Coulda, Would, Shoulda

today I feel broken, i miss my son his beautiful little noises. i miss my brother and the close bond we have and just being in his presence. He usally can read my mood just by the way I say something, I can remember coming home from 12 hours shifts and someone being parked in my spot outside my house. I would get so mad. I’d go inside and there would be my brother with a T packed and being like im sorrrrryy. He knew after a 12 hour shift the only thing i want to do is park my damn car and take a T. I hope he comes home soon. I need him. Most days i take myself back to Cuba. Its hard lifes hard. Im tired oh so tired. Tired of being the only one do everything. Its taking its toll.

thankful

This girl suffers for Odin 💕🐾

How close have you come to death? when i honestly think about it i’ve had way too many close calls. I survived a car accident where i rolled 4 times and came out without a scratch only to fall down the stairs due to my bruised up knee and brake my arm / shoulder where i broke it they could not cast it. So i walked around like sloth with my arm just swinging away. I tried to take my own life finally after years of loss upon loss My first love died, sadly overdosed in 2018. My sister died in 2012 sober but drug related. Now my son has passed this year and i almost went with him. His brain sadly couldn’t keep up with his tiny fighting body. Born at 4lbs he was the most amazing experience my whole pregnancy was a shit show, I often just wonder what in gods name am i doing here, i must have a purpose of some reason to be on this earth. I feel i’ve experienced so many losses that now i have abandonment issues, coping issues and quite honestly just straight up issues.

Join In Show me what makes you happy.

Me, Myself, & I

Beware for of the wreckage

This babyboy is still stylin’ he’ll always be bottle robbin and mobbin ‘😤💙

just here being alive.

my brother found it in a book in jail - unknown

The strongest man I know XDDD

Mornings are hard, i never know what to expect how to feel and whats going to come of the day. Then next thing you know the morning bleeds into the night and the night bleeds into the day. Anyways thats how it's felt ever since since the loss of my son, which in turn could be taken back to loss of my sister. Life is a series of events one choice can change the the entire mould of your future the seconds prior to the decisons made, it can stand still and seem like a moment lasts forever it can seem like a whole second is an eternity. Then in that same split second its gone so quick, and never coming back and your'e just stuck standing with the aftermath. That's when seconds turn into minutes and minutes into hours and hours into days. Next thing you know its Monday the following week and your'e wondering what and if you even ate. Life is a struggle we all endure and either make it through or let it swallow us alive.