रमता जोगी

I had set an alarm to wake up early to revise for my exam. The alarm rang, so I turned it off and kept sleeping. Then I dreamt that I was revising for my exam. I'd like a break.

I never thought we'd be in a situation where multiple times a day we would call our relatives, even the ones we haven't spoken to for years, friends and acquaintances just to ask whether they are alright. That they weren't hit by any stray drone-missile debris, but here we are. Woke up this morning due to a loud blast of a missile being intercepted like a few minutes away from where I live. Three nights of watching the news to see my city being a recurring name in the list of attacked cities. I mean it truly is a weird experience to watch drones going boom in the air(thanks to the Indian defense system) live in news from your own city along with the visuals of destruction in many cities. We're living through historical events.

I don't know how to feel about booktok. On one hand I'm happy that women(i mean people in general, but let's say women for popular beliefs and stereotype's sake) are engaging and enjoying with all sorts of genres and particularly openly accepting erotica as something they enjoy but on the other hand i really don't like this generalised notion that all women only read romance or erotica. No one reduces a man's reading tastes and hobbies to one thing alone but why can't women enjoy different genres? It's kind of annoying that even women themselves are making reels and stuff pretty much insinuating that if you see a woman with a book it's probably smut. And so many men are also backing off of booktok and bookstagram to gain a female following and pretty much making a joke, chuckling to themselves like 'women☕! all they read is smut'. I don't believe that smut is a bad thing or that women shouldn't read it but we can like a whole variety of things. Why do people necessarily need to go on the extreme spectrums of things?

my bachelors is going to end in about a month or two. I'm considering all sorts of colleges for my master's. I've never been so nervous in my whole life. Don't get me wrong, I usually have a general level of panic persisting inside me at all times but as the BA is ending the level of panic is gradually increasing. What if I lose a perfectly good opportunity simply because of ignorance? What if I'm not accepted into the university that I want to attend? What if I go there and find that I'm the dumbest one there? What if I just don't have it in me to be successful? Like everywhere i look, people in the field I want to go into are so put together. They are better informed than I am, they've had better teachers and resources, they are doing so well in navigating the actual world. Studying, getting grades and living off of others' approval has been most of my life but as I'm getting closer to stepping in the real world, I'm more and more terrified of uncertainty. I want to be successful, knowledgeable and do so many things but what if I don't have what it takes? Not only that but I'm scared of making the wrong choice in choosing my master's. I love psychology and I love literature. I want to go for MA in psychology but what if I should be choosing MA in english literature? I don't want to regret choosing a year or two from now. I don't want to start over. I mean I love both but what if I make a bad psychologist? Am I just overreacting? I mean nobody else in my batch is panicking like this. I feel dizzy and hot. this is awful.

Why aren't there more fan arts of ninth house and hell bent?? I can't survive like this