gael

sorry for not developing my employability skills i was too busy being sexy and fun

imagine saying this to your employer

alright i will

just got into bed. has anyone else tried this

why don’t you shut your fucking mouth and look at the wikipedia page for sucking cock???????????

alright one sec

hey it says i gotta have my mouth open for this one boss

To YOU its a ufo. I know what it is

these are called fossil words! here's a whole list

If I ever find out which evolutionary ancestor is responsible for the "scratching an insect bite produces the purest bliss you'll ever know for 0.57 seconds and then unleashes fiery agony immediately after" epidermal punishment loop I will find a time machine and commit homicide, I don't care if it means the human race never evolves, let the crabs take over if they want it so bad

I love this thing

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like stupid sharks?

I could really use a fish right now

*Hades voice* Do Not Limp Your Wrist at Me, Boy

This. This. So. Much.

sometimes this really weird thing happens to me where i am suddenly filled with the desire to have sex with a beautiful woman...does this happen to anybody else, or is it just me?