MY WITNESS BRINGS ME TO EXISTENCE

Lucian Freud Rose 1979

justink_ed

caught - self-tie feb 2024

Phyllis Christopher. Party, Los Angeles, CA, 1999. Giclee print.

sometimes instead of a horrid little monk, divine visions of lesbians dance in my head dispensing wisdom

father Tobias's punishment

jester who never learned how to bite their tongue making some snide remark about being able to take whatever the knight threw at them. knight who takes that as a challenge and ruins the jester just the way they wanted the whole time ♥︎♥︎

internet archive link

Do you like my outfit for the parade?

Although I've blamed my social difficulties for the root of my sadistic desires, my low empathy &etc do not make it easier for me to actually act out on these desires, they make it much harder. when I execute a successful scene in which I'm the dom or sadist, that success isn't through blind luck, through my partner's efforts alone, or through me being kept on a (metaphorical) short leash to keep my nature in check. when there is success it is through both me and my partner's efforts to, as a team, communicate our mutual needs and act them out in a way we both find mutually beneficial and fun.

imho it's much harder than being a sub, where (as unhealthy as it is) you can avoid the cognitive dissonance by playing into your passivity and denying responsibility in your own mind. as a dom you can't deny responsibility. in order to take any action at all you need to first actively untangle the dissonance to discard of your ingrained biases. it's hard.

20260427

Intaglio with Chine Cólle