hello! iâm peony (she/her), 25. the main purpose of my blog is just for me to find an outlet for my works. please do not expect consistent writing or ask me when i plan to post anything.
⥠masterlist
⥠i currently only write for nct
⥠my works may contain 18+ content, so please donât interact if you are a minor.
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summary:
In an ideal world, you wouldâve survived college without catching feelings for anyone in your friend group. In reality, youâve kept one secret close to your chest for the entirety of your college career: your persisting crush on Mark Lee.
With summer and your graduation looming around the corner, an end-of-the-year group trip and a drop of a rollercoaster will have you both screaming your hidden confessions out in the open.
When you roll down your window and stick out your head, the warm yet fresh breeze that brushes your face reminds you that summer is just around the corner. Usually, youâd be filled with the light promise of summer plans to fulfill, or, at the very least, a buzz of anticipation for whatâs yet to come.
This year, however, everythingâs different. Unmade plans feel like a burdensome failure rather than a spontaneous opportunity, and you canât shake the dread sitting heavily in your gut.Â
All because of one thing: your impending graduation.
A wave of nausea washes through your body, causing you to roll up the window.
âCar sick before we even leave for the amusement park?â Chenle asks with a raised brow. âThatâs on you for sticking your head out like a damn dog.â
For all of your friendâs occasional lack of tact, youâre able to ascertain moments like these for what they are: a genuine check in of concern.
âIâm fine,â you say, pitching up your voice as you speak. âAlthough I cannot believe that you convinced them to let you rent a van, of all things.âÂ
âAnd yet, you stood next to me the whole time as I rented the van,â Chenle shoots back. âWith no objections.â
âWell, everyone in the group chat insisted on riding in one car. All seven of you.â
If someone had told you that your closest friends in college wouldâve been a group of seven guys, you wouldâve laughed in their face. Your first impression of the initial part of the groupâJeno, Jaemin, Haechan, and Renjunâhad consisted mostly of annoyance, as the group of four men hogged your dormâs common area constantly. Youâd spent the first month of school nodding politely as you passed by, all the while carrying a one-sided beef with the group.
You begrudgingly grew close to Renjun first after realizing you shared multiple classes together. Sitting together in lecture led to group projects which led to sharing meals in the dining hall after class. Eventually, studying together in the common room became a part of your routine. Seeing as the common room had been commandeered by the entire friend group already, it was inevitable that youâd slowly merged in as a member yourself.Â
You didn't find this friend group to be that much different from your previous ones. When Chenle and Jisung joined the next year, you found that each person fit into their own niche to blend with your personality and interestsâChenle and Renjun are your go-tos for gossiping, Jaemin for a coffee break, and Haechan for late night gaming.
You tried to pull in new friends over the years to add variety, but at the end of it all youâre the only one who stuck around. The closest youâd come to pulling someone into your group was Alex, your first year roommate, but her insane schedule left her both physically and emotionally unavailable to fully assimilate.Â
âPlus, I think Iâll catch feelings for one of them if I hang around too much,â she confesses to you privately. âI canât afford that kind of distraction. Itâs crazy enough to me that you donât like any of them like that.â
It becomes second nature to laugh off all of those comments from both friends and acquaintances. Even the guys joke amongst themselves that youâve seen too much to ever see any of them in a romantic light. Despite the fact that all of them are unfairly good looking, itâs true that youâve been a firsthand witness to many of their most embarrassing moments and bad habits. In an ideal world, all of this would make you wholly unable to develop feelings for any of them.Â
Youâre taken out of your thoughts as Chenle reaches forward to turn down the music. âSoâŠwhatâs really up with you?â He asks.
âVery emotionally intelligent,â you roll your eyes, but answer honestly. âIâve just been thinking about graduation again.â
âAh.â A pause. Whatâs left of the music bumps in the silence. âYou know me and Jisung will still be here. Renjun too.â
âSo you remind me,â you sigh.
âThe other guys will still keep in touch too, even if we donât see each other often anymore.â
âRight, right.â You attempt to lighten the mood. As much as you appreciate this impromptu check-in session, youâre not exactly down for a full vulnerable moment before everyone else piles into the car. âThe seven of you better be nice to me today so I can feel better about graduating.â
âMhmm,â Chenle hums. âBy the wayâŠI thought you misspoke at first, but why are you saying seven?â
Your eyes narrow. âBecause thereâs seven of you and only one of me? Seven in favor of the van and one opposed?â
He frowns as he makes the last turn into the parking lot. âDidnât Renjun tell you that him and Jisung canât make it?â
âNo,â you say through gritted teeth. âHe did not.â
âSomething about accidentally double booking,â he shrugs. âSaid heâd text you.â
You grunt noncommittally, but you whip out your phone without hesitation and start typing in furious taps.
Funny that your day ended up being double booked, you text. Considering I chose this date around the basis that it would be at least you and me free.
Renjunâs response pops up in the chat immediately. Jisung was too scared, and I thought it would be better for you guys to have an even number for rides.
You roll your eyes as if he can see you. Bullshit. Why did you actually back out?Â
A couple of minutes pass before the next text. Iâm actually busy bro. But maybe you should use this as an opportunity to pair up with Mark instead of me? ;)
You curse under your breath. In an ideal world, you wouldâve survived college without catching feelings for anyone in your friend group.
In reality, youâve kept one secret close to your chest for the entirety of your college career: your persisting crush on Mark Lee.
You blame the NCIT dorm assignments. Mark was the only one in your year placed into a different dorm; while youâd met the other four first and gotten comfortable enough to see them as brothers, theyâd only started bringing Mark around midway through the school year.
From the beginning, he reminded you of a lead in a romcom movie â sweet with that boy-next-door type of charm. Youâd developed a crush on him almost instantly. There was something about his presence that drew the attention of everyone in the room, yet he made each person feel special in their own right. Itâs a quality both endearing and incredibly aggravating, as it makes it hard to get over him.Â
When the mere sight of him standing on the sidewalk with the others makes your heart flip in your chest, it serves as a painful reminder that three years has done little to make your crush fade away. If anything, Markâs intermittent attendance to group events makes you hypersensitive to his presence.Â
âBeen a minute,â you smile as heâs the first to climb into the car.Â
âHey!â He taps your shoulder as he slides straight into the carâs middle row. Thankfully, itâs diagonal to your seat, so itâs easy for you to turn and face him. âHow have you been?â
Youâre racking your brain for something interesting to say when you feel a tug on your arm from behind.Â
âItâs been a while since Iâve seen you too,â Haechan whines from just outside the car.Â
You stare at him. âWe got dinner with Jeno like two weeks ago.âÂ
âThatâs still longer than usual.âÂ
You roll your eyes. He has somewhat of a point, since heâs the one you see the most aside from Renjun and Chenle. However, the last thing you want to do is validate his interruptions, especially when you had just started chatting with Mark.Â
âDude, move. Get inside.â Jaemin redirects Haechan towards the backseat with a push.Â
âI donât want to sit next to you,â he complains.
âToo late,â Jeno says, snatching the seat behind you while boxing the two in the back. âDonât try to move to the middle row either. We have more than enough room now.â
Your feeling of missed opportunity with Mark is validated, as the flow of conversation doesnât go your way again. The rest of the group is too busy talking over each other half the time and bickering for the other half.
âArenât you glad youâre in the front with me now?â Chenle asks over the sound of Haechan yelling as Jaemin wrestles him into a headlock. âThat could be you.â
âNo way they would roughhouse with her like this,â Mark says with wide eyes.
âThey have,â you shrug.
âWhat?â Mark asks, leaning his ear closer.
âThey have!â You repeat.
âReally? When?â
âAt least a fewââ
âWhat?â He yells.
âYou knowâIâll tell you later!â You cut it off before either of you can drag this painful exchange out further. As much as you want to catch up with him, itâs impossible to hold a conversation between Chenleâs music in the front and the squabbling in the backseat.
You manage to eavesdrop on bits and pieces of the normal conversation Markâs somehow able to maintain with Jeno instead. Yes, Mark was still on track to graduate on time. Yes, he still wanted to be part of the groupâs planned graduation party. Yes, he was always planning on coming today, heâs just bad at texting the group chat and didnât see the messages until Renjun texted him separately.
You sink into your seat with a pout. You were going to fight Renjun for keeping secrets from you.
Renjun had been the first to pick up on the crumbs of your crushâif anything, heâd insisted that there was a spark since day one, when youâd accidentally barged in on their study session. It was one of your most embarrassing moments that you actively tried to block from your memory; even so, Mark had taken it in stride with a sweet smile that had sent your heart pounding on impact. You remained in denial for months before reluctantly acknowledging that, yes, you found Mark attractive. Renjunâs teased you relentlessly since.
All things considered, nothing in Renjunâs demeanor had ever indicated that it was anything beyond a running joke about an old innocent crush, but today has you second guessing everything in a new light. Renjun is not the forgetful type. Failing to tell you he was bailing and he encouraged Mark to come was an intentional omissionânot a mistake.
You rack your brain the rest of the way there, but you canât come up with anything. Whatever vision he had in mind is his prerogative, you decide, as the outlines of the amusement park come into view.
Chenleâs barely turned into the parking space when Haechan flings the door open.Â
âGet off me!â He shakes Jaemin from his body before taking off towards the entrance.
The rest of you follow suit in a more timely manner.
âI guess he can choose the first ride,â you say to Mark with a laugh.
âRightâŠâ Mark says as he scans his ticket at the entrance point. The color in his face has paled considerably, although itâs difficult to completely tell from your angle behind him.
âUm,â you trail behind Mark as your group enters the line for the first ride selected by Haechan. Itâs a classic rollercoaster with a big drop and everything. Nothing crazy, but not kiddie level either. âIs everything alright?â
Mark swallows thickly. âI donât, um, love rollercoasters.â
You blink once. Twice. âLike, any rollercoaster? Ever?â
âI like some!â He protests. âWithout big drops or twists.âÂ
Dreamscape World had been chosen by the group specifically because of the more intense rides when compared to family friendly parks.
âSoâŠlike most of them here?â
âI guess?â He deflates. âI thought it would be more balanced.â
At this point, Haechanâs given your party size to the worker, who sorts you into the preloading lines. Youâre dangerously close to boarding the ride, but, more importantly, you and Mark have been sorted into the very back car.
âMark,â you say in a low voice so the others wonât overhear. âNo oneâs forcing you to get on.âÂ
âNo!â He straightens his back and shoots you a shaky yet genuine smile. âI came here because I want to. Donât worry too much about me.âÂ
Your heart jumps. Itâs his complete sincerity that reminds you of why itâs so easy to like him. Whether heâs being serious or goofy, you can always count on Mark to bring an authentic level of care to everything he does. Something youâve never had to question is how much he values this friend group.Â
How he feels about you beyond friendship has always been impossibly hard for you to read, but thatâs a completely different matter that you donât want to think about. Not when youâre at the tail end of your college days. If anything, maybe you can enjoy the time left with him before accepting that heâll always be a good friend. Maybe, after all this time, you can finally get the clarity you need to move on from him once and for all.
Then he smiles at you before climbing into the cart, and your heart clenches with such intense care that you want this coaster to launch you far, far away.
If your sudden urge to scream into your hands is noticeable, itâs completely missed as Markâs calm demeanor immediately evaporates as the reality of his situation finally hits him.
âOh god.â Mark closes his eyes as the overhead locks into place. âItâs happening.â
Your own nerves fade away into genuine concern. Sure, you wanted to trust that Mark knew his body enough to give you a heads up in the case of an active throw up hazard, but the unsettled and nearly ill look on his face makes you uncertain.
You squeeze his arm. âHey? Mark?âÂ
He peeks open one eye. âYeah?âÂ
âIf it helps, thereâs a game that I used to play with my high school friends at amusement parks. It could get your mind off of the height.âÂ
âHit me,â Mark says.
âRight as youâre about to approach a drop, you each say something that the other doesnât know. It doesnât have to be anything too personalâyou can just say something for shock factor.â
Thereâs a jolt as your car moves. The standard spiel sounds over the speakers: Good afternoon riders, please keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times.
âItâs pretty stupid,â you blurt nervously when Mark hasnât replied, âbut I remember it being fun since it can be as silly or dramatic as you want. It helped one of my friends focus less on the height and more about what she was going to say.âÂ
The noises of the connected chain clunk above you as the roller coaster climbs higher and higher. Your friends yell and babble incomprehensible things up front.Â
You feel silly for even suggesting itâthis is typically something youâd bring up to Chenle, since you know that heâd lean into the unhinged shock factor potential of it all.Â
âSorry, we donât have toââÂ
âNo, itâs good. Iâm game to try it,â Mark says through a clenched jaw. âJust gotta think of something, right?â
âUh, yeah?â The intensity takes you slightly aback. âIf you want to, at least?âÂ
Heâs so silent the rest of the way up that you check to see if heâs passed out before the drop, but sure enough heâs awake and mumbling to himself.Â
âLetâs go!â Haechan and Chenle scream in the row in front of you.
You take a deep breath and ready yourself to share your go-to line, but as the rollercoaster reaches the top Markâs finally screams out:
âIâM ON A TEN GAME LOSING STREAK IN BASKETBALL!â
The car tips over the edge. Youâre whipped around due to being in the last car, but your manic laughter gets lost in the wind as the roller coaster rushes forward and through a series of fast turns.
When it slows and turns into a momentary lull as you approach another incline, Mark cranks his head toward you accusingly.Â
âYou didnât even say anything!â
âSorry!â You say through the aftershock of giggles. âI wasnât expecting you to say anything. I literally thought you passed out.â
âThatâs fine,â he pouts. âJust say one this time!â
You hadnât anticipated Mark to get so into this, but youâre not complaining. You hadnât been able to have this much funâthis much unfiltered, pressureless funâwith him in a long time.
Your heart flutters with anticipation as you rise up to the next peak. This time, youâre ready. âIâve never officially dated anyoneââÂ
âI CANâT COOK!â
The ride cycles through a series of sudden turns and ends with a last minute flash of a camera toward the end. When the brakes screech to a halt, your stomach hurts from laughing. You exit still wiping tears of laughter from the corners of your eyes. Sure enough, the picture displayed on the screens near the exit depict a grinning Chenle and Haechan in the front, while youâre mid-laugh next to a wide-eyed and open-mouthed Mark.Â
 âCute,â Chenle snaps a picture with his phone. âAnyway, Mark, heard youâve been sucking ass in basketball lately?â
After explaining and pitching your game to the rest of them, the others run with it in a way thatâs both flattering and concerningâthe next three rides trigger the full audacity of a friend group with nothing to lose.Â
âI eat your snacks when youâre not looking,â Chenle says to you on the next ride.
âI know,â you roll your eyes. âI keep extras in my pantry just for you.â
âI offered a girl a date with you if she sent her notes to me,â Jaemin informs Jeno solemnly. âSheâll see you next Friday.âÂ
âI log into your PlayStation account and send myself your best in-game items,â Haechan confesses next, and your group is held behind and berated by staff after Chenle tries to choke him out mid-ride.Â
After that, the roller coaster seating assignment is incredibly strict: Jaemin and Jeno decide to each take Haechan and Chenle respectively, which leaves you with one option.
âAny controversial secrets to spill this time around?â Mark grins as he lines up behind you.
âI think Iâm running out. Plus,â you gesture to Haechan, who stares across the way at Chenle with a taunting smile. Chenle flips him off. âI kind of regret telling those guys about it.âÂ
He laughs, but the smile in his eyes quickly fades into something bittersweet. âItâs nice to see almost everyone like this, though. Itâs almost like nothingâs changed.â
You tilt your head to the side. âI donât think any of us have really gone through a transformation, though. Which is maybe a bad thing, if you think about it. We stayed the same old losers.âÂ
âI meant it in a good way. Weâre all about to graduateââ
âChenle and Jisung still have a year, technically.â
âAlmost all of us are graduating. Things are going to change, which means that itâs nice to enjoy these moments together while it lasts.âÂ
The sentiment leaves a thick lump in your throat. Youâre staying to work in the area, but you knew that the others werenât nearly as tied down. Jeno was waiting on a couple more admissions decisions from graduate schools, at the very least, and Jaemin would be taking a year off to travel. Both Haechan and Mark were from the surrounding area, but you knew Mark had grown up moving around a lot. Who's to say that he didnât feel some pull elsewhere? From the way he was talking, you wouldnât be surprised if he decided to pack everything and explore somewhere new.Â
You know this is the perfect chance to find out more information about his future plans, but you canât bring yourself to do so. Instead, you ask, âDo you have any regrets?âÂ
Markâs eyes widen. âWhat?âÂ
At that moment, the cars whoosh past you, and the sounds of passengers unloading fill the silence between you.
âAh, donât worry about it,â you laugh it off as you shimmy into your seat. âJust something that popped into my mind.âÂ
Mark frowns but doesnât prod further as you pull the safety restraints over your chest.Â
This ride has your least-favorite type of design: the type of carriage where your feet dangle underneath you. From watching other runs during your wait time in line, you know that the ride also flips upside down, which is enough to make your palms sweat.Â
Itâs for that reasonâadded to the fact that the over-the-shoulder safety restraint is so thick that you canât see Markâs face even when you turn to the sideâthat youâre silent nearly the whole way up. Itâs only when the safety platform drops away that you feel yourself panic.Â
âMy main regret is that I wish I spent more timeââ Mark begins.Â
âMark, Iâm scared shitless of these types of rollercoasters!â You squeak as you see your feet dangle over the edge.
It happens in a split second; too fast for any more words to be exchanged. Markâs hand quickly wraps around your palm first before fumbling around until your fingers lace together. You grip on for dear life and scream as you plummet into the first drop, only cracking your eyes open so you canât be surprised by any turns or inversions.
Youâre still squeezing his hand after the brakes kick in, and you donât let go until youâre at a full stop and the seats release the safety mechanism. You hop out of the cart, not daring to look behind you until youâre confident that the others are too wrapped up in their own conversations.
Markâs face is flushed completely pink. He massages small circles into his left handâthe unlucky victim of your fear.Â
âSorry for squeezing the shit out of your hand,â you mutter. âI got really freaked out.â Â
âI saw thatâor felt it, more like.â He pats the top of your head a couple of times. âItâs cool, really. My hand will survive.âÂ
The adrenaline from the ride begins to fade as you walk it off, which allows you to finally process something youâd never have anticipated in your long tenure of a crush: you just held Mark Leeâs hand. More accurately, Mark Lee held your hand first to comfort you.Â
You speed walk up to Chenleâs side so Mark canât see your expression. Your face burns hot with embarrassment. Were you thirteen years old? Holding hands was enough to leave you this flustered?
A shoulder bumps into your other side. You brace yourself, expecting Mark, but youâre instead met with Haechanâs hawklike stare.Â
âHaving fun?â He asks. Itâs too casual, too innocent.
Your eyes narrow. âYeah? You know I love amusement parks and most thrill rides.âÂ
âYeah.â He clicks his tongue before flashing you a shit-eating grin. âItâs more thrilling for me when I hold Markâs hand, too.âÂ
Your hand clamps over his mouth with lightning speed.
âPlease shut up,â you hiss.
âYou guys arenât smooth, I could see it from the seats behind you!â His muffled cry leaks through your hand. âI want to hold hands with Mark next!âÂ
The damage has been done. Chenle nearly trips over his own feet as he turns to you, eyes wide. âYou held hands with Mark?!â
Jaemin joins the betrayal with a shrug. âSeemed like it from our view.âÂ
Heat rushes up your neck and throughout your face as you feel five pairs of eyes staring you down. You canât even bring yourself to turn around and look at Markâs expression. Half baked excuses and explanations jumble through your head, and you ultimately blurt the first coherent thing that pops into your head.
âGotta pee, be right back!â You say as you flee to the nearest bathroom.
Itâs not a complete lie, although you take your time afterward at the bathroom sink, willing your heart rate to slow down. Your reflection stares back at you, a little bit wild and tousled by the wind. You take a deep breath. InhaleâŠ2âŠ3. OutâŠ2âŠ3.
âYou got this.â You say out loud to yourself. âHeâs just a guy. A guy youâre pretty much over and wonât see after graduation. You donât care that you held hands after all this time.âÂ
One of the bathroom stall doors creaks open, revealing a girl that canât be older than eleven years old. She tiptoes around you before washing her hands and rushing out of the bathroom. Thatâs more than enough of an indicator that youâve clearly lost your mind, and you wash your hands before heading back out.
Based on how you left the group, youâre expecting a full ambush from the others, but instead Mark sits by himself on a nearby planter.Â
He waves a little when he sees you. âThey got too impatient to wait before riding Supreme Scream. The drop one?âÂ
Any residual shyness at Markâs presence is replaced by visceral rage. âHaechanâthat bastard knew that was the one I was most looking forward to, and he was just okay with leaving me behind?!âÂ
âOh shit,â Mark blanches. âShould we try to catch them?â
Youâre marching in the general direction before he even finishes his question. However, something else pops in your head first: Why did they leave Mark behind? Sure, at least a part of it was at your expense and Haechanâs revenge, but it seemed strange that no one else stayed behind.
âDidâŠyou volunteer to wait for me since everyone else wanted to go?âÂ
âYeah,â he admits, hand extending behind to rub at the back of his head.Â
âWell, in that case,â you slow your speed into a normal walk. âWe can just watch them. I need a break anyway, after that last one.â
From that last ride and everything that came with it, you think to yourself.
Thereâs no wait for Supreme Scream, as evident by the empty line as well as your friends actively boarding while you and Mark walk up. Most of the group waves at the two of you, except one of them in particular.
Youâre welcome, Haechan mouths to you from his seat.
Iâm going to kill you, you mouth back with your sweetest smile.Â
If Mark notices the exchange he says nothing; the two of you watch as your friends get lifted up and up and up, pausing briefly at the top before surging downwards for the drop. Your stomach flips from the secondhand adrenaline rush. When you peek over at Mark, you find that the color has once again drained from his face.Â
The guys come off the ride, laughing with a slight deliriousness as they come closer.Â
You waste no time in punching Haechanâs shoulder. âWay to wait for me, dude.âÂ
âOw!â He whines loudly. âYou can just go, itâs not like thereâs anyone in line right now.â
âOkay, then youâll go with me then?âÂ
Of all of the time youâve known them, thereâs rarely a genuinely awkward pause. Thereâs nothing to be awkward about after three years of near-constant hangouts. This time, however, you feel the hesitancy radiating off each guy as they look at each other.
The silence doesnât make you self-conscious as much as it legitimately pisses you off. Theyâre clearly hiding something from you.
âFine,â you scoff, âIâll go by myself.âÂ
You donât look back as you march through the empty line with your head held up high. You hear Markâs faint protests behind you.
âYou guys are just gonna let her go alone?!â
âYou have legs, donât you?âÂ
As the attendant opens the gate for you, heavy steps thunder behind you. âWait!âÂ
Markâs out of breath with his hands on his hips. âIâll go with you.â
âMark, this is the worst ride for you,â you explain gently. âItâs the biggest drop in the park.âÂ
He shakes his head aggressively. âI can handle it.âÂ
The two of you end up as the only two on the ride, strapped in side-by-side facing your friends, who holler and wolf whistle at you.Â
Renjun isnât the only one I need to fight, you consider absentmindedly as the ride lifts you up, up, up from the ground. Itâs clear that youâre being made a fool ofâthereâs no way that the others havenât caught on.
Youâre not sure if itâs the semi-public humiliation from your friends or the fact that youâre once again unable to shake your crush on Mark, but one thing is for certain: youâre tired. The part of you that doesnât want to ruin your friendship is being overridden by the currently loud voice in your head thatâs frustrated that he still doesnât get it. How much more obvious could it be?Â
Then and there, perhaps feeding off some of the deliriousness of the dayâs adrenaline spikes, you decide to do it. You have no idea when youâll get a private moment like this with him again. After this day you donât even know when youâll get to see him again. It feels right for you, now, to get everything off your chest and let your feelings loose.Â
You sneak a subtle glance to Mark on your right, and itâs worse than you expect. His face is white as a ghost, which matches the stark paleness on his knuckles as he grips for dear life onto the safety bar.Â
âOkay, this is just one quick drop, right?â Mark asks through gritted teeth.
âYup,â you say, your own eyes closed. âReady?â
âYeah, you?â
âYeah.â
In all honesty, youâre not ready. A part of you wants to be catapulted into the atmosphere instead of baring your soul wide, but you know it has to be done. Itâs your final chance.
Thereâs a final clank as the ride stops at the top. Itâs time.Â
You brace for the drop and let it all out. âIâve always liked youâ!â
âIâve had a crush on you for the past two years!â Mark shouts at the same time.
The ride doesnât drop.
âAttention riders,â the operatorâs voice crackles over the intercom. âWe are currently experiencing some technical difficulties. You are safe and we will alert you when weâre about to activate the drop. In the meantime, please remain calm.â
âYoâwhat?!â Markâs legs swing back and forth. âThis can happen on this kind of ride?â
âYeah, Iâve had that happen to me and Renjun on a similar ride before. Weâll be fine,â you say. Your heart is threatening to burst out of your chest for reasons that have nothing to do with the technical difficulties.Â
Thereâs an awkward pause as you both wait expectantly for a follow up announcement. Somehow, the delay has utterly broken the tension from before. The guys watching down below wave their arms at you from below, looking as tiny as bugs. Minutes pass before you finally harness the courage to break the silence.
âSoâŠâ You swing your legs back and forth. âTwo years?â
Markâs head snaps to you, and a red flush creeps up his neck. He looks away and clears his throat. âUh, yeah, two yearsâŠwhat about you?â
You snort. âItâll be four years in December.âÂ
âFour years? December?â His voice cracks into a high pitch. âWasnât that when we met?â
âIt was.â Do you really have to spell it out for him? Â
âWow,â Markâs voice comes out a little breathless. âI really had no idea.âÂ
âI really find that hard to believe.â An irrational annoyance flickers through you at his casualness, as if you hadnât been agonizing over the consequences of a confession for literal years.Â
âI didnât!â He insists. âNothing ever fazes you, and you treat everyone the same.â
âI definitely do not treat all of you the same.âÂ
âUh,â his brow wrinkles. âYeah, you kinda do.âÂ
âNo I donât.â
âYouâre always just, you know, cool when we all hang out, so I figured you were treating me the way you treat all of your friends.âÂ
âI was not, Mark!â Your temper boils over. You donât even process the compliment before the words rush out of you in a rapid fire. âI donât immediately walk up to the others at a party in case I donât see them for a while. I walk up to you the second you come in. In fact, I wear makeup even if I think you might come. I fight for my life to sit next to you instead of Haechan."
"Iâwaitâ" Mark tries to interject, but you're on a roll.
"I cleared my schedule to watch your basketball championships last season. Chenleâs always pissed at me because I go to your games and not his. I havenât officially dated anyone because I havenât even thought of dating another person since I met you! I find every excuse to talk to you, even if itâs liking and responding to memes you send me that arenât funny.â
Mark's features are wide and flustered. âMemes that arenât funnyâwait, hold up, a lot of these things would be hard for me to tell from the outside!âÂ
âOkay, then what about you?â You huff. âYouâve barely come to any group things this whole year. How was I supposed to know that you were ever interested?â
âI go to things!â He protests.
âYou never came to a single game night at my apartment!â
âI have basketball on Fridays.â
âOr the ski trip last winter!â
âThat weekendâŠI had a preplanned church retreat.â
You grip the sides of your safety restraint and glare at Mark the best you can. âMy last birthday party?â
The tips of his ears flush red. He kicks his foot out in a nervous jitter. âI did plan to go to that, but I had to go home the night before for a family emergency.â
Another pause. Thoughts swirl around your head in a confusing torrent. This should be everything that youâve wanted in the past three years, but something still feels off â like Mark isnât telling you something.
âIs there a reason why you didnât say anything?âÂ
âAhâŠâ Mark falters. âTo be honest, I didnât know if I was staying in the city after graduation. I got a job offer here and one to work abroad, and I only made my decision recentlyâŠâ
Your throat dries up. âYou already accepted a job offer?â
âI didnât want to tell any of you guys and freak you out!â He says quickly. âWell, I did tell Haechan, but thatâs because we live together and he could hear me doing my phone interviews through the walls.âÂ
Your voice comes out flat. âMakes sense.âÂ
The detachment in your tone makes Mark talk even faster. âIâm staying here, you know. In the city. So thatâs especially why I was waiting to tell everyoneââÂ
âAnd thatâs also why you didnât tell me that youâve liked me for two whole years?â
ââNo, well, at least in the last year I was thinking about pulling the trigger and talking to you, but since senior year is such a big decision time I didnât want to make things so complicated right before graduating.â
âMark.â You slump back in your seat, eyes gazing up at the clouds. âEveryone knows that Iâm staying in the area.â
You know that the irrational side of your brain is holding out right now. Every point Mark has made is extremely valid and logical, but you canât help but feel like this confession is simultaneously a point of convenience.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â He asks in a gentle tone. âYou seem upset, and I donât understand why.âÂ
Youâre saved from responding when the intercom voice crackles over the speaker. Attention riders, thank you so much for waiting. All issues have been resolved. We will be dropping you momentarily.
The operator has enough decency to count down prior to activating the drop. Neither of you scream on the way down. A small rush of adrenaline kicks in, but itâs not enough to wash away your hurt feelings. You just want to get the hell off of this ride.Â
When youâre finally fully stopped and released, you hop off and nearly sprint out of the gate after receiving an apologetic free pass to skip the line.Â
âHope you had a safe flighâwhoa!â Haechan dodges you as you thunder past him.Â
âWait!â Mark says, hot on your heels.Â
âShould we go after them?â You hear Chenleâs distant voice.
âBetter not,â Jeno says. âLetâs just give them some space.â
You dash through the park, weaving through the already sparse crowd for a random Thursday afternoon, but you still canât manage to lose Mark in the chaotic path youâre taking.
âStop following me!â You shout over your shoulder.Â
âNoâgod, could you slow down? Stop running from me!âÂ
In a last ditch effort to shake Mark off your trail, you run into the line of a walk-on ride you know heâll hate. Water Rapids is notorious for being incredibly long and getting its riders incredibly soaked.Â
You donât hear him as you rush through the line, which makes you think youâre in the clear. Itâs only when you fasten your seatbelt that he plops into the open seat next to you.
âDamn,â he gasps through his words as your boat drifts away. âYou run fast.âÂ
The ride is based on an old childrenâs movie, taking you into a dark tunnel where animal characters celebrate a birthday party in the forest. You focus your attention on the rideâs intended story, aiming to ignore your companion next to you.Â
âYouâll have to talk to me eventually.â He says as your boat drifts past a dancing bear animatronic.
âNot really,â your stubbornness says. âLook at all this vivid storytelling.â
A soft snort, followed by your name. âPlease look at me.â
Your childishness buckles at his tone. The contours of his face are shadowed in the dark, but you can still see the earnestness brightening his eyes. âItâs dark,â you whisper.
He must sense your attitude waver because his hand reaches out to close around yours. âI donât understandâwe both feel the same way. This should be a happy moment. I want to know what's wrong.â
You look down at your intertwined hands. Despite being in the dark, Markâs hand is warm and comforting. âItâs stupid.âÂ
âI donât care if itâs stupid. I want to understand how youâre feeling.â
A pause. You take in a shaky breath before starting. âIâve just been holding onto these feelings for so long because I didnât want to mess everything up. And here you are, saying youâve felt the same way pretty much the whole time.â
He squeezes your hand. âI felt the same way. Down to not wanting anybody else but also not wanting to ruin everything.â
âBut,â you swallow the lump thatâs stuck in your throat. âI know itâs not fair, but it hurts me to know that you wouldn't have said anything at all if you didnât stay in the city. It makes me feel more like a convenience, rather than us being meant to be.â
Itâs one of your most inner secrets. Most of the guys would never peg you as the type to believe in fate, but youâve held onto the hope for the entirety of these four years based on the principle of whatâs meant to be, will be. While this mutual confession makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter in droves, you canât shake the deep insecurity lingering in your chest.
âI see.â Youâre afraid that he wonât say anything else and that youâve really scared him off now, but he hums in thought. âI guess, from my perspective, I was worried about freaking you out by telling you. I had no idea how you felt, so in my head it was a way to play it safe and make sure that I didnât completely drive you away with how much I like you.âÂ
You exhale in a half-laugh. âAs if that would happen.â
âIâve just always had a gut feeling that your presence in my life was part of a bigger plan. Definitely beyond college. Plus,â he thinks out loud, âyou hate situationships, so I didnât want to put you through any uncertainty until my plans were confirmed.â
Now youâre lost. âWhat in the world are you talking about?â
âSituationships?â
âMark, I havenât had a situationship since freshman yearââ
Suddenly, the last puzzle piece falls into place, and youâre transported back into your first year.Â
You barge into Renjunâs room without knocking, beelining to flop onto his bed face down. âI fucking hate men!â
âGood afternoon to you too,â Renjun drawls from his desk. âWhat did he do now?â
Throughout your entire flirtation with the guy youâve been seeing, Renjun has notably refused to use his real name. Itâs always âthat guy you canât get over,â âhim,â or âthat one douchebag.â
âI ended things,â you murmur into the blankets.
Renjunâs chair creaks as he straightens in his seat. âReally?â
âYeah,â you choose to ignore the excited tone in his voice. âItâs pretty clear he was never going to commit to me. Another girl messaged me about him, too. It was never just me.â
Renjun just clicks his tongue in his response.Â
âDonât let me end up in another situationship,â you groan. âI hate being stuck in the talking stage with selfish assholes who lead me on.â
âNoted,â he says, then adds, âby the way, do you want to introduce yourself?â
You shoot up into a sitting position immediately. There, in the corner blind to the entrance of Renjunâs room, is a guy youâve never seen before. His doe eyes are round and wide, fixed completely on you from the other side of the room. Shit, heâs cute.
âUm,â he stutters as a blush overtakes his entire face. It makes him look cuter. Shit. âMy nameâs Mark Lee. Iâm in Renjun and Haechanâs writing class.â
Your throat feels dry as you choke out your own name. âNice to meet you.â
From there on, your feelings take hold and the rest is history.Â
âMark,â you repeat, âare you talking about everything I said on the day we met? That long ago?â
âWell, kinda?â His voice cracks. âItâs not because of that guyâmore of the principle, really. I didnât want you to feel like Iâm leading you on. Iâve always been serious about this, even though Renjun kept saying to just do it.â
Your eye twitches. âRenjun knows?â
He freezes. âYes?â
That two-faced hoe, you think.
For now, you canât stop the laughter that escapes from you due to the absurdity of it all.Â
âUh,â Markâs eyes dart between you and the impending drop. âIs that good laughter?â
âMark Lee,â you giggle, pressing a kiss to his cheek. âYou can be sure that youâre the least selfish person that Iâve ever met. I would never have liked you this much otherwise.â
âOh,â he visibly relaxes. He pauses for a second before adjusting your connected hands until your fingers intertwine. âWell, thatâs a relief for me.âÂ
You take this drop together hand in hand. Youâre laughing all the way down, even as an insane wave douses you both with water from head to toe.Â
You turn to him, still laughing. âMarkââ
Mark grabs your face in his hands and presses his lips to yours. His lips are soft and somehow warm, despite the chill of the water on the rest of your skin. Itâs wet and tastes slightly of chlorine, but itâs perfect.
âGo on a date with me,â he says between kisses. He wonât stop kissing you, even as he talks, as if heâs making up for the years of lost time. âAn actual date. Just you and me.â
âOkay,â you say against his lips, smiling.
âI want you to be my girlfriend.â
âMe too.â Another smile, another kiss.
âBut we can take it slow.â
Someoneâs throat clears. You push Mark away from you and directly apologize to the attendant as you scramble off the ride.Â
When youâre around the corner and away from prying eyes, you take his hands in yours. âLetâs start with that date first and see how that goes.â
His eyebrows raise. âBut the odds are good?âÂ
You laugh and press a final kiss to his mouth. âMore than good, Iâd say.â
When you find your way back to the others, soaked to the bone, they look at the two of you like aliens from another planet. Then, when they process your intertwined hands and wide smiles, all hell breaks loose. Chenleâs lecturing you about rental car fines due to water damage, Haechan is whooping and shouting I fucking told you so, and you think you even see Jaemin pass Jeno a twenty. Thirty minutes later, even Renjun texts a message that just says took you two long enough.Â
Youâre willing to let it go for now. You wouldnât trade this for anything. Not for the way things unfolded, and not even for a confession years earlier. Itâs a couple years lost, but the entire future ahead of you. Together.Â
hello everyone! apologies for being away for so long. im so beyond grateful for all the new followers and notes that came from diet pepsi. i could have never anticipated such an audience and for it to receive so much attention.
with that being said, i know i mentioned a part 2 for the scenario a while back. however, after workshopping through a potential plot, i have decided that there will be no part 2 for diet pepsi.
the decision comes from the fact that the scenario has concluded mentally for me and there is nothing substantial that i could flesh out more for the characters. i hope everyone can understand and i apologize for any false hope given from my initial promise.
i do have some writings in the works atm, slowly but surely they will come into fruition. i hope you can all look forward to those instead. thank you for all the support thus far!! i wish to pick up writing in the free time that i have now :)
genre: soulmates!au, fluff, parallel universes, strangers to lovers (ish)
warnings: implied sex, kissing, swearing
playlist: Canât Help Myself (NCT 127), Iâm In Love with You (the 1975), Say Yes (Loco, Punch)
summary: In a skeptical culture where soulmates donât always live happily ever after, you begin dreaming of your ideal man long past the average age of soulmate visions. You may love Doyoung in every universe, but does that really mean youâre meant to be? Even when the Doyoung of your reality is an idol?
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
It happens when you least expect it.
You get ready for bed early on New Yearâs Eve without the intention of staying up late to ring in the new year.
Your phone vibrates on the nightstand, displaying the contact picture of your best friend Meg.
It would be easier to ignore it and pretend like youâre busy, but you know that Meg is nosy enough to check your location. Sheâll see youâre at home in an instant and call you a million times anyway.
âHey,â you feign ignorance as you pick up. âWhatâs up?â
âI know that your ass is not at home right now,â she groans. âYou shouldâve told me! I wouldâve taken you out with me and David!â
âCome on, you know I donât really go out for New Yearâs anymore.â
You stopped doing so a couple of years back due to the fact that it just made you feel more hopeless for the upcoming year. You have plenty of luck in your career and general day-to-day life, but the men you encounter in the dating pool are horrendous. New Yearâs was just one of those holidays that made you feel lonely even in the midst of a fulfilling life.
âI know you hate third wheeling on New Yearâs Eve, but I still feel like itâs a good opportunity to try meeting someone. Come out and meet us downtown!â Meg insists.
You look at the clock. 9:59PM. Thatâs not nearly enough time to get ready, uber downtown, and desperately try to ensure a New Yearâs Kiss. You donât have the energy to flirt with strangers these days, anyway. âHell no. Iâm good.â
Meg tries to persuade you for the next five minutes, but no amount of free drinks, food, or money can convince you to leave your place. At the end of it all, she finally concedes. âFine, stay home.â
âThat was the plan,â you say coolly. You love her, but her persistence in treating your singleness as a condition to be cured grates on your nerves.
âWant me to manifest a soulmate vision for you tonight instead of a New Yearâs kiss?â
You snort. âNow youâre really being delusional. I donât think my soulmate exists, considering that Iâve never had a single soulmate vision in all these years.â
The concept of your soulmate was the fallback argument of most people as a last-ditch effort to prevent you from giving up on dating. Usually it comes off disingenuous, like theyâre just dangling a carrot above your head for romantic motivation. Meg and David, however, are soulmatesâmeaning they serve as a genuine reminder that soulmates do work out. Sometimes.
Everyone knows the common signs of a soulmate bond. First, the visions: 90% of all soulmate pairs report experiencing a series of visions about a stranger. They donât appear as a background person eitherâsoulmate visions are vivid experiences characterized by their extreme detail. Most of the time each soulmate experiences the otherâs memories. Rarer, some soulmates would even share visions, allowing them to interact before meeting in the real world.
Dreams are the most common manifestation of this phenomenon, but thereâs enough people that donât have theirs linked to sleep to justify the term âvisionâ instead. Most pairs start seeing their other half during their teenage years; others, like Meg, meet their soulmate so early that they barely experience any visions at all.
For those who do experience them, one fact is absolute across the board: all accounts of soulmate visions end once you see them in person.
The second, less pleasant aspect of having a soulmate is the intense physical reaction towards seeing them physically for the first time. Symptoms appear spontaneously with fainting, vomiting, and migraines being the most common. Around 30% of soulmate encounters end up with at least one party requiring some form of medical attention.
On this night, experiencing dreams of a stranger or feeling violently ill donât sound like the most appealing things on the planet. Youâll pass.
Meg says your name, snapping you to attention. ââŠYou really donât have to ice me out for a soulmate joke, I can just stop.â
âNo, youâre good. The soulmate thing is funny.â You force out a laugh. âIf I happen to have a soulmate vision on New Yearâs Eve, maybe thatâs a sign that things will actually work out.â
âOh, shut up, thereâs no way for him to resist if you do have one.â
If. The word bounces around in your head. Of all people, even Meg wasnât sure that you had a karmic link waiting for you.
âWell, you shouldnât let my singleness ruin your night with David. Iâll talk to you guys later.â You hang up the phone before she can answer.
You see a text notification pop up on your phone, but you place your phone facedown on the nightstand instead. You lean onto your side and turn off your lamp.
The quiet of your apartment has your mind churning. Even if you do have a soulmate, would it even work out?
While a good number of the population encounters their soulmate in real life, the amount of successful relationships resulting from that encounter are surprisingly low. Confidence in soulmate pairings had lowered with the younger generations, especially with researchers studying the science behind soulmate dreams and reactions. Hopeless romantics believed wholeheartedly in soulmate pairs, while more pragmatic people posed the same questionâif scientists are able to explain why dreams and physical reactions happen between two people, is there anything truly fated about it?
Youâre not certain where you stand on the matter. Scientists arenât close to discovering anything concrete anyway, so you deal with this big philosophical question in the best way you know: ignoring it.
No use thinking about it anyway, when youâre long past the average age of experiencing initial soulmate dreams.
You let your mind wander elsewhere as you close your eyes and drift slowly to sleep.
Thatâs when he appears. Â Â
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Flowers surround you in an open field. The sunlight warms your face, and the breeze carries the soft, fresh scents of springtime. You balk as you look down at your hands; youâre holding an artist palette in one hand and a paintbrush in the other.
An easel right at the edge of your vision catches your eye. You turn towards it in hopes of making sense of the situationâmaybe this dream was fulfilling a brief childhood dream of becoming a landscape artistâbut you feel your heart drop.
The painting lacks any landscape at all. Instead, it depicts a near-finished portrait of the most beautiful man youâve ever seen.
His eyes, dark but warm, catch your attention first. Combined with his pouty lips and slender face, heâs the epitome of your type. Whatâs the most striking to you, however, is the gentle nature captured in his expression. The pose youâve chosen depicts his shoulders turned away from the viewer, yet his gaze stares at you directly. His lips are curved slightly upwards in a playful smile, as if heâs just teased the viewer. Unequivocally handsome features softened in all the right places.
Thereâs a quiet sound of shoes shuffling on the grass. A tuft of black hair peeks up from over the canvas.
âDo you need anything else from me?â
After a beat of silence, a full head pokes out from the side of the easel, and everything stops. Itâs the man from the painting in front of youâsmooth skin, soft smile, and perfect everything in all. He says your name once in the tone of a question, sending a shiver down your spine.
âIs everything okay? Are you upset because I moved?â
You open your mouth to speakâto clarify that no, everything is not okay and ask who are you, anyway? âbut something else emerges from your lips entirely.
âYou can move. Iâm almost done. Do you want to see it?â
The words are yours, technically. You feel and hear yourself saying them, but your thoughts and emotions are completely disconnected from your body. The same goes for your movements; this artistic version of you mixes paint absentmindedly.
The man from the painting fully emerges from behind the canvas, revealing his full height. Heâs dressed in jeans and a simple white button-up. His face in the spring daylight looks otherworldly; itâs clear why youâd chosen to paint him in this lighting. Youâre certain that youâve never seen him before, in your real life, but something about him feels familiar. Comfortable. He walks up beside you, peering at his likeness from over your shoulder.
You shift your weight from left to right. âDo you like it?â
He hums. âWellâŠâ
You scoff. âYou can be honest.â
âIâm kidding,â he laughs. Itâs the kind of good-natured laugh thatâs both contagious and friendly.
Youâre about to say something else when he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest.
âYou know I think youâre a genius,â he says softly in your ear. âThatâs one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.â
He presses a kiss to your forehead as you feel your dream fade away to consciousness.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Light passes through a gap in your curtains and warms your face, waking you up from your springtime dream.
You sit up, blinking out the sleep from your eyes.
Your phone is in your hand and Megâs number is dialed before you can even think by yourself.
âHappy New Year, bitch!â Megâs voice chirps over the phone. âWhatâs up?â
âI think I just had a soulmate dream,â you say, breathless.
Silence. Then, her scream peaks the mic on her phone and nearly makes your ears bleed. You wince and move your phone away from your face to put her on speakerphone instead.
âYouâre messing with me!â She shrieks. âThereâs no way!â
âThatâs the thing.â You rub at your temple, as if that will stop the ringing in your ears. âIâm not completely sure. Most people see their partnerâs past memories, right?â
 Thereâs some clicking on her end. âI wouldnât really know, but I can look it up for you.â
âMost soulmate visions involve seeing past memories from your soulmateâs perspective,â she reads. âHowever, at least 20% of soulmate bonds report experiencing a vision of their futures instead. Does this sound like you? Did it seem like you were seeing something from the future?â
âNot unless I suddenly gain enough art skill to become an artist.â
For once, Meg is speechless. âYouâre kidding.â
âNot kidding. I was painting his portrait. A very well done, professional looking portrait.â
âThatâs crazy,â she snorts. Like you, she doesnât even try to entertain the delusion that it could be a future version of yourself. You can barely draw a stick figure. âWell, some people see parallel versions of themselves, apparently?â
âParallel versions?â You echo.
âApparently some pairs claim that they see each other, but in other versions of reality,â she reports. âSounds kind of romantic to me.â
âWhatâs the percentage of that?â
âNo official numbers on it because itâs so rare. Mostly anecdotal stories.â
You snort. âYeah, right. Sorry to get your hopes up. All that soulmate talk before bed probably just made my brain a little overactive.â
Megâs line is quiet. âWell, I donât think we can really rule it out yet.â
You donât let yourself dwell on it. As many soulmate skeptics as there are, thereâs an equal amount of people embellishing stories to try to strongarm others into believing. Youâd believe in the idea of parallel universes when thereâs something more than an online reddit thread to go off of.
âYou can hold out hope. Iâm moving on.â You rack your brain for other topics. âI still have that date tomorrow with that guy, if that makes you feel better.â
Meg floods you with questionsâWhat are you wearing? Where did you decide? Can you send me his profile? You would normally regret opening yourself to too much questioning prior to any date, but youâre just relieved to steer her away from the concept of your soulmate.
The rest of your day goes by normally. Youâre a little more fatigued than usual, but with the day off from work youâre able to finish all of your errands with extra time to rest.
Youâre relaxing in your room as you watch YouTube videos on your TV with a face mask cooling your face. You open your laptop absentmindedly to parse through your emails.
One promotional ad catches your eye â Try a Spring Art Class for Free! You click it; the ad is for a local crafts store that youâd visited for a friendâs birthday gift. The store lists five promotional classes. You hover your cursor over a hyperlink titled Fundamentals of Portrait Drawing.
You nearly slam your laptop closed as you come back to your senses. One beginner class wasnât going to turn you into an artist. You donât have time to balance a whole craft with the demands of your full-time job, anyway.
Your phone vibrates. Itâs Evanâyour second date for tomorrow.
Excited to see you! He texts.
You type back a similarly empty message before turning off your phone. Your first date with him had been fun enough to warrant a second, but you donât expect much this time around. That was a recurring issue Meg didnât let you live downâevery person you talked to seemed to be lacking in at least one area. Your ideal partner needed to be communicative and emotionally intelligent. They also needed to be ambitious with their own goals and community. All while having romantic chemistry with yourself.
Evan was lacking in the communication department, and youâd felt your interest wane since the first date. You wouldnât have even considered the second date if it wasnât for Meg in your ear to nag that your standards were too high. Sometimes, although youâd never admit it out loud, you wondered if you were even capable of a romantic love like that. It seemed too easy for everyone else.
At least your time with Evan would be mindless and relatively expectation-free. With that in mind, you drift off into an easy sleep.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Lips brush against your forehead as light as a feather. âAre you awake?â
You grunt your assent without opening your eyes.
A huff of laughter followed by another peck. âVery convincing.â
You blink your eyes open at that. A pair of dark brown eyes gaze back at you in the dim light. Your heartbeat, already strangely fast for someone asleep, quickens in your chest at the sight.
Itâs the man from the painting. Heâs propped his head up on one arm as he smiles down at you in open affection. His bangs are pushed away from his forehead, although the black hairs still cling slightly to his skin. His bare chest heaves as he breathes in deeply.
You sigh. âSee? Iâm awake.â
He laughs louder this time. His eyes crinkle when he laughs and his smileâhis real smileâexposes a faint pink line of gums over his teeth. You understand why another version of you would be compelled to capture his likeness through art. You couldnât explain it to someone if you tried; thereâs something about his presence thatâs ethereal.
âWhy are you smiling?â He asks.
You kind of look like a rabbit, you want to tease, but, again, youâre unable to move your mouth on its own accord.
âJust looking at you,â your voice responds nonchalantly.
His smile softens at that. He reaches his free arm over and caresses the side of your face. His hand follows the length of your neck before travelling further down your back. Your bare back. It dawns on you that, underneath the silk covers, you are completely naked.
Your breath catches as his hand rests on the curve of your hip. His thumb draws small circles around the skin, which makes the nerves underneath electric to his touch.
âHey now,â you laugh shakily. âWhat are you trying to do?â
He only raises an eyebrow before pressing light kisses down your neck. âWhat do you think?â
Your heart flutters. Against your thoughts, your mouth mutters, âI think Iâm going to be extra tired taking care of the kids tomorrow morning.â
His kisses drift back up and stop with a final peck behind your ear. âIâll look after them in the morning. You sleep in.â
âThat may be the sexiest thing youâve ever said to me.â
He huffs a laugh but pulls away from you.
You lean forward to re-close the space and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. âIâm joking. Whatâs wrong?â
His expression turns thoughtful. âDo you need me to pick up more things around the house? Leave work earlier? I know having two under the age of five is rough alreadyâŠâ
Your heart warms. You run a hand through his hair, smiling as he leans into your touch. âI love you and our kids more than Iâve ever loved anything else. Our life together is perfect.â
He presses a kiss into your open palm. His eyes turn playful. âYou know what could make it more perfect?â
âWhat?â
He catches your lips in his, kissing you deeply. Your lips move against each other in a way thatâs clearly familiarâsoft to the touch but intense enough to take your breath away.
âWell...â He murmurs against your lips in between kisses. âWhat do you say we turn two into three?â
Youâre pulled out of the scene before you can hear yourself respond. Â
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
You hear the wind rattling against your office windows as you leave for the day. Itâs a chore to even get outside in the first place, on account of the wind pushing back on the lobby door. When you finally manage to exit the building, the wind threatens to blow you over with each gust.
You curse under your breath. Itâs just another inconvenience added to today.
Youâd shot out of bed with your heart pounding through your chest. Even someone like you couldnât deny the obvious truth of the situationâyou had officially experienced soulmate visions. While itâs unclear why your visions manifest this way, you cannot ignore the magnetic pull and strange familiarity tugging at your core whenever you see him. Itâs unlike anything youâve experienced before.
And you hate the idea that people might be right; that someoneâs entire universe could halt and re-align at the drop of a hat with no rhyme or reason. Bitterness lines this worldview for youâclearly, you had been able to make a name for yourself without the promise of a fated partner. You love your job, you love your friends, and youâre at peace. All possible because of the time and effort you invested into yourself.
Youâve considered cancelling your date with Evan multiple times to fully sort out your emotions, but you push on. Your date with him feels like something biggerâa loose end that might tie all the chaos in your life together in a cohesive picture.
Evan leans against the brick walls of the restaurant. He straightens his posture as you approach. Heâs much taller than you remember; youâd basically been sitting the entire time during your first date, and honestly youâd begun to forget specific features about him.
âHey!â He grins as he holds the door open for you. âHow have you been?â
âPretty decent, all things considered,â you say as you duck under his arm. âSame old stuff.â
He laughs at thatâa little too hard, considering what you said was not meant to be funny at all. âCome on. Nothing exciting on your side of the city?â
Yeah, let me tell you about the sensual yet also incredibly domestic dream I had about another man, you think. Heâs probably my soulmate too, by the way.
âThat weather is probably the most exciting thing about my week,â you lie with a pinched smile.
Evan lets out a laugh thatâs again too loud as he pulls out your chair for you.
Throughout all of the small talk and pleasantries, you canât really fault Evan for anything specific. Heâs polite, relatively cute, and likeable. He actively listens and remembers the small details from your stories while also contributing to the conversation. He also seems really into you; his gaze lingers on your features and hangs on to every word you say.
You try to be an attentive date, but your mind keeps drifting elsewhere. You order another drink, but each sip of alcohol seems to make your mind swirl away even farther.
What do you say we make two into three?
Considering you donât have a serious partner, you hadnât thought about the possibility of kids in a long time. The caring tone that he used towards you still makes your heart race when you think about it.
Our life together is perfect.
Your own voice feels like a weapon stabbing at you over and over. Itâs one thing to exist in these visions already; experiencing them without free will seems to shove all the possible outcomes down your throat. Is there really someone out there that can make you feel that way?
âReady to head out?â
You snap back into attention as Evan stands by, waiting to pull your chair out for you. You appreciate his acts of chivalry even when you donât deserve it.
Partially out of guilt, you let him take your hand as he walks with you through some nearby Christmas lights that the city has failed to take down. The atmosphere is perfect; thereâs hardly any other people nearby, the weather has calmed down, and your date is kind and attentive.
Yet everything still feels wrong.
When you draw closer to your initial meeting point, he strokes the top of your hand with his thumb. âMay I kiss you?â
Under normal circumstances, you would not kiss him right now. But another part of you urges you to try it. You technically know Evan more than the mystery man from your dreams. The likelihood of you feeling something with him should be just as high.
You nod with a swallow. Evan leans forward and presses his lips to yours. It moves too quickly, at firstâheâs so nervous that he nearly misses your mouth, and youâre so on edge that you almost forget to reciprocate.
All to say that your first real kiss in forever is a complete dud. You move your lips mindlessly and calmly against his until you withdraw with a polite smile. Evan, for his part, looks mesmerized.
âThanks for today,â you say with a smile.
âIâŠâ He runs a hand through his hair. âMy offer to drive is still on the table, you know. I could drive you back to your place. Or mine.â
Your stomach drops. âIââ
You must have a look on your face because Evan cuts you off before you can say anything else. âIâm just joking.â
Itâs not a joke, clearly, but you accept the out. âI have some errands to run, and I donât want to make you go all over the place for me.â
âRight,â Evan says after a pause.
The moment lingers another beat too long.
âToday was a lot of fun,â you lie. âIâll talk to you later!â
You turn on your heel and walk away casually until you turn the corner. Then, you duck into the nearest convenience store and call an Uber.
Later, you hear the disappointment dripping from Megâs voice.
âNo, it was the right call to do what was comfortable for you,â she hums. âBut did you really have to be thinking about your soulmate the entire time?â
âItâs hard not to when I just found out that I actually have one!â You frown, as if she can see you. âI tried.â
âI know,â Meg sighs. âWell, letâs hope you see him in your dreams again soon.â
An entire month passes. Specifics about the contours of your soulmateâs face and details of his body start to blur from your memory, but what you remember most is the kindness dancing in his eyes. The care in which he spoke about you and your little family. You fall asleep early each night in anticipation only to be let down in the morning.
Instead, it happens next on an irrelevant day. Your shoes are kicked off after a long day of work, and youâre halfway across your living room when a bright light sears behind your eyelids. You throw yourself onto the couch with what little consciousness you have left before plunging into darkness.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Meg brushes a stray hair into place. âThere you go.â
The soft tones of a piano drift through the glass doors in front of you. You see the blur of a crowd outside, although itâs hard to discern through the frosted glass panes.
âDoes everything look okay?â Your throat feels tight and your voice comes out breathy.
âBeautiful.â
âIâm scared,â you hear yourself whisper. âWhat if Iâm believing in soulmates too blindly?â
Meg snorts. âA little late for that, donât you think? If anything, youâre giving me the hope that Iâll meet my person. The two of you are absolutely disgusting together; if this doesnât work out then all the rest of us are fucked.â
You donât respond.
Meg rolls her eyes, tugging your arm to turn you to the left. A floor length mirror leans against the wall. It contains a lettered seating chart for all your guests with some names familiar and some foreign. You swallow at your reflection through the text.
It's truly an image out of a dream. Fabric drapes and hugs you in the ways youâve always wanted. Your bouquet is made of elegant white flowers apart from a few blossoms popping out in shades of light pink. Youâd so long put romance in the back of your mind that itâs jarring to see yourself like this. You smile at your reflection, embodying the image of elegance.
âItâs time then,â your voice rings, more confident than before.
The doors open in front of you, causing the crowd outside to rise from their seats. The piano transitions into a slow melody. The flower girl, waiting by the entrance with her mother, steps a few paces in front of you to begin dropping pink petals.
You walk down the aisle with your head held high. If youâre still shaken by your cold feet minutes prior, it doesnât show anymore.
Youâre not surprised to see a familiar lean figure at the end of the aisle. You are surprised, however, when he sees you for the first time.
His face lights up in pure elation. His smile broadens so big and wide that his gums peek out a little. Thereâs a light shine to his eyes that makes your heart clench. Itâs as much your reaction as it is for this version of you. Itâs almost too much to bear. He already looks ridiculously handsome in his wedding tuxedo, but the open emotion in his face (for you) makes him all the more mesmerizing.
You stop in front of him. This version of you has grown a little shy; your face warms as you raise your eyes up slowly to meet his.
You barely hear the officiant over the sound of your pounding heart. Itâs only once the vows start that you catch whatâs being said. What heâs saying.
âOne thing I want to start off with is saying that we werenât supposed to meet that day. I was helping my best friend, Taeyong, who was too hungover to pick up his phone that heâd left at a girlâs houseâŠâ
Thereâs a slight pause as a chuckle passes through the crowd. One groomsmanâpresumably Taeyongârolls his eyes with a smile. Itâs clearly a story that everyone knows well.
âThe last thing I ever expected was for the girlâs very cute roommate to open the door. Let alone have the realization that they were the soulmate Iâd been seeing in my dreams.â His eyes lift up, sparkling and happy. âMeeting you that day changed the entire course of my life. You are the best thing to happen to meâŠmy best friend, confidant, and greatest love. Your love and endless faith make me a better man. I promise to protect you and be there by your side when things get hard. I promise to show up for you in all of the little momentsânot just the big ones. I choose to love you in this lifetime and all the others that may be. I love you.â
You feel your mouth moving, but your mind races from the realization. This lifetime. All the others that may be.
This, like the dream of yourself as an artist, was not your life. Was Meg right? Were these glimpses into other versions of yourself?
Youâd been completely different in the first vision. There is no chance of you becoming an advanced artist at this point, thatâs for sure. The second dream had no identifying differences, other than the fact that you had two children with this man. This version of you seemed more like yourself, but Meg was the biggest outlier. She clearly hadnât met David and doesnât even fully believe in soulmates. Â Additionally, youâd been out of college for yearsâmeeting him during school could not be a future possibility. Soulmate visions of other universes seemed so rare and far-fetched that youâd found it easy to dismiss it as a tall tale, but you didnât know what else could explain this.
âIâŠâ You startle back into this reality as you speak your own name. ââŠvow to take you, Doyoung, as my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.â
Doyoung, you think as he slips the ring onto your finger. I finally know his name.
âBy the power vested in me by the support of this community and strength of your love, I now pronounce you wed. You may kiss.â
Doyoung squares his shoulders to yours. Heâs a little too stiff in the movement, which makes you giggle. The sound of your laugh relaxes a smile to his face. He tilts your chin up with his hand so that your eyes meet his.
âI love you,â he whispers before pulling you, finally, into a deep kiss.
His lips are velvet soft and fit perfectly to yours. The crowd erupts into whoops and cheers that begin to fade into the background.
Not now, you think, distantly. It would be nice to stay here. For a while.
Youâre pulled out against your will. You let yourself be lost in Doyoungâs touch until the end.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
You type and erase strings of characters on your phone.
ââŠI enjoyed our time together, but I think we should see other people,â you read aloud. âToo dramatic?â
Meg waves a hand dismissively. âWho cares? Youâre not seeing him again.â
âHeâs a nice guy, Meg.â
âHeâs boring, and youâre being toonice,â she replies. âJust send it.â
You do a quick onceover of your message before pressing the send button. You immediately turn your phone off and flip it upside down.
âNow that was dramatic.â
You glare at Meg from your position on your couch. She sits on the other side, scrolling through something on her laptop.
âSo!â She says with a flourish. âWhatâs the plan?â
ââŠThe plan?â
 âDo you want to meet Doyoung?â
Youâd had a handful more soulmate visions since learning Doyoungâs name. Your lives together spanned endless locations intertwined with different professionsâfrom what you gathered from your visions, other versions of you had met Doyoung through school, work, and even a particularly strange meet-cute of being his regular barista. The peek into these various lifetimes left you curious and a little bit weary; each subsequent vision was harder to leave than before, and youâd experienced so many that slipping in and out of these other realities felt like second nature.
Without fail, however, Doyoung stays the same. Each version contains the same kindhearted nature youâd glimpsed ever since the first. Youâve never seen the same version of Doyoung twice, but you feel like youâve known him your entire life.
Yet even so, the idea of hunting down your Doyoung sends a wave of uncertainty through you. It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.
âIâŠdonât know if I want to meet him,â you admit out loud.
You expect the worst reaction from Megâa shriek, gasp, or even straight up shoutingâbut instead, she purses her lips. âWhy?â
âIâm not sure heâll be very impressed with me,â you say. You try to pick up your phone to look busy, but you glimpse Evanâs name on your screen instead.
Thanks for letting me know. I hope you findâ
You put your phone back down.
Meg stares at you. âYou think heâs going to be unimpressed because you have your shit together?â
âWellââ
âWhat if heâs a loser?â
âHeâs not!â You shriek. In truth, you have no idea what your Doyoung does or where he is.
âThen what do you know about the Doyoung here thatâs so larger than life?â
You donât answer.
Understanding flickers across Megâs face. She groans. âYou didnât even look him up?!â
You cross your arms. âI donât think I want to know.â
âYouâre so impossible,â she types furiously into her computer. âDoâŠyoungâŠâ
You roll your eyes. âLike youâre gonna find him by googling his first name only.â
âItâs unique enough,â she protests, whirling her laptop screen around toward you. She wiggles her eyebrows. âImagine if a guy this hot appeared in your dreams?â
Everything muscle in your body freezes. A strangled noise rips out of your throat.
Megâs jaw drops, and she looks between you and the screen with open disbelief. âYouâre fucking shitting me right now.â
Doyoungâs picture smiles at you clear as day from Megâs laptop. Singer and Actor.
Wordlessly, you reach over and click the images tab. Pictures of Doyoungâyour Doyoungâflood the entire page. Heâs photographed in various styles, even modeling with big brands. Youâd known that he was ridiculously good-looking, but you hadnât expected something like this. You even recognize his friends Taeyong and Johnny that youâd seen in some visions; theyâre clearly friends in this universe too, seeing as theyâre posing in many group pictures together.
âThatâs himâŠâ you whisper.
âHoly shit.â Meg regains her senses and starts clicking through different website links rapidly. âHoly shit, dude! Heâs famous!â
âI can see that!â You say as panic rises up your chest. Of all the perfectly normal Doyoungs youâd seen, your Doyoung had to be a celebrity?
âI was going to tell you to find him anyway, but this is insane!â More clicking. Meg shows you a digital tour poster that reads NCT 127 â THE MOMENTUM. âDude. Theyâre touring. Iâm buying tickets.â
Your head spins. Youâd meet him by buying tickets amongst all of his fans. Your soulmate has a fanbase.
âDonât,â you choke out.
âHow else are you going to find him? Stalk him?â
Sheâs right. Regardless, you feel tears pricking in the corners of your eyes. Your voice comes out so quiet that itâs barely audible. âIâm scared.â
Megâs expression softens. She sets her laptop aside as she envelops you into a hug. âI know. Let me just buy the tickets for you for now, and then we can think about it more. Itâs in two months, so you have some time.â
You nod with a sniffle.
âBesides,â Meg smiles as she pulls back. âAll of your visions have pretty much been sickly sweet, right? I doubt anything will change now.â
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Doyoung pulls you out of a restaurant through a gathering crowd. Flashes go off all around you.
Most of the group is made up of women shoving their cameras in your faces while completely hiding their own. Thereâs a slight murmur amongst them thatâs still eerily quiet.
You pull the brim of your hat down lower, the fabric of your mask higher as you try to shield yourself from the attention.
Security opens the door to the black SUV first, ushering Doyoung inside first. Itâs a brief pause thatâs long enough for a fan to get you within her sights while security is distracted.
âUgly whore!â She screams as she arches her arm back. You react too late as a plastic cup hits the back of your head. A cold liquid drenches you starting from your face and drips down your entire shirt.
You stand there in shock. Flashes and shutters sound off rapidly around you. The only thing that moves you, finally, is the security staff member physically lifting you into the backseat. The door slams after you, drowning you in silence.
The driver turns to hand you a towel, which you accept with trembling hands.
âLooks like our whereabouts got leaked, again,â you laugh, but the sound falls flat into the silence.
Doyoungâs eyes rake over your appearance. His expression contorts into hurt.
You want to massage the deep frown from his face, but you can already feel the tears threatening to surface. Instead, you dab at your clothing to dry what you can. The fan must have thrown a soft drink of some kind, since the drink leaves behind a sticky residue on your clothing and skin.
Doyoung looks like heâs on the brink of tears himself. âThis is my fault,â he says simply.
You expect your voice to come out weepy, but it comes out hard instead. âItâs not.â
âIt is.â
âItâs not! This is the work of people who donât understand boundaries! You should be able to enjoy your free time without being stalked!â
Itâs clearly a point of contention thatâs been hashed out before. He settles into silence for the entire drive. The car eventually stops in front of a high rise building that the two of you walk into together. Itâs clearly your shared apartment, traces of him and you strewn throughout the space.
âYou should go shower and clean yourself off,â he says absentmindedly as he types something into his phone. âIâm going to make a quick call.â
You still hear Doyoungâs voice through the door when you emerge from the shower.
âRight. I was just hopingâŠ.yeah, youâre right. Iâll talk toâŠNo, that wonât be necessary. Thanks.â
 You pull on your clothes and exit your bathroom into your master bedroom in the most nonchalant way you can manage. You falter still when you see Doyoung sitting at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.
You join him on the edge of the bed. âDoyoung?â
He looks up at you; his eyes are rimmed with red. âHey.â
âYou talked to your manager? How was it?â Â
âAs expected,â Doyoung says while avoiding your gaze.
âIs your company going to take any action?â
He frowns, then takes a deep breath. âThey said theyâll do what they can.â
âWhich means?â
âJust that. Theyâll âdo what they can,ââ Doyoung's voice drips with sarcasm, âbut itâs unlikely to actually deter anyone. These things might still happen to you as long as youâre with me.â
As long as youâre with me. Alarm bells ring in your head.
âDonât.â The you of this reality must pick up something more because your concern swiftly rushes into anger. âI know this fuck-ass company is recommending you some fuck-ass solution. I thought we said that we would handle this together. We survived the leaked photos in the mediaâwe can handle this.â
Doyoung doesnât look at you. âItâs my idea.â
For the first time, the weight of this realityâs emotions flood over your own. You feel her shock down to your core, which is quickly replaced by raw heart ache. Your throat is so tight that youâre barely able to choke out the words. âOkay. Say it, then.â
âI canât keep watching this happen to you because of who I am. Thereâs still three years before my contract ends. Who would want to go through any of this for that long?â
âI would,â you say quietly, âI will for you. What we have is too special to throw it all away.â
âI canât let you do that.â Doyoungâs shaking his head. âItâs not fair to you.â
âWho decides whatâs fair to me? Isnât that my choice?â You snap, your temper flaring up again. âItâs pretty unfair that youâre disregarding my entire opinion in this.â
âWeâre soulmates,â he murmurs. âMeaning you felt a biological pull when we met.â
Your heart drops. âWhat the hell are you saying?â
 âYou didnât have much of a choice but to be drawn to me. Despite my lifestyle.â
âYou donât believe that. You believe in soulmates more than anyone.â
He avoids your eyes by opting to stare at the ceiling instead. âWell, maybe Iâm starting to think differently.â
âSo this is it, then?" Your voice trembles. âAfter all it took to just find each other in the first place?â
âIâm leaving tonight." He still doesn't meet your eyes. "This apartment is yours, but I wonât be coming back.â
Youâre still absorbing his words when he rises toward the door.
âDoyoung.â Your voice is laced with despair. Still, you force out the words. âSay you donât want me.â
âWhat?â His brow furrows.
You stalk after him, only stopping when your noses are nearly touching. âSay you donât want me. Say that all of this was a mistake, and you donât need us anymore. If youâre going to end it like this then you need to take ownership of it.â
Doyoung's mouth flattens and his bottom lip quivers. He takes a deep breath before exhaling and meeting your gaze. âWe might be soulmates, but I no longer think that we belong together in this life. I wish the best for you, and the best for both of us is separating.â
Itâs the worst he could say. Agony swirls in your chest. You collapse to the ground in a mess of sobs before heâs even left, but he continues out the door without looking back.
This version of you haunts the rooms of your house in a broken haze. You take to combing through every drawer, cabinet, and shelf as you search for anything that belongs to Doyoung. Nothing is safe; everything from clothing to picture frames get thrown onto the ground between bouts of hysterical crying.
Internally, panic courses through you. Youâve never felt stuck in a vision like this. Or felt the emotions of a vision so strongly. Everything about this vision is too real; this version of you feels everything so poignantly that you struggle to differentiate between your emotions and the emotions of this reality. You can barely think for yourself. Every sob comes equally from your soul.
Finally, when itâs deep into the night and your eyes canât swell up any further from crying, youâre released from this nightmare. The you of this reality is left alone in a dreamless sleep.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Thatâs only the first of a month-long string of visions. Youâre thrown into visions at least once every day. They change between elated moments of intimacy to tormenting heartbreak at the flip of a coin. Destined to be together one day, doomed to fail the next. It gives you karmic whiplash.
The hardest part is dealing with the other versions of you. Itâs increasingly difficult to separate your thoughts and emotions from whichever reality youâve entered. Sometimes you stay so long that you think that youâll be trapped in another body forever. Even when you finally return, all of the emotions follow you out.
After the latest nightmare, you wake up gasping for air. Not real, you remind yourself. You dig a nail into your palm until it bleeds, just to confirm that youâre in control of this body. Not my Doyoung.
You rub the sleep out of your eyes, pausing as the back of your hand comes back wet. God, were you crying?
Shaking your head, you get up despite the heavy ache of your muscles. Your neck is so tight that you feel like it could snap off your shoulders.
Your phone lists a barrage of text and missed call notifications from Meg. A series from an hour ago that starts with a brunch request and ends with Iâm coming over.
Sure enough, Meg sits at your dining table. Thereâs some take out containers on the table in front of her along with two cups of coffee.
âSorry I missed your calls,â you sigh while taking your seat across from her. âVisions.â
Her eyes scan over everything from the deep bags under your eyes to the gaunt lines underneath your cheekbones. You ignore it and bite into a piece of toast.
âIâm worried about you,â Meg says.
You grunt and take a swig of coffee. âWhy?â
âYou look like you havenât slept in ages.â
Your tone comes out too harsh. âWell, no one told me that soulmate visions during nighttime actually take away from any REM sleep. Iâve been having them almost every night for the past, you know, two months, so I donât think Iâve really slept in a while.â
âI never really had many,â Meg mumbles from her spot. âSo I didnât know.â
âSorry.â You know that youâre behaving like a colossal asshole, but you canât help it. Youâre haunted by what could come next. Visions of Doyoung plague you night and day. You still have yet to achieve full autonomy within a vision, which means that youâre trapped inside anotherâs body as you witness interactions that you will never haveâdifferent people, different universes, and different outcomes. Itâs terrifying.
âThere is a way to end it,â Meg starts again. âI have the tickets.â
You tighten your hand on your cup. âNo.â
âWhy not?â
You slam your hand down on the table. âBecause sometimes it doesnât work out, Meg!â
Her eyes widen.
âIâve seen so many universes where it does work, but Iâve seen the pain and hurt thatâs possible when it doesnât,â you continue. âI love him in all of them, but better versions of me still fail to make it work. Thereâs no way that I stand a chance when Doyoungâs literally an idol with a million options at his fingertips.â
âYou never know,â she reminds you softly. âHe could be seeing you too, for all we know.â
âAnd with his infinite number of resources, heâs never tried to find me?â
That shuts her up.
âIâm starting to lose it, Meg,â your voice is barely louder than a hush. âI donât know whatâs real and whatâs not half of the time because of these visionsâitâs like my soul is fighting to be outside of this reality. Isnât that a sign? All these other versions of me have so much more to offer. Iâm the worst version of myself, and heâs the best.â
Meg reaches to grab your hand. âYouâre not the worst. Not even by a landslide. Your soul is just trying to be helpful by showing your amazing connection.â
âFor this life itâs only an amazing outcome for me,â you say, sourness oozing back into your voice. âI canât do that to him.â
âYou canât do this to yourself, either. Have you considered that youâre already doing something to him?â
This time, sheâs lost you. âWhat do you mean?â
Meg sighs, a sure sign of her patience finally running out with you. âThereâs no way in hell that heâs not experiencing some sort of vision himself. Isnât that worse for him, since heâs touring? Youâre probably disturbing his practice and rest time.â                                                        Â
Youâve been so caught up in living these alternate lives that, admittedly, you hadnât considered the insane work demands of an idol. For all you know, he could be experiencing all of these visions at the same time. You had no way of knowing if your Doyoung was also witnessing everything without a chance to speak for himself.
 âItâs definitely worse for him,â you mumble.
âExactly! And whatâs the way to relieve you both of this? Meeting! Taking the chance of this concert in our city to let you both free!â
You hang your head in your hands. âWhy do I have to ambush him like that? Isnât that a lot?â
âYouâŠâ Meg stabs a finger in your direction. ââŠare not a celebrity.â
âThanks for the reminder.â
âDoyoungâŠâ Meg pulls up the promotional images of him to show you on her phone. ââŠis an idol with crazy fans. He doesnât know where to find you. Iâm more than sure he has fans all up in his DMs claiming to be his soulmate on the daily. This is the only way you wonât get tackled by his security guards.â
You consider it. Even if he was guaranteed to not want you, even if he is universes above your league, you could at least free the both of you from these relentless interruptions.
Iâll miss it, a small part of you thinks. Being able to feel what we could be. What we are, just in different lives.
You push those thoughts to the back of your head. âFine. Letâs end it.â
âFinally,â Meg exhales.
âYou do realize that weâll have to fight all of these fans to be as close as possible, right?â
âDonât worry,â your friend says with an evil smile. âI have my ways.â
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Meg lives up to her word. After a series of begging and bribes to other fans, youâre at barricade on the far right. To your horror, sheâs brought a sign with your name on it in bright neon green letters. Youâd try to dissuade her, since thereâs no guarantee that Doyoungâs even seen you in visions, let alone heard your name, but she refused to back down.
âMaybe itâs so strange that itâll catch one of their eyes,â she argues.
Itâs certainly catching the eyes of other concertgoers, who glare at you.
Past the surrounding people, you find it hard to remove your anxiety from the situation. Youâd tried to influence the tone of your visions leading up to the concert by consuming NCT 127 variety content and their overall discography. In reality, it made the visions worse. Watching Doyoungâs public image in action grated at your psyche; instead of heartwarming, it reminded you painfully of the talent disparity between you two. Not only did it make your visions more taxing, but it also made them more likely to occur. With any hope, even if he didnât see you, you wouldnât go unconscious into a soulmate vision. Â
Your heart hums with anticipation as the lights dim and the low bass reverberates through your body. The monitor displays a brief, pre-recorded video of the members wearing and removing gas masks. The scene switches to the faces of the six members in a row. You lock onto Doyoungâs image on the screen.
The fans around you scream at the top of their lungs. Your ears ring and numb your senses. Amidst all of the energy you suddenly feel a panicked flush of shame.
Had you really paid this much money for this experience based on what could be hallucinations? Wasnât it a littleâŠegotistical to assume a man at this unattainable level of fame could be your soulmate?
You swallow the lump in your throat as the big screen splits to reveal the members standing in glass boxes. The box closest to you is Jungwoo on the far-right side of the stage. Your eyes scan down the line, skipping over Mark, Yuta, Johnny, thenâ
Doyoung
Your first kiss, different every time, yet always leaving sweet fulfillment.
Torn apart by circumstances outside your control.
Finding each other despite all odds.
A soft breeze as you say I do.
Kids, seemingly in every timelineâ
Itâs as if the world stops. You nearly fall over in place as memories flood your head. Theyâre both yours and not; movies of past livesâtogether, good and badâsuperimpose over the other. Itâs much, much more than what youâve experienced in your visions. No one has properly prepared you for the feeling. Your head spins and throbs as the memories tuck and cram themselves into any available space.
Itâs as physical as it is emotional. Your body writhes as your head feels like it will explode at any second. Youâre panicked, overrun by the happiness and sorrow and confusion clouding your judgment. You canât even tell which of these emotions are yours or theirs. The bright, flashing lights make it so much worse. Bile climbs up your throat before you force it back down with a swallow.
âHey!â Meg pulls at your forearm. âAre you alright?â
ââŠYeah,â you stammer, gasping for air.
She pats the top of your hand, which is paling from the intense grip on the barricade metal. You release your hands and rub at your tender palms.
She processes your appearance for a brief moment before her eyes widen. âNo way.â
You nod, too exhausted to reply.
âWe were right? Holy shit!â She screams, which ignites the searing pain behind your eyes.
You sway a little. âDid he react at all?â
âI couldnât tell because of the smoke,â she frowned. âIt seemed like he came out a little late.â
Doyoung performs on the stage in front of you. He doesnât seem disoriented in the slightest. You do notice his eyes flit over the crowd occasionally, but it seems in line with what the other members are doing.
She quickly drapes your arm over her shoulders to stabilize you. âSo what, now is the time for the sign?â
You donât answer; regardless, she unfurls the poster. Her attempt to massage out the wrinkles are largely unnecessaryâitâs already past the point of no returnâbut you can appreciate the effort. Youâre barely able to stand up without her help.
Nearly half of the concert passes without any progress. Doyoung has stayed mostly away from your side of the stage, and when he is on your side his line of vision seems to skip right over you.
âHow does he not fucking see you?â Meg shouts.
You shrug. Strangely enough, this is the most relaxed youâve felt in weeks. Itâs as if all of your usual nerves have left straight on vacation.
All the snippets of memories are too much to sort through now, but thereâs now two sentiments that are finally crystal clear to you throughout all lifetimes.
First: Doyoung must want you too. Either of you can choose to not pursue this connection.
Second: If it is meant to be, love will find a way.
Clearly, your Doyoung exists in an entirely different plane of existence from you. Sure, you might be soulmates, but that didnât mean that he would choose you. That was his right, as was yours. At this point, youâre ready to accept any outcome.
Still, when the unit has transitioned to a series of ballads, you feel a flicker of annoyance. While your chances of being with him are slim to none, a small part of you craves that acknowledgement.
Canât Help Myself, your favorite from the album, starts playing. Youâve thrown all expectation to the wind and start singing to the lyrics, even as Doyoung crosses back to your side of the stage.
Meg, on the other hand, raises the sign even higher while she screams Doyoungâs name in a way that is completely inappropriate to the tone of the song. Itâs incredibly embarrassing but also endearing.
Youâre half-laughing, half-cringing, until it works. Doyoungâs eyes rake over the sign, squint at Meg, then drift over from her to lock onto you.
Mine, your mind says.
Doyoung collapses onstage.
Youâre even less prepared for this than you were before. The memories return and suppress all other thoughts. The terrified cries and shock of the crowd completely overtake your senses. Itâs all too much.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your body folds over the barricade and hangs there like a ragdoll.
âHELP!â Megâs voice screams over all the others. âPLEASE, MY FRIEND NEEDS SOME HELP!â
You feel someone grasp your shoulders and pluck your body out of the crowd. Then, you lose consciousness.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Doyoung sits on your living room carpet with your daughter in his lap. He flips through the thick pages of a childrenâs picture book, sounding out words for her and pointing at each picture.
You stare at his side profile. Youâre not under any other will; youâre completely you, from the present day, down to the neon green outfit. The same version of you thatâs presumably passed out at his concert. Most importantly, visions should stop once youâve finally seen your soulmate in person. You shouldnât be here at all. Â
âWhatâs wrong, my love?â Doyoung mumbles.
You startle. Then, you blurt: âAre you real?â
He laughs softly. âAm I real?â
Cautiously, you settle down to sit on the floor next to him. He says nothing, stroking your daughterâs hair as he waits for you to speak first.
The fact that you can speak unsettles you. After months of visions, why is this the vision that lets you have full autonomy? Why in a moment like this, with Doyoung and your daughter relaxing in the living room?
âHow did we meet?â You ask suspiciously.
He raises an eyebrow, but answers regardless. âThrough work.â
âWhich is?â
Thankfully, heâs much more patient. âWell, I was a trainee,â he starts, âand you were about midway through your rookie year.â
Your mind goes completely blank. âMe, an idol?â
Your daughter rests her head in Doyoungâs lap, eyelids fluttering with sleepiness. Doyoung puts a finger up to his lips.
âAm I your soulmate?â you ask in a lower tone, even though you already know the answer.
âYes.â
âWas it always obvious that we would end upâŠlike this? Together?â
He snorts. âWe broke up after I didnât debut.â
Your heart stops. âYou didnât become an idol?â
âWe were broken up for six months before you reached out to me again.â His slightly sour expression softens. âYou were going through a lot of things at the time. Thereâs no resentment there. You asked me for a month to get to know each other again as friends, then the rest is history.â
âWerenât you mad that I ditched you once I debuted?â
âNo.â He thinks for a moment. âMaybe at first. We all know that line of work is demanding, and you continued to show up after we worked everything out. You proved to me that youâd choose us over everything, and we havenât looked back since.â
âChoose this, choose thatâŠâ You grumble as irritation pricks at you. Then, you hang your head back and wail like a child. âIâm so confused! I donât know what all these visions are trying to tell meâŠâ
Doyoung doesnât respond.
âIâm not sure where I end and their memories and feelings begin,â you confess, as if this Doyoung will know what youâre talking about. âTheyâre not really mine, but they feel like a part of me. Iâm scared that Iâm getting swept away by the soulmate bond. How am I supposed to choose? What if the skeptics are right, and this whole thing has been a physiological or psychological reaction that can be explained by science?â
You expect him to be offended; by now, you know that his deep belief in destiny and timing are at the core of his being.
Instead, he says, âWhat if it is?â
You blink. âI donât think a soulmate is supposed to say that.â
âWell, when weâve talked about this before, it always comes down to the same last questions.â He thinks for a moment. âSay we get to the end of our lives and find out that the concept of âsoulmateâ can just be explained as a physical reaction. Will you feel like you wasted your time? Your life?â
âGod.â Your eyes flit to your sleeping daughter. âThatâs heavy.â
Doyoung shrugs. âThatâs kind of what it boils down to. What do you want to happen, regardless of fate?â
âI donât know. I just want to be happy.â
âI see,â he says noncommittally. Doyoungâs expression is neutral. Your daughter has other ideas as she whimpers a soft cry in her sleep, which prompts him to pick up your child and cuddle her in his arms. âDo you think I can make you happy?â
The sight makes your heart clench. It triggers an ache for a life that isnât yours; you feel guilty for intruding on this version of life. This Doyoung doesnât belong to you.
You open your mouth to reply, but the dream lightens and fades around you. This Doyoung smiles at you one last time before youâre ripped out of this reality.
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
Doyoungâs first soulmate vision occurs on his eighteenth birthday. Itâs something that he canât forget even if he tries. A dream of the two of you, childhood best friends, experiencing the flutter of a first kiss. He remembers the shyness in your face along with the grounded sense of familiarity; even at eighteen, he feels that heâs known you for his entire life.
Doyoung holds your existence close to his chest. Heâs already teased enough for being a romantic as it is, and he treasures your connection too much to let others weigh in. Itâs only deep into his trainee period that he even divulges anything to Taeyong and Johnny in the late hours of the night.
Visions of you shimmer in and out of his life in ephemeral flashes. Sometimes youâre the only thing holding him together when his throat burns from vocal training and his muscles ache from dancing. He clings to the borrowed memories from these other lives like a promise. Thereâs no doubt in Doyoung's mind that your life will touch his eventuallyâitâs not if, itâs when.
Then his visions stop right before the tour. Youâve been such a constant in his life for the past decade that the absence of you leaves a gaping hole behind. He misses you. Heâs always tried to find you, but with only your first name to go off itâs nearly impossible. Added onto the fact that, as an idol, maintaining his privacy is of the utmost importance. He doesnât want to even think about the entities that would exploit the knowledge of Kim Doyoungâs soulmate.Â
He retains his professionalism while panicking on the side. What did it mean for his visions to disappear? The disappearance on New Yearâs Eve specifically feels like an omenâDoyoung swears to himself that heâll find you once and for all when the tour ends. All his performances are dedicated in his heart to you and your safety.
So when he registers a poster with only your name on it, he can hardly believe his eyes. The girl attached to the poster is certainly not you, so he keeps looking.Â
When Doyoung sees you for the first timeâfinally, sees you in this life for the first timeâall he feels is relief and elation. You found him.
Then a wave of nausea overtakes him, and he collapses on stage.Â
After the fact, staff tell him that he laid unconscious for ten minutes. To him, he spends lifetimes.Â
Heâs inundated with visions of this reality, for once. Doyoung sits through the nightmares with you and sees your health deteriorate with each one. It pains him to see you so overwhelmed. Sure, he had the occasional vision where the two of you didnât work out, but ten years had given him more than enough time to parse through the philosophical questions of it all. He canât imagine experiencing this sudden influx so late or needing to decide so quickly. Thereâs a rush of guilt in knowing that youâve experienced far more negative visions of him than positive.
Itâs his first time seeing you in this universe, too. Youâre different from all the other versions, of course, but the core things that make up your identity are as clear to him as ever. Your ambition and drive to make things work despite all odds. Your tenacity. Your deep loyalty and care to your loved ones.Â
Doyoung feels at peace. Itâs still you.
He wakes up with the wide eyes of the staff all around him. They immediately have someone check him out, and even the medic is perplexed when his only symptom is a mild headache.Â
âSo strange,â he frowns. âSomeone in the front row of the crowd fainted around the same time.â
Doyoung's heart races. âAre they alright?â
âI believe the patient is being held in one of the medical tents.âÂ
When heâs cleared to perform, Doyoung pops a painkiller, drinks some water, and adjusts his outfit to go out there and finish the show. Before he leaves, however, he pulls his manager aside to whisper some instructions in his ear. He raises an eyebrow but then nods.
Be there soon, Doyoung thinks as he runs to join the others.
Doyoung leaves it all out on the stage. Itâs his best, most earnest performance to date.
Itâs easier than usual to slip away from the main group, since todayâs show had been particularly exhausting. Most of them assumed that Doyoung felt sick and told him to go rest. Itâs only Johnny who eyes him sidelong, but he doesnât say anything in the moment as he heads out to eat.
Doyoungâs heart beats wildly in his chest as he paces in front of your hotel room. Heâd met Meg, thanked her for the sign, and questioned her relentlessly on your condition. Meg, from what he could tell, seemed amused as she answered each of his questions. No, you werenât awake. Yes, the medic said all of your vitals were normal. Yes, it was likely just a fainting spell similar to his own. Yes, you would probably want to see him.
Meg emerges from the hotel room with a nod. Doyoungâs chest tightens as he takes a deep breath to open the door.Â
Youâre sitting upright in one of the hotel beds while focusing on alarm clock next to your nightstand.Â
âMeg, this is much nicer than something youâd usually chooseââ You stop mid-sentence as you turn your head to find Doyoung in Megâs place instead. âDoyoung.âÂ
Sure, heâs heard you say his name before but hearing it in the flesh makes goosebumps prick up along the surface of his skin. âHi,â he breathes your name out loud for the first time.
Your expression is wide and dazed in shock as you stare at him. âIs this a vision? Or am I dead?âÂ
He feels tension between his shoulder blades relax as he laughs. âWeâre both very much alive. Together,â he adds at the last minute.
You look down at your hands. â...I see.âÂ
Your sudden shyness reminds him so much of his first soulmate vision that he wants to gather you into his arms and never let go. Instead, he asks. âHow are you feeling?â
âBetter,â you pause. âHow were you after collapsing?â
âI was only out for a bit, then I woke up pretty much good as new.â He leaves out the part about seeing your entire soulmate realization journey. âDid you see any vision while out?â He sits in the hotel-provided office chair and rolls it forward so heâs hovering next to your side of the bed.
You grow shy again, this time at his proximity. âI did.âÂ
âMe too,â he admits. âItâs hard to believe that we wonât see any more.âÂ
You snort. âNot that we saw them for very long to begin with.âÂ
Doyoungâs breath catches. He knew the differences between your visions but explaining it out loud to you in person feels extremely different. â...I actually saw my first one just over ten years ago.âÂ
âTen years ago?â You nearly shout.
âFrequency of them is on and off, but I started getting them when I was eighteen.âÂ
He watches your face twist in different expressions as you process the information. Shock and confusion appear first before it settles into something resembling guilt. He lets you get lost in thought. To Doyoung this is just a part of his story that heâs long since accepted, but he knows all of this is brand new for you.
When you finally speak, itâs something that he doesnât expect. âIâm sorry!â You blurt out. âI hope you know that I donât expect anything from you.âÂ
He tilts his head in confusion. âExpect anything from me?â
âI wouldâve tried to find you even if you werenât famous,â youâre talking so fast now that your mouth can barely keep up. âIâm not trying to take advantage of your fame.âÂ
âI didnât think that.â Doyoungâs taken aback. Did you see him as the kind of person who would assume the worst? âI tried to find you a few times, but the visions werenât exactly helpful in finding specific details about you. Megâs sign was the first time Iâd seen your full name.â
âOh.âÂ
Your nervousness is palpable. He wishes he could transfer all your bad experiences to himself. Anything to take your pain away.
âWould you prefer it if I left?â He asks softly. âI can give you more time toâ âÂ
âNo,â you cut him off firmly. You hesitate, just for a second, before reaching for his hand.
Now youâre both embarrassed, but you force your words out. âI donât really understand what any of this means, still. I also donât hold it against you if youâre disappointed. There are probably a million more interesting versions of me.â
If anything, heâs disappointed that you feel the need to self-deprecate. He sorts through his mind for a way to encompass how heâs felt about you for the past ten years, but it all seems too long winded.
Finally, he settles for a simple squeeze of your hand. âIâm happy itâs you.â
You squeeze his hand back. âIâm happy itâs you, too.â
Doyoung feels the blush blooming onto his face. The space between you is warm yet fragile. Through the haze of his giddiness, he tries to reign himself in before he scares you away. âI know this is still a lot for you, so I can meet you wherever you need me to be.â
The edges of your mouth twitch upwards in amusement. âThatâs what I thought youâd say.â
He blinks. âIt is?â
âYouâre the one whoâs seen soulmate visions for ten years with no closure, but youâre more concerned about me,â you lean forward, eyes sparkling like youâre withholding a secret. âEven though Iâm the reason why you collapsed at your own concert.â
âItâs not your fault!â He huffs, but youâre already laughing at his pouting. âItâs not!â
You wipe a tear from your eye. âIt just made me feel relieved that itâs really you. Iâm happy.â After recovering from your laughing fit, thereâs a streak of makeup smudged along your upper cheekbone.
âYou said that already.â Without thinking, Doyoung wipes the mark away with the pad of his thumb.
Your breath hitches. Doyoung freezes, which means that his hand effectively freezes on your cheek in turn. Then, finally, you turn your head toward his hand and press your lips on the skin. You smile.
The bashfulness in the air is replaced with something thicker and more intense than before. Doyoungâs eyes drift down to your lips.
âCan I kiss you?â The words come out low and raspy. Itâs surprising to even him. Itâs probably too soon. He should have more self-control, damn it, but he canât help himself. Every cell in his body craves to be closer, closer, closer.
Instead of a reply, you close the distance between you.
Heâs lost track of how many first kisses heâs witnessed through other versions of himself, but this one tastes sweeter than all the rest. Itâs more than just a kiss; itâs acceptance. As you lose yourselves in the otherâs touch, it feels like a vow. Â
âDoyoung,â you mutter between kisses.
âMhmm?â
âDoyoung!â You pull back briefly, chest heaving for breath. âI still donât know what Iâm doing.â
His heart drops. He knows this risk-averse and self-sabotaging behavior of yours. If not addressed, youâll convince yourself to choose the safest route to protect yourself. Itâs now or never.
He clears his throat. âAs I said, I will meet you wherever you need me to be. Itâs okay if we start off slow or just as friends. Regardless, I would love to finally get to know you. This you.â He clears his throat. âSo I hope youâll consider it.â
âOf course I want to get to know you,âyou say without hesitating. You bite your lip. âWithout a doubt, I know that I can care for you and fall in love with you. The last few months have convinced me of that, but Iâve also seen that love can only carry us so far. You want to try pursuing something, even knowing that other versions of us have failed?â
âWe wonât fail,â he says with a calm confidence.
âHow can you be sure?â
âIâm choosing youâthis reality with you. I will do everything in my power to take care of you.â His voice drops to a low tone. âSo please trust me. Choose me too.â
With those words, youâre a goner. Truth be told, you arenât sure if you stood a chance in the first place. Heâs too easy to trust and fall into. Doyoung is everything youâve dreamt of and more.
âOkay,â you say with a smile. âIâll choose us too. As long as youâre really sure you want to be stuck with me.â
To know you is to love you. Doyoungâs decision was made from the moment he first saw you in his dreams.
âOf course I want to,â Doyoung says as he pulls you into another kiss. âIâve loved you in every lifetime.â
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heyy! I hope school and work arenât too hard on youđ I canât wait for Diet Pepsi pt 2 so I was wondering if u could tag me once itâs written thank you :))
hello!!! unfortunately school and work have been incredibly hard LMAO but i do have a break soon!
i will be honest and say that i dont have anything for diet pepsi pt 2 yet... not even a plot (i havent had the mental capacity lately) but!! i still plan to write one so yes!! i will definitely tag you once things launch :)) thank you for showing interest!! it means a lot to me!!
diet pepsi spin off!!!!! FIRST DATE???? or when reader has a bad day then that list jaemin asked from mark will rly come in handy
THE POSSIBILITIES R ENDLESSSSSS. it was so good btw ive never felt so đ„șđ„șđ„șđ„ș abt a fic before
that DOES sound super cutie omg đ yall are so good with these â i feel like im stuck in the pining part of it that i donât think farther of them in the relationship đ
thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts!! i feel like iâve gotten quite a few ppl asking for a part 2/spin off that iâll prob write smth đ¶âđ«ïž
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diet pepsi is honestly the cutest!!!!!!!! soft lover boy jaemin got me wrapped around his fingers đ« and the jaeminâs pov of him falling for y/n??? thats the most wholesome thing. i think its gonna took me a while to move on from this. and i wonder if there could perhaps be a spinoff đ€đ«
omg!!!!!! thank you so much this is so sweet !!! i originally had visioned it to be just pure flirty hot suggestive vibe but then my fingers slipped and my lover girl took over the second half HAHA
a spin off / part 2 would be considered if a lot of ppl ask!! iâm just curious what more of it youâd want to see !!
do you think youâll write a part2 of Diet Pepsi ?đ€
Itâs honestly too good to stop here, loved it!
thank you for reading and sending this in đ„č i think if more people want a part 2, id definitely consider it!! but it would take me a while to get it out đ
listen to - diet pepsi by addison rae
na jaemin x reader
wc - 10k
genre - fluff and hotness, shy!reader, flirty!jaemin, suggestive
warnings - shirtless jaemin x4, mentions of a "nude" pic, partying/drinking, a makeout session, aloootttt of sensual tension!
a/n - HERE IT IS! thank you all so much for the hype over the preview. i hope yall enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it:) comments and feedback are always appreciated!! i read all of them! update: i still can't move on from that jaemin pic.
Accidentally walking in on your best friend's hot housemate half naked with a towel around his waist in the bathroom was never in your plans. But maybe, it was in his?
âWhy do you guys have so much Diet Pepsi in your fridge?â There is a slight cadence of disgust in your voice, judgment for the most part, knowing damn well no one drinks Pepsi â let alone Diet Pepsi.Â
Mark shuts the fridge door that youâve left idly open as you rummage through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. âIt was a late night purchase. The store ran out of all the good stuff.â
âNow, itâs left taking up space.â You snarl, picking through opened bags of crackers, chips and candy that arenât sealed properly. âYou guys never have good snacks.â Giving up, you make your way upstairs toward the only bathroom in this entire shared house.
âWell, last time I checked, you donât live here.â Mark hollers from the kitchen, a bit of sass in his statement. âYet youâre here all the time!â
âYouâre overjoyed Iâm always here!â Your body leans over the railing of the stairs, calling out to your best friend in an unnecessarily booming voice and a light giggle at the end of your sentence.
Mark doesnât respond and youâre deep in the hallway in search for the bathroom that is shared between four college men. Although youâre solely Markâs best friend, the other three guys have welcomed you into their house as they would their own. Honestly speaking, youâre only rambunctiously annoying when youâre just around Mark. His housemates know you as his shy and sweet friend.Â
Itâs hard for you to open up to others, despite these people being equally as close to Mark as you are. There is just not enough common ground for you to relate to them, as nice as they are when youâre at their house.
Jeno is probably the most similar to you, a man of few words and a smile that resembles a kind puppy. He doesnât contribute much to the conversation, but he is always laughing at their shared jokes and silly antics. Haechan is the most different from you, playful and Markâs nightmare at times. Lastly, thereâs Jaemin, a man who youâve found yourself stealing glimpses of whenever he is near.Â
Your heart leaps and twirls at any mention of his name, his whereabouts, him. Though, your crush on Jaemin will never come to light. You only let yourself admire from afar, a man as hot and charming as he is already has an entourage waiting on him. And Mark would never let you live it down that youâre practically drooling over his housemate.Â
So as you find yourself in front of the bathroom door, you donât hear the shuffling on the other side. You mindlessly turn the knob and open to reveal Jaemin, shirtless with a towel low around his waist. Â
He doesnât even flinch at the sudden exposure, clearly engulfed in taking a mirror picture. Both of his arms hold up his soft pink phone, his biceps flexing at the simple position. His broad, wide shoulders are on display and all you see is his bare silky skin. Youâre gawking, anyone can see at a mile away, hungry eyes tracing the outline of his toned chest and chiseled abs.Â
When he finally acknowledges your presence, a big toothy grin appears on his face. Your name rolls off his tongue excitedly, âyouâre right. I am overjoyed youâre here.â His lower register catches you off guard and something inside of you spikes at its rumble.
Jaemin watches as you try to find your words, tripping over your own tongue. He drinks up how your eyes bounce between his face and his bare upper body, lost in his canvas.Â
âSorry!â You quickly shut the door, odd that youâre the one embarrassed when he is the one who got walked in on. Running down the stairs, you slam right into Mark, causing him to fall back onto the couch.
âWhoa! Are you in a rush or something?â Mark groans. His eyes fixate on your flustered expression. âWhat happened?â
Youâre deciding whether or not you should lie to him, committed to not exposing and embarrassing yourself even further. âJust bumped into Jaemin. Does he normally not lock the bathroom door?â
There is a small quiver in your voice, but you try your best to remain nonchalant and calm. Mark raises a curious eyebrow, a shaky grin grows on his lips. You canât even imagine all the wild and inappropriate thoughts spinning in this college boyâs head.
âThatâs weird. Heâs usually good about that stuff.â He snickers, âWhat did you see?â
âGet your head out of the gutter.â You lightly slap the back of his head, but feel heat spread across the tips of your ears and run its way down to your cheeks. âI didnât see anything.â
âBummer, bet you wanted to.â Mark jokes, a fit of giggles erupting from his stomach.Â
You roll your eyes and proclaim loudly, âI have no interest in Jaemin.â Liar. The image of his hot body still hasnât left your mind. Itâs catastrophic. Crossing your arms, you plop onto the sofa next to your best friend.Â
Right on cue, another voice chimes in. Coming down the stairs, Jaemin dances his hand on the railing. His muscular arms catches your immediate attention as he flaunts around in a tight white tank, his other hand in the pocket of his gray sweats. âDamn, that really hurts my ego, (y/n), especially after youâve seen me naked just now.âÂ
Nonetheless, he doesnât look offended. Instead, a sweet smirk curves upward on his perfect face. You swallow hard, bashful and ashamed yet again that Jaemin continues to ruin you.Â
Mark is laughing his hardest, but you donât hear him. Your heart pounds in your ears, rapidly and loudly. âYou werenât naked, Jaem. Donât give Mark any ideas.â
Jaemin chuckles, tucking in his chin shyly. His charming smile is subtle, but dazzling. Youâre absolutely positive you have tiny stars swimming in your eyes just looking at him. He makes his way past you two, toward the kitchen to grab a Diet Pepsi out of the fridge.
âIâm sorry, Iâll remember to lock the door next time.â He apologizes, taking a sip of his drink and grimacing at the taste.
âWhat were you even doing in there?â Leave it to Mark to be such a curious cat. You nudge him in the rib and he winces noisily. âI want to know what you saw! You guys are acting so suspicious.â He sends a glare at you.
Jaemin comes up behind the couch. He leans over, handing Mark his phone. On display is the picture you witnessed Jaemin take a few minutes ago and the frontal view is even better than what you saw from the side. Your sharp intake of breath doesnât go unnoticed by Jaemin, but he doesnât call it out.Â
The picture could be considered a nude, even if it cuts right at his waistline. Itâs so scandalous and he doesnât seem the slightest sheepish about it. If anything, he and Mark are grinning together at Jaeminâs godly body, like two bros appreciating each otherâs muscles.Â
âYo, Na Jaemin! This is so crazy, look at that chest work.â Mark giddily hits at Jaeminâs chest, displaying a weird manly affection for his housemate. âAll those hours at the gym are paying off. Are you posting this?âÂ
Jaemin shakes his head. âItâs only meant for special eyes.â He glimpses briefly over at you, but you avert contact quickly. You think about all the people the boys talk about during their drunk kickbacks, but Jaemin is incredibly secretive. I donât kiss and tell, is what he always says when the guys try to probe him with investigative questions.
You normally try to pretend like it doesnât bother you, always helping him by telling the boys to mind their own business. Nonetheless, youâre probably the only person in the room who wants to know the most about his endeavors.Â
âThis is a nude?!â Mark jumps up and throws the phone back at Jaemin, rubbing his eyes in hopes to rid the picture out of his memory. âI love you dude, but Iâm not sure if I want to know youâre posing for nudes in our bathroom.â
Jaemin laughs, âCâmon, Mark. You donât have to have such a big reaction, just say you want me to send it to you too.â Mark shakes his head aggressively and youâre suffocating at the thought that you walked in on Jaemin taking a nude. A swirl of nasty thoughts circle your mind and you gulp at the desires that fill your lungs.
You get up so suddenly that Jaemin and Mark fall silent and wait for your next move. âIâm going home.â You announce, gaze stuck to the ground and fists balled at your side. âIâll see you later, Mark.âÂ
âAlright, do you need a rideââ
âNo, Iâll just walk. I need to take a breather.â Your legs are moving before anyone can follow after you. You didnât know what came over you, but spending another second in that room with them meant increasing your chances of saying something regrettable.
The cold breeze of the night cools your hot skin and fresh air clears your mind. It is still early in the evening when you check the time, but it is realistically going to take you 30 minutes to walk back home. You didnât think it through, frankly, but at least your head is clear from all the dirty thoughts about Jaemin.
Though, you wonder how whoever receives his photo would react. Would they combust the same way you did? Would they be left speechless at such a glorious man? Special eyes. It must be nice to have Jaemin interested in you.Â
When youâre left with your own reflection and about a quarter into your walk, a car pulls up slowly next to you on the curb. Initially, youâre cautious as to the random vehicle approaching you so intently.Â
However, the driverâs window rolls down and Jaemin calls your name. âItâs dangerous for you to walk. Iâll take you home.â
That annoying, rhythmic sound of your heart starts up again. Normally, Mark is the one who drives you to and back, but even you didnât think you could stand being in the car with him as he would endlessly tease you about Jaemin.Â
âThatâs alright. Iâm almost there-â
Jaemin gets out of the car and walks around to open the passenger door for you, âit wasnât a polite offer. Iâm taking you home.â His stern tone causes you to comply and enter his car without another attempt to protest.
When he enters the car, the tension in the atmosphere is heavy and thick. He turns off the engine and you can hear the quietness of the night again. You swallow the spit pooling at the back of your throat, unsure how to talk to him. This is the first time you two have been alone together, just you and him in one confined space. Youâre usually with Mark when youâre with the other guys.
âIâm actually really sorry, again. I hope you donât feel weird about seeing me like that.â Your heart crumbles at the genuinity in his apology. Your abrupt leave probably had him thinking he made you feel uncomfortable.
âJaemin, itâs fine. I already forgot what you looked like and itâs your house. You should feel comfortable doing what you want there.â Youâre downplaying all the emotions rising in your throat, but you canât help feeling guilty at the pout on his glossy lips.
âMark said that youâre not used to stuff like that. Is that true? Did I make you feel uncomfortable?â Jaemin looks over at you, a hand resting over the wheel.Â
You look away, his sultry stare being too much for you to handle. âMark doesnât know anything about what Iâm used to. I donât talk about that stuff with him.âÂ
Itâs the truth. Youâve had your fair share of hook ups, drunk makeout sessions at the club, and a previous relationship. So, you wouldnât say youâre as innocent as Mark always tries to make you out to be to others. However, youâre not throwing yourself at just anyone and arenât as open to sharing your experiences to people, Mark being one.Â
Jaemin nods, acknowledging everything youâre saying. âI noticed youâre usually quiet when all of us talk about our sexual experiences.âÂ
âYou are too, though.â You mumble under your breath, twiddling your thumbs.
âIâm too distracted watching how shy you get at the mention of Haechan getting head.â This statement, paired with his deep voice, is glass shattering. Something drops in your stomach, your feelings and thoughts colliding together into something unidentifiable.
Jaemin looks so good under the streetlamp. Even in the darkness, you can still see the twinkle in his alluring gaze and how much charm he exudes with a simple toothy smile. The desire to kiss him is so magnetic, you can feel yourself breaking at any moment.
âYou notice me?â Your brain has lost control over the words that spill from your lips. Your lustful and romantic feelings go into overdrive, saying things youâve never dared to say.
It is his turn to send you a confused look, as if it is the most ridiculous question you could have asked. âOf course I do. Itâs hard not to. You⊠have such an effect on me. I talk about it all the time to Jeno and Haechan.âÂ
This is shocking news to you. Youâve always been under the impression that the other three had no interest or a second thought about you, let alone Jaemin of all people. At the end of the day, youâre just Markâs best friend and youâre only really there because of him. His housemates are respectful and donât linger for too long when youâre around, so it never occurred to you that would be a topic in their conversations.
You stutter and approach slowly, âwhat do you talk about?âÂ
Jaemin chuckles, shaking his head and starts the car. âCanât tell you. Just know that I like it when youâre around.â He starts driving you home and you can feel the conversation fleeting. But you donât want to stop, you want to peel him layer by layer until he is at his core.Â
You two drive for some time in silence. When he approaches your neighborhood, he hits you with one sudden question. âDo you have feelings for Mark?â This is the one of many times he has surprised you tonight.
âNo!â You refute excessively. âWeâre strictly friends. He is nowhere near my type.â It is a question you get pretty often, given that you two are attached at the hip. Nonetheless, the thought of you and Mark together romantically makes you gag. He is nearly your brother at this point.Â
Jaemin raises a curious brow, âwhat is your type?âÂ
He pulls into your driveway and youâre presented with a window of opportunity. You dance with the possibility that Jaemin could actually be yours. After tonight, he definitely confirmed that he notices you.Â
Jaemin peers over with innocent eyes and a soft smile. His elbow rests on the middle console and his large hands hold the bottom of the steering wheel. And you canât believe that after all this time, he has been looking at you with such an endearing gaze. Gathering all the courage you have left, you clear your throat.Â
âGuys like you.â You say, rather breathlessly. You see his pupils dilate and his lips part at the sudden flirtatious confidence. Itâs like a lightbulb switches on inside his head. For once, you have left him speechless. âGoodnight, Jaemin. Thank you for bringing me home.âÂ
You exit his car, but he is quick to follow. âWhat kind of gentleman would I be if I didnât walk you to your door.â You almost make out the slight shakiness in his voice and youâre giggling at how dazed youâve gotten him.
Approaching your door, Jaemin turns your cheek to face him. His hand remains hot against your jaw and you think in any second, he might lean down and kiss you. Heâd kiss you to the point where youâd turn to goo right at his feet.Â
Your knees grow weak under his hooded stare, âgoodnight (y/n). Iâll let Mark know that I got you back safe and sound.â With that, his hand drops and he starts taking a few steps backwards toward his car. Disappointment is evident in your reaction.
Your shaky hands unlock the front door and you look back to see Jaemin leaning against his car waiting patiently for you to enter. When you get inside, your back slides down against the door, heart beating fast, and you wallow in the emptiness that Jaemin has left you with.Â
The only noise filling the air is the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. Then, your phone buzzes in your pocket and the notification causes your jaw to drop.Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): 1 Attachment
âHoly shit.â Jaeminâs nude flashes back at you and youâre taking everything in. The events earlier today come flooding back into your memory. Lustful desires cause your stomach to stir, tracing the lines of his collarbones and following the protruding vein on his shoulder. Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): for your special eyes xx
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): still have no interest in me?
Blinking at the thread of texts, your head is empty and a lump forms in your throat. Na Jaemin, the man that you are.Â
mark lee-ave me alone: Party tonight, you coming????
mark lee-ave me alone: Itâs been like almost two weeks since we hung out, do i need to file a missing personâs report?Â
you: iâve got finalsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: you finished finals we literally share calendar schedules⊠why u avoiding me
you: why are you guys alcoholicsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: sounds good ! see u tn hehe
Tossing your phone onto your bed, you groan into your pillow. It has been a while since you went over, let alone seen Mark. After the moment you had with Jaemin, you arenât entirely sure if youâre ready to face him again. You had nearly fainted from all the emotions he put you through that day.Â
He also didnât reply to your text, but then again, you didnât give him much to work with. This is Na Jaemin youâre talking to and the last thing you want to do is to scare him away. So, the best response you came up with was the blushing emoji and embarrassment hit you all over again.
Nonetheless, you went back to that photo every night since and its effects remain the same every time. Widened eyes, hot cheeks, butterflies in your lower abdomen, wild thoughts. It has gotten to the point where your phone suggested making it his contact picture, causing the bashfulness to catch up to you.
Your phone buzzes again and youâre rolling over to expect another text from Mark. Instead, your heart rubs at your chest at the appearance of Jaeminâs name on your screen.
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): canât wait to see you tn
Mark mustâve told them about you coming to the party. All it takes is one simple text and your feet are kicking in the air. Excitement replaces the dread that you were feeling before and youâre jumping out of bed to find a cute outfit.
When you finally get to the house, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation bubbles inside of you. While youâve looked forward to seeing Jaemin before, this time is completely different. He unlocked something that you can no longer control.Â
Mark lets you in, slightly buzzed, and the house is already packed with drunk people. Haechan is on aux as per usual with his perfectly curated party playlist. Jeno has a large bottle in his hand, pouring a line of shots on the kitchen island like a skilled bartender.Â
Youâre unconsciously scanning the room for Jaemin, Markâs words going in one ear and out the other. âItâs quite a turnout. We didnât expect so many people would show!â
When you take a quick look around, many are unfamiliar faces. Most of these had to be friends of his housemates, knowing how small Mark keeps his circle.Â
âWhat is this party even for?â Yelling over the loud music, you swear there will be ringing in your ears tomorrow morning.
âWeâre celebrating the end of the semester!â Mark cheers, excitedly with a big goofy grin. âThe guys mostly wanted an excuse to get their friends together and have some fun.â
âThatâs surprisingly more wholesome than I thought.â You nod, noting the pretty girls moving their hips in the dark and crowds of guys surrounding the keg. âVery fun.â You say sarcastically and follow Mark through the maze of hot bodies.
The kitchen is unrecognizable. Half empty glass pitchers and plastic cups line the sticky marble counters, they were definitely not getting their rent deposit back with all the tarnish.
It wasnât your first time at one of their parties, but it had been a long time since theyâve thrown something of this scale. It surprised you, mostly because everyone who lived here seemed so laid back that you didnât expect the large magnitude that they could draw in.
âDid you want something to drink?â Mark grabs a beer from the fridge, politely squeezing his way through those leaning against the appliances.Â
You shake your head, ânot right now.â He lifts a curious brow at your bottom lip between your teeth. Could he tell you were anxiously waiting for someone?Â
âSo, where have you been lately?â Your mind is extremely overstimulated with everything happening around you, and of course, Mark decides to have an open conversation in the middle of his densely packed kitchen area.
Shrugging, you play it off like everything is normal. âNeeded a break from you. You bitched about me coming over all the time, so I chilled out.â
Mark takes a swig, clearly not believing you. âThatâs the real reason why? There isnât anything else regarding someone who lives here?â
He is prying, digging, scheming. You can see it in his smug face when he knows he hit a soft spot. âDo you want to tell me? Because it seems like thereâs something going on that you wonât tell me.â
âItâs just interesting.â He shrugs, âJaemin insisted on going after you the night you walked out. Care to tell me what happened?â Mark giggles to himself like a high school girl sharing secrets. Rolling your eyes, the twitch of your lips curve into a small grin.Â
âIs that so out of his character?â You cross your arms, âJaemin has always been a gentleman unlike you, who let me walk home in the dark when you know it takes me 30 minutes.âÂ
Your best friend throws his hands up in defense, âI was going to go! Like I said, Jaemin beat me to it. He just grabbed his keys off the hook and told me he got it.âÂ
âAfter you told him I felt uncomfortable?â Anger rises in your voice. Quite surely, you sound more offended than you actually are. Nonetheless, that explanation from Mark did irk you a bit when Jaemin had told you.
Mark looks sheepishly at you and takes a timid sip. âWell, didnât you? Isnât that why you stormed off?! When have you ever talked about nudes, or having sex for that matter?âÂ
Scoffing, you couldnât believe him. Your face gets warm from the spotlight he has you under. Itâs complete disbelief that fuels your next line and you shout over the music, âThat doesnât mean I donât have sex. I have sex!âÂ
âWho is having sex?â The baritone voice sneaks up from behind you and a hot hand touches the small of your lower back. You seize up at the physical intimacy, turning around to see Jaemin looking as charming as ever. The pure visual of him has hearts in your eyes.
Mark laughs, not noticing how Jaemin snakes his hand around and rests it on your hip. He pulls you a bit closer so that your body leans against his strong arm. âWe were just talking about what happened between you two a couple of weeks ago.â
Jaemin nods, as if he understands the situation completely without much context. He looks down at you and smiles sweetly, âdid something happen between us?â
He doesnât break eye contact with you, barely paying attention to Mark, who youâve also tuned out of this conversation. The quiver in your voice is obvious and Jaeminâs eyes gleam upon hearing your sudden shyness. âNo. You just drove me home.âÂ
âYeah, you heard it here first.â Jaemin switches to an excited and peppy demeanor, as if all is well and you two arenât acting extremely suspicious.
Though, Mark is incredibly oblivious so he isnât hard to fool. He doesnât press on and gets pulled off to the side by Haechan to fix one of the speakers, leaving you and Jaemin alone among the drunken party goers. Your throat feels like it's closing in on itself, nervousness building your stomach yet again.
Jaemin swiftly turns you to face him fully, both hands holding your arms as he admires how youâve dressed up tonight. âIâve always liked this shirt on you. How have you been? I noticed you havenât come around lately.â
âIâve been busy.â Youâre as quiet as a mouse, but Jaemin hears you loud and clear. Youâre extremely conscious of the two of you openly together for everyone to watch or listen in, but Jaeminâs attention is solely on you.
âBusy avoiding me?â The way he asks is lighthearted. He isnât trying to instigate the way Mark was, it's playful and unserious, even if the question did hold some genuine curiosity.
âI donât know.â Itâs easier for you to be truthful with Jaemin compared to Mark. After that brief chat in his car, you felt like you could be honest with him as he was with you. As if somehow, that one pivotal night changed the dynamic of your nonexistent friendship completely.Â
You feel connected to him. Seen by him. âIf I did something wrong to make you want to avoid me, you gotta tell me.â Jaemin begins, sincerity heavy in his round eyes and tone.Â
However, you stop him from continuing. âThere is nothing wrong with what you did. I liked it, alot. I avoided coming because you make me feel nervous and shy.â Perhaps you are revealing too much too soon, but you canât help it with the way Jaemin looks at you.Â
He grins, âyouâve always been nervous and shy around me. Those feelings never stopped you from coming around before.âÂ
Youâre stunned at how observant he actually is. All this time, you thought you did a good job at keeping those feelings internal. Jaemin and you never shared an extensive conversation before that night, but you didnât completely ignore him whenever he was in the room.
Whenever you two would be physically near each other, youâd strike up small talk about classes and ask how heâs been â even if you had to build up the courage to say something.
You would always greet him back when he would arrive home or if he appeared from upstairs. There wouldâve been no way he couldâve seen how your hands fidgeted or hear your voice shake or when youâd avert your gaze. Right?
But he did. He saw through it all. And it hit you that Jaemin had really been observing you this entire time, beyond a simple notice. âSure, they didnât before. This time, things feel different between us.âÂ
âI like when you talk about there being an us.â Jaemin beams, âitâs cute. We never got to have that all this time.â He resembles a happy kid on Christmas day, opening a present that he had been good for all year. Itâs hopeful and quite touching that he thought about growing closer to you.Â
âDo you feel like itâs different between us?â You ask timidly. The feeling of possible rejection lingers in the back of your heart. This could all be a misunderstanding and you read it all wrong.Â
He ponders for a bit, eyes darting to the ceiling and then back at you. âYes, but not entirely. I think youâve gotten more comfortable opening up to me, but my feelings toward you havenât changed.â
Hadnât Jaemin brought it up, you really didnât know that your heart opened up as much as it did for him. It was all natural, seamless. He didnât have to speedrun questions like an investigator to get you to talk, everything just flowed. The second part of his answer did prompt more curiosity rather than something definitive.
How does he feel about you?
As you debated a follow up question, the two of you get interrupted by a small group of people pulling at Jaeminâs shoulder. He is brought back to the swarm of a party and youâre retreating into the background. âNa Jaemin! Weâve been looking everywhere for you.âÂ
Before he could excuse himself, they whisk him away deep into the dark sea of dancing individuals. Sighing, youâre left with the same emptiness you felt two weeks ago. Mark comes stumbling back, the beer in his hand now nearly finished.
âAre you drunk off of a Bud Light?â You snicker at your friendâs wobbly entrance. Your heart is heavy in your chest, but you let these emotions subside.Â
He takes a final drink, âIâm just feeling a little loose. I think itâs finally time you get some.âÂ
You give in, especially now that Jaemin has reeled you in and left you without any clarity. You need a drink to calm all the nerves that he lit up, ease all the pent up tension he created.Â
âOnly if itâs not what youâre having.â Markâs head swishes heavily on his shoulders, peering around to find the man with the alcohol supply. He gestures to Jeno from the opposite side of the room for two shots and you laugh at their silly roleplay.
Jeno walks over and greets you with a smile, realizing he didnât see you come in this whole time. He pours a dangerous amount of Vodka that overflows out of the small glass.Â
âDude! You suck as a bartender, youâre fired!â Mark giggles drunkenly at Jenoâs heavy hand and clinks the shot glasses. âBest friend shots!â He squeals happily at you.
You oblige, holding your breath for the intake of alcohol. Wincing at the taste, you down the shot as best as you can. Itâs dreadful, but somehow your muscles relax and your mind clears from the running thoughts of Jaemin.Â
âAnother one!â Jeno cheers. This time, he prepares three shots and joins in on the random celebratory atmosphere that Mark established.Â
The responsible side is signaling alarm bells to slow down, but the side intoxicated with disruptive feelings of Jaemin is silencing them all. So you think, one more shot wonât hurt.
Youâre unsure of how much time has passed. Twenty minutes? An hour? Maybe even two hours. It feels late and early all at the same time. At this point, youâre experiencing a good buzz after the last few rounds of shots with Jeno and Mark.
The liquid courage has you asking for Jaeminâs whereabouts.Â
âI think heâs upstairs in the bathroom with someone.â Mark slurs his words, clearly not knowing the magnitude of this information. Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach, a ton of bricks hitting you. Youâve tuned out the booming music and Markâs words play on a loop.
âWhen did you see him go up with someone?â You ask again, not wanting to believe Markâs words. Could it have been one of the people from the group that stole him away? An old fling. A friend with benefits. An ex-lover. An admirer. The list unravels itself like a never ending scroll.Â
He shrugs, itâs obvious this man has no actual idea what is going on or how much it's affecting you. âCheck for yourself.â The edge of sass in his tone has you feeling challenged. Mark always gets a bit snarky and direct whenever heâs intoxicated.
Youâre going back and forth with yourself â stay or find him. If you see him making out with someone else, then what? It would actually hurt you and you only have your own blossoming feelings to blame. If he is alone, then what? Will he finally tell you how he feels about you? Will he finally kiss you? The desire for that is enough drive for you.
And so you go.Â
Heading up the stairs, the mess of the party downstairs fades into the background. Your palms grow sweaty as you walk down the long hallway toward the looming bathroom. Light flows through the bottom crack of the door. Not knowing what to expect, youâre just hoping what Mark said isnât true.Â
Your hand holds onto the shiny knob, hesitant to get your ego bruised at the sight of Jaemin with another person. Taking a deep breath, you open the door.
Jaemin is in the midst of zipping up his jeans, the belt around his waist unbuckled. However, he is alone and oddly enough, the sound of the running toilet brings an ounce of reassurance for you. He looks up and your grip relaxes on the knob.Â
Upon seeing your figure, Jaemin shakes his head with a sneaky smirk. He goes about washing his hands as normal and says, âwe really need to stop meeting like this.â
âMaybe you should try locking the door for once.âÂ
âI do. Somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.â He sounds so innocent lying through his teeth. Jaemin wipes his hands on the hand towel and leans against the door frame, ânow are you actually going to use the bathroom or did you know Iâd be here waiting for you?â
Your mouth opens to speak, but no words form. Jaeminâs gaze eats you up again, taking in your attire and dolled up look once more. His playful smile disappears and is replaced with a thin line, his jaw tightening. âSo pretty.â His low voice whispers, eyes never leaving your lips.Â
Right then and there, the want to kiss him surges throughout your body. There is nothing stopping you from diving into Jaemin, letting him have you utterly and completely. No consequences filter through your head, no other thoughts besides what his lips taste like. It could be the alcohol, but youâre fully drunk off his sultry stare and his feathering touches on your wrist.Â
He leans in toward you, head tilting as he inches closer to your face. Closing your eyes, you await the kiss youâve longed for. Blood pumping in your veins and heart doing somersaults in your chest.Â
âDid you drink?â You quickly open your eyes at his question and see Jaemin pulling back. The familiar feeling of disappointment floods your body too well.Â
âI took a few shots.â Youâre biting the inside of your cheek, trying to not look embarrassed at how badly you wanted him to kiss you. The smell of alcohol is still hot on your breath and youâre even surprised at how composed youâve managed to be.Â
âSweetheart, I donât want to kiss you like this.â Jaeminâs tone is sweet, but firm. Although you were nowhere near black out drunk, you understood his sentiments. He wanted to kiss you without any chance of regret. He wants to do it right.Â
âI blame Mark for this.â A heavy sigh falls at the end of your sentence. You roll your eyes at the sound of Markâs voice from downstairs. Regardless of your disappointment, your heart is still burning at how he called you sweetheart. You didnât know how good it would sound until it left his mouth.Â
In a blink of an eye, he quickly kisses your cheek. âThat will have to do for now.â Jaemin smiles, wide and toothy.
You donât have enough time to process, still stuck at the small pet name, as he whisks you back down to join everyone at the party. Your eyes widen, cheeks grow hot, butterflies grow in your lower abdomen, and wild thoughts swirl in your head. All of which didnât need Jaeminâs nude for these effects to arise.Â
âYou know, Jaemin has started asking about you a lot.â Mark looks up from his laptop, taking a break from his strenuous essay. It had been a week after the party and everything fell right back into routine. Youâd show up to their house as if you never stopped coming around.Â
The only difference is that youâre not here to see Mark anymore. Youâre here for Jaemin. As clingy and corny as that seemed, you left every day happy that you got to talk to him. The two of you had been texting since the night of the party, mostly brief conversations about your day, but he never forgets to wish you a good morning.Â
Whenever youâre at the house, Jaemin would join you and Mark when heâd come home. Initially, Mark didnât seem to notice that his housemate would linger for as long as youâd be here or that Jaemin would purposefully sit close to you, or those longing stares you two would share across the table.Â
It wasnât until you were drinking water and Jaemin had casually asked for a sip. Then, it clicked. Mark jumped, he pointed fingers, he accused. All of which, you two blinked innocently at him in confusion, Jaeminâs bottom lip touching the rim of your bottle.Â
Jaemin and you denied everything Mark tried to throw at you two, given that in all actuality, you two are only getting to know each other. He still hasnât kissed you on the lips. He still hasnât really spent time with you alone again, though you are incredibly nervous at that potential idea coming to fruition.Â
After the night of the party, youâve been wondering and waiting for his move. It did bother you the first few days, but his sweet texts always had a grin growing on your face. Jaemin played a very long game.Â
âReally? Like what?â You try to hide your undying curiosity. Not looking up from your screen, you pretend to browse through empty tabs to seem like you are too busy to care. But deep down, it has been eating away at you wondering how Jaemin feels.
Mark smirks, âtell me what has been going on between you two and then Iâll tell you.âÂ
Scoffing, you roll your eyes at his deal. âThat just sounds like youâre making shit up.âÂ
âSo there is something going on between you two!â His voice grows louder, a bit more accusatorial. His eyes narrow, âyou know I expected secrets from him, but not from you! Youâre my best friend.â Markâs sad pout tugs at your heartstrings.
A sigh escapes your lips and you give him your full attention. It didnât feel good having to keep things from him, but you thought to wait until something actually happened before saying anything. Nonetheless, since you canât stand seeing your best friend sad, you decide to just come clean from the beginning.Â
âHe sent you that nude!?â Mark gasps as you reveal the night Jaemin drove you home. The more you talk about your encounters with Jaemin and your thought process, the more you realize how much you like him. Beyond attraction, beyond his chivalry. A flower has grown from the seed he watered. Â
âNo wonder why there is this weird tension whenever weâre all together. Itâs because you two are literally eye fucking each other across the room.â Mark grumbles, but he lets you finish telling your piece. From the nude to the conversation in the kitchen to the kiss on the cheek. He now knows everything youâve experienced and how youâre wrapped around Jaeminâs finger.
A part of you prepares for the teasing and the gross kissing noises, but your best friend just nods silently. His stare is blank, like he is trying to process the everything and nothing youâve been through. Growing nervous, you shift uncomfortably on the couch.Â
âJaemin asked me about your favorite things. He told me that itâs something that would come in handy one day.â Mark clears his throat and can barely look you in the eye, almost embarrassed to share such an intimate question his friend asked about you. âHe also asked if I had feelings for you.â
Your jaw drops, heart falling to the pit of your stomach. This is unexplored terrain â the two of you never touched on the topic of potentially becoming romantic. It had always just felt mutually platonic. Sitting up quickly, you lean closer toward him.
He sends a weird stare at your sudden attentive figure. âI donât, first of all, donât get too excited here.âÂ
The anticipation leaves your system, falling back against the cushion and going back to your homework. âI thought you were going to reveal some crazy backstory with the way youâre acting.â
Mark laughs, mockingly. âWeâre nearly siblings. Iâve seen every bad part of you, your charm doesnât work on me.âÂ
âWell, the feeling is mutual!â You ruffle his hair, messing it up between your fingers as he tries to push you off. A fit of giggles fill the room that the two of you donât hear the front door open.
When the door shuts, you glance over to see Jaemin stripping his shirt. Cursing under your breath, your eyes remain stuck on all his bare skin. His whole chest and abs glisten with droplets of sweat, veins popping from whatever pump he got from the gym. His track pants hang low, the waistband of his briefs peeking through.Â
Mark laughs at how youâre practically frozen over Jaemin. Jaemin looks your way and his familiar, sweet smile greets you. âHey cutie, did you finish your project?âÂ
He walks over, his shirt thrown over his broad shoulders. Heat travels across your cheeks, you swear the temperature in the room went up several degrees. Youâre batting your eyelashes, but averting any attention from his defined figure as he closes the space between you two.Â
Jaeminâs heart swells at the sight of your shy antics. He canât imagine anyone as cute as you, so reactive to every little thing he does. He doesnât even see Mark in the room, all he wants to pay attention to is you.Â
âAlmost. Mark has been distracting.â Maybe your voice naturally gets airy around him, Jaemin just makes you want to twirl your hair and smile all the time. He takes a seat on the armrest next to you. As he crosses his arms, his biceps make their appearance once again â all voluptuous and strong.Â
âOh? How so?â He cocks a curious brow, finally taking a glance over at his housemate. Mark snickers at how differently you react to Jaeminâs casual demeanor. For all he has known, this is how Jaemin is. Heâll walk around shirtless, even pants less, as if it is any normal day. But since Mark kindly warns him that youâre going to be coming around, he complies.Â
Now, Jaemin just wants to drive you into delirium.
Your mind is absolutely wiped, there is nothing more distracting than a half naked Jaemin â this you knew too well. As you tremble over your words, Mark saves the day by falsely admitting how heâs been trying to chat with you so he didnât have to do his essay.Â
âAh, chatterbox. Iâm jealous.â Jaemin gets up and spins on his heel, heading toward the stairs. Your body unknowingly leans toward his fleeting figure, a pout tugging at the corner of your lips.
Jaeminâs finger taps along the railing, drawing a trail as he walks up each step. âI wish I got to distract you from your project, talk to you for hours.âÂ
Youâre freaking out internally, trying to decipher if he had just spit out an innuendo or if he genuinely meant it. You fight the urge to completely yell at the top of your lungs how much youâd love him to. Mark also bites back the scream that threatens to escape, not believing what he is a witness to.Â
âYou can!â Your chirpy, forced tone nearly cracks from your nervousness. âJoin us after your shower.â Even if you wanted him alone, youâre willing to settle for moments with Mark in them.
âIâll come, donât worry.â No flirtation, no smug smirks, Jaemin gently reassures you that heâll come back for you. And while the heavy tension in the air dissipates, youâre finding your heart to throb at his thoughtfulness.Â
âDude, youâre so whipped for him.â Mark giggles and youâre throwing a decorative pillow at his chest, very much embarrassed. âI should let you guys be alone, would you want that?â
The second Mark proposes his question, your heart shakes at the possibility of Jaemin and you finally alone again for an extended period of time. It is a nerve wrecking thought, you can feel your pulse racing. Not that you had avoided such a potential situation, but you didnât really think you would get the chance to. Now that your good friend knows everything, he has the power to help you out.Â
âI do.â Youâre admitting so much of your vulnerability that Mark actually softens at your tiny request. He nods and packs up his things without any hesitation. âBut where are you going to go?â You didnât want to seem like you were kicking out your friend from his own house.
He brushes off your guilty tone, âdonât worry. Thereâs a study session happening in 15 minutes for one of my classes.â With that, he slings his backpack over his shoulder and takes a moment to look at you. His facial expression is hard to decipher.Â
You stand and he holds your shoulders, âno more secrets.â Mark says with glossy eyes and a small smile. âAnd use protection.â He laughs, breaking the almost sweet and serious moment you two rarely share. You push him off and roll your eyes, though secretly grateful that you have Mark in your life.
Itâs agonizing as you wait for Jaemin to come out of the shower, being completely alone with your hypotheticals and expectations eating away at you. Thereâs no way you have the capacity right now to focus on your project and homework. Jaemin just consumed every bit of you.
When he finally walks down the stairs, fully clothed and hair freshly blow dried, you pretend again that youâre too busy to notice. He heads toward the kitchen to open a can of Diet Pepsi and makes his way back. Jaemin snuggles up next to you, arm draped around the back of your side of the couch and youâre drowning in the scent of his body wash.
âMark left?â He sips, his Adamâs apple bobbing and his jaw tightening with each gulp. Youâre lost in his seeping aura, wondering how the fuck he looks so good doing something so simple.Â
Clearing your throat, you place your laptop on the coffee table and face up at him. He meets your starry eyes and it takes so much in you to not break away. âStudy session.âÂ
Jaemin nods knowingly, leaning forward to also neatly set down his can. Almost immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifts from light hearted to heavy sensual tension. Not that either one of you expected anything to happen, but just being in each otherâs presence is suffocating and intoxicating all at once.
Now that youâre finally alone with him, you canât help all the nerves and flips in your stomach from happening. âI kept you waiting then.â His voice is raspy, causing it to sound deeper than normal.Â
Shaking your head, you say the first thing your heart thinks of. âIâm always willing to wait for you.â Jaemin lifts an eyebrow at your statement, noting the shock in your face as soon as it filled the air. His arm snakes around your waist, pulling you onto his lap and youâre maneuvering your legs to straddle him.Â
This intimate position has your heart springing out of your chest, thumping so aggressively that you swear he can feel it against his own. His hands are politely placed on your back and he peers up at you with a sultry stare. Youâre holding your breath and unsure where to place your hands, losing your wits already at how things have escalated.Â
âIs this alright with you? Am I doing too much?â He cautiously asks, ready to set you back down to where he had selfishly pulled you from.Â
âThis,â Scrambling, tripping, catâs got your tongue! Jaemin doesnât realize how your mind has been lit with flames all from this one swift movement. âThis is fine. I like this.â
He smirks, âyou like being on top of me?â When he asks such a nasty question, youâre too bashful to play along. Jaemin chuckles, âyouâre driving me crazy right now.âÂ
You are? Itâs quite unbelievable that any of this has an effect on him. Perhaps he is better at holding back his reactive facial expressions, but Jaemin seems so laid back and unphased. âMe? Iâve barely said more than a few sentences.âÂ
âItâs not about the quantity, you can say anything to me and Iâd be smitten for you.â Jaemin taps your nose, in a loving and endearing way. Youâre getting a side of him youâve never really seen before â this head over heels, heart eyed fool. A part of you craves more of this, feeling special at how he only has eyes for you.
The other part is shocked that youâre even experiencing any of this, how did you get so lucky?
âJaem, are you going to finally tell me how you feel about me?â When you say his name, his nonchalant attitude almost falters. His ears perk up, eyes alert and a tighter grip on the hem of your shirt. âHow did we get here?âÂ
He purses his lips, contemplating long and hard about how he should go about explaining himself. Your voice is more stern, he can tell youâve been wanting to get an answer to this for a while.
âI like you.â Jaemin says it so easily, those words roll off of his tongue effortlessly that it surprises himself.
âSince when?â You donât mean to sound so interrogative, but all this time, this didnât make any sense to you. Maybe your own lovey eyes blinded you from seeing his feelings or that your own self esteem halted you from believing someone like him could like you back. Nevertheless, this all came about so suddenly for you.
A small smile grows on his face as he thinks back to the first time he saw you. Your timid introduction and you glued to Markâs side, but none of that could take away from how pretty you looked.
And when he first heard you laugh, like really laugh, he swore he needed to hear it again, and again, and again. Sooner or later, he found your shyness irresistibly adorable and he only wanted to interact with you more, but was unsure about your relationship with Mark.
Ultimately, Jaemin decided to keep his distance because you and Mark seemed more than close. However, the more he pulled away, the more you filled his empty thoughts and daydreams.
Whenever you came around, he found himself happier just upon seeing you for a brief second and hearing your silly anecdotes to Mark all the way from his room. If all you two had exchanged was a small greeting, Jaemin would be satisfied.Â
Until the night you stayed for one of their drunk kickbacks, and something inside of him unlocked. A new sense of desire? The introduction of lust and curiosity.
Jaemin noted the way youâd squirm, dig yourself deeper into the cushions, hide your face in your shirt. Your reactions to his friendsâ sexual adventures were typical, full of gasps and slight embarrassment, but your eyes were more than telling of your piqued interest. The one thing that he hated was that you never openly shared a single thing, even when asked.Â
So, that meant he didnât either. In a more respectful sense, he normally doesnât dive into the nitty details as much as his housemates do, but you were such a mysterious person. He wanted to keep himself that way as well, making him as alluring as you were. The art of not knowing, just makes you want to know more.Â
And when you would stand up for him against the other boys, that boldness only made you more attractive. Maybe you didnât want to know about his personal endeavors, regardless, you respected his privacy and were willing to break out of your shell for him.
What other layers of you has he not seen? That caused him to wonder how much he could push you, what other reactions he could draw out of you, and gauge if you had any interest in him.Â
In between your nervous stammers and long stares, Jaemin had some inkling that you might be into him. However, he couldnât tell if that was just his ego deluding his judgment or if it was the actual truth.Â
He had something less drastic in mind than you walking in on him in the bathroom. But, he thought if he waited and hesitated as much as he did before, there would never really be another chance. If you were disinterested, it wouldâve been a lighthearted mistake and brief awkwardness. If you were interested, then it opens the door metaphorically as well.Â
So in the spur of the moment, as he heard your voice and footsteps down the hallway, he quickly unlocked the door. His heart pounded rapidly in his chest as he tried to keep his phone steady.
Act natural. Be cool. Be confident.
He just hoped you couldnât see right through his desperate act. And when you opened the door and everything that followed after, it was enough to wash away any doubt he had before.Â
After dropping you off, he decided right then and there that he was going to pursue you.Â
âWould you believe me if I told you it was since the day I met you?â His voice is soft and quiet. Jaemin brushes a few strands of hair out of your face, gently tucking it behind your ear. âI was looking forward to your presence without realizing it. Iâd tell Haechan and Jeno how I was excited to hear your voice, even if it wasnât speaking to me.âÂ
He could be such a romantic, though this didnât come too much of a shock to you. You couldnât believe that youâd be the recipient of it one day. âSince the day we met. That feels like ages ago.â Your eyes wander off, trying to regain the distant memory.Â
You could barely remember the day Mark introduced you to his housemates. It was such a blurry scene, mostly because you were so painstakingly nervous so you tried to bury it in the depths of your mind. The only thing you remember was the tight grip you had on Markâs sleeve and Jaeminâs gorgeous smile.Â
âWhy didnât you try approaching me? Be my friend, get to know me back then?â You ask, a small edge in your tone. Instead of months of googly, heart eyed stares, you two couldâve been acquainted much earlier. Your relationship wouldâve been so far along, milestones wouldâve already been hit. A thousand kisses wouldâve already been exchanged.
Jaemin is well aware of his lack of action, âI wasnât sure about you and Mark. I didnât want to overstep and initially, I couldnât tell if you even wanted to be around anyone besides him.â Now his questions to both you and Mark made sense.
He wanted to be absolutely certain that there would be no conflict. No room for anyone else. No blurred lines. Jaemin wanted to do it right.
âSo, me walking in on you in the bathroom⊠was that an honest mistake?â As all the dots connected and all the lines matched up, youâre replaying all the moments that led up to this point.
He can see the gears turning in your beautiful head and laughs, âlike I said, somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.âÂ
Rolling your eyes, you settle with your own conclusion that perhaps it was in his plans all along to fluster the fuck out of you. As much as you hate to admit it, it worked. Hook, line and sinker.Â
âHow do you feel?â Jaemin asks, as his knuckles rub lovingly against your cheek. His big hand slides toward your jawline and he firmly cups your face, a quick flicker from your eyes to your lips.Â
Intense. That is how you feel. At any second, you are a volcano ready to erupt. All these pent up emotions â lust, fondness, frustration â burst at your seams. All of which is unbeknownst to Jaemin, despite being the very spark of it.
âI feel like you should kiss me now.â Spoken confidently, Jaemin is shocked at your response. You didnât have to ask him twice though, as he pulled you into him without missing a beat.Â
The kiss is slow and cautious, like he is holding back from doing too much, taking too much. He guides your hands onto his collarbones and across his toned chest. Underneath his thin shirt, you feel how strong and defined he is. Youâre hesitant at first, unaware of how much you could feel.
Jaemin could sense it, pausing in between your small kisses to take off his shirt. Youâre wide eyed, fully shocked at his chiseled body right in front of you. Itâs just like how you remembered from his photo, except now itâs not through a tiny phone screen. All on display, Jaemin takes your shaky hands and places them delicately on his broad shoulders.
âTouch me.â Itâs all he has to say until your lips are connected again. His hot skin against your fingertips as youâre dragging them down his biceps, moving along all of his exposed terrain.Â
Adrenaline fills your system and you canât even begin to stop all the lustful and romantic feelings that bubble across your chest. So, you fervently kiss him back to signal just how much you want it, how much you wish to be kissed by him.
Jaemin loses it between your sweet touches and your eagerness, both hands now holding your face steady for him to deepen the kiss. The feverish glide of his lips on yours is something unforgettable. Itâs inimitable, a passion that solely exists for the two of you. Kissing Jaemin is blissful, like nothing matters more than being here lips locked and hands on his bare chest.
Kissing Jaemin also ruined you. Moving forward, youâll crave this feeling forever. How are you supposed to kiss anyone else in this world now? How will you ever want to kiss anyone else knowing youâve experienced this?
You two make out until condensation forms on the outside of his Diet Pepsi can. There is a lingering taste of the soda on his tongue; a taste you once hated so much is now something you canât get enough of.Â
When youâre both finally pulling away, your lips are puffy and Jaemin is catching his breath. He could feel his heart bursting at the sight of your disheveled hair and pouty lips. Youâre the prettiest baby heâs ever seen.
Heâs staring at you with tiny stars in his eyes, ones that reflect your own. And he breaks the silence, ânow we can finally tell Mark we kissed.â A sweet, kind smile appears at the end of his sentence.Â
Youâre laughing, and Jaeminâs heart flutters knowing he is the reason behind that melodic sound he loves hearing so much.Â
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listen to - diet pepsi by addison rae
na jaemin x reader
wc - 10k
genre - fluff and hotness, shy!reader, flirty!jaemin, suggestive
warnings - shirtless jaemin x4, mentions of a "nude" pic, partying/drinking, a makeout session, aloootttt of sensual tension!
a/n - HERE IT IS! thank you all so much for the hype over the preview. i hope yall enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it:) comments and feedback are always appreciated!! i read all of them! update: i still can't move on from that jaemin pic.
Accidentally walking in on your best friend's hot housemate half naked with a towel around his waist in the bathroom was never in your plans. But maybe, it was in his?
âWhy do you guys have so much Diet Pepsi in your fridge?â There is a slight cadence of disgust in your voice, judgment for the most part, knowing damn well no one drinks Pepsi â let alone Diet Pepsi.Â
Mark shuts the fridge door that youâve left idly open as you rummage through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. âIt was a late night purchase. The store ran out of all the good stuff.â
âNow, itâs left taking up space.â You snarl, picking through opened bags of crackers, chips and candy that arenât sealed properly. âYou guys never have good snacks.â Giving up, you make your way upstairs toward the only bathroom in this entire shared house.
âWell, last time I checked, you donât live here.â Mark hollers from the kitchen, a bit of sass in his statement. âYet youâre here all the time!â
âYouâre overjoyed Iâm always here!â Your body leans over the railing of the stairs, calling out to your best friend in an unnecessarily booming voice and a light giggle at the end of your sentence.
Mark doesnât respond and youâre deep in the hallway in search for the bathroom that is shared between four college men. Although youâre solely Markâs best friend, the other three guys have welcomed you into their house as they would their own. Honestly speaking, youâre only rambunctiously annoying when youâre just around Mark. His housemates know you as his shy and sweet friend.Â
Itâs hard for you to open up to others, despite these people being equally as close to Mark as you are. There is just not enough common ground for you to relate to them, as nice as they are when youâre at their house.
Jeno is probably the most similar to you, a man of few words and a smile that resembles a kind puppy. He doesnât contribute much to the conversation, but he is always laughing at their shared jokes and silly antics. Haechan is the most different from you, playful and Markâs nightmare at times. Lastly, thereâs Jaemin, a man who youâve found yourself stealing glimpses of whenever he is near.Â
Your heart leaps and twirls at any mention of his name, his whereabouts, him. Though, your crush on Jaemin will never come to light. You only let yourself admire from afar, a man as hot and charming as he is already has an entourage waiting on him. And Mark would never let you live it down that youâre practically drooling over his housemate.Â
So as you find yourself in front of the bathroom door, you donât hear the shuffling on the other side. You mindlessly turn the knob and open to reveal Jaemin, shirtless with a towel low around his waist. Â
He doesnât even flinch at the sudden exposure, clearly engulfed in taking a mirror picture. Both of his arms hold up his soft pink phone, his biceps flexing at the simple position. His broad, wide shoulders are on display and all you see is his bare silky skin. Youâre gawking, anyone can see at a mile away, hungry eyes tracing the outline of his toned chest and chiseled abs.Â
When he finally acknowledges your presence, a big toothy grin appears on his face. Your name rolls off his tongue excitedly, âyouâre right. I am overjoyed youâre here.â His lower register catches you off guard and something inside of you spikes at its rumble.
Jaemin watches as you try to find your words, tripping over your own tongue. He drinks up how your eyes bounce between his face and his bare upper body, lost in his canvas.Â
âSorry!â You quickly shut the door, odd that youâre the one embarrassed when he is the one who got walked in on. Running down the stairs, you slam right into Mark, causing him to fall back onto the couch.
âWhoa! Are you in a rush or something?â Mark groans. His eyes fixate on your flustered expression. âWhat happened?â
Youâre deciding whether or not you should lie to him, committed to not exposing and embarrassing yourself even further. âJust bumped into Jaemin. Does he normally not lock the bathroom door?â
There is a small quiver in your voice, but you try your best to remain nonchalant and calm. Mark raises a curious eyebrow, a shaky grin grows on his lips. You canât even imagine all the wild and inappropriate thoughts spinning in this college boyâs head.
âThatâs weird. Heâs usually good about that stuff.â He snickers, âWhat did you see?â
âGet your head out of the gutter.â You lightly slap the back of his head, but feel heat spread across the tips of your ears and run its way down to your cheeks. âI didnât see anything.â
âBummer, bet you wanted to.â Mark jokes, a fit of giggles erupting from his stomach.Â
You roll your eyes and proclaim loudly, âI have no interest in Jaemin.â Liar. The image of his hot body still hasnât left your mind. Itâs catastrophic. Crossing your arms, you plop onto the sofa next to your best friend.Â
Right on cue, another voice chimes in. Coming down the stairs, Jaemin dances his hand on the railing. His muscular arms catches your immediate attention as he flaunts around in a tight white tank, his other hand in the pocket of his gray sweats. âDamn, that really hurts my ego, (y/n), especially after youâve seen me naked just now.âÂ
Nonetheless, he doesnât look offended. Instead, a sweet smirk curves upward on his perfect face. You swallow hard, bashful and ashamed yet again that Jaemin continues to ruin you.Â
Mark is laughing his hardest, but you donât hear him. Your heart pounds in your ears, rapidly and loudly. âYou werenât naked, Jaem. Donât give Mark any ideas.â
Jaemin chuckles, tucking in his chin shyly. His charming smile is subtle, but dazzling. Youâre absolutely positive you have tiny stars swimming in your eyes just looking at him. He makes his way past you two, toward the kitchen to grab a Diet Pepsi out of the fridge.
âIâm sorry, Iâll remember to lock the door next time.â He apologizes, taking a sip of his drink and grimacing at the taste.
âWhat were you even doing in there?â Leave it to Mark to be such a curious cat. You nudge him in the rib and he winces noisily. âI want to know what you saw! You guys are acting so suspicious.â He sends a glare at you.
Jaemin comes up behind the couch. He leans over, handing Mark his phone. On display is the picture you witnessed Jaemin take a few minutes ago and the frontal view is even better than what you saw from the side. Your sharp intake of breath doesnât go unnoticed by Jaemin, but he doesnât call it out.Â
The picture could be considered a nude, even if it cuts right at his waistline. Itâs so scandalous and he doesnât seem the slightest sheepish about it. If anything, he and Mark are grinning together at Jaeminâs godly body, like two bros appreciating each otherâs muscles.Â
âYo, Na Jaemin! This is so crazy, look at that chest work.â Mark giddily hits at Jaeminâs chest, displaying a weird manly affection for his housemate. âAll those hours at the gym are paying off. Are you posting this?âÂ
Jaemin shakes his head. âItâs only meant for special eyes.â He glimpses briefly over at you, but you avert contact quickly. You think about all the people the boys talk about during their drunk kickbacks, but Jaemin is incredibly secretive. I donât kiss and tell, is what he always says when the guys try to probe him with investigative questions.
You normally try to pretend like it doesnât bother you, always helping him by telling the boys to mind their own business. Nonetheless, youâre probably the only person in the room who wants to know the most about his endeavors.Â
âThis is a nude?!â Mark jumps up and throws the phone back at Jaemin, rubbing his eyes in hopes to rid the picture out of his memory. âI love you dude, but Iâm not sure if I want to know youâre posing for nudes in our bathroom.â
Jaemin laughs, âCâmon, Mark. You donât have to have such a big reaction, just say you want me to send it to you too.â Mark shakes his head aggressively and youâre suffocating at the thought that you walked in on Jaemin taking a nude. A swirl of nasty thoughts circle your mind and you gulp at the desires that fill your lungs.
You get up so suddenly that Jaemin and Mark fall silent and wait for your next move. âIâm going home.â You announce, gaze stuck to the ground and fists balled at your side. âIâll see you later, Mark.âÂ
âAlright, do you need a rideââ
âNo, Iâll just walk. I need to take a breather.â Your legs are moving before anyone can follow after you. You didnât know what came over you, but spending another second in that room with them meant increasing your chances of saying something regrettable.
The cold breeze of the night cools your hot skin and fresh air clears your mind. It is still early in the evening when you check the time, but it is realistically going to take you 30 minutes to walk back home. You didnât think it through, frankly, but at least your head is clear from all the dirty thoughts about Jaemin.
Though, you wonder how whoever receives his photo would react. Would they combust the same way you did? Would they be left speechless at such a glorious man? Special eyes. It must be nice to have Jaemin interested in you.Â
When youâre left with your own reflection and about a quarter into your walk, a car pulls up slowly next to you on the curb. Initially, youâre cautious as to the random vehicle approaching you so intently.Â
However, the driverâs window rolls down and Jaemin calls your name. âItâs dangerous for you to walk. Iâll take you home.â
That annoying, rhythmic sound of your heart starts up again. Normally, Mark is the one who drives you to and back, but even you didnât think you could stand being in the car with him as he would endlessly tease you about Jaemin.Â
âThatâs alright. Iâm almost there-â
Jaemin gets out of the car and walks around to open the passenger door for you, âit wasnât a polite offer. Iâm taking you home.â His stern tone causes you to comply and enter his car without another attempt to protest.
When he enters the car, the tension in the atmosphere is heavy and thick. He turns off the engine and you can hear the quietness of the night again. You swallow the spit pooling at the back of your throat, unsure how to talk to him. This is the first time you two have been alone together, just you and him in one confined space. Youâre usually with Mark when youâre with the other guys.
âIâm actually really sorry, again. I hope you donât feel weird about seeing me like that.â Your heart crumbles at the genuinity in his apology. Your abrupt leave probably had him thinking he made you feel uncomfortable.
âJaemin, itâs fine. I already forgot what you looked like and itâs your house. You should feel comfortable doing what you want there.â Youâre downplaying all the emotions rising in your throat, but you canât help feeling guilty at the pout on his glossy lips.
âMark said that youâre not used to stuff like that. Is that true? Did I make you feel uncomfortable?â Jaemin looks over at you, a hand resting over the wheel.Â
You look away, his sultry stare being too much for you to handle. âMark doesnât know anything about what Iâm used to. I donât talk about that stuff with him.âÂ
Itâs the truth. Youâve had your fair share of hook ups, drunk makeout sessions at the club, and a previous relationship. So, you wouldnât say youâre as innocent as Mark always tries to make you out to be to others. However, youâre not throwing yourself at just anyone and arenât as open to sharing your experiences to people, Mark being one.Â
Jaemin nods, acknowledging everything youâre saying. âI noticed youâre usually quiet when all of us talk about our sexual experiences.âÂ
âYou are too, though.â You mumble under your breath, twiddling your thumbs.
âIâm too distracted watching how shy you get at the mention of Haechan getting head.â This statement, paired with his deep voice, is glass shattering. Something drops in your stomach, your feelings and thoughts colliding together into something unidentifiable.
Jaemin looks so good under the streetlamp. Even in the darkness, you can still see the twinkle in his alluring gaze and how much charm he exudes with a simple toothy smile. The desire to kiss him is so magnetic, you can feel yourself breaking at any moment.
âYou notice me?â Your brain has lost control over the words that spill from your lips. Your lustful and romantic feelings go into overdrive, saying things youâve never dared to say.
It is his turn to send you a confused look, as if it is the most ridiculous question you could have asked. âOf course I do. Itâs hard not to. You⊠have such an effect on me. I talk about it all the time to Jeno and Haechan.âÂ
This is shocking news to you. Youâve always been under the impression that the other three had no interest or a second thought about you, let alone Jaemin of all people. At the end of the day, youâre just Markâs best friend and youâre only really there because of him. His housemates are respectful and donât linger for too long when youâre around, so it never occurred to you that would be a topic in their conversations.
You stutter and approach slowly, âwhat do you talk about?âÂ
Jaemin chuckles, shaking his head and starts the car. âCanât tell you. Just know that I like it when youâre around.â He starts driving you home and you can feel the conversation fleeting. But you donât want to stop, you want to peel him layer by layer until he is at his core.Â
You two drive for some time in silence. When he approaches your neighborhood, he hits you with one sudden question. âDo you have feelings for Mark?â This is the one of many times he has surprised you tonight.
âNo!â You refute excessively. âWeâre strictly friends. He is nowhere near my type.â It is a question you get pretty often, given that you two are attached at the hip. Nonetheless, the thought of you and Mark together romantically makes you gag. He is nearly your brother at this point.Â
Jaemin raises a curious brow, âwhat is your type?âÂ
He pulls into your driveway and youâre presented with a window of opportunity. You dance with the possibility that Jaemin could actually be yours. After tonight, he definitely confirmed that he notices you.Â
Jaemin peers over with innocent eyes and a soft smile. His elbow rests on the middle console and his large hands hold the bottom of the steering wheel. And you canât believe that after all this time, he has been looking at you with such an endearing gaze. Gathering all the courage you have left, you clear your throat.Â
âGuys like you.â You say, rather breathlessly. You see his pupils dilate and his lips part at the sudden flirtatious confidence. Itâs like a lightbulb switches on inside his head. For once, you have left him speechless. âGoodnight, Jaemin. Thank you for bringing me home.âÂ
You exit his car, but he is quick to follow. âWhat kind of gentleman would I be if I didnât walk you to your door.â You almost make out the slight shakiness in his voice and youâre giggling at how dazed youâve gotten him.
Approaching your door, Jaemin turns your cheek to face him. His hand remains hot against your jaw and you think in any second, he might lean down and kiss you. Heâd kiss you to the point where youâd turn to goo right at his feet.Â
Your knees grow weak under his hooded stare, âgoodnight (y/n). Iâll let Mark know that I got you back safe and sound.â With that, his hand drops and he starts taking a few steps backwards toward his car. Disappointment is evident in your reaction.
Your shaky hands unlock the front door and you look back to see Jaemin leaning against his car waiting patiently for you to enter. When you get inside, your back slides down against the door, heart beating fast, and you wallow in the emptiness that Jaemin has left you with.Â
The only noise filling the air is the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. Then, your phone buzzes in your pocket and the notification causes your jaw to drop.Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): 1 Attachment
âHoly shit.â Jaeminâs nude flashes back at you and youâre taking everything in. The events earlier today come flooding back into your memory. Lustful desires cause your stomach to stir, tracing the lines of his collarbones and following the protruding vein on his shoulder. Â
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): for your special eyes xx
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): still have no interest in me?
Blinking at the thread of texts, your head is empty and a lump forms in your throat. Na Jaemin, the man that you are.Â
mark lee-ave me alone: Party tonight, you coming????
mark lee-ave me alone: Itâs been like almost two weeks since we hung out, do i need to file a missing personâs report?Â
you: iâve got finalsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: you finished finals we literally share calendar schedules⊠why u avoiding me
you: why are you guys alcoholicsÂ
mark lee-ave me alone: sounds good ! see u tn hehe
Tossing your phone onto your bed, you groan into your pillow. It has been a while since you went over, let alone seen Mark. After the moment you had with Jaemin, you arenât entirely sure if youâre ready to face him again. You had nearly fainted from all the emotions he put you through that day.Â
He also didnât reply to your text, but then again, you didnât give him much to work with. This is Na Jaemin youâre talking to and the last thing you want to do is to scare him away. So, the best response you came up with was the blushing emoji and embarrassment hit you all over again.
Nonetheless, you went back to that photo every night since and its effects remain the same every time. Widened eyes, hot cheeks, butterflies in your lower abdomen, wild thoughts. It has gotten to the point where your phone suggested making it his contact picture, causing the bashfulness to catch up to you.
Your phone buzzes again and youâre rolling over to expect another text from Mark. Instead, your heart rubs at your chest at the appearance of Jaeminâs name on your screen.
Na Jaemin (Markâs Housemate): canât wait to see you tn
Mark mustâve told them about you coming to the party. All it takes is one simple text and your feet are kicking in the air. Excitement replaces the dread that you were feeling before and youâre jumping out of bed to find a cute outfit.
When you finally get to the house, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation bubbles inside of you. While youâve looked forward to seeing Jaemin before, this time is completely different. He unlocked something that you can no longer control.Â
Mark lets you in, slightly buzzed, and the house is already packed with drunk people. Haechan is on aux as per usual with his perfectly curated party playlist. Jeno has a large bottle in his hand, pouring a line of shots on the kitchen island like a skilled bartender.Â
Youâre unconsciously scanning the room for Jaemin, Markâs words going in one ear and out the other. âItâs quite a turnout. We didnât expect so many people would show!â
When you take a quick look around, many are unfamiliar faces. Most of these had to be friends of his housemates, knowing how small Mark keeps his circle.Â
âWhat is this party even for?â Yelling over the loud music, you swear there will be ringing in your ears tomorrow morning.
âWeâre celebrating the end of the semester!â Mark cheers, excitedly with a big goofy grin. âThe guys mostly wanted an excuse to get their friends together and have some fun.â
âThatâs surprisingly more wholesome than I thought.â You nod, noting the pretty girls moving their hips in the dark and crowds of guys surrounding the keg. âVery fun.â You say sarcastically and follow Mark through the maze of hot bodies.
The kitchen is unrecognizable. Half empty glass pitchers and plastic cups line the sticky marble counters, they were definitely not getting their rent deposit back with all the tarnish.
It wasnât your first time at one of their parties, but it had been a long time since theyâve thrown something of this scale. It surprised you, mostly because everyone who lived here seemed so laid back that you didnât expect the large magnitude that they could draw in.
âDid you want something to drink?â Mark grabs a beer from the fridge, politely squeezing his way through those leaning against the appliances.Â
You shake your head, ânot right now.â He lifts a curious brow at your bottom lip between your teeth. Could he tell you were anxiously waiting for someone?Â
âSo, where have you been lately?â Your mind is extremely overstimulated with everything happening around you, and of course, Mark decides to have an open conversation in the middle of his densely packed kitchen area.
Shrugging, you play it off like everything is normal. âNeeded a break from you. You bitched about me coming over all the time, so I chilled out.â
Mark takes a swig, clearly not believing you. âThatâs the real reason why? There isnât anything else regarding someone who lives here?â
He is prying, digging, scheming. You can see it in his smug face when he knows he hit a soft spot. âDo you want to tell me? Because it seems like thereâs something going on that you wonât tell me.â
âItâs just interesting.â He shrugs, âJaemin insisted on going after you the night you walked out. Care to tell me what happened?â Mark giggles to himself like a high school girl sharing secrets. Rolling your eyes, the twitch of your lips curve into a small grin.Â
âIs that so out of his character?â You cross your arms, âJaemin has always been a gentleman unlike you, who let me walk home in the dark when you know it takes me 30 minutes.âÂ
Your best friend throws his hands up in defense, âI was going to go! Like I said, Jaemin beat me to it. He just grabbed his keys off the hook and told me he got it.âÂ
âAfter you told him I felt uncomfortable?â Anger rises in your voice. Quite surely, you sound more offended than you actually are. Nonetheless, that explanation from Mark did irk you a bit when Jaemin had told you.
Mark looks sheepishly at you and takes a timid sip. âWell, didnât you? Isnât that why you stormed off?! When have you ever talked about nudes, or having sex for that matter?âÂ
Scoffing, you couldnât believe him. Your face gets warm from the spotlight he has you under. Itâs complete disbelief that fuels your next line and you shout over the music, âThat doesnât mean I donât have sex. I have sex!âÂ
âWho is having sex?â The baritone voice sneaks up from behind you and a hot hand touches the small of your lower back. You seize up at the physical intimacy, turning around to see Jaemin looking as charming as ever. The pure visual of him has hearts in your eyes.
Mark laughs, not noticing how Jaemin snakes his hand around and rests it on your hip. He pulls you a bit closer so that your body leans against his strong arm. âWe were just talking about what happened between you two a couple of weeks ago.â
Jaemin nods, as if he understands the situation completely without much context. He looks down at you and smiles sweetly, âdid something happen between us?â
He doesnât break eye contact with you, barely paying attention to Mark, who youâve also tuned out of this conversation. The quiver in your voice is obvious and Jaeminâs eyes gleam upon hearing your sudden shyness. âNo. You just drove me home.âÂ
âYeah, you heard it here first.â Jaemin switches to an excited and peppy demeanor, as if all is well and you two arenât acting extremely suspicious.
Though, Mark is incredibly oblivious so he isnât hard to fool. He doesnât press on and gets pulled off to the side by Haechan to fix one of the speakers, leaving you and Jaemin alone among the drunken party goers. Your throat feels like it's closing in on itself, nervousness building your stomach yet again.
Jaemin swiftly turns you to face him fully, both hands holding your arms as he admires how youâve dressed up tonight. âIâve always liked this shirt on you. How have you been? I noticed you havenât come around lately.â
âIâve been busy.â Youâre as quiet as a mouse, but Jaemin hears you loud and clear. Youâre extremely conscious of the two of you openly together for everyone to watch or listen in, but Jaeminâs attention is solely on you.
âBusy avoiding me?â The way he asks is lighthearted. He isnât trying to instigate the way Mark was, it's playful and unserious, even if the question did hold some genuine curiosity.
âI donât know.â Itâs easier for you to be truthful with Jaemin compared to Mark. After that brief chat in his car, you felt like you could be honest with him as he was with you. As if somehow, that one pivotal night changed the dynamic of your nonexistent friendship completely.Â
You feel connected to him. Seen by him. âIf I did something wrong to make you want to avoid me, you gotta tell me.â Jaemin begins, sincerity heavy in his round eyes and tone.Â
However, you stop him from continuing. âThere is nothing wrong with what you did. I liked it, alot. I avoided coming because you make me feel nervous and shy.â Perhaps you are revealing too much too soon, but you canât help it with the way Jaemin looks at you.Â
He grins, âyouâve always been nervous and shy around me. Those feelings never stopped you from coming around before.âÂ
Youâre stunned at how observant he actually is. All this time, you thought you did a good job at keeping those feelings internal. Jaemin and you never shared an extensive conversation before that night, but you didnât completely ignore him whenever he was in the room.
Whenever you two would be physically near each other, youâd strike up small talk about classes and ask how heâs been â even if you had to build up the courage to say something.
You would always greet him back when he would arrive home or if he appeared from upstairs. There wouldâve been no way he couldâve seen how your hands fidgeted or hear your voice shake or when youâd avert your gaze. Right?
But he did. He saw through it all. And it hit you that Jaemin had really been observing you this entire time, beyond a simple notice. âSure, they didnât before. This time, things feel different between us.âÂ
âI like when you talk about there being an us.â Jaemin beams, âitâs cute. We never got to have that all this time.â He resembles a happy kid on Christmas day, opening a present that he had been good for all year. Itâs hopeful and quite touching that he thought about growing closer to you.Â
âDo you feel like itâs different between us?â You ask timidly. The feeling of possible rejection lingers in the back of your heart. This could all be a misunderstanding and you read it all wrong.Â
He ponders for a bit, eyes darting to the ceiling and then back at you. âYes, but not entirely. I think youâve gotten more comfortable opening up to me, but my feelings toward you havenât changed.â
Hadnât Jaemin brought it up, you really didnât know that your heart opened up as much as it did for him. It was all natural, seamless. He didnât have to speedrun questions like an investigator to get you to talk, everything just flowed. The second part of his answer did prompt more curiosity rather than something definitive.
How does he feel about you?
As you debated a follow up question, the two of you get interrupted by a small group of people pulling at Jaeminâs shoulder. He is brought back to the swarm of a party and youâre retreating into the background. âNa Jaemin! Weâve been looking everywhere for you.âÂ
Before he could excuse himself, they whisk him away deep into the dark sea of dancing individuals. Sighing, youâre left with the same emptiness you felt two weeks ago. Mark comes stumbling back, the beer in his hand now nearly finished.
âAre you drunk off of a Bud Light?â You snicker at your friendâs wobbly entrance. Your heart is heavy in your chest, but you let these emotions subside.Â
He takes a final drink, âIâm just feeling a little loose. I think itâs finally time you get some.âÂ
You give in, especially now that Jaemin has reeled you in and left you without any clarity. You need a drink to calm all the nerves that he lit up, ease all the pent up tension he created.Â
âOnly if itâs not what youâre having.â Markâs head swishes heavily on his shoulders, peering around to find the man with the alcohol supply. He gestures to Jeno from the opposite side of the room for two shots and you laugh at their silly roleplay.
Jeno walks over and greets you with a smile, realizing he didnât see you come in this whole time. He pours a dangerous amount of Vodka that overflows out of the small glass.Â
âDude! You suck as a bartender, youâre fired!â Mark giggles drunkenly at Jenoâs heavy hand and clinks the shot glasses. âBest friend shots!â He squeals happily at you.
You oblige, holding your breath for the intake of alcohol. Wincing at the taste, you down the shot as best as you can. Itâs dreadful, but somehow your muscles relax and your mind clears from the running thoughts of Jaemin.Â
âAnother one!â Jeno cheers. This time, he prepares three shots and joins in on the random celebratory atmosphere that Mark established.Â
The responsible side is signaling alarm bells to slow down, but the side intoxicated with disruptive feelings of Jaemin is silencing them all. So you think, one more shot wonât hurt.
Youâre unsure of how much time has passed. Twenty minutes? An hour? Maybe even two hours. It feels late and early all at the same time. At this point, youâre experiencing a good buzz after the last few rounds of shots with Jeno and Mark.
The liquid courage has you asking for Jaeminâs whereabouts.Â
âI think heâs upstairs in the bathroom with someone.â Mark slurs his words, clearly not knowing the magnitude of this information. Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach, a ton of bricks hitting you. Youâve tuned out the booming music and Markâs words play on a loop.
âWhen did you see him go up with someone?â You ask again, not wanting to believe Markâs words. Could it have been one of the people from the group that stole him away? An old fling. A friend with benefits. An ex-lover. An admirer. The list unravels itself like a never ending scroll.Â
He shrugs, itâs obvious this man has no actual idea what is going on or how much it's affecting you. âCheck for yourself.â The edge of sass in his tone has you feeling challenged. Mark always gets a bit snarky and direct whenever heâs intoxicated.
Youâre going back and forth with yourself â stay or find him. If you see him making out with someone else, then what? It would actually hurt you and you only have your own blossoming feelings to blame. If he is alone, then what? Will he finally tell you how he feels about you? Will he finally kiss you? The desire for that is enough drive for you.
And so you go.Â
Heading up the stairs, the mess of the party downstairs fades into the background. Your palms grow sweaty as you walk down the long hallway toward the looming bathroom. Light flows through the bottom crack of the door. Not knowing what to expect, youâre just hoping what Mark said isnât true.Â
Your hand holds onto the shiny knob, hesitant to get your ego bruised at the sight of Jaemin with another person. Taking a deep breath, you open the door.
Jaemin is in the midst of zipping up his jeans, the belt around his waist unbuckled. However, he is alone and oddly enough, the sound of the running toilet brings an ounce of reassurance for you. He looks up and your grip relaxes on the knob.Â
Upon seeing your figure, Jaemin shakes his head with a sneaky smirk. He goes about washing his hands as normal and says, âwe really need to stop meeting like this.â
âMaybe you should try locking the door for once.âÂ
âI do. Somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.â He sounds so innocent lying through his teeth. Jaemin wipes his hands on the hand towel and leans against the door frame, ânow are you actually going to use the bathroom or did you know Iâd be here waiting for you?â
Your mouth opens to speak, but no words form. Jaeminâs gaze eats you up again, taking in your attire and dolled up look once more. His playful smile disappears and is replaced with a thin line, his jaw tightening. âSo pretty.â His low voice whispers, eyes never leaving your lips.Â
Right then and there, the want to kiss him surges throughout your body. There is nothing stopping you from diving into Jaemin, letting him have you utterly and completely. No consequences filter through your head, no other thoughts besides what his lips taste like. It could be the alcohol, but youâre fully drunk off his sultry stare and his feathering touches on your wrist.Â
He leans in toward you, head tilting as he inches closer to your face. Closing your eyes, you await the kiss youâve longed for. Blood pumping in your veins and heart doing somersaults in your chest.Â
âDid you drink?â You quickly open your eyes at his question and see Jaemin pulling back. The familiar feeling of disappointment floods your body too well.Â
âI took a few shots.â Youâre biting the inside of your cheek, trying to not look embarrassed at how badly you wanted him to kiss you. The smell of alcohol is still hot on your breath and youâre even surprised at how composed youâve managed to be.Â
âSweetheart, I donât want to kiss you like this.â Jaeminâs tone is sweet, but firm. Although you were nowhere near black out drunk, you understood his sentiments. He wanted to kiss you without any chance of regret. He wants to do it right.Â
âI blame Mark for this.â A heavy sigh falls at the end of your sentence. You roll your eyes at the sound of Markâs voice from downstairs. Regardless of your disappointment, your heart is still burning at how he called you sweetheart. You didnât know how good it would sound until it left his mouth.Â
In a blink of an eye, he quickly kisses your cheek. âThat will have to do for now.â Jaemin smiles, wide and toothy.
You donât have enough time to process, still stuck at the small pet name, as he whisks you back down to join everyone at the party. Your eyes widen, cheeks grow hot, butterflies grow in your lower abdomen, and wild thoughts swirl in your head. All of which didnât need Jaeminâs nude for these effects to arise.Â
âYou know, Jaemin has started asking about you a lot.â Mark looks up from his laptop, taking a break from his strenuous essay. It had been a week after the party and everything fell right back into routine. Youâd show up to their house as if you never stopped coming around.Â
The only difference is that youâre not here to see Mark anymore. Youâre here for Jaemin. As clingy and corny as that seemed, you left every day happy that you got to talk to him. The two of you had been texting since the night of the party, mostly brief conversations about your day, but he never forgets to wish you a good morning.Â
Whenever youâre at the house, Jaemin would join you and Mark when heâd come home. Initially, Mark didnât seem to notice that his housemate would linger for as long as youâd be here or that Jaemin would purposefully sit close to you, or those longing stares you two would share across the table.Â
It wasnât until you were drinking water and Jaemin had casually asked for a sip. Then, it clicked. Mark jumped, he pointed fingers, he accused. All of which, you two blinked innocently at him in confusion, Jaeminâs bottom lip touching the rim of your bottle.Â
Jaemin and you denied everything Mark tried to throw at you two, given that in all actuality, you two are only getting to know each other. He still hasnât kissed you on the lips. He still hasnât really spent time with you alone again, though you are incredibly nervous at that potential idea coming to fruition.Â
After the night of the party, youâve been wondering and waiting for his move. It did bother you the first few days, but his sweet texts always had a grin growing on your face. Jaemin played a very long game.Â
âReally? Like what?â You try to hide your undying curiosity. Not looking up from your screen, you pretend to browse through empty tabs to seem like you are too busy to care. But deep down, it has been eating away at you wondering how Jaemin feels.
Mark smirks, âtell me what has been going on between you two and then Iâll tell you.âÂ
Scoffing, you roll your eyes at his deal. âThat just sounds like youâre making shit up.âÂ
âSo there is something going on between you two!â His voice grows louder, a bit more accusatorial. His eyes narrow, âyou know I expected secrets from him, but not from you! Youâre my best friend.â Markâs sad pout tugs at your heartstrings.
A sigh escapes your lips and you give him your full attention. It didnât feel good having to keep things from him, but you thought to wait until something actually happened before saying anything. Nonetheless, since you canât stand seeing your best friend sad, you decide to just come clean from the beginning.Â
âHe sent you that nude!?â Mark gasps as you reveal the night Jaemin drove you home. The more you talk about your encounters with Jaemin and your thought process, the more you realize how much you like him. Beyond attraction, beyond his chivalry. A flower has grown from the seed he watered. Â
âNo wonder why there is this weird tension whenever weâre all together. Itâs because you two are literally eye fucking each other across the room.â Mark grumbles, but he lets you finish telling your piece. From the nude to the conversation in the kitchen to the kiss on the cheek. He now knows everything youâve experienced and how youâre wrapped around Jaeminâs finger.
A part of you prepares for the teasing and the gross kissing noises, but your best friend just nods silently. His stare is blank, like he is trying to process the everything and nothing youâve been through. Growing nervous, you shift uncomfortably on the couch.Â
âJaemin asked me about your favorite things. He told me that itâs something that would come in handy one day.â Mark clears his throat and can barely look you in the eye, almost embarrassed to share such an intimate question his friend asked about you. âHe also asked if I had feelings for you.â
Your jaw drops, heart falling to the pit of your stomach. This is unexplored terrain â the two of you never touched on the topic of potentially becoming romantic. It had always just felt mutually platonic. Sitting up quickly, you lean closer toward him.
He sends a weird stare at your sudden attentive figure. âI donât, first of all, donât get too excited here.âÂ
The anticipation leaves your system, falling back against the cushion and going back to your homework. âI thought you were going to reveal some crazy backstory with the way youâre acting.â
Mark laughs, mockingly. âWeâre nearly siblings. Iâve seen every bad part of you, your charm doesnât work on me.âÂ
âWell, the feeling is mutual!â You ruffle his hair, messing it up between your fingers as he tries to push you off. A fit of giggles fill the room that the two of you donât hear the front door open.
When the door shuts, you glance over to see Jaemin stripping his shirt. Cursing under your breath, your eyes remain stuck on all his bare skin. His whole chest and abs glisten with droplets of sweat, veins popping from whatever pump he got from the gym. His track pants hang low, the waistband of his briefs peeking through.Â
Mark laughs at how youâre practically frozen over Jaemin. Jaemin looks your way and his familiar, sweet smile greets you. âHey cutie, did you finish your project?âÂ
He walks over, his shirt thrown over his broad shoulders. Heat travels across your cheeks, you swear the temperature in the room went up several degrees. Youâre batting your eyelashes, but averting any attention from his defined figure as he closes the space between you two.Â
Jaeminâs heart swells at the sight of your shy antics. He canât imagine anyone as cute as you, so reactive to every little thing he does. He doesnât even see Mark in the room, all he wants to pay attention to is you.Â
âAlmost. Mark has been distracting.â Maybe your voice naturally gets airy around him, Jaemin just makes you want to twirl your hair and smile all the time. He takes a seat on the armrest next to you. As he crosses his arms, his biceps make their appearance once again â all voluptuous and strong.Â
âOh? How so?â He cocks a curious brow, finally taking a glance over at his housemate. Mark snickers at how differently you react to Jaeminâs casual demeanor. For all he has known, this is how Jaemin is. Heâll walk around shirtless, even pants less, as if it is any normal day. But since Mark kindly warns him that youâre going to be coming around, he complies.Â
Now, Jaemin just wants to drive you into delirium.
Your mind is absolutely wiped, there is nothing more distracting than a half naked Jaemin â this you knew too well. As you tremble over your words, Mark saves the day by falsely admitting how heâs been trying to chat with you so he didnât have to do his essay.Â
âAh, chatterbox. Iâm jealous.â Jaemin gets up and spins on his heel, heading toward the stairs. Your body unknowingly leans toward his fleeting figure, a pout tugging at the corner of your lips.
Jaeminâs finger taps along the railing, drawing a trail as he walks up each step. âI wish I got to distract you from your project, talk to you for hours.âÂ
Youâre freaking out internally, trying to decipher if he had just spit out an innuendo or if he genuinely meant it. You fight the urge to completely yell at the top of your lungs how much youâd love him to. Mark also bites back the scream that threatens to escape, not believing what he is a witness to.Â
âYou can!â Your chirpy, forced tone nearly cracks from your nervousness. âJoin us after your shower.â Even if you wanted him alone, youâre willing to settle for moments with Mark in them.
âIâll come, donât worry.â No flirtation, no smug smirks, Jaemin gently reassures you that heâll come back for you. And while the heavy tension in the air dissipates, youâre finding your heart to throb at his thoughtfulness.Â
âDude, youâre so whipped for him.â Mark giggles and youâre throwing a decorative pillow at his chest, very much embarrassed. âI should let you guys be alone, would you want that?â
The second Mark proposes his question, your heart shakes at the possibility of Jaemin and you finally alone again for an extended period of time. It is a nerve wrecking thought, you can feel your pulse racing. Not that you had avoided such a potential situation, but you didnât really think you would get the chance to. Now that your good friend knows everything, he has the power to help you out.Â
âI do.â Youâre admitting so much of your vulnerability that Mark actually softens at your tiny request. He nods and packs up his things without any hesitation. âBut where are you going to go?â You didnât want to seem like you were kicking out your friend from his own house.
He brushes off your guilty tone, âdonât worry. Thereâs a study session happening in 15 minutes for one of my classes.â With that, he slings his backpack over his shoulder and takes a moment to look at you. His facial expression is hard to decipher.Â
You stand and he holds your shoulders, âno more secrets.â Mark says with glossy eyes and a small smile. âAnd use protection.â He laughs, breaking the almost sweet and serious moment you two rarely share. You push him off and roll your eyes, though secretly grateful that you have Mark in your life.
Itâs agonizing as you wait for Jaemin to come out of the shower, being completely alone with your hypotheticals and expectations eating away at you. Thereâs no way you have the capacity right now to focus on your project and homework. Jaemin just consumed every bit of you.
When he finally walks down the stairs, fully clothed and hair freshly blow dried, you pretend again that youâre too busy to notice. He heads toward the kitchen to open a can of Diet Pepsi and makes his way back. Jaemin snuggles up next to you, arm draped around the back of your side of the couch and youâre drowning in the scent of his body wash.
âMark left?â He sips, his Adamâs apple bobbing and his jaw tightening with each gulp. Youâre lost in his seeping aura, wondering how the fuck he looks so good doing something so simple.Â
Clearing your throat, you place your laptop on the coffee table and face up at him. He meets your starry eyes and it takes so much in you to not break away. âStudy session.âÂ
Jaemin nods knowingly, leaning forward to also neatly set down his can. Almost immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifts from light hearted to heavy sensual tension. Not that either one of you expected anything to happen, but just being in each otherâs presence is suffocating and intoxicating all at once.
Now that youâre finally alone with him, you canât help all the nerves and flips in your stomach from happening. âI kept you waiting then.â His voice is raspy, causing it to sound deeper than normal.Â
Shaking your head, you say the first thing your heart thinks of. âIâm always willing to wait for you.â Jaemin lifts an eyebrow at your statement, noting the shock in your face as soon as it filled the air. His arm snakes around your waist, pulling you onto his lap and youâre maneuvering your legs to straddle him.Â
This intimate position has your heart springing out of your chest, thumping so aggressively that you swear he can feel it against his own. His hands are politely placed on your back and he peers up at you with a sultry stare. Youâre holding your breath and unsure where to place your hands, losing your wits already at how things have escalated.Â
âIs this alright with you? Am I doing too much?â He cautiously asks, ready to set you back down to where he had selfishly pulled you from.Â
âThis,â Scrambling, tripping, catâs got your tongue! Jaemin doesnât realize how your mind has been lit with flames all from this one swift movement. âThis is fine. I like this.â
He smirks, âyou like being on top of me?â When he asks such a nasty question, youâre too bashful to play along. Jaemin chuckles, âyouâre driving me crazy right now.âÂ
You are? Itâs quite unbelievable that any of this has an effect on him. Perhaps he is better at holding back his reactive facial expressions, but Jaemin seems so laid back and unphased. âMe? Iâve barely said more than a few sentences.âÂ
âItâs not about the quantity, you can say anything to me and Iâd be smitten for you.â Jaemin taps your nose, in a loving and endearing way. Youâre getting a side of him youâve never really seen before â this head over heels, heart eyed fool. A part of you craves more of this, feeling special at how he only has eyes for you.
The other part is shocked that youâre even experiencing any of this, how did you get so lucky?
âJaem, are you going to finally tell me how you feel about me?â When you say his name, his nonchalant attitude almost falters. His ears perk up, eyes alert and a tighter grip on the hem of your shirt. âHow did we get here?âÂ
He purses his lips, contemplating long and hard about how he should go about explaining himself. Your voice is more stern, he can tell youâve been wanting to get an answer to this for a while.
âI like you.â Jaemin says it so easily, those words roll off of his tongue effortlessly that it surprises himself.
âSince when?â You donât mean to sound so interrogative, but all this time, this didnât make any sense to you. Maybe your own lovey eyes blinded you from seeing his feelings or that your own self esteem halted you from believing someone like him could like you back. Nevertheless, this all came about so suddenly for you.
A small smile grows on his face as he thinks back to the first time he saw you. Your timid introduction and you glued to Markâs side, but none of that could take away from how pretty you looked.
And when he first heard you laugh, like really laugh, he swore he needed to hear it again, and again, and again. Sooner or later, he found your shyness irresistibly adorable and he only wanted to interact with you more, but was unsure about your relationship with Mark.
Ultimately, Jaemin decided to keep his distance because you and Mark seemed more than close. However, the more he pulled away, the more you filled his empty thoughts and daydreams.
Whenever you came around, he found himself happier just upon seeing you for a brief second and hearing your silly anecdotes to Mark all the way from his room. If all you two had exchanged was a small greeting, Jaemin would be satisfied.Â
Until the night you stayed for one of their drunk kickbacks, and something inside of him unlocked. A new sense of desire? The introduction of lust and curiosity.
Jaemin noted the way youâd squirm, dig yourself deeper into the cushions, hide your face in your shirt. Your reactions to his friendsâ sexual adventures were typical, full of gasps and slight embarrassment, but your eyes were more than telling of your piqued interest. The one thing that he hated was that you never openly shared a single thing, even when asked.Â
So, that meant he didnât either. In a more respectful sense, he normally doesnât dive into the nitty details as much as his housemates do, but you were such a mysterious person. He wanted to keep himself that way as well, making him as alluring as you were. The art of not knowing, just makes you want to know more.Â
And when you would stand up for him against the other boys, that boldness only made you more attractive. Maybe you didnât want to know about his personal endeavors, regardless, you respected his privacy and were willing to break out of your shell for him.
What other layers of you has he not seen? That caused him to wonder how much he could push you, what other reactions he could draw out of you, and gauge if you had any interest in him.Â
In between your nervous stammers and long stares, Jaemin had some inkling that you might be into him. However, he couldnât tell if that was just his ego deluding his judgment or if it was the actual truth.Â
He had something less drastic in mind than you walking in on him in the bathroom. But, he thought if he waited and hesitated as much as he did before, there would never really be another chance. If you were disinterested, it wouldâve been a lighthearted mistake and brief awkwardness. If you were interested, then it opens the door metaphorically as well.Â
So in the spur of the moment, as he heard your voice and footsteps down the hallway, he quickly unlocked the door. His heart pounded rapidly in his chest as he tried to keep his phone steady.
Act natural. Be cool. Be confident.
He just hoped you couldnât see right through his desperate act. And when you opened the door and everything that followed after, it was enough to wash away any doubt he had before.Â
After dropping you off, he decided right then and there that he was going to pursue you.Â
âWould you believe me if I told you it was since the day I met you?â His voice is soft and quiet. Jaemin brushes a few strands of hair out of your face, gently tucking it behind your ear. âI was looking forward to your presence without realizing it. Iâd tell Haechan and Jeno how I was excited to hear your voice, even if it wasnât speaking to me.âÂ
He could be such a romantic, though this didnât come too much of a shock to you. You couldnât believe that youâd be the recipient of it one day. âSince the day we met. That feels like ages ago.â Your eyes wander off, trying to regain the distant memory.Â
You could barely remember the day Mark introduced you to his housemates. It was such a blurry scene, mostly because you were so painstakingly nervous so you tried to bury it in the depths of your mind. The only thing you remember was the tight grip you had on Markâs sleeve and Jaeminâs gorgeous smile.Â
âWhy didnât you try approaching me? Be my friend, get to know me back then?â You ask, a small edge in your tone. Instead of months of googly, heart eyed stares, you two couldâve been acquainted much earlier. Your relationship wouldâve been so far along, milestones wouldâve already been hit. A thousand kisses wouldâve already been exchanged.
Jaemin is well aware of his lack of action, âI wasnât sure about you and Mark. I didnât want to overstep and initially, I couldnât tell if you even wanted to be around anyone besides him.â Now his questions to both you and Mark made sense.
He wanted to be absolutely certain that there would be no conflict. No room for anyone else. No blurred lines. Jaemin wanted to do it right.
âSo, me walking in on you in the bathroom⊠was that an honest mistake?â As all the dots connected and all the lines matched up, youâre replaying all the moments that led up to this point.
He can see the gears turning in your beautiful head and laughs, âlike I said, somehow, itâs always unlocked when youâre around.âÂ
Rolling your eyes, you settle with your own conclusion that perhaps it was in his plans all along to fluster the fuck out of you. As much as you hate to admit it, it worked. Hook, line and sinker.Â
âHow do you feel?â Jaemin asks, as his knuckles rub lovingly against your cheek. His big hand slides toward your jawline and he firmly cups your face, a quick flicker from your eyes to your lips.Â
Intense. That is how you feel. At any second, you are a volcano ready to erupt. All these pent up emotions â lust, fondness, frustration â burst at your seams. All of which is unbeknownst to Jaemin, despite being the very spark of it.
âI feel like you should kiss me now.â Spoken confidently, Jaemin is shocked at your response. You didnât have to ask him twice though, as he pulled you into him without missing a beat.Â
The kiss is slow and cautious, like he is holding back from doing too much, taking too much. He guides your hands onto his collarbones and across his toned chest. Underneath his thin shirt, you feel how strong and defined he is. Youâre hesitant at first, unaware of how much you could feel.
Jaemin could sense it, pausing in between your small kisses to take off his shirt. Youâre wide eyed, fully shocked at his chiseled body right in front of you. Itâs just like how you remembered from his photo, except now itâs not through a tiny phone screen. All on display, Jaemin takes your shaky hands and places them delicately on his broad shoulders.
âTouch me.â Itâs all he has to say until your lips are connected again. His hot skin against your fingertips as youâre dragging them down his biceps, moving along all of his exposed terrain.Â
Adrenaline fills your system and you canât even begin to stop all the lustful and romantic feelings that bubble across your chest. So, you fervently kiss him back to signal just how much you want it, how much you wish to be kissed by him.
Jaemin loses it between your sweet touches and your eagerness, both hands now holding your face steady for him to deepen the kiss. The feverish glide of his lips on yours is something unforgettable. Itâs inimitable, a passion that solely exists for the two of you. Kissing Jaemin is blissful, like nothing matters more than being here lips locked and hands on his bare chest.
Kissing Jaemin also ruined you. Moving forward, youâll crave this feeling forever. How are you supposed to kiss anyone else in this world now? How will you ever want to kiss anyone else knowing youâve experienced this?
You two make out until condensation forms on the outside of his Diet Pepsi can. There is a lingering taste of the soda on his tongue; a taste you once hated so much is now something you canât get enough of.Â
When youâre both finally pulling away, your lips are puffy and Jaemin is catching his breath. He could feel his heart bursting at the sight of your disheveled hair and pouty lips. Youâre the prettiest baby heâs ever seen.
Heâs staring at you with tiny stars in his eyes, ones that reflect your own. And he breaks the silence, ânow we can finally tell Mark we kissed.â A sweet, kind smile appears at the end of his sentence.Â
Youâre laughing, and Jaeminâs heart flutters knowing he is the reason behind that melodic sound he loves hearing so much.Â
omg yall đ im so shocked by the amount of traction the preview got, i wasnât expecting it ngl đ im still finishing it up so hopefully i can post it within the end of this week/weekend !!
thank you all so much for the love â€ïž
and if you want me to tag you, just let me know through the post in the replies or an ask :)