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@yenteleh
Hashgacha pratis is when a friend shows you how to wrap tefilin after you’ve spend months contemplating on whether to take on this mitzvah and two weeks later you get an email from a gemach saying they have a pair for you after waiting for 8+ months
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Had a lovely Shabbat in my original community (that I can’t help but think of as mine). A lot of firsts - first "real” Shabbat, first time wearing a tallit, first time touching the Torah with tzitzit instead of the siddur, first gelilah…
It’s going to be difficult, going back. I daven at at orthodox shul now (few better options) so it’ll be a while before I have a chance to daven in an egalitarian setting and maybe get an aliyah.
What an exciting development.
(Beit din and mikvah done B”H)
Sooo, life update.
Me and my gf moved to a different city that we originally planned, but this one has a Jewish community too. Mostly Orthodox, but it seems pretty open. I made a friend there and she might connect me with more people , maybe even attend some shiurim in the community.
My beit din is scheduled exactly a month from now and I’m both excited and a little bit terrified that I’m almost done with giyur. I perpetually feel that I don’t know enough to pass the beit din while at the same time feeling So Done with the process (I’ve been officially converting for almost two years). Still haven’t decided on my Hebrew name, I have a few ideas but not one that’d click a 100%.
To new beginnings I guess?
every day i try to remember that the rabbis of the talmud were like “don’t waste your energy trying to explain a thing to someone who has already refused to listen” more than a thousand years before tumblr existed
(source)
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Sefirat Ha'omer and Shavuot.pdf
Laws of Sefirat Ha'omer & Shavu'ot by Rabbi Yonatan Nacson
Rabbi Nacson has been kind enough to share his work on Sefirat Ha'omer & Shavu'ot. (From the InstaRabbi app)
Pesach cleaning is overwhelming, yes, but this year I have a plan. And haven't left it to the last possible moment. Got a whole schedule starting from today until BDCH. My kitchen is small. It's gonna be fine.
The plan:
My beit din is in a few months so naturally I’ve been having some thoughts re: gender identity.
I’m in this weird place where I’m openly nonbinary to friends and even causal acquaintances, use masculine language for myself and am seemingly in a good place about how I view myself. At the same time, I haven’t outed myself in religious spaces and thus pushed away the imminent confrontation of how I want to approach certain mitzvot. I’ve talked a lot with a friend about bringing your entire self into yiddishkeit and that really resonated. To deprive this aspect of my identity of Judaism, and to deprive my Judaism of this aspect of myself feels wrong.
I’ve been thinking about my Hebrew name. I have a list on my phone, has had it for years now, adding and taking out ideas as I progressed. I think I might settle on a combination of feminine + masculine name. It’s not something I’ve brought up with my rabbi just yet, but it’s high time that I do, even if just to give him some context on why I want my name(s) the way I do.
i think about this post a lot
Bad news :/ Bava Kamma 21b:12 says the following:
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: הַכֶּלֶב וְהַגְּדִי שֶׁדִּלְּגוּ מִמַּטָּה לְמַעְלָה – פְּטוּרִין. מִלְּמַעְלָה לְמַטָּה – חַיָּיבִין. אָדָם וְתַרְנְגוֹל שֶׁדִּלְּגוּ; בֵּין מִלְּמַעְלָה לְמַטָּה, בֵּין מִלְּמַטָּה לְמַעְלָה – חַיָּיבִין.
The Sages taught in a baraita: If a dog or a goat jumped from below to something that was above them and thereby caused damage, their owners are exempt, as this is atypical behavior. But if they jumped from above to below, their owners are liable to pay the full cost of any damage they cause, as this is typical behavior. If a person or a chicken jumped and broke something, regardless of whether they jumped from above to below or from below to above, they are liable.
So we learn here that jumping from low to high (such as when making a layup or slam-dunk) is considered atypical behavior for a dog. Such behavior can't be reasonably anticipated, and any damage it may incur (such as points scored against an opposing team) is considered merely accidental. I believe this would in fact invalidate Air-Bud's baskets. Now if they got a chicken to play basketball...
"showing this to a medieval peasant" this "showing this to a victorian urchin" that. i'm introducing the sages of ancient judea to dog showjumping
The two reactions to jewish law
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Unstoppable force (my rabbi saying he’s happy with my progress, impressed with my knowledge and the depth of my halakhic questions) vs unmovable object (me stressing over not studying enough)
It’s time to tackle the ultimate challenge for me - Birkat Hamazon. I know I don’t have to know it *by heart*, but it’d certainly help - I doubt I’ll ever achieve the reading speed required to keep up with it. Any tips for learning it? What worked best for you? Reading it over and over again, audio recordings?
I was supposed to have a meeting with my rabbi yesterday but I mixed up the timezones (something I’ve specifically triple checked for and…well) and so we had to reschedule. The first available slot was next week, during my work hours (so were all the other slots for the rest of the month), so hopefully I won’t have any actual work meetings during that time.
It’s even more frustrating because I have things I want to discuss - somewhat paradoxically, my last venting post about how I’m losing direction has propelled me into slowly finding that spark and going back to small, day to day observances. Finally finished reading Klein’s Guide to Jewish Religious Practice (very informative, but painfully dry, I’ve been picking it back up every few weeks for a year) and going back to Cohen’s The Observant Life.
I got the rest of the tattoos I’ve wanted within the last two months because I still haven’t figured out how I feel about doing it post-mikvah.
I love you Leonard Cohen
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Yesterday in shul during the part of the Torah service when you say the shema, I saw a very tiny child in front of me cover his eyes very quickly when we started saying it and then his mother giggled and started to remove his hand. If you know anything about the shema and the Torah service you’ll know that when you say shema you cover your eyes, but you don’t when it’s part of the Torah service. I just thought it was so cute to see this tiny child obviously recognize what we were saying and go “oh! I know what to do here!” And then you could see the learning in real time! Absolutely adorable. Seeing little kids participating in and understanding Jewish rituals is so so special to me.
that's an odd exception, and also adorable.
It is an odd exception! As this post unexpectedly blew up (by my standards) I realized that I actually had no idea why this was the case, so I did some digging, and here’s what I learned (note this is only from one source because I couldn’t find anyone else talking about it):
The whole reason we cover our eyes during the shema is to really focus on it - it’s one of the most important t’fillot so you really want to give it your full attention and your full cavanah. However, this only applies when you’re doing the full K’riat Shema, which is the shema itself plus the other three paragraphs. Saying the first part of the shema in other parts of the service like the musaf and the Torah service serves different purposes that don’t require the full focus and commitment to the words. So in the Torah service, when the shema is read as a call and response, it is a community moment, which, as this article says, is to “affirm our convictions” which we do out loud and together. So while the K’riat Shema is a very personal and introspective moment that might require covering your eyes for maximum cavanah, during the Torah service it is something we all do together and proudly.
And my source for all of this: https://www.etzhayim.net/covering-eyes-during-the-shemah/
I fell like I’ve taken a few steps back.
I thought the constant back and forth commute between where I currently live and City where my shul is would be manageable (2,5h train ride), but I’m so deeply exhausted from not having a weekend where I can just stay in and rest. I’m lucky enough to have good friends with whom I can stay over for Shabbat, but it’s not my home, you know? I’m always on the go.
The Masorti community I’m a member of is falling apart and for various reasons, there’s no saving it. The Reform one is riddled with conflicts that I have no interest in. The other Reform rabbi won’t let me attend his shul unless I convert with him and there’s little place for me in the Orrhodox one. There’s no shul here I feel comfortable in and I still have many months to go before the beit din and then what? Still got no place to go unless I make one or move away entirely.
I’ve been so exhausted it’s been hard to keep up any observance besides kashrut (which I’ve been keeping a long time so it’s not much of an effort). I work remotely so I wake up two minutes before clocking in and go back for a nap right after I finish the day. Wake up, watch YouTube and go to bed proper, rinse and repeat, every single day.
I want to get back to practicing so much, maybe start with something small like modeh ani or brachot and build up from that, or just get back to reading. Judaism used to be such a comfort for me. I need something to get me excited about yiddishkeit again. I’m meeting with my converting rabbi in less than two weeks and I have no idea what to tell him.
