The Life of Pablo and the birth of Kanye Kardashian
So The Life Of Pablo finally dropped after niggas wondered if Kanye was even going to make music anymore. He’s rich (53 million in debt my ass) and he’s achieved his white trophy wife and the fashion career he so dearly craved, so why work anymore? He could keep proving he’s great, I guess. Too bad he’s having an awkward time of it right now.
After watching Kanye Tudda stumble into the media for numerous tweets all week, we reached the February 11th he had promised us; the Madison Square Garden premiere of So Help Me God/Swish/Waves/Life of Goddamn Pablo.
After thinking you actually had to join tidal to watch, people went to tidal’s website, turned the stream quality to 240p and tuned in to Kanye’s newest passion project. We were rewarded with a stream of new Kanye and it was wonderful regardless of Kanye’s various attempt to make us not give a fuck.
Speaking of not giving a fuck I’m aware that he debuted clothes, but I’m far beyond sparing fucks for that nigga’s god awful, insultingly plain clothes. I know people are mad at that article about the premiere being “fuccboi heaven” but Kanye is proving that he’s king of the fuccbois and you have to accept it. He hangs with Ian Connor and got niggas out here dressing like the crew of the nebuchadnezzar. He’s still obsessed with his ex (and if you haven’t witnessed the rise of Bryson Tiller, you may have missed that this is popular with ashy fuckniggas that can’t keep a woman), he does coke more and he’s actually using Twitter now.
I’ve been a Ye fan since day zero. I been fucking with this nigga since he produced “Guess Who’s Back” for Scarface and I’ve ridden with him through all of his phases. I was iffy about 808s, but he won me over. I was iffy about MBDTF and I still am. I was iffy about Yeezus and was happily mistaken. But this new Kanye I’m not even iffy about. Nigga pushed the project back for ages and it still sounds unfinished.
Now, instead of tweeting my reaction to the Life Of Pablo by Kanye “Where’s the fucking blow at, baby?” West, I’m going to tumblr my song by song review because I can’t put all my words into a 140 character a piece rant.
“Know what God said when he made the first rainbow?/ Throw this at the end if I’m too late for the intro” - Chance the Rapper
Nigga, I love this song. When Kanye repeatedly called this a gospel album, this is what I thought he thought it sounded like to him and no one else. Only Kanye would get Kelly Price, The Dream, Chance the Rapper and Kirk Franklin on a song and have it not sound weird. I can’t pretend I’m a big Chance fan, but I can’t ignore the nigga’s musical talent. The way he approaches tracks is fun in a way that I’d similar to pre-Lasers Lupe; back when he had colorful videos and actually looked like a nerd. I really appreciate Kanye for showing restraint and not mentioning fucking a bitch on here. If this not my favorite track on the album, I’m lying.
“If I just fucked this model/ and she just bleached her asshole/ and I get bleach on my t-shirt/ I’m gonna feel like an asshole” - Kanye
After he opened the album with what is probably one of the most beautiful songs this nigga has ever been responsible for, he returns to typical rap fare. He brings in an ear-caressing sample only for it to turn into your cliché Atlanta producer beat with trap drums on a loop that’s not as good as the intro let on. He then opens his verse by talking about a model bleaching her asshole and getting it on his shirt. This is the Kanye I expected.
This song is cool if only because of Cudi’s singing and the synths.
“I’m terrible at making industry plants" - Kanye West
Oh boy, this song pisses me off because I had to learn about Designer. When I first heard this shit, I thought, “damn, what’s this vocal effect on future verse? I wanna do that shit to my voice”. Turns out its a fucking 22 year old nigga from Brooklyn rapping like Future on purpose. You telling me Baauer, Dej Loaf and Lil Bibby can get Future features but Kanye had to find the Aldi’s version?
I’m not a fan of swagger jacking, culture vulturing or blatant biting. I will openly not fuck with real life people if they steal creative property; Steal a nigga flow for your own image, Steal people’s art and claim it’s yours, steal ideas, whatever. That shit shows poor character and low self-esteem. I’m pretty disappointed in Kanye for being the creative he claims he is but endorsing some bullshit like this.
It’s also sad to me that in order for young new york niggas to get on, they have to grab a surfboard and hit the beach with the most popular rap waves. Rocky rode Spaceghostpurrp’s wave with the hieroglyphics and the “trill” shit; basically everything about his image that isn’t looking like his Italian sugar daddy dressed him. Bobby Shmurda imitated Drill music so well that it got him put in jail and Joey Badass imitated old people so well that no one cares about him. Now we got this nigga.
Like, when Erykah Badu got a fake Drake to rap on her project, I just deleted it and took comfort in knowing that nigga would never be famous. Kanye signed one of Future’s zygotes to his label because clearly he bellyflopped into some fucking Cocaine and decided “I can’t have Future on my album; all that beefing with your ex on twitter is messy.“
“for all my Southside niggas that know me best/ I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/ cuz I made that bitch famous/” - Kanye West
First off, yuck at Kanye wanting to fuck Taylor Swift. She has the sex appeal of a cartoon giraffe with long eyelashes. Anytime she wears sexy outfits, I assume it’s a feminist comedy sketch. Fucking Taylor Swift is what it must feel like for a pedophile when they find a willing sex partner. If you tell Taylor Swift “talk dirty to me”, she’ll just say “oh, yeah, you like that” over and over.
This song sucks bison dick. Like, having Swizz Beats yell on your song is basically saying “I’m aware this is the worst song on the album”. He is a human asterisk. He’s like a lighthouse on the coast of mediocre rap songs. This man was allowed to get on in music using Casio stock noises in the 90s and now we are paying for it. I don’t listen to Rihanna or Alicia Keys’ light-skinned man barnacle, so this song had no chance with me.
Once Bam Bam dropped at the end and it turned into a Girl Talk song, I was done.
“Fashion Show in Gotham, I need another costume/ PETA mad cuz I made a jacket out of possum/ Awesome, Steve Jobs mixed with Steve Austin/ Rich slave in the fabric store picking cotton/” - Kanye
This motherfucker here tho. This is my favorite not-ultralight beams song. This is the most solid rap song on here for me. Hearing this makes me wish he did Yeezus 2 like he claimed he could. If the production on this album was 2016 in cinema so far, this beat would be Deadpool. This track has the best bars from Kanye on here, in my opinion.
“My life sucks but I’m pretty sure God got me at some point ” - black woman
This when I realized Kanye really started making music like a soundcloud nigga
“Advice to all my niggas: impreganate (sic) Bridget/ so if she have a baby, she gon make another nigga” - Kanye T. Washington
This sounds like some jiggy Miami party shit and feels like a waste of Young Thug. I guess I gotta be the nigga to say that all the “bitch” shit feels weird in the context Kanye uses it. When Lil B raps about bitches, it’s fun and entertaining because who are these faceless bitches? Kanye calling various women he’s interacted with in real life bitches, though? It’s a weird type of misogynist arrogance that doesn’t sit well with me. Call me what you want, but don’t call me for fronts.
Like, shit, Kanye feels like the only person that is off on this song. All this fun singing and he comes in to take a jab at Ray J and call the Kardashians the new Jacksons.
“What if we fucked right now?/ What if we fucked right in the middle of this motherfucking dinner table?/ What if we fucked at this Vogue party?/ Would we be the life of the whole party?/“ - Kanye West
after all the foreplay, his raps finally devolved into him openly pondering if everyone would just fuck right now if he starts fucking. Then Whoture gets on and I just listened to Feedback again.
“I miss the old Kanye/ Straight from the ‘Go Kanye/ ‘Chop up the soul’ Kanye/ ‘Sit on his goals’ Kanye/” - Coke Kanye
I like this Kanye. I like the snarky Kanye. I like the “who put all this balmain on a darkie” Kanye. shit, is this sober Kanye? Or is this older Kanye? Do you have more shit like this inside of a folder, Kanye?
See, Chance the Rapper is the favorite rapper of niggas that unironically peruse the white woman wednesday tag. One of the reasons I’m not a fan. I’d really hate to have to withdraw my newly Internet-premiered praise from him because Kanye claims he begged him to hold up the album for this unnecessary song.
If Kanye having Chris Brown on the album doesn’t lend credence to this nigga using nose spice, then maybe you missed him begging Mark Zuckerberg for money on twitter.
This shit sounds like a DJ Khaled compilation throwaway. The arpeggiated choir, the Chris Brown crooning nonsense, the fairly forgettable verses. I feel like he did this just to spite Wiz Khalifa. Which is fine with me because he made a tribute song to that dead hebephile Paul Walker.
“I been/ thinking/ bout my/ vision/ pour out/ my feelings/ revealing/ the layers to my soul/”
This gave me 808s feels. It’s quite heartfelt and almost distracted me from realizing Kid Cudi probably co-wrote this. I’m also grateful that he kept the Weeknd on the hook and didn’t let him be pillhead Michael Jackson imitator man on anything else.
“I had a cousin that stole my laptop that I was fucking bitches on/ Paid that nigga 250,000 just to get it from em” - Kanye
No wonder this nigga 53 Bill Gates dollars in debt.
This begins what I call the act 3 of the album. A bunch of solid songs niggas already heard in some manner in the past couple of weeks being compiled to make up for the clusterfuck that transpired when presenting this album.
This was the song that had niggas missing the old Kanye. Nothing says old Kanye like complaining about your family. You can hear in the song that this isn’t the same Kanye from Roses. This nigga probably don’t even remember some of his cousins’ names since he got adopted into the Kardashians. The composition of the song is A1 also. Ty Dolla Sign is never singing about shit, but his features are enjoyable regardless.
How the fuck I’m supposed to feel about this version? I was listening to the YouTube rip of the SNL performance with Sia and Vic Mensa the J. Cole Travis Scott for months and this new version sounds too neat. I’m so used to Kanye using features well that I’m disappointed he took features off just for him tell a chick they wish they could unswallow somebody.
The real gem comes at the end when Frank Ocean, the Goku of contemporary soul music, suddenly drops from King Kai’s planet to sing for 20 seconds and then sacrifice himself and not return for another year.
“Silver Surfer” - French Montana
Once again, spiting Wiz. He owns his child and his influences.
“it was my idea to have an open relationship now a nigga mad/ now I’m bout to drive 90 miles like Mark Browz/ to catch. just to kill just to/ I’m about to drive. 90./ 90 miles like Matt Barnes, just to whoop a nigga ass/ it was my idea and now a nigga/ now a nigga mad/” - Kanye
Let’s say The Life of Pablo is Sega’s 21st century run with sonic the hedgehog. 30 hours is Sonic Adventure 2 (No More Parties in LA being 1) Its that return to form for Kanye that fans had clamored for, possibly adding new mythos to the Canon of Kanye’s life (Designer isn’t canon). This nigga is able to work with Madlib and Kareem Riggins and I feel like he doesn’t release more shit with them to spite us. Like, Kanye treats his original fans like how Nintendo treats all their old fans. “Here’s a song where I rap on soul samples, now I gotta keep rapping on these Metro Boomin beats and awkwardly textured experimental tracks with basic hip hop drums to please my post-Kardashian fans”.
“We need them turbo thots. high-speed turbo thots.”
This was the song that raised the hype levels of this album to unbearable levels. Kanye and Kendrick on a Madlib beat? It’s like the fanboy jerking on all of the Kanye forums lead to semen getting into the universe’s vagina and presented us with this beauty.
FACTS (THE TRASH VERSION)
“Rapper fingers turn to fashion fingers/ You getting bodied by a rapper nigga” - Kanye vs. Nike
Wow, this beat is underwhelming compared to the original. It’s like this Charlie Heat nigga looked up Travis Scott type beats on YouTube , remade 3 of them and put them together.
Maybe I’m just underwhelmed by the simultaneous house music samples and the underwhelmingness of Post Malone and Ty Dolla Sign on the same song, but I’m underwhelmed by this song. It’s like the build up to something that never happens. Shit, this should’ve traded places with Ultralight Beams and been the album opener. This will be a great song for cocaine parties, though.
And that’s it. That’s my opinion on The Life of Pablo’s songs. I can’t sit here and try to put together the album as a whole. Listening to music should be about understanding the artist and relating to it and so far I can relate in some ways. Real Friends speaks to some shit I just went through and I’ve always been inspired by Kanye’s confidence and dedication to his passions. However, I don’t understand this nigga this year.
After performing on SNL, Kanye was tweeting about being in debt and begging rich white people for money. I can’t comprehend what state of mind this nigga is in and I’m in no place to judge. A lot of people are fans of artists for a long time and feel like they “know them” when they’ve never met the person in their life.
It stuck with me when Kanye said people missed “'sit on my goals’ Kanye”. For the longest, this nigga fought to be the greatest artist and break into fashion and now that he’s succeeding, it’s like he’s deteriorating. People that achieved their goals always talk about the hard work and how that shit can drive some people crazy. Right now, Kanye may have hit that point. He’s been working so much and traveling for these lame ass clothes, it’s not hard to believe he’d be a few dozen mil in debt.
People like to blame it on the Kardashians or bring up his mom dying, but what about his kids? As a nigga with a child, I can say that having kids changes your whole outlook on life. Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks when you just made the only person whose opinion matters? Maybe looking North and Saint in their faces makes him want to do the shit that he would’ve thought twice about.
I realize I started trying to figure the nigga out and that’s distracting from talking about this project as a fan. It’s definitely the least sonically cohesive album he’s made. It’s weird knowing that Kanye is a stickler for perfection, but he threw out an album with half-named songs, Yeezus throwaways and a Future Lite.
Regardless of what psychoanalysis and assumptions others make about why the album came out like this, I know my assumption is that the nigga been having too much fun with the coke hyena.
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