world's end rhapsody

I think the last time I made a long post like this about my life was in roughly maybe 6 or 7 months?  It’s definitely been a while and I vaguely remember it being when I admitted to the guy I was interested in that I was, in fact, interested in him... News flash!  He and I have been dating officially for about 6 months now.  But in general since we have started talking more, we have gotten extremely close and eventually started to officially date.  I’ve also recently introduced him to my brother over the weekend so it is in fact very much serious lol.  Honestly, it’s been a very interesting 6 months with him in many ways I can’t fully explain but... I am happy.  He and I have become extremely close, I think it helped that we got along extremely well before we even started officially dating and we think alike on a lot of things so it helped us develop?  In terms of us growing together and whatnot.  But to make a long story short and not super goddamn cheesy, I’m happy.

Another thing has been work.  Yes, the boyfriend and I still currently work with each other but we have kept our relationship on the [extreme] downlow, more because we don’t feel it’s anyone’s business to know we are dating but also because I have been trying to get promoted to full time and I did not want to ruin my chances if we were to make it public...  He also agreed with me on both points so it’s not like this was just a me decision.  The past month in regards of work has been very interesting for both he and I.  He got promoted to a supervisor, courtesy of our lead supervisor leaving and moving to another store.  This started a chain of promotions/possible promotions, and I was in the running of finally, finally, FINALLY getting a goddamn position that I worked and busted my goddamn ass for the whole motherfucking year.

Basically, since my lead supervisor left, it created an opening of my boyfriend to get promoted to a supervisor.  Now, my boyfriend’s position at the time is actually what I wanted to get, but because I cannot jump as an associate to a key holder, they decided to move around people.  I may not be in the section of the store I am familiar and good with, but I don’t doubt in my mind I will do good in where I am.

I’m not exactly sure why but I’m not overjoyed like I should be.  Maybe because I feel like I worked so hard and this is not my end goal, so it’s still more of me busting my ass?  I also just feel like my family doesn’t care that I finally got promoted...  they never understood the work I do, especially it being retail and it being a furniture store with a LOT of heavy lifting (especially in the area I’ve been working in.)  And I constantly just keep getting told “why don’t you apply to ___?  You’ll be making ____ dollars instead” when it’s all these jobs I’m just not at all interested in.  My brother is probably the worst one of all, because it’s like he pressures me to go back and get my degree but I don’t even know what I want to get a degree in anymore, so all these suggestions he makes just sounds like “Alyssa, do this because I said so.”

Like I’m very grateful for finally getting promoted, getting recognized and praised for all the work I have done... but I just don’t feel as happy as I should.  I don’t know, maybe in a couple of months I’ll feel a little bit better but right now I’m kind of like... I don’t know how to feel.