Maya

marvel: we love all our superheroes equally. iron man, spider-man, the guardians of the galaxy and [looks at smudged writing on hand] thot

may your ass get fatter and your heart get wiser in 2017

May your wallet get thicker and soul become heavy in 2017

may your skin get clearer and your love reciprocated in 2017

Reblog for this to come true

I will reblog this everyday

I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life

@yellingheah

@jeffreyfromcalifornia I would like to personally thank ms felde for helping me perfect my technique as well

@yellingheah p much the only thing she impacted in my life was my ability to bullshit stuff

@jeffreyfromcalifornia every night was one of those godforsaken ACES essays which could have honestly been answered in a sentence

I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life

@yellingheah

@jeffreyfromcalifornia I would like to personally thank ms felde for helping me perfect my technique as well

You are angry about something. “Clam down,” I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell

I love Pottermore

Welp

But actually

in grade 8 french we were talking about napoleon bonaparte and this guy bought up the letter that napoleon wrote to his wife where he was like “i’ll be home soon, don’t wash” basically saying like he wanted to have sex with her unbathed or whatever and i was like “oh ew french people are so horny” and this girl tapped my shoulder and was like “excuse me..my dad is french, are you trying to say he’s horny??” and that’s when i truly knew white people are crazy

@yellingheah im–

Obviously if he helped pop her out @aoorasgirl

anyway y’all i’m begging y’all please don’t drink and drive. or text/tweet and drive. or get on snapchat and drive. y’all are not only playin with your lives, but endangering other people on the road. we’ve lost too many people already this year, let’s not start 2017 with carelessness.

life is so hard when your best pal is a 9.5/10 and you’re a strong 4 with the right filter and lighting

@yellingheah @bmt-216a

@taehyunssilvertooth my own father called me a thumb this week what are you saying

morgan did that™

To quote him: "damn, why in every photo that you take do you look like my thumb?" As he proceeded to compare my face to his thumb