dreamland

a/n: because this au deserves a literal calm before the storm update

this was it. this was the ‘now or never’ scenario that's been on nonmc!reader's mind for quite a while. if it was up to her, she wouldn't have returned to the place that left her feeling she wasn't enough. but she is. and there's nothing she could do about it except board the plane and hopes that she wouldn't need to face anyone that she's long decide to forget. a silly miniscule part of her hopes she does.

after the grand welcome made by her family and other relatives (“you've been gone five years, dear! are we expecting a son-in-law soon?” “auntie! i'm focusing on work right now, i don't have time for that.”), nonmc!reader is left absentmindedly gazing at the ceiling of her room — the glow in the dark stars caleb and mc gifted on her sixteenth birthday still stubbornly stuck there. it was the remaining piece of material they've given to her that she wasn't able to hide or throw away before she left for another country.

it tracks. they always had a knack for leaving their marks on people's lives, whether said people wanted them to or not.

she thought it would hurt more when she's forcibly bombarded again by memories of the past. nonmc!reader's mind conjuring up so many different moments spent inside these walls, like the times the three of them spent laying on her bed or ones where caleb sits on the wooden chair infront of her desk to work on their assignments. even ones where mc is enthralled by the shows airing in her small tv popped in her thoughts. but the best ones where those spent on her floor where the three of them raise their sock-clad feet and bump them together while exchanging silly stories and laughing nonstop through the night.

she expected the pain to hurt akin to being stabbed by a sharp knife. instead, it's a dull throb inside her chest as if someone threw a paper rock her way which she finds kind of funny. nonmc!reader has been gone longer than the years they had each other as... she supposes they were called bestfriends at some point; she's not really sure if that term encapsulates what she really was in caleb and mc's life.

for the next day, nonmc!reader stays inside, deciding against visiting some of the spots she usually hangs out back in the day, afraid of not risking the chance of seeing anyone she doesn't want to see. she does however tell her brother to snap some pictures of it for her to check instead (“you could've just went there by yourself to see.” “..i'm still jetlagged.”). unbeknownst to her, two very keen individuals were already freeing their schedules to ensure they'll have all the time they needed with her.

night comes and another celebration of her return is transpiring, courtesy of her own mother (“mom, this is so embarrassing..” “hush now, sweetheart. you deserve this much for being such a great daughter.”). nonmc!reader is surrounded by her siblings and cousins, who are all very excited for the gossip they can share with one another without being separated by a screen. constant laughter was in the air that her stomach hurts from all the rambunctious yet affectionate actions they've been exchanging.

they were about pass an hour in of catching up when one of them drops a line that made nonmc!reader want to throw up every food she just ate that night.

“oh right, gege and jiejie are coming to see you later. mom invited them to come. i can't wait to see them again!”

the ringing in her ears wouldn't stop that nonmc!reader could barely grasp the conversation everyone continued to have without her — as if they just didn't tell her something that left her feeling dreadful and restless.

distracted but still present enough to speak to the others, nonmc!reader felt queasy over the question she's bound to unleash on them.

“wait guys... w-what do you mean ‘again’?” maybe she was just good with faking an innocent curious expression that they didn't even notice the nervousness or stammer in her words. maybe they just chose to ignore it, though it seemed her cousins knew this was a private matter and excused themselves from the living room to get more food.

either way, nonmc!reader still wasn't prepared for the answer that they'd give.

“so remember how you told mommy not to communicate with them anymore when you three graduated? when you left, they just kept visiting and visiting. you should've seen how miserable they looked! they kept apologizing to mommy and us though i don't really remember much 'cause remember how i was so small back then? you and gege always babysat me after school, those were really fun!” her youngest sister explained, loud enough for her to hear over the blaring music in the house.

another one of them, who probably noticed nonmc!reader's current discomfort as she was old enough back then to understand the crack that happened in their friendship, spoke carefully. “mom let them do what they wanted when they kept returning all those years back. and then they've just been in contact with the family again since then. gege makes sure to be there for every event we have at school and jiejie always rewards us with gifts whenever we have achievements, saying it was from the three of you combined. the two of them sort of took responsibility with making sure we grew up taken cared for like you did when you were here.”

nonmc!reader clasp her hands together in her lap, trying to stop its shaking by tightening her hold on them. her brows are furrowed and realized belatedly that she's been biting off the skin of her lips. she couldn't process all the information that they've given her properly. and it's not like she can just be grateful at the, what? good deeds that they've been doing throughout the years to her own siblings when they've all but made her feel insecure about herself and her place in theirs. she finds herself scoffing underneath her breath, laughing slightly in confusion and a rising frustration threatening to be let out.

“so what? are, are you all saying that... that all this time? everyone has just been close w-with mc and.. and caleb?” nonmc!reader stares at everyone's faces and the most she could get from them was guilt. because they knew. they knew despite not knowing anything and everything at all that they just hurt her.

“even you three?” she asks with a frown as she directs the question to her brothers — one of them who she distinctly remembered being so so angry for her behalf when he caught her crying after her highschool graduation. “when i got terribly sick three years ago, gege was the one who took me to the hospital and stayed until i was better. he paid for the expenses by taking part time jobs while he was a sophomore... he also helped me passed my college entrance exams a while back.” he muttered.

and honestly, what could she say as a response to that? it's like a glass shard is in nonmc!reader's throat, not letting her express the darkest parts of her. “...i didn't know about that.” “we didn't want to make you worry and become more homesick.” “still. i'm your eldest sister. you guys should've told me. instead you guys hid it. just as how you hid how you've been friends with those two.”

their hurried hushed apologies came (not wanting to get the attention of their relatives) but nonmc!reader had already stood up from her seat to get away from her siblings — intent with finding the one person she thought she could trust the most with bearing her shattered soul, but broke it even further.

heck, everyone did which makes her so disappointed.

“hey, honey! look at what your uncle bought for you! isn't this amazing? didn't you always wanted this when—” “were you ever going to tell me?” was what nonmc!reader immediately asked, interrupting her own mother. she sees the older woman tilt her head in question so she spares her the time by being more direct. “did they tell you not to bring it up whenever you guys called me? or was it just you deciding that i was better off not knowing anything because you benefited from them?” she watches as her mother's features quickly mirror hers — offended and disbelieving — but it doesn't deter her in the slightest as she vents.

“mom, i told you what they did. what they made me feel. i told you that i didn't like them anymore a-and then you go befriending them and making them stand in as role models for my own brothers and sisters.” “they're your bestfriends, honey.” “that was before!” nonmc!reader replied in an exasperated manner, the frantic conversation between them makes some heads turn so she averts her gaze to compose herself. she feels her mother embrace her warmly and some of her anger ebbs traitorously. “haven't you ever wished that you could talk it out and fix your friendship? i know you never meant to let the fight between you three last this long, honey. they're good people who were just too young to see the mistake they made.” “...but that wasn't your decision to make, mom.”

the older woman sighs and rubs nonmc!reader's shoulder soothingly. “i know and i'm really sorry. it doesn't make up for anything but i really just wanted what's best for you.” “how's you being buddy buddy with caleb and mc best for me?” she snorts deprecatingly.

“well for one, i get to reunite the three of you right now.”

the way her mother says that with a comforting smile on her face made nonmc!reader feel a prickling sensation on her back. especially when the older woman's eyes flick over behind her and that smile widens that she recognizes was meant for welcoming guests; she didn't need to have psychic powers to correctly guess who it was.

“you grew out your hair, huh? i remembered you saying before that you liked it better short.”

the fast pounding of her heart was enough to make her feel as if she couldn't breathe, triggered by those words, better yet from who said them, like clockwork. nonmc!reader felt her clammy hands start to shake slightly again but she dug her nails into them to ground herself. she watches her mother look at her in silent encouragement before walking to another part of the house — presumably to join the family.

“come on, angel. are you really not going to look at us?”

playful but with barely hidden desperation, the familiar (after five years she had hoped it wasn't anymore) relaxed and slightly nasal yet carrying a deeper more mature version of caleb's voice sweetly enters her ears. inhaling once then exhaling slowly, nonmc!reader musters up all the courage she has to turn around.

and there they were — older but still every bit the same nonmc!reader vividly remembers.

mc, beautiful and confident, stands by the door with an excited smile on her perfectly framed face now devoid of any baby fat. unlike before though, she's showing off more of her body's curves with ever trendy clothes that accentuate them. in her hands, she's holding a small box of what appears to be cake from that bakery nonmc!reader always loved.

... and then there was him.

even taller than last time she saw caleb, he dwarfs both of nonmc!reader and mc much more easily with the growth spurt. his physique no longer lean and lanky, almost takes up all the space as he stands beside his pseudo-sister. his dark brown hair remains short and naturally messy which he pulls of even today. his features became more sharp, more handsome rather than boyish. it's stupid, really. makes nonmc!reader want to pull her hair out that his striking intense gaze still makes her feel warm. were his eyes always that deeply purple? and is he in uniform??

nonmc!reader watches caleb grin knowingly when he catches her lowkey ogling him. that son of a bitch.

“welcome home, sweetheart.” “welcome back!”

shit. she should've just stayed in that damn airplane. ____________________________________________________

can infold bring back valko? 'cause that's literally my wolf man

for someone so burly and intimidating, valko can be so easily scared. especially now, when the two of you decided to watch that horror film everyone was raging about a few months back, in your dimly lit apartment.

unable to fit himself on the small couch without squeezing you, valko sits on the floor instead with his back pressed up on it, one of your legs dangling on his broad shoulder. honestly? he takes up a big chunk of space either way. but it's not like you're complaining since you like the warmth he offers; it reminds you that he's here, sharing the moment with you.

“holy shit!”

his loud voice startles you more than the scene playing on the screen that you yelp in your seat, clutching the pillow tighter to your chest. “what the heck, valko! you're gonna bust my eardrums at this point!” you don't even realize he's gripping your ankle with his large hand until he was tugging it on beat with his response. “but babe! she suddenly stabbed her own face with the bottle! who does that?” he whines in an exaggerated manner. as the film continues, he decides to rest his head on your thigh, nuzzling against it and even biting your skin lightly for comfort before he reluctantly let his gaze return to the tv. times like these remind you of him being like a giant wolf, albeit heavily domesticated.

you feel valko tensing up once the scene changes into something much darker than before. he's silent as the night — no more commentary exchanged between you two. the lab work he's doing on his laptop is long forgotten as he's entirely invested on the remaining minutes of the film. you watch partly amused as his head twitches here and there from the various sounds he's hearing (he's regretting setting up that surround sound bullshit), as if trying to figure out where the danger is. he gets jumpscared a few more, with you reacting to his reaction like some dumb and dumber duo. this earns him a slap on his back or even a light kick from the heel of your foot every time which he makes up by massaging your leg.

realizing that his body is still so strung up despite the rolling of the end credits, your fingers move to touch the nape of his neck before ascending slowly to scratch his scalp with your nails. valko goes pliant instantly, sighing contently from your affectionate gesture. you think it's sweet that he's affected that much from the storyline.

“i wouldn't force you in that sort of life with me if you didn't like me at all.” he says loud enough for you to hear. that makes you smile and you give him a playful response to keep the mood light. “you'd probably spend your wish on something dumb like a fire breathing dragon.” “dragons are cool though. i get to ride 'em, so it's not a loss at all.” “yeah. until the dragon eats all of your loved ones and wreak chaos on earth.” on cue, valko immediately turns around to face you, features scrunched into a horrible expression that makes you laugh.

“oh anything but that, babe! i don't think i can take it if some dragon swallowed you whole for dinner.” he protests while wrapping his long arms around your waist to embrace you. you rolled your eyes at his theatrics before adjusting the glasses on his nose. “so what are you wishing for then? if you were in that same situation at the start.” his gaze flickers up to you curiously to check if the question was serious. when he finds you waiting expectantly, valko hums in thought before he grins. “that's hard you see, 'cause i wouldn't be such a pussy like him. i'd confess my undying love to you head on.”

you groan in faux annoyance, leaning your head back on the wall as you stare up at the ceiling. he lets out a deep chuckle when you attempt to push him away from holding you. “i'd give my wish to you if i had the chance.” he says once he realizes you weren't going to be satisfied with his first answer. valko intertwines your hand with his, raising it towards his lips so he could place a lingering kiss that he knows would get your stomach fluttering. “and if i still need to be the one who has to use it up,” he carries on once he sees you attentive on him. “i'd wish for you to be genuinely happy.”

you let his sweet words simmer in the room.

giving him a soft look which he returns just as much, you ruffle his hair with your free hand fondly. “what a well-trained pup.” “hey!” the moment breaks in a flash, making valko scowl in mock offense as he moves to stand slightly to trap you between him and the couch, his earphones dangling from his collar. “one more quip from you and i'll have to mark you up.” “you're really not gonna beat the allegations if you keep saying things like tha—!” you squeal as he attacks your ticklish sides with his fingers. your shared laughter bouncing off the walls, momentarily forgetting the time as he showers kisses to your face.

“have mercy! i give up!” you yell desperately as you clutch on his sweater. he stops, leaving the two of you breathless from the aftermath. “anything nice you'd like to say to me now, baby?” valko asks mischievously, giving your sides a playful squeeze. you hold back the cheeky comment in your mind about him genuinely looking like a pup asking for a reward because he did good and opted to cater to his request. “i love you so so so so so sooo much.” you say with a big smile and then craning your neck up so you could kiss him.

valko grins once you break from it, and hides his flustered face on the crook of your neck (he's that easy to tame), careful not to hurt you both with his glasses as he inhales your scent. he embraces you tightly and it makes you laugh softly in return. noticing that he plans to lift you up from the couch, you securely wrap your arms around him. “come on, let's get to bed. we have a busy day tomorrow.” he reminds you quietly as he holds you on one arm while his other reaches down to get the remote to turn off the tv before grabbing his closed laptop. “hmmm, i can't wait to watch you sleep in the dark..” “oh ho ho, don't even think about it.”

“sokka cycle!”

the moment he distracts everyone with his over the top appearance on one of the roofs, literally flying above to save the night with his contraption, you immediately follow after his lead — swiftly like a hunter on the ground.

you execute a series of complex chi blocking to the lined up unsuspecting individuals you ran towards, quickly immobilizing them, as sokka then drops down several water filled balloons to the remaining men surrounding katara, zuko, and toph.

“you feel non-benders now? that's my girlfriend, suckers!”

he shouts proudly in the sky while you make quick work of disarming the people your friends have taken down from their own elemental bending the moment they had a chance to do so again.

“your wife, sokka!” you correct him with an exasperated but fond look, reminding him of the fact the two of you had officially tied the knot just a few days ago.

“my wife! even better!” he grins as he slams one of his wheels to the face of one dude you don't even have the time to be sorry for.

you rolled your eyes (affectionately) at the way sokka laughed unbridled when he sees how successful his plan was with thwarting the newly turned air benders.

if there was one thing that never changed about him, it was his innate ability to be silly and scarily dependable at the same time amidst an ongoing battle.

“you just got denied!”

and let's not forget the puns. ____________________________________________________

a splash, a confession, and a..

adult!aang x f!reader | not proofread.

a/n: i may have modified the scenario a bit but i hope it's still good 4 u anon!

ever since the gaang put an end to the hundred year war with the fire nation, you have been living relatively well within the newly introduced republic city. you say it's because the place is like a dream — it's somewhere all the people of every nation can come and be together in peace. but the others (and you) know the real reason behind your stay.

“think fast!”

quickly snapping out of the daze you're in, you swiftly dodged the incoming stream of water coming towards you by redirecting it away with your hands. you, however, couldn't block the next small one sent to your face and it made you yelp and cough.

“oh shoot-”

rough but gentle hands touch your skin, wiping the wetness from your eyes and cheeks with all the care they could muster. when you flutter your eyelids open, you're met with the face of a worried aang. he catches your gaze and sheepishly smiles. “sorry, i thought you'd block it.”

you return his smile, the earlier spark of irritation dwindling when you find out it was him that playfully splashed you.

“how'd you know i was here?” you ask with a curious tilt of your head. you didn't tell anyone that you were going to train by the river this afternoon. you watch as aang stands up to his full height, immediately dwarfing your frame by almost one head. he scratches his nape and averts his gaze from you, a tell tale sign of his nervousness.

“i sort of... well, definitely, i guess... tracked you?”

you blink once in surprise. “oh.. okay.”

he blinks back in equal surprise. “okay?”

“you're the avatar. i don't think it's hard for you to do that kind of thing.. i think?”

once he's done with his initial fumble, aang smiles and nods in agreement, putting both his hands on his hips. “yeah. t-that's about right. master of the four elements and all that.” you looked at him amusedly, wondering why he was acting unusually awkward around you. you decide to help him out by changing the subject. “so, i take it you're done with your duties for the day?”

it was aang's turn to watch you as you resume the stance you were in before he came and began to move your hands in a hypnotic rhythm, the water flowing in the river following your every action.

“uh huh. nothing adventurous though, just needed to attend something that required the avatar's presence.” “so a fancy type of duty, huh?” “i think it's even more tiring than stopping bandits.” you laugh at that.

the quiet lasts for a few seconds before he speaks up. “so sokka was there. and zuko.” “really? how'd that go? i think it's been about weeks since we all last saw each other.”

you hear him hum beside you, glancing just in time to see him start to copy you, joining in on your passive exercise.

“about that,” a look of contemplation flashes in his expression before he stares at you. “they actually said something funny.” a raise of your brow urged him to continue. “sokka said, well, actually more like asked me about it which i found odd at first because i thought he was kidding or something but then zuko told me that they weren't lying or anything like that-” “aang, what did he ask about?”

“oh. they asked if you, uhm.. have... told me you loved me yet?”

his words startle you to the point that it breaks your concentration, the water beneath your ankles shake as you stand straight, your hands dropping from its raised position.

“uhh.. what?” you stupidly ask, denial in your brain from what you've just heard. “sokka asked if you told me you loved me yet.” he repeats clearer. he says your name in a question, looking down at you with a hopeful(?) expression you're probably imagining on him.

“yeah?” “is it true? you love me?”

you feel your hands clamming up, chest tightening as you bite your bottom lip from the sheer anxiousness that you have. you're going to murder those two once you see them.

you stop gnawing at it when you feel his thumb parting your lips, aang's brows furrowed in concern at your action before giving you an almost shy smile.

“because, you know... or actually you don't know yet,” he inhales and then exhales deeply before meeting your expectant gaze. “i have been quite inlove with you for a while.”

if you thought you couldn't breathe properly before, you're sure the air inside you just got taken away by aang. quite ironic since he's the last airbender and all.

“d-define awhile?” “...since the day i met you?” he responds with an uncertain laugh.

you don't know what came over you. maybe it's the way you could feel aang's hand trembling as he holds your chin. or maybe it's the way you could see how adorably out of his zone he is waiting for your reply. or maybe it's because you were simply tired of hiding your feelings.

you reach for the collar of his yellow tunic, tugging it down. you see how he yelps but otherwise obeyed, ducking down until you're both face to face. he mutters your name again, searching for an answer written in your expression.

“i do. i love you.”

after you've said those five words, you took a leap of faith and kissed him. what immediately followed was unlike anything your fantasy could ever replicate for you. aang melts in the kiss you shared and grabbed the nape of your neck and your waist, holding you close as he reciprocates and even deepens it.

it lasted for a couple of truly heavenly seconds, before you two had to break apart for oxygen.

“..okay?” he pants. “okay.” you answer just as breathless as he is.

you catch his half lidded gaze and it makes you laugh at how wrecked he looked. how much more could you be if he's like that?

he joins in on your laughter and yours become more prominent when aang lifts you up and twirls you around. you hug him once he stops and you nuzzle your face on the crook of his neck.

“we're both stupid.” you hear him comment and you snort. “i'd say oblivious and dense but that could work too.”

aang tightens his hold on your waist and hums in content when he kisses your temple.

“doesn't matter. it all worked out in the end quite nicely.”

“this is so not fair...” you mutter as you watch by the sidelines how your long time partner aang, the avatar and last airbender, gets crowded by his multitude of fangirls and fanboys the moment he gets off of appa in republic city. “how is this fair? he's been gone for weeks and now that he's here, i can't even give him a hug!” you say exasperatedly to the waterbender beside you. katara chuckles and gives your shoulder a comforting pat. “i hear you, (y/n).”

hearing the amusement in her tone, you groan in embarrassment at your behavior. you raise your hands to cover your face from view. “i'm acting like a kid.” “hey. it's not as if aang doesn't miss you. i'm sure he's eager to catch up with you just as much as you do with him.”

at her words, you bring your hands down low enough for your narrowed eyes to stare menacingly at the unfolding scene in front of you. “does that look like he's eager to catch up? he's practically drowning himself with the praises of those giggling women. wait, what the— did that one just grabbed his bicep?!” you gasp out in disbelief, wide eyed and jaw open. you could see in your peripheral vision katara crossing her arms and looking every bit entertained. “those are some pretty big biceps.”

feeling betrayed by her comment, you turn your whole focus to her and dramatically pointed an accusing finger. “whose side are you on exactly?” katara rolls her eyes good naturedly as she swats your hand away from her face. “look, it's not really that hard to see that aang grew up to be an attractive young guy. people notice that kind of thing and like it or not, it tends to draw attention. just, ehh.. take a look at my annoying brother.”

a beat of silence passes before you sigh. “gosh, i get that.” you respond with a pout as you glance once again at aang who was still awkwardly interacting with the people surrounding him. at least the woman wasn't touching him anymore (what a relief).

“it's just sort of weird, you know? i've liked aang since we were just barely teens. even when he was smaller than me and like had noodle limbs as arms and when girls made fun of him for being hairless-” you hear katara snort at the term you used. “-i thought he was cute!” you finish before letting out another sigh, feeling quite stupid for the jealousy.

when you look back at katara, she gives you another one of her gentle smiles meant to ease your worries. touched by her sweetness, you dramatically launched yourself at her, draping your arms around her neck and whined. “what would i do without you here, katara?” you hear her laugh, thoroughly entertained with your antics as she rubs a soothing circular motion on your back. “you've loved every version of aang, (y/n). i think that's proof enough that you're the one that's meant to be by his side.”

not yet done with your sulking, you answer her statement with a quip. “well, i love kid aang the best. i wish i could turn back time and give a noogie at his bald head.”

“now, why would you say that?”

the familiar cool light-hearted voice catches you off guard that you lean away from katara to quickly stare at the tall, muscular, charming man behind you. butterflies erupt at your stomach when you catch aang already giving you an affectionate look.

“because uhm you know it's well haha-” you find yourself stammering as each second ticks by, his eyes swirling with mirth as he patiently listens to you.

“aaand, that's my cue to leave. it's nice to see you again, aang. come visit my place when you have the time!” katara waves him off and practically rushes out. “see you!” he replies with a smile and waves back before his gaze drags back to your flustered form, smile turning into a playful grin.

“you were saying?”

you scowl at him, mortified and feigning irritation. you ignore his question to ask him one of your own. “had fun with your fanclub?” aang hums in contemplation, mischief oozing off of him. “they certainly were a lively bunch.”

when he sees your expression remained in a pouty frown, eyes averted from him, aang breaks out in a soft look and without warning, hoisted you up in the air with his arms around your waist. you yelp and held on tight to him, and when he's finally got your undivided attention, he speaks. “it would've been much more fun if i was able to do this the second my feet hit the ground though.”

you scoff but you couldn't hide the flush of your cheeks from him nor the satisfied reaction you had. “look at you. when did you become such a smooth talker?” “what do you mean, (y/n)? i was always this good with my words.” “wow, you're so brazen today, aren't you aang?”

you watch enthralled as he cups one of your cheeks with his large palm, caressing it with his thumb before gently guiding your head down until your noses were touching. “i missed you every day i was away. can't believe i finally get to see, touch, and hear you again.” he utters devotedly before aang bridges the gap between you two and connect his lips with yours.

well. that definitely solved whatever issue you had with him.

“look at me,”

even though those three words weren't anything special, i couldn't help but be drawn to them. maybe it was because of his deep raspy voice that led me to obey him.

or maybe because it was sylus himself that said it which captivated me to.

it wasn't long before i was gazing at his face.

as usual, the (barely) hidden pained expression he wore when looking at me twisted something in my heart.

“do you still not remember?” the slight tremor at the end of his question is unmistakable. does it signify his frustration? his grievance? both? i can't ever tell with him.

i watch him heave out a quiet sigh, his head turning away. his hands are clenched tightly beside him. i don't know why, but that certain action sent another pang in my chest.

“...will you ever remember?” he murmurs quietly in the dark, but i hear him anyway. i guess it's because he wanted me to — nothing is ever accidental with the leader of onychinus.

the space between us, despite being several feet apart, suddenly becomes suffocating for me. the feeling of being trapped resurfaces unconsciously. the invisible wall i have come to associate with his guarded personality that hinders us from growing closer, becomes wider and wider.

“i'm not her.” i find myself saying faintly. i knew my words to be a truth and a lie at the same time.

“the person that you're looking for is gone.” a thousand years ago (or so he told me) since she passed.

the tense silence urges me to continue baring my thoughts out loud. “we may have the same face and possess the same traits but that doesn't mean anyone gets to define me through her actions. i'm a deepspace hunter living in linkon city. i want to fight off wanderers and protect others. i want to uncover my own past. i wasn't the one that cursed you to be with me in every lifetime, sylus.”

it seems i've hit the spot when he takes a deep breath, his attention returning to my form. while i still had the courage, i wanted to call him out harshly but i underestimated the overwhelming emotions within my body.

“...why can't you understand that?” this time around, i notice it was my voice that shakes as my vision starts to blur from the tears that prick my eyes without my permission.

i felt embarrassed of my reaction but also just really exhausted from the constant pretending i have been okay in front of him. to be compared so often to a past version of myself i can't recall is truly a different experience from anything i've ever had. especially if it's done by the man i have secretly fallen for these past months of visiting the n109 zone.

his voice that softly speaks my name pulls me away from the plague inside my mind. the way he's now hovering near me, fingers hesitantly reaching out to touch my hand reminds me of why we're here in the first place. it was another failed attempt to resonate.

though it's not because of fear towards him at this point, i realize. it was because of doubt.

doubt of this budding relationship between us. and of his sincere feelings for me.

“when you look at me,” his hand stops moving and he lets me finish. “do you only ever see her?”

i think i'll never forget how vividly i watched his striking red eyes flash panic in them — a rare sight indeed — his features contorting into a clear crestfallen look.

how exactly do we move forward from this? is there a way that will allow us to live freely and separately from our cruel fate? or have we already succumbed to it by being here directly facing one another?

i didn't even realize i was sobbing pathetically until sylus embraced me tightly. i can't believe i cried again in front of him, but there's no helping it really. it's like my existence fades away whenever he probes for that person in my head.

i wonder if he'll ever stop searching for her in me.

strangely enough, i find the idea of him never giving up comforting. ____________________________________________________

this is such an unexpected milestone because i have been in a constant writer's block these past months tt_tt every one of you are literally bringing me back to life by engaging on the work i publish (definitely love love LOVE replying to people who comment their thoughts on what they've read)

it was idealistic of nonmc!reader to think she could just travel someplace far and then everything would be okay. ignoring the past, especially people she's been involved with, could only go for so long. for her, it lasted about almost a month before she received an email from an account she knew all too well.

caleb's letter was direct — “why are you avoiding us?” — needing no introduction whatsoever. so much for a warm greeting. she could only sigh in disappointment. if only she didn't need to create a neat professional username, he wouldn't have found her so early on. she looks at the text for a few minutes. she chooses not to answer, leaving it on her inbox instead.

the next day, it was mc's turn to send one. she started with a simple “hi. it's been so long since we've talked,” and then went off telling her about a lot of things. she learned how to knit because of granny. she finished the last season of the show the two of them used to watch together. she signed up to be in the student council for the new school term. she made a new friend named tara, who she thinks is really pretty. but mostly she went on about how she felt about nonmc!reader moving away without notice and how it affected them.

even though it wasn't her place, she also started speaking about caleb and everything that he's been up to since. nonmc!reader doesn't realize that she's been smiling at her screen as she begins to imagine him finally being able to pursue his childhood dream as a pilot — probably geeking out on the inside but still showing how cool he is on the outside. her thoughts unintentionally wander to that time the three of them were in his room, both girls looking starry-eyed at his collection of figurine aeroplanes.

she remembered the way he was laser focused on teaching her a thing or two about aerodynamics. teased her to listen and not get distracted as they giggled and kept pushing each other playfully. she wanted to touch one of the aeroplane and see up close its detailed design but he didn't let her, afraid to take it out from its delicate casing and ruin it. mc accidentally breaks a different one in less than several minutes and nonmc!reader was left to watch sat on his bed how caleb softly reassured the crying girl that it was okay. that it didn't matter. it was just some toy that he could replace.

that left a sour taste in her mouth back then and even now.

nonmc!reader decides to close her laptop and go about exploring what the new place has to offer her, not reading the rest of mc's letter anymore. both their face and voice haunt her dreams when she slept that night — unable to erase it from her mind.

this then goes on for weeks.

the two send her their own set of emails, all varying in content and length. most of the time, nonmc!reader would be too angry (at herself and at them) to even check what they've said. but on the rare night she feels the melancholic urge to return things to how they are, that twinge of regret coursing through her body, she curiously scrolls through each unread letter, memorizing all the words and the emotions overflowing in them despite the lingering ache.

nonmc!reader feels their nostalgia when they reminisce about memories the three of them made, their regret of not seeing what she was going through, their sorrow for not being there with her physically, and their own hurt and anger at her choices of staying away and leaving them both. “do they even know what exactly they're saying sorry for? do they really understand the alienation i felt whenever i was around them? they say all these things but then do something different in front of me. do they think i'm a pushover? a martyr? even when i'm gone, they have each other, as siblings or even as... but what about me? what am i left to have?” she ends up deleting all the piled up emails from them in frustration. she contemplates whether or not to block them. she doesn't.

they don't stop sending despite her not responding. the fact that she reads through them (they have a third party software that lets them know she's opened the email) is good enough for now.

when university starts, nonmc!reader, with her efforts, find friends that encourage her to try living life as freely as she can; to not let anything stop herself from getting her own happiness. she hasn't felt this fulfilled in a while, devoid of any insecurities and envy within her circle. she divulge her history with caleb and mc to them in month one. she figured she needed outside perspective of the matter. it took some time but a standpoint was made in month three. she concluded what needed to be done in month five when she sees the two's persistence of contacting her. they've made it clear they know she still cares because she always often read their emails. she feels a mix of embarrassment and resentment of their hold on her. “you two really are meant for each other — one and the same in making me feel like shit despite me trying and wanting to move on.”

nonmc!reader responds to them in month six. a short email addressed to both their accounts. she just accept that she's tired of the connection. she concludes that the love she feels for the two (platonic and romantic) isn't enough reason for her to keep hurting herself. they'll be fine, she figures. it was always going to be caleb and mc through everything since they were kids. she was only around them for a couple of years in their adolescence. hardly anything important happening there. it was always inevitable she'll drift off. it's fine. it's not like she hasn't felt rejection from someone she liked before. it was going to be fine.

“you don't have to message me anymore. i'm happy here so i don't think i can continue still being friends with either of you. thank you for all your stories. i hope you two well in the future. good luck with everything. i'm sorry.”

she stops receiving emails from them after that.

next part ____________________________________________________

the first time you requested something like that, gojo didn't really think much about it. after all, it was not out of context of what you two were doing as of the moment — baking a simple recipe of chocolate chip cookies.

“can you act nerdy for me?”

he wore that cheap black thick-framed glasses you bought him last time and made sure to yap nonstop about different baking techniques and delve on how it impacts the texture, structure, and flavor of the specific sweets he frequently orders. the roleplay got to him and he ended up eating you out on the kitchen counter as if you were the most sweetest dessert he's ever tasted, the chocolate chip cookies left forgotten.

the second time around, he huffed out a disbelieving laugh. was this going to be a thing now? he thought amusedly as he listened to your idea attentively while the two of you were lounging on the bed.

“act like you're the president of a frat house.”

gojo takes out his red cap collecting dust on one of his wardrobes (he hasn't worn this since he was like fifteen), and put it on backwards on top of his head. he then wore the sluttiest tightest black shirt he owns paired with gray baggy sweatpants, accentuating his hard earned muscles. he already has the cocky attitude, he only needed to change his clothes. he was really good with his words, degrading and praising you simultaneously as you take all of him. you felt really humiliated and turned on when he makes you watch in the mirror.

when you request again not even a few days later, gojo respectfully¿ pins you down on the floor, a teasing grin on his face. you can't see his eyes due to the blindfold, but you know he's commiting to memory the way you looked flushed underneath him as you coax him to just do what you wanted.

“come on, act like a cowboy with your terrible english southern accent.”

he comes along as you rent a full costume for him in one of those stores near your area. you laughed a lot as he passionately play pretend in public, uncaring of the incredulous looks people give him. you join in on the fun, having a full blown water gun fight on your street. the moment you two returned home, he puts the hat on top of your head. and you know what they say about that. wear the hat, ride the cowboy (and you did a couple of times). he bought the costume the next day, not wanting to return it.

he's enthusiastic the following mornings and nights, eagerly waiting for your next request. you notice this so you keep a low profile instead to tease him. and then, for one of your dates, gojo took you to play ice hockey, remembering you telling him it was a sport you wanted to try doing. he even had the full outfits ready for you and him to wear.

“heh, you can definitely pass as a big league hockey player.”

the moment he hears you say that, it's like something clicked in his brain. he gazes at you mischievously before the look disappears and he continues to glide along the ice, playing with you and even teaching you some basic tricks he managed to learn (he went a few times on his own to practice just so he could flex). you were confused though when he follows you inside the female dressing room when you were just about to change back to your casual clothes. he corners you and tells you he deserves a reward for winning the world championship, all with a straight face. you were stammering out a reply, unprepared for the scenario but he just hoists you up and trapped you between him and one locker. it was a good thing he booked the place all to yourselves or people would have a field day with the atrocities you two got on.

unfortunately for both of you, he became busy for a while. you couldn't handle seeing ichiji beg for gojo to answer the higher ups call so you convinced him to accept already, just so poor ichiji can catch a break. he went on back-to-back missions that only the strongest sorcerer could accomplish for almost a month. you were surprised when you finally catch him at home, blindfold still on as he drapes himself lazily on the couch, man spreading with some buttons of his uniform undone. exhaustion was clearly written on his body language. he wordlessly invited you with an outstretched hand, wanting to just bask in your presence. once you've taken it, he settled you on his lap.

“just as i thought. the best type of gojo satoru is gojo satoru just being himself.”

they meet up at granny's house, where nonmc!reader interacts with mc, who's three years younger than them. she's ecstatic to play with another girl in her home so both of the girls bond that afternoon. caleb sees this and decides to make her their friend that same day.

nonmc!reader considers caleb as her closest companion. she has always been grateful for the friendship he offered. she tells him everything about her — the good, the bad, and in-between. it's rare for her to have someone by her side who is just like herself; a person who has someone younger than them (she's got a lot of siblings) to take care of while juggling different responsibilities and carrying the expectations of people.

she tells him that she's there for him the way that he is with her. he can tell nonmc!reader anything, and she'd gladly shoulder all of it with him. caleb always humbly declines with a quiet laugh. she figures it's just him being nice and thoughtful about her own burdens. she doesn't know it yet, but it's because he only allows himself to be vulnerable around mc, openly sharing his thoughts with her.

she's always around the two throughout the years. all the birthdays, most special holidays, and some bad days when caleb and mc need her presence. of course she'll say yes and go, why wouldn't she? nonmc!reader loves them both dearly to the point of no return. they've wormed themselves inside her life that she's sure they own a piece of her soul.

then without really meaning to, what started of as friendship in nonmc!reader's eyes grew into something more. she begins to wonder what it's like to be spoiled and be showered with unbridled attention of caleb. she wonders how it feels to have his warm yet intense gaze focused on her, that special sort of smile appearing on his face as he shows his clear adoration to the woman. she also begins to feel envious of mc's ability to be the center of attention, capturing not only her (nonbiological) big brother's heart but everyone else's with her beauty and personality. not to mention, her sense of fashion alongside her wardrobe is something she inspires to have.

nonmc!reader can't help but overthink her place in caleb 's life. the more she thinks about the way he treats her, the more she notices just how different it is compared to how he treats mc. sure, maybe it's because they're brother and sister, but for someone who has always been told “i'm so lucky to have you here by my side,” by him, it didn't really feel like much if she's always second best, the second option, the second person he runs to, and least of all the other woman. it just doesn't feel nice. it hurt. terribly.

call it impulsive or plain stupid but nonmc!reader decides to busy herself with her academic performance, joining a club and an organization to keep her busy enough as to not interact much with the two at school. she also becomes more present in her home, volunteering to do almost every chore so she'd have an excuse to pass on invites or cancel on them.

this goes on until highschool graduation. caleb tells nonmc!reader that he misses her. not them but him. he admits he's worried about the distance and that he doesn't want anything changing between him and her. she doesn't know why, but that thought made her chest ache. “does he really only see me as a friend?” her mind thinks. she begins to smile and laugh again with him when they spend the whole event glued to each other. he was even touchier than usual. it was weird. a good kind of weird for her because she hoped. hoped for a chance. hoped for an opening.

the moment vanishes when mc finds caleb and nonmc!reader to congratulate them. just like that, he orbits around only her, completely forgetting the other (she couldn't even have a photo with him).

nonmc!reader promises them both that she'll tell them which university she'll be going to. that way, the three of them can align their schedules to continue meeting like old times. she captures the perfect image of caleb and mc hugging each other and softly looking at one another in her phone. it will serve as a reminder of her own love for the two but also of the constant pain they bring to her poor yearning soul.

after that faithful day, nonmc!reader leaves for a new country, far from everything she's ever known for a new beginning. she wants to think about only herself for once. she then deactivate her account, change her number, and even told her family to keep any news about her a secret from anyone else.

even though it was hard, nonmc!reader lives her days contently despite knowing that some part of her soul is in the hands of the two people she had come to know and love. she doesn't know it yet, but caleb and mc have made a vow to find her and bring her back home to them.

it takes him a moment (two minutes and five seconds to be precise) to process the information. he's just standing there in front of the random convenience store he's supposed to be passing by, gazing dumbly at your photo on the cover page. all dolled up in style he never really pegged you to like, your natural hair color nowhere in sight, and weaing make up that complimented you so so good. and your poses? god. he thinks the overall quality of your photo is borderline pornographic. it was a masterpiece.

was that really you? or was he just projecting the hidden regret he has when he let you slip away from his grasp? (entirely his fault by the way.)

it didn't help that he was feeling sentimental as of late when yuuji and his other students curiously asked him if he's got someone who he considers his TOTGA.

“thot what?” his amusement can't be covered when he lets them explain properly the trending lingo to him.

“oh.” he just simply responds when they tell him it stands for ‘the one that got away’. he cackles at their annoyed huffs when he refuses to give them a decent answer. satoru would lay awake staring at the ceiling that same night.

last he heard from one of your friends, you left to some country because your foreign mother, who was divorced to your japanese father, took you in to spend some more time with you. he remembered vividly your last words to him when he broke up with you. he concluded then that you were really genuine about it.

“i never want to see you again.”

your words continue to ring true as he waits his turn to pay for the magazine in his hand. his tall stature awkward and out of place in front of the female cashier, especially when she raises a brow at what he's intending to buy. he didn't even know you were back in japan or that you were working in the modeling industry.

“you're short one dollar, sir.” “ah.”

satoru should've brought his wallet. he really should have. he didn't think he'd purchase anything when he went out for a nightly stroll around the area to distract his wandering mind. with a small smile, he wordlessly takes the magazine back to where it was originally placed.

he would never have even a small piece of you back to his side, will he?

gamerboyfriend!kenma who always wants to play with you. it doesn't matter what genre it is, if it's on mobile or a desktop, or if it's solo or multiplayer; he just wants to experience it firsthand with you by his side.

gamerboyfriend!kenma will schedule dates specifically for trying out the new games he's bought (sometimes even streaming them when you've given him permission) then immediately wanting to hear your thoughts about it. he'll impress you by levelling up and being good at it when you say that you love the game. otherwise, he'll most likely just finish the gameplay for streaming content and then never touch it again.

gamerboyfriend!kenma is competitive even with you. he'd annihilate you in every player versus player mode but he'll also be the person who teaches you how the combos work and the perfect strategies to win and be better.

gamerboyfriend!kenma that is attuned to your mood shifts. you're a good sport but sometimes repeatedly losing even if it is as silly as a game gets to you. you dislike the feeling of being incompetent and not being able to measure up to kenma's expertise in gaming (to be fair he's in a whole different level). unnecessary thoughts wandering around your mind that maybe he'd prefer it if he was with someone that is more like him. he notices quick when you grow timid. your smile not as big as earlier and your posture a bit rigid on the chair beside him. “is this even fun for you? it's like you're barely doing any effort." you try to pass it off as a teasing remark, wincing internally when it just sounds deprecating.

gamerboyfriend!kenma who exits the game in a hearbeat, standing up from his gaming chair and pulling you with him as he goes to lay you two on the bed. when your confused and slightly pouty face comes to view he just murmurs a soft "cuddle time." not one to deny yourself of his sweet embrace, you wrap your arms around his slim waist and practically melt on top of him. he caresses your hair gently and places a kiss on your temple. with a content sigh, he says that he loves you very much and that he's grateful you're sticking around to be with him even though he literally does streaming as sort of a job rather than just a simple hobby. you quickly forget about why you were feeling frustrated in the first place.

gamerboyfriend!kenma who cheers for your wins over him. "did i...really just win?" "i told you you could do it, pretty." he makes sure you remember them instead of your loses by having your conversations all about it and letting you yap his ear off about how you really can't wrap your head around how you won or that you're sure it was just a fluke. kenma would even go as far as flex it on his social media. his friends always tell him he's such a simp. kuroo outs him whenever he's got the chance that kenma actually does go easy on you on rare times (when he can see that you clearly really really want to win), which kenma glares at him for. you'd laugh it off and with a fond smile on your face you'd reply a simple "i know."

gamerboyfriend!kenma who just really really wants to spend every hour of his day being in your presence.

____________________________________________________

the protest dies in your throat when he cradles your face with both of his warm palms, the natural mix scent of sweat, gunpowder, and burnt caramel invading your nose.

“don't sell yourself short. you're my girlfriend for a reason.”

he gives you a wild grin that could pass off as totally menacing, but you knew what it really is — a look that meant he genuinely, confidently, believed you could surpass the challenge you're in.