Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

"Let's go outside," she pointed toward the door, shuffling them out, "Has she just come from the infirmary?" she repeated, a bit more aggravated.

There could be plenty of reasons why this person looked sick, and not all required a movement so swiftly. It could be that her stomach didn't agree with Air Temple food - she looked to be a Fire Nationer. It could be that something was bad and her stomach was rejecting it; moldy, maybe? But she didn't see anything out of date in the storage room…

It could be she was pregnant, which was a whole other issue in itself but still not cause for immediate removal.

Or, worst case, it could be the flu that was starting to spread around…

"Well, I think we should have a room ready, in preparation, don't you?" Shen asked, staring at her with annoyance, "Look; I need to go, can you take her?"

No, no, I was only calculating how much sustenance we all had, but sure…I'll do this too.

"Fine," Cillia ground out, only because Shen seemed disinterested in seeing this to the end.

"Well?" Shen asked, remaining, "I want to tell a Palace Maid what to prepare."

Cillia took out her journal, which was once a carefully tracked list of who was who and where they were sleeping, but at this point was a mangled list of crossed-out names, arrows, and furious circles. If you could believe it, it was fairing better than the mental activity course that she was doing daily.

"I, uhm…" She swallowed, "What about Room…oh, never mind. We just got more Earth Kingdomers in last night…" She chewed on her pencil. "We could…erm…" She scrunched her nose. "I'll talk to someone when I figure it out," she said, feeling like she'd done something wrong.

"Alright," Shen shrugged, "If you want to take it on."

"Let's go to the doctor. Are you ill?" Cillia asked, pressing a hand to the woman's forehead. No fever.

"I think it was the fish last night," the woman said, pressing a hand over her mouth. "It tasted off. My friend is also barfing, but Shen just found me."

"Why didn't you tell Shen?" Cillia asked, groaning.

The woman looked green again, covered her mouth, and did not have an answer.

"Fine, come with me," Cillia said, motioning for her to follow. She found the cooks already preparing dinner though lunch hadn't even begun. Aiga was there, in charge almost as much as Cillia was.

"Aiga; I think the salmon yesterday may have been bad," Cillia said, hoping that they could be civil about this.

"I told you! Something didn't look right about that color!" A chef called from the back of the kitchen, furiously shaking their head. "It was gray!"

"Why did you serve that, then?" Cillia asked, horrified.

"It was fine," Aiga said snappishly, "He's being dramatic, Cillia."

"Maybe not so! Look at her!" Cillia waved a hand toward the refugee in tow.

"Has she been to the infirmary?"

"That's…if it looks bad, don't serve it!" Cillia huffed.

"Well, what were we meant to serve, then?" Aiga crossed her arms, "That's what we had portioned out for yesterday. Until Kuei comes with more food, that's what we had."

"Hey, did you ever finish that tally of the storage room-" Someone began to ask, but Cillia waved a hand at them, cutting them off.

"I don't know, but let's not poison the people under our care?" Cillia growled. At Aiga's stern expression, usually so willing to be helpful, Cillia knew she wouldn't get sympathy here.

"Once again, I wouldn't serve bad food. Perhaps she just had a less-than-ideal reaction," Aiga said, "Or maybe it's not that at all."

"She's gunna barf!" Someone else yelled, shoving the pair out of the kitchen, "We'll really be short if she ruins a batch of soup!"

The door slammed behind them.

"Just…be careful!" Cillia shouted through the wood door, but no one was listening anymore. She paced for a second. "Fine. C'mon, let's get some herbs for your stomach."

They were halfway to the infirmary when someone jumped right in front of Cillia.

"Cillia! Did you get a chance to approve the family unit? The one for that earthbender family; they have the four kids and would really like to be all together, instead of separated-"

"Sorry, Ty Lee, I haven't had a chance."

"Okay, well…" Ty Lee twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. It was just brushing her shoulders now, having grown out from its original cut. Cillia wondered if she was trying to grow out her braids again.

Not important right now, Cillia.

"Well?" Cillia repeated, trying to keep her temper.

"I just think we really ought to be keeping families together, you know."

"Okay," Cillia replied evenly, exhaling through her nose, "I just haven't had a chance."

"The little girl is really scared at night, so I just think maybe you could do it quicker, you know?" Ty Lee said, "We want the people here to feel safe."

"They are safe," Cillia opened her book again, flipping through it, but closed it again. If she opened it, she had about ten other move requests she needed to go through before this one, not out of the rigidity of 'first come, first serve' as she had tried in the beginning, but just because unlike Ty Lee was insinuating, there were bigger issues at hand.

"Sure, but do they feel safe?" Ty Lee pressed. "They may feel better if they were all together."

"They're not under threat of death from a crazy fucking madwoman. They have places to sleep. Friends they've reunited with. Food to eat. They're fine, Ty Lee," Cillia said, "Beggars can't be choosers."

"I just think that's a rather glib take, all things considered!" Ty Lee argued, "Oh! Your friend looks like she's gunna barf-"

"If you want to find them a place to sleep, you take the damn book!" Cillia shoved the notebook into Ty Lee's chest. "I'm trying to get her to the infirmary!"

"You don't have to be so rude about it!" Ty Lee called as Cillia stalked away, "And I can't even read this anyway!"

Cillia turned around, waving her arms, "Exactly!"

She thought about just leaving her journal, but she'd be in far worse with her tasks if she didn't, so she ran back over, plucked it out of Ty Lee's hands, and left Ty Lee speechless in the middle of the path.

Once at the infirmary, there was a line out the door.

"Are they all sick?" Cillia shoved her way to the front of the line, ignoring the cacophony of complaints. "I'm just trying to talk to the healers!"

"This is normal, of late," one of them said, bandaging a hand as she talked, "More people, more fights, more issues, more everything. By the way, I just stitched up two idiots from Room C3 who got into it. I think one should be moved."

"Fine," Cillia ground, "But I'm a bit behind-"

"You? Behind? You don't know what that even means!" a healer chortled rudely, and Cillia opened her mouth to snap, but someone else cut in.

"We've really had a tough time since Katara left," another healer added, "Half of these issues could have been fixed in a second. What I wouldn't give for some more waterbenders here…"

"Okay, well, Katara's not here," Cillia sighed. What she wouldn't give for that help again. Or Zuko's. As it was, Ari - who usually helped her - had been sent to deal with another metaphorical fire, and she hadn't heard from him today, so she hoped it was all good news…

"Obviously," a healer snorted, plucking glass from the hand of someone squirming in their seat.

"Look, I just need something for stomach sickness."

"Top shelf," the first healer said, without even looking. "Third jar to the left. Ground that up and

have them drink an infused tea."

"And…I need to know, well, can you track if anyone else is nauseous?" Cillia asked, "And tell the kitchens? Specifically, if it relates to the salmon from last night."

This got one of the healers to look up. "Can you? We're a bit busy here."

"Yeah, come back at the end of the day," another said.

"But if they plan on serving salmon again tonight, I need to know," Cillia tried to explain, feeling like she was speaking Old Nomadic all day, and no one was hearing her.

"Okay, sure, but we don't even have time to eat in the mess hall. Someone brings us our meals," the first healer said, waving the next patient in, "And talking to you really slows us down, so…"

"Fine," Cillia bit out. "I'll be back before dinner."

"Oh! When you do," the third healer perked up, "Can you bring me the vegetarian dish?"

Cillia made a mental note. "Fine."

She grabbed the herbs and returned to the back of the line. "You just need to brew this in a tea and drink it."

The woman gave her watery look, "Me?" she asked, "Oh…I'm too sick to do that-"

As though to prove it, she barfed right on Cillia's shoes.

"Hey, you have a cure for nausea?" Someone from the middle of the line asked, looking back, "I've been here for hours! Can I come with you?"

"The salmon?" Cillia guessed. She wasn't sure if she hoped they'd say yes or prayed they'd say no.

"Uhm…something else." It was a teenager, who looked terrified at being questioned.

Cillia stalked up to him, yanking him out of line. "What did you do?"

"I may have…for extra dessert, last night…agreed to eat three firebugs…" He rubbed his stomach. "I think that was a mistake-"

Idiots! All of them!

"Fine!" She threw up her hands. "Come with me! And explain to me why you thought that would be a good idea!"

"They're just kids," the barfing woman tried to argue as she pushed them back towards the mess hall, "And they're bored here. Maybe you could put together some activities-"

"I'm not a camp counselor!" Cillia spun, "I'm a highborn lady with Military prestige."

"Oh!" The woman seemed semi-impressed, "I didn't know that."

Yeah, who would lately?

Cillia almost screamed as she saw Jeong-Jeong on the way to the mess hall making a beeline right for her.

"Ah, Cillia. I was just informed that Aden hasn't gotten his first meal yet today."

"I'm working on it," Cillia sighed, but truth be told, that had slipped her mind.

"It is your responsibility to care for the prisoners," Jeong-Jeong reprimanded sharply. "We can't starve them!"

"Not my intention-"

"And where is Ari? Is he not meant to be with you?" Jeong-Jeong added.

"He's not going to leave," Cillia crossed her arms, "He knows he's stuck here."

"Much faith you have in someone," Jeong-Jeong sniffed, "We did not tell you to decide to treat him as you see fit, you were told to be his keeper. Find him and keep him."

As he walked away, the teenager shuddered. "He scares me."

Cillia bit the insides of her cheeks so hard they bled. She was doing her best, alright?

She'd…she'd get this tea ready, take food to Aden, and then go fetch Ari. Hopefully, he was done collecting materials for more bedding, but with the influx of people, maybe not.

She managed to procure a teapot, mostly the staff in the kitchens were grateful they weren't tasked with making the tea. Cillia found a spot near the mess hall, used her fingers to light a fire, and dropped the leaves unceremoniously into it.

"I need to go feed Aden, and drink this when it's brewed," she instructed.

"How much?" The teenager asked.

"I don't know, half each?" she replied, exasperated. She managed to get Aden's meal, enough to last breakfast and lunch and started making her way to the prisoner's hold. On her way, Mai found her.

"Cillia, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Feeding Aden."

"I was sent to find you…" Mai looked at her expectantly. She ran through her mental checklist, which was as long as the Air Temples were high, trying to recall if she'd told Mai she'd look into something or promised a task, but came up blank.

"Uhm…"

"Isn't there somewhere you're meant to be?"

Cillia handed the meal off to the guard. "Is there?"

"The council meeting?" Mai prompted and Cillia gave the longest, most exhausted groan.

"I'll be there in a moment."

"We're all waiting for you," Mai said shortly.

Great, now you're an inconvenience, Cillia.

"Shut up, Mom," Cillia whispered to her mental voice as she jogged back across the camp.

Jeong-Jeong immediately asked where Ari was, but Iroh argued they'd been waiting far too long and should just start. There was a mild argument that was useless because it had Cillia running across the camp yet again to find her ward and return.

"The meeting will just have to run late, today," Iroh finally said upon her return. Jeong-Jeong gave her a disapproving glare like she'd manufactured this whole thing on purpose.

Fine, not like you have a gazillion things to do.

By the time they got out, it was just about lunchtime. Ari reported to Cillia what he'd managed as they walked. They were waiting in line for lunch - a line that got longer and longer each day with smaller and smaller portions - when Cillia was once again asked if she had the numbers from the store room, which she clearly did not and couldn't even send Ari to finish. She had just managed to sit down when an airbender found her.

"Hey, Cillia, we may have found another fruit tree!"

"Good," Cillia said, lifting her spoon to her mouth.

"Well, can you confirm it's safe to eat?" the airbender asked, "And take note of how much there is. You're in charge of that, right?"

Sort of…

"I'll come after lunch."

"Well, I'm worried I can't find it again unless we pick it now…" the airbender sucked in, "It's sort of out of the way, and would be a pain to go back to."

I didn't even get one damn bite of lunch!

But she didn't say that. Instead, she considered that if the salmon was bad, and if she updated their stockroom numbers, and if this new fruit was safe to eat - then yes, they'd need it immediately. They should get seeds, even, and plant them in their garden and-

"Cillia?"

"Fine. I'm coming."

Her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten breakfast either.

She opened her notebook and wondered what sort of fruit it was. If it was a berry, it would make a good dessert, but it wouldn't be filling. If it was akin to an orange or apple, that could really help their stockrooms! If it was even bigger…well, let's not dream too big…

"Cillia!"

Cillia tried to ignore the voice as she followed the airbender.

"Cillia, are you listening?"

No.

"A new group of Ba Sing Se refugees just arrived and I was told to find you-"

Cillia turned slowly, fingers flipping to the housing plan in her notebook. Akia, one of the former handmaids, stood in the center of the path.

"It's a big group! What a blessing they've made it here safely. Thirty-two people! They need food, they seem hungry, and eight of them need medical attention and…"

Akia's voice drifted out of focus.

Cillia stared at her ledger, her brain working overtime.

Thirty-two. Thirty-two more people she had to figure out how to feed when they were so low already. Thirty-two more people she had to put in beds they didn't have. Thirty-two more people would do stupid dares, get hurt, fill the infirmary line and bother her for whatever they needed because it was her fucking job to manage them. The Refugee Rangler, a thankless task.

"Cillia, that fruit?"

Something just snapped.

She dropped the notebook in the pathway and turned toward the jungles, walking away.

"Where are you going? The fruit is this way!"

"Cillia, what about the refugees?"

"I don't care!" Cillia threw up her hands. "Figure it out yourselves!"

"But-"

"Figure. It. Out!" Cillia yelled, refusing to turn around.

Behind her, Ari stuttered through a response for Akira. He had been her faithful shadow and wasn't dumb when it came to these matters, but he was unable to do much as an untrustworthy ward of the camp.

Cillia just kept walking.

It was like something in her brain had just exploded, everything spilling out, leaving it empty.

Ah, pure bliss.

Someone crashed through the jungle after her.

"Cillia! Wait!"

It was On Ji.

Cillia spun, the emptiness giving way to anger.

"What? Do you need a task too? Something else for me to do? Some other problem that you can absolutely figure out yourself? Oh, Cillia will do it, she does everything! She can take it on, she's fine!"

On Ji's eyes were wide. "I…brought your soup."

"Oh." Cillia felt herself deflate, "Really?"

"You didn't eat this morning. Or at lunch. You must be hungry."

Cillia stared, swallowing hard. It had been a long time since someone had worried about her.

She collapsed right where she was in the trees, fingers reaching out for the soup.

She didn't even use a spoon, just drank from the lip, noisily slurping it. It was so unladylike. Her mother would be horrified if she was here.

"Cillia, I don't think you're doing okay."

Cillia licked the bowl dry. "I'm fine."

On Ji stared, eyes still open. "No…you're not."

It took a moment but Cillia finally sighed, "No, I'm not."

On Ji helped Cillia to stand, "Let me help. You'll run yourself into the ground if you keep this up!"

"It's fine," she lied, "It's my job."

"It's too much," On Ji argued, "I know we've never been close, but please. For my sake? I'm so bored, Cillia! I just try not to get in the cook's way most days, but I don't do anything else."

"I…" Cillia didn't like giving up control. "I guess…there's probably a few things you could do."

"Let's work on today," On Ji said brightly, "And then we're going to talk to Ursa tonight."

Cillia scampered back. "No…we can't bother her!"

"She's really nice! And, well, she might be able to help too." At Cillia's stony scowl, On Ji smiled sweetly. "Either you tell her, I will. We can't afford to let things get so bad that the worst happens. You're too important for that."

"I don't feel like it…" Cillia admitted quietly, "I feel useless. I feel like I can't even do the tasks they've given me."

"And I feel useless because I'm not doing much of anything." On Ji replied, "And I'm sure there are other people bored at camp and we could…divide it a bit better."

Cillia bit the inside of her cheek. "Maybe." But she thought of the teenager and his friends, bored. Maybe they couldn't take on a really important task, but surely they could be utilized better.

"Let's go get you a second helping," On Ji said, "And don't argue. You didn't have breakfast, so you're owed a second portion."

Her denial would work better if her stomach didn't growl.

Tired, worn to the core, and hungrier than she'd been in ages, Cillia felt all her fight dissolve away, "Fine, On Ji. Let's go."

On Ji picked up Cillia's notebook on the dusty path, brushed it off, and beamed.

XXX

There was a weight on Katara's chest like the entire world was sitting right on top of her lungs.

She gasped, water in the back of her throat, scrambling to turn over in soft, fluffy snow. Where was she; was she back home?

Something shifted on her chest and a cold, wet nose pressed into her cheeks. She blinked up, only seeing a thousand stars at first, water pouring over the sides of her lips.

It tasted like stardust.

"Nanook; get off of her!"

The weight was hauled from Katara, and she flipped around, spitting up water onto the snow below her. As she regained her bearings, she realized she was in a low cave.

Had someone dragged her from the depths? No, the last thing she remembered was someone pulling her deeper…

Someone tugged her up. Katara, her throat raw and dry - despite just hacking up half the ocean - coughed deeply, waving them away.

"Water," she croaked, grasping her chest. She felt her heart beating slowly…too slow. After such a fright, she expected it to be as frantic as the wings of a bird. But it wasn't so; she had to wait, pressing ungloved fingers underneath her tunic, to even feel the beat of it at all.

"Katara."

Katara snapped her head up at Xiuying's voice.

She was not the only figure in the room.

All around the rim of the cave were ghostly lingering figures made from faint pulsing colors, the same as the Northern Lights. Spirits of old, young, male, female, happy, and sad…they all sat, watching Katara with nervousness like she was an interloper. They all wore pelts of different animals, something more crude than Katara's tribal wear, but reminiscent of old traditions all the same.

One of them was farther out than the others, the second closest to Katara other than Xiuying. It was a child, a boy with a tooth missing and a mischievous glimmer, wearing a bearskin cloak over his shoulders.

Katara squinted at him, like she'd met him in a dream, long ago.

"Where I am?"

"Do you not recognize your own ancestral plane of Adlivun?"

The voice that spoke was commanding, sending a shiver down Katara's spine. She rushed to straighten to a standing position, holding her shoulders back as she gazed at a woman who seemed as tall as a great wave, as though with just a flick of her fingers, she could send ships to a watery grave. Her skin was dark, but her hair was a startling white and her eyes were a dark blue that seemed stormy and uninviting.

Though Katara had only ever seen her in spirit form, she knew immediately who she was being greeted by.

"La," she whispered, dropping to her knees in reverence, "Ocean spirit."

"You may stand," La said but did not move from where she stood.

Katara felt herself shake as she pulled herself back up. She was almost used to Xiuying at this point, a lesser spirit (though Ratana may disagree). But La…she knew of spirits that wielded immense power, and Tui and La were two of them, most sacred to her people. In fact…

"Where is Tui?" she blurted.

"Do you always say exactly the thoughts that cross your mind?" La asked, and Katara wilted under her chastising question. It seemed she was not to receive an answer.

"I apologize," Katara said, "May I ask another?"

"I have a feeling you will anyway."

"Am I…dead?" she asked, "Did I drown?"

"Yes, and no. Did you think you'd find your spirit above ground? Did you not realize you'd have to nearly sacrifice everything to be blessed by your gods?" La asked with a rough laugh. "If I find you worthy, you will return."

The certainty of her words sent a shiver down Katara's spine.

"And if I am not?"

La only gave a bored raise of her eyebrows.

"So…" Katara swallowed, "I, uhm, I'm here to find my spirit animal, so do I have to…" she waved a hand uncertainly, "Do a trial? Connect with someone in some way?"

"You already have," La said.

Katara blinked slowly. "I have?"

Something came underneath Katara, nearly knocking her off her feet. She spun to see the same bear, the one she'd saved, bounding around her legs. She felt a laugh, despite it all, bubble up her throat.

"That was a test?" she asked, "Really?"

"Everything is a test, Katara," La replied crisply.

Just as Katara reached to pick up the bear, it poofed into the young boy again. "I'm Nanook!"

"A bear?" Katara echoed, and even as she stared at him, she couldn't exactly gauge him correctly. He hovered between bear and human, clearly otherworldly, too spiritual for her human eyes to focus upon. She had expected a cougar, perhaps. Or a wolf. A bear was…incredibly surprising. And not even a hybrid bear at that; she wasn't sure how long it had been since the South had non-mixed bears, so that should have tipped her off, to begin with…

She frowned, digging through what she knew of bears to glean what this spirit animal could be meant to teach her. She wondered, idly, if the fact he appeared as a young child was meaningful.

"Bears are totems of healing, aren't they?" she said slowly.

"Among other qualities," La said, seemingly a twinge proud, her lips twitching like she was about to smile.

Katara felt pride at first, wanting to please a goddess. Then, something like disappointment curled in Katara's stomach. She'd asked the universe for answers and had gotten them. Did this mean the most she was meant for was to be a medic, fixing heroes? Not a warrior? Did it mean that she was set to be away from the fighting?

But La had said among other qualities…perhaps it was just a message to strengthen her healing prowess, but not to abandon the fight entirely.

"You seem troubled, Katara," La said, tilting her head.

"I am worried about this war," Katara said honestly. She didn't think she could lie to a goddess even if she tried. "And I'm concerned about where I should go; to chase Azula, to return to Aang, or to stay with my people?"

"We have heard your questions," La assured, "And while some gods do not consider this fight to be worth our time, I am not convinced we are so separate."

Katara perked up. "Where should I go?" she asked, "Wherever you tell me, I will." Though stubborn, she didn't think she could disobey the spirits of her people.

La exchanged looks with Xiuying, as though they were discussing things telepathically. She watched Xiuying shake her head, but La raised her chin, as though asserting dominance.

Finally, she turned to Katara.

"Return to the Avatar," La said, "He needs you. From there, the path will be clearer."

Katara felt a heavy exhale escape her chest.

"Of course, La," she said, kneeling and praying, "I will. I promise I will."

She didn't dare ask what her role was there; she imagined it could be a hundred possible things. She could be put back in the medicine hut, relegated there for the remainder of the war. She may be needed as a waterbending teacher to aid Aang's journey. She may be needed as part of a close-knit group to protect Aang, while he did whatever he was meant to do.

She was afraid to know, as La said, that her path would become known upon her return.

She was a tinge disappointed that she wasn't tasked to take down Azula, as it seemed obvious that one needed to weed out trouble at the start, but the gods must see something she could not. Maybe Aang would be so incensed to go after her upon Katara's return, and she was meant to protect him on the journey?

"What about Azula?" she demanded, "Can you tell me what she's searching for?"

La's expression was stony. "I cannot. It is not for you to solve."

"But-" Katara started until she remembered herself. She swallowed back her frustration.

"And my tribe?" she asked, her lip quivering. Though she was given her path, she hated the idea of leaving them again. Now more than ever, she was afraid it would be the last time she'd see them.

La came closer, placing her hands on Katara's cheeks. They were so large that her fingers felt like branches, tangling around her.

"They are my people too, and my people will be watched over," she said quietly, "We are all watching, always."

Then, La stood back.

She moved to the side, revealing a door that was not there before.

"Go, marry. The stars divine it anyway," She added with a wry smile, glancing at Xiuying, the only indication of their shared history she would make, "Find joy where you have it and then return to the Air Temples," La commanded, blessing her union with Zuko. "And pray that it will be a long while before I see you down here again."

"I will."

"And remember your totem, Katara," La said, closing Katara's fist around something hard and solid. "There are many great lessons that Nanook can grant you."

So it seemed that there was a deeper meaning than merely healing.

Nanook scrambled up to her, unfurling her fingers to reveal a piece of bone carved into a bear statue. He pressed his fingers to it, in a sense imbuing it, and leaned up on his toes, so he was just barely at Katara's height.

She expected a piece of sage advice to be bestowed upon her, perhaps a signal to what she was meant to learn from her new totem or some reassurance that Nanook would be with her, even after this. But instead, he passed a long, hurried whisper, almost frantic, into her ear.

"No one can live forever, Katara."

When he pulled back, his eyes seemed to press her to realize what he'd said was significant in some way. Behind him, Katara caught Xiuying's eye.

A sense of dread pulled deep in her navel; perhaps it was a warning. She suddenly knew that, after she died, that would be her end. There would be no afterlife for Katara, at least, not one she remembered. Xiuying would speak fondly of her, perhaps one day, but her time was now doled out in sands of time, dripping through her fingers with each second.

So, she'd better make her time here count.

With renewed purpose, Katara walked through the doorway and into the blinding light.

XXX

"-And then Wu came and asked me with a bouquet of roses, but I don't know if I should say yes to him or to Juro. Juro did write me a poem, but it didn't rhyme very well…but he is more attractive than Wu-"

"Aunt Wu?" Anaselma gasped as she came to sit down with her lunch, "Wow, plot twist!"

"No, of course not Aunt Wu," Ratana made a face, as though it was absurd someone would think so, "You know, Fire Nationer Wu. Hot Wu."

"Oh...there are too many people here with the same name," On Ji laughed into her hand, "Do you know how many 'Lee's there is? I think that there's at least twelve!"

"As I was saying, Hot Wu - who is less hot than Juro-,"

Suki tried to drown Ratana out as she ate her breakfast. She was speaking at the group, not to anyone in particular, though Avizeh was by far the most invested.

"Well, you know what I heard about Wu, right?" Avizeh asked, eyes glimmering.

"No! Oh, if you have a way to help me pick, please tell me," Ratana gasped, slamming her palms on the table.

"Wu is the son of a formerly wealthy politician; I mean, not saying that things will absolutely go back to how it was, but he does have something to make up for the unfortunate size of his nose-"

Suki snorted internally.

Or, she thought it was internal.

At once, all the eyes of the table - every girl, not just Avizeh and Ratana - turned critically to her. Mai was the only one who seemed semi-unbothered, the rest all scowling at Suki as if she'd just spat in their oatmeal.

"Do you have something to say, Suki?" Ratana asked, her voice silky smooth.

"It's all rather…superficial, right?" Suki finally found her words, "To pick someone based on money or looks instead of who you enjoy?"

Ratana rolled her eyes. "I'm picking a date for the dance, not a marriage."

"Nothing's going to happen," On Ji squeaked.

"Well, if I'm lucky, something may-" Ratana giggled into her hand, causing On Ji to blush bright red.

"So it's about who kisses better then?" Suki asked, fully judging Ratana.

"If I could figure that out early, that would help things," Ratana replied seriously. "I would hate to be kissing someone whose lips are like a dead fish, or someone who has so much saliva I feel like I'm drowning!"

"I'm leaving," Suki grasped her half-eaten bowl, "If anyone wants to go train with me, I'll be doing something productive with my time!"

"This is productive," Aveizh argued, "The ball is in three days, Suki! Dates are filling up fast!"

"Oh, ignore her," Ratana finally huffed. "She's just upset no one has asked her!"

Suki ground her teeth, trying to let Ratana's jibe roll off her shoulders, but it wasn't so easy. She knew that she scared boys here, in a similar way that Cillia and Mai did. But Mai didn't seem interested in anyone and Cillia was so busy that Suki doubted she'd be attending at all.

Outwardly, Suki acted as though she was in their camp, but secretly?

Well, she had been earnest about forging a love connection with Zuko, even if that hadn't worked out.

Uzuki came up next to Suki.

"Sparring with me?" she asked.

"I thought I'd watch," Uzuki replied, "You know, you could ask someone. We're a more progressive society here; plenty of girls I know have asked their crushes."

Suki let out a strangled laugh. "Absolutely not. And, even if I wanted to, I don't have anyone to ask. There's no one here that I want."

But, if someone had asked her, well Suki would have given it her best effort to like them in return.

"Okay," Uzuki said, dropping the matter easily, "That's how I got my date."

And that was the last she said on it, for the moment.

Suki managed to find an airbender around her age to spar, who also wanted to brush up on their fighting skills. She spent most of the morning here; it was nearly empty. The entire Temple was eager for the party, either preparing for it elsewhere or spending time in newly coupled pairs, holding hands and kissing in alcoves.

Suki felt like they were all children again!

Faintly, she heard a commotion near the path that led to the welcome center, but every day there was a commotion. Usually, it was no one Suki cared about, as the Kyoshi were still holding strong and able to protect themselves. Unless it was Katara or Yue coming back Suki didn't care.

Even so, eventually, the voices faded away.

When she heard them again, she was deep in a sparring match, focusing only on besting this quick little Airbender, who she was tied in matches won.

"-And here is our training ground. It's quieter than usual, but if you two need a place to practice, we can book our time!"

Suki had just managed to grasp the airbender and pin her down. Heaving with exhaustion, she looked up, sweaty and undignified, to see a roving group of people led by Iroh. Behind him, Aang followed, and then Anasemla, and behind her-

"Suki, how good to see you again."

Suki felt her fingers release the Airbender like someone had punched her stomach. She scrambled up, pushing her sweaty hair from her forehead. "Haru," she greeted, though her voice shook, "It's, uhm, good to see you too."

"Please let us know if this will work for you and Avatar Aang."

"Of course, General," Haru said pleasantly. "We may need to commandeer the whole space, though. Earthbending practice can get rocky."

Suki let out a laugh, assuming it was a pun, but no one else even so much as giggled. She slapped a hand over her mouth, wanting some earthbender to pull her down into the dirt and out of sight. Uzuki gave her a bizarre look.

Haru, though, grinned.

"That was a joke. I'm glad someone appreciates my humor," Haru shrugged.

"Your jokes suck. I'm sure Suki was just being nice," Anaselma rolled her eyes.

"Well," Iroh said, blinking between the pair, "Shall I show you the kitchens? I'm sure you must be very hungry."

"Please, I'm sure we'll be back soon," Haru said, and gave one last grin at Suki, "And perhaps we can find a time for the two of us to spar. You seem like you'd give quite the challenge."

"Yes! I mean, sure. I mean, if you're not too busy-" Suki blabbered.

Once he was gone, Suki looked at the sky, urging herself not to scream into the heavens.

"You like him!" Uzuki gasped, "Oh my gosh, Suki! You have to ask him before someone else does."

"No," Suki said, grabbing her water cup. "I do not…it's not-"

"He's a hot commodity," Uzuki pressed, "He'll be snapped up before sunset if you don't move now."

"Drop it," Suki groaned.

"What? Scared?" Uzuki said, like an annoying sibling, bounding behind her. "I didn't think Suki of Kyoshi was afraid of anything."

"I'm not scared, I'm just…I don't even know if I want to go!"

"Don't be like that, it'll be fun. And it would be more fun with Haru at your side!" She poked Suki's stomach, "He likes you too."

Suki stopped so abruptly she almost tripped over her feet. "He…does?" she asked, and then shook her head, "You're just saying that."

"He asked you to spar! Didn't you learn anything from Zuko and Katara? For warriors, that's pretty much inviting you to foreplay. "

"Uzuki!" Suki shrieked.

"I'm so right. Look, there he is." Uzuki found him and the convoy on the path. "Oh, man, looks like someone's going in for the kill. Get over there, Suki!"

With a firm shove, Uzuki sent Suki and stumbled down the path, nearly knocking someone at the back of the huddle over.

"Sorry, sorry!" Suki said, sure that this was the most embarrassed she'd ever been.

"Forget something?" General Iroh asked, knowingly. Damn him; he was so perceptive, it drove Suki mad!

The girl, an Earth Kingdom refugee, looked put out to have her big moment interrupted. Haru turned his whole body away from the girl, looking expectantly at Suki.

Suki opened her mouth to stutter an apology, but something very different came out.

"There's this dance! On Ji is putting it on; it's sort of stupid, but everyone's going and people are asking dates and I thought maybe, we danced together before and we weren't terrible, so maybe meandyoucouldgotogetherHaru?"

The last bit of it all came out at once like she was vomiting her thoughts.

The Earth Kingdom refugee sighed and stomped away, "I'll never get a date!" she groaned to her friend, who was waiting in the bushes like Uzuki was for Suki. Her friend patted her shoulder, pushing her toward a new group of boys who had just returned from foraging dinner ingredients.

"Sure," Haru said earnestly, "Sounds fun."

"Now that that terribly important interruption has played out," Jeong-Jeong said pointedly,

"Perhaps we can continue with the tour, so that Aang may have his first lesson with Haru today?"

"Right, sorry," Suki winced, "Uhm, see you around, Haru?"

Haru's smile was so easy-going it made her head feel light and airy, "I'll find you, Suki."

"Such was the intention…" Aang muttered semi-sourly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh, well, Ty Lee is helping with dinner, so…" Aiga trailed off.

"So you get to go poke the platypus-bear?" he asked snappishly, "You get to gawk at the person who nearly leveled our safe haven and killed Aden?"

Even as he spoke, something black and dark rose up in him, and there was the errant thought that took off running across his mind.

You should have just ended it, Aang. Killed him when you had the chance, for real.

But no, he knew he shouldn't want Aden dead.

But alas, his mind seemed to have thoughts of its own of late.

It had been weeks and no choices had been made regarding Aden. The Lotus went back and forth all day long about the morality of their options, no closer to finding a resolution.

It was breaking the unity of the camp.

The Airbenders were horrified he was allowed to live. They had grown to be a close-knit group in the Swamps, and the loss of their friends and family still weighed heavily. Aang wasn't the only one wishing for his death. They were also angry that Aang would not get to decide what happened to him; he was the Avatar, was he not? Wasn't he meant to have a greater weight in these sorts of choices?

Those who were just here to seek asylum had no real experience with war or its traumas and were angry that it was even being considered.

And those from the Palace were everywhere in between, individually laying lines in the ground depending on their personal feelings.

Aang's mood had not improved. He liked to think that if Aden was gone, in whatever way that meant, it would lighten his burden, but he knew the truth.

He felt like a powder keg close to exploding.

He was just…angry. He snapped at others. And he was guilty he wasn't living up to what people hoped he was.

It was better for him to just make himself scarce and spend most of his time in meditation, begging that some former Avatar would tell him what to do.

But, he had a bad feeling that even if the Avatars could talk easily in his mind right now, they'd tell him that no one but Aang could make this decision.

"No, Aang," Aiga said kindly. "A few more girls from the Prince's Choice have arrived. I just thought…well, perhaps you'd like to greet them as well."

Aang gave her a raised, dubious eyebrow, "Me?"

"You are the Avatar," Aiga said, "The face of this whole thing, in a sense."

"And the reason they're here," Aang said glumly. If he'd been a better Avatar and dealt with Ozai instead of just hiding, if he'd seen through Azula's deception, they might still be in their halls and homes, married to dignitaries and hosting parties.

"You're also a familiar face from the Palace," Aiga prompted, "Kuzon was always someone who was kind there-"

"Kuzon was a lie!" Aang snarled, more furious than he had expected. He was shocked at his own anger and stepped back, blinking hard. Aiga, to her credit, offered a gentle smile and didn't stumble away. She didn't even flinch.

"Not all of him, I'm sure. While it is true we wore many faces in the Palace - I know that as well as anyone - do you know what I remember about you?"

Aang looked down at his feet guiltily. "What?"

"That you took the time to remember my name. And always thank me when I waited on you before I was assigned to Katara. It was my job, but you always thanked me - as with everyone else who worked in the Palace. That takes a truly sincere person. I don't think that was all an act."

"I just don't know…"

"I know you believe that only Ty Lee saw that, but I think you'd be surprised about how much of a welcome face you may be. I just thought you may want to, but if you don't, there's no worry."

Except you're hiding like a coward, giving them even more doubt that you're the right person to be the Avatar.

Aang winced. Even though the last thing he wanted to do was leave his leafy oasis…well…

"Okay." He forced a smile. Though the girls in the Choice (sans Ty Lee) had kept a respectful distance of intimacy, not wanting to be accused of any wrongdoing, there had been girls in the Palace with whom he had enjoyed a budding friendship and would be glad of the chance to get to know them better.

Aiga led Aang through the swarm of people, curious to see who had graced their stone path that day. People eagerly craned their heads, whether they were looking with excitement or hoping relatives would appear. Those who didn't see people they wanted moved away, but there was still a tightly-knit semi-circle at the spot where Appa dropped people off.

It seemed like there were only a handful of figures; two people Aang didn't recognize at all, who were in joyous reunion with some other Earth Nationers, and three people he did know. One person he only had the foggiest of recollection of, and recalled her getting cut in the first round, right away.

Uzuki, he thought?

The other two were much more recognizable.

On Ji was running to hug Anaselma, who looked mildly dirt-stained but was grinning ear to ear. Avizeh stood with two very young girls clutching her dress, keeping a protective arm around both.

"I'm so glad we got your coded letter!" Anaselma was saying to On Ji, "And that we knew how to find you! We've been traveling together since the fall of the Palace."

Mai came to Avizeh, kneeling down in front of the children, a gesture Aang wasn't surprised at. Though few knew, Mai had a soft spot for kids. No doubt she was missing her baby brother.

Aang watched her interact with them, offering a rare smile and enticing them from their firm, double-fisted grip on their older sister.

To Aang's surprise, when Anasemla saw him, a wide smile broke over her face.

"Kuzon! Oh, what a sight you are! I heard all about the Swamps; just awful, just awful!" she said, unexpectedly hugging him.

"Uhm…I'm glad you're alright too?" he said, trying to figure out if this was a trick.

"I heard you gave Zhao what he deserved," Avizeh said with a sly grin, "He always creeped me out."

By this time, Iroh had made his way to the front.

"Ah, girls! Welcome to our solace. I'm so pleased you could find your way here. I know you must be tired, but I think that it may be best for all of us to talk when thoughts are still fresh in your minds. I have some tea waiting for you; if you may."

Aang watched in mild confusion as Uzuki followed as well. He didn't know anything about her - Zuko had spent little time on his decision to cut her - but he was surprised she wasn't sent to an assigned bunk and left to her own devices.

Iroh motioned for Aiga, Cillia, and Mai to join. A few handmaids darted forward to take Avizeh's sisters to the mess hall, coaxing them with sweets and promises that Avizeh would be back soon.

"Ah, Aang. You too."

Aang followed, unsure why he was gathered in this group.

As promised, Iroh had a hearty pot of tea bubbling and took little time to dole it out. The rest of the White Lotus sat on pillows, some greeting the girls warmly as if there were a past connection.

"I do not wish to keep you here long, but I do have some questions," Iroh began. "I know your sisters must be anxious, Avizeh, but I didn't think this war talk was for their young ears. If I'm not mistaken, you always seemed to know exactly what was going on in the Palace, hmm?"

Avizeh sat proud, "That's right, General."

"And would it be correct to assume you've gathered intel outside it since?"

"Oh, you have no idea," Avizeh chuckled. "I would have liked to gain more, but things have been…tenuous in the Earth Kingdom, and I was worried for my younger sisters. So, for that, I apologize."

"Never apologize," Ursa said, "For putting your family first. It is admirable, Lady Avizeh."

Iroh waved a hand. "By all means. Please," he was smiling, "Enlighten us."

Avizeh immediately launched into what Aang could best describe as a field report, though her descriptions were vivid and pointed. She was very good at grasping the attention of everyone. She talked about how she was well aware of Fire Nation military movements, due to some flirting and eye-batting on her part, and solidified the gossip that Azula was seeking out an imaginary library in the desert. She had some more news, that as of a week ago, Azula had returned and seemed happy.

"Which can never be a good sign," she said with a hard shake of her head.

"I agree," Jeong Jeong said, "Happy is bad news for us."

"I mean, she's crazy, but her 'happy' did give an entire village a festival just because someone complimented her. So…" Avizeh shrugged. "Unfortunately, she's still not lost the love of the Fire Nation. Not all agree with her, but most would need to see a whole lot more to believe Zuko's not the bad guy."

"That's also bad news," Iroh said, rubbing his chin. "And the Earth Kingdom?"

"As I said, it's…" Avizeh tapped her fingers on her ceramic cup, "Difficult. Most of us didn't want to be under Ozai to begin with and hated having all our power usurped as it was. If things go on like this for much longer, we'll just be absorbed as Fire Nationers, without our own identity. The Kyoshi are still fighting back, but I worry for them," she said with genuine concern.

"Uzuki, perhaps you can shed some more light?" Iroh asked. "Her father is a high-ranking Captain of the Earth Kingdom forces," he informed the group.

"Was," Uzuki muttered angrily. "I wish I had more to say, General."

"Anything is helpful," Piandro assured, "You never know what will be vital information."

"Sure," Uzuki said with a shrug, "I mean, it's a terrible thing. He and all other high-ranking officials who didn't show immediate fealty to the Fire Nation were stripped not only of their ranking but also were arrested as criminals. My father was taken; that's when I ran. He told me to. He'd never leave his men behind, but I fear what has happened to him. They're installing puppets all over, just mouthpieces for the Fire Nation. It's a mix between Earth Kingdomers who can be bought with fear or money, and Fire Nationers dressing as Earth Kingdom to deceive us. There are rebellions all over, but most insurrectionists are killed or captured. The ruling family in the Earth Kingdom is done for; I was so glad to see King Kuei safe here, for I had feared the absolute worst."

"And is there a king or queen in place?" Ursa asked.

"And have someone else threaten Azula's rule?" Avizeh snorted, "No way."

"She's right. They've installed a Warden of the Earth Kingdom." Uzuki's face was stony, "It's Nadhari."

Iroh and Ursa exchanged looks.

"She's being rewarded for her treachery," Avizeh snarled, furious, "She'd throw us all to the rats if she got the chance. Do they think we'll trust her, knowing she's in Azula's back pocket? Please!"

"That is quite distressing news," Iroh said, seemingly more despondent by the minute.

"They're trying to make her upcoming wedding seem like a big deal, a party for all of the Earth Kingdom, but it's just stupid. Anyone who believes that is desperate or a fool."

"Wedding?" Ursa asked, biting the inside of her cheeks in frustration, "I suppose that was what she wanted most, was it not? I assume Azula made her a good match for the price of who she sold out?"

Avizeh gave a strange look, tilting her head. "I suppose. She'll be royalty now. I'm sure it just tickles Nadhari fucking pink that her future kids will be princes and princesses."

"You mean like royalty," Shen corrected her, "Proximity to the throne is still not royalty, though I wouldn't put it past Nadhari to negotiate a future union between her children and Azula's..."

"No," Avizeh was staring right at Iroh, "Royalty. She's meant to marry Lu Ten in just under a moon."

Iroh, mid-sip, inhaled too much tea at once, hacking with so much force that multiple people jumped up to soothe him.

"Away, away!" he commanded, stumbling to stand in front of Avizeh, "You must be…mistaken…Lu Ten was…" His throat caught, "Killed."

"That's what we all thought, wasn't it? But she made a big deal after her wedding to 'pardon' him and 'show him mercy,'" Avizeh said, "No doubt alive as long as he does whatever she wants him to do."

"My dear," Iroh fell to his knees, grabbing her. "How…how does he seem? Is he alright? Is he okay?"

Avizeh had the good sense to hesitate. She looked helplessly at Ursa, who sighed and gave a slight nod.

She swallowed hard, realizing that this was more of a bombshell than anything else she could say.

"The only time I saw him, he was gaunt. Looked like he'd taken a beating. Skinnier than I remember him at the palace. And of course, if it is true about his…preferences, unhappy."

"Azula is vile," Shen said. "It is as much a punishment for him as a boon for Nadhari."

"But he's alive," Iroh said again, tears streaming down his face, "With certainty?"

"Yes."

"This is good news, Iroh," Ursa said. "Azula wants to reward Nadhari. She would not give him someone she intends to kill quickly. The fact he's alive must mean she needs him for something, and that is very good for him and for us."

"You are right, Ursa," Iroh said, still shaking. "We must be positive. My son is alive," he repeated, dazed.

"I thought you would have known," Avizeh said, "I did not mean to spring it on you."

"No, not your fault. It is good news, and we are in need of that more than ever," Iroh insisted. "I do wish to pick your brain further, both of you, but that is all for now. Anaselma, I'm sure you are curious as to why you are here too?"

"A bit," she admitted, chuckling nervously.

"It seems Aang is in need of an Earthbending Master. I hear your brother, Haru, is so, correct?" Iroh asked. Aang winced internally. He'd hoped Toph would return and put this matter to rest, but, well…

"The best!" Anaselma's eyes gleamed, "He's fighting for our people back home. I tried to get him to come here with me, but he didn't want to leave people behind who were powerless."

"And I wouldn't ask him to abandon that cause if it were not necessary, but we need Aang to learn Earthbending. Is it possible you could summon him?" Iroh asked.

"For the Avatar, of course, he would come." Anaselma nodded hard, "It's a great honor, sir, and you too Aang!"

"Fantastic! I will make sure that you get the fastest hawk, and I'll have you talk to our code writers so that your message is not intercepted. The three of you may go now; food has been left out for you and Cillia will help assign beds."

"Sure," Avizeh stood, brushing her skirts. "Hey, uhm, where are Zuko and Katara? I was hoping they'd come say 'hi' by now…and it's sort of weird they're not in here. What are they doing right now?"

Mai grimaced, "Something totally stupid but very brave. Per usual."

At the three girls' confused glances, Cilla sighed, waving them toward the door.

"Let's walk to dinner. It's a looong story."

XXX

Katara was given a bed roll, a change of furs, a knife, some rations, and an herb that her father told her was essential to take.

When she pressed as to why, all her father said was it would 'open her to the readiness of the spirits.'

But, it came with a warning.

"I do not know if it is true or not, but I have heard from others who went before me that it dampens your bending. You will have to rely on your other skills."

This did worry Katara, but she tried not to let it stop her.

"Maybe it's not true," her father added, seeing her face, "I cannot personally attest. Eat it each morning at sun-rise until you find your spirit animal."

And then, with the entire tribe waving her off with well wishes, Katara left.

The first day was easy. It was almost fun; enjoyable. The weather was mild and the sun arose from its hibernation to warm Katara's shoulders, so much that she shed her parka as she walked and enjoyed the pristine nothingness around her. She knew that the Southern Water Tribe lands were still just a drop in the bucket compared to the Earth Kingdom or even the Fire Nation, but the poles were their own kind. So much uninhabited space, so much room to just…wander forever.

The second day was a little rougher. The temperatures dropped and the sun didn't come out from behind the clouds, and Katara began to get the sense of the largeness, the vastness in front of her. It loomed threateningly at the edge of her sense of being, the true panic when she imagined that while it may not go on forever…it could go on a great, long while.

The third day was rough. That was the day exhaustion truly set in, having done nothing but trudge farther and farther and farther. It was when she began to ration her food or consider utilizing her hunting knives to catch something to sustain her rations. It was the day the loneliness grasped her, and she was not awed by the endlessness and the silence of the tundra, but afraid.

On the fourth day, Katara built a camp and slept. She did not leave her lean-to at all, curling herself in furs and sleeping as much as she could, which itself was a true gift since she couldn't recall a time when she'd done so.

Katara had asked her father, before heading off, what she was meant to be looking for. How long would it take?

She knew that it was different for everyone, but she had not expected her father to be able to offer nearly nothing helpful.

"When you are ready, the spirit will offer itself up."

Katara felt like she was ready now, ready to return home and back to Zuko's arms, but apparently the spirits didn't agree.

She spent the fifth day in an angry match of stubbornness, daring the universe to go against her.

But of course, the universe did as it wished, and left Katara with just a stony silence.

When she woke up on the sixth day, there was a figure sitting near her bedroll. She blinked, half expecting the person to fade away, a strange remnant of a dream, but they solidified.

"It's you," Katara said, frowning.

Her mirror, the Painted Lady, smiled back at her.

"Am I…near death?" Katara asked, confused. The last time she'd seen her previous self had been in the dungeons, broken and slipping away. But the Painted Lady had more agency here; she was not mirroring Katara, but kneeling politely, waiting for her to wake.

"No, Katara. The line between spirits and humans is less firm out here," she explained.

"Do you have wisdom to impart on me?" Katara asked with a snort.

"You seemed lonely," the Painted Lady replied.

Katara sat up and began to roll her bed back up. "Oh, great. I'm so lonely I've conjured you up. Fantastic." She looked over her shoulder. "Do you know when the spirits will decide I am worthy enough to be graced with their presence?"

"It is your spirit walk, not mine," she said, as though she was not also a spirit. "Though… perhaps not with that attitude."

Katara sobered, instantly feeling guilty.

The Painted Lady was correct.

"Do you…" Katara swallowed, "Know how Zuko is doing? Or Aang? Iroh?"

"Zuko is having a perfectly fine time with your tribe, you should not worry about that or ask such things."

"What should I ask then?" Katara asked, a bit put out to be chided by a spirit. How dare she worry about leaving her Fire Nationer fiancé alone with a group of tribesmen who hated the very idea of them, right? Sure, Zuko had been taken in as a perceived non-threat, but she had to worry everyone was just playing nice with her around.

The Painted Lady grinned, "Ask me a question for you. Ask me things you want to know. Selfish things."

Katara walked a bit, considering it.

She was unused to putting herself first, even with such low stakes.

Finally, she tilted her head, examining the doppelganger.

"What's your name?"

The Painted Lady seemed to mull over this query for a moment, "Is that a question for you?"

"You're me and I'm…" Katara gestured between them, "And call me curious." She could see glances of the past, and sometimes it was like her mind was providing her with the necessary information from her previous life, but she realized that names were always…just beyond her reach. There was a familiarity, and perhaps if someone said the Painted Lady's true name she'd know it to be hers in a past life, but Katara wasn't able to recall it.

Katara remembered Ratana telling the story, so long ago.

There was a young girl, nameless to us as far as I know…

What an awful way to live. To be lauded and worshiped, but to have your name wiped away like someone cleaning dew from windows. A name gone in the twirling wind, never to be whispered again.

"I suppose I will allow it," there was a quiet grin on her face, "My name was Xiuying."

Katara frowned. "Isn't that traditionally an Earth Kingdom name?"

"I come from a time where these…partitions were not as clear cut as they are now. A more nomadic time when people were simply people. You perceive my enemies as early Fire Nationers, and in a sense, I suppose I was as well. Though we lived in a town in the current Fire Nation, it was just a river and a bank untethered to titles. My father named me, hoping I would embody such qualities. I was born in a time of strife and trouble, not unlike the time you find yourself in now."

"Brave and beautiful," Katara tilted her head, the translation weaving like a ribbon in her mind, "You are, you know?"

Xiuying almost blushed, though perhaps it was merely Katara's perception of it.

"I don't think my father had this in mind," she said, almost a joke if they were not aware of her circumstances.

"We didn't know your name…before. Those that whisper to you only call you the Painted Lady."

She blinked. "I know."

"Does it bother you? Do the wishes reach you still?" Katara asked. Her own name had been handed down carefully, like a precious heirloom, and Katara was fond of it. If she ever did anything to be celebrated, she tried to imagine a future where she was described by the worst night of her life, and the feeling made her queasy.

"I have had a long time to come to terms with it," Xiuying explained slowly, "And at this point, I am honored that anyone remembers me at all. It is not the direction that matters, but the intention. Even those who do not know they are giving me their wishes sometimes do all the same."

"Do we really look exactly the same, or is that my mind putting my face on yours because I cannot perceive the true spirit world?" Katara asked, another question that had been in the back of her mind, bothering her.

"We do look the same," Xiuying confirmed. "Reincarnation is the same face. I have been born into hundreds - boys and girls that look like us - and I think I will be born into a hundred more."

An existential fear grasped Katara, something that made her feel so pitifully small and meaningless at such a proclamation.

"What will happen to me when I die?" Katara asked.

"I do not have such answers," Xiuying said with a ruffle to her brow, "Before this, I would say with certainty that you are just reincarnated and no… essence…remains as I do. Even I'm not sure that I exist outside of your mind. However, none of my reincarnations have ever…gained recognition," she said with a smile, "So everything I knew is called into question. Selfishly, I hope you will remain, somewhere. I do not see you as myself, but I see you as…a sister."

"I hope I do too," Katara said, almost anguished at the thought that her brother and all she loved might linger in the Spirit World, if even for a few eras, but she would just…cease.

Though, if she was dead, she would have no thoughts upon the matter if all that would happen would be to be born again immediately.

"...Wait, does that mean I'm just here talking to myself? And anyone else looking would think I'm insane?" Katara realized.

Xiuying was grinning, "Well, it is fortuitous that this land is barren of people, then."

They walked a bit more in silence. Not for fear of Katara looking foolish, but because Katara wanted to pace herself with her questions. She knew she was a long way away from enlightenment.

"Are you angry?" Katara asked after a few hours, "With the man who killed you still?"

"Ask me a kinder question, Katara. I am not ready to answer that one."

"Okay…" Katara thought about it. "Tell me…tell me about your favorite life you've lived."

Xiuying's whole face lit up, "That, I most certainly can do."

So she did.

Not just one life, but many. She regaled Katara with her favorite lives and as she spoke, Katara's mind pulled the images like she was reading an illustrated story, but the pictures moved.

She talked about her most mundane life; a life where the most exciting thing to happen was that she had eight children. But there was no war, no famine, no pestilence…just existing.

She talked about her most exciting life; where she was an assassin who stealthily slinked through the city streets, someone who would do anything if paid the right amount to do it.

She talked about her most prolific life, besides her original one; one where she was the founder of a city that no longer existed, but she took Katara through all the struggles and triumphs with the zest as though it had only happened yesterday.

And she told Katara a great many stories in between.

Karata simultaneously felt that the stories could have taken an eternity to tell, and that time had hardly passed at all with each retelling. In reality, it ate up two days of walking.

Finally, when Katara woke on the dawn of the eighth day, Xiuying was there, dutiful. Her face was unreadable.

"Ask me again. The question I couldn't answer."

Katara shook her head, "You don't have to tell me."

"I should, though…" She trailed off, "Please."

Katara hesitated. It seemed impossible that a spirit could have emotions that swirled like this; the way that her eyes stormed and her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Do you hate the man who killed you?" Katara asked again.

"Yes," Xiuying said honestly. "Time does not heal everything. Though, perhaps it is a blessing that his spirit has been trapped in the Fog of Lost Souls since his death. And he did not survive much longer anyway." She waved a hand, "A mundane death. No revenge, just Death taking as she does."

"Do you feel the anger I feel too?" Katara whispered.

"I do," Xiuying confirmed, "And through you, I feel it even more. Your war is just."

"Azula will burn everything to the ground if she's allowed," Katara snapped, grounding her teeth, "But we're no closer…" She squinted. "Wait! Do you know about the birds and the sand and what she seeks? Do you know where it is?"

"I do," Xiuying said cautiously, "But a stronger spirit has forbidden us from talking about it."

"C'mon!" Katara threw out her hands, "That's not fair!"

"I am an anomaly, caring for the lives of mortals. Most do not bother with your fights. They often protect themselves and this is such a time." Xiuying seemed genuinely upset. "I wish I could tell you."

Katara kicked the snow, making snowballs and hurling them as far as she could, screaming at the wind and the darkness.

"But it's not…fair!" she repeated.

"Fair?" Xiuying's face darkened, "Fair is for children, Katara. Why do you think you should be allowed to dictate what the spirits have decided?"

"Because people will die," Katara spat, "Thousands! They already have!"

"Are you asking for yourself, truly?" Xiuying countered, "Are you asking for the good of the world, or because you want to get revenge on Azula? Do you want to see her suffer for those she's killed that you know, for what she's done to Zuko, for what she's done to your people-"

"And what if I do?" Katara thundered, "What if it would be fair, and just, and right for me to do that? She is a blemish! She has no empathy, no regard for anyone but herself! What if I know that's what she deserves? To die alone, afraid!"

Xiuying regarded Katara almost coldly. "No one deserves a death like that, Katara," she said, her voice rough. "Not Ozai, not Zhao, and not even Azula. The war may be just, but killing Azula is not."

"I disagree," Katara snarled, "Azula is the war."

Xiuying hummed, "If that is how you feel, I know your stubbornness. And that it cannot be changed."

She turned, and with each step, she faded out of sight.

Guilt clawed at Katara, and the threat of loneliness engulfed her once again.

"Wait!" Katara ran after her, "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry-" She ran across the fluffy snow, her boots kicking it up behind her. Xiuying was still in view, but becoming fainter and fainter each moment. If Katara could get to her…if she could grab her…

The ground beneath Katara groaned and creaked.

Before Katara could even react, it split beneath her.

Instead of falling into the open air, icy water hit her bones.

Katara sucked in on instinct and tried to use her bending to push herself away.

Her fingers felt like they were dredging through oil, impossible to move.

The herb! Dad is right…oh, no!

Katara kicked her legs frantically, the chill seeping into her furs. It soaked into her jacket, adding weight to her struggle, but Katara was determined.

She broke the surface's edge, throwing her arms out on the ice sheet. The ground was cracking and splintering all around her, the entire tundra breaking away in sheets. She began to pull herself up, her teeth chattering and her mind yelling all sorts of warnings to get her parka off and make a fire as soon as she could.

There was a low moan behind Katara.

She whipped her head around to see a baby bear, just a bear, struggling on the ice. He seemed injured; he couldn't move quickly and was stumbling over the sheets as they began to chop in harsh waves.

"Move, move!" Katara screamed, "Run!"

The bear whined and leaped for the unbroken shoreline. He jumped short...he wasn't going to make it! Katara's heart plummeted as she watched the creature slip underneath the surface.

It did not resurface.

Katara dove under the ice before she thought through it, kicking off of the ice chunk she'd been clinging to. The water was too cold; her whole body shivered and fought to return her, but she pressed on.

The polar bear's figure was a stark white beacon in the water.

Katara grabbed the kicking, struggling creature in her arms and willed herself up, up, up to where the sun was a bright ball above her.

Everything was heavy. Her bones felt like they were waterlogged and soggy, and her throat burned.

Her hands felt a chill of wind blowing across it. She shoved the bear as hard as she could, not even sure if she'd succeeded in her mission, but too tired and worn away to do much more.

As her limbs fell back and Katara floated, suspended underwater for a moment, she felt a sob rise up.

Is this how I die? Will I answer the question I so desperately wanted to know?

She watched helplessly as the sun faded as Katara sank down, down, down.

Above her, something poked its head into the ocean. It was glowing, a different glow than the sun. An ethereal, otherworldly glow.

Then, whatever it was, dove into the water.

Katara managed to catch a blink of whatever it was as it zipped by, lighting up the entire sea with its brilliance.

Though she'd been genuinely hopeful of a love match between her and Zuko, she'd been more eager to leave her town and see if everywhere else was so…staunch. She wasn't even angry to find out it wasn't; there was a great, big wide world out there just waiting for her to explore. If she played her cards right, she never had to return home again.

She wasn't bound in the same way other ladies here were…ladies born higher up the chain of brilliance would be expected to return home and marry someone of pedigree. The only chance they had to get out of their hometown was to marry someone from elsewhere. On Ji was lucky in that sense. She wasn't high-born, she was merely - as the Sages had pronounced - 'pretty'.

The one creative outlet that had been allowed in her village was cooking, mostly because the military benefited greatly from the women baking delectable dinners and mouth-watering desserts. So that's what On Ji did, as many others did as well. Whenever she started to feel frustrated by the inability to be a carefree young girl or her own person, she slipped away to the kitchens. There were far fewer eyes in there, allowing her the only moments of whimsy she could remember.

And, well, she didn't spend her time doing nothing.

Slowly but surely, On Ji had honed her cooking skills. It was a feather in her cap when she wrote her application for the Prince's Choice. Whatever Zuko was craving, she could make it, she promised. She had a knack for flavors and loved trying new recipes, as well as cooking Fire Nation classics.

Many girls had written the same.

When the Sages came, everyone had cooked their favorite dish.

On Ji knew that without it, she would have never stood a chance of getting chosen. But in all, she had been an early and promising choice; a clear mothering archetype, someone who could labor in the kitchen (but wouldn't need to, spirits. Didn't she know they had maids for that?) It was all a facade; she realized it all now. Everything with the Choice; it was all just so fake.

The most real thing about it was how much Zuko loved Katara.

As she pushed up her sleeves and began kneading a sweet dough, she wondered what would have happened if some other girl had cooked better than she. If she'd been sick, or off her game that morning, and her neighbor or the girl she sat with in history class or the girl who tripped her when she was ten had done a better job? What if she was still back in the Colonies?

You know what would have happened. You would have believed every stupid fucking lie they were feeding you about Zuko and what happened with Ozai. You would worship the ground Azula walked on. You'd call Katara the worst things you could think of - things no person should say about another. You'd believe it all like a stupid calf, whispering about how dishonorable the former Prince was…

…And you'd probably hate the girl who went instead of you, for being so dumb to abscond with him, knowing she wasn't even his chosen wife.

The realization washed over her swiftly. It was a cold one, something that had her staring down into the dough, biting her lip to keep from crying. What were the girls at home saying about her? What would they say to her face, or behind her back, when she returned?

Who says you get to go home again, On Ji?

She tried to tell herself she didn't even want that. She wanted adventure. She wanted to explore; to eat everywhere she could, and cook their food in turn. But it was easy to want all that when you could always turn in the towel and slither back to your roots, wasn't it?

She took her anger out on the dough.

Whenever she was feeling upset, she came in here.

So…On Ji was in here a lot.

By the time her treats were in the oven, she had been awake for hours already. She sat on an uneven chair, sipping tea, watching the rolls rise with a tiredness that was from more than just getting up insanely early.

She was tired of this war and it had hardly begun.

Mechanically, she took her tray out of the oven at precisely the right time, having long ago perfected this recipe, and set it by a window. The morning breeze came right through and started to cool her food, and On Ji found herself staring out the window.

Agni, she wished she was an Airbender. Or a Firebender. At least then she'd be useful and have a bigger meaning. Something that would have made Zuko notice her, not overlook her until she was accidental collateral.

But no, she was just plain On Ji. Forgettable to a fault.

"My, you look like you could use coffee." A gentle laugh startled her. On Ji nearly fell off her chair, stumbling into a genuflect.

"Fire Lady!" she greeted.

"Oh, none of that here. We're not confined to the strictness of the Palace anymore, and I'm not the Fire Lady either." Ursa said softly.

"You'll always be to me," On Ji whispered respectfully. She'd almost never had a one-on-one conversation with Ursa. She sometimes wondered if Ursa even remembered she was a contestant.

"Ah, blueberry scones!" Ursa said, gasping, her eyes lighting with joy, "May I have one?"

On Ji gave a jerky nod. "They're…hot…" she whispered awkwardly but Ursa seemed not to mind.

Ursa took a small nibble, and gasped, covering her lips. "Oh, On Ji, these are delicious! How I do love them!"

On Ji frowned, "I…I thought that lemon bars were your favorites?" Her mother had ensured that On Ji knew all the family's favorite treats, hoping that she would win their hearts through their stomachs. So she'd toiled for weeks without sleep after being accepted, learning everyone's best dishes - both savory and sweet. At once, she pulled out the mental list that had been tacked to her kitchen for weeks, trying to recall.

Zuko; sizzle-crisps and mochi

Iroh; roast duck and fruit tart

Lady Ursa; super-spicy souffle and lemon bars...

Maybe she'd been wrong? Maybe her mother had gotten faulty information?

Maybe if you had known, you could have won…

It was a foolish thought, but On Ji couldn't help to think it anyway. Maybe if she'd made Ursa scones upon her arrival, proving that she knew the family best from the start, she could have had a better beginning and gained more alone time with Zuko, and in turn, he could have gotten to know her better, and maybe…

Maybe nothing, On Ji. Nothing at all.

"You've been reading up?" Ursa asked, a hint of laughter in her eyes, "Lemon bars are. I do hold a certain fondness for blueberry scones, though, even if I do not personally adore their taste. However, the ones you make perhaps will change my mind."

"I feel I don't understand."

"One of the ladies in the Choice with me…they were her favorites. And whenever I eat one, I can hear her voice…her laughter…and I remember all the moments I hold so dear. She ate scones by the pound…the poor kitchen maids had their hands full! And she got all of us on it too…" Ursa broke apart the scone and stared down, chuckling to herself, "And I know she would just simply die if she tasted yours."

On Ji let herself beam. It was high praise from Ursa. She knew she should be proud.

"You really miss them, don't you?" On Ji sat back on her chair. "Fire Lady Ursa…can I ask an…indelicate question?"

"You may ask me anything."

"Are you so close to them because Ozai was such a bad husband?"

"It seems foolish to say, but at the time of my Choice, I did not think of them much at all," Ursa admitted after a moment. "I thought they would fade in my memory and be lost to time. And of course, certain moments are still bright for me; the birth of my children, the day I was crowned Fire Lady, all the good I've done…but those memories still burn as brightly as the day they happened."

"I just…" On Ji swallowed, "The other girls seem so close. I feel forgotten sometimes. I think they don't even think about me," she admitted quietly.

"I'm sure that's not true," Ursa assured, "If it were a normal Choice, naturally, you wouldn't be close with absolutely everyone, but if you think there are girls out there who don't love you for you, you don't see yourself as I see you."

On Ji frowned, "Which is how?"

"A kind girl who brightens spirits with her food. You have a rare gift, On Ji. I would not think so lowly of it…" Ursa smiled, "Whenever a girl left, I would ache for their presence. And, even if you are not the best of friends, no one will understand this experience the way the other girls here will. I cannot fully empathize with what you all have gone through. I think you will find that your time in the Temple will link you with Mai and Suki and Besu and everyone else in ways you cannot even describe. One day, when all of this has blown over, you will all get together with your children, maybe at Ember Island, and laugh, and their children will call you all Auntie."

"Do you think we'll make it there?" On Ji asked, "Honest?"

"I have great faith in my family," Ursa said simply.

There was a moment. On Ji sat, digesting her words. Just as Ursa turned to leave, On Ji found her voice, "Do you worry about them? Out there? With all this going on?"

Ursa turned, "The girls I love dearly are far stronger than Ozai would have ever guessed. But, if you don't think I didn't assure each one I held dear wasn't safe right when this all started, well...one day, you'll understand."

"They're all fine?" On Ji asked, perhaps needing to hear it, as though it would be an omen for their struggles.

"They outsmarted Ozai and made out with their lives and rich matches," Ursa said gently, "They weathered that storm and I am confident they will weather this one too."

XXX

There wasn't much decoration for the Holiday of Guilts. Katara had not been able to glean whether it was because there was never much to begin with, or because it had been lost when they fled, and it brought up a deeper guilt to even think about asking her parents and Bato.

Either way, it didn't matter. It seemed only those her parents' age and older had any recollection of this holiday, so they could have told most of the population anything about its history and most would be inclined to believe it.

It was also not a Northern Holiday; Eva seemed just as confused when Toph brought it up.

"Is it because the North is just guilt-free?" Toph asked sarcastically.

"Probably because it would mean having to be better if they actually acknowledged anything," Navi hissed angrily, shaking her head.

Eva put a hand on her wife's shoulder. "We are so lucky to have found the South here. I don't think I could bear to give up all my Water Tribe traditions. Perhaps in time, when Zuko has won the war, the North can learn again."

Katara glanced back at Zuko, who just stared at the ground.

His admission a few nights ago swam in her head.

What if we never went back?

The question was pressing upon her more often than not lately. She couldn't help it; whenever she helped her mother and the other women braid baskets, or helped Bato carve what they hunted for dinner, or sat with her father and bounced ideas off each other to better their tribe, she was struck with the sense of being a ghost here; that one day she'd leave again, and who knows what would happen then? It was an uncomfortable feeling. The idea she couldn't truly be in the present, always dreading the future.

And in the midst of it, Zuko's quiet words would bob to the surface. A solution.

They could just…stay.

If they never returned, everyone would simply think their suicide mission was fulfilled. Others would fight this war. Hadn't they done enough? Didn't they deserve something softer, a certain peace?

Toph had no lost love for the Earth Kingdom and could likely be persuaded. She knew Sokka agonized over leaving too. What if Katara just pitched the idea of remaining?

But whenever she even began to vocalize it to anyone but Zuko, a heavy, dark hand would wrap around her stomach and squeeze and she'd start to feel ill.

So she hadn't said anything.

The decorations were sparse; a few pelts hung, painted by the best they had. Some sprigs of non-essential plants to make the space feel more lively. Some rocks of interest, dotting a pathway to the steam huts they built on the far side of camp.

The entire town turned out. It was not necessary to attend, but from Katara's count, it seemed everyone was well aware of the help this ceremony would lend.

Sokka had spent time carving animal figures into chips of wood, enough for everyone in attendance. They had constructed a splattering of tents, each able to fit between ten to fifteen people.

"You'll take your animal token and go into the steam hut with the others that also match yours," Sokka explained, jingling the bag.

"And no switching chips," Hakoda added sternly, "You were placed with the others in your group for a reason, one that we would be arrogant to rebuff. The spirits will put us with who we need."

"Let's wait to see what chip you all have until the end," Kya suggested, "Just palm it and step aside."

Katara was mid-line with Zuko and they shuffled forward. She pushed her hand into the leather bag. The chips clinked around her fingers. She didn't think too hard about it, closed her fist around one, and moved to the growing crowd. Zuko fished longer than she did, moving his hands around the bag.

When he finally took one, he sent her a soft smile.

The entire process took less time than Katara had thought it would.

Those in charge - her parents, Bato - and Sokka took the remaining few. Hakokda handed them out amongst the three. He'd been very firm that they would all participate; he wouldn't ask his tribe to participate in anything he would not also do.

She wondered what guilt her parents had. She hoped she wasn't in the same hut with them…there were some things in this world she didn't need to know.

"Okay, let's all look and find your groups! We'll be sending you into your huts soon." Hakoda said.

Everyone unfurled their fingers.

Confusion rose immediately.

"Is this a fish or a boar?"

"Do we have the same ones? I can't tell!"

"I have a bear-platypus…or…maybe just a bear?"

Katara looked at her chip and squinted.

"What do I have?" Toph asked, "My fingers can't tell."

Katara took her and Toph's chip together.

"Uhm…I'm not entirely sure, but I think ours are the same. Maybe a…seal?"

Toph grinned, "Sweet!"

Zuko was staring at his chip like it was written in Old Earthian. He moved it a full circle, looking at it from each angle, before finally shooting Katara a helpless look.

Kilee peered over his shoulder, "Erm…a duck?"

By this time, Sokka was at the front, hotly defending his art.

"It's clearly a buffalo!" he was huffing, using a stick to draw in the sand, "See? Horns!"

"Ooh!" A tribesperson was saying, "I thought it was tentacles! Like an octopus turtle."

Sokka scoffed, "No. Obviously!"

Haokda cleared his throat. He had such a presence that the room quieted immediately.

"There seems to, ah, have been some confusion about the tiles and what they are. So, please, do your best to…match shapes and we'll make sure you'll all sorted."

"Did I hear you have the gelatinous seal?" Navi asked, coming to join them with Eva.

"You got the same?" Katara asked, snickering to herself.

"No, but I think Eva did." Navi handed off her chip.

Katara examined the three she had - now Eva's, hers, and Toph's.

"Sure looks the same," she agreed, "Where are you sorted?"

"Sea slug?" Navi shrugged, showing a chip with an inelegant squiggle.

People were starting to form little groups at this point. It only took minor adjustments from Sokka and Hakoda to place wayward people. Once people stopped trying to decipher what Sokka had drawn, it was easier to find the sets. Still, there was a sense of merriment guessing what they all had.

"Look at all the fun you brought!" Katara told Sokka when he came over, red in the face, informing Katara they were meant to have an owl-cat on theirs.

"It's clear as day!" Sokka was near foaming at the mouth, "How can you not tell that's an owl-cat, Katara?"

"I think it looks perfect!" Eva said with a grin. It took Sokka a moment.

"I'd expect that from her," he pointed to Toph, "But you, Eva? Low," he said, only half offended.

Zuko was in a group with Kilee and Maiha's father, and a whole lot of others he didn't know well. He looked only mildly uncomfortable, or maybe he was ready for any solution.

They were all handed a scrap of paper and ink and told to keep their guilts hidden for a moment, wrapping it around their chip. Then, once they were ready, they headed into the hut.

It was already steamy.

Katara inhaled the hot air, sweat already beading on her forehead.

They all shuffled to the low seats, getting comfortable.

"What now?" Toph asked, starting to unbutton her parka, "It's hot in here! Wow."

"That's the point," Eva said, "I think."

"We go around and share our guilts," Katara said quietly, "And we all agree this is a space where it stays here…no need to run and share gossip. It's a sacred space." Luckily, there were nods all around. "And after you speak, you throw your chip and your paper into the fire in the center. And let your guilt burn away, and the spirits hear it. Then, if anyone has solutions, they may offer them. They can also come to us during the party afterward. If there are no solutions, just offer your kindness."

She glanced around, "Who first?"

There was a general slowness, a worry, a sense of hesitation. Finally, a woman raised her hand.

"I worry I am not a good enough mother. I do everything I can for my kids, and somehow, it's still not enough…"

And so it began.

Katara let herself ease into the steam, trying to do her best to offer realistic solutions as often as she could. Some of her people's guilts were deep and ugly and sticky; there wasn't an easy answer to all of them. Sometimes, in fact, the best they could offer was just the sentiment that no one here was alone. You didn't have to take it all on yourself.

Eva talked about the guilt of leaving her family. She knew they would never understand her choices, or why she loved Navi, but they were never unkind to her, and she felt guilty for leaving without so much of a goodbye. She talked about how she felt guilty for putting Navi through what she had; she hadn't always lived loving women, as Navi had. She worried that sometimes Navi was frustrated by her inexperience or hesitation. She talked about the guilt that she'd given Navi for expressing her desire for children one day, realizing too late that this was nothing Navi could give her.

"Have you ever considered adoption?" Toph asked, "It's common in the Earth Kingdom."

"I suppose, in a sense…the Water Tribes have a very communal sense of living, so any children that are unwanted or lose their parents are absorbed into the tribe with grandparents and aunts or uncles. I suppose I should be glad," Eva said, tugging on her hair, "That no child here goes unwanted…I wish Navi could see I just want her. I don't need children."

"It's okay to still desire them, though," someone else pointed out, "You're allowed to want that."

"We are at the start of a war. Who knows how many children will need loving parents?" Someone else said, "And would be so glad to have two people that wanted them so badly."

Still, Eva seemed unconvinced.

"You want biological children," Katara realized. Eva gave a sad smile.

"And I feel guilty for having such desires."

"You are young," an elder in their hut finally said, "And there is much time for all this to be worked out. I know this may not seem much of a comfort, but it is. It is hard to imagine how the universe will reveal itself to you when the path upwards seems unchartable."

They'd been moving in a circle. Toph was next to Eva, sweating profusely.

"You all don't play around with this heat, huh?" she asked, wiping her forehead, "Whew…"

"Toph," Katara said quietly, nudging her.

"I think others can go first," Toph said quickly. She'd never been one to open up, and this was no exception.

"We can wait for you until you're ready," the elder said, "Silence is nice."

"You'll be waiting a long time, then," Toph muttered under her breath, so only Katara could hear. Katara did not think she meant to be rude, but she was uncomfortable.

So they sat in silence. And as the elder said, it was a beautiful silence.

Finally, Toph sighed.

"Just because I'm dying and I need to get outta here soon," she mumbled. She rolled her shoulders, "I'm worried…" She winced, biting her jaw. "I'm worried…oh, fuck," she groaned, "I'm worried that I can never be who Sokka needs, kay?"

"Sokka loves you, it's so clear," Katara said gently.

"That's not a question, duh. But if he comes back to be the person he needs to be here - and I would never get angry at him for deciding that - I don't think he can…take me?"

"But you can see down here, can you not?" someone else asked, confused.

"Yeah, but Sokka needs someone…Southern. He needs someone who can see danger, who can hunt, who can fish with him. I can't get on a canoe at all! And maybe you all would prefer he has a wife from the Water Tribe to give him pure-blooded kids? And I'd drag him away; I'd want to return to the Earth Kingdom and he'd go with and it's not fair to him! I've grown up tied to duty all my life, and it's so…fucking funny that I fall for someone who I would be angry if he ignored that duty, but it means leaving me behind…" She curled her legs in on herself, angrily throwing the chip to the middle, onto the fire. "I'm always left behind…"

"Sokka wouldn't break up with you," Eva said, eyebrows knitting in worry.

"He won't, of course he won't. But I'm not right for him and I hate that I know that!" Toph threw her hands out, "But I'm so selfish. I don't want to break up with him either, but it would be easier, wouldn't it? To just cut the cord now-"

"He'd be heartbroken," Katara said, gasping sharply, hurting for her brother at the thought.

"But he'd heal. And he'd find someone else…" Toph rubbed her fists over her eyes. "It's not…crying…it's just stupid steam."

And everyone pretended they believed her.

"You have been such a help, Toph," one of the tribespeople spoke, "And have done more for us than we could ever repay. The world is changing and we are opening ourselves to new horizons…if Sokka wanted to marry you, I'd gladly be the first to welcome you. I don't think you'd be a bad choice at all."

But, from the faces, it seemed not all agreed.

Katara hoped Toph was so sweaty she couldn't feel it…because everyone else's side glances would break her heart.

There were three more people before they reached Katara; the break in the line, the last person to go.

She had all this time to prepare her words, but when it came time, she still found herself floundering to be understood.

Her guilts were multiple and many; guilt for leaving Aang to fight this war, guilt for putting her family first, guilt for falling for Zuko and putting them in danger, guilt for not returning sooner, and guilt for being so unsure where her next steps were meant to be. And there were hundreds of other tinier guilt that pricked her mind, but they did not have time for all of them.

A few warm, loved words of encouragement were sent her way, but once again, hers was an issue that was not so easily solved by offering a hand to watch children or to repair a crumbling wall.

When she stepped out into the chillness of the camp outside the huts, she gasped, inhaling the sharp air down into her lungs. The water on her cheeks began to crystalize; a salty mix of steam from the hut and tears - for the woes of her people and the woes of her own troubles. As she shielded her eyes from the light reflecting off the glaciers, she felt…lighter. Her troubles were not completely assuaged, but handing off pieces to her people helped everyone carry it together.

Food had already been put out, and her people were indulging. The ultimate comfort food was on display, meant to soothe their souls. Katara could see a few huts still in the process. She could also tell whenever someone threw their chip in the fires; the smoke from the tops would spark and change colors, something so unexpectedly beautiful about the theoretical idea of their troubles being sent to the spirits above in colorful gusts of wind.

Zuko was already out; laughing with a few tribal members, partaking in a slow-roasted glazed snow-buffalo. Katara's mouth watered even catching a whiff of it. She wanted to give Zuko this moment when he seemed so unburdened and accepted (and spirits, she wondered if people had the same nasty feelings about Zuko as her future husband as they did the idea of Toph and Sokka?) but her growling stomach couldn't keep her away.

"You're sweating, Katara," Zuko teased. He seemed to be in much higher spirits than he had in a very long time.

"Well, we can't all be from the Fire Nation," Katara rolled her eyes, noticing there wasn't a stitch of perspiration on him.

"He just…absorbed the heat! It was crazy!" A person next to Zuko said, eyes full of admiration, "Even I was glad to get out of those temperatures."

"I feel a bit bad. I liked the idea of sweating out my sins," Zuko said teasingly.

"I think we sweat enough for three of you," Another person huffed with a chuckle.

Zuko gently touched Katara's arm, leading her away to talk in private. He noticed her eyeing his plate and held it out.

"How did it go?" she asked, ignoring his offering, seeking to gauge his emotions.

"Katara, it was incredible!" he said earnestly, "Everyone helping one another, the communal feeling of union, the genuine kindness…I literally don't think the Fire Nation could figure out how to do that even if you spelled it out for them. It's just so different, I guess. Coming to a place where everyone is in it for the group, not themselves."

"I hope you didn't feel…left out of giving advice." The exchange of help was just as important, Katara had realized. That you gave something of yourself so that later someone else would give their aid to you.

"I suppose in certain situations, I kept quiet. Ones that felt more…historic. Traditional. But with all those from the Northern Water Tribe, and people with just issues that everyone deals with, I think…I think I was able to help." He gave a wistful smile. "I just channeled Iroh and thought about what advice he would give."

"So you told people to drink tea?" Katara asked, realizing how badly she missed Iroh at this moment.

Zuko laughed out loud, "Yeah, I guess I did?"

She paused, inhaling hard. "And…yours?" She was almost afraid to ask, either that it would put him in a sour mood or that no solutions had been found. She didn't know what she'd do if she suddenly couldn't waterbend.

"There were actually a few solutions," Zuko said, his tone turning serious, but not upset, "I got some really good meditation rhythms from some people that are worth trying. Someone asked about Kuzon, well, Aang. That perhaps as the Avatar he could do something. I guess I didn't want to bother him, but Kilee pointed out he's my brother, of course, he would help me. I suppose I've been thinking of him as this…high figure, the Avatar, since the coup. But do you remember Maiha?"

"Of course I do," Katara said, "She was in your tent?"

"Her father was. We also had a good closure about sending his daughter to be a choice for my wife and me not picking her. But he moved to the Fire Nation as an adult, and he told me about…a legend he'd heard. He suggested perhaps that I may make a pilgrimage to the remains of where Firebending originated, with the dragons. There's an old city that's long abandoned, but…I dunno, he seemed to have gotten the impression that…well, maybe there's spirits still lingering there."

"That sounds amazing! Where is it?" Katara asked.

Zuko sighed, wincing. "The Fire Nation."

Katara swallowed, "I imagine your fire is important to you, Zuko," she said, trying not to jump into fear or anger.

"It is. But I have no intention of running off. Perhaps I need to be alone with just Zuko the non-bender for a while, too," he added with a sad smile, "And make peace with it so that if it's a bust, I'm not so upset. I think I need to be expecting nothing when I go."

Katara nodded uneasily. "Alright…" she agreed softly. The idea of leaving here and going to the Fire Nation, no less, sent her stomach dropping and turning to stone.

"What about yours?" Zuko asked.

Katara was about to answer that nothing of consequence was said, but she was okay with that when she saw Eva moving toward her.

"Oh, Katara!" Eva said, "Have you tried the glazed buffalo yet? It's to die for!"

"Not yet," Katara said.

Eva laughed, "I didn't interrupt you just to ask about food, though Kilee might have. No, sorry, I had a thought in the hut, but I didn't want to say it in front of everyone, in case you didn't want me to."

Katara turned, interested, "About me?"

Eva nodded enthusiastically, "Yes!"

Katara shrugged; any offer was better than the not much she'd gotten. "Sure."

"So, and please don't laugh, but I think I've been having prophetic dreams lately." She paused, as though expecting derision from Katara. And once, perhaps she would have gotten it. The idea of an Oracle had once made her scoff. But after living as a reincarnation, and everything she'd seen and done while away, she was slower to judge than before.

When Katara did not say anything, Eva continued.

"I dreamed of a journey, laborious but worth it. And the stars above me. And the spirits! Not the spirits of Tui and La, but of animals, all silvery, bounding around me!" she said, excited to share.

"You see things in your dreams?" Zuko asked. They'd questioned Toph about it once. Toph said she just dreamed in noises, same as ever. She had no reference to see, so it would be silly of her to do so.

"Well, I went blind later, of course," Eva said, unbothered, but Zuko immediately stiffened.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he said, eyes wide, "I didn't mean-"

"Zuko, me going blind was the best thing that ever happened to me. I found the love of my life, I found community, and I found happiness," she insisted, "Everything happened as it was meant to."

"I'm glad you're able to see it - no, not see it," Zuko stumbled, panicked, "Understand it so well-"

"Really, it's okay," Eva laughed. "But Katara, don't you see? I was dreaming of a Totem Walk!"

"I thought the North didn't participate?" Katara asked, recalling Yue's mild indifference to it when she'd shared with the ladies, so long ago.

"That's just it! Because it's not me, it's you!" Eva said, grabbing Katara's hands. "I have found my spiritual solace. You are still deep in it, Katara. Fractured, pulled in so many different places. I sincerely think that finding your spirit animal will ground you, and give you perspective."

Katara floundered, "I mean, we haven't done those here since…since my father was a child." She swallowed. "And it's a bad time, I mean. Maybe after the war-"

"No, Katara, it needs to be now. I feel it in my dreams. It's a necessity," Eva said. "I know you feel like you cannot leave us, which is why you must."

"I'm up for an adventure," Zuko said with a grin.

Eva turned to him, "It is something she must do alone, or else, it will not work."

Katara played with her hem, swallowing her spiking emotions.

In truth, since going to the palace, she hadn't…properly been away from Zuko. Yes, perhaps for short trips, but not…not in this way. Not in the way the loneliness would cocoon her, be her only friend. Not in the way that she did not have a return, not until Tui and La chose to offer her her spirit.

Not until it was complete.

"Please, do not say no now," Eva said, "And think about it. Your father has already agreed to gather materials if you wish to go."

"My father…" Katara said, rather faintly.

"He confers with me about any dreams I have. He agrees with me that it must be about you. There were other signs, ones that you would surely laugh at, but I knew it was you and he came to the same conclusion. Consider it," she urged.

Katara looked at Zuko, aghast. "Our wedding," she whispered quietly.

"Katara," Zuko grasped her shoulders, "I will still be here when you return. I could only ever wish for something so firm, such wisdom to be granted to me by the spirits. I don't want to sway you, but I think you should."

"Will you be okay here by yourself?" Katara asked, wiping a tear away, realizing how much she did yearn for this. Behind all that worry and fear, there was excitement. She used to play out this scenario as a child; reinstating this tradition, being the first since her father.

She tried to grasp that childlike excitement and focus on that.

"Of course I will!" Zuko said, almost surprised she would ask. "I don't know what I'll do here while you're gone, but I'm sure your parents will put me to good use," he grinned.

Katara swallowed, "Alright…" She looked at Eva, "When do you think I should go?"

"Tonight is clear," Eva said, glancing up, though it was more for old habits dying hard. "Though I do have prophetic dreams, I cannot guess the weather. Tomorrow may be frigid and cold and blizzarding and a worse time to leave off."

"Alright," Katara agreed. If she waited, she may psyche herself out of it. She was still nervous.

"You won't regret this," Eva said.

Katara offered a watery smile. "Prophetic dreams?"

"Sure, but I haven't seen snow falling in months. Months," Sokka enunicated, "It's been forever! Spirits, it never gets old," He said, nudging Katara, "C'mon, you know you wanna just go and throw yourself in a fresh pile!"

Katara was beaming now, "Sokka's right! I'm sure you'll feel the same when you get to touch Earth Kingdom dirt again, Toph," She nudged her friend.

Toph shivered, "Awe man, I can feel it...mhh..." She agreed. Zuko turned to see Katara gone. He picked himself up, and found her in her room, hurriedly tugging on her parka.

"Get dressed, c'mon!" She said, face shining with excitement. Zuko watched as she very carefully arranged her new necklace to be visible underneath the neckline, and something warmed in him to see her take such care of his creation. He knew it was shoddy work, but she never made him feel lesser for not having the traditions perfect.

"Okay, okay," He laughed. He hadn't seen Katara so giddily happy in...well, Agni, he couldn't recall. A faraway memory, of Katara dancing in the rain, bobbed in his mind. But that, and everything that happened since, seemed like eons had passed.

He found his warm jacket. Though he was naturally warmed, he wasn't sure how it would hold up knee-deep in fresh snow.

The group of four stumbled out into the path of people moving toward the end of the crevice. While they couldn't go up top in a large mass, there was an area where the cracks widened to let the storm rain down upon them, and flurries of snowfall were already gathering.

Katara ran right into the center of it, throwing her arms in a circle and sticking her tongue out to catch the snowflakes. When she turned back to Zuko, he laughed, watching as snowflakes settled on her eyelashes, making her look like she'd dyed them white.

Bato was throwing kids into the gathering drifts, and Zuko watched as they 'poofed' below the snow, giggling and coming up with red cheeks. Mothers collected snow in buckets, and one man was pouring sweet cream over top of small piles, handing it off to children who greedily licked the bowls.

Toph was blinking fast as snowflakes hit her face, and she used her palms to wipe them away.

"Better or worse than rain?" Zuko asked.

"Dunno. The jury's still out."

Someone nudged him. Zuko turned to see Sokka, standing with a crafty smile, offering Zuko one of two little spheres made of snow. He stared at it, uncomprehendingly. Sokka sighed, making a covert throwing motion and then pointed from Zuko's ball to Katara.

"I can't," Zuko said, eyes wide.

"Oh...for the love of Agni..." Sokka rolled his eyes. He grabbed Zuko's snowball, wound his arm back, and flung it as hard as he could at Katara. It hit her back with a 'pfft' sound, breaking on her parka. She turned, eyes wide and startled, and Zuko mumbled helplessly as Sokka pointed at Zuko with an oh-so-innocent look.

He expected Katara to get angry. Instead, she grinned, grasping a pile of snow between her mittens, shaping it unevenly.

"Snowfall fight!" She yelled as she hurtled it back at Zuko.

The kids fell into position almost immediately. Zuko laughed out loud, realizing it hardly hurt either of them, not when the snow was so dry like this.

"No bending! It's not fair!" Sokka yelled above the clamor, pointing at Eva, who had begun to make perfectly rounded and evenly packed snowballs.

"Oh, no matter. I'll beat you both without it," Katara said with a loud bark of laughter, "Boys vs girls! C'mon, we can beat them."

"Yeah!" A little girl said, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

"Those are fighting, words, sis, but we have a secret weapon...Zuko!" Sokka said, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, "He'll demolish you!"

"No firebending either, then," Toph said, "Can't have him melting snowballs mid-air!"

Zuko smiled, "Fine by me."

There would be songs and ballads written about the Great Snowball Fight. People would sacrifice themself, tragically throwing their bodies in front of stray snowballs to protect their team. It was a real push and pull, and heroes made themselves known early, fighting valiantly. Even Katara's parents joined in, Kya slinging particularly good spinning snowballs.

Who would win?

Well, the tribe would fight for weeks on which side came out on top, and everyone would tell you something different.

It didn't matter to Zuko.

All he could think was he couldn't think of the last time he'd had so much unbridled fun, and he knew Katara felt the same.

I want this, he thought, dodging snowballs hurdled his way, his chest hurting from laughing so much, I just want this for the rest of my life.

XXX

Ty Lee felt the force of air as she was shoved back at the point of contact. Aang dropped like a ragdoll, the sound of his body hitting the floor in perfect timing with the person who had darted forward to stop him, as the figure flew across the room and hit the wall with a sickening crunch.

Ty Lee blinked, taking in the room; chairs were destroyed, papers were strewn about, and the space was in general disarray. It was like a tornado had blown through just here.

"Great spirits!" Aden was coughing up bile on the floor. "He's a monster!"

"Kettle black, traitor!" someone from the doorway hissed, but Ty Lee was too frantic to turn to see who it was.

"He didn't mean it!" Ty Lee said, standing and trying to keep her balance. "He's angry and you…you sent thousands to their deaths!" she hissed, "How dare you be so hypocritical. How dare you-"

"Ty Lee, calm yourself!" Iroh said with a disappointed stare. "There is much emotion in this room. Perhaps too much. Cillia," he said, turning to see the crowd that had gathered, "Please take Aden to the jail. Watch him…until we decide our next steps. Find a healer to check if he's injured."

Cillia nodded sharply, grasping him up and pulling him out of the room.

If it were anyone else...Ty Lee was horrified by her own dark thoughts, her own wishes that maybe he could just...stumble off the edge of the Air Temples. But Cillia was a good soldier. She would follow commands to the letter, especially from a General. She wasn't the type to act out on her own, which is why Iroh had been so trusting of her lately.

As Cillia dragged Aden through the crowd, people moved slowly, like molasses, unwilling to budge until she pushed right through.

Ty Lee winced hard; she wondered how long the crowd had been there. What had they seen?

Aang groaned on the ground. She noticed his side, near his ribs, was starting to darken with blood and she bounded over, helping Aang to his feet. He swallowed hard, looking down, eyes widening.

"Someone stabbed me?" he sputtered, going to remove the knife, but Ty Lee stopped him. She felt a pit in her stomach; it was one of Mai's knives.

"Not me," Mai said, as though reading her mind. She was leaning on the inner wall. She tilted her head slightly to the figure picking himself up from the ground.

"Hahn?" Aang squinted, "You?" Ty Lee wasn't sure if Aang was surprised or angry or something else. His aura was all over the place right now, and she felt tuned out.

"Yeah, me!" Hahn threw up his hands, waving away Arrluk who tried to help him to his feet. "Someone had to stop you!" he said, jabbing an accusatory finger, "From leveling the whole damn temple!"

"And killing that kid," Arrluk added.

"That too."

"I…" Aang looked sickened. Ty Lee could feel his guilt. It wrapped around her head and it was thick and cloying. She felt like she would drown in it. "Killed?" he echoed. He sounded confused.

"Oh, it was someone else that had their hands around his neck, then?" Hahn threw up his hands. He took a step and cursed. "I think you broke my fucking rib!"

Aang shot Ty Lee a panicked, woozy look like he wasn't quite all there. Iroh seemed to pick up on his stress, coming to stand between the two teenagers.

"The situation is quite a sticky one, no doubt. Hahn, thank you for your…quick thinking. The White Lotus will talk about this in great length, be sure. How to proceed and what to do with Aden."

"He deserves to die," Rasra said, face darkened, "Kuzon was on the right path. Prince Zuko would agree with me."

"Zuko is not here," Iroh said, "And he would not be making such a decision himself-"

"I am loyal to the true Fire Lord," Rasra broke in, "It should be his decision."

"Yes, your fidelity is quite something," Pakku said dryly.

"We should be so glad," Jee said, with a raised eyebrow, "That there are people that are still behind Zuko with such… intensity."

The White Lotus members all exchanged looks. Ty Lee nearly missed it, but she caught the tail-end of one of Pakku's looks to Jeong-Jeong.

Was that a concern? That even if Zuko took the throne back, the masses would not follow after him?

Surely not, right? Zuko was fair! He was just! He was the rightful Fire Lord!

"Well you'll be able to wait until Zuko returns," Pakku said, "Because you're to stay here now. We cannot allow this information to be leaked twice. You and Bahuo."

Rasra's face twisted, "I had imagined as much."

"Why don't you eat? I'm sure you're hungry from your travels. We will find you accommodations by nightfall." Iroh said, "And Ty Lee, please take Aang to your room. You should tend to that injury."

Aang hung his head low, eyebrows knit as he seemed to struggle through what had happened. As Ty Lee led him out, worry flitting around her like a bird, she heard a whisper from one of the handmaids.

"I thought Airbenders were pacifists."

Her friend huffed, hoisting her laundry on her hip as they passed, little concern that Aang may overhear. "Apparently, not anymore."

Aang flinched hard.

In their room - which now felt spacious and lonely - she helped Aang peel off his tunic. As she pressed a finger to the side of the wound, Aang winced sharply.

"Just get me some water, I'll heal it," he said.

She couldn't do much. All she could do was watch Aang use waterbending to stitch himself back together. Mai's knife lay on the table in front of him.

"Aang, please, what happened?"

Aang looked up. "I remember hearing about what Aden had done, and I was…angry. So angry. And after that…" He swallowed, "I was there, but I wasn't. Lots of Avatars were furious too…but there was a voice, something I don't know if it was me or not, and it wanted revenge."

"A voice?" Ty Lee tilted her head, trying to understand, "Like an Avatar speaking with you?"

"No…" Aang seemed agitated, "Different. Spiritual, still. Furious. Wanted…death," he said, his gray eyes storming as he looked up. "Hanh was right to do what he did. I wasn't in control. I just wasn't."

"Oh, Aang…" Ty Lee pulled him into a side hug, careful to avoid his wounded side. "I was angry too. Heartbroken…to think of all those that died that day, because he…he…" she trailed off, "I understand wanting to see him pay."

Some small part of herself wanted that as well, as terrible as it was to imagine such violence.

"I'm angry a lot, Ty," Aang admitted quietly, "Just every moment I wake up and I just have this…rage…" He stared at his hands. "Maybe because I let the airbenders down. Maybe because I couldn't be there when Azula launched her attack. Maybe because I…" He met her gaze. "I spent so long as Kuzon the Fire Nationer that sometimes I don't know where he begins and I end. And Kuzon was born into the fire; born into fury. I'm not sure Aang the Airbender still exists in here. But that handmaid was right; I should be better. I know I should be a guiding moral figure, but I don't know if I can be…" He curled up on his bed. "I just…feel a bit adrift lately, I guess."

"Thank you for telling me." Ty Lee curled up against his side. "We'll figure it out," she said brightly.

"I don't know." Aang's voice was monotone, "If I had killed him…" Aang swallowed hard, "I think that would have pushed my balance. And I'm afraid of what happens if someone isn't there to whack me the next time."

They lay in a quiet, pensive embrace. Ty Lee watched the lights change outside their room, going from light to an inky dusk.

Someone knocked on their door.

"Come to get your knife back?" Ty Lee asked. Mai let a tiny smile slip.

"Dinner. Iroh suggested I bring it to you two."

"Because I'm pretty hated right now?" Aang guessed dryly. Mai sat on Sokka's old bunk, inhaling hard.

"There are plenty who wish to see the person who told Zhao where the Airbenders were hiding dead. You're hardly hated. However…things are…fraught," Mai said honestly. That was something that Ty Lee could always depend on her for, at the very least.

"I don't know what would possess a person-" Ty Lee began, shaking her head, trying to imagine why someone would want the blood of such an event on their hands.

"Azula knew someone would know. She got to him. Blackmail. It's no excuse, but it is an explanation," Mai said. "Aden openly told us. We may not have Toph here, but his story matches logically."

"Did she try to get to Rasra or Bahuo? Should we worry they were compromised too?"

"No need; she just needed one to flip. Aden was the weakest link. He has younger brothers and a single mother. Lots to protect." Mai glanced away, "Perhaps there's a lesson in this war."

"I would hate to learn anything from Azula," Aang shuddered.

"Perhaps," Mai said dispassionately, "But Azula usually ends up on top for a reason."

"If that's true," Ty Lee said, narrowing her eyes, "Who is our weak link?" It was what Mai was hinting at. Who was the most likely to flip if someone got to them?

"I haven't thought about it much," Mai said, but Ty Lee knew when she was being dishonest.

She had someone in mind.

Would Mai be so foolish to try and make sure the person couldn't talk before someone got to them?

"What will happen to Aden?" Aang asked.

"It's undecided," Mai said shortly, "The White Lotus cannot seem to agree. Right now, he is a prisoner of war." She stood. "They may still decide death, Avatar. Seems you might get your way after all."

As she slipped from the room, Ty Lee looked at Aang. Though she saw dismay on his face, she couldn't help but feel a slip, a feeling of vindication at that idea. Aang felt it too. He turned, face white.

"Spirits, something's wrong," Aang whispered, "What's going on, Ty Lee?"

Despite everything, she had no good answers.

XXX

Despite being born from the element of change, Katara knew a couple of uncomfortable truths about herself, the worst of which being that her stubbornness could rival any earthbender.

She was not used to being wrong, having always gotten the upper hand on Sokka as children or having been lauded in praise by her parents. Even when she was wrong, she wasn't very good at admitting it.

She wanted to end the fight with Zuko. She wanted it to wash away. She didn't want to have to wonder if they'd wake up angry, not since he proposed. And not since the snowball fight, where she'd seen him laugh with an abandon she had never seen from him before, and she fell for him all over again.

But Katara wasn't very good at walking back her anger.

She was trying, though. Great La, she was trying.

The proposal helped, Katara thought.

It showed that Zuko was serious. Not that he wasn't serious before, but wanting to marry someone in the safety of your palace home versus wanting to marry someone while running for your lives felt very different. Many couples that flourished and bloomed with little pressure would simply crack if they were put through the same trials.

So, that was something.

And Katara knew she should just apologize and get it over with, but she worried that would make it worse. It seemed like they were past it all, so dredging it up and pulling him through those tough days getting here seemed silly, right?

Oh, great Tui, how did anyone survive a relationship and not kill each other?

It was a miracle humans survived at all!

The South, desperate for some good news, had pulled together wedding celebrations swifter than Katara had ever seen. Then again, Bato was at the helm, and he seemed determined to make this whole affair go off within a moon, ignoring that sometimes betrothal periods could last years before a wedding.

"Why wait?" Toph had shrugged when Katara had begun to complain, "If you love each other, and with how shitty the world is, why?"

Katara found she didn't have a witty or intelligent response for that, so the wedding festivities continued full steam ahead.

Their engagement party had the entire town drunk, and then some past that. Katara watched her people, so festive and loose, and was at least grateful they could all still act like that.

Zuko came up beside Katara, chuckling. "You were right," he said, raising his glass, "This is much more palatable than the Pearl Algea."

"What do you have there?" Katara pulled his arm down, "Ah! The ale is a good choice. But you can get drunk, you know?" she said, tilting her head toward the stumbling, rancours people in front of her.

"Are you?"

She shook her head.

"I'm fine with being the only two sober ones here," Zuko nudged her, "Good people watching, right?"

Katara looked up, smiling at Zuko.

It felt easy right now.

Maybe it was all going to be alright, you know?

Someone stumbled towards the pair, groaning and clutching his stomach.

"Do you need some-" Katara began to ask, right as he pitched over. Zuko and Katara both reached for the man but got caught up and started going down with him. Katara reached out, grasping for something, and found fabric. Too late did she register that it was the tablecloth underneath the punch bowl, and sticky sweet non-alcoholic juice rained down upon Zuko and Katara like a hurricane.

"My head…" the man groaned.

Hakoda was striding over fast, having heard the crash no doubt.

"Are you okay?" he asked, eyes wide, "Oh, great La! I told Bato to go easy on the alcohol…" he muttered.

"Ugg, Dad?" Katara asked, flicking her wetness from her hands, "Can you help him back to his house? I think he partook a bit too much."

Katara wrinkled her nose, setting the punch bowl back on the table. She stood, feeling the liquid begin to crawl into her fabric and settle on her skin.

"Ew," she made a face but then raised her fingers and began to lift the liquid away from her clothes before dumping it in a snow pile behind her.

She was mid-pout, realizing that it had left a reddish color behind on a dress that Eva had lent her since packing party clothes was low on her thoughts when she'd left. She hoped her GranGran knew how to take out particularly tough stains, or maybe if she did a different combination of waterbending…

She heard a drop splatter on the snow and turned to see Zuko still wet. He was using a very, very tiny flame to dry himself, almost laughably small.

"Oh…Zuko…let me help," she said, "Sorry about that."

She went to lift the punch from his robes, but he jerked back. It was such a fast, jarring motion that Katara felt her fingers clench up, startled by it.

"I'm fine!"

"Okay…but…I mean, you don't have to be afraid about burning down the camp, you know? You can use something bigger."

Zuko locked his jaw. "I know, Katara," he muttered tersely, his sudden change in behavior confusing.

"Sure…right…" Katara struggled through his sharp words, "But, well, that flame won't get you dry fast, and maybe you don't have to worry about catching a chill or maybe you do but-"

"Just…just let me do it!" Zuko snapped, cutting her off. "I can manage just fine without your help!"

Then, he spun on his heels, stalking over toward the direction of one of the unfinished buildings, swearing and using his fingers, barely dotted with flames, to run along his parka.

"Aww, someone beat me to it, huh?" Sokka asked, crossing paths with Zuko.

"Beat you to what?" Katara asked, still trying to riddle out what had happened.

"Punch-dumping! Why do you think we made it such a vibrant color? Why aren't you wet?" he asked, scratching his chin.

"Waterbender! Duh!" Toph appeared with Sokka.

"Oh, shit!" Sokka slapped his forehead, "But why is he still wet then too? Isn't he a firebender?"

"That's what I'm going to find out…" Katara muttered, pushing herself through the crowd after him.

"You know, Sugar Queen, poking the bear may not be a great idea-" Toph started to say, but the sound of everyone else drowned her out as Katara picked up her pace to follow Zuko.

She found him in the middle of the unfinished house, dragging his hands frantically over his robes, "Please, please, please-" he muttered, sounding desperate and tired.

"What's going on?" Katara asked.

Zuko turned, eyes wide.

"Look, Katara, just…go…go away-" he said, swallowing hard. "I'm fine. Whatever. Go enjoy the party."

"Our party. For our wedding…" Katara knit her eyebrows. "Agni, Zuko, what's going on?" When it looked like Zuko was going to clam back up, she stalked over to him, grasping his hands.

They were barely hot, where usually, she would have feared burning herself right after he was firebending.

"Nothing," he insisted, but his voice cracked as her fingers fluttered across his palm.

"Don't start this marriage off with lies. Please," Katara begged. He was still dripping with punch. It almost looked like blood; like he'd washed himself in a pool of it, and each plink on the stone floor sounded louder and louder until it was like screams in her head.

No time could have passed or it could have been hours of time between them. But finally, his lips quivering, he spat out, "I'm a failure, Katara. That's what's happening. You're marrying the most pathetic almost-Fire Lord that ever lived."

"Why would you ever say that?" Katara asked, holding him closer, not allowing him to go anywhere else.

"Because I am!" Zuko snapped, "See?" He unfurled his free hand and a flame, hardly bigger than a mousefly, ignited on his palm and sat there, eerily.

"I don't…understand…"

"I can't firebend anymore!" Zuko said, aghast, "It's gone."

"Since coming here? Is it the snow?" she asked, horrified. What had she done to him? "And you mean you can't do more-"

"Than this, yes," Zuko said. "And it's not here. I mean, it's not…helping but…" He swallowed hard, looking past Katara, "Since…my father."

Since you used Firebending to kill him?

Katara felt a wash of emotions crash over her. Horror, guilt, sadness, agony, and hurt all mixed in her mind.

"Why…didn't you tell me?" she asked softly.

"Because you'd act like that. Like I'd stabbed you in the back by not telling you," Zuko said furiously. "It's my problem and mine alone!"

"Stop it!" Katara felt tears on the edges of her eyes. "It's not! You killed him because of me - or partially - and we're…engaged, Zuko. We're meant to help each other! And of course, I'm upset you didn't tell me, I'm your fiancée! Not just your 'good friend'. What can I do to get you to open up to me?"

"Nothing," Zuko said briskly, "It's not you. It's never you. It's me. But that's who I am, Katara. An angry, father-killing firebender with no firepower. But that's good, huh? That I won't burn down your village, pillage, like I'm supposed to?"

"Supposed to-" Katara began, "Agni, Zuko, this is…deeper than just this, you know?" she said, trying to make sense of it, "You hold all this anger inside of you and I just don't know how to help."

"You see me for who I am, now, huh?" Zuko asked, "And how could you love someone like this?"

"If you don't think I'm dark inside too sometimes…" Katara licked her lips. "Don't you know that I know that as soon as we found my family, we should have left? The universe is at war out there and I just can't…I can't let them go again, not so soon. Don't you think I don't wake up conflicted every single day knowing I should go back to help Aang? Why don't you think I haven't brought up leaving?" she asked, "What kind of person does that make me? A coward? A deserter? Sometimes I want to just stay here forever, knowing I can protect my family!"

"Oh, darling, of course not!"

Katara and Zuko spun to see Kya, Hakoda, Bato, Sokka, and Toph at the doorway.

Zuko's eyes went wild. "How much did you hear?" he asked, his voice trailing off in a horrified, smoking whisper.

Hakoda and Kya shared guilty looks.

"Great La," Katara shook her head, "This isn't what it's supposed to be like. It's our engagement party, Zuko. How can we…be married if it's like this?"

"You can't cancel the wedding!" Toph squawked, "Look, I know this seems bad, Sugar Queen, but things are never like that-"

"I'm not saying that," Katara quickly corrected, "Of course I want to marry Zuko. But I'm worried that neither of us are good as partners."

"I don't think it's any of your fault," Hakoda said quietly, "It's a difficult time you're living in right now. Impossible, even. War is at our doorsteps…I doubt anyone here isn't without guilt or anger or secrets or bitterness."

"That's it!" Bato snapped his fingers, "We need to hold a Holiday of Guilts!"

"A…what?" Sokka echoed.

Zuko looked at Katara for explanation, but she too was equally as confused, tilting her head and squinting at Bato.

"It's been years," Kya said thoughtfully.

"Which is why all the better!" Bato insisted, "It's an old Southern tradition. It's not a recurring holiday like it may suggest - only something you do when you need it. I think all of us could benefit from it. Everyone's had a tough couple of years, and probably some guilt that lingers."

"Can someone please explain for the non-Water Tribers?" Toph asked, raising a hand.

"It's a ceremony, or a festival, of change and rebirth. It's all about waves; letting a feeling overtake you, and then letting it go just as a wave returns to the sea. It focuses on allowing the space to be honest and real and to be angry or sad or confused, but then realizing that no one is alone here. That we do best as a community knitted together." Bato said, linking his fingers.

"Great…still doesn't explain," Toph said.

Katara sent her a warning hiss, despite not knowing what it consisted of herself. But Toph could stand to be a bit kinder about their histories!

"We all have things that are haunting us. In this festival, we allow ourselves to feel these things, usually with food and drink. And then, we write our guilts down. After, you talk about your guilt with a member of the Tribe. After, we do a ceremony where we release our anger, guilt, or regret into the world, with the intent of letting it go and moving on," Kya said kindly.

"Yeah…I don't know how I feel about telling a random Water Triber that I can't firebend anymore…seems pretty pathetic…"

"It's a place of no judgment. You have no idea what your partner might tell you. And maybe they have a solution."

Zuko snorted, "Right…not to be rude, but do you really think a non-bending water elemental citizen knows how to fix matters of firebending?"

Bato shrugged, unruffled. "We don't know until you ask."

Zuko looked ready to argue. But he'd been holding this secret for months now, letting it burrow deeper and deeper into his heart, sinking its claws into him and whispering in his ear.

He was exhausted. Katara felt foolish for not seeing it before. This was pulling him under, threatening to drown him.

Not just his inability to firebend, and how strange and uncomfortable that must feel, but the start of it. Zuko had killed his father in pursuit of peace and it hadn't done anything other than make things worse.

How does one move on from that?

He was desperate…or beaten down. Either way, he seemed ready to try.

"Okay," Zuko said quietly, "I'm…sorry, Katara."

"I understand why you felt like you couldn't say anything," Katara whispered gently, taking his hand, "I don't need apologies."

"Not for that." He swallowed hard. "Call me an old romantic, but I always imagined my wedding to be the happiest time of both my and my bride's life. I looked forward to the grandeur of it, to the joy. And I've gone and ruined our engagement dinner and made a mess of everything. I wish I could give you this moment, detached from what's going on when it could just be about us."

Katara almost reflectively said, I am happy, but that would have been a lie. Mere minutes ago, she was furious with him, and she'd been swinging in and out of feelings all day.

No, it was worse to try and settle him with untruths.

"What matters is that we're both trying and apologizing," she insisted. "That's all one can ask for."

"You have much more figured out than when I married your father," Kya said with a quiet chuckle, "I think you'll both do alright."

"Really?" Katara asked, turning. "But you're both so…you seem…"

"Any couple that says they don't have their ups and downs is lying. And relationships are hard; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But it's also the most wonderful thing about living," Hakoda said, kissing Kya's hand. "You figured out the secret early; it's you and him against the world. If you wake up and choose to try and be better than the day before for his sake, you eventually make it so."

"What about the engagement party?" Toph asked, startling Katara to the fact she and Sokka were still standing there, "Because I was really getting my party on before…"

"I have no intention of stopping that!" Bato gave a great laugh. "This is good for everyone. We'll make the announcement about the Holiday of Guilts tomorrow. We should all return and enjoy what we can."

Katara felt Zuko stiffen beside her.

"You all go on," Katara said. Though this party was for them, it didn't feel like it was theirs. "We'll be there in a moment."

"Enjoying the party might mean making an early escape," Kya said with a wink. "You know, it's a clear night up above," she said, pointing upwards, through the glaciers. Since arriving down, neither Katara nor Zuko had gone above ground again.

"I'll make a distraction," Toph said, eyes shining.

"Oh no-" Hakoda had barely gotten out before Toph was stumbling out into the party.

"Who wants to try to beat me in a drinking contest? C'mon, any takers?"

"That's your cue," Sokka said, nudging them both. "Shoo, shoo!" He gave a wink, before running out to catch up with Toph.

"C'mon," Katara said, taking Zuko's hand.

The cacophony of the party faded away as they skirted through the darkened down, taking the steps two at a time until they were in the cold, biting wind of the tundra.

Zuko gasped; above them, the sky was lit with shimmering, wispy colors. Though Katara had seen the aurora lights many times, it still took her breath away every single time. It was green and blue and pink tonight.

"Agni…I've never seen something so beautiful…" he whispered, "What is it?"

"We say it's the spirits carrying torches to guide those to the next," Katara said. "I like to think that it's my grandfather and all my people up there…" She tilted her head. "It can be those you love and miss, too."

They settled into a snowbank, staring up, silent as they watched the colors dance and sway around them.

After what felt like an eternity, Zuko sighed, "What if…I never get my bending back, not properly?"

Katara didn't know how to answer. Once again, giving empty platitudes felt wrong. She respected Zuko more than giving him false hope.

They could ask Aang if they ever returned, but part of Katara knew deep down that it wasn't a matter of a switch having turned the wrong way, but something deeper. Something Zuko would need to work through himself.

And if he never did…?

In her lack of an answer, Zuko kept talking, almost half-way to himself.

"Maybe…maybe it would be okay," he sighed, "Because if I never get it back, I won't be a danger to your tribe. And I could just…" he swallowed, "Stay here. Make a deal with Azula; banish myself to the South, live out my days just…existing here. Help your mother dry herbs, help your father build houses, hunt with Bato…"

Katara felt something rise up her throat. A homesickness, despite being here, in the South. The knowledge that she'd be leaving, one day, and have to say goodbye all over again. At least, that's the path she'd assumed.

To never have to leave her people, to stay here…it almost…was too good.

"Is that what you want?" Katara asked, voice quivering.

Zuko tilted his head, focusing on the aurora. He did not seem as troubled as before, and when he answered, he didn't seem upset or bothered. For the first time, he seemed…settled. His tone was almost bittersweet, as though already preparing himself for a breakage from the Fire Nation. There was also a casualness about it, as though Katara had asked him if he'd prefer fish or whale for dinner, instead of questioning the very trajectory of their involvement in the war.

"I don't know."

"No, no, no!" Katara shook her head, wanting to open her eyes and be greeted with a better view. The real one; the one where her tribe was celebrating their win against the Dai Li.

Sokka trod more carefully, slowly picking up torn blankets and unbraided baskets. She saw him stiffen, his whole face going white.

"Oh, fuck-" Sokka stumbled and grasped a pole sticking out of the snow, flagging sadly, and barfed out the fish they'd caught.

From his reaction, Katara knew it wasn't a Dai Li soldier he found. It was someone they knew.

Katara tried to see who he'd found, but Zuko dragged her back.

"You don't need to see that."

"Let me go!" Katara clawed. "Let me see. Is it Mom or Dad? GranGran?" she demanded, "Sokka, answer me!" she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No, no, none of them," Zuko cooed to her, "It isn't your family."

"It's Taktu," Sokka's raw voice whispered. "He was only seventeen!" He was angry, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes, rage shaking through his body at the unjustness of death, coming for those scarcely more than children.

"He was a warrior," Zuko said, leaning down and using his palms to cover the boy's eyes, staring unblinkingly into the stars above.

Had Tui come to collect him, Katara wondered. Was he up in that grand lake in the sky, watching down on them right now?

She could only stare at his face, smeared with battle paint, his fingers still clutching a spear.

"He used to run messages for my father," Katara said, her voice dull and quiet, "When he was little. He could outrun any of us…the way his legs would carry him across the tundra…"

"Well, whatever happened…no one's alive," Toph said. "Everyone that's here is…dead." Her voice cracked when she spoke. If it was meant to be a comfort...well, Toph's bedside had never been great.

"We should send our people out to sea," Sokka said, rising up. Katara stayed where she was, unable to tear her eyes off Taktu. "That's how we do our funeral rites. We put them on ice, light a torch, and send them off. The torch melts the ice and they are given back to the water, like how we came. We were born from water, into water, and we are laid to rest in it as well."

"I should do it," Zuko said. "I can," he corrected. "I don't want you to have to find your family like this."

"No, no," Sokka shrugged out his stiffness. "I want to be the one to say goodbye to everyone. It should be me."

Katara heard the unspoken words; It should be me. The son of the dead leader, chief to only spirits. It should be me. This is my job. This is my burden. These are my people.

He passed by Katara, his fingers bruising across her shoulder. "I'll come to you when it's done," he whispered.

"What of the Dai Li?" Toph asked, pulling a soldier out of the upturned snow. Sokka locked his jaw, staring at the cause of their grief with such fury, such anger. Katara could see him shaking out of the corner of her eyes, fingers clenched.

"We should put them out to sea as well," Sokka said after a long moment. "Perhaps it is punishment enough for them not to be sent to the beyond in their traditional rites. And perhaps they will feed the fish; do something good with their miserable lives."

Katara forced herself to her feet, walking unevenly through the snow, unable to look at anyone.

You did this, Katara's inner voice snarled, If you hadn't gone to the Palace, if you hadn't stayed for Zuko…your family would still be alive.

She found herself retracing that day Pan and Liao arrived; the way she walked into the village, Sokka hot on her heels, and flung herself into the council tent to find those two waiting for her. Today though, the table was cracked into many pieces, and the chairs were unrecognizable as furniture. She went and paused at the place she'd sat, indignant and naive.

Like a ghost, she floated through the ruins, to her family's hut. All their things lay smashed and ruined, not one single thing salvageable.

They must have been instructed to leave Katara's home, specifically, with nothing left for anyone. No fond memories for her to take back, no history spared.

Katara sat against the wall of her former room, fingers digging into the snow, wishing she could send herself back in time and stop herself from melting the way and leaving.

Please, Tui and La, please…

Katara's feet moved and she stood, forcing herself outside.

Sokka was scowling deeply. "There's something…off…" he said, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" Zuko asked.

"There aren't enough bodies." Sokka turned around in a circle, "This is only…a tenth of our camp if that. No children, no elders. Only warriors."

"Don't, Sokka," Katara threatened, "Don't give me hope, not like that-"

"Wait!" Toph threw her arms out. "I feel people approaching. That way!" She pointed in the distance, where the sky met the unending ice, but no one could be seen.

Zuko raised a flat hand against his forehead over his eyes, straining to look where she was pointing.

"Friend or foe?"

"Well, geez, Sparky. I can't tell someone's allegiance just by the way you step. It's not like baddies walk differently!" Toph rolled her eyes.

"Then we'd better be ready for anyone," Sokka said, eyes narrowed. He grasped a spear that was sticking out of the snow.

"Katara, get behind me," Zuko hissed.

"I can protect myself!" Katara said, feeling something snap back into place, pulling her from this never-ending hole of grief.

"Spirits, I'm sure you can but-"

"Shh!" Sokka spun, "Noise travels on the ice," he lectured, "So shut up, both of you!"

At this point, two figures could be seen, darkened silhouettes against the roaring wind.

It seemed unlikely to be foes, as they did not run, but walked leisurely. But Katara knew to prepare for anything.

One of them cupped their hands around their mouth and called out, and their sound reached the group of four before their faces did.

"Katara!"

Katara pushed past Zuko, eyes wild. "Eva?" she yelled back. Zuko choked back surprised.

"Isn't she meant to be in the North?" he asked, but Katara was already running, grasping her coat up in her fists to have better agility, flying over the distance between them.

"Eva!" Katara repeated, throwing herself into her friend's arms, "Oh, spirits above!"

"I thought that was you," Eva said, swaying as Katara hugged her tightly. "You're alright; I'm so relieved you're alright! We were worried you were dead!"

"Me?" Katara sputtered, "We came to rescue you!"

"We have much to talk about," Eva said, pulling back, "And the spirits truly are great to lead us to you today."

"I don't…understand," Katara said, confused. "Did you just arrive?"

"No, we came out today to send off the dead," Navi said, the companion with Eva. "Eva awoke today and announced it was time. I think she is closer with the spirits since losing her sight and finding you here only confirms it."

Katara held in a grin; she remembered meeting Navi as Eva's 'roommate/assistant' in the North, and how besotted Navi had been with Eva then. Her affections had only grown, and the love she held for Eva was true. Even Toph, as blind, surely could see that, the depth of her passion hanging between her and Eva like visible strings. Katara was so grateful that one of her most beloved friends had found someone, and grateful to see that they were still together.

"Your Grandma has called me an oracle, but your dad says you'd dislike that very much," Eva teased. Katara felt tears in her throat.

"You've talked to my family?"

"They're okay, Katara. They're okay," Eva assured, grasping Katara's cheeks. Katara almost collapsed in relief. By this point, the trio remaining had made the journey across the snow.

"Where is everyone?" Sokka asked.

"Safe," Navi assured, "I can take you there now-"

"No," Sokka interjected, "At least, not me, not yet. I would like to finish my task."

"Me too," Katara insisted.

Navi looked at Zuko and Toph.

"I think we'll stay too," Zuko said and Toph nodded. "I don't know if we've met. I'm Zuko."

"Oh, Eva's told me all about you," Navi gave a loud, round laugh, "Trust me."

"Right!" Eva smacked her forehead. "Forgot only Katara met her. Everyone, meet Navi; my wife!"

Katara gasped, covering her mouth, "You got married! Eva, congratulations!"

Eva blushed, shrugging. "Turns out that the Choice did find me a match, Zuko, just not in the way I think anyone expected. If I wouldn't have lost my sight, I would have never met Navi, nor would we have come here to be truly together."

Toph went to high-five Eva, "Blind girls represent! I'm not a minority here anymore." She turned to Zuko, a playfulness despite the circumstances, "How does it feel to be the odd one out now, huh?"

"Toph, maybe...not now," Sokka said, sad, but holding back a grin at the same time. Their task was difficult as it was, but sometimes, Katara was glad that good humor still existed.

As they worked, bringing out the dead to the edge of the sea, Eva told everyone else the whole story; about how Navi had helped her overcome losing her sight, how she'd learned (much like Toph) to utilize her bending ability to help herself see, and finally she told the story of how she and Navi had rallied some like-minded people who wanted better lives and left for the Southern Water Tribe.

"We were welcomed immediately by your grandmother," Navi said. "She has been so kind to all of us. Anyone who felt like they were a misfit in the North was given a spot at the table in the South."

"I'm sure my dad is happy with some new members too," Sokka chuckled, "I used to have to go through a family tree in my head whenever I wanted to ask someone out on a date."

They worked until the sky was darkening. Katara was able to say goodbye, properly, to eighteen of her tribe, eighteen too many. She was only pushed forward with the knowledge that many more were safe, somewhere hidden.

As was tradition, they did not move or speak until the icebergs carrying the fallen could no longer be seen on the horizon, taken and led by Tui's hands into grand foreverness.

"Can I please ask what happened now?" Eva asked as she led them out of the former camp.

"I want to ask the same of you," Sokka said, "Though I imagine our stories will overlap. But first; where are you staying? I didn't see any camps coming in…"

"You'll see. And I don't say it to be mean, more that it is difficult to explain in words where it is, but you will understand soon. As for what happened to us; one day, we just stopped receiving information from the Palace. We are entirely in the dark about what has happened, but we know now it must be the worst-case scenario, considering the Dai Li who attacked."

Katara frowned; she had not imagined the reality that her tribe would have gotten no information about the fall of the Palace. Her parents must have been turned inside out with worry about her and Sokka. She knew that Ursa may have tried to write, but even under non-malicious circumstances, receiving letters was spotty out here.

"Azula launched a coup," Zuko said darkly. "We thought it was Ozai, but it…" he swallowed, "Wasn't."

"Ozai was killed in the battle," Katara said quickly, not a lie. "But it was revealed that it was Azula the entire time. She did intend to kill us, however, we were rescued, along with the rest of the ladies from the Choice. Except for Nadhari; she sided with Azula."

"That bitch," Navi snarled, "I've heard a lot about her too." She glanced at Eva, still with her short-cut hair, and Eva twirled a strand of it around her finger.

"I'm hardly surprised," she said quietly at the news.

"We've been at the Southern Air Temple since then…but we got the news that the Dai Li was coming towards you, and well…" Katara winced, rubbing the back of her head.

"You did something very rash but very brave?" Eva guessed with a twinkle in her laugh.

"What a surprise, huh?" Toph grinned.

"So what has become of the world now?" Navi asked.

"Azula is the Fire Lord. She's vying for domination, of course," Zuko said snappishly, though not angrily at them. "And we're on the run, I guess."

"I mean, there's been other stuff too. Airbenders, magical spiritual water, Aang, Yue-" Toph began to list.

"What of Yue?" Eva asked, "She's alright, isn't she?"

"Err…" Toph gulped, "Yeah…fine!"

"I may not be able to tell if someone is lying as you can, Toph, but I surely know when I'm being told an untruth," Eva said sharply.

"She didn't take it well, the whole battle…the coup…" Katara decided honesty was best. "She ended up killing someone to protect herself in the battle. She was struggling." Katara felt guilt once again; she should have been more perceptive and helped her friend. Instead, she'd been caught up in her own worries.

"That's quite distressing," Eva said. "And very bad news indeed. I hope…" She shook her head. "I don't know what exactly I hope, but...that is truly awful."

Abruptly, Eva stopped.

"We're here."

Sokka spun around, leaning into Navi, "Is it because she's blind-"

Navi chuckled, a wide smile spread across her face. "You of little faith," she teased back.

Eva took her staff and made two swift jabs to the ice. On the third, she dug it into the snow and twisted it.

In front of them, the ground split in two, the ice cleaving away from itself, to reveal…stairs leading downward.

"After you," Eva said, waving a hand to the guests.

Katara frowned, curious, and was the first to descend. Zuko next, then Toph, and finally Sokka.

As they turned a kink in the steps, Katara felt her breath taken from her throat. She paused, staring out, grasping for words.

Language found Sokka first, "You went underground!"

They were in a large ice cavern; a huge space deep into the earth, with beautifully crafted houses made from snow and ice, and a bustling city full of certainly more people than had been there when Katara had left.

"How many people came with you?" she asked, amazed.

"Well," Eva tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "The North is owned by the Fire Nation, and shocker, there are lots that have no lost love for them. No offense, Zuko."

"Entirely none taken," Zuko muttered, "I don't have fond feelings for the Fire Nation either right now."

"We brought a few waterbenders too," Navi added, "And without them, I don't think this would have happened."

"It's amazing!" Sokka was practically foaming at the mouth. "The architecture! The ingenuity! The whole thing!"

They reached the bottom. Toph's lips split into a wide grin, "Earth!" She grabbed Sokka's arm, "Real, Southern Water Tribe Dirt! It's a holiday miracle! I can see everything…and damn, is this impressive."

Katara spun in a circle, staring up, up, up at the place they'd come from, high above them. It was at least a hundred feet deep, tucked far away from those that would hurt them.

"Wow…" Zuko let out a long breath. "Wonders never cease."

"It was all Eva's idea…" Navi nudged her wife.

"You saved us," Katara said, turning. "You saved my people…I can never repay this debt. I'm…you've…" She pulled Eva into a long hug again, overcome with joy.

If she had never gone to the palace, she would have never met Eva, who would have never done this unrepayable favor.

As much as things turned out for the worst, sometimes Katara had to remind herself they worked out for the best too.

"My babies!"

There was the sound of clattering baskets, and Katara turned to see her mother running down the main street.

"Mom!" Katara inhaled hard. She hadn't seen her mother since she'd left and was glad to see she looked exactly the same as when she'd gone.

Her mother pulled Katara and Sokka into a three-way hug, kissing them all over, switching between adoring 'I love yous' and chastising mutterings about how much she worried about them.

"I can't believe you're all alive here," Katara said, "It feels unreal! I almost believe we've all died and gone to Adlivun, it's almost...too good to be true."

"Not dead. Very much alive. Come, come, your father will want to see you as well," Kya said, grasping their hands. She turned, noticing the two travelers.

"Kya…" Zuko did a deep, respectful bow, "Ma'am."

"I'm Toph. Nice to meet you," Toph held out her hand, biting her lip, the most nervous Katara had ever seen her.

"I'm so glad to welcome friends of Katara and Sokka here," Kya said brightly, "Come, come now! We must have a feast!"

Katara raised an eyebrow, sending a look back at Sokka. Friends? She understood why her parents wouldn't know about her and Zuko specifically (though she was sure her father had his guesses), but surely…

Sokka was bright red in the face.

As Kya led them down the main path, Katara couldn't help but marvel at what her tribe had become. It was almost as grand as the Northern Water Tribe, with houses carefully constructed, and seemed to resemble a city instead of just a smattering of huts.

"Here's the council house," her mother said, "Isn't it just grand?"

"Woah…" Sokka said, standing back to admire it. The building was pearly white and reflected the sun shining through the ice at the top of the ravine, making it practically glimmer.

"They're just inside…go," Kya encouraged, eager.

The reunion with their grandmother and their dad was long and full of many tears.

In the midst of large family hugs, Katara noticed Zuko hanging back, grief and guilt written across his face.

She pulled away from her father, but he was too perceptive not to notice.

"Ah, Zuko, come here," He said, waving a hand forward.

"Sir...I..." Zuko's breath caught in his throat, "I'm so sorry-,"

Hakoda's forehead crinkled in confusion, "Sorry? Whatever for?"

"We caused you to have to abandon your city. We killed your people. We put you through hell and we starved you out and-,"

"You did none of that," Hakoda insisted firmly, "And if you think that I would blame you, well, Katara has not shared enough stories of me."

"Or just enough, Dad, to scare him half to death," Sokka sighed.

"Zuko, we know from everyone we've met that you are nothing like your father or anyone launching such coups. I think, had you been the Fire Lord, I would have been proud to forge a future with you. Overall, however, we are just all so relieved you are safe."

"You...are?" Zuko said, still unsure like he was sure it was a trap.

"You will always have a place here. And if anyone dislikes it, well," Hakoda gave a grin, "I am the Chief and I will make them apologize. You are an honorable man, and I am so happy you made it out unscathed."

Katara could see something breaking inside Zuko, some strange mixture of relief and disbelief, as he accepted a handshake from Hakoda.

She understood...in his family, all those words would be a deception. But her family were not liars. If they said they held no ill will toward him, Katara believed it and she hoped Zuko would too.

Preparations were made immediately for a meal of celebration, and they were led to a dining room, something Katara had never previously had. She was surprised to find some furniture that was Earth Kingdom in nature.

"We had quite a good trade with the Earth Kingdom for a while," Hakokda said, seeing her careful eye, "Fire Nation too, actually."

"Please, please someone tell me how this all happened?" Sokka asked, "I'm dying to know!"

"Well, when Eva arrived with her friends, we had been in talks for a while about how to modernize the South, now that we were thriving on the food sent our way and the trade routes opened up," Hakoda said. "And she pitched this idea early on…she'd found this ravine when she was out exploring and thought with a bit of work, it may function quite well as a city. At that time, we didn't know it would be so…" His eyes darkened, "Necessary. But she and the other waterbenders set to work."

"We originally didn't plan to move camp for a few moons," Kya said, "The garden wasn't set up, and we hoped to capture some herds to domesticate, but our plans changed quickly."

"The Dai Li?"

"No, luckily it was far before that," Navi said. "As soon as the shipment was late, the usual one of the food and grain, we knew something was wrong. And when it did arrive, it was just…" She frowned. "Well, Eva felt something. She urged us to move early."

"Good thing we did," Hakoda said sincerely. "I was hesitant at first, since it was a long procedure and many people were not willing to change our ways, but by the time the Dai Li came…we weren't at camp."

"Though it is truly heartbreaking," Kya said, "In some ways, the spirits were looking out for us. We sent a small group out to collect some final items; only warriors, in case people came our way, looking to hurt us. When they didn't return…we knew it must be the worst."

"The Dai Li is gone," Eva said. "I heard them retreating and some spies overhead their conversations. As you said, Sokka, sound travels differently on the ice and they were unprepared for that. It meant we could observe from a distance. They assumed they found us all; that the South must have been nearly dead and snuffed out from the lack of food. They assumed they killed all that remained."

"But we are here, clearly," Hakoda said with a grin. "And for now, we will remain quietly, here, in secret."

"Let Azula think she won," Zuko agreed with a hard nod, "Let everyone think that they managed to wipe out the South too."

Katara knew it would break her heart to have to lie and pretend like she'd lost everyone, but until Azula was taken down, her family wouldn't be safe if she told even Iroh.

"We honor the dead every night," Kya said, "They did not know when they went out that they would give our lives to protect us. I do sometimes fear that if the Dai Li found no one, they wouldn't have stopped…"

"But because they found some…" Katara trailed off, "What a horrible blessing to be faced with," she said sincerely.

"Now, your turn," Hakoda said, "What actually did happen?"

So, they went through everything about the coup again, though perhaps a bit more sanitized than what they told Eva. Enough to get the point across. It was foolish to think that they could avoid worrying their parents, but neither Sokka nor Katara seemed willing to dive into the grittier parts, and Zuko nor Toph was willing to cross that line.

Still, Hakoda and Kya exchanged worried looks.

"It is no worse than we thought," Kya finally sighed, "Because we assumed the absolute worst. But it does mean that we must tread carefully."

As food was brought out, the room had warmed to almost uncomfortable temperatures with their parkas on. Katara shed hers, as did Sokka. She had the passing thought that Zuko must be burning. Toph was likely at the perfect temperature, though.

A strangled cry left her mother's lip, "Sokka! Your arm!"

Sokka looked down at his burns, eyes bulging. It seemed he'd forgotten about them. Even Katara did sometimes; it was almost startling to her to see those burns snaking up his arm and up his neck, from where Zuko had ended the Agni Kai with him. Like a snake it curled around his biceps, healed but not pretty.

Zuko sunk deep into his chair.

"What happened?" Hakoda gasped, "Did it occur during the coup?"

Katara turned, eyebrows raised. "Yes, Sokka, did it?" It was clear that her parents were unaware that Sokka had left with Toph after the Agni Kai. Katara hadn't told them; it didn't seem her place to. She assumed he would, but, well, they were still under the illusion he'd been at the palace with Katara at Azula's battle. And of course, she didn't want to get Zuko in trouble (she doubted Sokka would sink so low as to blame him, and not his own foolish circumstances that led to it, as much as she disagreed about the course of punishment).

"Right, yeah, uhm…" Sokka coughed uncomfortably. "There were some things that never really seemed like the right time to talk about over letter…" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well?" Hakoda asked, putting his fork down.

Katara could see him flail. Toph was grinning; clearly not upset that he hadn't announced their relationship. Katara figured Toph couldn't care less about labels, and both of them knew it wasn't because Sokka was embarrassed by her.

He was just nervous he'd been caught in a white lie.

He winced…and then, pointed at Zuko, panicking. Finding something much better to take the attention off him in true brotherly fashion, he blurted, "Zuko proposed to Katara!"

XXX

Zuko awoke to a cold breeze and the warmth of furs against his skin. His dreams were, once again, a plague against his mind.

He had not gotten a single night of good sleep since his father's death.

Easing out of bed, he grabbed a knitted top from the floor, pulling it over his head. The sun was out, shining and reflecting into the city, and Zuko was awake.

He stumbled into the kitchen, nodding to Kya as she brewed tea. She was always up early, making breakfast for her family, and he'd fallen into a comfortable pattern with her. It was day five of waking up in the Southern Water Tribe.

He'd seen little of Katara since they'd arrived. She and Sokka had thrown themselves into helping their tribe; the move underground, while probably better in the long run, had not been fully fruitful, as their timeline had been shoved up frantically. People were still living squashed together while the houses were being finished, the gardens still needed the expertise to grow so far underground, and now that the Dai Li had passed, there were discussions of going out to find the herds, as originally decided.

He didn't know how long they intended to say, but Zuko wasn't going to push. He knew he'd be the bad guy if he suggested leaving before Katara was ready, and he wanted to give her this time with her family.

And if she decided to stay, indefinitely? Well…he'd cross that bridge later.

Zuko was just glad to be of use here. He was grateful he wasn't thrown out into the snow, along with Toph, after the colorful welcome-back dinner.

It had started to go downhill with Sokka's tattling, and from there it became a spat between siblings to unearth every naughty thing the other had done while away from their parent's watchful eyes.

Toph had found it invigorating, while it had just made Zuko want to disappear into the earth, never to be seen again. It wasn't just their laundry that had been aired…he and Toph were linked to a lot of these stories.

But, every owlcat was out of the bag, now. No more secrets, right?

Except yours, Zuko...

He squashed down that nasty, bothersome thought.

Obviously, he was not allowed to sleep in the same bed as Katara, even though it had come out that both Sokka and Katara slept in the same bed as their significant others, abandoning their own beds at the temple for different accommodations.

"Under my roof, we will have propriety," Hakokda had commanded, "Great spirits of La!"

Zuko was alright with this, although he felt guilty to think that. He was in a strange, unfamiliar land that should hate him and everything his family stood for – he should want to be close to Katara more than ever…but, their fight still stung, and he was proud. Too proud.

He knew he should just apologize, but sometimes he wondered if this was better.

He and Kya chatted casually about their plans for the day. He tried to eat only a smidgen, knowing that they were still rationing, but Kya insisted that he get a full 'warrior's meal'. She reminded him of his mother in many ways, the way she cared so deeply.

Hakota and Bato came down next, and then GranGran - though she just took a cup of tea out to her rocking chair - and then Toph, Sokka, and finally Katara. He knew Katara was not a morning person, and was always grumpy in the morning. She was usually so put-together at the palace, it did thrill him to see her so casually like this.

"I'll be helping Eva and the other benders finish the schoolhouse today," Katara said to him, though her tone was clipped, "Toph's putting up some walls too."

"Okay," Zuko nodded, waiting for her to ask him to join. But she had no reason to; the last thing an ice city needed was a firebender around.

Kya watched their interaction. Katara looked like she was going to say more, but left without speaking, her lips pressed thin.

Kya had been told by Toph that Katara and Zuko had fought, but Zuko had no idea how much more she knew. Luckily, she didn't press.

"Why don't you spend the day with me?" she asked, "I'm drying herbs and you'd be very helpful, Zuko. And I'm cooking a city-wide meal…how does that sound?"

Zuko knew she was humoring him, but was grateful not to be left to his own devices. Usually, he and Toph just kicked around together, but it seemed Katara had found usefulness in her ability to raise walls from the earth.

"Thanks, Kya."

He followed Katara's mother around all day, doing whatever tasks she set him upon; carefully drying and bottling herbs for healing and stew, tenderizing seal meat for their dinner, carefully heating the stew so it simmered just right and stirring it methodically every ten minutes…he now had a greater understanding of why Katara enjoyed tasks like hemming dresses so much. There was something relaxing in falling into rhythmic patterns, taking a slower time with life than he was used to, and getting the chance to talk in between.

He met most of the village women, who all were used to him by now, and he was eagerly brought in as someone to tell stories to that others had heard a thousand times. But they were all new to Zuko, who secretly delighted in the fact he was part enough of the tribe to be trusted with this age-old tradition.

It gave him a sense of belonging that, to be honest, he had never felt in the Palace.

"Why don't you bring Katara some lunch?" Kya asked after a few hours, "Along with the rest? I'm sure they're all hungry."

Zuko packed the soup in a bowl, holding it between his palms to keep it warm as he made the journey to the schoolhouse. Katara, along with six other waterbenders, was creating worlds right in front of his eyes; creating walls out of nothing, high above his head, packing it against the rock structures that Toph created.

"Lunch time!" one of the waterbenders said, spotting Zuko, "I'm hungry!"

He was quickly overrun by not just those working at the school, but anyone in range. Hakoda and Sokka were drawn in, coming back from a scouting expedition to find traveling herds, and Zuko helped dole out portions for everyone.

"I've missed this," Sokka said, inhaling deeply, "Food in the Fire Nation just isn't the same."

There was indeed something hearty and warm about the food here, not just in the literal sense, but in the way that it made Zuko feel like every meal brought up long-forgotten memories of family and unity. It was like there was an itch of a past he couldn't remember but knew, somewhere, he'd had.

He wondered if he - as in the Blue Spirit - had ever been a proper waterbender in a past life. Maybe that's why this held such nostalgia for him.

Even if he wasn't talking to Katara, he was always aware of where she was. Even as he continued to portion out lunch, he kept one eye flickering her way, just…just because.

She was currently eating with Eva and Tapeesa. She'd reunited with all the former Northern Water Tribe girls, as all of them had decided to follow Eva south. Even Maiha was here, looking a little out of place, what with having grown up in the Fire Nation. Her father had come back here after her dismissal, thinking that perhaps a return to both their roots was needed, though Zuko could tell Maiha was regretting that decision now.

Still, he could tell that Katara was greatly enjoying connecting with Kilee, Saorise, and Tapeesa, having missed them all perhaps more than she even knew.

He watched a boy walk toward the trio of girls with a sense of movement and that was enough to make Zuko turn his attention fully.

He had a bad feeling about this; Eva was obviously very clearly married (and everyone gushed about how cute of a couple they were) and Tapeesa had also gotten hitched to her previous offer not long after she returned; she now had a one-year-old.

So, there was only one person sitting there that he would be walking toward with such gusto, and that was Katara.

He watched Katara politely greet him, though it was clear she didn't want to be bothered right now.

"Katara, I must make my heart clear. This tribe needs a strong mother to its people, and there is no one any of us trusts more than you. I believe I can be the partner you need to bring prosperity to our great nation; will you marry me?"

He presented a necklace to her with a big flourish. It was masterfully carved, and admittedly quite beautiful. Even though betrothal necklaces were more commonly known as a Northern tradition, apparently they had significantly caught on since the merge from Eva's boats.

Zuko felt jealousy course through him. He ought to rip that boy limb from limb!

"Woah, brother," Sokka said, jumping up, and grasping Zuko's arms, "No murder today, okay?" He shoved Zuko away.

"But-"

"She's gunna say no, meathead. Duh," Sokka tried to soothe him, though not very well.

Zuko saw Katara shake her head before Sokka shoved him into an unfinished house across the way.

Hakoda came in a moment later, seeing the pair of boys, and raised an eyebrow.

"Do I even want to know?" Hakoda asked, exhausted.

"The proposal," Sokka clarified, "Kallik got a little too bold. Which, honestly, I think he's insane. Katara? Pfft! Even if she never went to the Palace, she could do so much better than him."

Hakdoka gave a loud groan, "Third this week. I'm grateful that all the girls are waiting for Sokka to ask someone, and I don't have to play interception for the two of you."

Zuko felt his temper flare again. "Third? Third?!" he demanded, spinning around to Sokka, "Why didn't you say anything? Why in the name of Agni are people proposing to my fiancee left and right?"

"Why didn't I tell you? Because I thought surely Katara would! I thought you two would sit up laughing about it all night, man!" Sokka squinted, throwing up his hands, "And why are they proposing? It's just…a thing. You know, post-war, people get a little bit of security and everyone starts to couple up…have you noticed the number of pregnant women around here?" he said.

"I'm not…That didn't answer my question. And we're mid-war, not post."

"Technically I did," Sokka said, absolutely infuriatingly, "People are looking for strength and there's no one stronger than Katara. Plus, to marry into the ruling family would be…quite the feather in the cap. Plus, she's even more 'wanted' since she's been to the Fire Nation and back. Makes her 'interesting'."

"But she's engaged to me!"

"And who the heck knows it?" Sokka snorted. "Be real, man. You guys have barely acted like a couple since you've arrived. It's not like you're so annoying PDA that people are begging you to separate. As far as the village boys know, you're just Katara's weird Fire Nation friend who could burn down their house if you sneezed the wrong way. And if they sniff a hint of romance, they're jumping on it now, hoping to get in on it before you two figure it out…that is if you were still being doofuses."

Hakoda placed a hand on Sokka's shoulder. "My son has no tact, but sadly is right. If it wasn't clear from Katara, I do give you my blessing, son. I know you make Katara happy, and whatever tiff you're having will soon pass."

"Thank you, sir," Zuko said. "I meant to find a good time to ask…" he trailed off.

"The real question is…are you going to fight for her?" Hakoda asked, "And I do not mean by going and punching Kallik."

"He'd totally deserve it, though," Sokka muttered.

Zuko met Hakoda's gaze.

"Do you love my daughter?" he prompted.

"Since the day she attacked me the first time we met," Zuko said with a warm grin. Hakoda looked distressed, and Zuko realized that no one knew about that first night in the gardens.

Ah, a story for another day.

He thought of everything in the Choice, all leading up to now.

"Sir?" Zuko said, a thought hitting him suddenly, "What material does one use to carve a betrothal necklace? And with what tools?"

Hakoda beamed with pride, "I was waiting for you to ask. Come with me; I'll show you what to do. I'll let Kya know you've found a more important task to spend your afternoon on."

When Zuko asked publicly two days later, with a betrothal necklace carved with an imprint of two fish, swimming around each other on precious blue stone, Katara grinned.

And, at that moment, all their fights just seemed to melt away, just briefly for that one perfect second.

"Always, yes, you idiot," she said, leaning up to kiss him in front of everyone.

"Looks like there's going to be a royal wedding!" Bato said, cheering.

"I don't think I'm a Prince as of now. At least Azula would have something to say about that," Zuko winced.

"What?" Bato blinked at Zuko. "I'm not talking about you…she's not marrying into your royal family, you're marrying into hers," he winked, "You're about to be the son-in-law of the chief, and that my friend, is the true definition of a royal wedding."

"Oh…" Zuko furrowed his brow, "Yeah, I can…I can understand that."

"You've done it now," Katara groaned. "If there's one thing Bato likes most, it's throwing a good party, and you've just given him the go-ahead to throw a huge one."

"Can I?" Zuko asked, holding up the necklace.

He could feel her tremble as he unclasped her grandmother's necklace, something he'd seen on her neck nearly every day since meeting her. It felt like a big deal, putting his necklace around her.

It looked like it was meant to be there.

"What will become of that one?" he asked, watching Katara carefully put it in her pocket.

"I'll save it. Give it to our daughter one day," she said with a warm, soft grin.

At that moment, there was nothing in the world that told Zuko they wouldn't reach such a day.

Well, she was just glad all that was behind her and Sokka. They had their issues, as any couple did, but for the most part, they woke up each day and chose to be on each other's teams. And, well, Toph thought that made a world of difference.

Still, it bothered her to see two of her closest friends so out of sorts when they should be enjoying their time together. They were engaged, for Spirit's sake! They should be worse than her and Sokka, to the point of banning them apart on this journey! Their PDA should be so gross and annoying that Toph was begging them for days apart, not moments together.

Toph cared about very few people in her life; Sokka was currently in her number one spot. Sugar Queen, Sparky, and Twinkle-Toes were pretty high up there, along with Ty Lee, Suki, and Besu.

Everyone else was just an annoyance in her life, on varying levels.

The point was that Toph did not like when those she held closest were in peril, even in the romantic or emotional sense.

She had expected to find Zuko on his way back to the cave by now, but he was absent. Even when she hung in the center of the path, she couldn't feel him approaching from any direction.

She rolled her eyes; Sokka would understand. He'd do the same in her shoes...erm...in her unshoed feet. 

She was able to trace his fat feet easily. Honestly, with their stealth mission, she should have warned him that he could be so simply followed, but that seemed like a tomorrow conversation.

From what she could glean, Zuko stood in the middle of a small lake, because her vision of him got all wavy, the way it did when people were in water. If he had been swimming, it would be like he just vanished from the planet, but he was standing.

And, though since she couldn't see she might be wrong, it seemed like he was just staring at his palms, facing up towards him.

"Waiting for a fish to jump into your hands? I think there are easier ways to get dinner."

Her comment made him jump around, and she felt his panic for a second until he registered it was just Toph.

"You know, dinner's ready for ya. Katara's waiting," Toph said, leaning against a tree.

"I know."

Still, he didn't move.

"Look, Sokka would mow someone down to get to dinner, and I get you're not him, but…" She trailed off, biting her lip, "You're just sort of standing in the middle of that lake and it's a smidge concerning."

"I see how you'd think that," Zuko grumped, but made no motion to explain his strange behavior. Not even a half-hearted 'oh, just washing up' or 'wanted to get some protein for the menu'. Just…awkward silence.

"Zuko Prince of the Fire Nation I Don't Know Your Last Name, get your ass out of the water," Toph commanded.

"Officially, we don't have last names." Zuko rolled his eyes, "If we're speaking historically, I guess my clan name would be Keohso, however, clans aren't a thing…not since Sozin."

"Weird. I forget how strange the Fire Nation is with last names." Toph tapped her chin. "Makes sense for Sokka and Katara. Their tribe is like, what, twelve families? No need to keep track when I'm pretty sure Sokka could recite every family lineage in under ten minutes."

"There," Zuko said, throwing out his arms, "I'm out of the water."

"And dripping wet. Are you going to dry yourself?" Toph asked.

"Just because you're being annoying…no."

"Gods, good thing we never married," Toph let out a bark of laughter, "You're like the brother I never had. And I can be the sister you wish you had."

Zuko's smile was only a bit strained. "Yeah, you got that right."

"Okay, spill, Sparky. What's eating you? And don't say 'nothing,'" she said, pointing to a log for them both to sit on. "Katara knows something is up too. And fine, you don't want to talk to her. But you gotta talk to someone."

"I most certainly do not-"

"You do. So, if not me, I'll just grab Sokka…"

"Wait," Zuko groaned as Toph moved to stand, "I guess I'd rather it be you."

"Excellent. Now, spill."

She could feel Zuko's hesitance, and for a moment, was sure he'd just lie, making up some stupid reason. Instead, he dropped his head between his knees, letting out what felt like a thousand years of pressure on his shoulders, sitting limply on the log.

"I've dreamt of my dad every night."

Toph was silent, wading through his words.

"Oh," she said after a moment, "I mean, yeah. My parents aren't peaches either. And, well, I get how all of this is probably bringing up a lot of really shitty memories, lately." She tried to banish those thoughts but found it difficult at times.

For this reason, she could relate to Zuko.

Katara and Sokka would never really get it. They had two parents who would rearrange the moon and stars for them if need be. Toph's parents saw her as an accessory to their wealth, a doll to mold. They'd never actually asked her what she wanted, and she'd been seen as a nuisance.

If her parents had their way, she would have been married off as early as possible to someone who could 'keep her under his thumb'.

And Zuko! Spirits, Zuko just won the 'bad parent' lottery. Well, not Ursa. Or Iroh. But having two stellar people still couldn't make up for the things his father put him through.

Ozai was better off dead, and Toph would defend Zuko with that choice until the day she died, never mind he wasn't the leader of the Equalists. Life was one step closer to being safer with him gone.

"You can tell me about it. I mean, I guess I can guess, but maybe talking about the memories-"

"They're not…bad memories," Zuko broke in, flexing his fingers, struggling to explain, "That's the entire issue."

Toph tilted her head, "Okay?"

"If they were one of all the times he hurt me, it would hurt, sure, but it wouldn't…I could handle that. Because I could remind myself that I won and he didn't. That he can't hurt me or Katara or anyone else any longer. I wouldn't care. But it's not…every night, my mind is feeding me the best memories of us. Memories of when I was young and he seemed to actually like me. It's like my brain can't stop saying, 'he had good moments too. You killed a man who had moments where he loved you or your mom or your sister.'"

"Okay, but a handful of scattered okay times don't make up for a lifetime of evil," Toph said.

"I know it doesn't!" Zuko exploded up, pacing. "But it would be a lot fucking easier to deal with if I didn't wake up with my heart angry and yearning for moments I'll never get again!"

"Woah, okay, let's take that misplaced anger and…" Toph made a motion of shoving, "Take it off me."

"Sorry," Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, "It just hasn't been one night. It's been every night. It feels...like a punishment. That some spirit out there, the God or Slumber or Death or Patricide is showing me all the reasons what I did was wrong, not why it was right."

He sounded exhausted. She wondered if he was getting any meaningful sleep lately.

From the sound of it…likely not.

She focused on Zuko. She really studied him and sent out her feelers through the ground to try to dig into his soul. She thought that now that it was out in the open, she'd feel a weightlessness from him.

Instead, he was like a black hole, dragging her down into it too.

"Zuko…you know I can tell when someone is lying, right?" She asked quietly. Zuko didn't answer, fully knowing, and looked away. "And while I don't think you're lying about this, I know that there's still something you're not telling me."

"I know," Zuko bit out, "But I can't tell anyone."

"You killed your dad. What's worse?"

"It's not…" Zuko swallowed hard. "It's shameful. It's embarrassing. It's…" He sucked in. "I wouldn't be fit to be Fire Lord."

"Well, respectfully, you're a long way from there."

Zuko, actually, almost smiled.

Toph waited. She wanted until the silence was uncomfortable, hoping maybe he'd just start talking, but he didn't.

Whatever was actually eating him - not just the surface-level 'secret' about his dreams - he kept locked down, far away.

"You should tell us eventually," Toph said, "Or I'll make it my mission to figure it out."

"Good luck," Zuko replied blithely.

"Fine, whatever. It's just…" Toph felt like pulling her hair out. "We're your family, Zuko. We'll always be in your corner. There is nothing that could come out of your mouth that would make me…" She bit out her next word, "Love…I said it, fucking love you less. The same goes for how Sokka or Katara feel about you."

"I know."

"I don't think you do…" Toph was tired, weary, and wanted to lie down with Sokka. She'd done her best. She'd fucking tried, but you can't save someone who doesn't want the hand reaching out, right?

"Go back to Katara. She's waiting. And please, tell us soon," Toph said, standing to leave. "Don't take it just on your shoulders. You shouldn't have to."

"I don't know how to be…worthy of such adoration," Zuko said quietly.

"You show up for it," Toph said, clapping his shoulder. "You push and make effort, even when it's really fucking hard. Even when you're going through it, and Kat's going through it and the whole world is going through it."

"I guess I sound self-absorbed, huh?" Zuko asked.

"Only a teensy bit," Toph shrugged, "I just hope that you'll trust us soon. If you don't trust us…then…" She trailed off.

It seemed Zuko heard her, genuinely.

"I've ruined both date nights, haven't I?" he asked, wincing.

"A little," Toph said only the truth. And perhaps he needed it. "Night isn't over yet. I don't have a lot of faith in you-"

"Hurtful."

"-But I think if you try, you could make Katara happy. But…either way, I'm leaving you two to your shit and going to find my man. See you on the flip side, Keohso."

Sokka was roasting a rabbit for her, waiting patiently.

"Drama with my sister and future brother-in-law?"

Toph collapsed against his side. "You have no idea. I don't think 'therapist' is a future occupation for me, because I'm exhausted after the two of them. Remind me to stay in my own business from now on."

Sokka chuckled, "I grew up with Kat. Trust me…I have an idea." He handed her a waterskin of drinking water, "To us…for getting through all that bullshit."

"I'll fucking cheers to that."

XXX

Zuko walked back to the cave at a glacially slow pace. Some part of him wanted to skip the inevitable questions and foolishly hoped that if he made his steps small enough, Katara would grow tired and go to bed before he returned.

He knew he couldn't put off a conversation indefinitely, but somehow, thinking that tomorrow would give him a better go at it stuck in his mind.

It wasn't slow enough.

Katara was tending to the stew when he returned.

"The good thing about this stew is that the longer you leave it, the better it tastes." Katara glanced up, holding back a smirk. "Cleaned up well enough?"

Zuko held back frustration. He knew she was trying to make light of the situation, not attack him, but he was hardly in the mood for teasing tonight.

"Yes," he growled.

He saw the disappointment on her face but was too anxious and angry to care. As he sat opposed to her and she spooned his food into the bowl, she gave a long, noisy sigh.

"What's that?" he demanded hotly, snappishly.

"What's what?" Katara frowned.

"That sound."

"It wasn't…" She bit back an argument, seemingly trying very hard to stay even-toned, "It was just an exhale, Zuko."

"An exhale that meant something!"

Katara dropped the ladle back into the pot. "What is with you tonight?" she demanded, "Are you trying to start a fight?"

Yes. No. Fuck; I'm not sure.

Katara stared at the ground, her eyes downcast, "Forget I asked."

"Fine."

They sat in agonizing silence for a couple of moments before Katara snapped her head up. "No, you know what? No!" Oftentimes, her inability to stay silent was what he loved about her. Tonight, it nagged on him. "Agni forbid I try to cook us a nice meal, just the two of us, and you decide tonight of all nights to be a total asshat!"

"Maybe it's not the time, Katara, did you think of that?" Zuko waved his hand around, "Or have you forgotten we're in the middle of a war, racing to see if your entire family is dead!"

"You don't need to remind me-" Katara said, flinching like he'd struck her.

"Apparently, I do! Otherwise, you'd know that 'we' can't be a 'we' until later," Zuko threw back. "It's…absurd to expect me to play boyfriend with everything going on!"

"One," Katara stood now, hauling Zuko to his feet, "Don't you dare take your fucked-upness and drop on me. I'm so terrible for trying to do something nice, screw me, right? And two, 'play' boyfriend? Like I'm some chore? Some agonizing task?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Well, it's what you said!" Katara threw her hands up. "Maybe you'd be happier back at the Temple, you know? I don't need you here."

"I don't want to be there, I want to be with you!"

Katara snorted. "Funny way of showing it."

"Agni!" Zuko spun around, punching the cave wall. "You're so…infuriating!"

Katara came over, grasping his wrists. "Stop it!" she commanded, "Don't do that." She examined his knuckles, shaking her head. "What are you doing?" she asked quietly. It wasn't meant to be answered. And, even if it was, Zuko wouldn't have a good reply.

"You need to take care of yourself," Katara said, all her fight dropping out of her shoulders. "I know that you're dealing with something. I know it's a lot. I know that we're walking into surefire trouble. I know it's all we can think about…and I know you, for some reason, still don't believe you deserve goodness."

"I surely don't deserve you," Zuko said, staring at his feet, unable to meet her eyes. "I took you away from your people. And if you never get to see them again, because I had to fall for you in the Palace, I'll always blame myself. And I'm angry, Katara, all the time. At everything. My family is so fucked up, while yours is warm and open, and I worry sometimes I'll drag you down with me."

"I'm a strong swimmer," Katara said, wiping a tear from the edge of her eyes. She pulled some moisture from the cave walls, easing it over his knuckles as she healed them. "I don't deserve you. I make terrible decisions, I think a lot about myself while telling others how much I care about them, and I worry I'll always put my tribe first, over you, over the Fire Nation, over anything."

Zuko pulled her into a hug, digging his nose into the crown of her hair, inhaling the way she smelled; sharp, like fresh snow, with hints of evergreen.

"I want to be here with you," he repeated quietly, "But I don't know how to be here with you…I'm not very good at multitasking."

"That's okay," Katara mumbled into his shirt.

"It's not."

"What matters is that you told me. If it's too much to think about being romantic until we figure out what's going on, I understand. Just remember to come back for me after all of this, right?"

Zuko held on tighter, "Always."

XXX

"C'mon...c'mon..." Aang screwed his eyes shut as he tried to force a meditation session, but he knew he was too troubled for it to be any good, "Just...where are you guys?" He whispered.

His brain had been strangely quiet since he had woken up.

No, not strangely; eerily.

It was silent.

It felt like he'd thrown himself up the metaphorical stairs, two at a time, and thrown upon the door to where all the Avatars once existed to find it barren, its inhabitants packed up long ago.

He knew he'd survived without them before, but that was when he'd been hiding out in the palace, knowing that he'd have to stay low until Zuko was crowned Fire Lord. The idea that his past Avatars would forsake him when he so needed their guidance more than any other time stung.

Some part of him logically knew, or at least theorized, that he'd opened the connection during his anger when he went into the Avatar State in the catacombs of the Palace. Perhaps his past selves had seen his confusion and naivety and thought it necessary to 'jump in'. And he knew he'd opened the Avatar State during the Swamp Battle; he also knew that he'd snapped out of it, sharply, like someone breaking off a chain instead of gingerly unclasping it.

So maybe that was the trouble.

He wondered if he forced the Avatar State again if they'd come back...

Because Aang needed them.

But what if you do it, and they never return? What if they are disgusted with you, and think you're unfit? You're just a stupid kid, what do you know about saving the world? You couldn't even keep track of your own friends...

Now, it was just his insecurity bouncing around, and he hated how it sounded like the truth sometimes.

He'd give anything to fight with Gopan about birds, hear Kuruk bring up his dead wife in any conversation whether it related or not, or be chastised by Kyoshi.

Aang sighed, checking the movement of the sun.

He needed to be heading back, though he had no idea what he would be walking into.

The arrival of anyone to the Temple was always received with much relief and glee. Aang knew there were concerns that their revolution would be far too tiny to make a difference, but from the number of people making their way here, it seemed they were in good company. Whether the new arrivals wanted to see Azula die or held stronger loyalties to Airbenders, it didn't matter. All roads ended in the same place.

Today was different.

There was a commotion, something Aang clocked as soon as he returned from his meditation. It had not been fruitful, no closer to squashing his feelings about being left behind or not being able to help Yue.

As he came back into the main roads, he managed to wave down Ty Lee.

"Who is it today?" Aang couldn't imagine who may be causing so much fanfare, though he was looking forward to being surprised.

"I don't know yet; the last time the group was in such a tizzy it was, well, you!" Ty Lee blinked. "Do you think Zuko or Katara or anyone else has come back?"

"No," Aang winced, 'And if they did, so soon, it wouldn't be good news."

Ty Lee frowned. "Good point. I hope it isn't."

As Aang elbowed his way to the front of the crowd, the cause of commotion wasn't necessarily the new arrivals themselves, but the fact that someone was in manacles and chains, here unwillingly. It was hard for Aang to see who it was; not only was he chained with no escape, but he was wearing all black and had a bit of cloth covering most of his face.

There were two others with the person in chains; he could only see their heads bobbing through the crowd, but he wasn't close enough to see faces. It was obvious that the two were guarding their prisoner, keeping close. It did not seem like they were all friends.

"I need to speak to Fire Lord Zuko or Katara! I will only speak to one of those two people," Someone was demanding.

"That's not-"

"They'll want to see me," the person continued. Aang was still too far away to see who it was, but he recognized the voice from somewhere.

"It's not a matter of choosing not to," Pakku said, "They're not here, boy!"

The person seemed startled. "Not here? What…what do you mean not here?"

As Aang blinked, the boy's voice reminded him of parties, sand, and the sun.

Ember Island.

He pushed himself into the clearing, "Rasra?" he asked.

Rasra turned, eyes widening to see Aang. He was wearing Fire Nation clothes, though it was darkened like he'd been to a funeral recently. He also looked...exhausted. Sun-worn and weary. He'd been traveling for a long while it seemed, and a certain gauntness clung to him, but Aang got the unsettled feeling it was not entirely due to the physical circumstances, but the spiritual as well.

"Kuzon! Oh, my spirits! I had no idea you were here either…" He turned to Iroh and Pakku, "He'll do."

Iroh turned to Aang, questioning.

"Do you know this young man?"

"I do," Aang said, "We can trust him. He helped me lead hundreds of Airbenders to the swamp. His aid was invaluable."

Rasra bowed his head at the compliment. "It was the right thing to do, Kuzon. Of course, I did."

"We are in your debt if that is true," Iroh said. "I don't think you quite realize just how many lives you have saved."

Rasra looked ill at Iroh's words. When he spoke, a smokiness filled his tone, something dangerous and warbling in fury.

"I wouldn't thank me yet."

Aang glanced to see the second person standing next to the prisoner, a boy that he halfway recognized as well, "Oh…Bahuo?" he guessed, recognizing the description of one of Rasra's friends who had helped ferry the airbenders. Bahuo gave a half-wave. "And…wasn't the one more, Aden?" He recalled the slip of parchment he'd had the names on, though it seemed so very long ago.

Rasra's face was grim. "That's what I need to talk to you about."

Iroh seemed to grasp the situation was something dire, and motioned for Aang, Ty Lee, and Rasra to follow him to the meeting room. Rasra looked uncertainly at Iroh, before turning his gaze back to Aang.

"Kuzon, I feel like this is a delicate matter-," He began, but Aang shook his head.

"Iroh can come too," Aang said, sure that Iroh would be there whether he was wanted or not, so decided to give him the go-ahead, "And please..." He winced, "Erm, call me...Aang."

Bahuo chuckled, "We keep forgetting...Aang. If we slip up and call you Kuzon, it's not a personal slight, believe us."

Aang knew many were used to calling him such things, and even sometimes, he'd grown so comfortable with it that it almost seemed odd when people used 'Aang', "It's of no consequence. I would never get upset over something like that."

Once alone, or rather out of view of the curious crowd, Rasra fell to his knees. "Avatar, please, forgive me."

Aang shook his head, "Whatever for?"

"I was…I…" Rasra's whole body was wracked with tears. "I was not careful enough. I did not see the deception." There was also anger beneath the surface of his despair. It bubbled and came in waves, like the sea crashing on the shore. It ebbed, changing places with his guilt, before coming back at full force.

"Aang…" Ty Lee whispered, her voice quivering, "There's a whole lot of red and black auras in this room…" she warned.

"Rasra, I don't know what you're talking about," Aang said, but a heavy feeling was pulling on his bones, something foreboding, something awful.

"That is Aden, we brought him here for the Fire Lord to decide his fate," Rasra explained. "We just learned of what he did and took action at once, but it has already come to pass. Aden was the one who told Zhao where to find the airbenders; he's the reason you were attacked."

Aang snapped his head around to stare at the figure held captive, and the rest of the world faded out.

As he blinked, each time he closed his eyes, he saw a dead friend. Dead because of Aden.

It was because of him that parents were missing their children. Children were orphans without their parents. It was because of him the airbenders felt defeated, and mourned still, worried at every second it would happen again.

It was because of him that Dhakiya was gone.

He felt the fury shake through him before he could even take a second to breathe, and at once, the roar of past Avatars filled him. Some pleaded for mercy, but the ones that seemed impossible to tune out screamed for revenge, thinking of those murdered senselessly for the act of simply being born.

Aden's whole body was like gelatin in his hands; human bodies were so fragile. So easily broken. It was a passing thought.

Aang felt detached from himself as he saw his hands, glowing a cold blue, wrap fingers around Aden's neck.

It's his fault, his fault, all his fault…

It was impossible to tell where his thoughts ended and those of the other, more bloodthirsty Avatars began, but Aang found himself enraged with them.

He deserves to die, doesn't he?

That voice…it was different. It didn't belong to any of the Avatars.

It was that voice that had been in Yue's mouth, in his dream.

"Get out of my head," he snarled, screwing his eyes shut and shaking it like he was trying to dislodge the slimy presence from attaching to his brain.

You know you want to…

He did. He truly did.

Aden had the blood of hundreds on his hands, children. Probably thousands more that would have made their way to somewhere safe, somewhere untraceable, had he not squealed. Aang was filled with visions of people on their way to asylum being slain in carts, begging for mercy.

The Fire Nation would not have given any…why should Aang give him an ounce of it?

That dulcet voice, so temptingly sweet, took over, like slipping into Aang's body. But it was him, wasn't he? Aang wanted this...didn't he?

People yelled in the background, but they were like gnats. This was his problem, he ought to deal with it as he saw fit, shouldn't he?

"Aang!" Ty Lee grabbed his shirt, tugging. "Aang, stop it! You're scaring us!"

"Do you think he cared?" Aang demanded, "When the Airbenders were scared? Do you think anyone saved them on that account?"

Aden's eyes were wide, unable to talk because of the gag and Aang's hand on his throat, but he seemed to know. Aang saw him make his acquaintance with death; greet it silently in his mind.

Aang hoped that he would never have a free moment of peace for as long as his miserable spirit remained here.

Just as Aang could feel his spirit slipping away, like a fish slipping downstream, something hit Aang's side.

There was instant pain; sharp and hot, enough to shake him from his concentration.

He felt the wind knocked out of his chest, and heard Aden sputtering and coughing as he was let go.

He faintly heard the voices of the Avatars fade from his mind again as he made his descent to the ground.

No, please, He heard himself crying like an abandoned child, Stay with me!

Aang hit the floor, and as the Avatar State was snuffed out like someone blowing out a candle, Aang felt a heavy curtain of darkness wash over his consciousness.

XXX

The mood darkened with each step forward after that day. Katara could feel it weigh on their skin. It was like oil in that didn't feel like much at first, as Sokka kept the jokes rolling and made it his goal to crack at least one smile from everyone every day, but as they continued closer, everything just felt like it stagnated. It felt like wading through molasses; thick, dark, and cloying.

The anxiety and nervousness weighed everyone down. With each night that passed, the moon rolling over their sleeping bags, they woke up one step closer to either being just in time to give the fight of their lives or too late to do anything at all.

They stowed away on what they could, after reaching the edge of the forest; boats, carts, boxes of supplies; they spent long hours in silence, the only sound being the rotating wheels of whatever vehicle they were on as it kicked over rocks in the path.

Three weeks later, they stood on the shores of the ocean at night, staring out at the choppy waters and the stars that were broken by the tide. Katara felt something tugging tight in her chest like it was on a string and someone was trying to knot it tight.

"How long now?" Zuko asked, his voice cracking. Toph stood next to them, puffing air into her fingers. Out of the four, she was the least used to the weather headed their way; Katara and Sokka had grown up chilly, and Zuko was always a toasty-warm temperature. Their old Water Tribe furs were packed away, but Katara knew she'd give her jacket to Toph, as between the two, she needed it more.

"Weren't you in these waters? Didn't you find Aang here?" Sokka asked, dragging a canoe towards them, nicked from someone's dock. Katara knew they were racking up bad karma for their thievery of late, but she hoped the scales of all the good they were trying to do would make up for it. If they had the money to leave, she would have insisted, but they were running thin on, well, everything.

"That was a long time ago," Zuko said, "I was a child then."

"You're still one now," Toph snorted.

"A lot can change in five years…" Zuko said, voice warbling. "And besides, I was on a steamer ship. Time moved differently. We could get from here to the Fire Nation in a night."

"I remember," Katara muttered, recalling how strange it was to wake up far from her family, thrust into a new sort of world the night after she'd signed the contract and left without a goodbye.

"Two days. A day and a half if we don't sleep and switch off rowers."

"Look, not to be difficult or not a team player…" Toph raised her hand. "But, well, I gotta sit that out. I'll be with the three of you in spirit."

"It's fine," Katara sighed. She could hardly be mad at the blind girl for not taking on rowing, lest she steer them into an iceberg.

They all stood with whatever they had left, dirty, tired, and almost pre-broken, all expecting…well, Katara didn't think it was the worst, but certainly not the best.

Zuko held the canoe, just bigger than four people, and inhaled, steadying himself, "Let's go."

Despite everything, being back in Southern Water Tribe waters was a comfort. Katara thought that if she told Zuko he'd think her crazy, but she almost felt like she could recognize each iceberg that lazed past them, all attached to some memory from growing up.

These waters were just as familiar as Fire Nation streets were to Zuko, though she doubted he'd understand.

Plus, having the moon as a guide and not needing to hide during the day seemed to give everyone a boost of energy, one last push. Katara herself felt stronger than ever, urged on by the thought of seeing her family again.

Both she and Sokka would sometimes catch each other's eyes, both lost in thought. No doubt they were thinking the same things…both had left the South thinking they'd return in no time at all, but the Fire Nation had dug its claws into them, holding them both far beyond their expected travel time. Neither had left with much closure, assuming to be back in the cold but familiar embrace of their stomping grounds soon.

Katara had never traveled farther than these waters…and now, it was more than a year since she'd been back.

Her most fervent wish was that everything could stay exactly the same as when she'd left it.

Toph had asked what was around them a few times on the trip but soon realized that it would be the dullest game of 'I-spy' if they humored her questions. Katara found her home stunningly beautiful, of course, but even she could admit that there wasn't much to look at, as an outsider.

Basically, Sokka's answer was ice, ice, and more ice.

Once, there was a penguin seal, but that was a rare sighting indeed.

Still, when Sokka let out a stifled gasp as they turned a corner, Toph knew they must see something in the distance.

"Oh, no! Don't tell me-" she screwed her eyes shut, as though that was what was stopping her from seeing, "I can't bear it!"

"No…" Sokka tried to even his breathing. "It's just the old steamer ship. Back from when they first tried to take the South…" he chuckled, "It didn't end well."

"I remember seeing that from a distance," Zuko said quietly. "Iroh said it carried bad spirits, so it was best we steer clear."

"It's something of a landmark, but we've been instructed never to go inside. No one knows what booby traps it's laid with," Katara said. "I don't think GranGran would say there are evil spirits, but she would say that badness…lingers."

They lapsed into silence as they passed it, on the edge of the ice, as though paying respect to everyone on both sides that lost their lives in that skirmish.

"We're close now," Sokka said in a low, serious whisper. Katara watched as, like he was pulling on a mask, his entire demeanor changed from a happy-go-lucky, comedian brother to a warrior.

Katara didn't see any Dai Lee ships, but that didn't mean there were none.

They pulled up not far from the ship on the ice. They didn't want to walk in unprepared to a fight in case it was ongoing. By Sokka's math, they were only a day or two behind the Dai Lee, who had to get a whole battalion here.

Sokka pulled out his sword, and Katara readied her waterskin.

Toph gingerly stepped off the boat and her eyes widened. She silently danced, pumping her fists in the air.

"Sokka, I can see!" she said, "Oh, boats aren't for me…I could kiss the snow itself!"

Sokka's expression softened, "That's great news, Toph!" Katara knew that inside he was ecstatic, but couldn't show his emotions too much, not right now.

"I mean, it's not like perfect vision, but I know where your dumb butt is now," she teased, and Sokka cracked a genuine smile.

Toph managed to find a piece of ice that was mostly rock, pulling it close to her, ready to bludgeon someone with it.

"Now might be a great time to start your fire, Zuko," Sokka said.

"I don't want to be seen," Zuko said tightly. "When it's needed, I'll be here," he assured.

They stayed in a tight formation as they traversed the path. There were no sounds on the wind; not the sound of battle, nor crying, or even joy.

Just silence.

Since sound carried so easily on the tundra, absolute silence was the most frightening sound of all.

"Just over this ridge," Katara whispered. Zuko pressed his arm against hers, comfortingly.

As they came over the hill, where they ought to have a perfect vantage point of the Southern Water Tribe, everyone stood in silence for a moment, drinking in what lay below them.

Ruins.

And more silence.

The Southern Water Tribe was entirely gone, scraped away like a stain on a map, leaving absolutely nothing left.

Katara felt her knees buckle and she fell into the fresh snow, letting out a guttural scream, something primal, like the Cougar Daughter's spirit clawing its way out of her throat in fresh agony.

Beside him, Aang saw shapes of people, teetering on the edge of the earth, threatening to fall at any second.

"Stop!" Aang called, lunging for the first person. It was Toph. She turned and gave Aang a wide, unsettling grin as she tumbled over the edge, waving as she went.

Farther down, Sokka jumped after her, diving for her. Aang ran but felt vines tangle around his ankles, making him run in one spot, unmoving.

"Sorry, brother…" he heard the whisper of the apology as he spun around, grasping vines in his fists as he tried to free himself. He fell against the ground as he watched Zuko take a step off the edge, disappearing through the clouds below.

Finally, there was just one person left on the ledge with him.

"Why?" he breathed. Katara turned, eyes full of sorrow.

"If you could have saved your people, wouldn't you have?" she asked. She closed her eyes, leaning forward. Aang managed to free himself from the weeds, grasping for Katara as she let the space beneath her feet vanish away.

He grasped for her, and the woven fabric of her tunic slid across his fingers, just barely missing her as he threw himself to save her.

"No!" Aang cried. He spun around, and his glider seemed to materialize in front of him. He took a running jump off the cliff, trying to beat time and make it to the bottom before they fell.

But he was too late.

An image of the earth met his eyes and he managed to pull up at the last moment, ungracefully stumbling across the earth, a crash landing he hadn't done since he was very young.

"Fuck," he cursed, lifting an elbow to see it bruised and bloody, caked with dirt. He lifted himself up and limped toward the place he'd seen the bodies; all four of his friends, mangled and looking blankly up to the sky.

There was someone else there too…standing, and just…watching. Examining their bodies with a curious interest, a sort of general detachment.

"Yue?" Aang whispered, "Oh, Yue! I'm so glad to see you-"

He broke off abruptly. When Yue looked up at him, her eyes were black and still, unsettlingly inhuman in nature.

This wasn't Yue.

"Who are you?" Aang demanded. When not-Yue cocked her head, saying nothing, Aang felt angry, "Answer me!"

"I am Yue," a voice said, and it was in Yue's tone, but it wasn't her. There was something sharp about this voice, so strange to hear from the lips that usually spoke so softly, so quietly.

"You're not! What are you; a demon?" Aang stalked toward her, but Yue took three swift steps back, making much bigger strides across the moss than she ought to have been able to.

"You wish to know who I am, Avatar?"

"That's what I asked, didn't I?" Aang replied hotly. Yue was silent, and for a moment, Aang thought she was ignoring him. Finally, she spoke, her voice like gravel and coarse sand.

"I am vengeance. I am who you wish you could be. I am what they won't be able to do," Yue said, waving a hand toward Katara, Zuko, Toph, and Sokka. "They will fail, and so will you. But I will not."

The figure turned sharply on Yue's heels, disappearing into the misty forests. Aang took off after her, shoving through the vines and thorns, but the deeper he went, the thicker the forest became. And the vines were out for blood; wreathing around his wrists and neck, choking the air out of him.

"Help me…help!" Aang called out, unable to do anything - not bend, not summon Avatars, not even move. He felt a sense of dread fill his chest.

Is this what true death feels like? No in-between, no waiting rooms, nothing more?

He felt himself shaking.

No…he was being shaken.

Aang shot up, gasping for air, hands scratching at his neck to rid himself of invisible vines.

"Aang! Oh!"

He felt pressure around him and panicked until he realized it was just Ty Lee.

"Ty-"

"You were crying for help!" Ty Lee said, pulling back, but keeping her arms around him, "Was it a nightmare?"

In the dim light, Aang felt the contents of his dream fill his mind.

He sprang up, stumbling out of his temporary bed near the medical wing, skirting around corners as he ran to the bunk room.

"What's wrong?" Ty Lee called after him, keeping up with him.

Aang tore into the room, and was aghast to see that his fear was right; their beds were made too precisely, certain things left specifically and thoughtfully, but important items - a waterskin, scrolls, and bed sets - were gone.

"Get Iroh!" Aang snapped, "They're gone!"

Ty Lee gave a choked gasp. "Gone?" she echoed, "But…but…" Her lip quivered, "You can't think…they'd just…"

Somewhere, Aang was furious. Furious because he understood. Katara's question, even in his dream, haunted him.

If he had known what the Fire Nation was doing more than 100 years ago, he would have done everything in his power too to keep them safe. He would have been reckless. He would have been unreasonable. He would have done something as stupid as taking off when there were absurd bounties on his head.

And part of him was angry that they didn't think to ask him. Or, at least, that Zuko hadn't.

Yes, duh, he was the Avatar and of course, he could not go, but part of him wanted to simply be Kuzon…Zuko's brother in every way that mattered. He wanted to be asked to join in, to help because he would have…even if he knew he shouldn't.

He saw Aiga coming around the bend.

Aang grasped her tightly without thinking, fingers digging into her arms.

"What do you know!"

"Avatar-" Aiga sputtered, terrified, "I don't…I'm not-"

"You helped them! You let them leave!" Aang accused, "I see it in your eyes. Why?" he demanded.

Aiga swallowed hard, her gray eyes shimmering as she met Aang's, but locked her jaw tightly.

"Answer me!"

"Avatar Aang!"

There was a sharp, disappointed snap from behind. Aang felt someone hauling him off Aiga, and Ursa rushed forward to aid her as she slipped against the wall.

It was scarcely dawn, but the commotion had people peeking out of their rooms, curious and concerned. Jeong-Jeong dragged Aang away like he was a misbehaving child.

"What on earth would possess you?" Shen asked with a long sigh, glancing between Aiga and Aang, "To lose your sense, boy!"

"She took them down; she let them leave!" Aang yelled.

"Perhaps this is a conversation for elsewhere," Pakku said with a narrowed-eyed stare, "Before we continue…"

Ty Lee hovered behind the White Lotus, wringing her hands as she stared at Aang, her eyes milky and full of worry.

"Aang…" she whispered, slipping beside him, "Your elbow…"

Aang looked at his arm, stunned into silence to see it torn up, full of grass and dirt…just like his dream.

"What did you do?" she asked.

"I don't…I don't know…" he croaked, unwilling to share more, because his true worry was that it had not been a dream, at least, not entirely. There was the very real possibility that parts of him were ghost-walking into the spirit realm, which could have disastrous consequences if it was unchecked.

The White Lotus sat Aang down on one end of the meeting room, Aiga far on the other. Ty Lee wrapped Aang's arm carefully, and Aang tried to ignore the look of disappointment in her gaze.

"What in the name of Tui and La," Pakku exploded, "would possess you to lay your hands on anyone like that?"

"Katara is gone! So is Zuko, and Sokka, and Toph. Aiga took them down on Appa; she helped them, I know it!" Aang said evenly, "It's like they're asking Azula to just waltz out of the forest and kill them! It's stupid; it's asinine, it's-,"

"We get the point, Aang," Iroh said, cutting him off.

He saw everyone break into worried murmurs. Ursa slipped away and returned moments later, her face drawn into a tight scowl.

"He is right. There is no sign of them."

"They went to save the Southern Water Tribe, surely," Bumi snapped his fingers.

"Foolishly! It could very well be a trap!" Pakku said, as though they were around to hear his anger.

"Of course, it could be," Shen snorted, "We should have kept better guard on them. We all know Katara has a history of running away on ill-thought-out plots."

"Katara is one of the bravest people I know!" Ty Lee snapped, startling everyone in the room, "How dare you speak of her like she's a child who knows not better? She's been through war like the rest of us enough!"

Aang pulled Ty Lee's shoulder back, a curl of pride in his chest, none less, pleased to see slack-jaws.

"Shen misspeaks," Iroh tried to smooth carefully. "Katara is brave, there is no denying that. However, her love for her tribe clouds her thoughts, sometimes. Sokka would no doubt fall into that worry too; even the best of minds are kidnapped in moments like these. And those that love them would not hesitate to join them."

"And Zuko has been angry…" Ursa added eyebrows knitted, "Itching for a fight since he arrived."

There was a general murmuring among them.

"Do not place the blame on Aiga, Aang," Iroh said with a long, regretful sigh. "It was my fault. I was distracted last night…Katara was up late at night, and I thought nothing of it."

"Iroh, it was a difficult night for us both," Ursa assured, but Iroh waved her away.

"There is no excuse. If you wish to place blame, place it on me. Aiga is Katara's handmaid; oftentimes a bond closer than blood. We cannot fault her for what has already been done and what we all know she would choose to do many times again."

"But…" Aang closed his fists and opened them again. "When are we going after them?"

Shen swallowed. "We're not."

To Aang's horror, there were nods of agreement.

"We're just going to let them walk into what's probably a trap? Or let them arrive just in time to watch the South slaughtered? Are you fucking serious?"

Bumi let out a bark of laughter as everyone stiffened at Aang's language, giving him a subtle thumbs up.

"Aang, we cannot allocate more resources for people who are going on a suicide mission," Jeong-Jeong replied. "If they wish to see this through, just four of them, they are far from our help. There is so much to do here still…refugees arriving by the day, interception of information about Azula's plans, keeping you safe…who would you send?" His question was rhetorical and somewhat patronizing. "Surely, it would not be you. So would you send Ty Lee to her death after them? Suki? Mai? Who are you sacrificing on people who don't want to be helped?"

Aang felt tears in the corner of his eye.

Iroh saw his expression and gently waved away everyone else.

"It is hardly fair to ask someone as young as you to make these choices, nor is it any fairer to ask any of you here such things. But we are in a dark reality. You are afraid for your friends, I know this."

Aang dug deep and found Iroh, as usual, was right. It was not anger he felt…it was cold fear.

He was sure his dream was an omen of their future fates, more than just a manifestation of a warning.

"What now?" Aang asked.

"We continue on, like always. We focus on safety first, and intel second. We make sure that the party that everyone's been speaking of happens without fail. And we have faith…" Iroh put his hands on Aang's cheeks, "That my nephew, Katara, Sokka, and Toph are smarter than anyone in this room would give them credit for, and they will come back safely to us. Okay?"

Aang released the anger in his body, feeling it draining away and leaving just an emptiness in the bottom of his stomach.

"Okay."

XXX

Mai woke at dawn to the whispers.

It moved through the entire encampment, from one mouth to the next. It started as a gentle buzz, like an insect on its lazy way. Then, it grew into a low din, something in the background, still easily ignored.

However, by the time breakfast was well on its way, only a mere few hours after, the news was wholly unavoidable.

Katara, Sokka, Toph, Zuko, and Yue were gone…though, as the gossip seemed to indicate, the latter's leaving was not tied to the former's.

Mai cut into her meal slowly and deliberately, mulling over the news to herself.

"Left in the middle of the night-" some of the airbenders were saying as they passed, "I heard that someone sent a letter to Zuko, telling him where to find his crazy sister."

"No! That's not right. I heard that news came to Lady Bei Fong that her parents are in grave danger."

"I heard-"

Mai stood sharply, her chair pushing out with such a screech that it paused the trio of girls in their path. They stood, eyes wide, staring at Mai.

"I think gossip is so unbecoming, don't you?" Mai asked evenly, waiting not for their answer. "In any case, whatever the reason is, there is still work to do. And debating the reason will not bring them back, nor matter in the end."

"Sorry, Lady Mai," one of the airbenders curtseyed quickly.

Mai watched them leave, settling back down for her meal with a roll of her eyes.

Just as she was lifting her first bite to her mouth, Ratana slammed her tray down next to her.

"Have you heard?" she demanded.

"Gee, I don't think I have," Mai said sarcastically.

"How have you not? It's absurd! It's unbelievable! It's-"

"All over camp," Mai broke in, "Of course I've heard."

"Oh." Ratana frowned, "You should have just said so in the first place."

The other remaining ladies from the Choice flocked to the table. It was not an uncommon occurrence, as they were all tied together with an experience that nearly no one else would understand.

Suki gave a long sigh. "I wish that Yue could have told us what was going on. Maybe if she'd let us in, we could have helped her…"

"Some people don't want to be saved," Cillia murmured comfortingly, the best she could. "We all tried. You know that. It's not like we just ignored her…"

Besu was scowling. "Wish I coulda gone with 'em," she muttered sourly, picking at her grapes.

"To be killed!" On Ji was shivering. "We all know that's what's going to happen, right?" she asked, and when no one answered, she gripped her water glass tighter, "Right?" her voice pitched.

"What I want to know-" Ratana twirled her fork, "Is, kindly, what the actual fuck?" At her course language, the table quieted. "I mean, really!" she huffed, "Katara goes on this long speech about how she's going to 'take care of us' and how 'important we are to her'. She does it for two days and decides she's done and takes off, leaving us to fend for ourselves?" At everyone's sullen faces, Ratana threw her hands up, "You shouldn't be sad, you should be furious!"

"What's going to happen to our ball?" On Ji asked. "I was really looking forward to cooking for it…I've been coming up with recipes all week."

"It'll still happen," Suki said swiftly. "Aiga told me that she's taking over, at least in that aspect. And General Iroh still thinks it's worth our time."

"Can you keep a secret?" Cillia asked, leaning in. Everyone exchanged looks before nodding, creating a little circle for her to speak. "It's the Southern Water Tribe. Azula's going after it. That's why they left; I bet my life on it."

Besu let out a string of cuss words, On Ji was startled so much that she knocked over her water glass, and Ratana's lips stretched to a thin, but troubled frown. Suki leaned back.

"Spirits…can you blame her?" She swallowed hard, "I would hate to be in any of their shoes. Even if they're lucky…Azula is…" She looked uncertainly at Mai, as though still under the illusion that Mai would defend her former friend. "Well…"

"Brutal," Mai finished, and that was the kindest way to put it, not that Azula deserved any inch of that.

"If she'd just told us, I would have been okay," Cillia mused, playing with a strand of her hair absently. "I would have told her to go…"

"Yeah," Ratana finally relented, "Yeah, I guess me too."

Mai tried to tune everyone out, slowly eating her meal, but it all spun around in circles; Katara, Katara, Katara…

In a fit of unusual emotion, Mai slammed her breakfast knife on the table, sinking it into the wood. Everyone paused, staring at her.

Mai felt embarrassment wash over her as she stuttered out a quick excuse, grabbing her skirts and swiftly exiting the dining hall.

She felt something cave in her stomach like it was rolling itself inside out, and she pressed her hands against the carved hollowed-out walls, biting back something of a sob.

"Agni, are you okay, Mai?"

Mai looked up to see Ty Lee kneeling down near her.

Mai forced herself to stand. "I'm fine."

Ty Lee blocked her path. "I know you too well, Mai. Spill," she said firmly, crossing her arms and staring her childhood friend down.

Mai held her jaw taut, trying not to cry. She heard her father's voice in her head, berating her for any show of emotion as a child, telling her she was too weak to show anyone those feelings and thoughts. So she'd learned to shove it down, keep it far away from those that would use it against her.

She knew she must be very dysregulated to have her emotions threatening to show at this moment.

"He left…" Mai finally said, as much as she could muster without her voice wavering, "Without saying anything."

"Oh, Mai…"

Something in Ty Lee's voice - not pity but merely understanding - caused everything to break in Mai. She felt herself quiver as Ty Lee caught her, helping her to Ty Lee's bunk room. It was empty, with most of the inhabitants having absconded early in the evening and Aang somewhere else.

Mai could tell which bed was Zuko's right away, with his smell still lingering in the air. It was something she was so used to, as it had been a comfort since they were very young.

Sometimes, Mai thought about the fact that if the cursed Choice didn't exist at all, it was very likely she would have married Zuko…he would have never met Katara, and perhaps, they could have been happy.

She was not cruel or immature enough to try to ruin a choice that Zuko had clearly made, but she would be lying to say she had left all her affection for him at the door. No, in truth, parts of her still yearned for Zuko, and she often replayed every interaction they had in the Palace, wondering if she had been more of this or less of that and if it would have made any difference at all.

Or, had she lost to Katara the moment she arrived at the palace doors, even if none of them knew it yet?

You see, Mai could respect parts of Katara but she would admit that they would likely never be best friends, not like how Katara so clearly affected the rest of the girls here. Mai was here, and only ever had been here, for Zuko.

"Did our friendship mean nothing?" Mai asked, feeling salty tears on her cheeks. She wanted to stop herself, but trying to force them back in seemed only to make her cry harder. "That he would leave me here, without so much of an explanation? I know, Ty Lee - I know that he did not choose me and I have to live with that, but how could he be so blind to not see that I exist here for only him?" she blubbered.

"Oh, honey, oh…" Ty Lee rubbed her back, clicking her tongue, "Zuko's an idiot…we've always known that."

"But…" Mai could not put into words the depth of her feeling of betrayal from him. "I gave everything for him. I asked not much in return; just respect," she said. "Am I a fool, Ty?"

"No!" Ty Lee's eyes were wide, "I don't think that's too much to ask. He should respect your friendship. It was rude of him to leave without anything."

"I would have gone with him," Mai said, "If he wanted me to. I could have helped."

"You surely could have. But perhaps he did not want to put such pressure on you?" Ty Lee suggested.

"I am a warrior. We both are. We are not meant to sit and wait for something to come to us," Mai snarled, shaking her head. "We're meant to be the ones out there, fighting."

"Sometimes, I think, that is the easy way," Ty Lee said carefully. "It is much harder to do what Iroh is doing…to wait, to plan, to save people. It does not matter if you are the hero if there is no one left to see it, right?" she prompted, "And, striking when one is angry will lead to missteps."

"I just want to do something…" Mai said, "And I want to feel…appreciated."

"You think you aren't?" Ty Lee laughed, her giggle like a wood nymph. "Mai, girl, you're crazy!"

"Katara has always been closer to Zuko, though she has her friends. Toph and Sokka have been a pair since the Agni Kai. You have made your choice clear, and I am genuinely happy for you. And the rest of the girls are bonded, but I was here to honor Zuko…and now…" She looked down. "I feel othered, left out."

"Those girls love you," Ty Lee insisted, "As I do. Do you know three of them tried to come after you? I stopped them, knowing you were probably feeling the depth of your emotions and it might be better if I helped. But they're all worried. They care for you."

Mai raised her eyes in disbelief.

"Don't believe me? Come with me." Ty Lee demanded. It was so forceful it was all Mai could do was follow her, back to her own bunk room.

The Choice girls were pacing, whispering to themselves. As soon as Mai entered, On Ji came rocketing forward, hugging her.

"I know you're not a hugger, but I think you need it," she said, embracing Mai tighter.

"This whole situation sucks, you know?" Cillia said kindly to Mai. "It's okay to have some complicated emotions with it…anger, sadness, regret…whatever it is."

"And if you don't want to talk, that's fine too," Suki added meaningfully, "But if you do…maybe it's best if we're honest with each other. Maybe we could have helped Yue or made Katara see that she didn't have to leave in the night like that?"

"Perhaps…" Mai said, the idea of opening up her worst nightmare. But Ty Lee was nudging her shoulder, nodding at the suggestion.

"One thing is clear…we gotta look out for ourselves," Besu said. "And I had a thought…that Azula may go after people she thinks would be loyal to Zuko rather than her."

"The contestants of the Choice that were left to go home," Mai said at once, understanding her meaning.

"Right. I don't know how to contact them, but I feel awful just leaving them out there, alone. We're stronger together," Besu pointed out. "I think between us, we can make smart guesses about who would side with us, and who might cower to Azula…"

"And, I think a lot of us have more talents than anyone might realize," Cillia added, eyes gleaming. "I think the most satisfying idea in my mind is that Azlua would be taken down in part by a bunch of girls who came to marry her brother."

"I think…" Mai paused, thinking, "I think, yes, we should look out for one another. And I think we can figure out a way to get their attention. Last I heard, Mika had gone with her family to their summer house on Ember Island…"

XXX

The traveling continued through the forest, mostly at night, always on foot.

Katara had thought, despite the gravity of the situation they were walking into and the fear she knew still blanketed her and Sokka, that their first night of quiet whispers in the dark would bind them all together, make the long, arduous hours feel easier.

It had…except, well, for Zuko.

If anything, Katara felt him dragging farther away, like with each step he grew more and more detached from her, from their mission, and from their partnership.

Fear gripped Katara; was Zuko resentful that this had been the tipping point to urge them out of camp - for her family - when his own sister was on some dastardly plot that was equally as urgent?

Or was he wishing he'd remained, honoring his duty to those he'd left behind, or for his mother's sake?

She'd learned from her mistakes since she entered the Choice. She was not the young girl making missteps left and right, so she simply asked him as they rolled out their bedding one night.

Zuko scowled, taken aback by her question.

"What?" he echoed, "No. Of course, I think it's important we do this. I could never let you go alone."

She knew that this should satisfy her. She should take his words at face value and rest easy in the knowledge that all was well.

Except for the very fact she could see it wasn't.

She watched how Toph and Sokka acted with each other, and part of her heart yearned for it. They joked during their walks, keeping themselves occupied in their own little world with each other. They sat close during meals, sharing food and keeping only one plate. At night, they curled into each other's arms, so tightly that even a herd of gopher-moose couldn't shake them apart.

They seemed like they loved each other. By the spirits, of course, they did!

Walking with Zuko lately felt more like walking with a good friend, or a roommate. He'd hardly touched her in any way other than strictly platonic, he was withdrawn into his own thoughts. He slept away from her, facing whatever entrance they'd chosen, and despite Katara's check-ins, he put on a good face that it was all fine.

Katara knew to expect war to be brutal…but she would not let her love for Zuko, and their relationship, be one of the casualties.

A week into traveling, pacing quickly and surely well on their way to catching up to the Dai Lee in time, Katara put the idea into Sokka's head that maybe he and Toph deserved a night alone. She couched it so that it seemed like it was his idea, a benefit to them. And, since they were so coupley already, it wasn't strange for her to suggest it.

"I guess we have been pretty PDA, huh?" Sokka chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. Katara was grateful he didn't say anything about their lack thereof, though she thought maybe he was just too busy between Toph and his own worry to notice.

"You deserve it," Katara said earnestly, "Because who knows what will happen when we…" She trailed off, swallowing hard. Sokka's eyes darkened for a second.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah."

Katara woke up earlier than usual to forage that afternoon, to cook a meal for Zuko, instead of relying on dried food packs as they had been.

While that simmered, she waved Sokka and Toph away. Luckily, Sokka explained it to Zuko as entirely his idea, so there was nothing suspicious on Katara's end.

"I'm going to go wash up," Zuko said after a beat of silence, "Uhm, dinner smells great."

If he understood this was a romance attempt, he didn't seem to convey it.

Once alone, in the cave they'd found for the night, she pulled her travel pack and dug to the bottom. In there, scrunched and unworn, had been a red stringy top that had been folded into a sweater, something she'd forgotten about until unearthing it a day into the trip. A remnant from the Fire Nation, previously a useless scrap of fabric…until today.

If she wore a black skirt but tied up the sides of it, well, it was passable for something decisively sexy.

Just as she was tying up the back of her top, she heard footsteps. Too short to be Zuko. She turned to see Toph.

"Sorry, forgot my- ah!" Toph jumped and spun around, covering her eyes as though she had seen something inappropriate. "Spirits, Kat, why are you topless? My poor feet don't need to see that!"

"I'm not topless, I'm wearing a…" She paused. Calling it a 'shirt' was generous. "...Something."

Toph drug her foot across the dusty floor, "Barely anything. Goshdarnit, girl!"

Katara felt her cheeks flush. "It's for Zuko. Red. Flirty…uhm…" She tried to explain. At Toph's blank stare, blanker than it usually was, she felt the words come all rushing out, "We just haven't been connecting lately, you know? And I just thought, well, maybe we all needed a night like this?"

Toph winced. "Gee, Sugar Queen, how can I put this nicely? You seem…desperate. In a not-good sort of way."

"I just want us to feel like a couple," Katara whispered brokenly, feeling dejected. Toph was right. This was desperate.

"I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm also not saying you're right." Toph sighed. "I just think it's so clear that something is going on with him, and I'm not sure this is what he can handle right now."

"So it's not just me," Katara whispered, shaking her head. "I've tried to get him to open up but-"

"He's particularly good at pretending to be dandy. Yeah. I know." Toph grabbed a blanket from the ground, gingerly placing it over Katara's shoulders, "You two will have your day. I just know it," she said, the kindest and most empathic Katara had ever seen her. "But not tonight. Not like this. Whatever is bothering him is bigger than any of this," she said.

Katara felt like crying but found truth in her words. She fished a knit top from her bag, put it on, and untied her skirt so it didn't seem so provocative anymore.

"I'm worried about him."

"Me too," Toph said, "But he loves you. And just being here is enough for him right now. Things are tense and tough, but, well, just keep on keeping on."

"Thank you for your wisdom."

Toph grinned. "I know. I should write motivational books or some shit, right?"

Katara shoved her shoulder, "Go. At least one couple here should enjoy their evening."

"Sokka has big plans, actually-"

"Ew. Shoo," Katara let out a trill of laughter, "I very specifically do not want to know, but wish you the best."

Toph lingered, just a moment. "One day, we'll all have kids and things will be good and that moment will feel so far away from all of this, you know that right? And we'll think it was crazy we were ever here."

Katara closed her eyes, holding on to that idea.

"No, you." Pakku shook his head. "I may be a Master Waterbender, but I am no healer."

"I'm not sure that I-" Katara began, shaking with fear she'd mess it all up, and lose the water in the process.

"You can do it," Ty Lee reached for her open hand, patting it, "You're nearly a Master Waterbender yourself."

Even though Katara was sure Pakku disagreed with that statement, he made no mention of it now.

"Oh...kay," Katara exhaled. She held the vial out to Zuko so he could light a tiny flame on his finger and melt the wax seal holding the stopper firmly in.

Katara opened the vial and sat cross-legged next to Aang's supine body.

She pulled out the water; it seemed so little, how could this heal anyone? It was hardly a petal-full, and she was seized with the fear it wouldn't work at all. Maybe it had evaporated or there hadn't been a good seal on it or-

"Katara, you will revive him," Iroh said warmly. She still looked at Zuko and he managed a weak smile.

"Alright. I'll try it." she whispered, sure it wouldn't work.

She threw the water between her fingers until it began to glow, like spinning fine thread made from spirit liquid. Once it was warm and softly humming, she pushed it into Aang's body.

She could feel the places where Zhao had nearly irreparably ravaged him. There were physical things that they had not been able to be fixed completely; a tear in this muscle, a rough patch here, the place where the scar down his back was healing feeling jagged. But there was also the spiritual side that she could almost touch, and it lay shivering in a corner, cold and tiny.

She reached out toward it with open, soothing arms.

It melted into her embrace, like a child seeking comfort in her warmth. Katara shushed the shivering body, rubbing the healing water into Aang's inner body, and whispering gentle murmurs of encouragement.

"You are strong enough, Aang. You can wake up. You have to meet me halfway. You can do it though," she said, trying to ensure that the water soaked into every crevice inside of him, leaving no chance that any part could make it out untouched by the healing potion.

After a while, it seemed Aang did take the onus of the task. She retreated her fingers and she could feel the water pulling away from her, Aang's own body eagerly lapping it up.

"Is it working?" a voice from behind asked. They spun to see basically the entire camp pressed to the doors.

"What-" Zuko got up, angry, but Ursa stepped in to stop him. She was shaking, watching Aang with so much hope it nearly broke Katara's heart.

"Good news travels fast, my son. Everyone wants to be here when Aang wakes up."

"If he wakes up," Zuko growled, and lowered his voice, "We don't know that it even will."

"Uhm, I'd say there's a good chance," Sokka said, pointing.

Behind them, Aang's arrows and eyes were glowing a light, eerie blue. His body was lifting from the ground and bathing the tiny room with a glorious shine; wherever it touched seemed to make things seem less worrisome. It was a lightness of pure energy that had Katara almost sobbing. Is this what the Spirit World truly felt like? Is this what the spirits felt all the time?

Then, as though a godly hand was intervening, he was set back down on his cot carefully.

As soon as the light faded away, Aang coughed.

The relief that rippled through the crowd was palpable and drowned out Katara's own feelings, a complicated mixture of relief, sorrow, and worry. She felt her knees buckle; she'd done it. Aang was awake again. She had done one of the most important tasks here and hadn't failed it. That should make her feel good, right?

"Aang? Aang?" Ty Lee was hovering, smoothing his hands and biting her lips until they bled. "Take it slow. This must be quite a shock, but you're in the Air Temples-"

"I know where I am," Aang said, sounding cranky. That was to be expected, Katara thought after a moment. She had no idea how it felt to be brought back from the dead, but La, it couldn't feel good. However, when he cracked an eye open and looked at Ty Lee, his grumpiness faded into a warm, quiet smile.

"Tea!" Iroh said after a long moment of silence, "Yes, let's try some tea." He knelt down to shoot a tiny fire at a little fireplace in the room.

"Aang, woah, slow," Ty Lee said frantically as Aang sat up, groaning like he hadn't walked in a thousand years. He waved her away, rubbing his head as he swung his legs over the bedframe.

"Uncle Iroh, though part of me might remember Alpine tea somewhere, I just would really appreciate a cinnamon to soothe me."

Iroh, who was grabbing a cup, for some reason unknown, let the tiny ceramic cup slip through his fingers, crashing onto the ground.

"Uncle?" Zuko asked, concerned, as Iroh always treated tea and anything tea-related with utmost respect and care.

"You…heard?" he whispered, examining Aang.

"Heard what?" Ty Lee asked, turning, "Aang, I really think you should lie down for a bit."

"No, no, I can't. I gotta…before I forget. Ty, we can have whatever wedding you want. Anything, we'll make it happen." He said earnestly, pulling Ty Lee into a kiss, though she seemed completely flustered, "Also, Mai's a good friend to you. You need to make amends with her. Mai…I woke up, okay?" he said, finding Mai in the crowd, whose face had gone completely ashen. Aang just kept on going.

"Sokka, if I find out you touched a hair on a single lemur, I will personally drop-kick you off the side of the temple. Also, Toph? Your apologies suck. Better keep working."

"Oh, shittity-shit," Toph whispered. Katara frowned, still not understanding.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"He…if we…I…" Ty Lee didn't look afraid, but red in the face as though embarrassed. "He heard us."

Aang was now trying to stand, grasping the bed with a shaky hand, reaching his voice out. "Hahn, if you want to be a good person, just be a good person. Stop being a creep to girls. That would be a good start. Suki…your day will come. You're incredible; I wouldn't worry about it. Ursa…"

Ursa moved forward, eyes leaking with tears, and Aang fell into a hug with her.

"I'm okay with a mother. I don't really remember the one I had. I think she'd be happy I had you, though."

"Wait, woah, can we just back up-" Zuko said, totally bewildered. Aang winced, examining him with a sense of worry.

"Zuko, buddy, good to see you, but maybe you need to talk to someone about those anger issues. Katara…" He turned to Katara, and she wasn't sure if it was mirth or anger in his eyes. "You took your sweet old time, didn't you?"

"I…" Katara felt very small at his comment, and angry at herself.

"Aang, really, you should rest," Pakku said, who had clearly never used Aang as his own personal therapist or human diary since he clearly had no fear of what Aang might say to him.

However, Aang wasn't done. If anything, he was on a roll.

"And where the heck is Yue?" Aang finished, reaching the crowd, eyes suddenly panicked, "Yue? Yue!" His search went in waves through everyone gathered.

"She's not here," Suki said, frowning.

"Where is she, then?" Aang demanded, "Somebody find her. Now!"

When the Avatar demanded, people scattered.

"Aang, why do you need to find Yue?" Katara asked, "Did you have a vision or something in…wherever you were?"

"I'm really worried about her," Aang said, turning.

"What did she say to you?" Ty Lee asked.

"She only came once. And I…there's something wrong with her. I'm not sure what. I just know she shouldn't be left alone for a while."

"Do you think she might hurt herself?" Ursa gasped.

"I think she might hurt somebody else," Aang said with a frown.

Toph gave an awkward laugh, "Yue? Are we talking about the same person? Aang, you're crazy."

"Listen!" Aang rubbed his forehead, "I'm serious. She's dealing with some…complicated things, things I couldn't help her with when I had no hands to move or mouth to speak. If we don't intervene, I have no idea what will happen. It seemed like something…spiritual," he struggled to explain.

"She's not in her bed, or anywhere she usually is," Ratana came back, panting, having run there and back. "I'll keep looking!"

"Good," Aang said, "Good…" Iroh handed him a cup of tea. "Where's Aiga?" he asked gently.

"She's usually with Appa, helping survivors up here. We can get her?"

"No, take her to me," Aang said, reaching for a robe at the door. "Please. I'm fine," he said when Ty Lee reached for his arm.

It seemed he was going to move, whether anyone helped him or not, so it was best to assist.

They ran into Aiga halfway to the westernmost edge, where Appa had the easiest time unloading passengers.

"Avatar Aang, you're awake!" Aiga immediately fell into a deep bow on the ground. "The gods are good!"

"Aiga-" Aang began softly, and Katara was dying to know what she'd spoken to him about in his slumber. He sounded much kinder with her than with others.

"I was coming to find you. Well, Iroh. Or you…we have a problem."

"Oh, no," Zuko muttered.

"Possibly not a problem," Aiga readjusted her language, "A situation that I do not know the solution to. Er, no," Aiga considered, "Yes, I think it's a problem."

"What is it?" Iroh asked. Before she could reply, Mai caught up with the group.

"I think Yue's gone. Her bags are missing and most of her clothes aren't where they usually are."

"She can't be gone!" Aang squawked.

"That's it! Or, part of it. I should have come sooner, but well…it's been crazy and-" Aiga started, slapping her forehead, wincing.

"What do you mean?" Aang pressed.

"I took Yue down to the forest floor a few hours ago."

There was a long silence before Iroh gave one terrifying question, "What?"

Even Katara shivered at his tone.

"People can't go down, but they can come up," Ty Lee explained to Aang, "It would just be too chaotic to keep track."

"We're prisoners?" Aang asked, frowning.

"No, no, we're just trying to keep everyone safe," Iroh said, looking exhausted. "So why exactly did you think it was okay to take Yue down?" he asked Aiga, who shivered.

"Hey! I'm sure she had a good reason. Don't be like that," Katara said, coming to stand next to her friend, scowling at Iroh.

"She said you okayed it. I mean, I didn't believe her, but she was so… convincing. And she never lies! She's Yue! She did get a little…oh, aggressive when I said no?" Aiga explained quickly.

"Aggressive? Like she…said a swear word or something?" Zuko asked, confused, uncomprehendingly.

"No. It was in her eyes. It was a bit scary. But it was so quick, and she had this note that seemed to be signed by you. Said she was doing some…something down there. It seemed legitimate. Believable. I'm so sorry, General! I believed her! I meant to come and ask, but then…crap!"

"She is perhaps far more wiley than we thought. Hmm," Iroh said, stroking his beard.

"It's not your fault, you're doing all you can," Aang said at once, his voice giving some finality to the blame game. "Everyone else should have been more aware of her mental state."

Katara wanted to disappear. Yue was her responsibility. If she was really gone…she winced.

Well, okay, add that to her list of failures, alright?

She hoped Yue was okay.

"It's unlikely we'd find her now. What do you think, Aang?" Zuko asked, turning.

"I don't know. I'm hoping that she'll turn up again. I have to hope it'll be okay," Aang said, but from his tone, Katara knew a lie when she heard it.

Her stomach dropped.

Iroh raised his hands.

"We cannot worry about what we cannot change. But that is not the only issue. Aiga, back to the point. What is the…situation?"

"It's a guest that...oh, I don't even know how to explain it! Perhaps I should just…bring you all down," Aiga said with a long sigh.

Katara watched Iroh and Aang exchange glances; what guest could ruffle the feathers of Aiga so much? So, Ty Lee, Katara, Zuko, Iroh, and Aiga all clambered onto the saddle. Aang pulled himself onto Appa's head, talking to Appa in Old Nomatic.

Katara somehow expected the ride down to be peaceful; the ride to the temples had been fine enough. This wasn't.

The wind blowing at her hair was violent, she was pretty sure she inhaled at least ten bugs, and hurtling toward the forest tops was surprisingly terrifying. She didn't know how Aiga did this all day.

When they arrived on the soft moss-covered ground of the forests directly below, they were somewhere technically in the Earth Kingdom. She'd never really thought about this before, how all of Air Temple and Air Nomad space was just miles above some other kingdom. Did that mean that all air space was technically Air Nomad land?

"Where's this guest?" Zuko looked around expectantly.

The bushes rustled and everyone went on the immediate defensive as something big and intimidating cast a shadow through the foliage. As the shape sharpened, though, Iroh was the first to drop his defense.

"King Kuei! Bosco!" Iroh said, and Katara recalled the king from a party far earlier in the competition. That felt like a distant memory, but she doubted she could ever forget the strangeness of his pet bear. Just bear; not a platypus bear, not a moose bear, not even a wolf bear. Just bear.

"I'm afraid it's just Kuei now. Bosco hasn't changed titles," Kuei said regretfully, scratching his pet's head with a sad smile.

"Oh no," Zuko murmured, "What's happened?"

"It wasn't recently. We've taken our time to arrive here. The night we heard the Palace had a coup, we started preparing. And right away, the next day, we were ousted. We escaped. I'm not sure Azula would let me get away with my head, frankly, if I had surrendered."

"I'm so sorry," Aang whispered, eyebrows crinkled and face solemn, "That's terrible!"

"I saved who I could. I knew it would not help to die a martyr," Kuei said, defensively, though Katara didn't think it was meant that way. Aang would never expect someone to die instead of being safe.

Through the trees, Katara saw the eyes of Ba Sing Se palace workers blinking at them with hopefulness and slight reservation.

"We will of course take you all in, there is room for everyone who seeks asylum," Iroh assured.

"Well, yes, she said as much. Aaaa-" He hovered over Aiga's name for a second.

"Aiga."

"Yes, Aiga. The issue is Bosco. I do not think he will get on Appa, nor will Appa let him. And even if he did, I doubt Appa could carry him."

"I don't think we should try it…" Aang said, rubbing Appa's nose, "Uhm…we could…I guess…"

"Let's take everyone else up," Aiga interrupted. "No reason to leave them down here, out in the open. You all can…discuss solutions," she said.

"Of course," Aang said, cheeks red, as though angry he didn't think of it first. "Yes, take everyone else up."

"Right this way, over here!" Ty Lee said, taking point and waving her arms in welcome. Slowly, people seeped from the shadows into the dappled light, carrying bags and dragging boxes.

Aiga and Ty Lee began organizing who would go first, what items could go with them, and who should sit where. Once Katara was sure they had it down - not that she doubted it - she turned back towards the remaining group. There was a flash of fear she'd be pushed out of the conversation again, unneeded and unwelcome, but Iroh motioned for the rest to come out of ear-shot of the palace workers.

As the sun crept to the top of the sky and then made its descent below, Iroh, Katara, Aang, and Zuko threw ideas around to get Bosco to the top of the Air Temples. None were viable.

Finally, Keui just shrugged.

"We'll stay down here. Build a log hut; be your lookout and the first sign of danger. We can also be a welcome party for those who come and wait for Appa. I've always wanted to become more one with nature. Perhaps I'll write a book of poems on trees or leaves out here. Perhaps I'll find nirvana."

Keui seemed remarkably okay with this solution.

"I'm sure there is another way, we just haven't thought of it," Aang said, so desperate to help. Katara worried he was pushing himself too much, though she knew her magical water had healed everything. He was the picture of perfect health right now.

"It's no worry, young Avatar. This pleases me!" Kuei assured, "And I think Bosco will be far happier too." He leaned in, stage-whispering, "Heights scare him."

"I have a question; why did it take you so long to get here?" Zuko rubbed his chin. "I don't mean it to be unkind, but even with everyone that came…" He trailed off.

"It would make sense to get here quickly, out of sight? Of course! Well, we had to hide just outside the forest entrance for about a quarter moon," Kuei said. "The Dai Lee was on the move. Thousands; with supplies and materials and a great manner of things."

"For…Ba Sing Se? Omashu?" Iroh was at attention at once. "But if they've already taken the two biggest strongholds…"

"Maybe they're just bolstering their men? Adding? I'm sure it's chaotic there. Perhaps they're setting up military encampments or bases," Zuko said, sounding worried.

"I don't think so. If I'm being honest, I'd say they were going somewhere else. They had lots of thick pelts stacked up. Spears. Canoes-"

"They're going after the Water Tribes!" Zuko exhaled all at once, sounding like he was choking.

"Well, Ozai, err, now Azula, has wanted the North, truly, for years, since they've only reluctantly been part of Ozai's land-"

"No…" Katara stood at once, horror washing over her like an ice bath, "If you saw them at the entrance of this forest…they aren't going towards the North. They're going to the South."

She locked frantic eyes with Zuko. "Azula's trying to raze my home!"

Then, as though someone just snapped her fingers, Katara couldn't breathe at all.

XXX

Katara didn't hear anything. She felt lifeless and couldn't comprehend the soothing, reassuring words of Iroh, the comfort of Zuko, or the uncertainty Aang was trying to offer on the situation.

She didn't feel the group guiding her to Appa or to her bed. She didn't feel the warmth of the teacup Iroh handed her, or the taste as Zuko urged her to drink a sip.

All she felt was agony and guilt.

She had just killed everyone she loved by giving Aang that water.

She couldn't save any one of them if it got really bad.

She didn't have that magical save anymore.

The Dai Lee was going to wipe everyone out.

As the candles around her were lit, it seemed everyone else assumed she was just a lost cause, a basket case, and cleared out, apart from Zuko, Toph, and Sokka, who had not said much of anything either after being informed, face set into a rigid, furious scowl, eyes red-rimmed, and lips clenched and quivering.

As soon as Iroh left, Katara stood.

"Kat?" Zuko asked, surprised by her movements.

She wordlessly went to her chest of drawers and pulled out her traveling bag. With quiet, mechanical precision, she began folding her items and putting them in her bag.

"What…are you doing?" Zuko tried again.

"You know I have to go. I can't stay here now. My family might be…" She couldn't vocalize the word 'dead', but it hung on the tip of her tongue. "Your uncle won't intervene. I can't ask Aang to. It's up to me." She rubbed her forehead tiredly, sighing and swallowing hard. "I saved my family once, I can sure as hell do it again."

"Katara-" Sokka stood.

"Don't try to talk me out of it, Sokka!" Katara spun, slapping his hand away. "I've made up my mind! I ran away once, you don't think I can figure out how to leave somewhere again?"

"I wasn't going to try to stop you. I'm going with you this time," Sokka said decisively. "I'm not going to let you leave me behind."

"Good," Katara said, grateful to have someone else on what might be a suicide mission. "We can maybe hitch a ride…get a two-person canoe at a harbor…" She began to plan. She knew her home was very far away, but even leaving right now would be too much time wasted. They needed to be there yesterday, as impossible as it was.

"Three," Toph said, scoffing. "I'm bored of this place. I could go and punch some Dai Lee thugs around."

"But you'll be on the ice," Sokka whispered quietly.

"I mean, I'm sure I'll be fine. If not…" She pouted, unsure. "I mean, we can cross that when we get there. But I'm sure as spirits not staying here!"

"Four." Zuko also raised a confident hand and at Katara's surprised face, laughed. "I mean, we're engaged. Did you really think-"

"Hang on! Hold up! Rewind!" Sokka began to shout with wild hand motions.

"How about 'shut up'?" Katara hissed, slapping her hands over his mouth, "Unless you want everyone in the temple to know we're planning on leaving?" It seemed to go without saying, but this was an 'ask for forgiveness, not permission' sort of thing. Yue leaving had been such a big fuss, and all things considered, Yue probably wasn't even a concern to Azula, or someone she was actively searching for.

Katara, her brother, Toph, and Zuko most certainly were.

Could they be walking right into a trap set by Azula? Sure.

But Katara would hate herself if they did nothing.

Sokka made inaudible sounds beneath Katara's hands, making a lot of elaborate and furious hand motions. Finally, he sighed and licked Katara's hand.

"Ew!" Katara jumped back, "Gross." She wiped her hands on her tunic.

"He said engaged."

"Yeah."

Sokka marched up to Zuko and punched him. On his non-scar side, at least, Katara watched.

"What was that for?" Zuko demanded, rubbing his eye.

"Felt right! I mean, did you even…ask permission?" Sokka hissed.

"Her? Yeah, duh. She said yes," Zuko said, confused.

"No, no! Our father, idiot! Don't you Fire Nation men ask permission from the parents to ask for hands in marriage?" Sokka said, slowing his speech to perhaps a realization.

"Yes, but, well…there's not really a way to ask him, right now." Zuko shrugged.

Sokka puffed angrily, "Me! You could have asked me!" He crossed his arms. "When Dad is not available, I'm clearly the man of the family, and you should have deferred the question to me."

"Oh, whatever, Sokka," Katara rolled her eyes.

"Fine." Zuko said, voice dripping with sarcasm, "Please, oh, please, may I ask for your sister's hand in marriage, Sokka?"

"Don't ask him! That's a stupid rule. I'm the one deciding." Katara shoved Zuko's shoulder.

Sokka raised his chin.

"I'm tempted to say no, just because you slighted me."

"I swear to Tui, Sokka-" Katara growled.

"Look!" Toph slid in between the trio, "I'm usually the first for encouraging something ridiculous. But doesn't it seem like it's not really the time?" she said, mostly to Sokka. "Congrats, by the way, you two," she added.

"But-"

"Babe," Toph said in a soft voice, rubbing his arm, "Get over it."

After a long moment, Sokka looked at the pair with narrowed eyes. "Congrats. I guess. He's not the worst you could have chosen."

"Oh, what a ringing endorsement." Zuko scoffed.

"We'll have ages to fight this out on the way," Toph once again reminded the group, "We'll fight about this until we're blue. But right now-"

"Yes, right. We should be prepared." Sokka shook away whatever his emotions were and took the mentality and posture of a leader, someone actually deserving of asking for permission. "We'll need food, water, not many clothes - we should pack light. And money. Don't know who we'll need to pay off to get us where we need to go."

"We should leave before the sun rises," Katara whispered, tying off her bag with just the essentials, "And tell no one else. No one else needs to know."

"Except me."

Everyone spun to see Aiga standing in the doorway with a bowl of what appeared to be soup.

The room went absolutely silent.

"Aiga…" Sokka said in an overly friendly voice, "What…what are you doing here, you little…one?" he said, trying to keep a tight smile on his face and think of some kind of jovial nickname, but failing.

Aiga was looking past him at Katara. "I heard you were unwell. And didn't eat. I thought perhaps some soup from a Palace recipe would help; as I brought you when you were first sick, err, poisoned."

Katara couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through her heart that Aiga remembered. She recalled the soothing soup too. It had been a godsend in those hours between sticky sickness.

"Thank you," she whispered. She was suddenly blinking back tears, though she didn't know why.

"Look, so whatever you think you heard-" Toph began, tapping her toe and crossing her arm.

Aiga came inside, setting the soup down.

"I heard nothing," she recanted her original statement, "If you are so gracious as to allow me to remain here."

Katara knitted her eyebrows, "Remain here…why would I-"

Aiga apparently thought she was going to deny her this request because Aiga swallowed and began her plea. "I have so much to do here. I feel in charge of something, and so helpful to others. But I am still your handmaid and if you need me, I have no choice but to come. And I will do so gladly," she said quietly, bowing low.

"Aiga…Agni," Katara touched her shoulder, "Let's be honest…you were technically my handmaid, but, were you?" she said with a tight smile. "You've always been more akin to a friend, a sister. You know that. If you want to stay and keep this place running, there's nothing more I would wish for you."

"Oh, thank you, Katara," Aiga seemed to collapse with relief. "You are so kind. Perhaps this is where we part, then."

Katara understood her quivering words and shook her head. She would not allow this to be the absolute last time they saw each other, even though she knew that both were diverging on equally dangerous paths forward.

"We will see each other one day again, I swear it," Zuko said, speaking the words Katara could not, "Maybe at the-"

"Wedding?" Aiga asked with a hint of mirth.

"Yes, maybe…wait…how long were you standing there?" Katara asked, wondering if she'd been watching the fight unfold, just waiting for the opportune moment to pipe up.

"Toph!" Zuko spun. "Aren't you supposed to be on…eternal lookout?"

"You know, I should take offense to that term, being blind and all," Toph grouched, but seemed a hint embarrassed herself. "And I was rather preoccupied. Trying to make sure my boyfriend didn't punch you again and wake the entire temple. Sue me; can't do twelve jobs at once," she said, though Katara knew she was feeling very angry with herself for not picking up on Aiga standing by the door. Aiga did have very light footsteps, however.

"I think I will have some soup," Katara said, "And maybe an apple from the pantry," she added meaningfully, grasping a bag that was hanging from a hook.

"Yes, let me help you," Aiga said, giving a secret smile. Katara was glad. They had things to do if they were to leave before morning.

"I'll grab a map," Sokka said, "And figure out where to first."

"I'll pack our bags," Zuko said. Katara's words seemingly spurring everyone into action.

"I'll make sure there are no more lurkers," Toph said, desperate to redeem herself.

They all broke apart, unsure, some electric nervousness and excitement zapping through all four of the ones planning to leave, a sense of 'oh, wow, we're actually doing something,' intermingled with the ache of leaving everyone and the guilt for what Katara knew may feel like abandonment.

"The girls are planning a party," Katara whispered.

She wasn't sure what urged her to say it, but she did. Perhaps it was the manifestation of her guilt that she was leaving them, unable to finish this task she'd set out to help them with.

"I've heard," Aiga said, "It's the talk of the Temple."

"Perhaps you could-"

"Yes, of course," Aiga said, reading her mind, "They deserve to have a good party. I will ensure that it still happens."

As Katara and Aiga tip-toed through the quiet Air Temple, they passed by one of the smaller meeting rooms. There was a light flickering through the window, which is what caught Katara's eye. She stopped, noticing Iroh sitting in meditation in the room alone. Uncannily, Iroh turned, smiling softly at Katara.

"I'll…meet you in my room," Aiga said, lifting the bag from Katara's shoulders, nodding for her to move forward, as Katara's curiosity slowed her.

Katara smiled in thanks, understanding that Aiga would likely also be far less suspicious in the kitchens and food storage at night, and came to Iroh's side. It was hard to see, at first, what he was kneeling in front of, but as she approached, she saw it was an effigy…to Ozai. Not a grand one, like the effigies that everyone collectively made for many of the dead from the Palace. Not like the overwhelmingly large table-top that Zuko and Iroh and Ursa and Katara had made for Lu Ten, which everyone visited often. This was but a small offering. Just one picture, two untouched cups of tea, a small candle, and a faintly burning incense.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, General."

"Uncle is fine. We're practically family," Iroh replied with a knowing smile, and she wondered if he could just tell that Zuko had proposed. "And you are not intruding at all. You must find me mad to be making such a motion here," he said, waving a hand.

"I…" Katara struggled for words. She didn't think it was right. She was confused. This did make her feel unsure.

"It is fair. He was horrible to you and worse to my nephew," Iroh assured her feelings were understood, "And for much of my life, I could only see those things too. And believe me when I speak this truth; I hated him for that."

Katara knelt down too, wanting to hear more, just for one quiet moment in a room high up in the clouds, so detached from everything else.

"Zuko may have blocked this out, and I would not blame him, nor remind him. But it is his father's birthday today," Iroh said, eyebrows knit. "And now that he is gone…I feel as though I am allowed to breathe again, no longer afraid he may kill Zuko one day, Ursa, or anyone else I care for. He is gone, so now I can simply grieve."

Iroh looked up, picking up one of the tea cups and lifting it in offering to Ozai's portrait before taking a slow sip.

"And now, I may remember that Ozai was once my baby brother. And I miss that Ozai dearly," he admitted. "Just as Azula was once a child - innocent, carefree - Ozai was too. They were both products of their parents." He sighed. "I so much hope that Azula will not have to follow my brother. It would be too much to have to light another candle," Iroh said, his gaze sliding past Ozia's picture to Lu Ten's. For as bad as Azula was, she was still loved. By very few; Katara was fairly sure. But Iroh loved her. Ursa loved her. And Zuko, for how much he hated her, loved her as well.

Katara reminded herself all of this was so much more complicated than one might hope it was.

Katara got a candle from the shelf and lit it carefully, setting it in front of Iroh's candle.

"You do not have to, dear," Iroh said. "You have no reason to hold any affection or good feelings toward Ozai."

"I don't forgive him," Katara whispered. She hated him, but she felt saying that would be going too far. "It's for you. To help your conscience, so he does not have to be alone. I wonder if one day I can…I suppose I hope. Not for my sake, but for Zuko's." She bit her lip, "I don't want this to haunt him forever."

"We sometimes cannot choose our ghosts," Iroh said, and at that moment Katara wondered who Iroh was haunted by?

"Can we figure out how to heal them, if we can't choose?" Katara asked desperately. She wondered if Zuko saw Ozai in his sleep, right between drifting off and waking up. She wondered if he haunted his dreams. She wondered if he saw his father out of the corner of his eye. Zuko wouldn't tell her any of this, so she could only speculate.

She was hoping for some sage advice, even if it seemed a little riddled. But perhaps this was her own fault, as Iroh was clearly vulnerable right now, for Iroh just replied, "If I ever figure it out, I will be sure to tell you."

Katara saw Aiga at the door, nodding and holding up a bag.

"I will think of you, Iroh," Katara said, standing. Though she hated to see a man she respected so much, so sad; perhaps it was a blessing. They may not be able to leave any other night, Iroh far too caught up in his own memories to be the usual eagle-eyed general that he was.

XXX

They met back up at the cliffs. Appa grumbled to be woken, but came and burrowed his nose into Aiga's hand, clearly having bonded with her in Aang's absence.

"Won't you get in trouble for this? You'd break a lot of rules to bring us down," Sokka asked, worried. "I mean, we could always-"

"What? Flap our wings and fly?" Toph rolled her eyes. "Aiga, help me up," she said, dropping her bag and holding out her arms.

"I will," Aiga said, looking at Sokka, eyes firm but bright. "But it is a question of what is right. And I know where I stand," she said. "I feel that Aang waking up will be enough of a commotion to perhaps ease the blow. And as Iroh said…once you are gone, you are gone. No one will spare resources to follow." It didn't feel so much of a confirmation, but a warning.

They were on their own for this.

"We'll be back," Katara said, though she wasn't sure at all.

"I'll take you as far as I can without risking danger. It should give you a head start. I will find a way to deal with the fallout tomorrow."

"Iroh had to know," Zuko murmured, "He's a smart guy. Right?" Some part of him seemed to wish that Iroh was turning a blind eye to let them leave, but Katara knew the truth. Tonight, he was thinking of just one person, and in the morning, he'd be furious. Nearly as angry as her father when she'd left for the Fire Nation so long ago.

There was silence as Aiga maneuvered Appa to fly them low, nearly against the treetops, so close that Katara could reach out a hand and grasp a handful of leaves.

Aiga brought them to the middle of the forest, not close to the Air Temple's edge, but not close to the edge of the forest. It was somewhere in between. She was fearful that someone might see Appa, as he was hardly inconspicuous.

But it was much appreciated, perhaps a day or two shaved off their journey.

"I wish you great fortune, and the blessings of Agni," Aiga said, hugging Katara tightly as though trying to remember this moment.

"You too," Katara agreed. "Your path is no less dangerous."

"You should get back," Zuko said, examining the night sky, "Before you're missed."

"He's right," Katara agreed, stepping back first. "We'll meet again." Whether it would be here or in the afterlife, Katara couldn't say, but she knew that a friendship like theirs would find its way back to one another eventually.

Then, they were left.

They tossed around whether they should keep walking or not, but they were all exhausted; the day took the spirits out of them.

"Let's find a cave. Somewhere we can make a fire and we won't be easily seen," Sokka suggested. So they walked for an hour, in what they hoped was the direction out of the forest until they found something suitable.

They set up their bedrolls; two on each side of a fire that Zuko made. As Katara watched, she had a weird feeling in her stomach, that something was off.

Sokka noticed. "Trying to light a fire for ants?" he teased, noticing the pathetic puff that exited his fingers.

"I'm trying not to be seen," Zuko hissed, face bright red at his jab.

"Sorry! Sorry, didn't mean anything by it!" Sokka raised his hands in a surrender motion. "Just being a jerk, that's all."

"Right," Zuko gave a jerky nod, "Just seemed, uhm, reasonable."

"We all need to be using our heads," Katara said, coming to his defense. "Good on him."

As they settled in, Sokka made a noise to see Katara scoot under her bedroll with Zuko.

"Oh, seriously? We shared a bed before but now that we're engaged, you suddenly have an issue with it?" Katara hissed, glaring at him over the tiny fire.

"I can't help it! Dad would not let you two share a bed roll if he knew."

"Oh, and what would he say about you two?" Zuko asked, rolling his eyes at Toph snuggled up under his arm. Sokka made a noise.

"We're not talking about me right now," he grumped but didn't make any more stupid comments.

Katara lay, staring at the rough ceiling of the cave, frustrated and wide awake despite how tired she felt.

It was a quiet realization that everyone was just as alert as she was, all drowning in their own worries, unable to quell the roaring thoughts that were tumbling around in their minds.

There was a sense of comfort in this cave, in this dark and enclosed space that seemed to exist perfectly for the four of them. Or maybe it was the idea that they were embarking on a mission that they may not survive, so anything spoken was as good as speaking to the dead. And dead men tell no secrets.

Toph was the first to whisper to the darkness.

"I think my parents would hate Sokka. And I'm so afraid of having to marry someone else. I never thought I'd care about who I married, but I can't lose him. And I'm worried that if the community in the South is gone, then Sokka might need someone else, someone who can survive on the ice. And I don't know…" Toph whispered, "Where that will leave me."

Katara expected Sokka to rush to soothe her and assure her that this would never happen, but there was silence. She heard the rustling and turned slightly to see Sokka protectively curling his body around Toph.

Katara understood. It was not a time to break the spell, to acknowledge what was said. Sokka offered up his worry next.

"I worry about the South being gone. I want to be like Dad so badly, but I think I would mess everything up if I tried to follow in his footsteps. I don't know how to lead a nation, or how to lead the remains of one. And I don't know if I would have the strength to stay and rebuild if everyone was gone. Does that make me a terrible person?"

After a respectable silence, Katara licked her lips, focusing on the ridges in the stone like it was a lifeline, heaving unevenly.

"I wonder if I'm being selfish. Are we making the right choice? Going to the South? If we've gotten away, should we not be off fighting Azula? My gut tells me that yes, we should. That going to the South is at best a lost cause and at worst a path to our deaths, but I…" Katara closed her eyes, fighting back tears. "I need to know. And I think it'll hurt me, but I need to know what happens. I would trade the rest of the world burning to save the South."

There was a very long silence after Katara's confession, and for a moment, she wondered if Zuko was asleep. If so, good for him. He, out of everyone, needed it the most. If he'd managed to drift off and missed all their moments of worry, Katara would be so pleased.

But when he spoke, it was so slow, so careful, and so wrought with anguish that it nearly stabbed Katara's own heart. None of them were speaking empty words, but something about the way Zuko spoke to the darkness made her want to openly sob.

"I killed my father."

The words hung there, and though everyone knew it, they let Zuko's truth linger.

Katara thought this was it, because that, as it was, was a heady and heavy admission. But then, so softly, she almost missed it. And though he didn't say it out loud, Katara knew that he was feeling fury at himself and sorrow, and even a deeply confused hint of longing.

"And today was my father's birthday."

Katara snaked her hand and squeezed Zuko's hand, just once. One pulse to remind him that she was here.

Sorry, I can't speak ill of her. I know what she is, in my heart. And it kills me. I feel as though I have failed some great test in life. I tried so hard to assure she would not turn out like Ozai. Do you not think I saw it in her eyes, from such a young age? And I was not worried every moment she grew that there was this darkness inside of her that I was unable to stop.

And I think a long time ago I came to terms that perhaps…perhaps I would lose her.

But I never expected to lose Zuko.

Or you.

Speaking of Zuko right now is too painful. I am still at war with my thoughts. And I do not wish to hurt him, but parts of me are in agony that Ozai is gone.

I should not be. But he was my husband for many years.

But you, oh, Aang. Will you let me call you that? I hope so. I hope you will wake up and we can have a good talk.

Did you know I wanted a third child? I thought perhaps Azula, as an older sibling, would learn to be…kinder. And I always wanted a large family.

We tried, but alas…it never came to pass.

So when you came to the palace…young, unsure, gangly, and so genuine, it felt like the spirits had answered. I have thought of you as my second son, my third child. Forgive me for this. I know you had a family, and I'm sure you loved them very much.

So I find it hard to be in here. To be faced with an outcome that I very much wish never to happen. But that is selfish of me. You must be struggling, and as a mother, I should be here for you. So I will. I will be in here every day, reminding you that you are very loved, and if you can fight, I hope you do.

Because, if I am to lose you too, I think my heart will break in two."

XX

'Oh! Katara!"

Katara wandered around the camp in a daze. It wasn't until she heard someone calling her name repeatedly that she looked up, blinking into the sun.

She was in the courtyard where all the girls from the Choice were being housed. She hadn't meant to be checking up on them, but now that she was here, she figured she probably should.

It was Cilla who was waving her over. Ari was with her, as instructed, but he didn't seem bothered about being forced to hang around a group of girls all the time. Katara suspected that he was just pleased not to be locked away.

She and a whole slew of the others were lounging on a stone bench next to a wall, seemingly chatting together and enjoying a plate of Air Temple fruit in front of them. Suki had two baby lemurs on her lap, and On Ji was trying to entice one to play with a bit of twine. Besu was stretching out, grinning into the warm sun. Ratana was cutting some fruit for the whole group. Yue was sitting a bit distanced from the rest, and her expression was as far away as Katara's own mind felt. Mai was also there, surprisingly, though she looked a bit out of place.

"Hi, what's up?" Katara asked, forcing her own worries from her mind. Perhaps a distraction would be good for her own mental turmoil.

As Katara approached, Ratana glanced over her shoulder and giggled, and Cilla followed suit. On Ji's face was bright red and it seemed she couldn't stop laughing like she was cursed. Even Suki was deeply interested in something that Katara couldn't see from her current perspective.

Katara crawled onto the bench and placed her hands on the barrier, leaning over.

The girls were seated over a plateau, and it seemed like a training area was below. Katara preferred to train alone, except when Pakku invited her for lessons, so she hadn't been here often, though she knew of its existence.

Currently, most of the younger men were running laps or doing pushups, all the while shirtless.

It was quite toasty here, so close to the sun, so Katara understood it was probably strictly for comfort - oh, one of the Airbender boys turned and winked.

It was flirting. That's what it was. Something Katara, and she'd admit it openly, was pretty terrible at. She missed a lot of the subtleties of the game, and part of her was grateful that Zuko was equally as terrible, otherwise, maybe he'd just have cut her right away for not understanding this giggling and glancing back and forth that was going on.

Katara was surprised so many were so...fit. She knew that a good handful of guards had left, preferring Zuko over Azula, but they were far more numerous in refugees. So of course the guards kept up a good shape, but everyone else?

Well, this was quite... eye-opening.

"We decided we should all have dates to the ball!" On Ji announced, bouncing in her seat, "So we've been trying to narrow our choices. Come here!" she said, making space for her.

"I shouldn't-" Katara began. She also looked at Ari, sure he was uncomfortable, but he was reading.

"Oh, don't mind him. He's a steel trap," Cilla waved her hand, "And he doesn't care. He's heard us discuss much worse."

"Beggers can't be choosers," Ari said simply, not even taking a second to look up from his book.

"I mean, I already have a date, if dates are happening, so-" Katara tried to excuse herself, but Besu grabbed her arm, forcing her to socialize.

"Oh, Kat, it's just window shopping. We know you have no intention of doing anything with these guys, but it's just for fun," Suki smiled at her, "I'm just window shopping too."

"Dreaming of Haru," Ratana sniggered.

"I'm just...not looking for something right now," Suki objected, her face flushed, but there seemed to be far more to this jab than Katara understood. For some reason, she furtively looked at Katara, her eyes turning misty for just a second. Katara almost stepped back, feeling uncomfortable here, but Mai touched her shoulder.

"Stay," she said, for unknown reasons, and Katara eased herself back onto the bench.

"Okay, if we are...just perusing the shoe selection," Cilla winked, "I think that one right there would fit me nicely," she said, pointing to a muscled former guard.

"I like the one with the green eyes," Mai offered next, surprising everyone.

"Yeah, I like him for you too, Mai!" On Ji said, rewarding her efforts. "And he'd be lucky to be asked to the dance by you."

"Oooh, a boy with short hair like that one," Ratana pointed a finger, "Just makes me feel like a pile of goo!"

"That one right there can push me up against a tree," Besu said, biting her lip as she glanced at a long and skinny, but still well-defined, boy.

"I think that one's cute if I had to choose," Suki said.

"Oh, you mean the one who looks like Haru?" Cilla nudged her.

"I guess...a little...but it wasn't my intention."

"Suki has a type!" Katara snorted, and for a second there was silence, and she thought maybe she overstepped. Then, Suki cracked a smile and the girls all teased her.

"Katara, your turn!"

"I...well, I mean, obviously, I'm with Zuko-"

"We all know," Ratana rolled her eyes.

"And this doesn't leave this room but…" Katara tilted her head, examining them with careful scrutiny. "I think the one with the sorta shaggy hair, that one," Katara pointed to a new Airbender, one who she thought was Earth Kingdom before, was doing push-ups.

"Katara has a type too; moody guys with shaggy hair, apparently," Mai teased, in much more friendly spirits than Katara had ever seen.

"I know what I like, I guess!"

"What about you, Yue?" Suki turned.

Yue glanced up, lifting her head from where she was resting her chin on her palm. She blinked twice, slowly.

"Hahn," she said shortly, not curtly, but quickly to get out of the conversation.

Cilla glanced over, "Nope, not down there. C'mon, Yue! We're all playing. Even Ari would pick a guy if we made him, and I don't think he swings that way. It's just a stupid game. We won't hold you to anything."

"If she doesn't want to-" Katara said, furrowing her eyebrows, not wanting to make Yue participate if she didn't want to.

"Yes, her family was probably strict about crushes and such. We shouldn't force it," Suki said, picking up on her obvious discomfort.

"She should live a little! She's not betrothed to anyone now," Ratana flipped her hair, "Not until she goes home and she and Hahn are probably married on the spot." She made a face. "So she'd better have her fun now."

Yue just shook her head, unable to articulate what she was thinking.

"Has Yue been like that for a while now?" Katara said, thinking of their last interaction, whispering the question to Suki. She'd wanted to believe it when Yue said that it was the other girls that were struggling and that she was fine. Yue was usually not one to lie, but now Katara felt terrible for just blindly believing it.

Suki scratched the head of a lemur. "I think she's just in mourning. Like you, she had such a responsibility placed upon her shoulders. She basically failed, you know. She's also a bit reserved, to begin with." She shrugged.

Katara pursed her lips, "I suppose."

"Can it not just be window shopping? Or dates just for the ball?" Ratana twirled her hair, "We all gotta find someone else now that Katara and Zuko are together." She gave a long sigh. "The Choice was easy. Real dating is so hard," she pouted.

Katara hadn't ever thought about how she, being picked, was inconveniencing so many girls.

"It's probably a blessing to be here if I can be so bold," Cilla said, "Because if I had been sent home, I would have had an arranged marriage already set up. I know it. Probably no one that was kind or handsome, just powerful and rich."

"Same," Yue nodded, voice rough.

Mai gave a slow nod. Suki kind of shrugged, as though to say she wasn't sure. Only Ratana was looking at them in horror, the idea had never crossed her mind.

"All of you?" she asked in pity.

"It's normal for girls of our status," Mai said as a very matter-of-fact occurrence. "This was one of the few chances for us to have a say in our own futures. Sort of." She added, "It would bring shame upon our parents to refuse a union they choose."

"So what happens now that you're all here? What happens if you meet someone?" Katara asked, examining the girls, understanding them in a way she hadn't before.

"It's hard to say," Cilla sighed, "But it's not good. I know I have a duty to marry higher than my station for the sake of my family...but…" She trailed off. "So yes, for us, it's just window shopping. And maybe a night of believing it's something more at the ball. And wishing, 'Tana." she added softly.

There was silence. Katara thought the conversation was done, but Ratana quickly recovered.

"So…" Ratana drew out her words, "I've been wondering this for a while. Who would have won? If Katara had never come."

This question piqued everyone's interest. Even Yue looked like she was in the conversation now.

"Out of the whole pool?" Suki said, "Because, well, girls like…oh, what's her name… got sent home because of Katara. The girl at dinner that got sent home! Felicity? Festivia? Something with an F…" Suki said, rubbing her chin.

"Fidelia," Besu supplied, "Haven't thought about her in a while."

"She was crazy though if I recall. She hoped to ensnare Zuko with a child. That was unlikely to work," Yue pointed out.

"I mean, it's obvious I think at least it would have been out of the girls before the tournament. I think he could have picked one or two of those had fate not...gone differently." Cilla tapped her chin.

"A lot of fates," Katara considered. If they'd never arrived on her shore. If she had listened to her father. If she had kept her feelings in check and never fallen. If Zuko had sent her home when they were so tumultuous.

"I think Mai always had a good chance," Ratana turned, nodding to the solemn girl. "All of the Fire Nation, especially the Capitol, was sure it would be her."

"I think...in different circumstances," Mai started carefully, "I think the Zuko he is now would not have chosen me. I think it would have been between Alcina or Yue."

Yue hardly looked up at her name chosen.

"Oooh, I forgot about Al," Ratana agreed. "Wonder what she's up to? I mean, the airbenders are here…" she said, and Katara sighed. One more person to worry about now. What had happened to her?

Katara realized that the girls were looking at her, waiting for her to weigh in.

"If it makes a difference, I told Zuko if he wasn't going to pick me to pick Suki."

Suki smiled at her.

"So I guess it was always a long shot?" Besu sighed, "For me?"

"Yeah. I know he liked your…grit, though," Katara said, hoping she wouldn't feel so bad.

"And me?" Ratana asked hopefully.

Katara wasn't sure how to tell her that Zuko had been surprised she stayed so long. That she'd just...escaped his notice for a while, never the worst, but never the best.

"You are someone he cares for too," Katara said, hoping that she wouldn't be hurt.

"I know that," Ratana squared her shoulders, "Because he made sure that you were taking care of us. Obviously," she said, trying to keep her pride, "Speaking of which, can I get a more comfortable bed?"

Katara sighed. "I can try."

"Do, don't try," Ratana advised. Katara gave her a tight smile.

She turned to talk to Yue, unsure that everything was alright, but the snowy-haired girl had already slipped away.

XX

"Avatar Aang, can I talk to you? I feel as though you may...have some perspective on this. Perhaps you know what I'm…

Nevermind. I'm sorry for bothering you. You're laying here half dead, and I'm asking you silly questions…or was about to. My father, as my father and as Chief Arnook, would be very disappointed in my behavior.

But, perhaps he'd be even angrier if I ignored this. I know he's always feared that I would have to return my life to the spirit who lent it to me someday. I doubt he expected it would be like this, but Aang, perhaps that moment is nigh. And I'm so afraid.

I don't want to slip away. I want to remain in control of my body, but I...I…

Aang, there is this darkness growing inside of me. It is in my veins, I can feel it, pulsing. Waiting.

But I don't quite know for what.

Tui is in me.

I killed someone. Did you know that? During the Palace invasion, I killed someone. I killed someone with waterbending. I promised myself I would never use it. It's not mine. You surely must understand that, don't you? I know everyone thought I was foolish not to use it for the tournaments, but the spirits pulled me through without having to use it anyway.

It's hard for me to talk about. A little because it traumatized me in such a way and a little because I do not know how to accurately describe how it happened.

There was a man. He wanted to hurt me. Don't ask how I know this, I simply do.

And I cannot say that I wanted to use waterbending. All I was thinking was...I wanted to live. I was staring at him, and his sword, and my teacup, and, oh, Aang, I really wanted not to die. I didn't want him dead, I need to make that clear. But I suppose that it's the same thing at the end of the day, isn't it?

The next thing I recall, Katara was standing over me, and he was dead.

I cannot remember what happened between those two moments. I've scoured my mind over and over, but it is simply gone. Or hidden.

I thought that was the only time, but it keeps happening. I wake up with moments missing. And I feel this anger. It is like a tidal wave. It is the sea crashing and destroying and raging. It is the sort of dark water that swallows men whole at sea and never gives up their secrets.

And it is starting to swallow me.

Aang, please wake up. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to push Tui back in now that he's been let out, now that he is seeing the devastation of his people. He is furious, and I...I'm a puppet.

Aang, help me before it's too late."

XX

Aang is sitting in the Royal Receiving Chambers.

He has memorized this room quite well. It's significant to him.

You see, after Zuko fished him out of the iceberg and brought him home, and after they constructed his lineage to sneak him in under the Fire Lord's nose and keep him safe, and after they'd outfitted him with a headband and hat to carefully cover the arrow that his baby-soft newly-grown hair hadn't covered, he sat here.

He sat here, trying not to faint from being so scared and overwhelmed, knowing the fate of the entire world lay just before him. It was behind those doors that his life was going to change.

The fate of the universe lay on how good of a liar Prince Zuko was.

He twiddled his fingers. Somehow, Zuko's uncle had believed the lie too, though he seemed too worldly to be so gullible. Aang was not about to argue it, however, so it was easier to just accept that perhaps the gods were on his side...just minorly.

With Iroh on their side, he thought, there was a chance that Ozai would take Aang under his wing as a long-lost cousin and not dig much farther.

So yes, Aang knew what this room was as soon as he'd opened his eyes.

He kept thinking it was five years ago. His memories were fractured and he was confused. He kept waiting for Zuko to open those doors, his heart pounding in his ears. Then he'd remind himself he knew how this story ended; he was accepted and he'd spent five years disguised as someone he wasn't.

He'd been here this long before.

At first, he couldn't figure it out. It was noisy in here, just like it usually was. He could hear people talking to him; people he knew...Toph, Suki, Katara, Ty Lee, and so many more. They were having full conversations but he couldn't respond. His voice was clipped like the wings of a bird, and he could only listen.

But they weren't really there, or at least, he didn't think so.

If he wasn't paying attention, he'd see wisps of people moving around him, translucent and gauzy. But he was the only one that remained in the waiting room.

There were two sets of doors on either wall, beside the main Royal Throne Room doors.

This is where he saw people pass through.

It had begun as Airbenders he knew from his camp. They'd open one door and walk straight on through, and though Aang was screaming (or trying) to get them to look over, they just kept on walking. He was voiceless. It was like his screams were snatched away as soon as they met air, no matter how much he tried, no matter how many useless steps going nowhere he tried to attempt.

Some looked perfectly fine. Some were riddled with wounds that bled over the floor, but those puddles vanished as soon as they passed through the second door.

Then there was a lull. A break in the unending time, as far as Aang could tell. It would be just one person here or there, like an elderly Earth Kingdom man creaking as he walked.

Then, it seemed there was a whole slew of people again.

Fire Nation guards and workers. He recognized the woman who had been the seamstress for the Choice; though he couldn't remember her name. He still tried to call out, to no avail.

After were Palace Dignitaries, men still in their finery, trying to adjust hairpins on their blooded skulls or wrap their shawls together as they walked beyond the receiving hall, never glancing over even for a second.

Another lull.

Now, it seemed more regular. One or two people every hour, as far as Aang could tell. People were confused, scared, and crying. The world was in agony, and Aang wasn't there.

He couldn't leave. All three doors were locked tightly to him.

When he tried the doors to the Royal Throne Room, he felt a spiritual tug, a tug somewhere inside of him, and sometimes he almost felt like he could yank it free, but at the last second, it would snap back. Behind that door he could hear all the past Avataras that once took up residence in his head, encouraging him.

But he could never open that door.

He was equally locked out of the two smaller doors. Neither budged for him. Both stayed firmly shut.

He couldn't look down the left door, the one people were arriving from. It was just a bright light, too much for his eyes to ever adjust to.

Sometimes, he caught glimpses of the open right door, as he tried to dart in after someone else, but was always pushed back.

Part of him longed to follow the parade through the doors on the right. Just beyond that door, he saw them.

Gyatso. Hivri. Dhakiya. Kuzon - the one he'd known in his youth. His mother.

They were laughing. They were at peace. They were happy.

They were beckoning to him, but Aang could not follow, no more than he could move from this tiny box, ever seated on the couch, memorizing the pictures above him, the never-changing vases with immortal plants, and counting the tiles on the floor.

"Hey, brother,"

It was Zuko's voice.

Aang sat back down on the receiving room couches, sighing. He knew Zuko couldn't hear him, but at least, by speaking back, he didn't feel so alone.

"Hi, Zuko. Wish I was wherever you were."

XXX

"Hey, brother.

Another long day with my Uncle doing nothing. I mean, I thought he was the Dragon of the West. I thought he was the one who besieged Ba Sing Se. I thought he took action. Maybe Uncle Iroh isn't the man I thought he was.

I guess that's a bit of a common theme, isn't it?

My father was not who I thought he was, and I kil- well, now he's dead.

Azula was not who I thought she was. I think I still did see her as my sister and didn't think she had such an ability to do the terrible things she had.

I'm just worried I can't trust my own choices. I can't trust my own perceptions, because I'm not confident in anyone anymore.

If Katara wasn't so steady, in a frustrating way we both know, I might not be able to be with her either.

But I do know Katara. I know her better than myself.

And I know you.

That counts for something.

Aang, I'm just angry. I'm angry and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I'm tethered here. Some might be glad for sanctuary at all, but I'm hungry.

I am a man so close to starving. And that's when things always get dangerous, right?

And for what you ask? Well, you're not going to be happy, but…I want revenge. For Lu Ten, for my father, for my home. Azula took all those things away and I'm just left trying to make sense of it.

I guess that's no surprise. You've always called me hot-headed. Maybe I deserve this. I dunno.

Oh!

Katara, hey.

And there are thousands of people that are bigger assholes than I am. Half the boys I knew back at school were just little shits. I'm sure it was the same for you growing up.

Err, maybe not. I forgot you were all raised by Monks.

So I'm just saying. I get it, I know I'm not always the most…moral one in the room. Or the kindest. I've been told I'm sort of an ass.

Trust me, I know it. Whatever the worst thing you can think about my behavior, someone has said it to me. I've heard it all.

And that just makes me want to be worse, you know? To lash back out. Because no one's perfect, not even you, I bet, so how dare they judge me like that?

People just don't get it – how growing up in the Northern Water Tribe was. My father taught me to not cry. Boys don't cry.

Boys are leaders. Women are followers.

Boys are the fighters. Women are the healers.

Boys are unemotional. Let the women have their emotions.

When you hear that all your life and it's all you really hear, what chance did a kid ever have? My mother died trying to give birth to my sister, who also didn't survive. And yeah, I'm not dumb, I know that this probably is what caused it. My dad's hatred and dismissal of women.

It was easy to treat Yue like that back home because that's how all women were treated. I mean, spirits, her own father looks at her like she's a houseplant whenever she tries to talk about politics. A houseplant he loves very much, of course, but not something that needs to be talking about 'big ideas' like that.

If he knew her, he would know she sees so much more. And has some really deep thoughts.

Not that I care about her at all. I'm just telling you.

I just always saw him treating women less and never…

Dude, I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why you'd care.

I just...maybe sometimes, I think I want to be a better person.

I just don't know how.

And I don't know why I'm here talking to you."

XX

"A…party?" Mai echoed, "Excuse me, Katara, but doesn't that seem a bit insensitive, considering it all?"

"No, I don't think so," Katara said, placing her hands in her lap, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Mai. She glanced around, forcing a bright smile. "I think, seriously, it would be great. Brighten everyone's moods, boost morale," she said, "And I think it would be good to get our minds off everything. At least…" She coughed. "For a few moments."

The girls looked at one another with deep, careful consideration.

"Well," Ratana said after a long moment, "On Ji certainly could cook for everyone. Her tarts are legendary."

"Oh, you're too kind!" On Ji squeaked. "You know the best dance movies. You'd outshine everyone on the floor," she said, "And Cilla! You're the best at planning, by far."

"I mean, military, sure-"

"No, c'mon," Suki nudged her arm, "You're good at planning everything. All those little details are never forgotten when they're in your head."

"Oh, Besu, you have to make that drink out of that plant you made a few nights ago! That would be the bomb at the party!"

"Yue, you should decorate! Everything looks so expensive when you do it."

Katara let out a long sigh and a bright smile.

Somehow, her stupid plan had worked.

Mai had been right…a party in the middle of a war and a rebellion was a certifiably wacky idea, but Katara needed to bring some comfort back to the contestants and give them something they knew well how to do…throw a party.

She stayed, helping the girls plan and temper some wild ideas (though she wished she could accommodate everything) and plan a date for the party. They agreed a month from now should be solid. They didn't have the resources that they once had, so it would take a bit more creativity than they were used to, so they needed more time to make sure it was perfect.

Katara felt like perhaps she was doing this job justice. In some ways, she knew it was only a bandage to the issues that plagued all of them, that assigning them something that seemed almost trivial was just a short distraction, but it would give her time to think in the meantime.

And everyone liked a good, achievable goal, right?

At the end of the session, while most of the girls floated away, chatting happily and swapping ideas, she made eye contact with Suki, Mai, and Cilla.

"What's up?" Suki asked, "Great idea, actually, for the party. I had my doubts, but I can't remember seeing everyone so excited. Heck; I don't know the last time I was so excited!" she admitted, bouncing on her feet a little.

"I have to hand it to you, Katara," Mai agreed with a hint of a smile.

"Hey, uhm, thanks. It's not about that. You three are the most…" She made a motion with her hands.

"Stable?" Cilla asked dryly.

"Adjusted to war," Katara said after a second, not wanting to think less of the girls who hadn't expected the Choice to end like this at all. "Ursa was talking to me the other night and she was reminding me how we're all tied to each other. And I think she's right…in some ways. But as much as maybe I don't want to admit it, a lot of the girls are here because of Zuko. Because they believe he's the best leader…romantic feelings remaining or not. I just…" Katara swallowed. "We're in this now. And I had a worry, and an idea…do you guys know where the other contestants are?"

"The other girls that were sent home?" Mai asked, frowning.

"I think that's a downfall of mine. I didn't really make ties with many people. I mean, I know where the Water Tribe girls are, but the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom ladies? I don't know where most of their hometowns are." Katara winced. "I was a crappy friend. I'm hoping you three were better."

"You think they may be in danger?" Suki asked, inhaling hard.

"Perhaps. Azula is…well, Azula. Who knows who she might want to go after? And even if they're not, maybe some would want to rise to the occasion like the girls here?" Katara motioned all around her, "And choose Zuko's side? This war is bringing out the best in all of us. I have to believe that, over the worst. Maybe some of them are far stronger than we could have imagined and could be an asset."

"It's not a terrible plan." Cilla rubbed her chin. "Wars are won with hundreds of people and we hardly have that many."

"I don't like the idea of using them as just bodies ready to send out in battles, though," Suki frowned.

"No! I mean, not like that. I think a lot has proven that skills other than fighting can be really valuable. And I think some of our past contestants may just have those knacks." Katara looked at the faces of the trio before her. "Just…try to think of a list, right?"

"I know a few," Mai said slowly, "But there's a letter embargo."

"I'll figure that out. I can talk to Iroh. Or Ursa. Just…let's be ready, right?" Katara asked.

"I think we can brainstorm between all of us. And the other girls might know too-"

"I don't want to involve them," Katara said quickly, "Let them worry about the party."

Cilla gave a sigh, uncertain, but nodded, "Okay."

"Hey, actually, Cilla, will you walk with me?"

"We're free to go?" Mai asked dryly.

"Yes. Thank you. Really," Katara said. She wasn't quite to the point of singing Mai's praises from the top of the mountain, but they were getting somewhere with each other. Where that path led, Katara wasn't sure, but it seemed hopeful.

"How can I help?" Cilla asked.

"Iroh thinks Ari should be let free. But I have reservations…as do others."

"Oh, I'm his babysitter?" Cilla realized though she didn't seem annoyed by it. If anything, she relaxed. She was the type that liked having a task, much like Katara.

"Yeah. He seems genuine, but I guess I just don't think anyone can be too careful. But I also don't know if we're the type to let him starve away in a cell. So." Katara plopped the key into her hands. "We decided you're a good judge of it all."

"You flatter me."

"Cilla, I think you're a strategic genius," Katara said openly, warmly, "And I think you get a good read on people. And I think that you sold yourself very short in the competition. Though, perhaps that's a good thing," she added with a beat of laughter, "Because otherwise…you might have really been trouble for me."

XX

"I hear this is where everyone comes, right? To just…be frustrated.

I'm really frustrated, Kuzon.

I feel like I'm always one step away from everything. Always second place. And trust me…second place can be great. But it's hard to never be first.

I think I really loved Zuko. Or still do. Feelings are difficult.

And I think I could have been a great Fire Lady. I could have made Kyoshi the strongest it's ever been with him. And I guess I can still do that, it's just more difficult.

And then Sokka came and I guess I had a crush on him too.

It's not like we flirted all the time, but maybe I was stupid to think there was something there. I guess lots of girls were fawning over him…Yue had a crush on him for weeks – she told me in confidence. Couldn't tell Katara, of course.

You get that.

And he chose Toph.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think Katara and Zuko are great. I think Toph and Sokka weirdly work. And I'm not angry and angsty or think I deserve either of them.

It just sucks to always feel one step behind maybe being the winner.

I know I'm the girl with the fans, the girl without the bending, the badass girl that is going to rock the world one day. But…spirits, this sounds so stupid. So stupid.

Arg; fine. Here it is.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but who are you going to tell?

But guess what, I'm not just a fighter. I'm a girl too. And I shouldn't bury one part of myself because others don't like it.

Okay, the truth;

I want a romance too.

I want to be someone's first choice.

Is that too much to ask?"

XX

Sokka saw a lot.

He knew who most people assumed he was; the 'meat and funny' guy. The one they could always rely on for a good laugh. The dude that would stop at nothing to get some juicy, tender proteins and it would always be so tasty.

Sokka was okay with this. These two modifiers were not untrue. He did hold his humor in high esteem. He liked meat more than anyone else he knew. Having people associate these traits with him was totally fine with Sokka.

It was, at least, until that was all they saw.

The truth was that sometimes Sokka felt as though his baby sister overshadowed him, just a bit.

She was the independent one, who'd stolen away on a ship after an explicit 'no'. She was the brave one, who faced the Fire Nation alone. She was the stubborn one, who wouldn't give up on Zuko. She was the one so many people fawned over, who saw her as some goddess.

This all made Sokka very proud. She was still his sister, and her success was, in a way, his success too. As in that, he knew he'd helped her grow up and be this person and he was glad she'd gone down a path that at the end of the day seemed to make her happy.

The point was, though, that Katara was so complex. People always talked about it. But, then they'd turn right around to and shoehorn Sokka into one of two boxes.

Jests or jerky?

Pick a box, Sokka. That's all you are.

But Sokka saw so much more. He noticed a lot of things. He knew that his strategizing was something he should be proud of. He knew if anyone asked Katara she'd agree on this; she might be great at some political skills, but organizing for battle or for any other occurrence wasn't her strong suit. He had to notice things to be good at this.

Sokka had to be aware of every movement, of every single person, to make the best outcome for any situation. He had to be acutely watching the moods, feelings, and expressions of anyone he was considering bringing into the fold of his plans because he had to be sure that the person that was going to carry the bomb was in good mental health or else they'd all end up dead...theoretically.

He knew that where it mattered, people saw.

He was, of course, in the Central Meeting Room where even Katara was not and he has been given jobs that weren't just busywork. He knew that General Iroh and Shen had noticed his acumen and had pulled him to make plans and present them, and keep going until they hit the right one.

But even for all that, Sokka sometimes felt like those members of the White Lotus just sometimes forgot. Forgot who he was when they were not in the meeting room and they were eating dinner, or something.

They forgot that Sokka was watching everything.

This is why he and Toph had bonded. They'd had such a connection, a shared experience of being aware of everything going on around them and no one acting like they did. Toph had spun hers into a good situation where she made she always had the upper hand. She used people's ability to underestimate her against them.

Sokka hadn't figured that out yet. He was still always looking for that sense of recognition. From his father before, and now from Iroh.

At night, as he and Toph drifted off, they'd swap what they'd seen. Between the two, Sokka pretty much felt as though they had all the secrets of the Air Temple down. They knew the gossip about everyone and they were storing it away until they needed it.

As Toph lay and stroked his hair, untied and hanging in his eyes, Sokka gave a hum of thought.

"Iroh doesn't like going near Ari."

"Yeah?" Toph asked.

"Ari's been here, what, five days? And he's had a lot of questions about everything from everyone, except Iroh. Zuko's only asked a few as well, but both of them just...they sorta get up and leave if he's around. And I don't think they know that they're doing it."

Toph screwed her eyes shut, thinking. It was a force of habit. Not that it cleared any distractions away, since sight wasn't something impending her, to begin with.

"No, they don't know," She said, thinking back to all the data she collected, sucked through her toes as she went about her day, "They probably wouldn't think twice about it. But you're right. They hate the guy for some reason."

Toph was a bit more subdued with him. Not that he was keeping her from her true self, but they had relaxed into a sort of pattern with one another where some of the theatrics during the day just weren't needed.

"I don't think it's hate. I think it's fear."

"Fear? The dude is like...thirteen."

"He's seventeen, Toph," Sokka snorted, "And it's not fear of him. It's fear of his knowledge."

"Huh. Okay, we'll go with that." Toph blinked.

"You see…" Sokka sat up on the front of his forearms, furrowing his brows, "Ari wasn't in the palace except for one day, the day before Azula's wedding, but he was still there. And then Ru sent him here right after he returned. But Ari still knows things. Things I don't think Iroh or Zuko really want to know. Or they really do, but they know it would kill them. He has so much power over them and he doesn't even realize...to describe the destruction of one's home…" Sokka trailed off, swallowing hard.

He winced, without meaning to. He shoved down his own worries about his family, but not quickly enough. And of course, because Toph was equally as perceptive as he was, she rubbed his cheeks, shaking her head, trying to console him.

"Hey, if your family is as thickheaded as you, we both know they'll be fine," Toph soothed. Though Katara's outburst had many people shaking their heads, Sokka understood it. He'd had to keep his feelings close to his chest, but dammit, he understood it.

He was terrified that there was nothing left of the Southern Water Tribe. His fear ate him up every day and he worried soon there would be nothing left of him. Or worse; he and his sister would be the only things left of the Southern Water Tribe. They'd have the responsibility to carry a legacy on just their shoulders, far too much for just two people. And somehow, he was sure they'd fail.

He wanted to stand on the mountain and scream. Scream because he knew they couldn't send any information out or in, and that he was stuck here while his entire culture was possibly being wiped off the face of the earth.

That's what it would feel like for Zuko or Iroh to know the details.

To have Ari describe what their family home looked like would crush both of them. They wouldn't recover. How could they?

The important questions had been answered. Anything else would just be knives twisting in their hearts.

"Yeah," Sokka sighed, "I know. Azula's probably more worried about us anyway."

"Mhm. Now get under the covers. Let's go to sleep." Toph said, lifting the blanket.

Sokka curled himself around her, their legs tangled and their bodies pressed together.

Toph was the sort that, though she'd never admit it, loved to cuddle. And on some level she needed it.

She couldn't just look over while they were working and share a soft glance with him, or a laugh, or a giggle. That wasn't in the cards. So she took what she had, and that was touch.

Yeah, he knew that people here thought they were being overly PDA with their affection, but if they thought about it, it wasn't like that. They weren't having sex in the main courtyard, for Tui's sake! They were just holding hands whenever they were together as if to tell one another that they weren't going anywhere.

He heard Toph drift off to sleep fast, but his brain was still awake.

He'd been rolling Ari's information about the honeymoon in his head for days. Whenever he had a quiet moment in his brain, he just played with it, like it was a piece of snow that he was shaping and shaping and shaping again, until he got it perfect.

Or in his case, until he understood it.

Everyone had been so bewildered by it and no one had been able to give even any weak interpretations. Sokka hadn't said anything, because he wanted to be sure, but somewhere he felt like he might...might have stumbled across something before.

Seen something in his moments where the world was forgetting about him until they needed a moment of comic relief.

Just as he was drifting off into a much-needed slumber, he saw it.

He saw flashes across his mind.

"That's it!" he said, flopping on the floor. He took the covers with him and Toph right after that.

The crash woke everyone else too, but Sokka scrambled up without pause.

"General Iroh!" he whisper-yelled, opening Iroh's small room, but found it empty.

"What do you need my uncle for at this time of night?" Zuko yawned behind him, his hair all askew.

"I got it! I got it!" Sokka said, but couldn't spare another second. He peeked through all the windows, a group of confused teens trailing behind him. He'd found Ari too, just in case his revelation sparked some forgotten information in him. He looked until he found Iroh in the Meeting Room. He was lighting an effigy for Lu Ten.

"Ah, please come in. It's Lu Ten's birthday today, so I thought I would light a remembrance for him." Iroh said softly.

"Remembrance? Lu Ten is-"

"I got it!" Sokka cut Ari off, without even realizing it, hearing nothing but everyone else as white noise, "General, I know where Azula is going!"

The entire room came to a hushed silence.

"While I was in the palace, I read a lot. Like a ton. I mean, you guys had a sick library and I had a lot of free time on my hands. And there was this book that Zhao had in his room for basically forever, and it had some really awesome information on old battleships and I was dying to read it, so after he died I...I took it."

"Sokka!" Katara hissed.

"He was dead! He wasn't going to use it! And I was on bed rest and super bored." Sokka stood by his decision, especially now. "And there was some super cool information. But in there as well was some information on an ancient library. A 'mythical' one out in the middle of the desert, guarded by an owl. But from some of the papers in there, Zhao didn't seem to think it was mythical at all. He had plans to find it, well, until he died. Lots of scribbles and plans. Obsessive; almost. Have you heard of it, General?"

Iroh's face was long, "No, I can't say I have. Perhaps one of the other Lotus will know. But it seems like this book was well guarded by Zhao, so I'd be surprised if anyone else, besides you, got a chance to look through it."

"What does she want at a library? What's there?" Zuko asked.

"I don't know. And I mean that as in...this library is legendary. It could be anything. It could have the answers to life, death, war, peace...the sort of library that was described - if that's where Azula is going - we should be prepared for anything. I got the feeling it defied time and space, this library. It's not of this world."

"Spirit World?" Katara said, her face pale. Sokka knew why. She still hadn't made a decision about that water and heck, right now it would be really nice to have the Avatar - who also had thousands of years of wisdom inside his arrowed little head - to confirm this guess with.

Everyone worth being in that meeting was woken up at once. With tired expressions and baggy eyes, Aiga helped Iroh pass out tea. Ari sat between Sokka and Zuko, looking small and nervous amongst a group of such celebrated people.

"Sokka believes he had a breakthrough, but I will admit it is nothing that I know of. There are many great wonders in this world that I have yet to read about, and this one perhaps is no exception. I wonder how I missed the library book all those-"

"Iroh, if we could perhaps get to the idea before we all die of old age?" Bumi asked, hitting his chest as he coughed.

Iroh motioned to Sokka, giving him the floor.

"I don't know the name of it. I don't remember. But I read about a library, in the middle of the desert, watched over by an owl. And not just any old owl, but like," Sokka waved his fingers, "A...mythical, spiritual one. Am I the only one who read about this?" he asked, looking around.

"Hmm," Jeong-Jeong shook his head, "Nothing ringing a bell here."

Sokka felt his stomach drop. They'd be back at square one.

"Wait…" Bumi raised a gnarled finger, "I know that myth. It was told as a bedtime story, of course, but so many myths come from reality, do they not?" He shook his head. "I have not thought of that children's fable in years."

"So perhaps we do have something," Zuko glanced at Sokka, tilting his head.

"Well, get on with it," Ursa sighed, "You bully my brother-in-law for taking too much time, but look at you, lost in old thoughts."

"Ah, just trying to recall the details. Yes, hm. My mother described to me the story of a 'mythical' library that went on forever. She said that anything I wanted to find there, I would find, for it was curated by spirits. Spirits who were wise. And at the helm of it was an owl, who saw everything that went into the library. We used to play a game where I'd ask her if a topic was in there, and no matter how wild it was, my mother would always answer yes. A library not of this world where the answers to every question lay. It seemed untrue. How could it be?"

"But Zhao seemed to think it was real. He'd made detailed plans to find it. Oh, I wish I'd kept those notes now, arg!" Sokka slapped his forehead, angry at himself. He'd realized they were in Zhao's handwriting but had been so interested in those ships that it hadn't crossed his mind that perhaps he should save them. As Bumi said, it had seemed…impossible.

"Well, we didn't know we'd be fleeing the palace," Katara piped up with a hint of humor.

"No one blames you for not remembering all the details, Sokka. It is enough that you recalled this at all." Iroh was scratching his face. "I am inclined to believe it. I think it would be extremely difficult to find and require an entrance fee of some sort - perhaps a blood gift - but as mad as Azula is, she would not go searching for something that truly wasn't there."

"So what are we waiting for?" Zuko clambered to his feet, "We gotta go, now!"

"We don't even know what desert she's talking about," Iroh shook his head.

"Does that matter? So we're just going to...to...sit here, and do nothing?" Zuko threw his hands out.

From the way the White Lotus sat, it seemed that was exactly the idea.

"I agree with Zuko," Katara crossed her arms, "Isn't this what we're waiting for? It sounds like Azula went alone with Chan; she doesn't want anyone to know what she's doing just yet. She'd be the most vulnerable right now."

"We cannot be sure of so many things," Iroh reminded them both, looking at them with a strange expression of pity that Sokka was grateful wasn't pointed at him. "We have no idea how much of a head-start Azula has. She could already be back from her trip. Going from the Fire Nation to here is no short trip, and if Ari took any extra time, Azula has had quite a long time to plan. And there is the matter of the entrance fee. We might not have what the spirits require, and spirits are picky. If you waste their time…" Iroh sucked in hard, "Being unprepared could be quite treacherous for us."

"And there is a matter we have not considered either…" Ursa furrowed her brow.

"Azula is a master manipulator," Toph finished, narrowing her eyes. "I know! That girl can lie. I mean, in anyone else, I'd be impressed but-"

"Yes, she might be five steps ahead of us," Ursa agreed, "And was feeding that lie to anyone that she thought might overhear. For all we know, she could be simply relaxing on the beach. Azula always lies. That's what I've heard you say, true?" She turned to Zuko, a pinched look on her face.

Zuko's face was pulled taught. "Yes! No! Arg!" He stood, kicking a tin. "You really believe that Azula is going to actually have a peaceful honeymoon? That she isn't going to...are we really that fucking naive?"

"Language, Zuko," Ursa threatened.

"I'm not sorry," Zuko growled, "I see what the point of this rebellion is now. And Ru risked everything to send Ari to tell us; he thought it was important! And Ari risked his life. Are we going to laugh in his face, tell him that what he risked didn't matter? Is this what we're trying to do now?"

"We're trying to survive," Ty Lee said, her voice quivering, "To stay alive. Not everyone dreams of war and bloodshed," she said darkly.

Sokka watched how Zuko's whole body drew back, as though she'd burned him. He watched how Katara's expression swiveled, how she swallowed hard.

"That's not...I'm not…"

"I'm sure that's not what he wishes for," Ursa said quickly. Perhaps the idea of both of her children taking after Ozai terrified her. Even if...as he watched the light flash in Zuko's eyes, so similar to Azula...even if it was true.

"We just don't have enough intel," Iroh sighed, "We can't launch an entire mission on a few words and a bedtime story." He said, and everyone around the circle nodded sagely, "Only the spirits know-"

Before he could finish what he was saying, Katara stood abruptly, her face white as she walked slowly from the meeting room. Everyone looked at each other, confused.

"I think…" Toph said slowly, "I think...she's about to decide about the water."