blessthismess

Quinn stood in front of me, his hands rested at his sides but his back was unnaturally straight. My hands were in tight fists, an attempt to slow down my heartbeat. I knew it was pointless; there was no doubt he could hear it pounding from within my chest.

The forest was quiet tonight. The only sounds that could be heard were the slight rustling of dead leaves and the distant hum of cars. The moon was full, its dim light splashing onto the forest floor.

When I had detected his scent, I had crouched, expecting him to spring. But he hadn’t. He had slowly walked into this small clearing alone, and quiet whispers had fallen from his lips telling me that he wasn’t going to hurt me.

The part of me that still loved him had me standing up straight.

I met his eyes now, my brows furrowed. “Hi.”

The simple greeting brought a relaxed smirk to pull at the corners of his mouth. “Hello.”

“Are you going to kill me?” The question flung its way out of my throat, and I almost clapped my hand over my mouth before squeezing my fists again.

“No,” he answered, the smirk disappearing, “I’m not.”

I stared at him, unresponding, but he continued, “You don’t believe me.”

“Of course I don’t. Why should I, anyway?”

I watched tears sparkle in the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly.

“I don’t know,” he whispered more to himself than me.

My eyes widened. I had only ever seen him cry twice; once when he had found out I had reported him to the department, the other time when he had tried to kill my friend.

I took a deep breath. “I know what you’ve been trying to do.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been trying to lure me to you,” I stated, my voice as steady as I could manage.

“I have.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You’ve been draining people to get me to come to you directly.”

“I have.”

“But it hasn’t worked because I’m not stupid.” The words came faster now, catching on my teeth before they tumbled out of my mouth into the cool, open air.

“I know you aren’t.”

The way he said it took me off guard. The softness in his voice matched the tenderness in his eyes, and I found myself looking away.

“Why?” I asked, the question quiet enough to be whisked away by the wind.

But he had heard me. “Because I love you.”

“No, you don’t,” I growled. My response was automatic, instinctual at this point.

“I do,” he countered, “I love you more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I love you more than life itself. I love you.”

I looked back up at him again, and my breath hitched. He was looking at me like I’d hung every star in the sky and lit up the moon just for him. He was looking at me like I was the only thing that mattered on Earth.

We were silent for a few minutes, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was natural, like we’d done this a thousand times.

Because we had.

He was the one to break the silence. “Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me,” he repeated.

I crossed my arms. “What do you mean?”

He jerked forward a bit, almost like he was going to touch me, but he stopped himself. “We can get away from Dahlia. We can go back to the way things were before everything happened. We can go back to us.”

“I don’t want that,” I said, “I don’t want to be on the run again.”

He stepped a bit closer. I didn’t back away. “Then we can settle down. I know you’ve always wanted that. I’ll get us a house, we can start a family— or not, it could stay just the two of us. We can do whatever you want. I’ll make it happen.”

“I’ve already settled with someone else.” The words came out slowly, like my body was fighting against them.

Quinn didn’t say anything. His eyes stayed on me, but his jaw tightened and his fists clenched. I figured he hoped I hadn’t noticed.

“But you knew that already, didn’t you?” I questioned.

Silence.

Another few minutes passed, the tension in the air now thick enough to cut with a knife. He was inhumanly still; still in the way he knew I hated.

It made him look like he was dead.

I was going to say something else when he beat me to it. “I know about him. I’ve known about him and you since you first met a year and a half ago.”

I didn’t flinch, even as his gaze dug into my skin like knives. “You know his name too.”

“I do.”

“Then say it.”

I was pushing it, I was pushing our limits. If I went too far, he’d snap, and suddenly, we’d both be down on the ground again, trying to rip each other apart.

“Sam,” he nearly snarled, his eyes closed like the name pained him, “Sam Collins. That’s his name.”

“Right. And you’ve met him before, too.”

Quinn sighed. “I have.”

I paused again, pondering him. My eyes scanned his features, trying to find what he was thinking. His jaw had remained clenched, and his silver irises had darkened.

“Do you want to kill him?” I finally asked.

His eyes widened slightly before he answered me. “I used to.”

I quirked a brow. “Used to?”

“Used to,” he started, “I used to think about tearing his heart out or ripping his head off. Maybe both at the same time. But I don’t think about that anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because if I hurt him, it’ll hurt you. If I kill him, it’ll break you. You’d blame yourself for anything happening to him, and the guilt would eat you alive.”

I was speechless, but he kept going. “I don’t want to break you again. I don’t want to hurt you like that again. So I won’t hurt him, or David, Milo, Asher, or anyone you care about. I won’t do that to you again.”

“Then why not just kill me? Wouldn’t that make it all go away?”

Quinn’s brows knitted together; he looked confused. “No, because you deserve to live even if that life doesn’t have me in it anymore.”

I searched his face, trying to find the sign that’d tell me he was lying, that’d tell me he was just placating me so he could get my guard down and go in for the kill, but I found nothing. His stare was hardened, sure, but liquid honesty swirled within the crimson flecks in his irises.

“So what are you going to do now?” I asked, genuine confusion lacing through the inflections of my voice, “Because you might as well run; you and I know there’s no way in Hell I’d catch you.”

He took another deep breath. “I’m going to do whatever you want me to do.”

I arched my brow again. He explained, “I mean it. If you want me to run away from here and never come back, I’ll do it. If you want me to sit here and wait until the sun comes up to burn me to ash, I’ll do it. If you want to kill me, I’ll let you and won’t fight back. I’ll do whatever is going to make you happy, because that’s what I want. That’s the only thing I want, only thing I’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that I ask from you.”

His speech washed over me like a tidal wave, but it didn’t pull me under and drown me like I thought it would. The current was steady, and I found myself letting out such a deep breath it felt like I would collapse.

I sat down on the ground and looked up at him. “Sit with me.”

He followed suit, and I met his eyes again. “I know what I’m going to do.”

“Tell me,” he hummed, but it wasn’t an order. It was a request.

I took another deep breath before letting the words flow. “I’m going to call the department and tell them that you’re here. I’m also gonna call David and Sam to let them know that we’re here, and that I’m safe. When the department comes, you’re going to go with them peacefully. When David and Sam get here, I’m gonna leave with them, and we’re never going to see each other ever again. Do you understand?”

We didn’t say anything for a long while again, and I watched as my words sunk in. Tears had filled his eyes again, but he let them fall this time.

“I understand,” he murmured, his voice cracking.

I didn’t move to comfort him like I would’ve before. I just sat there, watching as silent tears fell from his eyes onto the dirt, and seeped into the ground. He didn’t move to wipe them away, but he wasn’t completely still either; his back was shaking from the sobs he was swallowing.

I pulled out my phone to call the department, and I ignored the countless missed call and message notifications from Sam, David, and who knows who else. I dialed their number, hit ‘Call’, then waited as it rang.

It was only two rounds of ringing before someone picked up. “Hello, this is the Department of Uniform Magical Practices, how may I help you?”

“I’m with Quinn Barlowe, the vamp you guys have been trying to track down.”

The woman on the other end of the line was silent for a few moments, and I was about to ask if she was still there when she sputtered, “Oh, oh my God, okay, um, sorry, just give me a moment…”

I could hear muffled talking through the buzz of the call, then sounds of doors opening and closing and footsteps. The lady said, her voice still shaky, “Our Covert Cops are getting ready to leave now, may I send them your location?”

“Yes.”

I heard keys typing, then she requested, “Please stay on the line until our team gets to you. Are either you or Quinn hurt?”

“No.”

“Alright,” she said, “I’ll let you know when they’re close to you. If you feel like you are in danger or need anything else, please let me know.”

“I think I’ll be fine, but thanks,” I replied, “Can I add my alpha and mate to the line?”

“Go right ahead, dear.”

I thanked her for the permission, then rang both David and Sam. The dial tone didn’t even have a chance to ring before both of them picked up. From the way their voices melded together and echoed, I figured they were together.

I shouted over the noise, “I can’t hear either of you when you talk at the same time.”

It was silent for a moment before I heard David demand, “Where the fuck are you? We’ve been trying to message you for hours, but you haven’t responded. Care to explain yourself?”

“I’m with Quinn,” I said bluntly.

They both went so silent I almost laughed. Sam was the first one to react. “Are you alright? Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”

I smiled a little. “I’m okay; we both are. The department’s on their way now, they’re on the line with us.”

The receptionist greeted them both with a small ‘hi’ before going quiet again, and then I heard the sound of a car starting.

“Send us your location,” David stated.

I complied, and Sam spoke up again. “We’re on our way now. Just sit tight and stay on the line, will you?”

“I will.”

It was quiet again before Sam said, “I love you, darlin’.”

“I love you too, Sam.”

I looked up at Quinn after I had said it back, but he hadn’t moved. He was staring at the ground still, his hands now fiddling with a dead leaf.

“If you’re gonna say anything, just say it,” I pushed.

His gaze flickered to the phone, and I picked it back up to put the microphone on mute.

“There, now they can’t hear us. Is that better?” I asked, meaning for it to come out sarcastically, but it sounded sincere instead.

He nodded and spoke. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

He had me speechless again, and I looked him in the eyes. He stared back, his brows furrowed as he fought back more tears. I felt my own eyes begin to sting, but I blinked the feeling away.

I had never heard Quinn apologize before. The phrase sounded foreign in his cadence, but I could tell he meant it. I could tell he meant every single word he had said tonight.

I rested my hand on top of his and rubbed my thumb against the back of his palm. “I know.”

He finally broke, his other hand covering his face as sobs wracked his body. I moved towards him and opened my arms to him, and he dove into me. His arms traveled to wrap around my waist, and he buried his face in my neck. The feeling of his lips brushing against my collarbone had me jerking, expecting the pain of fangs in flesh, but none ever came; only the feeling of his body shaking as I held him.

☀︎ ☀︎ ☀︎

Ten minutes later, I could hear the crackling of leaves being crushed by tires. The Covert Cops showed up first, but Sam, David, and a few others I couldn’t see arrived not long after.

Quinn was still in my arms, but his breathing had steadied; he had stopped crying by then. I had to tap him to get him to notice that everyone had arrived, and when he finally looked towards them, he let go of me. I didn’t flinch or pull away when he lightly kissed my forehead, but instead stayed still as he got up and walked towards the Covert Cops.

They jammed his arms and hands behind his back quickly, the metal cuffs harshly snapping around his wrists. I almost told them to be more gentle but I held my tongue, biting the words back.

I stood up too, but I didn’t move. I stared as he was shoved into the back of their truck, and he turned around to look at me.

He mouthed ‘I love you’ before the door shut behind him.

As soon as the metal clang of the door rang throughout the forest, I dropped to my knees. I hadn’t realized I was shaking until now, and tears took no time to begin pouring onto my cheeks and down my face. I held onto my shirt and rocked back and forth, trying to make sense of tonight, but everything jumbled together until it felt like my head would explode.

I soon felt a familiar warmth surrounding me, and I quickly recognized it as Sam. I fell into his arms, limp against his chest as he rubbed my back and whispered that everything was okay, that I was okay. I trusted his words, but the image of Quinn being shoved into that truck burned itself into my brain.

Part of me regretted not saying ‘I love you too’.

I could hear other voices from behind Sam, but I ignored them as I stayed in his embrace. I didn’t dare move because if I did, that damned truck would be in my line of sight again, and I’d fall apart more than I already had.

A few minutes later, Sam asked if he could pick me up, and I nodded silently. He carried me to the backseat of David’s car, and I felt exhaustion begin to tug at the edges of my thoughts. My head drooped to the side and landed on Sam’s right shoulder, and he rested his on top of mine.

But before I let sleep take me under, I prayed to myself. I prayed that Quinn would be content wherever he was going. I prayed that he’d be able to find himself again. I prayed that he’d be okay again. I prayed he’d find some sort of new normal.

I prayed that when I looked back at him for that last time, he had been able to hear everything I wished I could’ve told him— like how there had been a time where I had been completely devoted to him, and that that part of me was still in there, and that it always would be. Like how I had once imagined a future where I could forget my past and be free with him for the rest of eternity.

I hoped that he’d be able to settle just like I have. I hope there comes a point in time where he looks in the mirror and isn’t afraid of what he sees anymore.

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