Titan killing, long term booty call.

I love to assert the pedestrian right-of-way. What the fuck are you going to do? Murder me with your vehicle? Lol

like I'm sorry but this is so funny it is causing me to lose my life. "we are all living through a global pandemic, nobody has any money, our democracies are horrifically morally bankrupt and our world is dying. here's how to break down spiritually in a palatable and socially-approved way!"

"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't have a meeting at 4 today because it conflicts with my crying session"

being in your 20s is like. every day i am playing with forces i can barely understand

“i’m chilling”, i say as i’m obviously and visibly spiraling out of control,

why do babies need twice as much sleep as us like they literally do nothing all day shouldn’t it be the other way around fuck babies

Why do they trust y'all with internet access

@femininenachos today’s the day you get to revisit your sins.

Translation: "Perhaps the misfortune that you do not like, leads you to a beautiful destiny that you never dreamed of."

i never thought i’d write the words “deeply evil carpet” but. seriously. what a deeply evil carpet that is.

And what you should do is to put this over an actual trap, like a hole in the floor so people will be like “Oh ha ha ha that’s soooo funny, it’s a rug!” And then fall through it. 

are you satan