random stuff

A while ago, I thought through that idea “I want to be healthier” and not just like the eating habits or exercising. I wanted to look at the mirror and see a person who accepts themselves, who see themselves the way they want, comfortable, confident, and a capable dreamer. I think of that moment as the initial step.

But when thinking about it; what, precisely, is being healthy? Is there some kind of manual to healthy personas? Is it a ladder I take and by reaching the top of it, I am a healthy person? I think of that moment as the second step.

Self-acceptance. To me, it always was that fancy word that gorgeous confident people like to repeat. I never thought of it as a reality. For quite a while, I never liked to look at the mirror, to see my flaws, I never thought I was enough even for my own self. And it was a deplorable agony.

But then, the more I peruse and learn about it the more it comes to a vision like it is approaching me, I think of self-acceptance as a window that I opened in an exceptionally dull night. And it brought diminish illuminating of the moon to my room and soul. And that was an immense step.

Choose the mountains you want to climb carefully. I came across those words once, and it helped me ascending the mountain of my healthy self. For me, it meant that; things take time and some serious energy, so, choose the things you want to spend your time doing them, or educating yourself about them. And it meant a lot to me.

I wanted to learn numerous things, to live so many lives, to read many books. But I am so limited. Thus, I had to choose. And I had to choose cautiously, and it was a not very easy step.

Now, I see myself as a capable person, I was able to choose, to decide, to dream, and to get to my dreams. And every time I realize that I feel powerful. And the more self-aware I become the more I accept myself, love myself self and plan better for myself.

On a scale of one to ten, I would see myself self a 6 healthy person. I came a long way. And I have a long way to go, yet. More habits to build, more things to fix, more blemishes to accept, and more mountains to climb. But I would gladly like to take the leap and get to all the things I want.

I was 13 years old, I recall, when I read for the first time about a spacecraft that landed on Mars. I did not understand much from what I read, I remember having so many questions; what is a spacecraft, where is Mars, how can something possibly land on that dot I watch from the window at the evening time, and why humans want to go there.

Today I watched Elon Musk’s rocket, Falcon9, conveying two astronauts to the International Space Station, and it took my breath away how far humans went in space invasion and what they intend to go beyond, and it is something that gets me amped up for being on this planet and during this era.

I think of the ancient humans, finding their way around the planet, discovering things for life, even discovering the meaning and significance of life. We have things in common; questions that push us ahead answers.

We are doing the same thing with slight contrasts. Their answers got them where we are, civilized human beings, and our answers are taking us to vanquish other planets and cosmic systems, making us a potential multi-planetary species. And both are making us the greatest creatures we know of in this universe.

It makes me extremely resentful how people belittle the science of astronomy, it has little to do with particular societies but a lot to do with the people themselves, everywhere. They simply do not have a clue how Astronomy influences the world around us today, they do not have a clue about the place Astronomy took in history. And I think it will take some time until they understand that.

And it breaks my heart even more; that another 13-year-old will have inquiries about the universe, and will be met with very little answers that would lead to her going in life forgetting about the questions till an occasion happens that will touch deep in the heart and bring the passion back.

I remember how my mind was blown when I learned why the moon is tailing me, why the sky is blue, and that not every shiny spot in the sky is a star.  

Quarantine Day 100

Contemplating my last "ordinary" day before the lock-down, it was winter and it was anything but a sunlit day, however, I recall the warmth… or perhaps I am fantasying about it. I miss going for a walk under the sky, taking the glow and wind it gives… I miss that a lot that I may have begun imagining things.

I am pondering memories. Not from the past this time but futurity. I am thinking; what is that one thing would I recall the most from the lock-down days?

Numerous memories are rushing through my mind when pondering this question. Cheerful glad memories and tragic discouraging others.

I think about the memories my 8-year-old sister would have, for her; it was about an early long vacation and dropping some summer plans. In any case, she would get resentful for some time then proceed in her vacation home activities.

No repulsive thoughts of numbers of deaths, no musings about being trapped in the darkest spots in her psyche, no dread about her dearest ones. No new meaning of happiness as a twenty-minute virtual gathering with companions.

I am contemplating what if, back then, I realized that would be the last time I go out for quite a while?

I would not abandon my companions assembling that day of course. But, how might I plan the day? What is that I dearly want to do on my last day before going into a cavern with just memories and pondering and much time to spend? 

The thoughts are many, I sure didn't consider any last-day-plans that day. Numerous things I underestimated in those days, but now, I have enough time to rethink them.

I think, maybe, this is all what this pause about. That it is a pause from hurrying around in life not taking enough time to think things thoroughly. Now there is plenty of time to understand and comprehend our lives. At that point, we will go in life progressively educated about our souls.

Hello,

So.. for my first post here I would like to express my support for everyone out there who is battling something and no one notices. I am proud of you and trust that you will get to your goal soon, you will make it, you will be wherever you wanna be in your life.