yours, truly.

brave and loyal knight want a treat

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

sucks so unbelievably bad that you can’t just like be a lady’s maid anymore. there used to be a job that consisted of taking care of one woman’s every need every day for your whole life including dressing and undressing her and living with her and that was a normal thing to do in fact it was encouraged.

okay but chess terminology is like. you pinned your opponent's hung knight and now you can mate? oh im sure

Fun Fact! If you tap your knuckles against your knights chestplate and ask who their heart beats for, themselves or you, you can stun-lock them long enough to kiss the side of their helm without protest!

knight who kneels for me and places reverent kisses up my legs and rests his head between my thighs like it’s the only place he belongs

fumbled the queen but i still have to remain in her service because of my oath for life. so its just really awkward now all the time. fuck my stupid chivalrous life

We need more non-binary knights. Too busy with honour and duty for gender.