Â
Jaehyun fancied it no more than you did. Walking away had been hard. He looked back, but never stopped. A year ago, he was convinced that he would have moved on by now. But no matter how far apart you were, his heart was still one of your captives. Not only did he leave a piece of it with you, but the whole damn thing.Â
He wanted it back. Damn it, he wanted you back. He wanted back every piece of himself he gave you, but above all else, he wanted back what you had. To go back to the way everything was the day he got down on one knee and asked for permission to hold your heart forever.Â
He remembered like it was yesterday. Earlier that spring, he took you to a bridge. Not only was it one of your favorite spots in the city, but it was where you both first said I love you.Â
Maybe that was why. Now, you couldnât bring yourself to visit it anymore. The memories were too painful.Â
Just like the first time he took you there, night had fallen. The bridge overlooked a river, moonlight cast into the water. Purple lights made the trail glimmer. But the moon was a little fuller, the air a little cooler.Â
Not that either of you minded. To be with you, he was content.Â
You were beaming. Even before he proposed. None of you could stop thinking about the night you first said that you loved each other. But when Jaehyun asked you to marry him underneath the moonlight, you were over the moon.Â
You were chanting, Yes! Jaehyun had to sweep you into his arms and meet his lips to yours to cut you off. A very long time ago, the memory made him smile. Now, it made his heart swell with agony.Â
His eyes were sad. And understandably a little angry. Even after all these years, you could still read him clear as day. You wondered if he could read you, too. You whispered, âIâm sorry.â
Jaehyun heaved a deep breath. An apology wouldnât fix his broken heart and saying you were sorry wouldnât undo the heartache you inflicted on him. It wasnât okay. He hated you for leaving him lonely. For choosing your job over a future together. He would never forgive you for it. âI never wanted much. I never wanted all of your time. Only a little was all I was asking for.â
âI donât want to go there with you, Jaehyun,â you said, exhaling a sigh of your own.Â
All Jaehyun did was shake his head and murmur under his breath, âClassic.âÂ
A part of you bristled. Why Jaehyun always wanted to hash things out with you was a mystery. Fighting was draining and you never had the energy. A long day of work left you with only enough strength to take a long hot shower before crawling into bed.Â
Not Jaehyun. He would never understand. The pressure to succeed, the struggle to unlearn the definition of success you were taught even before your adolescence.Â
A year ago, everything was falling apart in your relationship. You were arguing more, spending time together less. Jaehyun was trying to salvage what was left. In his mind, fighting with you was better than not speaking to you at all.
Most of your memories with him were unforgettable, but when they were bad, they were excruciating to think of. You could still remember the last argument before the uncoupling.Â
December was still fresh and the air was frigid, numbing your senses until you stepped into your warm apartment. Jaehyun was waiting for you there. A smile tugged your lips when you hung your coat and excitedly bounced into the kitchen, smelling hot chocolate.Â
âBaby, Iâm home,â you sang radiantly. At one point, it used to be your favorite line to say. A lifetime of obsessing over movie cliches was to blame.Â
Jaehyun locked eyes with you and simpered. You looked nothing less than exhausted, though he found it cute on you. âHey, my love. How was your day?â
You instantly groaned, âIâd rather not talk about it. Or think about it, for that matter.â
âWill a cup of hot cocoa make it better?â
You propped yourself on the island and flirted, âMade by Barista Jaehyun himself? Of course.â
Jaehyun handed you a mug and you accepted it gracious, muttering, âthank you.â He was the sweetest thing you could ask for. Even sweeter than the hot cocoa warming your palms.Â
That was how the arguments always began. They were sweet, innocent moments - until they werenât.Â
Your lover dipped behind the island and returned with a mug of his own, still steaming with freshly hot cocoa. You thought absolutely nothing of it. Not until he opened his mouth. âHow does a date night on Friday sound?â
You frowned. âThis Friday?â
âWell, yeah,â Jaehyun said, rubbing his nape. âItâs been a while, you know. Since weâve gone out on a date.â
That was true. Jaehyun always had some extra time to spare. He wanted to spoil and indulge you at every given chance. But you were always busy. Even when you were off the clock, you were still on the clock. And more often than not, you brought work back home with you.Â
âIâm so busy and so tired, Jay,â you whispered gently. God knew you wanted to, but you didnât have the time and much less the energy.Â
âI get that,â Jaehyun started. âBut canât you take even a day off?â
âIâm aiming for a promotion, Jaehyun. I have to prove myself. My boss has been dangling this shit in our faces for the past few months. I canât let an opportunity like that slip away.âÂ
Jaehyun was rapidly getting frustrated and reminded, âYou do realize weâre getting married in a few weeks, right?âÂ
Your eyes flickered. âYes, I do. And I plan to be there.â
âAt the rate youâre going, I wouldnât be surprised if you stood me up.â
Your heart sank. âHow can you say that?âÂ
âHow couldnât I?â Jaehyun snapped, evidently pained. âWeâve been engaged for the past nine months, but it doesnât feel like Iâm about to get married. It feels like Iâm losing you because youâre too absorbed in your goddamn job.â
âAre you asking me to choose you over my job?â you asked, standing to your feet. This entire argument was an affront to your pride.Â
âNo. There is no point in giving you an ultimatum when I already know that you will choose your job every time without hesitation - you already do. Iâm asking you to make room for me, but I canât force you to do anything you donât want to.â
You countered, âI do want you.â
âDo you?â Jaehyun snapped, skeptical. âYou canât even go on a date with me. You want a promotion more than anything else.â
You sighed, âI donât want to fight, Jay.âÂ
âI know that. You donât want to fight for anything,â Jaehyun said bitterly. âYou would rather watch us burn to ash than fight for us.âÂ
Anger plagued you and you were prepared to hurl something back, but he didnât give you the chance.Â
Jaehyun added, âI donât like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and Iâm scared sheâs not there anymore.â
Your words were cold as ice, âThen, leave.âÂ
And the rest was history.Â
There was nothing you could say when Jaehyun left you, no fight for you to give. It was you that sent him away. It was you that made him leave. He had only given you what you asked for.Â
Old habits died hard. The one-year anniversary of both the breakup and the day you were supposed to be married was rapidly approaching and to distract yourself from the pain, you were burying yourself in work. You didnât want to think about Jaehyun and what you almost had. Not even for a second. And then, today came and ruined everything.Â
Now, you were being forced to confront the past.Â
Donât cry, donât cry, donât cry. Youâre stronger than this. God, you wanted to be anywhere but here right now. Tears burned your eyes, but you would never let them fall. Not with Jaehyun there. You didnât want him to see the mess heâd left of you - how miserable you were without him.Â
You wanted to mend everything back together, but it was too late. Everything was irreparably broken. You had the opportunity to patch things up, and you passed it up. No more time could be wasted crying for the moon.Â
And still, somewhere deep inside, you knew Jaehyun would steal it for you.Â
Jaehyun saw your eyes and softened a little. Damn it, they still made him weak. Your tears were made of diamonds and they were priceless. Jaehyun said, âMy mother still talks about you, you know. She asks me when weâre going to get back together.â
Your eyes flickered. âThatâs⌠interesting,â you lied. âI thought she would hate me. And be more protective of her baby.â Because I broke your heart.Â
âYou know my mother always loved you,â Jaehyun chuckled fondly. âI donât think anyone believed in us more than her - not even ourselves.â
Somebody had to, you thought weakly. Though Jachyun was a romantic to his core, even he had to eventually throw in the towel.
Everyone thought you and Jaehyun would be the perfect match. Each of your families were anticipating a beautiful wintry nuptial ceremony on Christmas day. And when news of the uncoupling broke loose, your people weren't exactly shocked, but they were heavily disappointed.
You were clearly the problem. Until you learned how to balance, you would never be happy in love. Up until now, you were beginning to become content with that fate.
Though now, your heart was greedy.
Jaehyunâs mother crossed your mind. She was the epitome of an angel and the fact that she still wanted you in her sonâs life after all the pain you caused him was deafening. But what about what Jaehyun wanted? Does he even still love me?
Every moment spent with his mother had been wonderful. She spoke fondly of him and vice versa and supported him unconditionally. It was true motherly love and it made your chest stiffen, taut with envy. Ever since you were a kid, you only knew pressure. Your parents wanted you to have the life they didnât when they were your age, but they were very strict in how they went about it.Â
Tough love was all you received. They didnât help you through trying times. You were expected to suck it up. You were taught that tears were a sign of vulnerability and vulnerability was weakness.Â
You fought them back with everything you had and said, âHow does she know I wouldnât mess things up again?â
âI donât know,â Jaehyun told you, not disputing the fact that you had essentially destroyed everything. It stung, but it was the truth. âShe says âa mother knows best.ââ
Jaehyun watched you struggle to hold yourself together. You were good at pretending to be okay and smiling through your pain, but he was even better at seeing through you. He saw you through a lens that only a man who loved you with his whole mind, body, and soul for years could see. He saw all your weaknesses, all your flaws. But he never judged and he saw something else in them, too. What made you beautiful.Â
âBut what do you want?â It was killing you. For as long as you stood there, you needed to know.Â
âI wanted you,â Jaehyun replied honestly. âBut you wouldnât let me have you.âÂ
You shook your head. âYou had me. Every piece of me - it belonged to you.âÂ
âThatâs not how I remember it,â Jaehyun muttered. âYou had my heart, but your work had yours.â
âThatâs not true.âÂ
Jaehyun was firm. âIt is and you know it.âÂ
âI loved you,â you told him softly.Â
âWell, you sure had a funny way of showing it.â
You gripped the railing to anchor yourself. It didnât move, but you could feel yourself slipping into weakness. âI donât know how to stop, Jaehyun. I think itâs a part of me now. Itâs hard to stop doing something youâve done your whole life.â
I donât like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and Iâm scared sheâs not there anymore.
Maybe he was right. Maybe that woman was long gone.Â
A cloud of melancholy came over you, pouring over you and Jaehyun. He told you somberly, âI could have helped you if you would have let me in. But you were pushing me away.âÂ
âI know,â you said, meeting his dark eyes. âBut I wish I would have known back then. I never realized I was breaking us apart. Not until it was too late. I thought I was doing what was bestâŚâ
Jaehyun finished darkly, âYou were doing what was best for yourself. Not for us.âÂ
You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but quickly accepted he was right and instead said, âI was wrong. I was selfish. I wasnât considering how any of it made you feel and thatâs a decision I have to live with now.âÂ
âDo you regret it?â I need to know if my broken heart was worthwhile.
Your eyes burned. âEvery day of my life.âÂ
âWhy?â Jaehyun questioned, voice barely above a whisper. âYou got the promotion. Isnât that what you wanted?âÂ
âI thought it was,â you muttered. Your chest was swelling with self-disgust and agony and anger. Not at Jaehyun, but at yourself. âBut when I lost you, I realized that everything I needed was already right there. Until it wasnât.âÂ
Jaehyun was quiet but pensive. As if he was trying to trace exactly where everything started going wrong.Â
Even in school, you were devoted. You were the valedictorian of your class. Jaehyun used to steal you away to kiss you behind the bleachers. But you would always be there for his basketball games, cheering him on better than any cheerleader.Â
High school sweethearts, he thought wistfully. In high school, you won prom king and queen. Everyone thought you would last forever. That only God himself could part you.
How beautiful it was to be young, dumb, and in love.Â
Jaehyun knew your issues stemmed from your childhood. When you were still in high school, sometimes you had to blow him off to study. He remembered you cancelling hangouts because your parents refused to let you out of their house until you studied until you were cross-eyed. Their house, their rules, was the policy.Â
But he also remembered those nights when he would hear a knock on his bedroom window and smile when he saw you beaming at him through the glass. One December night, you were crazy enough to sneak out during the nipping cold, shivering and rubbing your arms outside his window.Â
Though it was many years ago, Jaehyun remembered that night clearly. His mother made you hot cocoa and promised not to tattle. She always had a soft spot for you and held some disdain for your parents. She claimed they worked you too hard.Â
Everything was so perfect back then. He knew what changed, but he couldnât understand why. You used to make time for him whenever you could. As the pressures of adulthood caught up to you, it all came to a slow, brutal end.Â
But why?
Then, leave. Those were the two words he would never forget. They were powerful than the I love youâs - more powerful than the I miss youâs. Your clipped, icy tone, would maybe someday be forgiven, but never forgotten.Â
A stubborn wound was forevermore slashed on his heart waiting for you to heal it.Â
You were breaking. Every part of you was crashing down. A familiar ache split your heart right down the middle. âIâll never forgive myself for throwing away the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. I didnât know what I had until it was gone and I canât tell you enough how sorry I am.â
Your ex-lover was mawkishly nostalgic and sentimental and never said he forgave you, for that would take a while longer, but told you, âI knew I was the second priority in your life after your career. And I was okay with that. Then, it started to feel like I had no place in it at all. I was at the end of my tether, a stranger to the woman I was supposed to marry, and I knew we couldnât carry on like that, my love.â
My love. That was what Jaehyun always used to call you. Your eyes flickered. âDo you stillâŚ?â
âI donât think Iâll ever completely get over you,â Jaehyun admitted forlornly.Â
That was when the dam broke. Jaehyun had dismantled you piece by piece and left you vulnerable. You had no strength to fight back the tears rolling down your cheeks.Â
Jaehyunâs arms, as they always were, were wide open. He pulled you into his warm embrace and let you sob into his chest, smoothing his hand down your back and protecting you from the sharp coldness of your own pain. You were beleaguered to remember the last time you let yourself cry. You let everything pile up until the water pressure became too much.Â
âShh. Itâs okay. Let it out,â Jaehyun crooned, gently stroking your hair. âYouâre not weak.âÂ
There was an ache resurfacing in your body and it was purely unshakable. Your heart was whole, but hollow. Only its pleas to be back with Jaehyun - where it belonged - rang out in the icebound, empty void.Â
Being in Jaehyunâs arms only made you nostalgic and the pain hit you harder. You thought regretfully of those moments in the past when he would hold you for all to see. And you remembered going to bed and always knowing he was still there, because you would feel his arms still tight around you and smile. Like he wanted to protect you, even while asleep.Â
You sobbed, âI donât deserve you.â
Jaehyun gently pushed you back only a little and looked you in your eyes. He wiped your cheeks with his thumb and told you calmly, âYou made a mistake. We all do.âÂ
The gesture made you soft and weak. Goddamn it, you were so weak for him. Like your knees would give in any moment now.Â
âNot like the one I made, though.âÂ
âThatâs true,â Jaehyun said. âBut do you regret it?â
Your voice wavered, âMore than anything.â
âThen, I forgive you.â
You shook your head, not knowing how to accept that. You didnât deserve forgiveness. You didnât deserve understanding. But that was the kind of person Jaehyun was.Â
He deserves someone better than me, you thought somberly. But you wouldnât know what you would do with yourself if he found that someone.Â
âYou should hate me,â you said softly, voice cracking. âI broke your heart. I broke us.â
Jaehyun shook his head. âYou know what my mother always says?âÂ
âIt doesnât only matter if you break something, but if youâre willing to put it back together,â you said, smiling fondly at the memory of his mother. She always treated you like you were her own.Â
Jaehyun nodded and asked, âAre you willing to put us back together again?â
You mulled it over. There was no doubt that you were willing. Back then, you were too in your head to notice reality. Now, you were blindsided by pain and regret and inclined to do anything to make it stop. âWhat it I mess up again?âÂ
âRelationships arenât perfect. People fuck up and people make mistakes. Youâre only human,â Jaehyun told you frankly. âIâll be there to help you clean it up. But donât let me pull all the weight. We both have to fight together.â
âOkay.â You knew what you wanted now. It wasnât that job. It wasnât a promotion. It was the man that had spent half his life loving you, and would still love you for the other half. âIâm willing.â
Jaehyun smiled. A part of him couldnât fathom how this was happening. The hole in his heart was steadily being sealed. He pulled you back flush against his chest.Â
The tension in the air seemed to alleviate then. You could finally breathe again. Being in a tight space with the love of your life didnât feel suffocating anymore, but closer to relief.Â
You were talking freely again. You missed just being able to have a conversation with Jaehyun, recalling those times when you would discuss anything under the sun. Long nights of talking the moon away knowing full well you had work in the morning hit you. With Jaehyun, the small talk was skipped. You could discuss anything and everything.Â
There was no worry, no fear. Sometimes, there would be tension, but never the unpleasant kind. Only moments ago, those times seemed like merely a distant memory. Now, there was hope that you had Jaehyun back.Â
In his arms, you realized that was where you belonged. It was your safe haven in a world filled with danger. Your secrets were safe with Jaehyun and you were free to be vulnerable, because you knew he would never betray you. No matter what happened between you both, whether you were angry or in love, you knew whatever you told each other would forever remain under lock and key.Â
âDo you remember the arch?â you asked, wistfully recalling what couldâve been. âI wanted a mistletoe up there. For some reason, I couldnât shake the thought of kissing you underneath it for the first time as your wife.â
Jaehyun chuckled fondly. âI remember. I also remember you wanted John Stamos to marry us because he was your, and I quote, âtrue first love.ââ
You nudged his side. âHey, I would have also accepted Shemar Moore.â
Goddamn it, now Jaehyun was thinking about kissing you. His eyes fell to your pretty lips, still as enticing as they used to be when you were his. Never had he wanted to kiss you so badly. Like it would heal the wounds caused by missing you.Â
Can I⌠can I kiss you?â Jaehyun asked.Â
You said with no hesitation, âYou can do whatever you want to me.âÂ
Now that he had your permission, Jaehyun didnât waste a second to envelop your lips in his. Only then did you realize how much you missed feeling his lips on yours, how much you craved tasting his tongue in your mouth. You had gone so long without, but ironically, he still felt like home. And making out with him felt right as ever.Â
Jaehyun kissed you so fiercely that he nearly swept you off balance and caught your hips in his arms. Your fingers threaded through his hair, back against the railing. He kissed you to make up with the wasted times he spent with other people. You kissed him to make up for the wasted times you could have spent with each other. To fill the void and patch each other back up.Â
He taught you what love was. It was letting each other in instead of freezing each other out. It was was building something beautiful together and fighting to protect it instead of letting it all fall apart and into ruins.Â
Kissing you eased Jaehyunâs heart. His pain was forgotten and he was overwhelmed with his undying love for you. He would never get over you, no matter how hard he tried. A love like the one you had would take more than a lifetime to get over you.
The way you immediately clicked, it was like you knew each other in a past live. Even now, his feelings were unabating. In his next life, it would still be you and only you. Always and forever.Â
You were so besotted with Jaehyun and the way his lips tasted that neither of you noticed the elevator door opening.Â
Yangyang cleared his throat. âUm, guys?âÂ
Both of you whipped around, more than a little shocked to see the door open with Yangyang standing in the middle to prevent it from closing on you.Â
Jaehyun looked at you and asked, âHow long have we been in here?â
âApproximately two hours,â Yangyang chirped. âYouâre free to go now. By free to go, I mean please exit the lift. As you can see, thereâs a bit of a line.â
You looked behind Yangyang and saw a couple of people impatiently waiting to travel upstairs. You lowered your head and flushed. Jaehyun laced his fingers through yours and led you outside of the elevator, smiling like a dumbass. He didnât care who saw. He couldnât have been any more happy than he was right now.Â
âWell, weâre free,â he said once you were both in the clear. Then, he frowned. âBut we still have work.â
You winced. âAnd I wasnât kidding about the place burning down. I really need to be there. I know how that sounds, but I promise Iâll make it up to you later. Do you trust me?âÂ
âOf course,â Jaehyun said, grabbing your wrist and kissing the back of your hand.Â
Your heart tugged at the gesture. Whyâd he have to be so goddamn perfect?Â
You got on your toes and pressed a brief kiss to his lips, feeling butterflies swimming in your gut. It seemed they had come to visit again. âIâll see you later, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun told you goodbye and watched you leave. It hurt a little to see you go, but he knew you would come back to him. You always did, even if it took a year and unlikely circumstances.Â
When you were gone, he turned around and grabbed his phone out of his pockets. He had to tell his mother that maybe she knew best after all.Â
Night fell. Jaehyun still hadnât heard from you although you should have been off from work hours ago. A part of him was worried, but he still trusted that you wouldnât give in to your old habits. It was Friday night. Maybe you were resting and would see him tomorrow.Â
Jaehyun went into his living room and played some music. The atmosphere reminded him of you. Holding you in his arms and spinning you around. Everywhere he went, he could still hear your voice and laugher ringing in his hair, like the ghost of you was haunting him.Â
He shook his head. You drove him mad. He accepted that he would never forget you, much less the way it felt to love you.Â
The doorbell ring and he could barely hear it over his music. Jaehyun didnât pause it, but went to open his door and was pleasantly surprised to see you standing there.Â
âWhat are you doing?â Jaehyun asked.Â
âI told you I would make it up to you,â you said, breath condensing in the air. You gestured to the pair of grocery bags in your arms.Â
It was Jaehyunâs natural instinct to take them out of your hands, and turning, he said, âHurry up and come in. Itâs cold outside.â
You didnât need to be told twice and followed him immediately, shutting the door behind yourself. It was warm and cozy inside his apartment, as always. You hung your coat on the rack and glanced around, memories hitting you tenfold, square in the heart. Everywhere your eyes fell, you saw figures of you and Jaehyun.Â
Dancing in the living room. Movie night marathons on the couch. And racing down the hallway with your lips on the otherâs and your hands desperately trying to remove each otherâs clothes as you messily stumbled into the bedroom for a long night of loving.Â
âI see youâve already set the mood,â you joked when you noticed the music playing, watching him set the groceries on the counter.Â
Jaehyun beamed. âI wasnât even expecting company.â
âSorry for showing up unannounced.â You smiled coyly, approaching the kitchen. âIâll make it up to you. And no, you canât help, Chef.âÂ
âPlease?âÂ
You grabbed a gigantic wooden spoon and pointed at him. âSit your ass down.â
âJesus. Alright, then,â Jaehyun said, lifting his arms defensively. Ever stubborn were you. The reminder roused a chuckle from him. âHave it your way then, bossy.â
âI will.â
Jaehyun shook his head, still cheesing like an idiot. You were still iron-willed. That part of you would never change.Â
You cooked dinner in Jaehyunâs apron and he laughed at how big it was on you. The memories were overwhelming now. It seemed that no matter where you were or what you were doing, his mind would always find a way to remind him of your presence.Â
But the memories didnât have to be bitter or painful anymore. He wanted to try again. He wanted a fresh start, a chance to repaint the canvas and a clean slate. As long as you were both determined to make things work, Jaehyun had faith in you and him.Â
âDinner was amazing,â Jaehyun complimented, throwing your dirty dishes in the sink to be remembered later. He stepped back over to the island and trapped you in his arms.Â
You peered up at him, cheeks warming. âThank you.â
Looking into your pretty eyes, Jaehyun couldnât resist the temptation to kiss you anymore. You made a noise of surprise when he met his lips to yours, caught completely off-guard, but you kissed him back. It would be fighting your instincts not to.Â
You closed your eyes and let Jaehyun guide you, trusting he would never lead you astray. When he kissed you, he melted away your icebound surface and got under your skin, peeling you back layer by layer. You liked kissing Jaehyun. Way too much. Even now, you could still recall the first time you made out, hiding behind the bleachers on campus yet gigging loud enough for all to hear.Â
When it came to each other, you both were like moths to the dangerous flames of love. Love would always unite you again. You couldnât resist those pretty, twinkling sparks of fire. And you couldnât get enough of the burn.Â
Jaehyun was confused when you pulled away, but looked into your eyes again and saw a kind of sadness twinkle in them. Your voice was weak, âWhy donât you hate me?âÂ
âI couldnât even if I wanted to, baby,â Jaehyun said, finding your hand and squeezing it firmly. âAnd believe me, I tried. Even if a part of me did hate you, an even bigger part of me will always love you.â
That was all you needed to hear before you were sucking on his tongue again, wet kissing noises tangled in the sound of old school music.Â
Then, Jaehyun pressed you into the counter, kissing you even rougher. You were riling him up, moaning into his mouth and that noise would never not do it for him. A different kind of fire came over you when you noticed him very impatiently unbuttoning your blouse.Â
Same old Jaehyun. At heart, he was still the same as the cute boy you fell in love with. You were pleasantly impressed that kissing you alone still got him up.Â
You broke the kiss again to ask through jagged breath, âDo you think weâre moving too fast?â
âProbably,â Jaehyun replied. Not that he gave a damn. ďżźUnless you did, of course. âDo you wanna stop?âÂ
âJaehyun, I literally have not had sex in over a year. If you donât fuck my brains out I think Iâll cry.â
Jaehyun chuckled darkly. âThat can be arranged.â
You made a noise of surprise when Jaehyun cautiously scooped you into his sturdy arms and lowered you onto the counter. You made out hotly, his hands continuing to quickly unbutton your blouse and yours pulling his shirt above his head.Â
The sight of his happy trail and toned abs made your core throb. And your mouth water. Your palms involuntarily slicked over them, feeling nothing but hard skin and muscle.
âSee something you like?â Jaehyun asked, grinning in the most annoying way possible.Â
You swallowed the lump in your throat and said, âStill a gym rat, I see.âÂ
Jaehyun bobbed his head. âYeah. I still hit the gym with Johnny when we have spare time.â
That you knew. Despite the breakup, you and Jaehyun still had a ton of mutual friends, chiefly from high school. You recalled seeing Johnny post one of his gym visits with Jaehyun not too long ago.Â
And you also vividly remembered the sight of Jaehyun, donning sweats and a blank tank-top. He drove you absolutely feral. His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and his biceps were flexed, showing off his muscle. You would always be a sucker for a burly man that could snap you in half if he so pleased.Â
Jaehyun expertly removed your bra and tossed it somewhere to be forgotten. He wanted to see your breasts bounce while he pounded you into oblivion. Your skirt followed, but Jaehyun slid your panties to your ankles at a agonizingly slow pace, all the while smiling like an idiot as you gave a needy and impatient whimper.Â
âYouâre already so wet,â Jaehyun murmured, drawing an invisible pair of lines on your bare cunt with his fingers. âDid you miss me that much?â
You whimpered, âPlease, Jay.â
Hearing you call out his name like that was all it took for Jaehyun to lose all sense of self-restraint and he spread your thighs apart with tenderness, burying himself between them. You let out a sharp cry, throwing your head back. Some of your best orgasms were the ones when Jaehyun ate you out until you physically could no longer take it and begged for him to stop.Â
Jaehyun targeted your clit immediately, a testament to the fact that he knew your body intimately. Your thighs clamped around the sides of his head, unaccustomed to the pressure.Â
He merely clasped your thighs in his palms and held them freestanding, undeterred as he continued to lap at you like with the hunger only a untamed beast could have.Â
âFuck,â was all you could say, curses dangling from your lips. You had been touch-starved for over a year and the familiarity of Jaehyunâs touch was overwhelming in the best way possible.
Despite the fact Jaehyun handled you gently, with love and tenderness and nothing but, he ate you out like an animal.Â
Jaehyun longed for the taste of you, arousal gathering on his tongue. He loved unraveling you like this. You could never stay still, much less quiet when he was going down on you. The sight of you, head angled back and moaning his name nearly made him cum in his pants.Â
Your fingers clamped locks of his hair and Jaehyun groaned, somehow spurred on by the gesture. You were making noises left to right, feeling yourself nearing your peak in record time. A year of no sex factoring in a skilled partner would absolutely do that to you.
Your lover learned to recognize you at the threshold of release a very long time ago and briefly parted from your pussy, substituting his mouth with his fingers as he sang, âJust let go for me, baby. Itâs okay.â
It was clear that your body had every intention of obeying him. Naturally, it submitted to Jaehyun, with no fear and no reluctance. He knew it and it knew him.Â
âOh my God. Jaehyun,â you moaned, thighs twitching. Not wanting to hurt him, you clamped your nails into the counter, eyes closed as the pressure threatened to consume you from head to toe.Â
Jaehyun talked you through it, whispering, âDo it for me, baby. Just let go.â
Not too much longer, orgasm seized you, rendering you weak and defenseless. You had no strength in your body to fight it even if you wanted to, weakened by his touch. Your toes clenched and you cried his name, fingernails scraping the island roughly enough to damage both your nails and the countertop. Â
Jaehyun didnât stop eating you out until you went rigid, chest undulating. You looked a hot mess, heaving for breath and your lips parted, easing the airflow.Â
âAre you okay?â Jaehyun asked when he moved from between your legs, fighting off a smirk at the sight of you completely disheveled.Â
âNot until you fuck me,â you rasped, still needy in spite of still trying to catch your breath.Â
Jaehyun snickered and tugged his pants down, underwear soon giving chase. You positively gawked when you saw his bare, thick dick. It never failed to make your mouth water. And your body tremble with release.Â
You kept your nails at your sides as Jaehyun lined his cock up at your entrance, gently easing himself past your sheath-like walls. He still clasped his hands at your thighs, brows crumpling with concentration. You were still so goddamn tight, clamping around him with a grip almost vice-like.Â
âJay,â you whimpered, hands clenching into fists.Â
âShh,â Jaehyun whispered, moving his mouth to the side of your face. There was a catch in your breath when you noticed his lips brushing against your ear, breath tickling your nape. âOpen up for me, baby.â
The sensation of being filled completely made you feel nothing short of relief. There was a wet noise when Jaehyunâs hips smacked against your own, the last thrust followed by one even deeper. You tried your best to take all of him, wanting to please him even if it was the last thing you did.Â
Jaehyun slipped out of his own trance briefly enough to mention, âI didnât wear a condom.â
âJust pull out,â you said, in no state of mind to give a damn. You liked the feeling of him fucking you nice and raw.Â
âWeâre definitely a pair of idiots.â
You snickered and found his hand, slipping your fingers through his. âYouâre my idiot and Iâm your idiot. Thatâs all that matters.â
Jaehyun smiled into the crook of your neck, eventually clamping his teeth there to conceal a moan at your expense.Â
He lifted his head and drew back to admire the entire view, watching his cock disappear between your legs over and over again borderline obsessively. There was something about you that he would never get tired of. He liked holding you close and loving you hard.Â
âYouâre the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen,â Jaehyun exhaled, voice full of sincerity. And raw pleasure.Â
You were burning up, withering heat blindsiding you. Jaehyun was making short work of you. It felt like love-making rather than plain old fucking, all things considered. Jaehyunâs gentle, steady pace as he whispered sweet little nothings in your ear, old school romance songs faded out in the background all the while.Â
All you could focus on was Jaehyun. He was all you could hear, all you could feel. You were driven by the feeling of your walls garroting his size, the sounds of the little groans he couldnât smother into your skin and his affectionate words urging you closer to climax.Â
âDonât hold back, baby,â you sighed, tightening your hold around his hand. It was a tiny, sweet gesture. âPlease? I wanna hear you.â
Jaehyun obeyed you because there wasnât a damn thing on this earth he wouldnât do for you. You owned him and you knew it.Â
Jaehyun swore when you clamped around his dick even harder. He watched your breasts bounce, your whole body unstill. Even your hands were scrambling, releasing him and now finding purchase in his back. âI love you,â he sighed, kneading your breasts.Â
âI love you, too,â you moaned, feeling light as ever. He always took you to another dimension whenever you were together, but especially when he was fucking you within an inch of your life.Â
I love you, too. Jaehyun was beaming. That was the first time heâd heard you say it in over a year and you had no idea how badly he needed to hear it again now.Â
Jaehyun marked up your neck, leaving a trail of himself like souvenirs for you to remember in his absence. Your pulse thumped rapidly, your heart on the verge of tearing out of your chest, landing into his palms where it belonged. Now, your heartache was - at long last - soothed.Â
There were no words to aptly describe your affection towards Jaehyun. Your love for him ran to an inexplicably deep extent with seemingly no end. It was all you could think about while he fucked you, how badly you needed him in your life. How the sensations he made you feel were irreplicable and you were content enough to simply be in his arms.Â
Your lover never lasted very long when fucking you bare and raw and sensing himself approaching climax, Jaehyun brought his fingers to your clit, already swollen from release. A gasp tore from your throat when he fondled with the sensitive bundle of nerves, trying to facilitate an orgasm out of you.Â
âJaehyun,â you whined. You reached for his hand, sensitive.Â
Jaehyun grabbed your hand with his spare one and slipped his fingers through again for you to squeeze. âItâs okay, my love. I want you to cum,â he said gently, biting your sweet spot.Â
He was making short work of you. Your climax threatened to ensnare you with a force powerful enough to snap you in half. You needed it. More than anything, you needed it.Â
You hauled your nails over his back, drawing long, red lines across the naked flesh. Jaehyun hissed darkly, pace quickening and coming even harder. You were driving him mad and vice versa. Your body had never been more confused than it was in that moment, barely willing itself to not writhe away but simultaneously matching his thrusts, wanting to build the pleasure yet somehow escape it all at once.Â
âIâm coming, Iâm coming,â you warned in a impassioned chant, choking on your lack of breath. âIâmâŚâÂ
Your body quivered, release stealing the rest of your words before you could speak them. You found Jaehyunâs hand again, squeezing it for dear life. The orgasm was so heavy you almost collapsed in on yourself and Jaehyun. You were seeing white, burning red, emitting Jaehyunâs name in a sharp cry.Â
Jaehyun felt you clenching around his cock with climax and immediately withdrew, knowing he would bust a nut inside you if he stayed a second longer. âOpen your mouth,â Jaehyun told you, voice husky, thick with lust. Â
It was almost enough to break you all over again.Â
You did as instructed, no hesitation required. Jaehyun fitted his cock inside your mouth, moaning at how warm it was. You took him in, wanting to get him off and taste him dripping down your throat.Â
When he saw you, cheeks hollowed with his rigid cock in your mouth, Jaehyun nearly came then and there. He fucked your mouth, guttural little praises dangling from his lips.Â
Your thighs clenched tightly, hot sparks still aflame between. He got you riled up effortlessly, hardly ever needing to try. There was something about him that you were naturally attracted to, an unshakable kind of attraction. You couldnât fathom why you couldnât escape him, why your body and heart was seized by your lover.Â
âSo good,â Jaehyun grunted, pace accelerating.Â
Jaehyun fucked your throat until he came, emptying his balls into your mouth at long last. Eagerly, you swallowed as much as you could, an amalgamation of his release and your saliva dribbling down your chin and onto your naked, heaving breasts.Â
And the sight positively wrecked him.Â
âFuck,â you rasped, still registering what the hell had happened.Â
Jaehyunâs eyes flashed with alarm. âDid I hurt you?âÂ
âNo, itâs just that thatâs the best sex Iâve had in a while.â
Jaehyun rolled his eyes and quipped, âThatâs the only sex youâve had in a while.â
âGod, yes,â you groaned, still feeling unalloyed pleasure burning between your thighs.Â
Jaehyun scooped your bare body into his arms again and carried you into his room, pressing the gentlest of kisses to your lips and neck all the while.Â
You smiled to yourself in the morning when you roused, feeling Jaehyunâs arms still wrapped loosely around your waist.Â
Everything had shifted then. Though you initially had plans of spending the holidays buried in work, you came to find that Jaehyunâs warm embrace was the greatest gift you could have asked for on Christmas day. There was none of the loneliness and dwelling you dreaded, only making brand new memories with the man you loved with your entire heart, mind and soul.
On Christmas day, you visited his motherâs house where his family had gathered, recognized familiar faces that were surprisingly all too glad to see you again.Â
When Jaehyunâs mother opened the front door, you greeted bashfully, âHi, Mrs. Jung.âÂ
âI knew we would meet again,â Mrs. Jung said softly, simpering in a self-satisfied manner. âCome in, dear. Youâre always welcome in our home.â
You stepped inside the house, Jaehyun following suit once exchanging a silent, understanding glance with his mother. As always, she was right.
As you glanced around, nostalgia hit you tenfold. Everywhere you looked, there were memories of you and Jaehyun. You could see you both running up the stairs excitedly and Mrs. Jung scolding you about horse-playing indoors. When your eyes fell to the kitchen, you saw yourself joining the Jungâs for dinner, sitting directly beside your lover.Â
Jaehyun leaned into your ear, given that seasonal music was blaring, and said, âIâm going to have a talk with my brother-in-law for a second. Be on your best behavior and donât try to escape out a window. Old habits die hard.âÂ
You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him. âGo. Iâll be right here,â you said, heart wrenching softly.Â
Jaehyun snickered and slithered away.Â
In his place came someone you were very familiar with.Â
âNostalgia?â
You whirled around, instantly recognizing the voice as Taeyongâs, one of Jaehyunâs many, many cousins.Â
âI made a lot of memories here. Iâll never forget any of it,â you replied honestly. âLong time, no see.âÂ
Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. âDefinitely. I was scared that Iâd never see you again.â
âWhy is that?â Your curiosity was piqued. You never imagined Jaehyunâs family would anticipate meeting you once more. It was the stark opposite of your expectations.Â
Taeyong leaned closer like he was telling you someoneâs deepest, darkest secret, and whispered, âBetween you and I, Jaehyun hasnât been the same since the breakup. Not a happy camper. You were a part of his life for so long that we were all convinced he would never adjust to living one without you again.â
Visioning a morose, heartbroken Jaehyun made you frown. âI did that.â
âYou absolutely did. You broke the poor guyâs heart and made him unbearable. He didnât deserve that. And I didnât deserve to have to put up with his insufferable ass,â Taeyong scoffed offhandedly, though you knew his words were lighthearted. âBut you fixed it.â
âI guess I did that, too,â you exhaled contentedly, turning your head to spot Jaehyun chatting with his brother. That made you beam. Everything had fallen apart, shattered into pieces, but you were both willing to do the work and put them together.Â
âHeâs himself again,â Taeyong said, following your gaze. âThank you for giving me my favorite cousin back.â
âI should have never taken him away in the first place.â
Taeyong gave you a playful, half-assed attempt at consoling, âGood people do bad things. We all fuck up. Just maybe not as badly as you.â
You nudged his side.Â
He continued, turning somewhat sober, âHe forgives you. But this wonât work out until you also forgive yourself.â
âYouâre so young, but so wise,â you whispered, slightly touched.Â
Taeyong snickered. âIt runs in the family,â he said, patting your back before turning away.Â
You merely stood there, rooted in place. Taeyong had given you something to muse on you. You realized a part of you was still clinging onto guilt, unable to rationalize your own decisions. You were so convinced that you were undeserving of Jaehyunâs love and courtesy that you had forgotten how to move on from your errors.Â
It would be a process. But a step a day was better than none at all.Â
You beamed when you noticed Jaehyun approaching you and he returned it, outstretching his hand and asking, âMay I steal a dance?âÂ
âOf course,â you said, taking his hand in yours.Â
Jaehyun brought you from the foyer to the living room where mainly everybody had gathered to dance, spinning you in his arms as holiday music filled the air.Â
You swept some free strands of hair from his handsome face, admiring the view only a little higher up than you. Even in a room filled to the hilt with people, Jaehyun and Jaehyun alone was all you could see. Everyone else faded. It was only you and your lover, swaying to the rhythm of a seasonal song.Â
âThis feels like senior prom, but Christmas edition,â Jaehyun quipped.
You snickered delightfully. âI remember when we were announced prom king and queen. I like how nobody was surprised.â
You remembered it like it was yesterday. Jaehyun joined you for the first dance, gently whirling you around in front of several prying eyes, but you didnât care. To you, the room was as good as empty. They were faceless, nameless people with no contribution or value, no relation to you and your blossoming romance with Jaehyun.
It was an experience you never knew you needed back then. Maybe in that moment, you knew it was fate. That one way or another, Jaehyun was inevitably the one you would grow old and gray-haired with.Â
Even now, as you stared into his pretty brown eyes, you knew that this was the man you wanted a future with.Â
Jaehyun glanced up and said, âLook.â
You did as told, smiling fondly as you noticed the mistletoe hanging above your heads. A part of you wondered if it was a coincidence or if he chose this spot deliberately. âI remember kissing you in front of everyone,â Jaehyun added, full of mischief.Â
You played along and hummed, âIâm not sure if I recall. Care to remind me?â
Jaehyun didnât waste a second to lock lips with you, tasting hot cocoa on your tongue. You could taste gingerbread on his and the thought made you giggle into his mouth. There was something about it - something about Jaehyun - that made every tiny thing mean a billion times more.Â
All of the whimsical little things made your heart swell with happiness.Â
âYo, chill, you horn dogs. Thereâs children,â scolded Jaehyunâs other cousin Mark, covering his little cousinâs eyes. His family gave you a headache. Every time you learned them all, it was as if another cousin popped out of thin air.Â
You and Jaehyun pulled away, snickering. You leaned on your toes, giving his lips one final peck before deciding youâd had your fill.Â
Days of being Jaehyunâs again turned into some of the happiest months of your life. You were letting go of some of your old habits and setting some past trauma free. There were a handful of grim times, but you both made the effort to repair things before they spiraled out of control.Â
Excuses had run their course. Jaehyun would ask you on dates and youâd agree more, overworking yourself less. Until now, you never realized that putting some distance between yourself and the stresses of work was what it took to be happier. You had made the earth-shattering mistake of convincing yourself that hard work equated happiness.Â
The two of you agreed to take things slow, afraid rushing would land you in an achingly familiar predicament, but you couldnât deny that things had been speeding up. And Jaehyun already knew that it would forever be you.Â
It was another long, brutal day of work and nothing was out of the ordinary. You were running across the office, balancing direct orders on top of your daily tasks. You needed six skins to have a job like this. Three to balance the roles of multiple people and another three to endure the wear and tear.Â
Ten, your favorite co-worker, tracked you down and stopped you dead in your tracks to say, âHey, slow down a second. Someoneâs here to see you.â
You did the opposite of slowing down, still walking and as he followed you, said, âTell them Iâm taking a sick day, would you? Thanks, Tennie.âÂ
âI donât think so,â Ten said, donning an amused look. Which successfully made you pause in confusion. Usually, Ten never hesitated to cover for you. âYouâre going to want to hear what this guy has to say. I swear.âÂ
Very reluctantly, you agreed to follow Ten, curiosity piqued as you wondered who in the hell would dare interrupt you in the middle of a swift-paced work day.Â
Jung Jaehyun. That was who.Â
You made a face of confusion when you saw him there, smiling at you like an idiot. Confused, you asked, âJay, you couldnât text or call?âÂ
âWhat Iâm about to do is a bit difficult to do over the phone,â Jaehyun retorted, admiring your state of obliviousness.Â
You huffed, âWhat are youâŚâÂ
You cut yourself off when you noticed one of the staff hand Jaehyun a tiny box and he proceeded to crouch on one knee. The realization made your heart thud, pulse quickening.Â
Jaehyun started, âBaby, Iâve been racking my brain trying to think of how to say this. I had to have tried to practice this a million times before I decided to talk to you from my heart.â
Your co-workers all gathered around, and you noticed even your boss observing from the corner of your eyes, but your gaze was locked on Jaehyun and no one but.Â
Your lover fought his nerves and added, âWe met when we were in high school. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were so young, dumb, and drunk off learning what true love was for the first time. We couldnât resist each other.âÂ
The memories made your heart melt, taut with ecstasy.Â
âThen, we got older. And things got more complicated, but in spite of that, we never stopped loving each other. Not for a second,â Jaehyun declared, impassioned. âIâve been in love with you for so long that I canât imagine my life any other way. No matter what has changed between us.â
Jaehyun was staring you dead in the eyes, watching your face melt with awe. It gave him all the courage he needed.Â
âYou made it so easy to fall in love with you but so hard to fall back out. And I donât want to. I adore you, my love. Thoughts of you keep me up and night, restless. You make me crazy.â
Your eyes burned, fighting an oncoming threat of tears with every passing word. Jaehyun had swept you off your feet, making you feel emotions you never knew existed.Â
âI know weâve been through thick and thin, baby. But we were there for each other. And even when we separated, we found our way right back into each otherâs arms,â your lover added.Â
You wanted to pinch yourself, determine if you were dreaming. Even though Jaehyun had proposed once to you before, you would never get used to the wave of emotion that plagued you, rendering you soft and full of glee.Â
âI didnât know what love was until I fell for you. Youâre my first love and all these years by your side have only solidified my courage that I want you to be my last. You are the only woman on this earth I can imagine a future with and if itâs not you, then I know thereâs nobody else out there for me.â
Ten was smartly grabbing a box of tissues for safe measure.
Jaehyunâs voice got softer, âLetâs try again, my love. Letâs do this one more time - one last time. Will you marry me?âÂ
Now, you had the spotlight. Ten was none too subtly mouthing, âSay âyes.ââ Everybody was anticipating your reaction and you wondered exactly how long in advance everyone had been in on this little surprise except for you.Â
There was no hesitation and you practically screamed as you chanted, âYes!â
Jaehyun, much like the last time he proposed to you, swept you into his arms and kissed you to death, effectively silencing you. The room erupted in cheer. Everybody was glad to get a break from their tedious jobs and witness a moment as beautiful as this one.Â
The champagne was already popping. Your fiancĂŠ whirled you in your arms and you told him affectionately, âI love you.â
âSay it again,â Jaehyun said, incapable of getting enough.Â
âI love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much that I donât know what to do with myself.â
âLet me love you,â your fiancĂŠ said, staring at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And you were. âThatâs all you have to do.â
You smiled, pretending to mull it over. âI think I can let that happen.â
Jaehyun was over the moon. There were no words to describe how ecstatic he was. He missed this feeling and he was more than glad that it had returned. âMerry Christmas,â he said playfully.Â
âJaehyun, it is literally the end of February. You wished me Happy Valentines Day after fucking my brains out on your birthday,â you replied, rolling your eyes.Â
âStill,â your fiancĂŠ said, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips and cheesing at the memory of fucking you raw again. âMarrying you is the best gift I could ever ask for.â
You smiled in agreement. And fought a smirk as you remembered you had your own little surprise for your betrothed, waiting for you at home on the bathroom counter.Â
Jesus Christ, you were going to need a bigger place to stay.
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genre/warnings: smut, angst, strangers to lovers, hollywood!au, photographer!haechan, model!reader, unprotected sex (don't be silly wr- [gets hit by a car])
summary: After breaking off your engagement to your fiance, you move to Los Angeles to pursue a modeling career. There in the fairytale land where stars go to shine you meet Haechan, an aspiring photographer with a penchant for mischief and flirtation.
word count: 13.1k (/25.5k)
a/n: inspired by love jones; the song by leon thomas featuring ty dolla $ign and the movie by theodore witcher. this is the second/last installment of a repost; it is also the prequel to supermodel, which you do not have to read. installment one can be found here. as always, feedback is appreciated!
When you completed all of your errands, you had the taxi drop you off at Haechanâs place and bid Chaewon goodbye. According to your new beau, he should have been there waiting for you. Plus you saw his sleek, black motorbike parked out front. No doubt he was somewhere inside.Â
You took a couple of deep breaths before ringing his doorbell.
Haechan was quick to announce he was on the way, and the sound of his voice on the opposite end of the door tempted your lips into a smile. He opened it with hastiness, flashing his teeth when he saw you. âHi, baby. Come on in.â
You matched his radiant smile and stepped inside, letting him lock the door behind you. Meanwhile, Haechan was subtly checking you out. You were dolled up, compared to this morning. How you were so beautiful at both your morning glory and when you dressed up was something he would never comprehend.Â
To say nothing of himself. You loved the image of his naked back that was permanently etched behind your eyelids, but your mouth also watered at the sight of him in his signature ripped jeans and leather jacket.
âThis way,â Haechan said, shaking the thought of you out of his head.
You followed him upstairs, briefly scanning his place. Not a speck of dirt anywhere. Either he was very tidy or he was definitely trying to be impressive.Â
Within a couple of seconds, you were led through a doorway that was obviously the entrance to his bedroom. You took a little scan. He had posters for days, to say nothing of the vinyls mounted on his wall. There was a shelf full of photo albums just shy of his desk and you were curious to look through them.
âNot bad,â you told him after realizing youâd been silently gazing about.Â
âThanks,â Haechan replied, removing one of his Michael Jackson vinyls from the wall with extreme caution.Â
You watched him retrieve it with a respectable amount of vigilance and hand it to you. Though you were way too glad to finally have it in your hands, you couldnât shake the thought that something wasnât right, even though youâd earned it fair and square.Â
You met his eyes. âWhy are you giving me this?â
Haechan arched his brow, surprised, but whispered, âBecause I told you I would give it to you if you went on a date with me and Iâm a man of my word.â
You shook your head. That couldnât be all. âYeah, but thereâs no way you wanted to go out with a girl you barely know so bad you were willing to trade a signed Michael Jackson vinyl. These donât come a dime a dozen.â
Haechan didnât miss a beat. âNeither do girls like you.â
Your heart was doing somersaults and you didnât appreciate the effect he had on you. Too much too soon. You could think of approximately a million reasons why this was a terrible idea, but the good outweighed the bad somewhere.Â
A smile gracing your lips, you opted to reply, âWell, in that case, thank you, handsome.â
Handsome. That was a first. Usually, youâd just roll your eyes.Â
âGlad to be of service,â Haechan chirped.Â
With a chortle, you shifted your attention to his desk. There was a camera sitting there and you picked it up in favor of momentarily forgetting the signed vinyl youâd been gifted. Haechan watched you with curious eyes, wondering what in the hell you were doing.Â
Rather than linger on the thought, Haechan began to strike some silly poses that were guaranteed to send you into a fit of giggles. He was terribly good at making you laugh and it made you sick.
Then, a mischievous thought struck you. âTake off your clothes.â
Haechan was baffled. âWhat?â
âTake off your clothes.â
Haechan laughed incredulously. Then, he realized you were serious, watching him expectantly.Â
His hesitation made you roll your eyes. âIâve already seen everything. You werenât shy about showing off last night.â
That was true. You had literally sucked his dick and given him the most mind-numbing blowjob of his lifetime. More than once. So, he gave in, putting on his model face while he unzipped his leather jacket in no hurry. As if he was giving a strip tease.Â
While he was shredding the layers of his clothes, you were snapping photo after photo, heat stirring in your thighs the closer he came to nakedness. He was a little too sexy for your liking. It wasnât good for your health.Â
Now in nothing but his boxers as he threw his tee over his head, Haechan decided youâd had your fun and called it quits. âOkay, thatâs enough of the camera.â
You frowned, though set the camera down respectfully. âWhy - you donât trust me?â
For whatever reason, Haechan didnât answer you verbally, instead opting to sit at his desk and gesturing for you to approach him with his fingers. Of course, you came to him obediently, straddling his lap as if he were a motorbike. With how bare he was, it wasnât difficult to feel your warmth on his body and it drove Haechan absolutely mad. You had no business being this fine. Cute, too. You made his head spin.Â
âYou are the most dazzling thing Iâve ever seen,â Haechan whispered darkly under his breath. âShouldnât I be taking pictures of you and not the other way around?â
Leaning into his ear, you purred, âYou can take all the pictures you want of me.â
Your true intentions were too obvious and Haechan chuckled a little, because he knew exactly what you meant by that. Out of nowhere, he swallowed your lips in a heated kiss, hands flying to your blouse while you both made out. You could feel the room heating up with every second, degree by degree. Haechan was like fire to the touch, your palm flat on his naked chest. Your little pants were making his dick stiffen in his boxers and you could feel it calling your name.
Not a minute later, you were just as naked as Haechan, sitting on his desk with your legs thrown open and his head between your thighs. You grinded into his mouth, muscles flexing with want. Fuck, you were jonesing for him.Â
Haechan brought you to tears of climax over and over again for no other reason than him being downright smitten with you and it was maddening. You screamed more than once. Like you wanted the whole world to give him his flowers. Fuck, he could eat pussy. A little too good. I will never get used to this.Â
Months went by at the speed of light. The more you hung out with Haechan, the more you became smitten. A part of you thought this would be a one-and-done situation, but you and your new beau were joined at the hip and displayed no signs of wanting to be unjointed.Â
Every now and then, he would invite you to get-togethers with his clique too. Sometimes Chaewon would tag along, more than mingling with Mark. The eight of you combined were a vivid splash of personalities, but for the most part, youâd locked eyes on Haechan.Â
He started taking you on actual dates. You went to bury your feet in the sand at beaches or meander along boardwalks. You had informal photoshoots, mainly where you were his muse, or took pictures of the blazing city. You hooked up in between but never took the next step of penetration, like you were saving it for a special moment.Â
Haechan liked snapping photos of you on your dates and by now he was probably due for another photo album. There were so many memories being made that it made your head spin. Pictures of you painted in frosting. Of you embarrassedly walking back to your seat after not striking a single bowling pin. Every now and then you snuck an off-guard photo of Haechan when he wasnât looking.Â
There was a knock at your door. You paused dead in your tracks, surprised, because you werenât expecting anyone. Your brain immediately wondered if it was Haechan there to take you on an impromptu date, and, giddy with excitement, you sprung up to answer the door.Â
Your smile dropped when you saw who was there. âJaehyun,â you greeted forbiddingly.Â
Jaehyun stood there holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. âHey, baby.â
Now your mood was officially spoiled and you were exasperated. âWhat the hell are you doing here?â
âShh, baby. Listen, I just want to talk,â Jaehyun said, flashing a smile. âI just want to talk.âÂ
âWe have nothing to talk about together,â you hissed, shutting the door, but Jaehyun stopped it with his foot.Â
Jaehyun grabbed the doorknob and met your gaze with those honey brown eyes youâd fallen for once upon a time. And they served as the perfect distraction from his lips. No wonder you never noticed that his lips didnât tell the truth. âBaby, please,â he said. âGive me five minutes.â
You gave him a look, crossing your arms. âFive minutes.â
âI swear.â
After a couple of seconds of mulling it over, you made what was regrettably the largest mistake of your life. You sighed and let him come inside.Â
Jaehyun grinned triumphantly and set the bouquet on your table, shutting the door behind himself. You had no idea how he found you and you were somewhat terrified of asking.Â
Before he could open his mouth, you pointed your fingers at him and declared, âListen to me, if youâre trying to win me back, Iâm insulted that you think Iâm as easy as some fucking flowers.â
âI donât think youâre easy, babe,â Jaehyun whispered in his velvety voice. âYouâre hard and I love that about you.â
You rolled your eyes and barked irritably, âIâm hard and you couldnât handle that, so you went and stuck your penis in some easy whore.â
When you stood and walked into the kitchen, Jaehyun followed behind you desperately. âOh, câmon. Look, baby, I know I fucked up and Iâm sorry. It was a mistake. I just...â
Arms folded, you watched him expectantly, gesturing for him to continue.Â
âShit. You know that Iâm not good with words,â Jaehyun sighed, pulling something out of the inside of his suit. âLook.â
You narrowed your eyes. âAnd what is that?â
âItâs a boarding pass. I want you to come back to New York with me so that we can be together.â
âYou had all of that and more, and you didnât know what to do with it, Jaehyun.â
Jaehyun was persistent. âWell, I want it again.â
You shook your head, maddened. You couldnât believe him. You snapped, âI donât understand why you think you can just waltz on up in here trying to woo me with flowers and shit and whisk me away to New York. The world doesnât revolve around you, Jaehyun - mine sure as hell doesnât anymore. Thatâs your problem, you know. You think everything is about you!â
Your ex-fiancĂŠ groaned, âWhat - are you seeing somebody else? Did you find a job?â
âYour five minutes are up,â you snarled, glancing at your wrist.Â
âWell, I have to go anyway. Iâm meeting my mother for lunch,â Jaehyun said, setting the boarding pass down on your table.Â
âTell I her I said, âHello.ââ
Jaehyun nodded, fixed on you. You didnât meet his stare, too busy feigning indifference, but you could feel him burning holes through your body. He tapped the counter. âThink about it.â
âLeave, Jaehyun.â
Your ex heaved a breath, then begrudgingly walked outside your front door.Â
On Saturday, Haechan came over to help you set up your album shelf because heâd sweetly volunteered a couple of days ago. Which was very kind of him. Truth be told, you knew nothing about putting pieces together and reading manuals made your poor brain hurt. Â
For about half an hour you both were hard at work, constructing and organizing while sparing time for kisses and giggles in between. When it was finally done, you couldnât believe your eyes. The vinyls were arranged specifically in the order you wanted them to be without a single one missing.Â
A tear slipped down your cheek and you turned away from Haechan to hide yourself. Still, Haechan noticed immediately and swung his arms open for you. âHey, come here.â
You crept into his arms without a second thought, letting him cradle you there. Though you wanted to chide yourself for tearing up in front of him, his arms felt like a safe place. Where you belonged.Â
âThank you,â you whispered to him, drying your eyes with the back of your hand.Â
âWhat for? This is all you, baby. It takes a lot of commitment to do something like this. I respect the hell out of your dedication.â
You chuckled and slipped away, sitting at your bed, but pat the spot beside you. Haechan took the invite and crashed at your side, lowering his head into your lap and staring into your eyes. You threaded your fingers through his hair, just meeting his stare and matching his affection.Â
Then, Haechan asked the dreaded question, âWhat made you want to start a record collection anyways?â
That made you stiffen. Haechan instantly noticed something was off and parted his lips to apologize, but you were quicker. âI didnât start it. It was my grandfatherâs.â
âOh.â
âYeah. Leukemia.â
âShit. My bad,â Haechan apologized.Â
You brushed him off, though there were a lot of emotions stirring inside your chest as you spoke. âItâs fine. It was years ago. He had a whole list of vinyls he specifically wanted. Iâm just finishing what he started.â
In spite of your attempts to be nonchalant, Haechan could tell you were heavily affected by your grandfatherâs passing. âThatâs really sweet,â he told you sincerely. âI know heâs really proud of you.â
I hope so, you thought to yourself, wistful. âYeah. Enough about me, though. Whatâs the deal with you and motorcycles?â
Haechan started laughing, probably at good memories, because you knew the feeling. It was your only option when it came to outweighing all the negative feelings. âMy mom is a photographer and my dad is a reformed biker. She always got these cool shots of him on his bike. Growing up peeking at them through the garage door, I think it was just kinda natural I developed a passion for both.â
âSounds like a happy family.â No envy was present in your tone, just genuine curiosity.Â
Haechan bobbed his head, then leapt up to grab his photo album and crossed his legs. âThese are a couple of the shots my mom took of my dad.â
You watched him flip the pages, photos of him as a boy flickering past until he stopped at the pictures of his dad on his motorbike taken by Mrs. Lee. Many of them were taken in different settings, but the most eye-catching of them all was the one of his dad in the city, helmet catching in the neon lights.Â
It was like you were instantly enamored. The shots were beautiful. His mother had a great eye and you could clearly see who he got it from.Â
âWow. These are one of a kind,â you gasped.Â
Haechan bobbed his head. âYeah. You should meet them. I think theyâd like you.â
Your heart started beating so fast you nearly had a heart attack. âYou sure donât waste any time.â
âI mean, not right this second,â he added, realizing he was moving at a quick speed. âI was just suggesting it for some time in the future.â
Meet his parents, huh? That meant he mustâve really planned on sticking around.
Rather than reply, you acknowledged his response with a pat and grabbed his photobook, carefully dropping it on your desk. You reached for his shoulders and straddled him, brushing your lips against his ears before asking, âHow many hearts have you broken?â
âOne,â Haechan replied, planting one hand at your waist and steering the other to your ass.
âHonesty.â That surprised you a little. Though Haechan had been nothing but honest with you.Â
Haechan shook his head. He was tempted to kiss you, but he would settle for feeling your warmth on his lap. For now, at least. âIt wasnât like that,â he said. âI broke her heart, she broke mine. Weâre even.â
You werenât jealous, but your curiosity got the best of you. âDo you still talk?â
Haechan immediately snorted. As if. âNope.â
âHm.â You were looking at his dumb handsome face, wanting to kiss him, but wanting to be stronger.Â
You had Haechanâs undivided attention, because he was studying you, hands rubbing you up and down. Your breath picked up in speed the longer he continued and he fought a stupid smile. âHave you ever been bad for someone and they were bad for you?â
With a frown, you gave him a nod. That hit a little too close to home. âMutually bad? Yeah. Been there. Done that.â
Haechan was sobering, getting a little vulnerable with you for once. âItâs true, what they say. Two wrongs donât make a right. Thatâs why it didnât work out. Both trying to make something right while both being wrong as hell. We took turns being at fault.â
âSounds toxic,â you replied with a grimace.
âYou donât know the half of it,â he said, snickering. âWhat about you - bad history?â
You shifted a little. It was a reminder that you had spoken nothing of Jaehyun to Haechan. Why would you anyways? He was history. Thanks to all those months with Haechan, youâd forgotten all about Jaehyun until he randomly entered your life again. Never in a million years did you once imagine youâd go so long without your ex-fiancĂŠ back then, but Haechan made you forget.Â
The feeling of Haechanâs body warmth gave you a little push. Playing nonchalant, you replied totally deadpan, âOh, you know. Nothing crazy. He was sweet in the beginning and talked about getting married and having kids. Then, we started arguing, but he would always make up for it and I would forget. Then I found him balls deep in another girl.â
Haechan winced. âDamn.â He pointed over to your desk. âThat ring from your mystery lover?â
You quickly frowned. For whatever reason, Jaehyun never demanded it back, and you didnât know what to do with it. Though Chaewon had been very adamant you throw it off a mountain never to be seen again. You cloaked your melancholy with humor, âNothing gets past you.â
âSo, you were engaged.â
âNot when you hit on me,â you said, knowing immediately what he was referring to. That night at the bar. You almost laughed. Oh, how the tables turn. âSo I guess you were right about my vibes.â
Haechan chuckled, but he was a little in his head now. Your engagement had to be recent, he realized. It made a lot of sense.
Temporarily discarding those thoughts, Haechan reached for his camera with his hand coiled around your waist, making you furrow your brows at him. âWhat are you doing now?â
He pointed it at you. âFor the photobook. One more before itâs full.â
âShould I pose?âÂ
âJust be sexy.â
You scoffed, âIâm always sexy.â
âExactly, baby,â Haechan replied, back hitting the mattress while your legs were still draped over either side of him.Â
When Haechan pointed his camera at you, you smiled for the picture. It printed out the polaroid immediately, which Haechan took and handed to you for approval. You looked it over and beamed with acceptance. Your smile was different there. Not one of those forced model smiles. It was like you were smiling at Haechan rather than the camera.
âYour photo album is complete,â you announced, leaning over to kiss his neck.Â
Haechan quickly tossed everything to the side in favor of clasping your hips in his hands again, because it felt natural to hold them. Your breath tickled his neck, not to mention your lips on his throat.
He grinned wildly and whispered, âThanks for being the finishing piece.â
You giggled and finally kissed his lips, having exhausted all of your self-restraint. Haechan kissed you back just as feverishly, as if youâd both been waiting for each other to snap but didnât want to forfeit.Â
First it was just harmless kissing and touching, until your bodies became restless. Haechan tested the waters, so to speak, nimble fingers unbuttoning your blouse until it fell. He made short work of your bra, unclasping it and tossing it aside.Â
You were exposed to him, though heâd already seen everything you had to offer. Many, many times. But there was something different about the way he looked into your eyes and how your heart raced when his fingers brushed against you.
Haechan kneaded your breasts, resulting in you having to suck in your breath. Your soft sounds made his dick twitch in his pants. He could feel that the air was thicker too, the two of you suffocating beneath the weight of your own desire.Â
Youâd had enough of being teased by him and pulled his lips back onto yours by his collar, throwing his shirt above his head all the while. All you wanted to do was kiss and taste him. And maybe fuck him.
Scratch that. You definitely wanted to fuck him and your body wanted him even more. âHaechan,â you grumbled, clawing at his jeans. âTake it off.â
There would be no need to tell him twice. Haechan gently steered you off of his lap and sat up to remove his jeans, leaving him in his boxers, but you were quick to take care of that situation. You didnât waste any time freeing his hard cock from his boxers, much to his amusement.
âI want you,â you told him, finding his eyes with a fixed stare. âInside.â
Well, that left no room for misunderstanding. Haechanâs brain shut down at the thought of being inside of you, though he played it cool. âHow do you want me?â
Bringing your hand under your skirt, you tugged your panties past your ankles and threw your legs open, smiling coyly. âCome and get me.â
Haechan growled, âWoman, you drive me crazy.â
You giggled, but the noise faded out when Haechan crawled over you, kissing you again. Neither of you could stand to be apart from each other for three seconds. All you wanted was to feel him so deep inside you that he could never leave.
Haechan realized something and pulled back with a groan. âI donât have a condom.â
You arched a brow, stifling a laugh. It was very unlike him. Youâd seen the inside of Haechanâs wallet more than once and he kept a condom, though he hadnât brought it with him. Probably because he wasnât expecting to need anything. âI have an IUD,â you said.Â
The realization on Haechanâs face was laughable. âYou mean?â
âYes.â
âFuck, you really want me toââŹÂŚâ
âYes, Haechan,â you repeated with a groan. âIâm not about to beg you to cum inside me.â
âMaybe you should,â Haechan suggested, the grin back on his plush lips.Â
You rolled your eyes. Then, a thought struck you, and you half-joked, âYouâre not a bastard thatâs stuck your dick inside half the girls in the city, right?â
âIf you wanted to know my body count, all you had to do was ask,â Haechan retorted.
âYou havenât asked about my body count.â
Haechan kissed the corner of your lips and told you frankly, âBaby, I couldnât give less of a damn what your body count is.â
Well, that was good to know. There were a couple of guys youâd been with that would freak out if they knew youâd hooked up with more than a couple of boys.Â
âUnless youâre a serial killer,â Haechan added lightheartedly.Â
You were caught off guard and snickered, corners of your lips upturned. No matter the time, Haechan could be counted on to make you laugh. âIâm not a serial killer.â
âGood.â
You peered up at him and joked, âPromise not to give me chlamydia?â
Haechan snorted. âYouâd be the first girl Iâve hit raw.â
You believed him, but it surprised you when Haechan held out his pinky. You rolled your eyes, prompting a laugh out of him, but intertwined your pinky with his. It was kinda cute.Â
The mood completely shifted from that moment on. His dick lined up at your entrance, the tip teasing your hole. All you wanted was to feel every inch of him buried inside of you. He was slow and steady, taking his time to fill you, inch by fucking inch.Â
Some noises left each of you when youâd swallowed his length whole and he slinked down against your velvet walls. His hands left your waist in favor of your hands and he slipped his fingers through yours affectionately, squeezing them as he wondered why you hadnât done this sooner.Â
The same thought was heavy on your mind, though you had no regrets. Neither did Haechan. For whatever reason, it felt a billion times more special now compared to if you would have hooked up earlier.Â
It felt like you were making love.
âHaechan,â you cried out, all the heat in your body gathering at your core. It felt like he was stretching you open.Â
âIâm right here, baby. Iâm not going anywhere. I promise,â Haechan sighed, eyes fluttering closed. âShit, baby. Youâre so damn perfect.â
Haechan was so deep that you could feel him in the pit of your stomach, keeping the butterflies that had made a home out of your gut company. You felt at ease with your hand in his and his warmth enveloping you from head to toe.Â
It was over when Haechan started to set that steady, comfortable pace. It wasnât too slow, but he thankfully wasnât jack-hammering you either. The rhythm was just right. He glanced down at you, a weight on his eyelids, and asked sweetly, âIs this okay?â
âItâs perfect,â you whispered, lips twitching into a smile. You grabbed his face and smashed your lips against his, desperate to feel him everywhere. You could taste yourself on his tongue and inexplicably, it made you feel a different breed of insatiable.Â
Haechan kissed you back even harder in between grunts and curses, typically followed by your name more often than they were not. You were making him dizzy. You were making him entirely dependent on you, as if there was no him without you in his arms.Â
Sweat stuck to your skin, little beads of moisture dripping down your back and breasts in numbers. Your whole body was alive, craving him like no other. Your thighs tensed, heat spasming in your palms. Your hips moved to their own accord, trying to match Haechanâs thrusts because you wanted to feel the euphoria to the max. All the pleasure turned you into a madwoman.
Haechan pulled back, the heat of you reworking the wires in his brain, and asked, âDo you mind if I take pictures of you?â
The question did a little more than catch you off-guard, though the more you mulled it over, the more your thighs tightened with want and arousal. You were entertained by the idea, that was for sure. It was like nothing you had over done before, in spite of the fact that you modeled for a living. Maybe it was the heat getting to your head, but you were inclined to agree.Â
âYou donât have to if you donât want to,â Haechan said, noticing your hesitation.Â
You shook your head, grinning at him with tiny little stars in your eyes. âI want to.â
Haechanâs lips twisted into a beaming smile of their own and he plucked the camera from wherever he had tossed it to, pointing at you once more. Rather than getting a shot of your face, he was snapping photos of your heaving chest.Â
Then, it was your stomach, the print of his dick visible against your tummy. Followed by your neck and collarbone, decorated by the necklace heâd gotten you a couple of weeks in advance.
âYouâre so beautiful,â Haechan hissed, lowering his head to kiss your breasts. You sighed softly at the feeling, content.Â
Your breath caught in your throat when he handed you back the polaroids for self-approval, pussy tightening around his stiff dick. Which he couldnât help but notice and grinned slyly.Â
You tapped his forearm and asked, âCan I see the camera?â
âSure,â Haechan said, handing it to you.Â
You knew maybe a thing or two about how to work a camera, courtesy of your industry, and navigated to the self-timer without any need for his assistance. Then, you sat it down, and pulled his lips onto yours by his hair again.Â
As if he hadnât already known, that single-handedly confirmed that you were the one.
You were getting closer by the minute. All of the kissing, touching and sucking (and photo-snapping) was making short work of the both of you. Haechan had internally worried about busting too quick when you permitted him to go bareback, but you werenât far behind.Â
All of it was making you mad with lust. The heat and the sounds and the pressure. Your whole body was overloaded, writhing with pleasure.Â
Haechan was whispering sweet praises in your ear partially to get you off just in case, because he was going to unravel any moment now. His finger thumbed your clit, and with just a look at your face tense with bliss, he was getting closer.Â
âIâm gonnaââŹÂŚ Haechan, fuck,â you moaned, barely coherent. It was hard to speak with him strumming you to climax, and the weight of him on top of you. It was game over.Â
Youâd come to notice the signs of Haechanâs impending orgasm and they were all staring you down right now, so when he let out that final, high-pitched moan of your name preceded by a string of curses, it wasnât even somewhat shocking when you felt his fingers find yours and tighten around them again, his release painting your walls.Â
That was all it took to break you, his hot cum spilling inside the tightness of your cunt. It was a wordless orgasm, but an intense one, looking into his eyes with all the pleasure and wanting in the world as you shuddered with climax.Â
For a long minute, the two of you just took a while to gather your bearings. Then, you took one look at each other, and burst into a fit of giggles. Your heart was taut with something bittersweet.Â
A couple of hours (and rounds) later, Haechan was still at your house. You both took a long, hot shower together with the excuse of saving water and walked back inside your room.Â
You sat on your chair while Haechan took the bed, just staring at each other for a minute. âIâve really been having a good time these past couple of months.â
âGlad to be of service,â Haechan chirped, a bottle of beer in hand.Â
You chuckled.Â
Haechan could feel a shift in the air and it was somewhat unnerving. He asked, âWhy do I get the feeling that thereâs about to be a really strong but here?â
Your laughter turned nervous. Which was noticed. After a while, Haechan started to pick up even the slightest of changes with you. That was what he did. âIâm, um, going to NYC next week for a little bit.â
And there it was. âOh, yeah?â Haechan hummed, nonchalant. âFor how long?â
âJust a couple of weeks, I think. I donât know. Probably just a couple of weeks, if not less,â you said, avoiding eye contact.Â
âWell, whatâs going on in New York?â
âIâm justââŹÂŚ,â you trailed off, fighting the nerves in your gut. âIâm just poking around, you know? Looking for some gigs. And I also have someââŹÂŚ unfinished business to take care of.â
Your response was vague as ever, which told Haechan everything that he needed to know. âYour ex.â
You frowned. Haechan was many, many things, but he wasnât an idiot. There was no way that you could play him for a fool. âHaechan, the only reason Iâm telling you this is because I really care about you, and Iâm not trying to hurt you.â
There was a moment spent in silence as Haechan processed your words. âWell, I appreciate your honesty,â he said after a moment. âBut arenât we just kickinâ it?â
Your eyes flickered. âSo, youâre not mad?â
âPfft. Hell no,â Haechan said, feigning indifference very skillfully. âIâm not your man. I donât have a ring on your finger or anything like that. Go on to New York and do whatever you gotta do. I mean, weâre just friends, right?â
âRight,â you mumbled, but there was something dark lingering in your chest. âWell, Iâd like for you to meet me at the airport next week, if you want. Kiss me goodbye maybe.â
Haechan chuckled lightly. âIs it goodbye or see you later?â
âSee you later,â you replied sheepishly. âIâll call you when Iâm back.â
âIâll stay by my phone.â
You smiled thinly.
Then, the night came for you to fly to New York.Â
âBecause if he knew what he was doing, what the hell am I doing in the picture then?â
Jaemin nodded. âRiddle me that.â
Haechan continued, âWhy am I hitting it?â
Jaemin acknowledged Haechan with a raise of his drink.Â
Lifting his own drink, Haechan scoffed. Heâd been in out of his head and was realizing that he might have been a fool for you. He was conflicted. First of all, youâd started acting a little distant a couple of weeks before when up until then, things had been sailing smoothly.Â
He figured you were stressed from work and didnât press you about anything, until the other night revealed your true feelings. You were going back to the man whoâd disrespected you and your relationship and he couldnât understand why.
But it wasnât for him to understand, so he was going to pretend as if he didnât care about you. If you wanted to run off to New York City and get fucked over by a dickhead again, that was your decision. Why the fuck should I care? He grumbled to himself.Â
On the one hand, heâd made countless memories with you all in the span of two months and thoughts of a future with you were like a whirlwind in his mind. He thought you felt the same, but on the other hand, he realized he was nothing but a pit-stop along the way. Like he was in the backseat of the joy ride and none of it mattered because it was harmless fun.Â
âLet me tell you the real deal,â Haechan began, settling down his drink. âThe real deal is I donât think she can handle it.â
Jaemin chuckled.Â
Haechan threw his head back. âJaem, I put it on her. Boom.â
âAnd now sheâs gone.â
âNow sheâs fucking gone.â
âI feel you, man,â Jaemin said, dispatching messages from his girlfriend before turning his phone screen-side down. âBut wait a minute. I thought you two were justââŹÂŚ you know, umââŹÂŚ kickinâ it.â
âThatâs not the point, Jaemin,â Haechan groaned, running his fingers through his hair.Â
âSo, whatâs the point, my friend?â
Haechan bristled. âIâll tell you the point. Have you been listening? Iâm gonna tell you the point. Matter of fact, Iâm gonna feed you the point. The point isââŹÂŚâ
Jaemin cocked his head, glancing at Haechan expectantly with a wry smile on his face.Â
âMan, fuck this, thatâs the point,â Haechan barked irritably. âIâm gonna find me a fine ass woman and weâre gonna have some fine ass sex on this fine ass night.â
Jaemin retorted, âYouâre gonna wake up with a fine ass hangover and get a fine ass ass-whooping.â
âWhatever, man. You should get laid, too. Tell Winter I said whatâs up,â was all Haechan said before marching over to the bar.Â
He got another drink and sat there for a while, completely in his thoughts. Most of them about you, obviously. No matter what, he couldnât get you out of his head. Heâd obviously fallen hard in spite of whatever bullshit he fed his friends, because you were all he could think about.Â
Distractions, distractions, I need a fucking distraction, Haechan hissed to himself. Then, he turned around, and briefly made eye contact with a woman whoâd been fucking him with her eyes.Â
If you wanted to play, Haechan was down for the game. And he had plenty.Â
All the while, you were across town. Walking around the airport, you were nothing short of antsy. For good reason.Â
Are you coming?Â
Sent two hours ago. There was no telling if Haechan had seen the message, considering his read receipts were off. Maybe he was just ignoring you. That could have been it. He told you heâd let you know if he could make it tonight or not, but the last time you heard from him was the night youâd dropped the news.Â
An instagram notification popped on your phone and you accidentally clicked it, being taken to Jaeminâs story. And you frowned when you saw a picture of him and the boys - all of them - out drinking.Â
Then, your flight was called, and rather than wallow in all of the bad feelings, you sucked it up and got on that plane.Â
Days passed. Nothing from Haechan. All coming back to New York did was remind you why you left in the first place. First of all, Jaehyun was adamant that you didnât pursue any of the gigs youâd come there for. Something about him being a provider and some other bullshit you werenât exactly keen on hearing.Â
When you instead ventured around the city, meeting up with some old friends and the like, it only made things worse. You walked by all the places Jaehyun used to visit with you once upon a time, before each of your worlds clashed and you realized it wouldnât work.Â
Maybe a couple of months ago, it would have made you sad. Now, you just wanted to get the fuck out of here. You felt like you were wallowing in memories you had no intention of ever bringing up again. This just wasnât your home anymore.Â
Sharing a bed with your ex-fiancĂŠ at night didnât help, because all you did was dream of zipping through Los Angeles at night on the back of Haechanâs motorbike. You imagined speed and restlessness. You could feel the wind whipping through your hair and his hands on your waist.Â
âIâm home,â you grumbled one day, kicking off your shoes at the front door.Â
Nothing. Much to your surprise, Jaehyun didnât say a word. Almost like he wasnât even there. Which was strange, because his car was parked out front and according to his schedule, he should have been back by now.Â
You were getting flashbacks. Being home earlier than expected, slipping inside the house unheard like a thief in the night. He had the audacity to have you sleep in the same bed heâd probably fucked countless other girls in.Â
Fighting off the thought, you heard a noise in the kitchen and followed the sound. Jaehyun was looking through the cabinet, seemingly not noticing your presence until you tapped on the counter and greeted, âHey.â
âHey,â Jaehyun repeated, then pointed to the cabinet. âWhere are my Frosted Flakes?â
âOh, I finished the box this morning.â
Jaehyun groaned, âOh, you couldnât just eat the damn Cinnamon Toast Crunch?â
âOh, brother.â You rolled your eyes, setting your purse down on the counter.Â
Jaehyun was bristling. âLook, Iâm sorry I had a bad day today.â
âWell, I had a bad day, too,â you retorted, taking off your coat.Â
âSo, you wanna tell me about it?â
âNo,â you hissed, hanging your coat on the coat rack in the living room.
âBaby,â Jaehyun called out behind you, following you to the couch. âI hate to see you, you knowââŹÂŚâ
âWasting my time,â you interrupted.
Jaehyun gave you a little nudge, fixing you a stare. âYou know thatâs not what I meant. All Iâm saying is that I can provide for the both of us. I donât want you to deal withââŹÂŚâ
âGetting a job?â
âRejection,â Jaehyun hissed. âAnd stop finishing my sentences.â
You laughed humorlessly, turning away, and blew out a sigh. âI donât even know why Iâm here.â
âWhat?â
You raised your voice, âI donât even know why Iâm here.â
âNo, I heard you,â Jaehyun said, clearly upset now. Again. âAfter all these years together, you donât know why youâre here?â
Now, you were getting irritated. Because this was how it always went. You looked him in the eyes again and exclaimed, âNo, I donât, Jaehyun. And you wanna know why? Because even after all these years together, we still donât know how to make this work, and it never fucking will.â
Jaehyun couldnât believe the words that were coming out of your mouth. Rather than try to hash things out with you, he stood up and said, âIâm going out for some fucking Frosted Flakes. Youâve lost it.â
Then, he left. Like he always did.Â
You heaved a breath, irritated. All these years, he said. All those years wasted. All those years that you could have spent on something worthwhile and yet heâd stolen time from you. You just couldnât put up with this bullshit anymore.Â
That night, you slipped your engagement ring on his pinky finger and crept outside of the bedroom to dial a number.Â
âHey, I know itâs late, but can I stay the night? I need to book a flight.â
As soon as the next day, you were back. Again in the Los Angeles air, you felt like you could breathe again. That suffocating feeling that you got after Jaehyun popped up in your life out of nowhere completely dissipated. It felt more like those two months of relentless happiness youâd felt prior to his unannounced appearance.Â
Months of happiness thanks to Haechan. Something about the thought of him made butterflies flitter about in your belly, but an acute pain spread throughout your chest like wildfire. You hadnât called him like you said you would. And you didnât really know why.Â
You just couldnât stop thinking about that night and how he wasnât there. You didnât see his message until after you got off the plane, a thoughtless response. Couldnât get out of plans. Sorry. Ttyl.Â
You faced reality and accepted that it wasnât that he couldnât be there. He just didnât want to be.Â
And then the unthinkable happened. Sitting in the corner of the cafe sketching, you glanced up when you heard the jingle of the bells announcing that somebody had walked in. You didnât notice whoever walked inside, your eyes fixed out the window youâd accidentally brought your attention towards.Â
All you could feel was a burning when you saw Haechan holding hands with some girl that was leaning against him, hanging on his every word. You didnât even realize you were on the verge of breaking your pen until a friend youâd been there to meet tapped your shoulder, cocking you a worried look.Â
It was a full-blown war.Â
Not many days later, you were in the park, snapping pictures of the scenery. If Haechan wasnât there to take you out on dates, you would take your damn self. Like hell you needed him to do anything.Â
Then, you heard somebody call out your name, and spun around. âOh, hey, Jeno.â
Jeno dug his hands into his sweatpants pockets, shooting you a grin. âWhatcha doing?â
âThese are flowers. This is a camera. Iâm photographing the flowers,â you deadpanned, obviously not in the best mood. Then again, that was just your usual bitchy attitude.Â
âAh.â Jeno crept closer, eyes giving you a quick scan. Not too close, but not too distant. âYou like savoring the beautiful things in life?â
You snorted. âYeah. Yeah, I guess you could say that.â
When you least expected the action, Jeno gently took the camera out of your hands, earning a half baffled and half curious glance from your part. You hid your face when he pointed the camera at you.Â
Your voice was muffled. âJeno, what are you doing?â
âSavoring the beautiful things in life,â Jeno replied smoothly, just giving you that angelic smile of his as he continued to snap photos of you.Â
Jeno pulled your hands away from your face and brushed a stray hair out of the way, looking at you with the gentlest touch but the least subtle eyes. âYou are incredibly gorgeous,â he purred in the deepest tone.
Though you were tempted to roll your eyes, you had a moment of realization. There was a flash of rage that shot through your body like lightning. All you could see was those memories of Haechanâs endless flirtation playing back in your mind and it made you bristle.Â
Rather than beat him, you joined Jeno, lashes fluttering. âYou think so?â
âMy eyes never deceive me,â Jeno said, looking you up and down with obvious want.Â
âWhat about Haechan?â
Jeno seemed almost irritated at the mention of his friendâs name, gently pulling you just a bit closer to him. âHe might have found you, but where Iâm from, we play for keeps.â
You met his bold stare. âAnd you wanna keep me?â
âTo say the least.â
You snickered.Â
âDo you like steak?â
âI love steak.â
âThatâs perfect, because I know a place. Five stars,â Jeno whispered huskily. âIâd like to take you out to dinner Friday night. What do you say?â
You pretended to mull it over, when in reality youâd been thinking about it for the past five minutes at length. Jeno had never been subtle with his flirty quips from the day he met you, in spite of the fact that you were Haechanâs date. Apparently there was no brotherly code.Â
That, or he had absolutely zero regard for whatever it was.Â
You chirped, âItâs a date.â
Even more days passed. Nothing from you. Haechan figured you were still in New York searching for work and whatnot, and, knowing how passionate you were about your job, didnât dare disturb you.Â
Though he would be lying if he said he didnât miss you.Â
âSheâs back,â Jaemin said, sitting down at the table.Â
Haechan furrowed his brows, asking, âWho?â
âYour girl, man,â Jaemin replied. âSheâs back in town and sheâs been going out with Jeno.â
Mark winced from across the table. âDamn.â
Haechanâs voice was low, almost like a mumble, âShe didnât tell me she was back.â
Jaemin patted him on the back. âI just thought you deserved to know, man.â
âYou move too fast, dickhead. You probably scared the poor girl away,â Ryujin shot without looking away from her phone, playing a heated round of cup pong with Mark via iMessage games.
âSheâs kinda right,â Jaemin agreed. âSlow and steady wins the race.â
Haechan took a much needed shot of liquor and grumbled, âOh, shut the fuck up, Jaem. The whole reason Winter rejected your ass was because you were doing too much too fast.â
âAnd I revised my plan and made her mine. Isnât that right, baby?â Jaemin asked, gaze flitting over to Winter.Â
Winter giggled, leaning into his touch. âRight, baby.â
âYou two make me sick.â
Winter quipped, âJealous much?â
âNever in a million years.â Haechan grimaced. âIâm not drunk enough to put up with this right now.â
Ryujin exclaimed out of nowhere, âYou limp dick bastard!âÂ
Mark was in the midst of a fit of giggles, laughing his ass off. âItâs one thing to suck at cup pong in real life, but you suck online, too?â
âIâm this close to deporting you back to Canada,â Ryujin hissed.Â
Everybody froze when Jeno walked up to the table, taking a seat in front of Haechan. The whole spot was quiet. âWhatâs up, Haechan?â he asked.Â
Haechan cocked his head. âWhatâs up, J? You been doing anything lately?â
âFuck, yeah, man. I been doing a whole lot,â Jeno replied offhandedly.Â
Jeno shrugged, acting nonchalant. âOh, you know. Iâve been out in the sun and shit. Getting things wet. Wallowing in the heat. Got a new boat.â
Winter grimaced.Â
âReally?â
âReally,â Jeno repeated, locking eyes with Haechan. âSee, Iâve been riding the wave lately.â
Haechan set his jaw, but played it cool. âThat so?â
âYou bet it is. Just beenââŹÂŚ cruising.â
âI think I test drove that model,â Haechan said with a little nod, picking up his glass. âTook it for a spin and all.â
Jeno narrowed his eyes. âYeah?â
âYeah. A couple of times.â
The tension at the table was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Jaemin and Winter got up to dismiss themselves with the excuse of wanting to be alone, while Mark and Ryujin sat there quietly, exchanging thoughts telepathically. Then, Jenoâs phone started to beep countless times.Â
âI tell you, I hate when this happens,â Jeno sighed, taking out his phone and grinning slyly when he looked at the screen. âYou know?â
âNot this time,â Jeno retorted. âThis is one of my boating buddies.â
âMm,â Haechan hummed, bristling at the thought. His whole body was cloaked in heat, a bite to his next words. âWell, I hope you donât get thrown overboard. Youâve never been good at staying anchored.â
Jeno retaliated darkly, âYouâd know a lot about that, wouldnât you, Hyuck?â
Haechan lifted his shoulders. âNah, you know me. Iâm the captain. I invite the passengers on-board and I dismiss them. You tend to step on unfamiliar territory and get walked off the plank.â
Mark and Ryujin exchanged identical glances. What the fuck are they talking about?
âBut itâs okay. You canât help it,â Haechan added, setting down his drink and rising to his feet. âYo, Mark, Ryu, Iâll get with you guys another time. Later.â
Jeno chuckled.Â
Ryujin cocked him a glance. âArenât you a little too old to be fighting over some babe?â
âNever, Ryu,â Jeno replied, laughing a little. âPlus, I canât help it if Iâm the chosen one.â
âChosen one, my fucking ass.â
Mark shook his head in disapproval. âYou know youâre foul, right?â
Jeno groaned. âFoul for what, man?â
âDude, come on. That girl shouldnât even be anywhere on your radar. Itâs like you were waiting for Haechan to slip up,â Mark replied with obvious disdain.Â
âWhatever, man,â Jeno scoffed. âShe chose me, alright? Take that up with god.â
Mark and Ryujin exchanged looks.Â
A few dates with Jeno to forget the gaping hole Haechan had left in your heart ultimately came back with a bite. Jeno was sweet and all but you couldnât feel a connection with him, something Haechan had made you feel within moments of your first date together. But you were still bitter.Â
With that in mind, you kept up the act, all the while wondering if it was torture for him as much as it was for you.Â
It wasnât that you didnât like Jeno. The dinners gave a nice first impression and he had an interesting personality. But no matter how much there was to like about Jenoâs indulgences and mesmerizing looks, he wasnât Haechan.Â
After a couple of weeks of dating, Jeno invited you to a party on a whim without much specifics and you spent the rest of your Thursday afternoon choosing an outfit. Maybe you wanted to look extra cute in case you made a special appearance in somebodyâs Insta story and Haechan happened to see.Â
It never crossed your mind that he mightâve physically been there.Â
You locked arms with Jeno as you stepped into the party, allowing him to guide you throughout the house, weaving in and out of crowds of people.Â
ââSup, guys,â Jeno greeted his clique when you both walked up to them.
You counted four faces and every single last one fell at the sight of you, their incessant chatter instantly ceasing. The lack of Haechan was very noticeable, but at the time, you were more concerned with how apparent it was that absolutely none of them knew youâd been invited.Â
Clearing your throat in humiliation, you asked, âUm, whereâs your bathroom?â
âUpstairs to the left,â Ryujin answered, but her face had yet to shift from that grim look.Â
You thanked her and excused yourself, quickly fleeing up the steps and wishing some kind of chasm would open between them, swallowing you whole.Â
Jeno glanced at Mark. âWhat up, Minhyung?â
Mark shook his head in disapproval. âLike I said. Foul.â
âMan, come the fuck on. Give me a break,â Jeno grumbled, irritated. This conversation was exhausting and it didnât help the more it was had.Â
Jaemin was wearing a reproachful frown, chastising, âThatâs some fucked up shit, man. And you know what youâre doing is fucked up.â
âPfft. Whatever.â
Jaemin narrowed his eyes and stood up straight. âWhatever?â
âDonât,â Winter said swiftly, putting her hands on Jaeminâs chest.Â
Ryujin crossed her arms, wearing the most withering scowl known to mankind. Her eyes cut at Jeno. âIâm disappointed in you.â
In that same second, Haechan stumbled from around the corner with a victorious smile that fell instantly once he caught a sight of Jeno.Â
Mark scratched his head. Awkward, he mouthed to Ryujin.
She blew out a breath.Â
Jeno scanned Haechan, smirking at him. âYo, Donghyuck.â
Haechan mumbled a greeting, glancing away from Jeno.Â
As if this whole ordeal didnât already make you want to chew glass, it went from worse to worst the second you skipped down those stairs and stood next to Jeno, making eye contact with Haechan whose brows furrowed in shock. Your heart raced. This was without a doubt the most embarrassing moment of your life.Â
You tapped Jeno on the arm. âYou and me. Outside. Right now.â You brushed past him without waiting, immediately heading for the door. You couldnât bear to be there for another second. Not like this.
Jeno eventually came outside the front door, calling out your name behind you as you ran down the stairs.
âTake me home now,â you demanded, pointing to his car parked right out front.
Jeno caught up to you, having the audacity to pretend to be confused, and asked, âCome on. Whatâs wrong?â
You gave him an incredulous look. Like you couldnât believe he had the nerve to play dumb. âYou just made a fucking fool out of me and I donât like that shit. If you and Haechan wanna have a dick measuring contest, I want no parts.â
âBaby, Iâm sorry,â Jeno apologized, reaching out to console you.
You snatched your arm away from him. âDonât touch me. Just grab your keys and take me home.â
Jeno switched on a dime, hissing, âLike you didnât think for one damn second that he was going to be here.â
You snapped, âNo, because you gave me all of two seconds in advance to prepare and didn't have the decency to give me details!â
âAnd thatâs my fucking problem how?â
âJeno,â you snarled, taking a deep breath. He was really testing the last of your patience. âAre you gonna take me home or what?â
Jeno scoffed, âHell the fuck no.â
âUn-fucking-believable,â you said, turning on your heels and stomping down the sidewalk. You were disappointed, but not surprised.Â
âWalk!â Jeno exclaimed, turning around and heading back inside the house.Â
Haechan glanced around when Jeno walked back over without you, baffled. âWhere is she?â
Jeno exhaled a breath, stuffing a hand inside his pockets. âI donât know,â he lied.Â
Jaemin gave Jeno the utmost repulsive look. âYou just left the woman outside? Donât you know what kind of freaks walk around at night?â
Haechan didnât bother to interrogate Jeno in spite of his questionably stupid actions, because even after all the weird shit going on between you two lately, he still had the decency to want to make sure you got home safe. He grabbed his coat and made a break for the door.Â
Winter and Jaemin were shooting Jeno matching scowls. She grabbed her boyfriendâs hand and pulled him away wordlessly. Meanwhile, Ryujin had her arms folded snugly across her chest, clearly not pleased either.Â
Jeno glanced down at her and barked, âWhat? You got something to say to me, Ryujin?â
âI donât have a damn thing to say to you,â Ryujin hissed, following behind the couple.Â
Which left Mark and Jeno. âYouâre an asshole, dude,â Mark said.Â
âFuck you, man.â
Ryujin came back to grab Mark, leaving again this time with him in tow.Â
All the while, Haechan was chasing you down the sidewalk, jogging to catch up to you. It was chilly outside, and he saw you wrap your arms around yourself to shield your bare skin from the nipping cold.Â
Haechan called out your name. You could hear his footsteps just behind you. âSlow down.â
âIâm not in the mood to chat, Haechan,â you said, not glancing back. You couldnât look into his eyes again. It nearly killed you the first time.Â
âIf you slow down, I can call you an Uber or something,â Haechan insisted.
All of your emotions hit you tenfold in that moment and you whipped around, exclaiming, âWhat do you want?â
âFirst of all, calm down. I know and you know that you donât wanna be outside this late in this cold ass weather stomping down the street like somebody stole your fucking bike,â Haechan said even louder than you.
You scoffed, tightening your arms around your body.Â
âLook,â he started, leaving a good distance between your bodies. âAll I wanna do is get you home safely. No extra shit. Iâll call you an Uber and then itâll be over.â
You couldnât exactly argue with that. For fuckâs sake, Jeno - who had been your ride -Â left you in the cold to die and you didnât know your way around this area of town. With that in mind, you begrudgingly agreed.Â
It was silent for a good while after Haechan called you an Uber. Neither of you said a word to each other, and you both stubbornly made sure that was extra space between your bodies while you waited. His leather jacket now being draped over your shoulders didnât bother you in the slightest.Â
Well, maybe that was a lie. You were bristling with sudden longing. Obviously, it smelled exactly like him. You were breathing him in even though he was what felt like worlds away from you.Â
Haechan tried to resist his temper, but the dam ultimately broke and he snapped, âWhat the hell are you doing going out with Jeno? First you take flight to New York to see some dude, and then youâre fucking on one of my boys?â
The mention of New York and Jeno only fueled your flames and you shot back, âAll you had to do was tell me that you were seeing somebody.â
âWhat are you talking about? Iâm not seeing no one.â
âI saw you with her outside the fucking cafe next to the record store.â
âIâm always by the fucking record store,â Haechan exclaimed, throwing up his hands. âWhat are you talking about?â
You rolled your eyes. You had enough of men playing dumb with you for one night. Thankfully, the Uber pulled up just in time, and you sneered just as you got in the backseat, âYou know what the hell Iâm talking about.â
Haechan watched you get driven off, puzzled. Like you were speaking an entirely different language. And then it hit him. âRyujinâs friend. Shit. God-fucking-dammit.â
He took out his phone and opened your text messages. Fuck, he hadnât texted you in forever and a half. At least text me when you get back home so I know youâre safe.Â
Haechan shoved his phone into his pockets, doubting you would reply. Imagine his surprise when his phone buzzed only a couple of moments later. Okay.
Sure, it was one word, but he would take it. One was better than nothing. Right now, he had to think of a way to salvage this relationship.Â
The first thing you did when you were safely back inside your condo was text Haechan that you were back home safe and block Jenoâs number. Then, you took off all your makeup and prepared to take a long, scalding shower. You didnât even realize Haechan hadnât asked for his jacket back until you went to undress yourself.Â
Many thoughts were weighing on your mind as the hot water hit your skin. You felt like an idiot. For going to see Jaehyun, for entertaining Jenoâs fuckboy tendencies. But worst of all, for wishing your feelings for Haechan would go down the drain.Â
You had finally come to terms with the fact that your heart wanted Haechan, even if it took a long time to accept and even if you were in denial that you couldnât have him. You worried that you had already fucked things up too much. And you worried that you never had a chance to begin with.Â
There was very little room for misunderstanding in the fact that you were easily replaceable. It was borderline offensive how quick Haechan was to pop out with a new chick while you were away. Like all of those months together meant nothing to him. Your biggest fear was that they were only special to you.Â
You cried yourself to sleep that night. Youâd lost the game. Again. Maybe you were just bad at love. You figured you would probably do everyone and yourself a huge favor if you stopped involving your heart and focused on your career like you always wanted.
So, you decided that that was what you were going to do.Â
Neither you or Haechan spoke to each for weeks. Sitting on your bed, you wondered if he was thinking about you and what went wrong. If he was as fucked up and heartbroken as you were. Maybe you did it to yourself. Something told you not to fool around with Haechan too much, after all, but you still kept him close because you were human and you wanted to be loved.Â
All you knew was that you couldnât stay here, sitting in ruins over a boy you couldnât have. When Jaehyun cheated on you, you felt dirty and lacked the strength to rouse out of bed in the mornings. You couldnât let yourself steep to that point of misery over something you couldnât even call a break-up.Â
You glanced at your phone. Should you have called him? Maybe you should have at least texted him, since you didnât do either when you came back from New York.Â
Almost worlds away from you, Haechan was sitting by his phone with the same thoughts wearing him thin. You were wearing him thin. He wanted to call you, but if you thought you were stubborn, Haechan gave you a run for your money.Â
You said youâd let him know when you were back and Haechan waited and waited. You never called. Not one fucking time. So why should he have called you?
Because you love her, hissed the voice in his head that made Haechan roll his eyes in annoyance. He was past denying the truth, but he was terrified of confronting it. Loving you made his blood chill with fear. It wasnât a question of whether or not you loved him back. It was if you loved him enough to make it work.
His emotions were all over the place. First of all, he was spiteful and wanted to hate you. He was angry. For fuckâs sake, you went out with Jeno for what - to make him jealous?
But on the other hand, all those memories youâd made with each other werenât simple to forget. Every time Haechan closed his eyes, he saw you. Your gorgeous smile and twinkling eyes. He could taste your chapstick on his tongue and feel your warmth in his arms, as if you were some lingering ghost that was haunting him in spirit. He could hear your laughter ringing in his ears as he told you a stupid joke solely to make you laugh.Â
Jesus fucking Christ. Haechan had been in love, but never like this. Your love was mind-numbing. No girl had ever made him feel this many emotions all at once. You made him want to scream and shout, but you made him want to smile. You made a void ache in his chest.Â
Haechanâs phone started to ring. He scolded himself for immediately hoping that it was you finally calling him like you should have weeks ago, but was disappointed when he saw it was Chaewon. But his curiosity got the best of him and he brought the phone to his ear, answering, âHello?â
Haechan could immediately tell that something was off. He could hear it in her tone. âWhatâs up, Chaewon?â
âItâs about your girl,â Chaewon said, sullen. She was obviously very worried. âSheâs going away for a few months. She got a deal out of state and theyâre flying her out.â
Haechan set his jaw. You were leaving - again. And he had to find out about your whereabouts through somebody else. Again. âOh. Good for her, I guess,â he replied indifferently.Â
Chaewon snapped, âDonât give me that nonchalant bullshit, Haechan. You know and I know that you both care about each other. Now, listen. Sheâs my best friend and the love of my life, but I understand that she hasnât been making the best decisions lately.â
Haechan interjected, âSo what? I should go clean up her mess? Iâm not her man and Iâm damn sure not her fucking daddy, Chaewon.â
âDonât start getting an attitude with me,â Chaewon hissed. âIf youâd let me finish, I was going to say that her flight leaves today at four. I just thought you deserved to know that. Itâs not your job to finish what she started, but if you still want to, you know where to find her.â
Haechan heaved a breath.Â
Chaewon added, âItâs up to you. I think you two could set things straight if you communicated with each other for once. But if you donât want that, then forget I said anything. I just thought with how adamant you were on pursuing her that you would be the last person to give up on her. Maybe I was wrong.â
Haechan sighed. Again. His head was throbbing. âIâll think about it,â he finally exhaled after a moment or two.Â
âOkay. Bye, Haechan.â
Haechan spent all of three hours debating whether or not he should have come to see you. He was still bitter over the lack of communication, but after a moment of pondering in silence, realized that was why you two were in this predicament in the first place.
If he would have been honest about how he felt about you going to New York, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe you wouldâve never left. Never entertained Jeno. You wouldâve stayed in his arms where you rightfully belonged.Â
After all this time, he realized something. His open arms would still be waiting for you when you were ready to come back to them. Fear corrupted Haechan when he had a thought. The fear of you never coming back. What if you went away for months and met a different guy that you liked? What if you never came back?
He wasnât ready to lose you, he quickly realized. He wasnât ready to give you away either. The first thing he thought when you told him about your ex was that that guy was a dumbass for kicking you to the curb.Â
And if Haechan thought he was stubborn, his heart was going to put both of you to shame.Â
Haechan grabbed his keys and burst out the front door like lightning, immediately mounting his bike. Even the damn bike reminded him of you as he probably broke the law with how quickly he was speeding. On a motorcycle, we get to dodge all the traffic.
He looked everywhere for you. Every corner he turned, there were people living their day-to-day lives, giving the guy running through the airport like he was playing Subway Surfers a brief, baffled look. Haechan didnât care. He didnât give a flying fuck who thought what about him, unabashedly in love with you. He would shout it out in front of all of these strangers if that was what it took.
Finally, he saw you, closing in on your terminal. He shouted your name loud enough to disturb some people and earn a couple of disdainful glances from onlookers.Â
You turned around, recognizing that voice before you saw his face.Â
Your heart raced when you saw Haechan jogging over to you and for a moment you were pleased to see him, but then you remembered how ruined you were because of him. You pretended not to care and sneered, âIf youâre here to get your jacket back, youâre out of luck. I already checked in and I donât have my luggage.â
âDamn that jacket,â Haechan hissed, his blood pumping a billion times per second. Only half it was because of how fast he ran. âI canât let you leave like this. Not when we have so much unfinished business to work through.â
You barked, âMe and you are nothing. We have nothing.â
âReally?â Haechan asked, staring at you in disbelief. âAll those months together meant nothing to you?â
Those words reminded you of that night at Jaehyunâs place, as well as the fact that Haechan couldnât have cared about you, which only made you bristle. You lied through your teeth, âNothing.â
Haechan switched on a diming, changing tactics, and hissed, âBull-fucking-shit. I spent so many nights waiting for you to call. You never did. I could have got at least a fucking text or something. But you know what I got instead? Nothing. A whole lotta nothing! I had to find out from somebody else that youâre back and then you go out with Jeno.â
All you could do was give him an ugly scowl. How dare he march up in here to shout in your face? Like you were the villain. âI waited for you to show up. You never did! You said you were busy, but you were at the fucking club. Donât even lie because I saw Jaeminâs story.â
Fuck, you saw that? âSo, I go out and have a couple of drinks and you decide you want to fuck Jeno?â
âAre you fucking serious right now?â you seethed. âAll I wanted was for you to kiss me goodbye, but you stood me up so that you could drink and get laid. I saw you outside the cafe with the girl. Thatâs why I didnât call you.â
Haechan softened in realization, understanding that he had fucked up more than he thought. Still, he kept riling you up. It was the only way you both would get answers.Â
âYou went off to New York to fuck your ex,â Haechan reminded. âI donât see why itâs a big deal that I got laid too.â
You exclaimed, âI didnât want to go to New York!â
âThen, why the fuck did you?â
You ran your fingers through your hair. He was just so good at getting under your skin. You confessed morosely, âBecause when I had sex with you, it felt like we were making love. I was in denial about loving you, because I didnât want to take the risk of getting my heart broken again.â
Haechan wasnât sure what he was expecting you to say, but it wasnât that. He was positively stunned to silence.
âJaehyun asked me a couple of weeks before that to come to New York. And I wasnât going to, but I was conflicted. And you acted like you didnât care, so,â you explained yourself rapidly. âI went there to see if I still loved him, but all I harbored when I got there was resentment.â
God, I am a fucking idiot, Haechan hissed to himself. He swore he wasnât going to fuck this one up.Â
âThen, I started going out with Jeno, thinking I could get back at you while also proving to myself that I wasnât in love,â you whispered. âBut he wasnât you. That was when I knew youâve ruined me.â
âYouâve ruined me too,â Haechan said softly, approaching you a little further. âSheâs not you. I want you to know that. I only hooked up with her because I was upset and I wanted to distract myself from you.â
You were silent. His words werenât exactly comforting, but you were both finally being honest with each other. And yourselves.Â
Haechan grabbed your hand in his, locking eyes with yours. âI fucked up. I shouldâve been here the first time, but I wasnât.â
Your eyes watered and no matter how hard you blinked, you couldnât battle the tears. âWhy didnât you tell me how you felt about me going to New York? It would have mattered.â
âBecause I didnât want to seem like I was trying to control you,â Haechan replied, a well of regret and self-loathing. âI was trying to respect your decision.â
You chortled through your tears. âA gentleman to your core.â
Haechan shook his head, frowning. âIn retrospect, there are so many things I could have done better. Maybe I was moving too fast for you, baby, and Iâm sorry. I get a little overzealous.â
âTrust me, Haechan. Youâre just the right amount of zealous.â
Haechan snickered. Leave it to you to make him laugh even during a moment like this.
Now that you both had cleared the air, you felt like there was a weight off your chest. You could understand each other and rationalize the otherâs actions. You should have just talked a long time ago.Â
âI didnât fuck Jeno,â you blurted. âOr my ex.â
Haechan hung his head. âIâm sorry for accusing you of that. And for not being honest about my feelings.â
âI forgive you,â you spoke softly. âIâm sorry for not calling you and for going out with your friend.â
âHeâs not my friend,â Haechan said like he was repulsed. âYou helped me see that, so I forgive you.â
Your lips broke into a grin when he wiped a tear from your eyes.Â
Haechanâs expression suddenly turned sober and he declared, âI wanna start over.â
âHaechanââŹÂŚ,â you started.
He shushed you. âIâm not the easiest person to get to know but half of it is because nobody ever gives me a chance. People look at me and see what they want to see. They think theyâve got me all figured out.â
That was true. You knew it, because you had been one of those people. You got your heart broken by a fuckboy once and Haechan made it way too easy to assume he was the same.Â
âEven if I broke your heart, I wanna put it back together again,â Haechan continued. âWill you let me do that?â
God, your whole being was consumed by. The love you had for this boy was all-consuming. You just wanted to be with him for the rest of your life. âYes. You already know I will.â
Haechan smiled triumphantly. All he knew was you. If he couldnât have you, he didnât know what he would do with himself.Â
âBut Iâm literally leaving for three months,â you reminded him, a frown on your face.Â
The reminder jolted Haechan back into reality, but he knew better than to ask you to stay. He knew you loved your work and he wouldnât dare come between that bond. âYou remember what I told you on our first date? About dating long distance?â
Your frown got bigger. âYeah. That you didnât know if you could make it work for me, but you would at least try.â
âI changed my mind,â Haechan told you, looking at you with all the love in the universe. âI donât give a fuck what I have to do to make it work. I donât care how hard I have to try. I love you and Iâm willing to sacrifice everything for us.â
All you could do was stare into his eyes. Those three words made your head spin. He loved you. âReally?â
Haechan bobbed his head. âIâll call you every day. Iâll text you good morning when I wake up and goodnight before I go to bed. But you have to meet me halfway.â
âIâll meet you in the middle,â you said in a heartbeat. âIâll text you every time I think about you. We can watch stupid romcoms then talk about them over the phone. Iâll call you and tell you how my days are going.â
âI want to hear all of it. The good days and the bad ones too. I wanna be there for you,â Haechan whispered tenderly.
âYou can do all of that.â
âYou promise?â
You nodded. âItâs gonna take some effort, butââŹÂŚ I know we can make us work. You just have to accept that I need space sometimes and I donât always make sense.â
Haechan snorted. Like he didnât already know that. âNo offense, but I think we just had a crash course on that, baby.â
You rolled your eyes, but you couldnât fight it anymore and smashed your lips against his, bringing him in for a kiss. They called for passengers to board. Haechanâs hands were quick to grab your waist, holding you tight like he didnât want to let you get on that plane. But he once heard that if you love someone, youâll let them go. So, that was what he was going to do.Â
When you pulled back, Haechan said, âPromise when you get back weâre gonna watch a really cheesy movie together and dance to MJ.âÂ
You chuckled, slipping your fingers through his and squeezing. âIâll save the date.âÂ
Haechan smiled, letting out a breath. âBye, baby.â
âSee you later,â you whispered, almost like you didnât want to go. But you knew you would regret not getting on that plane. âI mean it this time.â
Haechan snorted. Finally, after exchanging one last kiss, he let you go.Â
He watched you slip away. There was a familiar feeling taut around his heart, but he toughed it out. Youâre gone again, but thatâs okay. Because this time, I know youâll come back.Â
âIâll wait for you,â Haechan whispered to himself, turning away once you were out of his sight.Â