you have to remind me AT LEAST twice a day you still like me or Iâll irrationally assume you changed your mind


blake kathryn
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â
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@yayitsmee
you have to remind me AT LEAST twice a day you still like me or Iâll irrationally assume you changed your mind

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goodbye straight people
I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:
Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.
Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"
Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."
They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.
#ilya baby get behind me
HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD
(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)
is this too niche has anyone read this book

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Me when I read a book by a famous author thatâs a modern classic and everyone says itâs really good and then itâs really good
just identified a behavioral pattern within myself
fucked that you canât fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle
sorry I didnât show up it was because umm.. you see, I was busy. maybe another time??
severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

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thereâs a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you
i donât feel like debating that topic much farther bc truthfully if it comes down to âwomen will lose to men in every sport bc they donât have as much testosterone!!!!!â my elite feminist response is honest to god âok we will lose with honor as equals instead of having our own special Easy Mode Female category so we can win amongst ourselvesâ like iâm sorry i just canât be persuaded. iâm a brick wall. i want co-ed sports
i bring a sort of âwomen can lose at some sports against men if it means being regarded as equalsâ vibe to the debate that âtestosterone objectively increases performanceâ people donât really like
I am not a naturally gifted athlete but I was on a wrestling team for three years (in middle school and freshman year of high school) and let me tell you, recognizing that you are not going to win a match against a cis boy with a strength advantage but refusing to let him pin you through sheer stubbornness so that he has to settle for a long, frustrating match and win by points instead can be incredibly satisfying.
laughing about the idea of shane and ilya being in a cold war of trying to accomodate the other one's preferences on something where they land on opposite sides.
like shane likes the house colder because he hates getting too warm and would rather just wear some comfy layers and some thick socks, but ilya likes the house warmer because he likes having his tits out for his husband not wearing a shirt.
and i'm cackling about the idea of them fucking with the thermostat like. thirty times a day. trying to put it on the OTHER person's preferred temperature. because no YOU get to be the most comfy in our home. no!! YOU get to be at your most comfy temperature!!!
shit REALLY gets serious when shane has someone install a smart thermostat and now has control over it on his phone via app and refuses to give ilya the password and also changes the code on his phone because take THAT asshole. now he can LOCK the house to your best temperature. checkmate, motherfucker. >:)
they come into the locker room with like. OBVIOUS tension between them. and everyone is like oh?? a fight?? a married quarrel???
ilya goes out drinking that night (because he knows shane will at least get a few hours at HIS preferred temperature that way because he does truly HATE being too warm, and this is ilya's ONLY MOVE right now in this battle), and they finally get him loose enough to talk and he's just *resentful voice as he stares into his glass of vodka* "my beautiful horrible husband likes the house to be 20, but he keeps setting it to 23 instead. he is horrible person." "...b-because that's too warm for you?" "no, 23 is perfect temperature." "...??????"

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laughing about the idea of shane and ilya getting so used to sleeping curled up together that they wake up if they drift apart
mainly because if it's ilya who wakes up first, he shifts over in bed to snuggle close to wherever shane has wriggled off to, curling back up around him and drifting off again, content
whereas if it's shane who wakes up, it's more *bleary, confused searching* *target sighted* *YANK across the mattress to slide ilya back into place next to him* *settles back down while sighing happily like an angel while ilya is still ?!?! about getting AGGRESSIVELY relocated*
Opâs tags
That face isn't "Don't do it, she'll cheat on you again, buddy." That face is "Don't do it, you'd be happier with me and I donât know how to tell you I'm an option."