I'd Rather Struggle With you Than Without You

My family will never realize how hurtful they are.. Always saying I'm too much for overreacting to something.. Or saying things have been reversed and we didn't act that way.. Ok but I'm me and I did react this way because I did get my feelings hurt if it doesn't bother you then that's who you are it isn't me.. I'm not too much I'm human and I hate that they have always tried to shrink my feelings.. Then have the audacity to say that I'm the one excluding myself no you did that with your actions.. I hate it here..

While trying to conceive in private no one really gets the pain.. I haven't lost any children, I haven't miscarried.. I have just never been pregnant.. And it's hard to talk about that because people always say in due time.. I'm 35 I see my window closing and I try to be optimistic but when your partner the person you wanted a baby cheats on you those plans seems like they hit a dead end.. You mean I have to restart and find someone new? Someone I'm willing to trust enough to have a child? On top of that add my doctor telling me it'll be hard for me to get pregnant.. So the window just feels like it's shrinking.. I haven't lost a baby but I lost part of my plans and that hurts... I'm scared I'll never be a mother but I'm trying to be optimistic even if it isn't in written in my future

Something so traumatic happened to me today and it's the first time I wished you still lived with me.. Because maybe that wouldn't have happened and I would have been physically protected but even though I felt that way I know emotionally with you my heart is unprotected...

I call this part of my life "this sh!t is killing me"

I feel like life is drowning me..

My chest hurts.. I'm tired I don't know how to keep doing this.. I feel so misunderstood caregiving is hard advocating for someone else is hard it shouldn't be this hard.. I wish I had more support I'm tired I'm drained but I can't because he needs me 😔

Isn't it crazy when you're a caregiver it feels like you can't even complain about the struggles because the person you're caring for has it worse.. It's always imagine how they feel.. How about how I feel? I might not know but their struggle hurts me, seeing them deteriorate before me is tough, lugging the wheelchair the supplies he needs to every doctor appt.. Having my own aches and pains the exhaustion.. But no it's like we just have to shut up and take it.. People will never get it if they haven't don't it themselves... To other caregivers I see you I know it's hard and you matter 💙

happy father's day to the person that I longed to be a mother with but never had the chance to.. I hope somewhere in another life another reality we're happily taking care of our children.. For now please help me become a mom and send one with lots of love from you from heaven... We didn't get the happy little life we planned but I still think of you even now even ten years later.. I love and miss you so much Markie it hurts and although I found someone that I love just as much you'll always be in my heart..

Eternal roses are beautiful but for some reason I feel like they should be reserved for non romantic relationships... The whole it's so they won't die on you just feels like laziness to me.. like you just don't want to take the effort more than once to get me flowers.. Save the eternal flowers for your moms, sisters, daughters, nieces, and daughters... Am I crazy?

Sitting in the bathroom in my romper boob$ out because that's just how it goes in these things