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1st week:

Day 1 💗 500 calories

Day 2 ☀️ 500 calories

Day 3 💗 300 calories

Day 4 ☀️ 400 calories

Day 5 💗 100 calories

Day 6 ☀️ 200 calories

Day 7 💗 300 calories

Total eaten 🍃 2300 calories

Total lost 🍃 11700 calories

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2nd week:

Day 1 ☀️ 400 calories

Day 2 💗 500 calories

Day 3 ☀️ Fast

Day 4 💗 150 calories

Day 5 ☀️ 200 calories

Day 6 💗 400 calories

Day 7 ☀️ 350 calories

Total eaten 🍃 2000 calories

Total lost 🍃 12000 calories

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3rd week:

Day 1 💗 250 calories

Day 2 ☀️ 200 calories

Day 3 💗 Fast

Day 4 ☀️ 200 calories

Day 5 💗 100 calories

Day 6 ☀️ Fast

Day 7 💗 300 calories

Total eaten 🍃 1050 calories

Total lost 🍃 12950 calories

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4th week:

Day 1 ☀️ 250 calories

Day 2 💗 200 calories

Day 3 ☀️ 150 calories

Day 4 💗 100 calories

Day 5 ☀️ 50 calories

Day 6 💗 100 calories

Day 7 ☀️ 200 calories

Total eaten 🍃 1050 calories

Total lost 🍃 12950 calories

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👎🏻 April total eaten: 6400 calories

👍🏻 April total lost: 49600 calories

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Know the feeling when you suddenly stop and think to yourself: “I think I am falling back into the pit again.”?

You are sitting on the bus, or in your car, or you are at school, at work or even at home and you suddenly realize that you are getting bad again.

But why?

You don’t really know. You wretch your brain for any trigger. But there is none. You’ve been getting along like usual.

So why?

Sometimes there is no “because”.

Sometimes you are just not happy. And there is nothing to blame.

But you are keeping it to yourself, except that you eventually tell your therapist about it, but that’s it. Because maybe, just maybe, it’s just the day or the weather and you will be fine in the morning.

But in most cases it isn’t that simple. You stay internally dead. And you can’t do anything about it.

You also don’t tell your loved ones, because you are scared they might think it’s their fault. For making you unhappy. But they are wrong.

It’s your fault for being unhappy.

• be able to wrap my hands completely around any part of my thighs

• be able to wrap my hand completely around my upper arm

• have a full thigh gap

• be under 90 pounds

• no longer have a flabby tummy

(I ate a lot today so I’m making a list of what I wish I said to myself when I woke up so I can look at it on a bad day) (is there a way to pin these??)

~motivation~

🌸feel your collarbones. They’re… nothing like you wish they felt.

🌸Squeeze your stomach. C'mon is it really worth it? Wouldn’t it look so much better flat?

🌸now, lie on your side and lift you leg up. Jiggle that thigh. Just imagine. It’ll just get bigger if you eat it.

🌸see those little bits of fat between your arms and your chest. How many dresses have you said no to because of them? Way too many. Please, do future you a favour and bear a little longer.

🌸have a look at your little sausage fingers. Do you really want her to call you that again? Wouldn’t feel better if the next time she wanted to say that as a joke again, you can show her your dainty hand, with painted nails.

🌸CHEEKBONES THAT COULD CUT CHEESE.

🌸your double chin (or 27 chin) your friends love it, but wouldn’t it be better if you tryed to do it, but there’s barely one there anymore.

🌸the regret you get after it.

🌸the fear you get when you’re told to wear a leotard and tights

🌸bikini!! Instead of a swimming costume with a t-shirt.

🌸you’ll be one step further away from your goal. by choice.

~imagines~

🍃thin little legs in shorts

🍃wearing a sports bra at dance

🍃crop tops

🍃New Look clothes!!

🍃prominent collerbones

🍃small, thin wrists

🍃baggy hoodie with shorts as pajamas

🍃you get more attention and are treated better when your skinny. Aren’t you sick of being the shadow?? (scientifically proven)

🍃honey, you’re making more friends, most of who are looking for relationships. don’t let yourself be fat for when you meet them, because they will look right past you. imagine the feeling. they’ll flirt with YOU! They’ll want YOU!

🍃less calories wasted on food, more spent well on alcohol!!

🍃imagine when your drunk. you’ll be cute and petite with your jeans and crop top. not rolling around like a whale.

🍃he might want you back. you’ll say no and walk away like a boss.

🍃just picture it. sitting in her house, getting ready to go out drinking. and everyone arrives. you look fucking bomb in that outfit.

~i wanna eat, what can i do instead?~

🌙go get some water

🌙you know how much thinspo helps you. go look at that

🌙work out. even if its just light. it’ll help more than eating or sitting around.

🌙plan tomorrows meal and calorie count.

🌙go hang out with your friends.

🌙walk your dog

🌙go to the gym

~lil talk~

Hey, how long have you wanted this? Give the satisfaction to past you and to future you. This little snack… will do nothing for you. Are you even that hungry?? Go grab an apple if its unbearable. And you know how proud you are when you’re hungry? Don’t you wanna feel that?

Please, we’ve been trying for so long. There little snacks are more than they seem.

It was when my mom had to buy her 13 year old daughter lotion for stretch marks It was when I was picking out an outfit and had to keep telling them that the clothes were to small It was picking out homecoming dresses for the other person and saying my size under my breath It was the “do u really NEED more food?” It was the way the doctors looked at me when they wrote down my medically obese weight on their charts It was the fact that when I told my friend I stopped eating she brushed it off because I wasn’t skinny enough to be in danger It was that my friends dad said that after high school when guys stop caring about looks so much, I’ll get all the guys It was the fact that I was the only one at the pool not wearing a bikini It was the fact that I’d never had a boyfriend or a best friend

That’s why I started

It’s the fact I carry safety pins in my purse because most of my clothes are too big It’s the “have you lost weight?” It’s the “I’m gonna try on a medium shirt” It’s the LOSING WEIGHT It’s not looking as much at sizes because if it looks like it will fit it probably will It’s the heart race that you get when you see you’ve lost even a pound It’s the thrill of accomplishing something you’ve worked so hard for

That’s why I kept going

It’s finally hitting your goal weight It’s going back to school and watching everyone’s jaws drop It’s never worrying about muffin tops or thunder thighs again It’s having a lazy day and it being cute not slobby It’s the eating a cookie and not having people think ‘that’s why she’s fat’ because you’re not It’s the boys that flirt with you It’s the girls that are jealous of you It’s the body you’ve always wanted

That’s why I’m in the hospital

It was the malnutrition that made you faint It was the over used heart that went into cardiac arrest It was the lack of food that make your hair and nails frail and brittle It was the doctor that couldn’t save you It was the therapist that could get to you It was the eating disorder that controlled you

alex wasn’t perfect. he took revenge on his ex girlfriend in the most awful way and i’m not excusing that.

but nobody saw how much he was hurting after he heard what it did to hannah. nobody noticed how he almost tried to drown himself in the pool, he wanted to play a suicide song with the school band and nobody tried to ask if he was doing okay, nobody cared that he took the “suicide isn’t an option” posters down, basically no one -even after hannah- noticed the REAL signs of someone actually wanting to commit suicide.

all everyone cared about was their damn self and what would happen to them when the tapes would come out. alex didn’t, he was the only one who understood hannah, owned up from the start to what was on his own tape and never got angry at hannah’s decision to take her own life.