shit

lipstick isn’t really my thing but i was feelin it 🖤

i lost my mother last monday. it was sudden, it was unexpected. of course everyone messaged me and called me with the same “if you need anything, even if you just need to talk....” nonsense... even the people i haven’t talked to in years, even people who never cared to begin with. and i know they’re just trying to be nice... i know that their intentions are good. they can’t help me with anything when the only thing i need is my mom back. i wasn’t ready for this. i was ready to lose her, she wasn’t supposed to leave us this early. we had so much left to do, so many things planned. the future was bright and she was in remission after battling lung and brain cancer for nearly two years. it’s just... it’s not fucking fair, man. she’s the reason i’m so tough. she’s the reason i go to work everyday and the reason i pull 50 hour weeks and the reason i have a house and my family still together. she’s the reason i even care about trying anymore. she’s the reason i am mature and levelheaded and motivated. i’m too young to lose my mom. she didn’t deserve this... i don’t deserve this, my brother doesn’t deserve it. i know everyone’s just trying to help... but it doesn’t help when the only thing i want is the only thing you can’t help me with. so to answer your question, no, i’m not okay, and maybe i never will be.