“You’ve got color in your cheeks”
The music lowers as you push your way through the bodies mingling in the living room. Careful not to spill the clear liquid in the plastic cup.
The cool night air hits your exposed skin as you find an empty balcony to settle on.
Pulling your phone out of your pocket the screen lights up and a small frown pulls at your lips at the lack of messages.
“Do I wanna know?”
Sighing you lift your head and look at the stars above taking a sip of your drink. Tonight was supposed to get him off your mind but clearly that’s failing.
It’s so stupid,feeling this worked up over a guy.
“If this feeling goes both ways”
A soft ding sounds out from your phone and you pull it up to your face checking the notification. Only to find it’s a random notification from some game.
Disappointment settles in your throat
Against your better judgment you open your phone and click the green message icon.
Scrolling thought text conversations you stop when you see his name and open the text thread.
The small gray word “Read” staring back at you, taunting you like some sick joke.
“Sad to see you go”
Your finger scrolls further up the text thread. Eyes scanning the previous conversations, picking apart every word, punctuation and emoji. Trying to understand where you went wrong.
What could you have said different to make him respond, to make him stay.
“Sorta hoping that you’d stay”
It’s been months since he last texted you. You never thought you’d be this attached.
You know you’re not the ideal girl. Timid. Awkward and inexperienced, but he didn’t seem to mind. He carried the conversations while you tired to reciprocate.
He said he didn’t care.
He told you how sweet you were.
How down to earth you were.
It’s so stupid.
“Crawling back to you”
Suddenly the phone dings and your pulled back to the present. You blink staring down at the device.
Another notification.
This time it’s a message from a dating app. Scoffing you swipe it away. You’re not in the mood to deny some guy inviting you to his hotel room.
“I’m too busy being yours”
You should’ve deleted the app a long time ago, but you know what they say. To get over someone, get under someone else.
It’s clearly not working, you’ve never been one for random hook ups and he wasn’t some random hook up anyway.
You actually felt a connection with him.
It’s hard on dating apps. Swiping left and right. Trying to find someone who gives the same feeling he did.
Who makes you giggle like a school girl, who gets you without having to give a step by step explanation
“To fall for somebody new”
You stare down at the text thread. Finger hovering over the text box.
You want to reach out. Rebuild the bridge he keeps burning, but you know you shouldn’t.
It’s a cycle that won’t stop unless you make it, but you can’t bring yourself to stop it.
Against your better judgment your finger lowers and hits the box. The keyboard popping up. You type out a simple “hey :)” and press send
You look at the remaining liquid in your plastic cup. Bringing up to your lips and finishing it.
Push comes from to shove you blame the alcohol.
No one needs to know you’ve never touched a drop of alcohol in your life.
“Crawling back to you”
