Astra

Is the day I am rotting in my grave

Who would’ve thought real life would come with this much pain,

In the afterlife maybe you can feel cold without the suffering,

I don’t trigger the trauma the way she does,

Do I?

They said I’d find answers

But I

Know nothing of love beyond

What you taught me

And moreso

Somedays I feel like I am still

Lost

Claws turned to fingernails

I never learned how to hurt you

What was there to be happy about?

The day after was always gloom and doom,

No matter how much I thought my body Couldn’t hold any more tragedy—

Maybe my mother was right,

All the things she said about me,

The anger wasn’t there though;

My intensity has become longing,

I was left me looking in the mirror,

Choked by some force I couldn’t see,

All of my flaws open for scrutiny…

I’m always asking you to care

when you told me so many times you don’t—

“What Happened in the Woods” by J. Demie is a gripping thriller novel written by a young author. If you are looking for a story to go with spooky season, this is the one! Grab some apple cider, light a candle, and read away a cool fall evening.

Available on Amazon kindle and Kindle Unlimited (KU):

Inspired by Gone Girl, The Earth from Mars tells the harrowing story of the small town murder of 16 year old Cole Ebb. Julia, Cole’s best friend, slowly remembers the events that lead up to her death. She recounts the story of their friendship, which clearly held moments of jealousy, betrayal, and love. But could they really best friends if Julia isn’t even willing to tell the full story to anyone? Why would she have anything to hide if she’s as innocent as she claims to be?

Meanwhile, Cole’s boyfriend Mitch works hard to ingratiate himself with Julia and become her ally. Yet he was the one who showed up in the woods right after Julia! Plus, Julia should know he’s a good liar.

The Earth From Mars is a murder mystery that keeps you guessing. As character’ stories are revealed, it becomes increasingly clear that everybody has a secret they’re hiding. One of them might be hiding a killer one.

My debut thriller novel is free on Amazon today only!! Get it now

Link below. Or you can go directly to Amazon website and type in The Earth from Mars Astronomer XI

I was on the life boat,

And you were on shore.

I guess that’s how you made it look so easy.

You didn’t experience the depth of the water like I did. I guess depth always seems to be a blessing and a curse, a third dimension where the possibility of drowning becomes reality.

Maybe I didn’t want to be with you,

Maybe I wanted to be you.

To put myself above others so selfishly

That the story was told by a pen that contained their blood, and not my own.

There’s nothing to lose as long as you just keep hurting everyone around you.

When others are drowning, you sit there breathing in all the trees’ oxygen, while complaining about the weather.

I hope nobody cares when you do.

To rest

And all of my chemistry

Turns back into electricity

Will I beat your heart in your chest

And ensure you’re alive another day…

One can only hope—

That I realized

the feelings I had for you:

The starry eyed wonder

And love that went on seemingly

For the entirety of forever,

Did exist in my entirety of forever.

In some ways it would have

existed without you,

Maybe differently,

But

Love is energy

That cannot be created or destroyed,

Only change its form.

So upon hearing the song that gave me nostalgia

And realizing that all my children will die one day,

I felt the same pang of love that I had known

Since I was a child:

Scared of the dark

And clinging to the first person who

Loved me unconditionally,

Not yet understanding

How it would all turn out,

But peering up between my fingers

And seeing her face;

The face that I was formed of

The face that carried me when I was

Nothing

Defenseless and lacking

In senses..

She created me that day,

And I get to feel all of these things…

They feel so real.

I wonder how that can be the case

When everything is so fleeting

When every life has a countdown

And uncertain end,

Where will it all go—

Every existential crisis I ever had

How could loneliness be so beautiful and so painful at the same time

How can isolation breed such creativity in my mind

But yield so much suffering of my being

But I lost control.

I was holding onto you,

Til I learned to let go.

Letting go is hard,

The spiral is

long and far,

Right person, wrong time

I was in a dream

And you were mine.

I hate that dream,

But it’s a fine line.

Hate and love

Are both too strong

I hate the way

I struggle with

The weight of it all,

I remember the feelings

But they feel so wrong.

So if I could, I would

go back again,

Even though love felt like

My own death sentence

I’m always going back…

You live there in my past,

And I know we’d never last.

So is this the end?

I’m 100lbs again

Feel the skin over my ribs,

Well where the hell’s

my medicine?

And I said

Show me

How the uncertainty and insecurity

Could be so beautiful

That it had to be woven into the

Fabric of everything

And I waited while

God looked out at the stars

And the trees

And he told me

It keeps the mystery alive

And would there really be life

Without mystery…

And furthermore

Would there really be life

without misery—

I keep to myself

And I speak to god

Whoever that may be today.

It feels like he or she changes

With me.

And I just keep asking questions,

Usually the same ones.

But the answers come with

Consequences.

When the universe reveals

That she knows me,

She hurts me

As a signal

Why does she hurt me?

I look around and notice,

How she gives you everything

You ever wanted…

What was it about me?

Did I scare her?

Did I move the wrong way?

Did I say something heinous

And not apologize?

I always find a way to blame myself,

even though wisdom says it’s not my fault

I grieved the things

I had to say goodbye to,

In order to live a life

Resembling anything

Close to happiness.

I grieved you being gone

Entirely from me,

And of course this felt

Bittersweet…

I carried my grief like a contradiction,

Knowing it would disappear beneath

Laughter and kisses,

But leaving just the last bit of longing

That I could’ve kept it—

A love,

it felt like it was just beyond my grasp,

never in this layer of the universe.

Lord knows this one was filled with pain,

Filled to the brim,

So full there was no room for much else…

Except the knowing

Of who she was to you…

she always was everything that I will never be…

the car seat,

back to being terrified of everything,

Even the harmless things—

All of the pain

You thought you forgot

Comes so much closer

Than you ever remembered it being—

You can’t tell if it happened yesterday

Or three years prior.

you are,

Once again,

waking up as a child

in the middle of the night

with nightmares,

calling your mom—