blessed with a curse

You don’t have to stay, go and have fun and don’t burden yourself by worrying about me. Please- don’t say you’re sorry for coming. You’re the person I was hoping that I’d get to see, even a text would of been great. This is amazing, you have no idea how much this means to me. I love you.

I, uhm- I have a boyfriend. His name is Michael and he’s been taking care of me. But, he knows that I still love you and that I always will and I told him that it’ll never change, you’ll always be a piece of my heart, if not my whole heart.

Y - Michael? Oh, yeah. Is he good to you? I'm sorry I kissed you, Zoe. I missed you so fucking much.

I'm not staying. I'm sorry for coming. I just needed to know you'd be OK.

Of course I - of course, Kandesh. You're my.. I love you, I'll always fucking love you.

How are you - I mean, are you.. Shit.

That doesn't - That doesn't matter, Zoe. I heard about your dad, fucking hell. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Shit, I miss you. I just - I couldn't be at the other side of the fucking world knowing that.. well, that you're like this.

I’ll keep being a model, okay? Just for you, I don’t want you to forget me, whoever you meet you can tell them that I was your wife and that we’re still married, if you want, just to torment everyone, that’s what we’re best at, fucking with everyone else. I won’t do anything stupid, I promise. I’ll stay just as me, even though I am quite stupid in some aspects, I won’t get an STD and I won’t die, I promise. Please, don’t stop keeping in touch, please, send me letters or something, tell me what you and Peter have been doing, send me pictures, show me how my two boys are going to see the world and fuck it up, one country at a time. You’ll always be my family and Peter will too. I’m going to just settle with that you’re leaving, if this makes you happy and if this is what it takes to make Peter happy, then go. Please, give him the world and give him the life he deserves. He deserves you as his big brother. I love you..

I'll send you photos every week, Zoe. I'll always think about you. I love you. I'll miss you. Just don't forget me is all I ask, okay? I love you. Forever.

Please, don’t move on, I won’t, I promise you, I’ll wait around for you, I know that sounds hard to believe because I’m probably the biggest slut you’ve ever met, but, I will, that’s all true, you’re not going to come back to me being with anyone else. I just can’t believe you’re going I’m afraid that my dads going to die and you won’t be here. Yuri, who’s going to take care of me? I have no one now, you’re all I had left. Everyone else is gone. 

Please, don’ leave me, I’ll do anything, I’ll complete that zombie game that I’m really shit at and I’ll wear your shirts to bed every night and I’ll be a mum to Peter and please, we can move out of the city and go live in a big house and just be happy, the three of us, we can be everything that we all have always wanted, a family. Just, please, you can’t go. I need you so much. We can go send those stupid postcards to our friends on stupid holidays like at Christmas and pretend we’re some perfect family when we’re not and I’ll get Peter anything he wants for Christmas, I can just get him anything he wants or needs, I’ll give you anything you need, I love you, don’t leave me.

Zoe, I love you, okay? I'm not leaving you. This was never you. This is all me, me and Peter, me and life and all the shit that comes with it. I love you. I'll never love anyone as much as I love you, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.. You can't really, can you? People say that you never forget your first love, but I want you to be my first and last. 

I'll miss you, Zoe. You're.. Please be happy without me, okay? Don't step in front of a bus. Don't mess with gangs. Don't get an STD. Go far in your career, let me see your face in every country that I visit. Listen to good music, go out with your friends, get shit faced and utterly doped, wake up in some random place completely naked and forget how it happened.. Just be happy without me. Break hearts or get your heart broken, I don't know, just be happy. If we don't see each other again.. Fall in love. It'll hurt me, but I want you to be happy. If I come back and you have a family or something, I'll love you as much as I do now but I'll respect it. Just..

I love you, forever and always. I would of married you, I would of had a kid with you, you’re the missing piece to my heart, you’re my other half, you’re the man of my dreams and you’re the love of my life, I’ll miss you. Thank you, for just giving me this small chance at true love, it really was special to me, thank you for being my soul mate and making me feel happy for once, no one ever made me feel like you do and I’ll never forget our short time together. I always thought that Zoe Styles suited me better, in my head I’ll always be your queen and your wife, up there, in my head. 

You're not a bitch, Kandesh. And I'll never regret falling in love with you.. I don't think I ever want to stop loving you. We can - I might come back, Zoe. I'm sorry, I know this is.. Don't forget me. Please don't forget me, or Peter, or any of us.. Not even Hayden, okay? I'll never forget you, even if I tried. You and I both know that, Zoe, you're just.. You stick with people, you know? The first day I met you, I knew I'd never fucking forget you.

I-I'll miss you too. Zoe, I want you to go have a life, okay? Like, a real fucking life. That doesn't mean fucking every bloke that looks half-decent, or anything; it means going out and living, y'know? You couldn't've lived with me. It would be a constant fuck up, a constant dreading and I just don't want to put you through that, but.. I think that if the universe wanted us together, we'll see each other again, y'know? I'll find you, or you'd find me. I love you. I just love you so much it's fucking killing me.

When will you be back? I can come with you, we can be a family, I’ll do anything.

No, no, God - Zoe, no, you haven't done anything. This isn't you, I promise.. I love you. You know I love you, I just.. I love you too fucking much, and it's killing me, y'know? I just.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you, or this is hurting you, but this isn't your fault. You're supposed to be happy, and I'm not helping with that. I want you to be happy but with me here.. It's just - It's hard, y'know?

I don't know.. I might not come back, it really just.. depends. Zoe, we're not a family. As much as we talked and pretended and dreamed, it's bullshit - what kind of a family would we be? We're screwups. We wouldn't last a week out there, and I just.. I'm sick of putting you through all this shit.

No - I'm no better than I usually am.

You've helped a lot. Too much. Peter was saying that he wanted to see a whole lot of places, and I wrote them all down, and he said - well, he said he really wanted to go someday, and who's going to bring him? So, I guess I decided, to uh.. Go. 'Round the place, y'know.. I mean, it's not just because of Peter, really, I just..

Yeah.

I'm uh- I'm going off. Somewhere.

As he started into the big blue orbs that would replace her eyes, images flashed through his mind; Zoe tied up with ropes smuthering her wrists, helpless against a gang of men. Guns and screams and darkness, all in one room - for Zoe to see. Yuri shut his eyes and pushed away the thoughts, she was okay now, right? He had nothing to worry about. "Z-Zoe, you should've told me that you were going to.. Do that, whatever you and Reina thought you were doing. Please don't do it again.. I just - You have to promise that you won't do it again, without me. I'll gladly go fucking box their fucking jaws out, if you tell me where they are, but I don't think that'll make anything better, it never did. Are you sure they won't come back for you?" he said, concern filling his voice. "If you want, I can.. stick around, for a while. I mean, I can sleep on the sofa or whatever, Peter won't mind as long as he has something to do, but I can't live knowing that they might.. y'know, come back. Try and hurt you again" he sighed.

Moving back inside, she closed the window back down behind her and headed to her bedroom in just the t-shirt that was wearing, still being in too much shock of the other nights events to be able to sleep, being too afraid to close her eyes and see the barrel of a gun facing her, she had never been afraid of death, but she had always been afraid of the things that could cause it and being shot was one. Making her bed from her laying in it all night and not getting a wink of sleep, she gave up and just decided to spend her time doing something else. Walking back out into her living she heard a knock on the door and a boy’s voice call out her surname wrong and looked around confused not remembering ordering food, moving to the door, she opened the door slightly and poked her out “what do you wa- Yuri?" She asked as she opened the door fully and moved out closer to him, just suddenly feeling the urge to cry, before noticing the small boy next to him clutching onto his hand. “You must be Peter, right? Hi, I’m Zoe." She said kneeling down to the boy and looked at him and gave him a smile. “I’m pretty sure you like video games, huh? Go on inside, its all set up in the living room, you won’t miss it." She said and gave him another faint smile before standing up and looking back at Yuri. “Why are you here?" She asked stepping out of the way to let her true love come inside.

Peter tapped his foot and made dramatic annoyed noises, and Yuri ignored him. He was anxious as to if the girl was even home, or if she had gotten in even more trouble than she already was. Before he could decide to turn back, though, a blue eye was peeking out a small hole the door permitted itself to open. Annoyance was evident in her voice at first, but once she realized who was standing before her, she seemed to relax slightly. At the sight of her, Peter's jaw opened, "Woah! So you're real? I've seen you on loads of magazines! I thought Yuri and Hayden were teasing me! Oh, my God!" he said in amazement. As Zoe invited him in to play videogames, a grin splashed across his face and his eyebrows shot up. "Thanks!" he exclaimed, and pulled free out of his brothers grasp and ran into the apartment. Yuri's eyes followed him inside, and then met with Zoe's. "You sent me a voicemail about how you were taken by some guys, Zoe. I'm just here to say hi, y'know, it's been a while" sarcasm was evident in his tone, and he went in through the door, the scenary familiar to him.