♡

My eyes glanced at the paintings inside the closet, splashes of paint and crayon decorating even the ceiling. I would have thought these were made by children if we weren’t in this hell, alas, in our time here we would be smart to think this was created by Caine, like everything else.

Jax huffed as he stood by the door. It’s obvious he was just as exasperated to be here as I was.

Right, I almost forgot why we’re in here, it’s a free day and Caine is nowhere to be seen, among all the activities we could muster up in the board, the others decided to play 7 minutes in heaven… Yes, 7 minutes in heaven, because we truly are bored adults. I honestly thought it was better to go to the lake, and probably Gangle wanted that too, but because it was Zooble’s idea, she just ignored everything else.

I turned to the bunny as he sat in front of me, not too close, but enough to speak without being heard outside. Jax rolled his eyes and sighed even louder, glancing at me. “…This is so dumb.” He muttered, voice low but not quite annoyed anymore. If anything he looked almost flustered, which is weird, but he doesn’t like being forced into these intimate things, so I understand. One of his hands went to his cheek as his elbow rested on his leg, getting into a relatively comfortable posture. 

“Yep... Since when is this closet here?” I muttered, deciding I wasn’t gonna lose anything by making little conversation. 

Jax then craned his neck to look around the cramped space, shelves lined with random junk. “Huh. We’ve been here months and we never noticed this?” He sounded genuinely surprised for once. “Can’t believe it, actually something new in this trash and it’s a kids closet.”

I huffed, my body reclining against the wall. “I hate this game, it's so boring. What are we supposed to be doing?”

Jax snorted. “Pfft, supposed to kiss or whatever.” He said flatly, like the idea was absurd. “But hell no. I don’t do mushy crap.”

“You don't do, and I don't know how to do mushy things.” As soon as that was out of my mouth, Jax blinked, his pupils softening just a tiny bit. “…Wait. You’ve never kissed anyone?” He sounded more surprised than teasing, his head moving away from the comfort of his hand, and even his posture was stiff. Did it surprise him that much?

“I had my first kiss, but... It's been years since I've been in a relationship.” I added sadly, with a small smile to try and make him think it wasn’t a big deal.

He just stared, his usual smirk completely gone. “… Years?” He repeated, voice lower now. “[CENSORED].”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that despite the weird, gloomy ambient. 

Jax scratched his ear absently, then shrugged one shoulder. “I mean… I’ve had relationships before? But they all sucked.” He said it casually. “Not like it’s the end of the world, it was crazy how others in relationships were needy and always in constant search for attention. It was annoying and besides that, a total pain. If this day is special, then you have to get something, don’t you dare miss this or they’ll get mad, do this or we’ll break up, etc, etc. It’s a headache.”

“Yeah, well, I never really got that, but I understand why that would bother you. I didn't care that much, but at the same time nobody ever wanted me like that, and the ones that did were creeps. And don’t think this troubles me, it’s been some time since I accepted the fact that I’ll have no romance in my life.” I muttered, glancing up at the emptiness of our surroundings, not a single sound could be heard from outside.

The silence stretched, yet it didn’t feel as awkward as before. I felt… Strangely comfortable.

“That actually explains so much about you.”

Scratch that.

“Like what, exactly?” I looked at him once more, crossing my arms.

Jax pulled up his arms in defense, the corners of his mouth tugged upwards, back to his familiar smirk. “I just meant-” His smile dimmed just a tad. “Now I know why you’re always so against being hugged by the rest.”

I stared at him with widened eyes, he had read me so well, too well. 

Jax and I don’t have much history together, we never got into arguments or anything like that, nonetheless, I had decided to steer away from him because of all the hurt he could and has caused to others due to his obvious unresolved issues with the past in the circus. Sometimes it’s like watching a mirror, both of us masking to survive, and when it gets too much we either cry to ourselves or hurt others. I never thought I-

“But hey, that’s basically ancient history. You said so.” Jax stated, his eyes gleaming, like he suddenly had an amazing idea. “You are like, the perfect target for pranks. Do you know that? How have I never used this to my advantage before-” He suddenly cut himself off, his smirk grew bigger, into a full-on evil grin. “Ooooh, I’m gonna be having some fun with this information….” He practically purred, rubbing his hand together like a villain. 

He looked way too pleased with himself, and sincerely, I didn’t mind much. This was better than seeing him sulking.

Subsequently, the silence came back, and Jax seemed to relax before glancing at me yet again. In the midst of the silence, the bunny moved to sit beside me, and the darkness of the closet didn’t feel as cold anymore with him near.

“So. Uh. Does that mean you… Like, hate being touched? Or being close to people? Or, y’know. Any kind of physical contact at all?” Jax uttered, his eyes always forward, a steady look on the door.

My lips curved into a soft smile. “I… Like being asked first, then of course people can hug me. If I see it coming, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure you wanna give me this kind of power?” I turned to him, bewildered at the question. His words were teasing, but his tone wasn’t, he looked oddly gentle and so out of what I’ve always seen, it’s like seeing a different person beneath all that malicious person he made for himself.

“Why not? I like seeing you being nice. You can be… Kind.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

Jax’s entire body went stiff, ears flattened against his head, eyes widening as if I’d just said the worst thing ever. For a long moment, he didn’t move, didn’t even breathe. Then, in a voice that was definitely too high-pitched to be casual. “Wha- Me?! Kind?? What the- NO-” He yanked his whole body up, scrambling to the far corner of the closet, practically hissing like an offended cat. “I am not kind! I am a jerk! I’m selfish! I’m a sarcastic bastard who loves to bully literally anyone! Got it?!”

He looked so horrified at the very idea of me thinking he was nice, like I’d just exposed some dark, embarrassing secret of his that he never wanted anyone to know. He was clearly trying to regain some resemblance to his usual smug, confident demeanor, but he couldn’t hide the hint of anxious desperation in his wide, almost fearful eyes.

I furrowed my brows sadly while I saw his expression changing, his wide smile returning and his eyes blown open. He looked like he was regaining control, like he was getting back to his normal, dickish self.

Jax snorted, crossing his arms like he hadn’t just been acting like a total weirdo. “There. Finally. I don’t even know what I was saying, pfft. Kind. Me? As if.” He shook his head like he was clearing out the last traces of whatever that moment had been. “Ugh. Whatever. Let’s just get out of this stupid closet before Zooble starts making bets about us or something.”

“Jax-” I tried to call him out as I slowly got up, but his feet were already darting toward the door.

“ALRIGHT, LOSERS, GAME’S OVER! LET US OUT BEFORE I KICK THIS DOOR DOWN!”

More later than sooner, the sound of the lock clicking open echoed slightly. Jax shot me one last glance, his usual smirk flickering for just a second before he shoved the door open and sauntered out, ignoring the group as he walked past them.

“So?” Zooble coaxed. “What happened in there?”

Jax didn’t even stop or looked at them. “None of your damn business.”

“Ooooooh, something juicy?” Zooble asked, her eyes turning to me for gossip, as well as the rest. My heart did a flip at the unwanted attention, and I hugged myself, not able to glance at everyone. “Nothing happened, really.” I managed to utter.

“Nothing happened? You two were in there for seven whole minutes, and not a single interesting thing happened??" Zooble was clearly disappointed by the lack of drama as Gangle tried to cheer her up, but I couldn’t care less. Pomni stepped toward me, one of her hands resting against my arm. “Did something happen?”

“Did he do something to you?” Ragatha immediately perked up and came toward me, too.

I shook my head. “No, no, nothing bad happened between us, it’s just classic Jax… Anyway, can we play something else?”

As the night closed in on us, everyone had dispersed to do their own stuff before heading back to their rooms. I went to eat something under the moonlight before staying there for who knows how long, at least this annoying moon was quiet tonight-

My eyes widened in horror at glancing up, flinching slightly while the normally talkative moon stared at me as if it was going to swallow me whole if I even dared to blink, the smooth lines becoming erratic the more I gaped. I tried to get up and run back inside, but I soon realized I couldn’t feel it when I tried to move, my eyes darted toward my body, which was being swallowed by abstracted forms as everything disappeared into darkness.

No- No wait! I never- I don’t- PLEASE NO!

I gasped awake underneath the same tree I had sat, quickly looking up to see the moon smiling and wishing me a goodnight as I dashed inside. The halls were empty and suddenly cold, no sound coming from anywhere, it almost seemed like I was back at that closet.

Okay, control your breathing. It was just a nightmare, no big deal.

“You got a minute?” I winced in surprise and spun toward the owner of the voice, it was Jax, looking at me with one eyebrow raised. “… You okay there?”

“Uh? Oh yeah, hi!” I said too rapidly due to my anxiety, which caused another awkward moment between us for a small moment before he decided to break it. 

“Okay? Look, I just wanted to say something.” Jax sauntered toward me and leaned down a little, making sure only I could hear his words. We all know anyone could be listening at any time, so this was not strange… Besides, he’s really tall. “Look, earlier, what you said, about nobody wanting you like that. That’s bullshit.”

I crossed my arms, frowning at his words. I know he can be quite sincere when he wants to, but I was worried this was going the same way as before. “Mhm? And how would you know? We're trapped in this hell.”

His smirk came back. “Because if I had met you in real life? And if I couldn’t help it?” He uttered with a sharp, teasing tone that made my heart skip faster. “Oh, I’d definitely want you, sweetheart.” With that, Jax turned on his heel and entered his room. 

I stood there in the middle of the hall, heart pounding so aggressively I was sure it would come out of my chest at any second.