Thoughts on Demagnetise chapter 6! (i copy pasted a lot of this from a notepad file i was writing on while i was reading it at like 2am and it was really incomprehensible so i tried to make some sense of it here though the format makes no sense also i'm just not the most articulate sometimes, i think you get the main points i was making)
beta read by @phillietemple?? insane crossover for me specifically
coffee with angela scene - the quietness and tension of it/unsaid words + the way that in conversations dan is still ALWAYS thinking about something else and overthinking his interactions and just going through the motions of a conversation, he can't escape his head. i love the lock and key line
Susie (wrote this before reading the scene where dan talks to her in the kitchen) - i love how her character is enforced throughout, like how she refuses to use the word 'leads' when talking about the kids' roles. She's not just a boring character because the camp needs a director. she adds to the whole universe and makes the camp feel more real! I also like that she connects dan's experience of camp as a kid to his experience now, but she isn't the mist or the floorboards or the smell, she's someone who has a human connection to dan and actually remembers him and interacts with him (though like the very start of chapter 1 maybe the mist and floorboards remember him too!)
Luca - i'm so curious about him...
conversation with Susie/Dan running away - just his train of thought is so well written and breakdowns and the building panic and all the questions and overthinking/running through different possibilities and scenarios. I especially liked the line about projecting onto an umbrella, idk there's something there about how you can be having an actually serious and horrible breakdown and because your head is going a million miles an hour sometimes the most ridiculous bullshit just comes into your head and it's so annoying and awful and shit and makes you feel worse (my personal experience)
Screaming into his mattress - you can reaaaally feel the emotion. god. something about it reminded me of I Saw The TV Glow which really fucked me up when i watched it haha
ending - WAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!
Overall: I loved that the whole chapter was set in a thunderstorm it makes things feel quite intense and dramatic to imagine the scenes with thunder. it's perfect because quiet scenes like the coffee one feel more intense in a quiet way (and also the dark room + thunder + the smell of coffee is a very relaxing atmosphere) because even in silence you have the rain in the background it's quite a loud silence (literally, but also in other ways I don't know how to explain it's like it holds the silence in place which is v tense), but also dramatic scenes like dan running away and screaming are made more intense in a loud dramatic way, obviously thunderstorms are very dramatic and having the wind howling back at him was very cinematic… in a writing way? obviously you can't hear the storm because it's writing but i feel like it was mentioned often enough that it stays in your brain throughout!
I just love demagnetise so much, i always feel like i'm really there in the woods, the way everything is described feels so real while also feeling like a dream, the mist and the dew and the dirt etc. The atmosphere translates so well, i guess i live and grew up in england so i spent time in those sorts of england-foresty places as a kid. i imagine the demagnetise forest would have bluebells in the spring :)
i'm so sensitive about this dan! i feel like there was progress in this chapter especially since he told Angela about Wokingham even if he felt like he had to because she told him about herself, maybe soon he will tell her or Phil about other things as well because it seemed like he really wanted to. I can't decide if the ending was more "oh look he's more comfortable now he's getting better" or if he just HAD to for survival because he was at rock bottom and needed to breathe :( but also having a full bowl of soup even if he did feel guilty it was still him eating because he was hungry?
I wanna read the whole story now with this chapter! i literally love it so much it's comforting even if it's so sad even the happy scenes are secretly very sad
oh my god that's so long lmao... hope you don't mind
typing this all out makes me wanna go reread it againnnn! it just sticks to my brain the magic and the sadness. so excited for the next chapter, i wanna see fairy phil again i love him
i need thank you from the bottom of my heart for this and for everything you’ve said about demagnetise it means the world to me that you care about it so much<3
i’m so glad the thunderstorm felt like a big part of this chapter because that felt really important to me too - dan’s emotions are SO high here but so muddled under everything he’s trying to hide and keep to himself which really does feel a lot like a thunderstorm in his head. but then to angela that morning feels so much more cosy and intimate and she sees turning the lights off as ooh fun and spooky and i just really loved showing how differently they operate!
you have no idea how hard it’s been to not just have dan and phil see each other every nightgjdhdh i’m really really excited for phil’s stuff
that scene of dan screaming into the mattress is what i was talking about in the notes about being one of my favourites i’ve written!!! i think it’s one of the most important scenes in the whole fic even though it’s such a small part of it. it doesn’t necessarily feel like a turning point but it does feel really important for dan in a lot of ways. there’s also a part of it that i think gives a bit of insight into…..another part of the story that dan maybe……..doesn’t know about, and i really like how it reads
susie AGH i’m really happy you pointed her out and how she’s a real person at this place that dan feels so much about. she isn’t the grass or the dirt she is a real person and in that way she’s scarier than the campgrounds. and that’s all i can say about that
i’m really grateful that you sent this thank you this fic means a lot to me and i really wanted somebody to care about it this much<3 it’s a huge motivation to write more and to pour more of Everything into it knowing it’s being read and thought about. thank you so much<333
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